Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

NOVEMBER-FOUR MONTHS ALONG

The locker room smelled the same as ever, filled with the stale, salty, somehow-also-soapy scented air that always filled small spaces frequented by people sweating through their scent patches.

“So…”

Hen let it hang between them for a second. As much as she didn’t want to spring this on the omega, she had to know. Things hadn't seemed to be any different between Buck and Eddie these last few days, none of the usual tense awkwardness between them that always happened when they fought. A month or so back, Hen thought maybe something had happened. For a few days, Eddie took every chance he could to leave the room when Buck came into it. To make matters all the more confusing, he looked at the Buck like he desperately wanted to be closer.

Buck looked at the alpha in that usual lost dog way of his. But he left Eddie alone.

That had been weeks ago, though. If it really had been about Eddie moving, it would have been brought up by now. No matter how well-meaning Buck was, he tended to lash out when he was hurt. Especially when it was Eddie doing the hurting.

“Eddie’s leaving.”

Buck took a deep breath. It hadn’t been that tough of a shift, all of their calls going as smoothly as possible, but no day under Gerrard was an easy day. Just when Hen had let her guard down, the old alpha had stormed up to Eddie, huffing and puffing over something. At first, Hen had tried to keep her nose out of it, not give Gerrard another thing to be pissed off about. But with the words ‘Texas’, ‘pup’, and ‘failure’ filling the silence, it was hard.

“He told me last night.”

Hen nodded, tugging her laces tighter. Gerarrd had dropped the bomb on them right before a call, letting the knowledge they were soon going to lose one of their own chill them down to the bone. The house fire they attended never had a chance.

Hen and Buck had gotten the brunt of it. Hen hadn’t been able to work it out quite yet, if it was Hen and Buck’s carrier status or their sexualities, that offended the old alpha more. He’d been keen on taking his ire out on them either way, splitting Buck and Eddie in favor of partnering Buck with Hen as often as possible.

“How are you taking it?”

Buck sighed. Gerard had taken one look at them when they returned to the firehouse, sweat and soot caking their faces, and told them to clean up. Hen was sure he’d intentionally let them hear the remarks he was making about them still being carriers, no matter how much they tried to change it.

“As well as I can, I guess. We didn't really discuss it or anything. He just told me he was looking at houses in El Paso and I kinda shut down.”

Hen’s brows rose in surprise. That wasn't very on-brand for Buck and Eddie. Sometimes it seemed like they knew everything about each other. Certainly, they knew it before the rest of the 118.

“Really? You two talk about everything.”

Buck gave a stilted shrug. Nonchalance was not something he was good at. Especially when it came to Eddie.

“Not everything.”

It came out harsher than he meant for it to. He winced a bit, sheepishly looking up at Hen. She stared at him blankly.

“I mean, what do I even say to him? Anything I say, he'll either brush off or internalize. I can't do that to him.”

Hen blinked. She opened her mouth to respond but Buck forged on.

“I can't. With everything he’s been through, I just-”

He cut himself off with a ragged breath. His chest was almost heaving with the exertion it took to keep himself in check. He would not cry. In the locker room. Over an alpha. Again.

“Should I tell him? I should tell him, right?”

He looked at Hen for an answer, as if Hen had any idea what he was talking about. Hen rarely knew what Buck was talking about, if she was being completely honest. Sometimes this little white meg really stressed her out.

“I wasn't going to, not so soon after Chris, I thought I'd wait until he noticed, or someone pointed it out, which I know is terrible of me.”

It dawned on Hen, the idiot finally realized he was in love. At the worst possible time. There was no way this was going to end well. At least not for Hen’s sanity.

“But he's leaving, how can I not-”

Hen cut Buck off, laying a hand firmly on his shoulder. She waited until Buck was looking in her eyes and took a deep breath. There were a few ways she could go about this, but she figured some of the harsher ways might alienate the poor omega. She had to do this as nicely as possible while still getting it through Buck’s thick skull.

“I mean this in the nicest way possible, Buck, I really do, so don't take it the wrong way.”

Buck swallowed and nodded. Hen took another deep breath.

“I don't think telling him you love him is going to help anyone right now, you need to let him-”

Buck stumbled a bit, like Hen’s statement had literally knocked the wind out of him. He shook his head.

“I’m not- I'm not in love with Eddie, Hen.”

Hen raised her eyebrows again, leveling Buck with a distinctly unimpressed look. Just how blind did Buck think she was?

“I'm pregnant.”

It was Hen’s turn to get the wind knocked out of her. Just what had these idiots been up to now? Sure, anyone with eyes could tell that there was something going on between Buck and Eddie. They’d been jump roping with the line between friendship and courtship for the last seven years. But those eyes could also swear on the Bible that whatever it was that was going on between them had gone unaddressed.

“It's Eddie’s?”

Under any other circumstances, the offended, baby-eating-its-first-lemon pout on Buck’s face would have made Hen laugh. Now, it just made her sad. And a little tired.

“Who else would it be?”

Right, because the idea that he's in love with his best friend is just as offensive to him as the implication that anyone other than Eddie Diaz could be the sire of his pup. The odyssey that is Evan Buckley.

“Yeah, I'm not gonna touch that one, like, at all.”

Buck huffed. Hen plowed on.

“How do we feel about this… news?”

Buck blinked at her, tilting his head slightly. He really was an overgrown puppy. Hen sighed.

“I mean, am I congratulating you and throwing you an obnoxiously over the top baby shower, or am I taking you to Planned Parenthood, dropping Denny off at Karen's mom’s, and letting you get drunk and cry yourself to sleep in the guest room?”

Buck laughed. It wasn't his usual full body light-up-the-room laugh that he directed at Eddie, but it was a laugh, nonetheless. Soft and breathy and slightly sardonic, but proof he'd be ok. That everything would work out.

“I wouldn't mind some company tonight, to be honest.”

He rubbed a hand over his stomach, stopping as he realized exactly what he was doing.

“But I think alcohol is gonna be a no-go for me for a while.”

Chapter Text

NOVEMBER-FOUR MONTHS ALONG

He misses Buck. He misses Buck desperately. When they’re standing right next to each other, sitting right across the table from one another. He misses the omega’s laugh, his smile, his warmth, his everything. He misses Buck, and he knows it's his own damn fault.

He takes a deep breath and refocuses on the punching bag in front of him. He tries to shake off the images playing behind his eyes. He fails.

No matter how hard he tries, he can't forget that night. He can't forget the rage that boiled his blood at the sight of Buck with another alpha. He can't forget the desperation in Buck’s eyes when they fought, trading barbed insults to hide what they were really fighting about. And he can't forget the warmth of Buck’s body underneath him, the beautiful noises they made together.

In some of his better moments, he likes to think that the omega knew he was hurting Eddie just as much as he was hurting Buck. That it wasn't a one-sided betrayal brought on only by his own lust.

These moments don't last long.

It's made worse by the gnawing feeling he has that everyone knows. That Buck probably told Maddie, who told Chim, who told Hen, who told Athena, who told Bobby. None of them have said anything to him. But they’ve been looking at him differently. Even before Gerrard told them he was leaving them for El Paso, things seemed off.

And after… it was like he never stood a chance.

As loath as he is to admit it, especially after how much they’ve been through, the 118 is not his family. Not really. Not the way they are for Buck. Sure, they’ve served as a nice surrogate pack for him and his pup. But his pup is gone. And when they find out what he did to their pack omega, they won't want Eddie around either. The 118 is Buck’s pack. And they always will be.

And Eddie is back at square one.

No real family, no friends, a fucked-up relationship with his son.

He thought he was getting better. He really did. He thought Buck was making him better. Everything about Buck made him better. Made him want to be better. Like an endless feedback loop, love and support making him a better alpha and him becoming a better alpha made Buck love and support him more. Some small, frightened part of him had thought, fleetingly, that if he one day became the best version of himself, the version that Buck and Chris deserved, they could all be together. Like a real family. Like a real pack.

An alpha, an omega, a pup. All he’d ever wanted. For himself, for Chris.

For Buck.

But they weren't together. They weren't even friends anymore. Sure, they’d kept up appearances at the firehouse, but outside of work, they rarely saw each other anymore. Long gone were the easy quiet nights wasted away on Eddie's couch with beers in their hands and soft smiles on their faces. A month into the uneasy silence, he had stopped by Buck’s apartment with a six pack, wanting to strike up a truce. To apologize, maybe explain himself. The omega took one look at him standing in the doorway and told him he didn't think it would be a good idea.

Something broke not only in him, but between them, that night. And it was his fault.

It's been two months since then. Two months of missing his best friend, of missing Buck. It's an ache that persists no matter what he does. When he goes for a run, he thinks of how much fun they have when they go together. When he talks to Frank, he talks about how much he misses the time the three of them spent together. When he talks to Chris, because thank God that happens now, limited as it is, he tries not to dwell on how often his pup asks after Buck.

When Eddie sleeps, he dreams of Buck.

--- --- ---

He couldn't actually remember the last time Buck was at his house.

Buck dropped into the chair like dead weight. It creaked under him slightly, like it always did. It was Buck’s chair. Neither Eddie nor Chris touched it when the omega wasn't there, and Ana and Marisol had avoided it like it offended them. Even Kim had the sense to not touch it. It stopped smelling like Buck four weeks ago.

“El Paso?”

Eddie swallowed harshly. He nodded, not trusting his voice. He’d decided on it just that morning, but he was resolute in his conviction that nothing could change his mind. He would see Chris again even if it killed him.

But if anyone could talk him out of it, it was Buck. He prayed the omega wouldn’t.

“You-”

Buck cut himself off with a harsh breath.

“When are you leaving?”

He wouldn’t meet the alpha’s eyes.

“I don’t-I don't know. I just started looking.”

Buck nodded.

“And I can't talk you out of it?”

He didn't respond.

“Okay.”

Eddie wanted to cry. He wouldn’t, he knew he wouldn’t, but- Maybe part of him had wanted Buck to try. He still would have said no, but just to have someone try. He understands Buck now in a way he never had before. If this was what the omega’s whole life had felt like, desperately begging everyone, anyone, to fight him just to show they loved him.

But Buck wouldn’t fight him. He wouldn't risk it. When they fought, they exploded. The world came to a screeching halt when Buck and Eddie fought.

“What did you want to talk about?”

An olive branch.

Eddie reached out to him, placing a hand on his arm.

“Buck-”

He had meant for it to be comforting but Buck snatched his hand back the moment Eddie made contact. He moved his hands to his lap, nervously rubbing one over the wrist of the other, as if Eddie's touch had burned him. The smell of red delicious apples filled the air between them, cloying and thick.

Buck shook his head again.

“Not right now. Not like this.”

He let out a shuddering sigh, his shoulders shaking with it.

“Just give me some time to think, please.”

Eddie nodded dumbly, desperately trying to catch the omega’s eyes.

“Of course. Take all the time you need.”

Buck let out a harsh laugh. He still wouldn't look at Eddie. Why wouldn't he look at him? What did he have to do to get Buck to look at him?

He cupped the omega’s flushed face, running his thumb over Buck’s plump bottom lip. Blue eyes snapped up to meet brown. Finally. Finally, he was looking at the alpha. Finally, he was giving the alpha what he wanted. What he needed.

Before he could talk himself out of it, Eddie surged forward, capturing Buck’s lips between his own. Last time, he had tasted of want and desperation and rage and tequila. Now he tasted of nothing but salty tears. They separated with a wet pop. The noise that filled the growing space between them was terrible. Eddie didn’t know who it came from.

And God, the way Buck looked at him. Like Eddie was breaking his heart. And he knew, this time. Of course he knew. He wasn't blind. He knew, and he kept going. His hand trailed from Buck’s cheek to his hip and his thumb slipped under the hem of the omega’s shirt.

He let the alpha take what he wanted from him.

Part of him hated Buck for it. Wanted to grab him and shake him and yell at him until the scent of bitter apple skin was all he knew. To demand to know why he let Eddie ruin him like this. He ducked his head down, nipping at Buck's neck.

“I love you.”

It fell out of his lips in a feverish whisper. Buck froze under him.

“I'm sorry.”

He couldn't think of anything else to say.

“I'm sorry. I'm sorry.”

The apologies kept pouring out of him between kisses. His hand had made its way to Buck's chest, and he wasn't stopping.

A strong hand came to rest on the back of his head.

“Stop.”

He froze before trying to move away from the omega. He didn't get far, Buck’s fingers carding into his hair and his palm cradling Eddie’s skull.

“Stop apologizing.”

He nodded into Buck’s neck, not daring to move away again. He might be more forgiving this time; he might let him. The alpha’s lips grazed Buck’s scent gland and he flinched, the omega’s heavy hand the only thing keeping him in place.

Eddie knew he smelled too sharp, when he was having sex, the tartness of his natural scent amped up, making the air feel almost electric. He also knew, from first hand experience, that Buck smelled as hazy as he looked, all soft and gooey. The loft had smelled like an award winning bakery by the time they had finished with it.

The kitchen smelled like one of those damned Glade plug-ins his mother insisted on, that boasted their mix of fruity smells but really just smelled like a chemical spill mixed with pie filling. Eddie had always hated them.

“Just-Why?”

He spoke into Buck’s chest, his mouth desperate to join his hand. He caught a barely-there whiff of something unidentifiable, something that always clung to Buck when he spent time with young pups. He must have been watching Jee before he came here.

“Why did you tell me to leave, that night?”

Eddie didn't have to specify which night he meant. Buck hadn't made him leave after they had sex. They had woken up the next morning holding each other. Buck had smiled at him bright and sweet before telling him to take a shower. He ducked out without a word while the omega was making breakfast in nothing but Eddie's shirt from the night before, the thin material stretching obscenely over his chest, the backs of his thighs tacky with a mix of their fluids.

But that night, the night that changed everything. It had been the last time they had seen each other outside of work. Buck had made him leave that night. Hadn't even let him in.

Buck’s chest heaved with effort, and Eddie pushed against his hand, freeing himself from his grip. He met Buck’s eyes for just a second before pulling his shirt over his head and throwing it somewhere behind them.

“I didn't want this to happen again.”

Buck’s shirt made no sound as it hit the ground, tangling around Eddie's ankles. Buck gripped Eddie's hair tighter as the alpha’s lips ghosted the sensitive flesh of his chest.

“Right.”

His voice was rough with concentration. With want.

“I'm sorry.”

He dove back in, fully intent on taking full advantage of the omega sitting shirtless in his kitchen, baring everything to him, the only other witness the moonlight shining off their tears. Thankfully, Buck was just as good at ignoring Eddie’s tears as Eddie was at ignoring Buck’s.

Chapter Text

DECEMBER-FIVE MONTHS ALONG

“Diaz!”

Eddie groaned at Gerrard’s voice. He watched as the bullfrog they unfortunately called their captain pointed harshly at the round in front of him, demanding Eddie's presence. He spared a look at Buck, who he had been helping with some new recipe he found while on a shredded tofu kick and had been excitedly bringing up at every chance, to the point that Gerrard had snapped at the omega and told him to ‘just make the damn vegan shit before we starve’. Getting yelled at made Buck anxious. They all knew that. It was hard to miss. Unfortunately, being anxious made him step into what he jokingly referred to as house-mate mode, something that Gerrard had picked up on disturbingly early into his tenure at the 118.

Buck waved him off with a small smile that didn't quite meet his eyes.

Eddie sighed and went downstairs, meeting the other alpha's unimpressed glare with one of his own. Before he could even open his mouth to ask who had pissed in his bowl of freeze-dried flies this morning, Gerrard cut him off with a huffy croak.

“Tell me why I should suspend you and Buckley right now instead of sending both of your asses directly to the Professional Standards Office.”

Eddie blinked. Sure, he knew Gerrard wasn't the biggest fan of his and Buck’s partnership, going out of his way to make snide comments about their job performance, their work ethic, and anything else he could think of in the moment, but Eddie really couldn't think of anything they'd done that was so offensive to the tertiary villain of Shrek 2 that he would be bothered to write them up for it.

“I don’t-”

Gerrard cut him off with a scoff.

“What, I’m supposed to break in a bunch of newbies, just because you and Buckley are too stupid to figure out how to use a damn condom?”

Eddie blinked again. His heart pounded in his chest. They hadn't used a condom. Either time. Not that Eddie had told anyone that. Or even told anyone that either time had happened. He hadn't even told Frank. And despite his paranoia regarding the way Hen and Chim had started looking at him when he stood too close to their pack omega for too long, Eddie didn't actually believe that he had either.

He certainly wouldn't have given Gerrard the nitty-gritty details.

“What?”

Gerrard waved a dismissive hand in Buck’s direction. Thankfully, he was just far enough away from them that he couldn't hear what they were saying.

“Even if I didn’t know about you running away to Texas with your tail tucked between your legs, I can figure out why I just had the chief call me personally to put your little heatfriend on light duty.”

The alpha let out a sharp laugh.

“Maybe you’re right to run away from that. Imagine him as a dam. Poor kid.”

Eddie's ears rang. His heart pounded even harder. His vision tunneled, then went red, then went white. Someone yelled. Everything was so loud. His breathing, his blood rushing in his ears, the thud of Gerrard hitting the ground, the feet pounding down the stairs behind him. And then Buck was there.

And everything was quiet again.

“Eddie?”

His voice sounded like it was underwater. Eddie nodded at him dumbly, answering a question he hadn’t asked.

“Eddie, what happened?”

Buck’s brows furrowed and Eddie, rather nonsensically, thought that he looked so pretty when he was mad at him. And when he was sad. And when he was laughing. And when he was working. And when he was cooking. He was beautiful. Always.

How could he not be?

“He…”

Eddie trailed off and swallowed his spit. It did nothing to dislodge the lump in his throat.

“He said you were a bad dam.”

--- --- ---

“I assume we all know why we’re here?”

Eddie resisted the urge to roll his eyes at the PSO representative. That would definitely not help. But yes, Eddie knew exactly why he was downtown, sitting in a sterile office room, blinking away sleep under the harsh fluorescent lighting at seven in the morning on a Monday.

“Yes.”

It was all he heard Buck say since he had dropped him off at his house, alone, twelve hours ago. He'd picked Eddie up an hour ago and driven them to the Professional Standards Office in silence. Eddie had tried, once, to ask Buck… Something. He wasn't sure what, exactly.

If it was true? Why he hadn't told Eddie? How long he had known? Who else he had told?

Whatever it was that Eddie was going to ask Buck, he didn't get the chance. The second he opened his mouth, the omega turned the radio up, and suddenly the barely legible program was blaring from the Jeep’s console. Eddie had never hated NPR more.

Coming back to himself, he nodded, not breaking eye contact with the representative. She cleared her throat.

“Yes.”

She nodded once, sharply, and Eddie's skin crawled. She couldn't remind him of his own mother more if she had been trained to.

“And that is?”

They stayed silent. Buck fidgeted in his seat. Eddie continued to stare straight ahead. He knew exactly what he’d done, and why it was wrong, and was willing to take whatever punishment the department saw fit with minimal pushback. But, professionally speaking, Buck had done nothing wrong. And if this omega thought a staring contest would make him throw his partner under the bus, she was welcome to try.

“Would you like to start, Mr. Diaz?”

Eddie took a deep breath.

Calm, cool, green Jell-O. He could do this.

“I punched Gerrard.”

The representative stared at him. She introduced herself at the beginning of the meeting, and Eddie had listened. He had. He just had more pressing matters on his mind. He wishes he had paid closer attention, simply so he wouldn't have to refer to her as ‘the PSO bitch’ in therapy later.

“And why did you assault Captain Gerrard, Mr. Diaz?”

Buck let out a shuddering breath. Eddie desperately wanted to squeeze his hand, to reassure him in some way.

He hadn't looked at Eddie since they sat down.

“He’s been insulting and belittling every firefighter at the 118 since he was made Captain. He said something that struck a little too close to home and I lost my temper. It won't happen again.”

The representative raised an eyebrow at him.

“It won’t?”

He shook his head.

“No, ma’am, it won’t. I’m in therapy with a department therapist and I will accept whatever disciplinary action the department sees fit. I will take the necessary measures to not let what anyone says to me set me off again.”

Eddie thinks that if this omega’s job wasn’t to be an impenetrable stone-faced bitch, she probably would have scoffed at his response.

“What did he say to you?”

“Excuse me?”

She blinked at him slowly, like she was making an effort to not call him stupid to his face.

“What did Captain Gerrard say to you to make you lose your temper and assault him? Multiple members of your station have filed reports regarding his behavior, but not you. I need to know what he said to you.”

That was weird, right? The department admitted to getting enough reports of Gerrard's subpar treatment of his subordinates that their PSO representative could bring it up without being prompted, but nothing had been done? That set off so many alarms in his head.

“He said that me and my partner were stupid, and that my partner was… unfit to be a parent.”

The PSO looked at him expectantly.

“The ‘partner’ he was referring to, is this your work partner or your domestic partner?”

Eddie sighed. If he had a dollar for every time someone had asked him or Buck that question. Well, he probably wouldn't be having so much trouble finding a place to live in El Paso.

“My work partner. Firefighter Buckley.”

The PSO nodded.

“And why did this ‘set you off’?”

God, he wishes Buck would look at him. He wishes they could be having this conversation in private. He wishes there was an easier way to say this. He wishes it didn't hurt so much.

“Buck is one of the smartest, most capable people I have ever met, and has been since the day we met. Every day, he proves himself more than deserving of his job.”

The omega opened her mouth to prod further, but he cut her off.

“And he is an amazing dam to my son. He has been for years. When I couldn't be there for him, when I couldn't be what he needed, Buck was right there, even before Chris’ mother died. Any child would be lucky to have him.”

The room fell silent. Eddie almost felt smug about it. Looks like the PSO bitch was actually capable of being quiet.

“And you, Mr. Buckley?”

Well, fuck. Maybe not.

“Why are you here?”

Honestly, Eddie wanted to know that too. When they had sat down in the waiting room together, he had tried to jokingly ask Buck what he was in for. Unsurprisingly, the omega hadn't responded.

“I don’t know, Mrs. Greene.”

Mrs. Greene looked unimpressed.

“Why do you think you’re here?”

Buck took a deep breath.

“Gerrard…”

He trailed off, swallowing harshly.

“Gerrard made a few comments about us being in a relationship.”

Mrs. Greene wrote something down on the paper pad in front of her, carefully angling her arm so that neither of them could see it. Without looking up, she continued her line of questioning.

“About Mr. Diaz and yourself?”

Buck nodded, then cleared his throat when Mrs. Greene glanced at him.

“Yes.”

“Are you pregnant, Mr. Buckley?”

Eddie blinked at the omega sitting across from them. Where the hell had that come from?

“I am.”

Sure, it was probably the root of why they were here in the first place, but he had been under the impression that Mrs. Greene would have to be a bit more delicate in her probing.

“And is Mr. Diaz the sire?”

Wasn't there some law about not asking your employees about this kind of stuff?

“He is.”

Though, he supposed that would have to fly out the window when it came to investigating fraternization cases.

“He is. And you did not disclose your relationship to the department?”

Not that that was what this was.

“There is no relationship to disclose.”

There was no fraternization between Eddie and Buck.

“It was a one-time thing.”

Mrs. Greene looked between them, not saying anything. A moment passed. Eddie let out a breath he didn't know he was holding in.

“Was it?”

Buck sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. His birthmark was pulled tight for just a second, and Eddie wanted nothing more than to press his lips to it once more.

“Two. It was two times. It still doesn't mean anything.”

Chapter Text

DECEMBER-FIVE MONTHS ALONG

“Well, that could have gone worse, huh?”

Dropping his hand from where it had been shielding his eyes against the bright LA sun as they crossed the street to the parking garage, Eddie turned to stare incredulously at the omega.

Of course, Buck was right. It could have gone worse. They could have been separated, a fraternization case could have been opened against them, Buck could have been placed on medical leave, Eddie could have been fired. In comparison, the month’s unpaid suspension for Eddie, potential temporary reassignment pending a physical for Buck, and the mandatory counseling sessions with a new department shrink for both of them almost felt like a slap on the wrist.

But Jesus Christ. Eddie still felt like a fire truck had landed on him. Not that out of the two of them, he would know anything about that. Maybe there was just something special about being forced to watch as the omega you’ve been in love with for almost eight years looks a stranger in the eyes and tells them having sex with you means nothing to him.

“‘It doesn't mean anything’?”

Buck let out a heavy sigh as the elevator doors opened. Eddie put an arm out to keep the doors from closing on them, something he had learned to do early on in their friendship. He could only watch Buck get hit by closing elevator doors so many times in one day before stepping in. They stepped in in silence. Buck looked at the panel for a moment before his brows scrunched in confusion and he muttered something Eddie couldn't catch under his breath.

Buck had been complaining that he had been feeling more scatterbrained than usual recently. Nothing so severe that he couldn't work, but around the station, it wasn't uncommon to catch the omega pausing in the middle of a task, the confusion obvious in the way he tensed up and began muttering to himself. Eddie was used to Buck’s confusion being loud. He had no qualms with letting anyone nearby know he had lost his train of thought, or forgot what he was doing, or had somehow lost something he had just been holding. Eddie wasn’t used to him being so quiet.

He had suspected it was his fault all along. Buck only got like this when he was upset, and what was the most upsetting thing in his life these days, if it wasn't Eddie?

It was worse now that he knew.

Pregnancy brain fog, he realized. It was normal, he knew that. He remembered Shannon hating it. Even more than that, she had hated that even her doctors had insisted on calling it ‘Mommy Brain’, rather than the proper term. He didn't remember how early it had started for her. He wondered if Buck was far enough along for him not to worry about it.

“Three.”

He pointed to the button for the level where Buck’s Jeep was. Distantly, he thought that nothing could keep him from worrying about Buck or the baby.

The baby. The last time there had been a baby for him to worry about had been fourteen years, three girlfriends, and eight hundred and one miles ago. An entire lifetime ago. He thought that was the most scared he'd ever been in his entire life. Raging infernos and sandy shootouts and judgmental parents had had nothing on the fear that seized him at the idea of building a family. Of ruining his best friend's life because he couldn't keep it in his pants.

And once again, here he was. He was terrified. Because last time, he hadn't had so much to lose. Sure, his parents had practically beaten him over the head with the fact that he was throwing away his whole future over one stupid mistake. But now, he has a life. A shitty one, albeit, these last few months, but before that. Before Buck had kissed Tommy and Eddie had imploded his whole life in response.

He felt nineteen again. His best friend was pregnant with his child, his parents thought he was incapable of being a father, and there was an ever-present, overwhelming sense of dread looming over him. But he was losing so much more this time around. This life that he had built for himself and Chris. He spent almost ten years trying to give his son the kind of life he wanted as a child, and he washed it all away in one night.

Losing Shannon was something Eddie still hasn't fully come to terms with. Losing her almost killed him. Losing Buck would be a fate worse than death.

“I know.”

Buck let out a sharp breath through his nose and looked up at the ceiling. He blinked and put his head back down, still not looking at Eddie.

“You left.”

His voice was thick, like he was trying to keep tears at bay already. Like just the idea of having this conversation with Eddie was enough to make him cry.

“I know.”

He couldn't explain it. The pure terror that had shot through him when he woke up in Buck’s bed that morning. The way he felt everything crashing down around him as the omega smiled at him. The scream that tried to rip its way out of his throat when Buck pecked him on the lips before getting out of bed, shameless as the sheets fell to reveal his naked form.

“I told you I loved you.”

In that moment, it meant everything to him. It meant everything to hear Buck finally say it. To hear him put words to this thing between them. To name the creature sleeping on Eddie's chest.

“I know.”

In that moment, he had felt so seen by him. Buck took his loneliness from him with no complaints.

“I'm pregnant.”

In that moment, he had said it back. Of course, he had. The love of his life had him pinned to the bed by his hips, hands braced on his chest, face mere inches from his. And in that moment, the omega had told Eddie he loved him. Whispered, not like it was a secret, but like it was precious. Like he hadn't wanted to risk it being stolen from them. He let it slip between the alpha’s lips, feeding him the greatest thing he would ever taste.

“I know.”

In the morning, Eddie hadn't said it back. He hadn't even given Buck the chance to say it to him. He’d run away the first chance he saw. Ran from the most amazing person he had ever been allowed to love. Because loving Buck was one thing. It was so woven into his being that loving Buck was indistinguishable from existing just as himself. But being loved back? That wasn't allowed.

The universe, Buck’s beloved universe, was not one in which Eddie Diaz was allowed to get what he wanted.

“You know what? Fuck you.”

Was it terrible that he only realized he loved his best friend as he fucked him? Of course it was. Was it terrible that he promised himself Buck would never know, the next second? Of course it was. Was it terrible to leave him alone after, in the apartment he knew felt more like a tomb than a home to the omega? Of course it was.

Was it terrible now, to push that all aside without another thought, to grab the omega and push him up against the elevator wall, to ignore his protests and pushes, to claim Buck’s lips with his own?

They separated with an ugly wet sound, their chests heaving in tandem, and Eddie froze at the look on Buck’s face.

“Get off of me! What the hell is wrong with you?”

Despite the words coming out of his mouth, he didn't look angry. He looked devastated. Like kissing him now was the worst thing Eddie could have done to him. Like tasting his lips again was akin to tasting poison.

“‘Fuck you’ doesn't mean fucking kiss me!”

His heart pounded in his chest. He knew that. He did. He knew starting things wasn't the right response to being yelled at. He knew sex didn't stop fights. That's not why he kissed Buck. In that moment, with the fluorescent light beaming down on the omega, with the hot air milling uselessly around them, with the elevator shaking just a bit too much for Eddie to be comfortable with, he had kissed Buck because he loved him.

He couldn't respond. He could do nothing but stare at Buck. His lips not yet swollen, his face not yet flushed, his tears not yet shed. Eddie knew what the future looked like, staring it in the face, and he could do nothing to prevent it. It looked just like his past.

As the omega turned away from him and exited the elevator, Eddie could do nothing but follow Buck.

Chapter Text

DECEMBER-FIVE MONTHS ALONG

Looking back on it, Buck can admit that the whole thing was pretty… pathetic. He'd only been out so late because he wanted to eat his feelings away, but if anyone asked, it was because the baby was craving samosas. So really, what happened next was the baby’s fault. Or maybe it was Eddie's fault.

Maybe it was Tommy's fault.

It felt good to blame this entire ordeal on Tommy.

All he knew was that it wasn't his fault.

“Evan?”

Buck froze at the sound of his voice.

“Tommy?”

Buck tried not to cringe at the way his voice cracked around the alpha’s name. Buck cleared his throat quietly, watching as Tommy moved closer to where he had been standing and awkwardly trying to make it look like he wasn't watching the exhausted college kid making his samosas a little too intently. This place might have the best vegan-friendly reviews on his side of LA, but you could never be too careful.

“What are you doing here?”

They'd been far enough in their relationship by the first time he brought Tommy here for Buck to know that telling the alpha he had taken him to one of Eddie's favorite places to eat after a long shift wouldn’t lead to the most pleasant use of their time together. So, he told him it was the closest place to the loft that made vegan-friendly Indian food.

It wasn’t technically a lie.

“Long day, didn't feel like cooking.”

Technically true. It had been a long day of avoiding Chim and Hen’s pitying looks when he was made man-behind for every call, ignoring Maddie’s calls and texts probing for information to help her in planning Eddie Diaz’s murder, and pretending that the last week of radio silence from Eddie wasn't the worst thing that had happened to him in a long time.

“Same.”

Thankfully, Tommy had never been that good at picking up on Bucks' moods unless he told the alpha point-blank that he was upset about something. He looked as glib as ever under the fluorescent lights.

“Looks like we’ll both be waiting a while, huh?”

God, Buck wished he could shake himself. Why did he have to sound so fucking stupid all of the time? They’d come here a lot while they were together. Tommy knew what he got. Buck knew it took ten minutes longer to make Tommy's chana masala than his samosas. It had been a point of contention that he apparently complained about having to microwave them enough that Tommy had started anticipating being annoyed at him anytime they got Indian food.

“Mind if we do it together?”

It hadn’t all been bad, things with Tommy. Sure, it was easy to think they were, especially with everyone else egging him on, but in reality… he kind of missed the alpha. So, he sat down with him. He sat down with Tommy and let him ask how things were going in his life, let Tommy tell him how his life was. Buck told him about Maddie and Chim expecting their second child and about Eddie thinking about moving back to Texas to be with Chris. The alpha told him about his mom going on a singles cruise and about Sal going through his second divorce.

Buck’s samosas arrive and he stood up, opening his mouth to say his goodbyes, telling Tommy that it was nice to see him, that they should do this again, and just generally putting his foot in his mouth by saying all the things everyone had tried so desperately to keep him from texting Tommy when they broke up, until the alpha reached across the table at the booth they had made themselves at home in and wrapped his fingers around Buck’s wrist.

“You know, I fought the urge to call you for months.”

Buck gaped at him.

“I drove past your place the other day, and all I could think about was pulling over and seeing if you were home.”

He wasn't Eddie.

“And, uh, if I had been?”

He would never be anything close to what Eddie was.

“I might have asked to come in.”

But he wanted Buck. He had always wanted Buck.

“I might have let you in.”

And tonight, it felt like it might be enough.

“You, uh, you still want to come in?”

--- --- ---

“Do you have any idea how humiliating that was?”

Tommy slammed the door shut behind him as he followed Buck into his apartment. Buck turned around, a small smile falling off his face. The alpha had been quiet the whole drive there, letting Buck chatter at him about lionfish.

“What?”

Buck thought it had gone well. He liked Tommy's mother! And he thought Beverly liked him too! Why else would she have smiled at him and called him sweetheart and laughed at his jokes and told him to just call her Bev? Buck’s own mother hadn’t even done that for Buck.

“I just had to look my mother in the eyes and explain to her that my omega was tripping over himself to answer the phone for a pup that isn't his because he has some psychosexual obsession with another alpha.”

Buck gaped at him. He had long given up on ignoring the mixed feelings that always sprang forth when Tommy called him his. He loved belonging to someone.

Didn’t he?

Maybe he just didn't like the way belonging to Tommy made him feel.

“Psychosexual-”

Buck cut himself off with an offended squawk. How dare he? Sure, he had left the table a little quicker than necessary, after a terse, short-lived argument with Tommy and a brief apology that Bev waved off with a smile, but it was Chris!

He had made his feelings regarding Chris very clear to Tommy.

To insinuate that Buck only loved Chris as an extension of his sire, that the little dog caged behind his ribs only wagged its tail when the boy smiled at him because it was Eddie's smile, that he had almost died for the pup for just the chance to grace an alpha’s bed? It filled Buck with feelings too ugly to name.

The little dog that made its bed in his heart gnawed angrily at the bars of its kennel.

“You know how much Chris means to me, Tommy, Eddie has nothing to do with it-”

Tommy scoffed.

The dog was now thrashing its head back and forth, heedless of the metal groaning all around it.

“She thought Eddie was your ex-husband.”

That one was entirely on Tommy. If he hadn't grabbed Buck’s wrist when he got up to take the call outside and told him to let Eddie handle it, his mother wouldn't even know Eddie’s name.

“Do you think I missed the way you went all gushy when she asked if Chris was your pup?”

He paused before continuing, not giving Buck a second to defend the way he had acted when his mother had seen the picture of the two of them making fishy-kissy faces in front of an exhibit at the aquarium he had set as Chris’ contact photo.

In his defense, Bev had said that the pup looked just like him and that she was sure he was a little charmer just like Buck.

“She scolded me! Like I was a little pup! Said that I, of all people, should be more understanding of a single mother trying to date!”

Buck didn't like where this was going. Tommy was not a violent alpha by any means, but sometimes the omega thought that he wanted to be. The things he said, the way that he talked to Buck, especially when it came to the topic of his behavior regarding Eddie, made Buck feel like he had just taken an open palm to the face.

He took a deep breath and stepped forward, his hand out to touch Tommy's arm. The alpha always calmed down a little bit more when Buck’s apologies were accompanied by a placating rub of his hand over his arm and downturned eyes. Add a shy smile and a whispered ‘alpha’ or ‘daddy’, and he crumbled even faster.

“Alpha-”

Tommy shrugged Buck’s hand off with another scoff.

“Chris isn't yours. And neither is Eddie.”

Buck reared back like he'd been slapped.

“You need to get that through your head if you want this to go anywhere.”

Suddenly, Buck felt as if he was watching everything happen from somewhere far away. Like he was a character in a movie he was only half paying attention to, sitting on Eddie’s couch, the dog curled up in a tight ball, unconcerned with a single thing happening outside of the bars made of his heartstrings, too content being near Eddie to process something as trivial as his own life falling apart.

“Then maybe I don't want this to go anywhere.”

Buck walked past Tommy silently, paying no mind to the alpha’s cut-off shout as he shut the door behind himself.

And if he cried in his Jeep for twenty minutes in the parking lot of Tommy's apartment complex before driving to the liquor store and buying a six-pack of Eddie's favorite beer to show up unannounced on his front porch with, no one had to know.

--- --- ---

When Buck wakes up, he is alone.

The air smells stale. Like nothing had happened last night. Buck had always felt a little lesser when Tommy did that, got rid of their scents the next morning. Not that the smell of pie crust and gun lube was something Buck particularly missed these days.

He doesn't know what he was expecting from this, exactly, but he thought Tommy had, at the very least, enough respect for him to not leave him in the middle of the night. When he had rolled off of Buck with a huff and the omega started laughing, Tommy got that look in his eye he always did, like he was trying to figure out if the joke Buck was about to let him in on was worth the eye roll that would no doubt accompany it. It was a wonder he hadn't completely detached his retinas before they broke up.

Buck was laughing because his samosas were definitely cold now.

Tommy huffed again but quickly joined Buck in his laughter. Eyes closed, head thrown back, Adam’s Apple bobbing away. And suddenly, things were not that funny anymore to Buck. Because this was what he had wanted. What he had practically begged the alpha to give him for six months. And Tommy had never given it to him. The alpha may have had many things in common with Eddie, but ‘being easy to be around’ was not one of them. Not a year ago.

Buck had watched as Tommy pulled his pants back up, sans boxers, and made his way downstairs. He returned a few minutes later, startling Buck where he was starting to nod off. Being man-behind meant he had no one to talk to for most of the busy day the 118 had, and having no one to talk to meant his brain was going too fast for him to process, and no one was around to help slow it down. So, to distract himself, he had deep-cleaned the kitchen. Eddie had taken one look at the omega sitting on the floor with every coffee pod in the firehouse spread out in front of him and turned on his heel, announcing he was going on a coffee run.

He happily let Buck pretend that the tears falling down his face in response to the wordlessly offered decaf oat milk lavender matcha latte was just the hormones.

Tommy plopped down on the bed next to Buck quietly, balancing his bowl of masala between his knees and leaning over to slide a pillow behind Buck's back. He made a soft humming sound and a ‘come here’ motion, smiling when Buck leaned into his space. He brought a samosa up to Buck’s mouth and let it rest against his lips as he stared at him dumbly. Tommy laughed again and nodded for him to go on.

They let the silence wash over them, quietly basking in the still air, the occasional sound of Tommy's fork clinking against his bowl the only disruption to their breathing. He was lighter now, somehow, Buck had thought. More open. As much as the alpha liked to point the finger his way, Buck had felt closed off from him too. But now, here he was, hand-feeding Buck food in his nest. He thought mates hand-feeding each other was cheesy. He thought eating in a nest was unsanitary. He never gave Buck bites of his food because of cross-contamination worries. But last night, bathed in the soft glow of Buck’s Roku screensaver, Tommy fed Buck small bites of his masala in between samosas.

Tommy had given Buck everything he had begged him for the entire six months they were together. And Buck couldn't stop wishing it was Eddie in his place. He chased the thought away by taking Tommy's bowl from him, stacking it on top of the plate already sitting on the nightstand he never used, and throwing a leg across the alpha’s hips. He didn't give Tommy any time to complain about the crumbs that had fallen into his lap.

So maybe when he woke up, he had thought Tommy would still be with him, at the very least. Telling himself that he would not be crying over Thomas fucking Kinard of all people, Buck sat up with a groan. He checked the time and sighed. The alarm for his vitamins would be going off soon and he'd rather get the pain out of the way before he had to go down the stairs. If anyone had told him when he was signing his lease that every single day going down the stairs would make him wish he could self-amputate, it honestly would have been very appreciated. Especially if they included a preview of the ‘oh my fucking god who the fuck let me fold my knee like that for so long’ pain that happened every time he'd had sex since the titanium rods went into his leg.

Hissing a little, Buck started down the stairs, taking them one at a time, two feet on each step before moving onto the next, something only Chris was allowed to make fun of him for. He was so wrapped up in not falling off the stairs that he almost walked straight into Tommy. The alpha steadied him by his shoulders and raised a brow. Smug fucking brow, Buck hated that thing. Eddie never looked at Buck smugly when he touched him like this. Not that Eddie was doing any kind of touching recently.

“I thought you left.”

He shook his head slightly, smiling down at the omega like he was a teething puppy.

“Not before feeding you.”

Buck let Tommy guide him into the kitchen. He blinked at the spread laid out before him. There was bacon.

“The bacon…”

Tommy huffed.

“It's Morning Star, don't worry.”

Buck blinked.

“You, you got vegan bacon?”

He hadn’t even liked regular bacon before he’d gone vegan.

“What the hell?”

Tommy laughed, cupping a hand over his elbow and guiding him to sit down.

“Figured you wouldn’t let me kiss you with the alternative in my mouth.”

“You want to kiss me?”

Tommy nodded.

“Why?”

Buck gaped at him.

“Why not, Evan?”

The silence between them was suddenly interrupted by Buck’s alarm blaring, cutting off whatever Tommy had been gearing up to say. He turned toward the loft with a soft sigh.

“I’ll get it.”

Panic shot through Buck at the idea of the alpha seeing his phone. Even if the alarm timed out and he didn't see the label, he would see the lock screen. When they had been talking last night, Buck made sure it was shuffled to a picture of him and Maddie, pre-pregnancies. But when he woke up, as he did every day for the last few months, he shuffled it back to a digital scan of his latest sonogram.

The alarm cut off, and with a sick sense of dread, he knew Tommy had seen it.

Tommy returned quietly, not quite looking at him. He set the phone down on the island and slid it closer to Buck wordlessly. There, slightly obscuring the bottom of the sonogram, was the little banner letting him know his alarm had been snoozed. He always hit snooze instead of dismissing the alarm, leading to Buck having to do it manually or forgetting and getting jump scared by it nine minutes later. Suffice to say, Tommy had seen the alarm labeled 'Puppy Making Pills'. And, unfortunately, the alpha wasn't stupid. He could put two and two together to get a baby.

Tommy cleared his throat, then swallowed. He said nothing.

“It's not-it's not yours.”

Tommy shook his head.

“No, you would have told me, right?”

Not to mention, he probably would have already had the baby.

Buck nodded.

“It's Eddie's, isn't it?”

Buck just blinked.

“Tommy…”

The alpha shook his head and scoffed.

“What, you thought I'd want to sit around and help you raise another one of Diaz's pups?”

Buck could feel his hackles rising. This was exactly what he was hoping to avoid. The air filled with the smell of red apples.

“That's not what this was-”

He'd been fighting enough with Eddie recently; the last thing he wanted was this.

“No?”

Eddie didn't even want to raise a kid with him; he wasn't so delusional to think anyone else would.

“No, Tommy.”

Buck took a deep breath.

“I don't have to want to sleep with everyone I have feelings for, and I don't have to have feelings for everyone I sleep with.”

Tommy stepped back like Buck had slapped him.

“Jesus, Evan, this is why we broke up.”

He turned suddenly, stomping towards the door.

“I have a shift soon. Good luck with… everything.”

He wrenched it open without looking back at the omega.

“Hope you two can get your heads out of your asses in time to not fuck up another kid.”

And with a slam of a door to an apartment that had not felt like home in seven years, Buck was alone again.

Chapter Text

DECEMBER-FIVE MONTHS ALONG

“When did you get that?”

The smell of fresh almonds and honey drizzled apple slices wafted through Eddie’s bedroom, their happy-horny scents mingling into one of the best Buck had ever smelled. The omega wondered, idly, how long it would take for it to go stale if Eddie didn't wash his sheets as soon as Buck left. He looked at Eddie in confusion, trying to follow his gaze, only to fail when he realized the alpha was looking at his ribcage. The question came out of him lightly, too lightly for him to have realized exactly what it was that he was looking at. Buck swallowed nervously as Eddie took a step closer to him.

“Back in June, I think. July, maybe. Around the time me and Tommy broke up.”

He cursed himself mentally. He didn't know why he brought Tommy up again. In the week since their disastrous hook-up, Buck felt like he hadn't managed to have a single conversation with Eddie without mentioning the other alpha, somehow. Every time he did, Eddie got a look in his eyes that sent shivers running down Buck's spine, as if the alpha could tell what Buck had done just by looking at him.

“Not that it was because of the tattoo, I mean- That'd be a pretty stupid reason to break up- Just, I got it a few days before- Not that he was a fan of it-”

Sometimes, Buck wanted to chase whatever small neurotic animal was running wild in his brain with a hammer. Maybe then he would have better luck pretending that he had something resembling a brain-to-mouth filter when he was nervous.

“Why would Tommy have a problem with you getting a new tattoo?”

The omega blinked. He blinked again. Sure, he hadn't exactly told Eddie just how much strife he had caused in Buck’s last relationship, but he had to know it wasn't exactly the picture of domestic bliss to get a tattoo in honor of another alpha’s child.

“Because it-”

He cut himself off with a faint gasp as Eddie's fingers brushed his ribs. Eddie hadn't touched him there since the night he threw up blood on Bobby's patio. Buck dreamed about it sometimes. About how big the alpha’s hands had felt wrapped around his waist. About where he might have put them next if they were not in front of their family.

“Is that a Saint Christopher medal?”

Buck nodded wordlessly, ignoring the way his heart began to beat harder at the roughness of Eddie’s voice.

“Is that my Saint Christopher?”

Tears gathered in the omega’s eyes as he nodded again. He knew what it meant to Eddie, okay? He really did. He knew it wasn't his to feel any certain way about, certainly not to immortalize on his own flesh. It was something sacred, something that was supposed to be reserved for Eddie, Christopher, and Shannon.

Maybe it would be easier if Chris had taken more after Eddie than his dam in the looks department. Maybe it would be easier to shake off every nosy PTA omega, every well-meaning senior at the grocery store, and every jolly Mall Santa’s Elf that wanted to tell him what a wonderful pup he had if said pup didn’t take after Shannon. Buck knew, every step of the way, every time he didn't deny their claims, that he was stealing a dead omega’s pup. Her mate. Her whole life, maybe. He also knew that with Chris gone and Shannon dead, Eddie had stopped wearing it. It couldn't have been easier to sneak a picture of it where it sat on his bedside table under the guise of grabbing a hoodie to sleep in.

Buck hadn't slept in the alpha’s house since Eddie found out about the baby, and he counted his lucky stars that he didn't say anything about Buck’s newest body modification each time they undressed in each other’s presence.

“You didn't-”

He cut Eddie off with a harsh scoff.

“Eddie, I could get your name tattooed on my ass and it wouldn't be any of your business.”

The omega sighed, avoiding his gaze.

“Sorry.”

He took a shuddering breath, willing his tears to stay where they were until he could hide them.

“Sorry, I just, I didn't know if I would ever see him again.”

Eddie stiffened at that, his fingers digging into the spaces between Buck’s ribs ever so slightly.

“In my coma dream-”

Eddie’s hand dropped from Buck’s side, and he mourned its warmth.

“Buck, you don't have to-”

He shook his head and brought a hand up to the alpha’s chest.

“Let me say this. Please. It's important.”

Eddie let Buck’s hand rest there, rising and falling with each ragged breath he let out.

“In my coma dream, right before I woke up, I saw Chris.”

Once upon a time, Eddie might have covered the omega’s hand with his own. Once upon a time, Buck might have felt like he was holding it up just to feel his alpha’s heartbeat rather than to keep a safe distance between them.

“I saw Chris, and he asked me to help him find you. I knew it wasn't him, I knew but still, I-”

He drew in his own ragged breath, pretending he couldn't see Eddie doing that thing he did, infuriatingly weaving his head around like a snake, trying to catch Buck’s eyes.

“I looked him in the eyes, and I said, ‘I'll always feel bad about this’, and I left him.”

Eddie’s heart thudded under Buck’s palm.

“Because he wasn't real, not the version of him that I was seeing, and I couldn't help him.”

Eddie took a step back, his eyes sharpening. The bedroom smelled like the terrible candles they sold at Target, fake waxy apples and sawdust.

“My son is real.”

A tear fell down Buck's cheek.

“That's not what I’m saying, Eddie.”

He felt desperate. More desperate than he ever had. Why couldn't Eddie see what Buck was trying to show him? Why couldn't he see that Buck was hurting over the loss of Chris just as much as he was?

“Then what are you saying, Buck?”

In the omega’s most lonely moments, he thought of Chris as his pup, too. Sure, he was his legal guardian if anything happened to Eddie, and he was his emergency contact right after Eddie himself and right before Pepa, but beyond that. Beyond all the safeguards Eddie had put in place to make sure the two most important people in his life would never be alone, even if he had to leave them, Buck still thought of the pup as his own.

“I'm saying that maybe, the version of Chris that you have in your head isn't real. And maybe you can't help that version of him.”

Eddie didn't want to knock the door down. Buck understood that, really, he did. But his parents couldn’t have even been bothered to acknowledge the metaphorical door. Still to this day, every time they spoke to him, they eventually found a way to berate him for not reaching out to them. Buck’s parents were nothing like Eddie. They'd probably be offended at the comparison.

So yeah, it probably was just his own shit bubbling under the surface of every conversation they had about Chris. But still.

“You need to talk to him. You can't just pack up his whole life and permanently move it without at least asking him how he feels.”

Since he found out Eddie hadn't told Chris about the baby, things had been different. Maybe he hadn't been as justified as he thought he was, storming into the house, calling the alpha a coward for not coming clean about how things were going in LA. When he found out Eddie still planned on moving to Texas and still hadn't said anything to his son, it was just another nail in their coffin.

“Eddie-”

His gaze turned to stone.

“Can you let me think my own goddamned thoughts for five fucking seconds, or do you need to give me your two cents on that too?”

He took a step back, bumping into Eddie's dresser, flinching at the steel in the alpha’s words.

“You're not my omega, Buck.”

Eddie cut him off before he could respond.

“And you're sure as shit not Chris’s. You don't get to say that. Not to me.”

--- --- ---

In the aftermath, Buck tried to sleep. He wasn't very successful. The omega tossed and turned, running the conversation back over and over, desperately trying to figure out what he could have said differently. In the end, there was nothing he could do but lay his head on Eddie's pillow and try not to cry as the scent of cherries enveloped his senses.

The dread that washed over Buck at the slam of Eddie's front door hours earlier returned as the bedroom door creaked open. As silently and inertly as possible, he wondered if he could convincingly pull off pretending to sleep. Tommy and Taylor had both told him he snored on more than one occasion. Eddie had never complained about it.

He kept his eyes shut as Eddie slipped under the blanket wordlessly, the alpha’s bare legs brushing his. Eddie turned on his side, facing away from Buck. He pressed himself against the omega’s chest, quietly mumbling before pulling Buck's arm around his waist. They hadn't done this in a while. They used to, every once in a while. They woke up in each other's arms a few times during quarantine, but in their most tired moments, after a long shift or a few drinks, Eddie would let the omega hold him in his arms on his couch. They hadn't gotten drunk together in six months and they hadn't gone home together in the same amount of time either.

They cut anything even remotely non-platonic out of their relationship the second Eddie snuck out of Buck’s nest after telling him that he loved him.

“I think I might be broken.”

Buck had not known whether things would be better or worse if he stayed after Eddie left.

“I don't know how to do this.”

With the alpha he loved lying in his arms, spilling his fears to him, he still didn't know.

“I married the last omega I pupped, and you know how that ended.”

For a moment, Buck wondered if he should let Eddie think he was asleep. But he deserved Buck’s honesty at the very least, after everything.

“Yeah.”

Eddie didn't speak again for a while and Buck let his deep breaths lull him almost to sleep.

“He wanted me to go home with him.”

Buck startled just a bit as Eddie spoke again. He didn't know who he was talking about, but he didn't want to break the fragile spell the moon had cast on them, the gentle way the dust motes danced in its light, pushed and pulled by their breathing.

“And I didn't want him anymore. I spent half the time we were talking bitching about you, but the second he said that I-”

Eddie cut himself off, shaking his head minutely.

“He said, ‘You think that bitch ‘mega of yours is still up, waiting for you?’, I almost punched him.”

Buck let out a wet laugh.

“You really need to stop doing that.”

He didn't respond.

“Would-would it be that bad, if I was your omega?”

Eddie turned in Buck’s arms and brought a hand over to cup the left side of his face. He moved his other hand to the right side of the omega’s face and traced a spot above his eyebrow, letting his fingers tap over a few hairs before they trailed down to another spot at the corner of his eye.

“Not at all.”

Chapter Text

Chris met his cousin Mickey’s best friend on the first day of eighth grade. He’s heard a lot about her by the time they do finally meet, three months into his stay in El Paso. They hadn’t met earlier because, ironically, the alpha spent her summers in Los Angeles with her aunt. Despite all that he’s heard about her, he wasn’t expecting her to be so… the way she was.

For one thing, her name was Sunshine. Like, legally. And she was a goth.

Dad and Buck would have laughed at that. Abuelo just sighed loudly and shook his head, the old-people version of rolling his eyes, and Grandma had made a comment about not understanding kids these days.

Chris thought it was kinda cool. He would never dress like that, especially not in the El Paso or Los Angeles heat, and if he tried to wear makeup like hers, he'd probably look like a clown. But she pulled it off, in his opinion.

They were fast friends, after their disastrous first meeting. In all of Mickey's ramblings about her best friend, she neglected to mention that the alpha was hard of hearing and mostly lip-read. Which led to Chris calmly asking her to move out of the path he was walking down, then a little less calmly, then yelling at her, and then finally crashing into her, lunch tray first. Even the most beautiful goth in the world can't pull off a shirt covered in sloppy joes. Especially when they curse up a storm after being knee-capped with a crutch. Grandma still calls her ‘that foul-mouthed puppy’ when she thinks Chris can't hear her.

They’re playmates, now, he thinks. Kinda. The way he and Penny were playmates, kinda. But different. No one ever called him Penny’s omega.

It started as a group outing; his grandparents were more than happy to drop him off at the movies if they thought Mickey, Jason, Justin, John, and Mirabel were acting as buffers between him and Sunny. Slowly, and hopefully without Tía Ana’s knowledge, Chris and Sunny had started going alone. Every few weekends, just to keep Abuelo and Grandma off of the scent, they would invite everyone else to come along. But the first and third weekends of the month, it was just the two of them.

Chris doesn’t take any pictures of her alone once he finds out Abuela is going through his phone every night. He deletes any incriminating texts and offloads Instagram every night after dinner, and his friends know not to text him in the middle of the night. He wonders idly if that’s how things were for his dad, then almost laughs at the idea of his dad trying to figure out how to offload an app from his phone.

He can almost hear the self-deprecating laugh Buck had failed to cover up before telling him what he suspected was a heavily edited-to-be-kid-friendly version of the time his parents walked in on him kissing another omega in high school when his dad caught him ‘two-timing’ other omegas in his class. Buck had told him his parents hadn’t cared enough about him to do more than shake their heads and close his door a little harsher than they normally did.

He overheard Buck and Dad talking in the kitchen later, laughing loudly and freely. When Dad had poked Buck in the side and ribbed him about how kid-friendly his story actually was, he confirmed Chris’ suspicions by telling his dad that he had his hand ‘shoved so far into Sammy Kaminski’s pants that he had zipper marks on his wrist for the rest of the night’.

--- --- ---

PEANUT GALLERY

Me: *typing*
Me: I miss my buck

🖤Sunshine🖤: whomst/whamst?

denn-o-mite: his stepdam

Me:🙄hes not and yuo know that

MOUSE: he might as well be

🖤Sunshine🖤: GUYS
🖤Sunshine🖤: FOCUS
🖤Sunshine🖤: I STILL DONT KNOW WHO BUCK IS

Me: hes my dads best friend

MOUSE: “best friend”

denn-o-mite: *image attached*

🖤Sunshine🖤: OH
🖤Sunshine🖤: i thought that was your dam

Me: …

denn-o-mite: everyone thinks taht at first

🖤Sunshine🖤: HEY WAIT
🖤Sunshine🖤: what about: “my dad facetimed me and he had all these stupid ugly decorations up and he had one this stupid ugly party hat and my dam was there with his stupid ugly alpha and his alpha’s stupid ugly face”

MOUSE: don’t forget his dads stupid ugly mustache

denn-o-mite: yeah and your dads stupid ugly mustache

Me: Wht?🫤
Me: … I do not remember this

🖤Sunshine🖤: babe to be fair about this whole thing I fully thought you ran away because your parents were getting a divorce until like the week after your birthday when you mentioned visiting your moms grave

Me: bucks not my dam. or my step dam. I used to think he was when I was a kid. He showed up when I was like seven and just never left. him and my dad are like connected at the hip.
Me: like a year after my mom died one of my teachers told my dad at pickup that I looked exactly like my dam and he just shut down.
Me: he’s always been weird about mom. Even before she died. He didn’t even cry at her funeral. I don’t know if he didn’t actually love her or if he just never let himself mourn her or what.

🖤Sunshine🖤: oh that’s not…

MOUSE: dude

denn-o-mite: of course your dad loved your mom Chris

🖤Sunshine🖤: yeah he wouldn’t have let her come back if he didn’t

Me: I think that was more about me than them
Me: I don’t know. Maybe he did love her. None of his relationships have worked since she died.

🖤Sunshine🖤: what about Buck?

Me: I asked him why they weren’t mates once. Like a year ago, way after my mom died. And that’s how I got a super awkward talk from my dad about what sda is like I don’t have sda aunts

denn-o-mite: SDAs ftw!!!

MOUSE: yeah but bucks not ONLY sda

denn-o-mite: unless Ive gravely misunderstood the meaning of ‘my dams stupid ugly alpha’s stupid ugly face’

🖤Sunshine🖤: HEY YEAH
🖤Sunshine🖤: mommy do got a boyf

MOUSE: and the way he looks at your dad isn’t very sda of him

Me: yeah no buck dates alphas. My dad just literally never asked. I mean to be fair stupid ugly tommy was the first alpha he’s dated the whole time we’ve known him. There have been several omegas.

🖤Sunshine🖤: 💀
🖤Sunshine🖤: don’t slut shame your dam!

denn-o-mite: your dad is so stupid 😭

Me: the last time buck answered a call he got really weird when we were talking about my dad
Me: is it weird that i just got mad at him all over again?

denn-o-mite: I’m gonna say something
denn-o-mite: and you’re not gonna like it
denn-o-mite: but dude
denn-o-mite: have you thought about just telling ur dad how you feel and seeing how he reacts?

MOUSE: yeah why don’t you let him explain himself?

🖤Sunshine🖤: the worst thing that can happen is you don’t like what he has to say
denn-o-mite: the worst thing that can happen is you never coming back
🖤Sunshine🖤: DUDE

denn-o-mite: you can make long distance work I believe in you
denn-o-mite: I don’t believe in my ability to get kosher tamales for free without the hook up

Me: i told you to just ask buck

denn-o-mite: and I told you I’d rather kill myself than ask your buck to do anything kitchen related
denn-o-mite: what if he does it in my kitchen and asks me t help
denn-o-mite: you know i cant say no to him

🖤Sunshine🖤: pussy

MOUSE: I’d do anything for free tamales

Me: I’m gonna call him

denn-o-mite: stfu I hate you you goth bitch
denn-o-mite: do it Chris! Do it for the tamales!!!
denn-o-mite: 🫔 🫔 🫔

🖤Sunshine🖤: Don’t do shit for him Chris!!!

MOUSE: yeah fuck him up pooks!

denn-o-mite: muting you all

🖤Sunshine🖤: good luck we love you!!!

denn-o-mite: love you more

🖤Sunshine🖤: 🔪🔪🔪

--- --- ---

Given the situation around his conception, the idea of shoving his hand into anyone’s pants terrified him.

Not that they’re doing anything like that.

They’d just barely gotten to the making out in the back row of their local movie theater stage a week earlier.

Chris realizes he loves his alpha, not during their first make out session, but twenty minutes later, after an old beta puts an end to it by harshly tapping on Sunny’s shoulder and clearing her throat once they separate, when she laughs at something on the big screen so hard that blue slushy shoots out of her nose and for just a second, he thinks he’s dying.

He doesn't die.

He also doesn't tell Sunny about his revelation. Sunny is eagerly counting down the days until her sire’s boyfriend does something shitty enough that her aunt lets her move in with her, and Chris is dreadfully anticipating the day his abuelos sit him down to tell him he isn’t going back to LA.

So, he doesn’t say anything.

Chapter Text

DECEMBER-FIVE MONTHS ALONG

Chris is coming home.

He's coming home. He FaceTimed Buck, just barely catching the omega as he was leaving Eddie's house. The pup was too smart for his own good, immediately recognizing the upper walls and ceiling of the living room he grew up in. And so, Eddie found him, twenty minutes later, sitting on his couch and crying around a huge grin. Buck had looked up at him, squinting in the early morning sun, and handed him the phone, not trusting his voice.

They’d gone to work together that day, hand in hand, ignoring the wolf whistles and cheering with good-natured eye rolls. If it hadn't been for their department-mandated scent patches, the entire station would have smelled like the fried fruit pies of Eddie’s Texan childhood. When Hen had asked if there was anything they needed to tell the team, Eddie had squeezed Buck's hand before dropping it in favor of showing the beta his phone.

-08:15-

Chris:
youre bringnig buck 2 right

Of course, mijo.
Who do you think is going to do all the driving?

Chris:
👍❤️

Hen chuckled softly as she scrolled through the messages between Chris and Eddie, some dictated by Buck, Chris telling his father the best routes and all the stops they could make as if Buck hadn't started looking up that exact thing the second Chris told him. She reached the end and looked at them with wide eyes that darted back and forth between the two of them and Eddie's phone. A grin crept its way across her face as Eddie and Buck nodded in unison.

She threw her arms around them, rocking them back and forth and telling them how happy she was for their little family. She let them go as Bobby approached and pulled Buck into party planning mode with her as Eddie went through the itinerary the three of them wrote up together and what it would mean for the vacation days they'd stocked up over the years with Bobby.

That had been Wednesday morning. The high of it had gotten Buck and Eddie through their twenty-four-hour shift in the blink of an eye. At noon on Thursday, Eddie had shot off a quick text to Chris telling him how much he loved him and confirming the time to expect them Saturday morning before settling into the first truly peaceful bout of sleep he’d had since Chris left.

With none of his usual post-shift-nap grogginess, Eddie woke quickly and peacefully. Ignoring his phone where it lay plugged in on his bed-side table, he made his way first to the bathroom, and then to the kitchen. He toasted a bagel and, deciding he could indulge himself, just this once, slathered it in way too much cream cheese and the pepper jelly Abuela and Buck had conspired to get to him for his last birthday.

He deserved it, didn't he? Just this once?

After finishing his sweet treat and a glass of water, he went back to his room. He reached for his phone, already anticipating the barrage of texts Buck always sent when they had road trip plans. Las Vegas a year after they’d met, Catalina after he’d been shot, Solvang after Chris did a report on it, and Big Sur after the lightning strike. Joshua Tree after Chris had left. They’d have to do that one again, him and Buck and Chris and the new puppy.

They hadn't told Chris about the baby, and yet their pup had finally solved that particular fight for them without even knowing it. They would tell him before they left Texas. They were going to take him to a park near his childhood house, one he had taken Chris to a lot as a young child and tell him that he was going to be a big brother. He could yell at them and shout ‘Finally!’ at the sky and call them stupid and pitch ridiculous and self-honoring baby names until he was blue in the face, and then they would bring him home.

That was if he didn't know after taking one look at Buck. Buck who despite being five and a half months pregnant, had looked completely normal up until very recently. Nine days ago, not that Eddie would admit to anyone that he had been counting the exact seconds since it happened, Buck had very uncharacteristically waddled into the station in a large winter coat and unceremoniously dragged Eddie away from his conversation with Bobby. Literally dragged him, right into a supply closet. Without a word he threw off his coat, unbuttoned his shirt and… there it was.

A bump. A baby bump. Their baby. Buck and Eddie's baby.

Which was nothing to say of his scent. Sure, most omegas have a slightly milky scent, especially those who are around pups a lot, but Buck… his apple and peanut butter scent, with the milky undertones pulled to the front, was mouthwatering in the best of ways. He lived for the days that scent filled his den.

Eddie had slowly reached out with shaking hands and stopped just short of actually touching Buck. His fingertips just barely brushed the omega’s stomach as he looked into his eyes. With a small nod of Buck’s head, he took a step forward and cupped a hand over his stomach, separated from bare skin only by the thin tank top under his button up, whispering a hello to their child. Buck let out a wet laugh as his hand softly covered the alpha’s. Eddie had no idea how long they had been in there and couldn't have cared less about the looks and comments thrown their way as they exited the supply closet together, Buck’s shirt hanging open around his slightly protruding stomach.

The next day, they went to Buck's sonogram appointment together for the first time. The nurse had playfully batted at him with a sly grin when he stumbled through asking for a physical copy. It sat in his wallet during work, was pinned to his fridge when he cooked or ate, and sat on his bed-side table propped up against his alarm clock when he slept. He was itching to send a picture of it to Chris every time he saw it.

Eddie tapped at his phone, ready to fend off Buck’s packing anxieties. He clicked on his message app and felt his breath catch at the first result. At the top of his screen, the worst thing he had ever seen shone up at him in the dim light of his bedroom. He clicked on it as if that would change what it said. He checked the time it had been sent, his heart beating heavily in his chest. Fifteen minutes. His world had ended fifteen minutes ago, and he hadn’t even known. He’d been too busy wasting time making a stupid bagel and believing things could ever get better for him.

-18:45-

Chris:
I changed my mind. I don’t want you to come. Please don’t call me.

--- --- ---

It's a long shot, Buck knows that. What self-respecting preteen is coherent before six in the morning?

But it has to be worth something. His hands shake as he scrolls through his Instagram followers. Between the cooking and baking videos he posts, the thirst traps disguised as workout progress tracking, and the sneaky behind the scenes pictures he takes at calls and around the firehouse, he gets a few new followers a day. If he can just scroll far enough, fast enough, and power through the way his eyes are blurring with tears and exhaustion, he might be able to fix this.

There! He almost drops his phone before tapping on the little picture so hard he's a little surprised the screen doesn't crack. That little circle, with its grainy picture of Chris and a girl who’s name Buck had only recently learned through one of the weirdest DMs he'd ever gotten, was his salvation. The omega quickly clicked through the black and white selfie with a Morrissey song playing over it, a picture of a dog that looked like a moldy rag, and a shaky video of someone handing Chris a decapitated gingerbread man while several kids his age banged on a table. The little ‘SOUND ON’ sticker in the corner called to him like a siren, but the silence in Eddie's truck still feels too fragile to break, even after being on the road for ten hours.

buck_buckley: I hate to do yhis but chris isnt answering his phone and were relay worried about him
buck_buckley: We were supposed to pick him up tomorrow but he texted his dad last night and told him not to come
buck_buckley: He wont respond to eithe rof our tests and our calls wont go through
buck_buckley: We've been trying all night
buck_buckley: I think he blocked us
herecomesthesun: u need to come. hes been so excited to go home.
herecomesthesun: we threw him a party and everything yesterday. theres no way he changed his minf.
herecomesthesun: he isnt responding to mine or mickey’s calls or texts either. they probably still have his phone. they dont give it to hin until he gets in the car.
herecomesthesun: ill tellyou as soon as he texts me tho. he usually does as soon as he can.
buck_buckley: Can you tell him we’re an hour away? Please
herecomesthesun: ofc

As they drive past Las Cruces, Eddie breaks his silence. He clears his throat, and Buck almost jumps out of his skin. The sunrise paints his face in purples and oranges, perfectly highlighting the muscles in his jaw as they clench and unclench.

“Do you think Chris would want a brother or sister?”

Buck huffs a small laugh. Jee had thrown a fit when her parents had tried to sit her down and tell her about the bakery’s mix up. Somehow, he just couldn't see Chris doing the same, even when he was Jee’s age.

“I don't think he’ll care.”

Buck watches as the alpha’s grip tightens on the steering wheel and places a hand on his knee.

“He’ll just be excited to be a big brother.”

Eddie sighs.

“You think so?”

Buck hums and nods. They sit in silence for a while, watching the highway pass in a blur of scraggly trees and other vehicles.

“I think I want a girl. I don’t care about designation.”

Buck hadn't really given much thought to what he wanted their baby to be, even before he decided he wanted the gender and designation to be a surprise. Not the shape of their nose, the color of their eyes, whether they got Eddie's clear skin or his acne prone skin. But now, suddenly, he aches with the thought of it. Of a little girl with his curls and his alpha’s eyes.

“Curly hair and brown eyes. That's all I want.”

It's seven in the morning when they pull up in front of Eddie's parents’ house. The sun is just barely peeking through the trees surrounding the property. They’re cutting it close; Eddie is well aware. His father is one of those ‘early is on time, on time is late, and if you’re late don't even bother showing up’ types. They'd missed Mass once because of it. There’s a chance that all he’ll get out of showing up at his parents’ house is a shouting match with his mother, and he’ll have to pull Chris out of school. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed before turning the truck off. They sat in silence, letting the gentleness of the countryside dawn wash over them. The wind in the trees and the cars on the road behind his parents' house.

Buck cleared his throat.

“You said he was staying in your old room, right?”

Eddie hummed, confusion leaking into his tone.

“Yeah?”

Buck started moving, unbuckling his seatbelt as his gaze fixed on something through the windshield. He pointed toward the side of the Diaz house.

“Well, uh, I think there's a girl trying to climb through his window.”

Chapter Text

DECEMBER-FIVE MONTHS ALONG

Buck doesn't hate people. He doesn't really have it in him. He doesn't hate the omega who made it impossible for him to ever go to therapy in person again, he doesn't hate the couple who made him hurt himself over and over for a shred of their attention, he doesn't hate the alpha who still only tells him he loves him when he's already crying.

But now, he is shaking with the hatred he holds for Chris' grandparents.

He kept his head while it was happening. Through manhandling a teenage alpha out of Chris’ window, through Eddie's parents threatening to call the cops on them, through the shitshow that was Chris realizing Buck was pregnant. Through Helena shrieking in Joy’s face about tainting her grandson. Through Chris’ face, so happy to see the two of them even with all of the screaming, shuttering in an oh-so-familiar way as he pulled away from their hug, eyes focused on the other omega’s stomach. Through Ramon's admonishment of Eddie for trying to replace Chris with the first available omega.

He was as calm and collected as he knew how to be through all of it.

But now. Now he was shaking. With Eddie sleeping off the eleven-hour drive and what he was pretty sure was his parents disowning him, and Chris staring blankly out the window with his headphones playing music so loud the omega could hear it over the sound of the truck on the asphalt, Buck could do nothing but stare ahead and shake.

His parents were bad parents; he knew that. He'd known that for a while. They'd spent the first thirty years of his life making him feel unwanted and unloved as punishment for a slight they refused to make him aware of. Maybe if they’d been more emotionally present in Buck’s formative years, they'd have more in common with the Diazes. But as things stood, he was a little thankful for their absence. Sneaking other omegas in through his bedroom window was met with the same blank disapproval as not taking the trash out and accidentally breaking the hinges off his bedroom door. Hurting himself was the only thing that ever ignited sparks in their eyes.

But they had never isolated Buck. Never cut him off from Maddie or his grandparents or his cousins or his friends. Buck had never tiptoed around his parents. He lived with the, maybe unhealthy, knowledge that nothing he ever did would warrant any consequences outside of being yelled at for a few hours. He never learned to sneak around, to hide what he was doing or who he was doing it with. His friends didn't limit themselves around him for fear of never seeing him outside of school again.

Now they had an answer to why Chris had seemed so distant. Why he never responded to their messages. Why Eddie could never get more than fifteen minutes from him over the phone. Helena Diaz was a boundary-lacking bitch from the depths of hell. And Ramon was as spineless as he was cruel, to enable his mate without a second thought.

Chris was going to be fourteen soon, was going to be in high school before they could even blink, and his grandparents confiscated his phone at eight forty-five every night before going through it, checking messages and call logs and photos to make sure he was living the life they wanted him to be living.

A life that apparently didn't involve Eddie.

The steering wheel creaked under Buck’s hands.

The truck’s cab stank. Seaweed and bitter almonds and burnt pastries. No one ever smelled good when they were upset, but this. This hurt was so deep it felt as if it would never leave. They’d have to get the truck detailed.

In Bowie, Arizona, Chris leans forward and puts his hand on Buck's shoulder. He almost swerves into the next lane. With the vehicles behind them already honking up a storm, and one ambitious old man in an early 2000s Impala changing lanes just to get ahead of them, Buck can't take a chance looking back at the pup. Buck’s heart beats wildly as he meets Chris’ eyes in the rear-view mirror. The expression on his face doesn’t make Buck feel any better.

“Is it Dad’s?”

Buck doesn't need him to clarify what he’s talking about, but…

If it will buy a few more minutes in the world where he is Chris's best friend, where he can explain the tension between him and Eddie away by saying it's just boring grown-up stuff the pup wouldn’t care about, then he’ll take it.

“W-what?”

By the way the pup looks at him, Chris knows exactly what he's doing, and it isn't working. Why would it? He isn't seven anymore, isn't Buck’s little Superman. He’ll never be the little boy who sat on the older omega’s shoulders and erupted into giggles when the elephant they were feeding tried to take his glasses ever again.

Chris rolled his eyes.

“The pup, Buck. You’re not far along enough for it to be Tommy's, and you've been too depressed to court anyone else.”

Buck spluttered.

“I haven't been too depressed-”

But he has, hasn't he? The alpha Eddie walked in on him with had been a rebound. One that hadn't been going very well, if he was being honest with himself. Three dates in, and he still had a hard time remembering if her name had been Maria or Mari. And after that first night with Eddie, he had felt too broken to even leave his apartment, never mind go looking for another hopeless fling that would fizzle out a few months down the road.

“You don't even know how far along I am.”

Chris sat back with a huff.

“If it's Tommy's, then why are you here?”

It stung, to have Chris question him like that. To question his place with them, like anything could truly change them. Even if the baby was Tommy's pup, a thought that Buck can admit makes a gross nervous sweat break out on the back of his neck, he would be here for this. For Eddie. For Chris.

“It's not Tommy's.”

Chris shoots him a ‘no duh’ look from where he’s slumped against the backseat.

“It's complicated, Chris."

Understatement of the century. Navigating his pregnancy and his job, not telling anyone about the pregnancy until Gerrard spilled the beans, actively seeking out an unnamable sexual relationship with the sire of his baby while they both resolutely refuse to talk about it. That's all complicated. Doing it all at the same time feels like a giant wave pulling him under.

“Right.”

If anyone knows what a wave pulling you under feels like, it's Chris. Buck still sometimes wakes up in the middle of the night, sticky with sweat he learned not to wash off the hard way, breathing in ragged bursts, his heart racing. He used to call Eddie when it happened, dropping little hints here and there until the alpha asked if he wanted to be taken to Chris. The first time Buck dreamed of the tsunami after Chris left, he tried to call him. Only for Helena Diaz to answer and tell him just how inappropriate she thought it was for a grown adult to be calling a child he wasn't related to in the middle of the night.

He’d left the calling to Chris after that.

“I'm not a kid anymore, Buck.”

He knows that. he aches with that knowledge in his darker moments.

“No, I- I mean it, Chris, really.”

He knows they aren't who they were when they met. They’ve both grown too much to be those people anymore. For the better, really, but still…

“It's messy and-and complicated and your dad and I have no idea what we're doing. But we're working on it, okay?”

They have grown. No more Bucky, no more Superman.

“We're trying.”

They aren't those people anymore, time and distance stripping them of those identities.

“You’re not my dam.”

He wishes he could feel anything other than numb at the younger omega’s words. All he's wanted, for just a little longer than he's known the Diazes, was to be a mate, a parent, a partner. To be someone who belonged to someone, something.

“I- I know that, bud.”

And he does belong to the Diazes, he realized not too long ago. Mind, body, and soul. It all belongs in the walls of their little bungalow on Bedford Street. But they seem dead-set on reminding the omega that they don't belong to him. He's spent so long trying to not be Shannon, to not replace her. The other night, with Eddie, he got his wish, finally. The assurance he's needed for so long. He will never be the Diazes’ omega.

Now he just needs to learn how to live with it.

“But you’re gonna be my sister's dam. Or my brother’s.”

Seven and twenty-eight. A little puppy scared for his dad and an omega desperate for a home.

“I don’t want to just call you my sister's dam. You're more than that.”

Fourteen and thirty-five. Not much has changed.

“And step dam is… eugh.”

Buck lets out a little laugh and tries to quickly wipe away the tears pooling on his waterline. Even with everything that has happened, he still feels like a scared kid sometimes.

“How about… I’m just your Buck? Like I always have been.”

He watches as Chris nods stiffly at the rear view mirror and wonders if his pup feels the same way.

Chapter Text

JANUARY-SIX MONTHS ALONG

In the month since they brought Chris home, Eddie hasn't seen Buck much, outside of work. They've both been working a lot, recently, but their shifts haven't been lining up as neatly as they normally do. Bobby hasn't been letting the omega pick up any overtime, but he's volunteered for every person who needed a shift covered or swapped. Eddie, on the other hand, has picked up just about every available hour of overtime he could, saving up for… he doesn't even know what. The baby? Chris? A new place? A new life?

Certainly he’s saving up to never have a repeat of Chim waking him up by calling him twenty minutes into a post-shift nap because Buck is stuck in the Hans’ bathtub and no one is strong enough, physically or mentally, to leverage the naked pregnant omega out. And, look, Eddie knows Chim isn't a threat to his omega or pup. But the EMTs the beta had wanted to call… just the idea of them made the alpha’s hackles rise.

They still haven't talked about it, about what the pup means for them. For their relationship. Buck has spent so much time and energy trying to convince him and Chris that nothing has to change, that things can stay exactly the way they were, that Eddie is starting to wonder if the omega actually believes that.

Eddie knows he doesn't. He knows what having a baby does to people. To him.

They were supposed to talk about it today. Buck had gotten it into his head that they needed a neutral place to discuss their issues, somewhere neither of them lived, or liked, or wanted to go to, or had even been to. Which is how Eddie Diaz has found himself sitting in a Starbucks twenty minutes away from Buck’s loft, staring at the wall while the teenage barista looks at him every few minutes like she’s trying to explode him with her mind.

Buck is late. Thirty minutes late.

Buck is never late.

Buck is, if anything, chronically early. Once, when the aquarium was hosting a members-exclusive sneak-peek at a new exhibit, Buck had dragged them there an hour early, leading to Eddie wincing in the echoey lobby as his omegas oooh-ed and aaah-ed at every decoration they’d never stopped to fully take in before. The last time Buck was late for work, it was because he was at the ER for a broken toe that he hadn't wanted to bother anyone with.

So, yeah, being late was out of character for Buck.

Not answering his phone, not so much.

So Eddie has a little bit of hope. Maybe Buck just set his phone down and wandered off. He's gotten better about it since he downloaded a step-tracker, which Eddie thought was a little ridiculous given their occupation, but he's been lapsing recently, not picking it up when doing small tasks.

The alpha sends another text asking if he’s on his way and shuts his phone off with a sigh.

“Are you going to buy anything?”

Eddie looks up, startled, at the barista that has been trying to kill him with her underdeveloped superpowers since he sat down.

“I think I'm being stood up.”

The barista blinks.

“He's pregnant and I'm the one being stood up.”

The girl looks a little like Chris’ totally-not-on-again-off-again-long-distance-playmate. If Sunny didn't have very obviously box-dyed hair past her hips and a non-existent relationship with Cetaphil.

“That's terrible, man. Would a Caramel Brulée Latte make you feel better?”

It was Eddie's turn to blink.

“Something iced? You look like an Iced Gingerbread Oatmilk Chai kind of man.”

One day, Eddie will not let teenagers bully him. Today is not that day.

“Sweet treat? I’ll get you a cake pop.”

He catches the girl muttering something to herself about baby cow eyes and gay mustaches as she walks away from him. Teenagers always look like they’re having so much fun when they give him shit. Maybe he just has a bullyable face.

After three of the worst covers of Christmas songs that Eddie has ever heard, a voice breaks through the silence.

“Caramel Brulée Latte and Iced Gingerbread Oatmilk Chai with a cake pop for Freddie Mercury!"

Eddie doesn't move.

“Dude. I have a limited number of times I'm allowed to leave this spot before my manager gets pissy with me. Come get your shit.”

Eddie closed his eyes. He couldn't see the barista, sitting as he was with his back to her, but he could hear her shaking one of the drinks at him, the ice rattling merrily along to Jingle Bell Rock. He ran a hand over his face. The shaking got louder. He stood up with a groan, if only to rescue the poor chai from being spilled all over the counter.

The barista grinned at him, showing off her braces.

“I can't drink both of these.”

The girl tilted her head. She pushed the hot drink forward a bit.

“Decaf. For your baby momma.”

Eddie's jaw dropped. Before he could get anything resembling words out, the barista flipped her screen around for him to see.

“Would you like to leave a tip, sir?”

With another sigh, he clicked on the twenty percent option and tapped his card on the other screen she pushed toward him.

“As nice as this has been, Freddie, I think you should wait for him outside. The weather’s nice. If you want to take the time to write a Yelp review, my name is Josie.”

The weather was shit, for LA. Josie smiled at him like she knew that he'd stepped in two puddles on his way from his truck to the door.

“It’s Eddie, actually.”

At that, she snorted.

“That’s my stepdad’s name. He knocked up a ‘meg who hates him too.”

Eddie gathered up his purchase, not dignifying his bully with a response. He wasn't going to wait outside; he wasn't, but the idea of one more shitty Christmas song paired with this girl’s judgy and knowing looks made his skin crawl.

As the driver's side door slammed shut, he let out a breath. He set the drinks in the cup holders and laid the cake pop on the center console before taking out his phone. Fifteen minutes of harassment had apparently not been enough time for him to be graced with a response from Buck, just a notification from his bank that made him consider shaking Josie down for the meager tips in her tip jar.

He turned the truck on. Looks like this is a conversation they'll be having at the loft after all.

--- --- ---

Eddie knocks on Buck's door. It's a habit he's only formed recently. He never used to knock on Buck’s door. There’s no answer. He knocks again. Nothing. He unhooks his keys from the belt loop they live on and goes to unlock the door. It's open. Still quiet. Too quiet. Silence is not something Eddie is accustomed to when it comes to Buck. He lives his life so loudly. It feels wrong not to hear him.

“Buck?”

Before his omega’s name can even leave his mouth, he feels his stomach sink. He isn't paranoid, isn't superstitious, but with everything that’s happened to Maddie and Chim in the last year, Buck’s told him he should be. Anything could have happened to the omega to leave his apartment door open. The air is filled with the stench of terrified omega, curdled milk and rotten apples, sharp and acidic, so far from Buck's natural scent it makes Eddie nauseous.

“Eddie? Eddie!”

He lets out a breath and rounds the corner. There he is. He looks terrible. His hair is plastered to his forehead, his curls sticking out every which way, and he looks like he’s going to throw up any second now, pale and trembling. It takes Eddie a moment to realize that he's trying to hold himself up, his hands and one of his feet braced on the stairs leading up to the bedroom. There's blood on his fingers.

Eddie drops his latte.

“I'm stuck!”

He can see that. Just barely, through the slats of the stairs, he can see Buck’s leg dangling in the air. The blood dripping from a gash on the side of his knee has gone tacky and brown.

“I need to take pressure off of it.”

He's too high off the ground for Eddie to reach him in a meaningful way from underneath. He's going to have to lift the omega.

“Buck, do you understand me?”

Buck nods wordlessly, wincing as the stairs groan slightly under the alpha’s weight. He climbs quickly, trying to land as softly as he can. He ignores the small cry Buck lets out as he sits down behind him.

“I’m going to pick you up and put my leg in between yours, okay?”

At this point, Eddie thinks that if the omega starts crying, he won't be able to stop himself from joining.

“It's going to hurt. Squeeze my arm, scream as loud as you want. But don't move, okay?”

The alpha wraps his arms around Buck’s waist and waits for the omega to bring his arms up from the stairs. Buck puts a hand over his and squeezes.

“One, two, three.”

Eddie can't help but be reminded of the ladder truck when Buck screams. It's loud, right in his ear, and if he weren't so scared, he probably would have complained about it, just to make Buck laugh.

“Good boy, good boy. I'm sorry, baby. You're doing so good.”

He can't stop himself, whispering meaningless comforts to his omega as he cries.

The call to 9-1-1 feels like a blur. He can't remember anything other than the relief that it hadn't been Maddie on the other line.

“It hurts.”

Other than that first night, the night that got them here, they haven't had sex in Buck’s loft. To be fair, they aren't in Buck’s loft often. Even before he got pregnant, Eddie's house felt like their default. Their place.

That house, the kitchen, the couch, the bed, they have all seen more intimacy, even outside of sex, than the loft ever has. Until now.

“I know.”

This is something new. They don't do this. Eddie held Buck’s hand and swept hair away from his face when the ladder truck was on top of him. Buck pulled him under the engine and picked him up when they were being shot at. But they've never done this. Buck isn't in any real danger. Sure, blood is pooling in his foot, and he's been here longer than Eddie would ever be comfortable with, but he's okay. He can still wiggle his toes. There are paramedics on the way.

“Eddie, it-it hurts.”

He'll be okay. Physically. But he's scared. He's so scared. And it's breaking Eddie's heart. He hates seeing his omegas scared. Hated seeing him like that when he almost lost his leg, when he almost lost Chris, when he almost lost Eddie.

“I know, baby. I know. Hold on, just a little longer, okay?”

Eddie lets out a shuddering sigh.

“It's okay, baby. We’ll get you out of this. You're gonna be okay. A cast and crutches, and some bed rest, and you'll be fine. Good as new.”

Buck sniffles.

“I can't do bedrest on my couch again.”

Eddie sighs again.

“Then don’t. Move in with me.”

He shakes his head before dropping it back. The thud it makes against Eddie's collarbone echoes through the alpha’s body.

“I can't do bedrest on your couch, either, Eddie."

What will it take for Buck to get it?

“You don't have to. Do it in our bed.”

To get that Eddie loves him, that he's sorry for doing this to him.

“It’s not our bed.”

To them.

“It can be. It will be.”

He lets a tear run down his cheek.

“Come home with me.”

Chapter Text

JANUARY-SIX MONTHS ALONG

Buck looked up from his spot on the couch as Eddie walked in. The alpha shot a small smile his way before looking down to toe off his shoes.

“How was your shift?”

Eddie grunted, placing a hand on the wall next to the front door to keep his balance.

“It was a shift. Three kitchen fires, a little pile-up over by Hamilton.”

His left shoe came flying off, thudding lightly against the couch. Buck laughed. Eddie huffed as he brought his other leg up and leaned against the wall.

“Cat in a tree.”

Buck threw an arm over the back of the couch, twisting toward Eddie. His other shoe thumped on the floor. Buck rolled his eyes when Eddie looked up.

“You only say that when I'm on leave. I feel like you're trying to make me jealous.”

Eddie raised a brow as he made his way over to Buck. He sat down heavily in the creased corner of his couch. Buck put his feet in the alpha’s lap immediately with a sly smile.

“You’re jealous of me for rescuing a cat that got stuck in a tree?”

Eddie rubbed a thumb over the omega’s ankle, stopping over the vein protruding there. He wanted to feel Buck’s pulse, sighing when it kicked against him.

“I think you’re trying to make me jealous of you for getting to rescue a cat out of a tree. Which would be a perfectly valid thing to be jealous about.”

Eddie laughed.

“Would it?”

Buck threw a hand up in the air.

“Yes! It's like the firefighter stereotype!”

Eddie shook his head as Buck let his arm fall back down.

“How was your day? D’you end up taking May out like you wanted?”

The omega perked up, a grin spreading across his face.

“Yes! And Harry came with us!”

He hummed, rolling his head and letting it flop onto the back of the couch. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“Eddie?”

He hummed again. Buck’s foot twitched in his lap.

“How old do I look to you?”

Eddie cracked an eye open. The omega wasn't looking at him, but it wasn't that bad. He didn't look worried or embarrassed, just confused.

“I mean, I have a few grey hairs, but I don't think I look a day past thirty.”

He noticed the greys a few days ago. They suited Buck. Eddie squeezed his ankle reassuringly.

“You look thirty-five, Buck. Why?"

Buck huffed.

“The tech at the nail salon thought May was my sugar baby. And some alpha at the brunch place said Harry was too young to be a sire.”

Eddie snorted, cutting himself off when Buck slapped the back of his hand against the alpha’s stomach. The alpha doubled over, coughing dramatically. Buck kicked his feet as much as he could with them trapped in between Eddie's abs and thighs.

“Sorry, sorry. What'd you do?”

Buck kicked again, this time knocking his cast against Eddie’s knee. He hissed in pain. The omega grinned at him, his cheeks pushing his eyes closed.

“May told them I was their brother both times.”

Eddie smiled. May was a lifesaver.

“You’d be good at that, the whole… sugar thing.”

Buck laughed again.

“You think so?”

Eddie nodded.

“If it wasn't for your credit score.”

Buck kicked him in the stomach again.

"I want to do that for you. I would if I could."

Buck looked at the alpha. He didn't want to get into this again.

"Eddie-"

Eddie cut him off, squeezing his calf.

"I would. You know I would. But I can't."

Buck sighed.

"It was a one-time thing. Just some fun before I can't get out of the house. I've got it under control."

Eddie stood, pushing Buck's legs down, and turned to look at the omega. He ran a hand through his hair.

"Do you? Your leave isn't paid, and you're not going to be able to go back until after the baby is born."

Buck stood too, pushing into Eddie’s space. Even leaning a little to the side, swaying with the loss of balance coming from moving so quickly without his crutches and his back bowing forward to support the baby, Eddie had to look up to see the omega’s face.

"I'm taking paid family leave when my medical leave is up. We talked about this."

Eddie scoffed.

"Did we talk about what happens when that money is gone, when we have two adults, a teenager, and a baby to feed with three months left before you can work again?"

He waved his hand through the air dismissively.

"What happens when I can't pay for everything?"

Buck reared back, placing a hand on the arm of the couch to keep himself steady.

"You don't have to pay for everything, Eddie! I told you that! I don't need you pulling this macho shit again! I can help, too."

Buck sat with a huff, placing a hand over his stomach.

"You shouldn't have to!"

He waved Eddie off as the alpha reached out to help him down.

"Why, because you're my alpha?"

The omega’s lip curled into a snarl as he looked up at Eddie.

“You’re not shit, alpha. Back off.”

--- --- ---

“Ah! Not there.”

Buck hissed through his teeth. His nipples were sensitive enough without the alpha’s attention, no matter how much he wanted it.

With a nod, Eddie lowered his head once more to somewhere further south. He kissed a somewhat crooked line down Buck’s stomach, pressing his lips to any small piece of the omega that grabbed his attention. Not looking up, Eddie tugged his sweatpants down Buck’s hips, chuckling slightly as he whined when the alpha stopped as they met his knees. Eddie shuffled back on the bed, running his hands down Buck’s calves before flinging them somewhere behind them, revealing the growing wetness between the omega’s legs. He kisses down Buck’s thighs to where his warm center pulses with anticipation. Buck’s legs start to tremble in his hands.

Eddie looks up and meets blue eyes.

“I’m going to take such good care of you.”

Before Buck can respond, the alpha dives between his legs and licks a long, wet stripe up his pussy. He cries out at the suddenness, and Eddie can feel the muscles in Buck’s thighs clench under his fingers. He continues and teases the omega’s hole with his tongue, dipping in and out in time with the shaky breaths leaving his lungs.

When Buck has had enough of his teasing, he throws a leg over Eddie’s shoulder. He hisses as the fiberglass of the omega’s cast scratches against his skin. Buck locks his legs around Eddie’s head and pushes him farther into his cunt.

Eddie’s mind is floating, addled by the intoxicating sensation of Buck’s wet walls pulsing against his tongue and the omega’s thick thighs almost crushing his head. He moans and starts to lap at Buck’s hole with vigor. Eddie pauses before experimentally giving a wide lap of his tongue over the omega’s cunt and is rewarded with a delicious-sounding moan and another hard squeeze of thighs when he flicks the tip of his cock with his tongue.

Eddie has never fucking purred before in his life.

Buck chuckles at his reaction.

“Oh, you like that? You like it when I get a little rough with you?”

Buck sighs as Eddie adds his fingers, hoping to convey his answer. As he continues, Buck begins to talk again.

“You’re doing such a good job for me, baby. Feels so good, all I need from you.”

The omega moans again, thicker this time.

“That tongue and those fucking fingers.”

Eddie pulls another gasp from Buck’s lips.

“Just those two things and I’ll have everything I need.”

Encouraged and, honestly, more turned on than he probably should be, Eddie quickly turns two fingers into three and mouths at the base of his omega’s dick.

Buck cries out in response again and starts bucking his hips into the alpha’s face with so much reckless abandon that Eddie’s a little surprised that his nose has so far remained unbroken. Buck makes eye contact with him over the mound of his cunt.

“Yeah, you like sucking your alpha’s dick? You like making alpha feel good?”

Eddie pumps his fingers in and out of the omega roughly, maintaining a frantic suction on his cock. He nods jerkily, trying desperately to keep Buck’s dick between his lips. He keeps rambling, spurred on by Eddie's enthusiastic response, losing himself in the throes of his pleasure.

“You’re doing such a good job providing for your alpha.”

Buck sighs heavily.

“You’re the best, Eddie baby. So good, so, so good for me.”

His cries get higher and quicker, Eddie focusing on the spots he knows drive the omega mad. His mind becomes a feedback loop, zeroed in only on the pattern of what makes Buck make more noise. He feels a hand land hard on the back of his head and force his face further into Buck’s pussy. The house is surely echoing with Buck’s moans at this point. He’s honestly a little worried about the neighbors. Or at least he would be if his brain could register anything but Buck, Buck, yes, Buck, good-for-alpha.

Buck sighs and pulls Eddie back by his hair. He whines. Buck smirks.

“Your turn. Let’s get you ready for alpha.”

It’s Buck’s turn to fling Eddie’s pants into an unknown corner of their bedroom, and he is delighted to see that there is a large dark stain from where Eddie had been leaking while going down on him. His knot is half blown already.

“I knew my dick was good, but damn baby…”

Buck smirks as he pushes the alpha down, watching as his half-lidded gaze flies open.

“You’re just in love with it.”

He runs a hand through the alpha’s hair and firmly grips his roots. Buck pulls Eddie’s head to the side and peppers kisses down the side of his neck. The omega crawls down the length of Eddie’s body, pushing his shoulders in between the alpha’s legs. Eddie spreads his thighs as wide as he can to accommodate Buck's wide frame.

“What do you think of that, princess? Want to be pretty for your alpha?”

Eddie whines at his words. Buck reaches under himself, not breaking eye contact with the alpha. The omega runs a finger through the lips of his cunt and scoops up the slick leaking out of him. He smears it over Eddie's hole and laughs when the alpha whines again as he dips a finger inside, tugging slightly at his rim.

“That’s all you get right now, baby. Alpha’ll make sure you’re wet enough.”

Eddie throws his head back as Buck bottoms out. His fingers dig into the omega’s trembling thighs as they flex, pulling back until the tip of his cock is the only thing left inside of the alpha. Buck chuckles as Eddie pushes at them, weakly trying to spur his omega into pushing his cock back in. Buck slides back in slowly, letting out a hiss. Eddie snaps out of his sex-induced stupor and grips the omega’s hips, stopping him in place.

“What-”

He shook his head slightly, not letting his grip falter.

“Your knee. You said you can't bend your knee during sex.”

Once. Buck told Eddie once, casually, two years ago, that his knee always hurt the day after he had sex. He'd only told the alpha because Eddie had caught him limping across the loft at the station the day after he and Taylor had moved in together.

“I can’t do this.”

And Eddie had remembered.

“Because where I'm standing, we’re raising our kids together, we’re having sex, we're arguing about money, but we’re not saying we love each other, and we're not telling anyone.”

But they knew. They knew, and everyone around them knew. Harry, of all people, had made a joke about stepping on Eddie's toes after they got rid of the man at brunch. Eddie knew. He knew that Buck loved him, and he knew that Buck knew he loved him. Or at least he was okay with telling him that while they were fucking.

“I can't do that.”

Buck has wanted to belong to someone as long as he’s known how to want things. And he does, now. He belongs to Eddie, mind and body, heart and soul. It all belongs to Eddie. He belongs to Eddie. But Eddie doesn’t belong to him.

“I need us to figure this out.”

Not enough to let himself say it outside of their nest.

“Either we love each other and we’re willing to work through this, or, or, we’re just- Not enough.”

He shook his head.

"I can't keep being 'not enough' for the people I love, Eddie.”

Chapter Text

FEBRUARY-SEVEN MONTHS ALONG

Since Buck has moved in, Eddie has rarely come home to a quiet house. Even if Chris is at school and the omega has let the baby convince him to go back to sleep, Eddie is sure to find the TV on or the Echo playing something from Buck’s Spotify.

Eddie opened the door and knew just where Buck was. It was no secret to anyone who knew the omega well that Buck was loud. It wasn't on purpose, and if someone said something about it, he'd be desperate to change it, but that was just Buck. Buck lived loudly. Eddie loved that about him.

The music coming from the kitchen was just loud enough for Buck to hear clearly, but a bit too loud for anyone else. He usually turned it off when he had people over. He'd only recently stopped doing it around Eddie.

Something about living in the same house for the last month and a half had changed the way they acted around each other, just a little bit.

Eddie moved closer and could hear the music more clearly. Blue October. Eddie hadn't known a single song of theirs before meeting Buck. But like everything else about the man, the music had wormed its way into Eddie's head. He couldn't name a single album of theirs, but whenever they carpooled, he knew every word. He sang along under his breath sometimes, only ever raising his voice if he thought it would make the omega smile.

One of the band’s happier songs was playing, not that Eddie knows the name of it. He knows it's Buck's favorite, though. It wasn't hard to figure out why, when he listened closely. Dancing in the kitchen with someone he loved, their only worry that their pups are sleeping soundly, was exactly what Buck wanted out of life.

The first time the alpha heard it, admittedly, he had huffed a laugh at the way Buck perked up when it came on. If his heart ached as Buck sang along under his breath, if it skipped a beat at the idea of them being Momma and Daddy, together, of loving each other so surely that it was as simple as an item on their daily routine, that wasn't anyone’s business but his.

It was what the omega deserved. Eddie just wasn't so sure he deserved to be there with him.

“Is that a knife in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”

Buck startled as Eddie came up behind him and ran a hand over his chest, snagging slightly on the pocket of the large shirt the omega was wearing. The cold metal of the knife Buck had put there made the alpha pause momentarily before he continued his path, letting his hand come to rest on the swell of the omega’s stomach.

“Shut up.”

Eddie hummed as Buck began to gently sway them back and forth. The alpha just held on, letting Buck drag him around.

“Why do you have a knife there?”

It was something he’d realized the other night, before he made Buck pull out and they started fighting again. He liked that Buck was bigger than him. He really liked it.

“Didn't have anywhere else to put it.”

Buck shrugged as Eddie burrowed further into his neck. He nosed at the omega’s scent gland, pausing only once he realized the implications. It was one of Buck's quirks, one Eddie hadn’t known about until they’d already known each other for a few years. Sure, he knew Buck always had a pocket knife on him, especially since Buck went on a research binge about the legality of switch blades and realized he technically owned an illegal weapon, which he swore Eddie to secrecy over. But it wasn't until COVID, when they started sharing a bed, that the alpha realized Buck literally always had it. The omega would get too hot, sharing the bed, and would strip down to his underwear, and there the knife would be, clipped into the waistband of Buck’s boxers.

“Didn't- Jesus.”

Once or twice since moving in, Buck would get fed up with the elastic of his underwear digging into his skin and would take them off, throwing them halfway across the room as if they would offend the omega less if he couldn't see them. He always took a moment to remove his knife and rehome it, slipping on a shirt so big Eddie almost wouldn't have believed it was for a human person if he hadn't been there when Buck bought it. XXL’s were getting tight on the omega before the pregnancy. The Carhartt shirt Buck sleeps in on those nights has to be at least a XXXXL.

Those nights, though they were fraught with the irritation of a pregnant omega and the smell of boiled peanuts, usually led to a very fun wake-up for said omega. Eddie was becoming addicted to slipping his hand under the hem of Buck's shirt and tangling his fingers in the thatch of damp hair in between Buck’s legs right under his limp dick, playing there innocently until the omega woke, rolling his hips with a groan.

“Just Buck.”

If Buck didn't have anywhere but his shirt pocket to hold his knife, things were about to get very fun in the kitchen.

--- --- ---

“Chris, buddy, can you empty the dish rack and start on the dishes for me?”

It’s not so much a ‘new normal’ as it is an extension of their usual routine. They hadn’t quite gotten back to the way things were before Chris left when Buck moved in, but Buck thinks this is better than it was. Most of the time. Buck loves the domesticity he’s settling into with the Diazes, getting to serve sire and pup every time he cooks instead of sadly realizing he’s made too much and freezing it for a later date, giving them the clothes he finds mixed into his laundry as soon as he discovers it rather than letting it pile up on the corner of his dresser until they visit, telling them whatever cool fact he learns as it comes to him and not having to stockpile them for their next hangout.

That's the best part of this, he thinks. Not having to wait to share things. Before, he would have to wait until he and Eddie got downtime on shift to tell him what was on his mind, or wait days to pick up the thread on a conversation between him and Chris.

Even if it does get frustrating sometimes. As nice as it is, it would be nicer if he weren’t constantly butting heads with Chris.

“Busy.”

Buck stifled a sigh at the pup’s curt reply. He understands that Chris is upset with them, he even agrees with some of the other omega’s grievances. But he also thinks they can't keep going like this, constantly pushing each other's buttons in some pantomime of feeling out their new boundaries.

“I'm about to start dinner.”

Other than their short conversation in Eddie's truck on the way back from Texas and the screaming fit the pup had in the kitchen once they got back, they hadn’t talked much about the baby. Chris had asked, once, after Buck moved in, if they were going to move so the baby could have its own room. They had answered honestly, done with keeping things from their puppy, and told him that they didn’t know.

He hadn't brought the baby up again.

“I’m busy.”

Buck pulled himself away from the fridge, pausing where he was gathering the ingredients he needed for their meal. He stopped in the doorway between the dining room and living room, watching as Chris refused to look away from the TV.

“You're not that busy. If you need to come to a stopping point, that's fine, but I asked you to help me.”

Chris huffed.

“And I told you I was busy.”

The screen went black. In its reflection, staring back into Chris’ eyes, was Eddie.

“Christopher. Now.”

The alpha paid no attention to the pleading gaze Buck sent him, or the half-formed shout making its way out of his pup’s mouth. He simply made his way past Buck, leaving the omega trailing behind him, back to the kitchen.

“Eddie-”

Buck cut himself off with another sigh as Eddie leveled him with an unimpressed glare.

“No, he needs to know that he needs to listen to you the same way he does me.”

Buck nervously rubbed at his neck, hissing slightly when he caught his scent gland with the edge of his fingernail. He didn't want to have this argument again.

“Well, he's not going to if you keep swooping in every time he gives me a little attitude.”

At the aquarium, when Buck offered to buy the stuffed animal Chris was staring at and was met with a huffy eyeroll, Eddie had something to say about it in the parking lot. When Chris snapped at him and wheeled away in his chair when Buck had tried to help him maneuver his chair through the crowd at Mardi Gras, Eddie had quickly caught up with the pup and put a hand on the back of his chair to keep him from going any farther. When Chris had started dropping snide comments about the meat and cheese substitutes in Buck’s cooking, Eddie had swooped in to tell him that until he learned to cook on his own, they would be sticking to Buck’s recipes.

It was getting exhausting.

“He is right here.”

Buck tried not to let the way Chris wrinkled his nose at the slight fruity notes still floating in the kitchen hit him too hard. It's something Chris never used to do. More than once, Buck had caught the omega puppy seeking out spots where their scents mingled, always wanting to sit on the middle cushion of the couch or to wear a hoodie that Buck and Eddie had recently shared to sleep in. One of those hoodies is on Chris' bedroom floor now. Buck saw it earlier when he went to gather up laundry. The sight of it, so obviously thrown from the pup’s nest, made him want to cry.

With a shake of his head, Buck left the kitchen, and the Diazes, behind.

Eddie followed him. Right as he crossed the threshold of the bedroom he was finally letting himself think of as theirs rather than just Eddie's, the alpha grabbed his wrist, pulling him back. Buck whirled around to meet Eddie's eyes.

“I’m moving out.”

Chapter Text

MARCH-EIGHT MONTHS ALONG

“When is Buck coming back?”

Eddie looked up from his plate, across the table to where Chris was also staring down at his food. In the aftermath of the last year, when Chris was finally home, he’d ignored Eddie most nights, taking his meals in his room with the door shut or on the couch with his headphones on. It was one of the few things Buck had actually put his foot down over. Eddie had been so relieved at Buck asking for what he wanted, for taking his place in their carefully constructed family. So, they ate together.

As a family.

It's been two weeks since Buck left their family.

“I… don't know, Chris. We haven't talked about it yet.”

Even with Buck out of the house, Chris still ate at the table every time Eddie asked him to.

“You haven't talked about anything.”

Eddie held back a sigh as Chris muttered under his breath. The pup poked at the food on his plate, his apathy towards Eddie's cooking practically wafting off of him.

“He left because of me, didn't he?”

Eddie didn't know what to say to that. What answer could he give that wouldn’t be just as heartbreaking as the question itself? They'd tried so hard, he and Buck both, not to let Chris see the cracks between them. They never argued when he was home. They cleared out their scents as well as they could after they ‘made up’. They didn't do or say a single thing in front of him.

“Chris-”

Maybe that's where they'd gone wrong this time.

“I don't have a dam.”

The alpha’s heart ached for his pup. He could hardly admit to himself that he had chased Shannon away, much less to Chris. It wasn't an easy thing to do, to let your child know that his mother was probably dead because of you.

“Your mom-”

Chris set his fork down harshly, pushing back in his chair slightly.

“Isn’t here.”

He looked up, finally, and met Eddie's eyes. He looks so much like Buck, on the best days and the worst days. Like a version of Buck the other omega could have been. The curls, always free on Chris, only recently freed on Buck. The smile, soft when it serves him, in contrast to the wide grin Buck had only just let soften before Eddie ruined everything.

When Chris looks up, Eddie locks eyes not with Buck, but with Shannon.

“That's fine! It's fine, ya know, it's whatever. It's not that big of a deal anymore.”

Chris flaps his hands around in the air, the way she used to, dismissing thoughts and words as if she could physically chase them away.

“I don't have a dam, I have a Buck. That's what I've always told people.”

When Chris came home, Eddie had sat him down and apologized. For everything. For the way he had treated Shannon's memory. For the way he made Chris feel he had to treat it. He told the pup he would let him set the course from now on, that they would remember his mother, however he wanted to.

Chris started asking questions a few days later. Once, he asked how they had met. Eddie told him what he told everyone, that they met in middle school, she moved away only to return in high school, and that they had hit it off from there. He didn't know what to say in response to Chris’ petulant ‘That’s it?’.

He loved her. Of course he did. Things wouldn't have gotten as bad as they had if he hadn’t loved her, just a little bit. But when he lets himself think about her, really think about her, he doesn't think about Shannon Diaz, his dead wife. He thinks about Shannon Dempsey, his first real friend.

She wasn’t his first love; she was just his first victim.

“It just feels like I don't, sometimes, now.”

He doesn't want Buck to be his next one.

“So you started yelling at Buck for no reason?”

Chris huffed.

“Not for no reason…”

The omega pup trailed off, poking at his food once more. Eddie knew he wouldn't finish it. The bag of shredded cheese he had bought on a petty impulse the day after Buck came over with a stack of moving boxes sat untouched in their fridge, seal still intact a week in.

The butter had been thrown away the first time Eddie used it, after he and Christopher both agreed it made the pancakes taste wrong. Never mind the fate of the organic eggs Eddie had splurged on. The less said about them, the better.

“Then for things he can't control.”

Chris huffed again.

“He can control some of it.”

Eddie speared a piece of broccoli on his fork and brought it to his mouth with a flourish. He chewed it exaggeratedly, grinning when Chris rolled his eyes at his sire’s antics. He swallowed with an over-the-top gulp.

“He can't control it when your baby sibling, who is apparently the size of a pineapple now, kicks him in the bladder.”

If Eddie pretended not to notice the way his pup’s lips quirked towards a smile, that was between him and no one else.

“Whatever.”

Not Chris, or Buck, or Shannon, or God. This moment was his, and his alone.

--- --- ---

When Athena Grant-Nash opens the door to find Eddie Diaz standing on her stoop, she does not react. She doesn’t threaten to throw his stupid knothead-ass self in jail, she doesn’t ask what he thinks he’s doing knocking on the door of the omega he snubbed, she doesn’t raise a brow at the uncharacteristic way he wrings his hands together. Her scent doesn’t even change.

“They’re not here.”

Eddie nods sharply. He hadn’t gotten the chance to do this with Shannon’s dam, but he remembered the way Adriana’s alpha had stood his ground against their sire’s steely gaze.

“I know.”

He takes a deep breath, keeping his eyes locked on Athena’s. Distantly, he thinks this might be the most eye contact they’ve ever made.

“I’m here for you.”

Athena sighs.

“In that case…”

The other alpha trails off and turns around, motioning for Eddie to follow her into the house. Construction had finished a month ago, with Bobby floating the idea of hosting a housewarming party in the week before Buck moved in. After, well, everyone decided to give the omega some space. So Eddie had never been here before. It feels not quite wrong, just a little weird, to see photos he is intimately familiar with hanging on the walls, knowing Buck spent hours going through the 118’s shared albums to find the originals to reprint for the older couple.

He trails behind her, coming to a stop at the dining table. He looks around a bit, taking in the new space. There’s a clear shot from the kitchen to the living room, a perfect eye-line from the island to the couch. Eddie isn't sure if he likes it, but he bets Buck just loves it.

Athena turns to face him with an expectant look on her face and gestures for him to take a seat.

“I want your blessing. To court Buck.”

The older alpha blinks. There's the judgmental eyebrow lift he was anticipating.

“I’m not-”

She cut herself off as Eddie stared at her. They both knew what she was about to say, and they both knew it wasn't true. Bobby wasn't Buck’s sire, Athena wasn't his dam, and he knew that. But Philip Buckley was not the one who walked Buck down the aisle in his daydreams, and Margaret Buckley had never told Buck she was proud of him.

“Anyone with eyes can see that you're his alpha just as much as Bobby is.”

Athena sat in her chair with a heavy sigh.

“Okay.”

The other alpha took in a deep breath.

“Why me?”

Eddie rolled his shoulders, pretending not to notice the way Athena's brow furrowed slightly at the noise it made. He hadn't been sleeping well, with Buck gone. He knew there was probably more science behind it than he could appreciate, something about pheromones and acclimatization or acclimation that Buck would enthusiastically explain to him under different conditions. But if you asked him, he just missed his best friend.

“Bobby is…”

Athena cleared her throat, pointedly looking at Eddie, then the chair in front of him, then back up at his face. Oh, right. He still hadn't sat down. He quickly takes his seat, trying not to duck his head under her steely gaze.

“Bobby is Buck’s. Besides, I think he’d do anything to fix us right now; he would say yes in a heartbeat if he thought it would help.”

Eddie hasn't missed the stray looks his pack alpha keeps sending him, or the way he always conveniently remembers something Buck did or said when there is any lull in a conversation Eddie is present for. He certainly hadn't missed the way they both responded to this week's floater filling in for Buck asking who Buck was with ‘My omega.’

“And you think I won't say yes?”

The other alpha is staring at him like he is a criminal in need of apprehension.

“I think you’ll make me work for it.”

Or a puzzle in need of solving.

“And that’s what you want?”

Eddie nodded.

“More than anything.”

He took a deep breath, trying to control his scent. The alphas’ den barely had their scents soaked in; the last thing they needed was a runt like him stinking up their space.

“We were good, before- Before everything. But something was missing. We both knew it, even if we didn't know what we were missing.”

Eddie sighed, running a hand through his hair and breaking up the way the strands had clumped together with nervous sweat as he drove.

“I just want us to be good again. It was so effortless, but it can’t be anymore. And I'm okay with that. I’ll work my ass off for them. For us.”

Athena peered at him, her gaze inscrutable. Eddie almost wanted to squirm, sitting there as she studied him. But this is what he asked for, what he wanted. He wanted someone who loved Buck as much as he did, there with him, keeping him accountable every step of the way. Keeping himself cut off from the people he loved was hurting them more than it was protecting them, and he was done hurting people he loved. Especially Chris and Buck.

Making up her mind, Athena nodded.

“Good.”

She stood up and made her way towards the kitchen.

“Come with me. I’ve got to figure out how the hell I'm supposed to make a vegan casserole before your omega cries about craving a tater tot hotdish again.”

She looked over her shoulder with a sharp grin, her canines glinting in the low light.

“And if you ever hurt him again, I will throw your ass in the worst prison I can find before you even blink.”

Chapter Text

MARCH-EIGHT MONTHS ALONG

Eddie wakes, not quite with a start, but with a clarity that feels unfamiliar to him. He's used to waking up suddenly, groggy though his body’s already moving through their morning routine. Now, with Buck’s strong back pressed firmly against his chest, the two of them breathing in tandem, he knows.

He knows he wants this for the rest of his life.

Quickly, carefully, he moves his hand from where it had been before they fell asleep, wrapped loosely around the omega’s chest, resting just above his baby bump. The alpha drags his fingertips softly up the pale milky skin of Buck’s outer thigh, watching with rapt attention as his hand makes a journey he has made blindly too many times to count. He can smell his excitement as the room fills with the smell of fresh almonds.

His hand hits something hard, snapping him out of his daydreaming. He pushes Buck's sleep shirt up. And there it is. Black metal resting peacefully against pink skin. Eddie slips his thumb under the skin-warmed weight of Buck’s knife, watching as it lifts the thin string of the omega’s thong. He wasn't going to do anything, no matter how it looked, an alpha with his hand literally in a sleeping omega’s panties. He just wanted to look. To savor every inch of his new future.

“Eddie?”

God, how Eddie missed that. The way the omega’s voice was always low and rough when he woke up sent shivers up his spine, after all this time without it.

“Sorry. Habit.”

He moved to take his hand away, already mourning the damp heat brushing against his fingertips. Buck shook his head.

“‘s okay.”

He turned slightly to better look into the alpha’s eyes. Eddie let out a hushed laugh as the omega huffed, trying to get comfortable. He settled, finally, on his back, and looked up at Eddie, his eyes wide and pleading.

“Please?”

Whoever called rough waters a wine-dark sea might have been on to something. The look in the omega’s baby-blues is downright intoxicating.

“I missed you, alpha.”

Tentatively, Eddie moves closer to take Buck’s lips with his. He savors the kiss, exhaling through his nose like he’s finally breathing for the first time. The kiss is slow and a bit sloppy, more focused on the comfort of being together than the act itself.

The gentleness doesn’t do anything to dissuade the energy coursing between them, quickly arousing them both, as Buck begins to rut against Eddie’s hand, the fabric of his panties wet with his slick providing an almost overwhelming friction on the omega’s swelling dick. Buck begins to whine as his hips rut wildly against his alpha’s hand. Eddie feels something deep in his gut pull at the action. Taking control of Buck’s pleasure, he retracts his hand. Buck lets out a loud whine, and Eddie captures his lips once again. He pulls back, ignoring the string of spit pulling taught between their mouths.

“Shh. Not too loud baby, not here.”

Before Buck can respond, Eddie simultaneously puts his fingers in Buck’s mouth, and his pussy. Buck’s breath hitches around Eddie’s hand, and his own flies out to grip the wrist attached to the fingers resting just inside his sopping hole, filling his cunt but not yet providing the relief he wants.

“Eh-ie.”

His voice is garbled around Eddie’s fingers in his mouth, eyes locking onto his.

“P-ease.”

“What’s my name? I’ll give you what you want.”

Eddie pauses, giving a teasing crook of his fingers inside him, smiling wide and proud at the moan that pushes its way around his spit soaked digits.

“When you call my name.”

“Eh-ie.”

Buck pleads.

“No.”

Eddie begins to pull his hand out of his cunt.

In a fit of desperation, Buck grabs at Eddie’s arm, the one exiting his hole, digging in and scratching it with his nails, eliciting a hiss from the man attached. Buck shoves the hand back between his legs, the act unexpectedly arousing Eddie even more.

“Gi-em back!”

He pleads so beautifully, Eddie thinks. He’s been begging for Eddie this whole time, the alpha realizes.

And who is he to deny such a beautiful sight?

“Baby, I’m not putting them back, not until you say my name.”

Eddie’s eyes darken as he watches Buck rub his pussy against Eddie’s hand, his pleas melding together around the alpha’s fingers.

“PleasepleasepleaseEddie. PleaseEd-more-pleaseplease. Please!”

Buck’s breath hitches, pupils dilated so large Eddie struggles to see the blues of his eyes.

“Pleasemoreplease, alphaplease!!”

Bingo.

In one fluid motion, Eddie returns his hand to Buck’s hole and shoves his fingers in deep. The continuous motion of his fingers stuffed inside Buck’s dripping cunt forcing moans and gasps from his omega. Buck’s legs begin to twitch as an avalanche of pleasure swells in him.

“There we go, such a good omega. You’re so good for me. Love my fingers stuffing your perfect pussy. Can’t get enough of them. Can feel you gush every time I move. My sweet omega with his sweet little pussy.”

“Yesyesyesyes. ‘M so sweet for you. My alpha, my alpha-!”

Buck’s voice breaks as his eyes roll back when Eddie’s fingers hit his sweet spot and finally bring about his desperate orgasm. His legs shake wildly and he drags his fingers, still clutching Eddie’s arm, down, to stop his alpha’s motions, quickly becoming overwhelmed. As the omega’s pleasure crests, Eddie brings his slick soaked hand to his mouth and licks the wetness off of them. Savoring and sucking on his fingers like an expensive dessert, one they’d have to save up for before even thinking of going out to get it, perfectly rare steaks and brightly flavored veggie pastas damned at the thought of that one perfect morsel.

He pulls Buck closer, tucking him into his side and stroking down his back.

“You did amazing, baby. So good for me.”

Consciousness slowly returning, Buck tucks himself into Eddie’s chest and begins to purr in contentment. He turns his head toward Eddie's neck, nosing at the alpha’s mating gland. Eddie matches him in turn, moving his head to grant him better access. The gentle presses of the omega’s strong nose turn to tentative licks and Eddie lets out a low groan. He can't exactly taste good, he knows, having come here straight after a shift after he overheard Bobby and Buck planning a trip to pick out some necessities for the pup’s nursery. He can only taste like stale scent blocker, ash, and sweat, from adrenaline throughout his shift and from sleeping under the heavy blanket his omega always insists on and from their very enthusiastic wake-up, and still, Buck is there, lapping his tongue over Eddie's jugular like it's his next meal.

Eddie brings a hand to the swell of his omega’s stomach, watching, as best as he can with his head awkwardly angled toward Buck's bedroom door, as it rises and falls with each breath he takes. Buck’s breathing gets more labored as he squirms, trying to find the perfect position to get as close to Eddie as physically possible, as if he can tie their very souls together if he just pushes against the alpha hard enough. He exhales harshly, his breathe puffing against the column of Eddie's throat and his stomach dips shallower than before. Eddie feels a sharp nudge against his palm, the omega’s teeth graze his mating gland, and Eddie remembers two things in rapid succession.

Number One: pups tend to start kicking at fourteen to twenty-four weeks, with the sire being able to feel them at twenty to twenty-eight weeks. He hadn’t even known about the pup until Buck was twenty weeks along, almost halfway through the second trimester. Eddie hadn’t gotten up the courage to touch the omega outside of sex for another few weeks. Then Chris came back. Then Buck moved in. Then Buck moved out. The less said about Shannon's pregnancy the better.

Eddie had never felt either of his pups kick.

Number Two: he came here to ask for permission to court the omega currently rolling the skin over one of his mating glands between his teeth.

He was so enraptured by the feeling under his hand that he almost didn't freeze when he felt Buck's teeth. almost.

Buck felt it anyway.

He started to pull away and without thinking, Eddie's hand shot up, holding the omega’s head in place. For a heartbeat, he was back in his moonlit kitchen being cradled against Buck's chest, desperately trying to escape the confession he had let slip. He wouldn't hurt Buck like that, ever again.

“S’okay.”

Buck shook his head, still tucked tightly into the space between Eddie’s neck and shoulder, his lips brushing over the skin beneath them, pulled tight where Buck had braced them against his teeth, hiding them from any further wrong doings.

“It’s okay.”

Eddie chuckled.

“What?”

He brought his other hand, the one not cradling their yet to be born child, to the side of his omega’s face and pulled lightly at the hinge of his jaw until they locked eyes.

“I got your alpha’s blessing. That's why I came here last night. To get permission to court you.”

Chapter Text

APRIL-NINE MONTHS ALONG

Buck has woken up to an empty bed more often than he hasn’t. Back in his Firehose days, it was with a mixture of sadness and frustration, at his bedmate, at himself, at the world. Every once in a while when he and Tommy were dating, it filled him with an odd sense of guilty relief. But usually, it just filled him with resignation. He wasn’t the kind of person others stuck around for. He was used to it.

These days, all Buck does when he wakes up to an empty bed is reach over to feel how much warmth is left in the empty spot and scent the room. More often than not, if the spot is still warm and the room still smells of ripe fruit, Eddie will be back soon. He’ll stand at the threshold of their room with a fresh cup of coffee and wait, with a confident smirk, to be invited into their nest, and when he is, he’ll greet his omega with a chaste peck. He won't even have the decency to pretend he isn't laughing at Buck for trying to chase the taste of coffee further with his tongue.

If the spot is cool to the touch and the room smells only of apples and peanut butter, Eddie probably isn’t home. Buck is used to it. You don't live the life they live, with the profession they have, and expect to wake up in each other’s arms every morning. He’s used to it.

But Eddie isn't scheduled to work today and with Buck ready to pop any day now, he isn't chancing any extra shifts. It's getting almost impossible to pry the alpha away from Buck’s side if it isn't absolutely necessary. He spends most of his time these days with a possessive hand on his stomach and an equally possessive alpha plastered to his back or side.

He made his way out of the bedroom into the living room and plopped down onto the couch with a heavy sigh. The space is also lacking the scent of his alpha, but he can’t actually bring himself to panic over it. Part of him wants to panic, the hurt pup, the abandoned omega, the expecting parent. But it doesn't matter anymore. He trusts Eddie to tell him if something was truly wrong. Plus, he's found himself being surprisingly rational towards the end of his pregnancy.

Eddie wouldn't leave without Chris, and Buck can hear music faintly coming from the teenage pup’s room.

And beyond all of that, Buck simply can't believe that Eddie would ever leave him again.

He lets out a soft groan as he realizes he left his phone behind and briefly debates the merits of yelling for Chris to help him out. He lets the thought go with an eyeroll and reaches for the remote. Anytime the rest of the A Shift is working without him, for whatever reason, he puts the news on. It started during Quarantine, when he almost never turned off the news anyway, but he kept it up after, a handy way to keep tabs on his family if worst came to worst.

He knows Eddie does the same now.

It doesn't last long. The worst has, in fact, not come to worst, and it seems like the most interesting thing the local news has to offer is some annoying kid in his twenties harassing grocery store shoppers for not returning their carts to the cart corrals. Buck watches as entitled Angelino after entitled Angelino gives interviews complaining about the inconvenience half-heartedly.

He can’t take it anymore.

“Chris!”

He listens as the music in the pup’s room pauses and the young omega mutters to himself. Chris’ crutches click-clack down the hall briefly before he pops his head into the living room. He stares at Buck blankly. The pregnant omega raises a brow and he just huffs.

“Can you get my phone? If I stand up right now I think I'll pee my pants.”

The pup scrunched his nose up and turned around. Buck let out a small laugh as he heard Chris making his way down the hall. He pops into Buck and Eddie's bedroom, emerging a few minutes later and walking back down the hall with Buck’s phone in his hand and one of his nesting blankets draped over his shoulders and bunched up out of the way of his crutches.

Buck barely held back happy tears when the smell of fruit pies and milk, mixed with Chris' sugar and salt water scent, hit him.

“Hey Buck?”

The omega looked up as the pup sat beside him. Chris wouldn’t quite meet his gaze, his eyes flitting to and fro around the rest of his face.

“Yeah, buddy?”

Chris gathered the blanket closer to himself, burrowing into the soft material and nosing at it.

“I’m glad you came back.”

Buck pulled the pup closer to him, tucking the slightly squirming young omega under his arm.

“I'm glad I came back too.”

He squeezed Chris' shoulder, making room for the pup to nose lightly at his scent gland. They had agreed to mate after the pup was born in order to take it a little easier on Buck's hormones. That didn't stop the alpha from sinking his teeth into the surrounding skin as often as possible. Even now, he could feel the ghost of Eddie's canines.

“Even though you left because of me?”

The hand he was bringing up to pull through Chris' curls froze.

“Woah- hey- what? I didn't leave because of you, why would you think that?”

He looked down as well as he could with Chris' face hidden in the crook of his neck.

“You and dad fought all the time and nothing happened. The one time me and you had a fight you left the next day.”

His words were mumbled and muffled as he stayed hidden away.

“Chris, hey, bud, look at me.”

Buck waited with bated breath for his pup to look him in the eyes.

“I did not leave because of you.”

Chris’ breath skipped a beat, and finally, he looked up. Unshed tears swam in his eyes and his scent was steadily approaching something that reminded Buck of playing I-Spy to keep his best friend’s puppy from seeing dead bodies as they floated by.

“You wanna know why I left?”

The pup nodded wordlessly.

“I left because I needed to. I needed space, your dad needed space, you needed space. We needed to figure out how to be a family, again, the right way.”

Chris looked away from Buck, his eyes feeling too heavy as he wiped his nose and sniffled.

“And?”

Buck huffed a little laugh at his pup’s surly response. Pup will be pups, he supposes. Even the perfect ones don’t really know what they’re doing.

“And I think that's what we’re doing right now, don't you?”

Chris sniffled again and nodded.

“Yeah.”

Buck grinned and pulled Chris back down, starting to nose through the pup’s curls.

“Yeah?”

Chris kept nodding, his chin poking at Buck's chest with every movement.

“Yeah.”

His voice came out stuffy but light, like that simple affirmation had taken the weight of the world off of his shoulders at long last.

“Yeah.”

He huffed out a laugh, pulling away from the older omega’s embrace.

“You’re so lame.”

Buck let out a wet laugh at the pup’s ribbing.

“He giving you trouble again?”

Chris frowned in sympathy as Buck hissed through a wince.

“They're always- Always giving me trouble these days.”

He brought a hand up, hovering over the other omega’s stomach until Buck nodded. Chris laughed when the puppy kicked his hand as soon as it made contact.

“It's ‘cause he can't wait to meet his awesome big brother.”

Buck raised a brow. Chris had been vocal about how weird he thought his parents were being by not wanting to know the puppy’s designation or sex, flip-flopping every now and then, never truly settling on what he really thought they were.

“Oh, it's a boy day, now?”

Chris nodded, his overgrown curls bouncing with every movement.

“Yeah. Totally a boy.”

“Whatever you say Superman.”

They sat in silence for a second, half-heartedly watching some human interest story about a Make-A-Wish kid taking his girlfriend on an international vacation.

“What’s his name?”

Whenever he had thought about being a parent, being an expecting parent, he had always imagined he would love answering almost any and all questions about the pup. But ‘What are you naming them?’ had quickly become his least favorite sentence. Because…

“I don't know, your dad and I- We-”

Chris cut him off with an unimpressed scoff.

“If you say you haven't talked about it, I'm running away to Bobby and Athena's this time.”

Buck leveled the pup with an equally unimpressed look. It was far too soon for anyone to be joking about running away, and they had told the pup that. More than once.

“We have talked about it. A lot. We just haven't found one we agree on, yet.”

Buck's vote was for Steven if it was a boy, and Isobel if it was a girl. Eddie, while he did like the idea of honoring his grandmother, thought it was pointless to honor someone by using a variation of their name. The less said about the alpha’s thoughts on the name Steven, the better.

“I know you though, you've got a list, don't you?”

Buck opened his mouth to protest, but his pup knew him better.

“Tell me.”

“Um…”

He trailed off, moving to get more comfortable. Something pinched weirdly in his stomach, and he let out another hiss. Chris moved like he was getting ready to help Buck up, but the omega waved him off and settled back in his seat.

“Juniper, Ross, Lilah, Birdie-”

He cut himself off as the pup kicked at his ribs. It had been happening a lot these days, Buck randomly cutting himself off even more often than usual, starting up once the pup decided to be nicer to him.

“S-Steven-”

Chris wordlessly shook his head.

“What? I have an uncle named Steven.”

He doesn't mention the fact that the last time he saw his uncle Steven was at a funeral in 1998. He's heard more than enough snide remarks from his parents while growing up to know that the older omega is exactly the kind of person he’d want to name his pup after.

“Steven Diaz?”

That had been Eddie's criticism too. Buck had managed to get him to drop his disdainful tone by crawling over him and reminding him that he’d be Evan Diaz one day, and wouldn’t it just be so sweet if he and his pup’s names matched, alpha? Just the once though. His alpha had wised up to his tricks the next time, rolling him with a growl and listing off names that started with B as he traced his fingers over Buck's ribs under his shirt.

“Keep going.”

“Christian, Bear, Robert, I-Isobel, Nora, Star, L-Leah, Jamie-”

A kick to the bladder cut him off that time, a very, very sharp kick. Buck honestly wouldn't be that surprised if his boxers had caught something when he flinched.

“Leah.”

He looked to Chris questioningly, trying not to let on just how much pain he was in at the moment.

“Her name should be Leah.”

“Leah Diaz.”

Buck cracked a small smile. Of course. Of course Chris was coming to the rescue once more. Of course, the pup’s name would be Leah.

“Ugh, Buck, I didn't think you were serious about peeing your pants.”

Buck's head snapped down, following Chris’ line of sight to the growing dark spot on his pants quickly leeching into the couch cushion.

“I didn’t-”

Buck cut himself off with a sharp inhale as he realized what was happening.

“Call your dad.”

--- --- ---

It's been six hours since Buck’s water broke. It took two of those hours to get ahold of Eddie, who had been halfway through attending a three-alarm fire when Chris finally had the bright idea to call maddie at dispatch. By the time the alpha arrived, Buck had been seen to, thoroughly, put in a gown and bed and given an epidural and several cups of ice. Eddie and Chris spent the next four hours taking turns distracting the omega and feilding calls from the 118 and the rest of their families. They got a slight break when Buck fell asleep for an hour and a half.

“Joy is a good middle name, I think. Either way. Boy or girl.”

Buck looked up at Eddie with a groggy glare. He hadn’t been awake that long and had been perfectly content with doing his breathing exercises in silence. But he softened quickly, just seeing his alpha’s face.

“Joy?”

Eddie nodded and shot a small smile at the omega. He had come into the delivery room smelling of stale scent patches and smoke and sweat. Buck had pitched a fit immediately, practically exiling the alpha unless he took his blockers off and scented him that second.

Chris asked if he could step into the hall for a breath of fresh air.

The only time Eddie had left Buck’s side after that was when the conversation with his mother turned into a shouting match, the omega starting to whine as his alpha’s voice faded. When he returned, Buck refused to relax until Eddie was pressed up next to him, their legs intertwined and stretched out in front of them.

“You know Father Bryan?”

Buck shook his head.

“Bobby’s priest.”

Buck nodded lightly and burrowed back into Eddie’s side.

“He told me I needed to let myself find joy. And then that night, you showed up on my doorstep with a six pack.”

He ran a hand through the omega’s curls, lightly pulling at the hair on the crown of his head.

“And, I think that's what started this whole thing.”

Buck purred and rubbed his cheek against Eddie’s chest.

“So… Joy.”

Eddie nodded, pulling at Buck’s chin. When he raised his head, Eddie brought his palms up to both sides of his face and leaned forward, pressing a kiss to the splotchy skin above his eye.

“You, Chris, Leah… you're all my joy.”

He pulled away, quickly licking the omega’s sweat off of his lips and Buck let out a breathy laugh at his effortless acceptance of their pup’s new name. He had been so close to getting the alpha to accept Isobel, ‘wrong’ spelling and all, but that was out the window now. Eddie had rushed into the room and without even looking up or moving from where he was sitting, one hand being squeezed into discoloration by the laboring omega and the other mindlessly scrolling on his phone, Chris told him exactly what his little sister’s name was going to be.

Eddie hadn’t argued.

“Joy is good. Either way.”

In the end, Buck pushes for two hours. The pup is a healthy seven pounds and two ounces, with dark curls plastered to her head, skin just slightly darker than Chris' and very clear lungs. They take her away to be cleaned and weighed, and Buck can’t take his eyes off of her. Eddie can't take his eyes off of Buck.

The omega seems to realize this, startling when he meets Eddie's unwavering gaze. He ducks his head, and the alpha follows with a soft chuckle, ducking his own to keep Buck's gaze.

“I hate when you do that.”

Eddie smiles, a single canine poking out. God Buck hopes, a little deliriously, that the pup gets her sire’s teeth.

“Guess you're just going to have to look at me, then.”

Buck can't even blink.

“I'm always looking at you.”

Eddie nods as he picks up one of Buck's hands.

“Yeah. you are.”

He lets out a shaky breath.

“Evan… still can't believe your middle name is Peter… Buckley-”

Buck tries to pull his hand away, his eyes darting back to their pup and the nurses for just a second. Eddie doesn't let him go. It's okay though. Buck wasn't trying that hard to get away. He just needed someone to hold onto him a little tighter.

“If-if you propose to me right now, I'm not… writing your name on the birth certificate.”

It's a lie. Buck has been imagining mockups of their pup’s birth certificate like a school-age pup writing their name next to their crushes in their notebook for months now.

“Evan Peter Buckley, will you let me court you?”

The omega's mouth goes slack. The nurses fall silent.

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

Eddie chuckles again, moving just a bit so the nurse can bring their fussy pup back to them.

“Little ears, baby.”

He looks down at their pup, at their beautiful little Leah Joy, and he can’t imagine being anywhere else.

“F-fuck you.”

This is where he belongs. With Chris and Buck and Leah.

“I love you.”

He doesn't say it back. He doesn't need to. Not now. Eddie could go his entire life without hearing the omega say it ever again. He would still know he loved Buck.