Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Say cheese!” Turlough shouted with joy over the loud noise of the wind.

FLASH!

The group groaned and squinted as Turlough’s new camera practically blinded them. Nyssa and the Doctor exchanged a look and Tegan shook her head.

She had definitely regretted buying him that camera.

Turlough had no regret about receiving it.

They could all remember it. Clear as day. It was the happiest anyone had seen Turlough. Not including when they explained Christmas to him.

They had all sat down in front of a giant tree that the Doctor had artificially grown by mixing some random stuff together. Tegan and Turlough fell asleep during the PowerPoint.

Nyssa did not. She was the one who helped him put it together. But she didn’t want to steal the ‘limelight.’ Typical.

They had all received gifts with a convincing smile and nod. Turlough had gotten everyone different keychains that were embroidered with their names. He hadn’t thought much about it. He hadn’t had much time. But the one he got Tegan had a small little picture of her aunt Vanessa.

That made Tegan slightly suspicious and cautious how to thank him. A simple smile was enough.

Nyssa had gotten everyone matching colourful blue socks. Her saying ‘everyone loves socks’ made them feel bad. Nod and thank you.

The Doctor got Tegan a photo frame. A golden one for loose pictures in her drawer. He got Nyssa a sparkly blue scarf. Which she wasn’t a fan of. ‘I’m not a young woman anymore!’ She put it around her neck anyway. He got Turlough a new sketchbook. It was miniature. But it was…nice?

Lastly was Tegan. She LOVED Christmas. She had always been good at giving gifts. She had gotten Nyssa a book called ‘The Art and Science of Ernst Haeckel.’ She gifted the Doctor…a complex Lego set. It was to be built into a retro radio.

And finally in Turloughs bright yellow wrapped box was a camera. Not just ANY camera. The Nikon F-801. The exact one he was looking at in a shop in awe on Earth.

He stood up in shock and Tegan stood up with him. “What?” She asked. Becoming a bit scared about Turloughs sudden reaction.

He pointed at the camera. “You got me that…camera?”

“Well,” Tegan began. Seemed like an obvious answer which made her hands go to her hips. “Yeah.”

“The camera that I saw…”

“Yeah.” Again. Stupid statement. “I saw you looking at it when we went shopping for the gifts.”

Turlough awkwardly approached Tegan. He reached his arms out like a robot and grinned forcefully. He was really happy. He wanted to jump up and down. But instead he was struggling to hug Tegan. She patted his back. How unwieldy this was.

“Thank you!”

Chapter Text

And back they were at the seaside. Taking group photos in front of the sunset. They had found a nearby restaurant that ONLY did fish and chips. But they sold water so it was fine. To some people’s standards.

Turlough was scrolling through the photos that he had taken. The sunset he got was beautiful. He could easily capture it on a canvas. He smiled childishly at the group photos and ‘selfies’ of the group.

The ‘food’ had arrived and everyone ordered the same thing. Since there was…only one thing to choose from. But Turlough didn’t order anything. Not even…fish and chips.

Only water. So what? Can’t blame a man for being thirsty. But everyone was noticing that he hadn’t eaten. That he WASNT eating. At all. It had been three days since Christmas and no one had seen Turlough eat.

And Turlough looked starved. He was somehow paler and his body had gotten thinner. You could now see it in his face.

Not only that but when everyone dug into their food. Turlough looked ill. Like he couldn’t stand the thought of it. The thought of swallowing the grease.

He stood from his wooden chair with his camera. “I’m going to go out the front to take more pictures before the sun disappears completely.”

“What about your water?” Nyssa piped up, covering her mouth while she was struggling to chew it.

Turlough picked up the glass and quickly drank the water. “Won’t be long.”

As soon as Turlough closed the door behind him. The group got close to each other. Huddling as closely as they could in their rickety chairs.

“So what do we think is going on?” Tegan asked with a grin. She was just interested in gossip basically.

The Doctor shook his head in disbelief, “Tegan, we have to be serious about this.” He turned his head at her and she sank into her seat. “Turlough’s life may be in danger.”

Tegan frowned and her eyes darted to the door behind the Doctor. Shit. “Seriously? Well, how was I supposed to know that? Nobody tells me anything!”

Nyssa held Tegan’s hand gently and she smiled softly. This made Tegan settle down. Completely. “He has thrown up twice now. I heard him this morning. He was coughing like crazy.” Nyssa’s eyes looked watery. She felt awful for the boy.

“Can’t we do something?” Tegan whispered to Nyssa. Completely blocking out the Doctor. As if they were in their own world.

“Not yet, Tegan.” The Doctor answered, breaking the wall of romance and sadness. “We all know that he won’t open up. To ANY of us.”

“Oh yeah? Have any of us tried properly?!”

The Doctor shook his head and looked down. He was ashamed for not speaking out to Turlough before. “No. We can’t alarm him. We will do it subtly. I’m sure it’s not that serious.”

____________

It was dark outside now. Turlough was sat on the stone wall that overlooked the beach. It wasn’t high up. In fact, his feet touched the sand. After FINALLY taking off his shoes and socks.

The feeling of the sand made him surprisingly calm. The light sounds of the waves crashing every second. He had taken tons of photos of the sea in the light of the moon.

Beautiful.

He felt complete.

Until the Doctor sat next to him. He was immediately hit by the warmth of the Doctor’s body. This made him look up at the man.

Also beautiful.

“I said that I’d be back soon…” Turlough murmured with a small smile. Completely oblivious to what had been discussed.

The Doctor wrapped his arm around Turlough’s shoulders, pulling him towards his chest. “You’re not well, are you?”

Turlough pulled away as soon as the Doctor spoke. He scoffed in disgust, “what is that supposed to mean?”

The Doctor didn’t exactly expect that sort of reaction. His eyebrows furrowed as Turlough pulled away. “I- we’ve noticed that…you haven’t been eating. And you’re trying to hide it by busying yourself with taking photos.”

Turlough nodded in embarrassment and he leaned against the Doctor. He began to sob into the Doctor’s shoulder. His chest heaving painfully. “I’m sorry! I can’t help it.”

The Doctor rubbed Turloughs back in light circles, attempting to comfort the boy. “Hey, hey…” the Doctor hushed. “It’s not your fault. We can go through it slowly together.”

Turlough sniffed and wrapped his arms around the Doctor’s waist. Desperate for the physical touch. “Really?”

“Really.”

Chapter Text

‘Going through it slowly,’ wasn’t particularly working. The fact Turlough had to try and change his habits. For them all to leave him alone.

‘Please leave me alone.’ He’d beg in his mind as their eyes scanned him when he entered the hotel.

The Doctor wanted them to try a new surrounding to stay at. Somewhere that didn’t smell like cleaning fluid. A place more…homely. Where he might feel like he belongs.

The way the three of them stared, piercing with judgment and that stupid fucking human emotion of…concern. It made him angry. Made him different.

What made things worse was that he HAD to stay in the same bedroom as the Doctor. The reason:

Because they didn’t trust him by himself.

That was his life story. Everywhere. The lack of trust in him.

But they were more concerned that Turlough would starve or even hang himself.

The Doctor was comfortable in their double bed. Lying in his stripped pyjamas. Watching the boy who sat on the edge, twiddling his thumbs.

“Come on, Turlough. It’s getting late. I think it’s best if you get into your new pyjamas I got you.”

Turlough refused to look back at the Doctor. He could only stare at the pile. In fear. Disgust. That anxiety.

What if he got dressed and the Doctor was disgusted?

What if he tried forcing food into him?

Saying things lie, ‘you need some meat on your bones.’

How was he meant to when all he was…was bones?

He wouldn’t budge. He was a stubborn child.

Not even a child.

Although that’s how he was treated.

“I…” Turlough murmured, he felt as if he couldn’t speak. He wanted to sob again. Tears harshly dropped from his eyes but he refused to make a sound.

The Doctor sat up and shuffled to the edge of the bed. He held Turloughs hand which had subconsciously been digging into his wrist. “Hey, hey, hey. You don’t have to change your clothes if you don’t want to.”

“I do want to.” Turloughs hand moved away from the Doctors, but it was a successful move from his wrist as well. “Please…don’t watch.”

The Doctor nodded firmly. Closing his eyes with a slight smile of amusement, as if trying to entertain a party. “I never peak.”

That was a lie. But Turlough was so trusting.

Turlough faced his back to the Doctor once again as he stood to put on his pyjamas.

Layer by layer, the pile of clothing was placed on the floor.

The Doctor peaked. He had to. Just to check up on him. Turloughs back was bare. Thin. Frail. Scratched raw by his ribs. His freckles hardly visible from all the mini scars.

Turlough’s thighs weren’t any different.

Neither was his arms.

No wonder he hid it all.

His pyjamas were quickly thrown on. He could sort of see Turlough’s body shape better now.

Short sleeves weren’t the best idea.

The Doctor held his breath as he opened his eyes fully. He had to stop himself from crying. It was Turlough that needed help. Not him.

“Are you going to go to bed with me?” The Doctor asked innocently.

Turlough chuckled and sat next to him again. “Pft! Don’t word it like that…”

The Doctor and Turlough sat in silence. Awkwardly glancing at each other. The Doctor casually held Turlough’s hand. Squeezing it in reassurance.

“You’ll be okay.”

“How could you possibly know that?”

Turlough pulled away again. Trying to get him to soften up about this topic wasn’t happening anytime soon.

“Sorry.”

“Shut up…” Turlough murmured, that spit of hatred entering his voice. “Don’t be fucking sorry. It doesn’t fix anything. Understand?”

The Doctor swallowed. Nodding. He couldn’t crack. That would make Turlough even angrier. “I understand.”

Turlough’s face softened, realising his own words. His own anger in himself. He rested his head on the Doctor’s shoulder. “Not to sound like a hypocrite. But I’m sorry for shouting.”

The Doctor held both of Turlough’s hands now, cradling them to his chest. “I think we’re both tired. We should…get some sleep.”

Turlough smiled as weakly as was possible for him. He moved to the bed with the Doctor. Still.

Holding hands.

The Doctor warming Turlough.

Turlough flinched slightly as the Doctor went to stroke his face.

“I won’t hurt you. You know that. Right?”

“You don’t need to talk to me like a stray dog, Doctor. I’m just not used to this.”

“Gentleness?”

“I suppose.”

Turlough leaned into the Doctor’s palm. His bony face cold as stone in the Doctors relaxing touch.

“We’re all here for you, Turlough.”

“Please stop talking, Doctor. Every time you do…it makes it worse.”

The Doctor laughed and fully wrapped his arms around Turlough’s waist.

As gently as possible.

Pulling him into a gentle hug.

Turlough held onto the Doctors shoulders desperately in fear of being held to tightly. He might break.

he leant into the Doctors chest.

Warmth.

Comfort.

That insane gentleness the Doctor provided Turlough. That soft kiss on the forehead that gave him chills.

That gentleness that had never been given before.

Ever.

That love of a small kiss.

The Doctor was brilliant.

Because he truly was:

His Doctor.