Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“The ones in your head that murmur you’re not talented enough, your idea isn’t good enough, art isn’t a worthwhile investment of your time, the result won’t be well-received, you’re a failure if the creation isn’t successful. It’s helpful to turn those voices down so you can hear the chimes of the cosmic clock ring, reminding you it’s time. Your time to participate.”

Rick Rubin, The Creative Act: A Way of Being

Bob attached a small blue tab to the page of his book, noting a particular quote he resonated with. It was a practice his therapist had ingrained in him, and now that Bob was on his third re-read, the book was stuffed full with little blue tabs poking out of every few pages. His eyes glanced back and forth over the text, trying his best to retain the information. Growing up he’d been such a distracted child, and could never get through a sentence without his mind drifting elsewhere. Things were different now. You’d think a tower full of super soldiers and big personalities like the New Avengers would be rowdy, loud and hard to focus in. It couldn’t be further from the truth. The tower was quiet, especially on mornings like this.

Bob’s eyes flickered up to the window in front of his self proclaimed ‘book-nook’. It was nothing more than a comfy chair, a side table and a beautiful view of Manhattan, all tucked snugly away in the briefing room, an entire floor away from the dorm area. His headphones filled his ears with the comfortable sounds of a midday library, and Bob snuggled a bit further into the chair, pulling his knees up and wrapping his bathrobe tighter around himself. He took a deep breath and reached over to open one of the window panels, allowing the morning breeze to brush over his face. It was a calm morning, and none of the others had woken up yet, except of course their resident early riser: John Walker.

Calloused fingers lightly tickled the skin underneath Bob’s ear, making him jump. He whipped his head around to see John, fully dressed in uniform and holding that stupid shield. The soldier looked down at him with a smirk, and Bob couldn’t help but smile as he pulled his headphones off. “Not funny.”

John shrugged. “It’s a little funny.” He sat on the arm of Bob’s chair, reaching over to glance at the cover of Bob’s book. “You ever gonna get tired of that one, Bobby?”

“Nope.” Bob muttered, popping the ‘p’. He pressed his cheek against the leather of the chair, looking up at Walker with a frown as he gestured to the uniform. “Mission today?”

John sighed and reached over to thread his fingers in the curls at the base of Bob’s neck. Bob remembered how annoyed the soldier had been when he’d finally decided to cut it. He would never understand it, but Walker seemed at his most comfortable when he was scratching at the back of Bob’s neck, letting those brunette curls entangle his fingers. “Mm-mm. Better than a mission. A photoshoot and press conference!” He exclaimed, mock enthusiasm practically dripping from his words.

Bob smiled and leaned into John’s touch, eyes fluttering shut. “Take some pretty pictures for me. Maybe one in just the beret and nothing else?”

John chuckled without smiling and leaned forward to press a kiss to Bob’s temple. “It’s ridiculous. This shit’s worse than when I was doing the Captain America junket. It’s been more than a year and all we’ve done is cocktail parties, galas, press conferences and modeling. I… I feel like a celebrity, not an Avenger. Meanwhile Wilson and his team have actually been doing something good with their lives. It’s just like last time, except at least back then I was actually in the field.”

“You’re not alone, Walker. Yelena and Bucky are just as frustrated as you are.” Bob placed a soft kiss on the palm of John’s hand.

John let out a deep sigh and nodded slowly. He cocked his head towards Bob’s nice little setup by the window. “You seem pretty comfortable. Maybe I should pull out the gold suit and drag you to a photoshoot for once.”

Bob rolled his eyes and pulled his headphones back on. “Can’t hear you!”

John smirked and reached down to grab Bob’s chin, tilting his head up to kiss him quickly. “Dick..” he muttered against his lips before standing up to walk off. Bob smirked, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth as he watched Walker strut back to the elevator.

This unspoken ‘thing’ between them was comfortable. Fourteen months of knowing each other, ten months of being physical, and seven months of… whatever they were now. A strange purgatory between dating and just casual. John took him out to dinner, Bob slept in John’s bed every other night, and the two had grown blissfully domestic in their downtime at the tower. Bob had connected with everyone at the tower, and they were truly like his family. But his relationship with Walker had been something completely different. John’s eyes made his heart flutter, his touch made his skin tingle and his words, no matter how rude and sarcastic, still made Bob’s breath hitch in his chest. Anyone could tell that they were in love, as Yelena had mentioned to him many times, but both men were horrified of anything changing the dynamic they’d grown so fond of. Bob hadn’t said ‘I love you’ in any of his past flings or relationships, and John hadn’t said it since his divorce. Everything between them was better left unsaid, at least for now.

Bob continued to read through his book while the rest of the team did their photoshoot. John’s comment was meant to be a cute dig at him, but Bob couldn’t help but think about it. He was making strides lately. He still had little to no control over his powers beyond making the lights flicker and unconscious bursts of strength, but he’d been training with masters of their craft. Walker, Alexei and Bucky had taught him everything about hand-to-hand and self control that they knew, and Ava and Yelena’s stealth training had made Bob even more silent of a stepper than before. He was capable. And he should’ve been more of a team player. If the rest of the Avengers were being forced to do shitty photoshoots and press conferences, then Bob should be too.

The lingering voice in his head reminded him that he wasn’t an Avenger, not really.

Bob blinked the thought away, taking a deep breath and focusing his mind on something more productive. He’d spent most of the day reading comfortably, letting the ambience and silence of the briefing room relax him into a state of zen. Of course, no peace can last forever, and Bob couldn’t help but be startled by the sound of the elevator opening and the rest of the team walking in, each looking frustrated and bickering over something Bob couldn’t hear from across the room.

“Okay, if he puts together a team and then the team is called the ‘Avengers’, then who are the real Avengers?” Yelena’s aggravated voice called, pulling Bob’s attention.

Something had gone wrong at the press conference.

***

Bob leaned against the window of the briefing room, attempting to drown out the arguing voices of the group behind him. Things had spiraled after the team returned. An extra-dimensional ship was a little above their pay grade. An extra dimensional ship carrying incredibly pissed off superheroes was miles beyond their pay grade. Enter; Sam Wilson and Joaquin Torres. This of course had rekindled the argument between Sam and Bucky, one that Joaquin and the New Avengers were tired of listening to.

Bob glanced up at the woman in blue, flinching slightly when he saw her gaze on him. Her blue eyes were tired and red-rimmed from crying, and it was no mystery why. Her son had been taken, and they’d tracked his location to this Earth. She kept her gaze on him, narrowing her eyes slightly as if she were attempting to sense something about him. It made Bob uneasy. He didn’t want to be insensitive to her plight, but he was fairly certain this was something the team could handle, especially with Sam’s help.

The woman had seemed just as tired of Sam and Bucky arguing as everyone else. “Enough!” She shouted, capturing everyone's attention and silencing the group immediately. “What is wrong with you people? My child, an infant, has been taken and you’re here arguing over a team name?”

Sam sighed and gave Bucky one last frustrated glance before pressing a few buttons on the screen of the Watchtower’s projected briefing menu. “You’re right. Ma’am we want to help, but we need more information. If this man is a threat to your world then he’s a threat to ours too. Who is he and why did he come here? You have to know something.”

The dark haired man in blue standing behind the woman stepped forward, placing a comforting hand on her waist. Her husband, Bob had assumed. “His name is Victor Von Doom.”

“Jesus Christ” John muttered under his breath, earning a glare from Sam and the blonde woman.

The dark haired man continued. “He’s an old colleague of mine. Ambitious, brilliant and capable of anything. He’s… misguided. Driven by collecting power and expanding his own abilities. The last time I spoke to him he was practically mad. He’d pour over old books for hours, he was almost obsessive. Victor thinks that he can craft a connection between magic and science. And… I think that he may be right. We were unprepared for the level of advancements he’d made since Susan and I had last seen him. That’s when… he took Franklin.”

Yelena leaned forward in her chair. “So what is it that he wants with a baby?”

The woman, Susan, took a deep breath and wrapped her arms around her body. “Franklin is… special. He holds a power within him that even we don’t fully understand yet. The things he can do are unbelievable and he’s barely able to read yet.”

Bucky’s eyebrows furrowed, like he was beginning to put pieces together that the others hadn’t yet. “Why bring him here? Why cross dimensions?”

Susan straightened up, her eyes flickering over to Bob before returning to Bucky. “Reed and I think that he might be after more than just Franklin. He may be the most powerful being in our dimension, but according to our research you have quite a handful of highly powered individuals of your own.”

Sam leaned back in his chair. “ Earth is in a shortage of god-like heroes at the moment. Most of those people are dead or missing.”

Bucky was the first to come to the realization. “Not all of them.” he muttered under his breath.

All eyes turned to him, and Bob could feel the weight of the world pressing down on him all at once. It was silent for a good minute, and nobody dared to speak up about Bob’s latent abilities. It didn’t feel right. Fifteen months ago Bob had been nothing more than a junkie stumbling through Malaysia with a dollar in his pocket and a needle in his arm every other night. He wasn’t the ‘powerful, interdimensional asset’ type.

Bob felt his heart sink in his chest. He caught John’s eyes first, and he could feel his fingers begin to tremble slightly as the soldier shook his head with a sigh. “Fuck.” John muttered, biting the inside of his cheek.

***

“Bob.”

He glanced up at Yelena from his chair, torn from his haze. Bob looked down to see he had chewed his fingernails to pieces. She leaned forward in her seat, giving him a worried look. “You’re being quiet for someone who’s the focus of the conversation.”

Bob shrugged, pulling his knees to his chest. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

The blonde man in blue picked his head up from its resting position on the table. “I think she wants you to stop freaking out and start coming up with a plan to get my nephew back.” Bob’s eyes immediately began to glow golden as he shot a pointed glare up at Johnny.

Torres glanced over at the blonde sitting next to him with an annoyed look. “Dude.”

“Watch it.” John spat, glaring over at the blonde before reaching down to lightly pull Bob to his feet. “C’mon, let’s go talk.” Bob nodded, following Walker’s steps back to the elevator. The two made the trip up to the dorm hall in silence before entering the living room. Bob swallowed and shut his eyes tightly, leaning against the back window and staying silent. The sun had gone down, casting a pink and purple light over the room. John stood in front of him, looking down at the brunette with concern. “Look at me, Bobby.”

Bob shook his head, keeping his gaze down. “This is my fault. Again.”

“Hey, don’t do that.” John reached up to grip his chin, tilting it upwards to lock aquamarine eyes with cobalt blue ones. “You didn’t do anything wrong. We’re gonna figure this out, okay? It’s nothing we can’t handle. Nothing's gonna happen to you, I promise.”

Bob looked up at John with frightened eyes. “It’s not about what happens to me. This… This guy doesn’t care about me, he cares about what I can do. He’s gonna use me, use my powers… to hurt people. I can’t let what happened last year happen again, John, I just started getting better.” His voice cracked as tears began to prick at the corners of his eyes. “I shouldn’t even be here right now, I knew I’d only make things worse. You should’ve left me in the vault.”

John’s shoulders sank, and he reached forward to pull the crying man into his chest, hugging him tightly. “I know you don’t really think that. You’re not gonna hurt anybody, and he’s not gonna get anywhere near you.”

Bob sniffled and pushed Walker away, wiping his tears with his sleeve. “How the hell are you so calm right now? Walker, if I go back into the Void… I-I don’t think I know how to get out again.”

John reached over to hold Bob’s cheeks with both hands, looking down at him sternly. “I’m terrified, okay? But I’m not gonna lose my cool until we have a reason to panic. Whoever this guy is, he’s taking his time. And that’s what we need, time. The longer you stay out of his sights, the more time we have to get to him before he gets to you.”

Bob shook his head, taking a shaky inhale. “Our faces are on magazines, John. If he already knows who I am then he knows where to find me. To find all of us.”

John’s hands fell from Bob’s face, and he looked down at him with a sigh. The soldier looked miserable when the words fell from his lips as if they were difficult to say. “I know. That’s why you have to leave the tower.”

Bob swallowed hard, sniffling with a quick nod. “O-Okay. Yeah, we go into hiding while the others work this out. Stay one step ahead of him.” He looked up at John, suddenly feeling more safe now that he knew they wouldn’t be putting the entire team in harms way. “We should go pack, I don’t want to linger and give him time to catch up to us.” Bob wiped his tears and began to walk forward, only for John to reach a hand out to block him, holding onto his bicep tightly. Bob looked up at him with furrowed eyebrows, and the miserable, guilty expression on John’s face was enough to clue Bob in. Bob was going into hiding, but John wouldn’t be going with him. “No-” he demanded quickly.

“Bob-”

“Absolutely not. You’re going with me!”

“Bob, you and I have been out in public together. We have pictures together online. If this guy is as smart as they say he is, he’ll know that I wouldn’t let you go anywhere without me. If we’re lucky, he’ll come right to the tower and you’ll be in the middle of nowhere. Yelena will go with you, but it can’t be me.”

Bob scoffed, pushing John’s hand off of him. “Are you insane? I’m not running off while you and the others sit here as bait!”

“Yes you are.” Bucky’s voice called from the elevator.

The two men turned to watch Bucky, Yelena, Ava and Alexei enter the dorm hall. Bucky gave a quick nod to John, who nodded back in mutual respect, squeezing Bob’s arm and stepping away to let Bucky take over. “It’s the only way we can stay ahead of him. Yelena has experience staying hidden and she’ll be able to keep you two safe and out of the way until we can get this handled. No one in the tower will have your location, you’ll be completely off the grid.”

Bob turned to Yelena with a frustrated glance. “Lena! Tell him no.”

Yelena raised her hands with a sigh. “I’m sorry, but they’re right. Bob, we have no idea what this man is capable of. Maybe it’ll be nothing to worry about but under no circumstances can we risk letting him get to you. I’ll keep you hidden while Walker helps hold down defenses at the tower. This is the only way.”

Bob shook his head, pushing past John and Bucky and storming off to his room. He shut the door, leaning his back against the wood as he slid down to the floor, sobbing quietly. The world felt like it was crumbling underneath him. He’d been making progress, he’d found a family, a home and found love. And now it would all be ripped away from him in one evening.

***

It was one in the morning when John finally knocked on Bob’s door. Bob didn’t even bother saying ‘come in’ or even letting out a groan. His body curled in on itself as he laid in bed, staring at the duffel back of packed essentials sitting on the ground. Clothing, snacks, toiletries and his favorite book poked out from inside. The navy blue duffel stared back at him, almost mocking him.

John entered, looking equally as frustrated and exhausted. Bob didn’t lift his head to look at the soldier, he could only feel strong arms wrapping around his waist and holding him tightly. Lips pressed against the back of his neck, and John’s nose buried itself in the brunette’s curls. Bob continued to lock his dead stare on the duffel bag in front of him. The two said nothing for quite some time, taking the quiet moment to enjoy what may be their last night together for a long time.

‘Maybe ever’ Bob’s head filled in for him.

John’s scarred, calloused hand drifted upwards underneath Bob’s shirt, squeezing his waist tightly and eliciting a sharp gasp from the brunette. John bit his lip and nuzzled Bob’s neck. “Tell me if you want me to stop, I just…”

“I know.” Bob muttered. It didn’t matter how miserable they were, this would be their last opportunity. He let a tear fall from his eye before quickly wiping it away, turning to face John directly. He took a deep breath and reached for John’s strong biceps, letting his fingers slip beneath his shirt sleeves to squeeze tightly. John tilted his head forward to kiss him softly, using minimal effort to lean over Bob, gently pressing his body into the mattress. Bob’s bottom lip trembled, and he pushed back the urge to cry as he attempted to memorize the feeling of John’s lips on his own. He noted things he’d never thought of before, like the way John’s nose always awkwardly pressed against his own, the way Bob had always pulled John’s bottom lip between his own, never the other way around, and the way John’s strong hands held onto Bob’s hips, thumb lightly brushing against the dip of the ‘V’ shape of his abs.

Bob wrapped both arms around John’s neck, digging his fingers into the short, strawberry blonde hair and giving it a light tug. John groaned into his mouth, sliding his tongue between Bob’s lips and reaching down to push his hand under the hem of Bob’s boxers, causing the brunette to gasp and moan softly. Bob’s back arched upwards, grinding his hips further into John’s hand. “God I’m gonna miss this so much, Bobby.” John whispered against his lips.

“Mm-mm. I’m not leaving.” Bob shook his head, pulling John’s shirt over his head and pulling at his dog tags.

John groaned and pulled Bob’s boxers completely off, tossing them into the corner. “Yes you are. Don’t fight me on this, not right now.” he sighed, leaving small bites and kisses down Bob’s neck.

Bob twisted his hand, letting the chain wrap around his fingers before tugging hard and using his other hand to grab John’s shoulder with an iron grip. The soldier hissed slightly, and Bob’s gold eyes reflected in John’s blue ones. “I’m a lot stronger than you, Walker. What if I just… held you down and kept you right here. Why can’t we just stay in this room forever?”

“Because the world is about to be on fire.” John exhaled, rolling his shoulder a bit beneath Bob’s fingers.

“I just got this family, I just got you. I’m not gonna run and hide and leave all of you alone. If… If something happened to you-...I can protect you a lot better from right here than I could in the middle of nowhere.”

“I don’t need you to protect me, Bob.” John muttered through kisses before licking and biting a trail down Bob’s abs.

“Then come with me. Just be selfish this one time and come with me. Please?” Bob practically begged with a deep breath and soft moan, threading his fingers through John’s hair and pushing him lower.

John huffed and placed both hands underneath Bob’s legs, leaning over to dig his teeth into the meat of his thigh, attempting to break the invulnerable skin. “I can’t leave everyone else behind, Bob.” Bob sighed and leaned his head back against the pillows. He should’ve expected that response. It didn’t matter how the rest of the world decided to paint John Walker, Bob knew that the man was physically unable to leave his team to fend for themselves. He would protect them with his dying breath, and that was exactly what terrified Bob. John kissed over the spot he’d bitten, looking up at Bob with a raised eyebrow. “Do you really want to spend tonight fighting?”

Bob groaned and shook his head, using his strength to push John’s head between his legs. “Please… I’m sorry”

John shot him a sympathetic look, before leaning forward to pull the head of Bob’s cock into his mouth. Bob moaned, a bit louder than normal, and couldn’t stop himself from pushing his hips upward, eagerly thrusting into John’s open, wet mouth. He could feel the sting of John’s beard against his thighs, and he secretly hoped the red burn would last as a reminder, even though it probably wouldn’t. Bob reached up to bite down on his fist, whining as John bobbed his head up and down, choked out noises coming from his throat. The soldier held Bob’s thighs close to him, digging his fingernails into the smooth skin. “Oh god, John…” Bob screamed into his fist, throwing his head back against the pillows.

John hummed out a low “mhm” before pulling off and sitting on his knees, pulling down his athletic shorts and stroking his cock with a groan. He attempted to reach for the drawer of the nightstand, only for Bob to grab his hand with golden eyes. “Don’t want it..” Bob breathed out, looking up at John through glazed eyes. “Please. I-I want to feel it for a while. Please, baby?”

John exhaled deeply before spitting down into his hand, using it to lube his cock as much as possible. Bob’s body could take it, he probably would barely feel a thing, but Bob was operating under a ‘worse case scenario’ feeling. If tonight would be their last night together, Bob wanted to remember it. John pressed the tip of his cock against Bob’s tight hole, glancing up at him for permission only to find the brunette barely holding back tears. “Bobby-”

“Please?” Bob begged quietly, reaching up to keep a comforting hold on John’s dog tags. John took a deep breath and pulled the chain off of his neck, wrapping it around Bob’s instead. The chill of the metal caused Bob to shiver around him. He leaned down to place a deep kiss on Bob’s lips. “Take care of ‘em”

Bob nodded, kissing back with equal amounts of passion. “I will, I promise.”

The soldier re-aligned himself before pushing inside Bob’s body slowly. Bob gasped and scrunched his face as the feeling overwhelmed him. It wasn’t pain, Bob didn’t feel that kind of thing as much anymore. It was pressure. The feeling of being filled slowly and completely. The feeling of being stretched beyond what was normal. His chest rose and fell in short gasps as Walker pushed deeper and deeper before bottoming out with a growl into Bob’s neck. “You’re unbelievable, sweetheart”

Bob couldn’t help but chuckle at the nickname, and for a moment he could forget about the world ending. “Please… hard… want it hard”

John nodded, eager to give Bob anything he wanted. He began to thrust forward at a slow rhythm, snapping his hips against Bobs as he used all of his strength to hold the brunette down to the bed. Bob kissed him once more, moaning softly against the soldier’s mouth. “Harder?” he begged. John groaned and held onto Bob’s wrists, pushing them above his head and increasing his pace with deep, hard thrusts. Still, Bob whined against his lips, looking up at the man with golden eyes, Sentry beginning to slip from the cracks. “Walker, harder!” he demanded.

John growled and wrapped a hand around Bob’s throat, squeezing tightly as he fucked him into the mattress. “I’m going as hard as I can, Bobby, jesus..”

Bob let out a choked out giggle, smirking up at John through radiant and glowing eyes. It was so dangerous, but both he and John loved when that familiar golden hum of power began to vibrate from Bob’s body, just letting out the tiniest bit of Sentry, enough to remind both of them just how much Bob was holding back. Still, with the highs of Sentry also came the lows. Bob’s bottom lip trembled as John fucked him hard. “Don’t forget about me..” he muttered.

John could barely focus, right on the edge of spilling over. “Huh?” he mumbled into Bob’s ear.

“When I leave. Swear you won’t forget me.”

John looked up to watch shimmering tears fall from Bob’s glowing eyes, and he leaned down to press a sweet kiss to Bob’s lips. “Never. You’re gonna be back before you know it.”

Bob nodded, wiping away his tears and kissing back, moaning loudly as his head began to hit the headboard with each thrust. “John… I’m…-”

All John could do was nod, letting out a deep groan as he snapped his hips forward one final time, breathing heavily against Bob’s mouth as he came deep inside of him, fingernails digging into Bob’s wrists. The sensation of being filled was enough to push Bob over the edge with a high pitched sigh of relief, thighs shivering around John’s body. The two remained glued against each other, tears dripping down both of their cheeks as they each refused to be the one to pull away. Neither wanted the sun to come up, and the bliss of their release was quickly overwhelmed by the unrelenting sense of impending doom…

Chapter Text

“Pay particular attention to the moments that take your breath away—a beautiful sunset, an unusual eye color, a moving piece of music, the elegant design of a complex machine.”

Rick Rubin, The Creative Act: A Way of Being

The Watchtower was too full.

It didn’t matter that there were nearly 100 floors. Having six extra people in the tower was starting to grate at John’s nerves, and it had been less than 24 hours. Every noise seemed to scratch underneath the surface of his skin. Joaquin and Johnny argued flirtatiously like teenagers, Sam and Bucky bickered like an old married couple and it seemed like Ava and Alexei were just as annoyed at having their space invaded as John was. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to take this indefinitely, especially with Bob and Yelena gone. John had kept a level head the night before, but in truth he hadn’t felt this angry and volatile in a long time.

They’d barely spoken a word to each other that morning or the night before. The two men stayed pressed against each other, holding tightly like the building would collapse in on them at any minute. Bob cried. John cried, but only after Bob had managed to fall asleep. With every ticking second of the clock John could feel the severity of their situation weighing on his shoulders. John had begged for field work, but the team was woefully unequipped for something like this.

It was times like these when John got in his head with comparisons. By his age Steve Rogers had stopped two alien invasions and held the entire world on his shoulders. The serum had done a lot for John, and despite everything he still didn’t regret it, but it hadn’t made him ‘Captain America’. Bob had nearly killed him single handedly in the same room he was sitting in now 14 months ago. And now they were meant to go up against someone stronger than him. One who had a target out for their team. And John was… human. He could tank a bullet or two, but magic was uncharted territory.

John stabbed his fork into his potatoes aggressively. He was going to die, no doubt about it.

‘Dying for Bob wouldn’t be so bad’ he thought to himself. John could be the heroic martyr he’d dreamed of being without losing his dignity. Bob had done a lot for him, changed his life even, but there were times when John thought back to the Vault, looking down into the empty chasm that could’ve killed him right then and there. It was just as enticing as it was back then, just swept neatly under the rug. Dying in that way would’ve been pathetic. He would’ve never truly met Bob, he wouldn’t have patched things up with Olivia, and he wouldn’t have the family he had now. It was a hard reality to face, but John decided at that moment that if he died protecting any of them, that was a death he could live with. One he could be proud of, even.

He’d been given a small reprieve, a quiet moment with only Ava and Alexei in the common room. The three of them ate in silence, knowing what was to come. John glanced over at Alexei, who was more silent than John had ever seen him before. Ava’s eyes were tired from crying. John took a moment to consider that Yelena was only human, too. She was more vulnerable than he was and they were sending her off to ‘protect’ Bob, as if he needed it. If something horrible happened and Doom caught up to them, Bob would be the one protecting her. ‘At least Alexei is sending his only remaining daughter off in good hands’ John thought to himself. It probably didn’t make it any easier on the older man. John couldn’t imagine being in that position. If it were his son, he wouldn’t let Dylan out of his sight for one minute.

Dylan.

John took a deep breath and reached into his pocket, dialing Olivia’s number and giving the other two a small nod as he walked to the corner. He wasn’t really out of earshot, but he didn’t mind who heard.

“Hey John.” Olivia’s voice called from the other end of the line. John couldn’t help but smile a bit, like he wasn’t about to drop a bomb on her.

“Hey Liv. Listen… I need you to do something for me. And I can’t tell you why, you just have to.”

It was silent for a moment before Olivia spoke up, voice a bit more hushed. “You’re scaring me. What’s going on?”

“I need you to take Dylan and leave New York for a bit. Go back home, stay with your mom until things clear up, okay?” He tried to keep his voice as low and calm as possible, but he was sure the woman who’d known him for two decades could hear the shakiness and severity in his words. Ava and Alexei looked up at him with sad eyes. John wouldn’t be able to see his baby boy for a while, but it needed to be done.

“John, I… I have a job, I can’t just leave.”

“I’ll cover you, okay? Use the credit card I gave you, anything you need, no matter how long this takes. I-I’m sorry I can’t tell you more, I just need to know that you two are out of state.” He was supposed to visit Dylan in three days for his fourth birthday. John swallowed and looked up at the ceiling to stop tears from falling. “I need you to trust me, Liv.”

She had absolutely no reason to, but she did trust him. “Are you gonna be okay?”

“I’ll be fine. I’ll call you and Dyl when you get to Georgia, I promise.” He closed his eyes and hung up the phone, leaning the back of his head against the wall. Ava opened her mouth to say something, but quickly closed it. John hated the concept of ‘indefinite’. He wouldn’t be seeing Bob, his wife and son, or Yelena ‘indefinitely’. There was no time frame, nothing to wait for and nothing to look forward to.

A small voice cleared their throat, and all three heads turned to the door of the dorm hall where Bob and Yelena stood, each holding duffel bags and wearing dark, inconspicuous clothing. Two little carriers sat at their feet, one holding Yelena’s guinea pig and the other holding Bob’s orange tabby kitten, Butter. Bob looked up at John with tired eyes, and John immediately went still. Bob’s formerly brown curls had been dyed blonde again. Only it wasn’t the golden blonde it had been before, this was bleach blonde, much closer to Yelena’s color. If John hadn’t known better he would’ve thought they were siblings.

There were things John had wanted to talk about, words he wanted to say and things he’d wanted to do. But there was just no time. Yelena ran forward to hug her father tightly, and the old man whispered soft Russian words in her ear, but to Walker it seemed like he was begging her to come back to him. Ava hugged Yelena from behind, holding onto her best friend with teary eyes.

John stepped towards Bob, almost hesitant. Bob looked up at him, holding tightly onto John’s dog tags hung from the chain on his neck. There was so much to say, but everything John wanted to say was dead in his throat.

‘Promise me you’ll come back’

‘Don’t forget about me either’

‘I love you’

Any of those would’ve been poetic, eloquent and romantic. But John Walker wasn’t a poet. “Don’t die.” he muttered through a cracked voice.

The corner of Bob’s mouth turned up slightly. “You too.” He looked over at the rest of the group, but John didn’t care who was watching. He reached forward to pull Bob into a tight hug. Usually when someone dies, you don’t get to think about things like this. When Lemar died, John couldn’t remember their last hug or their last words to each other. This was different. One of them wasn’t going to make it out, not unless a miracle occurred. If this was their last moment together, John wasn’t going to forget it. Little details became embedded into his brain. Bob smelled like vanilla and nicotine. Bob’s strong hugs were more crushing and painful than he’d ever admit to anyone, but he loved it. Bob’s eyes always seemed to be in a perpetual squint, like his brain was running at a mile a minute, perceiving… everything.

Bob leaned up to kiss John softly, running his fingers through the soldier's beard and attempting to make the kiss last forever. When Bob pulled back, he let out a shaky breath. “There’s things we need to talk about… when I see you again.”

The ‘when’ felt performative, but John nodded slowly. “You might not get another chance to say what you want to say.”

Bob looked up at him like he was really considering it. “I…” John’s heart skipped a beat. Why was this so hard for them? Bob’s lips formed around the letter ‘L’, but it died in the silence between them. “Please don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone. I know you’re incapable of doing anything selfish but… I need to see you again, John. You… You have a kid. He needs you. I need you.”

Bob knew him too well. If it came down to Bob or John, John would throw himself in front of the bullet every time. Bob had to have known that, but if he wanted John to lie to him, he would. “We’ll see each other. Soon. This will be over before you know it. And then… we can talk about you and me.” Bob nodded, kissing him one more time before reaching down to pick up his bags and pet carrier. John swallowed and ran his fingers through Bob’s newly dyed hair. “Cash only, stay out of public places and keep off of highways, alright?”

“He’s with me. He won’t be seen, I promise.” John turned to see Yelena standing behind him with a sad frown. She opened her arms and John quickly pulled the short girl into a tight hug. “I’ll keep him safe, no matter what. I swear.” She whispered in his ear.

All John could do was nod, holding the girl who had become like a little sister to him with an iron grip. He turned to Bob and ruffled his blonde locks, smirking at Yelena. “You’re gonna fix that when you get back, right?”

Both Yelena and Bob chuckled a bit, enjoying the small bit of levity in their grave situation. Yelena reached for Bob’s hand, squeezing tightly. “He’s undercover! Besides, Bob told me he likes it.”

Bob couldn’t help but smile. “I was kind of trying to be nice, Lena.”

The Russian girl rolled her eyes, giving John one more hug before carrying their things to the elevator. John found himself watching Bob’s every movement, eyes not being able to leave Bob’s as he slipped from his hold. Ava, Alexei and John watched the two disappear into the elevator with pits in their chests. Bob looked up at John with watery eyes. The words were sitting on John’s tongue, begging to be let out. With a *ding* the doors began to close, and John couldn’t allow himself to die without Bob knowing.

‘I love you’ he mouthed silently.

The last thing he saw was Bob’s eyes widen before the doors closed, locking them apart… ‘indefinitely’.

***

Bob drove.

It was something he knew how to do, the one way he could contribute. And it gave him time to think.

He glanced over at Yelena, snoring softly in the passengers seat of the beat-up truck they’d stolen from the garage. Her hoodie was pulled over her head, and her guinea pig sat in her arms, nibbling softly on some parsley. Bob glanced back at Butter, looking equally as peaceful as Yelena and purring quietly as she slept in the back seat. Bob sighed and glanced at the guinea pig, ‘Mac’ Yelena had dubbed him. “I don’t suppose you’re much for conversation?” he muttered at the creature, who stared up at him with beady eyes. “Talking to myself again, then. Great.”

Bob blinked at the sunset and the winding backroad in front of him. Yelena had given him an address, taking the most roundabout way of getting there. No highways. One of John’s rules.

John.

Every time he thought about the man his heart ached. ‘I love you’ he had said. Bob saw it clear as day, there was no denying it. Bob had wanted to say it so bad. Why was it so hard? The two might never see each other again and Bob was still letting his insecurities get the better of him.

Why did he have to say it?

Now if John died, and Bob had never gotten to say it back… it might kill him. He had to send a letter, find a payphone, or do anything to get in contact with him. John had to know.

Bob had told someone he loved them once. Two boyfriends, one middle school girlfriend, a messy string of horrible hookups… and John. And Bob had only said ‘I love you’ one time. It would’ve been funny if it wasn’t so sad. Ben had been the tallest, handsomest drug dealer Bob had ever come across. In his experience, they didn’t tend to be very attractive. After moving to New York at eighteen, Bob had needed a new dealer. Enter Ben. Ben wasn’t… kind. He wasn’t good. But he was there, and he’d taken a liking to Bob quickly. It wasn’t love, at least not on Ben’s part. Bob had been given everything he needed. Drugs, sex, a place to stay and a strong man to wrap his arms around him every night. Bob had thought that was what ‘love’ was supposed to feel like. It had all come to a head, in one ecstasy-induced, pathetic ‘I love you’ moaned from his lips at two in the morning.

Ben hadn’t said it back, of course. Probably didn’t remember Bob saying it at all. It didn’t matter, he had dumped Bob on the side of the road after his twentieth birthday.

Bob took a deep breath and flexed his fingers on the steering wheel. All of that felt like so long ago. John was so different. Sex didn’t feel transactional, and Bob didn’t need to be high to enjoy the moment. Just being around John was enough of a high on its own. John did things for him, for no reason at all. He cooked him meals, sat through his panic attacks and grounded him when he felt on top of the world, or a hundred feet below. At first it was overwhelming, but Bob had quickly discovered how much he craved it.

And now he was alone. Again. While John was risking his life.

They were at least two and a half hours up north when Bob pulled into a motel. It was old, run down and practically falling apart, but both Yelena and Bob were used to it. Bob had been off the grid before, sleeping in cars, alleys and strangers beds. A dirty motel was certainly a step up. Still, after living in the Watchtower for over a year, it felt cold.

Bob stared up at the ceiling, watching the fan spin. This was going to be their life now.

Yelena turned to him with sad eyes. “Can’t sleep?”

Bob shook his head. “I miss him.”

Yelena turned to wrap her arms around Bob’s middle, just like John had done for him, squeezing tightly. “We’re gonna get through this. We’re going to see them again.”

Bob felt tears prick at the corners of his eyes, and he let himself curl up in Yelena’s arms. It wasn’t the same feeling as John, but it was a small comfort. “Why did you volunteer to do this with me?”

“You’re my brother. I wasn’t going to let you do this alone. Besides, if not me then who?” She smiled, chuckling into his shoulder. “I don’t think you’d want to share a tiny motel bed with Alexei.”

Bob couldn’t help but laugh, burying his head in the pillow with a groan. Yelena always knew how to lighten his mood. If John was the comforting natural connection of the moonlight, Yelena was his sun. She really did glow, making everything feel a bit lighter, just like she’d promised back in the Void. If anyone could get him through this, it would be her. “God, he’d probably take up the whole thing. I’ve heard his snores through the walls.”

Yelena laughed and wiped away her tears. “One time my sister and I snuck up on him while he was sleeping. We stacked oreos on his head and tried to see who could make the tallest tower before he woke up.”

Bob threw his head back with laughter. “We should try that with Walker.” He’d always wanted a brother or sister growing up. Someone to share in mischief, to hold when things got tough. He supposed he had that with Yelena now. He wondered if she felt the same way, if he filled some sort of Void that her sister had left behind. “Where are we going, by the way?”

“Safe house. I… I contacted an old friend of my sister’s, one who she did a lot of off-grid work with. He gave me a list of places we could bounce through. We can’t stay at this one long, but we can trust him, I promise. This place has been off the files for years, and… he’s nice.”

***

The next morning, Yelena had navigated him all the way to Massachusetts. Bob was hoping for Boston or Salem. There were a billion tourist traps and haunted locations Bob was dying to visit one day, but this wasn’t exactly a vacation. They had driven half an hour from the city, through a farm town far from any prying eyes. The rolling green hills and summer breeze were relaxing, and if Bob closed his eyes he could almost pretend like the world wasn’t ending.

When they pulled into the driveway of a beautiful farm-house, Yelena had jumped out of the seat. Bob raised an eyebrow as he followed her lead, watching the blonde woman eagerly run up to the door. Before she could even get up the stairs, a black haired woman about Yelena’s age ran out the door, practically jumping into a tight hug with Yelena. She talked at a mile a minute, smiling down at the blonde and rambling about something Bob couldn’t hear. He swallowed and kept his distance, taking in the large, expansive farmland around him. In another life, he could’ve lived here. Bob had grown up watching cowboy movies, and the idea of getting away from it all and putting in the hard work to keep up something that was completely your own, something you could be proud of, it was enticing.

But Bob hadn’t been born on a farm. Instead he’d been born on the beaches of Sarasota, moving from place to place before landing in Manhattan. His cowboy-ranch dreams would have to wait for the next life. If there was even an Earth to wake up to, that is.

The door opened again, and an older, tattooed man with spiky blonde hair and a flannel leaned against the doorway. Bob’s eyes widened, and he felt his breath hitch. Yelena’s sister was an original Avenger. He didn’t know how he missed that. Staring into the face of Clint Barton felt like seeing a celebrity, and Bob desperately wanted to keep it together. They were supposed to be the ‘New Avengers’, what if Barton just saw him for what he was? A fraud.

Yelena smiled up at the scowling man. “Don’t act like you’re not happy to see me.”

Clint chuckled a bit, rolling his eyes. “You and your friend are gonna be put to work while you’re here. No sitting on your ass, Belova. And you’re here for a week maximum, got it?”

Yelena smirked and motioned for Bob to step closer. “Bob, this is my friend Kate Bishop. And I’m sure you already know Barton.”

Bob half-smiled at Kate before reaching up to shake Clint’s hand. “T-Thank you for letting us stay here. Um, Mr. Barton. Hawkeye. Sir.” He closed his eyes tight and mentally smacked himself. What an idiot.

Clint raised an eyebrow and squeezed Bob’s hand, making a slightly impressed face at his grip. “You strong, kid?”

“Um… sometimes?”

“Good. I’ve got a truck that needs pushing.”

***

John leaned back to dodge the incoming blows from the training module. Their gym had been upgraded in the last few months, now able to simulate specialized events for each of their fighting styles. Normally he’d spar with Bob or Bucky, but neither of those were going to happen. John hated the clunky AI. Which is what made it so much more embarrassing when he received a kick to the back, sending him down to his knees with a groan. The images around him faded, leaving him in the cold, mirrored room. Alone.

He was distracted. Bob had only been gone a week and he was losing his focus. No progress was being made on locating Doom, and every hour that went by was another hour that the Watchtower was in danger. He blinked, and watched as tears began to drop down onto the mat below him. John was full on sobbing, overwhelmed with the pressure of fixing this mess. He groaned and dug his fingers in his hair, standing up to meet Ava’s eyes in the corner. She must’ve phased in. “I don’t want to talk about it.” he spat as he shot her a glare.

Ava sighed and walked closer. “Walker, you’ve been in here for six hours. Alexei and I are worried about you.”

“What do you want me to do, Ava? Sit on my ass? Wait for Doom to show up so he can overpower me in less than a minute?” He took a deep breath through his nose and felt his head twitch. “I need to be stronger.”

“You’re pushing yourself too hard. When’s the last time you’ve eaten or slept?” She placed a hand on his shoulder, only for him to shake it off.

“Do you understand that if he comes here… and we lose… that’s it. There’s no coming back from that. And then Bob and Yelena are left to fend for themselves. If I can’t do this- If I can’t protect everyone-”

“Stop it. Now.” She spat, holding his glare. “This doesn’t fall solely on your shoulders, Walker. This is all of our battle. This is our home. You’re not the only one defending it. The only way we’re going to be able to do this is if we’re together, and at our best. Bob would hate watching you do this to yourself.”

“Stop talking about him like he’s already dead.” John growled, shoulder checking her as he walked towards the tablet on the wall, already readying the next simulation.

“Please… Just eat something. Come watch a movie. We… We miss you.”

John’s fingers hovered over the ‘begin’ button. He missed them too. He would be lying if he said he didn’t want to go upstairs, be caught in one of Alexei’s bone-crushing hugs, and listen to Ava snark about whatever movie they were watching while she draped her legs across both men’s laps. It just wouldn’t feel right without them. It would feel empty without Yelena sleeping through the movie, or Bob pressed against John’s side, brown hair falling in soft waves over John’s shoulder. “I can’t let anything happen to this place, Ava.”

She placed a comforting hand on his back. “It’s not your burden to bear. We all have something worth fighting for here. I know you think it’s your job to watch over everyone, but someone’s got to watch out for you. Normally I’d leave that to Bob, he seems much better at it than me. But I’m not going to sit here and let you torture yourself all night.” She took a deep breath and reached around to shut off the training module, looking into John’s dead eyes. “If you really want, I’ll come train with you tomorrow. But not like this. We’ll take breaks, make sure we’re good and fed and pace ourselves… alright?”

John stayed silent, and Ava sighed, smirking up at him. “If you don’t come make dinner, Alexei and I will just have to cook for all of us.”

John groaned, grimacing at his reflection in the mirror. “Ugh. No. Please. Anything but that.” He begged in a monotone voice. He ran his fingers through his hair, scowling at the amount of sweat on his hand. “I’ll shower and make the chicken parm you guys like.”

Ava smiled up at him, and John smiled back with a raised eyebrow. “Do you want a hug or something?”

“Try it and I might break your hand.”

John chuckled, walking with her to the elevator. “Bob is a lot better at comforting me than you are.”

Ava groaned while pressing the button for the dorm floor. “I’m certainly not kissing you either.”

John laughed, truly laughed, for the first time since Bob had left.