Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

remember: when you're lost in the darkness - look for the light.

~~☆~~

I've always been told that I'm a calm and confident person. I know who I am and supposedly radiate that energy to the outside world through all of my easy-going smiles and pleasant conversations. And I guess it's true, for the most part at least.

Because nobody really consists of only one thing.
We're like onions: the shell is what everybody sees. When you get to know people you often take that shell off. Friends and family usually take a closer look themselves, peeling off the next layers to get closer to you.

But the core, the little ball right in the middle of everything, that's being protected by all the thousand covers - it takes a lot to get there, to lay it bare even though it might hurt. And there's one person who will do that. Who will cut the onion to get to it's heart.

Chapter Text

~~☆~~

The weather wasn't the best on that day, grey clouds preventing the sun from warming us while rain poured onto the streets of Barcelona.

"Something's going to strike down very soon today, I swear," my brother complained, ineffectively trying to wipe the drops from his face with his even wetter hand as we found shelter in our doorway.

And he had been right. Someone would soon strike down in my life.

"Just one more drive and that's it, right? Then we brought all the boxes over," I said, shaking my head to get the water out of my hair before entering our house. We picked up the last few moving boxes and stored them in the rented Van, while our sister was already in her new apartment organizing everything. Being the amazing big brothers that we were, we'd told her she could stay in her new home while we'd bring over everything from our old house.

The three of us had lived together for the past two years: me and my brother Fernando had moved here four years ago, so I wouldn't be alone at the age of eighteen while pursuing my dream of playing for FC Barcelona. Two years later then, after graduating from school, Amelia had moved in too, getting the full Barcelona-experience while her rich and famous brother paid for everything. I'd never complain though, I loved her to bits.

Now she decided to be a big girl and move into her own apartment while starting her second semester at university.

"I'm still not convinced she's moving in with a random guy," Fer grumbled as I bent down to pick up another terrifyingly heavy box. I never noticed her collecting stones. Ah wait, forgot she reads books.

"He's not random, didn't she tell you? He's like her friend's best friend and they've known each other for more than a year now. They get along well, she said she's never met a guy this shy and nice, she's also never seen him hit on anybody at all. So I think we're good," I explained to him. He looked at the floor and then shrugged.

"He's still a guy," Fer deadpanned, and I laughed.

"Yeah, I'll believe it when I see it. Better safe than sorry, no?" The twentyfive-year-old nodded at that.

"Sometimes it's exactly them shy and nice guys," he continued the conversation while we shut the car door, making sure that everything was secured.

"I saw a movie last night about this stalker-" my brother interrupted me by hitting the back of my head. I frowned at him, pushing his shoulder.

"Grow up, Pepi," he said while rolling his eyes and opening the driver's door.

"No it was based on a true story though!" I exclaimed, and was shut off again by my big brother who turned on the motor. We drove the fifteen-minute-long way for the ninth or tenth time that day, and parked in front of the apartment complex.

When we exited the house to collect the very last boxes, thunder rolled in the distance and I jumped slightly.

"Did you see any lightning?" my brother asked. I shook my head. We continued our task and finally took off our wet clothes when we arrived back inside. Our sister gave us a few towels and ushered us into the bathroom to stop spreading dirt and water everywhere.

"Can I take a quick shower? Everything is numb," I asked Amelia, and she nodded, but Fer had other plans and locked himself into the bathroom first.

Soon I was freshly showered, putting on my hoodie and the sweatpants my sister generously lent me, and stepped outside the bathroom door. I suddenly came to a halt.

Just a few metres in front of me stood a boy, his big brown eyes quickly scanning me over. He wore a grey beanie on his head, a few wet and brown strands of hair sticking to his forehead, creating a somewhat bedazzling look. At least in my eyes. His face was pale but his cheeks and nose red, and his clothes were too big on him, giving him an overall cute look.

For the first few seconds, neither of us said anything as we looked at each other. 

I didn't know what he was thinking, but my first thought was that I needed to wrap my arms around this guy for a very long time. 

Maybe it was his appearance that made him look cuddly and small to me. Or maybe it was the look on his face, the curiosity mixed with hesitance and something else, something almost fragile, that went so deep that I couldn't decipher what it was. I felt a weird sensation similar to a punch in my stomach, the longer I looked into those eyes.

A lightning struck outside and we both turned our heads to the side where the window was, breaking out of our trance. I looked at him again, putting on a wide and relaxed smile.

"Hey, I'm Pedri, Amelia's brother. You're the roommate?" I asked him, and he nodded, the look on his face disappearing slowly.

"Yes, I'm Pablo. Nice to meet you," he replied, the corner of his lip turning up but not quite reaching his eyes. He held out his hand and I glanced down at it, amused, but shook it nevertheless. Of course I noticed how perfectly it fit against mine, his long fingers cold but soft as they wrapped around mine for a second.

And as I looked back up into the boy's eyes I felt a sting rush through my body and I just knew: meeting him would mark a before and after in my life.

My brother and I hugged our sister goodbye, leaving her in her new apartment all on her own. I knew Fer's heart was just as heavy as mine. We descended the stairs and arrived in the car.

"You met the roommate?" My brother asked me as this time I got behind the wheel.

"Shortly, but yeah. You?" I asked back. He nodded.

"He did seem nice, but I don't know yet," he mumbled. I just smirked.

"I do, I'm not worried about him," I said. My brother turned to me with a questioning look on his face.

"As far as I'm concerned, he will have a boyfriend very soon." The smirk on my lips grew wider as his mouth fell open in response, showing that he immediately understood what I was saying.

"But- wait. Why... how do you even know he's into guys?" He asked me confused and I shrugged, stopping the car at a red light.

"He better be." Fer let out a loud laugh and I grinned.

"A few months ago you didn't even like dicks," he jabbed at me.

"Exactly," I replied with a grin, proving my point. I heard my brother sigh, but in an amused way, and he ruffled my hair.

"My little brother has a crush. Let's see if it's still there tomorrow, eh?" I sent him a short but upset look.

"It will be," I stated.

"That bad?" he laughed in response. "I just hope you know what you're getting yourself into," he continued in a softer voice, his hand on my shoulder.

I definitely didn't.

Chapter Text

~~☆~~

I was driving to pick my sister up from university the next day. I had ignored her statements about being independent now and everything - it was dark outside and I just got out of a late training session anyways.

"Hello there, Mila," I greeted her with a smile as she opened the passenger door to my black Porsche Cayenne.

"I still hate you for selling the Mini," she mumbled in response, closing the door and sitting down.

"Thank you so much for picking me up, I love you too, and how was your day?" I complained in a high voice. My sister gave me a side-eye before a laugh escaped her and she leaned over, wrapping her arms around my neck.

"Thank you, best brother in the world," she said with a grin and I grinned back, kissing her cheek.

"Now put your seat belt on," I demanded, and she rolled her eyes at my tone.

She talked about her day as I started the car, telling me about her strange professor and how it felt to wake up in her own place for the first time.

"And how is it with Pablo?" I couldn't help but ask. 

Last night when I got home, I had still been thinking about him. Also when I brushed my teeth before bed, when I fell asleep and when I woke up. Maybe - just maybe - the thought of seeing him again had motivated me even more to drive my sister home.

"Good, he's super nice, told me everything about the place that is useful to know," she pouted before continuing. "He made me breakfast today, my favourite."

I rose my eyebrows at that.

"He knows what your favourite breakfast is?" I felt a weird feeling forming in my stomach.

"He asked Maria for it, he said he wanted me to feel at home," she continued to swoon.

"That's awfully cute," I replied and realised how monotone my voice sounded. Amelia noticed too, as she looked at me weirdly. I quickly changed the topic.

"So is he a good cook?"

"Well, what can I say, I'm spoiled," she laughed, referring to the fact that both of our parents and our big brother were cooks themselves. So yes, we were spoiled. 

I chuckled in response. "But yeah, it tasted good."

Somehow, I liked that information, thinking about Pablo cooking with or for me one day.

"And what does he do, he's the same age as you, right?" I continued the conversation, not caring that I so obviously showed interest in her roommate.

"Yeah, he's also twenty and he studies history and... something else, I forgot," she replied. Alright, so I was two years older than him, and he seemed to be twenty times smarter than me. I could make that work, couldn't I?

"History, man, that's original. Does he want to be a teacher?" I asked as I parked the car at our destination.

"I think so. But you can ask him yourself, eh, he should be at home right now. Well, if you want to come up," she mumbled the last part, and I smiled, reaching over to ruffle her hair.

"Where did Miss Independent go, hm? You still need me to tuck you into bed? I knew it," I teased her and she hit my chest and got out of the car. Laughing, we ascended the stairs together.

"Pablo?" my sister asked into the flat as she took off her shoes.

"Yeah, I'm here," he answered from somewhere in their small home, and my stomach doubled over at the sound of his voice. Madre mia. I took off my shoes and jacket as well, noticing my sister going into the living room. Well, theoretically I was in the living room too.

When you stepped through the door, you stood in the open space that made up the kitchen at the right and further inside, behind the counter, the living room. On the left side were a storage room and my sister's bedroom, and after crossing the living room you were in front of Pablo's room and the bathroom to your right, next to the kitchen.

I heard my sister greeting the boy before turning back to me, telling me she'd quickly put away her stuff. I nodded and finally 'entered' the living room. Pablo stood next to the couch, typing something on his phone. 

He was wearing a brown hoodie and beige pants - oversized again - and this time I was able to see all of his hair. I took my time looking at him while he was busy looking down at his device. 

His brown hair, that I was sure would shine golden in the sun, was short but not too short to hide its natural waves as it fell across his forehead. It looked so damn soft that my fingers itched to run through it.

Suddenly he looked up at me, and I smiled widely, leaning against the table that stood next to the couch.

"Hey, Pablo," I greeted with a calm voice, looking into his wide eyes.

"Hey, sorry, I didn't see you before," he replied.

"Don't worry. How are you?" I continued with a smile. Confusion passed over his face for a moment.

"I'm good... how are you?" he asked in an uncertain voice.

"Me too, I'm happy to see you again." I knew that was a bit forward, but I had no intention of not moving forward with the boy in front of me. 

He furrowed his eyebrows at me, without saying anything, probably thinking something along the lines of 'Bitch, I live with your sister, when or why did you think you'd see me again?'. 

But then I thought that he looked a bit too sweet to use the word 'bitch'. 

Anyways, judging by his reaction, I'd probably have to prolong the start of our relationship from in a few months to hopefully in a year. I could live with that.

My sister emerged from her room then and walked into the kitchen.

"Pablo, did you eat?" she asked him and he walked away from me to the counter, smiling at her. I frowned for a second, but decided that everything was fine - he'd known her for a year, and me for two days. Or rather ten minutes in total.

"Yeah, open the oven, there's something left for you. I don't know if it's enough for two people though," the boy replied. My sister waved her hand, as if telling him not to worry.

"Pedri might not be able to eat it anyways, but thank you so much," she said. Pablo turned around to me, curious.

"Why not? Are you allergic? It's just penne with tomato sauce and melted cheese," the brunette quickly said and I forced myself not to pout and squeeze his cheeks.

"No no, but I'm on a diet," I explained while leaning against the counter sideways.

"A diet?" he asked skeptically and slid his gaze up and down my body. A grin spread on my face as he indirectly showed me that he thought my body was fit. 

'Oh God, I'm going to think about that for the rest of my life, aren't I', I thought.

"You don't watch football, do you?" I asked him and he frowned.

"Very little, why?" he asked in return.

"Watch Barca's next game this Saturday and you'll know why," I smirked and heard my sister groan. Pablo looked between us, confused, until his gaze stopped on the small emblem on my jacket above my chest.

"Oh, I thought you were just a fan," he mumbled.

"That too.” I laughed a little.

“Anyways, I want to try your pasta," I said, walking towards my sister who had already put something onto her plate. She handed me a fork.

"Only one bite, Pepi," she looked at me sternly and I nodded. I noticed Pablo looking at me from the corner of my eyes, but he quickly lowered his gaze when I returned it. 

Fuck, was he adorable.

His dish was actually quite good, not very good, but it tasted nice. I smiled at him as I removed the fork from my mouth.

"It's good," I told him and he looked back up.

"Thank you," he murmured. And what was that? Was he blushing? My smile grew as he looked back at his phone.

"Okay, I have to continue my homework," he said and gave us a short wave before turning around to go to his room.

After I made myself something else to eat and inspected my sister's new room for a bit - making sure she had enough pictures of her family up - I decided I had to go home. I put on my jacket but left my shoes at the door, confusing my sister.

"What are you doing?"

"I want to say goodbye to Pablo," I replied, walking towards his room. My sister laughed.

"I don't think he'd mind you leaving without saying goodbye, Pep," she said.

"But I want to," I stated and she just snorted, going back to her room. I knocked on his bedroom door, but heard no reply. I knocked again, two times, before suddenly the bathroom door swung open.

"What are you doing?" Pablo questioned from behind me. I turned around and grinned at him.

"I wanted to say goodbye to you," I explained.

"Ah, okay. Well goodbye," he simply replied, looking at me strangely and moving past me to grab his doorhandle.

"Can I hug you?" I blurted out and Pablo's gaze hardened, surprising me.

"No," was his short reply.

"Why not?" I insisted.

"Do I need a reason?" he bit back, raising an eyebrow. And although I had yet to see him smile fully, I thought it was a shame that his beautiful face could contain such hardness.

"No, it's okay," I put on a comforting smile. "Hey, remember, there's a match on Saturday at six thirty, you can watch it on tv with my sister. Maybe I'll dedicate a goal to you," I added with a wink.

"We don't even know each other," he said, the hard look in his eyes still present.

I shrugged and smiled. "So?"

He didn't reply anymore, just opened his bedroom door and nodded at me.

"Goodbye, Pablo. Have a good night," I told him.

"Bye," he dryly replied.

Maybe one year was still too optimistic?

Chapter Text

~~☆~~

The September sun finally decided to bless us with her warmth again as I exited the locker room. My best friend, Ferran, walked beside me and let out a happy noise.

"Do you have anything planned today? Dani told me he wanted to go play padel with his girlfriend and cousins today, he said we could come too," he told me while we arrived at my car.

"Ah, damn, my sister asked me to help her buy a new drawer for her bathroom today," I grimaced. Ferran clicked his tongue while I stored my bag in the trunk.

"How is she anyways? Doing good all alone?" he asked. It's been about a week now that she moved out, and I haven't seen her - nor Pablo - for the past three days.

"Yeah she's managing well, seems like it's a good thing for her," I answered.

"Of course it is, I wouldn't survive living with you either, bro," he said playfully and I elbowed him.

"She gets along well with her roommate too," I continued, opening my door and supporting my arms on the top.

"Oh, right, didn't you tell me it's a guy?" Ferran's curiosity seemed to turn more serious and I decided to pretend that my best friend would never think about my little sister like that.

"Yup," I simply replied, and grinned as the thought of Pablo crossed my mind. For the fourtysixth time today. 

Ferran looked away and scoffed, then looked back at me.

"Hey, what's that grin for?" he nodded his head towards me provocatively. "You think I'm jealous or something?"

My grin dropped in an instant.

"You little bastard. I've seen how you looked at her the last time we were at the beach! But for your own sake I'm pretending you're just, I don't know, woman-deprived since your break-up," I narrowed my eyes at him and he chuckled. 

He actually had the nerve to chuckle!

"Ferran Torres García, it will never happen. Never. N-E-V-E-R," I spelled out for him. Or rather spit out for him.

"Pedri, calm down, I'm not lusting after little Ami," he laughed. I didn't laugh. He rolled his eyes and reached over to ruffle my hair. "Anyways. Tell her hi from me if your bodyguard-codex allows it. I'm leaving now," he announced and turned around.

I still glared at him, and he looked over his shoulder, then doubled over from laughter.

"I love you too, Pedri, see you tomorrow!"

At that I cracked a little grin.

"See you tomorrow, stupid," I waved back.

"Hello, my favourite sister!" I kissed her cheek and entered the apartment while she laughed.

"I have to finish something real quick, then we can go," she told me as she scurried back to her room. I made my way to the kitchen and immediately smiled. Pablo stood in front of the oven, stirring something in a pan.

"Hello, Pablo," I said before I noticed that he had airpods in. He noticed my presence and took one out.

"Hi," he said, looking at me expectantly.

"What are you listening to?" I asked and came closer to look into the pan. He turned away from me again, probably deciding that my question wasn't as important as he had expected.

"Music," he bluntly replied, I snorted.

"What kind of music?" I continued, seriously curious.

"The kind where they play instruments, sing words and let a producer mix it together," he explained without looking at me. I bit my lip to fight the amused grin.

"Am I annoying you, Pablo?" I asked in a nice voice. He just looked at me for a second, before focusing back on his food.

"I'll take that as a yes." But instead of leaving him alone as a proper person would do, I leaned closer - almost touching his shoulder with my face - to smell the food. 

Instead, I was hit by a wave of his cologne, and oh my god . I closed my eyes for just a second, soaking in the warm sandalwood scent, engraving it in my mind. Then I tried to clear my fogged brain, and Pablo moving away from me actually helped.

"So, what are you cooking?" I asked, casually. This time the younger boy turned towards me, a completely confused and annoyed look displayed on his face. I put an arm over his shoulder, but it was instantly removed by him.

"Don't touch me," he demanded, his voice lower than before.

Sensing the seriousness in his demeanour, I took a step back and tilted my head at him.

What was that look in his eyes? They were so round and big, filled with a colour that should normally be warm, yet they held something dead inside. I needed to get closer to him.

Pablo was the first to look away after a few seconds, which felt like hours to me. But my sister was still in her room and I wanted to be in his presence for as long as I could.

"Hey, did you watch the match with my sister?" I decided to dive back into normal conversation. He sighed.

"No, I was at work." His voice was still low, and somehow that made me want to cry. Was it my fault? Because I put my arm around him? Maybe he was having a bad day. Or I really just disturbed his peace. Or maybe he really disliked me, found me disgusting even?

"Where do you work?" I asked him, dropping my voice a bit to match his.

"Somewhere," he avoidantly replied. I just gave him a smile.

"Are you going with us to ikea?" I continued.

"No. I have another lecture in less than two hours," he mumbled, while opening a few cupboards and taking out a plate and cutlery. 

I quickly did the maths and realised that if we'd do everything well in time, I should be able to pick him up from university. I knew he didn't have a car, my sister had told me, and I didn't like the thought of him walking through the dark alone one bit. Which was a bit ridiculous, given that he's probably done so for the past years and managed to get away fine. But now there was me. And something in my gut told me he was the kind of person you'd want to protect in those situations.

"Alright, Pep, I'm ready," my sister's voice came from the door.

"Goodbye then, Pablo," I smiled at him.

"Goodbye," he bid back, looking at me shortly.

A few hours and a hot dog later my sister and I were in the car again, the new yet unbuilt cupboard in the trunk.

"Should we get pizza?" she asked me with an excited grin and I laughed but agreed. When I ordered two pizzas and a chicken salad for me, she looked at me surprised.

"Two pizzas?"

"For Pablo?" I asked back, lifting one eyebrow at her. "Do you know when his lecture is over?"

Now she raised an eyebrow back at me.

"I can ask him, but why?" she wondered.

"I thought we could pick him up, then he doesn't have to walk through the dark," I replied. Amelia took out her phone and tapped around on it.

"He says we don't need to get him," she told me after a few seconds and I scoffed.

"Say we're passing the uni anyways," I insisted and she chuckled.

"We’re not, bro."

"Does he have to know that?" I retorted and she just continued to grin and texted him again, I assumed.

"Okay, he says he'll be out in around twenty minutes," she then told me and I nodded with a smile.

"You seem to like Pablo a lot," she turned to me with curiously shining eyes. I just shrugged.

"Yeah, I think we could get along well,” I answered, just a tiny bit too embarrassed to tell my younger sister that I had a crush on him. 

She knew about my sexual orientation and usually I was always open and confident with talking about liking people, it wasn't that. I just knew she'd somehow find a way to embarrass me if I told her, and I knew it was inevitable, but I wanted to drag it out for a little longer at least. Let me keep the little bit of dignity I still had, eh.

Pablo walked onto the parking lot and looked around like a lost puppy. I pouted as I spotted him and honked. Suddenly he jumped in fright and my sister slapped my shoulder when I laughed. He arrived at the car and smiled curtly as he opened the back door.

"Hi, thank you for picking me up," he said quietly. I smiled and turned around to look at him. His hair was a bit dishevelled from the wind and he was wearing a grey nike zip-up hoodie, looking way too cuddly again. He slung off his backpack and sat down, then met my gaze and raised an eyebrow.

"We have pizza," I just told him with a smile. The corner of his lips turned up and I melted at the sight. But then I had to look away from him again to start the car and focus on the road. Amelia and him struck up a conversation about their studies, and I halfly listened before they quieted down again.

"How much was the food?" Pablo suddenly spoke up. I searched his eyes in the rear mirror and looked at him shocked.

"Do you think you have to pay for a pizza you didn't even order?" I asked, a bit flabbergasted.

"I'm the one who will eat it, no?" he shrugged. I shook my head and tutted. From the corner of my eyes I saw him tapping my sister's shoulder, handing her ten euros, and I quickly grabbed his wrist. He flinched and pulled away from me in such a rapid movement that his hand hit the back of Amelia's headrest and I swerved the steering wheel in shock, a sudden but short cramp in my stomach. My sister yelled while Pablo winced, and I stopped the car on a sidewalk.

"Shit, I'm sorry guys. Are you okay?" I turned around to Pablo when my sister nodded and felt like crying when he held his wrist to his chest with a frightened look.

"Pablo? Are you okay?" I asked again, trying to sound calmer but panicking inside. Why was I panicking now? 

With wide eyes, the brunette nodded hastily. I scanned him over again and I saw that his whole body was tense. My sister had turned around to him too with a worried look.

"Pablo, show me your hand," she asked of him. It took him a few seconds to tear his gaze away from me and then he held out his hand, the money crumpled up between his fingers. There was a light bruise on the back of his hand, right over the wrist, and I frowned and touched his hand carefully, but he pulled it back again. And when I met his angry eyes, I panicked all over again inside.

"I'm so sorry, Pabl-"

"It's okay don't worry," he interrupted me, his voice monotone. My frown deepened and he looked away from me.

"We'll put an icepack on it at home. Does it hurt very much?" my little sister asked again, and he shook his head, trying to comfort her with a smile, but I could see how shook he still was. But why? What about my action had set him off so much?

We arrived at their home and I carried up the package, refusing my sister's help. Inside, she immediately went to the fridge and then back to Pablo. He thanked her quietly while I placed the drawer at the wall next to the bathroom door.

"Let's eat first, shall we?" My sister clapped her hands and sat down at the table. I followed suit and Pablo did too, albeit hesitantly. They enjoyed their pizza and I my salad, but the atmosphere was a bit tense the whole time.

When my sister went to the toilet, I tried to catch Pablo's eyes - as he'd avoided mine until now.

"Pablo, seriously, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... to do whatever I did to make you hurt yourself," I pleaded. I've known this boy for a week and I already couldn't stand him being slightly upset at me, good riddance.

He shook his head again.

"It's nothing," he intervened. I pursed my lips.

"It's not nothing, I really am sorry," I insisted, but he didn't reply. "Why did you-"

He pushed his chair back suddenly, scraping it across the floor.

"I said it's nothing." 

And with that he left the room. I looked after him, my eyebrows furrowed and my heart beating quickly.

My sister exited the bathroom a few seconds later, a bewildered look on her face.

"What happened?"

I sighed. "I apologized for earlier again, and he got a bit upset and left because apparently 'it was nothing'," I summarised. She bit her lip and sat back down.

"Do you know a lot about him?" I asked her in a quiet voice. She grimaced.

"No, not much. He's not really the kind of guy who talks about his feelings or problems. Or talks much at all," she sighed. Her eyes wandered to a spot behind me, probably his bedroom door, and I did the same. 

A gnawing ache suddenly appeared in my stomach, similar yet different to the one I’d felt in the car, and I looked down my abdomen as if I could see the cause of it.

"Pepi, what is it?" my sister's voice made me look up and turn around again.

"I don't know..." I trailed off when the pain became stronger and then all of a sudden disappeared. My sister was still looking at me with worried eyes, and I shook my head.

"It's nothing, I just... maybe I should bring him the rest of his pizza?"

"I would give him a bit more time, honestly. I don't know what the hell this was today but maybe something happened to him and that's why he's a bit off? I don't think you can help him with that," she said quietly. I didn't agree with her, but I didn't say anything. There was something inside of me, like a pull towards him, a need to make sure he was okay and to give him comfort. As if it really should be me who'd help him.

Before I left, I asked my sister to give me Pablo's number, and she looked at me weirdly.

"Why do you want it?" she asked.

"Well, I want to apologize again and other than that, he's your roommate, if something happened to you I'd like to know," I replied seriously.

"Good point, actually," she agreed and took her phone out. "Mum must've done a good job with you, huh, overprotective and sensitive."

"What? I'm not sensitive, have you ever seen me cry? And I'm doing what every brother should do, Fer's the one who's worse," I complained, making her laugh.

"It's not about crying, dumbass. You can't stand my roommate being upset with you? Why would you care so much? Of course you're sensitive. You always need harmony and peace in your life, bro," she explained, as if she was the older one. I just grunted. Yeah, why do I care so much, huh?

So that night I lay in bed, phone in my hand and the chat to Pablo open on my phone. It filled me with a sort of giddiness, looking at the contact name and seeing it say 'pablo'. As if he was some kind of celebrity crush. Well, close enough.

Suddenly, three moving dots appeared and I sat up in bed rapidly.

unknown number

hey Pablo, here's Pedri

I'm sorry again about earlier

I hope you're okay

why do you have my number Pedro

I smiled.

my sister gave it to me

obviously

but why

I wanted to apologise and make sure you're alright

are you?

yes and stop asking

so you're not mad at me anymore?

not if you stop talking about it

really?

yes

but why do you not want to talk about it?

Pablo?

hey where did you go

come back

pabloo

are you angry again?

hey

can you stop blowing up my phone and asking dumbass questions

there you are :)

don't be mad please

well don't make me

okay :)

does your hand hurt bad?

it's better now

that's good

I have a cream at home for bruises like that I can bring it to you tomorrow

what kind of cream

* sent photo *

ah do they sell it in pharmacies?

I don't know I think so

okay then thank you for the tip

I typed out 'you're welcome', but then deleted it again with a small grin on my face.

anything for you

No reaction. Oh well .

so when are you free tomorrow?

or I could give it to Amelia that works too

you don't need to give it to me I'll buy it myself

that's stupid

I get stuff like this for free

just let me give it to you

I didn't get it for free.

okay you can give it to Amelia then

alright

are you not at home tomorrow?

pedro tío

do you wanna see me that bad?

yes

did you save my contact as pedro?

bold of you to assume I saved it at all

ouch

and here I am being excited about having your number

sounds like your problem not mine

did you finish your pizza?

yes

why

just don't want you to go to bed hungry that's all

For a few seconds, the dots were moving again. I stared at the screen, a smile filling up my face at the thought of Pablo sitting there with his phone in hand, typing and retyping a message to me. Even though it would probably be another insult.

thank you

Now I was full-on grinning.

for what? you don't have to thank me

you paid my pizza

I'd do it everyday

ah so you can make me fat and see me die or what

don't be silly

you could choose something different every time

cool

let's see what you'll want tomorrow

hey

helloo

not again come on

go to sleep cause I will

pabloo

okay goodnight :)

sleep well

have nice dreams

see you tomorrow

Assuming that I probably wouldn't get another reply at half past twelve now anymore, I switched off my phone with a smile and cuddled into bed. 

I kept thinking about the brunette boy for a while - his eyes, the strange looks, his beautiful face and his behaviour today. Feeling a frown etching into my face, I immediately stopped and thought about our conversation via phone, and that he was doing better. Knowing I could see him again the next day, I then fell asleep calmly.

Chapter Text

~~☆~~

Naturally, the first thing I did after waking up the next morning was taking my phone and opening the chat to Pablo. It was around nine in the morning, and he hadn't seen the messages from last night yet. So either he was still asleep, or he was ignoring me. Not that it would make a difference to me.

pablo

good morning pablo :)

how are you today

I left it at those two messages, though I probably sounded like a desperate wannabe boyfriend already. Anyways. 

I got on with my day, went to training and hung out with some of the guys at Balde's house afterwards. When it was around three pm, I texted Pablo again, asking if he was home and what he'd like to eat. Yes, I had been serious about that last night. 

I also texted my sister to ask how she was and if one of them was at home so I could bring over something. Luckily, she told me that Pablo had just got back from his classes but that she had to leave again, so I excused myself from my friends, still not knowing what Pablo wanted to eat. I just bought some churros on the way, thinking that everyone liked them, right? 

"Hey, Pablo," I grinned as the boy opened the door for me confused. 

"What are you doing here?" He frowned as his gaze fell onto the box in my hand and I just smiled and nodded at the inside, asking if I could come in. He moved aside, his eyebrows furrowed.

"I brought you the ointment," I placed it on the kitchen counter.

"Thanks," it came quietly from behind me.

"And I hope you like churros. You didn't reply to my texts, so... yeah," I explained and turned towards him. He still wore a frown and I just gave him a smile in hopes of lightening his mood. 

"Why did you bring me churros? I didn't- oh hell no, come on. You were serious?" he now asked incredulously. I just smirked and pushed the box closer to him.

"No taking back, I can't eat them and they'll be cold when my sister returns," I deadpanned. He rolled his eyes. 

"Please don't do it again."  

"Why not?" I pouted and he glared at me.

"I don't want you to, can you respect me for once?" Despite the annoyance, his voice sounded tired, and I felt bad. I just wanted to pick him up in a hug, kiss his cheeks and never let go of him again. Instead I did nothing.

"Okay, but-" and he interrupted me with a groan. 

"Seriously, stop... stop like following me around so much and stuff. I mean thank you for the food now and yesterday but that's enough, I don't know what you want from me," he exclaimed, still annoyed, but despite his effort to seem more or less unaffected, I saw a frustrated glint in his eyes. 

"Alright. Sorry." With another soft smile, I put a hand on his shoulder, but immediately took it back again when his furious gaze met mine and he moved to shrug it off himself. 

"I just want to get to know you, Pablo," I said again in a calm voice, the soft smile still there. Our gazes locked, crinkled lines formed between Pablo's eyebrows from frowning so much, and some kind of vulnerability showed through. I didn't dare tear my eyes away from his. 

The afternoon sun shined through the windows in the living room, reaching us and most of all Pablo's face. The golden rays reflected in his eyes, transforming some spots of the brown into yellowy-green. I took a step closer, he took one back. 

"Your eyes have a little green in them," I murmured while my lips stretched out in admiration. His gaze flickered between my own eyes, back and forth, before moving away. He didn't say anything, his mouth was closed, but there was a slight pink tint on his cheeks that was to die for. Clenching his jaw, he grabbed the box and walked away from me towards his room. I followed him with my eyes and then noticed the cream still on the counter.

"Hey, Pablo, don't forget to put it on your hand, yes?" I reminded him while holding it up. He turned around with a sigh and then just nodded. 

"Are you going to-" the sound of his door being shut closed interrupted me and I pursed my lips. But then I remembered that I had his number. With a small grin, I fired a text to Ferran, asking if they were still together. I had just told them I'd have to bring something to my sister, so me returning again wouldn't come as a big surprise. 

When I left the apartment, I felt bad about not saying goodbye, but I didn't want to bother him. 

pablo

just wanted to tell you I'm leaving

so bye bye

I'm assuming you'll have to study now so good luck :)

I made my way back to my friend's house to find that Pau, Eric and Lamine had left already when Fermín opened the door for me. Ferran and Balde were sprawled across the couch in the spacious living room and the glass doors that separated the room from the garden were open, giving sight to Ansu and Casado who were playing with the little dog. I smiled at them and stepped outside as well. I loved dogs, and the sight of my seventeen year old teammate playing with him like a child softened my heart. 

I adored the little guy. From the first few times he and his other friends from La Masia came to train with us, we got along well. Apart from his great talent, technique and calm demeanour on the field, he was also all smiles and hugs off-pitch, and we quickly became some sort of big-bro-little-bro duo. As we were mostly positioned next to each other as a double-pivot during games, we had similar tasks and features of play, and he was always eager to learn from me. It was the first time I really realised that I wasn't one of the new youngsters on the team anymore but rather one of the captains who they looked up to, and I had to admit that I loved it. 

"Ansu, pass me the ball," I shouted towards my friend while we hunted the poor dog through his garden. The ball arrived at my feet, the mastiff barked and used his tiny legs to follow and jump onto it, but his paws slid away as I steadied the ball with my foot. Everyone laughed as he plopped down on his stomach and I crouched down to pat his had as he panted heavily. 

"Poor thing, let's give him a break," Ferran commented and we agreed. We moved back inside, the dog scurried away to his bowl of water, and Fermín and Marc were immediately in front of the TV, starting a new fifa match. The rest of us followed suit and huddled around them on the couch. After a while, I saw my phone lighting up with a message from Pablo, and grinned. 

pablo

* sent photo * 

happy?  

The picture showed his hand covered in the shiny white ointment I have him, and my smile grew. 

very :)

what a nice hand you've got eh

God I knew I'd regret it 

you're disgusting 

you just can't take compliments querido 

get a girlfriend  

:( but you're not a girl

you're disgusting 

are you homophobic?

pedrophobic  

BAHAHA

I love talking to you

noo man come on stop ghosting me

I just need to know one last thing

does your hand still hurt?

it's getting better

you don't need to ask all the time 

that's good :)

were the churros good?

if I say no will you stop buying me food

maybe

then no

so they were good eh

"Yo Pedri, what are you smiling for?" Ferran threw a cushion at my head and I quickly ducked away. 

"Nothing," I dismissed while stuffing my phone away. Suddenly all eyes were on me. "Woah," I let out.

"Oi, Pedrito's got a crush!" Balde grinned at me cheekily and the others did the same, Fermín and Ferran howling while Ansu grabbed my shoulder and shook me from the side. I clicked my tongue and glared at all of them. 

"Leave me alone, for God's sake," I complained, but they didn't even hear me because they were making so much primitive noise. 

"So, who is she, eh? Do we know her?" Ansu asked and suddenly they were quiet again, waiting in anticipation. 

Fucking aunts .

I contemplated telling them about Pablo for a moment. They were some of my closest friends, I trusted everyone in this room. The humiliation would come sooner or later anyways, so I looked at them, noticing that Casado just entered the room again, probably coming from the toilet.

"He's, uh, he's my sister's new roommate," I admitted somewhat quietly, and suddenly they were all loud again, everyone talking at the same time.

"I knew it! I knew there was more to that make-out session at Ferri's birthday!"

"Wait so how old is he? What's his name?"

"Is that why you grinned so hard yesterday? Oh my god-"

"You're gay and you don't even tell me?" 

It was Casado's surprised voice that stood out the most and we all turned around to him. He wore a frown as he plopped down on the couch next to me and I ruffled his hair with a loud laugh. 

"Wait, you weren't at Ferran's birthday party?" Ansu asked him.

"No, I was but we had to leave at twelve because of the stupid ass curfew," he complained. 

"Hey, language, little man," I said while hitting the back of his head. He just glared at me. 

"But why, what happened?" he continued to ask, looking at all of us. 

Ferran looked at me expectantly and I nodded.

"Pedri made out with a guy, a friend of mine," he burst out as if he'd been waiting years to say it. Marc's eyebrows shot up. 

"I never took you for the, like, random make-out kind of guy," he mumbled. Even though we tried to suppress it, we all had to laugh at that. 

"Don't worry, he's really not, but we filled him up for once in his life," Balde chuckled and Marc let out a snort. 

"But you remember everything?" he turned to me. I shrugged.

"Yeah, most of it. I still have my limits, eh," I replied with a smile. 

"And do you just like guys now or girls too?" the seventeen year old continued to ask me, and I couldn't blame him for it. He was still a teenager, even more so than us, who experienced life like this for the first time, and I'd be glad to answer all his questions. 

"Honestly, I don't really know. I had a girlfriend for a few months when I was eighteen, wasn't very special but I definitely liked her, so I'm probably just into both," I told him and he nodded. 

"Alright, now tell us about this roommate, will you?" Ferran's impatient voice sounded and we all laughed.

"I don't know that much about him actually. His name is Pablo, he studies at the same university as my sister, he's twenty and... well, he's just super cute," I summarised with a small smile and Ansu and Alejandro swooned to tease me, earning themselves a slap on their neck. 

"Do you have a picture?" came another question from Fermín. I grimaced.

"Just his profile picture," I clicked on our chat and showed them the photo. 

"It's the one on the right," I mumbled in addition, examining their reactions closely. Marc and Ansu were first, sticking their heads closer to mine to see.

"He looks nice," Casado said. Ansu grunted.

"Nice? Look at that, he could be a model or something. Pedri, man, what taste you've got," he added with a whistle and I chuckled. Ferran and Fermín now stood up to get closer and get a look too while standing behind us, and Balde leaned across Ansu aswell. My valencian friend let out another whistle.

"Ansu is right, bro, you choose well," he said while clapping my shoulder.

"Wait a second," Fermín then said and leaned closer to my phone. We looked at him curiously. "What's his full name?" 

"Uh, I don't know actually, I can ask my sister," I replied. 

"He looks like someone I know and his name was Pablo too but I'm not sure," the blonde mumbled and I widened my eyes in surprise. I quickly texted Amelia, and thank God she was a quick replier.

"She says it's Pablo Paez Gavira," I told Fermín and he clapped his hands together. 

"That's him! We played together in Sevilla for like two years in Real Betis when we were little," he told us and now it was me who let out a whistle. 

"I didn't know he played football too, he said he only watched very little, he didn't even know who I was," I said and they began to laugh. 

"Your poor ego." Ferran pinched my cheek from behind and I swatted his hand away with an eye roll. 

"And what was he like, Fer?" Marc asked. 

"Buah, I don't remember so much. He was always super shy, we got along quite well, but on the pitch he was more or less aggressive," he told us with an amused grin and I smiled, I could picture a small Pablo tackling his opponents perfectly well with his attitude. 

"He still like that?" Balde asked me now teasingly while the others chuckled. When I just smirked, they got loud again, babbling about what I could be implying and I covered my face with my hands. 

"You're idiots, oh my God," I shook my head at them. 

"Wait though, so what's the deal between you two? Are you dating?" Ferran asked me, catching everyone's attention. They were such a mess. 

"I wish, bro. He's... I don't know, it's weird. I definitely like him and, well, I don't hide it, you see. And he's usually nice, but not very much to me, I don't really know why. So that's it, I like him and try to talk and get to know him all the time and he's annoyed with me," I explained with a small sarcastic chuckle. 

"Enemies to lovers, can never go wrong with that," Balde's voice piped up and everyone burst out laughing while I pushed his head away.

"Do you even know if he's into boys?" Ferran asked and I grimaced in reply, shaking my head. 

"Ay, tío. You're off to a good start. At least you have his number, right?" Ansu said and suddenly grabbed my phone. 

"Ansu, Ansu, what are you doing?" I asked anxiously as I tried to take it back from him but he quickly stood up and moved away from me. 

"Ansu!" I shouted and stood up as well. He grinned and tapped on something on my phone, Balde joining him while Ferran came to trap me in his arms. 

"Guys, what the hell, give me back my phone!" 

The two blonde guys who were still on the couch and watched us with amused chuckles. Fuck, was my phone still unlocked?

"Querido?" Balde burst out laughing and my face burned up. 

"Come on, I don't snoop around in your phones either!" I now shouted in an almost angry tone. Ansu clicked his tongue and lowered my phone, handing it back to me. Balde came over aswell, ruffling my hair while Ferran still hugged me from behind, now pressing a kiss on my temple. 

"Sorry, bro. Don't be mad, eh?" He whispered in my ear and I grunted but let the three give me a hug as an apology. Idiots.

It was already dark outside when we decided that our virtual tournament had to come to an end. We helped Balde clean up the living room a bit since we all made a mess with the food and drinks, and soon all occupied the space in the kitchen, bumping against each other. 

"Hey Marc, how are you getting home?" I asked the youngest in the room while placing a glass in the dishwasher.

"Taxi," he replied and I rolled my eyes. 

"I'll drive you," I told him, my tone leaving no room for negotiation. He noticed so, already used to being driven home by me anyways, and just smiled gratefully. When I passed him by I placed a small kiss on his head before slinging an arm around his shoulder. We all trickled into the hallway to put on our shoes, and I decided to speak up again.

"Hey, guys," I said and waited to get their attention. "Uh, I just wanted to say thank you that you... well, that you just accept me so easily." 

Casado, who was still next to me, gave me a hug from the side.

"Dude, we'd love you even if you were into, I don't know, trains or something," Ansu exclaimed making us all laugh.

"We'd judge you then, though," Ferran added.

"Oh I'm sure of that," I just replied with a snort.

"But hey as long as you're not pedophile," Fermín stated with an alarmed look. 

"Pedrophile?" Balde asked with faked confusion. 

And back was the loud chaos as they doubled over in laughter. I just looked over to Casado, the only other sane person in this room as it seemed, but even he was fighting for air this time. 

"Guys holy shit, that reminds me," Ansu said inbetween laughter. "Pedri wrote something to Pablo that I don't remember and he was like 'you're disgusting' and Pedri went 'are you homophobic?' and he replied with 'no pedrophobic'," he told us, completely violating my privacy but making everyone else almost cry from laughter again. 

"No way, I love this kid already," Ferran exclaimed. I rubbed my eyes and then pulled on Casado's arm, moving towards the door. 

"Bye you stupid little morons, I hope all of you spill water down your sleeves today or something," I mumbled at them. When they saw my fed-up state, they tried to calm down and soothe me as well.

"Laugh a little, come on, we're not hating on you it's just too funny," Ansu reasoned. I just opened the door.

"Okay wait, hey, we're sorry," came Fermín's voice as he pulled me into a hug. And then I had to crack a grin myself. 

"It's okay, it's okay. I laughed so hard internally when he sent me that actually," I admitted and they all seemed relieved and chuckled again. 

"What did you reply?" Marc asked.

"I think I said like 'I love talking to you'," I replied with a small chuckle and they clapped as if applauding me, causing me to roll my eyes. 

"You know what, I actually think you'll be able to pull him," Balde said and I snorted. 

"I'm so curious to see how long he'll keep it up though, the both of you," Fermín said and the others agreed. 

"We'll be needing updates in the group," Marc added. 

"Hey but don't... don't tell the others yet okay?" I asked my friends and they all nodded, Ferran hitting the back of my head.

"What do you think, man, that we'll post it on instagram or something?" he retorted with disappointment and I chuckled, giving him a hug. 

Marc closed the passenger door to my car and waved at me one last time before I drove off, back home. 

I went inside, tossing my keys on the drawer and taking off my shoes and then checked my phone to see that I had another message from Pablo. At Balde's house I had put my phone away for the rest of the time, too embarrassed to continue texting him with my friends there watching me and nevertheless, it never hurt to put your phone aside while being with your friends. 

Now there was a huge smile on my face as I ascended the stairs to my room and plopped down on my bed with a content sigh, ready to reply to the beautiful boy. 

pablo

so they were good eh

churros are always good

good to know guapo

I almost closed WhatsApp again, thinking that he wouldn't reply in another hour or something, when suddenly it showed that he was now online. I grinned and stayed on our chat. 

wtf  

heyy you replied quickly

unlike you

aww I love that you missed me

I'm sorry I was gone for a few hours I couldn't neglect my friends

??

you have friends?

yeah you don't? :(

it's okay I can be your friend

do you want me to?

nope

don't need you in my life :)

I beg to differ

damn such big words for a footballer!

yeah you thought I was stupid huh

still do

I'm wounded  

nice let's go 

work that cerebral cortex

what

HAHAHA

what is that

the part of your brain that's responsible for language 

google it

do you study medicine?

or biology?

my sister said u studied history

yeah history and maths but I'm studying to be a teacher so knowing the brain doesn't hurt 

wow

maths?

you scare me

good  

why do you want to be scary

so you leave me alone 

I won't <3

shame

wait so how come you chose maths and history to study

hey

pablo

what did I do this time

you talk a lot anyone ever tell you that

actually no :)

it must mean that I like you

imagine my excitement 

goodnight  

hey goodnight querido

sleep well

dream of me eh

I thought you wanted me to sleep well

😭😭

With a smile on my face, I put my phone away, ignoring the sudden flood of messages from my idiot friends and switched on my tv to watch a movie.

Chapter Text

~~☆~~

My brother knocked on my door after half an hour into the film and just made himself comfortable on my bed as well, his eyes focusing on the screen. I almost pushed him off to take back my space but then he placed a bowl with self-made popcorn between us and I grinned at him. 

"Is it salty?" I asked just in case, knowing my body would take its revenge on me if it was sugary. He nodded like it was obvious and I smiled, grabbing a handful and shoving it into my mouth. 

For a while one could only hear the crunchy sounds of our snacking in the room, and here and there one of us made a little comment on the movie. 

When the end credits rolled in, I sleepily picked up my phone to scroll around a bit, and was met by fifty-four new messages. Seeing the source of it, I snorted out loud. 

"Goodness," I mumbled and my brother turned his head to me, curious. 

"What happened?" he asked. I scooted closer to him so that he could look at my phone as well. 

"I told some of the boys about Pablo and look what I get," I explained to him. 

The load of messages came from a newly created groupchat, consisting of my dear five friends that knew about my now apparently very interesting love life. 

"Pedrophobic or pedrophile?" My brother read out the name of the group staring at me playfully terrified and I couldn't help but laugh.

"They're such dickheads," I said before letting him in on the inside joke from this afternoon. He cackled out loud when I showed him the chat between Pablo and me. 

"This is so funny and traumatising at the same time, seeing my baby brother flirt, oh God," he exclaimed dramatically and I rolled my eyes. 

"I'm twentyone, do you want me to die single?" I just huffed in response. He ignored it and urged me to now show the messages in the group. 

pedrophobic or pedrophile?

ansu  

pedri I see that you're online but you're not replying to my texts so I made this 

we all know who you're texting ;)

21:16 

ferri  

omg we need screenshots pep 

balde  

man what do you mean he's online but doesn't respond we're replaced that quick?

fermín  

not cool  

ansu  

seriously though we want to know how it's going  

marc  

why is no one talking about the name of the group chat 😭😭

ansu outdid himself 

ferri  

HAHAHAHA real 

so what are you guys

phobic or phile  

balde  

atp pedrophobic 

gon side with pablo  

fermín  

pedrophile

unless he'll ghost us this whole night 

ansu

yeah no pedrophobic too  

ferri  

same  

marc  

y'all are so mean like

I'm pedrophile I love you man <3 

ferri

uhm pep I think you have two crushes now?? 

marc

WHAT

balde

BAHAHAH don't hide it casacito

maybe you'll actually be casado soon 

ansu  

if pep stops lusting after pablo

balde

omg are we witnessing a love triangle  

fermín  

ale what is with you are you like a booktok girl now?  

balde

no but I know who's on wattpad reading pedri fanfictions

@marc 

marc

I HATE ALL OF YOU 

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS

ferri

you don't know what wattpad is?

ansu

uhm I don't either 

care to share your dark guilty pleasures with us? 😏

fermín  

yeah balde how do you know there are fanfictions about pedri hm

ferri

guys there are fanfictions with everyone of us 

how do you not know

sometimes they're on tiktok even 

ansu  

but HOW do you know that  

ferri  

my sister showed me 

it's hilarious 

I once read one with pedri cause we were bored  

ansu

and  

ferri  

well if you get off to imagining you fucking some girl go read it 

marc

...

ansu  

...

fermín  

...

ferri

tf

marc

how on earth do you get off ferran  

ansu  

do you imagine a shark or what  

fermín  

I'M CRYING  

balde

no but seriously ferran that sounds gay to me  

ferri

THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT 

like 

reading about yourself doing it

it's weird 

but if you guys like it 

you do you 

marc

yup we do us imagining girls 

you do you imagining 

whatever

balde  

amelia? ;)  

fermín  

BALDE CAREFUL

Fer and I have read the last few messages as they were sent and suddenly we both went quiet. 

"What the fuck?" My brother  exclaimed, venom in his voice. "Are they talking about Mila?" 

I grimaced, a disgusting pit forming in my stomach.

"Yeah..." I just whispered while finally engaging in their stupid chat.

pedrophobic or pedrophile?

OH MY FUCKING GOD

YOU GUYS ARE SICK

ferri  

PEDRI  

ansu  

you decided to finally honour us with your presence?

marc

bro chose the BEST moment to return

balde  

it was a joke pedri it was a joke okay 

you don't joke about my sister

ansu are u the admin

ansu

yeah

put fer in here

ferri

NO PLEASE I DON'T WANNA DIE

I'M GONNA KILL YOU MYSELF DON'T WORRY

ferri

IT WAS A JOKE 

DIDN'T EVEN COME FROM ME

please don't let fer see this 

you're more scared of him than of me?

ansu added fernacho

fernacho

I'm scarier than you pep

ferri

noooooo  

fernacho  

I saw the whole groupchat kids  

ferri

NOOOOO

balde

we didn't mean it  

fernacho

I HOPE so 

marc

yo we went so off topic guys

pedri welcome first of all 🫂

ansu

awww marc do you wish to hold him in your arms right now? :')

leave him alone seriously

I love you too casado

marc

take that ansu

anyways now pep what did you and pablo talk about  

fermín  

thank you casado 

finally someone who's locked in

marc  

😘

balde

DNSJHSH  

ansu  

GIVE US A BREAK MARC WE CAN'T SHIP YOU WITH EVERYONE HERE 

fernacho  

crying  

I laughed out loud, seeing my brother lean his head back and cover his face with a hand in laughter aswell.

"We should have left the popcorn for now," he said still laughing and I agreed, turning back to my phone and deciding to take part in my friend's stupid game.

pedrophobic or pedrophile?  

wow casado 💔

ferri

omg pedri are you cheating on pablo ?

marc

I was there first so technically he's cheating on me

fermín  

marc you know I'm better though  

balde

kids kids 

let's focus on pedri and pablo yes

ferri

please 

no I'm not telling you anything

ansu

fucking partypooper  

fermín  

does he still hate you  

yep

told him to sleep well and dream of me and he was like 'I thought you wanted me to sleep well'

ferri  

BAHAHAHAHA

balde

LOVE HIM  

marc

when do we meet him omg  

fernacho

slow down kids how are you supposed to meet him 

pedri can be glad when he sees him with one of his weird excuses  

ansu

omg u know more than us tell usss  

I glared at my brother from the side, wondering what on earth he wanted to tell my friends now. But he ignored me, a cheeky grin on his face, and I knew I was about to be dragged through the mud. 

"Fer, come on, you're my brother you're supposed to support me," I whined as I saw his fingers typing rapidly. He kept ignoring me and I threw my head back on my pillow, waiting for my destruction. 

"Fernando," I continued in a whiny voice, dragging out the o. Fer just slapped my head and then stood up. 

"Imma go now, goodnight bro," he told me with a grin and I glared at him.

"Yeah, see you in that groupchat in three seconds, am I right?" I grunted. Fer just laughed and kissed my head before leaving. 

pedrophobic or pedrophile ? 

fernacho

so yesterday he insisted to pick pablo up from uni because it was 'on the way' from ikea and he had Amelia in the car anyways 

brought him pizza too 

like on his own accord 

fernando

how tf do u know that

fernacho

shut up

Ami told me

so somehow pablo hurt his hand in the car okay  

what does pedri the hero do 

brings him ointment over today even though pablo said he didn't need to 

PLUS churros

ansu  

hello God where do I buy myself a pedri-in-love

I hate this

balde  

HAHAHAHAHA

ferri

reallllll ansu

I hate you

marc  

where was that treatment when I threw up at that party last month 

I drove you home and excused you to your parents you ungrateful little shit

fermín  

oof you two are toxic 

remember casado I'm always there for u 

marc

thank you fermín <3

I'm going to sleep now 

balde

as in going to text pablo? 

no he said he went to sleep like 2 hours ago

ferri

awwww :(

fermín  

😔

ansu  

I'm so sorry pedri now you have to fall asleep only to the thought of him  

marc

but who tf goes to sleep at half past nine  

fernacho

wait fr  

he studies maths and history guys he must be tired or get up early in the morning  

ferri

fuck 

he studies MATHS?

ansu

-1 brownie points  

marc

he's an alien 

he's just smarter than all of us combined so what

ferri  

admit it that turns you on  

fernacho

I SWEAR TO GOD FERRAN  

balde  

😭😭

it does actually

he insulted me so intelligently today

ferri

don't say his fucking insult made u hard  

:)

fernacho has left the groupchat  

marc  

BAHAHA  

ansu

I CAN'T 

fermín

NO FER 😭

balde

pep I fear you're too whipped for your own good

A few days had passed, filled with me thinking about the brunette roommate of my sister as always, but not finding a good enough excuse to just go over, given that my sister didn't move out to have me over at her apartment every other day. 

Now as I got out of the shower after training a bit in my home gym, I received a message from my sister in our sibling groupchat. 

speedy gonzalez

milanese

I'm making croquettes guys

wanna come over?

omgggg yes

thank you I love you

milanese

knew it

and nando?

at work

I'll bring him some if he can't make it

Hurriedly, I threw on some clothes, dried my hair with a towel and was about to bolt to my car but then stopped dead in my tracks. Remembering that Pablo would be there, I looked myself over in the mirror again and grimaced. I treaded back to my wardrobe, picking out one piece of clothing after the other but being unable to choose a good one. Did I even have good clothes? What kind of clothes would Pablo like anyways? 

A frustrated snort left my mouth when I thought about how I didn't even know if Pablo liked boys one bit that way at all. And even if yes, what were the chances he'd ever think about me like that?

As soon as my mind wandered down that path, I immediately steered away, knowing it would end in a hopeless spiral of self-doubts and quite literally ugly thoughts - as it had already done so many times before. 

I took a deep breath, and another, pictured the always cuddly and oversized looking Pablo in front of my mental eye and donned myself in some bright blue baggy jeans and a beige hoodie. With my fingers I rushedly combed through my hair to leave it hanging into my forehead a little, and then finally made my way to my sister's.

"Pep, you dumbass! You can't just throw in more oil while it's full-on boiling!" 

My sister's shout made me jolt to the side and throw up my hands.

"Why not? They're not fully covered," I retorted and yelped when she slapped me with a kitchen towel. 

"They're good like this, madre mia, now you spilled oil and you could have burned yourself," she kept on lecturing me and I just stepped back, cowering into the corner and letting her do everything.

She muttered something under her breath, most likely cursing me and my uselessness out, and I had to snicker.

"Take the plate with the finished ones to the table, will you? And you can ask Pablo if he wants to come out to eat," she told me with her back still to me and my face lit up. 

"Pablo is here?" I asked, a smile on my face. Why had I just assumed he wasn't there and didn't ask about him?

"Yeah, studying in his room. Knock at the door before," she said.

"Do you think I don't have manners?" I scoffed at her indirect insult and she shrugged with a cheeky grin.

"Honestly, I never know with you," she replied, and we both knew fully well that that was a lie. I pushed her head softly and she yelped, kicking my leg to get me to leave. 

I brought the plate to the table and then, with an excited grin, knocked on Pablo's door. There was no response, and I knocked again, a bit harder.

"Yeah?" it came softly from the other side of the wood. I cracked open the door and in an instant my heart tumbled through my chest. The smile on my face grew at the sight of his big brown eyes, chocolate hair dishevelled from his on-ear headphones and a slight pout in his lips. Lips that looked just perfectly soft to fit against my own. Anyways!

"Hey, Pablito," I said in a calm voice, leaning against the doorframe. His eyes raked over me and I felt my heartbeat quicken at the possibility that he was interested in how I looked. And then his eyes met mine again, and I was hit by a cold front once more. I wanted to sigh, wanted to ask him what about me made him be so distant all the time, but instead I just kept my easy smile. 

"Pablito?" he asked with a tilt of his eyebrows as he crossed his arms. He was sitting at his desk next to the door, books, sheets and a laptop sprawled out in front of him as he leaned back in his chair a little. 

"Yeah. Not good?" I simply asked back.

"Since when are we on a nickname-basis?" That was probably a rhetorical question.

"Since today? I thought after all we've been through already, now it might be time for the next step, you know?" I teased with a shrug and a grin on my face, and he rolled his eyes. He focused back on the work in front of him, I opened the door wider and stepped into his room, moving to close the door behind me.

But suddenly his body shot up, every muscle in his face rigid as he looked at me, standing only about one meter away from me.

"What are you doing?" he asked in a restrained voice, eyes flitting over my hand on his doorknob, my feet and my face. I furrowed my eyebrows, a knot in my stomach. 

What was happening?

"What are you doing?" he asked again, this time with more fierceness in his tone. 

"Nothing, I just wanted to see your room and what you were doing," I said calmly but with a slight frown. Our eyes met and I searched his for an explanation. Round and big, as always, but there was a fire in them - and at the same time something, cold, something icy. As if two sides were clashing into one another. Only that I couldn't decipher what they hid underneath.

"Open my door again," he demanded, and I obeyed, taking a step back because I wanted to do everything for him to lose this hardness. 

"And get out of my room," he continued, voice sharper with every passing second. Why was he like that? What did I do? 

I took another step back, reaching the doorframe but not leaving his gaze. 

Until I saw it from the corner of my eyes. His hands were clenched tightly at his sides, thumb stuck inside his fist, but as he unclenched one for a moment, I saw it trembling slightly. My eyes went downwards before snapping back up, the lines on my forehead deepening. 

"I'm sorry. Here. Is that okay?" I asked softly as I stepped over the small swell under his door, now not really in his room anymore and the door wide open. He blinked for a few times before sitting back down on his chair hesitantly. He didn't meet my eyes for a few seconds and I saw how his chest moved up and down, my heart tightening at the sight.

One day. One day I should be able to pull him into a long hug and squeeze all that coldness and tension out of him, and everything else that hid in his soul that I wasn't able to see yet. 

"Pablo?" I spoke up tentatively. He looked up again, and I gave him a comforting smile. Well, one that I hoped would comfort him. He hummed.

"I originally came here to ask if you wanted to eat with us," I continued. "We made croquettes." 

"Yeah, I'll... I'll come," he replied in a low voice. I smiled at him again.

"That's nice. Want me to close the door?" I asked, my voice equally as low. He nodded, and I softly closed it behind me. Then I exhaled, the worry from whatever that was still in my mind. 

Not much later, my brother arrived and we sat down at the table together to eat. Pablo hadn't come out yet, and I was a little anxious as I still pondered about our previous encounter and the way he had been almost mortified at me being in his room. Even though it did hurt, I just decided to blame it on the fact that he didn't like me nor enjoyed my presence. Yet there was a small voice in the back of my mind that begged me to dive deeper, to find out if there was more behind it - because a part of my brain was certain that there was. But I didn't feel like grating on the younger boy's nerves even more than I assumably already did. Still - there had to be a way to get him to like and especially trust me. I felt like I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't continue trying. 

A kick against my foot under the table brought me back to the present. Fer frowned at me from in front of me and took a break from chatting with our sister. 

"What's up with you, Pepito?" he asked and just as I was about to answer, a door behind me opened and I turned around. 

Pablo stepped out, his hair now laying more neatly in place. The mild green colour of his longsleeve buttoned shirt that he had left open on top of a plain white t-shirt contrasted his soft brown hair, eyes and olive-toned skin beautifully. I smiled at him as he came closer and sat down next to me, as it was the only free seat left. Not like he'd do so voluntarily. 

"Hey, Pablo, right?" my brother started and smiled at him as well. Pablo nodded, a shy smile gracing his lips too. I wanted to pout.

"Yeah, you're Fernando, right?" he answered nicely. 

"Wait, you haven't met each other before?" my sister now frowned. 

"No we did, but only for like three seconds inbetween putting away your boxes and leaving again," Fer explained with a small chuckle. I was kind of glad my brother didn't embarrass me somehow, because of course he knew exactly who Pablo was. 

"Ah, well then. But you do know he's my brother, no?" Amelia asked Pablo, and he laughed slightly. 

"Yeah, yeah. You're the oldest?" he directed at Fernando, who nodded. 

Noticing that Pablo's plate was still empty, I leaned over the table and held up a croquette while looking at him. I lifted an eyebrow at him and he looked back at me, then understood.

"Oh, yes right," he mumbled before I placed it on his plate. But then he moved closer and frowned at me. "I can do it myself." 

I sighed internally but leaned back, leaving the platter to him. Why did I have the urge to do everything for him anyways? 

Oh Pedri, you know damn well why.  

I shook my head slightly, looking down at my own plate and stuffing my mouth with my favourite food.

"So, have you got any siblings?" my brother now asked. I looked up at Pablo again and he swallowed.

"No, no, I-I don't have any," he replied, a weak smile on his lips.

"Aw, you're missing out," Fer encountered with a grin. Suddenly I noticed my sister looking between us with alarmed eyes and frowned at her. She just looked at me, squeezing her mouth shut, before looking back to our brother and Fernando. What was that about?

"Yeah, I would have liked to have some," Pablo's rather quiet voice reached my ears, pulling my attention to him again. 

"Though to be honest, sometimes they make you wish you were an only-child. Especially that dipshit," my brother added playfully and threw a piece of a croquette at my face. I scoffed and threw it back at him. 

From the corner of my eye, I noticed Pablo smiling. 

At me.

With his lips turned up slightly and his eyes on me . 

My pulse quickened and I turned to him, but his gaze immediately avoided mine as he focused back on my brother.

Short-lived joy. But better than nothing. 

My sister then steered the conversation towards another topic, talking about university, and I made a mental note to ask her about her weird reaction later. 

As they continued to chatter about Pablo's studies and Fer's work as a chef, which made Pablo's eyes widen as if he was impressed - I was busy looking at the boy next to me.

His demeanour was more relaxed than earlier, even more than any time we had spoken to each other before, and it made me... well, it made me kind of sad. 

He had just met my brother and they were already getting along better than me and him. How was that possible? What did he have that I didn't? He didn't even like him like I did! 

Maybe I was just the wrong brother. Maybe he preferred people like Fernando over people like me - smart, mature, earning his money with a somehow more honest job than I did.

Before I knew it, I was sulking at the dinner table. I stood up, telling everyone that I had to use the toilet, and locked myself into the small bathroom.

There I simply sat down on the toilet and stared into the air.

And then I rationalised my chaos of thoughts. 

I thought to myself that the fact that they got along didn't necessarily mean anything. Pablo was known for being nice and shy, as my sister had told me. So he was probably just his usual self with my brother. 

The way he was with me… I didn't have an explanation for that yet. But one thing was clear: he wasn't really his usual version with me. That meant there had to be something about me that made him change, made him react out of order. And that could be either negative or positive, but definitely unusual.

I only knew, whatever it was he'd be willing to show me - I’d take it.

Just a few minutes later, me and my brother were already leaving. We said our goodbyes, I smiled at Pablo and he just pressed his lips together and upwards in an awkward grimace, making me chuckle as we then exited the door.

Chapter Text

~~☆~~

"Well hello there," I chirped happily at Pablo, who just responded with a nod.

Just two days after our dinner together, I found myself back in my sister's apartment at noon since we would be eating out together tonight. Our brother had been promoted from working as a Commis-Chef to a Demi-Chef de Partie - how I remembered those big words just showed how much I loved my brother, didn't it?

My siblings had spent over twenty minutes explaining the kitchen brigade and the change in tasks and rank that awaited my brother to me. So we'd celebrate that tonight by dining in Xemei, a restaurant we all had been wanting to try and finally got a reservation to.

"Soo, you played football?" I asked with a smile as I slid onto the chair next to Pablo. Fermín had sent a picture to our group chat last night, showing mini Fermín in a white and green striped jersey, and then a few boys further down in the same attire: a small boy with a mop of brown waves and wide round chocolate-eyes. A mini Pablo, or Gavi, as my blonde friend had told us was the name on his jersey since they'd had three other Pablo's in the same team back then. I had been close to printing the picture out and pressing it to my chest - of course Pablo had to have been the cutest and already most beautiful child of them all.

"And how the fuck do you know that?" The present Pablo asked me exasperatedly. He wore a thin, navy blue long sleeve today, which surpassed his wrists and pooled slightly at his waist in a way that urged me to grab his snug hips and treat him like a baby. Not to mention that the colour brought out a model-worthy shine to his eyes and skin.

"Did you just say fuck?" I just asked with a grin.

"I say fuck more often than I think about you," Pablo jabbed back and stood up to round the counter.

"Aw, you think about me!" I ignored the rest and rested my chin in my hands, following Pablo with my eyes. Said boy ran a hand over his face and turned away to the oven.

"So why did you stop playing?" I continued, unable to let any possibility to talk to my boy slide away.

"Because I have a busy life, with work and university, to get myself somewhere and not rely on random scouts to sign me for a club where I become rich, like others," the brunette replied, only sparing one look at me at the end of his sentence to ensure that I understood his snide reference. But I just smiled.

"Well, as you can see, it worked out perfectly for me," I bragged teasingly.

"Sure, unlike your social and empathetic skills," the brunette muttered in a monotone voice while putting a second round of rice on his plate.

He retreated back to the seat next to me, and my heart practically glowed. Sure, he was just going back to the place where he sat before I came, but by now I would have expected him to leave after more than ten seconds of being in my presence.

Were we making... progress?

I stared at the young boy next to me, propping my arm up to rest my cheek in my hand. He continued to eat, chewing loudly on every piece of vegetable and rice while his attention stayed on his phone. So I continued staring. His left cheek was facing me, leaving me to count the moles dotted around his skin. I never thought a few genetic brown spots on someone's face could catch my attention like this - yet here I was, imagining how it would feel to kiss each and every one of it.

Then Pablo stilled and turned his head to me. I drew a lazy smile onto my lips. He cocked an eyebrow.

"What are you doing here anyway?" he asked and put down his phone.

"Did you know the moles on your cheek connected look like the little dipper constellation?" I responded, my voice rather quiet. He looked at me for a moment, neither saying anything nor moving a muscle. His eyes did the talking though, as always. For a second they flashed with surprise, before he concealed it with his usual nonchalance once again.

"Amazing. So what are you doing here, came for research on star constellations displayed in the human nature?" he retorted, gaze still on me. I grinned.

"I'm waiting for Amelia actually, we're going out for dinner with Fernando," I now properly replied. He nodded and went back to his food with a low 'ah'.

"How is he?" he then asked.

"My brother?" I asked back, a bitter taste crawling up my throat.

Pablo nodded again and looked at me for a second as he waited for an answer.

"He's good," I said with a shrug. They met each other two days ago, what the fuck? Why did he care? Why did I care?

I cleared my throat. I totally shouldn't let this bother me. I should be glad he liked my brother.

"He's got a promotion, that's why we're going out tonight," I continued normally. Pablo's eyebrows shot up.

"That's great. What was he again, what kind of cook?" he continued to ask while stuffing his spoon into his mouth.

"He was a Commis de Cuisine, now he's a Demi-Chef de Partie. Which means he's not just a pupil anymore but just below the Chef de Partie, so the one who manages a certain area in the kitchen. Fer's area is responsible for the side-dishes," I explained, and yes, I was a little proud of myself despite probably mispronouncing those damn french words.

Pablo's lips had tipped up somewhere along my rant, and I found myself staring at him again. Why couldn't he always smile at me? Even when it looked as humouring or teasing as it did now?

"Are you trying to impress me, Pedro?" he asked before bringing another spoonful to his mouth. I forced my gaze to stay on his eyes and not drop down to those shiny lips.

"Hm, and why would you think I want to impress you?" I gave back with a teasing smile.

"You're quite obvious, I can almost smell it," he retorted and I chuckled, not denying it. 

Of course I want to impress you, Pablo, I always do.

"You can smell it? What are you, a dog?" I nudged his elbow softly and he suddenly glared at me.

"Do I look like a dog?" he asked with a snort. I laughed again quietly, tilting my head as I examined his face. Despite his grumpy grimace, his eyes were still as big as ever. And I loved that.

"You do, actually. Just a little bit, don't get offended. You have those... those big, round brown eyes, they remind me of a little dachshund. It's really cute," I told him, any filter long-lost behind me.

He stared at me again with no words. And then it took less than three seconds for his face to harden. His eyes lost their little gleam, all traces of a smile gone, and even his hand gripped at the spoon tighter than before.

I sat up straight, frowning at the boy.

"Pablo?" I asked tentatively. He turned his head and simply continued to eat. My frown deepened. What was it this time? How could I have messed up those few seconds of ease between us?

I didn't get another answer before my sister exited her room and called out to me.

Reluctantly, I slid off the chair, eyes still on Pablo. We both bid him goodbye, my sister patting his shoulder and me just smiling in the hopes of getting one back. I didn't, of course.

The drastic change in Pablo's behaviour from earlier still loomed over me like a dark cloud when we sat down with my brother. Questions and doubts circled my head, and I wondered what there was that I could do to get closer to Pablo, to get more of those light and happy moments out of him.

But luckily, the good food and happiness oozing from my older brother soon affected my mood as well, and I was able to ban my small worries to the back of my mind. However, I was not able to ban the twenty-year-old student from my thoughts himself.

"Do you think Pablo would have liked this?" I asked my sister as I gave her a fork of my dish to try. It was a mix of artichokes and asparagus drenched in hollandaise sauce and some cheese baked over it. Definitely diet-unfriendly, but there were days where you had to make an exception. My brother chuckled and shook his head at me, probably writing me off as a hopeless case already. Amelia rose an eyebrow at me but put the fork in her mouth and closed her eyes.

"Damn, that's delicious," she replied. "Sure, I bet he would have liked this, why though?" she asked me.

"I don't know, just came to mind randomly," I mumbled lowly with a shrug. I couldn't just tell them I was thinking about how it would feel to have him here with us and if he'd like the food. After a few seconds of comfortable silence filled with the sounds of us munching away, I noticed my sister mustering me curiously.

"What is it with you and your fixation on my roommate?" she then bluntly asked. I frowned.

"I don't have a fixation on Pablo," I denied. Fernando laughed out loud.

"No you don't. You have a hyper-fixation," he elaborated, causing me to flip him off. My sister gasped.

"You know about it!" She pointed her fork at our older brother, who grinned cheekily. He didn't say anything though, just nodded his chin towards me. I groaned.

"Okay, alright. I might... I might have a crush," I admitted. Or more like was forced to admit. My sister gasped again.

"I knew it! I knew it! You're so overly attentive around him, and you keep coming over for like whatever reason!" Amelia looked like she just won a few millions in a lotto. What about me having a crush was so exciting for her though?

"Nice, so now you know. You guys ready for dessert?" I tried to change the topic.

"Pep, you're plate is almost full," Fer frowned.

"I don't want it anymore, gonna ask them to pack it in for me," I dismissed it. Obviously, my siblings didn't. My sister stared at me with an open mouth and my brother sat up straight in his seat with his amused eyes set firmly on me.

"What?" I squirmed.

"You're going to give this to Pablo," Amelia deadpanned. I clicked my tongue and flicked my hand into the air.

"Of course you will. There's no way you're full, plus why else would you have asked Mila if he'd like it earlier?" my brother now added in, siding with my sister. Evil. I glared at them.

"I hate you guys," I then muttered. Both of them started gushing at my indirect approval of their thoughts, and I wanted to disappear on the spot.

"That is so alarmingly cute," Amelia pouted.

"Were you thinking about him the whole time we were here, then?" Fer asked.

"No he must be always thinking about him, aren't you, Pepi?" My sister again. Their excitement (wherever it came from) got them to raise their voices a little, and I panicked.

"For the love of God, be quiet guys! What if people hear you!" I whisper-shouted. They immediately quieted down, thankfully, apologetic grimaces on their faces. 

Because while I was quite openly out to my friends and family, I certainly wasn't in public. I was aware that a famous football player my age was expected to wife up a pretty girl sooner or later and produce one to three more versions of himself close to retirement. There was no place for telling the world I might just show up with a boyfriend some day, at least not yet. Not when everyone picked on me and my fucking injuries every chance they got anyways.

The evening went by rather quickly afterwards. A few more teasing jabs from my siblings about my infatuation about Pablo, but other than that they toned it down, just filling the air with light jokes and laughter. I've always known how much my family was worth to me, but times like these - I just wished I could freeze and stuff them in my pocket for whenever I'd need them.

"Alright, be quiet now, yeah? It's almost midnight, I don't know if he's already asleep or not," Amelia whispered to me as I entered the apartment behind her. Fer had decided to wait in the car, cherishing some quiet after his long day of work and the loud dinner. I carried the to-go box with me, hoping that it was still warm, and padded over to Pablo's door. I heard a chuckle from my sister from the other side of the room and shushed her playfully. She had all but insisted that I'd come and give Pablo the food now.

"Goodnight, Pep. Come back soon, I know you will anyways," she whispered over to me, making me laugh quietly.

"Sleep well, Mila," I responded, before gently knocking at the white wooden door.

It took a few seconds before the door was quietly opened.

Pablo's hair was a little chaotic and his eyes were tired. The dark blue shirt was a bit crumpled, and he frowned at me, soft lights shining from behind him.

"Oh, hey," I whispered out to him with a soft smile, as if he could break if I were to speak any louder. He squinted but his frown stayed on.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" he asked in a hoarse voice.

"Brought Mila back home and got something for you too. Wait, are you still studying?" My view was partly blocked by his body, but I could make out the slight mess of papers and pens on his desk.

Pablo just shrugged.

"Shows that you're not a student," he muttered. And I couldn't help but feel concerned.

"It's midnight, are you even able to concentrate right now?" I asked, worry evident in my voice.

"Yes, I am, and besides I also have to," he just replied.

"Pablo, that's not healthy. Your body needs sleep or at least rest at this hour, and don't you have work on weekends?" I continued.

"Work always starts in the afternoon. And you don't tell me what's good for me and what's not." And back was his cold front. Shit.

"When was the last time you ate?" I didn't let his demeanour faze me. Pablo moved to scratch the back of his head and grimaced for a second.

"Don't know, a few hours ago or something," he answered dismissively. I then held out the aluminium box in my hand. He furrowed his eyebrows for a moment, before groaning quietly.

"Pedro, I told you to stop bringing me food. Why are you doing that anyways? Do I look that thin to you or something?" he asked frustrated.

'You look perfect' , I thought. 'I'm actually dying to run my hands over every inch of-' I quickly cut my own thoughts off.

"No, I think you look good. This is just some leftovers from my dish and I thought... maybe you'd like it," I explained with a smile. He eyed me with a weary look.

"Come on. Aren't you hungry? I heard that using your brain burns calories," I told him with a nudge of my chin. And when he chewed on the inside of his cheek while looking between me and the food, I grinned.

"What's in there anyways?" he asked. I opened the lid and presented it to him. He leaned down slightly to sniffle. And then he tilted his head.

"Look, why don't I heat it up and you can continue studying until it's done and then you'll eat?" I suggested. 

And Pablo gave a defeated sigh.

I took that as my sign and turned around triumphantly, entering the kitchen and pouring the food into a pan, trying to be as quiet as possible while doing so. I heard the click of a door, thinking it must have been Pablo shutting it closed. But then I heard the soft padding of my sister's footsteps behind me. I turned to her for a second, bracing myself for her teasing. She just sat down at the counter though, and I felt her gaze piercing my back.

After a few seconds of silence, I spoke up.

"Mila, do you know much about Pablo's family?" I asked her in a hushed tone. She sighed. "Because when we had dinner here the other night and Fer asked him about having siblings, you looked at us weirdly," I continued after noting her hesitance. It took her a few seconds to answer. I turned around to her fully now, seeing how she fiddled with her sleeves, a deep crease in her forehead.

"Look, I don't... Pablo doesn't like to talk about himself much. Or at all. Anything I know comes from Maria, because they've known each other for probably over ten years. She only tells us bits of information to explain his behaviour at times. So I feel like I'm not in the position to tell you anything, you know?" She paused for a moment again. I hummed, turning back to the pan again.

"It's okay, I understand that," I replied.

And I did. I've never been an overly curious person, always leaving people their space. I myself didn't like it either when people squeezed themselves into my life too tightly. But somehow there was a running unease in my body now. It thrummed against my head, urging me to ask again. Because how would I be supposed to help Pablo if I knew nothing about him? And who would, if not me?

"Amelia, can I tell you something?" I asked lowly after transferring the food onto a plate.

"Yeah, of course," she said and looked up at me. I took a deep breath, hoping I wouldn't fall on misunderstanding ears.

"Ever since I met Pablo, I've had this feeling that there is something tethering us together. Not just in this, like, attraction or chemistry kind of way. I feel like I'm supposed to help him, that there's something torturing him or, I don't know, but that I'm the one who should get close and get him away from it. And I want to, I really want to. I know that sounds super weird, but... do you get what I mean?" I chewed on my lips, looking at my sister and waiting for a reaction. She nodded her head after a second, eyes fixed on a spot in the air, thinking.

"Yeah, I understand what you mean. Wow. That's deep. And it almost sounds unhealthy, like you have a hero complex or something, but I know you. I get it," she then answered, making me sigh in relief.

"Thank God. Please don't tell anyone, not even Fer. Okay? I still feel like it's a bit stupid, but it's always so present and urgent, it's freaking me out and I had to talk-" Amelia interrupted me with a soft chuckle.

"Don't worry, Pep. I'm glad we have each other to talk about stuff like this," she intervened. I smiled at her in agreement. Then her face darkened again.

"I don't know if you should speak to Pablo about it, but I know that he grew up in an orphanage," she suddenly spilled out, leaving me to stare at her, my mouth agape.

"What?" I breathed out.

"As far as I know, he never got adopted, never met his parents either. At the age of 17 or 18, he moved out and then started studying last year," she explained. My heart clenched at the thought of a small Pablo, completely family-less, moving through his life in a house full of other strange faces, managing the world on his own. Something clogged my throat and I tried to swallow it down.

"Thank you," I whispered to my sister. She just shrugged with a grimace.

"Maybe it'll help you solve stuff. Understand him better," she suggested, and I nodded slowly. Hot air mixed with herbs and the smell of cheese reached my nose then and I remembered the plate in front of me. I picked it up, rounded the counter and wrapped an arm around Amelia.

"Sleep well, Mila, will you?" I mumbled against her hair while placing a kiss there, and she giggled slightly.

"You too, Pepi," she responded. With a smile, she slid off the chair. "I texted Fer that you'll take some time, so he doesn't worry, by the way," she told me with a snicker. I chuckled but threw her a grateful thumbs-up over my shoulder, before she disappeared again and I knocked at the door.

Pablo opened it, his face softer this time, but even more tired. I wondered how tired he must have felt overall. How his past crafted him into the person he was today, and what that contained. The slight vulnerability I've spotted in his huge eyes before suddenly made more sense, but at the same time a little voice told me that there was even more to it. And to all the other facades of the boy in front of me.

"Here, I hope you like it," I told him as I pushed the plate into his hands. "Made with love," I added with a grin, and he rolled his eyes.

"Thanks," he mumbled nonetheless. I watched as he placed the food on his desk, neatly folding away his papers in the process. When he turned back to me, I took that as my cue.

"Well, goodnight, Pablito. I'll check on you later to know that you really stopped studying," I threatened him playfully. He cocked an eyebrow.

"Any secret cameras here that I don't know about?" he retorted snarkily. I shrugged with a grin and nodded at his food.

"Eat now," I urged him, earning me a glare.

"You don't boss me around," he defied and I threw up my hands in surrender.

"Goodnight, Pedro," he mumbled, clearly telling me to leave and then closed the door to my stupidly grinning face.

I totally didn't spend the next hour simply waiting until I could text him again. My fingers drummed against my thigh as I lay in bed, looking at the clock every three minutes. But then I rolled my eyes and thought that enough time must have passed already.

I was lucky I only had training the next day in the evening.

pablo

so I hope you're not still studying

I didn't have to wait too long for an answer.

you're a very strange person

yeah yeah

so are you?

no

now let me sleep

okay

I hope you sleep well pablo :)

👍

I chuckled to myself after that super-uninterested response, and slipped under my covers as well, head hitting my pillow.

Chapter Text

~~☆~~ 

The past three weeks have been filled with training, matches, flights and so many shootings for campaigns I didn't even remember. From flying to Belgium one week, then Madrid - I was more than glad to know we had two home games coming up now. Some time to take a breath. 

I was currently doing some passing drills with Dani - he’d been filled in on my beautiful secret two days after I told the boys, which was honestly a record for them - but I couldn't say it bothered me, given that he was one of my most mature friends one the team, and a close one at that. 

And now I was thinking about him again. Wonderful!  

Obviously, I’ve been thinking about Pablo… yeah, every other hour or so. 

I thought that my busy schedule and the distance would dim my infatuation down a bit, but oh boy , it definitely didn’t. 

Since my sister knew anyway, I've been asking her every other day how he was doing - I’m sure it didn't annoy her. I texted Pablo himself, too, but didn't want to bombard him. 

pablo 🤭

28. September

heyy

how are you? 

good

why are you asking 

that's good

just wanted to know :)

mhm 

I’m good too

now that I know you're good 

cool 

2. November

have you ever been to Belgium?

3. November

uh no 

why 

I am there right now 

they make really good chocolate

you like chocolate right?

who doesn’t 

what are you doing in Belgium tho

playing football baby

ew never call me that again

:(

if you want you can watch the match

I don't score too many goals but if yes I’ll dedicate it to you ;)

sweet

how many goals do you have this season

two

figured 

hey what's that supposed to mean

that as a central midfielder your task is not to score goals but control the match, create opportunities like assists and set the rhythm?

stop being smart 

can't you at least let me have football

did you forget that I played too

no 

hey

how do you know my position 

I never told you

your sister talks about you

sure

just say you googled me cariño

like I have the time

you’re soo busy yet you’re here texting me 🤭

I’m a nice person you thought I was just gonna ghost you?

honestly yes

cut me some slack ay

you do know that I like you right

SEE

NOW YOU’RE GHOSTING ME

ugh pablito

anyways have a good day 

…baby

🖕

That week, I brought my sister some souvenirs from Belgium - including a box of chocolate for Pablo, of course. Which he grudgingly accepted with a mumbled ‘thank you’ and red cheeks, that totally betrayed his grumpy act. 

It was going well. I was happy about every single interaction I got with him no matter how small.

A ball bumping clumsily against my feet and rolling away again threw me back out of my thoughts. 

“Oi, Pedri! Since when do you miss a ball? Where’s your head at?” Olmo asked from in front of me with a chuckle. I probably blushed from embarrassment.

“Sorry, sorry-” I started but got interrupted by a loud voice.

“You know where his head is at, bro. Brown hair, brown eyes, studies maths and history…” Ferran cheekily commented. Since when was he next to us anyways? I clearly was not God’s favourite.

I whipped my head around and glared at my best friend. 

“Shut the fuck up,” I hissed. Dani and Eric shared a look and laughed. 

“Hey, don’t worry, I get it,” the blonde reassured me with a smile. “Just keep the thoughts for when you’re off the pitch, eh?” 

They all snickered again and I kicked the ball purposefully hard against Olmo’s shins. He caught it with his foot and I huffed. Why was I in a team full of professionals? 

I made a little mental note to use a water bottle after training. On all three of them. Oh, and yes, Eric knew too. That was inevitable, like Ferran could keep anything from his second half. 

“Uhm, Pepi, listen, remember when I told you about my new colleague, Sofia?” Fer’s voice sounded through the speakers of my Porsche as I drove home from training, rain splattering against the windows. 

“Yeah, don’t tell me you asked her out?” I asked with a grin.

“She’s coming over today. Like, in one or two hours. So… you don't mind going to Mila, do you? I bet Pablo’s home too…” my brother sing-songed. I scoffed. I totally didn't feel all bubbly inside at the thought of being forced to spend the rest of the day at Pablo’s place.

“Sure, so she doesn't see that she got the ugly brother?” I teased.

“Bastard,” Fer grumbled.

“No, hey, have fun. But please don't do it on the couch, I cleaned it a few days ago.” 

Fer cursed something I couldn’t understand through the phone. 

“Sometimes I wonder how you’re supposed to end up with a partner in your life,” he said and I frowned. “On the first freaking date, you pervert.” 

I just laughed. 

“You’ll see, you’ll see. Does Mila know already?” I then asked.

“Yes, just come here and change quickly and then you can fuck off to your little victim-lover-boy,” Fer replied, causing me to shake my head amused.

So that's how I found myself sitting on my sister’s couch, re-watching Prison Break. Amelia just went back to university despite it being five in the afternoon, because she had a lecture.

Thank God I wasn’t a student.

I heard Pablo’s door open from behind me and turned my head around. 

“Holy shit,” he exclaimed, taking out one airpod. I chuckled, and then had to close my mouth again real quick. How was he always even more stunning than the last time I’ve seen him? 

With a white hoodie and grey sweatpants, he looked just like he belonged into my bed. Oh. Oh fuck. 

“You didn’t know I was here?” I asked. He shook his head. 

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you,” I continued. He just waved it off.

“What are you doing here, got kicked out of your house?” he asked while making his way to the kitchen with his water bottle.

“Yup.” 

He turned around with an amused look on his face.

“Really?” 

I stood up and followed him. 

“Really, my brother has a date,” I said and wiggled my eyebrows. Pablo chuckled. 

That sound. I needed that on Spotify, honestly.  

Suddenly some saliva got caught in my throat. I choked, then fell into a coughing fit, bending over. 

No, no, no, how embarrassing. 

I tried my best to stop, but as it always was, it only got worse. 

A hand was placed on my back, alternating between softly hitting and rubbing. 

“Easy, there,” Pablo murmured. 

Was I in heaven?  

“Here,” he continued, still speaking softly. I was still coughing, my face hot, and his low voice only made it hotter.

He held a glass of water in front of me and I straightened up, taking it and drinking slowly. 

After a few last coughs, I sighed. Pablo was still beside me, eyeing me.

“Thank you,” I told him with a grateful smile, laying a hand on his forearm. He looked down at it, furrowed his eyebrows and looked back up. I didn't take my hand back immediately, instead I looked at him and drew small patterns with my thumb. 

Something twitched in his face as he looked back into my eyes, and after a second he retreated his arm. His eyes narrowed slightly, nostrils flared, and something blazing took over his brown orbs. 

Before it disappeared again a moment later. 

He quickly grabbed his bottle and walked to his room. 

“I’ll make some dinner later, I guess you’ll stay, right?” he asked before opening his door. 

“Yeah, but I can make something too, if you don't mind,” I offered. He looked tired already, and I had nothing to do. Might as well make myself useful. 

He cocked an eyebrow.

“You can cook?” 

“Yes?” I countered. I wasn't really good, but how hard could it be, right? 

Yeah. How hard could it be, Pedri?

The voice in my head mocked me while I clutched my hand to my chest, cursing the pot of potatoes and carrots in front of me. I thought I had to open the lid as soon as they were finished, but I guess I thought wrong as Google told me. Stupid to not use a glove anyways. 

I quickly poured cold water over my pointer and middle finger and then went on to mash the potatoes and put some herbs on the carrots. 

I knocked on Pablo’s door with my elbow, two plates in hands. 

“Yeah?” he asked when he opened it. I showed him the plate. 

“Hungry?” 

He wearily eyed the dish. 

“Is it burned underneath?” 

“No,” I huffed. 

“Poisoned?” he continued. I frowned.

“And why would I poison you?” I asked, my tone more gentle than before.

“Why not?” he snorted and narrowed his eyes as he took the plate in his hands and took a smell. I hesitated as I felt a little bunch of anticipation form in my stomach.

“I would be stupid to harm you in any way. I like you,” I told him in a low voice. 

He halted in his movements and avoided looking up from the plate. 

“Like, like like,” I added then, in case he didn’t get what I meant before. 

My heart thudded against my chest when he lifted his eyes to mine and shifted, seemingly uncomfortable, on his feet. 

“I thought you wanted to try out being more eloquent,” he drily replied. My brain did a small stumble. Was he immune to feelings? Or just one hundred percent straight? Or just completely fed up with me? 

Maybe everything at the same time. 

I suppressed a sigh and put on a grin. 

“Oh, I’m deeply sorry for not reaching your level of intelligence, professor,” I teased. “Shall I write you a letter and express myself better?” Ha, that rhymed. 

Pablo rolled his eyes. 

“Thank you, no thank you,” he mumbled and I chuckled.

“I’m going to eat on the couch, feel free to join me if you want,” I offered him with a small smile. 

“Okay. I’ll just finish something and then I’ll be there,” he replied before turning back into his room, leaving me to look after him with an open mouth. 

Did he just voluntarily agree to eat with me instead of in his own room, in his comfortable solitude?

Fuck yes. 

My face practically glowed with a grin as I sat down and continued the episode on the tv. Just a few minutes later, when I started to think that maybe it had been his genius plan to get me off his ass and avoid me begging him to come eat together by agreeing and then simply not coming, he sat down on the other end of the couch with his plate. I smiled at him warmly. There was as much space between us as possible on their brown couch, but it was enough for me. Being in the same room as him was enough for me. At least for now.

“What are you watching?” he asked, mouth full of potatoes. I had to grin at the crack in his usually so put-together demeanour and bit back a comment about whether he didn’t know that you didn’t speak with your mouth full. 

“Prison Break. You don’t know it?” I asked back. He shook his head and swallowed.

“Only heard of it sometimes. Is it good?” 

“My favourite show,” I grinned. He sighed. 

“Like that means anything,” he mumbled, but I heard him. 

“Stop hating on me, you’re eating my food,” I jabbed back. He looked at me with a cocked eyebrow.

“I bought this.”

“I still cooked it.” 

“Unfortunately.”

“Hey, if it tasted bad you wouldn’t eat it, so,” I argued. He grinned humorously.

“I grew up- I’m used to tasteless food. Don’t flatter yourself,” he retorted, and it was like a cloud moved in front of the sun in the room when I remembered. Of course the food in an orphanage wouldn't taste too good. 

I swallowed and left him in victory, looking back at the tv. 

A few moments later I looked back at him again - because it was impossible for me not to - and noticed that he hadn’t touched the carrots.

“You don’t like carrots?” I asked him, causing him to look at me. He shook his head hesitantly, like he was embarrassed. So cute. 

“You could’ve told me,” I pouted and leaned over to him. He immediately backed away, frowning. Shaking my head with a chuckle, I just took the orange veggies from his plate and plopped them onto mine. He watched me with attentive eyes and furrowed brows from slightly above my head. 

“Sometimes I wonder why your sister turned out perfectly fine and then there’s you,” he mumbled and I started laughing and leaned back again. 

“What, you don’t think I’m perfectly fine? That hurts.” I put a hand over my chest in emphasis. 

“You’re weird,” he stated. 

“I can live with that,” I shrugged.

I couldn't, actually. I didn't want Pablo to find me weird. I wanted him to like me. Find me nice. Funny. Cool. Safe. Maybe even attractive. Well, hopefully attractive. 

‘I’m not weird, I just have the biggest crush on you,’ I almost blurted out to him. 

Instead I asked him if he wanted more potatoes, but he denied. 

“Your fingers are red,” he then told me. I guessed that was his way of asking what had happened with them. I smiled.

“Oh, you’re right,” I tried to play it off. Unsuccessfully.

“Did you burn them?” he asked. I felt my cheeks heat up. I kind of didn’t want him to know that I was such a clumsy cook that I actually did burn them. 

“No, no, it’s nothing, really,” I reassured him with a smile. He stood up then, took the plate with him and returned with a full one and some tube in his hand. He gave it to me. 

“Aloe Vera,” was all I got as an explanation. 

I wanted to cry from tenderness. He was so sweet and acted like he wasn’t. 

“You care about me,” I sing-songed softly, but got no reaction. His big brown eyes were trained between the tv and his potatoes, but his lip twitched for a second. 

The room was filled with the sounds of our chewing - Pablo’s louder than mine - and the voices and occasional grunts and yells from the tv. Surprisingly, the boy didn’t ask many questions about what was happening on screen, but then again not so surprising considering he probably couldn't care less. 

I caught myself turning my head too often, taking in the sight of Pablo’s side profile, his soft jawline, thin but shiny lips and long lashes that framed his warm eyes similarly to a shell hiding a pearl in its middle. 

The brunette ignored me like a pro, because I didn't think I was anywhere near subtle enough for him to not notice my staring. 

I heard T-Bag’s voice in the background, mumbling some shit to his younger cellmate, and knew he probably pulled out his pant-pocket-thing again. 

Then I frowned. Pablo’s fingers were tightly wrapped around his fork, brows deeply furrowed before he lowered his gaze to his plate. He didn’t bring the fork to his mouth, just held it as his knuckles turned white. His chest moved slightly more irregularly, like he had a hard time breathing.

“Pablo?” I asked, alarmed. He nodded and abruptly stood up.

“I’m… I have to go back and do some homework,” he breathily let out, and my worries only grew as he hurried into the kitchen. So I followed him. 

“Are you alright?” I asked in a gentle voice. I had no idea what was happening. And it scared me.

He frantically nodded again.

“Are you- you’re not allergic to carrots, right? I’m so sorry, I didn’t know, did you accidentally eat some?” I rambled, eyes wide with concern as the boy simply left the plate next to the sink and pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes. He shook his head, giving me a reply and some relief. 

I sighed and nodded. But then what could it be? His chest was still heaving, eyes still covered by his hands.

“Do you need anything? Can I help you?” I softly asked. He shook his head again and then passed me by, quickly disappearing into his room with a slight tremor in his step. 

I stared after him, my heart beating loudly, breath suddenly constricted in my chest.

What the…

I slowed down my breathing, closed my eyes and waited a few seconds, rubbing a hand across my chest in soothing motions to ease the sudden twinge there. 

And then I dialed my best friend’s number and shut the door to my sister’s room, pacing on her carpet. 

“Pepitoo-” Ferran answered, but I cut him off.

“Have you ever had a panic attack?” 

“What? Pedri, oh my God, are you okay? What’s going on, do you want me to-” 

I cut him off again.

“No no, I'm okay, don’t worry. It’s Pablo,” I told him. He hissed.

“Shit. What’s happening?” he asked. 

“I don’t know, we were having dinner and watched some tv and suddenly he was all tense and started acting weird, I asked if he was allergic to the carrots in the food or something, but he denied that. I freaked out man, it was like he got paralysed, I don’t know, he was breathing harder and unfocused and then he disappeared into his room quickly and I have no idea what to do,” I panted out with a hand in my hair. 

“Oh, fuck. Okay. First of all, calm down. How do you know that’s a panic attack? I mean it sounds like one, but it could be… maybe he’s asthmatic? Or sick at the moment?” Ferran suggested. I exhaled and nodded along. 

“Maybe, but no, he didn’t seem sick and if he were asthmatic I think my sister would have told me. Or, well, maybe not, I don’t know. Let’s hope it’s just that. But what if it isn’t?” I asked again. 

“What makes you think it isn’t? Do you know about his past or something that could have triggered it?” 

I was silent for a second, thinking. It didn’t make sense. Nothing had happened, we were just eating and watching tv, there was no kind of danger. Ferran’s voice spoke again. 

“I’ve had panic attacks before, but usually they were just triggered by pressure or stress, never something traumatic or what reminded me of an ugly memory, for example. So, I don’t know what kind he has - if he really does - and what could have triggered it, and what might help best,” he told me thoughtfully. I grimaced.

“Yeah, you told me about them before… sorry if I’m making you feel uncomfortable by this in any way-” I started to apologize.

“Please, Pepi, you’re my best friend. Of course not. And just like you help me out, I’m here for you, too,” he softly explained, making me smile. 

“Thanks, man. So… what do you do then, what helps you make it go away?” I asked. Ferran hummed.

“My therapist taught me this five-four-three-two-one method, where you force yourself to pick five things you see in your room, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell and one you can taste. To bring you back into full consciousness of where you are and aware of your own body and senses. It helps when you’re starting to get too much into your head and slightly panicking, but I imagine that if you’re having trouble breathing and staying conscious it might not be the most effective,” he explained to me, and I listened carefully. 

“Okay, yeah, I get what you mean.”

“That’s why I don’t know how exactly you could help. Force him to breathe with you, slowly? Get some air? That’s what comes to my mind first, the classic, but yeah. Maybe you should ask someone else who knows it better? Or google it? Though that might not be the best help,” he said. 

“Makes sense. Yeah. But that’s a good start. Thank you so much, Ferri,” I breathed out. Ferran chuckled. 

“Always. You could ask Ami if she knows something, too?”

“Of course, but she’s in a lecture right now. I’ll ask her later,” I replied and he let out an ‘ah’.

“Why do you always call her Ami, anyways?” I then asked, my brows furrowed. I never really noticed until now. 

“Oh, uhm, no reason, it just seems fitting to me. Why do you call her Mila? Same thing,” he babbled, and my eyes narrowed further. 

“No it’s not, I’m her brother, we’ve been calling her Mila since she wore diapers. You’re not supposed to have your own nickname for my sister,” I scoffed. 

“Oh my God, Pedri. I’ve basically spent half of the last two years at your house and inevitably spent time with your sister too, of course I’m gonna have a nickname for her, you know me. You’re insufferable,” he laughed out with an incredulous huff to it. 

“Sure, sure. I’m the insufferable one, like I physically abuse you every training,” I then huffed, but only got an even louder laugh in response. 

“I love you, man,” Ferran sighed. I couldn’t help it. 

“Love you too.”

So the next day I drove to my sister’s apartment after training - again - with a little bag in the trunk. I’d spent last night researching things that helped with panic, anxiety or just stress in general. The thought that there was more to Pablo’s past that had formed him to behave like he did only grew louder and louder in my mind, but I didn’t quite know how to approach the subject yet. 

“Pablo’s out right now,” Amelia greeted me. I snorted. 

“Ah, thanks. And hi,” I said back. She rolled her eyes and gave me a side hug.

“I’m guessing this isn’t for me?” She gestured to my bag. I blushed. 

“Do you know if Pablo has panic attacks?” I asked after a moment. She turned to me with a frown.

"Not that I know of but it could be, I don’t know, Maria sometimes implied that his mental health was quite unwell and, I mean, if I grew up without a family, who knows what I would be like,” she explained and I pursed my lips. 

“I think he had one yesterday but I’m not sure, and I’ve been thinking about it ever since. So…” I simply handed the bag over to her. 

She sent me a questioning look and I nodded, so she peeked inside. I had bought a dough that smelled like lavender and was said to calm people down in anxious moments by kneading and smelling it, a bag of M&M’s, a small massage ball and a stuffed animal. 

My sister looked at me with wide eyes.

“You’re giving him Lupi?”

The stuffed animal in question was a little wolf that I’d gotten when I was eight or nine years old and since then made great use of. He went to every vacation and away game with me until I was eighteen, and it showed in the dark patch on his left ear, the flattened fur of his back and stomach and frizzy strings of his paws. Whenever the homesickness became too strong, I’d cuddled the little thing into me, squeezing my eyes shut and imagining the sound of the waves outside our family home, the soft chatter of my parents from downstairs, the smell of freshly made croquettes and banana shakes. 

I shrugged. 

“Yeah… I feel like I have to, I can’t explain it. Like that’s the kind of comfort he needs, you know?” I tried to explain. Mila hummed thoughtfully. 

“Wow… I think he’s either going to really appreciate this or be wounded in his vulnerability because it’s not so deep. But either way, this is so sweet,” she murmured. I shrugged again. 

“We’ll see. I wrote him a little note too, something like why I’m doing this and what it is,” I added, making Amelia smile. 

“Do you want me to give it to him or put it in his room yourself?”

“I’m just gonna put it in front of his door, don’t think he’d like me going into his room without permission,” I said and moved to do exactly that, thinking of the last time I went inside and how that ended. 

pablo 🤭

pedro

I stared at my screen, the table of pasta in my lap long forgotten as I sat in the living room. 

pablo

everything okay?

yeah

The three dots moved and moved for what felt like minutes and I got the impression that Pablo wanted to say something but either at the same didn't want to say it or didn't know how to. 

I’m just gonna be honest okay

of course you can always be honest with me

thank you

for the bag and stuff

I smiled.

but I really can’t accept it

My smile fell.

yes you can

please 

I mean why not

If this is about money pablo please I don’t want to brag but I think you can imagine my financial situation

no why the fuck would you give me your childhood plushie 

oh

I'm sorry if it's childish

I just thought he'd do you some good idk

sorry

pedro 

thank you

but you grew up with it

why would you give me something with this much sentimental value

Something in my chest started to thud. Loudly. Hardly. Like anticipation that bordered on excitement, nerves and a bit of fear. 

isn’t it obvious

The chat fell silent. So I tried a different approach. 

lupi told me he wanted to

he’s tired of football

he wants to become smart now

I thought you’d be the right person for that no?

teaching him some maths

some biology

and history

also he’s sick of my diet so

he basically begged me to move

so you're fluent in wolfish now

yupp 

careful he said he’d raid your candies as soon as he could

you’re so full of shit 

😂😂😂  

can he take a vacation at yours?

I guess

can’t blame him for being tired of you eh

watch it or I'll tell him to bite you

well shit now I'm scared

but seriously pablo I’m not taking anything else back

I hope it helps you and if you don't need it do with it as you wish

so I can give it back

no?

you said do with it as you wish

stop being difficult come on😭

alright

thank you

Oh hey

my birthday is in two weeks and if you want to you should come :)

It's just a relaxed get together at my house with a few friends

no need to bring anything or prepare anything

just

yeah

you could just drive with my sister, someone will pick her up and bring her back or she’ll take one of our cars

it’s not gonna be too late either

It’s on the 25th that’s a thursday

I'd really like it if you came

There was no response for a few seconds again and I wanted to bang my head against a wall, looking at the insane and probably overwhelming amount of messages I sent. 

ah okay thanks

we’re not friends tho

we could be tho

mhm

I'll think about it

when’s your birthday anyways?

august

on the fifth

ohh well it's a bit very late but happy late birthday 🫶

uhm thanks 😭

I’ll let you sleep now

or whatever

:) 

okay

Chapter Text

~~☆~~

“Happy Birthday, cabrón!” 

My brother's loud voice ripped me out of my dream. Which had been a really, really nice dream. But of course my brother decided to barge in the moment dream-me started kissing dream-Pablo’s neck. 

I sat up with a tired grunt and pressed a pillow against my face for a second, then exhaled and let it fall into my lap. Fer hit my face with a balloon and my half-asleep ass almost tumbled out of bed. Not one second of peace in this house. 

“Sorry,” he laughed when he saw my scrunched-up face. I finally looked at him and smiled at the sight of the cake in his hands. 

He sat down on my bed and smiled equally as bright as me. 

“Come on, take it, Mama wants a video of you blowing out the candles,” he said while handing the plate over to me. 

“Does she realize I’m actually getting older?” I asked with a snort and Fer tutted.

“You’re not Mila, calm down,” he said and I agreed before blowing out the candles. And definitely not wishing for Pablo to fall in love with me. 

Ferran and Marc immediately accompanied me to the supermarket and then home after training - because apparently Ferran didn't trust me to prepare a birthday-worthy party on my own (I told him ten times it wasn't a party but he lost either his ears or brain on the grass of the Joan Gamper facilities). Marc just tagged along because he insisted I shouldn't have to drive him home on my own birthday, only for him to come to my place two hours later anyways. 

“If you take one step closer, this paella will turn into a fideuá thanks to your ass making it Valencian,” my brother threatened my best friend with a sharp knife, who backed away with his hands holding up a cheap mercadona “paella herbs mix”. Fernando almost cried at the sight. 

I dragged the striker out of our kitchen by the back of his shirt and busied him with the graceful task of blowing balloons. 

“So, who else is coming tonight?” Marc asked into the living room while he picked up the chips he’d spilled beside the bowl. I blew out a breath. 

“Not many, I think. Our usual group, maybe Raphinha and Frenkie will drop by for some time. I think two or three of Fer’s friends are coming too, my sister of course, maybe Pablo,” I mumbled the last part as indifferently and quietly as possible, but to no success. 

“Pablo?” 

“Did you just say that your crush that hates you is coming to your fucking birthday?” 

Both of their gazes were stuck on me and I shrugged, cheeks red - as always. 

“Well, maybe . I invited him, but-”

Ferran was already jumping up from the couch and running back into the kitchen. 

“Fer! Fer, did you know that Pablo, the Pablo , is coming?” 

His excitement should have been illegal. 

“Ferran! I said maybe!” 

Marc chuckled in the corner and I threw a frustrated look his way. 

“Hey, you should be excited. We’ll behave, don't worry,” he told me calmly. I ruffled his hair. 

“Well, we’ll make sure Ferran behaves, too,” he added with a laugh. 

My brother then looked at me from the kitchen door frame. He lifted his eyebrows in curiosity.

“So? He accepted the invitation?” 

I huffed. 

“No, he didn't reply yet, so maybe ,” I said with a glare directed at my best friend, who grinned guiltily. 

“Who’s picking Mila up, anyways?” Fer asked then while turning back to the oven. 

“Oh, I don't know yet,” I mumbled. Ferran cleared his throat. 

“I can do it,” he offered. Of course he did. 

I rolled my eyes. But before I could say anything else, my brother nodded.

“Thank you, that’s good. Otherwise I would have had to, and you little dipshits would starve,” he said. 

I just rolled my eyes again, then narrowed my eyes at the Valencian who was already typing away on his phone.

“Are you texting my sister?” I asked and Ferran groaned.

“Oh my God, yes, Pedri, I’m fucking texting your sister so I know when to drive off and exchange information regarding your birthday!” he replied, a little too loud for my liking. I held up my hands.

“Calm down,” I replied.

“Sorry,” he apologised with a slap to my stomach. 

I furrowed my eyebrows at the human paradox in front of me.

“You’re weird,” I stated.

“You're weirder,” he jabbed back, but his tone was soft and he looked up with a smile, then squeezed my cheeks and kissed my forehead.

I let him pull me in a hug with a grimace but soon softened in his hold, like I always did. 

It was impossible to be mad or annoyed at Ferran for too long. Although sometimes I thought I was just so constantly annoyed by him that I didn’t even notice it anymore. 

“Thank you for being my best friend, gilipollas,” he whispered in my ear. I laughed out loud and kissed his shoulder. 

“Yeah, I love you too, dumbass.” 

Soon the house was filled with music and our rather decent amount of friends hovering through the living room. I was leaning against the living room wall, chatting a bit with Frenkie who had luckily taken a few hours of family time off to come over. I still didn’t know whether Pablo was coming or not, but then a key turned in the door. 

I excused myself and walked to the door, knowing it had to be my sister coming in. 

“Pepi!” 

Amelia threw herself into my arms before I could reach the door and swayed us from side to side, singing an out of tune birthday song into my ear. I laughed and hugged her back. 

“Happy Birthday,” she said when she finally broke free from me and I squeezed her shoulders.

“Thank you.” 

There was a small churn in my stomach at the thought that she’d come here alone, but I quickly concealed my disappointment with a huge grin when Mila pressed a gift bag into my hands. 

“Wait, can we use the living room drawer for the presents?” she then asked and took my gift back from me. 

“No, there's snacks on there,” I said and followed her deeper into our living room. She tutted and rolled her eyes at me then, before she moved the snacks to the coffee table and set her bag on the drawer.

“Much smarter,” she stated. I hid my smile.

“Of course.” 

“You should greet the rest of your guests,” she then said and turned away to hug Ansu and Fermin. 

I made my way back to the entrance, where Ferran was pulling off his shoes and smiled at me. 

I really tried not to let the feeling come up, but I was kind of sad Pablo hadn’t come. 

I went to the kitchen for a small moment of peace, ready to tell my brother about it and then act like I didn't care.

But my brother wasn't alone. 

“Pablo!” 

I couldn't help the enthusiastic shout escaping me. The brunette turned around from where he stood next to the fridge and looked at me with wide eyes. His brown hair was fixed away from his forehead with gel, blue sweater, grey pants and a white cotton jacket on top. Yeah. It took everything in me not to pick him up in a hug out of joy.

“I was two minutes away from calling you, Pep. Some manners you have,” Fer scolded me playfully, but I ignored it.

“When did you get here? Shouldn't you have come with Amelia? I didn't even know you were coming!” My voice was still too loud and I could see the teasing look from my brother in the corner of my eyes. 

Pablo’s lips curled up, amused. 

“Yeah, I came with them. Your sister was quicker than us at the door, and then you weren’t there when we entered,” he said. I grimaced.

“I’m sorry,” I started to apologise, but Pablo immediately waved his hand with a dismissing look. 

“Anyways, thank you for coming. I didn’t expect you to, but I’m really glad,” I told him, as if it wasn’t obvious from the huge grin and blush I could feel I was sporting. 

The boy shrugged. 

“Is your birthday today or was it already?” he asked.

“Today.” 

“Then, happy birthday,” he congratulated me and pushed a longish, rectangular bag into my hands. 

With surprised eyes, I looked back at him. 

“You- there was no need-” but Pablo interrupted me again.

“You expected me to come to a birthday party without a gift?” he said in a dry tone. I just looked back at him and heard my brother snort in the background. 

“You see, Pablo, he’s not the brightest Gonzalez. Don't be too hard on him for-” 

I kicked Fernando’s butt and he jumped away with a small yelp. Pablo gave us a slightly startled look. 

“And he’s not the strongest, as you can see,” I then added and flicked my brother's ear, who slapped my arm away in return. The boy looked between us with an amused glint in his eyes, then shook his head softly. 

“Anyways, come on, I still need to introduce you to everyone,” I told Pablo and left the kitchen. He followed me and I stretched out my hand for him to take - which was a stupid idea in itself. He cocked an eyebrow and didn't move a finger so I pulled my own back and simply continued into the living room. 

“Okay, you know my sister and Ferran, yes?” 

He nodded. 

“Fermin, where’s Fermin,” I mumbled, then luckily found him on the couch. 

“Trujillo!” I nudged his foot and he looked up, before his mouth fell open. 

“Gavi?” 

I turned around to Pablo, whose face mirrored Fermin’s surprise.

“How… wait, I know you,” he muttered. The blonde laughed and stood up.

“Of course you do! We played together,” he told him with this typical 50-watt-Fermin-smile.

Pablo’s eyebrows shot up. 

“Oh, right! Fermin… Lopez, no?” he tried, and Fermin clapped his shoulder with an even brighter smile. 

Pablo didn’t react. I frowned. 

Since when did that not have an effect on him? 

I shook my head internally. There was no reason for me to over analyse his behaviour all the time. 

Well. 

Yes there was. 

But maybe I’d have to shove my unbearable crush into the back of my head for a little so this evening could be enjoyable for Pablo, too. 

The two boys were now enrolling in a bright conversation about their positions, old coaches, funny and epic matches and stupid teammates. I smiled, told them I’d be back again and swiftly passed my hand across Pablo’s lower back.

He flinched. 

My mind instantly went into overinterpretation. 

And worries. Mostly worries.

I fled to Ferran, who was sitting at the set table with my sister. 

“Guys, oh my God,” I breathed out.

Both of them immediately turned to me with shit-eating grins.

“Why didn't you tell me he was coming?” 

Ferran pointed to Amelia.

“She wanted to surprise you.” 

“Why do you not look happy?” Amelia didn't wait a second to bluntly ask that question.

I frowned.

“What? I’m happy! How couldn’t I be?” 

Ferran reached over and smoothed out the skin between my eyebrows with his thumb.

“You look worried,” he agreed.

“No, no, I’m great,” I assured them. 

My sister rolled her eyes.

“Shut up.”

“Is it Pablo? Does he not do well with crowds? Are you scared of leaving him alone?” Ferran asked, probably remembering our call about his panic attack. 

My eyes widened and I pressed my fingertips tighter into my palm.

“Shit, I don’t know, you're right-”

“Pablo is fine. I’ve been clubbing with him before. Now what is it?” Amelia cut me off.

I chewed on my lips for a second.

“He flinched when I touched him. He didn't even react when Fermin did.” 

My voice was so quiet, I was afraid they didn't even hear me. 

But they did. 

I didn't know what would have been worse. I felt so stupid. Stupid to think about that little moment, stupid to worry, stupid to feel sad, stupid to even tell someone about it. 

“Pedri,” Amelia muttered with an empathetic look in her eyes. “You're overthinking.”

I shook my head. Ferran leaned forward in his chair.

“No, really, you need to stop thinking so much. In general. You’re ruining your own life for yourself, hermano. Who knows what that could mean? Who knows what millions of things are running through his mind every minute? Who knows what’s made him be the way he is? You definitely don't. And you can't . Just be yourself, pay attention to him in a healthy amount, stay close to him. And try to enjoy. Everything, I mean. You can't look inside his brain, and if you think he might be ready to talk to you, do that,” he calmly advised me.

And I was a little shocked. 

“When the fuck did you become wise?” I asked, and all three of us laughed.

We returned to the others a moment later and I tried to actually take to heart what they both told me. 

Pablo was sitting in the corner of the couch, still next to Fermin, observing the competitive fifa match between Ansu and Dani. 

He looked a bit small, a bit curled into himself. His hands were clamped under his thighs, legs tightly stuck together. Like he was too shy to take up any space.

I pouted and sat down on the armrest next to him.

“Hey,” I mumbled close to his ear.

His head swiveled around to mine. I smiled at him.

“Do you drink alcohol?” I asked.

He half nodded, half shook his head.

“Not much,” he replied.

“What do you like? Coke? Sprite? Juice?” 

He looked at me for a second and then shrugged.

“I, uh, I don’t know,” he whispered and I got the feeling that he was just a tad overwhelmed. So I simply smiled at him and left, then came back with two glasses and handed him one.

He glanced up at me questioningly. 

“It’s a kiwi apple lemon mocktail. I think,” I told him. “My brother made it.”

He took a sip and raised his eyebrows.

“He made this himself?” 

I nodded. He looked down at the glass, impressed.

“It’s really good.” 

I agreed with him and smiled, when suddenly he smiled back at me.

It was just a small one, probably more out of politeness. But I died for a second. 

How could someone be so cute? 

“So, you okay so far?” I asked him. He nodded and looked around, as if he didn't want to look at me for too long. I suppressed a sigh.

“If you need anything just tell me, okay? If it’s too loud or if you're tired, I don’t know-” 

“Stop that,” he interrupted me in a low voice, eyes trained on something in front of him. I frowned.

“Stop what?”

“Acting like I need you to look after me,” he stated. I felt like someone just slung a rope around my throat, threatening to tighten it at whatever I’d say next. I looked at him with concerned eyes.

“Pablo, that’s not what I-” but the boy suddenly stood up. He tapped Fermin’s shoulder. 

“Can you show me where the bathroom is?” he asked him, leaving me to look between the two with a questioning look.

Fermin noticed as he turned his gaze to me shortly with furrowed brows, then put on a smile and nodded at Pablo. 

“Of course, come,” he said, and when they were both walking with their backs to me, Fermin turned back around and mouthed something like ‘what the fuck?’. I just shook my head and swallowed hard, before a controller was passed into my hands.

“Come on, birthday boy, let's see if you have any luck today,” Dani teased me. I cocked an eyebrow at the laughing faces of Ansu and Ferran next to us.

“Are you guys forgetting that I beat every single one of you almost every time we play?” I asked. When they all started cursing and rolling their eyes at me, I laughed triumphantly and started the match.

Just a few minutes later, Fer came in and called us to the table. I saw Pablo emerging from the bathroom again while everyone moved to sit down and eat. I stayed behind and walked to him.

“Hey, I’m sorry about earlier,” I muttered to him. He shook his head.

“I’m sorry, too. I didn't mean to be… mean to you, or anything,” he replied. I couldn't help but grin.

“Oh, no? That's new,” I teased. His nostrils flared like he was holding back a grin, eyes slightly crinkling at the sides.

“Gotta pay some respect to the birthday boy, eh? Don't get used to it,” he teased back in his usual dry voice, then passed me by and walked to the table. I laughed to myself and followed him with my eyes, then sat down too. Directly next to him. 

Because either God wanted to be nice to me today, or this was arranged by my friends. Probably the latter, judging from the cheeky looks Ferran, Balde and Fer sent my way. 

Fermin sat on the other side of Pablo, and I was glad he had a few people here he could hang around with. Not like I would have minded him sticking to me, but we all knew he wouldn't have done that anyways. 

“Alright, so, before you go and eat away at my wonderfully fantastic food, I want to give a toast,” Fer said and stood up from his seat at the head of the table. 

I groaned loudly and earned myself loud laughter from everyone else. 

“Quiet, quiet, Mama Fer is speaking,” Balde snickered. 

“You,” my brother pointed at him with a glare. “Are not getting any dessert.”

The left back immediately protested, while everyone laughed again.

Even Pablo next to me gave a soft chuckle as he shyly looked around the room, hands folded in his lap. 

I smiled at him when from the corner of my eye I suddenly saw Ferran and Amelia whisper and look at me. I turned to them with a cocked eyebrow, they just giggled, Ferran winked. 

I shook my head, then tapped Fer’s thigh. 

“Come on, Fer, you’re not seriously gonna toast on me, are you?”

He gave me an offended look. 

“Yes?” he replied, like it was obvious. I pleaded with my eyes for him not to do it, but he grinned and cleared his throat.

“Okay. I’m keeping it short, but I really want to say this. When I was eight, there was this kid in my class who bullied me a little, and one day I came home with a small wound and cried and all that. Pedri had a football match that day, he was already getting ready for it when I got home. I wished him good luck and went to my room, you know, hiding in my blankets because when else would I get the chance to be dramatic. Some time later, like half an hour, little Pedri came into my room with chocolate, an ice pack and one of his favourite sticker books and climbed under the blankets with me. Our parents had to explain why he ditched a match for his brother to his coach, but I feel like that’s all you need to know about my little brother.” 

Fer ruffled my hair and I could feel my cheeks heat up when everyone around us cooed and pouted. 

“So, happy birthday.”  He placed a kiss on my temple and finally sat down again. I looked down at my hands and smiled, a bit embarrassed. There was a small tingle on the side of my neck and I looked up, seeing Pablo’s eyes on me. 

He wasn’t smiling. Wasn’t frowning either. Just scanned my face with this curious but hieroglyphic gaze of his. It unnerved me a tiny bit, never knowing what went on in his head. 

So I did what I did best and covered my uncertainty with humour, rolled my eyes in a joking way, as if to say that my brother had been way to cheesy.

“When I was eight, Pedri put soap in my cereal,” my sister then, lovely as ever, bluntly added. There was a round of laughter again and I thanked God that he’d let that awkward moment end. I didn’t do too well with compliments, even less when more than a dozen eyes were on me. 

We finally started eating, some light and funny chatter here and there - Rodrigo, one of Fer’s best friends, told us about his most obnoxious customers in the four-star restaurant he worked in, Pau filled us in on his most recent and failed talking stage that had this weird obsession with wearing his socks when they’d hung out at his place. 

Next to me, Pablo looked more relaxed. He spent most of his time turned to Fermin, talking and quietly chuckling at whatever the blonde was telling him. 

Obviously, I was a little jealous. But in my head, I kept repeating how unjustified that feeling was, which semi-worked to trample down the green venom in my throat. 

Since the weather was surprisingly mild for a November evening, we decided to move to the garden after dinner. I helped my brother clean the table, Ferran, Frenkie, Dani and Amelia did too. The Dutch man had to leave then, and when I got back from saying goodbye to him, there was only Fer and Pablo left in the kitchen. 

“No, no, just leave it there. You don’t have to help us, really,” my brother said and I frowned. Pablo stood there, a pile of plates in his hand, his cute brown eyes wide. 

“But you shouldn’t do this all alone,” he gave back. My heart melted. 

Was there anything about this guy that wasn’t perfect? 

“Pablo,” I called him when entering the kitchen. He turned around to me, brows furrowed. “Come on, let’s go outside. We’ll do this later,” I said with a smile, then nodded at Fer. “You too, come on.”

But Pablo shook his head.

“It’s okay, I can help, really,” he retorted. So I moved closer and pried the stack out of his hands, careful not to touch him in the process.

“Thank you, but you’re our guest, that’s ridiculous. Come.” I placed the plates next to the sink and ushered him outside. Fer followed us with a chuckle, and when we stepped outside - obviously, everyone was gathered in two teams, a ball at Marc’s feet. 

“Gavi, there you are! You’re in our team, let’s do the double pivot, like old times,” Fermin called him. Pablo smiled and something lit up in my brain at the fact that Pablo played in the midfield too. 

“I’ll be your goalie,” I shouted to Eric, who was on the other team. We played with seven against seven, my brother joining my side as well. I laughed when I saw Balde handing my sister a pair of gloves, the disdain loud on her face. Poor her was probably already getting flashbacks from all the balls that had hit her face and stomach during her childhood. 

When the first ball was passed, I suddenly began to sweat. 

Shit. 

This was the first time Pablo would see me playing football, and now I was in the goal, instead of where I excelled best and could have impressed him. 

I clenched my teeth together and shook my head, telling myself I just had to hold every ball now. 

The relaxed, friendly match in my garden soon became dirty and competitive - to no one’s surprise. Let a group of athletes play memory and you’d find yourself in the middle of a blood bath.

What did surprise me was Pablo.

I hadn’t known what to expect from the usually shy and nonchalant boy, but the way he controlled the ball at his feet, ran across the three hundred square meters and rammed against his opponents more often than necessary - I was completely captivated.

His tongue stuck out, a few strands of hair fell onto his forehead, his steps were small but fast. 

He seemed reckless, more energetic than I’ve ever seen him. Like a different person.

He ran closer, made eye contact with Ferran and passed the ball onto the other side of our makeshift field, just escaping Pau's stretched out foot by a few centimeters. 

And then suddenly there was a hard impact at my shin. 

I broke out of my trance, realising that I had been seconds away from completely embarrassing myself if Ferran hadn’t missed the shot.

My best friend grimaced, I picked up the ball with my hands and rolled it over to Eric.

“You distracted, bro?” Ferran muttered from somewhere next to me. I shot him a glare and focused on the game, banning any thought about Pablo from my brain.

I held the next two shots from Fermin and Rodrigo, too, before Ferran barrelled the ball into the net behind me so harshly it slipped past my fingers. 

I groaned and saw Pablo walking backwards with ragged breaths, clap hands with Fermin and wink at him. He turned his head to me, then, and a small smirk drew on his lips. 

I raised an eyebrow in response. 

“Pep, let's change, you go in the midfield,” my brother suddenly told me. I laughed.

“One goal and you already don't want me in anymore? We’re leading with two points anyways,” I said jokingly. He slapped my shoulder.

“Come on, go, I wanna be in the goal,” he simply said. I stripped off the gloves and handed them to him before jogging over, beaming internally at being able to do what I did best.

And hopefully showing off to a certain someone.

Marc passed the ball to me, I passed it back to Ansu, he moved forward through the middle, leaving Fermin and Ferran behind. I quickly ran down the line next to him, checking on Balde and making sure there was enough space on the left side of the area. 

Balde stole the ball from Ansu, I quickly stepped closer and retrieved it with my foot, turned around and shot it into the top corner of our other almost broken goal, where my sister couldn't reach it.  My friends immediately ran to give me a hug and cheer, while I just laughed and walked back to our half. 

Pablo’s eyes were following me, and this time I grinned at him when our gazes met. 

The game went on, Ferran tripped over Casado’s feet once and caused them both to stumble down onto the grass, leaving the rest of us to crack up laughing. 

I had the ball again, dribbled past Rodrigo and found myself standing in front of Pablo. 

It was probably the closest our bodies had ever been, as he wedged his foot between mine. His elbow nudged my stomach, the side of his face right there in front of my nose, smelling like a light mix of sweat and the scent of cologne I was already familiar with.

But I quickly snapped back into focus, turned away from his body - as much as it cost me to do that - passed the ball from my right to my left foot, turned a few degrees again, passed it back to my right foot in a smooth motion, and continued running before passing it over to Marc. 

It resulted in a missed shot, but when I turned back and looked at Pablo’s wide eyes and red cheeks, I felt more than satisfied. 

Our little LaLiga worthy match ended soon after and everyone hugged and clapped each other’s back. I searched for Pablo, again, and found him smiling weakly and shrinking together slightly as three of my friends surrounded and touched him.

In less than two seconds I stood in front of him, smiling and nodding my head to somewhere behind me, telling him to come with me.

He immediately followed me, slipping away from the rest of our sweaty horde.

I led him back into my kitchen and handed him a glass of coke, leaned against the counter and drank some water myself.

He took the drink, then frowned at me.

“Why did you want me to come here?” he asked. I shrugged, fearing another explosive reaction at what I was about to say.

“Thought you wanted an out from the mess of sweat and bodies,” I vaguely replied.

He looked down, took a sip, then nodded. Maybe that was his way of appreciating what I’d done without the humiliation of admitting that to me .

“Hey, you were insanely good out there,” I then told him with genuine impression in my voice.

He looked up and snorted.

“I think you’re a little biased, no?” he replied.

“You think?” I asked back and noticed with joy how he leaned his side against the counter as well, a few metres away from me, but still.

“A little bird told me you liked me,” he then said with an amused glint in his eyes, but monotone voice. 

I grinned and probably blushed.

“What, really? You can talk to animals, too? We have so much in common, isn't that crazy?” I teased back. 

A small chuckle escaped him. 

I internally screamed.

Fuck a world cup title, Pablo actually finding something I said funny has got to be the biggest win on earth.

Well. Maybe that was a tad too dramatic. Making Pablo fall in love with me was more on the world cup level.

“No, but hey, I don't joke about football. You were really good, I mean it,” I added. 

I hoped that the rosy hue on his cheeks wasn't still from the physical exhaustion but rather my comment. 

“I guess I can see why Barca signed you,” he replied, and I gasped.

With wide, shining eyes, I leaned closer.

“Was that a compliment? From you? To me?”

He tutted. 

“Are you familiar with the term selective hearing?” he retorted. 

I rolled my eyes with a smile, but left it at that.

It had been a compliment.

Both of us knew that.

And it was more than enough for now.

Chapter Text

~~☆~~

The day after my birthday was spent cleaning the house, attending training in the afternoon and falling into bed the second I arrived at home. 

I loved my friends, I loved being sociable and I loved football - but I also loved the quietude of being alone. 

So after a wonderful two-hour nap, I went downstairs and unpacked my presents.

Fer would be coming home at nine o’clock so I was free to trash the living room with the wrappings and packages for the time being.

There were lots of clothes, stuff for my playstation, a match-worn NBA jersey from the Warriors that Ferran had somehow snuck in during our last USA-tour without me noticing. I held it up, proudly, sent Ferran a picture with heart-eye emojis and then carefully put it aside.

I saved Pablo's present for last, although my brain had hardly been able to concentrate on anything else the whole time. 

I pulled a large roll of what seemed like poster-paper out of the bag, and my eyes widened when I unfolded it.

It was a movie poster from ‘Creed’, displaying Michael B. Jordan in the ring in black and white, the title and details to the movie in black font underneath. 

When Pablo had showed me that he had a present for me, I expected something neutral, maybe related to football since he knew about my job. But him gifting me a poster of my favourite movie? That was too personal for someone who insisted he didn't care an ounce about you. 

I grinned. 

pablo🤭

*sent photo*

pabloo

thank you so so much 

I love it

how did you know what my favourite movie was?

To my luck, I didn't have to wait long for an answer.

👍

I snorted.

your sister told me 

said that could be a nice present

glad you like it 

ahh that makes sense 

I wasn't disappointed, that would have been ridiculous. 

But… well, it would have been really sweet if he’d come up with the idea himself. 

Not that I expected that.

yeah I love it! 

gonna buy a frame for it first thing tomorrow

or does it look better without one

I think you can put it up without one too 

if you have those little drawing pins

yeah that might look better

I have some white ones here

that's good 

I caught myself blushing and smiling when I switched off my phone again to tidy up the trash and bring the gifts into my room. 

There was a space above my drawer that was still blank and I put up my new poster there, then smiled giddily.

Pablo bought me this.

I had something from Pablo in my room now, something quite personal.

Gosh, I was worse than a teenage girl crushing on her favourite celebrity.

I took a photo of my wall with the poster and sent it to Pablo.

good?

yup

thank you again 🥹 

have you watched the movie?

yeah but only the first one 

there's three, right? 

yess

did you like it?

I think the rocky series is better but since it's like a sequel to rocky's and apollo’s story it's pretty good too 

doesn't he go against Ivan's son in the second movie?

My cheeks were starting to hurt. 

yeah I love that they show so much of rocky in the movies too, like how he visits adrian’s grave at the cemetery and reads her the newspaper :’)

yeah exactly 

and yes he fights drago’s son in the second

you have to watch it!

is it available on netflix?

no but on prime video

ah okay

I only have netflix so

wait did my sister not connect your tv to the other platforms?

she's using all my accounts 😂😂

oh

I don't know I just use my laptop

what? why?

cause it's not my tv?

you’re so silly Pablo

if Amelia didn't want you to use that tv it would be in her room and not the living room

and she's one of the most sharing-friendly person on earth 

I don't think that's a word

I don't care you know what I mean

😂

yeah but it's weird

when we watch something together that's okay but using it alone that's weird 

oh what do you watch together

she's been forcing me to watch 

uh

gilmore girls or gossip girl

one of those two

😭😭😭

if it's gossip girl you have my condolences, been there done that

😂😂

I just googled it 

it's gilmore girls

you like that?

well…

HAHAHAHA

this is a safe space

no it's fine it's uh sometimes it's funny

I don't find enough polite excuses to ditch her so

crying

text me the next time she's forcing you again I'll help you

ah cause texting you is better than watching that show?

you tell me, Pablo, why are you texting me right now

got tired of studying?

I'm on my break at work right now 

oh it’s over

sorry can't talk anymore!

😂😂😂

you little shit

have a good shift of whatever you're doing

I was a little surprised that Pablo was just on his break at eight in the evening, but since my brother sometimes had similarly late shifts, I figured he had to be working in a gastronomy as well. 

I got my response the next morning, hunched over my banana and granola bowl. I’d been able to sleep in until ten o’clock and was more than ready to laze around and talk to nobody (except maybe my brother, he’d be doing the laundry today) until I’d have to leave for our match against Cadiz tonight.

But until then, who would have guessed it, I was more than happy to reply to Pablo. Texting him still felt as special as the first time, always filling me with little butterflies in my stomach. Seeing him added four times the amount of fluttering in my body, plus the electricity someone plugged in through my veins every time I looked at him.

pablo🤭

shift was amazing

three people spilled beer on me, one insisted on not giving a tip because I forgot the lime on his glass, I cut my finger five minutes before it ended

I stared at the screen in front of me. Was he voluntarily sharing a piece of his life with me?

I had to be dreaming.

I rubbed my eyes and looked again. Nope, still there.

I smiled.

that's a lot

goodness

did you disinfect your cut?

yeah

okay good

when did you get home?

around half past eleven

is that your usual shift?

yup

sometimes I get the 1 to 8pm shift too

and the other starts at 4pm?

yes

how do you get home? is there a good connection?

I walk

YOU WHAT?

bro

it's 15 minutes

in the middle of the night 

are you trying to say I’m a man in need of protection

I'm trying to say barcelona and whatever mysterious place you work at is not a safe area to walk through at night

which means if something happened to me you think I wouldn't be able to defend myself 

no

I just think it's unnecessary to put yourself in danger where you shouldn't have to

because pickpockets are a danger I'm too weak to protect myself against

that's not what I'm saying

but it's what you're thinking 

I frowned at my screen. How the hell was it possible for us to have a fight married people usually had when he didn't even like me?

I took a deep breath, looked at each of my messages again, imagined that I was him and tried to read from it what he'd apparently picked up.

Then I sighed.

Pablo

I'm sorry if I made it seem like that but I don't think you’re weak in any way

If I’m being honest, it's just that I tend to get a little scared and protective about people that are important to me, so this is on me, has nothing to do with whether you're weak or strong or something

I waited, held my breath. I didn't think I've ever sent someone something this… vulnerable. I could only hope it had been the right thing to do.

The chat was silent for a few minutes. Or maybe it only felt like minutes.

okay

I just don’t think it's your place to treat me like I’m someone you have to protect or care for

I furrowed my brows.

why not?

because I don't want you to

but why?

are you blind?

I just said I don't want you to

fuck you if that doesn’t suffice for you to accept 

My eyes widened. 

Why did I always mess it up with him? And how? Was there maybe really no point in getting closer to him if it just meant I’d do him wrong? 

No, no Pablo of course it is

I’m sorry

I just wanted to know if you had any other reasons but it's okay you don't have to explain anything, obviously

I didn't want to disrespect your words

As expected, I didn't receive another message after that.

And that was okay. Because he didn't owe me anything.

There was an ache in my stomach that didn't leave me throughout the whole day. It was strange. Because it was more than just this anxious mini cramp you had when something went wrong or you had a fight with someone.

It hurt deeper, sometimes it clawed at my tummy, sometimes it crawled up to my chest. 

I made myself some tea, took a painkiller before I drove to the stadium - but nothing helped.

Great. 

Just what I needed during the match that would decide whether or not we’d sustain our place at the top of the league.

“You good, bro?”

Ferran asked me during half-time, sitting next to me in his warm-up gear because he was yet to be subbed in.

I took a sip of water and nodded, breathing heavily.

My stomach was still tightening and cramping every other minute and not knowing what the hell was happening almost distracted me more than the pain itself.

“You sure? You look more worn-out than usual,” he asked again with knitted brows. 

“Yeah, I don't know, I've been having this weird cramp in my stomach and it doesn't go away, I even took a pill before the match,” I mumbled.

“Did you eat something wrong?”

I shook my head.

“Nothing I haven't eaten these past few months, too.”

“We still have ten minutes, you could get yourself checked up real quick,” he suggested but I grimaced.

“I can't miss this game if they decide to take me out,” I declined. 

“Pedri, be responsible, you're in pain,” he countered and put his hand on my leg.

“It's just a cramp, I can handle it.”

“Famous last words,” he muttered and I glared at him.

I stepped out onto the grass a few minutes later again and tried my best to ignore my body.

I managed to do a few good passes, two or three dribbles, but my condition clearly suffered as I had to stop running a lot more often than usual. 

Luckily, we won, but I still felt disappointed with my performance and frustrated with this weird pain.

My brother drove us home, complimented me on the win and pointed out what I did well, and I smiled as a small shot of warmth ran through me, knowing he'd realised that was what I needed instead of the usual improvement suggestions. 

“Mila’s asking if we can bring her chamomile tea,” I told Fer while I was scrolling through my phone. 

“Oh, is she sick?” he asked back, forehead wrinkled.

“I asked her the same, still waiting for a response.”

mila

no no it's for Pablo 

I sat up straighter in my car seat.

what why

is he okay?

yeah just some cramps he’s been having

I almost choked on air. What in the freaking bluetooth connection was that?

oh no

like stomach cramps?

yeah I think 

he told me he gets those sometimes and the tea sometimes helps but now ours is empty

don't worry we'll bring you some

So not much later, I found myself in front of my sister’s apartment, more nervous than ever before.

“Hey, thank you so much,” she immediately told me when I walked in. I gave her a look implying that there was nothing to thank us for.

“How's your presentation going?” I asked and Amelia sighed. She hadn't come to my game tonight in order to finish it for tomorrow.

“Almost done, I so hate doing stuff last-minute but none of my colleagues had time another day,” she complained and I grimaced in compassion.

“Go on then, finish it and then go to bed, it's late already,” I told her. 

“But… can you bring Pablo some tea then? He really didn't look too good,” she asked and I immediately nodded and shooed her away. She hesitated but then quickly hugged me and retreated back into her room.

With rather nervous hands I poured some hot water into a cup. I watched how the pale yellow colour slowly overtook the liquid, floating up from the tea bag. 

My stomach was still cramping and I snapped myself out of the trance, then made myself a second cup too. 

Trying to calm my nerves, I slowly drank from the hot cup, dragging out the moment I’d have to face Pablo. 

The tea didn't help me one bit - to no one’s surprise. 

I knocked on Pablo’s door but got no response. 

I knocked again, two more times, and then carefully opened the door when my concern took over. 

“Pablo?” I whispered into the room, careful to not actually step inside. It was dark save for the warm lamp on his desk and I was surprised when I saw the crumpled state of the bed and Pablo’s head peeking out on the pillow. 

He drastically turned around and sat up, sheets pooling by his waist, hair and hoodie crumpled. 

“What the fuck are you doing here?” he asked lowly and I sighed. 

He jumped out of bed and walked towards me, stopped again with enough distance still between us. The pain in my tummy increased and I pressed a hand onto it, trying not to let it show.

“I made you a tea. Amelia asked us to bring you some because you have cramps?” I formed the sentence to be a question, waiting if he wanted to say something. 

He simply kept his glare on me, steel-like. 

But the longer I looked back, the more I recognised a small crack in his demeanour - a wild flicker in his eyes, something that was out of his control. 

And then suddenly he laughed. It was bitter, as he clenched his jaw and shook his head. 

“Tell me something, Pedro. Do you not know what the word no means? Or are you just one of those complacent bastards who think no one would ever deny them something, that they're so special a word loses its meaning in their presence?” 

His chest was heaving and he'd come a step closer to me. There it was again. The cold fury. 

I almost shivered.

“Pablo, my sister asked me to bring you this because she’s too busy right now and we’re worried about you. Both of us,” I countered, keeping myself calm with everything I had. 

He scoffed and I placed the cup on his desk, then looked at him seriously.

“Listen, please. I’m genuinely sorry if I set you under the impression that I don't respect you. Really. I don't want that. I respect you Pablo, and no , I'm not one of those compiling bastards who think no doesn't mean no. I'd be the last person who thinks that.” I took a small breath, the cramps in my stomach still twisting.

“I know that I may be pushy. But I can change that. I’m the last person who wants to make you feel uncomfortable. It's the opposite actually, but I guess I haven't been doing well showing you that.” I licked my lips and tried to collect my words. 

“I'm… trying my best to get to know you. That you probably noticed. But I’m not- it's not that I, like, just want to annoy you or tease you, I really, really , want to get close to you. And because of that I’m probably bothering you in many ways, and for that I’m really sorry.” 

The room was silent for a few seconds, Pablo’s face unreadable.

“Complacent,” he then simply said. 

I frowned deeply. “Huh?”

“You said compiling. It's complacent,” he added, like that was the most natural response to hearing a guy pour out his heart for an apology.

“Okay…” I mumbled, still confused, yet a tiny bit comforted that at least he didn't seem angry anymore.

“I mean it, Pablo. I’ll give you space and leave you alone if you want that. I accept that. And should you feel like it's okay for me to come closer again, or if you want to talk or if you need something - anything, you can always contact me. Okay? And if not, that’s okay too, obviously,” I carefully told him. 

To my surprise, after a moment of hesitance, Pablo nodded. 

“Okay,” he whispered, voice a bit hoarse.

I smiled. And suddenly my cramps were so light I almost didn't feel them anymore. 

“Okay.” I grabbed the door handle and pulled it, but stopped again. “The tea's getting cold, I hope you’ll feel better soon.” 

“It's okay, the cramps are gone now,” he answered, and I stilled.

What the hell.

He furrowed his brows and tilted his head at me.

“What?” 

“Nothing,” I dismissed with a smile, gave a little wave and closed the door.

And then I leaned against it for a few seconds, closing my eyes and calming my breath. 

I was lying in bed on my stomach later that night, iPad in front of me, asking the internet what it meant to feel the same pain as another person at the same time.

I read the word ‘soulmates’ so often that I feared I would dream of it tonight. 

But that couldn't be it, could it? There was no thing such as soulmates. It would have explained a lot, almost everything, but that was stuff people invented for romance books and hollywood movies, no? 

I glanced at the clock and sighed. Two fourtythree. Would Ferran still be awake? 

I quickly shot him a message, just asking if he was up.

ferri

lol u have crazy timing 

oh wow you're actually awake 

just woke up ten minutes ago because Minnie won't stop clawing at my door 

she almost shit on my carpet man 

😭😭😭

told you it was ugly

you have no right to talk with your grandma rugs

anyways why u up

googling shit about soulmates

pedri I swear to God

no listen

it's so weird

remember today in the match I had those cramps right?

yeh

yesh

yeah

bahahahah

dude I'm so tired hahshsh

hey you can go to sleep

no talk

only my fingers are dead

tell me

okay

so

I had something like a fight with Pablo

ur living life in reverse bro

you usually marry before 

lowkey what I thought too

anyway I suddenly had those cramps after that right 

I continued texting him a summary of how weird the pain had been, how nothing - not even painkillers - had helped, and lastly how Pablo had had them too and how my cramps went away the same time his did, after we talked again.

bro that's crazy

idk

could be a coincidence but also couldn't 

u believe in soulmates?

not like that

like sure I think everyone has their other half out there

but they write so much weird supernatural stuff in those articles that can’t be real

ay bro 

you're so cute and romantic 🥹

promise I'll be your best man?

shut up

so? 

you got any ideas?

yeah you two should marry

ferrannn

be serious 

I am

I think it's possible there's some kind of special connection between you two that makes you even feel the other’s pain

hm

who knows

hey 

I said this before but stop thinking so much Pepi

relax 

enjoy what's in front of you and just live 

love and all that will come when it's meant to be you don’t have to do anything for it 

yeah

you might be right

just took a screenshot of this

my next tattoo

‘you might be right’ sent by pedri himself 

goodnight Ferri

😂😂😂

night night  

and thank you

😘😘

Chapter Text

~~☆~~

Ferran had been right. 

More than one week went by where I avoided contacting Pablo. There were no messages, and on one of the two times I visited Amelia and he was there too, I just greeted him with a smile which he returned with a small smile himself.

Yes, I’d thought about that for the rest of the day. 

It happened when I sat in front of my tv one Tuesday night. December had broken in a few days ago and I sighed contently when I pulled the fuzzy blanket tighter around my body.

My brother was in his room and I had the whole couch for myself, but didn't make much use of it. I ran cold easily and liked to curl up into a corner to keep warm, like right now. 

My phone pinged and my whole face lit up when I saw who texted me.

pablo🤭

does the offer of you saving me from gilmore girls still stand 

My cheeks hurt from how widely I was smiling.

always ;)

good

so

…?

want me to call you?

you don't have a better idea?

do you have any projects from uni at the moment

with a group?

yeah

nah

hmm

you can pretend I’m your boss from work

I only work on the weekends he doesn't call on a Tuesday 

and if someone's sick and he needs to plan the next week, asking if you’re free?

no 

i don't know 

that usually happens more at the end of the week

okay

uhh

I can be a colleague who needs help with their homework

so I'm supposed to tell her I gotta go and help someone with their homework?

that's exactly what I said pablito 😂 

aren't you supposed to be the smart one?

shut up

no

that's all so mean and dishonest 

I pouted at the screen. 

just call me

With a grin, I clicked on the small telephone button. 

Pablo replied after a few seconds.

“Yeah?”

“Hey Pablo. How are you?” I asked, kind of giddy to hear his voice.

“Uhm, I’m good, you?” he replied. I stifled my giggle at his fake confusion. 

“Good, good. Always good to hear you,” I teased. 

I heard his muffled voice, then some rustling, and soon a door closed.

I laughed.

“Successful?” I asked and heard a sigh.

“I feel so rude,” he admitted.

“Don't be, you’ve been more rude to me and I survived,” I joked. He snorted.

“But you're not your sister,” he deadpanned. 

A weird feeling filled my stomach.

“Do you like her?”

“What?” he asked, this time genuinely confused.

“My sister, do you like her?” I asked again. 

Why hadn't I thought of this before? 

“Obviously, yes,” he replied. I pursed my lips. But why would he not want to watch a show with her, then ? 

“But, wait, not like that. I like her, of course, but I'm not interested. Is… was that your question?” Pablo almost stuttered and I was surprised to see him like this. Well, hear him like this. 

“Ah, okay. I was just curious,” I added. 

He chuckled a little.

“Sure.” 

“So, how was your day? How’s uni?” I asked in an attempt to sound casual.

“Uh, it's good. I had some lectures, did homework, lied to your sister,” he told me, making me laugh a little. 

“So free evening now?” 

“Yeah. I mean,” he snorted. “When are you ever free as a student.” 

I hissed through my teeth. “I couldn't imagine living that life. My teachers said I would only keep still in class with a ball at my feet.” 

Pablo let out a small sound that seemed so close to laughter I grinned. I leaned back on my couch, a happy smile on my face. 

“And… did you have training today?” he asked, and my phone almost slipped out of my grasp. Pablo Gavira, interested in my life?

“Yup, it was good, exhausting, but also funny. Remember Ferran?” 

He hummed.

“He got hit in the balls by a water bottle, it wasn't closed all the way and he had to spend the first half of training explaining to everyone that he did not piss his pants,” I recalled with a laugh, and was more than delighted when Pablo reacted similarly. 

“You can tell Fermin hello from me next time you see him, by the way,” he mumbled. 

“I'll do that,” I replied, a wry smile on my lips. I shook my head. Not again with the jealousy. 

“Okay, uhm, thank you again for helping me, eh?” Pablo then said. I frowned.

“Wait, do you want to end the call? We can still talk. If… if you want, of course,” I sheepishly offered, praying he would say yes. 

He was quiet for a moment.

“About what?” he then asked.

“Everything, I don't know. What's your favourite colour?” 

He snorted. 

“Are you serious?” 

“Yeah,” I admitted, holding my breath. Why? Good question. 

“Uh…” Pablo sounded both amused and confused. “Blue.” 

I smiled. 

“Mine too! God, we fit together so well,” I blabbered. Pablo immediately groaned.

“Pedro, I swear-”

“Sorry, sorry,” I cut him off with a sheepish chuckle. 

“And your favourite animal?” 

“Lion,” he said. “Is yours a wolf?” 

I smiled. 

“No, actually not. Hm, I can't really decide… I really like dolphins, and dogs, and panthers, I think. Maybe dolphins. Yeah,” I replied, and Pablo hummed. 

“Yeah, dolphins are cute.”

I smirked, imagining him calling me cute instead.  Well, the term ‘cute’ was definitely more well fitting for him than me. 

So of course I couldn't swallow the next words down.

“Like you.” 

“I’m hanging up,” he bluntly threatened.

“No, no! Wait, sorry. I want to know how Lupi is doing,” I quickly threw in, not daring to let him hang up. 

“Oh, yeah. He's doing good. He’s… helping me with history, actually. Maths not so much,” he said, and I wondered whether he wanted to tell me something else by that. 

That he was helping him with his history. His past. I truly hoped so, but I didn't want to interpret too much again. 

So I just smiled and laughed.

“What? Traitor. I actually liked maths in school,” I told him.

“You liked maths?” Pablo’s skeptical tone made me scoff.

“So hard to believe? It was where I got the best grades, mostly B’s,” I proudly declared, and Pablo whistled. 

“Look at that, professor Pedro,” he joked. 

And that definitely shouldn't have made me feel the way it did. 

“Mhm, if you ever need some help, you know where to find me,” I played along. He laughed quietly. I smiled into the air like the obsessed idiot I was, when my eyes landed on the small snowman figure standing on our windowsill. 

“Hey, what are your plans for Christmas?” I asked, my heart already aching at the thought that he had no family to go home to. 

“Uh…” His voice lowered itself, sounding a bit hoarse, a bit overwhelmed. “Well, what do people do on Christmas? Eat warm food, watch a cheap movie, listen to-” 

I interrupted him, the stitches in my heart accelerating at the image his words created.

“My parents always complain that there are not enough people in our family to finish all the food they cook,” I quickly let out. 

The call was silent for a few seconds. 

“Okay?” He’d understood what I said. “But… why- I can't just cancel my plans, I mean…” he drifted off, obviously distressed. 

I frowned and wanted to speak out again, try to calm him down, when he continued.

“Do you think I’m alone or something?” 

I bit my lip.

“Are you not?” I asked in response.

He didn't reply. 

I felt bad for him, he was probably so confused as to why I’d think so, or how I knew that. 

“Pedro. What is it you're trying to do?” His voice sounded tired.

“Inviting you to my house for christmas. You'd be more than welcomed by everyone. But only if you want to, and if you don't have any better plans, of course,” I calmly told him, while my heart was racing. 

I heard Pablo exhale through the phone.

“Thanks,” he whispered. 

And he sounded so small, so unsure and unsafe, that I almost cried. I felt as if that wasn't him speaking. It was the little Pablo in the orphanage, who maybe looked at advertisements displaying happy, red-cheeked kids surrounded by their families, who probably took the bus after school on the last day before Christmas break, watching how parents waited to pick up their children instead - only to end up sitting alone in a cold room.

“You're very welcome. No pressure though, seriously,” I stated softly, swallowing the lump in my throat. He made a ‘mhm’, then there were a few seconds of silence. 

“Okay, hey, I'll leave you alone now,” I finally said. Pablo cleared his throat.

“Alright. Goodnight, then,” he said.

“Goodnight, Pablo. And… thank you for the call. I really like talking to you,” I replied, hoping he'd take it well. 

“Oh, that’s… thanks,” he mumbled and I chuckled lowly. 

The next day, Ferran, Dani, Eric and me were sitting in a restaurant after training, eating sushi. We were chit-chatting about everything and nothing, the rain drumming against the glass wall next to our table, but our mood sunny as ever. 

I picked up my phone, seeing a new message from my sister in our group chat.

speedy gonzalez

milanese

so apparently Pablo is celebrating Christmas with us ?

DID HE SAY HE’S COMING?

milanese 

not yet he just asked me if that would really be okay

fernacho

who is celebrating what now

milanese

pedri invited pablo to celebrate Christmas with us

you're lucky I played along acting like I knew about that when he told me @ cacio e pepi

okay 

but

okay

wait 

hear me out

you literally can't say no

you can't 

because he doesn't have any family

right?

he'd be celebrating alone 

come on

fernacho

what do you mean he doesn't have family 

milanese 

he’s an orphan 

but please keep that to yourself

fernacho

oh my god 

yeah

fernacho

holy shit

like

did his family die recently or when he was a kid or?

milanese 

as far as I know he doesn't even know his family 

fernacho

fuck 

I can't even think about it

fernacho

okay but about Christmas 1. I thought he doesn't like you why would he celebrate Christmas with you? 2. no offense but isn't he celebrating with friends? 

milanese

probably not, Maria told me she once brought him to her family years ago 

but she also has a boyfriend now and visits them

shit I never thought about that he might be alone on Christmas 

yeah he sounded very much like he’d be alone

I can't let that happen

also he came to my birthday too, didn't he

fernacho

so when are we calling mum and dad

and are we asking them or telling them 

milanese

telling

telling

like they’d say no anyways

I told Pablo they always complain about us not being enough people to finish their food

fernacho

did that convince him

possibly

That evening, we called our parents and they were immediately on board with the idea, my mum urging us to tell them all about his allergies or favourite food and things he liked to get him a proper present. 

I quickly shot a text to Pablo afterwards, telling him to not bring anything in case he’d come, and just got an eye-roll emoji as reply. 

I felt all giddy and nervous in the weeks leading up to Christmas. The thought of having Pablo there with us was with me every morning and every night, but I still hadn't gotten an answer. 

I didn't ask again either, didn't want to put him under pressure.

One day, after we beat Villareal on a Saturday, my sister asked me if I wanted to accompany her and some friends to Port Aventura and bring some of my own friends, too. 

So Ferran, Fer, Eric and me were stepping out of the car at the amusement park, meeting Amelia and her friends at the entrance. 

I didn't care about anything else anymore after seeing Pablo standing next to another, curly haired girl, who was probably Maria if I remembered her correctly from Mila’s last birthday. 

I hadn’t wanted to expect him to be there, too, but I’d hoped so. Obviously. 

I brightly grinned at him and waved a little, to which he waved back. Ferran poked my side and wiggled his eyebrows at me when I turned to him. 

I slapped his chest. 

It was interesting, seeing Pablo with his friends. Cute, actually. He was so different, laughing freely, his whole face scrunching up as he threw his head into his neck, talking animatedly with both his hands and facial expressions that changed every second. 

Our groups were a little separated, but always close to each other, my sister merging between us. I was so busy watching the brunette guy who kept hugging his friend or slapping someone’s arm, that I didn't even care to which crazy rollercoaster they were dragging us. 

It seemed as though he actually really liked physical contact with people. Probably just not when he felt uncomfortable. Or maybe only around special people. 

I sighed quietly, when I noticed we were standing in line for the new haunted house they’d added to the park. While I wasn't a big fan of those parks and stuff in general, I’d been meaning to try this one when I read about it on my phone. 

I looked around us again, saw Ferran creeping up on my sister and grabbing her with a ‘boo’, but she just shook him off with an unimpressed glare and then laughed. 

I heard familiar voices behind me and found myself standing in front of Pablo and Maria.

“No, no, it’s okay, I'm just gonna be on the bench there and wait,” Pablo said. 

“Are you sure? I can wait with you,” the girl said. I frowned and turned slightly. 

“Of course I’m sure, you're not gonna miss out because of me, go,” he said. She sighed.

“It sucks that you're gonna be alone though.” 

“What's gonna happen, someone kidnaps me?” he joked. 

I turned around fully then and looked at them, immediately had both their eyes on me, too. 

I smiled at them, Maria smiled back. 

“Do you not want to go inside?” I asked Pablo quietly. Or as quietly as possible in a park full of screaming people. 

“No, it's not really my thing,” he replied and shrugged.

“I'll wait with you,” I stated. 

Maria smiled gratefully and opened her mouth, but was interrupted by Pablo.

“No. Go inside, I don't need a babysitter,” he snarled. I fought the urge to roll my eyes.

“But I don't wanna go either, you're just gonna let me be alone in the park, then?” I tried again. The house wasn’t that important to me, anyways.

Pablo huffed, looked at the sky for a few seconds. 

“Okay. Let’s go, then,” he mumbled and squeezed Maria’s arm. I nodded at her and followed him out of the crowd, texting my siblings where I was going. 

We settled down on a bench not too far away, a candy and crepe booth next to us. 

“Are you hungry?” I asked him and nodded towards it. He hesitated, then shook his head. I narrowed my eyes. 

“You sure? Cause if I could I’d buy myself a thick and warm nutella crepe now,” I sighed. “I still have to push through until christmas.” I slapped my tummy for emphasis, and saw Pablo hide a grin. 

He exhaled and then stood up. I smiled.

“Anything you’re allowed to eat from here?” he asked as we both eyed the booth. I grimaced, but then pointed to a pike of fruits with only thin lines of chocolate drabbled across. 

Not long later we were both sitting again, happily munching away on our overpriced sweets. It hadn't been easy to convince Pablo to let me pay, but at least when the cashier glared at us and I was quicker than him, he let it be and only scoffed. 

Now he loudly chewed on the last bite of his chocolate crepe - I totally did not envy him at all - and didn't even seem to care that his whole mouth was smeared with nutella. 

I snorted, chewing a strawberry, and he turned to me with a questioning look. 

I drew a circle around my mouth with my pointer finger and then pointed to him. He just furrowed his brows. I swallowed and chuckled, my brain threatening to combust from how fucking cute he looked. 

“You have chocolate on your whole face,” I snickered. 

His eyes widened, hand immediately grabbing a napkin and rubbing at his mouth. 

“Better?” he asked. I wanted to personally thank God when he didn't even get off half of it. 

With a chuckle, I shook my head. 

“Can- is it okay if I help you?” I asked carefully. 

He blankly stared at me, swallowed and handed me the tissue. 

I smiled warmly and scooted closer, somewhat nervous because I feared something would set him off again when I didn't even know what it could be. 

I gently rubbed his left cheek clean, then his right, and tentatively placed two fingers on his jaw to stabilise his head before rubbing his chin, too. His breathing hitched, eyes nervously flitted all over my face. I looked up at him, frowning, nonverbally asking if he was okay. He seemed to understand because I received the ghost of a nod. 

There was only one spot left under his bottom lip, and when my finger grazed his soft pink skin there his hand shot out to grab my wrist.  I slowly pulled my hand back. 

“Sorry,” I whispered. He only shook his head, then took the napkin back and cleaned the last drop off himself. 

The air was weirdly tense after that. 

“Do you wanna go somewhere? Take a walk? I think they're still gonna be in there for a while,” I asked. 

Pablo chewed on the inside of his cheeks for a little, then shrugged. 

“We could look at this Chinese house they have here,” he suggested. I smiled and nodded.

“Yeah, that's a good idea,” I agreed. We both put away our trash and then started walking through the park. 

Pablo was behind me, and I kept turning around to check if he was still there. Around the fifth or sixth time I did so, he chuckled lightly and stepped closer so that he was next to me. I smiled. And probably blushed. 

I looked at the little map of the park, turning it and checking if we were still on the right way. 

“Oh, we have to go back and turn right where that elephant-thingy is,” I then said. When I didn't get a response, I frowned and quickly made a three-sixty turn. 

Pablo wasn't next to or behind me anymore. 

“Pablo?” I craned my neck to look over the crowd around me, but didn't see him. 

“Fuck,” I hissed. I tried to tell myself that everything was fine, he was an adult who wouldn't get in danger because he got lost in an amusement park. 

I pushed back through the crowd, scanning every spot, when I suddenly felt a hand tug at the hem on the back of my sweater. 

Startled, I whirled around. 

“Holy shit, Pablo,” I breathed out. His blown out hazel eyes looked back at me, almost scared, his fingers still curled into the fabric of my sweater. 

“Everything okay?” I asked gently and stepped closer. He nodded, eyes calmer again. 

“Yeah, yeah. You just weren't next to me anymore from one second to the other,” he weakly chuckled. I nodded along. 

“Easy to get lost here, eh?” I replied. “We have to go there, by the way,” I then told him and pointed around a corner. He just nodded and followed me. 

My heart almost short circuited when I noticed that he was still holding onto my hoodie, keeping close to me.  It made me feel warm and safe all over, thinking that maybe he finally felt safe in my presence too.  At least safe enough to not keep a distance of one meter between us.  I still kept glancing back at him whenever he wasn't next to me anymore and smiled when our eyes crossed.

The rest of the evening passed by without any other occurrences. We visited the Dragon Khan house, I took a silly picture of Pablo sticking his hand inside the Dragon’s mouth and pretending to scream, not much later the others came back and we went to two more attractions, then finished the day at the steak restaurant. 

Dinner was cozy, I got to know more of Amelia’s friends, like how Isabella, who I still knew from when she’d hung out at our place, was finishing her bachelor in sociology this year. Or that Ida was originally from Sweden and moved here two years ago, her Spanish already almost impeccable because her uncle had married a Columbian and she’d spent half of her childhood with her cousins, learning the language too. And that Maria and Pablo had known each other for about six years now as they'd gone to school together, both having moved here from Sevilla three years ago. 

I was tired but happy when I lay in bed that night. Without thinking, I opened my gallery and stared at the photo of Pablo I took. 

I smiled. Then felt like a sick stalker and obsessive fan at the same time. 

I sent it to him and got two laughing emojis in response not long after. 

pablo🤭

so what do your parents cook for Christmas? 

My stomach fluttered. Was he implying what I thought he was implying? 

do you know Canarian dishes?

idk depends on what is typical for christmas? 

well 

there’s puchero canario so a stew with meat and veggies and chick-peas, my dad uses beef for it most of the time 

then cordero asado which is roasted lamb

hmm 

a lot of potatoes 

for example the croquettes my sister made if you remember 

my mum’s specialty 

then there's some fish too, mostly tuna with papas arrugadas 

okay I understand why no one’s able to finish the food 

HAHA

didn’t even get to the dessert 😋

insane

do you have any allergies?

are you assuming that I’m coming 

are you going to decide depending on whether or not you like the food?

you're smarter than you look

that's 

oddly nice and mean at the same time?

so dessert? 

truchas? they’re like sweet empanadas no

well

basically yes

also turrón 

you know that?

no 

nougat with almonds

also bienmesabe

 an almond cream with lemon

hmm 

sounds good

do you not like chocolate on your little island? 

psh of course we do

my brother makes a chocolate mousse every year

oh yummy

I suddenly giggled into the darkness of my bedroom, realising that I was probably talking to a little chocolate-addict. He was ten times cuter now again. 

so, convinced?

is the food good enough for you to come?

hmmmm 

I guess so

yayyyy omg

I mean

that's great :)

I passed a hand over my face and groaned, then turned around and hid my head in the pillow. 

Why was I so embarrassing all the time? I couldn't even act like I didn't have a massive crush on Pablo for one day.  Gosh.

Pablo had only reacted with a ‘:)’ to that, then told me he was going to sleep. I did the same. After a quick look at this photo again. 

And making it the wallpaper of our WhatsApp chat. 

And praying that no one would ever see that. 

Chapter Text

~~☆~~

In the week before Christmas, Pablo had apparently asked my sister about his invitation at least three more times.  Mostly if we were sure he wouldn't be intruding. 
I wanted to shake him, make him fill out an official ‘you’re adopted for christmas’-form so he would stop doubting everything and everyone. Instead, Amelia just kept reassuring him and I even sent him a screenshot of our family group chat one evening, where my mum had sent us a list of groceries to buy, explicitly leaving out the chickpeas for the puchero canario due to Pablo’s legume allergy that he luckily told Amelia about.

The last training of the year was finished, our team slowly trotted down the field and into the locker rooms. 

“Your parents are coming to Barcelona this year, right?” Ferran asked from next to me, sliding off his sweaty shirt. I nodded with a smile, already looking forward to seeing them again.

“You going home?” I asked back. 

“Yes, can't wait,” he grinned. “Oh, that reminds me, I was going to ask my neighbour to look after Minnie and Roma but he’s not home either – could you maybe look after them?” he asked with a small grimace. I just smiled at him and squeezed his shoulder.

“Sure, I don't mind. Do you want me to take them to my place or just come over once or twice a day?” I asked while pulling off my boots. 

“Ah, you don't need to take them in, that's a lot of work and I'm already leaving the day after tomorrow real early. I’ll just give you the key and send you stuff you need to know, yeah?” he suggested and I just agreed. 

“I just know Amelia will be fighting me every time to come with me,” I chuckled, remembering my sister’s great love for dogs. Ferran smiled at the ground, red creeping up his neck. 

Huh. Maybe I wasn't so wrong about him liking Mila. 

“Stop blushing, idiot,” I muttered but kept my tone playful. He slapped the back of my head. 

“What, it's cute when people love my dogs,” he poorly defended himself. I cocked an eyebrow.

“Mhm. People ,” I mumbled and earned myself a groan.

“Thank you for looking after them, eh? I owe you one,” he swiftly changed the topic, narrowing his eyes and putting a hand on my thigh. I turned and pushed the hand off, yet gave him a scrunched up smile in response. 

Before we left, I told him to greet his mum and sister from me and he kissed my head with a proud smile as goodbye. 

My parents arrived from the airport late in the evening tonight, and me and my siblings were all in the car together to pick them up.

Amelia was the first to spot them at the exit of the airport and we quickly made our way over. 

After most likely ten minutes spent hugging, kissing and stowing away their luggage in the trunk, we were on the way home again. Fer and mamà were in the front while Mila was squished between me and our dad, her head resting on his shoulder and his arm around hers. I smiled at them, suddenly feeling infinitely grateful and sentimental at the safety and comfort our family bond brought us. 

When we were all together again, there was no Pedri, the football star, Fernando, the stressed out chef, Amelia, the quiet student – as soon as our mum wrapped her arms around us, our dad kissed our heads, we were just Fer, Pedrito and Mila again, without a single worry in the world. 

“Pedro, you lost weight,” my mum scolded the second we entered our house.

“I’m on a healthy diet and I’m actually gaining more muscle, what do you mean?” I brushed her off, but she just narrowed her eyes at me and disappeared into the kitchen. 

I threw up my arms and turned around.

“Papà, do I look thin to you?”

He fixed me with a look that told me I already knew the answer to that and I groaned in frustration. I quickly grabbed as much of my parent’s luggage as I could and carried it further down the hall into the guest room that was basically only my parent’s bedroom when they were here. We had another – well, two, now that Mila had moved out, but there were still some of her things in the room – upstairs, next to mine. 

The next morning, my parents were already eating at the table when I came downstairs, still in my pyjama. 

My mum opened her arms as soon as she saw me and I grinned and stepped into the embrace, leaning my torso over her head. 

“How did you sleep?” she asked and I tutted.

“Very good, but how did you sleep, after the flight?” I asked back, also looking at my dad who gave me a warm smile. 

“Perfect, we’re all good,” she replied and I kissed her head. 

“Are Mila and Fer still in bed?” 

Papà nodded. 

“Fer’s got work this afternoon, no?” he asked while I prepared myself a fruit bowl and protein shake. I nodded.

“I also have to drive over to Ferran’s and take care of his dogs today, and for the next two weeks, by the way,” I informed them and then sat down next to my mum at the table. 

“I can come with you today,” she offered and I smiled widely with a nod.

So a few hours later we drove my brother to the restaurant for his shift and continued on to Ferran’s house. I was happy to spend some time alone just with my mum and hugged her tightly from the side when we entered his house. 

Minnie and Roma came barrelling into our legs and almost slipped on the floor, causing us to laugh. 

While my mum put the leashes on them at the entrance, I went and filled up their water and food, then took Roma's leash and we started our walk. 

We enjoyed the nature of the hills in Castelldefells, Ferran's house was in the same quarter of the city as mine, but on the other end of it, just next to where the forests and hills were beginning. 

“Tell me something about Pablo,” my mum suddenly said while Minnie chased a stick she'd thrown. 

I panicked internally. There was so much and at the same time so little I could say, and I had no idea with what to start or what to keep to myself.

“Well, he’s the same age as Mila, studies maths and history, and he's very nice and a little shy. But really smart,” I summed it up nervously.

She hummed and stared off into the distance.

“And Mila… why does she want him there with us?” 

I frowned. Did she think there was something between them? We hadn’t immediately told them about Pablo being an orphan on the call, because my parents had agreed without hesitation when we said he’d be alone otherwise.

“No, no it’s not… it was my idea,” I admitted. Now my mum turned to me with a surprised look. I shrugged and sighed.

“He doesn't have any family, mama. They gave him away as a baby, I think, at least he's never met them and grew up in an orphanage, never got adopted either,” I explained. 

Her mouth turned downwards, brows immediately knitting together and eyes wide with sadness.

“Oh no,” she softly muttered out. 

I pushed my hands further into the pockets of my jacket, shivering lightly at the wind. 

“Yeah,” I agreed quietly. “We couldn't bear to leave him all alone this Christmas, so I simply invited him,” I said, then bent down and threw another stick for Mimo. 

My mum hooked her arm around mine and pulled me closer.

“You did the right thing,” she assured me and I smiled. 

“I hope he can get a bit of that… family feeling tomorrow, you know,” I mumbled. My mum squeezed my arm. 

“We’ll make sure that he’s alright, mijo,” she softly said. “So Mila and him are not…?” 

I almost choked on saliva at the thought.

“No, no. Nothing. Just friends,” I quickly said, but kept quiet about my own feelings.

It wasn't that I didn't want my mum to know, or didn't trust her. 

She’d been the first person I’d told about the weird tingly feeling in my stomach when my teammate at Laguna hugged and kissed my neck after every goal when I was thirteen. 

She was the only one who’d known for years that I didn’t really only like girls, that I’d found boys pretty more often than girls. She’d always had open arms and open ears for when I’d panicked about what that meant for me, and assured me that I didn't owe it to anyone to figure it out quickly and even less tell people about it. 

And when I’d kissed Daniel at Ferran’s party – well, fully made out with him – and almost all of my friends suddenly knew, she’d been the only one who’d seen past the relaxed guy who was sure about his sexuality, the only one who’d calmed me down on nightly calls when I cried because I spiraled thinking about a future where my dream club kicked me out and people started avoiding me. 

In fact, I’d been meaning to tell her all about my crush on Pablo the second I’d see her again in person, but now that he was celebrating with us and my siblings already knew and would make sure to make me suffer through it, I didn't want my parents to know too , wanted Pablo to at least receive completely neutral attention from them that evening.

Mamà would only need to watch one interaction between me and him anyways, and she’d know everything already. 

So I already had to prepare myself for a talk on the 25th. 

We finished our walk, I sent Ferran a photo of my mum and the dogs, telling him that she said hi, and he replied with heart-eye emojis and a selfie of him and Arantxa grinning into the camera, saying hi back. 

The twentyfourth December started loud and busy. As expected, my parents and Fer were in the kitchen at nine in the morning, pots clattering, christmas music jingling in the background, their murmurs reaching my room upstairs. 

I pulled a pillow over my head and pressed it onto my ears for a few seconds, then quickly got out of bed with a groan. 

I greeted my mum with a kiss to her head, made myself some toast for breakfast and almost spit it out when I saw two unread messages from Pablo. 

hey, could you send me your address for tonight?

and when should I be there? 

Ignoring the ridiculously strong flutter in my stomach, I replied. 

heyy good morning

we’re picking you up don't worry

be ready at like six pm?

pedro 

I can perfectly well come to your house with a bus or metro 

no actually cause there’s no good connection

are you serious

very 

can you just tell me where you live so I can see for myself 

I sighed, sent him the closest bus station that was still more than twenty minutes away from my house by foot and he finally agreed on being picked up after searching for the connections himself. 

A little while later, after I helped decorating the dining and living room and wrapped my presents – because when else would I do it if not a few hours before Christmas eve – I asked my sister if she wanted to come and walk Ferran’s dogs with me. She obviously immediately and over excitedly agreed and I laughed, seeing sparks of the mini Mila who would crouch down next to every single stray dog in Tegueste and beg our parents to adopt them. 

When we left Ferran’s house again it was already time to pick Pablo up, and my sister wiggled her eyebrows at me when we parked the car in front of their apartment complex. 

“Want me to sit in the back?” she teased and I slapped her arm. 

Pablo looked as perfect as always when he exited the building, the beanie he wore on the first day we met on his head, a fluffy winter jacket embracing his torso in a way that made me envy it for being able to stick to him and keep him warm like that. He was carrying a bag and a box in his hands, so while rolling my eyes, I quickly got out of the car and opened the door for him. 

“Hi,” he mumbled with a curt smile when he reached the car. 

“Hey,” I smiled back, then shook my head. “Which part of ‘don’t bring anything’ did you not understand?” I asked in a light, teasing tone. He glared at me after carefully sitting down in the backseat and storing the box securely in his lap. 

“The one that's imprinted by society’s etiquette,” he countered in an unimpressed murmur. I sighed, watched how my sister turned in her seat to greet him and then carefully closed the door to his seat.

The second we entered our house, my mum was fussing over Pablo. 

I watched with a grin how she took him in her arms before he could pull off his jacket, how he nearly stumbled and clung to the bag and box in his arms. 

“We’re so happy to have you here!” 

Mamà now held his shoulders at arm-length and beamed up at him. And I could see a soft, reddish hue paint over his cheeks and nose as he smiled down. 

“Thank you so much,” he said, while my mum’s smile just widened. 

“No need to thank us,” she reassured him.

I stepped forward then, extended my hands towards his stuff and he frowned before allowing me to take it from him. I winked at him, because I just couldn't resist the urge and he looked so cute and shy and sweet, then placed the box on the counter and his bag next to the couch.

Fer came out of the kitchen now too, smiling widely and clapping Pablo’s shoulder like they were old friends. 

Pablo didn't seem to mind, only turned back to him with a smile, too, and accepted the bro-handshake. 

“Papà, Pablo’s here, if you want to say hi,” I muttered while leaning around my dad to steal a piece of pepper. 

He swatted my hand away but trailed behind me into the hallway, extending his hands to the young boy with a warm smile.

“Pablo, is it? Very nice to meet you,” he greeted him. Pablo smiled back, this time more curtly than with mum and Fer, and I observed him, worried about any sign of discomfort. 

When my family dispersed around the dining room and kitchen again, I stepped closer to Pablo. 

“Here, give me your jacket,” I offered and he shrugged it off, then handed it to me. 

“Thank you,” he said while pulling off his shoes. I just smiled over my shoulder. 

Something constricted in my chest when I let my gaze roam his now soft face, the dim living room lights casting shadows across it while highlighting the golden strands of his hair. The white knitted sweater hugged his shoulders and before I could admire him further I noticed the tight fists peeking out of the sleeves. 

I tried to send him a comforting smile when I turned back around and he stood there, not really knowing where to go next.

“I’m really happy that you’re here, Pablo,” I softly said. He stared at me, chest moving up in a strong inhale.  

“Thanks,” he breathed out. 

I nodded towards the kitchen with a smile and raised eyebrows and he followed me. 

“I put your bag in the living room next to the couch, if you need it,” I said and he nodded.

We entered the kitchen, which wasn’t a small room, but now with six people rushing around way too narrow. 

“Maybe we should get out of here again,” I mumbled to the boy next to me when my brother bumped into my mum’s back and groaned loudly, his apron now full of a beige cream. 

Pablo watched the scene with a lopsided smile, then followed me back out of the kitchen. 

“What’s in the box you brought?” I asked after sitting down at the table. 

“Pestiños, you know what that is?” he replied and stayed standing behind a chair.

“Oh, yeah, those fried dough thingies with honey, no?” 

He nodded and I gleamed.

“I’ve tried them once and they're so yummy, did you make them yourself?” 

He was still standing when he nodded again and looked out the door with a pensive look. 

“Isn’t there something we can, like, do to help?” he asked after hesitating for a bit. 

“Pablo,” I sighed with a smile. “Relax. Trust me, you can’t help them, they have their own chaotically organised system in there and neither I nor Mila get through it. Plus the table is ready so far, so just sit down,” I told him. 

He narrowed his eyes at me, then sat down opposite me.

“You can have a hot chocolate, if you want? Or a tea, or wine,” I offered and stood up to fetch the bottle of wine on the other end of the table. 

“Oh… just, I’m okay with water, too,” he mumbled. I sent him an amused look.

“Water? It's Christmas, you need something warm and sweet for your soul,” I argued. He chewed on his lip and then tilted his head.

“Are you making yourself a hot chocolate, too?” 

I grinned and nodded, crumbling on the inside from his adorableness. 

“I knew it,” I whispered, leaned closer over the table and as if on instinct, tapped his nose. 

He flinched back before I even realised what I’d done, and we stared at each other. 

There was no malice in his eyes this time. No fear or anger. I almost let out a ‘huh’ in surprise. He was just looking at me, wide eyed, the hazel brown cosmos luring me in. His brows twitched, and then one corner of his lips turned up. What the hell?

“Did you just bop my nose?” His voice was a bit hoarse, a bit playful, his eyes narrowed again. 

I feigned innocence and put my hands up in surrender, daring to play along.

“You should be glad that I didn’t steal it,” I countered, cocked an eyebrow. 

His lips pressed together in the way they did when you tried not to laugh. 

“You’re making me be really scared of you, eh?” The statement came out too soft to be nothing more than a joke. It almost sounded… honest. I frowned, chest tightening. Scared of me?

“Do I?” I whispered. He swallowed, looked down. Looked back up. And back was the cool and composed Pablo. 

“Very. Almost more than Lupi,” he jabbed back, now clearly joking. I watched his face for a moment, then grinned weakly. 

“That’s definitely a record,” I just replied, then finally went into the kitchen to prepare the hot chocolates. 

When I came back my sister sat next to Pablo. I placed the cup in front of him and he smiled at me. 

Gosh . If all it needed was a hot chocolate to make him smile, I’d make him one everyday. 

“Oh my God, can I have one too?” Mila then asked. 

“Sure, make yourself one,” I replied dryly. She tutted.

“You’re mean, you’re not allowed to be mean on Christmas,” she complained. I rolled my eyes and nodded at Pablo. 

“You hearing this? Don’t be mean on Christmas. The rest of the year it’s okay,” I winked. He snorted. My sister groaned.

Soon enough, the table was filled with so many plates and dishes that I feared it would collapse under the weight. Our table back in Tegueste was definitely bigger.

But the dinner was perfect. Cozy music played in the background, it was getting darker outside and the soft glow of candles lit up the room. We ate and ate and ate, talked about everything and nothing in the few breaks we did to digest every course. 

And Pablo seemed calm. 

He chuckled every now and then but kept rather quiet other than that. Not the kind that worried you if he was doing okay. It was more the kind that showed he was just content, maybe a little shy but not really in need of saying something. 

My mum asked if he missed Sevilla sometimes, and I sent her a grateful smile that she phrased it like that and didn’t make it about his family. 

“Uhm, I don’t miss a lot, to be honest. I grew up in a small town, the nature was nice, but we were a bit far from the sea, so that's a big plus for Barcelona,” he replied and I noticed how his thumb was stuck inside his fist again. 

My sister sent me a worried glance from beside him, I just tilted my head. 

We were so accustomed to the feeling of a safe home, a place where we grew up in a loving family with beautiful nature and people, and being able to always come back to it to recharge our batteries. It broke my heart again to hear that Pablo didn't have that. 

God. If I could just… give that to him. Give him a home. A family. Memories. Love. Safety.

“A place far from the sea, yeah, that's a no go for me,” I said to lighten the mood again. He would not be sad tonight on my watch. 

My brother laughed and agreed.

“Yeah, have you ever been to Tenerife?” he asked Pablo, who shook his head.

“We basically grew up swimming,” Fer continued, pulled out his phone and then showed Pablo a few photos of our town and the beaches and natural pools. 

“We should take you to the Playa de la Arena next Christmas, it’s a beach with black sand,” my mum suddenly exclaimed. 

Pablo looked up at her, the smile freezing on his lips. I, too, looked at her with wide eyes. But she didn't seem to notice.

“That way you’ll also be forced to not bring anything as our guest, eh? At least not food,” she snickered. Pablo only chuckled politely and then looked at me with questioning eyes.

“I’m… I didn’t plan on, well, coming next year, I mean…” he drifted off, his voice careful as he looked at mamá again but obviously didn't really know how to say what he wanted to say. 

I grabbed my mum’s hand, who sat at the head of the table next to me and Pablo. She acknowledged me but then turned back to him.

“Oh, we would love to have you there! Our island is so beautiful, you’d surely love it. Think about it,” she winked and tapped his forearm, then continued a conversation with my dad, as if nothing happened.

I watched Pablo for a while, observing how the gears in his head were probably turning now. He looked down at his bowl, twirled the spoon around in the bienmesabe, then lifted it up. His eyes met mine, forehead wrinkled. I just smiled. 

“No one’s pressuring you into coming, you know that, right?” I tried to say it as quietly as possible while my parents were still talking across the table. He heard it, nodded. 

“Didn’t expect that,” he mumbled back and I laughed. 

“Is it good?” I nodded towards his bowl, changing the subject. 

“Very,” he replied, his eyes lighting up again. I grinned and he licked the spoon for emphasis.

Oh, for heaven’s sake.

Chapter Text

~~☆~~

After dinner, we moved into the living room, leaving everything on the table for when we’d maybe be hungry again later. 

Yes, we did this every Christmas. No, we were not addicted to food. 

My brother pulled out some board games from the drawer in the living room and spread them on the coffee table. 

“What about the presents?” Amelia, who sat between Pablo and me on the couch, asked with a pout. 

“Why not tomorrow like we always do?” my dad asked. 

“Because maybe Pablo won't be there?” Mila asked back. Papà frowned.

“Really? You’re not sleeping over? The guest room is already prepared for you,” he told Pablo with a smile. And the poor guy just stared at him with wide eyes, digesting the second surprise tonight, that I also didn’t know about. I quickly leaned over and smiled at him.

“Hey, no pressure. I can drive you home after the fair, or even later, I can also pick you up again tomorrow, or if you want you can sleep here, mine or Fer’s clothes should fit you anyways,” I reassured him. He nodded, his face still tense as he probably mulled over his options. 

We played risk for some time, then moved on to monopoly, until most of us were too tired to continue and we just ate some more of the tons of desserts on the table. 

Pablo, who had won the first round of risk – which was no surprise to me given that he probably outsmarted all of us – was leaning back in his chair and laughed about something stupid Fer and my dad were talking about. 

I was too submerged in my thoughts about how unfairly well the white sweater looked on him, how beautifully his face lit up while laughing, eyes crinkling at the corners and closing completely, that I didn’t notice the look my mum gave me at first. 

When I turned to her, she only raised her eyebrows and smiled, then shifted her attention elsewhere again. 

What did I say? She probably already knew everything.

At a little something past eleven pm, we all went outside, deciding who would drive with whom as we couldn’t fit six people in a car. 

I could see that it made Pablo kind of uncomfortable, being the cause for this, but I made sure to send him some easy smiles and simply grab my car keys, announcing that whoever wanted to could drive with me, or with my brother. 

To my surprise, Pablo was the first one who followed me to my car, and also the only one. 

I did my best to contain my excitement. The church wasn't too far away, but twenty minutes alone in a car with Pablo were enough for my heart to summersault through the universe. 

“You can put on some music,” I offered as I made sure he was buckled up and drove us out of the driveway in reverse, placing my arm behind his armrest to check for any oncoming traffic. I noticed him turning his head slightly, eyeing my arm, then shifting in the seat without really changing his position. 

I prayed that I didn't make him feel uncomfortable again, but that maybe, just maybe, he’d done it for other reasons. 

Very improbable. But hey, a boy could dream.

“Does it connect with the car?” I asked and he nodded. Just then I heard the little jingling sound, and not much later soft piano tunes filled the car. A modern Christmas song, as it turned out when the guy started singing, and I thought that I recognised that voice.

“Wait, I’ve heard this before, who is it?” I asked. 

“Coldplay.” 

“Ah, of course,” I snapped my finger like I just solved a riddle and Pablo just hummed.

“Do you like him?” I asked.

“Coldplay?” he asked back and looked at me. I nodded.

“Yeah,” he said and I smiled, finally getting an answer to the question I’d asked him so many weeks ago. 

“Your favourite artist?” I continued, not letting the chance to get to know him better slide. 

“Yeah,” he replied again. 

“Hm, so eloquent tonight,” I teased and glanced at him with a grin to see that he rolled his eyes.

“Shut up.” 

So I did. The silence wasn’t really uncomfortable and I could sense that Pablo was tired from the whole evening. 

The second I parked the car, I spoke up again.

“Hey, we don’t have to be here if you’re too tired. No one would sue you for getting rest, yeah?” I told him in a calm voice. 

“Psh, the least we can do for God is celebrate his son’s birthday properly,” he just replied and then he was already out. I stared after him. Could he be any more perfect?

The misa del gallo was beautiful and solemn as always, the church was lit up by so many soft lights and the choir sang impeccably well, almost giving me goosebumps in combination with the sermon about God sending his love in the form of his son down to us. 

Though I felt a little guilty, sitting there and having my thoughts drift away frequently to a pretty boy one seat further. 

It was just… he looked so angelic. Which was kind of ironic given our surroundings. Or maybe it was because of it. I couldn’t imagine that God didn't pat himself on his shoulder when he looked at Pablo. That the angels weren’t almost jealous of how ethereally his face shined. 

Wait…. could angels even get jealous? Being in heaven and all? Oh shit, of course, that’s how the devil became the devil. 

My thoughts came to a halt when I lit up the small candle down at the altar and crossed gazes with Pablo. He gave me a crooked smile, the soft yellow confirming my earlier daydreams. 

I only moved again when someone accidentally pushed me back, ranted out some apologies and quickly turned back to my seat, where Fer was awaiting me with an evil grin. 

Suddenly I was glad that we’d be at home again soon. 

“Okay, so which movie are we watching?” Amelia asked when we were back at home. We were currently decorating the coffee table with snacks and some of the dessert from dinner, including Pablo’s pestiños that were genuinely so good. I snatched one of them before placing the plate on the table, and Pablo apparently caught me while I was still chewing, cocking his eyebrow.

“Thief,” he mumbled. I grinned.

“Oops, you wanna arrest me now?” I joked back. He quickly turned away from me, shaking his head. 

I didn't even mean it like that. Okay, maybe I did. 

“What about home alone?” papà asked to answer Mila’s question and all three of us groaned. 

“We watched it the past four years,” Fer groaned. 

“How about Frosty?” I asked, also looking at Pablo, who just followed our conversation with his eyes. When they met mine, they were kind of cold again. I immediately frowned. 

No. No, no, no. The evening had been so good, and now I ruined it with what, my joke? 

“Oh, we should watch Christmas with the Kranks,” my mum then exclaimed happily. I tried to remember the plot of the movie, and failed, so I agreed, while Fer’s eyes lit up too and the others went along with the decision. 

“Have you seen it before, Pablo?” my dad asked and he nodded with a small smile.

“Yeah, it's really funny,” he said. My dad put an arm around his shoulder and chuckled warmly.

“It is, eh? That’s perfect, you fit right in with us,” he claimed. Pablo looked up at him, eyes searching his for something while they twitched slightly – as if they were torn between skepticism and joy of believing that sentence. My dad noticed, looked down at him and squeezed his shoulders with a grin. I watched how Pablo’s arm slowly winded around his back, too, allowing the side hug, how the tension slowly faded, how he still looked at him and then seemed to snap out of it and looked around the room again, blinking. 

I wanted to cry. 

“Good, go and put your pyjamas on now. Pablo, you can go with Pedri and take something from his wardrobe,” my mamá told us then and winked at me before I ascended the stairs. Goodness .

Upstairs, I overtook Pablo and opened the door to my room.

“You can also take something from Fer, if you prefer that,” I offered, and it almost hurt to say it, but he had to be comfortable. He just shrugged.

“I don't care, as long as you don't mind.”

So I let him follow me into the room, opened the drawers and stepped aside. 

“Take anything.” I meant it. He could also take my whole room, my house, my heart for all I cared, though he already kinda had that one. 

He stared at me.

“No, please, just give me something, I have no idea what to take,” he breathed out. I got it, and with a grin, turned back to my clothes. 

It hit me then. 

I would see Pablo wearing my clothes in my living room next to my family. Uh oh.

I quickly pulled out white sweatpants and a brown sweater with a little bear embroidered on the front – that I thought looked just like him – and held it out to him. 

“Wait, you probably want a t-shirt, too.” 

“Oh, I’m fine with-” he stopped himself when he saw the jersey in my hands. I grinned, but all I got back was a reprimanding glare and I quickly threw it back in the wardrobe, pulling out a simple grey shirt for him. 

“Thanks,” he muttered with a curt smile. I let out a ‘tsk’ and took out my own pyjama, noticing how Pablo observed the room. 

“You're terrible at keeping tidy, no?” he asked lowly, almost amused.

I looked over my shoulder, at the pile of dirty clothes on my desk chair, the mess of cables and video games on the dresser. 

“I have no idea what you're talking about,” I denied with a chuckle, then closed the drawer again.

“Come, I’ll show you the guest room, you can change there,” I told him and beckoned for him to follow me. The room was clean and a bit empty, of course. Some basic furniture and a cool retro poster of Andres Iniesta over the desk, a few pictures of Tenerife’s landscape on the wall over the bed. 

Pablo smiled at me, I smiled back and took that as my cue to leave, not closing the door behind me because I didn't know whether that would upset him again. 

I heard him close it himself and then quickly went to change into my own comfortable PJ’s, a blue sweater with snowflakes and grey sweatpants. Plus ugly, fuzzy socks with reindeers all over. Oh.

I grabbed a pair for Pablo too, as I had a set of three, in case he wanted them, and waited until he came out of the room. 

“You want those?” I held the pair of red snowman socks in front of him. And almost fell face down at how freaking cute and hot he looked in my clothes. 

Get a grip.  

He bit his lip, stifling a grin, and then took them with a small shake of his head. 

“Thanks, you're a lifesaver,” he sarcastically remarked. I laughed out loud, his head snapped up to me, amusement finally playing in his eyes again. 

Watching the movie was nice. Amelia sat between Pablo and me and with time he laughed out more freely, his freaking heavenly giggles almost making me go insane. 

When the end credits rolled in, almost all of us were more or less half asleep. 

My dad shushed us when he looked down at my mum, who had her head resting on his shoulder and was definitely not awake anymore.

“Okay, goodnight my little ones, and please be quiet, I don’t want mamá to wake up,” he told us and picked my mum up into his arms to carry her to bed. In a chorus, we all said goodnight back to him and cleaned the living room roughly. 

“I’m gonna be so round when I wake up tomorrow,” Amelia whispered in the kitchen when she swallowed down another cookie. All three of us snickered. We ascended the stairs as quietly as possible and went into the two bathrooms upstairs, the one between mine and the guest room and the other between Fer and Mila’s rooms. I expected Fer to come into my bathroom, too, but of course he had all his stuff in his own. So now I was alone with Pablo again. 

I left the door wide open, searched the cabinet under the sink for a spare toothbrush and gave it to him. He smiled gratefully, eyes drooping low. We brushed our teeth in silence but I couldn’t help imagining how this scenario would look like if Pablo was my boyfriend, and lived with me. 

He’d roam around freely, using his own towel that was next to mine, maybe shove me to the side to get more space at the sink. Maybe he’d grin at me through the mirror, I’d ruffle his hair, maybe we’d even be shirtless and I’d taste the toothpaste in his mouth when I’d kiss him. 

When I looked into the mirror now, I only saw my own reflection looking back at me with red cheeks.

Ugh, not again.  

Pablo tapped my arm, I stepped aside, let him wash his mouth. I tried to look anywhere else but him. 

“Goodnight,” he rasped in his apparently sleepy voice.  

“Goodnight, Pablo. If anything happens or you need something don't hesitate to wake one of us up, yeah?” 

He nodded and left the bathroom. 

When my back hit the mattress, I only realised how tired I really was. 

I went on my phone for a few moments, then plugged in the charger and placed it on the nightstand.

There was a sound outside my door. I halted, waited and listened. Nothing else came, so I snuggled deep into my blankets, thinking of Pablo in the ridiculously cute brown hoodie. 

Then I sat up again. There was a knock on my door. And again. Very soft, but audible.

I quickly got out of bed and opened it. 

“Pablo?” I breathed out. “You okay?” 

He grimaced.

“Hey, sorry…” he started and I immediately waved it off, opened the door further. 

“I, uh, do you have a key for the guest room? For the door? I have this habit of sleeping with the door locked, it's… kind of a long story, but I don’t know, do you know if you have one? You don't have to search for it or something if you don’t know-” I interrupted his nervous rant with a tired laugh. 

“Relax. Let me think for a second,” I replied and rubbed my eye. “No, we lost that one some time ago, I’m so sorry.” I grimaced and watched his face tensing up, but still forming a polite smile.

“No, no problem,” he quickly reassured me. His eyes told a different story.

“My room has a key, we can switch. I don't mind,” I offered. He furrowed his eyebrows and hesitated, so I spoke up again.

“I’m serious, I don’t care. You should feel comfortable and this is my home anyways, I can sleep anywhere. Do you want to?” I asked and pulled the key out of my door, dangling it in front of him with a small smile. 

He sighed.

“Thank you, really. I’m so sorry that I’m asking this, if it wasn’t kind of serious I wouldn't have done it,” he assured me and I nodded with a grin. 

“Stop apologising, I’m glad that you asked me,” I just said, went into the guest room and carried his blanket over to my bed. He simply stood in the hallway, hands playing with the hem of the sweater. 

“Come, I’m taking my blanket with me because it's not fresh, wouldn't want you to sleep in my sweat, eh,” I joked. His smile slanted downwards like always when he didn't want to laugh. He followed me into the room and helped me gather my stuff, placing the pillow in my arms. 

“Okay. I’ll bring this over and then get you a new bedsheet, I’ll be-” 

His hand on my arm stopped me. 

“You don’t have to do that, really,” he said with a ‘tsk’. I looked at him, he rolled his eyes while taking his fingers off me again. 

“You sure? It might smell,” I grimaced. 

“I genuinely don't care. Go to sleep, Pedri, this is already more than nice,” he insisted. And called me Pedri. For the first time ever. 

I hid the grin on my face and nodded, quickly concentrating again.

“Okay, okay, thanks. You can lay down already but I have to come back once for a few clothes for tomorrow, yeah?” 

He nodded and spread out the blanket, placed his phone on the nightstand. 

“Oh yeah, you can use my charger if it fits. Must be the same as in the guest room,” I told him and then carried my stuff over before coming back. He was sitting on the bed, looking around the room. 

I smiled, quickly gathered my phone and a few clothes to change into tomorrow, looked around if I needed anything else. 

“You're aware that you can just knock or call me tomorrow if you need to use your own room, right?” he asked amused. 

“Nah, you should sleep in, don't wanna wake you up,” I denied and then went to the door. He opened his mouth to protest, a tired frown on his face but I quickly stopped him.

“Goodnight, I hope you can sleep well, Pablo,” I softly exclaimed. He nodded and waved at me.

“Goodnight, and thank you,” he said before I closed the door. 

I heard the key turning around when I arrived in front of the guest room and lay in bed for a while, thinking about what could have possibly happened to him to make him be so… scared and distrusting. 

Was it something that happened in the orphanage? Or later? Or even earlier, did he maybe know his family but pretended to forget because they were horrible? 

The thinking got me asleep not much later. 

I woke up at around one thirty pm, to a still quiet house. Content, I turned around in bed, snuggled into my pillow. And then I felt my bladder threaten to burst and groaned. With a grimace and only half open eyes, I trudged out of the room and stopped when I heard a gasp. 

Fer was behind me, also just coming out of his room, jaw almost on the floor.

“What the fuck, Pedri? On Christmas Eve? While mum and dad are downstairs? Ew, you’re so weird,” he whisper-shouted.

My sleep deprived ass could only blink at him.

“What the hell are you talking about?” 

He motioned to the guest room of which I just came out of, and I slowly understood. 

Ha, that would be nice, eh.

I rolled my eyes at him.

“ We switched rooms last night because the guest room can’t be locked and he sleeps with the door locked,” I told him. 

His shoulders sagged in relief. I turned around to the bathroom and just sighed. 

“I’m going to bed again, by the way,” I mumbled to him over my shoulder. He snorted. 

“You sure Pablo isn't in there?” 

I glared at him, he laughed.

“I’m also going back to bed. Pretty sure mamá and papá will wake up in like half an hour or an hour and make breakfast even though they shouldn't have to,” he replied then. I nodded, waved at him and quickly stumbled back into bed. 

When I woke up again about fourty minutes later, I checked my phone and frowned when I saw a message from Pablo. 

hey is everyone still asleep or should I get up or like 

😅😅

heyy

slept well?

yeah we’re all pretty much still in bed

you can honestly do whatever you like, if you’re hungry there’s enough food obviously 

ah okay thanks 

yeah I slept well 

you?

yeah me too :)

u been awake for long?

like half an hour maybe 

okay good

hungry?

no not really I'm good :)

With an eye roll, I got out of bed and knocked at his, well, my door. He opened it a moment later, hair all messy and eyes small from sleep. I melted.

“Hi.” I grinned. He smiled weakly.

“Hi?”

“I'm gonna go and eat something, if you want to join me?” I offered, not believing the ‘not really’ shit he sent me. He nodded, more to himself.

“Okay, yeah, I’ll just use the bathroom real quick,” he agreed. 

I told him I’d be waiting downstairs and prepared some cereals and fruit for us, plus a hot chocolate. 

The smile on his face as he saw the mug on the table was worth millions of euros. 

My family rolled in not much later, and when my mum arrived, she kissed us all on the head, including Pablo, who stopped chewing for a moment when he felt her lips and hand on his shoulder. 

We gathered in the living room afterwards, the gloomy afternoon creating an actually cozy atmosphere. It was time for presents!

They were all spread out under the tree, my mum had done it after dinner last night, and every present had a name written on it. We went to pick up the ones that were for us and when I saw Pablo hesitating by the couch, I wanted to scream.

“Pablo, come, what are you waiting for? Santa was already there,” my mum happily told him. He got closer, warily, and when we all sat down – me finally next to him for once – he was staring at the pile in his lap. I nudged him softly. 

“You good?” 

He nodded absentmindedly.

“Why do I have so many presents?” he whispered.

“For someone so smart you’re a bit dumb sometimes, Pablito,” I teased him with a smile.

His eyes didn't reach enough of the annoyance he wanted to hit me with, the vulnerability triumphing. 

We each unwrapped our presents, most of the stuff personal nice things, even Pablo had gotten every one of us something, and not just money or socks on top of that – Fer, for example, had gotten a book on Patisserie, and I remembered that he’d been meaning to try that out, so he was honestly happy about the gift. He seemed to have asked Amelia about each of us and taken his time and energy to find something we’d like because my dad had received a set of coasters designed as poker cards, which he loved to play, my mum a bunch of seeds collected in a cute and relatively small vase, she loved growing her own plants, and my sister a hoodie she’d apparently wanted. 

When I opened my own present, I immediately pouted. 

A soft, stuffed football with a face, small arms and tiny legs looked back at me. 

“Oh my God,” I breathed out and heard Pablo chuckle from next to me. There was a note sticking to the tag at his side. 

In case you miss Lupi (he's too smart for you now anyways, figured I get you someone who matches your level of intelligence) - Pablo

I laughed. If there was one person who could make his present look like an insult and thoughtful gesture at the same time, it was Pablo.

I smiled at him.  “Why, thank you so much,” I whispered. He shrugged, pretending that he didn't care, but his smile contradicted him.

“You need to open my present now, it's kind of funny after this," I said and held up the ball. Confused, he picked up the present from me, unwrapped it and raised his eyebrows. 

Inside was a lion plushie and an envelope underneath. He picked up the grinning lion and smiled. 

“That's so cute,” he mumbled and I grinned, excited.

“Yeah?” 

He nodded. “I hope Lupi won’t get jealous now,” he joked. 

“I’m never getting him back, am I?” I asked with a grin. He shrugged his shoulders.

“We’ll see,” he whispered as if it was our secret. I could only smile at him, watch how he picked up the envelope next and read the card. His face fell.

“What the fuck, Pedro…” he breathed out. 

Pedro again.

The card contained me wishing him merry Christmas and listing down the log in data for disney and prime video. I thought, since he wouldn't use the tv to use our account too, I could just give him his own so he'd maybe feel more comfortable with it.

“Not good?” I asked, a bit concerned that he didn't like it. He scoffed.

“Why… what the hell is this?” he whispered.

“A present?” I asked, a little confused. He shook his head.

“Those aren't even the passwords to your and Amelia’s account, are they?” 

“They’re your own,” I explained. 

“How long are you planning on paying this? And why? I’m perfectly fine on my own, Pedro,” he argued quietly and I sighed.

“Pablo, come on, it's just a gift. You like the lion, right?” 

“Yeah but this isn’t-”

“Yes it is! It's nothing more than a christmas gift. Please just accept it. Please,” I begged him. 

He chewed his lips, huffed and looked at his lap. 

“Thank you, anyways,” he then mumbled so lowly I almost didn't hear it. 

“It's my pleasure, really,” I replied with a small smile. “It's okay, if you don't like it, I can get you something else instead-” 

“Stop it, my God, just stop it,” he interrupted me and looked up again, inhaled forcefully. “Thank you, okay? I appreciate it.” 

I searched his eyes but he turned away again, so I just accepted it for now. 

He opened the rest of his presents, a puzzle from Fer, two books from Amelia and a… barca ticket to my next game from my parents? 

I looked up at them with wide eyes, looked back to see Pablo smiling and thanking them warmly. 

Wow.  

“We don’t know you that well, obviously, but we heard that you played football too so we thought it might be a nice idea,” my mum explained and Pablo nodded. 

“Yes, thank you! I mean I hope they weren’t too expensive-” 

“Shush, Pablo,” my dad interfered. “We get all our tickets for free from that one, so actually paying for one once in a while doesn't hurt,” he said while pointing at me and laughing, making Pablo smile, too. 

“Okay, well, thank you, really. Will you be there too?” 

My parents shook their head but Fer piped in.

“I’ll be there, Mila maybe as well.” 

Pablo nodded, exhaled softly and put the cards back into the envelope. 

We all got up and cleaned the wrapping papers and trash up, and while the others went into the kitchen to prepare the late lunch, I was staying behind in the living room with Pablo to tidy the last bits. 

“Was it your idea?” he asked quietly then. I laughed a bit, shook my head.

“I had no clue,” I replied truthfully. “But if you need a jersey you know where to find me.” I winked, eliciting a groan from Pablo. 

“Do you know that saying, less is more?” he remarked snidely and I could only laugh. 

After lunch it was time for me to walk Ferran’s dogs, and apparently for Pablo to go home. I obviously offered him he could come see the dogs with me, and Fer asked if he could come too. Pablo actually agreed, packed his few things and showed me the bundle of my clothes in his arms.

"I'll wash it at home and give it back to Am-" I interrupted him.

“Take them, I mean it, you don't have to bring them back. They look better on you,” I said, and quickly busied myself with collecting car keys and putting on my shoes so he saw there was no room for discussion. I still heard the groan he tried to suppress and grinned. 

My mum pulled him into a fierce hug, telling him over and over to visit again and that he was more than welcomed in Tenerife, too, and Pablo could only thank her multiple times. I was surprised to see that my dad hugged him even longer than my mum, just with fewer words. 

The wind outside Ferran's house probably made us all tear up and we sighed in relief when we entered through the door. Not a second ticked by before Millie and Roma crashed into us and I watched with delight how Pablo crouched down and patted them fondly. 

“Well, hello there,” he cooed. I almost died at the soft voice he used. While Fer collected the leashes and stuff, I caressed Roma’s head and introduced him to the dogs. 

“I think I’ll actually stay inside and look after the house a bit, it's mad dirty in some of the corners plus I’m freezing outside,” Fer said when he came back. 

So now it was just me and Pablo, each walking a dog. I tried to hide my excitement. 

“The books Amelia gave you, what are they about?” I asked him after a while of comfortable silence, and watched how he immediately smiled.

The wind was messing his hair up, reddening his nose and cheeks, and I wanted to eat him up. 

“Oh, the first one is called The Silent Patient, it’s a really popular book that I’ve been meaning to read, a thriller about a therapist and a woman who apparently murdered her husband but never spoke a word anymore afterwards,” he explained. I hummed, pulled Roma away from a small pile of dog shit and tutted. 

“And the other?” I asked. 

“About Caligula, the Roman Caesar who reigned around thirtyseven after Christ,” he replied and bent down to push a leaf off Minnie’s head.

“Is it a history book? Or fiction?” 

Since when was I interested in books?

“Uhm, fiction but I hope the author used reliable sources, it's written from the perspective of his sister, showing how he went from being a normal brother to a dictator known for his cruelty,” he explained. 

“Interesting,” I hummed. He turned to me, a grin playing at his lips.

“Yeah?” 

I nodded with a small smile, making him laugh.

“I can lend it to you after I’m finished,” he offered and judging by the grin on his lips knew perfectly well that I didn't mean it like that. 

“Or you can tell me about it yourself,” I countered, also grinning now. 

“Tell you about it?” he asked and I shrugged. 

“Mhm, if you want to. Maybe you don't have anyone who wants to listen if you want to talk about the books you read, and then, boom, there’s my chat, always open,” I said, hiding as a joke what I actually meant one hundred percent. 

He looked at me, somehow confused, but chuckled.

“Maybe,” he murmured. And I prayed that I could hear him talk forever.

Chapter Text

~~☆~~

pablo🤭

hey you :) 

how are your books?

It was two days after Christmas, two days in which I thought I’d better leave him be in peace for a bit and now absolutely failed again.

To my defense, I had woken up that day with a really weird feeling – kind of gloomy, kind of nauseous, and kind of like it came from the outside. It was similar to the stomach aches I got in the way that nothing I did helped, but it was the first time it felt so… not really physical. Like I was beside myself and someone had hung a rainy cloud over my head, like they did in the comics.  

And so something had driven me to simply text Pablo again. 

hi 

they're good, I'm currently reading the silent patient 

really suspenseful 

uii cool

yess 

what's happening

😂

you really wanna know? 

yeah I’m serious

I'm not gonna read it anyways give me the spoilers

if you say so

well the therapist has been working with the protagonist so far, she still hasn't spoken, but he's trying to give her art supplies that she didn't get before to give her another way to express herself 

he’s also talking to people that knew her or are her relatives on the outside of the psychiatry, really interesting to see the puzzle pieces come together

and his life isn't easy either like he thinks his wife is cheating on him 

and in his childhood he was beaten up by his dad

the book also is a lot about psychology in general too 

I smiled. 

that sounds really cool actually

sorry that was a bit much hahah

no no no 

don't 

don't be sorry

it's interesting you should tell me more when you read more 

:)

okaay

I have a name for your plushie btw

yeah? 😂

mhm

Bola

nice

it's cute no?

yeah

the lion’s name is Kion btw

that looks like you wanted to write lion and had a typo

you're so uneducated 

kion is simba’s son from the lion king in the second movie

well, in the little show they added to the movies

you're welcome 

ohhh

pardon me I'm not so much into children’s movies

well that's your problem and not mine :)

I, embarrassingly, let out a quiet chuckle when I read that and felt my mum turn to me. We were sitting on the couch with my brother, watching some documentary, and I quickly shut my phone and smiled awkwardly at her. She shook her head but wrapped an arm around me, guiding my head to lay on her shoulder. I smiled and shuffled closer. 

I knew that I didn't really have this normal situation of growing up and moving away from home since I did it when I was fifteen – which was still later than most footballers. So at times like these, I was just happy to take a deep breath and lie in my mum’s arms like maybe, somehow, I was still the little boy who immediately ran to her after he scraped his knee outside. The one I could only be in her presence. 

Fer left some time later and my mum smiled down at me. She ran her fingers through my hair and I couldn't help but close my eyes with a small exhale. 

“How are you, mijo?” she softly asked me.

“I’m good, mami,” I replied and squeezed her hand. 

“Yeah? You look a bit preoccupied sometimes,” she added in an almost careful voice. I furrowed my brows. 

“I do?”

“Mhm,” she hummed, hands still soothingly moving through my hair. I let out a small sigh. 

“Well… I guess it's that I feel like I’m walking on glass?” I mumbled. Mamá waited for me to continue. “Because of the season, you know? I haven’t had an injury since this summer and it feels… I want to enjoy it and be thankful and happy that I’m finally doing good and that apparently the training changes and diets are working but… I’m scared that the next injury is only lurking around the corner, you know?” I rambled. My mum nodded and kissed my head. 

“I know, nene. I know that you’re always being more careful than the others and that you’re holding yourself back,” she murmured. 

“Yeah…” I chewed on the inside of my cheek. “I also… I feel undeserving of anything the team wins. Because eighty percent of the time I didn't even contribute my all to it, sometimes I didn't contribute anything to it. And then they put a trophy in my hands and I look at my reflection and it's like, I don't know, some dumb stranger is looking back at me.” 

I was pressed closer to my mum's side, right cheek squishing against her hoodie while she put a hand on my left one and caressed it caringly. 

“Pedrito, I know that you won't believe me and that you’re struggling to see it too, but you do so much for your team. I’ve heard the people in papá’s penya talk about you and your importance on the field, the commentators on tv say the same, there's a noticeable difference in how Barca plays when you’re on the pitch and when you’re not, mi niño,” she told me. “And it kills me that you give out so much energy not only physically but also mentally, helping your teammates, being present, reminding them to keep their heads up, and you don't even see it.” 

I stared at the carpet, mulling over her words. And suddenly I remembered all the times I came home from a match, more than exhausted, the captain’s armband both a motor and a weight on my performance, and being praised in the locker room and internet for the game I’d made. 

“Thank you, mamá,” I whispered. “Maybe you’re right.” 

She chuckled. “I definitely am.” I had to fight a smile, too. 

“You're so strong, Pepi, but you're also just my little boy and I need you to remember that.” 

I nodded against her shoulder, turned my head so that my face was hidden in her hoodie and I could see nothing of the outside world anymore. My mum hugged me closer with a kiss to my hair, her arms around my neck. She laughed softly when she saw how I tugged her arm closer to my face to block out the lights of the living room. 

“Even if you stopped playing football, Pepi, you would continue to be a worthy and wonderful person,” she added after a moment, caressing the short hair on the back of my neck. I sighed quietly, but she heard it and pushed me back to hold my face in her hands. 

“Pedri,” she scolded even though I hadn't said anything. 

“No, it's just… sometimes I’m wondering, like, what do I even contribute to the world?” I asked, voice raw from forcing myself to be honest. Mamá’s eyes softened immediately. She looked at me for a few seconds, the question hanging between us, before she took a breath. 

“Why did you invite Pablo to celebrate with us, Pedri?” 

I frowned. 

“I already told you that, didn't I?” I asked, confused. She nodded. 

“Tell me again.”

“But what does that even-” 

“Just tell me,” she interrupted me gently.

I looked at her, pensive. “Well, he… I couldn't stand the image of him being alone at Christmas, eating selfmade pasta and Lord knows, watching a movie before going to bed in his dark and quiet room,” I replied, the thought making its way to clog up my throat again. 

My mum hummed and took my hand in hers. “And how do you feel about him?” 

I almost choked on air. “What?” 

“How do you feel about him, mijo? I just want you to be honest,” she repeated. I looked at her, then around the room, searching for the best words to voice the huge bundle of feelings inside of me. 

“I don’t want the performative answer, Pedrito,” my mum then added softly. “I want what’s in here.” She placed our joined hands atop my heart and looked at me inquisitively. I let out a shaky breath.

“It’s weird, mamá,” I began, voice low. “I want to protect him. I don’t even know from what, though.” 

She nodded, tilted her head, held my hand. Waited and listened. So I continued. 

“He’s got something inside of him that I desperately want to grab a hold of? And discover what it is, know what he thinks, what he feels, what he needs, everything, somehow.” I made a short pause. “I’ve been drawn to him since the moment I met him, and I’m not exaggerating. He’s ridiculously beautiful, obviously, and really cute and mad smart, but the thing that, like, gets me the most is his eyes. And what’s in them. I know it sounds creepy, but I think there’s a lot he hides behind them, and sometimes I think I catch onto it, and then it's gone again in the next second. It makes me, well… I can’t stop thinking about him,” I finished, voice quieting down at the end.

My mum was still holding my hand, still looking at me silently. 

“Do you get it now?” she then asked. I furrowed my brows in response. “What you contribute to the world, Pepi,” she explained and leaned forward. 

“You’ve always been like this. Picking up on things that others wouldn’t, seeing beneath the surface, having this unexplainable urge to help.” She rubbed her thumb across my knuckles. “I saw it when he was here. How you acted around him. Like you wanted to be the pillow he’d fall on.” 

My eyes widened. Wow, that… was eerily accurate. 

Sensing my sudden inability to speak, my mum smiled and just continued herself. 

“You go through life a bit like a candle, mijo. Always shining on others, warming them up and seeing them. I remember how it was when you got closer with Ferran, too, all those years ago. How you always lend him a shoulder to cry on, to lean on, a smile to light him up. You’ve done that as a small boy already, even when a kid in training was sad, it was all you told me about for the rest of the day, and then you brought him a fruit bar the next time you saw him.” 

A light chuckle escaped us both. 

“I remember that,” I laughed softly. My mum leaned closer to kiss my head and left a hand in my neck. 

“You’ve got so much love and light to give, Pedri. But candles burn out, too. I can’t let that happen to you. You have to look at your own state, check in with yourself, too. And let others shine on you for a change. Okay?” 

I could only nod and lean my head back on her shoulder. 

“I’m very proud that you, this person you are and the soul and mind you’re carrying inside you, are my son,” she whispered as she hugged me against her again. I swallowed hard, overwhelmed with all the motherly love oozing from my mamá, and filled with a secureness that I could only reach right here in her arms. 

“Thank you, mum,” I croaked out. She smiled down at me warmly. 

We sat there for a while, the low sound of the documentary playing in the background and the whirring of the dishwasher from the kitchen wrapping around our silence. And then I sighed. 

“Pablo’s never experienced this,” I muttered. Mum shifted a bit, looking at me with compassion in her eyes. 

“This, a mum cuddling him, you mean?”

I hummed. “He doesn’t really let me get close.” 

“In which way?” she asked. 

“Any way. He flinches at any touch, he hates when I give him stuff or ask him how he’s doing, trying to look after him, I don’t know. And I can’t fight the urge.” I made a small pause. “We even argued a few weeks ago, we talked about how late he works and that he walks home after that in the night and I messaged him how that’s dangerous and he interpreted it the way that I thought he was too weak to protect himself and that I’m in no place to care about him like that, and… yeah. He doesn’t really like me, I know that,” I finished. 

“Have you seen how he looks at you?” my mum just asked and I couldn't hold back the sarcastic snort leaving me. 

“Oh, I have.” 

She tutted. “I saw it on Christmas Eve, too. But when you weren’t looking. Sometimes he had this really weak smile on his lips, really soft, and unsure, when he looked at you. But his eyes were… they looked at you like you were his greatest dream and nightmare all in one. Like a treasure he could only reach if he went through the darkest valleys, you know?” 

I frowned. “Are you sure you’re not making that up?” 

Mamá laughed. “I’m sure. After almost half a decade of living life, I know this kind of stuff.” 

We left the topic at that, switching to lighter ones like the restaurant at home, our neighbour’s new kid in Tegueste, how living without my sister was. 

But her words had stayed in my mind for the rest of the day. How she saw Pablo looking at me, apparently. 

Gosh. I didn’t want any false hopes. I already knew that if nothing would ever happen between us I’d be crushed. That I was just in too deep already. Over a guy who I didn’t even know if he was into guys, too. And so far, it didn’t seem like it at all. 

We’d called it a day early tonight, and I was lazing around comfortably in my bed while something played on my tv at half past eleven in the night, trying to keep my thoughts from circling around a certain brunette, when I suddenly got a new message. From Pablo. 

hi 

sorry this is so random haha

hey :)

don’t be sorry! what’s up?

nothing 

with you?

nothing too

everyone went to bed early tonight

ah very responsible haha

yup Christmas hungover is real hahaha

😂😂

I read Pablo’s messages with a wrinkled forehead. Something was weird about them. Despite the awkwardness, he was so… like he wasn’t texting me for the sake of texting me. And – if I could count on that – this weird gloomy cloud above my head intensified, adding a tightness in my chest. 

I just assumed that this was similar to the spooky stomach cramps I’d had before Christmas, when Pablo had them too. That this meant that something was up with him right now as well.

are you sure you’re good?

you didn’t tell me why you texted in the first place

not that I mind it, you know that

yeah I don’t know, you said your chat’s always open no?

definitely :))

I waited a moment to see if he would add something else, but he didn't. 

so what are you doing right now?

walking home

Aha. Was he messaging me because he felt alone or even scared on his way home? Because what other explanation was there?

I hit the call button before I could think. 

“Uh, Pedri?” His voice was muffled by the wind and the cheap microphone of his phone.

“Yeah, hey. Thought that this is better than texting if you’re walking,” I explained. 

“Oh, yeah. I didn’t want to disturb you in any-”

“Don’t be silly,” I interrupted him with a soft chuckle. I heard him exhale shakily and sat up straighter in my bed. “You’re really okay?” I asked, a tad softer than before.

“Yes, yes,” he quickly said. He was probably lying. There was no way he texted me and didn't even protest against this call if everything was okay. But straight up asking him didn’t work, I knew that.

“So, are you walking home from work?” 

There was the sound of a car rushing by, but I made out his distant ‘yup’. 

“And how was the shift?” I continued to ask, hoping to get him to talk more comfortably while I got out of bed. 

“Good, normal. I think I smell like vodka though,” he chuckled. I pulled on a hoodie and pulled out a second one, too. 

“You still haven't told me where you work,” I half joked. 

“Well, a bar,” he snorted. “Thought it was obvious by now.”

My face etched into one of worry. “Like a sketchy bar?” 

“No, Pedri, a normal bar. What do you think, that I’m some kind of stripper?” His voice sounded more guarded again and I suppressed a groan. Did I fuck it up again?  

“Why would you think that I would think that?” I asked him, a bit irritated. He couldn't possibly think that this was my image of him, right? 

“Uh, it’s- no, it was just a joke,” he mumbled. 

“Okay…” I was still frowning when I walked down the stairs as quietly as possible and grabbed two empanadas my dad had made today. “Where are you now?” I asked and hoped it sounded casual. 

“In a street?” he said, sarcasm shining through again. I should have expected it. 

“Can you send me your location?” 

He hesitated. “Why? You wanna stalk me now?”

“I’m picking you up,” I countered.

“No, you're not,” came the immediate response. 

I placed my phone in its holder and started the car, hoping he could hear me. 

“Pedro,” he warned me. 

“I’m already on my way, would be a shame to waste the fuel, no?” I just said with a grin. 

He cursed something on the other side of the line, and then I got a message from him. I smiled and opened Google Maps.

“Thank you,” I sing-songed. “Stay somewhere there, yes? I’ll be there in about fifteen minutes.”

I heard him sigh. “Alright.” 

I stopped the car near the sidewalk when I spotted Pablo. We were still on the call – he didn't even ask to hang up, which was good because I didn't want to leave him there alone for the time being, but also not so good because something had to be wrong. 

“I'm here,” I announced and smiled when he looked up. I hung up before he opened the door and sat down next to me. 

“Hi,” I said and grinned softly. 

“Hi, and thank you, you really didn't have-” 

“Are you cold?” I butted in because goodness, did he ever accept anything? He narrowed his eyes at me while clicking in his seat belt. He didn't lie, he did smell like alcohol, though the jacket he was wearing unzipped above the white dress shirt concealed some of the smell. 

A white dress shirt that looked ridiculously attractive on him, by the way. With his hair kind of unruly after a busy shift, the first two buttons opened and his nose red from the cutting wind. 

“No, I’m not cold, thanks,” he replied after a moment, somewhat wary. I still held up the hoodie, shrugged my shoulders as if to say ‘it’s there if you want it’, but he shook his head. “I’m good.” 

I placed it in the middle console for him to reach, when he suddenly turned to me. 

“Or is it because of the smell?” he asked, eyes wide. I gave him a confused look.

“Well, the alcohol, is it gonna make your car smell?” he elaborated. 

“Tsk, I don't care about that, Pablo. I just thought you’d want to change, that’s all,” I waved it off.

“Oh,” he let out. “Well, no, I'm good.” I watched him zip up his jacket and shook my head with a small smile. Then I started the car after typing in his address and frowned when it showed me how long it would take me to get there.

“Twenty-five minutes by foot, Pablo?” 

“Yeah?” 

“You said you only needed like ten minutes to walk home,” I reminded him. “This is more than ten minutes.” 

He groaned. “What's it to you? Are you my mother?” 

I furrowed my eyebrows. “No? I worry about you, that's it,” I argued. 

“Well, don't, we went over this already,” he snapped back. 

“Pablo,” I sighed. He was right, of course. I was in no position to fuss over him like that. But dios, I wanted to be. “I’m sorry. I’m just… I don’t think you’re weak or something. I pick up my older brother too when he’s out somewhere at night. It just means that I, well, care about you,” I admitted rather quietly. 

The car was silent save for the low sound of Bad Bunny’s Adivino playing in the background. I risked a quick glance over to my side, to Pablo’s serious face staring straight ahead. 

“Are you okay?” I whispered and saw him immediately nodding, like it was an automatic response. 

“Yup, just tired, sorry.” He paused for a second, then took a breath. “I don’t want to seem ungrateful for your help.”

I frantically shook my head and frowned. “You’re not, don’t worry, really,” I assured him. He eyed me from the side, eyebrows slanted. 

“You’re weird. I didn’t expect you to be so… I don’t know, mature,” he then said, causing me to crack a smile. 

“I’m full of surprises, eh?” I joked. He only inhaled through his nose like he was already fed up with me and as if that had been all the friendliness I’d get today. 

“By the way, are you hungry?” I picked up the small box with the empanadas from the backseat at a red light and gave it to him. “My dad made them.” 

He opened the lid and took a smell, then smiled a little. 

“Thank you,” he muttered before biting into the first one. I couldn’t help but smile warmly at him before focusing back on the road. 

His building soon came into view, I parked the car in the small lot, but Pablo surprisingly didn't make a move to get out. 

“Thanks again,” he said, almost shyly. 

“Thank you for letting me pick you up,” I countered with a small chuckle. He rolled his eyes. 

“Tell your dad he’s a fantastic cook.” A little grin tugged at the corners of his mouth at the words. 

“I will,” I said, grinning back. “Hey, how… how is your break going?” I then asked. Maybe I was desperate to keep him in my presence for longer. Maybe it was because he hadn’t even unplugged the seatbelt yet. 

“Nothing special.” He gave me a small smile that didn’t reach his beautiful eyes. “Studying a little, working outside of the weekend too, for a change, reading my books.” 

No. Wait. This couldn’t be it, right? 

“And your friends? You guys don’t meet up or something?”

He shrugged. “They’re at home or busy visiting family,” he explained with a small laugh that had no joy behind it. 

I genuinely had to avoid tearing up right here in front of him when I heard his reply. His low voice, his uncertain eyes, God, the way he seemed to shrink in the passenger seat, the image of him completely alone all day long – I could barely handle it. 

“My parents will leave in about five days. They’d love to see you again, you know?” 

He sent me a sceptical, almost ironic glare. 

“I’m serious,” I insisted. He shifted, unfastened the seat belt. 

“Well,” he muttered, then seemed to discard his thought again.