Archive of Our Own ^beta

Hope had been sobbing, being held by Jones as she clawed for the gun, tears rolled down her cheeks, smudging her mascara, and painting her face with black.

Jones groaned as he struggled to hold the destroyed woman, arms under hers and rounded tightly infront of her chest.

He had to admit, Hope was strong as hell.

"Jesus christ Hope! Calm down!" He hissed when her sharp nails dug into his forearms, reminder to him; don't drag blue haired girls into war, they're too damn strong.

Heavy, ragged breaths were ripped from Hope's throat, she struggled to take a breath in every other breath.

"Hope." Jones firmly spoke, his chin pressed into her shoulder, grounding her, or trying to.

"She's gone Jones- she's GONE!" Hope was barely able to rip that out of herself, her voice was already sore and hoarse from screaming about it before she became intent on shooting herself dead.

"I know, kid, I know" Jones tried to soothe, but it was hard considering that Hope was still squirming, and beating roughly on his forearms.

Eventually, finally, she gave up hope on trying to get the gun and instead sobbed, allowing Jones to twist her around to hold her better.

Jones didn't mind the tears and snot being wiped into his shoulder, he kept one hand on Hope and the other grabbed the gun to hand off to Kendo, who admittedly, looked scared.

The older man gave him a look that said so many words without meaning any of it.

"Go."

Hope continued to babble and sob, one hand woven deep into Jones' jacket, and the other coming close to hold her stomach.

Jones continued to soothe and talk her through the little panic attack, his hand working the small of her back and the other cradling the back of her head like a father would to his little girl.

At some point Hope had vomited, Jones didn't mind, he only took his jacket off and used it to wipe her face.

Which, inherently is better than wiping her brain matter of the wall.

When Hope's sobs had died down to little sniffles, she pushed away from Jones to wedge into a corner, she made herself small, her knees brought up to her chest, and her face buried between them.

Red, puffy eyes stared at the floor, as if it were to blame.

She looked like a little girl. A kid. That's what she was, a kid, unsuited for the rage of war.

Hope was- is- a hero, yes, but she's also still a girl.

Jones sighed and stood, "I'm gonna go get you something to eat, okay? Don't want you getting sick on an empty stomach, yea?"

Hope didn't respond, instead, her eyes flickered towards the phone that she had dropped.

"I'm gonna get Kendo in here to watch you"

Hope wanted to scoff, to come up with some snarky response.

She wanted to say, "I'm an adult, dad, I don't need a babysitter"

She didn't.

There were alot of things she didn't do.

(She should have brought Nisha with her, maybe then she'd be alive. But she didn't, look where that got her, isn't that disgusting?)

The only thing Hope could manage was a pathetic little whimper as she burrowed further into her knees.

She barely noticed when Jones left and Kendo showed up.

She barely noticed when Kendo crouched infront of her, reaching a hand on her shoulder and asking something.

But she does very clearly remember reeling back and slamming her fist into her face, the satisfying crunch of his nose brought a small dose of smugness into the dark place she was heading.

But then-

Nisha would have laughed at that. 

Nisha would have hugged her tightly and pressed a kiss to her hair.

Nisha would have-

Hope focused on the man, that was squealing like a pig, holding his bloodied nose.

A smirk briefly crossed her features, before she fauxed guilt.

"Shit- i'm sorry-" lying straight through her teeth, Hope watched as Jones basically sprinted in.

She didn't miss how his face lit up in relief.

"Go see the medic, Kendo." Jones gruffly spoke as he leant down to put a plate of what looked like bland eggs and rice.

*Stupid fucking Japanese place.*

There was a lot of arguing when Jones announced that they were returning to Helios.

"And what of the island?" Kendo demanded, "we can't do this without her!"

"Well you're gonna have to, no fucking island is more important than what SHE needs." Jones defended when the voices got too loud.

Hope wanted to scream when Kendo looked at her like a punching bag, like a piece of meat, like someone to blame.

They all did.

Looking for someone, anyone, just not themselves.

Hope groaned as Kendo reluctantly decided to tag along. She really fucking hated this guy.

"And it won't hurt?" The man had asked for maybe the third time since they had gotten into the car.

"It shouldn't." Jones basically growled through grit teeth. "Not unless you're being a dumbass."

"You might get a headache after but it shouldn't hurt." Hope attempted, secretly though she hopes that it hurts him.

Kendo landed funny, rolling onto the dirt with a sickening crack from his shoulder.

Hope would laugh if her landing wasn't any less graceful. 

Feeling a jagged rock scrape painfully against her leg, she opted for smirking at Jones, who met her look with one that said "don't be a brat"

Helios hadn't changed much, not really, it's still stunk of Nitro and the underworld (it would smell of decay, but not this time.)

The grass was yellowed, dying, but not quite.

The car ride to Reckless was long and full of questions.

"Is this where you grew up?"

"Yes Kendo."

"Oh so is this where you used to live?"

"Yes Kendo."

"And-"

"Thats enough questions."

Hope hadn't meant to snap at him (She had) nor had she meant to turn around to glare (She definitely remember smugly thinking how funny he looked when he was upset).

"Children." Jones chided them, as if they were just that, children.

"Whatever dad" Hope rolled her eyes with a slight, fake, smirk.

Reckless was... pretty much the same, albeit with some wear and tear that Hope was absolutely sure that Valeria wouldn't have let pass.

"Woah. This looks really bad." Kendo cringed as he looked out the window.

Hope glared back at him, but kept her hands to herself.

Honestly? She wasn't ready. Not to see Valeria, not to see Oscar, and definitely not her.

(She couldn't even think about Nisha, wasn't that pathetic?)

Jones walked her up to the doors, hand on the small of her back, as if she were going to try to run.

(She will, she always does, that's what she does best, and isn't that disgusting?)

When she finally gained the courage to knock, letting go of the society pin she had been messing with, she hadn't expected anyone but Oscar to answer.

But Valeria opened the door, her eyes puffy and red, her roots had been grown in, and Hope noted silently how much taller she was compared to Valeria now.

"Hope?"

"Hey val." Hope winced at the painful voice crack.

The hug hurt more, after over 15 years of not being hugged by her sister, her own blood, being embraced in warm arms again felt.... new. Arms that didn't belong to Nisha.

And then Kavel and Oscar showed up, Kavel immediately burst into tears when he saw hope and the pin that Nisha had given her.

Truly, being hugged by him of all people surprised her, but being hugged by Oscar was a shocker.

Oscar hated affection, like he was an old religious priest when he saw two girls holding hands.

But his hug was tright, firm, grounding.

Hope cradled Nisha's cheek in a hand, not long before they buried her.

Peacefulness didnt suit Nisha, not really, if Nisha didnt constantly look pissed off, it was a bad day.

She was helping Valeria make Nisha look pretty before the funeral, but Hope could argue that they didnt need to, the fencer was already absolutely stunning.

The way her skin felt cold, but still soft.

The way her lips were chapped and somewhat blue.

Hope wanted to cry when Valeria took the nose ring out, she remembered how proud Nisha was when she got it pierced,

"I didn't even flinch!"

God, Hope wanted those days back.

The funeral itself wasn't special, infact no one could find the right words to say, but they weren't needed.

'Nisha had a brave, beautiful soul'

No one said.

'She was competitive, but friendly to everyone.'

It was what they were all thinking.

'And she loved Hope.'

It fell on deaf tones.

Hope held in her tears as they lowered the makeshift casket into the ground.

Not where Nisha wanted to be buried, but the Nitrodome covered her home, her one request.

The dirt was gently shoveled back into the hole, and the headstone pushed deep into the dirt.

"Sister, lover, daughter, niece, granddaughter. In death as she was in life, a competitive dick, but a friend nonetheless."

It wasn't until late at night that Hope found the letter.

In sweatpants and a loose tanktop, she was sorting through Nisha's room, which, she couldn't really consider it that, it just the vault redecorated. Her (their) bed pressed up against the wall.

The letter was beneath one of the pillows, crumpled, folded.

It took some time, but eventually Hope opened it up.

My dear Hope,

If you are seeing this, I have died. I tried so hard to hold on, just for you, but i am so awfully tired. It hurts to eat, to sleep, to watch them struggle to come to terms with it.

Im so sorry that we never got married, or had kids, or got to have that peaceful life i promised, that I took this from you.

Just know, that I did, I did hold on, for so long, I ate when they asked me to, I took medicine when they told me to, I let them see the parts of me only you have ever seen because I wanted to see you one last time.

What a fool I was.

I don't blame you. Never. But I wish I could have seen my beautiful Hope one last time.

You'll have to remind Valeria to eat, please, she doesn't think anyone knows, but don't let her punish herself for someone else's faults.

Let yourself move on, don't waste your time on mourning me. You were a wonderful experience and im glad to say that my seven minutes will be of you.

with love, Nisha.

Hope sucked in a breath as her tears wet the page.

"Damnit nish..... what's wrong with you?" She spoke through heavy tears, her voice wavered unnaturally.

She didn't get much sleep that night.

But she did make sure that Valeria ate the next morning.

Kendo was annoying. Hope decided that a long time ago.

It was Nisha's birthday, and Kendo had a lot to say about their activities.

(Hope found it cruel how close Nisha died to her birthday.)

Every little thing, the man had something to say, and god, Hope wanted to sow his mouth shut. Oscar looked like he was in a similar state of mind, deep glaring, and if looks could kill, Kendo's soul wouldn't exist.

Right now, however, her hand was locked into Valeria's as the strolled around Sandy, Oscar and Jones were chatting and Kavel was being trained by Kendo. Occasionally, Hope would point at faded graffiti and state whether or not Nisha got upset at her for it.

"Have you eaten?" 

It rolled off of Hope's tongue naturally, as if this was something you'd normally say to your sister.

Valeria scoffed, "damn you Nisha for snitching..."

The blue haired woman smiled sadly, "yes... because we needed Nisha to inform us on something soo obvious..."

Valeria glowered and shoved at Hope.

Oscar snorted, "Yeah well you're oblivious, it took you a whole ass year to notice that Nisha was hitting on you." 

Hope huffed, "it did not take THAT long."

"It did. We didn't hear the end of it from Nish." 

"Okay so maybe it took a while."

"It took more than a while."

Both Valeria and Hope jolted at the new voice, the new, annoying, grating, but familiar voice.

"I'm gonna kill him."

"Hope-"

Hope had already tackled Montague, her hands instinctively reaching for the knife on her thigh, but alas, it wasn't there.

Hands will do.

Fingers curled around the man's throat as he thrashed from beneath her.

A sneer crossed Hope's lips.

(She was enjoying this.)

Thumbs pressed harshly at windpipes.

Oscar stopped Jones and Valeria from intervening,  "he deserves a scare" he said.

Certainly more than a scare.

It was only when Kendo basically peeled Hope away from the man that a deep, gasping breath for air could be heard.

Hope knew, that just a little longer and the man responsible for Nisha's death would be gone.

Nisha.

Nisha wouldn't have stopped her.

But Nisha isn't here.

Little Hope is having trouble remembering that.