Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

This work contains serious topics. It may be detrimental to read, and discretion is advised.

Trigger warnings for:

Self-harm
Suicidal thoughts

Nobody is obligated to read this and I highly recommend against reading it if it makes you uncomfortable. Please be safe on the internet, and with your mental and physical health.

I have translations for Blot’s dialogue, but please tell me if I forgot any of them.

Chapter Text

 Looey stared into the mirror. They weren’t sure which part of themself they were even looking at anymore. His distracting today had been awful. Being on one heart was terrifying and they lost twisteds, but he just didn’t run fast enough on two. How many cupcakes and cookies had they wasted? It just wasn’t enough. Looey wasn’t enough. The twisteds didn’t do enough. Dragging a paw over their face, Looey couldn’t help but cry. A glint of silver caught their eye from the trash. Yatta or Blot always picked up any thumbtacks that Shrimpo left. But now, Yatta was hanging out with Scraps and Goob. Blot was at Book Club.

 They felt disgusting, digging through the trash. Looey’s breath shook as he brought the sharp pin to his arm. He paused, putting it down onto the vanity. Looey took off his shirt, throwing it to the ground. Tracing lines past his heart, Looey moved the tack further into their skin. Sharp pain dug through Looey as they drew lines across their chest. It hurt. Of course it did, what did he expect? Inhaling deeply, they pushed the pin deeper, dragging it through their chest. A wave of nausea overtook Looey as they heard the familiar hush of air leak from the wound. Looey panicked, pulling the pin away from himself and frantically throwing it in the trash. Ichor pushed forward, threatening to stain their shirt and give them away. Looey swallowed hard. He grabbed a handful of tissues, scouring them against their chest. Tearing one in half, Looey pressed one against the cut, waiting for it to stick before slipping their shirt back on. Staring at the thumbtack, Looey hesitantly reached out. He flicked it into the trash. Ink. The ichor on the tissues was just ink from Blot. That was all that it was. What were Blot and Yatta going to think? What about Sprout and Cosmo? How was he going to explain if they found out and asked? Looey sank into their bed, curling themselves up. Tears slid down their face, ugly, helpless sobs tearing their way out of his throat. 

 They had to get up. Yatta and Blot would ask what they had done alone in their room. He couldn’t just stay in bed the whole time. That would cause too much concern. It was awful, but they felt lighter. He was faster. Looey sat back at the vanity, looking at themselves in the mirror again. Their eyes were puffy, and tear stains ran through the makeup Blot had done for them earlier. Shame dug through Looey as he wiped it off, staring at the color seeping through the cotton round. They pulled up their shirt to look at what they had done. Balling up the tissue, Looey tossed it in the trash. A faint sting accompanied moving their arm and breathing, a constant reminder. Looey grabbed a washcloth, holding it against himself as he walked out of their bedroom. They barely even had to quicken their pace, their self-inflicted damage making him ever so slightly faster. Shutting the door quickly, Looey splashed the cool water on his face. Running the towel under the cold water, he sighed. Their eyes stung with salt, even as he pressed the soaking wet washcloth to them. At least they looked better. 

 A voice rang through the hallway, “Dinner!”

 Looey gathered himself before walking out of the bathroom, deliberately slowing down as they walked. The hallway was empty, other toons already on the other floor.

 “Boo!” Connie yelled, appearing behind him, “Uh…?”

 He hated how much that made him jump, “Oh! Haha, hey Connie!”

 “Jeez, that really startled you. Anywayys, since you’ve gotten so close with both of the toons in the kitchen, do you know what’s for dinner?” Connie teased, “Soggy pasta? Dry eggs?”

 Looey relaxed slightly, “I’m pretty sure it’s pasta. They made new cookies, though!”

 “Oh, great…” Connie paused, “I know I’m slow, but you’re going a little fast. Like, faster than usual.”

 Shit. Looey smiled, “Oops! I’ll slow down, sorry!”

 “I mean we’re already in the elevator.” Connie nudged him, “I’m sure you’ll want to scurry out to see your boyfriends when we get out though, huh?”

 Laughing nervously, Looey rubbed their arm. He didn’t want to avoid them and seem anxious, but he really couldn’t have either of them find out about it. Cycling through excuses in his head, Looey didn’t notice their tail drop.

 Connie did, “I uh… I can stop teasing you about that if you want.” she patted him on the back, “Sorry dude.”

 “Oh! No no no, it’s okay! I was just thinking about something. Something else!”

 The elevator door opened, and Looey rushed out before Connie could make another comment. Looey grabbed a bowl and fork. They spooned dinner into their bowl quickly, and strode over to a seat. Cosmo sat down next to him.

 Cosmo stared at him, “You… didn’t want a drink?”

 “No, I just wanted to start with this. I was a little hungrier than usual!” He smiled, “It’s good!”

 Pleased, Cosmo turned back to his own plate, “Okay. I can get you something if you want, too.”

 He wanted to be honest. Something inside Looey pounded against his chest like a cage. They didn’t want to lie to Cosmo. The food in their bowl tasted like nothing, even as Looey got up to get more. He couldn’t focus on talking to anyone at the table. They just had to get through dinner. Grabbing his empty bowl and those of a few other toons, Looey walked over to the sink and placed them in carefully. They washed their hands and started to walk away.

 “?tressed rof gniyats ton uoy erA” Blot questioned, “?yeooL”

(Are you not staying for dessert? Looey?)

 “I’m full! …And also pretty tired. I’m going to head back to our room for the night.” Looey waved goodbye to the others as he spoke, “Goodnight!”

 It wasn’t a lie. They felt exhausted. He was full. Or at least, he couldn’t eat any more. As soon as the elevator door closed, Looey dropped his act. Everybody was still at dinner, giving Looey at least fifteen minutes. Stepping into the colorful room made Looey feel dull in comparison. They threw their shirt into the laundry basket, putting on a pair of shorts. He poked at the scrape he had made, and winced ever so slightly. It made them feel sick, even though they had been hurt worse. Twisteds had bitten them, scratched, punched, and clawed at Looey before. But this injury still felt heavier.

 “Looey? Are you in there?” Sprout knocked at the door, “You left dinner early,” he cracked open the door slightly, “are you o-”

 Looey slammed the door shut, “I’m changing! Don’t come in, just- just give me a second Sprout!”

 “... I mean, it’s not like I haven’t seen you before.” Sprout laughed, “Okay, though. Take your time.”

 He hasn’t seen this. I don’t want him to see me like this. He pulled a shirt over his head, hoping that they looked okay. They swung open the door cheerfully. Sprout held something in his hand, wrapped in a napkin.

 Sprout held it out, “I brought you a cookie. Are you okay?”

 “Yeah! I’m just a little tired from distracting today.” The excuse came out so easily, “Thanks!”

 The strawberry toon sighed, “Okay. Get some sleep. Love you!”

 He kissed Looey on the nose before he left. Looey unwrapped the cookie, but left it on his nightstand. They walked out of their room again, going to brush their teeth.

Chapter Text

“.tsafkaerb dessim uoY .pu ekaw ,yeooL” Blot gently shook him. (Looey, wake up. You missed breakfast.)

 Looey rubbed his eyes, “Oh. Why didn’t you wake me up?”

 “Blot TRIED!! I would have taken over, but you just looked so PEACEFUL!” Yatta explained, “Well, more like tired.”

 They were exhausted. Looey didn’t bother to change, he just went to the kitchen.

 Cosmo sat him down, “Well hello, Sleeping Beauty. We saved you some.”

 “Mhm… thanks.” Looey leaned into Cosmo, “What did I miss at breakfast?”

 “Nothing, really. You and Sprout have a run today.” Cosmo started, “You up for it or should we get someone else to distract for today?”

 His heart sank, “No, I can do it. I might just need an extra minute to get ready.”

 Guilt spread through Looey as Cosmo got up to leave and get ready. They couldn’t tell what they were eating anymore, whatever Sprout and Cosmo had made tasting and feeling like wet cement. He looked around before scraping the rest of his food into the trash. What a waste. Looey placed the plate into the empty sink, all of the other plates already washed and drying.

 Yatta and Blot were still in the room. How do I do this? Looey turned away from them as he took off his top, and he quickly slid on his day clothes. They couldn’t see.

 “?nur a evah uoy oD” Blot stretched, ".regnol ni peels nac uoy dna tcartsid nac I ,tnaw uoy fI” (Do you have a run? If you want, I can distract and you can sleep in longer.)

 Hesitating, Looey almost accepted, “No thanks Blot. I can do it.”

 “.os yas uoy fI… !kcul dooG” (...If you say so. Good Luck!)

 Yatta stopped Looey by the door, “WAIT! I have something for you!”

 She handed him a box of chocolates, and wished him well. Looey thanked her, and slunk off to the bathroom. They couldn’t screw up distracting today. Looey had to be fast and keep them on him. He had to. Placing the box by the door, Looey stepped into the bathroom and shut the door. They grabbed a safety pin. Grabbing the thumbtack would have been insane with Blot and Yatta in there. This was insane. Looey swiped the sharp end along their chest and exhaled. It wouldn’t be enough. They had to be fast enough. He tore through his skin once again, and again. Air and ichor gushed out, making Looey feel lighter for just a moment before the shame settled in. Wiping away the ichor and rinsing off the pin, Looey felt like slapping himself in the face. Splashing water onto his face, Looey sighed. He picked up the chocolates as they stepped out, walking towards the elevator.

 “Ok team! We’re going until floor 12, then we’re going back up,” Brightney smiled, “We’ve got this!”

 The elevator descended, and Looey grew antsy. Twelve floors. The other toons were good extractors, but was Looey going to be a good enough distractor? How many times were they just going to get hit and waste valuable resources? The door opened, and Looey sprinted out. Twisted Toodles. She raced towards him on all fours, and he started to lead her to the broken elevator. They were already fast, but as soon as Looey got far enough away, he paused. Toodles bit into his arm, staying still for only a moment before locking back onto Looey and giving chase once again. She sped up as the elevator door opened, and Looey watched toons file in from afar. He dashed back in, leaving Toodles behind. The next passing floors were a blur. There weren’t even any twisteds on some of the floors, leaving Looey feeling useless as they stood by the elevator waiting.

 Sprout cupped Looey’s face in his hand, “You okay? I haven’t heard you speak all run.”

“Yeah! Just- focused.” Looey leaned into him, “I’m glad there are less twisteds.”

He sighed, “Okay. Be careful.”

Heavy footsteps rang through the elevator. Looey jumped up, rushing out to see twisted Pebble. Shit. What floor was it? Pebble barked, and Looey just had to keep running. 

It made Sprout nervous to think of Pebble chasing after Looey. He kept looking up from the items and tapes that he had been gathering. Looey had only gotten hit once, but the crack in his heart was larger than usual. Looey had been faster than usual, too. Sprout swallowed as another machine was finished. One left. Sprout ran around again, hoping he hadn’t missed anything. Looey hadn’t gotten hit yet. He usually did to distract Pebble, but Sprout wasn’t upset. In truth, both he and Cosmo hated how Looey had to hurt themself just to distract. He walked back to the elevator, paying close attention to twisted Pebble’s silhouette through the window.

Pebble’s growling jaws lingered too close to Looey, and he kept sprinting faster. He was already fast before getting hit by Toodles. But now, even with the bite that Twisted Toodles had dug into their skin, Looey wasn’t fast enough to distract him just walking. It wasn’t enough. Would getting hit again kill them? Pebble barked again, turning around to go after Brightney. Looey yelled after her, hoping Brightney could loop around something fast enough to lose him. She couldn’t and Pebble bit her, shaking his head as she struggled away. Twisted Pebble loomed over her, but Looey blared an airhorn as loud as possible. Brightney hid, and Pebble turned back to Looey. He ran, but then paused. Pebble pressed on, sharp teeth digging into Looey’s arm. They gasped, but kept going. The last machine finished, and Looey sprinted over almost effortlessly. Pebble chased after them, growling and baring his teeth before the elevator door shut.

“Looey! Do you need a heal?” Sprout pushed, “You’re on one.”

Looey struggled for air, “No, I… yeah… I just… sorry, Brightney.”

Sprout extended Looey’s arm. It was littered with healed wounds, and now two distinct bites.

Brightney shook her hands, “No! That was my fault. I should have waited to ask for a heal, too.”

“...??” Flutter offered, “...”

Still gasping with each breath, Looey gave them both a thumbs-up. The elevator door opened, and Looey watched as the other toons left. They couldn’t believe themselves. He couldn’t distract Pebble for one floor, got Brightney hit, they were going to waste yet another one of Sprout’s heals, and they had just pushed his work off on Flutter. It was pathetic. Looey placed a hand over his heart to catch their breath. His fingers began to faintly trace each cut. They didn’t make him fast enough. They didn’t make him good enough. They pressed against one, silently hoping for pain. Looey shut his eyes and winced, then pulled their hand away and stood. He stared at his arm, ichor seeping from the dark bite marks. He was surprised Pebble didn’t kill him. Did they want Pebble to kill them? Faded injuries from other twisteds littered their arm. Sprout walked over, handing him a cupcake. Looey waited a moment before eating it.

“Thanks, Sprout. Sorry for getting hit.”

He frowned, “Looey, it’s okay. I’m just sorry I couldn’t give you one sooner.”

The elevator opened again, and Looey tried to look as cheerful as possible as the other toons ran back in. Sprout pulled away, asking Glisten something. Looey exhaled, preparing himself for the next floor.

Rodger stared at him for a moment, “Looey, you asked me a while ago if I could look into something for you.” He placed a hand on his shoulder, “I still can if something is bothering you.”

“What?” Looey paused, looking at Rodger blankly, “Oh! Don’t worry about it, that was just… I don’t really remember! Thanks for asking, it’s okay!”

The magnifying glass nodded, and turned away. Looey stared at the elevator door. Rodger may as well have drawn red arrows in the air and pointed them all towards Looey. The door opened, and Looey tried his best to act normal as he walked out. No twisteds. Flutter and Tisha followed Brightney around, carefree. Sprout had to focus. Glisten and Boxten were… Looey didn’t want to be the third wheel. Rodger seemed content on his own. That meant another floor where Looey was stuck with their own thoughts. Another floor where their chest ached worse, even though they weren’t doing anything.

Sprout called for them, “Looey! Come here!”

“Oh! On my way!” Looey rushed over, “What is it?”

“There’s a bottle of pop. I don’t want you to be exhausted for another floor.”

Looey picked it up, “You and me both… thanks Sprout.”

“Wait. Walk with me.” Sprout grabbed his hand, “You looked miserable sitting alone over there.”

Oh. Was I that obvious?, “How could I be miserable with such a caring boyfriend?” Looey smiled, squeezing Sprout’s hand as they walked around the floor.

Guilt dug into Looey like rows of teeth. How could they be so miserable? Why couldn’t they just tell Sprout? Or Cosmo, or Yatta, Blot, anyone? Looey swallowed, looking across the floor. The cars hadn’t been used in years, but Looey wished they could get run over.

“You’re quieter than usual. Are you sure you’re okay?” Sprout rubbed his hand, “You seem uncomfortable.”

“I’m okay. Just… tired. I didn’t expect to see Pebble so early.”

Sprout sighed, “Even before that. You slept through breakfast, and you’ve barely spoken all run. You seemed off last night when I checked on you.”

Looey hesitated for a moment, “I… distracted yesterday too. I just hope we can get the rest of our friends back.”

It wasn’t a lie. Looey really did want them back, and they had distracted yesterday too. The elevator door opened, and both Looey and Sprout rushed back in with everyone else. It wasn’t everyone else, of course. So many of them were missing, and Looey was barely there. But the elevator started its ascent anyways.

“Hey, Looey?” Boxten approached, “What is it like having a tail?”

Looey grinned quickly, “Haha, Yatta’s got four! She’d probably have a good answer,” Looey responded, trying to shift the topic away from himself.

“Hm. Maybe, but I’m… asking you?” Boxten laughed.

Boxten was undeterred. Looey felt like he was being watched, and he silently hoped Glisten would start flirting with Boxten again, even if it was a little much for the crowded elevator. Boxten looked away, a slight disappointment revealed by his face.

“... I’ve had my tail stuck in a doorway for hours once,” Looey finally answered, not wanting to continue any further. 

He could barely think, and the memory wasn’t too pleasant. He just wanted to get out of the elevator. Even though Sprout was still holding their hand, Looey felt like an alien awkwardly observing himself. The elevator returned to the lobby. Sprout sat Brightney down on a bench, and made her wait. Sprout walked towards Dandy’s shop. Looey followed, ready to go back to their room. 

Sprout’s voice made Looey stop, “Looey. Your arm.”

“Brightney’s looks worse.” Looey insisted, “I already got a cupcake.”

Looey begrudgingly sat down on the bench in front of the elevator too. He watched Sprout bandage Brightney’s bite, and Looey felt guilt bore into his chest. He looked up and closed his eyes. Even though most of the sunlight was blocked by the tree, Looey shut his eyes.

Sprout gently asked, “Did you get hit anywhere else?”

“... Just my arm. ”

It wasn’t a lie. He didn’t get hit. Looey had done it to themself, a deliberate attempt to make themself faster without having to get hit. He winced as Sprout cleaned out and wrapped the bites in soft bandages.

“It’s just a little past lunch time. I’ll see you there, okay?”

Looey nodded, running their fingers over the freshly bandaged wounds as they rushed away. Sprout’s care was tender, and gentle, and Looey was as vulnerable as ever. But he couldn’t worry about this. They hadn’t run fast enough by only getting hit once. The previously made cuts barely made them faster. They were shallow. Looey went back to their room, trying not to cry. Sprout had healed their arm, but he had no clue about what Looey had done before the run, and it stung. Yatta and Blot weren’t there again. The bed was littered with thumbtacks. He wanted to lay down. Looey picked one up. Pulling out a small box from his dresser, he tossed the extra clown horn under the bed. Holding it tightly, Looey left the bedroom.

Chapter Text

Back in the bathroom, Looey sank to the floor. He put the box on the small counter around the sink, and clutched the pin between his fingers again. They took off their shirt. Each score stung, but it wasn’t enough. They had to be better. It didn’t do enough. He did an awful job. Brightney got hit, and he made Flutter distract for him when they should have been able to. They weren’t smart about their stamina usage, and made Sprout waste 200 tapes. Pressing the sharp end of the thumbtack into his chest again, Looey dug the pin through himself. Air gushed out again. More ichor than last time. More pain, too. Panic flushed through Looey’s head. He grabbed a white washcloth and scrubbed at the slits furiously. It bled more, and Looey threw his head in his paws. The towel was stained. Looey held himself, arms pushed against the bloody tears in their skin. The bandage would be covered in ichor. The bandage. Looey shook as he unraveled the neatly tied bandages, ripping the still swollen skin underneath with the pointed metal. He had to be better. Looey groaned as the pin refused to move any further. He looked at the shaky lines running up and down their arm. They would just be more lingering scars from the twisteds. That was just part of what they did to distract. He got hurt. It made them faster. Without it, they weren’t worth anything. Their legs didn’t move fast enough without being hurt. Taking in a deep breath, he looked at his legs. He had suspenders. He had shorts. Slowly bringing the needle to his hips, Looey drew blood again. Swiping the thin point across their side, sparks of pain made them start to cry. The plastic head of the pin scraped against the tile as he slid it away in shame. Tears and ichor fell against the bathroom floor. Looey stared at them and laughed. He was disgraceful. When would they stop lying to everyone he knew? The balloon dog whined in pain, breaking into sobs. His paws trembled as he tried to cover his arm with the bandages again. Holding one end with their teeth, Looey pulled the other in the opposite direction, squeezing their arm tightly with the fabric. Ichor welled up at each wound, and Looey felt sick. He did this to himself. They took the washcloth again, briefly running it under the faucet before slinging it onto their arm. The wet fabric stung as it clung to his skin, but they deserved it. Every part of them seemed to know this. Reaching out for his shirt, Looey struggled to put it back on, arm throbbing with pain with the movement. A knock at the door made Looey jump.

“Looey? Lunch is ready. Sprout told me to come get you, and you weren’t in your room,” Cosmo called through the door, “Looey?”

He was frozen. Looey couldn’t speak, breathing becoming heavier and faster. Cosmo opened the door. He stood at the doorway, and Looey cowered on the floor.

“Oh. Oh, Looey.” Cosmo dropped down to the floor, “Did you…?”

Looey shuddered, “I’m so sorry.”

Sliding away the washcloth and thumbtack, Cosmo crawled closer, wrapping Looey in his arms and gently swaying him back and forth. Looey melted into him, sobbing and shaking as Cosmo rubbed his back.

“I’ve got you. I’m so sorry Looey.” Cosmo murmured, “I… can you show me? What you used?”

Looey pulled away, and didn’t look Cosmo in the eye. Pointing to the thumbtack, Looey swallowed. Nobody was supposed to find out so quickly. He choked on his words, coughing hard. His eyes stung, and their chest hurt, and his arm was in agony.

Cosmo held his hand, “I’m going to get a medkit. Do you want me to bring anyone?”

“I need to get out of the bathroom. Please.” Looey whimpered, “I can’t- I…”

“Okay. Everyone is at lunch. They aren’t going to see you. Do you want to go to your room or mine?”

His mind was blurry, “...Yours,” he answered quietly.

Looey had never felt worse just walking through the hallway. The elevator ride up was silent, and Looey stared at the ground as he walked into Cosmo’s room. He was faster, but his whole body felt like it was full of wet cement.

“I’m going to get a medkit, and tell Sprout. Is that okay?”

All Looey had the energy to do was nod. He sat on the bed and stared straight ahead at the wall. Cosmo saw it. Now he was telling Sprout. He was going to be so disappointed. So were Blot and Yatta. Looey poked at the open, bleeding wounds. Would Cosmo notice if they dug their nails in, or bit their arm, too? Or would they just blend in with everything else? The door opened again. Looey couldn’t bear to look, shutting his eyes tightly.

Cosmo stepped closer, “I got a medkit. I’m going to clean up your arm. It might sting, okay?”

Every time Looey got hurt, Cosmo or Sprout doted on them. But he didn’t deserve it. Looey opened their mouth to speak, but closed it again in favor of another nod. He flinched in pain when Cosmo took their arm. He cradled it so gently, so lovingly. There was no reason for Looey to have done this to himself.

“I’m sorry…” Looey mumbled, voice hoarse, “I don’t know why I did this.”

That was a lie. They needed it. To be faster. To be better. So that they wouldn’t feel like such a waste. But now they sat on Cosmo’s bed. Being taken care of again. Shaking like they had been left in the snow, Looey started to cry again.

Cosmo wiped away his tears, “It’s not something to be sorry about. Can you…” he stopped, “Looey? Your shirt. There’s ichor on it.”

It had seeped through. Looey felt like disappearing, quivering as he lifted the stained fabric of their shirt. There was silence, and Looey could only imagine the disgust on Cosmo’s face.

“Can you tell me when this started?” Cosmo asked calmly, “Look at me, Looey.”

Looey started to laugh, “Yesterday. Guess I did a pretty awful job of hiding it!”

His laughter hung in the air, empty. It hurt just to laugh. Looey looked up at Cosmo. He didn’t look angry, he just had a deep sadness in his eyes.

“I love you. I’m going to bandage your arm, hips, and chest, then we can talk if you want. Or you can go to sleep,” the cake roll held Looey’s face, “But I don’t want to leave you alone tonight.”

They looked down, “Okay… did you tell Yatta and Blot?”

“I asked Sprout to. I wanted to get back fast.”

Looey rested his head on his other paw, “Hm. You four are always taking care of me. I don’t deser-”

“Looey. We love you. You know that you’re worthy of that, right?” Cosmo questioned, “It’s not something you even have to be worthy of. It’s unconditional. You don’t have to be good enough for us.”

His mouth fell open, “But I just don’t…” Looey stopped, covering his face.

Just say it. It was a burden to keep taking care of them. A waste. An annoyance. Looey clenched a fist with his free hand, nails digging into his palm. He yelped as Cosmo cleaned the cuts along his hip, but they quickly quieted themself. Cosmo probably felt bad enough for them already. Looey felt pitiful, chest stinging as he inhaled. He never wanted to make Cosmo feel bad. It wasn’t his fault.

“You can cry. And you can finish your sentence if you want to. I’m sorry it hurts.”

He cried like never before. It was disgusting. Looey hated how it sounded, and how it felt. Every shaking sob accentuated the pain, shame drenching their mind.

A knock on the door made both toons turn.

Sprout questioned softly, “Can I come in? I didn’t bring anyone else.”

“... Yeah.” Looey murmured, wiping tears from their face.

Looey looked down at the bed, heart beating in his chest as Sprout opened the door. There was silence. He couldn’t bear it. Looey flicked his gaze to Sprout. He stood in front of the door, as if frozen in place. The strawberry’s eyes studied the room with his hands in tense fists. Sprout stared at the medkit open on the bed. His lips parted in a silent wince when he looked at Looey’s chest and freshly bandaged arm and hips. He finally looked into Looey’s eyes, then walked closer. Tears fell from Looey’s shaking chin as he gurgled out apologies.

Sprout turned Looey’s head upwards, “Hey. I’m not mad at you. I love you.”

He let out a pathetic whine, leaning into Sprout’s chest. They let Sprout pet their ears and head gently as Cosmo finished wrapping his chest with gauze.

“Do you want me to bring you lunch?” Cosmo offered, “We made grilled cheese.”

“I just want to go to bed. I’m exhausted.” Looey mumbled, “Let me… let me change.”

Sprout nodded, “Okay. Are you okay going to your room to grab clothes, or should one of us go?” he continued, “We should go to my room. The bed is bigger.”

“I can go to my room.” Looey responded flatly, rising from the bed.

As he got up, Cosmo called out, “Just come back here when you’re done! We’ll wait, okay?”

His thoughts raced. What were they going to do while they were gone? Were they going to talk about him? Sprout had already told Blot and Yatta. How were they going to react when they walked in? 

The room was still. Yatta and Blot were sitting on Yatta's bed when Looey had walked in, bandages visible and eyes swollen and red. Yatta’s mouth gaped open slightly, her hands posed in a hesitant question. Looey stepped over slowly, eyes flicking back and forth between the two toons in front of them. They swayed forward, arms extended. Yatta crept up as if she was approaching an injured animal, then walked forward and wrapped her arms around him. Blot did as well, and Looey began to slide to the ground. He pushed into them, burying himself in their comfort. Looey cried into Blot’s shirt, leaning into their warm embrace. The three of them were huddled together on the floor.

“I’m so tired.” Looey sobbed, “I feel awful.”

Blot ran his gloved hand up and down Looey’s back, “.tser emos teg ot yrT .teiuq eb nac eW” (Try to get some rest. We can be quiet.)

“I- I can’t. I’m sleeping in Sprout’s room. They think I should stay there tonight.” He pulled away, “I’m here to get my clothes.”

Yatta shook her head, “If you don’t want to, I can tell them.”

He nodded to accept her offer, watching as she left quickly.

“?won thgir deen uoy gnihtyna ereht sI” Blot stood up, holding out her hand, “?deb ot og dna egnahc ot tnaw tsuj uoy od rO” (Is there anything you need right now? Or do you just want to change and go to bed?)

Looey shut their eyes, “It’s too early… I might just take a nap. Can you just… wake me up for dinner?”

He smiled slightly as Blot gave them an energetic thumbs-up. They didn’t bother to change, only putting one of their blankets over himself and falling into bed. Looey lay under his blankets, back turned from the ink blot sitting on one of the other beds. He curled up, legs to his chest. Looey ran a hand over his arm, then they touched the painful cuts on their hips. Bringing his other paw to his chest, Looey inhaled and exhaled shakily. Usually the sound of Blot sketching was relaxing, but each scratch of the pencil made them uneasy. Yatta still wasn’t back. Tears slipped from his eyes silently. Looey sat up, rubbing their eyes before looking behind them. Blot sat on their bed calmly and looked up from their sketchbook.

“?peels t'naC” (Can't sleep?)

With a whine, Looey crawled out of his bed and onto Blot’s. He curled up next to them, resting his head on the mime’s shoulder like a child being carried. Blot put her pencil and paper to the side. Looey shut their eyes, relaxing into Blot. The door opened and Looey didn’t even look up as Yatta walked over. She joined the two on the bed, adding to the soothing silence.