Archive of Our Own ^beta

No one knew Time like Patton Hart. No one but the golden-brown haired girl, who sat patiently under the great clock in her childhood bedroom, its baby blue fading into the wallpaper. It dictated her entire life. Time to wake up, time to study, time for piano practice.

Not anymore, though.

Well, except the piano, but her final maths exam had been yesterday. High school, with the early mornings running for the bus and late nights cramming at her desk, were all in the past now. She’d woken up at eleven that morning, but it was fine. It was summer now (well, it had been for a while when Patton was still holed up inside with her textbooks), but for once the weather in her town seemed to collaborate with her mood. As morning faded lazily into afternoon, the sun peeked out from behind the clouds which were beginning to disperse. It was growing into a warm summer day like from storybooks, just right, not hot that so it was unbearable to be outside.

So why wasn’t Patton out?

Instead, she was sat waiting, oh so patiently, with butterflies in her stomach, for someone who was late. About fifteen minutes after she was due to arrive, a girl a little shorter than her (and Patton was only five foot three) practically bounced up the path to her house.

She wore a white fitted cropped top with an oversized green flannel, baggy grey jean shorts with trainers that where perhaps once white but had been drenched in too many autumn rainstorms. In her rush, her fairish brown hair with its streak of white had been simply left to do its thing that day, falling in messy strands all around her face. She ran the last few steps up to meet Patton, wrapping her in a tight hug.

“Sorry I’m late! I got halfway here and realised I forgot sun cream -“

“Hey, Re, it’s okay -" Patton tried to placate, mostly to reassure Remus, however there was still some lingering fear that someone would see them if she kept hollering freely.

“No, this is important, Patton! Your first day of freedom!” Remus insisted.

Without warning, she wrapped her arms around the taller girl’s waist and picked her up, Patton dizzily fought back giggles as she was spun round in the air, remembering all the windows of her house were wide open.

Once she was set down, Patton shot her girlfriend a look, a simple raise of her dark eyebrows that said more than a thousand words.

“Right, right, sorry. I know a spot we can go. Follow me?” Remus gently asked.

Well, how could Patton refuse?

“Where are you taking me?” she giggled, once they were far enough down the road to be out of earshot. “You’re like my White Rabbit.”

“I’m not taking you on a drug trip, Patton, what do you take me for?” Remus laughed, unashamedly.

“I never said you were!” Patton squawked back.

“What the fuck do you think Alice in Wonderland is about?” Remus continued laughing.

Patton stopped in the middle of the pavement, Remus’s hand falling out of hers. She stared, motionless, her girlfriend able to see the dots connecting behind her eyes.

“Oh my God…”

Remus successfully bit back her laughter, but couldn’t hide her smirk completely. “Well, I ruined your childhood. You still curious, Alice? Still gonna follow me?”

Reconnecting their hands, holding tighter this time, Patton met her Rabbit’s eyes.

“Lead the way.”

After walking for a short while, the taller girl spoke again.

“Oh my gosh, the weird stuff she eats and drinks, thinking she’s really big and small, literally everything she sees… or hallucinates I guess, I don’t get how I never worked it out!” Patton face-palmed.

Remus sighed fondly. “Because you’re too pure for this world.”

Patton gawked, “I’m not, quit it!”

“Only because we’re here now.”

Remus led her through a tunnel once cut out of an old hedge, but had since grown over, branches jutting out at odd angles, getting caught in Patton’s hair and poking her bare arms, her legs protected by her beige cargo trousers.

“Careful, watch your step,” Remus warned, placing a protective arm around her companion.

When they emerged, the sight took Patton’s breath away. A meadow impossibly green, surrounded by wildflowers of every soft hue, the sky so wide and bright above them. She couldn’t believe this was so close to her stuffy hometown. The perfect place to spend a Golden Afternoon.

“So yeah, uh…”

When Patton did not say anything, Remus began sheepishly, “this is just someplace I come sometimes when my thoughts get too loud and I need to clear my head. I’ve wanted to bring you here for ages, I have cookies in my backpack - promise they’re not drugged - I know it’s nothing massive but I thought you might still be kinda tired from yesterday so I -" 

Patton cut off her rambling with a gentle kiss to her lips, pulling back to grab her shoulders and say, very seriously indeed,

“It’s perfect.”

Remus became painfully aware of the heat in her cheeks, suddenly wanted to look anywhere except Patton’s brown eyes, massive even without the thick, round-frame glasses she was wearing. She cleared her throat, looking to the wildflower patch across the field.

“Race you to the other side!” she shouted suddenly, and bolted across the grass.

In a flash of white she was gone, and Patton had to catch up.

And now we’re down the hole

And really on a roll

And something on the shelves

Holds something of ourselves 

———

Several hours later, the sunlight turning golden, still neither of them had even thought about leaving.

After very little coaxing, Remus agreed to let Patton plait her messy mop of hair into two neat braids. However, the way she leant into her, melted like butter as she weaved the strands of her hair together, convinced Patton that her initial refusal had been merely an act.

Remus then tried to return the favour, but it proved significantly more challenging to plait Patton’s neat bob of tight curls.

“How is it so soft?”

“I overuse my conditioner,” Patton shrugged.

“You’re meant to say it’s natural, I’d believe you.”

She managed a few little braids, sulked for a while at her perceived failure, then had another bright idea.

She plucked a buttercup from the grass, the brightest yellow flower she could see, and placed it in one of the loose braids on Patton’s head.

“There.”

Patton smiled, her real smile, the one with her whole face.

They didn’t move, still lingering when night fell and it got cold and bugs began to bite them. Spending every possible second together. Though neither wanted to remember, they couldn’t stop themselves from acting as though time were chasing them. Come September, the first breath of autumn’s unwelcome cool air, the first sign of a leaf losing its green, they would go to separate colleges miles away.

After a while of silence, laying side by side watching the stars slowly appear up above, Patton finally confessed that it wasn’t just the bugs that were eating at her.

“I can’t believe this is our last summer…” she whispered.

“Aww, Patton…” Remus turned over to look at her, offering to take her in her arms. Patton’s head found its favourite place in the crook of her beloved’s neck.

“Don’t think about it, okay? Let’s just have the best summer ever. We can’t do that if we’re constantly thinking about losing each other. Which can never happen, by the way. Summer always comes again, right?” Remus rambled.

“Yeah…” Patton smiled anyway.

It was easy to make Patton smile. It was not so easy to make her happy.

“Come on, you deserve a second cookie, there’s one left.” Remus rummaged in her rucksack for it.

“I’m kinda full. Share it with me?” Patton asked.

“Of course.”

Remus smiled. Her real smile, the one where her face seemed to soften. The one only Patton saw.

Content at their own little tea-party.

Run and play with me, still

On this page with me, still

———

Patton was running. Her shoes thudding against the pavement as she turned down her street, feet too far behind her head.

“Hey, Patton, that you?”

She practically jumped out of her skin, nearly tripped over her own feet as she turned a full circle, scanning the street for who had called her name.

“Sorry,” Patton could hear the wince in the words, spoken by a nonchalant, almost-familiar alto. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Still looking around in desperation for the source of the voice.

“Up here!” it called.

Patton tilted her vision upwards, towards the great oak tree in the middle of the street, and sure enough someone was sat up there, lounging in the branches. A girl of her own age in a purple hoodie and dark eye makeup, her black hair obscuring her face, was grinning down at her.

“Virgil!” Patton cried, realising just how long it had been since she’d seen her childhood friend. “What are you doing up there?”

“You know, just chilling,” she examined her nails, chipped black polish scoured from the weeks it had been left there. “Where are you in such a hurry to?”

“My mother. You know how impatient she is, I have to go, there’s no time…” Patton blathered, already backing away.

“Thought I saw you with Remus earlier?” She cocked her head, the smirk - no, the grin - back on her face. “Holding hands, being all sweet?”

Patton’s eyes darted to the floor.

“Yeah, but I had to leave ‘cos Mother wanted me.” She shrugged, as though it were obvious.

Virgil moved her position on her branch, properly facing Patton now. “You seriously gonna let her push you around like that, Pat? You?”

“What do you mean, me?” she asked, wide-eyed.

Virgil looked at her blankly, saying nothing.

“I hardly feel like me…” Patton added under her breath.

“What?” Virgil shouted.

“Nothing.”

“I mean, you're gonna get the best grades in the school, everyone says so. Piano and dancing, teaching the younger kids over lunch, somehow when there’s a bake sale you’re never too busy to make cupcakes. Which are fucking incredible, by the way, I always make sure I get one,” Virgil rambled, distractedly chipping nail polish as she went. “You kick ass, Patton! But you’re too nice sometimes. Stand up for yourself. Get a little bit mad.”

“What do I have to be mad about? I’m not mad!” she snapped, too quickly for Virgil’s liking.

The girl in the tree stretched her arms, letting out a long sigh. “Sorry, Pat, but in this town? We’re all a little mad here. If you want my advice, you should probably get out of here. Even just for a day. Clear your head. Take Remus, if you want. You seem stressed out, pal.”

“I am not!” Patton threw her head in indignation, her shoulders tensed, hands balled into fists, dark eyebrows furrowed in an attempt at a scowl that her sweet face couldn’t quite achieve.

“Sure you’re not. Think on it, okay? The key is inner peace. And no one can find that in a place like this.” Virgil looked around the town from her vantage point. “But that’s the only thing that’ll help you say no to your mother.”

“I don’t want to say no to my mother,” Patton assured herself.

“You do wanna be with Remus, though, don’t you?”

Patton couldn’t say anything. Virgil’s grin got wider than it had been the entire time before she pulled her hood over her eyes and leaned against the tree trunk, seemingly wanting an afternoon snooze.

“See ya later, Pat, I’ve kept you long enough.”

“Thank you, Virgil.” Not sure if she meant it.

Patton turned and kept running. Over the next few days, she couldn’t get Virgil’s words out of her head.

And she had an idea.

Let them play their ghostly fraud

Wound us in the name of God

There’s a sky where we belong

The key is

The key within you

———

Maybe the key was to go somewhere, even just for a little while, somewhere the Mad Queen wouldn’t find them. The seaside was far away. Far enough, surely, for Patton to stop hearing that nagging voice in her head.

In addition to this, Remus had been saying for ages how much she wanted to go. So when Patton broached the topic, her girlfriend was all eagerness, suggesting possible dates, listing off every activity she wanted them to do.

“We could get cotton candy, gamble away our college savings on those silly arcade machines, look in rock pools for lobsters, swim in the ocean if it’s not too cold!” Her long green eyes lit up with joy at the mere thought of it, in a way that made Patton’s heart do somersaults.

She made a mental note to thank Virgil properly with a large batch of cupcakes.

Money was a concern, but not a dealbreaker. Patton had earned a little from babysitting kids on her street. Remus had been working a job at the local supermarket as well as doing online art commissions.

Not enough for a hotel, but putting it together made enough for petrol for Remus’s car to get to and from the seaside. So they made a plan, to make their one day really worth it.

Remus’ car parked at the end of Patton’s street at five o’clock one Wednesday morning in August, not outside her house in case its old engine woke people up.

Heart in her mouth, Patton crept down the stairs, avoiding the one that creaked, out the front door, closing it as gently as she could.

Once she was a few houses down, she spotted the car and she ran, hair flying behind her in the early morning wind, feet not able to carry her fast enough to her beloved.

They sang at full volume with the windows open the entire way there. The roads were almost empty. They reached the seaside just as the sun came up, glow spreading across the water.

All morning was spent doing the silly little things Remus had secretly always wished to, that Patton had forgotten could be so fun. As evening began to fall, they laid a blanket down on the yellow sands to rest their legs a little, snacking on picnic food. Gradually, people left the beach to go back to their holiday homes, or maybe they lived nearby, the two girls lingering, even though they had much further to travel. Quieter and quieter, until the only sound was the gentle breeze, and the waves reaching and crashing on the shore.

When they were finally alone, Remus dragged herself up, holding a hand out to Patton.

“Dance with me?”

Patton tilted her head to one side in that way she always did when confused. “But - there’s no music.”

“The waves make a rhythm, we can make shit up, it doesn’t have to be perfect…” Remus’s head tilted to the side as she took in Patton’s expression. “Don’t look at me like that, you’re the one who’s had lessons. C’mon, remind me how to waltz. Or I’ll start doing my own thing. Interpretative dance.”

She took both her partner’s hands and practically dragged her to her feet.

The curly-headed one sighed, looking over her shoulder, into the vast expanse of the ocean. No eyes on you here, Patton. Just you and her. Maybe one day, she should take a leaf out of Remus’ book. Care less what people thought. But, for now…

“Okay, we’ll waltz, come here.”

Remus took a step forwards, awaiting instruction from the girl who was already blushing, though Remus hadn’t even touched her yet.

“Alright, so you put your hand on my -“

“On your waist, I remember that part,” Remus teased her, wiggling her eyebrows.

“Remus!” Patton squawked, but unfortunately the only place to hide her face in embarrassment was in her partner’s shirt.

“Sorry, Pattycake - see, I’m doing it!” She tilted Patton’s head up, willing her to judge her ballroom hold.

“Good!” she beamed.

“Really?” The shorter one cocked an eyebrow.

“Elbow a little higher.”

Remus cackled, throwing her head back. “There’s my little perfectionist.”

“Little? I’ll have you know I’m taller than you. That’s why I’m leading the dance - hey, get off your tiptoes, that’s cheating!”

“Not fair! I wanna lead.” Remus pouted.

The Mistress of the Ballroom stuck her tongue out. “Nuh-uh, completely fair, I’m also the one teaching you, now be a good student and step backwards with your left foot, that’s it -"

“Yes, Patton,” Remus hung her head in mock-shame.

“And don’t look down, look at me!”

“Gladly…”

And they danced until the tide pushed them further and further up the beach, until the sleepy orange sun disappeared below the sparkling horizon, and long after that, until they forgot what time it was.

Until Remus had to carry a sleeping Patton up the beach and back to the car.

The drive home was much quieter. Remus found it difficult to focus on the road and not Patton’s sleeping face in the front passenger seat, glasses placed safely in a side compartment. Total serenity, her lips parted in a subtle little smile.

Remus would say royally ‘Fuck you’ to anyone who tried to claim she was creepy or strange for watching her girlfriend sleep. The rare occasion when they rested side by side was the only time Patton held her without any shame in her eyes, no twitches of guilt in her face. She hid it well, nowadays, but it still showed itself in fleeting moments. Patton should know she couldn’t hide anything from Remus.

Getting better all the time, Remus thought, replaying their dance again in her head, all the whispers between the steps. She had noticed Patton lose herself amongst the waves, let her sorrow dance, and all her joy and love and laughter, and everything else in between. Remus hadn’t seen that side of her in a long time.

Just hold her by the claws

And whisper “Lobs, let’s waltz all night”

Dance and give yourself

To nothing else but Those Long Eyes

Waltz and waltz all night, ignore the tide

Those Long Eyes 

———

The blurry shapes of the world began to appear before her. Familiar fingers carded through her bedhead. She was struck with the sudden feeling that she did not want to open her eyes.

“Morning, sleepyhead.”

“Where am I?” Even though she knew. The place smelt faintly of Remus’ cologne, the one she only wore on very special occasions. Patton remembered the smell mixing with the salty sea air, dizzying, or maybe just because they kept spinning and spinning. The events of the previous day slowly came back to her.

“My house, love. I didn’t want to wake you up, so I just…” Remus paused, "I hope that’s alright. Maybe I should’ve woken you. But you always get grumpy.”

“I do not,” she mumbled sleepily, grabbing the glasses that Remus held out to her.

Patton took in her surroundings. Still in her clothes from yesterday, she had been bundled in blankets on a floor mattress in Remus’ bedroom, though they had shared her single bed before. Remus kicked in her sleep. Apparently Patton was a sleep talker, but nothing she said made much sense.

So many memories in this room, she thought, looking around at all her girlfriend’s posters, some of bands she also recognised from Virgil’s room, and art projects she had hung up. On the opposite wall, in the nicest frame, was a watercolour piece. A riverbank of long grass, dry and yellowish, a girl in her nicest blue shirt, her newly cut hair held by a black headband, leaning back on her hands, her head amongst those of the wildflowers, as though having a conversation with them, eyes shut against the Afternoon sun.

Patton remembered first seeing this painting, Remus sheepishly handing it to her before averting her eyes to the floor. She apologised profusely for all the complaining she had done about being asked to sit still for two hours in an uncomfortable position with nothing to do. And she kissed Her Remus, the most talented artist in the entire world.

“We got a whole other day together! What do you want to do?” Now-Remus distracted her from her thoughts.

Patton winced. “Re, thank you for letting me stay the night, but I think if I stay any longer, it’ll just make the trouble worse. She’s already gonna be Mad about yesterday.”

“Okay, okay. I get it. I can walk you home? Drive you there?” Remus asked, a little desperate.

“No, it’s alright.”

It wasn’t. But Patton knew that if Remus went anywhere near her house, then she would be screamed at, would receive the punishment meant for Patton, who herself would still be punished afterwards. No one could win as long as the Queen wrote the rulebook. This was Patton’s burden to deal with. Her bag was so heavy as she stood in Remus’ front doorway, whispering their goodbyes.

“I’m sorry we always have to leave each other.” Patton sounded completely defeated.

Remus squeezed her even tighter. “Don’t. I’ll always wait for you to come back. And I will never be Mad at you, not even if you’re late.”

Patton swore the pressure behind her eyes was enough to cry an entire pool of tears. Kissing Remus only made her want to cry more, wash them both somewhere far away.

“I know,” she choked out.

And off she ran, Remus watching her until she turned the corner, out of sight but never gone.

Fighting for breath by the time she arrived back, Patton flinched as she turned the front doorknob, as if that would do anything to prevent what was coming.

Entering the house, it was like she’d been in a happy dream about a magical wonderland and someone woke her up. By throwing cold water on her, and spilling her from her cozy sheets onto a harsh floor.

She hadn’t taken three steps into the house when she heard the shrill voice of Mrs Hart.

“Where were you, young lady?”

Suddenly, she was nearly two years younger, though she felt lots smaller than that, as if someone had shrunk her down, down, down.

That terrible night. Lots of terrible questions. One terrible, near-explosive feeling in her gut.

She was on trial, under scrutiny, accusations fired across the room like arrows, faster than she could dodge them.

And the Queen was hearing none of her pleas, shuffling Patton’s words like a deck of cards, fabricating from them sentences she swore she never spoke.

And no matter what Patton said she was guilty, guilty, guilty.

Isn’t it a trial

To try and stay a child

When everything you’ve read

Swells your little head

Shall we have a song

For the girl gone naughty

Somehow feels so wrong

Now to have that body

Rabbit got so big

What’s her momma fed her

Though you feel a pig

Still, you want to pet her

———

“Did she hurt you?”

“No, Remus, I swear - you already checked me for injuries, remember?” The shake in her voice spoiled all her efforts at sounding reassuring.

“I don’t mean like that. I mean… fuck, what did she say to you, Patton?” Remus worried over her girlfriend.

“Nothing bad!”

“Don’t lie to my face. You walked here. Didn’t tell me you were coming. You showed up shaking. You’re still shaking.”

On the hand that wasn’t holding onto Patton, she had nearly run out of fingers with which to count off all the signs that “Something is clearly fucking wrong.”

Patton violently shook her head, knowing that if she opened her mouth now only sobs would come out.

Remus knew she needed to calm down - no sense at all getting Mad in front of Patton, she’d never tell her anything unless Remus was much gentler. Deep breath. Four, seven, eight.

“Can you try and tell me what happened?” Remus patted the space next to her on the bed and Patton didn’t hesitate for a second, sat beside her and began clinging to Remus like she had never done before. Remus collected her spiralling thoughts once again.

“Patton?” She pushed the other girl’s hair out of her face, trying desperately to read any hint of the truth in those big brown eyes.

“I tried to tell her,” came Patton’s fragile voice. “That we’re together, I mean. I don’t think I explained it right. She definitely didn’t understand it right.”

Patton Hart, nearly seventeen years old, read classic lit for fun, explaining herself like a toddler who had misbehaved. She gave a little wet laugh, it was difficult not to at how stupid she sounded.

“I tried to make her see that it isn’t like that, that it’s a good thing, me being with you, but she spoke over me and I just felt… so small.” Her voice trailed off. Silenced.

“I should never have told her anything…” She added, barely a whisper.

Every single muscle in Remus’s body tensed. Especially her jaw, as she said through her teeth, “Don’t you fucking dare blame yourself. She’s a homophobic piece of shit.”

That nasty, acid, vicious Queen. Thoughts came into Remus’ head, far faster than she could stop them, even if she wanted to, of the Hell she would unleash on that woman if she ever laid another finger on Her Patton.

“I -“ Patton tried to begin again, but Remus cut her off.

“You should get angry with her, tell her you are what you are, and no amount of abuse from her is going to change that -"

“Re, you’re scaring me,” Patton said, somehow even quieter.

Remus stopped dead in her tracks.

“What?”

Remus hated how her voice cracked, even more how her eyes swum. She stopped touching Patton, getting up from the bed as though both had burned her. Patton stood up to match her.

“She taught you to be afraid of me? I’m sick to death of people saying this shit about me. Scary fucking lesbian with no filter, who’s corrupting her perfect little -"

“No!” Patton shrieked, launching herself at Remus. She hadn’t meant for the word to come out like that and suddenly she was in her partner’s arms, both of them crash landed on the cheap carpet. Her hands instinctively found Patton’s curls.

“I’m sorry, Pattycake,” she whispered. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No,” Patton sniffed. “You shouldn’t. Look at me.”

She tilted Remus’ chin up, forcing their eyes to meet.

“It’s not you that scares me. Never you. It’s the words you’re using. Like … like a-abuse and, and h-homoph…”

The word died in her throat. Patton couldn’t even bring herself to say it. Remus swore she felt her heart break, her entire chest fracturing, collapsing in on itself there and then… or maybe it was just Patton clinging to her, squeezing all the air out.

Time to get back above the ground

Not that they know you’re not around

Not that they wanna hear a sound from you

Not a sound from you

———

Time was up. Or it very nearly was.

Patton laced her shoes and double checked she had everything she needed in her bag. Most of the space was taken up by the jam tarts she had made for Remus to take with her, so she had something sweet to eat on the first night. The same pang in Patton’s chest every time she thought about it. Remus was leaving tomorrow.

So it was a nice gesture, even if she knew that between them both, most would probably be eaten this Afternoon.

Ready to make a run for it? Absolutely not. But Patton was sick to death of being grounded, only able to see her lover’s face through her bedroom window after Remus climbed up there in the dead of night, balanced precariously on the guttering, shoes being soaked in all kinds of mud. Enough was enough.

Down the stairs, quietly as she could. Not that it made a difference, as the Queen never left the living room during the day, perched on her mighty throne where she had perfect view of the front door, guarding it in case her prisoner tried to escape.

“And just where do you think you’re going?”

“Out.” Patton unlocked the door, not flinching though the shrill tone made her ears ring.

“Don’t ignore me, little brat. Look at me when I talk to you.”

With no warning, Mrs Hart surged towards her, grabbing Patton by one wrist and one shoulder to pull her back into the house, the jam tarts shifting in her bag and no doubt all getting stuck to one another.

“You’re not seeing that girl,” she spat into her ear. Gross, Patton thought.

“You’re hurting me,” the girl in blue said flatly, not exactly lying, though her arms were in little pain. The Queen’s grip was fairly weak, she could definitely wriggle out if… oh. She had an idea.

In one swift motion, she stuck her foot out, just able to reach the bag she dropped when the Queen seized her. Thinking faster than her captor, she passed it from foot to hand then swung it at Mrs Hart’s face with all her wrath - playing her at her own game, for in her shock she relinquished Patton, who scrambled for the unlocked door and bolted down the street. The jam tarts were probably all completely broken during the scuffle. Remus wouldn’t mind. They’d still taste the same.

“GET BACK HERE!” Was the Mad Queen chasing her? Even so, her voice sounded too far away to be any cause for real concern - Patton was good at running. She didn’t give Mrs Hart the satisfaction of looking back, her pace relaxing to a walk once the cries grew fainter.

She didn’t feel so small anymore.

Oh, and I am hugest

Faced with fools like you, yes

Schooled by your abuses

No Queen can make of me

A mouth without a scream

I’m not turning any other cheek

It’s done, I’m done,

I’ve shrunk enough!

———

Patton clung. Even when Remus’s watch ticked past midnight, when Patton was sure she was hurting her, Remus insisted she wasn’t, and did not let her go. She was fine driving to college on no sleep. She wanted every last possible second in Patton’s arms. Still brought about the same butterflies as the day of their first kiss.

“I don’t know how to be without you…” came a tiny voice.

“Then don’t,” Remus said into her hair. “I’m always going to be with you. Unless you forget me, Pattycake?”

“Never.”

“Scarred you for life, then?” Remus huffed out a laugh, sending a shockwave through Patton’s hair.

“In a good way.”

Remus was speechless. Which meant something was wrong.

“What’s the matter? What did I say?” The pitch of Patton’s voice climbed as Remus refused to meet her eyes.

“Nothing bad, it’s just… well, you’re the only one who sees anything good in me at all. Never thought I’d get that, y’know?”

“You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” Patton said, without a moment’s hesitation.

A strangled sound, perhaps wanted to be a sob but dressed up as a laugh. Remus’ shoulders shook no matter how tightly Patton held on. They stayed like that a while longer.

Her mind wouldn’t stop spinning as she stared out of the front passenger window. She’d spent her whole life being patient. Hardly ever able to see the woman she loved, even when they were in the same town. Like the Rabbit, forever out of her reach.

But the kind of patience required for this? Patton wasn’t sure she had it in her.

Tonight, at least, she could pretend in front of Remus that she did. She’d broken into pieces so many times this summer, her beloved always there to put her back together again. Today couldn’t be one of those days.

Parting words whispered on Patton’s front driveway reminded her of the first day of summer, following her beloved to a different world as the sun kissed their skin. Now the night had that unmistakable chill of Autumn.

There weren’t words enough for this, they eventually decided.

As soon as the door was shut, and Patton was truly on her own, she finally broke, releasing the pool of tears that had been a long, long time coming. Ugly sobs, deep breaths of the cool night air, she didn’t care about who she was waking up. The Mad Queen hadn’t let her love, but could at least let her grieve. For the summer that was over far too soon. For the things she would never get back quite the same again. Falling and falling, plunged into a world so dark and unfamiliar, but she knew she would be able to find her way home, as long as she did not forget why she went down the hole in the first place.

Will you dream it's like always

Haunting as always

You still there wanting my love

In my dreams when I'm falling

Falling and falling

You'll be there wanting my love

In my dreams you'll be calling

Calling with longing

Nothing there haunting our love

———

In the early sunlight, Patton Hart walked to her 9 o’clock class, running late but with no desire to be in a hurry, as she’d taken the route through her university’s Botanic Garden, and with so much beauty around her, she couldn’t help but linger.

She wore a pale blue jumper, no coat today for the first time, her hair pushed back by a thin black headband, her bob growing out far longer than she wanted it to be - it hadn’t been cut since December.

Surrounded by winter blooms, she slowly moved forwards - the first snowdrop flowers were a few weeks old, and now more new life was warily poking its head above the earth.

Something yellow caught her eye on the grass beside her path. A little buttercup, as delicate as the one that had been given to her all those months ago. She bent down to pluck it from the ground, placing it between her curls like nothing had changed, not caring if it made her look silly.

Patton left the gardens, heading for the university campus, a comforting melody on her lips.

We fell down a hole

Don’t you remember?

We fell so far below

And never found the centre

Another word or two

And all the summer knew

In the song of the afternoon

Afternoon