Chapter Text
Idia Shroud. The housewarden of Ignihyde, the future owner of S.T.Y.X. He was always glued to a screen, hiding in his room. It was rare for him to ever come out of his dorm, let alone his bedroom. He was shy, quiet, loved anime, your typical introvert. He was a hermit, that's for sure. Which is odd because most introverts wouldn't kidnap every student on campus who overblotted. And on top of that, overblot and almost die. Not everyday that happens, huh? It's quite embarrassing, for Idia at least. He never thought in his life he'd just outburst like that. He made such a fool of himself. He was selfish. He wanted it all to end just to be with his brother again. Overblotting made him realize the truth, it's impossible to bring back something that's gone forever, and will never come back. Ever. If it's dead, it's dead.
"Idia, I'm worried about you." Came the sudden statement from Leona. Which, was super out of character and weird since Leona would never say something like that. Maybe something like "What's wrong with you?" or something but not...that.
"Worried..? W-what..why...huh?"
"You can't be all shits 'n giggles after almost dying." He was right. He was never really happy from the start, and this added onto that, making it worse.
"I never said- nevermind..I'm fine, honestly. I'm just tired from everything that's been going on."
Leona groaned and fell into Idia's bed. "Well no duh. And no, you're not fine and I don't like how you're lying to me." Idia looked down and his hands that were resting on his lap and let out a shaky exhale.
"So you're just gonna stay quiet on me?" Leona sat back up to lightly push Idia's arm. Idia looks at him for a brief moment then looks back down at his lap.
"Leona, I'm not lying."
"Then why are you acting like this? Idia there's obviously something going on and you won't tell me!" Leona pushes him a little harder then waits a moment for an answer, but of course, he didn't get one. "Answer me!"
"I don't need your pity! I don't want your pity! I'm just tired, okay!?" Idia's hair starts to turn a little red on the ends of his hair. Leona stands up and groans.
"Why do you ALWAYS do this?! What is your problem? Why do you never tell me anything?"
"I need alone time, okay? Just..just get out!" Idia breathes heavily as Leona's ears go back and his tail sways gently he quickly walks to the door just to put his hand on the doornob, then turns around before opening it.
"I love you. I don't think you feel the same way if you won't tell me anything, though." Idia's hair turns back to blue once he speaks, eyes widening a bit. Leona opens the door to leave.
"Wait- wait no wait!!" And then he left. Shutting the door behind him.
He lays back on his bed, eyes watering ever so slightly. Why did he always do this? He always had to mess something up. Always. He'd never be good enough. Not for Leona, not for Ortho, not for his parents, no one. It would always be his fault no matter how hard he tried. He just wanted to be happy. He wanted to enjoy life for once. But..of course. He wasn't allowed to do such thing. No, no, no. He wouldn't get to witness his brother growing up, graduating, getting married, having kids. He wouldn't get to tell his boyfriend anything without feeling embarrassed, or be a good boyfriend in general. He wouldn't get to be the perfect son his parents want him to be for all he is good for is his smarts. Can barely start a conversation without being socially awkward. He'd never get to be the self he wanted to be. He wanted to be free, he wanted to not make the same mistakes over and over. He wanted to be perfect. No one was perfect, but he was so far from perfect it scared him. It scared him since he was scared of rejection, of failure, of mistakes.
He felt a tear roll down his cheek as he stood up from his bed, walking to the bathroom.
He shut the door behind him, then stood in front of the mirror. He took off his jacket revealing his binder. He stared into the mirror. Only noticing the imperfections of his body and what was wrong with him. He thought about all his flaws, his mistakes, his regrets. He opened a drawer and pulled out a blade. This is what he needed. This is what he deserved. He wasn't worth what everyone told him he was. He doesn't deserve anything he has now that makes him happy. He's a miserable loser.
He sniffled as he sat down on his bathroom floor, back against the wall. He looked at his thighs, all scars fully healed.
3 months.
3 months clean. But..he needed this right?
He hesitated before finally putting the blade onto his thigh. Pushing harder than he wanted, he dragged the blade across a part of his thigh. Lifting up the blade, he left a deep, bloody cut. Another wet tear fell from his eyes to his cheek to the cold, tiled ground. He cut into his thigh once again, repeating what he did for the first cut. Push, drag, lift. He did this about 9 more times on that thigh until he finally processed all the blood he drew from his body. His thigh was full of blood and cuts. Now for the other thigh..
He wiped a tear from his face as he placed the blade onto his left thigh, dragging the blade across his thigh. Though it hurt, it felt good. He felt good. He felt as if all his problems were gone. He runs the blade through his thigh a couple more times before just dropping the blade and staring at his thighs. Warm blood dripping onto the white tiled floor. His thighs were almost torn apart. His flesh visible through some cuts. He stood up slowly, feeling dizzy. He put on his black sweatpants and again, slowly walked to his bed. He checked his phone, no new notifications. Once he opened up his phone, he went to text messages. He looked at Leona's contact and decided to message him.
i know i fucked up but im ready to talk when you are. love you.
Not even a minute later, the message was seen. Leona responded;
love you too dork
and if you wanna talk come to
my dorm tomorrow morning
before class starts
okk
Idia smiled slightly. He felt like maybe, just maybe things were getting better for him.
Maybe.