Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The previous evening Aaron Hotchner had been in immediate need of a babysitter. He was to attend a conference out of town that Strauss had commanded him to go to with very short notice. Jessica was busy and he didn’t have time to find a babysitter elsewhere. So, reluctantly he had to ask the team if anyone could watch Jack for the night. Aaron was not one to ask for these kinds of favors even though he was well aware that none of them would mind.

Conveniently enough, Garcia had recently made a team group chat.

Ghostbusters 11:35 PM, Wednesday December 3

Hotch : I’m so sorry to ask but it’s a bit of an emergency. Stauss needs me to go to a management conference in Woodbridge this afternoon and until tomorrow night. I haven’t been able to get a babysitter, and I was wondering if there was any chance one of you could watch Jack tonight, pick him up from school and drop him off tomorrow?

Hotch : I’m so sorry, I know it’s a lot to ask but I don’t quite know what to do.

An uncomfortable yet subtle and soft fire spread its way throughout his body. From his head out to the very tips of his fingers. Not quite anxious over the asking the team part but more so for Jack, who could be quite nervous around other people than himself or Jessica, especially for a whole night.

Ghostbusters 11:42 PM, Wednesday December 3

Penny: Oh, I would absolutely but I sort of have a date tonight

Morgan: Sorry bossman, I am the date ;) can’t wait for tonight mama.

Emily: I don’t think Jack likes me very much

JJ: I’m so sorry I totally would but Henry has a stomach bug, so I don’t think it’s a very good idea.

Spence: I could do it

Hotch: yeah? It would be really helpful.

Spence: yeah! …are you sure you’re fine with it though? I mean the Reid-effect.

JJ: aw don’t worry Spence, you’re great with Henry! He adores his uncle Spencer.

Hotch: The Reid-effect is not true, and it was unfair to define you by it. I apologize, and you’re going to do great.

Hotch had given him a few instructions and tips, and suggested Reid stay at his place with Jack, since Jack would probably get a lot more nervous being in an unknown place. The idea made Reid's mind wander and fluster. He’d briefly seen Hotch’s apartment before, but to stay in it, sleep in his bed , that was an insane thought which made the genius's heart beat rapidly with the nerves flooding through his veins. Staying at someone else’s place was already stressful. He liked his routines and his things. His space and his belongings were very important to him. Without them the world felt unidirectional and like he had nothing to grab on to. But surely he’d be fine for a night, he’s an adult now.

And staying at Hotch’s place was definitely a distracting factor.

-

Certain dilemmas appeared and he didn’t know what to do about his binder situation. He should take it off when he sleeps but, in someone else’s house that felt terrifying. What if Jack woke up and needed him during the night and he didn’t have time to put it on. Jack most likely– definitely – wouldn’t even notice. Spencer had a pretty small chest and it’s not like Jack would look or think anything of it if he noticed, right? He’s 5. But still, the dysphoria and discomfort was strong. Perhaps tape could work? No, the feeling of the tape itchy on his skin was horrible and felt like suffocation.

The thoughts flowed and the minutes passed as Spencer had been trying to fall asleep for the last two hours, without any luck. Jack and he had a good night. They’d made dinner, watched a movie and done Jack’s homework. Even though he knew the “Reid effect” was exaggerated, he still wasn’t sure how good he actually was with kids. But it had all flowed on much easier than he thought and Jack seemed to like him even.

Hotch’s apartment was nice, tasteful and inviting. And laying in his bed, as Spencer did, was certainly strange. When Hotch had suggested that Reid sleep in his bed, he had apparently just changed the sheets that morning, since he didn’t have a guest bedroom and didn’t want Spencer to sleep on the floor, Spencer almost felt his ears ring a little. Not knowing how to feel normal about that but he tried his best not to show it.

The sheets were soft and clean, almost too comfortable and the contrast between his bed was surprising. God, this did not help his little infatuation with Hotch. His binder though, was shortening his breath and pressing down on his chest, claustrophobically. His shoulders ached from the binder straps pulling on them all day and he wanted nothing more than to just take it off. It was a feeling close to rage. The fire under his skin burning its way though his nerves, his head clouding and all he could do was focus on not ripping it off crying. Thankfully, a distraction presented itself.

Ghostbusters 01:47 AM, Thursday December 4

Penny: hi lovelies! Anyone else can’t sleep?

Emily: yes

Spence: Me neither.

JJ: How’s it babysitting Jack, Spence?

Penny: Yeah! Is it fun? Are you at your place or Hotch’s?

Spencer: It’s fun, he’s a really sweet kid and we ate dinner, I helped him with his homework and then we watched a movie. We’re at Hotch’s place.

Penny: ooooo you’re at his place!!!! I don’t know why but that’s so cute!

Hotch: Why are you all awake? It's 2 AM.

Penny: Hi Hotch!

Hotch: Hi.

Emily: You're awake too?

Hotch: Yes, I suppose that’s fair.

Penny: WAIT??!! Spencer, if you’re staying at Hotch’s place, where are you sleeping?? He doesn’t have a guest room. Are you sleeping on his couch or in his bed?!!!

Hotch sighed tiredly from his cold and boring hotel room in Woodbridge. And Spencer felt his heart do the weird nervous thing it does and his face flush a bit at telling the team he’s currently lying in their boss’s bed.

Spencer: Um…in his bed.

Penny: AAAAA that’s so cute! You’re sleeping in Hotch’s bed.

JJ: Pen, calm down it’s not like Hotch is there.

Morgan: nah, it’s pretty funny!

Penny: hi, my chocolate thunder!! And yes it is!!

Hotch: Garcia, please calm down. I don’t see how it’s that weird. I changed the sheets before, and Reid is just watching Jack.

Spence: Yeah.

Hotch: It’s not like I could let Reid sleep on the couch. He’s doing me a huge favor, and the couch is uncomfortable.

Penny: Is his bed comfortable?!

Spence: …Yes, it’s very comfortable actually. But please stop Pen.

Private chat between Aaron Hotchner and Spencer Reid. 02:12 Thursday December 4

Aaron Hotchner: How has it gone? Is everything alright?

Spencer Reid: It’s been good, I think. I made spaghetti Bolognese for dinner and Jack ate well. Picking him up from school went smoothly as well and he did all of his homework. I helped a bit with the math explaining some things but then he understood it and did great. We watched a movie and then I helped him get ready for bed like you told me and I tucked him in.

Spencer Reid: I also checked in on him a little bit later to see if he was sleeping and he was.

Aaron Hotchner: That’s great, thank you so much Spencer. I really appreciate it.

Spencer Reid: It’s no problem! Jack is a sweetheart.

Aaron Hotchner: Yeah, that he is.

Aaron Hotchner: How are you doing? You should sleep.

Spencer Reid: I’m alright, I just can’t sleep, but that’s pretty normal. What about you?

Aaron Hotchner: I’m fine.

Aaron Hotchner: Is being at my place making it more difficult for you to fall asleep?

Spencer Reid: …a little maybe, but I’m pretty used to not sleeping in my own bed by now with how much we travel. So it’s fine.

Aaron Hotchner: Are you sure? Is there anything I could do to help?

Spencer Reid: No it’s alright, I don’t know what that would be.

Aaron Hotchner: Okay then, you should try and get some rest.

Spencer Reid: you too

Aaron Hotchner: Could I call you tomorrow morning before you drop Jack off at school? I’d like to talk to him a bit.

Spencer Reid: Yeah of course.

-

The next morning Hotch got to the office at about noon. He’d had another early last meeting at the conference and then dove back. But first he had to stop by at home quickly to change into a new shirt since he’d spilled coffee in it and didn’t have another clean one in his go bag.

He found the apartment tidy, with minimal traces of anyone else having been there. But in his bedroom, by the neatly made bed (Spencer had even changed the sheets), sticking out from under it, a piece of clothing laid. He picked it up and found that it was what he recognized as a binder, and a blue sock with Santa Claus on it that the genius must have discarded and forgotten about.

He knew Reid was trans, he was the only one on the team who did, so he wasn’t surprised by the binder and recognized it for what it was. But he also knew the young agent would probably be a bit embarrassed and uncomfortable when he gave it back to him. Seeing as it was both private, sensitive, a secret and its acknowledgment would likely cause dysphoria. So, he’d have to do it discreetly.

-

Spencer had been in Garcia's lair discussing some things and when he returned, he was surprised to find a coffee and a small paper bag sitting on his desk. Beside it there was also a note from Hotch.

Thank you so much for watching Jack last night,

I owe you one. I hope it wasn’t too much trouble

And you were able to get some sleep. Could you

stop by my office when you have a minute?

/Hotch

Inside the paper bag was a donut, chocolate frosted with sprinkles, his favorite. Unable to control it, his lips twitched upwards in a smile and his cheeks heated up ever so slightly, without his permission. He wouldn’t have guessed the older agent knew his favorite donut and he couldn’t help but feel a little special.

The last sentence of the note though made his heart beat faster, and not in a good way. Automatically, his mind explored the bad scenarios. That he’d done something wrong, Jack had hated him, Hotch was angry and disappointed. But the coffee and sweat treat did suggest otherwise, which calmed his overthinking brain slightly.

With the coffee in hand, he made his way to Hotch’s office, knocking hesitantly before being told to enter. Hotch gestured for him to sit down, and he did, clumsily and his heart pounding.

“Is everything alright, sir?”

“Yes, I just wanted to check in with you. Did everything go alright this morning after I called?”

“Yeah, it went well. I got Jack ready for school and then dropped him off.”

“Great. Once again, thank you. I truly appreciate it.”

“Oh, it’s no problem, it was quite fun, Jack is great. I didn’t mind at all. And thanks for the coffee and donut”, Spencer reassured and smiled a little bashfully.

Hotch smiled one of his rare and infamous smiles. It was small and didn’t even last a second, but it did make Spencer lose every train of thought he had going on in his brain.

“Of course. Well, I’m glad you got along… You forgot something in the bedroom though”, he explained as he reached into one of his drawers and pulled out a little plastic bag with Spencer’s binder and sock, handing it to him.

Nervously, Spencer took the bag and looked inside, internally panicking a little as he saw that it contained his binder. Blood rushed to his head and his face reddened. How could he have forgotten his binder?! He had brought one of his other ones and put that one on in the morning, as the other was long due for a wash, but he must have forgotten the first one when he changed.

“Uh…t-thank you, I’m sorry I forgot it…um.”

He knew that Hotch knew he was trans, at least he was pretty sure he did. The older man had never brought it up or hinted at knowing it but it was obvious in his medical records which he must have seen as his superior. And Gideon could have very well told him about it when recruiting Spencer.

Hotch could tell Spencer was uncomfortable as he was looking down and clutching the bag tightly in his hands.

“Don’t worry, Reid. I would never tell anyone, I hope you know that.”

“…thank you…I’m….um…yeah”

”Yeah, I know. And it doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t matter.”

“Thank you…and thank you for not making a big deal of it…makes me feel normal”

“It is normal Spencer.”

Spencer looked up from his fixed spot on the floor and found that Hotch’s expression had softened a little. It didn’t feel as professionally cold as usual.

“Were you able to get any sleep last night?”, the older man questioned.

“Um…yeah I slept a few hours. Did you?”

“Yeah I slept alright.”

“…your bed is like super comfortable- maybe that’s weird to say I don’t mean it in a weird way it was just-“, his face reddened and Hotch chuckled a little, uncharacteristically.

“Don’t worry Reid. And yes, it is very comfortable, I agree.”

Ghostbusters 19:32 PM, Thursday December 15

 Morgan: I am so bored. What’s everybody doing?

 Emily: I’m drinking wine and watching bad cooking shows where everyone sucks and gets angry at each other. With Sergio.

 JJ: Me and Will are repainting Henry's bedroom!

Spence: I’m babysitting Jack!

Penny: Aww, again?

Spence: Yeah, Hotch couldn’t find a babysitter again and Jessica was busy.

Emily: Are you staying at his apartment again?

Spence: Yes.

Garcia: Have you found anything funny in his apartment?!

Hotch: Garcia…

Morgan: Answer us, pretty boy!

Emily: yeah, give us something juicy

Spence: I don’t know what you guys want me to say.

Hotch: You don’t need to say anything Reid.

 Penny: Boring!

Spence: ……Hotch please be nice to me still….but I can’t it’s too adorable

Spence: Hotch and Jack have matching Batman and Robin pyjamases….

Penny: AAAAAAAA!!!! OMG that is so cute!

Emily: aww, hotchie is a softie

Hotch: Reid….

Spence: I’m sorry boss. But Jack told me and he was so excited to show me and it was just the cutest thing I've ever witnessed…

Hotch: It’s fine I don’t actually mind anyone knowing that but if anyone brings it up again I swear to god, Strauss will be informed of all the disturbing things you say all the time.

-

The next morning, yet another coffee and, this time a croissant, was to be found on Spencer’s desk. This time the note was a little longer and read:

Thank you once again for watching Jack. Please let me know if I can repay you in any way, anything.

Jack has been talking about you a lot since the last time and how many magic tricks and facts about dinosaurs you knew.

And, saying he wants cool Spencer to come back. So, I really appreciate you babysitting him again.

You’ve definitely proven the “Reid-effect” wrong.  

/ Hotch

Chapter Text

Ghostbusters 02:57 AM, Thursday December 18

Spence: Did you know that the name for the fear of long words is called Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia? It contains 36 letters and has been used since the first century B.C. It’s quite ironic, isn’t it?

Spence: That the name for the fear of long words is a 36-letter word.

Private chat between Aaron Hotchner and Spencer Reid. 03:01 Thursday December 18

Aaron Hotchner: Reid? Are you alright?

Spencer Reid: Yes, I’m sorry I just can’t sleep. Are you alright? You’re not sleeping either.

Aaron Hotchner: I’m fine, just can’t sleep either.

Spencer Reid: Any reason in particular?

Aaron Hotchner: Not really, it’s just been intense lately. What about you?

Spencer Reid: I don’t know…just the same old I suppose. I’ve always struggled with sleeping in periods.

They could both see through each other and knew that there was more to it. It was a silent mutual understanding.

Aaron Hotchner: Do you want to talk about it?

Spencer Reid : …not really. Not now, but thank you.

Spencer Reid: Would you like to talk about it?

Aaron Hotchner: No, but I appreciate it, Spencer.

Spencer Reid: Anytime.

Aaron Hotchner: That goes for you too, anytime.

Spencer Reid: How’s Jack doing?

Aaron Hotchner: He’s doing good. He made a new friend at school recently which he’s really excited about. It’s quite heartwarming.

Spencer Reid: Aw, that wonderful. I’m happy for him.

Aaron Hotchner: He just asked me earlier today, well yesterday, when Dr. Spencer could come over again.

Spencer Reid: He did? Aww that makes me so happy. He’s the sweetest.

Aaron Hotchner: He’s become quite fond of you. Once again, thank you for babysitting him.

Spencer Reid: Well, I’m fond of him as well, he’s the sweetest. And it’s no problem at all, I’m more than happy to babysit him anytime. It’s nice with some company.

Aaron decided at this moment to be brave. Perhaps it was the lack of sleep clouding his reason and giving him the courage. But he did it.

Aaron Hotchner: I can’t believe it’s almost Christmas already. Are you doing anything?

Spencer Reid: No, I don’t usually do anything on Christmas. I would go see my mother, but she has always detested Christmas and never celebrates it.

Aaron Hotchner: Would you like to join me and Jack?

Spencer Reid: Really? You'd want that?

Aaron Hotchner: Yes, if you’d like to, it would be great. I’m sure Jack would be really excited.

Aaron Hotchner: And I would enjoy it as well.

Spencer Reid: Oh, well…if it’s not an inconvenience I’d love to.

Aaron Hotchner: Great then, you’re more than welcome.

Spencer Reid: Thank you, Hotch, I really appreciate it, truly.

Spencer Reid: How do you usually celebrate? I haven’t properly celebrated it since I was a kid.

Aaron Hotchner: Really? Well then, it’s certainly time to do it properly. Me and Jack usually celebrate with Healy’s family but this year it was just going to be the two of us. So, it’ll be fun with another person as well. We usually open presents (at least Jack does) and eat a nice Christmasy breakfast and then just hang out doing fun cozy things. Maybe go for a walk or play board games together, and eat lots of cookies and treats and then have a Christmas dinner.

Spencer Reid: That sounds lovely. I would be honored to be a part of it.

Aaron Hotchner: I’m looking forward to it.

Spencer Reid: What should I bring and how can I help?

Aaron Hotchner: Well, maybe you could bring desert? And perhaps wine?

Spencer Reid: Yeah! Definitely, will do.

Aaron Hotchner: Good, it’ll be fun. You should try to get some sleep now though.

Spencer Reid: Yeah, you too. Thank you for inviting me, it means a lot.

Aaron Hotchner: Of course. Goodnight Reid.

Spencer Reid : Goodnight Hotch.

Falling asleep after that certainly wasn’t easy. Spencer was in shock and his head was spinning and his heart was beating fast. Hotch had invited him to celebrate Christmas? That didn’t feel real. But it was and he even had proof of the invitation –for his future overthinking self.

- 

”Emily, can I talk to you for a sec?”, the young genius asked, standing in the break room getting another coffee with Emily by his side.

“Yea of course, is everything alright?”

“Um yeah…yeah,…just…god um…hotchinvitedmetocelebratechristmaswithhimandjack”, he blurted out, blushing.

Emily’s face lit up with surprise, a smirk finding its way to her lips.

“He invited you for Christmas! That’s the most adorable thing I’ve ever heard. How did that even happen?”

“Um neither of us could sleep last night so we texted a bit and he asked what I was doing for Christmas. And I usually don’t really celebrate it, so um…yeah, he asked me to join him and Jack since it was just going to be them this year and yeah…”

“Aww, I assume you said yes?”

“Yeah, I- yeah of course. I’m really nervous though I have no idea what to do or why he would want me there”

“Well…I can think of a few reasons…”, Emily winked with a grin.

Spencer sighed frustratedly. Emily didn’t get it and why did everyone have to make everything about that all of the time. He couldn’t assume every friendly move was flirting! That’s absurd and would only ruin everything. And he refused to ruin his relationship with Hotch. He meant far too much to Spencer. Even though he would, more than anything, like to be more than friends with the older man, it was so far from possible and simply a stupid fantasy about his unattainable older boss.

“If you’re implying what I think you are then stop, please. I don’t think it's funny because you know damn well that I would never have a chance with him- “, Spencer responded, a bit hurt, assuming she’s messing with him.

“I didn’t mean it like that, Spencer. I’m sorry. But I do think you could have a bit of a chance…”

“No, I don’t. He would never even like me and he’s most definitely straight and even if he did, he would never break Bureau policy and risk his career. And he’s 16 years older than me for gods’ sake. So, please stop. I don’t want to have any false hope. I’ll never get over it then…” He looked down, his hands in his pockets fiddling with a small smooth rock. A common practice for him.

“Alright, I’m not going to push it if you don’t want to. But seriously, haven’t you noticed how he treats you differently than us all. And how he looks at you a lot. I mean it’s Hotch so you can never tell what he’s thinking, but he does spend a larger amount of time looking at you and being close to you than anyone else of us. It doesn’t take a profiler to pick up on that. Don’t you have some sort of statistics on that? Like how often he sits next to you compared to us?”, she kept teasing him a little.

“Well…yes but I still don’t think that’s relevant…he cares about me because he’s my friend and maybe he treats me a little differently because I’m the youngest on the team? Or because I’m autistic and he knows I feel safe around him? It doesn’t have to be that ”

Spencer did have the statistics though. During briefings in the round table-room Hotch would sit next to him 32% more often than the rest of the team members, which all appeared to have similar statistical probabilities, with Rossi a bit above the others but still below Spencer. And Rossi was his best friend after all…but it still proved nothing. On the jet the probabilities were increased to where Hotch would sit next to him almost 40% of the time. It still proved nothing. Spencer was usually the quietest on the jet and Hotch liked quiet. Especially after a long case.