Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Buffy felt a little hazy when she got back into her own time. For some reason she thought she had dreamed the whole thing up or that she would get back to the moment when she traveled to 2003. She was sure if it hadn’t turned out that while she traveled to the future, her future self traveled back to her time—she would’ve thought that it was all a nightmare or a warning by whatever force decided that she had to become a slayer instead of any other girl.   

According to Merrick she was anomaly. Most of the potentials were trained for years before either being called or not. But they had no idea Buffy was one until she became the chosen one . She wasn’t sure if that made her lucky or not. Buffy was glad that she was able to live a normal life, but she also thought that if she was raised like the other girls, it would have been much easier. Maybe she would have been able to keep Merrick safe. Maybe she wouldn’t have felt like she ruined her parent’s marriage—not that it was her fault that her dad decided to cheat her mom.  

Buffy from the future clearly loved her friends and watcher but she probably had no idea that in the future they would be betray her. The first thing the other Buffy did was safe a fellow classmate called Jesse while all she did in the future was avoid people and talk to that hot vampire—Spike.  

That Buffy also clearly had no taste. Not only about her friends but she send someone over to bring her a letter and she was surprised to see that Spike was right. She was in love with someone called Angel. The other Buffy had a lot of warnings about the future, but she could see that she loved this other vampire.   

“Why did she send you?” Buffy asked Doyle, as he introduced himself. Apparently, he was a half-demon who got visions send by Powers That Be.  

“She was worried you wouldn’t believe it, if she had just written it down to your diary,” he explained.  

“So, she thought it would be better just to send some random dude to me instead?” Buffy questioned, like he had all the answers when she knew that he didn’t.  

“I guess she wanted me to help you make sure that her future would change,” Doyle guessed. “What do I know? I just met the girl. She was lucky that I was even in town for some other business when she called.”  

“You aren’t from here?” Buffy asked.  

“I actually live in LA,” Doyle informed her. “But I think Powers That Be want me to help you, so I guess I’ll be moving here.”  

“You would do that?” Buffy asked, confused. Why would someone just move to help some stranger?  

“I have some amends to do.”  

“I will change some things she wanted but also things she didn’t,” Buffy warned him. “She already had her chance to live her life. Now it’s my turn.”

Willow, Xander, and even Jesse tried to become slayerettes, like Willow tried calling themselves but despite her future self loving them to pieces, this Buffy couldn’t trust Willow or Xander and unlike her future self—she didn’t save them or connect with them. They all seemed nice but her trip to the future made always her see their faces in the future. Buffy was also sure that it would be safer for them if they weren’t involved in the supernatural.   

Buffy needed friends she could trust, and she couldn’t trust them, and she didn’t even have a reason to trust them. She would have even more gladly become friends with Cordelia, and she didn’t want to become the kind of girl she was around girls like Cordelia.   

Another change Buffy did was refuse to work with Giles. It was just too hard to try to work with him when in her mind the trust was already broken. She had enough difficulty to break her promise to herself, to not be a slayer anymore. But Buffy knew that she had to. She had to keep the world safe. Keep her mom safe.  

That made the council decide to send her a new watcher. Less experienced one. Buffy was sure it was either to make her decide that she was better off with Giles. Wesley was so proud of himself of just being faced with two vampires—under controlled circumstances and Buffy couldn’t count how many times he screamed like a girl when he felt like he was in danger.  

Wesley also tried to make her study and actually read the slayer’s handbook, like that would ever happen. She would fall asleep under a minute. Buffy could read books with hot guys but nonfiction? No thank you. Point her to the direction of a bad guy and she will do that, but she refused to bore herself to death.   

In the end while Buffy evolved to a better slayer, Wesley also earned her trust in the field. He wasn’t great at fighting, but he was brave and even his fighting had gotten slightly better. Wesley could get scared easily and scream like a girl just as easily, but he never abounded her.   

But what really made Buffy like him was when he stopped trying to be the perfect watcher and actually opened up to her.  

“I know you loved your old watcher,” Wesley said experienced their worst fears becoming real.  

“I did,” Buffy said carefully.  

“And I know I’m not as good as he was, but I am trying, Buffy,” Wesley told her.  

“I know you are,” Buffy admitted. “And I am glad you are my watcher instead of Giles.”  

“I don’t get that,” Wesley told her. “He’s much more experienced than I am and I’m terrified that I’m not good enough to be your watcher. I’m scared that I will get even you or myself killed someday.”  

“You don’t have to be perfect, Wes. I know that you’re afraid of disappointing your father and maybe that’s one of the things we share.”  

“We do?” Wesley asked.  

“Well, yeah. My dad has barely even contacted me since we moved. I think part of me thinks that he’s glad to be rid of me. Maybe that’s just my insecurities talking but I do wonder sometimes, if he even thinks about me. Maybe I sound like a total dork right now but you’re not alone, Wes.”  

“I might be your watcher, but you have become my family. I will learn to fight better, so I can protect you just like you protect me,” Wesley promised, and Buffy couldn’t help but smile at him.  

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Chapter Text

Buffy threw her ax away just before Spike threw his weapon away.  

“Couldn’t wait?” Buffy asked, when Spike decided to break in her school instead of waiting to Saturday.   

“I just got so bored. Why wait when I can just kill you now?” Spike smirked.  

“You were that desperate to see me?” Buffy couldn’t help but smirk. Maybe Spike wasn’t as unaffected by her as she thought.  

“What are you on about?” Spike asked.  

“Just that you seemed to be watching me pretty closely at The Bronze. My friend recognized you after we did some research,” Buffy explained, not telling him that she had started the research a long before he even arrived in Sunnydale. She was very curious about the vampire who seemed to love her in the future.   

“Made an impression, did I?” Spike asked, cockily.  

“Something like that,” Buffy said.  

“Can we start fighting now or are you trying to bore me to death?” Spike asked, starting to get frustrated. This wasn’t how he thought their meeting again after threatening her would go. He thought that she would be more scared than she actually was. Spike could still smell a little fear but not as much as he should have. Did this slayer already have a death wish?  

“Bring it on.”  

“Shouldn’t you be more scared of me?” Spike couldn’t help but ask. “You do know that I’ve killed two slayers, right?”  

“Neither of them was me,” Buffy shrugged her shoulders. “I thought you wanted to fight?”  

“I won’t hurt you too much,” Spike said.  

“No, Spike, it’s going to hurt a lot,” Buffy told him, and he threw the first punch, but she avoided it.  

Buffy tried hitting him, but he stopped it with his hand, and they went back and forth throwing punched and trying to make the other one fall in their asses.  

It was going well enough. Buffy was starting to even think that neither would get hurt that badly but then Spike got his hands on a part of the wall and hit her with it. Buffy was sure she was done for and somehow, she had ruined her own future. This was the moment she was going to die and by the last vampire she ever thought that would kill her—Spike.  

Spike was going to—but then instead of hitting her with it again he went on top of her and on impulse Buffy took a hold of his neck and gave him a passionate kiss. Buffy was sure that it felt unexperienced to him as he had been with his sire since he was sired. Buffy was still a virgin and had only shared couple of kisses with the boys her own age. They were way less experienced than someone who was over a century old.  

She couldn’t help it after all the dreams she had had with him doing dirty, dirty things to her but this version of him wasn't reacting at all. Her slayer impulses could be very helpful at times but sometimes she did things that were too impulsive. Things that would make Wesley call her dumb.  

Joyce, her mother, probably thought that this older looking guy who attacked her school was going to do something that no girl should experience because she wasn’t in danger now, but her mother hit him with an ax before telling him to stay away from her daughter.

  Spike ran away angrily, not knowing which he was madder at, the fact that he was beaten by the slayer’s mother, or the fact that he had let the slayer kiss him. She actually kissed him. Was she insane? Spike knew that it had been a while since she was called to be that good at fighting, so why in the bloody hell would she kiss him?  

And why did he like it?  

No, he couldn’t like it. He was with his dark princess, had been since he was turned and no one, even the slayer could make him turn his back on her.   

Even if he wasn’t together with Drusilla, he could never think about the slayer that way. Not only was she underage and unlike Angelus, Spike didn’t like them that way.  No matter how much he liked to watch her dancing—both in the dance floor and while fighting against bad guys.  

No, he wasn’t interested in her. He had Drusilla and he needed the slayer’s blood to cure her. Nothing could stop him from reaching his goal to make Dru better again. Drusilla might stray from him from time to time and his inner William might desire to be loved the way his sire couldn’t love him. It was enough that he loved her, it really was.  

It’s not like he had to share her with Angelus ever again either.   

Spike wondered why he couldn’t stop thinking about the slayer’s kiss no matter how much he tried. Maybe he should have kissed her back? It didn’t feel like any kiss he had before. No. It's better that he didn't. He also couldn’t stop thinking the way her golden hair moved when they were dancing.   

No. He had to stop thinking about her and focus more on either killing her or finding another way to cure Drusilla. That was his priority. He was only confused because the slayer—Buffy was unlike any slayer he had fought before. This one wasn’t alone and not only had a watcher but also a half-demon from what Spike could smell and a mother on her side.  

If he couldn’t kill this Buffy, then he would find another way with Dalton to save her. There must be a book or magic spell that could do that.  What kind of name was Buffy anyway?  

Spike was determined to forget all about her until they fought again. He could do that right?  

He could definitely do that no matter how much he liked it when she kissed him. That would never happen again. She must have only kissed him because she knew she was done for. That must have been it.  

Her lips and stupid golden hair could just leave him alone. Spike wouldn’t be thinking about her  at all , besides how wonderful her blood would taste.  

Yes, that’s all he would think about.  

Chapter Text

The next day Buffy decided to forget all about Spike and instead just enjoy being the normal high school girl she rarely could enjoy being these days. She felt like she was mostly just slaying or hanging out with Doyle and Wesley.   

She loved those two to pieces but maybe she needed more of a life. The guys were both much older, so during classes or to pretty much everything involving school she could feel lonely. If Buffy was being totally honest, they couldn’t always understand her no matter how much they tried.  

Buffy was a loner, she couldn’t deny that. Sometimes she was jealous of Willow, Xander and Jesse. It didn’t help when Cordelia was being herself with her remarks.  

“Gee, Buffy. Alone again? Still haven’t being able to make any friends? Hasn’t it been like a year since you started here?” Cordelia asked with her usual attitude.  

“Nothing to say?” Cordelia continued when Buffy said nothing.  

“Why don’t you leave me alone?” Buffy was too tired to give her a proper comeback. Maybe she should have just become friends with Cordelia when she moved to Sunnydale to avoid all this.  

“Seriously, Buffy, I’m starting to get worried about you and I don’t like it,” Cordelia told her. She could be a bitch, but Buffy had to admit that she did have heart. Maybe that’s why Angel started to like her.  

“I’m fine,” Buffy told her.  

“I know you’re like really close with those old guys from the library but maybe you should get other friends? Like when you started going to Sunnydale High, I really thought you’d become friends with those geeks,” Cordelia said, turning to look at Xander, Jesse and Willow. Jesse obviously still had a massive crush on Cordelia and was almost falling for his own feet when he saw that Cordelia was looking at them.  

“It’s a long story,” Buffy simply said. They hadn’t really spoken much. Buffy had saved Cordelia a few times but every time she saw Angel... guess who got the credit instead even if he only showed up after the fact?  

“They are losers but at least they’re losers with friends which is more than I can say about you. Not that I care enough to hear it,” Cordelia told her. “I might be grateful that because of you I met Angel and all but let’s pretend this talk never happened.”  

“Already forgotten,” Buffy said, confused why Cordelia even talked to her. Her personality had gotten a little better after facing few monsters thanks to living in the Hellmouth and after she started dating with Angel, the broody vampire Buffy was glad she saw less and less, but Buffy would never call Cordelia Chase nice .  

“This is not my day,” Buffy complained.  

“What happened? Did you find trouble last night? You know besides with Spike?” Wesley asked her and Buffy couldn’t help but blush. She probably shouldn’t mention the fact that she kissed him last night, right?  

“Nothing happened!” Buffy half yelled and both Wesley and Doyle looked at her questioningly.  

“It’s nothing. Mom grounded me and then Cordelia was being seriously weird today,” Buffy said, trying to change the subject. Everything was totally fine. She didn’t kiss a vampire who only wanted to kill her, and she definitely didn’t have any dreams about him.  

“Weird how?” Wesley and Doyle, both asked her at the same time. She couldn’t really understand why everyone got a crush on Cordelia Chase. Thankfully at least Wesley got over it quickly after realizing that she was just a high school student instead of a teacher. At least she hoped he did.  

Doyle was still kind of hopeless about Cordelia, but he knew that he didn’t have any chances with her dating Angel. Even now he was basically blushing for just the mention of her.  

“You need to get over your crush,” Wesley told him.  

“What crush? Even if she wasn’t already dating someone else, I doubt it would be possible,” Doyle said.  

“Why do you say so?” Wesley asked.  

“I doubt she would like to date someone who was a half-demon,” Doyle stated.  

“That would be shallow of her,” Buffy said. “Especially when she’s already dating someone who has a demon side.”  

“But Angel has a soul,” he said.  

“So, do you,” Buffy narrowed her eyes. She wouldn’t let any of her friends but themselves down, especially for someone who didn’t even deserve them.  

“How was she being weird as you say?” Wesley asked. “Do you think she’s possessed? Maybe by an evil spirit?”  

If she didn’t know better, she would say that Wesley was getting excited by the idea, Before Buffy could even open her mouth, Wesley was already walking closer to the books he had on anything supernatural.  

“Nothing like that,” Buffy sighted. “She hates me most of the time but now she’s suddenly worried about me not having any friends at school?”  

“She’s not wrong. Maybe you should try to become friends with some of your classmates?” Doyle asked.  

“Not happening. Most of them are afraid of me,” Buffy said, sighting sadly. It’s not like she hated the idea of sharing her high school experience with someone, but it was exhausting to see the fear on their faces. It wasn’t Buffy’s fault that too many of them had seeing her either fighting monsters or looking for them.  

“Maybe--” Wesley started saying before being interrupted by Buffy.  

“Let’s just drop it. I get enough complains about not having,” Buffy said making a little quote with her fingers. “Friends of my own age by my mom.”  

“She’s just worried about you,” Doyle told her.  

“I know that” Buffy sighted. “And I love that, but I just wish everyone would put out. I have enough worries already.”  

“Wesley has a date,” Doyle blurted out and Wesley gave him a look that said: “Really?”  

“You do?” Buffy asked, getting exited. “Someone I know?”  

“No. I don’t think so,” Wesley told her.  

“She’s not a high school student, right?” Buffy asked.  

“Of course not!” Wesley said, like he was offended.  

“Just asking,” Buffy murmured. “No need to get all offended.”  

“She was a college student,” Doyle informed her.  

“So where did you meet?” Buffy asked, curious now.  

“Here,” Wesley, stated.  

“At the... library?” Buffy asked, confused.  

“Yes. What’s wrong with here?” Wesley asked.  

“What was she doing here? Another watcher?” Buffy asked, wondering what a college student would do at high school library.  

“She was looking for a book on dimensional theory,” Wesley explained.  

“Dimen... What?” Buffy asked, wrinkling her nose.  

“Dimensional theory,” Wesley stated.  

“It was all cute, really. In a nerdy way. They reached for the same book--” Doyle told her.  

“Don’t tell me. Their fingers touched and they turned to look at each other?”  

“How did you know?” Wesley asked her.  

“It’s like out of a book,” Buffy told him.  

“A book...? What kind of book?” Doyle asked.  

“A romance book, duh. So, what’s the girl’s name?”  

“It’s Fred,” Wesley informed her.  

Buffy forgot all about her troubles for a moment. Here she was just around her friends, talking about dating. She couldn’t believe that Wesley would be first one of them to start dating. Buffy would have guessed herself or Doyle but never the nerdy Wesley Wyndam-Price. She had to admit that she had gotten long way from the watcher who she met last year, Buffy just hoped that this Fred was worthy of him. She didn’t want to have to slay someone Wesley clearly liked. Maybe for some part it was thanks to her, for getting Wesley abandon those classes. He looked cute with them, but he looked even better now.  

Now Doyle just needed to find someone, and Buffy had to make some decisions what to do with Spike. She spent way too much time rolling around her bed last night, thinking about that kiss. She kept touching her lips, still feeling the weight of his on hers. And then she even kept seeing him in her dreams. Unfortunately Spike probably never gave her a second thought. It’s not like that kiss could’ve affected him even a little bit. He didn’t even kiss her back and as much as she would like to be all cool about it—it also made her feel sad.  

Should she give up on wake the hell up to the fact that her and Spike would never happen? Or should she try to make the future she knew could happen, happen even sooner?  

It would be smarter to just let their relationship be the one of a slayer and a vampire who wanted her dead, but Buffy wasn’t smart. She was determined to have a better life than the other Buffy. She wouldn’t settle down. Not about her friends and not about the kind of love life she wanted. She’d much rather give it her best than have regrets later.   

Hell, her future self still had regrets about Angel, and he didn’t even seem like he was that great of a boyfriend.  

Chapter Text

Spike didn’t know what he was doing. He should be taking care of Dru, like delivering a pretty girl in a pretty dress to her, like his sire liked, or even just making sure she slept enough. But here he was stalking the current slayer with the weird name. Who named their kid Buffy? Was that even a real name?  

Spike could have hired one of the minions to videotape her fighting skills of course, but maybe some part of him just wanted to see her— not that that would have made any sense. Nothing related to the slayer made sense these days. Spike just needed to remind himself that she was just a slayer who he wanted to not only use to cure Drusilla but also just plainly kill. Spike enjoyed killing off slayers and this one wouldn’t be any different.  

So why couldn’t he stop thinking about her, no matter if he was awake or sleeping? Spike refused to admit that the kiss she gave him the last time they met affected him more than it should have. It made him want to smile and touch his lips. Spike had to mentally shook himself way too many times.  

Maybe she used witchcraft against him? It would explain why that simple kiss affected him more than Drusilla had ever, and they had been together since he was turned! He and Drusilla were destined.  

One minute Spike was watching her fighting a newly risen vampire before saying something sassy and staking the said vampire—and the next thing Spike knew was that his nose hurt.  

Maybe if Buffy hadn’t spent the last year toning her slayer senses with Wesley and Doyle, like recognizing when she felt a vampire around, she wouldn’t have known that someone had been following her around the cemetery. But she had, so she knew right away when someone started following her.   

Buffy didn’t stop to look who it was before she threw her fist right to their nose—after all there was no such a thing as a good vampire as far as she knew. Spike she saw in the future could be called good but that was completely different story. He wasn’t like that now.  

“Oh, it’s you ,” Buffy said, emphasizing the last word when she finally realized that it was Spike that was wiping blood out of his nose. But weirdly enough he didn’t hit her back.  

“Don’t look at me like that,” Spike told her. She was trying to look fierce, but Spike saw a hint of something besides desire to kill him in her eyes, and he didn’t like it. At all .  

“Like what?” Buffy asked, crossing her arms to her chest.  

“Like you’re looking at me like now,” Spike told her, angrily. She better not get any ideas of kissing him again, even if he kind of liked it when she did.  

Buffy pointed her forefinger at herself with a face that asked: “Me?”  

“Yes you! Who else?” Spike replied.  

“It’s just my face. I can’t help it,” Buffy said, and she really hoped that it didn’t sound like she was whining. No matter how much she had grown up in the last year, she was still a sixteen-year-old girl inside.  

“You do remember who I am right?” Spike questioned.   

“You’re Spike,” Buffy simply answered, and she was really tempted to say: “Duh.”  

“Exactly! So, stop looking at me, Betty.”  

“It’s Buffy!” Buffy yelled, offended that he couldn’t even say her name correctly. Here she was having a crush on the vampire thanks to her little trip to the future and the guy couldn’t even be bothered to remember her name.  

“Doesn’t matter what your name is,” Spike said, not telling her that he said it incorrectly in purpose just to annoy her. “We’re supposed to kill each other.”  

“Why?” Buffy asked and Spike couldn’t say what was more annoying. The way she kept looking at him or the way she innocently asked why they should kill each other. Didn’t she know that they were mortal enemies?  

“Because you’re the slayer and I’m a vampire!” Spike yelled and couldn’t help but throw his hands in the air.  

“And...?” Buffy asked, making Spike even more frustrated.   

“You do remember how I almost killed you last time?” He asked, narrowing his eyes at her.  

“If only my mom hadn’t gotten the better of you?” Buffy smirked.  

“Which she could only do because your confusing behaviour that night.”  

“So, you’re telling me that almighty Spike who has managed to kill not only one but two slayers, got thrown off just because little old me kissed him?” Buffy asked, still smirking.  

“I--” Spike started saying, but honestly, he had no idea how to answer that. It was true that he shouldn’t have been that shocked but it’s not every day that someone you’re trying to kill decides to kiss you. Normal people just scream, fight or even tries to run away.  

“I could always try it again to test it if you’d like,” Buffy stated, and she had no idea where she was getting all the confidence from. Was she confident around things she was slaying and bullies? Of course.   

But around guys she liked, it was completely different story. Spike might not be the Spike she remembered but she still liked him, no matter how much her brain was trying to tell herself: “No. This isn’t allowed. This is a vampire who wants to kill you and besides, he has a girlfriend.”  

It didn’t help that the only guys she had any experience with were literal boys back in Hemery High School and becoming the slayer totally killed her game.  

“You keep your palms off me,” Spike told her and took a step back just in case she tried anything. Not that he’d mind, his inner thought told him.  

“Scared?” Buffy asked.  

“More like weirded out. What’s wrong with you? ” Spike asked and couldn’t help but yell the last part out.  

“You wouldn’t believe me even if I told you,” Buffy told him.  

“Try me,” Spike said, and Buffy stepped closer to him.  

“I travelled to the future last year,” Buffy whispered to his ear, and it was too tempting not to tease him, so she bit his ear. Spike pushed her to the ground to get as far away from her as possible. He had the most adorable freaked out look on his face as he turned to walk away. Spike couldn’t see it, but Buffy was trying her best not to laugh even as she sat in the ground. Maybe she should be offended or hurt but she was pretty satisfied with this situation. She had been unsure of herself just a few hours ago but here Spike was showing her that maybe it wasn’t all as hopeless as she thought.   

Buffy knew she had long way to go but as Spike hurriedly walked away, she also realized that he wasn’t completely unaffected by her. Spike didn’t try to kill her once today and he would’ve done worse than push her away, if he hadn’t felt something when Buffy teased him.