Archive of Our Own ^beta

Mammon was reading his paper, munching on a fried chicken leg bored out of his mind. He didn’t have any meetings or performances today so he was completely free. Normally he wouldn’t mind a little time off but he’d already done his weekly check ins at his factories so he wasn’t sure what to do today. He didn’t even feel like pranking his other sins after the last prank war with Bee got them both into shit with Satan.

Little did he know he'd be getting a high dose of excitement today.

*knock knock*

“Eh? Who the shit is that?” he questioned, spitting out his chicken bone before moving to answer the door. “Yeah yeah keep your knickers on! I’m coming!”

The large Sin of Greed opened the door and was surprised to see a frazzled Lucifer holding his daughter in one hand and a bag of her things in another. “Oh I’m glad you’re actually home!” he sighed in relief.

“Luci-boy? What’re you doin’ here?” Mammon questioned, pointing down at 7-year old Charlie. “Why’d ya bring the little ankle biter?”

“I have an important meeting with the Goetia Kings and Lilith can’t watch Charlie. I…I need your help,” the short king admitted, looking up at Mammon pleadingly. “Can you please watch her for the afternoon?”

Mammon winced, regretting his complaining about being bored earlier only to be now stuck with babysitting duty. “Hang on mate, I ain’t a babysitter. Can’t ya ask Belphegor or Beelzebub to do it?” he tried, hoping he could get out of this.

“Belphegor’s got her work at the hospital and won’t be free until the evening. And Bee’s got a huge catering order for one of her businesses,” Lucifer explained. “Asmodeus will be mediating at this meeting and Satan and Leviathan said no. You seemed like the only one that wasn’t busy.”

“Oi, how do YOU know I wasn’t workin’ hard on writin’ new material or something?” the jester sin retorted, kicking away the chicken bucket that was at his feet.

“Because I know your habits by now,” Lucifer snarked before he looked at him genuinely. “I wouldn’t ask this of you if I wasn’t desperate–”

“Gee thanks…” Mammon scoffed, rolling his eyes at being the literal last resort.

“But I really want to make sure Charlie is somewhere where she isn’t lonely and with family.” the sin of Pride went on. “I know that last Sinsmas wasn’t…ideal when you saw her last.”

“I ain’t makin’ that mistake again,” Mammon shuddered, knowing what he and Leviathan went through, not being allowed to indulge in their sins and having to spend time at Satan’s boot camp for quite some time for making the little pipsqueak run away and cry.

“And I wouldn’t ask anyone else if I didn’t think you couldn’t babysit her,” he finished before giving him a bright smile. “Besides, Charlie’s been asking about you so I figured why not let you two bond for the day?”

Now that genuinely surprised Mammon. The little squirt actually wanted to spend time with a bastard like him? No one really wanted to be in his presence for too long outside of meetings or whatever. Lucifer did his best to try and tolerate his nonsense while being his friend/brother-figure and only one of Leviathan’s heads actually seemed to genuinely like him (the other one wasn’t his biggest fan). But Charlie–a kid that would’ve been in her right to be scared of him–wanted to hang out with him?

She must’ve gotten her weird side from her dad.

“Alright…I’ll watch the squirt for ya–GRK!” Mammon let out a groan as Lucifer squished him in a hug. “Oi! Let me go!”

“Oh thank you! I owe you BIG TIME!” Lucifer told him gratefully, squeezing him in a bear hug with Charlie joining in.

“Y-Yeah that’s fine! Let go! I can’t breathe!” Mammon gasped, taking in a lot of air when Lucifer released him from his hug. “How is someone so small so damned strong…?”

“You’d be surprised, buddy! Hell, I can get Satan to wince when I hug him!” Lucifer told him cheerfully before giving Mammon a serious look. “Now I want to make this very clear. You are like my brother and I do care about you as a fellow Sin and friend even if you can be a pain in the butt.”

“And damned proud of it,” the Greed sin smirked before letting out a squeak as Lucifer got in his face.

“I don’t want a repeat of what happened during the holidays. Do not let Charlie out of your sight or be a jerk to her in any way. If you do…” He let his demon eyes show and his fangs sharpen in front of the terrified jester. “I will END YOU. Capisce?”

“Y-Y-Yup! No problem, mate!” Mammon laughed nervously, taking the young princess from his arms. “I-I’ll take good care of her!”

Lucifer stared at him for a long time before giving him a bright smile. “Good! Glad we have an understanding!” he told him with a laugh before looking at his daughter. “Now you be good for Uncle Mammon, okay?” he requested.

“Yes daddy!” Charlie nodded, giving him a hug.

“I’ll be back later!” Lucifer waved before disappearing into a portal back to Pride, leaving the two demons alone.

Mammon blinked in utter confusion, wondering what the hell he just agreed to before looking down at his pseudo-niece. Charlie looked up at him with an innocent smile, making the bachelor feel a little uneasy. While he made products that were for kids, he never understood them himself. Kids were so strange since he never really was a kid himself.

“So…ya wanna play cards?” Mammon offered.

(...)

“What’s this game, Uncle Mammon?” Charlie wondered as she watched her uncle shuffling cards in front of her.

“Blackjack. Or 21 in some circles,” Mammon told her, doing a few card tricks to impress the kid. “I figured it’d be the easiest to teach a kid.” He handed Charlie the deck. “Here. You shuffle ‘em now. Don’t want your daddy accusing me of cheating against a kid, ya know?”

Charlie nodded, moving the cards around so they were all mixed up together. Once she felt satisfied with her shuffling, she handed them back to her uncle. He gave them one more shuffle before pulling out a few cards. “Alright here’s how ya play, squirt. We get two cards each and we gotta get as close to or at 21 to win. If ya go over, ya lose. If your opponent gets closer to 21 than you, ya lose.” He then summoned a few example cards to show her. “Number cards are the exact number they are. A face card is worth 10 and an ace is either worth an 11 or 1, depending on what ya think I’ve got. If you get 21, that's blackjack. If I don’t get one too, that means ya win.”

“That sounds simple.” Charlie nodded, looking over at the chips. “What’re those for?”

“Oh those are what ya bet with.” Mammon told her, hauling out some snacks. “Your dad’ll kill me if we bet money so we’ll bet snacks. You win, I’ll give ya a bag. If I win, you give me one. Got it?”

Charlie picked out a couple of bags of candy and chips before her stomach started to growl. “Uh…s-sorry…” she blushed, embarrassed he heard her tummy.

“No worries. I’ll get ya something I know every pipsqueak likes,” he told her, ringing up one of his workers. “Oy mate can ya stop by Wackdonalds and get a kid’s meal? Chicken nuggets and fries and apple slices.” He turned to Charlie, asking seriously. “Ya want milk or a juice box?”

“Milk please.”

“And one milk with that. Make sure ya get her a good toy or it's your arse! Oh and get me a burger but no onions!” He told the poor worker before hanging up. “Lunch is on me today.”

Charlie’s eyes sparkled at getting to have lunch with her uncle. “Thanks uncle Mammon!” she smiled.

Mammon couldn’t help but smile a little at someone actually being happy around him. “No worries, kid,” he told her before sitting down. “Ya wanna practice a bit before we play for keeps?”

“Uh-huh!” she nodded, looking down at her cards. She had a queen and an 8 while her uncle had a 9. “I’m gonna stay.”

“Suit yourself kid,” Mammon shrugged, flipping over a 7. ‘Shit…do I stay or hit? Ah fuck it I’m gonna hit!’ Mammon picked a card and it was a 6. “Dammit!”

“Yay! I won!” Charlie clapped.

“Alright ya won this round but it gets harder from here, kiddo,” Mammon smirked, taking the used cards and discarding them before shuffling the rest of the deck. He had to admit she had some good instincts for a beginner. Most amateurs would try to get close and either overshoot or undershoot their cards. But he had been playing for a long time so he couldn’t lose to a little kid, right?

(Several Rounds Later…)

“How am I losing this bad…?” Mammon questioned in disbelief, seeing the growing pile of snacks by Charlie and his pathetic pile next to him.

In their matches of Blackjack, Mammon only won 3 rounds out of 10 but Charlie was pretty smart. She’d bet snacks she wasn’t afraid of losing and really think over her moves before making her choice. The princess had a pretty keen mind when it came to planning which he could respect in a way.

“Ya want one of your bags of chips back?” Charlie offered, holding up a bag of super spicy barbecue chips.

“Nah. Ya earned that fair and square,” he reassured her, pushing the bag back. “But ya might wanna hide your bounty under your bed or in your closet or something. Don’t want your folks snitching treats from ya, ya know?”

“Good idea,” Charlie giggled, looking up at her uncle curiously. “Uncle Mammon? Do you…not like me?”

Mammon winced, a pang of guilt running through him. Maybe that’s why she wanted to see him; to ask him about why he was such a dick. “Look…I was an ass that day. I’ve been dealin’ with a lot of shit and took it out on ya. That wasn’t cool of me…sorry Charlie,” he told her, an almost softness in his voice.

“So…you don’t hate me?” she asked, giving him big innocent eyes.

“Well…kids just make me uncomfortable in general. I don’t get the whole ‘bein’ a parent’ thing like your folks…but I don’t hate you.” he explained awkwardly.

“I had a feeling,” she nodded, getting up on the table and walking over to him to take his hand. “I know you’re my dad’s friend so maybe…we could be friends?”

He couldn’t explain it but in that moment, any snark or sarcasm left him and all that was left was genuine affection for his niece. Maybe they weren’t related by blood but he didn’t give a shit about that. Charlie took the chance to actually talk to him and she was pretty mature for her age. Any prank that he pulled on Bee she happened to get in the crossfire of she didn’t get upset at. The picture Lucifer took after Charlie got blasted with frosting where they were both a mess showed she had a big grin on her face.

At least someone understood his sense of humor.

“Ya know…that sounds good to me,” he grinned, taking her hand and shaking it. “Hey, maybe I can be the fun uncle for ya.”

“Yay fun uncle!” Charlie cheered, giggling as Mammon tossed her up and down in the air.

“Yeah! All the fun of hanging out with a kid and none of the responsibility!” he laughed.

Their lunch soon arrived and they took a break from their card games to eat. Charlie was happily eating her chicken nuggets while Mammon was scarfing down his burger and fries. He had a feeling she would’ve been getting bored with fancy-ass food and he couldn’t cook for shit like Bee so a kid’s meal was a pretty safe bet. And it was funny seeing her switch between sauces for her nuggets, going from ketchup to barbecue sauce to ranch.

“Ya got a favorite there?” he asked, taking some fries and placing them on his burger before taking a bite.

“Mmm…it’s hard to pick but I like ketchup,” Charlie told him with all the seriousness a child could muster.

“Good pick,” he laughed, pulling out some dice. “Ya wanna play with these after we’re done?”

“What can you play with those?” Charlie wondered.

Before Mammon could explain, his work phone began to ring. “Dammit I thought I turned this off…” he muttered before picking it up. “What do ya want?”

‘Sir we have a situation with one of the slot machines…’

“Can’t it wait? I’ve got company over!” Mammon ranted.

‘Sorry sir…it’s one of the ones you programmed yourself.’

Mammon let out a loud groan of annoyance before looking at the young princess apologetically. “Sorry kiddo. We gotta make a quick trip to one of my casinos to fix some crap. That okay?” he asked quickly.

“And then we can play dice?” Charlie asked brightly.

“Sure. Anything ya want,” he nodded, scooping his niece under his arms as he opened a portal to Mint City.

(...)

Mint City was a pretty rich district in Greed where a lot of the financial businesses and casinos were. Unlike a lot of cities in Greed where it was smelly and smoggy and fairly dangerous if you weren’t careful, Mint City was someplace you could walk around without getting stabbed and robbed openly.

For the mostpart anyway.

Mammon’s portal opened up inside of the casino, his shark employees immediately surrounding him. “What up, bitches?!” he grinned.

“Greetings, King Mammon,” they greeted, bowing respectfully.

“Oi, don’t forget my niece,” he warned, holding Charlie up for them all to see.

“Greetings, Princess Morningstar,” they recited.

“Hi!” Charlie waved before she and Mammon were led to the broken slot machine.

The pictures inside were spinning rapidly, not stopping even after the handle was pulled clean off. Mammon did not look happy since he spent months working on the mechanics of it; it was only supposed to give a big payout every 53 spins with only one or two fairly decent payouts the rest of the time.

“Who the fuck messed with this thing to screw it up this bad?!” Mammon questioned incredulously.

“A customer that wasn’t happy he didn’t get a decent payout. He was hitting and shaking the machine until he broke the handle off.” an employee told him.

“Cripes on a stick…” the tall sin grumbled, looking down at Charlie. “Ya mind hanging out here until I fix this?”

“I don’t mind.” Charlie replied, sitting on the stool in front of an out of order machine to watch her uncle work.

As she watched her uncle unplug the machine and begin to take it apart, she was surprised at how delicate he was with machinery. It was a little different from Ozzie’s interest in inventions since Mammon, when he was focused on something, could be pretty serious for once. Even if it was for gambling, he took pride in it.

‘Uh-oh…I gotta go to the bathroom…’ Charlie whimpered, crossing her legs and looking around for a restroom. She looked at one of the shark employees and motioned for her to come over. “E-Excuse me…I gotta go…”

“Oh! Of course, princess,” she nodded, helping her off the stool and guiding her to the restrooms through the various game tables. As she was trying hard not to have an accident, she couldn’t help but be curious about all the games that her uncle’s casino had. There were different types of card games, roulettes, and machines that had other matching games they could play. There was even a weird thing with a bunch of silver balls she heard someone called ‘pachinko’ that looked complicated.

“You okay in there by yourself?” the lady shark asked.

“Uh-huh. I can walk back to my uncle by myself when I’m done.” Charlie promised, giving her thumbs up.

The bathrooms were surprisingly clean for an establishment in Greed. Even though she needed to stand on her tippy-toes to wash her hands and reach the paper towels, she was glad she made it there safely. Charlie exited the bathroom looking around for her uncle. It seemed like he was still by the slot machines and, since he was pretty tall, she’d be able to find him no problem.

But as she was walking back towards her stool, she saw some demons playing Blackjack at a nearby card table. Curious, she decided to watch and see what an official game would look like.

“And that’s game for you chumps,” the dealer smirked.

“Oh that bites!” a hellhound cursed, tossing his chips down.

“What did you expect? This is Mammon’s business…” an imp scoffed.

“Think we should try another place?” a snake demon asked before looking down at Charlie peeking up at the table. “Eh?”

“Hey kid if ya ain’t here to play, beat it.” the dealer told her.

“I know how to play! My uncle taught me!” Charlie chirped, pulling herself up onto a stool.

“Ya got anything to bet, kid?” the hellhound questioned.

“Um…these?” she replied, pulling out a bag of chips.

The demons glanced at each other before bursting out laughing, making the princess blush. She just learned how to play today so they didn’t need to be mean about it. Everyone was a beginner at some point so they shouldn’t be jerks.

“You think some stale-ass chips are a good enough bet, shorty?” the imp sneered.

“Maybe that crown on her pretty head is worth something.” the snake demon chuckled, reaching for it.

“N-No! Don’t touch it!” Charlie cried out, holding it close to her head.

“Hey you wanna play, you gotta risk what’s most valuable, sweetie,” the dealer told her, grabbing her wrist. “You came over and wanted to play so pay up!”

“Ah…ah…” Charlie sniffled, starting to cry. “UNCLE MAMMON!”

The demons blinked stupidly, feeling an overwhelming sense of dread at what she screamed. “Uh…Uncle who…?” the hellhound whispered.

As if appearing out of a storm cloud of lightning, Mammon appeared at the card table, a very dark look on his face. He plucked Charlie off the stool and held her safely away from the scumbags before looking down at her. “Charlie. Shut your eyes and cover your ears,” he ordered.

Charlie did as she was told, squeezing her eyes shut as she covered her head and buried her face in his chest.

“What in the FUCK do you *HONK* shits think you’re doing to my niece?!” Mammon snarled, his more bug-like features appearing with each word.

“W-W-We didn’t know–URK!” The dealer let out a gasp as Mammon picked him up by the collar.

“Ya think that means SHIT to me?!” his hissed, pulling him close so he could stare him right in the eyes. “If you ever try to fucking touch her again, you’ll get a one way ticket to Notamafia Town!” He then chuckled darkly as he gave him an evil grin. “And I’ve read your employee file; you don’t want to go there again, do ya?”

“N-N-No sir!” he squeaked.

Mammon nodded, almost setting him down before letting out a sharp whistle. Two guards opened the doors to the casino, giving Mammon the perfect aim to bowl him out on his ass. Before they could escape, the three demons that were heckling Charlie were grabbed by Mammon and tossed out as well.

“Consider yourselves BANNED ya fuckshits!” Mammon yelled out, tapping Charlie on the shoulder to let her know it was over. “You wanna get out of here?”

“Y-Yeah…I-I’m sorry Uncle Mammon…” she whispered, clutching onto his jester outfit.

He let out a sigh before patting her head. “No worries, little lady. I don’t like anyone messin’ with my niece,” he told her, opening a portal. “C’mon. Let’s get ya an ice cream.”

(...)

Back at Mammon’s palace, Charlie was quietly licking her cookie dough cone while Mammon was chomping down on a matcha flavored one. “Isn’t that bitter?” she wondered, seeing green all over his mouth.

“Nah! All the milk and sugar and shit helps it not taste like crap,” he reassured her, taking another bite for emphasis. “You okay, kid? Those idiots didn’t mess with ya too much, did they?”

“N-No…I’m okay…” she told him before sighing. “Sorry I messed up.”

Mammon let out a sigh before placing a hand on her head. “Those guys? They were morons. Your dad wouldn’t want ya gamblin’ or whatever but ya know what?” he told her with a grin. “I think you would’ve cleaned the house with ‘em.”

“Well…I learned from the best,” she smiled, giggling when he ruffled her hair.

“Atta girl,” he chuckled, looking up to see Lucifer’s portal open up. “How was the meeting with the birdbrains?”

“Oh Paimon’s always a hoot. I think we might have a solo meeting coming up soon so you can have a playdate with Prince Stolas,” Lucifer told Charlie, looking at Mammon. “So how’d it go? Everything go okay?”

“Daddy! I beat Uncle Mammon at cards!” Charlie told him excitedly, oblivious to the embarrassed look on the Greed Sin’s face.

“Oh really?” Lucifer chuckled, giving his taller friend a teasing smile. “Losing your touch there, big guy?”

“Oi! She’s a smart kid! Give me a break!” Mammon snapped, his face turning a dark green. “I won a few rounds…”

Lucifer shook his head in amusement before picking up Charlie’s bag, grunting at how heavy it suddenly was. “Eesh! What’s in here?” he questioned.

“My winnings,” the young princess told him proudly before giving him a serious look. “But you and mommy can’t have any unless I say so.”

“Gamblin’ rules, mate,” Mammon agreed, looking down as Charlie gave him a quick hug.

“Maybe we can play dice next time!” she smiled excitedly before following her dad through his portal.

“Later, Mammon!” Lucifer waved.

Mammon waved, a small smile on his face. Maybe babysitting wasn’t so bad a gig when he was bored out of his skull. The little pipsqueak was pretty funny and he was impressed she picked up learning Blackjack so quickly. She made off like a bandit in terms of snacks.

“Good thing we didn’t bet money…” he chuckled to himself.

[END]