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Chapter Text

After Jinu's father died, his mother and sister were the only ones left to him in the big wide world. And his bipa too of course.
His voice and the bipa were all he had to himself.

They were already dirt poor before his father's death. Now Jinu's mother was left at sea with her preteen son and a daughter who had just learned to walk. But she worked hard, she worked as a seamstress, wove clothes day in and day out. She also took care of her children. Cheonmin like them could hope for no more.

Jinu's father was, by profession , a butcher but by heart a musician. A truly odd combination. It didn't matter to him.
Before dieing he had made sure to pass this on to Jinu, who had something his father didn't have, talent.

But he had the misfortune of being born to unlucky people in an unluckier time.

Years passed after his father's death, Jinu grew up under his mother's care, with his life centering around the only thing he was good at, music.

He played his bipa by the street, played it to anyone who would listen, and at the end of the day went home with what little money some people threw at him.
The money of course wasn't much, because those who had the money to give, didn't stop by to listen to a boy as thin as a bamboo stick, with lice in his hair and clothes torn and patched at a thousand places, playing a ratty bipa from the Goryeo era.

But Jinu didn't give up- wouldn't give up - he knew he had it in him, he knew things would change - something would happen for sure - he played better than those men in the fancy hanboks damn it.

About a decade after his father's death things did begin to change - but not in the way Jinu had expected.

His mother had worked hard, for too long, and it was beginning to wear her down. She could no longer weave as much as she used to, needed to take longer breaks. She often complained of a stabbing pain in her lower back. Her hands had hard callouses and sometimes the skin of her fingers would peel , bloody and painful , exposing red irritated skin .

Age , fatigue and famine had turned her once beautiful face into a shadow of itself. She looked more gaunt and thinner than when they had to starve for weeks. The dark circles under her eyes made it seem that someone had punched her twice in each eyes.

As for Jinu, nothing much changed.
He went from street to street - from people to people - often he was rejected, sometimes ignored and sometimes given little money.
He returned home to his slowly withering away mother and his sister who took care of the shabby house by herself.

Jinu knew his mother had been planning to tell him something for sometime now. He knew what it was . And he feared what he would have to tell her in return.
He hated it.He hated that there was nothing he could do to not make her say those words.

" Give up the bipa Jinu. "

Her tone was regretful but demanding.

" You know very well I can't do that. "

His mother was a stern woman.

" Not can't - won't - you are living in a dream Jinu. What do you hope to achieve like this? You know very well - "
She stopped to cough into her hands and Jinu had time to control the immature resentment threatening to rise up in his chest.

" You know very well how things are right now, how I am right now. I -I won't be able to keep working for much longer. It's time for you to become serious. The butcher shop near the main street... they're always hiring -you could -"

"You want me to give it all up to become a butcher ?"

Jinu said , aghast , louder than he had intended to, control failing him.

" No ! I want you to become the emperor's most trusted advisor!" The unsympathetic sarcasm of her words cut him deep. " What else do you hope to be? Low class peasants like us aren't allowed to be anything else... anyone else. The high borns will spit on you and everyone else will laugh at you, Jinu! Can't you see how meaningless it is? Music won't get you anywhere "

" No No no no " the childish anger reared its ugly head " That's not true! I play better than those people in their high palaces- than most people . They will acknowledge me. I just need time. Some more time .Why don't you understand? "

" HOW MUCH TIME JINU? HOW MUCH TIME DO YOU NEED? IS IT BEFORE OR AFTER JIHYE NEEDS TO BE SOLD OFF AS A SLAVE ? " she screamed and Jinu saw that she was close to hysteria.

" MUSIC IS A LUXURY JINU! IT IS NOT FOR COMMON PLEBES LIKE US - LIKE YOU! ALL OF US - ALL OF US WILL DIE OF STARVATION BEFORE YOU MAKE IT! "

She sank onto the floor and started panting in sharp gasps . Jinu did not move an inch . His hands were clenched on his clothes in a white knuckled grip.

Starve? Yes maybe they'll all starve... maybe they'll all die. but but even that was better -better. Yes they should all starve... starve than -

" I don't have much time left Jinu... I can feel it " even without looking, Jinu could tell she was about to cry. " Please Jinu, please pleeaase... "

He did not listen.

Later that night, sitting under the stars with his bipa, Jinu wondered dully why he had wished all of them to starve back then.

Along with the anger at himself, the anger he had felt towards his mother came back. What did she think ? He hated it too ! He hated how their home was so shabby and dusty all the time, how it couldn't keep the rain and wind out. He hated the dirt clinging to them and their home and and the constant biting pain in his stomach... And the smell - the stink that accompanied them everywhere... it was a stink he could smell off the house, off his sister and mother and also off himself.
It smelled of ancient clothes, old sweat, of dried blood and manure and of ...of something pungent but he didn't know what it was... and maybe he was the only one who could smell it...
Oh, what could he not do to make it go away....

He had known for a long time by then that this sort of predicament would befall him. He would be forced to make a hard choice. Maybe if it had been anyone else but Jinu they would have done the right thing and given up.
But Jinu was Jinu , and he had decided a long time ago, even before his father died, that he would be a musician.
And he could play, couldn't he? He had a nice voice too. Sometime ago he had the fortune to hear some high born bipa player . It wasn't much to write home about. Even his mother admitted that he was better!
This experience was vital in cementing Jinu's belief that he could make it ! Yes!

Come what may, if he pressed on, met the right people, he could do it! He would... He knew he could! He wouldn't have to give up his most favorite thing in the world!
Someday... someday everyone will acknowledge him!

Poor poor Jinu! Stupid naive Jinu! Just couldn't understand , could you? that your mother was right...that in this imperfect world things don't always turn out as they should.

Maybe things would have been more bearable, if a few days later, the news of the plague didn't hit them.
In the tightly knit community of the low class and outcasts of the society, news travelled fast. So did rumors.
Since a few days Jinu had heard a few bits and pieces of information about a plague , but he had dismissed it as some sort of paranoid rumor.

When he came home one day to see his mother hoarding rice in the house and anxiously telling Jihye to spend the meager amount of money they had saved to buy more, he was forced to rectify.
Apparently, the plague, or some disease, had claimed its first life in a village farther east. Some other people were down with it too.
At least the village was pretty far away, so they were safe.... for some time.

Even though nobody got sick in their village, their lives became much more harder. The more the plague spread in the east the more prices increased.
The income of Jinu's whole family decreased drastically.

All the nobles shut themselves in their palaces to let the plague run its course with the peasants. They weren't going to be seen outside before the last snow of winter melted away.
Only the middle class and the peasants stayed outside, continuing on with their duties, in the midst of the slowly piling up of bodies.
Jinu's family was down to their last penny.

Jinu's mother became more persuasive.
He remembered returning home one evening, empty handed, and seeing his mother waiting for him with a serious expression on her face. He realized she was getting ready to do the same song and dance again.

" We don't have to sell the bipa, Jinu "

Her thin face appeared almost ghostly in the pale light of the candle. She was trying to smile.
In a corner of the room, Jihye stood still, watching. The light of the candle reflecting from her eyes made them appear unnaturally bright, sparkling.
Jihye never said anything about everything that happened around her. She just went about her work. And she just saw... watched - with her big deer like eyes, her unnaturally bright eyes.

To Jinu, sometimes she didn't appear like a human at all, but just a mass of eyes - dumb and mute but watchful -eyes eyes and eyes...

Stop thinking like that she's your own sister!

" You don't have to stop singing entirely either! You can still play the lute ! But this job is important for us, for you. "
She was trying hard to make him agree.
" Was your father not a butcher Jinu? And did he not love music too? "

" I am not my father. " he said simply.

" So do you think you are better than him? " he did not miss the edge of contempt mixed in her voice.

He didn't say anything.

" I know you have come back empty handed. "

Jinu lowered his gaze to his lap and forced his hands, which wanted to play with a tear in his clothes , to stay still.

His mother sighed. " I can't force you Jinu. "

" I never came back with no money before mother, " he finally found his voice " It's because of what's happening in east. Once that dies down -"

"That won't die down, you know that better than us."

Jinu looked up to meet her eyes and saw that there wasn't a hint of anger in her face. Only sadness and resignation.

" You are selfish Jinu. "

And somehow that hurt him more than all the shoutings in the past had.

Selfish? Was he selfish? Or maybe he just wasn't selfless. From a very young age Jinu knew there were two kinds of people in this world.

First kind were those whose lives mattered, those who were irreplaceable, those who were able to leave a mark ... those who were someone.

Second kind were those whose lives weren't worth a penny, whose deaths didn't matter in the slightest, those who were replaceable, those who numbered in the thousands all indistinguishable from the rest... they were people living out their common unremarkable life.

Jinu knew his mother, father and sister belonged to the second kind. Just like everyone else in the village. They were people who live out their completely normal, humble lives and when they die they are forgotten easily. It's like they never existed at all.

And he? He didn't want to be a part of them. Just a miserable face in crowd of miserable and unremarkable people. He did not want to be forgotten!

He wanted to be someone!
He wanted to be remembered as a musician, a singer! He wanted to be a person, not a part of people.
He knew he could do it, it was his DESTINY. He believed that arrogantly.
Because there was nothing else he could do. Because Jinu was a musician . If Jinu wasn't a musician, then Jinu wasn't Jinu, then Jinu was nobody, nobody at all.

" You sound like an angel. " a blind woman in the street told him after he had stopped playing. She was probably a beggar.
He had been told that many times by many different people, but he couldn't help smiling.
" Thank you "
But the woman wasn't smiling . " Why are you on the streets then? "
He didn't know what to answer to that.
" I better stay away " the woman said, maybe to herself, tilting her head. " Folks like you are more susceptible. " She slowly shambled away.

Jinu thought that she must not have been all right in the head and forgot about the encounter in a few days.
He was wrong.

The evening winds had been becoming chillier and the village in the east was almost emptied when Jinu came upon this conversation.

" Hey, did you know, the tax collector has disappeared! " Jinu overheard from a group of people one afternoon. They had an air of nervous excitement about them.

He eavesdropped while tending to his lute.

" The tax collector? Disappeared? "

" Yes the one with the pointed nose and no hair. He just disappeared! I heard my father talking to the leather maker , Tae. He said that he had seen the man walking towards the town the day before yesterday afternoon. But yesterday some people from town came looking for him. He hadn't reached home! Tae and the people looked for him all day and found nothing - nothing at all! He was just gone! "

" Probably fell in a ditch somewhere. "

" Shh! Let me finish ! Do you know what they came upon in the forest path yesterday evening? "

" What? "

" A piece of that man's hanbok with the royal crest on it! "

" A wild animal attack then? "
" How did they know it was his? "
Both of them were ignored as the speaker began in a low voice.
" You wouldn't believe how scared those town people looked! "

" Were you there? " someone asked but was waved off. " Tae was there.He told me. "

" What did they think it was? "

" Tae said that those people told him to keep quiet. But isn't it obvious.... it must've - must've been them!"

A silence fell upon the group.

" I mean... think about it for a moment! The way those town officials are trying to cover it up, they must know it too! "

" Hey have you all heard that the Kims had a son recently? " an older man from the group suddenly said. Everyone in the group looked incredibly nervous and frankly scared, all of them except the original speaker jumped at this change of topic.

" Haha yes, my wife went to see them yesterday."
" Good for them. "

And soon it was like the previous conversation hadn't happened at all.

Jinu knew why they did that. The people were scared... because one shouldn't talk about them - not even in broad daylight - shouldn't do so much as think of them. Because... because they know when they are being talked about.

That's what elders and superstitious people believed of course. If one travels for long enough through the streets and alleys of the villages, they would surely come upon a discussion about they who must not be named.
Mostly it's about unexplainable disappearances .... very rarely about sightings. The stories are told in hushed whispers and nervous glances towards the shade ... and never after dark... oh no don't ever make that mistake.
But the society at large didn't acknowledge them. Ignoring them would make them go away. After all what didn't exist cannot hurt you.

If you hear something from the dark ignore it, in the winter the sounds are carried from far. If you see something out of the corner of your eye look away. Shadows play tricks on our eyes.

Because it's the only way - only way to protect themselves from them.

It was believed the human world is separated from the underworld by barriers. These barriers sometimes turn loose, becoming a gateway to the beings from the other side.
Through those gateways they crawl out, from the deepest chasms of hell- and drag unsuspecting souls down with them,- to the land of eternal flames, to eternal damnation.

Jinu didn't hold any extreme belief regarding that matter. To him their existence or non existence did not matter much and he certainly did not expect it to.
But at times he did think, at the dead of the night, about what might happen... if he were to... say... come by something not of their world - or worse - if something from the other side reached out to him and him only. After all, if there was something other than unexplainable disappearances, for which they were known for... it was what they could promise.
Jinu never entertained those thoughts for long.

Unexpectedly, something good happened after a few weeks. They heard it from a few officials who passed by the village through the high road, that the plague in the east had stopped spreading. Their nearby villages hadn't caught it and there was no recent news of any new cases.
There was a chance that everything would go back to normal very soon.
Jinu's mother was sceptical about the news, but Jinu was happy. He would have someone to play to after a long time.

The officials turned out to be correct. Just after a few days the main road was just as lively as it once had been.

That day Jinu managed to earn more than he usually did. But despite that, something happened that soured jinu's mood .

Later when he thought about it, he supposed the nightmare really did start when he met those two men.

They were some nobles underlings, Jinu guessed from their clothes and put more careful effort , paying attention to every single note. Who knew, this could be a chance for him!
They seemed to be listening intently.

" Sounds better than that guy our master brought in doesn't he? " the man on the right said to the left.

Now half of jinu's mind was on the notes and the other on their conversation.

" That he does. " the left guy said with a nod.

Jinu felt something like hope swirl in his chest.

After they gave him some money, Jinu summoned all his courage and referred to their prior topic of conversation. ( I am better than that guy you were talking about so I should be in his place, no, someplace better than his, that's only fair! )

And they looked at him as if he had admitted to wanting to overthrow the current king.

Jinu stared at the shocked faces of the men for all eternity, feeling the sweat drip from his brow.

And then the man on the right began to laugh.

Chapter Text

It was a cold, mocking and merciless laugh.

He laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and all Jinu could do was look up at him in a dumb kind of shock.
The other man was looking at Jinu with a strange look in his face.

pity

And Jinu couldn't decide which one was worse.

The laughing man finally stopped to catch his breath. He looked at Jinu as if he had just said a particularly amusing joke.
" A... a court musician? At the respected noble House of Choi? You? "
He was about to start laughing again when the other man interjected
" Ah - well you see - it's not that you are incompetent... It's that we don't have the authority to recommend you , you see -"

" Stop that Tanae! Who are you kidding? " the man pointed a finger at Jinu " he isn't incompetent and that's his problem. That's why he has the audacity to dream! "

The man on the left - Tanae - seemed deeply disturbed but did not contradict him.

And he sneered at Jinu " He could be the best in the whole world but even then he would never be able to leave the streets. That is his DESTINY. "
He was grinning from ear to ear " Boy, you did get a good laugh out of me. Hah! A dirty mutt like you becoming a court musician? Who knows what sort of diseases you're carrying - I would've taught you a lesson for having the foolish audacity to even voice that! But I'm too disgusted to touch you even with my shoe. Come Tanae let's go before we catch something"

Tanae made a somewhat apologetic face and followed after him.
Jinu heard him laughing as they sauntered off.

For some time Jinu felt nothing but buzzing in his ears. And then anger.
They had no right to tell him whether to dream or not! They had no right to - to look down upon him.
They were WRONG... Wrong about his DESTINY
And it was all so UNFAIR.
DAMN THEM ALL

That day he went home early. If his mother noticed his overcast face inspite of the coins, she did not comment on it.

That night he laid awake. The anger and frustration had subsided. Something else had taken its place... something - something foul and rancid.

He was no stranger to the fact that people like him tended to be treated like that by people like them. And he knew he should put it past him. It was stupid to lose his spirits over something one stranger had said.
But he couldn't. Over the next few days the thought kept recurring.
He could be the best in the whole world but even then he would never be able to leave the streets. That is his DESTINY!

It was not true! It couldn't possibly be true! (right?)
Even then the rancid swirl of emotions within him only kept growing and growing and eating at him. What was it exactly? Was it... was it (despair?) No - he did not want to put a name to it... putting a name would only solidify it and... and God knows he didn't want that.

He didn't want to give up! Not yet... not just yet! (but what was he fighting so hard for)
Everything he had done so far in his life, it wasn't all meaningless! ( except maybe deep down he had always known... it was)
He did not want his life to be all for nothing!

He did not want to meet his mother's eyes in her deathbed and be told "I told you so."

At the end he didn't need to give up. Because "salvation" came unexpectedly.

Jinu still remembered the day he first heard Gwi ma as if it was yesterday.

That day it was very cold and the sky was gloomy. Jinu was sitting in his usual spot, the lute perched on his lap, counting coins. A horse carriage raced by, raising a storm of dust and dirt.

He remembered suddenly feeling less chilly, which was weird considering the number of layers he was wearing. He remembered putting down his coins and then hearing it -

( Jinuuuu )

At first he couldn't understand who called him. The voice was unfamiliar and frankly, kind of unnerving. He looked all around him and found no one who could've called him. Strange.
Then it came again.

( Jinuuu)

At first he thought that the voice was all around him. And then he realized it was coming from inside his skull !

Is this it? Have I finally gone crazy? Is this what being crazy feels like?

Those were his first thoughts.

(Fool) the voice said.

Who are you? he thought, completely convinced that he had gone crazy.

(You aren't crazy Jinu. Listen to me. Listen very closely. )

For some inexplicable reason, Jinu thought of his dead father, and shivered.

(Isn't it sad so sad - for someone like you to be here?)

(Jinu, do you want )

Want what? he remembered thinking.

Truth be told, after that things go a little muddy. But he knew he had talked with Gwi ma for a long time.

He hated recalling that day. Not so much because he had accepted but more because it had been so painfully easy to make him accept. It was almost as if he was... waiting for it to happen.

(Don't you hate how they look down on you?) the voice purred.

I do he said, knowing lying was futile.
He was kind of... sleepy.

(Jinu, do you want to be ACKNOWLEDGED)

That word seemed to fire the neurons in his head to life.

YES YES I DO. I HATE how they look down upon us - upon ME. I HATE how everyone seems to know better about my life than me. I HATE how UNFAIR all of it is.

(Then let me help you) the voice whispered, saccharine sweet.

(Be careful towards the people who are acting too nice, often times than not they are compromising) a ghost of his mother's voice whispered in his ear.

Why would you ? he said, already a pang of guilt beginning to snake up to his heart.

( Because... I have nothing to take but everything to give and you have everything to gain )

That-it doesn't make any sense

(Think about it Jinu. What could you possibly have to lose)

You couldn't possibly -

(Don't you want to prove them all wrong)

I-

(The world isn't fair, so why should you be)

That's not-

(Think Jinu think! You could be the MOST FAMOUS ! The nobles who are scorning you now would be begging you !

Really?

(I never promise what I cannot grant Jinu. All you have to do is accept me. Think, think!)

He really did want to think it through , but everytime he tried to think rationally over and over he remembered his mother screaming at him

IS IT BEFORE OR AFTER JIHYE NEEDS TO BE SOLD- and that cold merciless laughter and and
He could be the best in the whole world but even then he would never be able to leave the streets. That is his DESTINY!

(You can prove them all wrong. You deserve your righteous position Jinu. You can pave your own DESTINY. I can give you all you dream of. So, do you accept?)

He didn't want to think anymore.
Yes he said.

A deep chuckle resounded in his head.
(Very well. However, I ask but one thing in return)

What ?

(Pray to me Jinu, pray to me)

H-how do I pray to you? Jinu found himself asking.

(Will you do anything, anything to pray to me?)

Yes

Another chuckle resounded.
(Bring me souls of two innocent lives - who are not for your world for long- one struck down from the heavens ,the other trampled by titans, on the night the full moon rises)

Goosebumps broke out on his skin. And even though he had known for sometime by then, he still asked
Who are you ?

This time it wasn't a chuckle, but laughter.

( The Most Ancient Darkness, Gwi ma )

Chapter Text

An amazing thing the human psyche is!
And an amazingly weak thing the human psyche is!

Whenever faced with something it cannot comprehend or understand, humans effectively go mad. The human brain cannot stand not being able to know the reason for everything, ever.
And maybe that's why it makes up theories and hypothesises, tries to find reason in the things that cannot be reasoned with, tries to find logic in the supernatural.
After all, everything in this world exists for a purpose right? Everything that happens, happens for a purpose right?

Maybe that's why immediately after the voice was gone Jinu picked up his lute and started playing.

Half an hour later he had convinced himself that he had not infact heard the voice in his head but from his surroundings.

An hour later he guessed that someone had played a prank on him maybe.

Or he had simply misheard the chatter in his surroundings. He had been sleepy hadn't he?

When it was time for him to go home, he had successfully managed to convince himself that he had simply dozed off and all of it had been a dream.

None are so blind as those who refuse to see.

And he was refusing to see. Because if he saw, he would see the truth, the horrible truth. If he ignored it long enough, maybe it would be like as if it never happened.

He would go home and forget about his momentary delusion.

Of course that didn't work.
Maybe it was an extremely unfortunate string of coincidences or perhaps Gwi ma was faster and more efficient in delivering his promises than anyone could have guessed or maybe it was the same thing that had spurred Jinu onwards and also held him back - DESTINY - that caused a shopkeeper to call out to him on his way.

The sun was setting - bathing the surrounding dust path and various shops lining the way in a golden glow. Jinu felt a little uneasy. He really wanted to reach home before darkness fell.

" HEY BOY ARE YOU DEAF? "

He turned - albeit a bit reluctantly - towards the source of the voice.
An angry looking man beckoned him closer to his shop.
" You should not walk with your head in the clouds young man and listen to your elders! "

He made a vague noise of agreement.

The man cleared his throat, " I need you to do something for me "

Jinu looked at him questioningly.

The man led him to a corner of his shop while grumbling under his breath

In the corner facing the street, another man was standing sheepishly. He was a bit green in the face as he stared at something in the ground. Seeing them approaching, he hurried to the first man's side.
" Uhm look I'm sorry I really -" he was cut off by the stern look he got by who Jinu now guessed was the owner of the shop.

Some boxes stacked in front of them blocked jinu's view from seeing whatever the second man was staring at. The uneasiness increased.

" It just had to happen in front of MY shop! "

" What? "Jinu asked.

It was the sheepish man that replied " Uhm well nothing too serious... just - well - there are some stray kittens here which we sometimes give milk to and uhh earlier today one of them probably wandered to the middle of the street and got hit by a carriage ... and uhm... "

" And our friend here just happened to put his foot down on the injured kitten right in the ENTRANCE of MY SHOP " the shop owner spat. " I should've known better than to employ alcoholics "

" Hey I'm not an alcoholic!"

Jinu looked down the man's shoe stained with drying blood. He still didn't understand what he was supposed to do.

" And what have I got to do with all this fuss about a roadkill ? " For some reason Jinu wondered if he was being made fun of.

" Go on then. go on and see the roadkill we're fussing about. " the shop owner sneered. Something about the way he pronounced 'roadkill' didn't sit right with Jinu.
" Go on "

So Jinu walked around the boxes which were probably placed there to hide the animal from potential customers. And with the turn of a corner the view of a small animal entered Jinu's field of vision.
At first glance nothing seemed out of ordinary. Though it was hard to make out what animal it was, it was thickly caked with dirt. A closer inspection proved the animal to be covered with both dirt and blood. Jinu could make out a head. But even then, wasn't it too small? Even for a kitten...

Then he realized. The kitten wasn't small, it was halved. What Jinu thought was its tail was actually a part of its entrail. It was lying on it's own innards.

He looked up at the shopkeepers. The second man had gone a shade of green again.

" Go on " shop owner nudged " take a closer look."

There were rocks in the pit of his stomach now, and he obliged. He drew nearer, getting a better view of the carnage.
The kitten had been kicked here from someplace else, for most of its intestines were streaming out of it and pointing at the direction of the road. The two grown men were standing still a distance away, on the other side of the barricade of boxes. He couldn't find why - and then he heard it
It was so small a sound and so easy to miss but he still heard it. A sound halfway between a squeak and a meow.
Slowly, ever so slowly Jinu turned his head towards the dead cat.

It was looking at him. It's bright yellow eyes fixed at jinu's face.

Jinu felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up. Goosebumps appeared all over his skin.

" My God it's it's -"

" Alive, yes " the shop owner finished for him.

Jinu looked at the kitten as it opened its mouth, drew air in and let out a sound, contracting its whole body or at least whatever was left of it. Did its intestines quiver?
Jinu hadn't really eaten much but he felt like introducing the contents of his stomach to the ground.

" Wh-when I stepped on it " the sheepish man, now a shade greener, began " we moved it here and uhh thought that we'd throw it away when it died "

" But it wouldn't die! " the shop owner said, moving to stand closer to Jinu " we waited whole day for the meowing to stop but it didn't, it just didn't die. "
" There's something wrong with it, something very wrong. Take it away from here, do whatever you want with it but take it away. "

Jinu looked up, startled, meaning to say You want me to touch that? but the look of fear that he saw upon the man's face shut him up.
The shop owner fished his pockets, took out a gold coin and handed it to Jinu. He took it wordlessly.

He didn't want to, believe him! He did not want to do anything with that place a moment longer. But he had to. They needed money badly. And and he still was having trouble digesting what he was seeing.
How could an animal in that condition still be alive? It was not a lizard or a leech for God's sake!
And it felt so wrong to look at it.

But he still took the money and deposited it in his pockets.
Suddenly the green faced man said " Just stepping on it did that to it. We must be like giants compared to it huh "
Unnoticed by them both Jinu flinched violently and went paler.
The shop owner voiced jinu's thoughts when he muttered " what a strange thing to say... "

Jinu bit back his nausea and extended his hands - his bare hands - towards the creature. He had to pick up that wreck of a living thing somehow. He had meant to stuff it's entrails back in its body somehow. He shuddered when his hands made contact with it - he hadn't expected the innards to be so so uncomfortably warm and slimy. They seemed to want to slither out of his hands and back to the ground.

And then he knew it was bad, bad in the same way that voice in the afternoon had been. Bad in the same way those disappearances are.
He should have dropped it then. Dropped it and returned the coin and ran, ran as fast as he could to his home. But he didn't.

Finally when he managed to pick it up ,without thinking he stuffed it in one of his pockets. Anything to get it out of his hands.
He took to the road and walked as fast as he could without looking back, one pocket heavy, so heavy.

It meowed.

Suddenly he thought Were you waiting for me?

Luminescent yellow eyes looked up at him from the darkness of his pocket. It meowed.

Again a thought, unprompted and unwanted, rose up to his consciousness the same way a bubble might slowly rise from the depths of water
He and the cat, they were the same weren't they?
He blinked. What? Why would they be same? It was just a cat damn it he was going a little crazy wasn't he

He tried to ignore those yellow eyes and hurried home. He didn't throw it at the side of the road anywhere. He couldn't.

The sun had set fully now. It was a full moon.

Chapter Text

He could not kill it.

It would have been incredibly easy, but he chickened out.

In the forested path before the cluster of small huts in one of which he lived, Jinu stopped and took out the kitten tentatively.

He reeled with discomfort at his hands making contact with its intestines but held on.

He would place it in these woods, he decided. The animals here would take care of the rest and he wouldn't -

Dear God it's looking at me

It was looking up at him again it's golden eyes sharp and conscious. And and it looked like it was happy like it was smiling

Nonsense! Cats can't smile you idiot the light the light's playing tricks that's all that is all

He put down the cat on the grass, it squeaked and he started off towards his home. He never turned back but heard the squeaks and felt the moisture in his hands long after coming out of the woods.

His relationship with his mother had been strenuous as of late.

Jinu's mother stayed home a lot more those days. She had become too fragile to continue working. But she still did the housework. Jihye was trying to find a job.

She appeared to be sewing a torn piece of Jihye's clothing as Jinu entered. She didn't look up or say a word. Jinu had no idea what to say so he just plopped down on the floor.

He wondered if he told her everything would she cry or get angry and scream at him or tell him to sleep or call a shaman. Or would she be so distressed that she would fall ill.

It wasn't like he wanted to find out.

“ Some people have fallen ill towards the west side of our village “ she said suddenly, “ I don't want you going near there, do you understand? “

He just nodded.

Jinu didn't notice when Jihye had entered.

"Mother, there's something in the backyard. I heard a noise I'm going to see.” Jihye said somewhat mechanically.

Jinu had noticed that his sister's way of talking was devoid of emotion, monotonous, like reciting written lines of dialogue. He wondered if he was the only one who thought that.

“ Hmm? What is it now. Be careful Jihye, it could be a snake.” but Jihye was already out of the backdoor before she could finish her warning .

Watching his sister's form disappear in the darkness outside the door, a dreadful sort of certainty took over Jinu. Suddenly he could almost foretell… exactly what was in the backyard. Dear God…

( struck down)

and what if this prediction was true ?

(from the heavens)

What if all of it was true? What then?

Jihye reappeared, holding something on both of her joined palms.

A wing stuck out from the side…

A wing.

“ It's a magpie. I think a hawk attacked it. “ Jihye said, lowering her palms so both of them could see the bird. “ It's still alive though, just broken wings. “

Jinu just watched, unbelieving, as a wing twitched and the creature tried to flee from Jihye's hands only to be caught again.

oh you're fucking with me he thought to no one in particular.

You're just fucking with me!

“ Brother, do you think you can bring the bird to Haesang,who works in the apothecary down the street? He might be able to save it. “

Jinu put his hand out to accept the bird without thinking. He had done that a lot today hadn't he. He would do it once more. Who cares. What the hell.

“ Jinuu “ his mother called as the bird settled on his palm, the syllables of his name drawn out in the way they were when she needed something. “ Don't be out too late. “

He nodded.

The bird, too, felt uncomfortably warm against his skin. It felt wrong to be touching it. Maybe for the first time, Jinu was grateful to the darkness for making it impossible to see it.

The kitten was, unfortunately but not unsurprisingly, still alive. He set the bird down beside it.

He stood for a while and stared at the dark forest. It made all sorts of noises in the dark. Who knew if something was in there, in the trees and bushes, looking right back at him?

He felt very alone. A fox cried somewhere, three times. It sounded very lonely to him.

Whatever will happen, will happen. It was time to go home.

When he returned home, Jihye was already serving dinner. They ate in silence.

Jihye asked him if he had been able to bring the bird to Haesang and if it would be okay, to which he lied through his teeth that Haesang had patched the bird up and said it would heal with time.

He went to bed trying to think of nothing and yet thinking of everything at once.

So what now? There was no meaning in pretending that everything that had happened today hadn't been real. The voice had been real and so were the predictions.

So what now? He could have everything he ever wanted in just a few steps out of his house. But should he go?

Hadn't he been told since childhood, through cautionary tales or bedtime stories, hadn't he been almost brought up by the stories which told of demons and what happened to people who tried to look for them? About those who foolishly let greed consume them and had to pay a hefty price.

He was always told that if you encountered them, you were supposed to close your eyes and look the other way and wait forthem to pass over.

But could he really afford to do that now?

(don't you want to pave your own DESTINY )

(What about us Jinu?) his mother's shrill voice cried in his ears,(what about your own mother and sister? What about your RESPONSIBILITY to us? How could you leave us in the dust like that?)

He wasn't abandoning them!

( Your dream!)

He just wanted to fulfill his dream -

( It's dangerous don't stay out after dark )

And he could pave his own destiny -

( be back before dinner he wouldn't be able to leave the streets even if he was the best in the whole world Jinu you're so TALENTED oh but don't dream never dream plebes like us never dream it's for your own good give up let me I want to go I can do it I HAVE TO my DESTINY why don't you just let me go My DREAM)

And he was standing in the middle of a deep dark forest.

A terrible dreamlike horror overtook him. How could this be possible? He was just laying in that old mattress looking at the ceiling of his house and and -

He felt as if he was in a dream. The world, bathed in the glow of the full moon, looked half formed and unreal. His hands and legs felt like they were attached to the ends of a mile long sticks. He was not aware of his extremities at all.

Had he sleepwalked or was he dreaming?

He was standing at a clearing in the forest, the full moon directly overhead. He looked down and saw that the cat and the bird were both lying on the ground, next to the bipa Jinu's father left behind for him.

He shivered.

He walked to the centre of the clearing and it was followed by the curious sensation that someone was whispering instructions to him but he couldn't hear them, only feel them.

He was strangely less scared now. And in a strange way, he felt something like relief. Relief of finally having chosen.

This was sin.

And he may never go to heaven.

He tried to but found that he couldn't bring himself to care. Even hell was better than how he was currently living like. .

He hadn't realized that he was holding a knife and he only realized it when his right hand raised it up, blade glinting in the moonlight, and plunged it into his left palm. Warm blood splurted out, painting the sleeves in red.

Jinu watched all this with the detachedness of an outsider. He didn't try to stop it. His hand did hurt but the hurt was bearable.

He extended his left hand forward into the ground and let the blood flow through his index finger into the ground. He drew a pattern in the soil that may have been a language aeons before the first human spoke.

The crimson of his blood soaked into the grassless soil. There was a pile of dry wood beside the mark , maybe he had collected it.

Or maybe it was always here, waiting for him.

He set about starting a fire directly on top of the symbol. It was incredibly easy to start the fire, as if the flames leaped from below earth into the firewood.

He was sitting too close to it. Jinu backed away and put the bipa between him and the fire.

There also was a vessel or a glass of some kind beside the bipa. Jinu put his slashed palm over it and let the blood flow into it.

The fire was starting to look more and more reddish.

Jinu pulled the still squeaking and still writhing kitten and bird towards him and laid them on top of the bipa. What he did next was something that would have never even crossed his mind any other time, but it did now, and somehow he knew it was the right thing to do.

He first cut open the bird's stomach with the knife and pulled out its intestines. Then he took the readily dangling intestines from the cat's stomach in his other hand and tied them both in a knot. Jinu tied them as tight as he could without tearing.

He could no longer feel stares on him.

Jinu turned his grotesque handiwork over. He then cut both the kitten and the bird near their necks. Blood still flowed, it flowed and painted his bipa in red and ran down its sides.

Jinu collected it in the vessel where it mixed with his blood.

It smelled pungent, metallic.

blasphemy!

Preparations done, he stood up and moved towards the fire. It was as if the flames eagerly welcomed him.

Then he said something. No, not in the language he was speaking since birth, not in the only language he knew, but in a completely different tongue which may have been a language long before languages came to exist.

After that night he could never recall what it was that he had said. But he remembered just how much surprised he was hearing his own voice.

He didn't stop though, he kept repeating that confounding tongue. Again and again. Like a prayer.

The flames understood him. They burned brighter, bigger.

His voice kept rising along with the flames.

Jinu stopped chanting when he knew the time was right. The fire was bigger than him now.

He picked up the kitten and the bird (the sacrifices) , he could still feel their heart beat. Jinu turned towards the flames, raised them towards it as if to show and uttered something in that tongue for the last time. Then he threw the hideous conjoined twins into the flames, forever together.

It was like the fire caught them, making a brief fshh sound. And then their bodies burned merrily in the fire. The flames turned bright, blood red. And so so much hotter.

(Jinuuu)a voice crooned in his ears.

Jinu raised the vessel containing the blood of three creatures towards the red fire, the blood fire. He raised it as if in cheers. The fire was almost cooking him.

Jinu pulled back then, and threw some of the viscous foul smelling liquid to the flames, (they caught it again) then poured some over the bipa and then -

(Jinuu)

drank the rest of it in one go.

The taste almost made him vomit but he forced it down his throat.

The flames burned brighter red.

(Jinu)that old voice whispered.

Did I do it? Did I do it right?

He only heard a chuckle in response.

But then a chorus of voices spoke from beyond the flames(Jinuuu. Wanna come down here?)

He looked and saw how dangerously close he was to the fire. He almost tripped over his bipa while backing away.

He could feel his palm throbbing in pain.

Someonewas looking at him through the flames. He saw faces, faces distorted in agony and despair. They had hands.

( Jinuu we're all down here! Come down with us you'll love it !)

And they were reaching for him with their burning melting hands.

(Everyone is down here Jinuu !)

“ Go away! I did as I was told. I don't want anything to do with you! “

(Aren't you tired? Don't you want to rest a bit? Let us heelp)

“ No! leave me alone! I did what I was supposed to. You have no business with me! “

They reached with their hands and arms and tangle of limbs still. Jinu could smell a noxious burning odour in the air.

(you'llloveityou'llloveityou'llloveityou'llloveit)

They were trying to break free to get him. Break free from their prison of fire and agony, tumbling and tripping over themselves in the process. They were succeeding.

Jinu wanted to run, but that dreamlike horror was back and a morbid kind of fascination overtook him. They were calling for him.

(Jinuu join us Jinuuu. We'll all be happy together !)

He started backing away slowly, not taking his eye off the impossible sight before him.

(togethertogethertogethertogether)

Suddenly the flames soared higher, and for only a split second Jinu saw all of their faces morph into one of fear… and then they were gone - swallowed by the pinkish red flame that was burning now.

( scared so easily?)the familiar voice mocked.

“ N-no “ Jinu said, thought something, and added “ Thank you “

The voice was silent for a while. Then it said

(Welcome home)

With that, the flames abruptly shrunk into the ground and Jinu was left standing in front of some dying embers. But it was far from being dark.

The world was bathed in a red glow. Looking down, Jinu could see blood red glowing cracks in the ground, in the air.

The boundary that separated them, he could see it now.

It was fascinating, but he didn't let it transfix him for long as the flames had. He knew if he listened a bit more closely, he would start hearing them again. And what if a burnt hand reached from between the lines and grabbed his ankles, then?

He turned homewards. The whole forest was blanketed by the red glow. Jinu had never been this deep in the woods before, but after a while he understood the patterns in the lines bended and twisted a certain way. They were guiding him home.

He would be okay, he told himself.

And he was. The red faded off when he reached the river, from where he knew his way. He washed the blood on his bipa and hands and tried his best to get it out of his sleeves. The water was very cold, and still very soothing to him. The wound had stopped bleeding.

On his way he saw the large paw prints on the wet mud of the river. Jinu hastened his walk home.

Many months later he would look back to this moment and wonder just how close he had been to being eaten by a tiger.

But he didn't even see a wild cat on his way. He had (devil's) luck on his side, he supposed.

That night he quietly slipped into bed again. Awake, he wondered just how easy it had been for his life to slip through the gaps of normalcy and end up in the land of the stories.

But soon enough, he fell soundly asleep.