Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Okay,” Lysa says in an undertone, “we need to come up with a plan.”

“I thought the plan was to get Cupid’s help so he could fix this,” Connor mutters back.

“Yeah, well, that didn’t work, at all,” Lysa retorts, gesturing at Cupid, who’s currently slouched on the stairs watching Vikram and Charlie with mild interest. “We’re going to have to figure out something else. Love, emotions in general, they’re not completely intangible. There’s all these different hormones and brain chemicals that go into it. If we can just distract those two long enough to get blood samples - brain scans would probably be a bridge too far--”

“Isn’t your specialty physics, not biochem?” Connor interjects.

Lysa ignores him. She’s had a lot of practice blocking things out already today. “If we can figure out what’s going on on a chemical level, we might be able to figure out what pharmaceuticals could counter it.”

“So your idea is to drug the two of them back to something resembling normal?” Connor says skeptically. “What about everyone else Marie shot with the love arrows?”

“Well, maybe once Vikram and Charlie are back in their right minds, they can help us figure that part out! Or persuade Cupid, or something.” Lysa folds her arms. “At the very least, we’d be able to work without that going on in the background.”

That being Vikram and Charlie entwined with each other right in the middle of the Annex’s main workroom. On the one hand, it’s preferable to when they’re talking and everyone else has to hear some of the cringiest sweet nothings known to humanity. On the other hand, this way Lysa has to witness more PDA in the span of a few hours than she’d wanted to see this whole year.

Vikram evidently hears at least some of what they’ve said, as he comes up for air long enough to shoot them a reproachful look. “To quote the profound words of the estimable Miss Taylor Swift, Lysa,” he declares, “‘don’t blame me, love made me crazy. If it doesn’t, you simply are not doing it right.’”

- - -

They’ve been dealing with this since they left the 14th arrondisement.

Vikram and Charlie had run out first after the thief, and when they didn’t come back right away, Lysa and Connor had exchanged looks and known they had to go after them. They hadn’t had to go far - the two of them were right out in the alley, with the thief nowhere in signt, and it had been clear right away that something was...off.

“I have been blind,” Vikram was saying. “A blind fool. How could I have failed to see how beautiful, how excellent you are until this moment? If you can but forgive me--”

“I already have,” Charlie said, smiling softly in a way that killed any hope for her to be a holdout of sanity. “Of course I have, Vikram, I love you.”

“And I love you,” Vikram breathed, gazing raptly into her eyes.

Charlie was the one who closed the distance and pulled him into a kiss that nobody else needed to see, ever.

Connor was going to be Lysa’s favorite forever, because he was the one with the presence of mind to say, “Um, guys? Did you get the thief?” while Lysa’s brain was still stuck on some kind of error message.

“Who?” Charlie said once she’d broken away slightly.

“Y’know, the girl with Cupid’s bow and arrows? Who’s been using love magic as a cover while she steals random stuff? Who very probably shot both of you with love magic arrows?” Lysa said. She couldn’t believe that was seriously coming out of her mouth, but then, she couldn’t believe Charlie had her hands in Vikram’s hair and he was letting her, either.

“There was a young woman who ran off that way a short while ago,” Vikram said, gesturing vaguely. “But she didn’t shoot either of us with anything.”

“Uh-huh,” Lysa said dubiously. “And the two of you making out is completely normal behavior for both of you.”

“Why should it not be?” Vikram demanded. “Are you implying Charlie is not worthy of my love in some way?”

“No! No no no,” Connor said hastily. “Just...you’re in love with someone else. Remember?”

Vikram frowned, thinking, then shook his head. “No. I don’t seem to recall anyone of significance.”

At that point, Lysa had looked at Connor in horror and he’d looked back at her with a similar expression, and they’d figured they’d better get the lovebirds back to the Annex ASAP.

With Mrs. Astolat supervising Vikram and Charlie to make sure they didn’t do anything too horrifying, Lysa and Connor had been able to track down Marie and nab her before she could hit the museum (and, fortunately, avoided getting shot themselves). But that still left the problem of what to do about the damage that had already been done.

- - -

“You know,” Charlie says, her arms looped around Vikram’s neck, “there are other music artists out there besides Taylor Swift.”

“Well, yes, I am aware, my love,” Vikram says. “But her grasp of the machinations of the human heart is quite unparalleled.”

Charlie giggles - actually giggles. It’s disturbing. “I’m just saying it could be good to broaden your horizons. I could show you some of my favorites.”

Vikram visibly perks up at this. “A capital idea. Lead the way.”

They scurry off to an alcove, somewhow managing to remain in close contact as Charlie digs out her phone. Lysa waches them go, biting her lip. “This can’t go on. We can only keep an eye on them and rely on Vikram’s ostensible Victorian sensibilities before they do something irretrievable.”

“Yeah...about that,” Connor says, wincing. “Vikram’s still under the impression that they gotta go through some kind of blessing of engagement and then wait like a week to get married, but he’s definitely thinking in that direction. If Charlie tells him about civil marriage...”

“Yeah, but they’re not Serbian citizens, they wouldn’t be able to - oh no.” A horrible possibility looms in Lysa’s mind. “Vegas.”

Connor’s eyes widen. “Oh boy.”

“Here’s an idea,” Cupid speaks up, coming up to them with a slightly swaying gait. “Why not just let them have at it? They seem happy enough, and neither of ‘em’s got someone else waiting in the wings, so who’s it going to hurt?”

Lysa sputters. “They’re not in their right minds! This isn’t who they really are. They’re not really in love.”

“I think they’d beg to differ on that one,” Cupid says, as the faint sounds of Peter Cetera trail from the alcove. “And since there’s no such thing as true love anyway, they’re at least as well off with each other as they’d be with anyone else.”

“No, Lysa’s right,” Connor says, and it really says something about how bothered Lysa is right now that she can’t properly appreciate that like she normally would. “They didn’t choose this. Maybe that didn’t matter as much back in ancient Greek times, but it matters now.”

“No, it doesn’t, because nothing matters!” Cupid retorts. “True love doesn’t exist, and so nothing really matters. Now if you’re quite through, I ought to have a stash or two still around here, and I’m going to find it.”

He stalks away, and Lysa and Connor watch him go, lost for what to do next.

“He won’t find anything,” Mrs. Astolat comments, and Lysa startles, not sure how a woman in a sparkly blue dress and heels managed to sneak up on them. “I went through and cleared all that out first thing after the Annex came back. Now, I think I have a solution to our little difficulty.”

“You do?” Lysa says, maybe a little too eagerly.

“Yes, it’s simple enough in concept, thought perhaps tricky to execute. If someone shot with a Cupid arrow is confronted with their true love, they will snap out of it.”

“But...Anya’s dead, and Vikram didn’t react at all to her painting,” Connor points out. “And we don’t know enough about Charlie to even know if she’s met her true love.”

“Oh, true love isn’t a singular thing,” Mrs. Astolat scoffs. “It means ‘real love’, not ‘your one and only soulmate’. Goodness, that would be a mess. But in any case, we don’t need to snap them both out of it. If we can manage one, that should give our friend the evidence he needs to get the kick in the pants to do his job again.”

She turns to Connor. “You seem to be the most emotionally adept of this lot.”

“Um, thanks?”

“I’m going to tell you where to find Anya’s grave. You’re going to take Vikram there, and that should snap him out of this.”

“But what about Charlie?” Lysa asks. “Even if it’s just temporary, there’ll still be a little bit where she’s desperately in love with him and he’s not in love with her. Or if Cupid won’t help, she could be stuck like that forever. That would be awful.”

“Well, unless you want them to both stay perpetually as they are now, not to mention everyone else who got hit by those arrows, that’s a risk we’re simply going to have to take.”

Lysa bites her lip. Tries to think of what she would want someone to do if she were blissfully happy, but only because of something altering her mind. “Okay. Let’s do this. Con, you in?”

Connor looks worried, but resolute. “Yep. C’mon, let’s figure out a way to separate them. If we can keep Charlie away from Vikram while he’s disenchanted and she’s not, then maybe we can minimize the damage.”

- - -

It takes some doing to convince Vikram to go somewhere without Charlie, and to convince Charlie to let him.

“I don’t like this,” she says dubiously. “I’m supposed to protect you. I’d be devastated if anything happened to you.”

“Yeah, but...” Connor visibly fishes for an excuse, “Vik, I had a really great idea for something you could surprise Charlie with, but I kinda need to show you without her there, or it’s not really a surprise, y’know?”

“Can you not show me with one of your devices?” Vikram asks, and they all take a moment to be mildly flabbergasted that he’s expressing a preference for a virtual, technological experience over a real-life one.

“Um, no, you really have to see this in person. It’s not the same,” Connor manages.

“Besides!” Lysa chimes in abruptly with maybe too much cheer, startling herself as much as everyone else. “There’s something I wanna show Charlie. Y’know. Girly stuff.”

She has no idea what that might be - she hasn’t done anything particularly girly in forever - but maybe she can make it up as she goes along.

Vikram and Charlie look at each other, seeming to have some kind of silent conversation and reach a consensus. “Go on, darling,” Vikram says after a moment. “Enjoy some time with Lysa. I shall return shortly from whatever expedition Connor has planned, and then I will take you for this surprise.”

Charlie nods. “Okay. Don’t get killed.”

They kiss one more time, still far too long and affectionately for an audience, but at least not wrapped around each other, restraining themselves to her gripping his lapels and him cupping her face. Then Vikram departs, giving a little wave over his shoulder as he follows Connor. Charlie smiles brightly, and Lysa refuses to feel guilty.

“C’mon,” she says, hooking her arm through Charlie’s as the guys disappear in a flash of blue light. “Let’s go look at...” Inspiration strikes, and it’s terrible, but she doesn’t have any better ideas. “...at wedding stuff. Have you ever been on Pinterest?”

“No...” Charlie does look interested, though, and she’s following Lysa further into the Annex, away from the door. “But...Vikram and I aren’t engaged. Yet.”

“That’s...” good , Lysa almost says, and then stops herself. “...not really the point. The point is to dream. You’ll see.”

- - -

She thought they were deep enough in the bowels of the Annex that Charlie wouldn’t be able to hear the door when the guys came back.

She was wrong.

There’s a distant, telltale whoosh, and Charlie’s head snaps up, her eyes bright. “Vikram’s back.”

“Hey, wait, wait.” Lysa makes a grab for Charlie’s arm, and misses. “I think you should...wait for him to come find us. That’s a...flirty, fun thing, right?”

But Charlie’s completely ignoring her, already on her feet and moving, and Lysa chases after her through the stacks. “Wait - Charlie - seriously, you really need to listen--”

Charlie, however, is a Guardian for a reason, and a lot faster than Lysa even under normal circumstances, and so Lysa bursts out of the stacks just in time to see Charlie happily call, “Vikram, you’re back!” and launch herself at him.

Vikram, judging by his expression, is very much snapped out of it, and catches Charlie awkwardly, but dodges her attempted kiss. “Charlie...”

She puases, looking uncertain. “What’s wrong? Did something happen? I knew I should have gone with you.”

“I...I do not believe that would have helped the situation,” Vikram says. “Despite your invaluability under...normal circumstances.”

“What’s all this, then?” a voice calls from the study, and Cupid emerges, squinting, Mrs. Astolat just behind him. “Vikram? Are you not in love with her anymore? But that’s impossible...”

“What?” Charlie looks stricken, and her grip on him tightens. “No, it can’t be, Vikram, tell him it’s not true.”

Vikram shoots Lysa and Connor a look that plainly says ‘can’t you get Charlie out of here for this’, and they give him matching looks of ‘do you really think we can take her anywhere she doesn’t want to go?’

He sighs, and looks at Charlie. “I deeply apologize for this, Charlie. With any luck, it will not hurt nearly as much in a moment.”

Then he gently extricates himself from her grip and glares at Cupid. “Connor took me to Anya’s grave and was thereby able to remind me of who I truly love. This proves that true love exists, that what I felt was real. Now in the name of all that is holy, do your job and set my friend and the others who have been afflicted to rights.”

The two of them stare each other down. “You were happy before,” Cupid points out, “and now you’re in pain. How is that worthy it? Wasn’t it easier the other way?”

“Easier, perhaps, but not better.” Vikram’s shoulders square. “The pain exists because the time I had with Anya existed. I would not trade that for anything, and I will not leave anyone else in that position. I will not see Charlie left like this. Make. It. Right.”

“Vikram? What are you saying?” Charlie asks, agitated, looking from him to Cupid. “Are you trying to say I only love you because of magic? That’s not true. I’ve always loved you. Please.”

Vikram glares at Cupid. Cupid hesitates, and then nods, spine straightening. “Right. Where’s the girl who had the arrows? I’ll need to start with her.”

“I’ll show you,” Mrs. Astolat says, leading him off in the direction of where they had Marie restrained. 

“Vikram?” Charlie sounds more afraid than Lysa knew she could sound. “What’s going on? What’s going to happen? Why don’t you love me?”

Vikram, for the first time since they’ve known him, seems lost for words. Lysa looks helplessly at Connor, who gestures at Vikram and mouths something that looks like ‘hug her’.

At any rate, that’s how Vikram interprets it. He steps awkwardly forward and pulls Charlie into a hug, and she buries her face in his shoulder. “There...there,” he manages. “Just hold on a moment, and everything will be all right.”

They can tell when Cupid’s done whatever he was going to do when Charlie suddenly goes rigid in Vikram’s arms, and then pulls away and takes a few hasty steps back. “Sir,” she says, looking at the floor, “I’m so sorry, I--”

“Think no more of it,” Vikram says kindly. “You were under the effects of powerful love magic; no mortal can resist such a thing. Not to mention that I was as well for a significant portion of the time and took my own share of...liberties, for which, er, I do...apologize. It is not your fault that I happened to be disenchanted before you could be.”

“Actually, about that...” Connor interjects, “um, this is probably the last thing you wanna talk about right now, but...do you have, like a significant other or something? You don’t have to give us any details, just, might be nice to have a true love candidate on speed dial in case something like this happens to you again.”

“I...” Charlie still won’t meet any of their eyes. “I said before, I don’t have time to date. There’s no one.”

“Okay. No problem,” Lysa says quickly, since Charlie’s clearly embarrassed about this and the poor woman’s already had enough embarrassment for one day. “We can always use my idea - I wanted to dose you both with pharmaceuticals to tone down the hormones and brain chemicals.”

“I beg your pardon?” Vikram says, in a tone that could be intrigued or offended.

“Guys,” Charlie says abruptly. “Can we just...wrap things up with the thief and then be done with it all? I kinda never want to think about this day ever again.”

“Oh yeah, no, of course.”

“Absolutely.”

“Whatever you wish.”

Charlie nods, looking deeply grateful. “Okay then.”

And so the four of them set off to see what Cupid’s made of Marie, falling into place as they always do. Lysa breathes a subtle sigh of relief. With any luck, now everything can go back to normal like this never happened.

(She’s too lost in thought to see how Charlie and Vikram’s hands keep drifting towards each other, and then flinching away before they can quite touch.)