Archive of Our Own ^beta

‘Captain. Captain. Jim.’

Jim refocused on his surroundings. Spock was looking at him with a practiced neutral expression. His posture was as rigid as ever. His arms were clasped behind his back. If Jim didn’t know him so well, he’d assume his first officer didn’t care about what had just happened. About what he had just lost. How his heart had just been destroyed.

But, he did know Spock and he had enough control left to remind himself of that. He took a shaky breath.

‘Yes, Mr. Spock.’ His voice was raw. It hurt to speak. His throat was sore. He could still hear his own screams in his head.

‘Respectfully, I do not think you should still be here.’

‘Sulu has the conn. We’re merely orbiting the planet. There’s no need for me to be on the bridge right now.’

‘That was not my meaning. I believe you should be in your quarters. I fail to see what you will accomplish by lingering here.’

Jim pushed his annoyance down again. ‘I won’t accomplish anything by hiding in my quarters either. As soon as M’Benga has his findings, I want to know what they are. I’ll wait here until I have answers.’

He looked up at Spock. He could just barely make out the exhaustion in the lines around his eyes and the tightening of his mouth. His annoyance waned a bit. None of this was Spock’s fault, he reminded himself.

‘You should return to the bridge, though. No need for both of us to be here.’

Spock stood even straighter, if it were possible.

‘As you said, Mr. Sulu has things well in hand. I would prefer to wait with you.’

Ordinarily, he would have teased him about this display of emotion. Why Mr. Spock, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you care about our good doctor.

These circumstances were not ordinary and Jim didn’t feel like teasing.

‘Alright, Spock. You can stay.’

Spock gave a slight nod but didn’t sit down. He turned to stare at the door that Jim had been watching.
Spock seemed to have nothing else to say. That was fine with Jim. What was there to talk about anyway? Bones was gone. Killed on a previously unknown planet before Jim could get to him. Before Jim could do anything for him. He had died alone. Jim couldn’t bring him back from death the way Bones had once done for him. He couldn’t return that favor. He’d failed the most important person in his life when it mattered most.

All he could do now is try to find the ones responsible for his death. That was why they were still orbiting the planet and had been for the last nine hours. Since he’d brought Bones home.

He’d learned his lesson about revenge. It wasn’t the way to handle things. Bones wouldn’t want him to kill in his name. No matter what had happened. But he would bring Bones’ killers to justice. He was determined to do that much for him. God, he was going to have to tell Joanna that her father died while under his command. After she’d made him promise that he’d always protect him. A promise he’d had every intention of keeping. It never even occurred to him that he wouldn’t be able to.

Arrogance again. When he thought he’d overcome that particular flaw. He’d been careless with Bones’ life. The inhabitants of the planet had asked for medical aid. They said there was a plague ravaging their capital. And their own doctors had been having no luck stopping or even slowing the disease.

Bones had asked for a sample to beam aboard the ship. He’d confirmed that the virus was not dangerous to humans or Vulcans. Jim offered to send a medical team down but Bones had insisted on going himself. So, Jim had gone with him. He always tried to go with when Bones had to go on an away mission. Bones was careful and cognizant of danger but he was no fighter. That’s what he had Jim for.

His eyes welled up. No, he couldn’t. Not now. Not in front of Spock. Later. There would be all the time in the world to give in to his grief later.

Spock’s comm beeped. ‘Sulu to Spock.’

Spock angled himself away from Jim. That should have angered him. This was still his ship, damnit! But, he couldn’t bring himself to care just then.

‘Go ahead, Mr. Sulu.’

‘Sir, the Athlosians are starting to get anxious. They want to know why we’re still orbiting their planet. I don’t know how much longer I can put them off.’

‘Mr. Sulu, a Starfleet officer has died on their planet from unknown causes. It is in their best interests as well as ours that we resolve the situation as thoroughly as possible.’

The situation, Spock called it. This wasn’t a situation. This was a goddamn tragedy. This was a disaster of the highest order. And Jim’s patience with Spock was running thin. He gripped his knees until they ached and his knuckles turned white.

‘Yes, sir,’ Sulu’s voice sounded tired.

‘I will be back on the bridge once Dr. M’Benga has spoken with the captain and I. I trust you will be able to maintain the peace with the Athlosians until then.’

‘Yes, sir,’ he repeated.

‘Very good. Spock out.’

He turned back to Jim. His expression hadn’t changed. He must have known that Jim heard him but didn’t seem inclined to discuss it with him. That was alright. For the time being. Until they knew for certain how Bones had died.

As if summoned by Jim’s thoughts, M’Benga came through the door. The man looked more haggard than he’d ever seen him. It couldn’t have been easy for him. Bones hadn’t just been his boss. He’d been his friend too. All of sickbay must be feeling the loss, even if not as deeply as Jim did.

‘Captain. Commander.’

Jim stood. ‘You’ve finished the…you’ve finished.’

M’Benga hesitantly nodded, ‘Commander, I wonder if you would join me inside.’

Spock paused for a fraction of a second, ‘of course, doctor.’

‘Whoa, whoa, whoa. I’m still the captain of this ship. Bones-Dr. McCoy was a member of my crew. Whatever you have to say to Spock, you will say to me.’

‘Captain, I just thought that you wouldn’t want to see him like this.’

‘I’ve already seen him, Joseph. I gave him CPR!’ His voice cracked and he swallowed hard.

‘I found him. Unresponsive, cold, and gray. I tried to bring him back. I carried him to the rendezvous point. I was still holding him when we beamed up. I walked beside the stretcher from the transporter room down to you! I’ve seen him! Now, I want to know everything you know!’

There was a heavy moment of silence. The only sound was Jim’s harsh breathing and the ever present quiet hum of the engines. Spock and M’Benga exchanged a look. M’Benga quickly disappeared into the autopsy bay. Jim was about to go in after him when he reappeared.

‘Alright, Captain. Step this way.’

Part of Jim suddenly rebelled against going in. What he’d said was true but that didn’t mean he wanted to see Bones’ lifeless body again. Blue lips. Gray skin. Too cold. He suppressed a shudder. He pushed forward into the room behind Spock and M’Benga.

His eyes were instantly drawn to the body on the table. M’Benga had been respectful enough to cover Bones with a sheet. Jim could only see his outline and the top of his head. His brown hair sticking every which way. The way he’d been styling it since just before the incident with Krall and Altamid. When they’d lost the Enterprise.

He pulled his eyes away from Bones and focused them on M’Benga.

The doctor held up a PADD to Spock, ‘commander, take a look at this.’

Spock took the PADD and read through it quickly. Jim watched his face closely, looking for anything, any sign of feeling. But, his second in command gave away nothing.

‘I assume these are only your preliminary findings, doctor.’

‘Yes, but truthfully, I don’t expect an answer to come back from the labs either.’

‘Curious.’

‘Curious?! Bones’ death is curious?! Both of you better clue me in to what’s going on right now,’ Jim ordered.

‘Captain, where was he when you found him?’

His mouth went dry for a moment. Of course, M’Benga needed to know. Everyone would need to know the specifics. But, he didn’t want to give them. He didn’t want to relive it. He didn’t want it to be real.

‘I was waiting for him with the Athlosians ministers. He had been escorted to one of their medical facilities, going over everything that their doctors had gathered about their plague. It wasn’t long, about 45 minutes of waiting. Then he commed me and said he was on his way back. It should have only been a few minutes but he never showed up. He didn’t answer his comm. I went to look for him. And I found him…at the base of a tree. A huge tree. Bigger than the others around it. I checked for signs of life and…’

He swallowed, ‘I knew he was already gone when I touched him but, I couldn’t, I still had to try.’

He squeezed his eyes shut against the memory. The panic he felt. The denial. The feeling that he was untethered to all that was real.

‘Captain, I don’t know the cause of death. The Athlosian virus was the first thing I checked for. There is no trace of that in his system. There’s no evidence of a fall. No wounds on him. His lungs are clear. His organs are intact and appear healthy. His blood is clean as far as I can tell. I can’t find any injection site if he was given a poison or if he was bitten or stung by local wildlife. I’ve sent tissue samples away to be tested, but frankly, I’m stumped. By the looks of it, he simply died for no reason.’

Jim stared at the two men, stunned. That couldn’t be possible. Bones hadn’t just died out of nowhere. Something or someone had to have killed him.

He took a deep breath before he spoke, ‘Dr. McCoy hand picked you and the entire medical staff on this ship. He was the best and he would accept nothing less than the best. And you’re telling me that the hand picked medical team on the flagship of the federation can’t tell me what killed him? That’s unacceptable! I don’t care what it takes, we’re going to find out what happened to my CMO, is that clear?’

‘Clear, captain.’

‘Good, in the meantime, Spock, you and I are beaming back down to that planet. If we can’t get answers here, we’ll get them there.’

He turned to leave when Spock’s objection stopped him. ‘Do you think that is wise, captain? We have already lost one senior officer on Athlos. We run the risk of losing more by returning to the surface.’

‘Fine, I won’t order you to go. I’ll go myself. Nobody will be at risk but me.’

‘My concern is not for myself, captain. I merely wish to caution you against rash decisions made in grief. We have been down that road before. Both of us.’

Jim glanced at M’Benga. He hadn’t been there during Nero or Khan. He knew some of the stories. But, not everything. Khan wasn’t something Jim was proud of and he didn’t want to discuss it in front of him.

‘Yes, we have,’ he said firmly. He stepped close to his first officer and spoke in a low voice. M’Benga got the message and turned away from the pair.

‘That’s exactly why this isn’t like before. I just, Spock, I have to know how he died. I can’t leave here without knowing. Can you understand that? And if he was…murdered, then they will face justice. Not revenge. What if it had been Uhura? Would you be okay with never knowing?’

Spock tilted his head and thought for a moment before answering, ‘No, I do not believe I would. I will accompany you down to the planet’s surface.’

Jim nodded, more grateful to his friend than he could express. ‘Thank you.’

‘Doctor, keep looking for answers. Comm me as soon as you know something more.’

‘Yes, captain.’

Jim looked again at the body on the cold, chrome table. He stepped up to him, heart pounding painfully in his chest. His fingers twitched when he moved to place a gentle hand on Bones’ covered forehead. No warmth. No movement. Not like his Bones. Not his Bones anymore. Just an empty shell. He let his hand slide back into dark hair and smoothed it back as best he could. Tears threatened to spill over.

He bent over the white sheet to where McCoy’s ear would be and whispered, ‘I’m gonna find out who or what did this to you and I swear to you I’ll do it the right way.’ A tear splashed onto the table before Jim could straighten back up.

He cleared his throat and scrubbed his face before turning back to face Spock, ‘Commander, let’s go.’

Scotty was waiting for them in the transporter room. He looked drawn and pained. Jim walked by him and onto the pad, followed by Spock.

‘Captain,’ Scotty called.

Jim held up his hand to silence him. He couldn’t take any awkward attempts at comfort yet. Nor could he handle anyone’s else’s pain. He was barely able to stand his own.

‘Not now, Scotty. Just…energize.’

Scotty still looked like he desperately wanted to say more but thought better of it. He gave a sharp nod. He turned his attention to the controls. ‘Energizing, sir.’

As Jim and Spock disappeared from the pad, Scotty whispered, ‘I’m sorry, Jim.’

The stone skyscrapers of Athlos materialized around him. The two representatives Jim had met earlier approached him. Gone were their wide, toothless smiles, stretched over sallow skin, from first contact. They were grim now.

Jim clenched his fists hard. Spock stood, a pillar of silent support, at his side. Jim marched toward the Athlosians before they could make a move toward him.

‘Starfleet. We expected you to be gone by now.’

‘I’m not going anywhere until I find out what happened to my CMO.’

The aliens looked at each other for a moment before facing him. ‘An unfortunate accident, Captain. You have the sympathies of all Athlosians.’

‘This was not an accident. Someone or something on this planet is responsible for his death and we are not leaving until we find out what.’

To their credit, the Atholsians didn’t so much as blink their eyelids over their large, glowing blue eyes.

‘That is a most serious accusation, Captain.’

Spock stepped forward and said diplomatically, ‘we have reason to believe that Dr. McCoy’s death was not natural or accidental. We are certain that you do not wish to let a killer escape justice. If one of your citizens did this, surely they do not speak for Athlos.’

Another look at each other. Another beat.

‘What reason do you have to believe that your officer was murdered?’

‘I’m afraid that is confidential. Starfleet cannot reveal details of an ongoing investigation,’ Spock replied, calmly as ever.

‘If you keep details from us, how is it that you expect us to help you?’

‘I expect you to cooperate fully with us,’ Jim’s voice was cold and brooked no arguments. ‘Grant us access to whatever we ask for and allow us to interrogate anyone we deem suspect.’

‘We will not allow you to run around unchecked on our planet, Starfleet.’

Spock took over the conversation again, ‘that is not our intention. We will work with you. It is in both our best interests to resolve this matter.’

Jim almost screamed. Bones’ death wasn’t something to be resolved. Not for him. It was a grief that would never end. It may lessen someday, but it would never stop. His body radiated with rage and he used every ounce of control he had not to lash out at the two Athlosians for wasting time and preventing him from getting answers.

‘Give us a moment to discuss.’

With that, the pair headed back into the nearest sky scraper, leaving Jim and Spock alone in the stone jungle.

Jim began to pace, ‘I don’t like this.’

‘Neither do I, Jim, but we have little choice but to cooperate with them.’

‘They’re going to try and sweep it under the rug. You heard them. They just want us gone. That’s suspicious enough. They asked for medical aid in the first place. Now, the help they wanted is gone and they can’t get rid of us fast enough?’

He halted his pacing and faced Spock, determined and heartsick.

‘I’m not about to tell Joanna that I don’t know what happened to her father. That I brought him down to this planet, left him with the natives alone for less than an hour, and that was long enough for him to be killed. I won’t let her live with that. I can’t live with that.’

‘I understand. But, earning the Athlosians ire will not help us in our endeavor. I want answers for Miss McCoy and…for my own peace of mind as well. I may not have shared as deep a bond with him as you did, but he was my friend.’

Spock’s voice trailed off at the end and Jim breathed out. He knew that. Bones, for all of his grumpy exterior, had a way of getting under people’s skin. Even his Vulcan first officer hadn’t been immune.

So much loss between the two of them. Jim’s father, his brother. Spock’s mother, his entire planet. Ambassador Spock. And now this. The loss of a man they’d both relied on, if only to stand by them through anything.

How much more was he expected to endure? His life in Starfleet was so tied up in Bones. He didn’t know if he even wanted it anymore without him. He’d built himself a family on the Enterprise. He’d made it his home. But, it had all begun with Bones. He was the foundation. The rest of it might come crashing down without him.

‘Yeah, Spock. I know he was.’

Spock took a look around him, beyond the stone towers and toward the thick forest. He tilted his head, as if considering something.

‘Captain, might I make a suggestion?’

‘I welcome it.’

‘Perhaps, I could stay here and engage the Athlosians while you went to investigate on your own.’

Jim’s eyebrows rose. Under other circumstances, he might have smiled. ‘You mean, you’ll provide a distraction while I sneak away. Against the Athlosians wishes. Not very diplomatic of you, Mr. Spock.’

‘My diplomacy is uncertain where my friends are concerned. Go, captain. Find out what you can.’

Jim gave Spock’s shoulder a brief squeeze before he disappeared into the forest where he had first found Bones.

There was no trail and yet somehow, Jim remembered the exact path he’d taken only a few hours earlier.

His eyes scanned everything around him, even at his quick pace. Within minutes, he was at the great tree again. And just beyond was the medical building. Funny, Jim hadn’t even noticed it before. He inspected the tree first but found nothing that could be qualified as suspicious.

He made his way to the facility. Made of the same grey stone and looking as old as the rest of the buildings they’d seen on the planet. There was no obvious security around. He knocked on the rundown door.

When no one answered after a few moments, he pushed his luck and tried opening it. It gave no resistance. Jim didn’t take the time to think about how odd that was. He simply proceeded inside.

‘Hello,’ he called.

No response. No one in sight. The inside looked as dilapidated as the outside. Sturdy, yes, but not maintained. For a species that had achieved warp drive and had established several colonies around the system, their home planet looked to be a mostly neglected relic of what it used to be.

There had to be someone around. Someone had escorted McCoy down the path and to this facility. Of course that someone might have killed him. And that someone might be anywhere by now.

He pulled his tricorder and scanned for life signs. There were three coming from somewhere below him. He headed toward the stairwell, stepping carefully on the old, uneven stairs.

He reached the bottom floor, which was mostly a cavernous open space. Except for a large, black frosted glass cube in the center. The lifesigns were coming from inside. He touched the smooth glass and searched for an entrance. He walked along the outside until he saw a keypad.

He called out, ‘this is Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise. I need to speak with whoever is in there concerning the death of a Starfleet officer. Open up.’

There was a commotion inside. Frantic footsteps. And then, a voice. It was brief but it made his heart stop.

‘Jim?’

No. It couldn’t be. It couldn’t be Bones. He was dead. He’d seen the proof of it himself. He’d been trying to hold his pain at bay over it for the last few hours. Was his grieving mind playing tricks on him? Giving him what he wanted?

He pushed the door. It didn’t budge.

More movement inside. Frantic voices. Jim’s heart raced. He slammed his fist on the cold door.

‘I said, open up!’

‘Jim,’ he heard the voice from beyond the grave again.

He pounded on the door harder, ‘now!’

The door hissed and opened revealing Leonard H. McCoy, CMO of the USS Enterprise. Two Athlosians were right behind him, arms extended as if they had tried to stop him from letting in Jim.

Everyone was frozen. It sounded just like him. Looked just like him. But, it wasn’t possible. He’d seen his body. He’d held him. He’d already spilled tears for him. His heart was in pieces inside of him. Bones couldn’t be standing in front of him alive and seemingly unharmed.

‘Jim, what are you doing here?’

This broke Jim out of his stupor. He pulled his phaser and pointed at the thing masquerading as his dead partner.

‘Jim? What the hell?’

There was confusion and hurt in those hazel eyes that were so painfully Bones that the phaser wavered in his hands. He’d seen that look before and he hated himself a little bit every time he caused it. But, he had to know. One way or the other.

‘Who are you?’

Bones’ mouth fell open like a fish, ‘what? Are you out of your mind? It’s me.’

‘Really? Then whose body do I have back on the Enterprise?’

Bones blinked, ‘body? I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ve been here in the lab, helping the Athlosians. You just saw me earlier today. What’s this all about?’

‘Tell me something only we know.’

Bones held up his hands in a helpless gesture. He backed up, as did the Athlosians. Jim took a step forward into the lab.

‘Tell me.’

‘Like what? What do you want to know?’

A million private memories flitted through Jim’s mind. All the moments that had been shared between only the two of them. Late night study sessions at the academy. Celebrations of every successful semester. Jim telling Bones all about his father and his insecurities. Bones tearfully telling Jim about Joanna, his little girl that he left behind.

‘I want to know what happened when you passed basic flight,’ he decided.

Bones’ skin turned a shade of pink. He briefly turned to the Athlosian doctors behind him.

‘Jim,’ he implored.

‘You have to tell me. You have no idea what I’ve…I have to know if you’re you.’

Bones lowered his voice, ‘I don’t know what this is about but alright. First, we went out to celebrate at some dive off campus. And after a couple of hours, when we were good and wasted, you thought it would be a great idea to sneak back into the simulators. I was amazed you were able to break the lock as drunk as you were. We got inside and you turned the sim on but set it on a smooth course through a starfield.’

Bones’ cheeks colored even more. He smiled and his eyes broke away from Jim’s.

‘We just sat there for a while, watching. And then, I kissed you. It was a little awkward because when I pulled away you stared at me for a minute and I was ready to bolt. I thought I’d read everything completely wrong. I started apologizing but then you put your finger to my lips to quiet me. And then you kissed me. Softest kiss I’d ever had. We kept kissing for a while. We wanted to do more. At least, I did. But, we were too drunk and we ended up passing out on each other. The Ops professor woke us up the next morning and he was none too happy with us.’

Bones made sure to look Jim in the eye, ‘it was one of the best nights of my life.’

Jim slowly lowered his phaser. Bones smiled at him. Jims crossed the short distance between them and crashed into the solid weight of his best friend. He held him like he would disappear if he let go. Bones didn’t hesitate to hold him back. He didn’t know what was going on but Jim clearly needed the connection and Bones was never one to deny Jim what he needed.

Too soon, Jim slid away from him and maneuvered him so that he was standing behind him. Jim was his shield as he confronted the Athlosians.

‘What did you do? Whose body do I have on the Enterprise?’

The two aliens whispered together quickly for a moment before facing the furious captain.

‘Please. We did not kill anyone. The body you have taken on to your ship is a clone. We scanned your doctor’s DNA when he entered our laboratory. Creating a perfect copy of his body was no chore. But, you can see, he is unharmed.’

Bones stepped up to stand side by side with Jim, ‘why in the hell would you do that?’

‘We needed to keep you. We still need to keep you. To save the population of our planet.’

‘You could have just asked me!’

‘You would have stayed indefinitely?’

Bones deflated ever so slightly, ‘no. But, we would have worked something out. We could have sent more doctors. We could have sent whole medical teams to help out. The Federation is not in the habit of leaving a species to die.’

‘You would rather kidnap my CMO and let everyone who cares about him believe him dead than just ask for more help,’ Jim demanded.

Bones’ hand slipped gently into Jim’s. Jim gripped back with all his might.

The Athlosians looked chastened. Jim wanted to take Bones and run. Get the Enterprise out of the area and leave the Athlosians to their fate. He wouldn’t. He couldn’t. But, it was tempting.

‘I’m waiting for an explanation,’ he kept his voice even.

‘When our people reached the stars, it consumed us. We thought of nothing but expanding. We wanted to get farther and farther into the galaxy. Our ships became more sophisticated. Our people met many different civilizations. But, as a result, our homeworld fell into neglect. Those who could, left. Our brightest minds are up there somewhere among the stars. They have forgotten where they came from. They no longer care for Athlos. Those of us left behind have tried to keep our world going.

‘When the plague came, we tried our best. It has not been enough. Millions of our citizens have died. We are losing the fight against this disease. We need help. Athlos needs help. We have reached out to our starbound brothers but we are dismissed and ignored. You have seen our Capital and how it has been reduced to near ruins. We cannot save Athlos alone. We were desperate for your help. Your Federation doctor’s knowledge exceeds our own.’

Bones took a step closer. Jim tried to pull him back. He still wasn’t in a very trusting mood when it came to the Athlosians.

Bones turned back to him, ‘it’s okay, Jim. They’re not gonna hurt me.’

‘We never had any intention of hurting you.’

Turning back to the alien doctors, Bones said, ‘I’m sorry about what your people are going through. However, again, you could have asked us for help. It would have been given to you freely.’

‘We were afraid to take that risk.’

Jim spoke, ‘you have my sympathies but it doesn’t give you the right to do what you want with other people’s lives! Dr. McCoy is an invaluable member of my crew. He is essential to the running of my ship. You have no idea what you nearly did to m- to us! By Starfleet rights, I should leave you here to your fate.’

‘Please. Please,’ they begged.

The pity in Jim’s heart was overridden with images of Bones dead on a cold slab. The thought that these people meant to keep him forever nearly brought him to his knees all over again. What if Jim had taken the Enterprise and left? What would they have told Bones? That he’d simply decided to abandon him? Or that the Enterprise, his family, had perished? Neither would have ever known the truth. They would have been separated for the rest of their lives.

‘Please. We will allow you to take Dr. McCoy back with you.’

Jim was incredulous, ‘allow me? I’m not asking your permission. Dr. McCoy will be coming with me whether you like it or not.’

‘Okay, everybody just calm down for a second. First of all, what you did to my captain and my crew is inexcusable. You had no right. I would have helped you. Second of all, I’ll still help you. I can’t figure this out today and I doubt I can do it by myself. But, I have colleagues who are specialists in xenovirology and I will contact them and let them know how urgent the situation is. I will stay and continue to work on the problem until they get here. I’ll catch them up and give them everything I know. They will take over from there. Does that satisfy everyone?’

The Athlosians nodded in unison. Jim shook his head.

‘No, it does not. Not quite. I have a few conditions. You are not staying here by yourself. You will return to the Enterprise every evening. And every day you’re down here, you will be accompanied by two security officers and you will stay with them at all times. If the Enterprise is called away from Athlos before your colleagues get here, you will come with us. We’ll return as soon as we’re able but I am not leaving this planet without you.’

His expression dared the Athlosians to object to his conditions. ‘Is that clear?’

Bones put a hand on Jim’s shoulder and nodded, ‘okay, Jim.’

The Athlosians bowed low, ‘yes, of course, Captain. Simply, please, do not abandon us.’

Jim softened at their pleas. He was still angry. He didn’t think he’d ever stop being angry at the people of Athlos but this was about his duty. And it was about doing the right thing.

‘We won’t. You have my word.’

‘I think that’s enough for me today. I’ll be back at first light. But, I need to go back to my ship and take care of my people now.’

Jim took Bones by the arm and led him out of the lab. Once they were outside and alone, he nearly collapsed against the stone wall.

Bones rushed to his side to help him stand. Jim waved him off and moved away. He wouldn’t fall apart here on the planet. He had to wait.

‘Not yet, Bones. Wait. Please.’

Bones acquiesced. He took a few steps back, ‘alright darlin’. We’ll wait.’

Jim nodded his thanks. He took a deep breath and then took Bones’ hand again, ‘I’m getting you off this planet. Let’s go home.’

Bones gave him his most reassuring smile, ‘lead the way, Captain.’

Jim led him back through the path he’d taken until they were back near the skyscrapers. He kept a hold of his hand the whole way. They didn’t speak. Jim was using all of his effort to keep from crying anymore until they were safely tucked away in his quarters. Bones didn’t want to break the fragility of the moment.

They passed the great tree. Jim didn’t even spare it a glance. They approached the clearing and Jim could just make out Spock talking with the minister.

‘Spock. I’ve solved our…situation.’

Spock caught sight of them. Whatever he felt about seeing McCoy alive and well was expressed only by the slightest raise of his eyebrow.

‘Captain. Doctor. It is agreeable to see you.’

Bones smiled, ‘Easy, Spock. You’re gonna make me blush.’

The minister and his aid looked stunned to see Jim with Bones in tow. They moved towards the pair until Jim raised a hand to stop them.

‘Don’t bother. I’ve spoken to your scientists and they confessed to everything. Dr. McCoy will be returning to the Enterprise with me and Mr. Spock. He will be back tomorrow with a security detail. Until then, I’m not feeling very diplomatic right now. We will speak about this later. Spock, let’s go.’

‘Yes, captain.’

No one stopped them.

Jim pulled his communicator, ‘Scotty, three to beam up.’

Jim was still holding Bones’ hands as they dematerialized.

If Spock’s reaction was restrained, Scotty’s more than made up for it. He leapt to his feet the second he saw Bones and pulled him into a tight hug.

‘Ah, doctor! We thought you were a goner! Can’t tell you how good it is to see you alive and well! Do you know, I’ve got a prime bottle of scotch I’ve been saving for a special occasion and I can’t think of a better one! Will you join me?’

Bones smiled at Scotty’s open affection and enthusiasm.

‘I would love to, Scotty. But, it’ll have to wait a few hours. I need to be with the captain to…debrief.’

Scotty eyed Jim looking at the two of them. He wasn’t smiling but he had the light back in his eyes. Like, Bones’ miraculous reemergence had revived his soul.

‘Oh, aye. Of course. You should…debrief.’

‘Spock, you have the conn. Inform the crew about this new development. I’m taking McCoy down to medical and then back to his quarters.’

‘Jim, I’m fine. Nothing happened to me. I don’t need to get checked out.’

Jim was already leading him out of the transporter room. Bones let himself be handled because he knew it made Jim feel better.

‘Dr. M’Benga will be the judge of that. He’s still got your corpse down there. I’m not letting you off the hook until you get a clean bill of health.’

‘That corpse in sickbay isn’t me. Jim, stop. Listen to me.’

He stopped in the hallway and turned Jim to face him.

‘I am okay. I didn’t die. I’m not sick. I’m not hurt. I’ve just been working in a lab all day. I know what you’ve been through-.’

‘No you don’t! You don’t have any idea what it was like to see you-see you dead! You have no clue.-’

‘Oh, really?’ Bones got in his face.

‘I don’t know what that’s like? I still have nightmares about opening that goddamn bag and you being inside. I’m sorry about what happened today but don’t you dare tell me that I don’t know what it’s like to see that my best friend, the person I love more than anyone, is dead!’

Jim shut up. He hadn’t thought. Of course he knew his death had hurt Bones. He’d slept beside him for weeks while the doctor had wrestled with nightmares. He’d indulged him when he’d been reluctant to let Jim out of his sight.

It’s just that he…forgot. In the rollercoaster that was this whole day, Jim had forgotten. He’d forgotten that of course Bones knew what it was like to lose the most important person in his life. To watch the world go dark because his sun had burnt out.

I’m sorry,’ be breathed.

Bones leaned his forehead against Jim’s, ‘I’m not asking you to be sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong. Just don’t forget that you’re not alone in this. And I’m still here. Will be for as long as possible.’

Jim sighed and shut his eyes, reveling in feeling Bones alive in his grasp.

‘And I do remember being more than a little nervous every time we were apart and maybe a little excessive with monitoring your health. So, I’ll go to sickbay and I’ll let Joseph give me the full workup.’

‘Thank you.’

‘You’re welcome. You need it. So, let’s go.’

When they reached sickbay, M’Benga greeted his boss with a huge grin and a hug.

‘It’s good to have you back, Leonard.’

‘I didn’t know I’d be missed so much but it’s good to see you too. I see you kept the place together in the 10 hours I’ve been gone.’

M’Benga’s smile slipped from his face, ‘it wasn’t easy this time. Believe me.’

‘I know. I’m sorry. I’m here to submit myself to any tests you can throw at me, captain’s orders.’

‘Well, this may not completely make up for the fact that I had to do an autopsy on you earlier but it is a start. Up on to the biobed, boss.’

True to his word, Bones allowed M’Benga to run every test he deemed necessary without complaint. He was very annoyed, of course, but silently annoyed. M’Benga was taking far too much delight in his discomfort but he kept that to himself. He joked lightly with his best doctor and kept glancing at Jim throughout it all.

Jim stayed back and stayed quiet. His arms were crossed protectively across his chest. He watched Bones the whole time.

At last, M’Benga looked satisfied, ‘you are as healthy as you were when you left this morning. That is to say, perfectly.’

‘Hear that, Jim? Right from the doctor’s mouth. Can I stop getting poked and prodded now?’

Jim huffed a soft laugh, ‘Isn’t that my line?’

‘The difference is, I’m a doctor. I know what I’m talking about.’

Jim finally unwound himself and walked over to Bones, clasping him warmly on the shoulder. ‘Here’s one of yours. You’re gonna make me grey, McCoy.’

Bones laid a free hand on top of Jim’s, ‘as if you’d ever lose those boyish good looks.’

‘Both of you, out of my sickbay, please. I have a strict no flirting policy.’

Bones turned to his second in mock indignation, ‘your sickbay?’

‘For the time being,’ said Jim before M’Benga could respond. ‘Until I say otherwise. Besides, you’re gonna be busy down on the surface until we get some reinforcements. Now let’s listen to Dr. M’Benga and get out of here.’

Jim’s hand slid down Bones’ arm to grasp his hand and pull him to his feet. But, Bones remained seated.

‘One more thing first. Joseph, what did you do with my…copy?’

The smiles slid off of M’Benga’s and Jim’s faces.

‘I was going to incinerate it as soon as we were finished here, actually. Why do you ask?’

Bones looked down at his feet. Jim held his hand tighter.

‘I’d like to see it first.’

‘Bones, no. Why would you want to see that?’

Bones shrugged, helplessly. It was difficult to explain. Jim relaxed his grip and knelt down in front of him.

‘What is it? Talk to me.’

‘I can’t count how many bodies I’ve seen in my career. It’s just part of the job. Hell, I’ve seen you…and I didn’t think I could ever…I still can’t forget…What I’m trying to say is that I’ve considered my own mortality out here. We all have. But, seeing myself dead. I’d rather see the real thing than go to bed imagining it.’

‘But, it’s not the real thing,’ M’Benga reminded him. ‘It’s a copy. Evidently, the Athlosians can perfectly replicate a being but they can’t make it live. It’s not you.’

Bones nodded, laying his hand over the top of Jim’s. ‘You’re right. But, you all thought it was. It was real for you. I won’t make it an order, Joseph. I’m asking you.’

Jim hated the idea. He didn’t want what he’d seen to stay with Bones. He wanted to forget this whole nightmare had ever happened. He rubbed his thumbs over Bones’ knees and looked back at M’Benga.

The doctor looked skeptical but he gave a short nod to the pair of them. ‘This way.’

Bones stood and gave Jim’s hand a squeeze before letting go and following M’Benga. Jim made an aborted move to follow him.

‘You don’t have to come with me. I don’t want to put you through any more pain. I’ll be quick.’

‘If you’re sure. I’ll be right here.’

Jim watched him disappear through the doorway. He was relieved that Bones let him hang back. He wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to close his eyes without seeing Bones’ dead body, lying haphazardly against a tree on an alien planet. He didn’t ever want to see it again. He didn’t really understand why Bones needed to. Whatever the reason was, he hoped it helped him.

He did his best to steady his nerves while waiting for his partner to come back. He repeated to himself over and over again that it wasn’t real. Bones didn’t die. He was never hurt. He hadn’t even known anything was wrong. He’d been safe the entire time. That’s what mattered. He just wished he could get his heart to feel what his brain knew.

It was only 5 minutes before the two doctors returned. Bones looked solemn but otherwise okay. M’Benga gave him a supportive pat on the back.

‘I’m prescribing rest for the both of you. Get out of here now.’

‘Yes, sir,’ said Bones.

He walked over to Jim, who wrapped an arm around his shoulder and led him out of sickbay.

‘Did you get what you needed,’ he asked.

Bones paused in the empty corridor. Jim patiently waited for him to think through his answer.

‘Yeah, I think I did. I mean, that’s the worst of it right? Aside from Joanna, and I can’t even stand to think about that. But, you gone, me gone. Worst case scenario out here. I’ve seen them both now. I’ve faced it. And we’re both still here. I think that means we can handle anything this damn galaxy throws at us.’

Jim gave him a watery smile. He didn’t quite look at it that way but maybe with time, he would.

They barely made it to the captain’s quarters before Jim was collapsing into Bones’ arms. He caught him surely and tightly. Sobs shook Jim’s body. He howled out the grief he’d been holding all day. Even with Bones back with him, where he belonged, he still felt the pain of losing him and that pain needed an escape.

‘Let it out, Jim. Let it all out. It’s okay. We’re safe. Everything’s okay.’

‘I lost you. I fucking LOST you.’

‘You found me.’

‘What if I hadn’t? What if I had taken the ship and just left? Would you have thought I abandoned you?’

Bones tipped the younger man’s chin up to look him in the eyes, ‘no matter what, I never would have believed that.’

Jim shook his head, ‘you’re here and I can talk to you and I can see you and I can touch you, but some part of me still feels like I can’t believe it. Like you’re still gone.’

Bones ran his fingers through Jim’s hair. ‘I know. It’s your body trying to catch up with your mind. It’s a reaction. It’ll pass. And I’ll be right here the whole time.’

Jim wriggled free and took a few steadying breaths. He rubbed his hands over his face to wipe away the tears.

‘I love you. I realized earlier when you were- when I found the…copy of you that I’ve never told you that before. Not really. I mean, just coming right out and saying it. And then you were dead and I’d never get to say it. So, I’m saying it now. I need you to know that I love you. In every way. And that’s not gonna change.’

Bones face went from confusion to understanding to fondness. He leaned in and kissed Jim softly.

‘I know. Don’t think I haven’t always known that. Listen, if I had died today or if I die tomorrow-.’

‘Don’t say that!’

‘Shhh, listen. Hypothetically, you won’t have anything to feel guilty about. Not a goddamn thing.’

Jim kissed him and it was anything but soft. He wanted to be as close to Bones as he could be. He wanted to convey all the things he’d felt, all the things he’d had trouble putting into words. Bones kissed him back with just as much urgency. He understood. He always understood Jim.

When they came up for air, Bones gently wiped the tears from Jim’s cheeks.

‘And for the record, because I’ve never said it either, I love you too.’

Jim laughed, wetly, and nodded. He pulled Bones back against him. ‘I know.’

Bones grinned, ‘infant.’

Bones led Jim over to the bed, ‘you need sleep now. You’ve been through the ringer today and your body needs it.’

‘Stay with me,’ Jim asked, flopping down on the bed.

‘Of course. I just want to make some quick notes first before I forget. I was beginning to make some decent headway before everything went to hell down there.’

Jim jumped up and snatched his hand, ‘do it on your PADD in bed. With me. Please. I need to be close to you. I’ll be so quiet, you won’t even know I’m here.’

Bones ran a hand through Jim’s blonde locks, ‘with the way you snore, I doubt that. But, yeah, I’ll stay right here.’

Jim grinned and made room for Bones to settle in next to him. He pulled his clothes off until he was down to his boxers. Bones did the same. He pulled the covers back over both of them up to their waists. Bones turned on his PADD. Jim snuggled down into the older man’s chest, reveling in the warmth he felt there. The rise and fall of his breaths. The calm beat of his heart. Bones wrapped his free arm around him and dropped a kiss on the crown of his head.

‘Sleep now, Jim. I’m not going anywhere.’

‘I think you should move in here with me,’ he said, his voice fading with exhaustion.

Bones paused what he was doing, ‘are you just saying that because you thought I died today or is that what you really want?’

‘I’m asking you right now because I thought you died today but I’ve also been thinking about asking you for a while. What do you say?’

‘I say yes, you damn idiot. Now go to sleep. You can’t even keep your eyes open.’

Jim mumbled something unintelligible back and then his breathing evened out. Bones cuddled a little closer to him and continued his notes.