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Stress isn’t news. Not in Seungkwan’s line of work, at least. So, he’s not surprised when he realizes he needs to take extra care of his skin and watch out what he eats to not upset his stomach too much these days. Touring the world and simultaneously working on new music and preparing for the next comeback is not that easy. And his body never forgets to react to all the stress and all the pressure he puts on himself.
But the limit is reached when he gets out of the shower and sees he’s losing some hair. A great amount of hair. Or, well, a greater amount than what he’s used to. He looks into the mirror and tries to run his hands through his hair to see if there’s some visible damage. The answer he gives himself is negative but still a couple of hair remain on his hands.
Seungkwan sighs and feels tears rush to his eyes. He can’t believe he’s becoming bald, and at such a young age! At this rate, their hairstylist will need to start putting wigs on him. He knew all the dying he did during the years couldn’t be good for his scalp. His mother had also warned him about it, and now he won’t be able to face her ever again.
He dries his hair and puts on some products to take care of it. Then he gets dressed and wears his favorite pajamas, ready to go to bed and forget about his imminent baldness at least in his sleep.
As he crosses the hallway to get into Vernon’s room, he sees Seokmin and Chan still in the kitchen, probably having a late-night snack.
“Goodnight, hyung. Goodnight, Channie,” he waves to them.
“Goodnight, Seungkwan-ah!” Seokmin answers, smiling sweetly.
Chan just waves back, his mouth probably full of whatever he’s eating.
Seungkwan opens the door to get into Vernon’s bedroom and sees him sprawled on the bed, phone in hand and just his black briefs and his favorite sleep t-shirt on. He can’t help but smile seeing him like that, so homey and comfortable. Lately he’s been exposed so much to his boyfriend’s idol image because of the overwhelming schedule they have that sometimes he forgets that this is the real version of him – and the one he loves the most.
“Are they still awake?” Vernon asks, putting his phone on the bedside table as soon as he feels the bed dip a little under Seungkwan’s weight.
He turns on his left side and looks at Seungkwan. There's so much affection behind those eyes that Seungkwan can’t help but feel butterflies start to flap their wings in his stomach, even after all these years together.
“Yes, I think they’re having some late-night snacks,” he answers. “I didn’t ask, though. I didn’t want to be tempted to join them.”
Vernon chuckles a little. “Why would you be tempted when I’m right here and I can be your snack?” he asks, wiggling his brows a little.
Seungkwan can’t help but laugh and lie down next to him. He gets closer and gives him a peck on the nose.
“That’s cheesy, but you’re right. This is much better than having a late-nigh snack.”
Vernon smiles and goes in for a kiss. He kisses Seungkwan deeply, as he always does, taking his sweet time savoring him. He leans so much in Seungkwan’s space that he has no option but to lay on his back and let Vernon get on top of him, both his knees on either side of Seungkwan’s hips.
There's no doubt where this is going and Seungkwan has absolutely no problem with it. He gets totally lost in Vernon’s touch, in the way his hands cradle his face delicately, in the way his lips move with purpose. The need to touch overwhelms him, so he starts roaming his hands on Vernon’s back, under his shirt. He drags his nails delicately up and down, in the way he knows gives Vernon goosebumps.
“Hansolie,” he sighs, out of breath, as Vernon gives his mouth a truce and starts to give attention to his jaw and his neck.
Vernon says nothing but hums pleasantly against his skin, kissing softly all the spots he knows make Seungkwan feel warm all over. In a moment of complete pleasure, Seungkwan scratches involuntarily at Vernon’s shoulders, and Vernon bites his neck.
Seungkwan jumps a little. “Hansol-ah, no biting in visible areas!” he reprimands him. “You know that.”
“I know, I’m sorry. My mistake,” Vernon smirks, giving him a peck on the nose. “But you scratched me, it was an automatic reaction.”
“So, you’re saying it’s my fault?”
“Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying.”
Looking at Vernon’s face and at that smirk, Seungkwan can’t help but burst out laughing, endeared. “You’re terrible.”
He locks his hands behind Vernon’s nape and brings him down to his lips again. Vernon kisses him thoroughly, with hunger, and Seungkwan lets him, totally liquefied under his touch. In their defense, it has been a while for them to be this close and intimate with each other, with all the schedules, the tiredness and the members always around.
Vernon shifts, balancing his weight on his elbows and so getting their bodies to touch in more parts than before. Seungkwan sighs, the pressure of his boyfriend’s body on his making him feel overwhelmingly good. He can’t help but grind a little, making their crotches rub against each other. The touch is so pleasant, even through the layers of clothes between them, that Seungkwan lets out a little satisfied moan and Vernon follows with a low grumble that makes Seungkwan shiver shamelessly.
Vernon gets even more impatient and more eager, as he grinds down into Seungkwan’s hips, never letting their lips divide. His hands get restless, something that happens only when he is too excited and can’t get a hold of himself. He ends up putting them in Seungkwan’s hair, pulling on it a little. A gesture that usually pleases Seungkwan and even arouses him, but not tonight. Tonight, it sets off an alarm in Seungkwan’s mind.
“Sollie, stop stop stop,” he says, detaching his lips from his boyfriend’s.
Vernon stills and puts a little distance between them, not changing their positions.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, a little breathless. “Are you worried about Seokmin hyung and Chan hearing us?”
“No, it’s not-”
“I told you we should’ve slept at your place, since Jeonghan hyung is with his family this weekend.”
“Hansol-ah, that’s not what-”
“But you said ‘Nooo, let’s go to yours!’ and I tried to remind you that my roommates, that are also our members, so you know them well, are nosy as hell and would probably make fun of us in the morning and-”
Seungkwan pulls him down to kiss him once again. Nothing particularly heated, just a peck to shut him up for a couple of seconds. It’s so fun for him that their fans see Vernon as someone who’s usually quiet, calm and collected and have nearly no idea of how much of a yapper he can be when he starts to talk. People tend to think that he’s the one always doing the talking and Vernon the one listening, but they don’t know that most of times these roles are reversed in their dynamic. Vernon is just an introvert, that’s all.
“What was this for?” Vernon asks after they separate again.
“To shut you up,” Seungkwan smiles. “And to tell you that Seokmin hyung and Chan are not the problem.”
“Uhm okay,” Vernon nods. “What’s the problem then?”
And now Seungkwan doesn’t know what to say. How do you explain to your boyfriend that you don’t want him to touch or pull your hair because you’re afraid you’re becoming bald? That's just not something one ever thinks he has to say out loud. But if Seungkwan doesn’t give Vernon an explanation he’ll never let it go.
“I don’t want you to pull my hair,” Seungkwan says, voice low in a whisper.
The understanding in Vernon’s eyes is overwhelming. “Oh okay, I’m sorry. I thought you liked it so...”
“I do like it,” Seungkwan groans, covering his face with both his hands. Vernon is still hovering over him, keeping his weight off Seungkwan by putting it all on his hands, that now are on either side of the boy’s face, and on his knees, still caging Seungkwan’s hips.
“You like it? I don’t think I’m understanding where this is going, Kwannie.”
“Ithinkimbecomingbald” Seungkwan mutters under his breath, against the palms of his hands.
“You think you’re what?”
Seungkwan sighs and lowers his hands. Better get this thing over with. “I think... I think I’m becoming bald.”
Vernon looks at him, confusion written all across that beautiful face of his.
“I don’t think I get it,” he says, after a good minute spent looking straight at Seungkwan’s face.
“I’m losing a lot of hair, Hansol-ah. At this rate I’ll be bald sooner than I thought,” Seungkwan cries a little, not able to look his boyfriend in the eyes. “I won’t even need to shave my head when the time for my service comes.”
Vernon gets off of him and lies down on the bed next to him again. Before Seungkwan can start pouting for the loss of warmth, he pulls him to his chest with one arm and kisses his shoulder delicately. Seungkwan feels the affection of the gesture even through his pajama.
“You’re not becoming bald,” he says then, tone calm and reassuring. “It’s just that bleached hair needs a lot of care and you’re too stressed lately, hence you’re maybe losing more hair than usual.”
Seungkwan pouts. “It’s too much hair for it to be normal. I think I’m really becoming bald.”
“I think you’re overreacting.”
“I’m not! I’m telling you, I lost too much of it. It can’t be healthy.”
“Well, then book an appointment with your dermatologist and see what she tells you,” Vernon says, matter-of-factly.
Seungkwan hums and turns towards Vernon to bury his face in his neck. He inhales his boyfriend’s smell and relaxes a little. But not enough to drop the conversation.
“What if she really tells me I’m gonna be bald?”
Vernon caresses his back delicately, his hand going up and down in slow and circular movements. “Then Beomsoo hyung will have to find some wigs for you.”
Seungkwan looks up at him with a frown and Vernon can’t help but cackle.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he says when he stops, giving him a kiss on the forehead. “I really think it’s gonna be fine and that you’re panicking for nothing. So, what about we sleep?”
“Yeah, okay, let’s sleep,” Seungkwan agrees. “I’m exhausted.”
As Vernon turns slightly to put off the light on his bedside table, Seungkwan suddenly thinks of something.
“Hansol-ah,” he calls him again.
Vernon turns his head around and looks at him, both eyebrows raised in question.
“Would you still love me if I was bald?” Seungkwan can’t help but ask.
“Is this like an updated version of the worm question?”
“I’m being serious!” Seungkwan hisses, giving him small slap on the forearm. “Let’s just suppose I’m getting bald and in six months or something there won’t be any hair on my head. Would you still love me then?”
“Why wouldn’t I?” Vernon answers with a question of his, a fond look in his eyes.
“Because I won’t be pretty anymore,” Seungkwan can’t stop the pout from forming on his lips.
He knows he’s acting like a baby, his immaturity getting the best of him and his insecurities showing without any shame. But what can he do? He is scared shitless of losing Vernon, even though some part of him knows that his alleged baldness won’t change anything between them.
Vernon reaches to turn of the light and then, in the darkness, hugs Seungkwan tightly against his chest. He buries his nose in Seungkwan’s hair as he says “There isn’t a single timeline in this universe in which you’re not pretty, Boo.”
“Are you sure?” Seungkwan murmurs, on the edge of falling asleep.
“Yes,” Vernon states. “And I love you in each one of them.”
The day of their departure for Bulacan it’s a cold day. Seungkwan gets to the company with his manager and goes straight to the bar to get something hot to drink, the cold having gone straight to his bones.
“No iced americano for you today?” Seungcheol asks, putting his arms around his neck and hugging him from behind.
Seungkwan startles a little, risking to drop his barley tea. “Careful! I haven’t even taken a sip and you nearly made me spill it.”
Seungcheol laughs and lets him go, not before ruffling his hair.
“Anyways, no, it’s too cold for an iced americano. I’m freezing,” Seungkwan explains.
“Well, this is for sure a healthier option for you,” Jihoon intervenes, dressed in all black and face mask already on. “Try get used to it and get rid of all that coffee you put into yourself constantly.”
Seungkwan rolls his eyes as he takes a sip of his drink, feeling better as soon as its warmth gets into his body. He's used to his hyungs nagging him about his caffeine intake but that has never stopped him. The only way to make him stop was to have Vernon tell him to pay more attention to his addiction – because at this point it is an addiction – but after a while of being careful he would always go back to his old unhealthy habits.
“Thanks for the sentiment, hyung,” Seungkwan smiles a bit. “But I can’t function without my coffee. I will get one on the plane, where it will be warmer.”
Jihoon clicks his tongue and goes back to the hall where they’re all supposed to meet before going to the airport. Seungkwan and Seungcheol follow him, the former still sipping on his barley tea. When they get to the couch area everyone is already there, trying to squeeze on the couches to sit. Mingyu is still half asleep, leaning on Minghao’s shoulder, meanwhile Soonyoung is actually sleeping standing up next to where Wonwoo is sitting, with Joshua taking pictures of him snickering.
Seungkwan looks at everyone and can’t help but ask “Where is Vernonie?”. Vernon is never late. He can be early, but never late. That means something happened.
“Seokmin didn’t wake up on time, so they’re all running a bit behind schedule,” one of the managers says.
“Channie must be livid,” he chuckles, knowing how much their youngest hates being late because of other people. He gets a few nods at his words, the members agreeing with him.
As they wait for the last three members to arrive, Seungkwan makes it his mission to fully wake up Mingyu and try to get him to play some pranks together at the expense of the still sleeping Soonyoung. He’s halfway through a success, already lurking Mingyu into the dark side, when he hears Seokmin’s loud voice starting to plead for forgiveness from the end of the hall.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so so so so so sorry,” he says, getting on his knees in front of the members. “I didn’t hear the alarm. I’m reeeaaally sorry, please forgive me.”
No one bats an eye until Wonwoo speaks up and says “You don’t have to tell us you’re sorry. The managers were the stressed ones, we’ve just been sitting here.”
Seokmin sighs and starts going to every manager to say how sorry he is for causing so much trouble. Seungkwan looks at the scene with a little smile, seeing how the managers try to reassure him that it wasn’t a big deal at all and that they’ll get to the airport just fine.
It’s when the others start to suddenly whistle and shout their ass off that he decides to turn around. They were all half dead until a second ago and they are not this loud on an early morning usually. What could have made them start and behave like wolves?
And then he sees him. He sees Vernon, and his hair is not there anymore.
Seungkwan’s first reaction is to go slack-jawed and make his plastic glass of barley tea - now empty - fall from his hand. He never would’ve thought he’d see Vernon with a buzzcut this soon. He surely didn’t expect to see him with a buzzcut today. He’s sure the expression on his face resembles one of a cartoon character right now.
“Seungkwan hyung stopped working,” Chan chuckles, enjoying his misery apparently.
Seungkwan doesn’t even find it in himself to glare at him. He’s just… hypnotized.
As the managers start to make everyone get out and go to their respective cars in order to reach Incheon, Vernon walks in his direction, one hand rubbing his head lightly. He seems tense and Seungkwan doesn’t understand why.
“You don’t like it?” he asks then, biting on his lower lip. “You haven’t said a word.”
Seungkwan realizes Vernon is nervous about his reaction and can’t help but smile, endeared.
“You should know it takes a lot to make me go speechless,” he answers, reaching a hand out to interlace his fingers with his boyfriend’s. “And you look really good, it’s too much to handle honestly. What’s there not to like?”
“So it’s not a problem if I have no hair?” Vernon smiles.
“It’s not, obviously,” Seungkwan shakes his head a little, confused by Vernon’s way of acting.
“You still like me?”
“Why shouldn’t I, Hansol-ah? I love you either way.”
“See? Your feelings for me don’t change because of my hair,” Vernon insists. “Mine wouldn’t change either.”
Seungkwan goes slack-jawed again. Does that mean that Vernon…
“You did this just to prove a point to me?” he asks, shocked. “Really? That’s a crazy thing to do, Hansol. I might have to marry you at this point.”
“No, I actually did it because I wanted to try it regardless,” Vernon explains, holding back a laugh. “But your little crashout a couple of days ago pushed me a little. Also, I won’t say no to a marriage proposal. Just saying.”
Seungkwan can’t help but laugh a little, caressing his boyfriend’s cheek. After a check of their surroundings and being sure that no one is paying any attention to them, he leans in and pecks him on his lips. It’s fast and rushed but it holds the world, the endlessness of his feelings for this boy who’s been with him through so much and never stops amazing him day by day.
Vernon rubs their noses briefly before distancing himself. “Now let’s go. We don’t want to keep anyone waiting.”
“Okat, let’s go,” Seungkwan nods, rubbing one of his hands on Vernon’s head and smiling. “I’m afraid I won’t be able to stop doing this from now on.”
“I’m putting a beanie on, so you won’t be able to do it for a while,” Vernon says, putting the beanie on his head. “I want it to be a surprise for the fans at the concert, and it’s also too cold outside.”
Seungkwan chuckles and starts walking to the exit, his fingers still interlaced with Vernon’s, still amazed at how lucky he is to have someone so caring and attentive by his side. Someone who would go out of his way just to free him of his insecurities, no matter what. Someone who loves him unconditionally. And, apparently, someone who looks insanely good even with a buzzcut. Crazy shit.