Chapter 1: who could ever leave me darling? (but who could stay?)
Chapter Text
Tony carried the burner phone at all times.
Not for any particular reason, and definitely not for the singular saved number that he couldn’t call.
Steve Rogers.
He definitely didn’t care about him, after the whole accords situation, and especially after Siberia. He didn’t miss the man who had left him splayed out in the freezing cold to die, the cold look in his eyes only showing sheer loathing, in fact- he was glad that Steve had gone.
But, as he lay alone in the penthouse bedroom, he had to resist the urge to rip the burner phone from his bedside table and call Steve. But not the cold, resigned man that haunted his nightmares, willing to do whatever it took to protect his oldest friend.
No, instead it’s Steve. His Steve.
The kind and determined man who he had fought alongside during the battle of New York, the one who had warmed up to him — slowly but surely. The one who he had known would come to his aid at a moments notice. That is the Steve he mourns the loss of, the one who could boost the team’s morale in a blink of an eye, who seemed to always know the right thing to say when Tony didn’t.
The one that Tony had relied on.
The tower felt empty without the Rogues and their constant chatter, without Nat’s snark or Steve's laugh. It hollowed Tony from the inside out, the only reprieve being the nights he was with Peter in his workshop, working alongside each other. Hearing about Peter's day, seeing the kid when he’s laser focused on a project — it made him feel less alone. But, it was always a matter of time before Peter had to leave, like so many before him.
Most of the time, Tony was left in solitude, alone in his workshop with only the bots to keep him company. Pepper and Rhodey try to keep him company, but their schedules are packed — with only a few minutes to spare everyday. They had things to do, companies to run and people to meet. So, whenever they did call, Tony did his best to avoid adding extra stress onto their plates. It was during one of these calls however, that all hell broke loose.
Now, it was routine for Rhodey and Pepper to call him on Wednesdays, usually in the mornings when their schedules were the clearest. It had been the routine since — well, forever. Tony usually looked forward to these calls, for he usually had a plan on how he would convince Rhodey and Pepper of his well-being, whether it's showing them new blueprints for the next Stark phone, or telling them what the kid had blown up in the lab that week.
This week however, he forgot.
He had been on a lab bender, as he so often was since the science lab across the hall had become lifeless and still, with no one to work in it except Peter on the days he needed to develop more web fluid. He was on about hour fifteen, judging off of how antsy DUM-U was, and how many ‘coffees’ DUM-E had brought to his workbench. He had been working on a prototype for a new prosthetic line, and was halfway through the circuitry when the ring of his phone shocked him out of his stupor. Tony jumped and looked around for a moment, automatically searching for threats, and his body tensed as though preparing for impact. He calmed down however, when JARVIS’ calm voice rang out over the din.
“It’s your weekly call with Ms.Potts and Colonel Rhodes, Sir. Shall I answer?” JARVIS questioned in his calm, measured voice.
“Uhm— yea?” Tony replied, hand still on his chest.
There was the beep of a call picking up, then the sudden sounds of Rhodey’s deep tones filled the workshop.
“— Pep, I know he's a little late, but give him a minute, he may just be busy.” Rhodey placated.
Pepper however, seemed to be hyperventilating. Tony is taken aback by this, because Pepper was one of the most put together people he knew and seeing her in this state of pure panic — it was just unlike her.
Tony decided to butt into the tizzy that Pepper had wound herself into, “Hey, sorry I’m late — why are we freaking out?”
Pepper's delayed jump at his voice was almost enough to make him laugh, but the expression of pure relief that passed over her features gave him pause.
“Tony!” she squawked out in surprise, clutching her chest and looking at the camera with such shock in her eyes that Tony was a little scared she might faint.
Tony didn't know why she was reacting to his presence this strongly, she had never been this worried about him not picking up a call, much less a weekly one. The only way she would be reacting like this was if someone told her something. Tony thought back to what had happened in the last day, and nothing really stuck out. He hadn't mouthed off to a board member, or blown up the lab, so nothing really big had happened, except of course —
The kid.
Tony pulled a palm over his face, trying not to look exasperated but still, really? He knew the kid was a genius but sometimes he could be so incredibly stupid.
“JARVIS, what did the kid say in his call to Happy?” he aimed his question at the ceiling, hoping that the answer would maybe not be as bad as he was thinking.
“He reported on your… state, in what seemed to be worry sir.” JARVIS replied, his tone never shifting, Tony let out a huff. Of course he did. Tony made a mental note to have a heart to heart with the kid later, or what could be more accurately described as a please don’t report on my mental state to my friends, especially pepper talk. He raised his hands towards the screen that Pepper and Rhodey were currently displayed on in a placating gesture.
“Pepper, I’m fine.” He said gently, “really, there’s no reason to be concerned, I’ve just been working overtime in the lab, the kid was exaggerating I swear.”
Tony’s words seemed to back pepper off of the ledge of panic that she had seemed to have been teetering off of, her breathing visibly slowed and she eased her hand back down to her side.
As Pep started to calm down, Rhodey began to speak “Tones, you know we have always worried and cared about you and will continue to do so right?”
The words set off a soft pang of love and longing off in his chest. He had known that they cared of course, he would be an idiot not to, but it still stirred up a flurry of emotion in his chest to hear it said.
he knew that the love and friendship that they had would eventually fade away, like everything else did in his life. That is why he had to keep the issues deep deep down, only to be seen by him.
Because, Rhodes and Pepper had stayed with him for this long, and he couldn’t fuck it up.
Not now.
So, he told them what he always did, the lie flexed off of his tongue as easy as breathing.
“Really guys, I am perfectly fine. I swear!” He said in his best imitation of an earnest tone.
And they believed him.
They always did.
The call resumed, Rhodey and Pep both complained about the weeks that they had, and Tony had gasped and interrupted in all of the right spots, like nothing was wrong.
Because for them nothing was.
and shouldn’t that make him feel better?
The call ends, the lab goes quiet.
Tony just listens to the empty space where his friends used to be.
where his team used to live.
and the cavern inside his chest widens.
“If you need me, I’ll be there.”
The line shoots through Tony's brain, breaking his walls and stirring something in his chest.
It felt like pain.
It felt like love.
It doesn’t stop, only getting louder and louder in his mind, the urge to pick up the phone and call Steve.
His Steve.
He held back the urge, best he could, always dialing — never calling.
That is, until he had a good enough reason.
When Bruce and a wizard Tony didn’t recognize showed up on his and Pepper’s morning jog, he was less surprised than he should have been. What did surprise him, was the universal threat that now laid at his feet.
The infinity stones are the most powerful things in existence, and now it was their job to keep a madman from destroying the universe.
“Tell me his name again?” Tony asked, astounded by the threat that this being could pose to his world.
“Thanos,” Bruce answered, “he’s a plague, Tony. He invades planets. He takes what he wants, and wipes out half the population.”
He’s the one who sent Loki,” Bruce continued, “the attack on New York, that was him.”
That gave Tony pause. He saw what happened during the battle of New York, how much havoc it wreaked on the city and its citizens. His mind started whirring, for if that was what happened when Thanos had access to one stone, imagine what he could do with all the others at his disposal.
“This is it,” he whispered, “what’s our timeline?” he then asked the room at large.
“No telling,” Bruce immediately responded, “he has the power and space stones, that already makes him the strongest creature in the whole universe.”
Shit.
“- if he gets his hands on all six stones, Tony-“ Bruce went on.
“-he could destroy life on a scale hitherto undreamt of.” The wizard finished.
“Did you seriously just say ‘hitherto undreamt of’?” Tony scoffed, mainly to hide the fear that flooded him at the other men's words.
“Are you seriously leaning on the cauldron of the cosmos?” Strange snapped back.
Annoyed, Tony bickered back and forth with the man for a few moments, and if it was to avoid facing the fact that they were cosmically fucked? Who’s to say. Tony’s irritation grew as they bantered, hopped up on nerves and adrenaline.
“Ok guys, could we please table this discussion right now? The fact is we have the time stone, we know where it is,” Bruce points out, “Vision is out there with the mind stone and we have to find him now.”
Tony flinched.
“Yeah… that’s the thing,” Tony said hesitantly, “two weeks ago Vision turned off his transponder. He’s offline.”
“What?!” Bruce shouted, the response was immediate.
“Yeah,” Tony confirmed.
“Tony, you lost another super bot?” Bruce hissed, exhaustion evident in his tone.
“I didn’t lose him and he’s more than that, he’s evolving.” Tony retorted defensively.
“Who could find Vision, then?” The Wizard interjects.
Tony thought for a moment, who, if anyone could find someone who didn’t want to be found?
It hit him like a train. Steve.
“Shit.” He muttered.
Of course it would come down to this, why would he have ever thought that it wouldn’t have? Dread pooled in his stomach, images of Steve came back to him, the dimples he got when he smiled, his laugh when Tony did something particularly stupid, the way he looked at him when no one else was around.
An old wound on his heart reopened.
“Probably Steve Rogers.” Tony finally responded. “Oh great.” Strange sighed, exasperated.
“Maybe, but-“ Tony cut himself off with a sigh. He always had known it would come to this, but still. Fuck.
“Call him.” Bruce said, like it was the easiest thing in the world, like it wouldn’t break the no contact that had been going on for nearly 2 years.
“It’s not that easy.” He says like he's been saying it for years, which he has for the record. “God, we haven’t caught up in a spell have we?” He asks Bruce, and the man simply shakes his head in response. “The Avengers broke up. We’re toast.” Bruce cocks his head. “Broke up?” He repeats in an incredulous tone. “Like a band? Like The Beatles?” He asks.
“Cap and I fell out. Hard.” Tony informs him, something akin to pain in his voice. “We’re not on speaking terms.”
Bruce looks at him like he has lost his mind. “Tony, listen to me. Thor’s gone.” Bruce's tone carries a sadness that Tony hasn’t heard in it before. “Thanos is coming, it doesn’t matter who you’re on speaking terms with or not.” Tony avoids the other man's eyes at that.
“If you need me, I’ll be there.”
The line repeats itself in his mind, and he prays that it’s true, that Steve had meant it as he lets out a sigh and speaks.
“Could you give me a little privacy please?” He questions in a mocking tone.
The two sorcerers in the room roll their eyes at him, while Bruce just nods his head in agreement.
the room clears, and a sudden wave of anticipation and anxiety hit him. The silence is charged, like the strings of fate have all been tied to this moment.
Tony pulls out the burner phone, that has been a constant in his life since he got it in that package years ago.
He flips open the screen, and just stares at it like he’s done so many times before.
But this time it’s real
This time he dials
His thumb hovers over the call button.
Just press it.
Do it.
“So no matter what, I promise if you — if you need us. If you need me, I'll be there.”
Tony takes a deep breath
“I’ll be there.”
“God please mean it.” he whispers like a prayer.
His thumb descends.
————
Steve kept his burner phone.
It wasn’t a conscious choice, more like it was always on him no matter what he did.
Now, he wasn’t one to fixate on the past — if he was he would’ve never left his bed after getting out of the ice.
But that didn’t mean he didn’t think about it. often.
The night in Siberia was ingrained into his memory like a film reel, a never ending loop.
The look of shock and betrayal that passed over Tony’s- Stark’s already bruised face.
The all consuming need to protect that swept his mind when Stark started swinging at Bucky.
White hot anger that pulsed through him when he saw Bucky’s arm drop, severed onto the stones.
Ton- Stark’s broken body, laid out and twisted in pain.
Him looking up at Steve, with something akin to hope in his eyes-
No.
Steve couldn’t think about that too hard. Because Steve was not one to dwell on the past.
The call came, like he always hoped knew it would.
He was on his morning run with Sam, and they were on their seventh, well, Sam’s seventh lap.
“On your left” Steve panted out, playfully nudging Sam’s shoulder with his own.
Sam rolled his eyes in response. They continued their run in near perfect silence, the only noise the sounds of the city of Wakanda waking up.
That’s when his phone started ringing.
No, not his phone.
The Phone.
He stopped running abruptly, leaving a confused Sam to stop a few paces ahead.
His mind went blank for a few moments, like the white-out tundra he couldn’t stop from echoing in his mind.
He snapped back to life, only to find the phone still ringing and Sam at his side, his wide eyes fixated on the screen.
Steve looked back at Sam, pleading eyes asking the same question he had when they gave Tony the phone in the first place.
“What do I do if he calls?”
And Sam was still firm in his answer.
“Pick up the phone.”
So, Steve squared his shoulders, hissed in a breath, and did just that.
“Hello?”
Chapter 2: it’s hard to be at a party (when I feel like an open wound)
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Holy fuck.
He actually answered. Tony was relying on him to actually answer, but it still came as a shock when he had heard the click of the phone line and the voice, his voice on the other end. Reality almost seemed to bend as he just stood there, phone to his ear and heart balanced on a tightrope, seconds away from something. Whether it was ruin or wreckage, it was anyone's guess.
The silence stretched on, nothing but static and — was that a bird call? Tony almost wanted to laugh at the thought. He stayed silent though, his mouth seemingly sealed shut.
A throat cleared on the other end. Was it Steve? Was it one of the rouges? Tony's mind was spinning, coming up with possibilities, improbabilities some small part of his brain realized. He pinched his right wrist, a grounding technique because godammit, he was spiraling.
A voice cut through his thoughts like a blade.
“Um… Stark?” Steve Rogers asked, voice slightly concerned. “Are you still there?”
Holy shit, he was a bumbling idiot.
“Oh— uh yea sorry, hey.” Tony blurted out, voice horse.
He flinched back at the sound of his voice reverberating on the other end like a gunshot.
god why did this have to be his life right now?
Silence greeted him on the end of the phone, sending more and more pinpricks into his skin as the seconds dragged on. Slowly, he realized that, yes it was still his turn to speak in this fragile back and forth.
“I just wanted to call you because—” Tony cut himself off, trying to think through the wording of his next question. “I — I mean, we need your help.” He said, trying to mask his emotions with a carefully neutral tone. Hopefully Rogers wouldn’t see through it.
Pepper and Rhodey never did, after all.
The silence on the other end was broken by a sharp inhale, almost inaudible unless you were listening for it.
And Tony was.
He was hanging off of every breath that came from the other end of the phone line, desperately clinging to every scrap of the man he had known years ago.
God, it had been years of this pit in his soul.
“What’s going on?” Steve questioned, the concern now evident in his tone. “Are you ok?”
Well shit.
Didn’t that make his chest cave in just the slightest bit more?
He took a deep breath, counting in for four —
He really shouldn’t be reacting this much.
Hold for seven —
It was just a phone call. What did that say about him that he couldn’t get through something as simple as that without breaking down?
Out for eight.
Ok, he could do this.
“Yep, everything’s fine Rogers.” Tony exhaled, trying to regain his footing. “I mean, with me.”
Shitshitshit—
“But what I called to talk about is— well I’m asking you to find Vision.” he finally spat out, tone decisively assertive and questioning.
He definitely was not about to dwell on whatever he had just blurted for years to come.
He has said worse, after all.
“How did you lose vision? Isn’t he fully made out of technology?” Steve’s tone is more than a little incredulous, and it makes Tony feel the need to scoff.
Two years, and he was still clueless.
“Vision can take himself off of the radar, he is a sentient being after all.” Tony drawled.
And so what if he was falling into old patterns, the back and forth between them was the only thing keeping him from spinning out entirely.
He heard Steve let out a long suffering sigh on the other line.
“I’m not arguing Vision’s right to autonomy, Tony. I’m just shocked that you of all people didn’t have a plan for something like this.” His tone was placating in a way that Tony did in fact not take kindly to.
He took a deep breath, everything was fine, he could be the bigger person in this situation.
“Ok. I know i fucked up by not having any extra trackers on vision, can we move past that now?” He asked, trying to be diplomatic.
“Okay, why do you need me to find him, exactly?” Steve asked, sounding resigned? Or maybe that was Tony's imagination.
“Rogers, there is something big on the horizon. from what i’m hearing, it will make the battle of new york look like child’s play.” Tony responded, trying to pour every ounce of that frantic fear he was feeling into the words. “Vision is essential to the other side’s plans, he’s one of their key players. We need to keep him out of their hands for as long as possible.”
The other line is dead silent for a moment.
“Who's our enemy, exactly?” Steve finally spoke, voice seemingly hoarse.
Our enemy. the words shouldn’t have stood out to him as much as they did.
“Thanos.” Tony disclosed softly, voice somewhat lacking the edge it had previously.
The silence between the two men stretched, warping and weaving into what felt like eons.
“Ok. I’ll find him.” Steve finally stated, like it was simple.
Like it was easy.
Tony let out a breath he hadn’t noticed he was holding.
“Okay. So, just tell me when you’re coming to the tower for the debrief." Tony responded airily. like it didn’t mean anything for steve to still be so willing to do this for him.
No— It wasn’t for him, he had to remind himself.
“Not everything is about you, Anthony.” His fathers voice echoed in his mind.
No, Steve was doing this for his country, for his planet.
Not for Tony.
Someone cleared their throat, and Tony snapped to attention.
“How should I contact you, exactly?” Steve asked from the other end, tone not giving anything away.
“Just use the burner— I'll keep it on me in case you need anything.” Just like I've done since I got the package, but he’s not about to admit that to Steve of all people.
“Well, I guess I’ll be in contact soon.” Steve states, a hint of something in his tone.
And Tony, well he doesn’t really have anything to say to that if he’s being honest.
“I’ll see you when I see you, Rodgers. Goodbye."
“Bye, Tony.”
And then he hung up.
Tony stood there, frozen in place for at least two minutes.
Bye, Tony.
Fucking Tony?
Yea— no he couldn’t think about that for long.
He forced himself to move towards the door that separated him from the others.
as he gripped the handle of the heavy mahogany door, he had to take a few deep breaths to collect himself. At least slightly.
It’s ok. You’re fine. It was just a phone call.
And it was.
That's all it was.
So why did his chest feel as clawed out as it did in Siberia?
He pushed the door open and stepped out with a practiced smile on his face.
“So?” Bruce was the first to speak. “How did it go?”
Tony made his smile widen to the point of pain.
“We've got Cap back.”
———————
As Steve hung up, his eyes immediately darted up to meet Sam’s.
Sam was looking at him with a mixture of concern and— was that pity?
“What?”
“You know what, Steve.” Sam sounded as though he felt bad for Steve, but why?
He hadn’t done anything that would warrant that look in Sam’s eyes as far as he was aware. It reminded him of the way he used to look at widows after their husbands had fallen, sad and understanding.
“No, I don’t. Why don’t you explain it to me.” His tone is sharper now than it was a moment ago, his hackles rising.
“He calls you, after two years to ask for your help to find something— some one he lost? And you— what you just immediately say yes?” Sam questioned him, tone exasperated.
“I told him if he needed me, I would be there Sam!” Steve retorted, “I made a promise to him, and I’m a man of my word.”
Sam looked at him, brows furrowed and eyes drawn down as if he was a complex problem rather than his best friend.
“So, are you going to help me find Vision, or are you going to stay here?” Steve asked with a tilt of his head.
It wasn’t a test, or a challenge.
Just a question.
“Of course I’m coming with you, dipshit.” Sam said, elbowing Steve in his side. “You would be lost without me.”
Steve smiled back at him, and started to jog again.
“Come on then, we’ve got to tell the others.”
Notes:
Sorry this took like months, I would love to say I got hit by a truck or some shit but no I just wasn’t on that grind. Now that school has started I will be doing this instead of my homework so get hyped!! As always, please tell me if this shits buns.
faunabouquet on Chapter 1 Sat 19 Jul 2025 10:02AM UTC
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pushingitd0wnandpraying on Chapter 1 Sun 20 Jul 2025 12:03AM UTC
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fischlfanatic on Chapter 1 Tue 05 Aug 2025 01:50AM UTC
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Euqueroler on Chapter 2 Sat 13 Sep 2025 12:30PM UTC
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