Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Mountains to Climb

A little boy scribbling on paper was the last thing Felicity expected when she walked into the Mayor’s office. She stopped short and glanced around just to make sure she was definitely in the right place before she turned back to the boy who was now looking up at her from Oliver’s oversized chair.  

“Hello,” she says with a smile as she slowly approaches the boy. There’s something familiar about the inquisitive eyes and his kind smile.

“Hi,” he answers, putting down his pencil.

“I’m looking for Oliver. Is he here?” Okay, she feels slightly ridiculous asking an unknown little boy sitting in his office, but it’s not like he would let just anyone sit in his chair, right?

“He’s talking to my mom,” he announces turning back to his papers. “And they told me to do my math homework.”

“Your mom?” Then realizes where she knows him from. It’s William.

“Yeah, Mom’s been sad. We drove for a long time to get here, but she said she had to talk to Oliver.”

Felicity nods slowly, dropping her bag and coat on the chair facing the desk as she moves cautiously closer. It hasn’t even been six months since Oliver sent William and Samantha away without so much as a word to her. She hadn’t thought they’d see him again.

“And they left you in here?” With the secret entrance to the Arrow Cave? Probably not the smartest thing to do.

“I’m supposed to be doing my homework,” William explains, looking up from his worksheet. “Mom says I have to keep memorizing my times tables. She won’t let me use a calculator like Luka does.”

“Oh,” Felicity says as she moves around the table to look at the worksheet from the other side. She tilts her head at the paper and squats down so she’s more at his level. “Well, your mom’s right: you should learn this without a calculator.”

“It’s just boring,” William groans. “I don’t like math.”

Felicity grins. Yup, definitely Oliver’s kid. “What do you like?”

“Soccer!” He turns to her with a grin.

She laughs. “What else?”

“Superheroes! My favorite is the Green Arrow because he saved me, but the Flash is really cool too!” He’s all over the place, hands flying as he explains to her the differences between The Green Arrow and the Flash and why The Arrow is so much cooler.

Felicity glances around and leans closer as if sharing a secret. “You know what? The Green Arrow’s my favorite too.”

His eyes grow wide. “Really? I thought grown ups didn’t like superheroes!”

She grins. “Well, that’s why it’s a secret.”

William smiles back at her. “I won’t tell! Promise!” He holds out a pinky for a pinky swear and Felicity obliges.

“Hey,” she says, leaning back. “I think that if you agree to work on your homework you can have some of these delicious French fries.” His face lights up at the prospect, “but you have to really work on your homework.”

He nods. “Okay. I’m William,” he sticks his hand out formally.

Felicity shakes his hand very seriously. “Felicity.” She hands over a French fry and pulls a chair over so she can sit beside him as he works.

“So how do you know Oliver?” He asks, looking up from his work a couple problems later.

She can’t talk around her mouthful of burger and she swallows a little too quickly. She takes a large gulp of chocolate milkshake before can answer him. “Oh, Oliver and I...he’s...we’re...”

Yeah, there’s no easy answer to that. They’re the only ones of their team left behind in Star City. They’re partners, but not to the extent that they once were. She doesn’t go into the Arrow Cave every night to help him with his crusade, but she offers help when he needs it.

They eat lunch together on a regular basis, but they’re not officially together anymore.

They’re not even dating contrary to the gossip magazines. Oliver’s too busy between being Mayor and his night job, and Felicity’s the CEO of a major corporation. Neither of their feelings have changed, either about each other or about the reason they broke up.

Sure, Oliver’s trying: he’s talking to her, telling her things, but she still won’t let her heart trust him when he still keeps the big things secret. He doesn’t come to her with the things that weigh on his mind, the things he has trouble admitting out loud.

She wants them to be able to talk about the tough things, the personal things.

She wants more from him, and she’s just waiting for him to give it. Despite the break up being her decision, she never really intended to move on. Sure, there are other men she could see herself happy with, but she doesn’t want them. She wants Oliver, but it’s not fair that she keeps expecting him to change.

They work as friends. Against all the odds, they were always the best at being friends.

Maybe they were just never meant to be more.

“We’re friends,” she finally decides.

William nods sagely. “Like Mom’s friend Pete that she likes to kiss on the lips.”

Felicity can’t figure out how to respond to that so she just hands him a French fry and tells him to work on his homework so his Mom doesn’t get angry.

William ends up eating all Oliver’s food by the end of Felicity’s scheduled lunch break. Oliver’s secretary checks in on them a couple times. After the third time in twenty minutes, Felicity tells the frazzled older woman that she can handle it.

Next, she calls Jerry and has him cancel her afternoon meetings, which he happily agrees to. That makes her a tad suspicious. But he probably thinks she and Oliver are rekindling their romance despite her numerous assertions to the contrary. He just looks meaningfully at their picture on her desk and walks away without a comment.

It’s infuriating.

“Done!” William announces, paper held over his head in victory.

Felicity holds her hand, “Let me take a look.”

He hands them over with no small amount of pride at the accomplishment. A quick glance over the sheet looks good, but since there’s still been no sign of Oliver or Samantha, she decides to draw this out a little longer.

“Alright. Pop Quiz: What’s 2 times 2?”

He huffs. “4.”

“3 times 2?”

“6.”

“2 times 4?”

William rolls his eyes. “I know more than my 2 times tables.” She gives him a pointed look and he groans: “8.”

“4 times 6?”

“24. Which is also 3 times 8.”

Felicity blinks and nods in agreement.

“And 2 times 12.”

“I thought you didn’t like math.”

“I said I didn’t like it, not that I wasn’t good at it.” William smirks at her, obviously very proud of himself for pulling one over on her.

Felicity huffs. “Fine. 3 times 13?”

That takes him a moment, but then he announces happily: “39!”

“7 times 7?”

“49.” William reaches over to grab the last French fry to pop into his mouth with a satisfied grin.

Felicity narrows her eyes. “Okay then. 27 divided by 3?” Is it bad that she wants to stump an eight year old in math that he probably just learned? That sounds wrong.

“9. What else you got?”

“72 divided by 9?”

“8. Come on! Something harder!”

So, he’s competitive. Felicity probably should have guessed that. “207 divided by 18?”

William frowns, mouthing numbers as he mentally picks apart the equation. She can hear him muttering under his breath as he tries to figure it out. “11 and a half?”

“Well, that solves it,” Felicity announces as she flops back. “You’re a math wiz. You must get that from your mother.”

“My mom?”

“Right. Nevermind,” she mutters, glancing around. “Where is your mother?”

“She and Oliver went to talk in one of the conference rooms. They told me to stay here.”

Now that the math questions are done, William looks bored as he leans back in the large seat. If he’s anything like his father, Felicity has a feeling the inactivity will slowly tear him apart until he lashes out. She was never much of a babysitter, but she’s sure she can find something for them to do while they wait for whatever mysterious thing Oliver and Samantha have to talk about.

“I’ll be right back.” Felicity taps a couple things on her tablet. “But until I get back, try this.”

“Risk?” He’s understandably skeptical as he stares at the screen.

She nods, a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. “It’s all about strategy. Let’s see how you do.”

He focuses back in on the game, a furrow between his brows that definitely comes from his father. Felicity backs out of the room shaking her head. Her heart is in her throat, thinking about how this could have been her future: a little boy the perfect combination of her and Oliver...

But no. He’s still not telling her things apparently.

“Beth?” She asks Oliver secretary quietly. The woman jerks up, bug-eyed through her thick glasses.

“Yes?”

“Where can I find Mayor Queen?” She asks politely.

“Oh, in conference room B, Miss Smoak, but he asked not to be disturbed!” Her last words are lost to Felicity’s retreating back.

Felicity likes to think she knows Oliver, that she’s not risking walking in on him and Samantha getting hot and heavy, that they’re beyond that, but she still knocks extra loudly on the door before pushing it open.

Oliver sits at one end of the large table, his head in his hands, looking beaten down and weary while Samantha is watching him from a couple seats away, stoic despite the twin tears racing down her face.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” Felicity immediately wants to back track. “William was just...”

Oliver’s head jerks up to face her and Samantha quickly wipes the tears from her face.

“Is he okay?” She asks, standing. “I didn’t mean to leave him so long.”

“He’s fine,” Felicity quickly assures them. “He finished his math homework and now he’s on my tablet. And he ate lunch.” She winces. Maybe Big Belly Burger wasn’t the best choice for a growing boy.

Samantha blinks. “Oh. Thank you. I didn’t even realize what time it was.”

“It was no problem. I was supposed to have lunch with Oliver anyway.” She suddenly feels the need to leave the room. There’s too much tension in here, too much emotion that she can feel in the air like a physical weight. “I’ll just...get out of your hair.”

“Wait!” Samantha protests. “You should probably hear this.”

Felicity turns back to the room and shakes her head with a good-natured smile. “It’s fine. It seems like a private matter.” Her heart breaks a little more at the next words. “And Oliver and I aren’t together anymore, so I’ll just let you two talk.”

“Felicity.” Even Oliver’s quiet whisper stops her in her tracks, one foot out the door.

She thinks this is it. He’s going to tell her a secret, he’s going to share what’s going on, going to make it personal, going to bring her in on whatever he’s thinking.

“Thank you for looking after William...he and Samantha are going to be staying with me for a little bit.”

Her dreams die with those words. It’s stupid: they’re not in a relationship anymore so it shouldn’t bug her that he made a decision – a momentous one – without consulting her first. It’s irrational.

And she’s actually glad this means he gets to have a relationship with his son. She’s only ever wanted him to be happy...

But it also hardens her heart, reminding her of all the reasons it wasn’t working out between them. All the relationship they’ve done since everything came to a head with Darhk...it was all for nothing. There’s still a huge wall between them.

She nods jerkily. “Okay. I just wanted to let you know. I’ll leave my spare tablet with him. Good seeing you again, Samantha.”

Her escape is quick almost to the point of rudeness. She barely says two words to both Beth and William before racing back out to the street. She doesn’t have to be back at work so instead of heading toward Palmer Tech, she heads to her car and starts to drive.

She needs some space. It’s not fair to keep putting her heart through this.

Oliver and Samantha...they’re not together. She gets that, she could see that within a couple moments, but they still have something special, something intimate. It goes beyond their son – although the boy himself is amazing. No, they talk, and she’s willing to bet they came to that decision together. They talked and decided that William and Samantha would stay with him for whatever reason.

She’s being bitter and a petty – and she wishes to the great Google gods that that wasn’t the case – but she can’t stop the feelings welling up. She had wanted a life with that man. She still did, yet being around him just kept breaking her heart.

She thought it had healed when she stepped down from the team, and when Laurel died and she came back...she thought they had the teamwork thing down. They seemed to be the only people not going completely off the rails.

Digg left, Thea left.

They soldiered on.

Now she just realizes she was deluding herself.

She had just lulled herself into a false sense of happiness, of a future that could be. She had found herself in him and then lost it. As much as it tears her heart to shreds, she needs to try to move on from him.

At least that’s what she tells herself as she presses the number of the cute guy she met at a tech convention a week ago. Stephen kept asking if she wanted to get coffee. This was just the kick she needed to say yes.

...

“I’ll admit, I didn’t think you’d say yes.”

Felicity laughs at his confession as she stares down at the foam art on her latte. It was fancier than what she usually went for and she was a little hesitant to take a sip. “I wasn’t planning on saying yes honestly. Not that you’re not nice or anything. You’re quite beautiful actually.” She takes a deep breath. “I just got out of a long term relationship, so this is a first in a long time.”

She finally meets his warm blue eyes and tries (unsuccessfully) not to compare them to Oliver’s.

He nods. “I get it. Consider this a get-to-know-you meeting. No pressure.”

“Thanks.” The words are nice, but they do little to combat how this feels like betrayal. But Oliver pushed her away for almost a year after he realized his feelings. He kept pushing her away and she vowed that she wouldn’t ever let Oliver’s rejection stop her from loving.

Yes, she’s the one who walked away this time, but it wasn’t like she could live her life with someone who made decisions on his own without even talking to her. She gets it: he likes to have control over his life. She just wants to be a part of his decision-making process: a true partner.

“So, what so you do?”

“Oh, I’m an actor!” He grins at her. “I’m here filming a post-apocalypse movie. It’s really cool! It’s about a group of survivors who stumble on a sanctuary and discover it’s not as great as they think. I’d tell you more, but I’d spoil it.”

Felicity smiles good naturedly. “Sounds cool.”

“It’s great! We’re using some wreckage on the outskirts of the city and I really think this could turn into a cult classic!”

“So what were you doing at the tech show?” She had a feeling he wasn’t that into the tech when he didn’t recognize her.

He runs a hand through his hair sheepishly. “Actually, I got turned around. My co-star told me all the security was there for a swimsuit model competition. I never did managed to find them before they left. But I found you so it’s not a complete loss.”

Felicity raises her eyebrows. “Swim suit models?”

“Yeah. Instead I found a bunch of nerds. You definitely did not fit in with that crowd. I figured the same thing happened to you.” He winks at her and Felicity grits her teeth to stop her scowl.

He’s not the smartest tool in the shed, apparently. And she really doesn’t appreciate the insinuation that nerds are ugly as a group.

“I mean, you’re gorgeous. As soon as I saw you, I knew I would be a fool not to get your number. So what are you in town for?”

Felicity pushes her latte slightly away, deciding she didn’t in fact need to drink it. “I actually live here.”

“Really?” He blinks in surprise and then leans forward, “even with all the crime?”

She shrugs. “I think the people who live here are proud to have survived everything.”

He snorts in disbelief. “In the past four years hasn’t the city been nearly destroyed four times? You couldn’t pay me to live here.”

Felicity crosses her arms and leans back in her chair. What did she see in this guy again? Oh, right: he wasn’t Oliver.

And apparently, he has no appreciation for people from her home or nerds. So there was no chance of this working out.

“It’s home.”

“Whoa, babe, you must not know what the world has to offer. After I’m done filming, you should come check out my crib in Los Angeles. You’ll never wanna leave.” He winks.

Felicity grabs her purse, officially done with this idiot. “Firstly, you don’t call me ‘babe’. Second, never gonna happen. Third, I am a proud resident of Star City and Overlord of all Nerds. So thanks for the coffee, but this” she gestures between them,  “is never going to happen. Ever.”

“What?”

Felicity doesn’t stick around to listen to the rest of the question. That was a sad attempt at dating.

“That’s because you don’t need a man to move on,” she reminds herself. “You just need to focus on you and helping people. The Beacon of Hope program – that’s what you need to focus on. Let Oliver work on his family skills and I’ll work on making an impact outside of his crusade.”

She turns and heads back to her apartment. “God, I need to get my head in the game.”

...

“Miss Smoak?”

Her head jerks up from the schematics on her desk to look at Jerry, wondering how many times he had called her name already. She tended to get absorbed in her projects much to the detriment of her EA.

“Um, there’s a boy here saying he wants to return your tablet. Do you want me to call security?”

She looks past the nervous man to see William staring in awe out the floor-to-ceiling windows. “No, that’s okay, Jerry. He’s... a friend.”

Felicity moves around the desk and follows Jerry back to the waiting area outside her office. She hadn’t expected her EA to be nervous around children.

“William, what are you doing here?” She asks. Then she frowns, “How did you get here?”

“I looked up the address on the tablet,” he says, holding up the tablet she lent him to play Risk on. It’s been two weeks since she handed over. She’s seen him a handful of times since then, but he was always so immersed in the game that she told him to keep it as long as he wanted.

He shifts nervously under her scrutiny and she gets the feeling that he’s here without permission from his mom, or Oliver. “Why don’t you come into my office?”

“Is this really your office?” he asks as he enters the space and turns in a couple circles.

“Yup.”

“So you’re the CEO?”

Felicity grins and pulls him over to the chairs in front of the windows. “Yup. I’m the big man in charge. Well, woman in charge.”

“That’s so cool!” His enthusiasm is plainly written on his face, but Felicity sees his nerves in the way his hands clench around the tablet in his hands.

She lets the silence drag on for a couple minutes before she asks: “What’s going on William?”

His shoulders slump. “Mom’s sick. She and Oliver aren’t telling me, but she’s getting sicker. And she’s talking about leaving me with Oliver, but I don’t understand...”

“Oh, honey,” she whispers, reaching out for squeeze his arm. He turns into her touch and ends up hugging her, rendering Felicity speechless as she holds the sobbing boy.

“They had to take her to the hospital today and I heard them talking this morning. Either I stay here with Oliver or I move in with Grandpa Sal. I don’t want to live with Grandpa.”

Felicity’s heart breaks for the poor boy in her arms. So that’s what’s been going on. She had a feeling it was something dramatic to bring Samantha back. They wanted William to be with his father.

She still doesn’t know why he chose to come here, to her. Of all the places he could go...

Her phone blares from over by her computer, Oliver’s ringtone instantly recognizable. “I need to get that, Will. It’s Oliver.”

He releases her, and turns dejectedly toward the windows.

“Hi,” she whispers into the phone.

“Felicity! William’s missing! I can’t find him anywhere. Samantha’s in the hospital-“

She rubs her temple in a futile attempt to alleviate her headache as Oliver panics on the other end of the phone.

“Oliver-“

“He was right here in the waiting room. And now he’s vanished-“

“Oliver-“

“God, Felicity, I don’t know what to do. I’m not cut out for this father thing-“

“OLIVER!” William jumps at her shout and turns to stare at her with wide eyes, but it achieves what she wanted and Oliver falls silent. “William’s with me.”

There’s a strangled breath from the other side of the line and William scowls at being outed.

“He...what? How did he get out of the hospital?”

Felicity pinches the bridge of her nose as her headache grows. “I don’t know, Oliver, but he’s here and I’ll look after him. Just, get what you need to get done done.”

“Felicity,” he growls.

“The words you’re looking for are ‘Thank you’.” Felicity glances at the boy still watching her carefully. “And really, Oliver, you can trust me with him. He came to me. Just let me know when to drop him off or whatever, okay?”

She goes to hang up, but before she can press the button she hears a strangled: “She was poisoned, Felicity.”

“What?”

“Samantha was poisoned,” Oliver repeats through gritted teeth. “And whoever did this made it look like she has cancer. They’ve been poisoning her with chemo treatments. Someone wanted her to come back to Star City.”

“You can’t know that. It could be completely unrelated. Not everything is about you.”

“This is,” Oliver insists. “Digg’s on his way to you now. I need you to stay put until he gets there.”

“Digg?” As far as he knew, he and Lyla were neck deep in A.R.G.U.S. business.

“The man who treated Samantha, was missing an eye, Felicity. Digg confirmed it: Slade escaped.”

She can’t breathe. There are bands on her chest as she thinks about the man who once held a sword to her throat, the man who she stabbed in the neck with a syringe so Oliver would defeat him, the man who probably wanted her dead.

“Slade?”

“If he orchestrated this...” He trails off, voiced choked up even through the phone. “I can’t lose you, Felicity, either of you.”

“I’ll wait for Digg,” she agrees quietly, starting to chew on her thumbnail.

“Thank you,” he whispers back through the phone. “We’ll get to the bottom of this, but until I know more...”

“We’ll stay safe, but Oliver?”

“Yeah?”

“You need to keep me in the loop in this.”

“I know,” he answers. “The doctor’s back. I gotta go.”

The line clicks and Felicity lowers the phone and takes a deep breath. It calms her heart rate, but does nothing to dampen the killer headache pulsing in the cavity where her brain is supposed to go.

“Looks like you’ll be staying with me for a little while, bud,” she announces as she drops back onto the couch with a smile, pushing aside her own fear to support the boy in front of her.

“Who’s Digg?”

“He’s my friend. He’s really tall and big, but he’s basically a cuddly teddy bear on the inside.” She grins at him.

“And Slade?”

Okay, so he’s not so easy to distract then. Felicity grimaces. “He’s not a good man. But don’t worry. We’ll be safe here.”

William doesn’t seem quite so reassured as he glances away at the rest of the room. If Felicity had any lying ability she would probably try that now, but she learned a long time ago that that was one ability she did not possess.

“What’s this?”

Felicity follows William’s gaze to the colorful brochures spread all over the small table and she smiles.

“That is my Beacon of Hope Foundation brochure.” Her chest fills with pride as she looks at the pictures and colors that promise to change the world slowly but surely. It’s the direction Ray wanted to take the company in, and she couldn’t be happier to carry that on. “It’s a Foundation we’re launching to make life-changing surgeries possible for the injured and disabled, plus to fund new and innovative research in those fields.”

“So, like fake limbs? Like the guy from Star Wars?”

“Prosthetics? Yeah,” she says with a slow smile. “And other things, like chips that help paralyzed people walk again.”

William frowns. “Chips? Like potato chips?”

“Like computer chips,” she corrects. “But it’s really like a bio-implant...” She trails off as she realizes William’s not going to follow that train of thought.

“Why aren’t you and Oliver together?” He asks, wandering over to her desk and their portrait now.

Were kids always this straight-forward with questions?

“Well, we were, but then we had a disagreement.”

He turns to stare at her. “You don’t love him any more?”

“I didn’t say that.” She takes a deep breath and tries to think of the simplest way to say this. “When you’re in a serious relationship with someone, you have to talk to him about everything. And he didn’t trust me with a secret, which I could forgive him for, but then he decided to deal with it his way and I couldn’t live with that.”

William tilts his head. “Why not?”

Felicity walks over to take the picture from the desk. “Because I was worried about what it meant for me. He was able to make that choice without talking to me, and I wondered what would happen if I were in a similar situation and if he would make the same choice for me. We’re supposed to be partners, but I was on the outside. And I couldn’t spend my life like that.”

The truth of her words hits her like a fist to the stomach. It was never about the decision to send William away. It was better for him and his mother from Oliver’s and Samantha’s point of view, although apparently not the best idea. It was about the fact that she was only clued in at the end.

What if, at some point down the line, she was the pregnant one and he just sent her away, without talking to her about it? The idea terrified her. She refused to let that happen to her or her child, if that were ever a possibility. She wouldn’t let him make choices for her. She needed him to open up.

That’s all she ever needed from him.

And apparently it was something she was still waiting for him to give.

...

“Thank you for watching William.”

Felicity nods stiffly as Samantha shakes her hand. Now that she knows a little of what’s been happening, she can see the dark circles under Samantha’s eyes, the pallor to her skin, the pain in her eyes.

“It’s bad, isn’t it?” Felicity finds herself asking.

“They’re hopeful, but there’s no chance of a full recovery...” Samantha draws a sharp breath. “Basically they don’t know. And Oliver’s been so great, letting us stay here indefinitely. He’s a good father.”

As if the conversation itself wasn’t awkward enough before now. Felicity already knows all of this. She’s aware of how wonderful Oliver is. But he’s known about Slade for weeks and he only told her now.

“I’ll get out of your hair now, then.” Felicity turns, pressing a kiss to John’s cheek. “It’s good to see you, John. I hope everything works out.”

“Felicity.”

She knows that exasperated sigh as well as she knows her own voice. She hadn’t even realized Oliver had entered the room. Slowly she turns back to him.

“Digg’s going with you,” he says simply.

“You mean because you don’t have a guest bedroom to house him in?” She asks, because there’s no way he gets away with keeping her under guard after not telling her this for weeks.

His brow wrinkles in frustration, but she’s going to make him say it. And she’s not going to agree. If he was worried, he could have had her protected before now, so why didn’t he? He could have talked to her at any time. But he didn’t.

And she’s not about to make it easy for him.

“Felicity, Slade will go after you. You’re the one who injected him with the cure. He knows that you’re...the woman I love. So please, let Digg stay with you.”

She crosses her arms over her chest. “If he wanted to come after me, he could have any time after he escaped. Instead, he went after Samantha. And he hasn’t struck since, not in the weeks it’s been since she and William got here. I think I’ll be fine. But if John wants to stay with me rather than sleep on your couch, I will gladly let my friend crash in my guest bedroom.”

Oliver looks torn between arguing and just letting it go at face value: she accepted his terms after all. John will stay with her, which is what he wanted.

She’s doing it because John is one of her best friends. Foolhardy as it may be, she’s not actually scared of Slade Wilson. Sure, she’s slightly nervous – which may evolve into fear in the dead of the night – but she has no doubt that if Slade really wants to kill her, he won’t wait around for Oliver this time around.

Death doesn’t really frighten her.

Okay, maybe a little. But not in the way needles, and kangaroos freak her out. It’s bizarre. It makes no sense, but that’s how her brain works.

Death is inevitable; needles and freaky animals are more manageable.

“I see you two are doing better,” John comments as the elevator starts to move.

Felicity huffs and collapses against the metal wall of the box. “How bad is it, Digg?”

He shrugs. “A.R.G.U.S. has been trying to get a location, but he’s staying off their radar.”

“And how long have you known? How long has Oliver known?” She can see the guilt in his eyes when he hesitates. She’s not going to like the answer. “How long?”

“It happened around the same time as the flood.” He admits it quickly, but stands his ground as she absorbs the blow.

“Two months? Is that why Oliver’s stayed close?” All the progress she thought they made...it suddenly feels like a brick in her stomach. She feels sick. Here she thought they’d been making progress. She was such a fool.

“Felicity...” John warns.

“No. Tell me the truth: Did Oliver know the whole time?”

She stares into his sympathetic brown eyes, but she’s not breaking this time. She’s not scared or hurt: she’s furious. He kept this from her on purpose, and now he has the gumption to demand she has a guard!

Oh, she is definitely hacking his phone tonight. And tanking his credit score.

“Not that he doesn’t deserve it, Felicity, but are you sure-“

“Don’t you dare defend him right now, John!” Felicity stalks from the elevator, livid. “He’s just lucky I don’t go back up to the loft and put him in his place in front of his son!”

He trails her to her car, shaking his head, but at least he lets her have her moment of righteous indignation as they make their way back to her apartment in silence.

...

Beep Beep.

Felicity looks up from her work desk for the tenth time in as many minutes to frown at Digg sitting on the couch in her office. She didn’t need to hack his phone two days ago to figure out who kept trying to contact him. The wistful look on his face was more than enough to answer that question.

“It’s been two weeks, John. Maybe it’s time for you to go home. Lyla and Sara have to be missing you.”

He sighs, slipping his phone back into his pocket. “Not until I know you’re safe, Felicity.”

“Even without superserum, no offense, John, but I can’t see you stopping Slade Wilson. He’s a man on a mission and sometimes the best way to do that is to draw him out.”

She turns away before she can feel the full force of John’s glare at her insinuation.

“I sincerely hope you didn’t just suggest we use you as bait.”

Felicity shrugs as she turns back to him. “Really? As if we haven’t done that plenty of times before now?”

“This is different.” John insists as he moves to stand in front of her. “Slade won’t just be targeting you because of Oliver this time. He’ll want revenge against you, too. You’re the reason he failed last time. He wants you dead.”

“Except he knows I’m protected, so he went after Samantha and William. And we know who Oliver will choose then.” Her expression sours. She hadn’t meant to bring those emotions into this. Yes, Oliver would choose his son first. Hell, she would choose William over herself.

But that wasn’t the point of this.

She shakes her head. “Digg, Lyla’s been calling me, asking when you’re coming home. So why don’t you go back to your wife and your little girl.”

“Not with you in danger.”

“Lyla will assign some agents to cover me so they can get Slade back into custody.” They talked about this last night, but both women had wanted Digg to come to the decision on his own. Felicity understands: he’s one of her closest friends, practically her brother. Of course, he’s worried about her safety, but that doesn’t mean he has to be here, watching her personally every day.

“And you think Oliver’s going to be okay with that?”

“It’s not really any of his business.”

“You do realize he’s been checking in on you, right? He’s not going to trust your security to anyone else.”

“Oliver lost the right to make those decisions when he started keeping secrets from me. I walked around for months after he found out about Slade without security. I think I can continue to handle it.” She moves files over to hand Digg an envelope. “That’s for Lyla.”

He sighs, looking down at the white envelope. “Felicity.”

She sits down. That’s his truth-telling voice. He’s about to lay it on her.

“Oliver’s been keeping an eye on you since he found out.”

“I know,” she grits out, “which is what pissed me off about the whole situation, if you remember.”

“He was trying to give you space while still keeping himself there to protect you. He didn’t know how Slade would strike.”

“And then Samantha got sick and he still didn’t tell me! He didn’t tell me until he knew he couldn’t get away with it anymore, and then he brought you in to protect me!”

Digg rubs his forehead, pinching his nose. “The two of you...he loves you, Felicity. He’s trying to respect your wishes while keeping you safe.”

“It’s not his job to keep me safe.” Her life has never been safe, even when he thought it was. Even in Vegas, she and her mom never lived in the nicest parts of town. She slept with a bat beside her bed from when she was 9, a habit she didn’t break when she moved to Boston. And don’t get her started on the whole hacktivism and Star City eras of her life.

She might not be the best fighter physically, but she is in spirit.

“If something happens to you, he’s never going to forgive himself.”

Felicity smiles softly. “Digg, after all that’s happened, I think he’s moved past the every-death-is-my-fault time in his life. This is my choice. And you need to get home to Lyla.” She hands him his coat.

“If anything happens –“

“You and Oliver are still on speed dial. And I won’t go looking for trouble. I’m a big girl, John.”

He sighs. “Fine.”

But he doesn’t like it. He’s resisting. Felicity can see that as clear as day. Yet the call of home and his family pulls him away from her. She also knows how difficult staying in Star City is for him right now. It wasn’t fair to ask him to stay any longer.

She rises onto the tips of her toes, yanking him down by the lapel of his jacket to press a kiss to his cheek. “You are amazing, John, but Lyla and Sara need you more.”

“Yeah, yeah, let’s take the sprout back to his parents and get out of here.”

Felicity grins as she practically skips into the conference room. “Ready to go, Will?”

He looks up from his very own Palmer Tech tablet and the latest game of Risk. She’d gotten him his own when he started hanging with her regularly. He was even interested in learning how to code, which she considered a personal win. She was very proud of her part in his good adjustment to the move to Star City.

“Now?” He pouts.

“Come on, your mom’s waiting for you.”

He groans, but grabs his backpack and slides the tablet inside. “Can we stop for milkshakes on the way?”

Felicity laughs and pushes him ahead of her to the elevator. “How about no? Your mom’s going to hate me if all I do is bribe you with ice cream. How about tomorrow if you get all your work done before we leave?”

“Deal!” He grins, racing to the elevator and skidding to a stop as Digg presses the button.

She laughs as she gets into the elevator with them and William starts going on excitedly about a new gadget Curtis showed him, which morphs into the Green Arrow’s latest crusade. Digg raises his eyebrows in her direction and they share an amused smile over the boy’s head.

“One day I’m going to learn to shoot a bow and arrow,” he declares as they exit the elevator.

Felicity laughs. “I’m sure you will. And you’ll be even more amazing than the Green Arrow.”

“Except the kid’s not gonna live long enough to best his father.”

The blood chills in Felicity’s veins at the thick Australian accent that sometimes haunts her nightmares. No. This can’t be happening.

Not here. Not now.

Bang.

At her side, Digg collapses to the ground and dimly Felicity hears screams and frantic shouts as people run around the lobby. Yet Felicity’s eyes are locked firmly on the eye-path-wearing warrior pointing a smoking gun directly at them.

Unthinking, Felicity blocks William from his sight, standing as straight as possible. “Slade.”

Thank Google her voice doesn’t shake.

“Felicity Smoak,” he enunciates every syllable, “the love of Oliver Queen’s life, but you...” he chuckles darkly, “but you saw him for what he was, didn’t you? You saw through his act. You called it off. You realized he’s just using you, which is why I didn’t go after you. SO hand over the boy and I’ll be out of your hair.”

She snorts. “You’ll have to kill me first.” Her phone is already calling Oliver. He’ll be here any minute. She just needs to hold out until he gets here.

Slade lowers his gun slowly. “You’re like her, you know? Shado. Did he tell you about her?”

That’s it. She has to keep him talking. “You were on the Island with her. She was an archer. She taught him.” She’s careful to keep Oliver’s name out of it as she moves, inching around so she can back towards the door.

“Uh-uh,” Slade says, lifting the gun and stilling Felicity’s movements. “I don’t want to shoot you, Felicity, but I will if I need to.”

William whimpers behind her, his fists curling into her blouse.

“Alright, let’s just calm down.”

Slade smirks. “We’re all calm here. We’re just...waiting for Oliver to show up. That call you made has to have gone through by now.”

Felicity lifts her phone from behind her back and glances at Digg as she tosses the phone to the floor (Google forgive her). The puddle of dark red blood leaking from his body worries her, but his chest still moves up and down which eases her discomfort.

“He’s just a kid, Slade.” She takes a step closer, struggling to remember everything she knows about Slade Wilson. “He’s the same age your son was. Joe.”

“Don’t you say his name,” he growls, his voice low and cold. His gun shakes in front of his face, and Felicity stalls. “Maybe I should just kill you both. Maybe I’ll drag it out, while he watches. It would break him.”

Slade adjusts his grip again and Felicity finds herself praying that Oliver gets here soon. Now would be preferable.

Bang.

Felicity winces, waiting for the pain, but there’s nothing.

“Run, Felicity!”

Digg’s broken voice shakes her from her stupor and she takes off without a backward glance, ushering William before her towards the glass doors and freedom.

Bang!

Felicity spins back to see Digg stagger. She’s ten feet closer to them when Slade turns his gun on her. He pauses and she prepares herself for death, but he smiles that crazy smile and continues to slide the gun over.

Her heart freezes when she follows the trajectory to the blonde-haired boy.

The decision is made before her brain catches up with her body. She won’t let anything happen to William and so there’s no choice to make as she throws herself between him and Slade.

Bang Bang BANG!

She’s feels the shock of the bullets, but then nothing...just paralyzing numbness. It’s funny. She remembers getting shot hurting more. With vivid clarity, she remembers the shooting pain – no pun intended. It was piercing. And it hurt like hell.

Now, she just feels empty.

She can’t feel her toes, her fingers, even her face.

Is she still standing?

It’s bad.

Felicity’s eyes flutter open, sound piercing her ears, the screams and sirens...and then her name, repeated over and over by John Diggle as he presses his hands to the wound she knows she should feel. She should be in excruciating pain right now. But she’s not.

“William?” Her voice is a croak, a whisper, but it feels like the greatest challenge just to squeak them out.

Tears drip from John’s eyes as he nods. She can see the bulletproof vest that he’s wearing now, knows that’s why he’s not dead. “He’s fine, Felicity. You did it. You saved him.”

Relief floods her system as she fights to stay conscious for this. “Good. Tell Oliver...tell...him...” she has to get this out. “I...love...him...”

The light fades and she’s engulfed in darkness. She can still hear them, desperately calling for her to stay awake, to open her eyes, but it’s too much.

She can’t.

The last thing she hears is Oliver’s voice, her name a strangled cry of desperation ripped from his throat.

Chapter Text

Don't Take For Granted the Love This Life Gives You

Twelve hours.

They’d had her in surgery for twelve hours now.

For Oliver, every passing moment has been torture. His hands – his clothes – are splattered in blood. Her blood. He hasn’t even been able to wash it from his hands. Instead, he just stares at the scarlet liquid dried on his skin.

It dried in his clothes and on his hands. At least ten people have offered to show him to the bathroom to let him clean off. Digg may have even gone to his apartment to get him a change of clothes. It’s even possible that Lyla’s in the room with Baby Sara, that Thea’s pacing the room, that Roy’s huddled in a corner, that Sara’s sitting next to him, rubbing his back, that William’s sitting across the room, clinging to Samantha as tears stream down his face.

It’s possible.

But Oliver doesn’t know for sure because he’s not processing the room as a whole and time has ceased to mean anything since the last time the doctor came into the room to talk to him. Nurses and doctors - in colored scrubs that probably had some significance - came through at regular intervals, but none of them brought news of her status, so they were pushed to the back of his mind with the rest of the irrelevant information. Last time someone came in it was to ask if she had any past history of traumas.

He’ d barely had enough sense to answer.

He runs his hand over his head. His suit will never be the same and undoubtedly there are pictures already out of “Mayor Handsome” desperately trying to stem the flow of blood from his ex-fiancé’s chest. That’s a cover photo he never wants to see.

He keeps reliving that moment: the moment Felicity collapsed after jumping in front of his son. His son . Felicity might be dying because she jumped in front of a bullet aimed at his son, a bullet Slade Wilson shot.

Slade might have finally succeeded in killing the person who meant more to him than anyone else in the world. She wasn’t even in surgery this long after Darhk’s men shot up their limo. Slade hit something important, something they’re trying desperately to fix.

If he loses her, Oliver will go mad. And this time he can’t channel his anxiety into hunting down the people who hurt her, because he already knows who’s at fault. And he knows Digg took care of the problem. He filed that small fact away in the back corner of his brain. He can’t deal with that right now.

He’s still caught on the fact that he ruined the best thing to ever happen to him irrevocably in the last year.

The first lie – William – was his mistake. It destroyed their relationship. And then everyone left and they grew close again.

Until Slade happened.

That phone call from Lyla was the worst that could have happened. Slade was missing and not only did he know Oliver’s greatest weakness, but he definitely had a head start. Searching for Slade had required A.R.G.U.S.’s assistance, and even their resources had fallen short.

He hadn’t told Felicity because he didn’t want to worry her, didn’t want to scare her with the knowledge that Slade was coming to kill her. She was surrounded by people who could protect her. He made sure of that. He thought the last thing he needed to do was freak her out.

Like an idiot he had made the same mistake he did the first time. He didn’t tell her the truth for the sake of her safety. Deep down, on some level, he knew she would hate him when she found out.

When she walked away from their engagement, it broke him.

Shutting her out of everything to do with keeping her safe, and nothing to do with his feelings for her.

He still loved her.

He should have told her. He should have sucked it up, but she had finally been happy. Darhk was gone, there were no overwhelming threats to the city. Things had been good. They had been good. He just hadn’t wanted to see her walking around scared that Slade would pop out around every corner. She had her own things to worry about, none of them life threatening, and he didn’t want to let Slade steal her smile too.

So she had been mad at him.

He could have dealt with that as long as it kept her safe from Slade.

But in the end she hadn’t been safe.

Slade still got to her.

Without a cogent thought, Oliver moves from his seat. His bad knee protests the movement after prolonged sitting. His footsteps make barely a noise on the floor as he focuses on the movement, the swish of his clothes, the heaviness of his breath, anything to get his mind off the OR down the hall and the doctor’s working to save Felicity’s life.

He’s lived too many times when he should have died and right now he would trade every one of those chances for Felicity to make it through this, for her to walk through those doors with a bright smile and a teasing aside.

He would rather die a thousand times than have to endure her death.

…

The surgeon looks tired, impassive, as he stands in the middle of the room with no indication to the success of the surgery. He hasn’t said anything since he pushed through the swinging doors and the whole room held its breath. The doctor’s completely unruffled, clean and polished without any hint of the surgery he just walked out of.

That’s either good news or bad.

Oliver can’t find his voice to ask.

“Family of Felicity Smoak?”

Oliver shifts in his seat, jostling William awake. “Yeah.”

“I’m sorry, but I can only talk to her family, not former fianc-“

“I’m her emergency contact,” Oliver says, his voice a croak in the back of his throat. “If anything happened…” He can’t finish the thought, the idea that if she was ever unable to make a medical decision, it would fall to him. She hadn’t changed it after the break up.

“Of course, Mr. Queen. But you don’t need to worry about that now. Surgery was successful. We were able to fix the damage caused by the bullet and she appears to be doing well. She lost a lot of blood and it’s going to be a long time before she can eat solid foods, but she should make a full recovery.”

“Oh, Thank God.” Digg crashes back against his seat in relief and Oliver nods in agreement.

The tension flees his body, leaving Oliver limp and tired after hours of stress. “She’s okay?”

“She’s okay.” The doctor smiles. “She’s recovering in the ICU. I can take one of you to see her.”

Oliver glances at Digg, knowing that after everything it might be better for John to be the first face she sees. After all, she’s not mad at him.

“I’ll watch Will,” he says instead. “We’ll go get some breakfast, what do you say, bud?”

Oliver frowns. Sure enough, barely-there sunshine filters through the windows, leaving the lattice patterns of the window panes on the sterile, tiled floor. He hadn’t expected that. He would have thought the whole world would be dark without Felicity there by his side. But no, it was all in his head.

It’s fitting in this way: the sun rises as he gets the news that Felicity’s going to be okay.

“Thanks.”

Digg shakes off his gratitude and leads William out of the room as Oliver stands to face the surgeon.

“Let’s get you cleaned off and then I can take you to see her.”

He’s tempted to argue the point, to rage against further stalling. Doesn’t he know Oliver’s not going to fully relax until he’s laid eyes on Felicity? But he does have a point. And Felicity wouldn’t appreciate waking to him at her bedside covered in her blood.

Standing in front of the mirror, Oliver suddenly understands the looks of horror and pity he received the whole way to the hospital and as he stood vigil in the waiting room. Felicity’s blood doesn’t just cover his hands, but it stands out in stark contrast against his white shirt, and even faintly on his black jacket.  He looks like he held his dying girlfriend as she bled out…but she didn’t die.

She’s alive , he forcibly reminds himself as he scrubs the blood from his hands.

Next to sink sit a pair of light blue scrubs the surgeon – Doctor Reynolds – found for him. Apparently, walking around the hospital covered in blood is frowned upon.

The scrubs don’t fit quite right, they’re a little tight around the arms and across the chest. The pants are a little too tight, but his are covered in blood so he doesn’t really have a choice. The effect isn’t flattering. Just another reason not to be a doctor, you know, besides the years of school.

He pulls the little flag pin from the lapel of his suit before throwing the whole suit in the biohazard bin.

The hall buzzes with life as Oliver follows the surgeon through the winding halls to the ICU. He knows all too well where it is, the last time he was here to see Felicity too ingrained in his mind to ever leave. He’d hoped to never see her in one these hospital beds again.

The tubes, the steady beeps of her heartbeat, the raspy inhale and exhale of the respirator.

“We’re just waiting for her to wake up,” the surgeon says after a beat. “When she does – or if anything else happens – just press the call button and someone will come. I’ll leave you to it.”

Oliver stares after the man for a moment before taking the chair beside Felicity’s bed. She’s alive, a survivor if there ever was one. She’s going to make it through this, and he’s going to be right here by her side.

…

“Today Palmer Tech announced recycling the energy of your generator. I didn’t understand the science of it or half the words, but I held a press conference to thank them for it. They didn’t even want me to mention your name, but I did.”

Oliver takes her hand in his and squeezes her fingers to remind himself that she’s real, that she’s here. He can touch her, can feel her, even it’s been two weeks and she hasn’t squeezed back yet.

He still comes here every day, and sleeps here most nights, unable to stand being away from her for too long. Sometimes he reads the news, sometimes he just talks, sometimes he lets William take over.

“Samantha’s getting worse. She’s deteriorating and the doctors say there’s not much they can do. Her organs are starting to fail, one by one.” He lifts Felicity’s hands to his lips, pressing his lips to her knuckles. They’re saying similar things about Felicity, talking about how she should wake soon, how time is running out. If she doesn’t wake soon, they’re worried she won’t wake at all. But he can’t give up hope.

“William started school last week. Thea wanted to send him to a private school, which is more expensive than Samantha wanted, so he’s going to public school. Apparently that’s a big deal to the newspapers: Mayor’s Son Goes Public.” He shakes his head in amazement. He’s lived with the press all his life and it still surprises him.

He laughs self-deprecatingly. “Mayor Handsome with a kid is something the press can’t get enough of. “

She would laugh at the nickname, tease him for it. He’s always been the press’s darling, even when he was acting out in his younger years. Samantha had been worried that the press would crucify her, would shame her son, but instead they’d embraced Oliver’s paternal side with vigor. They didn’t go on about a child out of wedlock or how he’d cheated on Laurel. The article had hit the stands around the time Felicity got rushed to the hospital, first surfacing with pictures of William sleeping on his shoulder as they sat in the waiting room.

Side by side like that, the resemblance between them had been unmistakable.

“The doctors keep talking to me about…” Oliver can’t say the words out loud, refuses to acknowledge vocally about how the doctors want to unplug her. He won’t even let himself think those thoughts aloud.

Instead, he kisses the palm of her hand. “I love you.”

…

The ever-present ache in Oliver’s chest is now a gaping hole that threatens to swallow him whole as he watches his son sit at the foot of Felicity’s hospital bed, out of the way of any wires. William hasn’t spoken since his mother passed a week ago. Silence has been his stalwart companion as he goes through the daily motions of his life.

Will’s a good kid: he goes to school, does his homework, eats and sleeps when he needs to. Samantha’s death hit him hard, but he keeps moving. The grief counselor the hospital had sent told Oliver that kids were resilient, that Will would be fine, not to push him but to understand.

But he’s starting to worry about the silence.

“Mr. Queen, we need to talk about Miss Smoak.”

He turns back to the doctors who pulled him from the room, who pulled him from Felicity’s side. They all know what treatment is going to be suggested: they want to take her off the ventilator, to remove the tube and see if she can breathe on her own. And if she doesn’t, they recommend letting her go.

“Samantha passed away last week...” He doesn’t want to contemplate losing another person in so short a time, even if he and Samantha weren’t all that close. But William…

“And we would have mentioned it sooner, but we’ve put it off long enough, Mr. Queen. We need to see if she can breathe on her own. If she doesn’t – if she can’t – her body will start to go into sepsis. Her organs will fail and her body will shut down from the inside out.”

That’s the last thing he wants to hear. Oliver runs his hand along his jaw as he turns back towards the hospital room. “Can you give us another day?”

His question earns Oliver a belabored sigh, but it’s the nod of acquiescence that he cares about.

“Tomorrow. Ten am.”

Oliver nods. A day…that will give him time to tell everyone who needs to be told. Digg and Lyla might not make it back, but at least they’ll know. Barry will come.  Thea will want to be there. And Donna, Quentin, Sara…

He can do that by tomorrow.

“Okay.” It’s a croak, a creak of a word ripped unwillingly from his throat. He’s planning her death and it feels wrong, a vile act that betrays the core of his soul. He can’t deal with this, but he has to. For William and for Felicity.

His footsteps fall heavily as he walks back down the hall. He pauses just outside the door when he hears the tentative voice.

“Dad says I should just talk to you, like he does, but that’s not what I need. I need you to wake up.” A sob escapes William. “I need you to wake up because Mom’s gone, and Oliver’s sad, and I miss you. Please wake up.”

“Please.”

It’s the please that breaks him, that single word offered in a broken sob by a little boy who’s had everyone in his life stolen from him so soon. Tears that seemed to be constantly about to fall finally break and stream down Oliver’s face. He can’t go back in there, not now. How can he comfort his son when he doesn’t even have his own emotions under control?

Oliver turns so his back rests against the wall, listening to Will’s whispered pleas as his own sadness overwhelms him.

God, how is he going to get through this?

…

The sheaf of paper glares up at him from the surface of the table, the words a blur in front of his tear-filled eyes. Everything is so clinical, so set in stone.

“Mr. Queen…”

“I’m sorry. I just need another minute.” Reading papers are exquisite torture as word after word describes exactly what the doctors can and will do after the tubes are pulled out, how they will remove the tube, how they won’t resuscitate her should she go into cardiac arrest, what care they would give, what they wouldn’t.

“Mr. Queen,” the voice prods again, gently.

“I need a minute .” He turns to glare at the unsuspecting surgical intern attempting to interrupt him as he signs away Felicity’s life. It’s more of a growl than it should be, the pressure of his choices finally getting to him. He went out on the street last night as the Green Arrow for the first time in weeks, unable to take a night of idle waiting.

The intern blinks in surprise and stutters: “Sh-sh-she’s awake.”

It’s a dream, a hallucination brought on by too many nights with too little sleep. There’s no way he heard what he thought. It’s been too long, the doctors said she wouldn’t wake up. It’s impossible. This close to the end, his brain is trying to save his heart. Oliver grips his pen tighter.

“Wh…what?”

“Miss Smoak,” the intern says with a small smile. “She woke up.”

“Are you…”

“She’s asking for you.”

The chair screeches on the tile floor as Oliver shoves it back and sprints for the hall. There’s a faint shout behind him about no running in the hallways, but it falls on deaf ears. He only cares about one thing, one person, the embodiment of his heart.

He staggers to a stop outside the hospital door, unable to round the corner without a breath to fortify his strength. She needs to be awake.  It would be too cruel to be offered this little spark of hope to have it so ruthlessly extinguished.

Then a little head sticks out the door, with a brilliant smile on his face.

“Dad! You have to come in!”

William spins back to the room as he hears a raspy voice call his name.

“He’s here!”

With tentative steps, Oliver rounds the corner, his eyes drawn to the bed immediately. This sight hadn’t changed in the last couple weeks: Felicity hooked up to wires and tubes, her eyes closed. He’d memorized it, traced every line of her face, the scars and callouses of her hand, the sound of the machines breathing for her…

Now everything’s different.

It’s all gone, vanished since his last visit.

The bed’s moved from its slight incline to ninety-degree angle. The blue tubes that for so long breathed life into her are gone, the very tubes that they were supposed to remove later today. The monitors still beep and flash with her vitals and she’s still connected to all the wires.

She hasn’t noticed him yet, too preoccupied with William as he clings to her arm.

Her hand moves slowly, tiredly as she runs her fingers through William’s hair as she whispers hoarse words of comfort. There’s a doctor taking note of her vitals, but he slips from the room quietly, without disturbing the reunion.

Awake, there’s a certain color to her cheeks, a color that was lost when she lay sleeping. There’s no other word for it: she looks alive. She’s weary and moving slowly, like each movement hurts her largely unused muscles. But she’s smiling, her lips turned up despite her weariness.

Oliver takes another stiff, unintentional step forward. The movement is stilted, lacking his normal grace. He’s drawn to her, like there’s a string connecting his heart to hers. Each step the Earth seems to move under his feet, his world refitting itself to revolve around her a little bit more.

Then her brilliant blue eyes lift to his, so pure, so radiant, so blissfully full of love. Her hand reaches for his as tears well in her eyes. “Oliver…”

He moves quickly. His hand wraps around her shoulders as he perches on the edge of her bed, wary of the colorful wires joining her to the machines. “Shhhh…it’s okay. I’m here. You’re safe. Everything’s going to be okay.”

She turns to him, her cheek flat against his palm as she stares up at him. “What happened?”

“What do you remember?” he asks gently.

She takes her time forming an answer, idly running her hand over William’s head. “Slade…he was at Palmer Tech…for William.”

“You saved me.” William looks up from her other side, squeezing her other hand. “From the bad man. You saved me.”

Felicity grins at him. It’s worn, her eyes already drooping after what little time she’s spent awake. “There was no choice to make.”

Oliver presses a kiss to Felicity’s hand at those words, spoken to his son as he once spoke them to her.  She looks back at him, her brows drawn together in confusion. “Slade?”

His thumb rubs soothing circles on the back of her hand as he sighs. “Dead. John shot him.”

She nods slowly. He can hear her brain processing from where he sits by her side, see her sorting through what she knows and what she needs to know. She’s making a list right now or what she needs to ask first. Her eyes drift back to William. “Samantha?”

Oliver grimaces. “She passed away.”

Another nod as she silently tucks that bit of information away. “How long have I…”

He squeezes her hand at the incomplete thought. “Weeks.”

“It was that bad?”

“Worse.”

Her eyelids droop despite her valiant attempt to hold eye contact.

“Sleep,” he whispers. “We’ll be here when you wake up.”

With a nod and a smile, she drifts off to sleep.

Oliver looks across the bed. William grins at him. His hand stays wrapped around Felicity’s other hand. “We’re not going anywhere, right?”

Those are some of the first few words William’s spoken directly to Oliver since Samantha died. He grins back at his son. “We’re not going anywhere,” he repeats.

They’re going to need a couple of cots.

…

Despite the singular cot in the room, Oliver takes up sentry in the armchair next to the bed, Felicity’s hand safely encased in his own as he waits for her to wake.

William was supposed to go home with Thea, to get some sleep in a real bed, to be prepared to go to school tomorrow. Thea had come by to take him, but William had taken one look at her and crossed his arms, refusing to budge, and Oliver – great pushover he was when it came to his son – had caved. Thea had muttered some choice words about spoiled brats, along with a threat about what she would do if they didn’t call her when Felicity finally woke up for good before taking her leave.

Around 1 am, she stirs again.

Oliver rouses himself with a shake so he sits up as her eyes finally flutter open. He smiles sleepily as her eyes rove sideways to land on him. “You’re still here?”

Oliver frowns at her question. “Of course.”

Felicity stares at him blankly. “I would have thought you’d left.”

“Why?” Nothing could have kept him from her room, not since she woke up earlier today (yesterday?). He hadn’t even left for food from the cafeteria.

She frowns at him. “Oliver…we’re not together. We’re not even talking, not since I found out about Slade.”

“Felicity…”

Her hand retracts from his grip. As much as he wants to pull it back, to lace their fingers together and never let go, he gives her the space she evidently wants. She shakes her head. “No. Oliver, I can’t do this. I can’t pretend everything’s fine just because I almost died.”

“Felicity.”

“No! You lied to me, Oliver. And I’m done. I’m done. I can’t keep doing this. You can’t keep doing this. You keep drawing me in with your eyes and your actions and it makes me feel things, but this thing between us: we’re tried it and it doesn’t work. I can’t keep letting my heart get caught in the middle, not when it’s just going to get broken. I can’t. I’m sorry because I’m sure you’ve been amazing, but I can’t let you break my heart again. I can’t. I just…can’t.”

He slides closer. “Felicity.”

Unshed tears in her eyes clog the words in the tip of his tongue. How can he do this to her?

Because she’s right.

He keeps pulling her in. It’s unintentional, so much a part of who he is that he doesn’t realize he’s doing it until it’s already done. God help him, he doesn’t want to stop.  She’s his life, his everything. He’d have lost himself a thousand times over if it wasn’t for her.

“I’m sorry.” Felicity turns her head away probably to avoid his gaze as the tears start to fall.

But he won’t let her escape this now. He’s spent too long running and this is his mistake to fix.

“I didn’t tell you because you were happy.”

She snorts at that one. “Uh-huh, Oliver. You realize that excuse doesn’t really fly, right? I had a right to know if he was coming after me.”

He scooches forward to the very edge of his seat. “But he wasn’t. He went after Samantha and William.”

“Doesn’t change the fact that you decided not to tell me, that you couldn’t trust me with that knowledge. You trusted everyone but me. I thought we had gotten past the not-telling-each-other-things part of our relationship. Well, not relationship relationship, but you know what I mean. You decimated my trust, again. ”

“Whatever you need, Felicity, I’ll do it.”

She finally looks at him and the betrayal in her eyes tears him into a thousand pieces. “I need you to figure out if you can do this: tell me everything, hold nothing back. I need to know you won’t do things to keep me safe without talking to me about them first. I need to know you trust and love me and that nothing, nothing will come before that. I need to know that if we move forward from this together, everything will be decided together. I don’t want to wake up one morning to find you’ve sent William away again without talking to me first. Because I can’t do this again. I can’t go running back to you only to lose you again, so I need to know that you’re in this just as much as I am. That is what I need.”

Her words offer him a choice, but her face is closed off and Felicity turns away. Her gaze focuses on the dark TV across the room. Wet lines of tears run down her cheeks. Oliver won’t stand for that.

He moves to perch on the edge of her hospital bed. He waits in tense silence with his emotions swirling around his brain, waits patiently for Felicity to finally turn back to him.

When she finally does, Oliver slips his hand into hers, relief flooding his system when she doesn’t pull away. “Then I guess I should talk to you about how you feel about my son living with me and going to public school.”

The confusion in her eyes is adorable even as he stares into her eyes. His hand cups her cheek, his thumb wiping away the tears that continue to fall.

“Felicity, I love you. I have always loved you. I made stupid choices because I was scared, because I thought I knew better. I sent William and Samantha away because I didn’t think I could live with the knowledge that I uprooted a kid’s life, a kid who didn’t know who I was to him. But I was wrong. I need him here, just like I need you by my side. You remind me what I’m fighting for and why I have to keep fighting. You are my guiding light, the only person who knows me better than I know myself. I couldn’t do this without you.

“And yes,” he threads his fingers into her hair, “I know this is asking a lot of you. I’m asking you to jump right back into the middle of our crazy lives, and I’m asking you to do it knowing William my son . I’m asking you to join my family, to be a part of my life, for better or for worse because I don’t want spend another moment without you.”

He swallows thickly. “If you walked away, I could do it: I could live for William and survive for the people of Star City, but I’ve known this since Slade: you are the last woman I will ever love. And if you let me, I’d like to spend the rest our lives proving that to you.”

“Oliver.” Her hand, complete with heart monitor lands on his neck, fingernails running through the hair at the back of his neck. “You can’t say stuff like that to me. We’re not even dating. We’re fighting. You can’t just say…”

“That I love you?” He releases a breathy laugh. “I will tell you that as often as you need to hear it because it’s true. I love you.”

She shakes her head. “You can’t…You’re a major dork, you know that?”

He presses a kiss to her forehead with a grin. “Will you at least talk to me about it? Maybe when it’s not the middle of the night.”

Felicity nods slowly. “Alright. Later.” She fights a yawn. “I can do later.”

Oliver moves away reluctantly. She needs her sleep, her rest if she’s going to get better.

“Stay?”

He’s powerless to resist as Felicity pulls him back by his arm. He settles into the bed next to her, his arm wrapping around Felicity as she settles into his side. The solace of her presence is immediate. It soothes his weary muscles, eases the last of the stress that’s built up in his system since he found her shot in the lobby of Palmer Tech. She smells like hospital and antiseptic, but just her touch is home.

And Oliver knows that everything is going to be okay.