Work Text:
Hinata swallowed. 'I see you are-'
'A very hairy man.' Sakura completed dreamily.
Sasuke blinked. 'Excuse me?'
Dammit, that came out wrong. Snapping out of her reverie, Sakura sneaked a look at the skin that could be seen beyond his unbuttoned shirt and below the hem of his shorts.
Smooth. Silky. Fair.
In other words, pure heaven.
She knew waxed skin when she saw it, and this very fine specimen here most definitely did not have its hair ripped out. Was her customer – one Sasuke Uchiha, as the nameplate outside so kindly informed all rabid fangirls (of which he undoubtedly had many) – destined to be hairless? All she wanted to do was to sink her teeth into that sinful, lustful…
Sakura Haruno began to drool. Sasuke stared at her.
'Excuse me?' he repeated.
'Ano…' Hinata began timidly, 'What she mea- what she probably meant was that you…etto…you look like someone who values their hair very much.'
Sasuke shifted his dark gaze to her, as if it was her fault that there was a drooling female at his doorstep.
'So?'
Hinata resisted the urge to finger-fidget. She wasn't used to such stares being sent her way, especially by someone who did not bother to hide the fact that he was staring. She hoped that she hadn't forgotten to put on her skirt or something. She did have nightmares about it.
She touched her thigh nervously, and to her relief, her fingertips brushed against fabric.
'Exactly. Beautifully put, Hinata-chan,' Sakura wiped drool off her chin, 'and that is why –' she addressed Sasuke, 'we present to you this new range of shampoo, a product of SHIT!' She whipped out a bottle from nowhere and struck a pose.
Hinata gave a little jump and Sasuke moved one step back.
'Shit?' He said a bit weakly, looking at the bottle if it were radioactive.
Or, as if it contained the deodorant Naruto used.
Whichever was worse, at any rate.
'Yes! A product of the highly acclaimed Senju Hospital and Institute for Therapeutics.'
'And…if you buy it, your m-money will go to Kono-Konoha Hospital.'
'It's for a good cause~' Sakura trilled.
'And it doesn't cost much either,' Hinata squeaked helpfully.
Sasuke stared and Hinata and she uncomfortably wondered if she had forgotten to put a shirt on this time.
'It contains l-lemon extracts and prevents dandruff.'
'Bullshit. I can simply pour lemonade over my head.'
'There's no need to worry about a-ants in this case.'
'Che. I'll make the lemonade without sugar, genius. I'm not that dum-'
'It has eucalyptus,' Sakura interrupted, 'and menthol. Keeps your head cool throughout the day. The various other natural ingredients – no chemicals, mind you – clean and care for your sexy hair. The end result is – ' Sakura gave a huge flourish and pointed at…Hinata.
Sasuke raised an eyebrow and took a few steps at Hinata, suddenly very interested.
'I see.'
'You should.' Sakura waved her arms like a magician's assistant. 'The result is this beautiful, silky, shiny – oh.'
Sasuke had just put his hand on Hinata's head.
Sakura blinked. Hinata froze, looking much like a rabbit on the path of a huge incoming truck with a nasty steroid-charged, heavily tattooed wrestler for a driver.
Slowly, very slowly, and sensually too, he began to stroke her hair.
'Hm.' He nodded. 'And soft.'
Pinky (as Sasuke decided to name her as soon as she started drooling over him) looked slightly taken aback for a moment. Then, a flame burned in her eyes. It was a steely sort of a flame – a flame which showed her determination to sell her shampoo to this man in front of her, come what may, even if she had to use poor, innocent Hinata as bait.
It was business, after all.
'Exactly. Very well put, Uchiha-san. As soft as eyebrow hair.'
Sasuke's fingers dwelved into Hinata's hair, like a pair of knitting needles confronted with lots of wool and a tight deadline. A particularly feline-ish look crossed Sasuke's face and Hinata half expected him to purr.
Sasuke didn't exactly purr, but murmured his agreement.
And he was doing it with both hands now.
That was it. As far as Hinata was concerned, she was just being raped, while her so-called friend just stood and grinned like a deranged lunatic. She felt her face heat up, knees go weak, and the familiar light-headedness cast its uncomfortable spell over her.
Why did it have to be public? If he did it to her in private, it would have been okay, but why in PUBLIC?
Hinata wished that some random UFO would crash land where they were standing, killing them all.
The plus side would be that the existence of aliens would be proved.
But what if they were evil aliens? Evil aliens that harassed poor innocent rabbits without permission? That would be bad.
Hinata swayed, about to faint.
Thankfully, at that precise moment, Sasuke removed his hand from her head and looked Sakura in the eye.
'By the way,' he said, 'I'm gay.'
That wiped the grin off her face and Hinata very gracefully fainted.
Two thoughts ran through Sasuke's head at that moment –
One, he smirked, thinking that the "gay" lie worked every time.
Two, while fainting, Hinata's skirt had fluttered up, and he couldn't help but notice that she was wearing rather nice, lavender lace…underwear at the moment.
Wow.
In the end, Sasuke ended up buying all of Sakura and Hinata's shampoo.