Archive of Our Own ^beta

“So you really haven't ever been kissed?”

Xavier could feel his cheeks heating at the surprised lilt to Min's voice. He liked her, maybe a bit too much, and they had been spending more and more time together. Xavier didn't want to mess it up; he constantly worried that the wrong word or move would push her away or ruin the friendship they had been building in the few months since Min joined the team.

“It's not a bad thing,” she said when he didn't answer her, bumping their shoulders together where they sat at the picnic table that overlooked the crashing waves in front of them.

Xavier just chuckled awkwardly, not willing to look over and meet her searching gaze. She was beautiful, and not only that. Min was headstrong and unafraid to stand up for herself, and him too. Xavier loved how she looked out for everyone around her, even after only being on the team a short time. She had caught his eye that first week of practice but so much had been happening and Xavier had been overwhelmed with his own battles he had been fighting those first few days back. But still, he couldn't seem to stop himself from looking. He kept sneaking glances at her from across the room, never thinking she would give him a second thought.

They had run into each other at the athletes' dining hall a few days later, and Min had invited him to join her where she sat alone in the back corner with her book propped open. Xavier had taken her up on the offer, and Min had replaced her bookmark, stowing the romance novel back into her bag with a small grin. Xavier had insisted he didn't want to interrupt her reading time, and that he didn't mind sitting in silence if she wanted to continue where she left off. He still thought of it sometimes, her cheery Why would I want to read when I could talk to you?

And that had been the beginning of their shared meals, wordlessly agreeing to join the other at the dining hall after practices. Sometimes, even before practice depending on the schedule, eyes barely opened the rare times they would meet up during breakfast hours. Xavier cherished that time they spent together, wanting so badly to just be around her that he thought maybe he'd never risk telling her the truth. Xavier would take her friendship and never take it for granted, but he couldn't help that desperate part of him that ached for more.

Now here they were. How they got on the topic of kissing, Xavier didn't know. He never felt too much shame about having no experience; there was so much going on inside him that he never felt comfortable letting someone in. But things were different now. Every day, he was working towards letting people in, pulling the walls down that he erected so diligently.

“Shit, Xav. I'm sorry. We don't have to talk about it.”

“No, it's fine. I just-” he hesitated, “Why do you sound so surprised?”

This time it was Min's turn to hesitate, and he looked over to see her biting her lip and studying the view like it could give her all the answers.

“Because I'm so old and everyone else was getting kissed in high school?”

She laughed at that, “Kind of, I guess. Not really, though, you're just so-” A wave of her hand in his direction had Xavier's heart dropping at what would come next.

“Attractive,” finished Min, the word bursting out of her like she had been trying to hold it back.

Xavier didn't know what to say, stuck between elation and trepidation. It wasn't at all what Xavier had expected her to say. She thought he was attractive? Him? With all his flaws and insecurities? No one had ever told him so before, but Xavier knew he had never really given anyone the opportunity to get close enough to let him know.

“Oh,” he replied. Because what else was there to say? Thank you? You're attractive too?

Xavier didn't trust himself not to mess this up; it all felt too delicate, too new. It had felt like it was a long shot to think Min would have any interest in him, and her finding him attractive, well, that didn't mean anything. She was probably just saying subjectively, right?

The sunset lit her up in glowing orange and pinks when Xavier hazarded another glance over at her. She was so beautiful to behold and the look she cast him was almost shy, something he hadn't ever seen in her before. Min always seemed so self-assured, moving with a confidence that Xavier always admired. But there was something different about her in this moment, something almost vulnerable.

Xavier saw her gaze flit down to his lips and linger there for a second. He wanted to know what she was thinking. Maybe a dangerous concept, but something about this moment felt revealing, like something was shifting and being exposed that wouldn't be able to be stuffed back into oblivion in the morning.

“What are you thinking?” Xavier asked, the words leaving his lips before he could even consider snatching them back.

Min met his gaze and bit her lip, the blush covering her cheeks so entrancing. Xavier's stomach flipped and clenched in anxiety. Was this the moment? The cumulation of weeks of wanting and desiring and feeling.

“Pinky promise you won't be upset?” Min asked. She raised her pinky up between them in expectation and Xavier tried to quell the despair that suddenly enveloped him as he raised his own pinky and linked it with hers. Her eyes bore into his and Xavier confirmed the promise with a silent nod. He wouldn't be upset; he would get over it. He could.

“I was thinking,” Min paused and let out an exasperated huff, turning her head to look back out at the view in front of them. It didn't help his nerves that she couldn't even look at him while saying it but there was an undeniable kernel of hope that burned bright in his chest. “I'dliketobethefirstpersonyoukiss.”

The words came so fast and were so strung together that Xavier almost didn't absorb them. She wanted to kiss him. Him? His heart started to beat in earnest, the shock of the moment almost making him feel lightheaded. Min remained staring straight forward but Xavier just gaped at her profile, noting the way she wrung her hands and bit her lip in obvious worry.

“Say something, god,” Min begged.

“I-” Xavier didn't know what to say, “I'd like that too.”

Min finally met his eyes, her now red and plump, bitten lips turning up in a wide smile. “Really?”

“Yeah, you're very-” Xavier waved his hand in her direction like it was obvious, “You're beautiful and intelligent and compassionate. There's a lot to like.”

“Oh, you like me? I thought we were just talking about kissing.”

At that, Xavier felt his entire face flame red. Maybe he had been mistaken and she just wanted to kiss as friends? He didn't have more than a second to think about it before she was leaning towards him and pressing a soft kiss to his lips. It was over as quickly as it began and Min watched him with desire-filled eyes.

“What did you think?”

There was so much he wanted to say, that's it? and I think I need another one to know, but instead of saying anything, Xavier leaned forward and pressed another closed-mouth kiss to her lips. He pulled back and watched as Min sat there frozen, eyes fluttering open and blinking at his. He wondered if her stomach was doing somersaults like his was, he wondered if she wanted more or if she was ready to take off and never look back.

Xavier reached a hand up and carded it through her soft, straight hair, letting it rest on the side of her face right under her ear where he could rub his thumb on her reddened cheek. Slowly, as if to give her time to stop him, he leaned forward and once again pressed their lips together. Min had reached up when he was a fraction away from her and trapped his face in her two hands, pulling him towards her with so much enthusiasm their teeth clacked together clumsily. Xavier let a little huffing laugh out of his lips and Min took the opportunity to trap his top lip in hers. Her lips were hot and wet on his as he gasped his mouth open enough for Min to slip her tongue in. The feeling was foreign but sent a shiver down his body into his core.

Xavier knew he was probably messing this all up in his clumsy attempt to reciprocate her intoxicating ministrations, but he realized he wasn't worried. This was Min. She was kind and caring and she wanted to kiss him. They broke apart moments later, all huffing breaths and timid smiles. Xavier couldn't believe that had just happened. He didn't know what it meant and almost didn't want to ask.

“So...”

“So.” Xavier replied.

They stared at each other for a few silent seconds before bursting into giggles. Xavier felt different, not in the way he always thought, but warmer. And when he looked at Min, it was as if she had a golden glow around her. Whether it was a trick of the light or just a trick of his mind, Xavier knew deep in his soul that things would never be the same for them. In the best way.

“Answer my question!” Min prodded, pushing at his shoulder teasingly. “What did you think?”

“It was nice,” he replied, “really nice.”

Min just hummed at that, looking between his eyes like she was searching for something there. “Really nice, huh?”

Xavier steeled his nerves, “Yeah. I think maybe we should do it again sometime?”

“Maybe?”

“You're right. Not maybe, definitely.”

Min got up off the bench at that and turned back to Xavier with a hand stretched out for his, “I think we could fit it into our busy schedules.”

And Xavier laughed, heart light and smile wide as he laced their fingers together, and they walked off down the sandy beach towards the sunset and the beginning of them.