Archive of Our Own ^beta

Today’s shift was tough.

Not the whole shift. It started off fine. A call about a cat being stuck up a tree. Then a single vehicle crash with a mother and son. They weren’t too badly injured, just a few scrapes and bruises and whiplash. After that, the aid car was called to a 50-year-old male who had fallen down his stairs. He had broken his leg and given himself a concussion, and his dog was very protective, chasing Travis up the front yard when he and Vic had opened the front door. It took Travis 10 minutes to get the dog to trust him.

But the afternoon was a different story. A faulty plug socket charging a teenagers phone had started a fire. Max was sixteen, left in charge of his younger 9 year old twin sisters, their dad had popped to work for a meeting. When the team arrived, Max and one of the twins Macie, who was cradling their cat Tigger, were outside on the pavement. The other twin Mia however, they couldn’t find.

“We were playing hide and seek. I don’t know where she hid, but I couldn’t find her.” Macie had frantically told Maya.

“I told Macie to come outside and call you guys whilst I looked for Mia, but I couldn’t find her either, and she wasn’t answering when I called her name,” Max had added.

“Is there a place she usually hides? Or is there any unusual places that she won’t be able to hear you from?” Maya had asked as her team got their gear on and were listening, hoping they would have some clues as to where Mia was.

But Max shook his head. “We have the basement that has soundproof walls, but that’s locked because there’s water damage down there. She sometimes hides in the trees in the back yard, but she would have heard you guys coming. I just, I don’t know where she is,” he was working himself into a panic attack.

“Ok, ok,” Maya placed her hand on his shoulder, “my team are going to go in and look for her, whilst the other engine will dowse the house with water,” station 23 had just pulled up, but as 19 were first, Maya was the captain in charge.

And for the next hour, whilst 23 got the hoses and tried to put out the flames, 19 searched for Mia. But suddenly, part of the roof collapsed, and Maya had no choice but to call a retreat.

“What? You can’t call them out. They haven’t found her yet!!” Max exclaimed.

Maya didn’t know what to say. How could she tell a 16 year old that giving how long Mia had been missing, and how long the house had been burning, it was now more likely a recovery than a rescue.

Just as 19 had finished coming out the house, the rest of the roof caved in, and both Max and Macie let out screams.

Maya was right, it was a recovery. Once the flames had been put out, a rescue team had gone in, and after 20 minutes, they found Mia’s body. She had hidden in a crawl space that had yet to be filled after the house had been renovated, but she hadn’t told anybody she knew it was there.

The dad had arrived just as they were bringing Mia out, and he dropped to his knees and sobbed, shouting her name over and over.

The rest of the shift was quiet. The loss of Mia had hit the team hard, but Maya seemed to be affected the most. She was in charge, every decision she made was on her. Logically she knew they couldn’t have done more, but right now that wasn’t even a consideration.

When shift had ended, the team had decided to have a drink at Joe’s, with Andy suggesting they raise a toast to honour Mia. Maya was supposed to be going home to Carina, her wife was on the last few days before she went on maternity leave, currently pregnant with their baby girl, and tonight they had planned to do nothing but snuggle and watch crappy movies. But the suggestion of alcohol was the only thing on Maya’s mind, so she went with the team.

And that’s where she found herself now, 3 hours later, nursing her fourth, maybe fifth beer, having already had 4 whiskeys, very drunk.

Most of the team had left, just Travis and Andy remained. Maya hadn’t sat with the team all night, staying by herself at the bar. One time Travis went over to get a round, and told her she should join them, to which Maya replied, “I just want to be on my own. I don’t want to talk about it and remember, I want to forget,” before downing the rest of her beer and signalling the bartender for another. Travis sighed, placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, and walked back over to the table, relaying what Maya had said back to Andy.

Since then, they had both been keeping an eye on Maya, watching on as she continued to drink.

“If she carries on like this, we’re going to be carrying her home, or to the hospital to have her stomach pumped. She hasn’t eaten anything,” Travis said not taking his eyes off Maya.

“I’m calling Carina,” Andy told him as she reached for her phone.”

“Andy-“

“I know Maya would hate it, she wouldn’t want to worry her, and I know Carina is almost 8 months pregnant, but Maya won’t listen to us, and I don’t fancy calling Carina and telling her Maya has drunk herself into a hospital bed,” she finished with a quick sideways glance at Travis, who nodded, then clicked Carina’s number, who answered on the fourth ring.

“Ciao Andy,” came a tired Italian voice.

“Hey Carina, sorry did I wake you?”

“No no, I was just resting, being on your feet all day whilst growing a human can be tiring,” she lightly chuckled.

“Right,” Andy mumbled, wondering how she was going to tell Carina about her wife without worrying her, knowing it would be near impossible.

“Is everything ok?” Carina asked, sensing that maybe something was wrong.

“Have you heard from Maya at all?” Andy asked.

“Maya? No. I know it’s passed the time you guys should have finished, I assumed you were still on a call?”

“Carina, we finished shift over 3 hours ago. Our last call was bad. We lost a little girl, 9 years old. It was tough. We came to Joe’s for a drink, but it’s hit Maya hard, and she’s, well, not coping very well.”

She heard a sigh from the other end of the phone. “How much has she had?”

“Honestly, I’ve lost count, but she can’t walk straight and I’m pretty sure if I spoke to her she wouldn’t be able to reply in clear sentences. I would bring her home myself, but I’ve also had a few, and I don’t actually think she would listen to me.”

“I’m on my way. Please try and get her to drink some water. And don’t let her leave.”

“Ok. See you soon Carina.”

After hanging up with the Italian, and letting Travis know she was on her way, they both got up and approached Maya cautiously.

“Hey Maya, why don’t we have some water hm?” Andy suggested gently.

Maya lifted her beer bottle up with an uncoordinated hand not looking at her when she slurred, “I’ve got a drink thanks,” then took a long swig.

Andy turned to Travis, signalling for help. Being soft wasn’t going to get them anywhere, they needed Maya to stop before Carina got there. Tough love Travis took over.

“Ok that’s enough,” he stepped forward and snatched the beer bottle from his captains hands.

“Hey I was drinking that,” she whipped round unsteadily, glaring at him.

“And now you’re not. Look Maya, today was tough, I know. But sitting here drowning your sorrows thinking over the what ifs isn’t going to do you any good. It isn’t going to change the outcome, and it won’t bring Mia back. You’re very pregnant wife is probably worried about you, and should be here any minute, so let’s grab a bottle of water and wait for her outside, you look like shit and need some fresh air.”

Maya lowered her head, letting out a shaky breath. “Carina should just pack up and leave,” she mumbled quietly, but Travis and Andy heard.

“What are you talking about Maya?” Andy asked, confused.

Maya lifted her head to look at them both, tears in her eyes, “we lost a kid today. She was 9 years old. It’s my job to give you instructions and save everyone, but today we didn’t. How am I supposed to keep my own child safe if I can’t save somebody else’s. Carina and the baby will be better off without me,” she slurred.

“Maya-“

“No,” Maya interjected, pointing a finger at them both, “don’t try and convince me otherwise or give me this bullshit that I’ll never hurt Carina or the baby, because I’ve hurt Carina before.”

“Maya, that’s in the past, you’ve both come so far since then. And also what do you think you leaving now will do to Carina? That’s going to hurt.”

“But-“

“No. No more from you,” it was Travis’s turn to interject. He grabbed Maya by her arm and dragged her off the stool and toward the door.

“Travis!!” Andy exclaimed.

“We need to get her out of here Andy, she’s not in the right headspace to talk about anything right now, are you gonna help me or not?” He was struggling to keep Maya upright by himself as she was clumsily trying to pull her arm out of his grip.

Andy helped get Maya outside, just as Carina was pulling up outside the bar.

“Bambina,” Carina sighed as she walked as fast as her pregnant belly would let her over to the trio. “What have you done to yourself hm?” She asked softly as she cradled Maya’s face in her palms.

“I’m sorry,” Maya replied, still slurring, “she died Carina, I couldn’t save her and she died,” and being in the presence of her wife, with the touch of her palms grounding her, Maya broke for the first time since the call. Her head fell to Carina’s shoulder, and she sobbed.

Carina swayed slightly, one hand cradling the back of Maya’s head whilst the other rubbed up and down her back.

“I know my love, I know. I’m so sorry you couldn’t save her. But you know that no matter how hard you all try, sometimes you can’t save everyone. I know that’s tough to hear, but it is the nature of the job.” She placed a long kiss to the side of Maya’s head. “Let’s get you home hm?”

Maya nodded, removing her head from her wife’s shoulders. “I don’t feel good,” she whined.

“By the amount Andy told me you had to drink, I am not surprised.”

“Would you like help getting her home?” Travis asked.

Carina would usually say no. She knew when Maya was like this she just wanted to be left alone, just her and Carina, but with how unsteady Maya is and being heavily pregnant, she knew she couldn’t do it by herself.

“Please.”

Travis and Andy helped get Maya into the back of the car, Andy sitting next to her as Travis got into the passenger seat next to Carina.

The drive home was silent, Maya seeming to fall asleep not long after they left the bar. Once they got home, Travis and Andy helped get Maya into the apartment.

“Grazie for calling me and for your help,” Carina smiled sadly as they sat Maya on the couch, who just fell sideways with a huff, Carina hoping she didn’t fall asleep again before getting her into bed.

“No worries Carina, please ring us if you need anything. We’re off shift tomorrow so Maya can just relax. Well as much as she can with the hangover she’s probably going to have,” Andy returned the sad smile and pulled the Italian into a hug, followed by Travis doing the same.

After the two firefighters left, Carina pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed, then walked over to the couch, crouching in front of Maya’s face, brushing a stray hair behind her ear.

“Maya, bambina, let’s go to bed. You’re exhausted and drunk, you need water and rest, and cuddles.”

Maya didm’t give a verbal answer, just opened one eye to look at her wife and nodded.

It took Carina a while to help get Maya to the bedroom, having to stop a few times for when Maya tripped, or took deep breaths, signalling to Carina what was to come.

And it did. As soon as they reached the bed, Maya’s eyes flew open. “I’m gonna be sick,” she gagged as Carina quickly helped her over to the bathroom, Maya kneeling down in front of the toilet and brining up the copious amounts of alcohol she had drunk.

“It’s ok, you’re ok Bambina. Don’t fight it just let it out,” Carina encouraged softly as one hand held back Maya’s hair, the other rubbing circles on her back.

“Ugh,” Maya grumbled as she finished,” I shouldn’t have drunk so much. I’m sorry,” she was becoming teary again.

Carina lent forward and placed a kiss on her forehead. “No sorry’s tonight. We will talk about everything tomorrow once you’ve slept. I’m not mad, just worried about you.”

Maya nodded, letting out a quiet ‘thank you’ as Carina helped wipe her face, then they made their way back to the bedroom.

Once they had both changed, Carina helped Maya lay in bed, getting in next to her and snuggling close.

“Try and sleep Maya. If you feel sick, or have a nightmare, or need anything else, please wake me up. You don’t have to do this alone,” she placed a hand on Maya’s cheek, thumb stroking softly.

“Thank you, for always catching me when I fall,” Maya said sleepily, turning her face slightly and leaving a small kiss on Carina’s palm.

“Always Maya, always.”

Maya fell asleep almost immediately, no nightmare came but she did stir with a whine a few times, which had woken Carina up. Each time she rubbed Maya’s back, gently shushing her until she settled again.

Maya also threw up one more time, Carina helping again by holding her hair and gently rubbing circles on her back. “Make it stop,” Maya had pleaded after gagging for the third time, only brining up bile now. She hated being sick.

“You need to let it run its course. Your body is trying to get rid of all the alcohol. You’re ok Bambina I’m right here.”

After Maya had finished and they were back in bed, Maya had thankfully slept through the rest of the night.

***

Maya stirred with a whine. Her muscles ached, her head was pounding, and her stomach was churning slightly. She slowly reached out to the other side of the bed, wanting the comfort her wife would bring, but found the space was cold and empty. She then turned over to look at the clock on her bedside table, shocked to see it was nearly half 11. She never slept in this late. She then noticed the bottle of water and painkillers on her side, and then it all came flooding back.

The call.
The house fire.
Mia.
Joe’s bar.
A lot of alcohol.
Carina.

She could hear faint Italian music from down the hallway. Her wife. Her safe space. She got up, took some pills with the water, threw on a Grey Sloane hoodie that smelt like her wife, and slowly padded her way towards the kitchen. Carina must have heard her because as Maya entered the kitchen, she was leaning with her back against the counter, coffee cradled in both hands, a small smirk on her lips.

Buongiorno Bambina,” she said before taking a sip of her coffee. Maya didn’t verbally reply, just groaned as she walked up to her wife, Carina putting her coffee on the counter in the process, as Maya wrapped her arms around Carina’s waist and tucked her head under her chin. Carina then wrapped her arms around Maya’s shoulders, one hand gently stroking her hair, resting her chin on top of Maya’s head.

They stayed like that for a few minutes, just holding each other.

“I’m sorry about last night. It was a tough call and I just wanted to forget,” Maya mumbled into Carina’s chest after a while. Carina placed a kiss into her favourite blonde hair. “Though I don’t agree with how you handled it, I know it was a really tough call. Next time maybe just one or two drinks. I’m glad Andy called, she explained the situation with you and gave me mountain notes about the call.”

Maya lifted her head just enough to look at her wife, eyebrows furrowed. “Mountain notes?” She questioned.

“Si. You know, a short version of what happened. She didn’t go into too much detail, we just wanted to get you home.”

Maya chuckled, “I think you mean cliff notes my love.”

Carina just rolled her eyes. “Whatever. Idiomo Americani sordi. What I’m trying to say is, it’s ok to struggle after a tough call. But I’m here, talk to me, we can drink together. Well, I will drink something non-alcoholic at the moment, but you get what I mean.”
(Stupid American idioms)

Maya nodded, an apologetic smile on her face. “I do get it. I should have called you or at least let you know where I was, and I shouldn’t have let it get that bad. I just, I know we couldn’t have done anything more. Nobody knew about the place she was hiding. It’s just harder when it’s kids. And now we’ve got this little one,“ she placed her hand on Carina’s bump “I just don’t want to fail her or let her down.”

“You won’t. The fact that you’re worried about it means you’re gonna try your hardest not to. She loves you already Maya, not as much as me but a close second. You’re going to be the most amazing Mom,” she finished by leaning forward and place a gentle kiss on her wife’s lips.

“Not as amazing as you, but thank you, I love you,” she smiled as she kissed Carina again. “Can we please spend today doing what we were supposed to last night. I don’t feel great,” she asked with an adorable pout.

Carina chuckled. “You get no sympathy from me with how you are feeling because it’s entirely your fault,” she raised an eyebrow as Maya looked down briefly then back at her wife, “however, doing nothing but cuddling on the couch watching crappy movies sounds like heaven right now. My ankles are so sore.”

And that’s how they spent the rest of their day. Maya knew it wouldn’t be the last time she had a bad shift, or lost someone on a call, it kind of came with the job. But she also knew that Carina would always be there to help her, comfort her, and tell her that her best is enough, even if it doesn’t feel like it.