Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Eijirou Kirishima had just started his Junior year at UA high, and he already felt completely drained. Ever since middle school, his mental health had been rapidly declining, and he wasn’t even sure why. School had never been a problem before, but as of recently, he felt like he was just barely getting by. Every day felt like a hassle.

To be honest, Eijirou didn’t really have many struggles. He was well taken care of, had good friends, lived a comfortable life, and had plenty of things going for him. But for some reason the days began to feel like a crippling weight on his shoulders. It's not that he wasn't happy with his life, he was just tired.

It started out slow. Eijirou began to have self esteem issues, believing he wasn't important or that he was useless. He tried to make those thoughts go away, or at least quiet them a little, but nothing seemed to work. Until he found wrestling.

Something about the sport was different from all the others Eijirou had tried. When he practiced, and when he competed, all those negative thoughts were finally silenced. He felt good. On top of that, he found companionship. Going from tournament to tournament and meeting new people. He could run somebody into the mat and then hang out and chat with them by the bleachers right after. It was amazing.

But it only worked for so long. All those thoughts began to worm their way back into Eijirou’s mind, and this time they had him considering quitting wrestling. Except this made all those thoughts ten times worse, because he knew he would feel immense guilt upon giving up after so long. Not only would he be leaving his friends, but he would be throwing away all that he worked to achieve. He couldn’t throw in the towel yet, he needed this. But it was wearing him down still. He knew he had to make the decision between bad and worse.

Eijirou’s mind was constantly consumed by these thoughts, and on the rare occasions they weren’t, he barely thought at all. Even now, in the middle of world history, his mind was in a completely different place. Though, that was probably the case for all the other students as well at the moment. Mr.Ishiyama’s monotonous lectures made it pretty easy to drift off.

Before Eijirou could worry himself any more, the bell rang, slicing clean through his thoughts and signaling his cue to head to lunch. His movements were almost robotic as he gathered his things and stepped out of the classroom. Each day blurred into the same boring routine, one he had practiced many times. He truly had to try his hardest to make it through the days.

Eijirou trudged his way towards the lunchroom, ready to wolf down some undercooked Totino’s pizza, a frozen fruit cup, chocolate milk, and if he was lucky, cookies, which were sometimes added to the menu by surprise. Before he could make it though, he was stopped by a girl with big, bright, curly, pink hair, and an infectious smile. Mina Ashido, Eijirou’s friend since middle school.

“Hey, handsome!” She was a bright and bubbly girl with a bold style to match her attitude, and somehow she always knew how to cheer people up. Mina was an amazing friend, and Eijirou was lucky to have her.

“What’s up, Mina?” He offered a small smile as he stepped to the side to continue talking without getting in the way of hallway traffic. “I feel like I've been seeing less and less of you. I’m starting to think you’re trying to ditch me!” She stuck her bottom lip out in an exaggerated pout, pink lipgloss only adding to the effect. “I know you usually sit with your other friends at lunch, but I was wondering if you’d wanna sit with me instead? My friends won’t mind at all, and I really wanna hang.”

Mina looked up at Eijirou with pleading eyes. Truthfully, he had been sort of absent recently. More withdrawn and quiet. He hung out with friends at school plenty, but he and Mina didn’t share any classes, and he had started to avoid social interaction outside of school. He wasn’t trying to isolate himself, it was more something that creeped its way in as a byproduct of his mental exhaustion. Now Eijirou felt bad though. Mina didn't deserve to be shut out, regardless of if it was on purpose or not.

After a moment of hesitation, Eijirou sighed and gave in. The two made idle chatter as they found their way to the lunch line, making fun of how nasty school lunch was and talking about their favorite and least favorite dishes that got served. Somehow Mina gave Eijirou a little burst of energy, lifting his spirits with no trouble at all. He was suddenly happy that he agreed to sit with her.

When they reached the table, Mina immediately made sure there was room for EIjirou. “Hey guys! Eijirou is gonna sit with us today. He’s the friend I was talking about, the big strong one that wrestles.” Eijirou smiled, a little embarrassed by the way Mina had apparently been describing him, and the fact that she talked about him at all to others.

He was introduced to the whole table once he sat down. Ochaco was a kind looking girl with round, pink cheeks, and pink streaks in her hair to match. Izuku was a plain yet good looking guy with freckles and green hair, and a goofy graphic tee that made Eijirou giggle when he noticed it. Eijirou was a little surprised to see Hanta at the table, a very laid back and easygoing guy, who also happened to be the school’s designated dealer.

The last boy really caught Eijirou’s attention though. Denki Kaminari had electric blond hair, teased into a wild and unique style, topped off with a black lightning bolt dyed on one side. He had a similar style to Mina, but darker. Animal print, dark denim, plenty of accessories, cropped shirts, clothes that looked washed out and worn in the most stylish way possible. It was rebellious and fun, and it fit Denki perfectly. Denki was a live wire. He immediately welcomed Eijirou to the table, and spouted off joke after joke. The lightning bolt began to make sense as he took in how energetic this boy was. But what actually caught his attention was under the surface of the bundle of energy.

When he really stopped to take a look, he noticed how tired Denki actually looked. He smiled and joked and engaged in conversation around the table, but he had slight eye bags, and his eyes looked vaguely dead. Like despite the front, something internal was creeping its way to the surface and forming cracks in his persona.

Aside from his face, the more concerning thing was his body. Denki looked damn near skeletal. He still had meat on his bones, but it didn’t seem like enough. His shoulders were boney, his clavicles jutted out, his waist beat out every supermodel, and it was all on display with the tattered tank top he wore. Despite all that though, he sat at lunch with nothing but a Diet Coke.

Eijirou couldn’t help but stare a bit, couldn’t help but assume. For some reason he felt drawn to this person he’d just met. He wanted to get to know Denki, and maybe be able to confirm his suspicions. EIjirou wanted a friend that might understand him. Understand how drained he felt.

“Well Izuku thinks my jokes are funny! He laughs at all of them!” Denki pouted after Mina playfully insulted one of his cheesy jokes. “That’s because he’s afraid of making anyone upset, Denks.” She grinned at Izuku like she was trying to tease him as well. It worked, because he immediately averted his gaze and took a bite of his sandwich to avoid talking. “Whatever. Eijirou thinks I'm funny too. Right?” Denki cocked an eyebrow as he slowly turned to Eijirou.

He smiled without even meaning to, and giggled right along with him. “Yeah, you’re pretty cool.” Aside from Eijirou’s suspicions of Denki maybe feeling the same as him, the two really connected. Somehow they matched each other’s energy really well.

“Hey, you wanna hang out with me and Hanta later?” Eijirou was almost overjoyed. He wanted so badly to get to know Denki more and maybe be able to relate to him about issues he usually kept under wraps, and the perfect opening was just handing itself over on a silver platter.

“We’re just gonna be hanging out around the parking lot after school for a bit, but you seem like good company. You in?” Denki smiled like a puppy. Eijirou enthusiastically agreed. This would be the first time in a while that he didn’t go straight home after school to just self isolate. He was actually pretty excited to just hang out for a bit.

He realized after a moment that he may actually regret it later when the exhaustion of the day catches up to him, but a part of him was sort of hopeful that he may get another spark of energy upon arriving.

The next bell felt like it came too soon. Eijirou threw away his empty tray and headed to his next class, feeling the energy actively leaving his body. It was going to be a long rest of the day.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

The sky was engulfed in clouds by the end of the day. The air was just barely beginning to cool down as the end of September approached, and Eijirou was thankful. It's not that he didn’t like summer, he actually used to really enjoy it, but he found himself appreciating the colder seasons a lot more recently.

Almost all of the cars were cleared out of the parking lot by now, only his and a few others still dutifully parked in their designated spots. Denki and Hanta were sitting on the curb at the far end of the lot. Denki was curled in on himself with a jacket. Sure, the weather began to . cool a little, but surely not enough to warrant shivering in a jacket. He ignored it.

“Sup, dude.” Hanta gave an easy smile as he waved Eijirou over. “Just a heads up, I'm doing some business right. Y'know, just in case that bothers you.” Eijirou waved him off, completely unbothered. He actually wasn’t new to some of the stuff Hanta sold, though he rarely partook. He knew if his mother found out she would have his head, and it wasn’t really his style anyways.

The three began talking, and Eijirou felt a bit of the weight of the day be lifted off his chest. Somehow these people he met only a few hours ago made him feel at ease and forget about his issues for a bit. It made him want to stick around.

Some time passed and Hanta’s client finally showed up. He was lean and muscular, dressed in a black tank top and dark blue sweatpants, with ash blond hair (which had two rat tails growing at the back), and red eyes that seemed to be stuck in a perpetual frown. This guy was infamous around school.

Katsuki Bakugou was loud, abrasive, angry, and unfiltered. He also happened to be a bit of a bully, which didn’t really surprise anybody. There were numerous rumors and stories about him, but Eijirou wasn’t sure if he truly believed any of them. Every time he saw Katsuki, he seemed pretty withdrawn. Or at least when he wasn’t chewing somebody out for something probably minimal he was.

It was actually kind of scary to be in his presence.

“Hey, man.” Hanta greeted Katsuki with familiarity, and the two immediately began their exchange. It ended as soon as it began, with Katsuki pocketing a baggie of pills and another of marijuana, and Hanta pocketing cash. Eijirou was a little surprised. Was Katsuki a regular? He didn’t seem like the type to do drugs. Just goes to show how little people really know about him.

Katsuki paused to look at Eijirou. His eyes dragged over him slowly, as if he were dissecting him to get a good read. It made Eijirou squirm slightly, unsure of what to do or say. Maybe Katsuki was just threatened because somebody new saw him buying from Hanta? Eijirou really didn’t wanna have any issues with this guy though.

He wasn’t exactly small himself. His friends often said he was hard as a rock, all muscle and brute strength. He worked hard for it. But Katsuki was pretty well built as well, and the scary part about him was the fact that he seemed to enter every fight like he had nothing to lose. He gave it his all every time, and it was just as terrifying as it was admirable.

“Who the hell are you?” Katsuki spat, not even bothering with politeness. Either he didn’t care about first impressions at all, or he really was just that big of an asshole. Probably the latter. His voice was rough and demanding, the kind that could call an entire room to attention.

“Uh… I’m Eijirou.”

Katsuki just blinked.

“Denki and Hanta’s friend.”

“Hm.” He narrowed his eyes a bit like he was suspicious, but he shifted his attention back towards Hanta. “Did you get the stuff I asked for?” Hanta sighed, looking a little apprehensive now. “Yeah, but…” Katsuki cocked an eyebrow dangerously. He was like a vicious predator. One wrong move and you're dead.

“Man, I told you to reconsider. That’s strong shit, you shouldn’t mess with it.” Hanta’s voice was calm and even, but he scratched the back of his neck and averted Katsuki’s gaze like he was preparing for the worst. Katsuki frowned. “I’ll do whatever the fuck I want. I can handle it.” An awkward pause followed.

“When are you gonna have it ready for me?” 

“Probably by tomorrow afternoon.”

Katsuki nodded and shifted his attention once more. “You haven’t keeled over and died yet, dunceface?” Denki frowned, looking down at his boots. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He responded weakly, like he was already defeated. Katsuki barked out a harsh laugh at that. “Yeah right. Some of us know what that red bracelet really means, yknow.”

Eijirou noticed the bracelet that had previously gone unnoticed on Denki’s left wrist. It was more so a string tied to his wrist than a bracelet. What did Katsuki mean by “what it actually means” though? “Don’t fucking advertize it if you don’t want it to be known. Not like people have a hard time figuring it out anyways.” He grinned an ugly, impish grin as he eyed Denki.

“Hey, chill out, man.” Hanta stepped between the two. “Why do you always gotta do shit like this? He didn't even say anything to you.” Katsuki just rolled his eyes and scoffed like it wasn’t his fault. Eijirou felt bad for Denki. He was still looking at the ground, curling into himself even more as if he was trying to hide from Katsuki’s blows.

“Look, I'll see you tomorrow. Try not to overdo it with the pills.” Hanta stepped back to sit back down. He seemed like he knew how to handle Katsuki, not deterred by his insults and angry demeanor. “Piss off.” With that, the blond turned on his heel and stalked over to a rather nice looking truck. He slammed the door as he got in, and the three watched him pull off.

Eijirou couldn’t help himself. He had to know. He whipped his head around to face Denki, all curiosity. “What was he talking about? With the bracelet?” Denki’s eyes widened and his face turned a light shade of pink. “Uh… Well…” His eyes darted from Hanta, to Eijirou, and to his hands, which fidgeted in his lap. “You don’t have to tell me, I was just confused.”

Denki furrowed his brows and puffed his cheeks out, racking his brain for whether or not he should let Eijirou in on whatever secret code this was. With one last glance at both Eijirou and Hanta, he let out a long sigh, and finally decided to explain. “Well… I kind of…” He looked away and his voice sounded slightly strangled. It was like he wanted to reach out and let them in, but was too caught up in some internal war with himself.

“I have an eating disorder.” It barely processed at first. Eijirou stared dumbly at Denki. After a moment, Eijirou’s eyes widened in understanding. Hanta didn’t seem surprised at all, instead, he put a reassuring hand on Denki’s shoulder. Did he already know about this?

The hand on Denki’s shoulder seemed to soothe him a bit as he explained further. “I have anorexia, to be specific. It’s not that big of a deal, but Katsuki can be pretty mean about it.” Denki shifted awkwardly, like he was waiting for Eijirou’s reaction. He probably thought Eijirou wouldn't understand and think he’s weird, or worse, he would act the same as Katsuki, but he wasn’t that kind of guy. Eijirou was in shock. Not because he couldn’t wrap his head around it or because he didn’t expect it, but because he knew he finally had somebody to talk to.

Eijirou finally had somebody that would see him, hear him, and actually understand him. Denki wouldn’t back away from him in fear, and he also wouldn’t chastise him like his mother would, because he gets it. Eijirou wasn’t happy per se, he would never wish for somebody to struggle with such things, but he was relieved. His mission right now was to reach out to Denki and be his support. Be each other’s support. Because, after all, nobody could get them like they did.

Eijirou realized he hadn’t said anything yet and quickly scrambled to get his thoughts in order. “I-I’m really sorry. Katsuki seems like a dick for saying that stuff, man. That wasn’t cool.” Denki was relieved to see that Eijirou wouldn’t act like everybody else about this. He loosely shrugged in response. “I’ve known Katsuki since middle school, that’s kinda just… how he is.” Hanta explained to Eijirou. “It’s not all the time either. It's like he does it on purpose, to make people hate him. So that he can push everybody away.” He paused, looking a little torn. It was clear he cared about both Denki and Katsuki, even if one of them was an asshole. “I don’t know why he does it.”

Eijirou hummed in acknowledgement, thinking about the way Katsuki brushed him off so quickly. Was he going to become subject to Katsuki’s bullying if he stuck around? It almost felt like a challenge. He wouldn’t be scared off so easily, he refused to be.

Another question popped into Eijriou’s mind. He didn’t want to push Denki to reveal more than he was comfortable with, but it seemed harmless enough, so he went for it. “So…” He began, regaining the attention of Denki. “Why do you wear the bracelet?”

“I mean, I don’t want everybody to know. Most people think nothing of it. I guess I just want to find somebody that has the same issues, to relate to, Y’know?” He was finally able to meet Eijirou’s eyes, and they were pleading. Denki wanted a friend just like Eijirou did. A friend just as fucked up, so that they would at least be stuck in the trenches together. “I guess that’s kind of weird…” Eijirou couldn’t stop the words that came out of his mouth, they were out before he could even think about it. “No, I get it.”

Denki stared at him with wide eyes. Hanta didn’t seem to get it yet, just assuming Eijirou was trying to be comforting, but Denki did. All it took was those four words, and the floodgates were open. An odd, unspoken understanding formed between the two. They may not have the same issues, but they still had issues, and that was all it took. They had found each other. Friends that could drown in shit together, that could navigate the trenches side by side.

“Hate to cut the heartfelt talk short, but I gotta get going.” Hanta got up and stretched, gathering his bag and recounting what Katsuki had given him. Before he left, he turned back to Denki and smiled. “Hey, remember you can always call or text me, Denks.” Hanta’s voice was soft, warm, and full of fondness. The blush that crept onto Denki’s face didn’t go unnoticed by Eijirou, and he was sure Hanta noticed as well, but he didn’t say anything. 

“Later.” Hanta turned and walked to his old chevy lumina, pulling out quickly and disappearing down the road. Eijirou and Denki sat in silence for only a moment longer. They wanted to talk more, and they had the perfect opportunity now. Alone together in the parking lot, no possibilities of somebody overhearing them or sneaking up on them, they could share stories with all the details that any other person would turn their nose at. The only thing stopping them was curfew. Eijirou’s mom would be home soon, and he had to be there before her, and Denki knew his mother would probably be worried if he didn’t get home quickly.

The two exchanged numbers and said their goodbyes. Eijirou was left alone again, and the exhaustion finally caught up to him. He took a moment to just sit in silence when he reached his car. Hands on the wheel, keys in the ignition, foot on the pedal, but no will to drive. The only thing that drove him to finally pull out, was the promise of his bed, and a quiet, dark room.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

Eijirou was relieved to find that his mother wasn’t home yet. She usually worked kind of late, coming home worn out and upset most days. She always flipped out on Eijirou when he came home later than her, chewing him out for a good hour about “coming home on time” and “being responsible”. Eijirou didn’t really get it. He didn’t think he was a bad kid, but he couldn’t really fight it either, so he always just closed his mouth and did what he was told.

His mother was a nice lady. She’s been single for as long as Eijirou can remember, and she worked hard to support them. It was clear that she loved Eijirou, but sometimes she just snapped. It started happening more recently, with Eijirou forgetting to do chores more often and falling behind in school. Most nights would end in his mother’s angry ranting about his laziness or ignorance or something. He usually stopped listening after a certain point.

Eijirou walked inside and set his things down, taking his shoes off and getting comfortable. He mustered up the energy to take a shower, knowing he needed one after breaking a sweat in gym and refusing to use the showers in the locker room. Even basic hygiene was becoming a struggle.

Eijirou was depressed. He had been for a while, but he was never diagnosed or even seen by a therapist or doctor. He didn’t realize it at all, and his mother just thought he was being lazy, so he was never even given the chance to get help. Everyday tasks that felt increasingly harder to do as the days passed was really just his mind working against him.

That wasn’t the only thing though. 

Eijirou stood in front of the mirror, naked and exposed. He was bulky and built from wrestling and weight training, and his skin was warm and golden. Anybody with eyes could see that he was handsome, but if they saw the rest of him, saw what he did to himself, they would think otherwise. His skin was smooth and bare for the most part, but just where people couldn't see, where his clothes and singlet concealed everything, were nasty raised scars.

His lower half was a myriad of scars. All over his upper thighs, sides, and lower stomach were rows upon rows of scars. Some deep, some shallow. Some still pink and healing, others long faded into his skin. They stacked and crossed over each other where he ran out of room. There was a patch that was still fresh and raw from the previous night. 

He rarely tended to them, often desecrating his lower half and throwing on a pair of boxers to act like it never even happened. The only times Eijirou patched himself up was when they were too deep, when the wound wouldn’t stop weeping, when they opened wider as fat pushed its way out. 

He had to tend to them a lot more recently.

Eijirou kept this side of himself a secret. He kept this nasty, unnatural practice to himself. He purposely cut where his clothes would cover everything, and he even fooled himself by acting like nothing ever happened when he was finished. It's why he never dressed the wounds, and why he forced the stinging and aching fade into the back of his mind during the day.

But now he had somebody to tell. He could tell Denki, because he was sure that Denki had disgusting secrets just like this. Ones that he kept locked up as well.

Eijirou sighed and finally stepped into the shower, letting the water scald his skin and encase him in warmth. He washed himself in slow, methodical movements he had practiced thousands of times over. He had to admit that once he was finished and finally in pajamas, he felt a little better. It was a struggle to get in the shower, but once he was all clean and got out he felt good.

Just as he pulled on his sweatpants, he heard his mom pull into the driveway. Without even realizing it, Eijirou mentally prepared himself for what it would be this time. What did he neglect to do now that suddenly made him a lazy slob? This was just the routine. Soon enough Eijirou would be able to hole up in his room until the next day. Tomorrow was Saturday, he could do whatever he pleased.

He exited his room as his mother entered the house. She already looked fed up with everything and everybody around her. Tonight would be worse than others. “Hey, Ma.” Came Eijirou’s voice, softer than usual, like it always was in front of his mom. “Hey, baby.” She huffed as she set her bag and keys on the counter.

Eijirou’s mother wasn’t a bad mom. She never hit or mistreated him. She always made sure there was food in his stomach, clean clothes on his back, and she made sure he was happy. She just ranted. She would drone on and on, sometimes for hours at a time until the words blurred into nothing. Whether it was to chastise Eijirou, or talk about her own issues, it didn't matter. 

She’s done it since Eijirou was young. It caused him to worry sometimes. He heard about his mother’s personal issues, their financial situation, her constant critiques on Eijirou. If there was one thing Ms.Kirishima could do, it was talk. It made Eijirou’s own issues worse at times, but he never blamed her. How could he? She was a fantastic mother otherwise.

“Did you do the dishes?” Here it comes.

“No.”

“Sweep the floor?”

“No.”

His mother turned to face him. She had one hand on her hip, and the other propped on the counter. Her eyes looked him up and down like she was picking him apart and deciding what to start with this time. “Are you serious, Eijirou? You can’t do two simple tasks?” It’s the same every time.

Eijirou tuned her out quickly enough, only shaking his head, nodding, and giving the occasional “I don’t know.” Her voice became a quiet, muddled hum in the back of his mind as he wandered to other places. Mostly, he thought about hanging out with Denki again tomorrow, wondering if he would even be able to find the will to get out of bed.

After about 30 minutes his mother seemed done with him, ending off with a sigh and a “Whatever, just make sure to get it done next time.” Eijirou dragged his feet as he went back to his room, sighing when he finally plopped onto his bed. The comfort of his blankets and pillows caused the tension in his limbs to dissipate, allowing him to relax.

Denki’s ears must’ve been burning, because Eijirou got a text from him after a bit of mindless scrolling on tiktok.

Denki ⚡: Hey do u wanna hang out with me and Hanta again tomorrow at Katsukis house?

Eijirou’s face scrunched in confusion. Why would Denki go to Katsuki’s house when he was so rude to him. 

EIJIROU : Wasn’t he kinda a dick to you though??

Denki ⚡: Well yea but hes not always like that.. also his parents arent home and hes got booze sooo

He understood now. He was slightly suspicious about the part where Katsuki is apparently nice sometimes, or at least civil, but the promise of alcohol and friends in a house with no adults around sounded enticing. Eijirou didn’t usually get drunk or high, but he’s been to his fair share of parties  and came out a little worse for wear at about half of them.

He agreed and Denki sent over the address with a time as well. Eijirou was looking forward to a good time. Hanta and Denki were good company, and maybe after the alcohol loosened everybody up he would be able to warm up to Katsuki as well. At least it got him out of the house, which was something he rarely did nowadays.

His usual vice was cutting. Slitting soft, smooth skin open until any thoughts about the guilt of quitting wrestling, or his insecurities faded into nothing. He could be left alone with the ache of his open wounds, watching as blood pooled inside of them until there wasn’t any room left and it spilled out.

Eijirou wasn’t ashamed, but he definitely didn’t want people to know. Maybe it was because he knew it was wrong or weird. Any normal person would think he needed to see a therapist or a doctor, because what sane person would willingly mutilate themself? But Eijirou wasn’t insane. He was normal. He just needed to feel the pain for a bit, even if it was gross and absurd.

Nobody needed to know anyways. At least not people that would judge him for it. He was safe within the confines of his room, with his blades tucked neatly in the drawer of his bedside table, and a bloody rag at the ready each night. Eijirou didn’t want to give this up. Not ever.

Eijirou sighed as he tucked himself into bed. It was time to stop thinking for the night, and wait for tomorrow. The promise of friends and alcohol made him feel better. He wouldn’t have to hear his mom talk, he wouldn’t have to worry about chores, and he wouldn’t feel like he was trapped in his room because that was his only safe space in the house.

Before he knew it, the world around him disappeared and he was sound asleep.

Chapter Text

Denki teased his hair into its usual wild style, dousing it in hairspray so that it would stay, and tediously moving pieces around so that it looked perfect. He was bent over the bathroom sink to get a better look in the mirror. All of his products were spread across the small area, and clothing that he deemed unfit for his outfit were strewn about. He called it organized chaos, his mother called it a pigstye.

He ignored the white dots that clouded his vision when he bounced around too fast, and he pretended the way his  whole body felt weak as his stomach twisted and churned in search of food was normal. Because food wasn’t fuel, nor was it necessary for his health or survival. Denki didn’t eat. He didn’t need to. That’s what he told himself, anyways.

Denki finished messing with his hair and stepped back to admire his work, winking at himself in the mirror. He gathered all the extra clothes and threw them onto his bed to worry about later. Right now he was getting ready to meet up with Hanta and Eijirou at Katsuki’s house, and he felt like he was buzzing with excitement.

Denki loved hanging out with friends. He’s always been a social butterfly, wanting nothing more than to be friends with everybody. He thrived on social interaction. Recently though, he had to wonder if the reason he loved being around people so much had changed. Maybe he liked it because it was a distraction. It allowed for the constant thoughts of food and calories to be locked away for a bit as he talked about anything else and laughed with his friends.

He never let himself linger on it for too long though. It made him feel anxious and sad, and he hated negative feelings. Denki stepped into the living room of the trailer home, getting the attention of his mother who was toasting some poptarts for his younger siblings. He was part of a large family, with three older siblings who had already moved out but still came to visit nearly everyday, and two younger siblings who required most of his mother’s attention. He enjoyed it though. 

“Hey, Hun.” Her voice was tired and distant as she pried Denki’s sister off of her leg and gathered some sippy cups from the cabinet. “You want some poptarts before you leave?” Denki grabbed the keys for the shared Nissan Altima, one of the only two cars they owned, and smiled as headed out the door. “Nah, I’m not hungry. I’ll probably be back late, so don’t worry!” “Try not to be too late…” Denki’s mother sighed as she saw his head already disappearing down the steps to the driveway through the screen door.

The inside of the car smelled stale and vaguely of cigarette smoke, but it was a smell that Denki knew well. This car was shared between the whole family because they couldn’t afford a new one for each kid when they got their license no matter how much their parents tried to pitch in to help. Even when divorced, they did all they could to take care of their kids.

The only other car in the driveway was a Lexus SC, and it belonged to his mother. She had owned it for about 20 years now, and refused to let it die. It got her to work, got her kids to school, been on an infinite amount of grocery runs, and still cranked despite the years of wear.

Denki didn’t wait any longer. He turned the keys in the ignition and exited the driveway. He was ready to get fucked up and have a good time.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

Denki pulled into the driveway, with Hanta in the passenger seat after picking him up along the way. The two noticed that Eijirou was already there, and they stepped out to meet him at the door.

Katsuki’s house was big. It never failed to amaze Denki. He was so used to his family’s cramped, run down trailer home, that every time he visited Katsuki, he felt like he was stepping into a mansion. It was a two story house with a basement, a garage, an attic, and a backyard. To top it all off, There were three cars in the driveway not including Eijirou’s and Denki’s. Two sleek luxury cars, and Katsuki’s brand new truck, a black GMC Sierra EV. There were plenty of false rumors about Katsuki, but him being absolutely loaded was one of the few that were true.

Denki and Hanta found Eijirou waiting by his car. “Is this really Katsuki’s place?” Hanta chuckled lightly as he passed him to knock on the door. “Yeah. The dude’s parents are crazy rich. It’s also why they’re out of town so often though.” Hanta knocked on the door, but it probably couldn’t be heard under the music blasting from inside.

Getting Away With Murder by Papa Roach was all the three boys could hear inside. They wondered if Katsuki could hear them at all. After a minute of banging on the door as hard as possible while simultaneously ringing the doorbell, the door swung open and they were faced with an angry, beer bottle wielding, Katsuki.

“What the fuck is wrong with you! I was coming to get the door!” Denki glanced at Eijirou to make sure he wouldn’t get scared off, but to his surprise, Eijirou looked amused. Denki smiled and looked back at Katsuki. “We thought you couldn’t hear us. Turn down the music a bit, we don’t wanna get the cops called over a noise complaint.” He pushed past the other blond, making himself at home.

Hanta and Eijirou followed close behind, taking their shoes off at the door and walking in like they owned the place. Reluctantly, Katsuki lowered the volume so that at least they weren’t yelling at each other to be heard. The interior of the house was just as luxurious and impressive as the outside. The whole place had an industrial and brutalist feel, but still managed to be lived in and cozy.

Everybody filtered into the living room, making themselves comfortable and quickly easing into conversation. “The fuck is shitty hair doing here?” Eijirou whipped his head around to face Katsuki like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Are you talking about me?” “Who else has spiky, bright red hair?” Katsuki looked unamused as he plopped down on the couch and popped off the cap of another bottle.

“It's not even styled today! And my name is Eijirou, y’know.” “Uh-huh.” Katsuki just took a long swig of his drink. Denki leaned forward in his spot on the couch as he poked his head out towards the kitchen. “Hey, where's those drinks you promised, Katsuki?” Katsuki rolled his eyes. “Same spot as always. Take whatever you want.”

Denki smiled and jumped up from his seat. He located the glass cabinet that housed the Bakugous’ insane collection of liquor. Expensive bottles of vodka, whiskey, gin, and tequila lined the spotless reflective surface. He felt like a kid in a candy store, only this time he was a teenager in front of what was essentially an at home spirits store.

After perusing for a moment, Denki gathered what he needed and made his way back to the living room. He set everything down on the coffee table and began pouring shots. “I don’t know why you always pregame with beer and shit, man.” Hanta said as he nudged Katsuki’s shoulder. “Because I'm trying to get as fucked up as possible.” He picked up a shot and threw it back, barely even reacting to the foul taste.

Denki’s hand paused halfway to his mouth, “You can’t just do that with liquor and get drunk faster?” Katsuki just shrugged as he reached for another shot.

Hangouts like these would happen often between Hanta, Katsuki, and Denki. Hanta and Katsuki had a weird relationship. They were friends sometimes, but other times they were strictly a dealer and his client. Denki entered the picture after following Hanta around like a lost puppy, and somehow getting Katsuki to at least tolerate him.

He was absolute shit at showing it, but Katsuki did care. His friends were very few and far between, and Denki considered himself lucky to be one of them. He was never deterred by the rude comments and bluntness, even when other people told him that Katsuki wasn’t worth his time. Nobody else saw what Denki and Hanta saw.

Despite Katsuki’s lack of care when talking about Denki’s eating disorder, he still showed that he was worried through actions. It wasn’t uncommon for Denki to be thrown a protein bar in the hallways at school or have Katsuki encourage him to eat something when he looked particularly ill from his lack of nourishment.

It was in those small actions that Denki found the worth in their friendship. And Katsuki wasn’t all bad. He was genuinely funny and cool once you got to know him. There was a side to him that nobody else ever got to see because they were scared off by the intimidating front he puts up. It didn’t seem fair to Denki.

He threw his own glass back and grimaced at the burning in his throat. He had no clue how Katsuki could act like there was no taste at all, Denki felt like he was forcing the alcohol down every time. The liquor warmed his body and gave him a good buzz, allowing his stomach to stop screeching at him for once.

“Hey, you got my shit?” Katsuki turned to Hanta and held his hand out. Hanta pulled a bag out of his pocket and placed it in Katsuki’s hand with a heavy sigh. “You’re an idiot.” Katsuki ignored him as he eyed the contents of the bag with a devilish grin. Inside looked like wilted and crushed up leaves or grass, but Denki was sure it was much more than that.

Katsuki had a little bit of a problem. He had been breaking into his parents’ liquor cabinet since he was about 13, and ever since he was 15 he had been experimenting with drugs. He chased that high, and he just got more and more experimental as time went on. Every time he heard of something new that supposedly had stronger effects, he demanded Hanta get it for him.

Katsuki had tried marijuana, cocaine, mushrooms, LSD, ecstasy, percocet, any other pills he could get his hands on, and was still searching for more. He never stopped. Denki watched him come to school high as a kite multiple times, and nobody ever said anything. He found Katsuki doing lines in the school bathroom just because he couldn’t wait to get somewhere where he was less likely to get caught. It was a problem, but Katsuki refused to admit it.

Denki never wanted Katsuki to do any of it. If he kept on like this it would damage his brain and body, and they all knew that, but what could they do? Just like how Katsuki could try and urge Denki to eat, he couldn’t actually force him to. They were stuck, telling each other to take it easy but never actually slowing down. They each had their vices and issues that they weren’t ready to give up, so they never pushed it any further.

“What’s that?” Eijirou leaned forward to examine the bag. Katsuki flicked the bag as he held it up for everybody to see. “Salvia.” Denki and Eijirou looked at each other in confusion, and then to Hanta and Katsuki for clarification. Katsuki only tucked it into his pocket and continued drinking, so Hanta stepped in to explain.

“Some drug he begged me to get-”

“I didn’t fucking beg you!” Hanta rolled his eyes. “It makes you hallucinate and shit.”

“So, like LSD?” Eijirou asked as he shifted to get more comfortable on the couch. “Like LSD but worse, it doesn’t last as long though.” Eijirou hummed in acknowledgement. Denki knew he shouldn’t think this way about his friend, but he was beginning to think it was only a matter of time before Katsuki started shooting up, and knowing him, there’s no way he hadn’t at least thought about it before.

“I’m saving it for a special occasion.” Katsuki remarked with a smug grin. That special occasion was probably just another time that his parents were out of town for a while. Everybody continued to alternate between refilling shot glasses and crack open fresh cans of beer, letting the hours pass and filling the silence with easy chatter. Denki tapped out after a few shots, knowing he was a lightweight, but Eijirou, Hanta, and Katsuki were able to keep it up for a bit longer. They talked about any and everything, with music in the background and loud laughter filling the room once in a while.

Katsuki grumbled as he sat up and placed his empty bottle on the coffee table, which was now littered with cans, bottles, and half full glasses. “I’m starving.” 

Eijirou’s eyes lit up. “I could really go for some food right now too, man.” 

“I’ll cook something.” Eijirou looked stunned. He probably expected takeout, not a homemade meal when everybody was just a few drinks away from being drunk off their asses.

“You cook when you’re drunk, Katsuki?” Hanta teased with an easy grin. “I’m barely even fucking tipsy, asshole.” That was a total lie, and everybody could see it in the way that he swayed when he stood up. Hanta and Eijirou giggled under their breaths, and Denki tried to find the humor in it, but his mind was consumed by something else entirely.

The mention of food made his stomach drop just as much as it made it growl in anticipation. The only thing he could think about was the amount of calories that would be in whatever was made. There's no way it would be within his limit, it would cause him to gain weight. He dreaded seeing the number on the scale go up. Not only that, but he wouldn’t feel validated enough if he could feel his stomach twisting in pain as it begged for nutrients, or if he didn’t feel dizzy and lightheaded every time he stood.

At least Katsuki usually cooked healthy stuff. That’s how he stayed so lean. Denki could just get a small portion and eat half of that, or maybe he could just claim he wasn’t hungry at all. Would they all judge him for it? Would they tell him he needs to eat? Well that's better than having to eat something that would cause him to gain weight. He had already been drinking, and that had enough calories on its own, he wasn’t sure if he should risk it by eating anything.

Everybody noticed how Denki went quiet. At the mention of food, the light drained from his eyes and he was lost in his own world consumed by numbers. He was no longer the life of the party. Instead, he was trapped in his own mind, adding and subtracting and already thinking about what he would need to do to burn everything off.

“You alright, Denki?” Eijirou snapped him out of his thoughts, momentarily freeing him from the storm swirling in his head. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” Denki smiled, but it was devoid of any joy. Eijirou opened his mouth to say something, but he closed it, seemingly deciding it better to leave it be. Denki was grateful for that. He didn’t want to be pitied or encouraged to eat lest he get any thinner.

If he was ready to eat, then he would. Right now, loosened up by the liquor, and put at ease by the company of others, he felt like it was okay. Maybe, just this once, he could let himself indulge. He would allow himself to fill his stomach, if only a little, and ease the hunger pangs.

The smell of something good wafted from the kitchen. Denki desperately tried to ease his anxiety about eating. He decided he would eat with everybody else, but that didn’t mean it didn’t still make him nervous. He still calculated each bite, and the numbers still swirled in his head.

Denki couldn’t really remember when it manifested, his eating disorder. He just remembered waking up one day with an odd feeling. He started out slow, by skipping breakfast and denying himself snacks, but then it started to snowball. Before he knew it, he was going entire days without food, and when he did eat he made sure it was small portions. The calories he allowed his body to have began to rapidly diminish, lower and lower until he could barely allow himself a small meal.

It seemed to come out of nowhere. Denki never used to have body issues, and he never used to deny himself food. This weird idea that he couldn’t eat wormed its way into his skull and refused to leave. He didn’t have any real reason why. Or he just couldn’t see the reason why.

Nobody ever suspected that a bright and bubbly guy like Denki would have problems with food like he did. Nobody ever suspected that a guy like Denki was at constant war with himself on whether or not to eat a fucking banana. Nobody ever suspected that a guy like Denki would pace around his room at night for hours on end just to make sure he burned off everything he ate that day. Nobody ever suspected that a guy like Denki would go to disgusting lengths to keep himself from gaining weight.

And maybe that was why he did it. Because nobody ever saw it. Nobody ever saw him .

Katsuki returned after a little bit, somehow balancing four plates along his arms and setting everything down. The food looked and smelled divine. Lemon honey glazed salmon with white rice and greens off to the side. Denki was damn near salivating on the table.

Katsuki sat back down and dug in. Hanta and Eijirou followed, with Eijirou hunched over his plate and shoveling the food into his mouth like he hadn't eaten in weeks. Everybody paused to ogle at him for a moment. “Jesus Christ, it's not going anywhere.” Katsuki muttered with a raised brow. Eijirou looked up from his plate at that. He hadn’t even realized they were watching. “Oh. Sorry, I eat kinda quick.”

Hanta let out an amused giggle before focusing on his own plate. Denki picked up his fork, still hesitant. He eyed the salmon like it might hurt him, poking the fork into it slowly. When he finally did take a bite, the flavor exploded in his mouth. It had been a while since he ate something other than apples and protein bars that either tasted like cardboard or vaguely of chocolate. He savored the feeling of actual food in his mouth, letting the flavor seep into his taste buds.

He took small, calculated bites, wanting to save every bit of it, and also stop himself as soon as he felt even slightly full. Denki loved when Katsuki cooked, he just wished he could enjoy it more often without the guilt of eating gnawing at him. This was yet another side of Katsuki that nobody got to see. The side that cooked five star meals for his friends just because he could.

Denki was glad that Eijirou came as well. He would get to see that Katsuki wasn’t all bad, since his first impression of the blond was a little sour.

Everybody talked around their food, commenting on how good it was and thanking Katsuki. He would never admit it, but he loved the praise. Eijirou was the first one to finish, sitting back and sighing after completely demolishing his plate. “I’m gonna start coming around more often if it means you’ll cook like that.” Eijirou smiled dumbly at Katsuki, to which the blond rolled his eyes and gruffly stated that he rarely cooked.

By the time everybody was finished with their food, the sun had already dipped below the horizon, shrouding the sky in darkness. Denki and Hanta both needed to get home, and Eijirou seemed sober enough to drive, so they all filed out into the driveway to be on their way.

Katsuki swayed and slurred his words slightly, but still saw them out the door and waved goodbye as they got in their cars. As Denki left the driveway, he couldn’t help but be a little worried about Katsuki. He wasn’t exactly known for slowing down once he reached a comfortable high. For as long as Denki had known him, he would purposely drink until he either blacked out or threw everything up.

The thing that worried Denki, was Katsuki being alone in a state like that. He knew there wasn’t much he could do without sticking with him through the night to keep an eye on him though. He tried to ignore it and move his focus towards getting home.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

Denki ended up arriving home at about 12PM. The light from the trailer filtered through the windows and illuminated the driveway. It made everything seem still and calm, while still having the essence of life. It made Denki smile. 

His mother didn’t usually have time for him during the day, between her job and taking care of his younger siblings, but nighttime was different. When the sun set and everybody either tucked into bed or settled down to unwind, she was more present. She was available. Denki’s mother tried her best to be there for all the kids, but it was a hard balancing act. One that she often failed at. Denki never blamed or resented her for it though.

He could see how she struggled each day, and he was honestly just happy to help in any way possible. If that meant having to be pushed aside to make room for other matters for a bit, he was okay with that. His father tried to be more involved at least.

Denki remembered his dad packing up and leaving when he was a toddler, moving across the country to settle down and start a new life elsewhere after the divorce. He and Denki’s mother still kept in touch though, almost like the man just couldn’t completely let go. He tried to be involved in his kids’ lives, but he was kind of shit at it. He only popped up once in a while, sent a card if he happened to remember, and barely called. The cool thing about him though, was that when he did remember to send a card, there was a good chance you’d find a $50 tucked in there.

Denki just tried to appreciate what he did get, even if it wasn't much. He slipped out of the car and hopped up the steps, opening the door quietly so as not to wake up the whole house. Sure enough, Denki found his mother sitting in the old lounge chair, cradling a glass of boxed wine and dressed in her pajamas. She seemed to snap back to reality a bit after noticing Denki step into the living room.

“Hey, you’re home late, ain't you?” She wasn’t scolding him, just gently inquiring where he had been for so long. She never got upset with Denki, to the point where he started to think it impossible. Even if she smelled the alcohol on him, she probably wouldn’t say anything. Denki was acknowledged yes, but it didn’t mean he got treated like her beloved child.

“Yeah. I was at a friend’s house for a while.” He smiled as he crossed the room towards his bedroom, tired and ready to tuck in for the night.

“Oh. Alright, goodnight sweetheart.” She took a sip of her wine and closed her eyes again, effectively ending the interaction.

Denki sighed as he shut the door behind him. He eyed the clothes thrown on his bed with disdain, wishing he had just put them away earlier. The rest of his room was like a collage of Denki and everything he loved. The walls were covered in band and game posters, his shelves were lined with figurines and trinkets, and there were bright colors and patterns strewn about. He had fairy lights dangling from wall to wall that knew just how to light the place up without being too much. Denki had spent years personalizing his room, and the work paid off. It was like his own little safe space.

He didn’t bother with showering, too tired and buzzed to care at the moment. Instead, he slipped into his pajamas, which was a pair of yellow jolteon sleep pants and a loose blank tank top. His mess of a bed looked like the most enticing thing in the world, luring him in with the promise of warmth and comfort.

As soon as Denki flopped onto the bed though, his mind started to ramp up again. All he could think about was the hang out and the fact that he ate. He was suddenly calculating numbers in his head when just moments before he was ready to drift off to sleep peacefully. His mind was going haywire. Denki worried his lip, ridden with anxiety about the already consumed meal. 

It wasn’t even unhealthy. It was good and nutritious and probably did more good for Denki than he wanted to believe, but he still felt sick to his stomach. The thought of the amount of calories, the thought of the numbers on the scale increasing, it was all too much for him. This was one of the few times that Denki let himself enjoy an actual full meal, and he was already regretting it.

Denki fidgeted in bed. He needed to do something. He needed to fix this somehow. He needed to rid his body of the calories.

In Denki’s mind, food was like poison. It was an evil thing set out to sabotage him and contaminate his body. It was venom that needed to be removed before he suffered the consequences, which was gaining weight. He was only 109  pounds, but in his warped and disordered mind, that was fat. And fat was the worst thing possible.

Denki hopped out of bed, unable to bear the guilt that plagued his mind any longer. He paced in circles around his room. He paced, and paced, and paced, and paced, until the seconds blurred into minutes and the minutes blurred into hours. With no objective other than to burn the disgusting fat that clung to his body, he paced.

Denki did not sleep that night.

Chapter Text

The sky was an inky black, illuminated only by the stars and moon. Innocent and comforting, the moon cast soft light down onto the earth. Katsuki admired it. He wasn’t sure how long he had been standing on his front porch after watching his friends leave, but he knew there was no rush. The night had only just begun.

Katsuki’s eyes glazed over as he stared at the sky. He was in his own world, one where his mind became fuzzy and his body warmed up as alcohol settled in his system. It was fun. Drinking and chasing that high was a thrilling experience. It felt good after reaching a certain point, mellowing out and allowing the world around you to pass by without a care.

It was a feeling to be savored and cherished, something that should only be indulged in occasionally. Katsuki didn’t know how to respect that boundary though. After a moment, Katsuki blinked and came back to reality a bit. He huffed and turned on his heel to head back inside.

The speakers still played softly, and the coffee table was still littered with empty glasses, making the house feel eerily empty. Katsuki was alone. His friends had gone home, and his parents left him to go on some work trip. That was okay though, it didn’t bother Katsuki.

He was used to being alone. He preferred it. It was like this all the time. Katsuki’s parents were barely home due to their job, and his few friends had other things to do, so he was left alone more often than not. That was fine.

Somehow the size and aesthetic of the house just made everything feel so desolate. The open layout with dark, dull colors  and low lighting made it feel like a prison cell. No matter how big and lavish everything was, it still felt like it was closing in on Katsuki. There was no life in sight, except for him. He was alone, and it didn’t feel fine.

It felt like the large living room was mocking him. The room blurred and twisted and it just made Katsuki angry. The comfort of the silence under the moonlight from moments earlier completely vanished. He felt like he needed to reach out and grab onto somebody, somebody alive and real, but he couldn’t. He was anxious and angry and upset all at once and the liquor in his stomach began to cause a riot, forcing bile to build up in his throat.

Katsuki felt dizzy, his hands were clammy, his legs were barely holding him up, and his heart was hammering against his ribs. Beads of sweat began to appear on his neck and forehead as his breathing picked up. All he could do was stand and clench his fists in the middle of the living room. He couldn’t think straight.

After what felt like hours of being glued to the same spot, Katsuki finally moved. He made long strides towards the speaker and turned it up until it was full on blasting some rock song again. He stomped towards the liquor cabinet and grabbed whatever he first laid eyes on, popping the top and throwing it back. It stung his eyes and nose, but he chugged it nonetheless. He could ignore the burning in his throat, as long as he couldn’t remember the rest of the night.

The music drowned out Katsuki’s thoughts, and the bottle he was nursing emptied quickly. He sat on the couch, taking swig after swig of straight liquor. He grimaced and gritted his teeth sometimes, but he never stopped. He was focused solely on getting blackout drunk.

He grinded his teeth and scowled at nothing, clenching his fists in his lap. His breathing never calmed, it stayed loud and heavy, like he struggled to get air in. Katsuki couldn’t be fucked to do anything other than drink and let the music blow his eardrums out right now. He didn’t want to be in his head, and he didn’t wanna feel real or alive.

Katsuki had effectively gotten drunk off his ass. His eyes glazed over and he zoned out, only moving to take another swig of his drink. It was like that for a little while, until the sound of banging broke him out of it. Katsuki could hear a faint voice yelling from outside, and persistent banging on the door. He stood with a grunt, having to catch himself on the side of the couch before he fell.

Though he swayed and stumbled, and could barely see straight at all, he made it to the door. Katsuki swung it open to see Eijirou standing in front of him. The look on Eijirou’s face immediately twisted into one of concern upon seeing Katsuki. Still clenching onto a near empty bottle, slouched over and leaning on the door for support, Katsuki was a wreck.

He could see Eijirou’s lips moving, but it didn’t register. His face twisted into a snarl, “What?!” Katsuki threw his head forward to try and hear Eijirou better.

“H-how much have you had to drink, Katsuki?” Eijirou held his hands out as if he anticipated Katsuki falling.

Katsuki dipped his head. His words slurred as he spat back at Eijirou, “The fuck d’you care?”

Eijirou pushed his way into the house, closing the door behind him and supporting Katsuki as they walked to the living room. Katsuki didn’t fight it. He was too uncoordinated and drunk to give a fuck about anything. Even in his daze though, he felt relieved to have somebody there. He didn’t know why Eijirou was there, but he was. He was there and he was holding onto Katsuki to make sure he was okay.

Eijirou set Katsuki down on the couch and looked him in the eyes, examining him to make sure he was alright. His lips were moving again, but Katsuki wasn’t paying attention. Eijirou disappeared for a moment that felt like forever in Katsuki’s mind, and returned with a glass of water and a small trashcan.

He put the glass up to Katsuki’s lips, urging him to drink. Katsuki weakly grabbed the glass and drank as much as he could. Somehow straight liquor was easier to get down than water at the moment. Once he finished most of the water, Eijirou got him to lay down on his side, gently coaxing him downwards with his head facing the trashcan in case he puked.

Eijirou got to work, throwing away some of the bottles and junk that covered the coffee table, and turning the music off to allow Katsuki to sleep.

Katsuki let himself sink into the couch. The world spun around him and he could barely concentrate, but he was still present somehow. He locked his gaze onto Eijirou grabbing a hoodie from the couch, which he left behind earlier. He started to leave, but Katsuki called out, stopping him in his tracks.

“Eijirou.” Katsuki reached a hand out weakly, beckoning Eijirou over. Once he was close enough, Katsuki pulled Eijirou onto the couch with him. His eyes were closed, and he was already half asleep, but he felt like he had to grab hold before Eijirou left. He couldn’t be alone again.

“Katsuki? Hey, I-I gotta get home, man.” Katsuki only held Eijirou tighter, or as tight as he could with arms that felt like limp noodles.

“Stay.” It was pathetic and weak, and it made Eijirou pause. After a moment of silence, he settled in next to Katsuki, letting their legs tangle together and arms entrap each other.

Katsuki didn’t black out like he had planned, but he wasn’t upset at how the night turned out. He fell asleep next to a warm body with strong arms that held him close. He felt okay. His body didn’t shake and tremble anymore, and he didn’t feel himself slipping away as his heart threatened to beat out of his chest and his legs fought to keep him upright. Instead, he was comfortable.

Katsuki’s breathing evened out as he drifted to sleep. He wasn’t alone anymore, at least not for the night. That was enough for now.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

Mitsuki and Masaru weren’t new to Katsuki’s substance abuse. There were many times when they came home to their son drunk and high, passed out on the couch or in his room. They tried so many times to get him to act right through any means possible, but nothing ever worked. It got to the point where they basically just gave up.

It would be completely fine if Katsuki’s parents came home to find him passed out on the couch with all the evidence of how much he drank the previous night laid out next to him. It would just end with the usual argument about Katsuki being a failure and a burden. What wasn’t fine, was them coming home to find their son snuggled up to another boy on the couch.

Both Katsuki and Eijirou jolted awake to Mitsuki screaming Katsuki’s name. Eijirou fell off the couch as Katsuki shot upright, dazed and confused, and head throbbing in pain. He groaned as he brought a hand up to his temple, wondering what the fuck was going on.

Katsuki looked to the side to see Eijirou still sitting on the floor and nervously glancing between him and somebody else, then up to see his mother looking angrier than he had seen her in a long time. 

Oh. He got caught.

Immediately, he switched into defense mode, ignoring the blush that crept up his neck upon remembering the night before. Mitsuki could tolerate her son being an asshole and constantly getting into trouble and abusing substances, but there was one thing that she refused to accept, and that was homosexuality.

Ever since Katsuki was a child, she made it clear that boys were supposed to like girls, and girls only. She was homophobic to the core. Mitsuki did not like pride month, she scoffed when seeing a queer person in public, and she turned her nose up in disgust at the mention of same sex relationships. Seeing her son cuddling another boy in his sleep probably shattered her world.

It almost made Katsuki happy to piss her off like that.

Katsuki stood up from the couch, despite his body and head screaming in protest. He acted as a shield for Eijirou. His mother could scream and shout at him for being “unnatural” and “disgusting” all she wanted, but he refused to let Eijirou get caught in her line of fire.

“What the fuck is this?!” Mitsuki waved her hands, gesturing to her son and Eijirou. Masaru stood off to the side, refusing to intervene, like he always did.

“Don’t worry about it, hag.” He turned to help Eijirou up, refusing to meet his gaze. He was still embarrassed about what happened, and he also felt bad that he had to witness this.

“Katsuki Bakugou, don’t you dare ignore me with this!” She pointed a manicured finger at him, eyes still blazing with fury. “I will not have this foul behavior under my roof, do you understand me? I want that boy out of this house, and I don’t want you seeing or talking to him again!”

Katsuki frowned, “You can’t tell me to do shit!” Who was she to try and punish him like he was still 12? He realized that he needed to get Eijirou out of the house quickly before things got too messy. He grabbed Eijirou’s hand, leading him to the door while uttering an apology, but he was stopped by Mitsuki’s surprisingly strong grip on his arm.

She whirled him around to face her and make him let go of Eijirou. Despite the size and weight difference, Mitsuki was still able to manhandle Katsuki somehow. “You listen to me, Katsuki. I will not have my son be a fag .” She spat the word in his face, voice laced with nothing but pure malice.

Katsuki’s eyes widened in shock for a moment before being replaced with his usual scowl. “Fuck you! I don’t have to listen to a damn word you s-” He was abruptly cut off by a slap to the face. It was strong enough to sting and echo through the room. Everybody went silent.

For the first time in Katsuki’s life, he was shocked into silence. He and his mother had plenty of screaming matches in the past, but never, not once did she ever hit him. He tasted something metallic on the tip of his tongue.

This bitch. was all that went through Katsuki’s mind.

Katsuki shook his head and dragged Eijirou the rest of the way to the door, practically shoving him out of the house. “Katsuki, are you oka-” Eijirou didn’t get to finish before Katsuki slammed the door shut. Tears prickled at the corners of his eyes, and it took everything in him to keep them from falling. He would never give his mother the satisfaction of seeing him cry like that.

“You disgust me.” Mitsuki narrowed her eyes as Katsuki entered the room again. His face twisted in disgust as he locked eyes onto his mother. “Shut up you old bitch. I don’t give a fuck if you don’t like what I do in my free time.”

“You’re a failure, you know that? You're good for nothing, and in a couple years you’ll be a useless bum on the streets. Hey, at least you can sell yourself out to men for money.” She snorted in disgust, eyeing her own son like he was vermin.

Katsuki rolled his eyes. He was pissed beyond belief, and feared what he would do if he continued to argue with his mother like this. The persistent throbbing in his head was only made worse by Mitsuki’s grating voice in his ears, and he felt like his eyes were gonna pop out of his skull at this rate. He just needed some ibuprofen and to be left alone.

On his way up to his room, Katsuki heard Mitsuki turn to Masaru to continue her angry tirade. “Can you believe it? All these years of raising a kid, and he turns out to be a fucking disappointment. I can’t believe I have a sissy for a son.” He had to physically restrain himself and bite his tongue so that he didn’t fly down the stairs and attack his own mother.

Katsuki slammed his bedroom door shut behind him and just sank to the floor, bringing his knees to his chest. He let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. His hands shook with the anxiety and intensity of the whole situation. It wasn’t just the fact that his mother was an absolute bitch, but the embarrassment of waking up next to Eijirou like that.

He racked his brain to remember all the events of the night before, but everything became blurry after everybody else left. Bits and pieces slowly came back to Katsuki, but it wasn’t enough. He vaguely remembered Eijirou showing up again, and then it was all blank until the moment he felt Eijirou’s weight settle in next to him. He could still remember being held, and the faint smell of Eijirou’s bodywash.

He covered his face with his hand, as if he was hiding the blush on his face from non-existent eyes. It was stupid. Katsuki’s sexuality wasn’t something he talked about or dwelled on, he just sort of knew what he liked, and he was fine with it. But now, it was one of the only thoughts bouncing around in his head.

He was pissed that his mother found out and basically made fun of him, but he was also wondering if Eijirou felt the same. Did Eijirou like guys? Katsuki basically just pulled him onto the couch with him without thinking at all, he was probably just trying to be a good friend. They had only known each other for about a day though. 

Katsuki frowned at the way his heart fluttered in his chest. He did not have a crush. 

He sighed as he got up and reached for the bottle of ibuprofen on his nightstand. He just needed to sleep the rest of the day off. At least he could get away from his parents at school tomorrow.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

Mr.Toshinori was explaining something about sentence structure with an example on the board, because apparently half the class still wrote like fifth graders. Katsuki wasn’t really paying attention. He was decent enough at English that he didn’t need to focus too much. He occupied himself by fidgeting with the cart in his pocket and staring blankly into space.

It was only second block and Katsuki was already ready to get out of school, not to go home though. He would rather be anywhere else than at his house. His mother was still sneering nasty comments at him whenever she could. Even while minding his business at breakfast that morning, he got shit from her about his attraction to men.

He didn’t see why it mattered so much. It was never a problem before. Katsuki just knew that every problem they already had between them would be made a thousand times worse by this new development. It was such utter bullshit.

Aside from that, Katsuki’s mind kept wandering back to Eijirou. It happened a lot more than he would like to admit. He couldn’t help himself. The last time Katsuki had a crush was in the third grade, and that ended with the whole class making fun of him and being scared that he would infect them with his gayness or something. Eijirou didn’t seem like the type to pull some shit like that though. After all, he stayed to take care of Katsuki when he definitely didn’t have to.

Katsuki glanced at the clock, groaning under his breath when he realized that there was still 34 minutes left of class. He got up from his seat and walked towards the door, causing Mr.Toshinori to pause his explanation.

“Katsuki, you can not leave the class without a pass.” He gestured to Katsuki’s seat, “Please sit back down and properly ask if you need to go somewhere.”

Katsuki just grunted and continued out into the hallway. He needed a break. He walked the halls with familiarity, heading straight for the bathroom tucked away at the back of the school. It was the one everybody used to do anything other than actually handle their business. Once in the bathroom, he freed the cart from his pocket and took a hit, leaning against one of the sinks.

He let his mind wander a bit as he stared at his feet and continued to smoke. Katsuki barely tried in school anymore, but he was smart enough to get by with decent grades. The problem was that he came to school high way too often. He stopped trying in other aspects too. Katsuki stopped trying to look at least somewhat presentable, going from jeans and new sneakers to sweatpants and slides with whatever clean shirt he had. It wasn’t much different from what half the school wore though, so it wasn’t that big of a deal.

Katsuki felt his shoulders relax as he camped in the bathroom, but it wouldn’t last long. He heard footsteps approaching. He paused to try and listen to see if it was a staff member or just another student. Either way, he wasn’t too keen on being bothered right now. He relaxed when he saw two familiar faces.

Eijirou and Denki walked into the bathroom together. “Woah, hey, dude!” Denki smiled brightly. Katsuki just hummed, he was more focused on Eijirou. The two locked eyes, and Katsuki didn’t miss the way Eijirou nervously shifted on his feet.

Denki hopped onto one of the sinks to sit on and dangle his feet next to Katsuki. Eijirou leaned against the stall door across from the two blonds.

“Are you alright?” Eijirou’s voice was soft with concern. It made Katsuki squirm a little, not wanting to bring it up. “I’m fine. My mom’s just a bitch.”

Denki glanced between the two in confusion. “Wait- what happened?”

Eijirou looked at Katsuki for approval, not wanting to say anything if Katsuki didn’t want it out in the open. He just shrugged. Eijirou took it as a yes. “I went back last night to get my jacket last night, but when I showed up Katsuki was super drunk. I helped him to get settled down and stop drinking and…”

He paused, looking unsure of if he should continue. “I ended up staying the night…” Denki’s eyes widened at that, but he didn’t say anything. Probably because he knew Katsuki would chew his ass out if he did.

Eijirou continued, “And when we woke up yesterday morning his parents were home. They got into a big argument. I didn’t stay for all of it.” The silence hung heavy in the air.

“Sorry that happened, Katsuki…” Denki muttered. Katsuki grunted, “I said I'm fine.”

“The fuck are you two doing here anyways?” Denki perked up a little bit, “We’re here to get out of Biology, we almost got caught by Inui though.” 

Eijirou sighed, “He caught me skipping once and I thought I was gonna get my head ripped off. He sounds like he’s barking when he’s yelling too, I couldn’t understand a thing.” Katsuki chuckled at that. Ryo Inui was one of the school officers, and he truly was an intimidating and overbearing man.

“Who do you have for Biology?” Katsuki asked as he brought the pen back up to his lips. “Mrs. Kayama.” Mrs.Kayama was one of those self proclaimed “cool teachers”. She was one of the most laid back teachers at UA, even when she probably shouldn’t be, but many students loved her for it. Katsuki had a different Biology teacher, but he had heard multiple stories about what happened in Mrs.Kayama’s classroom, and it always sounded more like one giant hang out than an actual class.

“Why are you skipping her class? I thought she, like, doesn’t give a shit about what anybody does in her class.” Denki giggled, but Eijirou looked mortified. “She was getting a little too passionate about teaching reproduction.” Eijirou shuttered, but Denki seemed completely unfazed. Suddenly Katsuki was glad he didn’t have her class.

“Are you not afraid of getting caught?” Katsuki looked up to see Eijirou gesturing to the cart he was holding. He shrugged, “No. I do this all the time.” Eijirou looked concerned, but he stayed silent. Denki worried about him when he first found out as well. That seemed to be the common reaction to Katsuki getting high and popping pills at school.

After a while of experimenting with drugs and alcohol, Katsuki found that he enjoyed being intoxicated more than he enjoyed being sober and present. It made all his stress go away, and allowed him to mellow out instead of getting pissy at everybody who even dared to breathe the wrong way near him.

He stopped caring about being high in public. Katsuki would much rather risk getting sent to alternative school for having drugs on school property than force himself to sit through the stress of each day without anything to ease the pain a little. Besides, nobody but Katsuki’s friends had noticed yet, so why would he stop?

Denki pulled out a geek bar next to him, sucking on it with shaky fingers. The bathroom suddenly smelled like raspberry peach instead of its usual questionable funk. Katsuki rolled his eyes. He wasn’t a fan of vaping, but seeing Denki do it to try and get rid of his appetite made him an even bigger hater. Denki held out the vape to Eijirou in offering, “Want a hit?”

Eijirou shook his head, “Nah, man. I can’t start vaping if I wanna keep wrestling.” Katsuki blinked. “You wrestle?”

“Yeah. I probably wouldn’t be muscular at all if I didn’t. I used to be pretty scrawny.” Eijirou lifted the sleeve of his T-shirt to flex. Katsuki, emboldened by the weed taking effect in his system, stared shamelessly. Eijirou was stocky and well built, and had clear, golden skin. Somehow his obnoxiously bright red hair just added to the charm.

“Hm.” Katsuki would've kept staring if it weren’t for Denki kicking him in the side. “I wanna see you wrestle.” Eijirou shied away from Denki’s enthusiastic eyes. “I don’t know. I’m not that good.”

Katsuki and Denki shared a look. Anybody with eyes could see that Eijirou was in good shape. With just his physique alone, it wouldn’t be crazy to assume that he could at least hold his own on the mat. Not only that, but Eijirou just generally seemed like he would be a beast at whatever sport he did.

Denki leaned forward on the sink, giving the best puppydog eyes that he could, “Come on! I bet it’d be cool to see!” Eijirou scratched the back of his neck, still avoiding Denki’s pleading gaze. Katsuki chimed in, “I wanna see you wrestle too.” Eijirou perked up slightly at that. Another beat of silence passed before he sighed and told them he would invite them to the next tournament, though that would have to wait until wrestling season started.

Katsuki smirked to himself. He liked the idea of getting to see Eijirou completely body somebody else and win the match. Mitsuki blamed video games on Katsuki’s tendency to jump to violence in every situation, he believed it was just the logical solution in every situation.

“Hey, you guys wanna come over again tomorrow?” Eijirou and Denki looked at Katsuki with uncertainty. After the fiasco that was the previous day, neither of them were sure they wanted to be there at the same time as Katsuki’s parents, especially Eijirou.

“Are you sure that's a good idea?” Denki took another hit of his vape to avoid talking. Katsuki didn’t blame them for not wanting to go back. He barely wanted to go back himself. “My folks won’t be a problem at all. I basically have the whole upstairs to myself since their room is downstairs, they never have any reason to go up there.”

The silence was more humiliating than it was awkward. Katsuki wasn’t about to sit there and beg for his friends to come over, but he really didn’t want to be stuck in that house alone. He silently pleaded for them to say yes.

Eijirou sighed gently, “I’ll come over after practice.” Denki hummed in thought, fiddling with the frayed sleeve of his jacket. “Yeah, I got nothing better to do.” He smiled at Katsuki

A wave of relief washed over Katsuki. His house was not a home, and it hadn’t been for a long time. The whole place felt like a prison cell, all made worse by the screaming banshee that was his mother. Katsuki had to brace himself everyday for whatever shit his mom had to throw at him.

There was always some complaint or criticism. Katsuki couldn’t do anything without his mother trying to correct him, and it’s been that way since he was a child. As early as kindergarten, Mitsuki tried to make Katsuki into the perfect son. He was praised by everybody else around him for being smart, athletic, and talented, but it just wasn’t enough for his mother. No matter how good Katsuki’s grades were, or how many medals he won in sports, or how flawless he tried to be, she always found something to bitch and moan about. 

Katsuki got fed up. He stopped trying. That didn’t mean he wasn’t still smart and skilled, he just stopped trying to excel. Around 6th grade Katsuki found Hanta. They met in social studies, and Hanta was trying to make a quick buck by selling edibles. That was what started everything for Katsuki. After buying that edible off of Hanta, he began to wonder what else he could get his hands on.

Maybe other things would take his stress away just like that edible did. Then started the drinking and getting into the liquor cabinet. It all snowballed from there, and fast. Katsuki knew Hanta felt guilty for essentially being the cause of his addiction, but he never stopped selling to Katsuki. Hanta could tell him to slow down and take it easy all he wanted, but they both knew that wouldn’t happen.

“Hey, but don’t be upset if I smell a little. I won’t have time to shower after practice.”  Katsuki snorted, “Yeah, you're sweating while getting all up on other guys. I kinda expect you to smell like BO.” Kirishima blushed slightly and rolled his eyes.

The bell rang suddenly, causing the three to pause. Eijirou groaned while Denki hopped off the sink with a sigh. The school day wasn’t even halfway over yet, and none of them were ready to get back to class. Denki looked over his shoulder as he walked out, “I’ll see you guys tomorrow, I guess.”

Eijirou and Katsuki lingered for a moment longer, watching Denki disappear down the hall as he left for his next class. Katsuki broke the silence first, “Sorry you had to see that shit yesterday.” He paused, hesitating to continue, “And also about that night.” Katsuki tried to scratch at his face as a sneaky way of hiding his blush.

“I-I didn’t mind.” Eijirou shrugged awkwardly.

Katsuki just grumbled as he made his way out of the bathroom, leaving Eijirou behind. He swore if the day didn’t just end already he was gonna blow something up.

Chapter Text

The weight room smelled of stale sweat and rubber. Like walking into a gym, except nobody wiped the equipment down when they were finished and only bothered to clean the place about twice every year. It was definitely a smell that required some getting used to. The room was hot and muggy as wrestling practice continued. Some guys were off to the side, talking and sipping from their water bottles, while others were paired up to practice moves that needed working on.

Eijirou was paired up with Tetsutetsu, one of his good friends whom he met back when he started wrestling. They were circling each other, hunched over in an athletic stance, watching each other’s movements closely. Tetsutetsu shot forward, grappling one of Eijirou’s legs and pushing him to the ground. They fought for dominance as Tetsutetsu tried to keep him down. Eijirou gritted his teeth as he rolled onto his stomach to try and get his knees up to his chest, but he left himself open and Tetsutetsu was able to get a firm hold and pin him onto his back.

When the two parted and helped each other up, Tetsutetsu looked confused. “What was that, dude? I’ve never seen you go down from a single leg takedown.” Usually Eijirou was pretty hard to take down. His teammates liked to compare him to a rock, strong and immovable. It was like his signature.

He sighed, wiping the sweat from his face with his T-shirt, “I don’t know man… I think I’m just having an off day.” That wasn’t necessarily a lie, it was just more like a huge understatement. Eijirou had been having an off year so far, and it was beginning to affect his performance in wrestling. Every nervous thought and insecurity slowly started to sink its rotten claws into the one thing that helped him escape for a bit, and it was coming with a price.

“Are you sure?” Tetsutetsu was one of Eijirou’s best friends. They were so alike, and they knew almost everything about each other. Almost everything. Of course he could sense that something was off. Eijirou wouldn’t let him know the truth though. He didn’t want anybody to worry about him, he didn’t need it.

He assured his friend that he was okay, already getting back onto his hands and knees to start another round. He just needed to practice more. Maybe if he fought back enough against his mind he would be able to fall back in love with his sport. Maybe he would feel the absolute awe of it all just like when he first started. He couldn’t give up wrestling. It was one of the only things he had left. He would be nothing without it.

Tetsutetsu hesitated for a moment, but got back into position. The two continued to wrestle and fight in their own designated area, stopping occasionally to get pointers from their coach and talk about what they need to improve on.

Practice ended with everybody getting into a circle, stacking their hands, and cheering the school motto. Coach Toyomitsu liked to say it brought the team together, but it also made Eijirou pumped and excited for each practice and tournament. Or it used to.

Eijirou gave a half hearted “Plus Ultra” before grabbing his bag and heading out into the cool september air. His muscles were tired and sore, but it felt good. He always enjoyed feeling tired and spent after practice because it made him feel accomplished, like he was improving with each one. The breeze dried the sweat in his hair and face as he fished his deodorant from his bag to reapply. He could at least try to smell halfway decent if he was gonna go to Katsuki’s house.

The leaves on the trees were starting to begin their shift from vibrant greens and yellows to deep burgundys and auburns. The air became more crisp and chill, and tended to have a bite to it in the mornings. To many people, fall indicated the start of many great things that were generally looked forward to, but for Eijirou, it was the start of months of fighting to keep from being crushed by the weight of life pressing down on him. Somehow though, the colder seasons were still comforting.

He truly had no clue how everybody else around him was able to keep up. There were days that he felt paralyzed in bed, barely enough energy to get up to make food, meanwhile the rest of his peers were constantly doing something and going out and participating in life. Eijirou just couldn’t. It was easier for him to rot alone in a dark room.

That was how he spent almost the entire summer. Withering away in his room, unaware of life outside of his window as the days continued and his life passed him by. Because the world did not wait for people. Eijirou lost an entire summer, only recalling the hours of endless scrolling and nights of making new wounds around old ones. He needed to get back on his feet quickly if he wanted to be able to remember any of his teenage years in the next decade.

He fished his keys from his pocket and unlocked his car, falling into the driver's seat with a tired groan. He sent a text to Katsuki to let him know that he was headed over, but he frowned in confusion at the response he got back.

Bakubro: “Go around back and climb through the window.”

He didn’t dwell on it. He turned his keys in the ignition and allowed the AC to dry off any more sweat he still had clinging to him before he drove off.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

Eijirou felt like he was doing something wrong despite Katsuki literally telling him to do it. He parked down the street from Katsuki’s house and walked the rest of the way, slipping around the back when he finally arrived. After a bit of looking around he found the best path to climb up to the second story. It took him nearly falling flat on his ass multiple times and a lot of fumbling and repositioning, but he eventually made it. Katsuki already had the window open, allowing Eijirou to slip in easily. He hit the ground with a soft thud when he finally made it inside, hoping that he didn’t cause too much of a commotion.

When Eijirou looked up, he was met with red eyes boring into him with the most unamused face possible. Katsuki was sitting on one of two bean bags, dressed in black sleep shorts with a white tank top. He had his arms and legs spread like he was claiming his territory on the bean bag, something only Katsuki could make seem intimidating instead of goofy looking.

“I watched that whole thing.” Was all that he said as Eijirou stood up.

Eijirou smiled wide, “But I made it up here.”

Katsuki snorted at that. He lazily pointed at the bean bag next to him, and Eijirou immediately plopped down and made himself comfortable. Katsuki’s room was fairly large, and it was clean and organized. The carpet was clean and his bed was made, the clothes were tidied away in the closet and he had a designated area for shoes. Posters were meticulously placed to make walls seem full enough without being cluttered, and there were sleek shelves that housed carefully placed books, potted plants, and figurines. It was modern and clean, but somehow still felt lived in. It was in the little things, like an empty can of soda on the desk, trash that had yet to be taken out, and the way the comforter crumpled in one spot from where somebody sat down. It was a far cry from Eijirou’s room.

“Denki isn’t coming.” Eijirou blinked, “Huh?”

Katsuki pulled his phone out and showed it to Eijirou, “Said his mom needed him at home last minute.” The text detailed something about Denki’s mom needing to work late and nobody else being available to babysit his younger siblings. He let out a mix between a sigh and a chuckle, “Well, I hope you don’t think I'm too boring then.”

Katsuki just barely smirked, so small Eijirou almost missed it, “You’re just the right amount of boring.” He grinned. Denki was right, Katsuki really wasn’t so bad once you got to know him. It just took a lot of work to get on his good side.

“Don’t tell that idiot I said this, but…” Katsuki bit his lip, looking out the window instead of at Eijirou, “I get worried about him.”

Eijirou tilted his head. He knew Katsuki wasn’t heartless, obviously, but he just didn’t seem like the type of person to actually voice his feelings and concerns. It was surprising to see him be a little vulnerable. Eijirou knew he should handle it carefully.

“Why?” It wasn’t rude, it was soft and genuinely curious. Katsuki took a breath, finally meeting Eijirou’s gaze, “He doesn’t take care of himself. I make jokes about it and poke fun at him a lot, but I do genuinely worry that one day he won’t be able to function at all.” He paused to think about how to continue. “His parents are shitbags too, he doesn’t see it that way though.”

With Denki’s eating disorder, Eijirou didn’t doubt that he was going downhill pretty fast. He was energetic and sociable, yes, but that meant nothing if he was allowing his body to slowly deteriorate. Eijirou never had body image issues, he couldn’t imagine what Denki was going through to cause him to starve himself.

“I don’t know. I couldn’t have made friends with a fucking normal person could I?” Eijirou hummed. He realized that Katsuki and Denki were just like him. They struggled with their own issues that they couldn’t show the world, because they were seen as unnatural and scary. If they let the wrong people know about what they did, they would have other people’s noses stuck in their business trying to tell them that they needed to be fixed and helped, when they probably didn’t want to be ‘fixed’ at all. Eijirou sure didn’t.

He nudged Katsuki’s leg gently with his foot, “Y’know, I never would have expected the three of us to be friends. Denki runs in a completely different circle, and you’re kind of a lone wolf.” Katsuki cocked a brow, allowing Eijirou to continue. “But I’m glad I met you guys.”

Katsuki grunted, “I’m not mad at having you guys around.” Eijirou gave a cheeky smile before relaxing into the bean bag more. “I was actually a little scared of you for a bit.”

“Scared of me?” Katsuki questioned like it was the most unimaginable thing possible. He definitely knew what kind of vibe he gave off, he just played dumb about it.

“Yeah. I mean, with all the rumors and you being so intimidating, I was a little put off.” He thought back to all the crazy stuff he heard people talk about. Every story changed every time it was told and each one was exaggerated so much. Eijirou didn't know what he should or shouldn’t believe when it came to hearing stories about Katsuki.

Katsuki huffed and dragged a hang over his face. “Jesus Christ. I only heard a handful of some of the bullshit people said about me.” He eyed Eijirou, “What kind of stuff did you hear?”

He thought for a moment, “I heard some people one time say you made somebody bite the curb for talking shit.”

Katsuki shrugged with a smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth, “I’ve considered it a few times, never actually done it though.”

“Hmm… also heard some people say you’re a player,” Eijirou grinned, leaning forward for emphasis, “Apparently you broke at least a hundred girls’ hearts.”

Katsuki stopped. He looked blankly at Eijirou. “No way. Is it true? Are you really a player, Katsuki?” 

“That is the biggest load of horse shit.”

“I dunno. Sounds kinda believable. You’re not bad looking so I don’t doubt you could probably pull girls pretty easily.” Eijirou sat back, shrugging.

“I don’t even like girls.”

That made Eijirou’s brain freeze. The room went quiet, and all he could do was look dumbly at his friend next to him. That was the last thing he expected to hear. It made sense though, after they slept together that night. The weirdest part about it was that Eijirou truly didn’t mind at all. He kept thinking back to it after it happened, replaying it over and over in his head.

The mood shifted when Katsuki spoke again, “What about you? You into chicks, Eijirou?” His voice wasn’t sultry or flirtatious, it was menacing and bone chilling, and it made Eijirou’s stomach drop and his mouth go dry.

“I mean…” He struggled to get words out, “I think-” “You think?” Katsuki interrupted him. The bean bags sat right next to each other, allowing Katsuki to sit up and invade Eijirou’s space a little. “Well… I’ve never thought about it. Or… Y’know…” Eijirou shrugged, cheeks burning and heart picking up pace.

“I can help you figure it out.” Katsuki’s eyes were dark and stone cold. Eijirou felt like he might crumble under that gaze. He never really thought about his sexuality much. There were a few girls in the past that he thought were especially pretty or kind that he took a liking to, but no girl ever made him feel how he felt in that moment.

Face hot and flushed, hands clammy and unsure of what to do with themselves, stomach twisting into knots, and his mind going haywire. How did he never realize it before? All he could get out without stuttering or jumbling his words together was a simple, “yeah.”

Katsuki moved slowly, climbing on top of Eijirou without ever breaking eye contact. Every touch made his heart leap in his chest, and every point of contact burned hot against his skin in the best way possible. Katsuki cupped Eijirou’s face and leaned in, kissing him with a tenderness that didn’t seem possible for somebody as crude and abrasive as him.

Eijirou parted his lips, allowing Katsuki to invade his mouth with his tongue. In an instant, his hands were on Katsuki, hesitantly exploring and bringing him closer. He could get drunk on this feeling. They kissed like they were trying to commit each other to memory, parting only to catch a breath before connecting once more like they couldn’t live without it.

Eijirou could feel heat building in the pit of his stomach as Katsuki straddled him, grinding just slightly. He relished in the small pants and groans that escaped Katsuki’s mouth, grabbing at his hips, thighs, neck, anywhere he could get his hands on. He felt like he was in heaven.

Katsuki’s hands slipped from his face and down his body. One rested on Eijirou’s chest while the other dipped lower. He barely even realized what was happening, too lost in the moment to even think to stop Katsuki.

A hand slipped under his shirt, and everything stopped. He raked his palm across Eijirou’s stomach and side and pulled back. Ejirou’s eyes widened, realizing what happened and internally panicking. Katsuki’s fingers twitched over the raised skin before he finally looked down and lifted the shirt.

Eijirou braced for impact, expecting Katsuki to recoil in disgust or ask what was wrong with him, but it never came. Katsuki just blinked,continuing to trace over all the scars. His touch was feather light as he dragged his rough fingers across sensitive skin. Eijirou’s face flushed, though he couldn’t tell if it was out of embarrassment or because Katsuki was touching him so gently.

“I-I’m sorry. You weren’t supposed to see.” 

Katsuki’s eyebrows scrunched together, “Why are you apologizing?” That knocked the air right out of his lungs. Eijirou felt he might cry, and he didn’t even know why. Katsuki leaned back in, mouthing around his neck, “I just didn’t expect it.”

“You don’t think I'm gross or ugly?” He squeezed lightly at Katsuki’s hips like he needed to convince himself that he wasn’t dreaming. Katsuki came back up, looking Eijirou in the eyes, “No.”

For so long Eijirou had been ashamed of himself. To him, his scars were a sign of weakness, something to be looked down upon. Despite that, he couldn’t help but add more. The urge to slice clean through himself and rid himself of every horrible feeling and thought that plagued his mind was always stronger.

He thought that he would immediately be outcast if other people found out. They would treat him like a freak and send him to see a shrink. Katsuki didn’t do that though. Katsuki traced his skin with care, told him there was no need to apologize, and didn’t freak out about it. 

Suddenly every insecurity he had about his scars, as well as any worries or doubts in his mind, drifted away. It was just him and Katsuki, accepting each other for all of who and what they were. Eijirou held Katsuki close that night he found him too drunk to function, and now Katsuki was holding Eijirou, opening him up with care.

That was the exact moment that Eijirou fell in love for the first time. His heart fluttered in his chest as he pulled Katsuki back in. The kiss that followed was so soft and gentle it hurt. Alone in a quiet room, save for their occasional pants and soft moans into each other’s mouths, they allowed the uncomfortable weight of the situation to shift to something more soft and intimate.

Eijirou was so thankful. He didn’t want to make a huge deal out of it, and he didn’t want people to worry about him. Neither he nor Katsuki wanted to talk about their problems. So they didn’t. They allowed them to be seen by each other, but they didn’t feel the need to have a whole therapy session about it. They understood that they could talk when they were ready, and all they wanted in the moment was to be together.

Eijirou’s hand found its way to Katsuki’s hair, grabbing on and holding him there like he was his only source of oxygen. Their bodies fit together perfectly, warm and comfortable and safe. Somehow Katsuki knew exactly where to touch and how to work Eijirou up. He could feel his blood rush to his dick, already making a tent in his sweatpants.

They moved in sync, grinding against each other and grabbing hold like they were afraid to let go. Every movement, touch, and kiss was filled with words unspoken between them, yet still somehow they understood.

Katsuki’s hand moved to the band of Eijirou’s sweatpants, tugging them down to his mid-thigh, then dragging back up and under his shirt to lift it to his chest. Even with all of his scars on display, at his most vulnerable not just because of the intimacy but also because he was showing himself at his weakest, he felt safe. He didn’t feel judged.

Katsuki freed his own erection, sighing with pleasure when skin met skin. He wrapped a hand around the both of them, gathering the precum that leaked from them both and smearing it downwards. It had Eijirou seeing stars.

He moaned and whined Katsuki’s name as he bucked his hips up into his grasp, unable to control himself. Katsuki’s voice was barely more than a breathy whisper in his ear, “Keep your voice down.” That seemed damn near impossible.

Katsuki kissed along Eijirou’s neck, leaving marks and bruises all over. Eijirou felt dizzy, and he could feel his oncoming climax pool low in his gut. Between Katsuki kissing and licking away at his neck, one hand tugging at his hair and the other jerking them both off, Eijirou felt like he was going to break.

With one final thrust into Katsuki’s fist, Eijirou’s orgasm ripped through him and he came onto his stomach. His back arched, his eyes rolled into his skull, and he had to cover his mouth just to keep from screaming. Katsuki finished with him, riding out the waves of his climax slowly.

He collapsed onto Eijirou, and they held onto each other as their chests heaved in hot, uneven breaths. They slowly came down from the high, and back to reality. The sky had already faded to black outside, leaving only the warm light of the lamp on the bedside table to illuminate the room.  It made them feel like they were alone together in their own world.

Katsuki groaned as he stood up, “Fuck.” 

Eijirou held on until the last second, still trying to keep him close. “Where are you going?”

“To get a towel so we’re not covered in cum.” Eijirou watched him pull his shorts back up and exit the room. He was left with his own thoughts for that short period of time, trying to process what just happened. He came to Katsuki’s house to hang out for a bit, and instead he ended up accidentally revealing his darkest secret and having sex with his friend. But at least now he knew how he felt about guys.

Katsuki returned with a warm, damp rag and a bottle of water. He wiped Eijirou down first, offering him the water bottle and making sure he was comfortable, and then himself. Eijirou thought his heart might melt. He had never been cared for so gently, and the last person he expected to receive such treatment from was somebody with such an explosive personality. That almost made it better somehow. It made him feel special.

They cuddled up together for a bit. They didn’t say anything, but they didn’t have to, because just holding each other afterwards was enough. Eijirou was so used to having to be tough and unbreakable, but he was able to be soft and fragile in that moment, because there were strong arms holding him together without judgement.

The last thing he wanted was to leave, but he knew his mother would be upset if he didn’t get back soon. Even if he chose to stay, it wouldn’t have mattered because moments later Katsuki’s mother was calling his name from the bottom of the stairs to go eat dinner. Katsuki held on a little tighter for a moment, “Fuck…”

“I gotta get home anyways.” They reluctantly hauled themselves up from the bean bag, which would probably need to be cleaned soon. Katsuki stood awkwardly with a terribly hidden pout on his face, waiting for Eijirou to leave. He couldn’t help himself, he needed it one more time before he left. Eijirou pulled Katsuki in by the waist and kissed him softly. The taste lingered on his lips when they parted, and he gave the brightest grin possible.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Kats.”

Katsuki’s face turned pink at the nickname, “Whatever. Don’t fucking fall on your way back down.”

Eijirou huffed a laugh as he made his way back out the window, clinging onto whatever he could to stop himself from falling or causing a racket. For the first time in a while, though his muscles ached and he was officially worn out for the day, he didn’t feel as tired. The mental turmoil didn’t disappear completely, it wasn’t that easy, but it at least subsided for a bit. Like a crying baby being rocked and nursed with a bottle in its mouth, it was only a matter of time until it would go back to crying. Eijirou knew that by tomorrow morning he would feel like he always did, so he savored the feeling.

He drove off with a small smile plastered on his face because he just couldn’t help himself. He felt giddy and warm inside. There was the promise of seeing Katsuki again at school the next day and every day after that, and it made Eijirou want to wake up each day. There was a newly formed bond between the two, special in ways different from typical relationships.

Eijirou’s blades were left untouched that night, and the rag he used to clean up each time stayed dry. Of course, this wouldn’t last forever, but one night of not feeling the need to hurt himself because he felt like he deserved it or because he couldn’t handle the stress of life was better than cutting until his skin burned.

As he laid in bed, eyelids heavy with exhaustion and body tired from overexertion, he wondered if there was a way to stay happy all the time. There are things worth living for, he just had to find what those things were. Katsuki certainly felt like one of them. The feeling of rough hands gliding so gently across his scars still lingered on his skin. 

If Eijirou could continue to find joys like that in life, then maybe he would be able to stop  bleeding. Maybe if he could fall back in love with wrestling and stop his mind from working against him he would be able to keep up with everybody else. He wouldn’t miss out on his own life because he was too busy sitting alone in a dark room tending to angry wounds that reminded him of his shortcomings.

Life could be worth living. The idea of it was beautiful, but if he would ever be able to genuinely feel that way, Eijirou was unsure.

Pretty pictures of going on picnics, holding hands with his lover, basking in the sun, baking on cozy rainy days, and finding the beauty in all the little things filled his mind as he closed his eyes. It was all just within his reach.

Except he was only dreaming. By the time Eijirou would eventually wake up, there would still be that same sinking pit feeling in his stomach. Life would go on the same way it always did, because problems do not get solved overnight, let alone with feeble dreams and memories of something that was never there.

Eijirou would continue to bleed until his veins dried up and he lay cold and lifeless on the floor, completely surrounded by the red warmth that seeped from him.

Chapter Text

The rain outside offered little entertainment, so Denki turned to Eijirou, who was just wrapping up the assigned packet with about forty minutes of class to spare. They had much more class time due to the block schedule, which, depending on whatever class or teacher you had, could either be a good or a bad thing.

A question floated curiously in Denki’s mind. Ever since he cancelled that hangout with Katsuki and Eijirou, the two had been acting… different. It wasn’t bad, if anything they were closer in a weird way. He swore there was something going on between them, but they never said anything. He needed to know, so he asked, “Hey, what’s with you and Katsuki recently?”

Eijirou paused and shifted in his seat. Denki was right. There was something going on. Eijirou just shook his head, “What are you talking about?”

“I dunno. You guys just seem… a little different.” He raised his eyebrows and leaned in slightly, “Is there something going on between you two? Something I should know about? Hmmm?” He was playing, but he also genuinely wanted to know.

Eijirou quickly deflected, “Well… what about you and Hanta?” That shut Denki up.

“W-wha-” He sputtered, “What about us? We’re not hiding anything. We’re just friends.” Anybody with eyes could see that he had a crush on Hanta, but that didn’t matter. He was talking about Eijirou and Katsuki, not himself.

Denki and Hanta met during freshman year. Denki still looked healthy and alive back then, and he felt like he had a lot more to live for. He was still the same person, happy and lively, but everybody knew there was something off about it. Because how can somebody truly be the same person they were three years ago when they’re actively deteriorating?

He developed a crush on Hanta quickly. Something about his easy yet genuine smiles, his lanky build and unique style, the way he was so laid back, it all made Denki’s heart flutter with excitement when talking to him.

Denki crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair. He could see the way Eijirou tried not to smile as he tucked the packet into his bag, knowing he won, “And me and Katsuki aren’t hiding anything. We’re,” He paused to fully look at Denki and put in air quotes, “Just friends.”

He couldn’t help the smile that tugged at the corners of his lips. He rolled his eyes and giggled lightly. They both knew, but they didn’t have to say anything out loud if they weren’t ready. That seemed to be a big thing with the three of them. Nobody really had to talk unless they wanted to. Katsuki didn’t open up about his addictions, Eijirou’s secrets were still kept secret, and Denki acted like he was perfectly healthy, and that was fine. They all knew that pushing it would just make everybody upset, so they let it be.

“Y’know who else are ‘just friends’?” Eijirou asked quietly with a cheeky grin. Denki perked up, “Who?” 

They unabashedly gossipped like girls, and even though Katsuki scoffed and called it stupid, they both knew he listened with his full attention every time. Besides, how could they not gossip? UA High was full of rumors and stories. It seemed like something new was happening every other day, and it was always worth talking about.

Eijirou leaned in and whispered to Denki like it was a sacred secret, “Mina and Ochaco.”

Denki scoffed, “They’re so obvious it hurts.”

They talked to pass the time, watching the clock tick slowly as people around them talked as well. Sometimes they felt like they were in on some huge scandal that nobody else could know about when they whispered as quietly as possible to each other about bits and pieces of their secrets, which was partly true. Neither really wanted their weird flaws to be out in the open for everybody to see and judge.

It was easier to feel less like he was dying when Denki had somebody to talk to. His stomach still ached, his head still throbbed, and the world around him still felt blurry, but he had somebody to distract him from all of that. It was almost like some kind of cheat code.

When Denki was with friends, he could completely let go of all the worries about hunger and calories. But it didn’t always work in his favor. There had been plenty of times where Denki turned down invites to places just because it involved food. No matter how much he tried to stay involved, his disorder was a rather isolating one.

He just couldn’t bring himself to go out to eat even if it was to spend quality time with his friends. The meal wouldn’t be enjoyable anyways. It would be sullied by the nervous thoughts cluttering his mind, taking him out of the moment and forcing him to question his own decisions.

There were things he could do to fix his cravings or quell his hunger when it came to food, but he wasn’t able to do any of it in front of others. It was all quite disturbing and disgusting. It wasn’t socially acceptable to regurgitate food and trick your body into feeling satisfied, or to binge watch food shows and mukbangs to try and satiate yourself by living vicariously through others. Denki forced himself into isolation just because he feared food.

He would never forget the few times that he did go out to restaurants with his friends after his eating disorder developed. He stared at the food with disdain, hesitant to even touch it. He only began to nibble at it when his friends asked if he was okay. He wasn’t okay at all, he didn’t want to eat and ruin his progress, but he couldn’t tell them that, so he just smiled and chewed slowly on a french fry like it wasn’t killing him inside to have to swallow it all.

But where Denki wasn’t able to connect with people in real life, he was able to find community online. Sure, he couldn’t spill his unwanted guts out to all his friends and family about his eating disorder and how for some reason the way he could feel himself getting weaker or the way his stomach growled made him feel validated, but he could find spaces for people like him online.

Thanks to his internet addiction, Denki found forums and groups for people with eating disorders, people he could relate to and turn to when the rest of the world wouldn’t see or hear him. He was exposed to a whole new world of sickness, and he saw it as his own personal wonderland. People talked freely about their abnormal relationships with food, shared tips and tricks, and traded stories. It was all he could ever wish for and more.

He joined a forum as fast as possible, and quickly integrated himself into the online world. Everybody welcomed him with open arms, and they listened, and they saw him, and they understood, despite being behind a screen. When real life got to be too much, and the heaviness of this disorder that pressured him to be lighter started to get to him, he turned to all the people he met online. They helped more than they would ever know.

The bell rang, putting an end to the slow talk Eijirou and Denki were having. Everybody gathered their bags and shuffled out the door like routine, walking to the next class with disdain. Everything was normal until Denki stood up. The edges of his vision clouded and his knees threatened to give out, forcing him to grip the table just to stay upright.

Eijirou reached his hands out to catch Denki as soon as he realized what was going on, “Woah. You good man?”

Denki shook, wide eyed as he white knuckled the table. He fought to regain balance and stand upright, but he got it eventually. “I’m fine.” He waved Eijirou off, ignoring the worried look on his face, “I just tripped.”

Eijirou frowned, opening his mouth to say something, but ultimately deciding to leave it be. They followed the rest of the class out of the room, slowly trudging down the crowded halls. Denki didn’t want to talk about it. He wanted to just forget about it entirely, because he was fine. 

But as they continued down the hall, Denki couldn’t ignore the way his heart hammered in his chest. He broke out into a cold sweat, his vision stayed blurry around the edges, and he continued to shake violently. Breathing became a task, requiring gasps and deep breaths just to get any air at all. Eijirou had already broken away from Denki since his class was on the other side of the school, so he was left alone.

Each face that passed by paid him no mind. They didn’t see how pale and unwell he looked, and they definitely didn’t realize anything was wrong until it was too late. Denki’s legs fought hard to keep him standing, but his knees buckled despite it all, dragging him down slowly. His vision went dark and everything around him faded away.

The last thing he heard was his own shallow, shaky breath.

The last thing he felt was his heart spazzing in his chest.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

Everything was still dark, but the panicked whispers of other kids slowly faded back into reality. Denki could feel somebody switching from checking his pulse to shaking him awake. He opened his eyes, but couldn’t do much else for a moment other than take in his surroundings in his confused daze. Kids crowded around to ogle at him as staff pushed their way through the crowd to see what the fuss was about.

He finally snapped out of his weird paralyzed state and slowly sat up. Mina was kneeled next to him, looking horrified. A few teachers quickly rushed to his side, bombarding him and other students who saw what happened with questions. He barely had time to even process what had happened before one of the administrators was dragging him up by his arm and barking orders for kids to move and continue on to class like nothing happened.

He looked back to see Mina still looking worried, reaching a hand out like she didn’t want anybody to take him away yet, like she wasn’t done checking on him. Denki stumbled on his feet as he was dragged to the nurse’s office. His heart didn’t calm, and his legs still felt like jello, but he definitely felt awake.

He watched as people poked their heads out of classrooms or stopped to stare, making him feel like some sort of freak show. They weren’t wrong though, were they? He did it to himself. He purposely starved himself with the goal of looking and genuinely being emaciated. He wanted to look like death, all the watchful eyes just came with that territory.

But isn’t this what he wanted? To be noticed by those around him, and for his sickness to be seen. Something about it felt wrong though. It felt different than how he had imagined. Because this wasn’t the right attention. He wouldn’t get whatever he craved from the eyes of his peers.

Denki was pulled into Mrs.Shuzenji’s office and instructed to sit down on the bed before the administrator left. He obeyed, glad to not have to hold himself up anymore. His head spun as he stared at the bright overhead lights. The smell of rubber and antiseptic flooded his nostrils, making the throbbing in his head worse while still being somewhat nostalgic.

Mrs. Shuzenji was a short, stout old lady, with gentle hands and a warm smile. She had been the school nurse for nearly 40 years and was well acquainted with many of the students, but this would be her first time having Denki in her office.

Denki avoided the nurse, mostly because he never had a reason to visit her, but also because he didn’t want to have to call his mother and bother her while at work. He never wanted to disturb her just because he had a stomach ache or threw up. He knew he should only ever call her if something was seriously wrong, because she had better things to do than entertain Denki’s dramatics. He didn’t need to call her for his first two years of high school, and he would not need to call her for the last two.

Sure, he passed out in the hallway, but that didn’t warrant making some big scene and sending him home. He just needed to rest for a moment.

Mrs. Shuzenji walked over to him, ready to inspect, “What brings you here today, dear?”

He swallowed. If he told her the truth then she would try to get ahold of his mother and get him to go home, but if he lied he might just make things more complicated. Well, worth a shot. He finally spoke, “I just had a really bad stomach ache.”

She eyed him skeptically, "That's not what I was told. Apparently you passed out randomly in the hallway.”

She had him sit upright, adjusting her stethoscope to check his heartbeat and breathing. “You look pale. When’s the last time you ate?”

He cringed internally, “This morning.” His stomach betrayed him, growling low and long for Mrs. Shuzenji to call his bluff. She looked at him with worried eyes, saying nothing for a moment. Denki refused to meet her gaze. He was lying through his teeth even though he knew she could see it all. Everybody could.

“Sweetheart, I need you to tell me the truth. Please?”

He stared at the open space between his thighs, “This morning.”

The silence stretched between them, awkward and uncomfortable. He could tell she was debating on how to proceed with the situation, and he prayed that she would just ignore it all. For once he hoped he could just go unnoticed and slip through the cracks. Mrs. Shuzenji sighed and patted his boney knee, “I’m going to have to call your mother about this.”

“No!”

She stopped. Denki finally looked her in the eyes. That was the exact thing he didn’t want to happen. He couldn’t allow it to happen.

“I’m sorry, but this is an emergency. Your mother must be notified about the situation.” His heart sank. No! This was not an emergency! Denki was completely fine, and he didn’t need to alert his mother of anything. It was just a normal day. He just had one slip up in the hallway, that’s fine, he’s fine. He didn’t need school staff meddling in his life.

“Please, please don’t call my mom. I’m fine, please don’t call her. Just let me go back to class, I’m begging you.”

Everything was going wrong. Denki swore he could see his life flashing before his eyes. Mrs. Shuzenji didn’t say anything else, she just silently clicked around on her computer until she found Denki’s file, and dialed his mother. He could feel tears forming, but he wasn’t sure whether it was out of fear, sadness, anger, or something else entirely.

“Hello? Mrs. Kaminari?” Each word spoken sent him deeper and deeper into the pit of anxiety consuming his mind, “This is the school nurse. I’m calling because there was an incident today involving your son. He fainted in the hallway and he appears shaky and pale, and I’m unsure of the last time he’s eaten.”

Mrs. Shuzenji was unknowingly making the situation worse. His whole world was crumbling at his feet, and she just ignored him completely. She ignored his requests, no, his pleading. She did the one thing he begged her not to. Even if it was for his safety or because of some protocol, it couldn’t have been the best course of action. The school staff wasn’t aware of his situation at all, so why should they get to dictate his life and what happens in it just because of some rule?

Denki dreaded what would happen if he actually did end up leaving school. He would get lectured about his mother’s problems and about how she needs him to try and be more mature and think about his family. It would just end with Denki having to juggle more on top of his own stuff, stressing about his family’s financial situation and whatever else his mother decided to dump on him.

She was never angry though, and somehow that part made him feel the worst.

The rest of the call became muddled and incoherent at the back of Denki’s mind. He couldn’t tell if he was more worried or guilty, all he knew was that he felt bad, and all those negative emotions were causing his stomach to turn.

His empty stomach churned and twisted around nothing, deprived of all sustenance except for water and any low calorie drinks he could get his hands on. If he threw up all that would come out would be monster ultra peachy keen and stomach acid. Bile rose in his throat as the call between Mrs. Shuzenji and his mother ended. He braced for impact, ready to hear something about how his mother was coming to pick him up, but he got something completely different.

Mrs. Shuzenji turned to Denki with a sigh, “Well, your mother said she’s too busy to come get you. All I can do is have you rest for a bit and get you something to eat and send you on your way.”

Denki cringed at the mention of food. If he had to eat, he would rather it be one of his safe foods, or at least something worth all the calories, definitely not school food. Before he had the chance to spiral any more, the door swung open.

Hanta stood in the doorway, eyes flicking from Mrs. Shuzenji to Denki. He stepped inside and shut the door gently behind him, trying to act like he didn’t just barge in unannounced. “Do you have a pass?” Mrs. Shuzenji huffed, eyeing him like she already knew the answer.

Hanta dipped his head guiltily, “No.”

She hummed, unamused, “Well, since you're here I'll have you run an errand for me,” She grabbed a sticky note and wrote something down, handing it to Hanta while already ushering him back out the door. “Go to the lunchroom and fill up a plate and bring it back. They should already be rolling food out for first lunch.”

Denki immediately saw an opportunity. “Uh, can I go with him?” Mrs. Shuzenji paused. She probably wanted to have him rest and get something to eat before he went anywhere, but Denki really didn’t want to just lay there while food was being delivered, and he definitely didn’t want her to watch him eat. If he went with Hanta, he wouldn’t have to worry about eating everything, or even eating at all.

He crossed his fingers in his lap while she mulled it over in her head. With a quick glance at Hanta, who was waiting patiently by the door, she sighed and nodded her head. “Hanta, you better make sure he eats. And don’t do anything stupid.”

Denki jumped up, regretting it as soon as he did when his head went fuzzy and his legs wobbled, but it didn't matter as long as he got to avoid being treated like a baby by the nurse. He and Hanta slipped out of Mrs. Shuzenji’s office quickly.

The hallways were now barren and quiet with everybody tucked away into their own classrooms. Dark clouds blocked out a good bit of sunlight, leaving it up to the overhead lights to illuminate the halls. It all had a nice atmosphere. They took the long way to the cafeteria, wrapping around the school at a slow pace.

“I heard about what happened.” Hanta broke the silence easily, moving closer to Denki and lowering his voice a bit. “You alright?” 

If there was one person Denki was truly grateful for, it was Hanta. It didn’t take him long to figure out what was going on with Denki when they first met. His suspicion grew with every turned down meal and snack, watching as the pounds slowly melted off of his friend. Denki eventually confessed, and he was met with nothing but support.

When Denki worried that he would be misunderstood and ridiculed, Hanta reassured him with gentle encouragement. He tried his best to help Denki even if he didn’t fully understand his disorder or know how to go about handling it sometimes.

“I’m fine. It wasn’t that serious.” He shrugged. 

“It was serious though. The whole school is talking about it.” Of course. Gossip and drama spread through UA like wildfire, but he never thought he would become the center of attention. It only made sense though. He fainted in the middle of a crowded hallway, and everybody saw. Of course people would start talking. Hanta hesitated for a moment, “Be honest, when did you last eat?”

“four days ago…” Denki muttered under his breath. The brief sigh that left Hanta’s mouth filled him with guilt. It wasn’t out of disappointment or anger, but out of concern for Denki, and that just made the guilt so much worse. The truth was that he wanted to get better, but he just couldn’t.

Denki would kill to have a healthy, normal relationship with food, but every time he tried to eat more and push away every disordered thought he had, it just ended with him relapsing and getting worse than before. It was like he was punishing himself.

“I need you to eat, mijo.” That sent a shiver down Denki’s spine. Hanta speaking spanish never really lost its ability to fluster him.

Originally, Denki had planned to go a whole week without food, but trying that after heavily restricting and being stressed all the time was just a disaster waiting to happen. Fainting at school kind of fucked up the plan, but he knew he shouldn’t push it. He nodded, “I’ll try.”

Hanta placed a comforting hand on his back, “It won't hurt you. Creo que te verías bien con algo de carne en los huesos de todos modos.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

They reached the cafeteria just as it was beginning to fill up with kids for first lunch. Denki wasn’t mad at missing Mr. Jusei’s math class, or as all of his students called him, ‘professor snipe’. What bothered him more, was the fact that he would have to fill up on school slop.

The line was already long, and it moved slowly as kids took their time talking and standing around. Denki groaned as they slowly moved through the line. He cheered up slightly when he saw that pizza crunchers were being served. They were definitely one of the better items on the menu.

He and Hanta both loaded their plates and made their way out of the lunchroom. The chaos and noise of all the underclassmen faded behind them as they slowly trekked back the way they came. One of the hallways had a floor length window along one wall, so Denki and Hanta decided to sit against the lockers and watch the rainfall outside.

“Won’t you get in trouble for skipping?” Denki asked as he nibbled on the banana included in his meal. Hanta just shrugged, “This seemed more important.” His heart fluttered in his chest. He didn’t even try to hide his giddy smile.

Denki ate slowly, chipping away at his plate with hesitant, calculated bites. Four pizza crunchers, one banana, a scoop of sweet corn, and a low fat chocolate milk sat before him. It was innocent and harmless, a regular school lunch, but to Denki, it was evil. The pizza crunchers alone had 420 calories, which he memorized from anxiously looking it up sometime in his first year.

He glanced at Hanta a few times. What did people who didn’t have eating disorders even think about when they ate? How could they fully enjoy their food without being scared of getting fat or feeling guilty? It had been so long for Denki, that he could barely remember a time where his mind wasn’t panicking every time food touched his lips.

“Hey, Denki?” Hanta didn’t look at him, he just continued to focus on his plate, but it didn’t take away from the carefulness and sincerity in his tone. “If you’re cool with me asking… Why do you do it? I mean, what makes you feel like you can’t or shouldn’t eat?” He met Denki’s gaze as he finished.

That was a hard question to answer. Sure, when it all started Denki did have the specific goal of slimming down in mind, but as he got worse it became less about looking more attractive and more about looking sick. He wanted to look skeletal, even when he knew it worried or grossed other people out.

He shrugged weakly, “I don’t really know. I guess… It started because I wanted to shed a few pounds. After a while though, I just felt like I couldn't stop.” He thought back to when he naively told himself that he would go back to eating normally once he dropped a few pounds. Back then, he truly believed his own lie.

Somehow his family never noticed. His mother never said anything when he turned down dinner every night, and his siblings were just happy to have more food for themselves. Hell, maybe his mother was happy as well. Maybe she was glad that she didn’t have to spend as much money feeding another mouth.

“You never needed to lose any weight though.”

That’s right. Denki was always a skinny kid, and he definitely wasn’t bad looking, but something weird in his brain got out of place and told him it would be a good idea to stop eating for a little while. It was hard to stop once it started.

What Denki didn’t realize back then, was that there would never be a ‘thin enough’. That didn’t exist. Not for him at least. His eating disorder was a race against himself, and he would never win. It was rigged from the very moment it started, set up to ensure his demise with the illusion of control. Because starving yourself for days on end meant having impeccable self control, right?

Denki avoided responding by shoving a spoonful of corn in his mouth. Hanta hummed and scooted closer until they were flush together side by side. “Sorry. I know I don't get it at all. I just…” He paused, absently dragging his knuckles along Denki’s hand, “I care a lot, and I want you to be okay.”

They stayed close together, listening to the rain and finishing their food. Starving was an addictive thing for Denki. It wasn’t just the fact that he was so far gone that he genuinely didn’t know how to eat regularly without thinking about it, but the fact that starving was comforting in a weird way.

There was a period of time where he did begin eating more, and he was doing really good, but he was his own worst enemy. He remembered how validated he felt when he got dizzy, and how proud he was when the numbers on the scale dropped. It shouldn’t have been so tempting, he should have remembered all the hellish parts about it all, but he didn’t. It was like his brain purposefully blocked out all the bad just so that it could lure him back in. It worked in the end.

Tears welled up in Denki’s eyes as he thought about it all. This disorder had an iron grip on him, chaining him down and dictating damn near everything in his life. Everything went back to food, and even though it was his own body, he had no control over any of it.

“I don’t know why, Hanta. I’m really trying.” His voice cracked. Hanta wrapped an arm around him, coaxing him to lay his head on his shoulder, “I know. As long as you’re trying.” He turned his face so that it was half buried in Denki’s hair, and whispered to him, “I’ll be right there with you too.”

They sat there for a moment longer, with Denki desperately trying to stop crying before anybody saw, and Hanta holding him close and comforting him like it was his duty. The bell rang, signaling for second lunch, which was when they usually ate.

They shared a look before separating and gathering themselves up off of the floor. The whole school may have known about Denki fainting in the hallway, and they could definitely see how he looked and take a guess just from that, but moments like the one he shared with Hanta that day stayed a secret. Nobody else truly knew, nor did they truly care.

There would be a lot of explaining to his friends, and a lot of fending off curious students who either saw what happened or heard about it through the grapevine. Denki wasn’t sure if he wanted to deal with all that, or if he was even ready or able to. He just felt tired. The day continued nonetheless. Time never slowed down for those who needed a break, and he knew that.

They walked back slowly, throwing away their empty styrofoam trays in a trashcan along the way. More food, more talking that Denki wasn’t ready to do, and more stress for him to carry. It was only a matter of time before his mother got ahold of him and told him to do better instead of comforting him and asking what was going on.

Just before they turned the corner to enter the lunchroom, Hanta stopped. “Are you sure you’re fine?”

Denki nodded, smiling softly, “Yeah. I feel better.” He steeled himself before entering the giant open and bustling area. It’s just putting up a front. He had been doing this for a long time. Nobody else needed to see the rawest parts of him. So even though the school would most definitely know what was wrong with him, they wouldn’t be able to get to him.

They walked in together, side by side. In an instant, Denki was back to normal. He brushed everything off, and the act kept up. 

He was fine, and that was the story he was sticking to.

Chapter Text

Gum stuck to the bottom of Katsuki’s right slide, causing it to stick to the floor with each step. It pissed him off even more than he already was. Who the hell just spits their gum on the floor? He thought with disdain. He truly believed a lot of the kids at UA to be dumbasses. It was supposed to be one of the better schools, but he wasn’t even sure how a lot of people were moving to the next grade at all.

The hallway was cramped and muggy with the breath of all the people who couldn’t shut their mouths for two seconds. There was just something off. Katsuki felt more pissed off than normal, everything bothering him just a bit more than it usually would. Everybody else seemed to be a bit more lively too.

While Katsuki pretended not to, he usually eavesdropped on a lot of the gossip around school. He was relatively quiet when he wanted to be, and it’s not like many people were eager to talk to him and be friends, so he was usually alone. People didn’t think he heard or saw, but he did. If he really wanted to, he could dig up anything.

Something told him that he should pay attention. An odd, nagging feeling ate away at him, forcing him to listen in on what people were saying. Different voices slowly came into focus as he concentrated.

Toru walked alongside Kinoko, bent over slightly and trying her best to whisper to the shorter girl, “I saw the whole thing happen! He fainted randomly near the science wing.” Another group behind Katsuki whispered about something similar.

Christ, somebody fainted? It was probably something stupid. He wondered who it could be. He was indifferent about a lot of people, and he wondered who it was more out of curiosity than concern. That was until he heard the name of his friend escape somebody’s lips.

“I think his name’s Denki Kaminari, the one that dresses all crazy and stuff.” Everything seemed to slow down and speed up all at once. Wait, Denki Fainted? Indifference to the situation quickly turned into an anxious knot pulling tight in his stomach.

Dread clawed at his brain as he short-circuited, trying to wrap his head around that piece of information. When did Denki faint, and why? Was he okay? He stayed calm and collected, but worry and guilt filled his mind.

The hallway was full of talk about the incident and it was suddenly too crowded. Katsuki needed to find Denki and get the full story, but everybody was packed in tight like a can of sardines. People could barely move, only able to shuffle slowly and inch closer to their destination.

Katsuki grumbled, growing more and more irritated. His only goal at the moment was to get to Denki and make sure he was okay. He was concerned, really concerned, but he would never admit it.

He resorted to pushing people out of the way, barking out loud demands to move, not caring if anybody got upset. With the lunch room finally in sight, he speedwalked forward, full of fury and protectiveness. His ears filled with loud chatter from tables full of people, each one in their own world. However, he would be willing to bet that at least half of those tables’ worlds were focused on his friend right now.

Katsuki would usually find somewhere else to chill during lunch, only entering the cafeteria to get his food and get out, but he would have to settle for the sea of kids all eating in the same area.

It didn’t take long to find the right table. He quickly located that head of electric blond hair, surrounded by bright red and pink as well. Katsuki could see Mina leaning in closely, looking worried beyond belief as she tried to listen to what Denki was saying. Eijirou looked worried as well, eyebrows pinched together and eyes dark with concern. 

He stalked up, making his presence known and commanding attention. “Sparky!” Denki jumped, whipping around to see Katsuki looming over him.

“Uh. Hey-”

“What the fuck happened?” He asked. He was really working overtime to keep his anger in check. He couldn’t tell if it was because Denki fainted in the first place, or because he waited this long to tell him, but Katsuki probably wouldn’t be satisfied with any reason given.

In the middle of the lunch room was not the best place to cause a scene, especially when Denki already stirred up enough of a fuss, but Katsuki’s explosive temper was a force to be reckoned with.

“I-Its not that serious,” Denki explained, throwing his hands up in defense, “Just had a small mishap in the hallway.” 

Katsuki’s eye twitched. “Small mishap?”

“Or… Y’know… a colossal fuck up, I guess.”

Katsuki grinded his teeth, sitting down next to Eijirou with more force than anybody ever needed for just sitting down. He curled his fists on the table as he leaned in, “This isn’t a fucking joke, Denki.”

Eijirou nudged him gently with his elbow, “Hey man, calm down.” But Katsuki didn’t listen, he just continued to let his anger bubble beneath the surface. He was more so angry at the rest of the school for gossiping and gawking at his friend, but he was also angry at Denki.

He was angry because he hated to see Denki destroy himself like this. He hated seeing how his eyes actively clouded over at times because he could barely focus enough to get through one class, and he hated seeing the way he shook and his body slowly got slimmer and slimmer. But Denki refused to help himself.

“Do you know that half the god damn school is talking about you? For fuck’s sake, it won’t take until the end of the day until all these dickheads start spewing bullshit lies about you!”

Mina quickly intervened, understanding that the situation needed to be defused before Katsuki blew up on somebody and Denki got hurt even more. “It’s not that bad! Just watch, people will forget by tomorrow.”

Katsuki deadpan stared at her, not buying into her feeble attempt at soothing him. Well, at least she tried. He directed his attention back to Denki, “Why’d you faint at all? Huh? When’s the last time you ate?” Denki just looked off to the side.

Hanta appeared with a plate of food, squeezing between Denki and Mina. He noticed Katsuki after taking a bite of his food, “Oh, hey dude.” He glanced around the table, realizing that the mood wasn’t all that great. “Oh.”

“Listen, I ate today, I swear.” Katsuki glared at Denki. If he had a dollar for everytime he heard that out of sparky’s mouth, he’d be even richer than he already was. He didn’t believe it, not one bit.

Denki pouted, “I did!”

“He’s telling the truth.” Hanta said around another bite of food. “I was with him.”

“Wait, is that your second plate?” Eijirou pointed at him quizically.

“Yeah.”

Katsuki groaned, “Jesus fucking christ, whatever! We’re talking about Denki almost dying in the hallway earlier!” He was exaggerating a lot, but that might as well have been what happened. In his mind, anyways.

Denki curled in on himself like he was trying to escape the conversation. Katsuki didn’t miss all the watchful eyes and prying ears trying to listen in. Every fucker in this school wanted to shove their noses into everybody else’s business, and he wasn’t having it.

The straw that broke the camel’s back was the evil little prick that strolled on up to their table, wearing a smug smile that only made him all the more hateable. Neito Monoma, the school’s number one instigator and shit starter.

“Hey! Glad to see you doin’ alright buddy.” He placed a sneering hand on Denki’s shoulder. One of his favorite things to do was strut around school and act as though he was above everybody else. He liked to put others down and treat them like his play things, but Katsuki could see right through him. Neito was really just some insecure loser that thought it better to be loud and known rather than respectful and cast to the side.

He leaned down so that he was face to face with Denki, “I heard you took quite the fall.”

“What do you want, Neito?” Hanta rolled his eyes as he asked. The whole table was already fed up with his bullshit, and he had barely even spoken two sentences. “Aw… don’t be like that! I just wanna check up on our pal here.”

He shoved his way between Denki and Eijirou to sit down as if he belonged there. Denki was visibly uncomfortable, but he didn’t say anything. It wouldn’t be the first time he was subject to mockery, but that didn’t mean it got any easier.

“I really feel for you, y'know. It must be horrible. I couldn’t imagine being so unhappy with myself that I just stop eating.” He paused to take a look at Denki, making an exaggerated disgusted face. “I mean, you look disgusting, like a walking skeleton.”

“What the fuck is your problem?!” Katsuki slammed his fists on the table. His anger was beginning to boil over. Emotions can only simmer for so long before they overflow and explode. Honestly, he was surprised he hadn’t snapped sooner, but if there was one person that knew just how to make him tick, it was Neito.

Neito didn’t stop. He slung an arm around Denki like they were buddies, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. They would never be buddies, and the words that came out of Neito’s nasty mouth next just proved it.

“I mean, everybody can see it. That you have issues. People are scared of you. You’re a freak.”

Katsuki got up from his seat and strided over to the other boy, grabbing him by the collar just as he stood completely. “How about you shut the fuck up and mind your own business?” Neito scoffed, “Or what?”

He was asking for it. Katsuki drew his fist back and swung, hitting Neito right on his cheek. The beating that would ensue was long overdue.

Eijirou stood too, ready to break up the fight that was already unfolding in front of him, eyes wide in shock, “Katsuki!”

Neito cupped his cheek and glared at him. “You mother fucker.” He hissed under his breath. He took a moment to gather himself before launching himself at Katsuki. They were a tangle of grabbing hands, swinging fists, and stumbling feet.

The world around them blurred. Students crowded around them, shouting and pulling out their phones to record, already making bets on who would win and figuring out ways to embellish the story for when they told their friends.

Adrenaline surged through Katsuki’s veins, not allowing him a single second to stop and think. All he could do was swing, and all he could focus on was beating this prick to a pulp. His punches were fueled by nothing but rage and venom, and he relished in the way that Neito began to break down, each hit clearly taking a toll on him.

The loud shrieking and howling of the other kids, some in support of Katsuki and others in support of Neito (though, not very many), spurred them on. Each hit earned loud cheering and commentary from the crowd. Some people taunted from the sidelines, trying their best to escalate the situation without actually getting involved.

Neito didn’t look it, but he was a scrappy little thing when he needed to be. It’s no surprise, really. With how much he runs his mouth he had to learn to fight at least a little. He delivered a few decent blows, knocking the wind out of Katsuki and taunting him all the while.

“That all you got?!” Neito yelled above the clamor of the crowd. Oh, what a mistake that was, because he hadn't even seen a fraction of the damage Katsuki could inflict, but he was about to find out.

Katsuki aimed to end this fight. He was a whirlwind of pure emotion, nothing but anger and malice ripping through his mind and instructing his fists to swing with all their might.

One sloppy hit to the cheek again, another to the gut, and the best Katsuki had to the liver. Neito curled in on himself, cradling his body. Blood leaked from his nose and mouth and dripped to the floor as he groaned in pain.

Katsuki had a crazed impish grin as he stepped closer and admired his work, glancing down at his bloodied fists. He couldn’t tell if they were splattered with his own or Neito’s blood, but it didn’t matter. 

“Say something else, cunt. I dare you.”

Neito kept his mouth shut, opting to try and stop his bleeding, staining his hands and clothes in the process. He had backed down, forfeited, pussied out. Katsuki won. The fight was over.

But it didn’t end there. It didn’t end where it should’ve.

Katsuki kicked Neito onto his ass and loomed over him. That earned an uproar of oooh’s from the crowd , like they were trying to push the limits and see how much farther he was willing to go. Well, they were about to find out how pissed Katsuki really was, because he was laying it all out right there in the cafeteria.

Katsuki kicked Neito while he was down, drawing more groans and strangled, pained noises from him. He writhed around in a pathetic attempt to hide from each kick. He begged weakly for Katsuki to stop, whining something about how he was sorry, even though that was most definitely just to save his own ass from being beaten to death.

The voices of everybody else faded away in Katsuki’s brain. There was shouting, screaming, Neito’s cries of agony, and distinct yet faint voices calling out to him, but none of it actually reached him. There was only a ringing in his ear, a thousand muffled voices, and the sound of his own pants and grunts as he continued to kick and stomp.

Eijirou and Hanta eventually broke through the crowd and latched onto Katsuki, drawing him away from his victim.

“Chill the fuck out, dude! Look at what you’re doing!” Eijirou yelled, gesturing to Neito’s quivering form on the cold linoleum floor.

The school officer and a few other staff came after that, but they were far too late. Officer Inui grabbed Katsuki from the two boys as a few teachers rushed to Neito’s side to assess the damage. Teachers yelled orders for students to step back above all the commotion.

Officer Inui looked furious. He aided the other adults in shouting orders at all the students, but it didn’t exactly do much since nobody could ever understand what he was saying when he yelled. 

Katsuki was quickly dragged out of the lunch room and into the office where he was instructed to sit and wait until he could be seen by the principal and counselor. He was still pumped full of adrenaline, and now he just felt dazed and on edge. He took the time to reflect.

He had little more than a few scratches and bruises on him, and it made him proud. He had left Neito a bloodied and bruised mess on the floor, while all he had to show for the fight was his crumpled clothes and messied hair.

He examined his lap and hands as he waited. They were still splattered with blood. It was most likely a mix of his and Neito’s, with dried blood from that prick’s face, and blood from Katsuki’s own split knuckles. It was like a temporary trophy.

Katsuki knew that having a record of fights wasn’t a good thing, but in his defense, he only fought when he had to, and this was definitely one of those times. He refused to just stand by and watch his friend get picked apart by some dickhead who had no right at all. He didn’t know Denki, so why should he get to spread rumors and cause chaos? It wasn’t right.

But aside from the logical aspects of it all, he did have an impressive lineup of fights. All of which he’d won. And, on the bright side, this would most definitely draw attention away from Denki.

Principal Nezu and Mr. Aizawa finally appeared, both looking mysterious and unsurprised. Mr. Aizawa was a ragged looking man, with unkempt hair, eyebags, and a stubble. He didn’t bother with formal attire, but the way he carried himself radiated “no bullshit” energy. Principal Nezu, on the other hand, always dressed his best, taking pride in being well groomed and presentable. He was cheery and always wore a smile, even when he was angry. Which was actually a little concerning, because it made him look crazed, and it never failed to make the students nervous.

They coldly beckoned for Katsuki to follow them into the conference room, refusing to give away their true thoughts and emotions on the situation. Oh, great, here goes.

The conference room was bleak and unwelcoming and felt too cramped. There was a whiteboard at the end of the long table with random information written on it in a fading green marker. Katsuki took a seat in one of the rolling chairs, making a show of slouching and pouting, trying to act as immature and rude as possible without digging himself into an even deeper hole.

Principal Nezu and Mr. Aizawa shared a look as they sat down, as if they were trying to decide who should start, but neither looked like they wanted to be here at all. Mr. Aizawa sighed and slid a pink piece of paper across the table. “We need you to write a statement, but while you do that, we want to have a talk with you.”

Katsuki rolled his eyes, inspecting the paper from afar but making no move to actually fill it out. 

“Listen, kid,” Mr. Aizawa said, unenthused by Katsuki’s defiance, “You have a history of getting into trouble here. If this continues, you’ll have to be sent to alternative school, and we don’t want that to happen. Moreover, this is becoming concerning.”

Katsuki was not interested in hearing all the practiced and rehearsed crap about the school being concerned for his mental health because he was being a deviant. It was always the same, from student to student, the school only cared about keeping their reputation up.

He refused to get set up with a counselor or therapist. God forbid they found out about his substance use and started calling him a danger to himself. Nobody really cared, and it pissed him off that they acted like they did.

“You’re not doing this for no reason, no child does, and before we have to take extreme measures, we want to know what's really going on.”

Principal Nezu stepped in, “Yes! The young child’s mind is irrational and devoid of the life experience needed to handle hardships and conflicts. It is not uncommon for children with life or mental issues to begin to act out, such as you are, Katsuki.”

“Mhm. You may not believe us, but we are being genuine.” Mr. Aizawa made sure that he had Katsuki’s attention, never breaking eye contact. “We need you to let us in, or else we can not help you.”

Katsuki was baffled. He didn’t need help. He wasn’t some troubled kid who needed a therapist or psychologist to go picking around in his mind. He beat people’s asses because they deserved it, not because he was fishing for attention. He wasn’t that kind of person.

“Like I'd ever tell you guys anything.” He scoffed. 

Principal Nezu hummed cheerily, completely unfitting for the situation, and then looked to Mr. Aizawa. The tired man poorly held back a groan before speaking, “Well, we’re going to continue to try to get you to open up. We also have to call your mother so that she can pick you up, obviously. You’ll be suspended for three days.”

Great. Katsuki would never hear the end of it. His mother would chew his ass out for the rest of the day, complaining about how much of a burden he was and how disappointed in him she was. If she came to get him, then he would be subject to her chastising for the next three days, which was worse than any other punishment the school could give him.

He really didn’t want to have to deal with that right now, but he also didn’t want to beg them not to call her. Not only would that just make him look weak, but it would reveal that there truly were things causing problems for him outside of school.

Because, sure, maybe he did need a little bit of help, a shoulder to lean on and a listening ear, but he would never admit that. Especially not to the principal and school counselor. He had his own ways to cope, and he knew how to handle himself. He would push through without help from anybody else, help which was given out of artificial concern and care. He had been handling life alone for a long, long time, and he would continue on like that.

Mr. Aizawa shook his head at Katsuki’s persistent silence, “Please fill out the form while we get ahold of your mother.” He stood and left the room, leaving principal Nezu and Katsuki alone.

The silence was awkward. Katsuki avoided eye contact, reluctantly writing his statement just to have something to do. Principal Nezu broke the silence, completely unfazed, “Katsuki, I do hope that you will at least consider what we’ve said.” He looked up at that.

“We truly do care for each and every one of our students, and the problem children are no exception to that. I, we , see you, Katsuki. If you ever need to talk, or if you ever need advice, know that you can always talk to Mr. Aizawa or any of the adults at UA.” His smile was ever present, but it felt different. It felt warm and genuine, just for Katsuki.

He grunted in acknowledgement and looked back down at the paper to fill out the rest of it. He did not need to talk. He would rather die than cry to the counselor about his feelings and home life. He built his walls carefully, and he wasn’t planning on tearing them down anytime soon.

Mr. Aizawa stepped back into the room. “She’s on her way. That is one angry woman…” Fuck. Katsuki thought.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

The car ride home consisted of nothing but meaningless back and forth shouting. The conversation went nowhere, it was just the same thing over and over again. A familiar aggravating dance around each other, one that they had been through a thousand times before, one that only went in circles because neither of them wanted to listen to what the other had to say.

In Mitsuki’s mind, she was always right. She held complete rule over Katsuki just because she gave birth to him, and there was no way in hell that he could be correct in any situation ever. She never listened to him, and she expertly dodged around every point, shooting him down whenever she felt threatened.

“You’re just a brat that wants everybody to pay attention to him and bow down to him! That’s not how life works, Katsuki!” Mitsuki huffed, gripping the steering wheel like it owed her money. “Oh, you’re one to talk!”

“Don’t disrespect your mother!”

“You’re not listening to anything I'm saying!”

“You don’t know shit!”

It was all back and forth until they reached the house. Katsuki was already getting a headache from all the shouting and stress of trying to talk to somebody so close minded. When they walked inside, Masaru was watching TV and doing his best to act like he didn't hear any of the arguing.

Katsuki gave up sooner than usual. He cut himself off mid sentence and turned his back on Mitsuki, stomping up to his room while she shouted for him not to walk away. He didn’t want to deal with her, he had no reason to. It never went anywhere, anyways.

He plopped down onto his bed and exhaled. It was only 1:13 PM, but he already felt ready to turn in for the night. He thought about Denki, wondering how he was holding up since he didn’t get to see him at all after the fight.

His friends would probably tell him that he didn’t have to fight or say that he went too far, but he wouldn’t do it any differently. Neito got what was coming to him. Even if fighting was wrong, there was at least a little good to come out of it. Neito, hopefully, learned his lesson, and attention was steered away from Denki.

Of course, it wouldn’t help with people’s views on Katsuki at all. He was stuck between not caring at all, and being angry at the world for seeing him as some scary villain. That was how he presented himself though, so why should he be upset?

People were bound to be repulsed by his foul language and disrespect, and he knew that, but he still acted that way. It acted as an exceptional shield against his family, but he never really learned to let that shield down for other people, and the very few times that he did only ended badly.

The only times that Katsuki regretted the way he acted was when he realized that it very well could push away the only friends he had. The friends that took years to find, and the ones that put up with him even when he was being a dick.

He put up a front of pretending not to care about anybody or anything, but at the end of the day, he was just insecure and scared. He had nightmares about losing Denki and Hanta, and now Eijirou, too. If he could be vulnerable, even just for a moment, he would. But his heart was caged in barbed wire, a precaution set in place by himself which was starting to become more of a problem than a safety blanket.

Katsuki was like a wounded dog. He had learned to be vicious, snarl, and bite at people at a young age, because the people who were meant to gently care for him harmed him instead. He was mean and angry, but that was just the version of himself he used to survive. He never learned that the rest of the world wouldn’t be so cruel to him. He never learned that not every hand that reached out to him was there to hurt him.

Katsuki was never too fond of all that sappy shit, so he decided to silence his thoughts by scrolling absently on his phone. His feelings didn’t matter anyways, it wasn’t that bad.

After a while of scrolling, the phone buzzed and lit up with a picture of Denki making a dumb face. Katsuki swiped to answer the incoming call.

“Dude! That fight was crazy! What happened after? What’d your mom say?” Denki shot off a million different questions, not giving Katsuki enough time to actually answer anything.

Katsuki cut him off, “I could’ve done way more if we weren’t in school.” It was the truth. Had they not been on school grounds or had anybody around to hold Katsuki back, Neito would’ve come out of that fight with way worse injuries. And a possible concussion.

“And you already know what the fuck that nagging bitch had to say. Same shit. Just a whole lot of yapping about nothing.” He sighed.

Denki’s eyes shifted to something more sympathetic. It made Katsuki squirm uncomfortably. He hated being pitied. “You didn’t have to do that, y’know.” Denki said meekly. “But it was pretty cool. I appreciate it.” He tacked on, even softer this time.

Katsuki huffed, “Yeah. Well, what are friends for?” Relief washed over him. Today wouldn’t be the day he lost one of his only friends. He didn’t fuck everything up, and he couldn’t be more glad.

Chapter Text

Eijirou bent down to collect his snack from the vending machine. The chocolate covered pretzels promised temporary dopamine that would satisfy him in the moment, but ultimately do nothing against the absolute chaos of the day, which was already draining him mentally.

Denki fainted in the hallway, Katsuki got into a fight in front of the whole school, and Eijirou got a D- on his math test. Albeit, a poor grade in math was sort of underwhelming compared to whatever his friends had going on, but it still stressed him out.

After both incidents with his friends, he wasn’t able to escape any gossip about his two blond buddies. Most talk about Denki died down in favor of Katsuki and his epic brawl with Neito.

The way the story got told made it seem like it was some crazy battle out of an anime or an action movie, and Katsuki was the villain apparently.

It hurt to hear students talk about him like he was some wild animal just waiting to snap. Sure, Katsuki had a bit of a temper, and sure, he was kind of a ticking time bomb, but he wasn’t evil. There was a side to him that kids at UA didn’t see. A side to him that was reserved for the people he trusted most. Which just so happened to be Denki, Eijirou, and Hanta.

Eijirou wasn’t really able to wrap his head around it yet. About two weeks ago he was a little scared of Katsuki, but now they were friends and Katsuki was showing bits and pieces of himself that were so different from the first impression he gave.

That loud and disruptive misfit acted differently when it was just their small friend group. He was more calm, and more willing to open up instead of shutting everybody out and threatening them with his many sharp edges.

The more time Eijirou spent with Katsuki, the more he started to understand him. Slowly but surely. However, he was simultaneously sucked into a whirlwind of emotions that he hadn’t the slightest clue of where to begin with.

He was clueless when it came to romance, and he desperately needed some sort of clarification after that “hangout” at Katsuki’s house, but Katsuki stayed silent about the entire thing.

They made out, hit third base, and fucking cuddled afterwards, and Katsuki somehow went on in life like everything was normal. Eijirou, on the other hand, had no clue what to do with himself.

They spent a lot more time together, like magnets drawn to one another, just sort of naturally gravitating together a little more. The question of what they were never got answered, though. It never even got asked.

Questions swirled in Eijirou’s head, making him dizzy and nauseous whenever he thought about it for too long. What were they? Was it just a heat of the moment type thing? Was Katsuki upset about it and wanting to forget?

It wasn’t just about the sex for Eijirou, though. Katsuki saw his scars, his weakness immortalized on his skin. His lowest points forever engrained into his body. Those marks of shame that he kept secret. Katsuki had reassured him in the moment, but what if he didn’t actually mean it?

What if Katsuki only said those things so that he could get off and then toss Eijirou to the side? Maybe he was actually put off by the scars. But he didn’t seem like that kind of guy. He was rude, but he wasn’t heartless.

The lack of communication was killing Eijirou. He needed to spill his guts and word vomit until he was sure everybody was on the same page. Only then would he be satisfied and not feel so pukey every time his mind started to wander.

Sadly, that would never happen, because he would rather die than initiate the conversation. Talking about stuff like that could cause conflict, and conflict scared him, so it was better to just stay silent until things worked themselves out.

He was like a nervous rabbit. He would take off running at the slightest hint of danger, or in this case, disagreement. He just couldn’t handle all the emotions and uncertainty of everything. It was all too much to handle.

So often when issues came to light, Eijirou would lock up. He would freeze like a deer in headlights. No matter how much rehearsing the conversation in his head he did, and no matter how much he tried to prepare, it always ended with him staying silent until he could retreat and hide from the world. It made him feel weak and pathetic.

Aside from Katsuki, there was a whole other matter eating away at his mind. Denki fainted in the hallway earlier. So much for being “fine”.

Eijirou sighed as he tore into the bag of pretzels and popped one into his mouth. The smell of chocolate and salty goodness filled his nose and put him slightly at ease. Food always brought him comfort, but it seemed to do the exact opposite for his friend.

Denki thwarted all questions about what happened whenever anybody asked, insisting that everything was taken care of and that he was okay.

Eijirou knew to respect his boundaries. He couldn’t force Debki to talk if he didn’t want to. However… He could attempt to loosen him up a bit. No harm in that.

Denki was the only person other than Katsuki that could possibly understand the way Eijirou felt – Tired, confused, insecure, and feeling the urge to damage himself.

He had yet to open up about his issues, and he was desperate to close that gap between them after learning about Denki’s eating disorder.

It wasn’t about trying to overshadow his friend’s issues or trying to compete to see who was more mentally ill or anything. It was about trying to find somebody who would understand and be by his side. Somebody he didn’t need to change for.

That was something that Eijirou thought he would never find. He thought he would be alone with his thoughts forever. Until he met Katsuki and Denki. Who better to understand a mentally ill person than another mentally ill person? They were freaks of nature to the rest of the world, but they could be that way together. They didn’t need to feel the pressure of trying to act normal for others.

Eijirou had been searching for so long, for somebody to notice and take care. He had been reaching out for a hand that might never come. A hand that, while maybe not able to pull him out of the pit he was stuck in, could at least offer him comfort and reassurance until he found a way to climb out on his own.

Life decided it was funny to fuck him over though.

He sighed as he trudged down the hallway, dreading attending his last class which he was already late for. How was he supposed to focus on anything other than his personal life? When his mind was plagued with worries about the past, the now, the future, and dramatized hypotheticals that only served to make him more nervous about life.

Well, the answer was not at all. As he entered the classroom, uttering a quick apology about being late and not having a pass, he already made up his mind about not bothering to pay attention. He took the last hour and a half of the day to put his head down and tap out of reality.

God, did he need the rest. He wanted to be back home, in the comfort of his room, with cold steel in his hand eager to slice him open even more. But that could wait.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

The bell jolted Eijirou awake. He frantically wiped the drool from his chin and grabbed his bag to head out and find Denki.

He waved his friend down in the hallway, but Denki seemed hesitant, probably assuming that Eijirou would just continue to question him like everybody else. Despite Denki’s obvious uncertainty, even from afar, He persisted. He needed this, desperately, like this was the only chance he would ever get.

“Denki! Hey, man.”

“What’s up?”  He watched Eijirou while opening his locker, waiting to see what he wanted.

“I was just…” He rubbed the back of his neck, “I dunno. I was just wondering if you maybe wanna talk?”

Denki blinked, “Talk?”

“Yeah. Just hang out for a bit.” Eijirou shrugged. He wasn’t sure how to convey how important this was. If he came on too strong he ran the risk of scaring Denki off, and that was the last thing he wanted.

“Sure, I guess.”

Eijirou held in his sigh of relief. He would finally get the chance to get some stuff off his chest, and he knew exactly where he wanted to go to do it.

A short ways away from UA was an old park that nobody visited anymore. There was always the occasional old couple out on a walk or a child running around the playground with their parent to watch, but with the bite of the September air and cover of clouds that came with it, Denki and Eijirou were sure to be alone.

They wandered around for a bit, beating around the bush for as long as they could, because wanting to have a serious talk didn’t actually make the act any less awkward. The playground was out of the way of all the benches and walking trails, long forgotten and in need of some serious TLC. The chains on the swings squeaked when they sat down, and the bar that held the whole structure together bent slightly under their shared weight. Ditches were dug in the mulch under the swings, caused by years of children kicking it up to stop themselves when they wanted to get off. 

It made them both feel a little nostalgic. Back when they didn’t have a care in the world and they didn’t feel like the weight of just being alive was trying to crush them. The sun always seemed to shine a little brighter back then. Memories of scraped knees and playing pretend with other kids flooded back, fuzzy but unmistakable, and too bittersweet to handle.

Time passes quickly, and it refuses to stop. Not for anybody, not for anything. Memories always turn out vague, indistinct and hazy, because all experiences are fleeting. Life will escape you if you let it, and Eijirou knew that all too well. He was watching it all happen. He was allowing it to happen.

The realization that he would never be able to go back and experience those memories again hit him like a semi-truck. Tears formed in the corners of his eyes, threatening to fall if he didn't steel himself immediately. Denki was silent next to him, unaware of the cascade of emotions inside Eijirou’s head.

Eijirou gripped the rusty chain on the swing seat, hoping the cold against his skin would ground him a bit.

“This is kind of awkard…”

Denki looked at him, confused, “Huh?”

Eijirou sighed, “I don’t really know how to say this, but I feel like I gotta tell you.”

Denki stared at him, already completely invested in whatever Eijirou had to say. Still, he hesitated. How was he supposed to go about this? He worried he might scare Denki off or freak him out. All he could think about were the worst possible outcomes, and he had backed himself into a corner. He couldn't avoid it now. The only available options were coming clean like he planned, or lying his way out of this.

Well, even as the days gnawed on his brain like a chew toy until he was too tired to even leave bed, he still held onto his morals the best he could. Lying wasn’t manly at all. He got himself into this situation, and he was going to follow through with his plan.

“Denki… You remember when you told me about your eating disorder when we first met?”

There was a pause. “Yeeeaah?”

“I, uh, wanted to admit something too. But it felt really awkward and kinda scary, especially with Hanta there, and I didn’t know if you would be grossed out or-” Eijirou began to ramble, but Denki never interrupted him. He watched intently, like he could tell this was serious. Or maybe like he’d been waiting to hear this all along.

Eijirou cut himself off, “Jesus. There’s not really any way to ease into this.”

Another pause, this time so that Eijirou could muster the courage to get the words he actually wanted to say out.

“I cut myself.” He deadpanned.

The silence continued to stretch on. Denki remained expressionless. Eijirou swore he could see the gears  turning in his head, slowly but surely piecing together all the information. After a moment, his eyes widened in realization, and in shock.

“I mean- I’m telling you because I- y’know-” Eijirou tripped over his words in a desperate attempt to save the conversation.

“I just really needed to get it off my chest and you seemed like the only other person who would get it.”

Denki shook his head, “Sorry, I'm not judging or anything. I just didn’t expect it.”

“I guess I also wanted you to know that I get it. A little bit, anyways. It's not the same but I think I still get where you're coming from.”

“Yeah, fucking yourself up for the hell of it.”

That's really all it was, wasn’t it? Eijirou cut to feel and to punish himself for the simple act of living. His skin was a myriad of scars because he came home every night and dug into himself to distract from everything else. When things got to being too much he turned to the blade, and it offered the comfort he craved every time.

But that’s not how normal people cope. In fact, it wasn’t coping at all. It was making everything worse. But Eijirou wouldn’t admit that. Or maybe he just couldn’t see it. So, why else did he cut? Because he couldn’t stop, and because he had nothing better to do.

If he couldn’t find the courage to kill himself, he could at least get close to it by cutting. He could chase the sensation of death through tearing himself apart bit by aching bit.

“Um, can I ask something?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“I’ve never… seen any scars.”

Because Eijirou hid them, and he hid them well. He hesitated for a moment before gingerly lifting his shirt and hoodie, revealing his desecrated hip. It was only a small portion of the rest of what was there, but it still made Denki’s eyes widen. Eijirou wouldn’t allow him to see the new ones, still raw and tender from the previous night.

He looked down and grimaced. He did it to himself, and he knew what it looked like, but sometimes it still shocked him. Like he was seeing the raised skin for the first time.

“Sorry, It’s gross.” He deflated as he dropped his hoodie to cover his side.

Denki shook his head again, “No, I don’t think so. But if you’re gross, I think that makes me pretty gross too.” He smiled, radiating a warm comfort that Eijirou never thought possible.

He was so worried about what Denki would think, he never stopped to consider that he would genuinely and actually understand him. In that moment, he felt so immensely lucky. He finally found the people he was looking for, and they were awesome.

“You won’t tell anybody, right?” Eijirou asked hesitantly.

Denki held a finger up to his lips and grinned mischievously, “My lips are sealed. As long as you don’t tell anybody about me either.”

“I’d never.”

Denki hummed in thought for a moment, not so discreetly glancing back at Eijirou’s hip. “Can I… ask a couple more questions?”

Eijirou nodded. If he was gonna be open with Denki then he was gonna let it all out. Or at least most of it. It would also probably help to share a little more. It was like he was being weighed down under a body of water, each confession lifting a little more weight off of his chest and allowing him a moment to breathe.

“Does it hurt to wrestle like that?” Denki asked with childlike wonder in his eyes. It was probably just the morbid curiosity and joy of speaking to a like minded person, but it seemed out of place for the conversation.

“Yeah, sometimes. It's not as bad if they’re almost healed or if they're not too deep. Sometimes the scabs get snagged on my clothes though. That shit hurts like hell.”

Denki huffed, “Jesus. I can’t imagine walking around acting like I'm not in pain all day like that.”

“But you kinda do.”

“Huh?”

Eijirou thought back to Denki fainting and all the times he skipped lunch or turned down snacks and bites of food. There's no way he wasn’t starving all day. Eijirou couldn’t function without food. He always had snacks on him, and he was notorious for eating the largest portions out of all his friends. If he skipped a meal he would become hangry and get stomach pains. He didn’t understand how Denki went days without food.

“Dude, I start to feel like I’m dying if I don't get to eat breakfast. How the hell are you able to not eat at all? Are you not tempted by every snack in sight?”

Denki shrugged, “It’s just a lot of discipline and getting used to it I guess. Don’t get it twisted though, you don’t know how hard it is to hold back when there's hot pizza on the counter and you haven’t eaten anything but unseasoned chicken and diet coke in weeks.”

It was honestly impressive. If there was ever a show of self control anorexia had it. To be driven away from the very thing that nourishes the body and sustains life purely out of fear of gaining weight was an unnatural thing, but it was a testament to human willpower.

Eijirou smiled. It felt really good talking to Denki, not worrying about slipping up and saying the wrong thing or having to put on a front so that people wouldn’t worry.

A comfortable silence settled between them. It felt like there was a new advancement in their friendship that would now allow them to be more open and at ease. When they would have to hide from friends and family, they could come to each other instead. There was no hiding, no judgement, and no worries. That seemed to be what really brought them together. Despite hanging around different crowds, having mostly different interests, and having generally opposite personality types, they still worked. It was all thanks to their shared fucked up secrets.

Eijirou took a moment to let go of his thoughts, trying his best to just exist in the moment. It was something he struggled with so often. He was never able to get all the heavy thoughts out of his mind, which in turn caused him endless stress.

The wind ruffled his hair to one side. The gel had lost its hold and left him with an awkward heap of messy spikes atop his head. The bright red spikes were like his trademark, but recently he left his hair unstyled a lot more. It took him longer to get to recoloring his hair, allowing his black roots to show as the red slowly faded. It just felt like such a hassle to do each morning. If he was being honest with himself, he only still styled it so that he didn’t lose his sense of self, something that was already beginning to happen.

If he let go of his iconic hair, then he would begin to let go of other things too.

“Hey, I was wondering…” Denki brought Eijirou’s attention back, “Seriously, what’s with you and Katsuki? Did you fight or fuck, I wanna know.”

Eijirou nearly choked. Denki already asked once, but he was certainly much more bold this time around. He had forgotten all about that whole debacle after talking for a bit. He wasn’t sure what to tell Denki. He hadn’t even figured it out for himself. He also wasn’t sure if Katsuki would be okay with him going around and telling people that they hooked up. The answer was probably a resounding no, though. It wouldn't be too crazy to think that Katsuki would find him and strangle him if word got out about them.

“Uh-” Eijirou stammered. It should be fine to tell Denki, right? It’s not like he could avoid it, anyways. He’d already noticed. “Well… I mean…”

Denki groaned as he leaned more towards Eijirou. “Come on, man! You can trust me. That should be clear by now. Unless you go around telling everybody about your scars.”

Way to hold it over Eijirou’s head, but he wasn’t wrong. If Eijirou were to tell anybody, Denki was probably one of the best options.

“Jeez, alright. We kinda… hooked up a little bit ago.” Eijirou’s voice got quieter as he finished the sentence, but Denki still heard. He whipped his head around to fully face Eijirou, eyes wide and mouth agape, grabbing onto the chain of Eijirou’s swing.

“ACTUALLY?” He all but yelled in pure shock. Now Eijirou was confused. He seemed to already know, or at least be suspicious of what happened between him and Katsuki. How could he be this surprised?

“I- Yes? I thought you figured that out?”

Denki huffed, “I mean, I had a hunch, but I guess I thought Katsuki wasn’t really the type to do that stuff. I thought he hated people too much to have sex.”

That made Eijirou giggle. It was a fair assumption to make. The whole experience felt like one big confusing yet happy blur to him. It made him blush and sweat just as much as it made him sick to his stomach with worry and confusion.

“So are you guys like… a secret couple?” 

Eijirou pouted, “I don’t even know, man. ‘It’s complicated’ would be the understatement of the century.”

Denki rubbed the back of his neck with a look of intrigue and sympathy, “That bad?”

“I haven’t even actually talked to him about it. It just sort of happened, and then the next day he acted like everything was normal. But it’s not normal! Not for me, at least!”

Somehow the conversation devolved into relationship issues, but Eijirou couldn’t complain. The whole ordeal with Katsuki was another thing he desperately needed to get off his chest, and Denki seemed eager to know all the details.

“I think you just gotta poke at him a little, y’know? It’ll work out eventually” Denki said with a smirk. He seemed to be enjoying this a bit too much.                                                                                                                        

Eijirou wished things would just work themselves out. He really did trust Denki with this information, but he also couldn’t be a hundred percent sure that his friend would be able to keep his lips sealed. A part of him worried that his love troubles would get to the rest of the school and only cause things to get worse. His mind always had a tendency to jump to the worst, though.

Eijirou poked at the air with a look of disgust, “I hate having to poke at stuff though. It makes me all nervous.”

He scrunched his nose at the thought of all the other things he opted to avoid thinking about rather than actually dealing with. His situationship with Katsuki was just one of many things he had to worry about.

“I’ve already got a lot on my plate with wrestling and shit anyways.”

Denki perked up, already abandoning the current topic for a new one. “Hey, speaking of which, when’s your next tournament? I really wanna see!”

It was around the middle of September by now, which meant that the season was just starting up. Soon enough Eijirou would be back out on the mat doing the only other thing that gave his mind any solace. Rather, it used to. His mother would say he was just lazy and that was the reason he didn’t want to continue wrestling, but that wasn’t it at all.

He hesitated, but folded easily when he made eye contact with Denki, “First one should be Friday two weeks from now.”

Denki grinned excitedly, “Awesome! I can’t wait to see you beat people up!”

“I don’t beat people!”

“Katsuki is totally gonna wanna see too. We’ll both be there cheering you on. Hanta and Mina too, and maybe Ochaco and Izuku-” Denki trailed off, still smiling. Well, it was no football game, but Eijirou always thought tournaments were fun. Denki might be overestimating how fun it’ll actually be, though.

“I’ve never seen a wrestling tournament before, so I’m really excited.”

Now Eijirou felt obligated to put on a good show. He had to keep wrestling, and more importantly, he had to win.

He lightly swiped a thumb over his hoodie. Though they were hidden behind thick cloth, he could still feel the dull throb and ache of his wounds. Would he really be able to continue for the rest of the season?

He could feel himself slowly deteriorating, growing more miserable and tired with each day that passed. No matter how unbreakable or immovable he tried to be, he was slowly cracking. Soon enough he would crumble.

It would be a good idea to stop cutting so that most of the cuts were nearly healed by the first match, but Eijirou just couldn’t give it up. His dependence on cutting would only aid in his downfall if he didn’t get himself in check.

The temperature began to slowly drop as it got later, sending shivers down the two boy’s spines. The clouds rolled slowly across the grey-blue sky, like a precursor to a devastating storm. The atmosphere was calm, but ever so off. Like even though they were safe, there was still the odd feeling of unease and impending doom hiding in the shadows.

“Thanks for coming to talk, Denki. I really appreciate it.”

“No problem man, any time.”

Eijirou stood with a sigh, looking pensively over the empty park. He took it all in. The beginnings of fall left everything looking eerie, like something out of a hazy dream.

“I gotta get home before my mom.” He turned to Denki who was also standing up and preparing to go home.

Denki stretched, and Eijirou couldn’t help but stare at the way his bones jutted out in specific areas. He looked really sick. Too sick. His skin clung to diminished muscle and bone, probably long rid of any fat his body had left to burn. He was gaunt and pale, and he looked weak.

Suddenly, Eijirou didn’t want to leave. He wanted to stay just a moment longer. He wanted to say something. He wanted to help somehow, in any way that he could. But he had to get home to save his own ass, and he knew that nothing he said would be able to magically cure his friend. He probably wouldn’t have anything good to say at all anyways.

“I gotta head home too. I had fun though.” Denki smiled, ignoring the way that Eijirou’s worried eyes roamed over his skeletal body.

Eijirou nodded after a moment, “See you tomorrow…” 

“See ya.” Denki waved and walked off.

Eijirou was left alone, lingering at the swingset for a moment longer. His stomach flipped. Something was really off, he just couldn’t put his finger on it. He couldn’t get rid of the feeling that something bad was going to happen. The relief and joy of talking to Denki wore off, and now he was left alone to overthink everything.

Thoughts of Katsuki, wrestling, Denki, his mother, and school all made laps around his mind, each one making him feel more and more upset with each passing second.

He shook his head. He was most definitely just worrying over nothing. Everything was going to be okay, and maybe things would begin to get better.

That's what he told himself the entire walk to his car. But upon arriving home and making it to his room, that feeling of dread and anxiety suffocated him. He ripped his clothes off, leaving only his socks and boxers, and rummaged through his bedside drawers to find his boxcutter.

When he acquired his target, he wasted no time in adding new injuries to his lower half. Each swipe stung and made him dizzy, but once he hit that layer of fat it only felt like pressure and a dull pinch.

He groaned in pain when the blade snagged on his skin and made a jagged cut. Any previous thoughts or worries Eijirou had faded out of existence. He was too occupied with wiping blood away so that he didn’t make a mess, and so that he could cradle and admire every cut. He was mesmerized by the way they opened up and oozed blood, ogling at how the particularly deep once resembled beans.

Eijirou was safe in the confines of his room. His mind was quiet. If only he knew of the events that would transpire over the next few months.

Chapter Text

Denki fidgeted nervously with the strings on his hoodie. His mind hadn’t been able to calm down all morning. His constant shaking could either be from body getting ready to give out on him or anxiety, though, it very well could be a mix of both.

Fridays were supposed to be easy and fun, the time when the week comes to close and makes way for the relaxation of the weekends, but today the world was against Denki.

He thought back to the previous night. He left the playground after talking with Eijirou for a bit and reluctantly drove home. He knew his mom would say something about the call from the nurse, he just didn't expect it to play out like it did.

It wasn’t the same as it always was. He prepared himself for the same routine, knowing it would sting a bit but that he would ultimately be able to pull through, but he was hit with something new this time. 

It made him sick to his stomach just to remember.

Denki opened the front door slowly, trying his best not to make any noise. It was wishful thinking, but he hoped that if he was quiet and swift enough that he would be able to avoid his mother. For the night, at least.

However, when he stepped inside she was already waiting for him, gazing into her cup of cheap wine and looking oddly distant.

“Denki.” Her voice was soft and calm, yet it still evoked a terrible feeling of alarm inside him. He stood, tight lipped and frozen solid in trepidation.

His mother continued, never looking up from her drink, “I got a call from the nurse today. I think we need to talk.”

She stepped out of the kitchen to sit on the couch in the living room. Her movements were flowy, like she had already been tipsy for a while and it was finally reaching the rest of her body.

Denki followed, sitting on the other end of the weathered couch. The nervousness began to really set in. He wrung his hands and interlocked his fingers over and over again in an unconscious effort to soothe himself.

“The nurse said that you fainted. Said she wasn’t sure when you’d last eaten either.” She finished with a slow sip of her drink. Denki swallowed, remembering how he was made to sit and listen to the nurse speak with his mother. He was helpless to stop it.

“Listen, baby,” Denki’s heart clenched in his chest upon hearing the affectionate pet name, “I love you so much, and I really care about you.”

She paused to take a breath, never meeting her son’s gaze. “But there’s a lot going on right now. I can’t jugg;e everything all at once. Between you, your siblings, work, and all the bills, I just can’t do it.”

Denki nodded solemnly. He had heard it all before. All about their money troubles and his mother’s inability to focus on him for more than two seconds lest it cost them something else they couldn’t afford, whether that be missing an important meeting at work or an actual payment. At this point, he was just waiting to be dismissed so that he could get some much needed rest, but his mother continued.

“The nurse suggested taking you to see a doctor or a counselor.”

“W-What?!” Denki’s voice cracked. He rarely responded when his mother got to ranting, but this warranted some sort of pushback. Doctors and counselors? He couldn’t let that happen!

“Denki…” She glanced at him, eyes glassy and downcast. He wasn;t sure if she was going to cry for him, or if she was just too drunk already.

“We may have to send you to a hospital.” She croaked out.

Denki felt his stomach drop. For the second time that day he could feel his whole world slipping away. Everything was out of his control, and it wasn’t fair. Why wouldn’t anybody listen to him when he said “no”?

He said nothing. He only stared at his mother, stunned and betrayed, with his hands laying useless in his lap.

What would the hospital even do? Force him to eat and fatten him up? He felt nauseous just thinking about it. He imagined having to watch his body morph into a grotesque blob. With a pot belly, love handles, and plenty of blubber to keep him warm. He would surely turn into a lard ass within a week of being there. It sounded worse than hell.

“Mom, no! I can’t go to a hospital! It’s not like I need to anyways. I’m completely fine. Don’t listen to Mrs. Shuzenji.”

She shook her head as she stood up, already ending the conversation before Denki could get any closure or say in the matter. “If you go or not depends on if you keep up this behavior. I’m sorry.”

She entered her room swiftly, closing her door with a faint click of the lock. Denki was left alone in the living room, too overwhelmed to move or think straight.

He could feel tears welling up in the corners of his eyes. His heart hurt and his mind was blank. His mother didn’t care at all. She was cold and only concerned with how his issues might affect her and the rest of the family. She didn’t even offer him a hug.

That night he replayed a million scenarios in his head. He ran through each and every one, trying to find the perfect work around or the easiest solution. Nothing worked, though. Every scenario had a flaw. Every solution just caused another problem.

Denki pouted as he explained the situation to Mina and Izuku. They listened intently, never speaking over him or interrupting him, and offering a hug or two when he needed it.

He just needed to let everything out. His mind wouldn’t shut up, and his whole body was on alert from the stress of it all.

Talking still wasn’t helping much, though. He couldn’t shake the feeling of apprehension, like him going to the hospital had already been decided upon and he was just waiting to be sent away.

Mina sighed next to him. She glanced around to make sure there were no prying eyes before she spoke, “I’m sorry Denki… I know this can’t be easy. I just hope you don’t get any worse because of this. Promise me you won’t do anything crazy?”

She searched his eyes for some sort of acknowledgement or reassurance, but she was only met with a shrug. She and Izuku looked dejected. They both knew exactly what that shrug meant. Denki wasn’t going to try and get better at all, and he wouldn’t lie to his friends about not getting worse. So he chose not to answer at all.

Izuku patted Denki’s back softly and offered a warm smile, “Hey. It’ll get better. I know it will. We’ll be right here with you, promise. We won’t let anything bad happen to you.”

Denki wished so badly to get better, to repair his relationship with food and be able to live without the constant fear of his own body and the guilt of eating. It just wasn't realistic in his current state. He was reluctant to receive help, not like this.

“I’m trying guys.”

Mr. Sasaki interrupted them, stopping his lecture on the effects of stress on the body to call out the trio for not paying attention. Denki probably should’ve been listening to better understand his own situation, but he took psychology to slack off. He knew from the beginning of the semester that he wouldn’t retain anything, and Mr. Sasali probably knew that as well.

He also only joined because Izuku and Mina did, and he wanted to be with friends. He seriously didn't think at all about long term goals in life. But it made sense since he couldn’t see himself living past 25.

Izuku and Mina shared a look before ending the conversation and promising to talk more later. Denki put his head down for the rest of the block. He had more pressing matters to worry about than notes on psychology.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

Denki’s least favorite part of the day rolled around soon enough, forcing him to sit and watch everybody eat like normal people while he dreamed about what it would be like to eat guilt free again. He couldn’t remember a time where he didn’t feel terrible when eating.

The cafeteria was no less crowded and no less cacophonous than usual. He sat with only a bottle of water, ignoring his friends’ concerned gazes.

He thought he might be able to forget about everything for the rest of the day after Mr. Sasaki’s class, but his friends could feel the drop in mood. Anybody who knew Denki could automatically tell when something was bothering him, because the atmosphere would shift. It didn;t feel the same when he wasn’t laughing and cracking jokes every two seconds.

Eijirou busied himself with eating, stealing uncertain glances at Denki, like he couldn’t decide whether or not he wanted to say something.

Mina and OChaco were swept up in their own conversation on the far side of the table, but they still seemed to feel the unease lingering in the air.

Izuku’s nose was buried in his notes, Hanta was busy asking other people around the cafeteria if they wanted their chicken nuggets, and Katsuki was still suspended.

It was only a matter of time before somebody spoke up. Izuku finally looked up from his notes and took notice of the situation. He cleared his throat nervously, “Hey, Denki? Do you wanna talk some more? You still seem pretty down.”

Mina and Ochaco went silent, turning their attention to Denki. Eijirou stuffed his face with more food to avoid having to say anything.

Izuku continued warily, “I know we talked some this morning, but it got cut short because of Mr. Sasaki. Weren't you saying something about your mom? And…”

Izuku trailed off so that he wouldn't have to mention the possibility of Denki getting sent to the hospital out loud. Thank god he knew how to be courteous when talking about these things.

Somehow the water alone in Denki’s stomach began to make him feel sick. He remembered that Eijirou had no clue what happened after he left the park. It would probably be a good idea to fill him in, but Denki felt overwhelmed every time he so much as thought about it.

It was also embarrassing. He knew how he looked, and he knew how other people saw him, and he was fine with that. Other people seeing a skeleton walking down the hallway and being disgusted because they knew what he did was one thing, but those same people watching him get sent to the hospital for that very thing seemed like the worst thing in the world.

To make things worse, if he did end up going inpatient it would stick with him forever. It would come up in conversation years from now and people would find out that he was an unstable freak and they would never want to talk to him again.

While, yes, he felt terrible about the prospect of being forcibly put into recovery, it also made him feel validated. Who cares about all the social life bullshit? If he went inpatient it would mean that he was finally sick enough. He would finally be recognized as unwell.

Two sides of him were completely contradicting each other and fighting for dominance. One side was ecstatic to be officially labeled as sick, while the other side was ashamed to be seen as a freak and be treated like he couldn’t take care of himself.

Maybe all of this just came with the territory of having an eating disorder.

Denki rubbed his arms, feeling the formation of goosebumps on his skin in the chilly cafeteria despite wearing a hoodie, “I mean, I do and don’t wanna talk. I wish I could just get my mind off of it completely somehow. I need to forget everything for a bit.”

“Don’t we all?” A familiar voice came from behind. Denki turned to see Hanta approaching with that same calm demeanor and smug look that wore near constantly. He flumped into the seat next to Denki, offering a smile in greeting to the rest of the table.

“Hey, Hanta.”

Hanta nudged Denki’s side gently. No words were spoken, but he was clearly asking if Denki was all right with the look he gave him.

Everybody wanted to know. Denki himself just wanted to forget. He shrugged and shook his head whenever anybody asked how he was doing. His will to open up from the morning had completely vanished.

Mina chimed in, sounding hopeful and giddy, “Hey, I have an idea to cheer you up and get your mind off of things, Denki! Why don’t you come to Shoto’s party tomorrow?”

Shoto Todoroki was one of the rich, if not the richest, kid in school. His parents were lawyers and they were absolutely loaded. Their house was giant, and it wasn;t too uncommon for them to leave town for a few nights to handle work matters just like Katsuki’s parents.

Shoto didn’t seem like the type to throw parties upon first glance. He was quiet, reserved, respectful, and very focused on his academics and goals in life, But he was also popular and well liked, which meant that his rare parties were huge.

It seemed like a fun idea. Denki could get away from his mom, hang out with his friends, and get wasted for a night. What’s not to be excited about?

His mood automatically improved. “Yeah. That sounds fun! I’ll totally be there.”

“Can I come too?” Eijirou asked with a mouth still full of food.

Ochaco nodded excitedly, “Yeah! You can all come. I don’t think Shoto even actually has an invite list. It’s kinda like a whoever hears about it and wants to come can come sort of thing, ya know?”

“Should we invite Katsuki?” Hanta asked. Katsuki and Shoto had a rough backstory. They weren't rivals or anything, but they weren’t exactly friends either. And, knowing Katsuki, he might accidentally blow a fuse and cause a scene.

Everybody hesitated, except Eijirou who glanced around confusedly. Since he only got to know Katsuki this school year he didn’t know about his confusing relationships with many of the other students around school.

Izuku spoke up, “I think we should invite him.”

Everybody turned to stare at him. “That’s surprising coming from you, man.” Hanta replied.

“Honestly, I think It’ll be okay.” Izuku explained with a serious look, like he was analyzing something very important.

“He’s been… different these past few weeks. I can’t really tell what it is, but something’s changed him. At least a little.”

Denki’s eyes flicked to Eijirou before quickly returning to Izuku.

Izuku sighed, “I guess I have faith that he won’t do anything crazy this time. No guarantees that he won’t be the reason the cops get called on this one, though.”

With his mind set on liquor and a good time, Denki found the strength to power through the rest of the day.

Saturday came quickly, and far too innocently.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

Katsuki drove like a mad man. He gripped the steering wheel like it owed him money and didn’t slow down for anything. Denki had never been more grateful for seatbelts in his entire life.

Eijirou yelled at Katsuki from the passenger seat, “SLOW DOWN, MAN! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL US?”

Katsuki only yelled louder, slamming on the break and throwing everybody forward when they hit a red light, “I’M GETTING US THERE FASTER!”

The entire ride from Denki’s house to Shoto’s party was just like this. Hectic, loud, and two seconds away from a fatal crash at every moment. Thank god Katsuki wasn't already drunk or high, because then they really might’ve crashed.

Denki could feel his legs wobble when he finally got out of the truck. Never again would he hitch a ride with that lunatic.

“Jesus Christ, man. Do you drive like that everywhere?” Eijirou asked as he rounded the truck to meet Denki and Katsuki.

“Yes.” Katsuki grunted.

Denki would’ve laughed if his stomach wasn’t still in his throat and turned upside down.

The three trekked up the long driveway to Shoto’s house. It was really more like a mansion, especially when you saw it in person. It was sleek but extravagant, and everything from the windows and doors to the balconies and walkways was giant. The entire property had to be around the size of a football field.

Colorful lights were already spilling out of every window, and the faint thumping bass of loud music could be heard all the way from where the trio stood at the end of the driveway.

Red solo cups and beer cans already littered the lawn, and their numbers increased the closer they got to the party.

Groups of people stood around, some faces familiar, some not. The music blared over everybody’s voices once they got inside, forcing them to shout to be heard over the music and chatter of others.

It was loud and muggy inside, but excitement coursed through Denki’s veins. He was a social butterfly at heart, and parties and hangouts with friends were right up his alley. This was where he belonged.

Katsuki immediately broke away to locate the alcohol, and Eijirou went to find his buddies from the wrestling team.

Denki was left to sift his way through the crowd, throwing greetings at a million different people who all recognized him from different interactions that he could barely keep track of.

He made his way through about four rooms before finding one of his friends. Hanta was standing near the corner of the room, talking with two other people.

One of them was a girl with choppy purple hair, looking like she cut it herself blindfolded, and dark makeup. She wore a cut up band Tee with a red tank underneath, baggy black jeans that had too many chains and straps, and spiked boots that looked fit for bashing peoples’ heads in. She also had earbuds in despite the music already blasting through the party and talking to another person.

The guy next to her had dark hair and similar dark makeup, with piercings all over his face. He wore a red choker with a black hoodie, black pants, and a pair of torn up old vans. He looked rather withdrawn and mysterious compared to the girl next to him.

Denki made his way over and greeted them excitedly, “Hey, Hanta! Who are these guys? They look cool.”

“Oh, This is Kyoka and Fumikage.” Hanta gestured to the purple haired girl first, and then the guy with the piercings.

The shift of the look on Fumikage’s face was subtle, but Denki caught the way his eyes lingered on his form for too long. Could he even blame him? It was the first thing everybody noticed.

Kyoka either didn’t care, or was really good at masking her true thoughts and feelings, because she greeted Denki like any other person. “Sup, Dude? You seem pretty rockin’ too. I like your style.”

“Thanks!” Denki smiled wide, already in his element. No longer was he a dull spark in a dark room. With the loud music and chattering voices of everybody around him, he was a firecracker, bold and bright and positively alive.

Hanta explained that he knew Kyroka from doing band in freshman year and met Fumikage through her. Despite their intimidating looks, they were actually pretty fun to talk to.

Denki’s favorite thing about giving new people a chance was being pleasantly surprised by how awesome they were. Every new person was potential for a new friend.

That was until they stepped out of line.

The way Fumikage’s gaze continuously drifted to Denki’s emaciated body never went unnoticed. He would stare for a minute, and then return back to the conversation like normal.

That was fine. Denki was used to that sort of thing. What he wasn't used to was people trying to compete with him.

Fumikage stood next to Denki, making it easy for him to lean in and speak just quietly enough so that their other two friends wouldn’t be able to hear. While Kyoka and Hanta were rattling off different band names and music genres, Fumikage leaned in closely and asked, “Hey, Denki? What’s your BMI?”

It took him a minute to process what he had just been asked. His BMI? Nobody had ever asked him anything like that before, and the only other place he heard “BMI” outside of ED forums was the doctor’s office.

He stared at Fumikage like a deer in headlights, and Fumikage stared back. His eyes were dark and knowing, like they were already prying Denki open and digging through all of his closely held secrets. But Denki didn’t want that to happen.

He didn’t choose to let Fumikage in, so why was he able to just take a look at Denki and dissect him like a middle school science experiment?

They held their staring contest for around 30 seconds. The hair on the back of Denki’s neck stood up, and all of a sudden the booming music and sweaty sea of people felt too overwhelming.

“M-My… BMI?” He stuttered out of pure disbelief.

“Yeah. You seem kinda thin. Is this your lowest weight?”

Everything in Denki’s mind shut down. He had vented to Eijirou and Hanta before, and Katsuki and his other friends all knew about his disorder, but He had never spoken to another person who knew those terms before.

Somebody who had to have spent time in those forums to understand what those things meant. To understand the significance they held to somebody like Denki.

Fumikage knew, and he understood, and he was forcefully digging his way into Denki’s warped mind, and Denki didn’t like it.

Without another word he pushed past Kyoka and Hanta to find somewhere less crowded to sit. He ignored Hanta’s confused and worried questions, lost somewhere in the mass of people.

He made a quick pit stop in the kitchen to grab a few cans of beer before bounding up the stairs, muttering quick apologies to everybody he tripped over or accidentally ran into. He eventually located an empty room, where he locked the door behind himself and holed up in until he was able to calm down.

In just an hour his night was ruined.

How come every time Denki tried to enjoy himself something got in the way of it? He couldn’t have anything. And who did Fumikage think he was questioning Denki like that?

How the hell would he even know? It’s not like he skinny anyways, hes got no fucking right to talk to me about eating disorders Denki thought. He forced himself to stop when he realized how rude he was being. When did he get so angry? He’d never body shame anyone, and he would never speak about another person with such vitriol. It just wasn’t like him.

Despite not having anything to drink, the room felt like it was spinning. Denki was just confused and upset, caught up in a whirlwind of negative emotions. He cracked one of the beer cans open and chugged as much as he could. Surely getting wasted would fix all of this.

One can turned into two, and two turned into four before he ran out. The music was still loud outside of the room, and he could hear people talking and walking past the door, all of them in their own world, unbeknownst to Denki’s slow spiral into something terrible. Something dark and near impossible to get out of.

Denki got up from the floor and dragged his feet over to the door. He wasn’t exactly ready to face people again, but he was in search of more alcohol, and that took more precedence over his need to mentally recuperate.

He was back in the party physically, but mentally he had completely checked out. He trudged through the crowds of people, trying his best to go unnoticed. He could feel the light buzz from the first few cans beginning to set in, but it wasn’t enough.

When the kitchen was finally in view, he shoved his way through the last barricade of people and began collecting all the good stuff. He picked his poison, though not very picky, and wasted no time in gulping it down like it was the first drops of water he’d drank in days.

It wasn't long before he finally settled down. He didn’t feel the need to hole up in an empty room anymore. His party spirit was back and he was ready to face other people again.

With a dopey grin on his face and a wobble in his step, he went to find his friends again. He barely even remembered that emo freak’s name anymore. Everything was just fine.

There was no telling how late it actually was, all Denki knew was that the moon was high in the sky and there was no sign of the party ending any time soon. The cool night air nipped at his nose when he stepped outside. He wasn’t even sure of where he was headed. He was happy just wandering around with a drink in his hand.

It was less crowded outside, making it easier to catch a breath. He sipped slowly on his drink, staring at the fire being started in a fancy pit a little ways away. The bright flames illuminated the faces of everybody surrounding it, and it licked at the air with fury and passion, steadily growing with each piece of wood that got added to it.

He was so caught up in the beauty of something as simple as fire that he didn’t even notice Hanta approaching.

“Denki!” Hanta huffed out once he caught up to Denki, “I’ve been looking all over for you, dude! Where have you been? Are you good?”

“Oh. I’m fine. I just went to get more drinks.” Denki looked down at his cup, swirling it around a little before looking back up at Hanta.

“For an hour and a half?”

Had it really been that long? Denki lost track of time after he left that room. He barely spoke to anybody around the party, which meant that he spent an hour and a half just wandering around.

He blinked, “I guess.”

Hanta dragged his hand over his face and sighed, “Jesus, dude.”

It was silent for a moment, save for the voices of a couple other groups of people standing outside. 

The whooping and hollering of a group of people on the back deck caught their attention. They both looked over to see Two guys wrestling in only their underwear, though, it looked more like aggressive hugging with how drunk they were. There was probably no actual context or reason for the situation, and it made the two boys giggle.

A thought ran through Denki’s head.

If he went to the hospital then he would miss out on a lot of his junior year. So much time making memories with his friends would be lost. He was living in the moment, and that was precious time that he would never be able to get back.

An even worse thought came to him.

“Hanta?”

“Yeah, Denki?”

He looked at Hanta, with the beginnings of tears at the corners of his eyes and an awkward half smile half pout, “I don’t wanna die.”

Hanta’s eyes widened in surprise. That was probably the last thing he expected to hear. Denki didn’t really expect it from himself either.

“Woah, hey, you’re not gonna die. Where did that come from?” Hanta placed a hand on Denki’s shoulder. His eyes bore into Denki’s, examining him with concern.

Denki shrugged, “I’m just scared that I'm running out of time. What if this ends up killing me?” 

They both knew what he meant. If he continued to starve then his body would surely give up on him. It was only a matter of time. He constantly pushed himself to the limits, toying with his life like it was nothing just to see the number on the scale drop lower and lower. The human body can only take so much, and his body was ready to quit at any moment.

He could see the confliction in Hanta’s eyes, because Hanta knew that it was true. He knew that Denki was already withering away, but he wanted to be reassuring. He wanted to help Denki. His mouth opened and closed in a desperate attempt to find the words, to say something that might save Denki from slipping any more.

“You won’t die, Denki. I won’t let you. You’re gonna be fine.”

Hanta squeezed his shoulder and pulled him into a hug, causing Denki to abandon his mostly empty cup on the grass. “I won’t let go of you.”

Denki’s tears stained Hanta’s shirt as he cried and shook weakly in his arms. Somehow those words always meant more from Hanta. It was the same recycled reassurance that Denki had received time and time again, but when he heard it from Hanta’s lips he was able to actually believe it.

They parted, but they stayed close, still gazing into each other’s eyes like they were the only people in the world that mattered. Maybe the alcohol gave Denki some sort of confidence boost, or maybe he was just completely out of his mind, because he never would've found the courage to lean in before about an hour ago.

He watched Hanta’s face closely, testing the waters and making sure he wasn’t making a mistake. Denki was cold and Hanta was warm, and when their lips finally met in the softest most tender kiss possible, It felt okay.

Their arms wrapped around each other, and they continued to kiss, far too gently but just right for the moment. Denki could feel himself beginning to tear up again, but he couldn’t tell if it was out of pure happiness or because he was just too drunk for this. Either way, he didn’t want the moment to end.

But the universe wouldn’t allow Denki to be happy for too long, which is exactly why the wailing of police sirens slowly got closer and closer until the Todoroki house was shrouded in flashing red and blue lights.

People fled from the scene as quickly as possible, not wanting to get in trouble with the police or their parents. Groups of people shoved their ways into cars while others left on foot. Everybody was shouting and trying to alert everybody else.

Denki and Hanta reacted far too late. They booked it to the front lawn to find the cars they came in, getting separated amongst the chaos.

Denki spotted Katsuki’s truck, already trying to pull away before spotting him and stopping abruptly. Katsuki stuck his head out the window and shouted, “HURRY THE FUCK UP BEFORE I LEAVE YOU HERE, DUNCE FACE!”

Denki ran like his life depended on it, throwing himself into the back seat when he finally caught up. He was given no time to sit up and get his seat belt on before Katsuki was speeding away.

The music and flashing lights faded in the distance. They successfully evaded the cops, and Denki considered the night a success. He may have spent half of it locked in a random room and just wandering around doing nothing, but he got to kiss his crush, and that was way better than anything any party could offer.

They pulled into the empty parking lot of an old Big Lots that had closed down ages ago. They finally had a minute to catch their breath and process everything. Denki smiled wider than ever before when he thought back to the kiss. Yeah, tonight was more than a success. He couldn’t wait to talk to Hanta again.

He barely realized that Eijirou and Katsuki were talking. When he finally came back to reality he was completely confused by their conversation. It sounded like their night was all over the place and way different from Denki’s

“Why the fuck would you piss in his drink when he wasn’t looking?” Eijirou downright scolded Katsuki, which was scary and hilarious all at once.

Katsuki retorted like it was obvious, “Because he pissed me off! Get it?”

“Woah woah woah! You pissed in whose drink?” Denki was desperately trying to get caught up to speed.

“Katsuki pissed in Izuku’s drink for no reason!”

Katsuki smacked Eijirou’s arm with a snarl, “I said it was because he pissed me off!”

“That’s not a reason!”

Denki’s laughter bubbled out of him as he listened to the two bicker. This was the best he’d felt in a while. He thanked Mina internally for inviting him to the party, because she was right, it did cheer him up. 

The night may have gotten off to a rough start, but as he sat in the back of the truck with two of his best friends, not a care in the world and still drunk off of a kiss, he felt like life couldn’t get any better.

This was a memory he would cherish for the rest of his life. It was the kind of memory that he would come back to time and time again to remind himself why he still woke up each morning.

He still had a reason to keep going. He had multiple reasons to keep going, and that was all that mattered.

Maybe Hanta was right. Denki had good friends that would stay by his side. They wouldn’t allow him to slip away.

He’s still okay. At least for now.