Archive of Our Own ^beta

Take the pain

Make it billboard big and swallow it for me

The sun pierces through the clouds, hitting Jeongin’s sight sideways and blinding him. He raises a hand to shield himself while keeping the other on the wheel to keep the car steady on the track.

He’s unsure of where he is headed, he just had to leave, go anywhere that is away from the church so he can take a breather and actually come to his senses. It’s not common for him to second guess his choices, he’s used to planning meticulously, so he’s always sure of what he’s doing. 

Jeongin navigated through the seminary and his degrees swiftly thanks to the fact he actually enjoyed taking notes and writing down every schedule and lesson in his trustworthy note book. The last thing he would’ve expected was for him to waver right after reaching his goal.

Nonetheless, here he is, driving aimlessly under the scorching July sun, no plan in sight.

He squints his eyes at the figure that appears far away as he moves forward, it’s hard to decipher if it is something abandoned by the side of the road or a person crouched down. His doubts however find an answer as he gets closer and the ball unfurls, first a head looking up, then a whole body straightening up and hands raising to wave at him.

Jeongin doesn’t know where he is right now, it’s not like he can check the map in the glovebox while driving, but he’s pretty sure to be at least an hour deep into the countryside and away from civilization. He switches on his turn signal and pulls over on the side of the deserted street, unprepared on what to expect.

“Wa!!”

Definitely not this.

The other person’s yell of joy and stupor can be heard even though Jeongin’s pulled up car windows. They hop closer to the passenger side and take off the hoodie on top of their head and their sunglasses, revealing an overgrown dark buzzcut, several piercings and a beauty that Jeongin had never seen even inside the most stunning frescoed churches.

He rolls down the window, blinded by a smile that could equal the energy of the sun burning on their skin, and before words can travel up his dry throat and come out of his suddenly petrified lips, the other man rests his forearms on the car door. His fingers are adorned with jewelry too, and a rose tattoo on his middle finger culminating on his nail, where the intricate colors of his nail polish complete the design with red petals. 

“Thank you for stopping by.” Sweet voice, sweet lips, and an equally sweet gaze. “Could you give me a ride to the nearest city? Or anywhere you’re going is fine, I’ll take a bus from there.”

So far, Jeongin has never seen makeup on a man if not on television or magazines. He remains mesmerized by the shades of black that adorn the man’s eyes, like an added thin piece of jewelry in the form of compact powder. They accentuate his beauty and his gaze that, if not so surprised and relieved, Jeongin is sure could be much more intimidating.

Saying that he has no idea of where he’s going feels too awkward, so Jeongin settles for a simple “Of course,” uttered shyly and unlocks the car doors. If Minho were in his place he would say something about stranger danger, but denying a ride to someone stranded in the middle of nowhere with these weather conditions feels like a sin . 

'Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.'  The lines from the last day of mass ring through Jeongin’s head — words he memorized perfectly over his many years of studies.

The man beams at him and rushes to grab his traveling bag from where it was laying on the asphalt. He hops in, quickly, as if Jeongin and the car could disappear if he weren’t fast enough, and throws his bag in the backseat along with his hoodie.

“Thank you so much,” he says with a tired breath. “An idiot left me in the middle of nowhere and drove away before I could get my phone from the passenger seat pocket.”

He pulls the belt over his chest, all the muscles on his arms bulging with the movements. Jeongin mentally slaps himself for even daring to look and focus on the thin veil of sweat on the man’s tanned skin. The rosary under his shirt presses heavily in between his clavicles, reminding him of what he’s running away from — reminding him the sense of dread that has been haunting him for the past months.

“Where were you headed? I can drive you there.”

The man’s eyes shine with stupor. “Really? Would you?” He asks, almost jumping on his seat with excitement. He quickly corrects himself right after, trying to push back inside his body all his energy. “I mean, if it’s not a problem, I bet you have plans, anything’s fine, truly.”

Jeongin turns the key in the ignition as he nods. “Yeah, really.” He has nothing better to do except running away from his reality for the weekend.

At least now he has a plan. It’s relieving.

Just as Jeongin is resting his finger on the handle of the turn signal, the man turns his full body on his seat to look at him. “You’re not a serial killer, right?”

Oh, Jeongin is so far from being that. He has chosen to devote his whole life to the church since he was a kid.

“I keep my murder tools in the trunk, don’t worry just yet,” he plays around, because in some twisted way it’s a lot easier than explaining that he’s taking a full panic break before starting his priest’s duties.

Somehow, Jeongin can’t associate himself with the title just yet. He’s terrified of it. Feels like stinging nettle on his skin.

The man blinks at him, making Jeongin afraid to have played the worst pun he could’ve in such a moment, but then he laughs with his whole chest.

“Ah, fuck,” he sighs, melting back on the seat and spreading his legs a little, relaxing. He turns his head to the side, eyes checking Jeongin’s whole form for the first time, brown irises burning at their wake. “You’re funnier than the other one, I bet we’ll get along.”

Jeongin shakes the goosebumps off his skin by turning to look at the road ahead. “Who were you traveling with?” He asks, curious to understand why he’s being so generic and who would dare to abandon someone on the side of a deserted street.

Turn signal finally on, they merge into the main path again.

“I was hitch-hiking,” the man confesses. “It was some guy from Daegu, pretty rude, he owes me a cellphone now.”

“Do—”

“I know what you’re going to say,” Jeongin gets interrupted before he can utter even a full word, “it’s a dangerous mode of traveling, I’m aware.”

Jeongin glances at him quickly before focusing again on the road. On their way, his eyes fall quickly on his rosary ring too.

“I was going to ask you if you want to make a call with my phone.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” Jeongin chuckles, his nerves unwinding a little. “I have an old Nokia but it works just fine.”

“These new touch screens are mad expensive, right?” The man drags down the sun visor to check his makeup in the mirror. He waits for Jeongin’s little hum of agreement before he keeps on talking. “It’s fine anyway, the only number I know by memory wouldn’t pick up nor text back.”

Such a mysterious person, every word coming out of his mouth makes him sound like he is lost, but at the same time he seems to be the most self assertive and self assured person Jeongin has ever come in contact with so far just by his attitude.

He drags a fingertip at the outer corner of one of his eyes, busy fixing his dark and sparkly eyeshadow. “I’m Hyunjin by the way, twenty six, piercer.”

“I’m Jeongin, twenty five.” He omits his current occupation. “Can you grab the map in there?” Jeongin points towards the glovebox with a finger, changing the subject quickly. “So I know where to take you.”

Hyunjin closes the sun visor with a manicured finger and hums. “Are you still sure about it? I don’t want to take advantage of your kindness, any bus station is just fine.”

Jeongin is more than sure. What’s a better distraction from his turmoil than this?

❦

Hyunjin is lively, with a sweet and cheery laugh and fingers expert in fighting with the radio in search of the perfect rock or punk music. He enjoys traveling with the windows down rather than with the air conditioning on and marvels at the panorama around them, far different from the big city of Seoul.

Along the way, he slides his own sunglasses on Jeongin’s nose to shield his eyes from the sunset poking right at them from the horizon, so Jeongin now finds himself with wind in his hair, seeing the world in shades of dark blue with a guitar riff in the background accompanying him on his journey.

“We should take the right exit to head to Haenam,” Hyunjin instructs, following the path on the map with his fingertip. “I’ll pay for gas at the next service area we stop at.”

Jeongin glances down at the pointer stuck in the middle of the car’s gas level. He filled the tank right before leaving since he had no idea of where he was going to go.

“There’s no need,” he declines, trying to not sound too harsh. “There’s enough to reach Haenam without any problem.”

Hyunjin sighs as he folds the map to put it away, or maybe just out of his sight after having stared at it for the last hour. When Jeongin gives a glance at him, his eyebrows are knitted, his lips slightly pouty.

“Let me at least get you some snacks? It’s almost dinner time,” he tries again. 

The frustration of not having a way to pay Jeongin back seems to be upsetting him, so Jeongin just accepts with a quiet ‘Okay.’ A snack would be nice, actually.

“Cool! Great,” Hyunjin nods to himself. “I bet that we can even find a place to eat something nice.”

To Hyunjin’s mood’s luck, there’s a small family owned restaurant by the next service area. Jeongin stops the car in the empty parking spot and lifts up both the sun visor and the sunglasses as the sun is now almost gone.

Under the fading orange and purple light, Hyunjin hops out of the car with renewed enthusiasm and stretches out his limbs, lifting his arms up and groaning a little. His shirt rides up his hips with the movement, revealing a peak of his belly button piercing and his boxer’s waistband. Jeongin feels warmth creeping up his neck and ears even if he looks away as soon as he can and busies himself with rolling up the windows and getting out, keeping his eyes off Hyunjin.

The restaurant is cozy and small, just a couple of tables and private spots by the windows. Hyunjin strides immediately to one of them, sinking into the pillow on the floor and looking up at Jeongin expectantly, both of his palms resting on the floor.

“Ready to be treated?”

Jeongin is ready for a heart attack and a thousand prayers to repent.

“What does the house offer?” He sits down on the opposite side of the table, picking the menu to hide his incoming blush. Every word on the paper is blurry for a second before he blinks a couple of times.

“Mhhh,” Hyunjin hums as he himself reads the other menu resting on the table. “Honestly I could eat anything, you?”

Jeongin’s eyes skim quickly through the various foods. “The burger seems good.” Also one of the least expensive meals, so it won’t weigh on Hyunjin’s pockets that much.

“Oh,” Hyunjin bends a bit closer to look for the item and Jeongin, for a second, gets the idea to point it out for him before stopping. He rests his hand on top of his own thigh instead. “Side fries?” Hyunjin reads out loud, sparkles in his eyes. “Okay, yes, I need greasy food to keep going. I’ll get that too.”

The waitress easily spots them in the empty restaurant as they’re putting down their menus and walks up to them. It’s a twenty-year-old just like them, with an evident blush blooming on her cheeks as soon as her eyes meet Hyunjin’s own. The effect of his beauty seems to be universal.

Hyunjin orders for the both of them, insisting on soda as a drink because it helps water down the food and slides his card on the table to the waitress beforehand along with their folded menus, in case Jeongin might try to pay in his stead. The wink he sends his way pierces a shot right through Jeongin’s chest, both weirding him out and making him feel fuzzy.

He’s not used to such banter if not with his brothers and Minho, everyone else around him is quite serious, very devoted to keeping a poised demeanor. Jeongin has always felt like a red dot on a pretty and pristine blank page.

“So,” Hyunjin leans back on his hands again, looking Jeongin up and down. “Where were you going before?”

“I was just wandering around,” Jeongin answers honestly. 

Building a castle of lies for just a single car trip with a stranger seems unnecessarily complicated. Hyunjin will go on with his life and Jeongin will be that odd young priest that gave him a ride on a Friday afternoon, adding to the list of other drivers that Hyunjin informed Jeongin about while they were still in the car. 

A sweet old lady that accepted a drawing as a payment even though Hyunjin offered many times to pay for half of her gas, a truck driver that did accept Hyunjin’s gas money, a young man on a bike that dropped him off at a convenience store and the man that started arguing with Hyunjin over what Jeongin assumes are American rock bands and drove off before Hyunjin could remember to grab his cellphone.

“Really?” Hyunjin tilts his head, intrigued by the vague answer. “What if you got lost?”

Jeongin shrugs his shoulders. “This is not such a big country,” he reasons, sounding a bit awkward in his attempt to hide that, in reality, he didn’t think about it at all .

He just needed to be away from everything that regarded his life to understand what was impacting him so much to rethink his whole life path up until now. He invested so much time in the seminary, made his whole life circle around it, only to feel like the title he worked so hard to earn, didn’t belong to him.

Could it be similar to the stage fright that Minho often talks about before a show?

“Okay,” Hyunjin chuckles. “You’re reserved, I respect that.” He momentarily drops the question, his eyes still dancing all over Jeongin’s face in search of something that could tell him more about him. “I think I could drive a couple of hours at night,” he proposes.

Jeongin was so chained by Hyunjin’s gaze that he didn’t notice the waitress walking up to their table with their drinks. She slides them timidly in front of them, making them both look up at her.

“If I can suggest something, there’s a motel nearby,” she says as she fixes her apron nervously and escapes eye contact. “At the intersection down the road, you turn left and— yeah, it’s there.”

Hyunjin offers her a kind smile, trying to intercept her shy gaze. “Thank you for letting us know,” he says, earnest gratefulness in his voice. He’s a perfect mixture of sweetness and harshness, a captivating look.

Her blush only intensifies as their eyes meet and Jeongin wonders if Hyunjin is aware or not of the effect he has on people. She bows lightly to them, ready on her heels to leave. “Your food will be ready soon!” She squeaks, turning around.

“Good,” Hyunjin whispers to himself as he looks outside the window, the sunset’s last light shining on his honey skin and eyes, turning them into a pretty amber color. “What do you think about it?”

Jeongin startles out of his observing mode. “I’m okay with driving at night or… sleeping is fine too, really, both are fine,” he rambles, focusing instead on the ice in his cup. He twirls it around with the straw and watches the bubbles of his drink fizzing on the surface. If Jeongin were to describe the odd feeling in his stomach, he would probably compare it to the quiet popping sounds coming from his drink.

It’s nothing new, finding men fascinating. He has always known what he liked and has kept the knowledge stored as his most precious secret. He has never been scared about it, never doubted it, never hated himself for it — what has always scared him is the rest of the world, the people around him hating him for it if they were ever to find out. So he has squashed that side of himself deep down, only for his heart to know, especially since he had decided that he wanted to become a priest.

“I can pay for my own room,” Hyunjin says, “I— this traveling thing— it’s for the experience, nothing more. Knowing new people and such.”

“Oh, that’s not a problem at all,” Jeongin immediately clarifies, looking up. “I’m really just fine with anything. If I have to be completely honest, I didn’t even think of a place to sleep when I started driving.”

Hyunjin’s eyes widen in surprise. “Really?” He lets out an incredulous chuckle. “Even I am not that impulsive.” He starts twirling the straw in his drink too, copying Jeongin’s previous action before he got caught off guard.

The bubbles seem to interest him too, but the light in his eyes tells Jeongin that he’s more fascinated by them, than trying to see if the vortex of the swirl could swallow him whole.

“I think this is one of my first times being impulsive like this,” Jeongin confesses. “I’m the kind that plans, usually.”

Hyunjin looks at him through his mascara coated lashes. “The more you speak the more you sound like a man on the run,” he teases, a corner of his lips tilting up before he wraps them around the red straw. “It’s unexpectedly hot.”

Plates clink as they get slid on the table and echo in the room along with Jeongin’s voice. A cacophony of awkward uncomfortable sounds.

“I’m a priest!” He blurts out in panic as warmth ignites under his skin like the burning flames of hell, along with the embarrassment of two pairs of eyes widening in surprise.

Hyunjin chokes on his own sip of soda, coughing a couple of times, while the waitress slowly and equally quietly turns around and leaves their area. Jeongin fears he could be the first case ever of human spontaneous combustion of the country — he’s never been so…  

He’s out of words.

Probably it’s for the best, he’s not exactly in his best shape right now.

“Well, that explains the rosary ring,” Hyunjin’s voice comes out strained after his coughing fit. “Or the bible in your backseat.”

Genuinely, Jeongin forgot about that one specific item. He must’ve left it there with how much in a hurry he fled Busan.

”Yeah,” he breathes out pathetically. Hyunjin is the first person out of his small circle who Jeongin is telling his new title to. Feels odd, suffocating .

Hyunjin grabs a fry in between his fingers, dabs it against the plate twice to shake some salt off it and then whips his head back up. “It’s not like I flirt with everyone who gives me a ride,” he hurriedly clarifies even though Jeongin has only been silent or never implied anything like that. “I just— sensed a vibe?? Oh— shit, maybe that’s worse? Fuck…” 

He drops the fry to run a hand through his short hair in distress and Jeongin would like to do anything to stop him from his rambling but he fears of something even more awkward coming out of his lips because, well, he actually does find Hyunjin quite attractive. The vibes were tragically coming off of him in waves.

“Sorry, I, uhm, I think I will get that motel room if it’s okay with you… Father?”

They both cringe at the title dropping.

“Call me Jeongin.”

“Yes,” Hyunjin nods, a faint blush blooming on his cheeks and peaking up to the tips of his ears. “Jeongin, uhm, let's eat.”

❦

Jeongin looks up at the ceiling, nothing special, just wooden planks and a fan hanging from it. It swirls the stuffy air of the room around as Jeongin thinks back at the consequences that brought him to the outskirts of this tiny town in a motel room, kilometers separating him from his new church and a string of worried texts in his phone.

It’s not that Jeongin doesn’t want to explain to Minho what has been going on in his mind for the past months, they’ve known each other since they were kids. Minho’s one of the few people Jeongin would trust with his own life. But a little greedy monster has been eating his insides for weeks, planting seeds in the holes that it had made. The vines have been strangling Jeongin slowly, tightening their grip the more he thought about it all.

He should pray about it.

He gets up instead.

Hair still damp from his shower, he puts on his shoes and walks down the hallway to the old vending machine by the reception. He pushes some coins in and selects a can of cold coffee, probably not the best choice of a drink in the middle of the night, but it’s familiar and comforting.

As he waits he hears the faint voice of someone talking. He looks over the corner expecting to see the receptionist at the entrance, but surprise strikes him when he sees Hyunjin instead, hushering words in the phone receiver.

“Yeah?” He leans against the desk, bent and with his elbows perched on it. He’s wearing a more casual outfit than before, a simple white t-shirt and gray sweatpants, his short hair sticking at all sides as if he pulled on it. “You—”

Jeongin forgets his cold drink for a moment, his eyes glued on the scene whether he likes it or not. There’s tension in every muscle of Hyunjin’s shoulders, his eyebrows knitted in between what seems sadness and anger.

He shakes his head. “I don’t know what I expected from you, actually.” The disappointment is clear in his voice. “Maybe I’ll move to Jeju permanently, who the fuck knows.”

Hyunjin hangs up like this, not a single goodbye, just a click of his tongue as he puts down the receiver. He politely bows to the receptionist and Jeongin uses that second to look away and give all of his attention back to the vending machine.

Steps come closer as Jeongin bends down to get his drink, and when he comes up Hyunjin is resting his shoulder against the machine, biting on the inside of his cheek.

“People confess to priests, right?”

Although he’s not, Jeongin feels cornered. “You want to confess?”

Hyunjin shrugs his shoulders. “I think I just need to vent, I don’t know.”

As soon as he starts wavering, Jeongin feels something pushing him to reassure him, to not make Hyunjin step back. “You can do that too,” he tells him. “I’ll listen.”

Another cold coffee can tumbling down the vending machine, a couple of steps down the corridor, and Jeongin finds himself in front of the open door of Hyunjin’s room. He follows the other man inside and watches him walk straight to the bed to sit down.

Jeongin sits at a respectable distance from him, unsure on what to say. He keeps quiet for a couple of seconds and waits, confessions always take time and courage.

“Does it bother you if I smoke?” Hyunjin asks, fingers fiddling with the tab of the can in his hands. “Maybe I could do it by the balcony.”

Jeongin would like to stop him from fidgeting. He seems quite upset and in between wanting to hide it and let it all out. “Yes, there’s no problem,” he answers, hoping it could help in calming Hyunjin down.

He watches the other man silently as he leaves the drink on top of the bedsheets and walks to his traveling bag. He gets out a pack of Raison and a lighter and then works in spreading open the balcony doors.

Hyunjin sits on the floor, back against the fixture and with a knee bent up. The moonlight reflects on his bare skin, highlighting the soft features of his face, the arch of his lips and of his brows. It shines on the piercing right below one of them, seeming a lot less edgy in such a subdued light.

“I didn’t take you for a smoker,” Jeongin considers out loud just as Hyunjin blows the smoke out of his lungs.

Head rested on the solid frame behind him, Hyunjin looks up at him, taking another drag. “How come?”

The scent of the cigarette mixes with the humid air coming from outside. Jeongin stands up to reach the threshold of the balcony and sits down, facing Hyunjin. In his mind he tells himself that it is because the night air is a lot cooler now, in his heart he knows that it is because he wants to gravitate closer to Hyunjin.

“We drove all evening and you didn’t try to smoke even once.”

Hyunjin’s eyelashes flutter as he breaks their eye contact and he looks out. “I do it only when I’m very stressed.”

“And does it help?” Jeongin’s one is genuine curiosity.

Hyunjin takes another drag and, this time, blows the smoke in the space between them. Jeongin kind of dislikes the smell once it reaches him, but he’s too distracted by Hyunjin’s lips and his eyes burning into him to bother with it more than for a fraction of a second.

Thrills trickle down his back and then up, reaching his nape and zapping straight in his brain. 

“Want to try?” Hyunjin asks, skillfully changing his hold on the cigarette to offer it to Jeongin. He doesn’t ask if Jeongin can , if it is considered a sin, if it is a vice he can partake in. And so Jeongin doesn’t ask himself either.

“Do I seem stressed to you?”

Instead of answering, Hyunjin scoots closer, up until he’s right before Jeongin and their knees are touching. He raises his hand, slowly, eyes checking constantly for Jeongin’s expression. But Jeongin doesn’t even barely flinch, feeling like he has just got caught and stuck in a web.

A web he willingly walked into.

“As much as someone who is running from their own life.”

A thousand holy mary’s won’t save Jeongin for letting another man press the filter of a cigarette in between his parted lips, for keeping eye contact, for feeling his whole skin bloom in a blush as Hyunjin’s fingers graze him.

“Take it in.”

Hyunjin instructs and Jeongin follows. The smoke feels foreign as it enters his body, it stings his throat as it goes down and makes him flinch away, coughing in his own elbow while his nostrils start to burn because of the smoke coming out of them.

An entertained yet gentle laugh comes out of Hyunjin who stucks the cigarette again in between his own lips. “That’s normal the first time,” he tells him, taking another drag. “Want to try again?”

This time Hyunjin offers the cigarette to him to take, waiting to see if Jeongin will hold it himself or refuse. Dark brown eyes stare back at him, waiting to see how Jeongin will react. The interest in them is evident, something Jeongin should distance himself from just as much as he should squash his own.

He swallows down the heaviness of his contrasting thoughts and accepts the offer. The cigarette feels still foreign on his lips — taking a drag, keeping the smoke in and blowing it out, all new. 

New like the thumping in his chest as Hyunjin’s lips tilt in a smile. 

“Good.” His fingers reach for the cigarette again. “Let’s not get you addicted to nicotine, though.”

Jeongin lets out an amused chuckle — he has laughed more these past hours than in the past year. “I doubt I can with just one half assed drag.”

“You!” Hyunjin’s eyes widen, he points at Jeongin with the cigarette still between his fingers, as if they aren’t close enough. Jeongin scoots back but only ends up hitting his head against the frame. “I thought priests couldn’t swear!”

“What?” Jeongin laughs as he swats Hyunjin’s hand away.

Hyunjin fights him back a little, a giggle escaping him as he tries to slap Jeongin’s fingers. Crooked laughs echo in the room while they battle for who knows what.

Jeongin aims at getting a hold of Hyunjin’s wrist. “I can say 'ass'.” Many of his old seminary classmates would argue with him over the topic with a lot of fervor but Jeongin would rather not think about them.

“Say 'fuck', then.”

Silence falls, only the noises coming from the nature around them and the buzzing sound of the ceiling fan filling the almost non-existing space between them. Hyunjin looks at him expectedly, a teasing tilt on his lips — he doesn’t think Jeongin can open his mouth to say such a word.

Jeongin likes the thrilling feeling of having Hyunjin so close, his skin feels hot under the hold that he has on his wrist. He has never felt like this. Or maybe he has. When he used to sit down on the carpeted floor of the library with Felix, reading the same book to ‘optimize’ studying, Felix laying between his legs and resting his back on his chest. His heart thumped so strongly those afternoons.

Just like it does now, as Hyunjin’s eyes glance down at his lips parting to speak.

“Fuck.”

Hyunjin smiles, pleasantly surprised. He sits back down from his position over Jeongin and Jeongin lets his wrist slip out of his fingers, entranced by Hyunjin’s every movement.

“I left Seoul after breaking up with my boyfriend,” he suddenly confesses. “It was always very hard for him to make plans with me, but he promised me that after my military service our lives would’ve changed. I think in the end he wasn't as in love with me as I thought.”

Jeongin has no concept of being in a relationship, he has never experienced one, but he can’t fathom loving someone and not wanting to spend time with them or making plans together.

“I was a pawn, I think,” Hyunjin takes a small drag, burns the little that is left of the cigarette. “A pretty face to flaunt around with his friends but not interesting enough to know better, or deeper. Now that I’m finally going to Jeju, I’m realizing that it’s not hard at all to just pack my bag and go.”

“Is this why you’ve picked such a difficult way of traveling?”

Hyunjin taps the butt of the cigarette under the sole of the cheap motel slippers. “I think so,” he shrugs his shoulders. “I felt like I was stuck in a box, you know?”

His eyes hold already in them the answer to his own question, because somehow he has dug deep inside Jeongin with just his gaze, something that no one around Jeongin has managed to do in the past excruciating months of his life.

“Priesthood feels like a box to me.” 

Jeongin confesses a thought that so far he hasn’t had the courage to write down even on the private pages of his diary, with so much simplicity that he should be worried about his own state of mind. Everyone who knows him would be. Older Fathers would gasp, some would shake their heads in disappointment, seminary students would start whispering among each other, his parents would be heavily concerned. And Hyunjin, he just looks at him with a knowing look, like he feels sorry for Jeongin but for all the right reasons, unlike the people that would tell him to just pray about it, that he will find his way and stop feeling astray if he reconnects with his faith.

And maybe it’s because Hyunjin’s looking at him with such caring eyes under the moonlight that Jeongin talks more and gets out of the most hidden nook of his soul the things that have been troubling him for far too long.

“I started feeling sick the more I got close to getting the title, like a leash that kept getting tighter each day. And when I got it I— I couldn’t breathe.” Jeongin looks down at his rosary ring, a gift from his parents. “I started when I was very young and I didn’t have any idea how selfish of a being I really am.”

“Why would you be selfish?” Hyunjin asks, genuine curiosity in his voice.

“Because—” Jeongin runs a hand through his own hair, frustration and shame driving his actions. “There’s this thing that happened recently. My friend got a boyfriend at the start of the year, someone very nice and that makes him happy and I should be excited and supportive about it, but the more I saw, the more I distanced myself from him. I can’t face the greed of wanting to give everything up to try to chase the same thing as them.”

Hyunjin stops him from fidgeting with his ring, warm hot fingers wrapping around his hands. “Jeongin-a, you’re neither greedy nor selfish.”

“I don’t think I am as devoted as I thought.”

“And that’s fine,” Hyunjin runs his thumb over the cross on Jeongin’s index finger. “I’m sure that if there’s a God and it’s as good as everyone preaches, then it can and will understand your need for experiencing love. Everyone deserves it.”

“But there’s all these people around me who lo—”

“But you want something more, right?” Hyunjin interrupts him, squeezing Jeongin’s hands. “I have friends and a family too, people that care about me and love me, but did you think of me as selfish when I told you about my relationship? Greedy?”

Jeongin surprisingly doesn’t feel trapped in Hyunjin’s touch or under his stare. He shakes his head no and witnesses in real time Hyunjin’s lips curving into a soft and kind smile.

“We’re just humans trying to avoid their certain doom, Jeongin-a.”

When Jeongin later goes back to his own room, soul shaken and mind dizzy, he doesn’t bend on his knees to pray before falling asleep. He instead checks his phone, reads once again Minho’s last texts to him and, for the first time since he has left, he finds the energy to tell him not to worry and that he’s taking the weekend to see the other coast of the country. He congratulates him on Jisung gifting him matching rings and plugs his phone to the charger with a less heavy heart.

The sound of the ceiling fan and the ghost of Hyunjin’s touch still warm on his hands, lull him into a deep sleep.

❦

“Stop flinching.” Hyunjin giggles, his fingers digging a bit into the flesh of Jeongin’s cheeks to keep him still.

Jeongin looks up at him, brows knitted. “I’m not used to objects aiming at my eyes.”

Hyunjin huffs an incredulous laugh and rests the tip of his eye pencil close to the base of Jeongin’s top eyelashes again. Jeongin closes his right eye at the feeling and tries his best to not move.

“I’m not aiming at your eyes and you know it,” Hyunjin scolds him gently. “Just your eyelids.”

When Jeongin knocked on Hyunjin’s door this morning to ask him if he wanted to have breakfast at the same place they’d eaten the evening before, he was greeted with a messy haired and puffy faced Hyunjin. He let Jeongin in and threw away his white t-shirt on the rumpled bed sheets on top of the bed, humming an answer between a yes and a sleepy yawn.

“I’ll get ready,” he mumbled, heading towards the bathroom. He however stopped before closing the door behind his back and turned around, Jeongin’s whole skin burned at the sight of Hyunjin leaning on the doorframe, his sweatpants low on his hips. “Do you want to switch looks for a day?”

Jeongin nodded before he realized that he was. And so he now finds himself sitting on the counter of the bathroom of Hyunjin’s room, the man slotted between his spread legs.

He obediently waited for Hyunjin to brush his teeth and wash his face, and when he saw him walk back to his room and heard him rummage with the things inside his bag, he naively thought that while retrieving the essentials to get Jeongin ready, he would’ve also put on a shirt.

He was wrong.

Expanse of tattooed skin greets him when he opens his eyes again, along with Hyunjin’s satisfied smile. “Yeah, I knew you would look good,” he says, maneuvering Jeongin’s head to turn to the left and then to the right. “It enhances your pretty eyes.”

“Alright, alright,” Jeongin gently swats his hand away and hops off the counter. However, Hyunjin doesn’t step back, letting the space between them get even less. “Could you move?”

Furrowed brows and entertainment in his eyes, Hyunjin clicks his tongue at him. “Without doing your hair first?” He pushes his hand on Jeongin’s chest and Jeongin lets himself be pushed, his leg raising slightly so he can get on the counter again. “Good, wait there.”

Jeongin has never felt so viscerally satisfied about being considered good. 

The minute that passes while Hyunjin retrieves the items that he needs from his bag, gives Jeongin the time to feel all of his emotions burst under his skin and culminate right at the centre of his chest, where his heart is skipping beats.

When Hyunjin comes back, he has his old white t-shirt back on and a little jar in his hands.

“What’s that?” Jeongin asks, opening his legs to allow him to get close again. It’s probably unnecessary, even though it feels like it isn’t — Hyunjin walks to him and stops between them like it isn’t.

“Hair wax,” he answers. “But I’ll use just a little.”

The fingers brushing his hair to part them at the side move delicately, like Jeongin could break under the touch. He looks up at Hyunjin, at his focused expression and at the way the corners of his lips tilt up when their eyes meet.

“All done,” Hyunjin steps away, satisfied. “You can wear whatever you like from my bag, I’ll wash my hands and be right back.”

Jeongin hops off the counter on wobbly legs and goes back to the bedroom, where Hyunjin’s bag lays on top of the armchair in the corner. “Are you sure I can look through it?” He stops before opening it.

“Yeah, have fun, Innie.”

“Innie?” Jeongin whispers back to himself, stunned and confused. It feels nice to be called by someone so casually, even though it might be a person that he has known for less than twenty four hours. He suspects, however, that it wouldn’t work with anyone else that’s not Hyunjin.

Hyunjin’s travel bag is a mess of clothes folded hastily, a couple of small bags holding other things that Jeongin doesn’t worry about and a sketchbook that contrasts with everything else with how carefully it is packed in its own personal leather skin.

Jeongin picks a pair of black jeans, the ones that are the least ripped, and a graphic tee with a stylized fox on it. The bedroom misses a mirror so he can’t check himself at all, he can just look down at the way the clothes fit on his body, baggy but in an articulated and calculated way.

“Can I wear those?”

Hyunjin walks out of the bathroom still barefaced, his skin glowing probably from the various skincare products he also applied previously on Jeongin. He heads over where Jeongin’s simple jeans and polo are resting on top of the bed, looking down at the items.

“Yeah,” Jeongin breathes out, realizing that he has kept quiet for too long, observing Hyunjin’s every detail in the new morning light. “I’ll wait outside.”

He should get an award for the worst performance of fake nonchalance ever for the way he hastily puts on Hyunjin’s articulated boots to leave the room. The strands are still loose when he closes the door behind his back and rests against it, a hand on his chest to check if his heart has gone back to its original rhythm.

He feels the shape of the cross hanging from his neck right under his fingers and, for the first time in years, he undoes the fastening on his nape and shoves the item in his pocket where he can’t feel it resting against his skin. A lightweight item that with the days has started to become heavier, bringing Jeongin’s shoulders, head and heart down. But now, even if just for one day, he wants to look up at the sun freely.

“Wh—”

The ground disappears from underneath him as the door behind him opens. He falls straight into Hyunjin’s hold that saves him from colliding against the floor, strong arms wrap around him and a chest is there to stop his back.

“Hey,” Hyunjin chuckles, his hands securing themselves over Jeongin’s hips. “Are you okay?”

They feel big, steady, and make Jeongin grow dizzy with how much the simple contact ripples flames all over him. “Yes, I’m totally fine,” he straightens up and smooths down his tee — he doesn’t dare to look behind himself. “Let’s go eat.”

The weather outside is hotter than the previous day and way more humid than it has been all summer. Hyunjin rolls his own window down before Jeongin can even turn on the car and sighs, fanning himself with the polo. He embodies the fresh out of seminary look perfectly, if it weren’t for the numerous piercings on his ears and the one below his eyebrow. It only makes sense for a piercer to have so many, yet Jeongin is itching to ask when he got each one of them, if they hurt or not.

However he can only stay quiet, casually glancing to the side where Hyunjin is humming along to the music coming from the radio or to the rearview mirror, where he can see a glimpse of the dark makeup around his eyes.

Jeongin felt… good when he sat down in the driving seat and took a look at Hyunjin’s work on him. It was nice to know that Hyunjin had put effort into it, brushes gently caressing Jeongin’s skin for minutes.

The waitress at the restaurant greets them with clear confusion in her eyes at their swapped looks, but she’s nevertheless happy to see them coming back and, with less anxious energy, stops by the table to have a little chat with them about their stay at the place she recommended to them. With only travelers passing by every once in a while, Jeongin figures she mustn’t be used to having many conversations on the job.

She distances herself discreetly from their table only after leaving quickly to get their food and placing it in front of them: soup, rice and side dishes. Jeongin looks down at the soup and mentally thanks humanity for coming up with air conditioning.

“Do you mind if I take a photo?” Hyunjin unzips his bag, diving his hands in it in search of something. “I have a small internet blog and I think it would be nice to talk about this stop of our trip, I think. It could bring more customers.”

Jeongin lowers the hand that he had slightly raised to grab his chopsticks and hums positively at Hyunjin’s question, too focused on looking at him fishing out of his travel bag a smaller black one. He was a bit confused as to why Hyunjin took the bag out of the trunk after they parked, but now it makes sense.

Hyunjin holds up a digital camera, nothing too complicated but still flashy in the silver design and chunky charm of a guitar hanging from it. He gives it a little slap when it doesn’t turn on at first try and then raises it to snap a picture of their table from above.

He smiles at the photo, satisfied, and before Jeongin can ask if he can see it, the lens is pointed straight at him.

A quick click, a mischievous smile — Hyunjin takes a photo of him.

“I won’t post this, of course,” he reassures Jeongin as he lowers the camera and clicks on the other buttons on it. “I just wanted a memory of the very kind driver who let me cosplay as him.”

Jeongin feels so many things he’s not sure where to start to describe them, a current occurrence while being in Hyunjin’s presence. Everything dangerously flutters inside of him.

“Do you take photos of all your drivers?” He asks, putting his elbow on the table and resting his face in his palm.

Hyunjin looks at the picture he has just taken and then glances up, soft bare eyelashes fluttering along with dark irises. 

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“Can I see?”

“Yes, here,” Hyunjin offers him the digital camera over their full table. “You know, I’m quite a good photographer,” he adds, dissipating the evident tension in the air and making Jeongin snort.

“Yeah.” Jeongin takes the camera as he shakes his head.

“No, really,” Hyunjin insists in defending his ego. “You can look back too.”

Jeongin barely recognizes himself in the photo: it’s him, and yet it’s not. The face is the same, the body too, but he looks more relaxed than he has been lately. In the past Minho has also taken candid surprise photos of him, and Jeongin has always looked a bit uncomfortable and tense no matter what.

For once, he likes what he sees.

“My blog has quite a lot of visitors,” Hyunjin informs him, digging his spoon in the rice. 

Jeongin slowly goes through the most recent photos: the food on their table, the moon, a photo of the side of the street he has been left on the day prior, a smiling woman on a driver seat, a dog that let Hyunjin come closer and a cat that didn’t, Hyunjin in front of a mirror inside of a room, travel bag on his shoulders and a downward smile on his face — like he wasn’t entirely happy about his trip. 

As he goes through photos of an almost empty studio apartment and what Jeongin assumes to be Seoul before the peak of the summer heat had hit the country, he thinks of the reasons why Hyunjin started hitch hiking.

The feeling of freedom after his military service and the sadness of a relationship that left him unhappy and disappointed him.

The wish to breathe in the salty air of Jeju and the strive to achieve it.

Hyunjin isn’t running away from his life like him, he’s facing his own reality, embarking on new adventures to follow his soul’s desires.

In comparison, Jeongin is just a stranded individual that can’t accept the only truth in his life collapsing. When he left yesterday, he always took for granted that he would’ve come back because he didn’t know anything else besides that.

This morning too, Jeongin thought on what to say to the people that he knows in Busan, to his family, to the members of the church he was assigned to. He was planning on coming back to stay and pretend to be fine for the rest of his life.

Right now, however, as red hues paint his skin with the warmth of a blush, he thinks of what could happen if he would never wear his garments ever again.

“We should eat,” he puts down the camera to pick up his chopsticks instead and dives into the food, filling his senses with anything else that is not the desire to stay in this liminal space with Hyunjin while the rest of the world goes on without him.

Hyunjin tells him a bit about his blog, how he writes down poetry or uploads photos of his painting or whatever fascinates him. Sometimes he adds little diary entries, sometimes nothing, a couple of thousand people visit it daily no matter what he decides to do with it.

“It’s curious, isn’t it?” He says, before taking a sip of water. Jeongin focuses on the drop resting on his bottom lip before Hyunjin licks it away. “There’s people leaving comments in English and so many languages, I don’t even know where they’re coming from.”

“They must find your viewpoint on life interesting,” Jeongin reasons — because he does.

Breakfast inevitably ends, they can’t be stuck in time just like Jeongin selfishly wishes, and soon they’re back inside the car, wind in their hair and sun kissing their skin on their way to the coast.

Once they enter the Haenam area, Hyunjin looks around the map to check where he can take a ferry or a boat and Jeongin is genuinely surprised by how far he has gotten without a single clear plan. He seems calm and confident as he tells Jeongin where to turn and comments on the various places and attractions that are signed on the map in front of him.

Jeongin keeps on the tip of his tongue any suggestion to visit one of the national parks or temples in the area, bites the inside of his cheek to not talk because— why would Hyunjin want to go there with him in the first place? He traveled with Jeongin only to reach his goal.

And here they are now, Jeongin tapping his fingers anxiously on the steering wheel while he glances every other minute at Hyunjin, talking at the front desk of the harbour to see if there’s any chance he could get a ticket to Jeju Island. He’s still wearing Jeongin’s polo and jeans, leaning his forearms on the counter as he speaks with the receptionist.

Jeongin’s trip back to Busan will be quiet. He will spend his time trying to tune in any radio that’s loud enough to drown out his worries and prepare to accept the fate that he so longed for and that now makes him feel sick in the stomach. He doesn’t even finish eating the kimbap roll Hyunjin got them both for lunch, leaving it on the backseat.

He thinks that checking his cell phone should distract him, however it soon becomes the worst reminder of the life he has distanced himself from. His older brother has left a text after a missing call that Jeongin doesn’t have the time to answer back to, as Hyunjin jogs back to the car and plops on the passenger seat.

His savior.

“The last boat of the day was half an hour ago,” Hyunjin sighs and tilts his head to the side to look at Jeongin. “Want to roleplay as a tourist too?”

A blessing, that’s what Hyunjin’s bad luck feels like, and Jeongin’s list of sins grows even longer than it has already had in the past twenty four hours. Hyunjin was wrong, Jeongin is selfish and greedy. “Wouldn’t that just… be tourists?” He asks, indulges, doesn’t even say one time that he’s sorry about the short amount of daily crossings from the pier to Jeju Island.

Neither does he suggest checking out other places on the coast that might be just a one hour drive away.

Hyunjin’s eyes curve in crescent moons as he laughs. “Yeah, maybe.” He straightens his posture and puts his seatbelt back on. “Let’s find a place where we can drop our bags first.”

❦

They get a room for the night. Two beds, obviously. 

Hyunjin drops his bag at the bottom of his self proclaimed sleeping station and runs to check the bathroom immediately to see if there’s a shower stall or not. Jeongin can’t help but chuckle at his enthusiasm when he finds it and goes back to pick his toiletries bag on the nightstand by his own bed to settle them in the bathroom.

Jeongin takes the chance of having a few seconds of privacy to check himself on the full length mirror resting against the wall and closes one eye to look better at the dark shades of the eyeshadow. His mother would faint just by taking one glance at him but Jeongin, surprisingly, likes it.

He also has the time to type a quick ‘ Yes, hyung, everything’s fine, ’ to his brother before leaving his phone behind, long forgotten on top of his bed.

“How do you feel about walking?” Hyunjin leans against the frame of the bathroom door, getting all of his attention. Jeongin feels like he’s having a dejavù. “There’s a national park very close to here.”

Jeongin knows, and Hyunjin knows that he does. It’s an interesting way to ask to go for a visit. It feels, for the first time, as if Hyunjin is hesitating.

Switching personalities as well as looks, Jeongin does not hesitate in accepting, his positive answer making Hyunjin’s lips curve into a soft smile.

The heat is unbearable but it doesn’t stop them from following the whole route of the park and visiting some temples around the area. The summer breeze shakes the leaves on the trees and caresses their warm skin on their walk, drying out droplets of sweat from their napes. They stop their walk once they reach the highest point of the path to witness the sunset, only the sounds of birds flying from one branch to another and the soft flap of their wings filling the silence. Jeongin buries his worries and guilt under piles of leaves and the chirping of the birds, even if it’s just for a while.

The way back is a bit more risky as they’re both without phones nor a flashlight, so it feels logical to hold each other’s hand for the rockiest parts of the path, to lock their fingers together. Jeongin’s rosary ring brushes against the single one that Hyunjin decided to wear, silver against gold, a cross next to another that wasn’t bought out of faith. Jeongin knows how religious imaginary is famous in media and in culture without it being tied to something, knows that Hyunjin isn’t wearing a cross on his finger because he is a devout believer.

The contact interrupts only after they reach the exit and Hyunjin, surrounded by a calm and pleased aura, starts hopping forward. Jeongin flexes his empty hand, still warm and heavy. “We should be in time for the dinner room service,” he ponders out loud.

Hyunjin turns to look at him, his cheeks are rosy from the prolonged exposure to the sun. “What about we go to a proper restaurant?” He proposes, something in his eyes that looks like indecisiveness. Again. “Can you drink?”

Jeongin huffs a laugh. “Of course I can drink.” What’s another vice on his belt?

“Okay,” Hyunjin beams. “We’re getting korean barbecue then. On me.”

“You have to stop paying for everything.” Jeongin catches up to him and gives him a playful shove to accentuate his complaint. Hyunjin slid his card on the counter whenever they had food together, opposing to Jeongin taking even a 5.000 won bill out of his wallet. “The gas to fill my tank wasn’t that expensive.”

Hyunjin rolls his eyes and falls back on his steps, heading somewhere they actually have no idea. They should ask a local, maybe. “Let me treat you. Don’t priests like… not make anything?”

Jeongin laughs. “That doesn’t mean that I can’t afford a meal. Let me pay for it just once.”

“Okay, okay,” Hyunjin dismisses him with a gesture of a hand. “We’re splitting.”

“That’s not what I said.”

“I know it well.”

A lot of wandering and playful bickering brings them to a place a street away from their hotel. It’s small and a bit foggy as the fume hoods don’t seem to work properly, but the owners are kind and sweet and, once they stop a second to chat at the entrance, Jeongin and Hyunjin can’t say no when offered to enter.

For the second day in a row, Jeongin doesn’t pray before eating, a sour taste in his mouth at the first bite of food. Soon, however, he swallows it down, along with a muffled laugh at Hyunjin’s exaggerated humming when he tastes the meat. 

The alcohol further helps Jeongin in pushing away his worries, the combo of beer and soju starts blurring the lines of his vision after a while. It’s nice to feel a bit floaty and to focus only on Hyunjin’s story telling, to make him the center of his hazy world for tonight. Stories of old shenanigans, of underground concerts and friends who like to tease him “too much,” as he says.

They laugh over something and over nothing, trip on their feet on their way out and up the stairs of the small motel and down the corridor to their room. 

“Have I ever told you how much I love beds?” Hyunjin falls face flat on his, very dramatic and way funnier than it should be.

Jeongin snorts fondly and hums, kicking off his shoes and then walking up to the end of Hyunjin’s bed. “So the mattress is nice?” He checks, slipping Hyunjin’s shoes off for him.

“Mhmh.” Hyunjin’s voice comes out muffled. “As much as it can be for a tipsy person.”

Jeongin leaves the shoes at the entrance and comes right back where Hyunjin is, this time sitting down beside him. “I think you’re more than tipsy.” They both are.

Hyunjin finally turns on his side, shoving one arm under the pillow to prop his head a bit higher. His eyes stop on Jeongin, looking, watching, analyzing. “Maybe.”

Jeongin props his hand on the mattress to stand up and reach his own bed, to sleep, to escape Hyunjin’s intense gaze, but a hand stops on top of his before he can even try to push himself up.

“Stay with me.”

The world stops around them, just like Jeongin’s breathing that halts for an instant. He gives up on putting distance between them and instead scoots a bit more on the mattress, takes more space on someone else’s bed. “I’m not going anywhere. My bed is right there.”

Hyunjin’s gaze is focused on where their hands are touching, his mind seems to be somewhere else and Jeongin would like to understand how Hyunjin feels in this moment. Is he still heartbroken? Is he wondering how he ended up holding the hand of a young priest? Where are the alcohol and the night taking his mind to?

Whatever it is that he’s thinking of, he blinks it away, looking up at Jeongin. “Can you open the windows?”

“You want to smoke?”

“I can go outside if—”

Jeongin stands up before Hyunjin can suggest leaving the room and walks up to the first of the two windows, spreading it open. The scent of the sea breeze sneaks in the room in an instant, pleasantly refreshing, and the moonlight alights the room.

While he walks to the other, Hyunjin sits up to reach for his bag at the end of the bed — Jeongin glances at the curve of his back, at his shoulders while he props himself on one arm, crawling on the mattress, eyes glued to his figure — and sits back against the headboard. He lights up his cigarette just in time for Jeongin to come back beside him.

“C’me here,” Hyunjin pats the bed right in front of himself as an invitation for Jeongin to sit down.

And Jeongin does, taking again a spot on Hyunjin’s bed. He’s always been a devout follower after all.

“Going to confess again?”

Jeongin feels goosebumps dancing all over his skin, on every inch where Hyunjin’s eyes lay on.

“I think— I want to take another picture, wait—” Hyunjin puts down the cigarette in the ashtray as he grabs his digital camera resting on the nightstand. He points it straight at Jeongin and Jeongin just rests his hands behind himself on the mattress and tilts his head slightly. He wants to look good as much as he feels good. Hyunjin’s gaze makes him feel like so. “Stay like this…”

The camera lens doesn't shut and Hyunjin groans, his head flopping back against the bed’s headboard. 

“What is it?”

“My SD is full,” he sighs, disappointed. “I have an extra one in my bag if you don’t mind getting it.”

Jeongin doesn’t. The bag isn’t even that far away, it’s right by the corner of the bed, so he just has to stretch his arm to reach it. 

Maybe he miscalculates, maybe he’s tipsier than he thought, but he slips off the bed in the process of shoving his hand inside Hyunjin’s bag.

The hit against the floor wakes up his senses a little, pain shooting up his back and behind his head. He has to blink up at the ceiling a couple of times until his eyesight gets sharper again.

“Fuck— Innie—” Hyunjin scrambles to the end of the bed. “Are you hurt?”

He offers his hand to Jeongin and Jeongin gladly accepts the help, feeling miserable and embarrassed beyond even his own comprehension. Everything inside him is burning in shame but Hyunjin hauls him up the bed with a giggle that doesn’t mock him at all.

“You’re so cute.” He keeps his hands on Jeongin even after he’s finally sitting again on the bed. They feel like hot flames, like the ones Jeongin will grow familiar with in hell, probably. But they also feel nice, one on his knee, one on his forearm. “Has anyone ever told you that?”

Jeongin glances away. “I don’t—”

Hyunjin’s fingers dance on his arm. “You are,” he insists. “You’re very sweet, and kind, and cute.” Jeongin has to look back, to see how they move on his skin, manicured nails catching his attention like a shiny jewel to a magpie. “I really wanted another picture, stay here, ‘kay?”

The moonlight shines right on the spot where Hyunjin was sitting. Jeongin feels the loss of his touch and his presence but it only lasts seconds, as Hyunjin flops back on the bed, once again resting his back against the headboard, SD successfully retrieved.

“Scoot closer, I don’t want you to fall down again,” he chuckles lightly as he raises the camera. Jeongin obliges, comes closer enough and tilts his lips in a little smile. “More natural?” Hyunjin suggests.

Jeongin dives his face in his hands, his voice coming out muffled as he complains. All his confidence has left his body just as he hit the floor earlier. “ Aahh… I don’t know how—” The camera clicks just as he looks at Hyunjin through his fingers.

Hyunjin smiles, pressing his finger over the push button once again, this time catching Jeongin mid stupor. “Perfect.”

“Wha— there’s nothing perfect about that,” Jeongin laughs, shy. “Delete them.”

Hyunjin shakes his head no. “They’re just for me.”

The sentence shouldn’t make Jeongin’s heartbeat race in its speed like it does.

“For you to delete.” Jeongin shakes whatever feeling is sitting in his ribcage and tries to get a hold of the camera instead. Hyunjin only laughs as he moves his hands faster than him. “C’mon.”

“For me to print,” Hyunjin teases, raising his hand up high. The camera clicks again and Jeongin groans as he looks up.

“Really?”

He doesn’t realize at the start how close he gets while trying to reach the camera, how his knees are digging in the mattress at either side of Hyunjin’s legs and his chest is almost flushed to Hyunjin’s face. He does only once he sits down, victorious, camera in his hands and his bum resting on two solid thighs instead than on the cheap and soft comforter of the bed.

“Oh, I’m sorry—”

“You should look at the photos,” Hyunjin says, his voice making Jeongin halt when he tries to move out of his lap.

Jeongin looks down at the small digital camera in his hands and then further down, where his legs are spread open and caging Hyunjin. “Yeah, I will.”

A mere excuse to stay this close a little longer, to breathe in Hyunjin’s perfume and feel him, real, solid, not a dream of his mind but a beautiful soul that his getaway from Busan has blessed him with. Someone else would tell him that this is a test sent to him by the Lord. But Hyunjin is so pure, transparent and honest, he could be nothing but a gift from destiny.

And if Jeongin is being tested, then he’s glad to fail.

He opens the last photo taken, it’s so dark and blurry that he can barely see where Hyunjin starts and he ends. Hyunjin snorts a laugh when Jeongin shakes his head in disbelief and presses the arrow to go back. Two photos of Jeongin follow one after the other, equally dark and slightly less blurry. They’re genuine and remind Jeongin of who else he could be, staple the memory straight on his heart.

“Please, don’t delete them,” Hyunjin’s hands rest on his.

He won’t. He wants to be in Hyunjin’s memory card forever, a version of him that is not weighted down by his own turmoil. “Why?”

“Because if I have to let you go at least I want memories, tangible ones.”

Jeongin glances up and Hyunjin quickly escapes his gaze, busying himself with taking the camera and putting it back on the nightstand — Jeongin can only focus on his furrowed eyebrows.

“Do you have a picture I can have?”

“Of me?” Hyunjin’s expression morphs into one of surprise.

Jeongin nods even though he knows that it is a mistake to bring a memory of Hyunjin back with himself. His life is going to feel more miserable than it already does.

Oh, he’s been such a contradiction since he has picked up Hyunjin under the scorching sun.

Hyunjin moves a bit to slip his wallet out of the back pocket of his — Jeongin’s — jeans and takes out a small photo of himself, ID sized. “This is all I have right now.”

Jeongin accepts it and looks at a younger Hyunjin that’s missing a couple of earrings and the piercing below his eyebrow. His hair are long enough to caress the line of his neck, they curl over his ears and at the contact with his shoulders, framing his face.

“Thank you.”

“Of course,” Hyunjin whispers back. “Innie, listen…”

Jeongin looks back up and is surprised to see Hyunjin’s eyebrows furrowed once again in a conflicted expression. “Yes?” He asks, not knowing what to expect.

“I lied about the ferry.” Jeongin tilts his head in confusion, but before he can ask, Hyunjin parts his lips to speak again. “There was one last ride, but I wanted to stay with you a couple of hours more to get to know you better.”

A drop of silence, guilty dark brown eyes staring back at him, and Jeongin can only think of one thing.

And so he follows his heart, forgets about the part of himself that he’s tried so hard to crush, and rests his lips on Hyunjin’s own.

His first kiss.

On Hyunjin’s soft lips that still taste of soju and tobacco, that feel warm and part to welcome him, even if just for a second.

Fingers spread slowly on his chest, a hand asking him to lean back. “Hey,” Hyunjin whispers, eyelashes fluttering as he looks up at Jeongin. 

“Sorry, I…”

“Jeongin, are you sure about this? I want it too but I just…” Hyunjin’s other hand plays with the hair at Jeongin’s nape, caresses him and tries to soothe him from nerves. How sweet can one person be? “You… I don’t want you to do anything you could regret later.”

Later . The future that awaits them once they’ll part stays unspoken, or better, is reduced to a simple word, too delicate to be addressed with anything else.

Jeongin’s heart for once is calm, it’s not pounding in his chest, it’s not shaking in insecurity. Nothing has ever felt more right in Jeongin’s life than being with Hyunjin by his side. “I won’t.” Hyunjin’s hand travels up his neck as he speaks, fingers tilting his chin up. “Trust me.”

A gentle caress in the quietness of the night, that’s how Jeongin’s second kiss feels like. And the third, and the one that comes after that. Hyunjin kisses him slowly, like he doesn’t want the time to flow at its regular fast paced rhythm, following the lead of a man that has no idea of what he’s doing but— oh , if it doesn't feel so right.

Jeongin’s whole body is slowly melting from his neck down but Hyunjin’s ready to catch him, to steady him when he sighs and inches closer.

“I’ve got you,” he whispers, sweet, parting from the kiss.

Jeongin feels the warm plush skin of Hyunjin’s bottom lip with his thumb, witnesses the way Hyunjin slightly opens his mouth just for him and catches him in another kiss, and chases the feeling like he never knew he needed it, his hands holding onto Hyunjin for stability.

“You do.”

“Yeah,” Hyunjin sighs back, syllables spoken in between brushes of lips. “Come to Jeju with me, Innie. Please. One more day.”

Jeongin nods and kisses him again, running his hands through Hyunjin’s short hair. “Want me with you that bad?”

Hyunjin’s lips quirk in an amused smile that Jeongin pecks away. He wants to blur the lines between them, just like in the last photo that Hyunjin has taken of them. Forget where they start, forget where they end.

“I thought it was obvious.” Hyunjin’s hand pushes on his chest and once again Jeongin feels himself falling, this time his back hitting the mattress. “Didn’t want to overstep boundaries.” Jeongin wraps his arms around Hyunjin’s shoulders like a second nature and drags him down for another kiss, Hyunjin’s pleased hum reverberating right through him.

“I’m paying for the ferry tickets.”

Hyunjin brushes the tip of his nose along with Jeongin’s own, sending shivers down his back. “You’re so not,” he opposes.

“I am.” 

“We’ll see.”

In between the heart fluttering sensation of whispering words on each other’s lips and fingers caressing goosebumps on every inch of skin not covered by clothes, Jeongin’s eyelids slowly fall — just like his soul. 

But Hyunjin’s arms feel solid and secure around him.

❦

The sunlight creeps under the horizon, raising high until it peeks through the open windows of their room. Jeongin feels it, hot light dancing up his legs, then his torso, until it reaches his closed eyelids.

He turns to his other side to protect himself from it and fall back asleep comfortably. An arm wraps around his middle while a leg slips in between his, an embrace in which Jeongin snuggles in, burying his nose against a solid surface that it’s equally warm as the sunlight but dark.

He feels fingers detangling his hair, lips leaving a peck at his hairline and then another. “It’s still early,” Hyunjin whispers as he tries to coax him back into sleep. “Rest a bit more.”

“You’re awake,” Jeongin points out. He cuddles closer and enjoys the new experience, trying to burn into his memory what it feels like to be held with such care. “Come here.”

His fingers dig in the fabric of the polo shirt Hyunjin is still wearing from the day before and Hyunjin lets himself be dragged a little lower on the bed to face Jeongin.

Sleepy eyes blink at him and Jeongin can’t contain the smile that tugs at the corners of his lips. “Wait…” He wraps his arm over Hyunjin’s shoulder at an angle that momentarily shields him from the sun. “Like this.”

Hyunjin scoots a bit closer, an effective tactic to protect his eyes more, or so Jeongin thinks before Hyunjin speaks.

“Can I kiss you again?”

Jeongin feels himself blushing at the memory and nods. “Yeah, you don’t have to ask.”

With a finger, Hyunjin moves a strand of hair away from Jeongin’s vision. “We both drank yesterday, so I wanted to check,” he explains, his eyes following the movement of his own hand before settling back on Jeongin. “If you still felt the same.”

“Do you?”

“Of course I do, Innie, you have no idea…”

“Then you can kiss me.” Jeongin feels Hyunjin exhale the shaky breath that he was anxiously holding in. “Anytime you want.”

“Fuck— I’m so relieved.” Hyunjin’s lips clash against Jeongin’s own in a more urgent touch than last night, just like his hands that hold him close like a lifeline.

And Jeongin’s heart soars in his chest, he kisses Hyunjin back and lets all of his feelings seep through the layers of clothes and under his skin. They tingle at the surface, rendering him dizzy, a new sensation that he’s not used to.

Just like the adrenaline of Hyunjin’s body slowly hovering above his, of their chests being flushed together and Hyunjin’s gasp over his lips when Jeongin scratches at his scalp. 

“Jeongin-a.”

“Again?”

Hyunjin nods, lips sealed to his, and Jeongin repeats the previous action, digging the fingers of his other hand in Hyunjin’s shoulder blade at the same time. He can feel him, growing hotter and bigger where their hips are touching, just like himself. For the first time he doesn’t shoo the feeling of arousal with fabricated unpleasant thoughts, but follows it to the deep point where it settles in his abdomen.

“Hyunjin—”

When he bends his leg, Hyunjin falls right in the space that Jeongin has made just for him.

“Oh— Innie— What is it?” Hyunjin leans a bit back, escaping Jeongin’s kisses so he can speak. Jeongin whines and sighs but he also understands the necessary distance. “I need explicit words, please. Do I stop?”

“I…” Jeongin’s confidence falters a little, simply because he has no idea how to express what he wants. He wants to merge souls, he wants Hyunjin to devour and swallow up his whole being, to feel him everywhere. “Teach me.”

“Teach you?” Hyunjin tilts his head to the side, softness in his eyes.

Jeongin nods in a lack of better words. 

“Please.”

Hyunjin pecks his lips before letting his mouth travel down. “I’ll go very slow. You can stop me anytime, just tell me, or hit me.” Jeongin doesn’t have the confidence in him to tell Hyunjin how much he wants this, so he just exhales a sigh and a short ‘ yes’ , shaking at the first contact of Hyunjin’s lips at the base of his neck.

Down his skin, over his shirt, Hyunjin draws an imaginary path with his lips until he reaches the hem of the oversized graphic tee he lended to Jeongin and starts lifting it up, following it with his mouth, small firecrackers exploding at every kiss.

“Ah— That’s—” Jeongin’s whole body jolts when lips press their mark on his nipple.

Hyunjin glances up at the sound of his voice. “Too much?” He asks, trying to read Jeongin’s expression.

Jeongin shyly nods and Hyunjin quickly lets it go, kissing instead the centre of Jeongin’s chest, right where his cross usually lies.

“Okay,” Hyunjin whispers, a shiver traveling down Jeongin’s torso. “It’s normal, I’m sensitive too.”

Something snaps in Jeongin’s brain at the knowledge of Hyunjin reacting similarly at the same touch. Does he feel the same kind of goosebumps? A lightning striking down his spine? 

”And you like it?” He sneaks his hand under Hyunjin’s polo, raises it up to cup right below his chest, ready to go back in case Hyunjin might say no, but—

“A lot,” he answers, his hand reaching for Jeongin’s own and trapping his own nipple in between two of Jeongin’s fingers.

Jeongin registers the way Hyunjin’s whole body shivers and sits up, making Hyunjin follow him in a seated position. He bunches up the polo and gives him a warning by placing a kiss right below the curve of his chest, before coming right up and resting his lips on Hyunjin’s nipple.

“Shit — Innie— you—”

“Good or bad?” He checks, bottom lip stuck under Hyunjin’s darker bud, something in his mind suggesting him dangerously to try to sneak out his tongue.

Hyunjin slips off the polo and throws it away, his hands searching back for Jeongin right after and his fingers entangling with his hair. “So fucking good.”

Jeongin kisses the spot again and then drags his tongue over it, a feeling of confidence building up in his chest as a moan escapes Hyunjin’s lips. He feels his hips twitching, dragging down on the spot where they’re entangled with each other, sending sparks right through him.

“Can we—” When Jeongin pushes down gently, Hyunjin follows him, dragging both of them back on the mattress and letting Jeongin flush his whole body on top of him.

The pressure of Hyunjin’s hands on Jeongin’s hips make him feel hazy and let out a moan that’s so earnest it feels scandalous. But Hyunjin loves it, a soft sweet “Yeah? Feels nice like this?” whispered on Jeongin’s lips as they slowly start to grind together.

Jeongin’s first shared orgasm happens in a rented motel room, still wearing the clothes from the day before and with the sunlight highlighting every shade of brown in the eyes of the man that holds him close. He feels it shot right through him, a foreign and euphoric sensation that culminates with a kiss muffling his sounds. Words of appreciation get hushed to him as lips pepper every inch of skin they encounter, making Jeongin a firmer believer than he was before embarking on his trip.

❦

“So, is this famous customers thing real or are you just trying to wow me?” Jeongin follows the path over the cliff, the sunset once again casting their shadows next to each other on the ground.

He indirectly looks at the way they’re holding hands, just like they’ve done for the whole day when they could have some privacy away from curious eyes.

“I wasn’t trying to brag,” Hyunjin blushes as his eyes widen. “I was just telling you about my life.”

Jeongin laughs and uses their intertwined hands to poke him on the side. “I know,” he reassures him. “I was teasing.”

“Oh.” Hyunjin’s expression quickly morphs into an amused one. He tugs Jeongin’s closer and wraps his free arm around him, catching him by surprise. “So now you tease.”

A genuine gasp escapes Jeongin as he gets moved around like so. He slaps Hyunjin’s shoulder as soon as their chests collide, “Let me go,” he protests. But Hyunjin brings it up a notch and quickly leans down to peck his lips.

“Now you’re free to go.”

Hyunjin’s arm falls back to his side, a little too satisfied smile on his lips. Jeongin does what comes to his mind next and leans to leave a quick peck on Hyunjin’s lips too before untangling their hands and leaving him behind.

“Ya!” Hyunjin’s laugh echoes around as he catches up to the small space that formed between them. “Shouldn’t we get dinner?”

A gentle brush, fingers sliding next to each other, and Hyunjin is once again holding his hand. Jeongin could get used to this — Jeongin isn’t sure he could live in a different way after this.

He swallows down the knot he suddenly feels stuck in his throat and hums at Hyunjin’s question. “What would you like to have?”

They eat at the third place they pass by, inspired by the scent of the food and Jeongin’s growling stomach that makes him blush tenfold and Hyunjin hide a fond laugh as he looks away.

The sun ends setting by the time they’re paying — an amused waiter witnesses them fighting over who is going to cover the bill, unsure on what to do until Hyunjin gives up — and so their walk back to their stay is now accompanied by the moon, that follows them around along with Jeongin’s growing tension, coming back like an old stubborn wound that never heals.

The room they got is small, the only one available for the night: one bed, one window and an equally small and cramped bathroom. But they don’t need much, just a place to shower and sleep before taking the ferry back in the morning.

A giant teddy bear sits at the centre of the bed since their visit at the museum earlier in the morning, a cute big memory that Hyunjin insisted he had to get. He looked so shy while picking it at the souvenir shop, a gentle and pretty blush sitting on his cheeks.

Jeongin kicks off his shoes at the entrance and aims to the window to spread it open to let some air in — the lack of air conditioning or a fan wasn’t really pleasing, but they had to work with what they could find during such a high tourism season.

Hyunjin stretches his arms right beside him, a little groan coming out of him as something in his shoulders pops. “I can’t wait to shower,” he sighs, spent. “Want to go first?”

Jeongin shakes his head no and rests his forearms on the ledge of the window, breathing in the salty air that reminds him of his hometown. He feels both nostalgic and nauseous at the memory that eventually he has to go back, no matter what he intends to do with his priesthood. The amount of explaining he will have to do makes his chest clench — so he breathes at full lung capacity, as long as he can.

“You can go,” he offers Hyunjin.

“Okay, thanks Jeonginnie.” Something falls behind Jeongin’s back just as Hyunjin exits his peripheral vision. “Do you want to remove your makeup?”

The black polo that Hyunjin has worn all day is now resting on top of the bed, an item he picked himself from Jeongin’s bag and somehow managed to give a punk vibe to, adding accessories to his look and heavy makeup. 

Jeongin glances up from the bed to Hyunjin’s back, muscles on display and a black tattoo of a lily flower over his shoulder blade. He trails behind Hyunjin in silence, mouth getting drier at every step. His heart skips a beat when the bathroom door closes behind them and he quickly finds a spot where to sit before he looks too awkward standing and staring.

“Mh, where is it?” Hyunjin asks himself as he starts looking for things in his toiletries bag. The baggy jeans hang low on his hips even though the stunted belt he put on and the piercing on his belly button shines under the fluorescent light above the mirror. “Gotcha.”

He walks over to Jeongin, cotton pads and a bottle of makeup remover in his hands. He wets one and then angles Jeongin’s face a bit up.

“Close your eyes, pretty.” Heat bubbles under Jeongin’s skin at the name and he can’t do much if not obey, close his eyelids and feel the cool pad wiping the makeup off his eyelids.

Earlier in the morning Jeongin had just washed his face a couple of times under the shower, trying to remove all the makeup from the day before. But this is nicer, a lot more pleasant. The wet pad gently brushes over his skin, cooling it down from the blush that he feels blooming all over him.

“There you go,” Hyunjin smiles at him and leaves a peck on the tip of Jeongin’s nose. “You can rest comfortably now.”

“Wait.” Jeongin reaches for the other cotton pads resting on the counter next to him. “You too.”

“Oh,” a faint blush travels up the tip of Hyunjin’s pierced ears, “please do.” He leans down a little to get at a more comfortable level for Jeongin and waits, his eyes following Jeongin’s every movement in the process of wetting the cotton pad with the makeup remover.

Jeongin wipes gently at the corner of Hyunjin’s left eye first, waits for him to close it and takes the makeup off with care, taking in every detail that such closeness can allow him to see more clearly. Hyunjin has such beautiful features they leave Jeongin wondering over divine intervention.

He takes his time and, while he waits for the pad to soak in the thin coat of mascara on Hyunjin’s eyelashes, he leans forward to kiss the beauty mark on his cheek — his heart beats a mile a minute as he lands his lips on the spot.

Hyunjin inhales a short cut breath at the touch and Jeongin finds himself smiling without realizing. He wipes off the mascara and presses a kiss also on Hyunjin’s eyelid, as kissing the mole below his eye is a bit more difficult like this.

“I should’ve let you remove my makeup the other day too,” Hyunjin says as Jeongin leans away and goes back to work, wiping the makeup off his other eye.

“Mhmh,” Jeongin hums, concentrated, happy, floaty.

“I would…” Hyunjin’s voice trails off as Jeongin puts away the cotton pad. “All done?”

“You would what?” Jeongin asks instead, curious to know where Hyunjin’s previous sentence was going.

Hyunjin’s hands rest on top of Jeongin’s jeans, wide, feeling the whole expanse of his thighs. “I would’ve enjoyed it a lot,” he smiles softly at him. “Just that.”

Fingers dig down, feel the muscle under the fabric, and Jeongin exhales a short breath, waiting, as Hyunjin’s eyes get a bit lost following his other hand feeling up the curve of Jeongin’s neck.

“Can I?”

A whispered question, as if a louder sound could burst their little bubble. Jeongin nods and sighs in relief once Hyunjin leans down, pressing his lips on his.

Jeongin is getting better at this, or at least he hopes, as he is this time following Hyunjin with ease, parting his lips when he feels his tongue poking against them, and takes in Hyunjin’s moan echoing in the space between them, as his tongue meets him at the touch.

He tries to find an anchor, sliding his hands around Hyunjin’s shoulders as the other man gets closer and pulls Jeongin flush against him.

“You should wash the products out of my hair too,” Jeongin boldly says, just as Hyunjin runs his hands in them.

Hyunjin’s mouth moves to the side, leaving a trail of kisses. “In the sink? I think there’s a chair in the room, right?”

Everything inside of Jeongin trembles as he voices out his idea. He just— He kind of wants it, finds it romantic. Maybe he has secretly read too many romance novels in the dead of the night.

“I was thinking more in the shower.”

“Fuck—” Hyunjin’s lips stop right below Jeongin’s lobe, all the vibrations of his keen sound reverberating through Jeongin. It helps in settling down Jeongin’s slightly worried heart. “Yes, yeah, I will do that for you.”

Jeongin feels confident enough to pull his shirt off, chuckling when Hyunjin meets his lips immediately for a peck. After that, their clothes slowly come off, a bit awkwardly too, with their hands tugging down at each other's pants and with laughs interrupting their kisses when their feet get stuck at the ends of them. 

Hyunjin is the one turning on the lukewarm water once they step inside the shower, one hand blindly tapping the wall until he finds the shower faucet and lips taking in Jeongin’s first and second gasp — one when their bodies press fully against each other and the other when the water starts falling down on them.

“Hotter? Colder?”

“No, this is—” Jeongin’s whole body feels on fire, so the temperature is perfect in cooling him down. “This is good.”

Hyunjin looks to the side, probably to check where the hotel provided shower products are, but Jeongin only sees it as a chance to try to kiss his neck and replicate what Hyunjin has done on him.

“There’s only one small bottle of shampoo,” Hyunjin’s voice trembles as he speaks, breath itching at every kiss that Jeongin leaves. “Good luck I shaved all my hair off again a couple of months ago.”

Jeongin laughs. “Let me go first then,” he says even though he doesn’t even try to move. He enjoys being held by the waist by Hyunjin, to feel him growing harder against his hip, raw, skin against skin.

Hyunjin’s hands hold him tighter before he turns them around slowly making Jeongin’s back lean against the tiled wall of the shower stall. “You don’t seem very motivated.” He catches Jeongin’s lips in another kiss, making his teasing fall flat.

“I really want to do the shampoo thing,” Jeongin clarifies, his fingers running through Hyunjin’s short hair. “I got carried away.” He feels like he can’t get enough of Hyunjin, of his touch, of his lips, of the whispered words between them — when Hyunjin’s voice becomes soft like molasses.

Hyunjin chuckles fondly and leaves a kiss on Jeongin’s cheek. “I want that too, Innie.” His thumb feels the line of Jeongin’s hip bone, a touch burning itself on Jeongin’s skin. “Go on.”

“Just another kiss first.”

“Just one?” Hyunjin looks at him as if he’s the most endearing thing he has laid eyes on all day, even when they’re under the spraying shower head, even when Jeongin is pathetically hanging from his lips. “Or more?” 

It only needs one shy hushed “More,” in between them for Hyunjin to reconnect his lips to Jeongin’s own. Their hips naturally flush together with the urgency of their kiss, Hyunjin’s growing length brushing against Jeongin’s own, hot no matter the cooling temperature of the water – and Jeongin sees stars behind his eyelids at the raw skin to skin contact, his head tilting back at the feeling.

Hyunjin’s lips trace the column of his throat, while his fingers trail down the line of Jeongin’s spine. “Do I step back?” Jeongin feels the attention and care in the way Hyunjin handles him, in the way he whispers the words with that sweet tone that characterizes him in the most delicate moments.

“Ah–” Jeongin’s voice gets stuck in his throat as his fingers dig into Hyunjin’s shoulder to find balance. “Stay here, please.”

A smile spreads on the skin of his neck. “I’ll stay, Innie. I’ll stay with you.”

Jeongin has never felt safe to indulge in his desires, not even in the privacy of his own room, but with Hyunjin it has become easy to let go of the limits that he had imposed on himself in the effort to be worthy of a life that he now is escaping from. He lets his mind shut down, Hyunjin whispers of encouragement every time they brush against each other covering the usual voices in his brain.

“You feel so good,” he sighs, his whole body pressing Jeongin’s own on the tiles. He is already breathless. “I love the way you sound.”

“How— Ah— How do I sound?”

Jeongin has been focusing only on Hyunjin’s voice, too shy to acknowledge how high pitched he can be in such intimate and new moments.

“Pretty,” Hyunjin answers in a heartbeat, raising his head to kiss Jeongin again. “The most beautiful sounds I’ve ever heard, come right from these lips,” he tilts Jeongin’s head back with his hand, thumb pressing under his chin and traveling down, a hot trail burning down Jeongin’s throat. “I like it when you laugh, and talk, and whisper, and sigh. Everything, Jeonginnie. All.”

Jeongin exhales a shaky breath. Hyunjin’s words sound utterly sincere, and hit every soft spot, like he has been crafted for him only. Just like his body, that cages him perfectly.

“All?”

“All,” Hyunjin repeats after him.

When Hyunjin hooks a hand under his thigh, Jeongin follows his lead in raising it, and, even though he misses a bit of balance, he trusts Hyunjin in keeping them stable. He holds onto him, like he has been doing all day, and falls into his touch once again.

❦

“Is it comfortable?”

“Mhmh.”

The air in the room is sticky hot no matter what. Jeongin lays down on the tiled cool floor, a folded towel under his damp hair and his legs resting on the mattress. Hyunjin looks at him from above where he’s laying stomach down on the bed, the fingers of a hand feeling the goosebumps on Jeongin’s naked shin while the other holds a half smoked cigarette.

“You should come down here.”

“I think you should come up instead,” Hyunjin tries, his index and thumb pinching Jeongin’s skin. “Do priests shave their legs usually?”

Jeongin snorts. “Put me in jail for liking the feeling of smooth skin.”

Hyunjin smirks, hand trailing down over Jeongin’s knee. “Yeah?” Hyunjin’s fingers ignite shivers at their wake as they hook under the curve of Jeongin’s bent leg. Jeongin tries not to squirm or exhale the weak sound that travels up his throat. “We can’t immediately skip to kinky stuff like handcuffs.”

“Stop being ridiculous,” Jeongin laughs as tries to move away from Hyunjin’s touch. Hyunjin however seems to find it the perfect moment to start digging his fingers where Jeongin’s skin is softer to tickle him.

Hyunjin laughs too, lively as always. “Stop saying stuff that makes me say ridiculous innuendos, then,” he rebuts, the look on his face and the poke on Jeongin’s shin telling clearly that he knows how absurd it all sounds, a shy flush on his cheeks.

Contrary to Jeongin, Hyunjin opted to not put on a shirt after their shower. Jeongin watches a little drop of water trailing down from his damp hair to the hollow of his collarbone, right on that prominent line that precedes the tattoo on Hyunjin’s skin under it. It’s a compass, broken and patched up.

“Did your coworker make that?” Jeongin asks, curious.

There are several tattoos scattered on Hyunjin’s body, small pieces of art that only add to his beauty. He has confessed earlier to Jeongin that he would like to become a tattoo artist too, later in the next few years.

“Uh?” Hyunjin glances down even though it’s impossible for him to look properly at his tattoo for the way he’s laying down. “Mh, yes, Channie hyung did it. You would like him.”

“How come?”

“Well, he’s kind,” Hyunjin answers. “And very caring, he remembers everything you tell him because he always listens carefully to anyone who talks to him, and he’s genuine in all he does.”

“And the other two?”

Hyunjin takes a drag before answering, blowing the smoke at Jeongin and chuckling when he starts swatting it away with fake disgust - he’s getting used to the scent incredibly fast. 

“Changbinnie hyung is loud and full of energy, but he’s also a good listener. Oh , and never be fooled by his edgy aesthetics, he’s a softy. Minnie instead is the opposite, he looks soft but he bites, that’s why he’s our dog.”

“Your dog?” Jeongin huffs an incredulous laugh. He’s never had the chance to have such a numerous group of friends, it has always been just him and Minho since he could remember.

“It’s a joke among us,” Hyunjin waves his hand, “because he resembles a puppy. We can stop at an internet cafe tomorrow morning, there’s some photos of us together in my blog.”

It’s nice to hear Hyunjin talking casually and so openly about his life, giving Jeongin even small details on his inside jokes with his friends.

“And your friend? Minho, right?”

“He’s very unpredictable and fun,” Jeongin answers his question with a genuine fond smile tugging at his lips. “He’s older than me. He has… kind of been my rock for years.”

Hence why Jeongin felt so guilty for leaving him out of his turmoil, to not let him know why he has been distancing himself from everyone lately to the point of even running away. He has calmed down his worries a little with their texts, even though he knows Minho must be still agitated, not knowing why Jeongin has decided to travel alone without planning beforehand.

“It’s nice to have someone like that. I’m glad you do.”

“But I still left.”

“There’s nothing wrong in wanting to take a breath away from everything that we know,” Hyunjin reassures him, drawing invisible figures on Jeongin’s skin, soothing him into a more calm state. “I bet he understands.”

“He does.”

“Then experience the world without worries, Innie.”

“I love the world, but I just don't love the way it makes me feel.” Jeongin lets out his innermost feelings, bare in front of him without any fear. There’s something about Hyunjin, it’s in his deep brown gaze and his intense yet warm stare. In a moment where Jeongin struggles to understand what’s real or not, Hyunjin is the most tangible and concrete being in his life.

Smoke flutters in the air, covering his vision for a second before traveling high towards the ceiling of the rented hotel room. “I hope the world will start to make you feel good,” Hyunjin says, offering his cigarette to him. “That’s my wish for you.”

Jeongin takes it and places the filter between his lips to take a drag. He remembers Hyunjin’s instructions, to hold it in before letting it out. It still tingles in his throat, and the ending part feels hot as it grows closer to his fingers — burning fast, just like him.

“You make me feel good,” he answers honestly. 

Hyunjin’s lips tilt into a smile. “Yeah?”

Slowly, Jeongin retracts his legs to sit up, getting on his knees for Hyunjin by the end of the bed. The gesture reminds him of many occurrences in his past, yet this is the first time Jeongin bends out of a different kind of devotion.

Hyunjin’s fingers trace the side of his face now that they’re closer, featherlight in their touch. “Why do I feel like we should switch?” He playfully teases.

Jeongin gently shakes his head in disagreement, a slight movement to not lose Hyunjin’s touch. “I’m exactly where I should be.”

“Come up here,” Hyunjin starts tugging playfully at his pajama shirt and this time Jeongin falls for it, he stands up to get on the bed with him and enjoys Hyunjin’s embrace no matter the summer heat.

Hyunjin’s breath is steady, his chest rising and falling at a calm rhythm. Their scent is the same just like the beating of their hearts, and there might be a chance for this to not be Jeongin’s forever, but it does feel like a good point to start from.

The sound of the waves hitting the pier reaches them through the open window, just like the ones Jeongin is used to falling asleep to in Busan. And with such a nostalgic sentiment in his heart, he admits out loud what he has always known since he first turned the key in the ignition of his car on Friday.

“I think I will resign as soon as I get back home.”

Hyunjin feels the curve of Jeongin’s spine under his shirt. “How does that work?”

“I have to talk to the bishop and I think write a letter as well,” Jeongin explains. “But the most tiring thing will be answering the questions of everyone around me.”

“Your family?”

“Also,” Jeongin sighs. “I don’t know how they’ll react.” 

The featherlight touch strays away from its path, now following the curve of Jeongin’s hips and side. “Just because you started one journey doesn’t mean it has to be your only one, you can grow up, change your mind, learn to know yourself better,” Hyunjin says, the tone of his voice soft and quiet. “There’s so much time in front of you, Jeongin-a.”

There is.

Jeongin hums as he turns to look at the ceiling. “What will you do back in Seoul?”

Hyunjin follows him like a magnet the moment he moves, his arm staying wrapped around his torso. “Update my blog, cover some of my friends’ shifts to thank them, get a new phone, something like that.”

“Do you remember the plate of that car?”

Hyunjin snorts. “Who would ever?” He laughs and pokes Jeongin’s side.

“Okay okay,” Jeongin chuckles too. “You’re right. Your old phone is gone forever.”

“Doesn’t matter.” Hyunjin stops his fingers from wandering to cuddle closer, Jeongin accommodates him easily, turning on his side so Hyunjin can hide his face in the crook of his neck. “I lost something and gained something else.”

❦

It’s incredibly easy to reach Busan by car when you have someone next to you telling you all the right exits and you’re not just wandering around. Hyunjin claims to have become a map expert, memorized the whole route like a pro, and Jeongin kind of thinks of keeping him forever on the passenger seat of his old used car — for utilities purposes, obviously.

But instead he parks right outside the train station, ready to let Hyunjin go. Kind of. Maybe. He’s one thought away from getting his bag from the trunk and buying a one-way ticket to Seoul.

Hyunjin fetches the big teddy bear that was sitting in the backseat along with his travel bag and takes off his sunglasses. “Walk me to the ticket office?” He asks, an hopeful expression in his eyes.

“Of course, I…” Jeongin’s voice trails off as Hyunjin slides the sunglasses on his face like he did the first time they met. It hasn’t passed much, but it feels like a lifetime now that they’re parting ways.

“To hide your identity,” Hyunjin jokes playfully. “And a gift.”

The next available train to Seoul is in just ten minutes. Too soon. Hyunjin gets the ticket at the box office while Jeongin waits out of the employee field of vision — an old classmate, what were the chances? — and then there’s nothing left to do if not wait, the clock ticking down like a guillotine excruciatingly falling on the only bond that connects them, ready to sever it.

Jeongin will have to drive to his place of stay, explain his absence and visit his parents.

He will probably rush to Minho’s apartment first.

He sent him a text earlier as Hyunjin was busy buying his ticket, a simple ‘ I’m back ’ to which Minho answered with a ‘ where are you i’ll pick you up ’ that made him smile a little.

Yeah. He’s definitely seeing Minho first thing foremost.

“Hey,” Hyunjin’s hand holds on the side of Jeongin’s polo, getting his attention. “There’s only three minutes left.”

“Oh, I…”

With a lot of intent, Hyunjin starts dragging him behind a corner, looking left and right before turning his attention fully on Jeongin again. Back against the wall and Hyunjin’s hands on his hips again like they belong there, Jeongin gives one last longer look at him. He goes to push the shades up but, just as he’s moving, a short kiss gets placed on his lips.

Butterflies erupt in Jeongin’s chest along with a blush that travels up quickly to the tip of his ears.

“I left you a gift,” Hyunjin says softly. He looks fidgety, anxious, Jeongin wants to be able to give him a deeper kiss, to run away together again. But how long can one escape its own life?

“What is it?”

The sound of the train on the railways echoes at the platform, startling them both. It’s early.

“Fuck, it’s here already?” Hyunjin turns around to look at the train slowly coming to a stop. “Innie, remember to look in your glovebox, ‘kay?” He gives Jeongin one last kiss and slips away from him before he can even try to reach out for his hand. “You don’t have to do anything if you don’t feel like it’s the right choice for you. But in case you do, I left you something.”

“Wait, what are you—”

Jeongin’s voice gets interrupted by the loud announcement coming from the platform speakers inviting the passengers to get on the train. Hyunjin gives him one last smile before turning towards the bench where he left his things, he hurries to get a hold of the travel bag and the bear and then gives his attention to Jeongin one last time — another smile, his hand waving at him.

Jeongin can’t do much but wave back and force his lips into a smile too. He watches Hyunjin getting on the train and finding a seat, occupying the seat next to him with his ridiculously sized teddy bear. He chuckles a little when he sees him blushing and waves once more, just in time before the train doors close.

❦

From: YangJeongin01

To: hwng00hyun

Object: Found your gift

Hi, did you arrive safely?

I don’t know what the rules are for these kinds of things. Jisung said I should wait a day to write you an email while Minho hyung shoved me in his room with his computer and locked me in it. I’m going to stay at his place for a while to figure out how to say what I want to say to everyone.

Of course I didn’t need all that with him.

Can I show your photo to them? They kind of begged me.

Actually it’s fun, I think I’ll let them beg more even if you say yes.

Thank you for leaving your contacts on the back of my map, I’ll learn to be as brave as you :)

Jeongin.

From: hwng00hyun 

To: YangJeongin01

Object: Re: Found your gift

hi innie :)

i’m very happy that you decided to write to me! i didn’t want to pressure you in case you had second thoughts about everything, so that’s why i wrote the note on the back of your map

then i started thinking 

what if he doesn’t open it for months????

i planned quickly and badly you can tell i’m not used to it ㅠㅠ

so is this how you act with your friends? it’s interesting haha you can show my id photo to them once you feel satisfied of their begging

i wish you good luck for your next days and i hope to hear from you soon <3

hyune

(still no pressure, okay?)

❦

Hyune’s corner

Entry [ New! ]: seoul - jeju - busan trip . my sanctuary

[file attachment: 12 photos]

when i left seoul i thought that i had wasted even too much time waiting to go on this trip. but i soon found out that i was wrong. i think i was meant to leave on a random friday in the deadly heat of summer, because it led me to you. we’ve been each other’s sanctuary for days, but i hope you’ll find salvation also within yourself. i’m working on mine too

Comments:

[guestuser223] how does he make life always look so tragically romantic? [+189]

[lily] Restaurant name, please? I’m leaving for Jeju next week! [+6]

          → [answer: hyunjin00] it was on the way, still in the peninsula :) Choi’s Quiet Place

[guestuser992] i regret not taking you there earlier [+50]

          → [answer: jiwoong97] who is this??? is it his ex?? [+24]

                → [answer: sunshine00] it could be… wow… [+22]

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❦

Hyunjin fidgets with the jewelry in his hands as he looks at Jeongin’s last email from over a month ago.

From: YangJeongin01

To: hwng00hyun

Object: Re: Re: rude client

I left the computer on while I was showering and Minho sneaked a peak at my last email. He said it’s his hyung duty to tell me to stop putting dots at the end of my sentences??

Do I sound too serious and harsh if I use them?

Like this.

Maybe I do

I don’t want to sound harsh to you

I saved your new phone number :) and got the cd you suggested to me! Jisung said that it was crazy that I didn’t know Fall Out Boy, I think you would like him haha I’ll tell you my favorite song soon :)

I’m still so sorry about your last client, your feelings are very valid. Sadly sometimes people don’t realize how painful their words can be to someone else

I have an appointment with the bishop today and then I’ll go to my parents’ place to talk to them too, I’ll update you tomorrow

Have a good day Hyune <3

I really liked the last photo of Seoul that you sent me

Innie

One month and no answer back to Hyunjin’s last two emails. The second one was to be sure that he didn’t end up in Jeongin’s spam folder, not to pressure him, because Hyunjin would die knowing that he’s in any way making Jeongin feel suffocated like he does everyday. If he will choose to keep their bond alive, if he’s not stepping back from priesthood anymore, it is all up to him. Hyunjin just hopes that whatever choice he ended up making, was for his own good.

Maybe he’ll just be a sweet memory from Hyunjin’s twenties. Maybe Hyunjin will never have the chance to turn back to Jeongin the necklace that he left in the pocket of his jeans. Thankfully he noticed it before throwing his laundry in the wash, it would’ve been a terrible occurrence if it broke during the washing cycle.

“New appointment for Hwang Hyunjin!” Seungmin strolls in the piercing room with renewed excitement. He looked sulky earlier in the morning, but now Hyunjin can hear him hopping towards him behind his back until he sits on the desk.

He taps his black polished nails on the black mahogany, growing closer and closer to Hyunjin’s laptop. “I thought my schedule was clear this afternoon,” Hyunjin quickly closes the screen before Seungmin can get a better look at it and glances up. What a cheeky expression is on his friend’s face. “Did you make up with Chan hyung?”

Like the mischievous puppy that he is, he acts nonchalant as he looks away and gets off the desk. “Made up and made out,” he answers, his words accompanied by a gesture of a hand. Hyunjin doesn’t even bother fake gagging at Seungmin’s back as it would actually make him happier.

“You can let the client in.”

“Stop yearning with a crucifix in your hand and get your tools ready. That’s a new level of emo that I can’t comprehend yet.”

Burning like a poker fresh out of a fire, Hyunjin suddenly becomes hyper aware of the necklace he forgot to hide from Seungmin. He shoves it into his jeans’ pockets and sighs.

“Isn’t Changbin going out with a guy who left seminary?”

How many were the chances for him and Changbin to be hanging out with people with a similar past like the one of working on becoming a priest? It mustn’t be that frequent of an occurrence.

Seungmin leans against the door frame, now out of the room and just peeking inside to give Hyunjin one last blow and stick his tongue out. “He didn’t fuck a priest.” 

“We didn’t fu—”

The door closes before Hyunjin can get more than two words out. His energy dissipates after he blinks at the poster on the door and, defeated, turns the chair back around and opens his laptop to close all the tabs he had opened previously to Seungmin barging in.

Old email, press x . Embarrassing yearning post in his blog, x . Chatbox with his parents, x . Photo gallery of the past month, x .

The door opens and clicks closed once again.

“Hi. You stopped by without booking an appointment first?” Hyunjin stares at the last tab, his empty schedule staring right back at him — x . “It’s not a problem, actually,” he corrects himself immediately before sounding too annoyed. “Let me shut this off and I’ll be right to you. You can sit on the bench if you want to.”

The client’s quiet hum gets accompanied by the squeaky sound of the old leather of the bench. Hyunjin should invest in a new one, maybe of a better quality if he can.

“Did you come in with a clear idea in mind or did you just follow your instinct?” Laptop closed shut, Hyunjin starts to grow a bit more excited about the sudden appointment, it's better for him not to think. Wherever Jeongin must be, whatever he must be doing, he must’ve chosen what felt right in his heart. “Sorry, I was doing something but I’m done now.”

When Hyunjin turns his chair around, two deep and sharp brown eyes look right back at him — a bit different from before, but still familiar.

“A bit of both, actually.”

Jeongin looks like a product of his own twisted mind that turned in circles for weeks to the point of hallucinating. He seems tired but somehow a lot more relaxed than Hyunjin remembered him, his lips curving in a little and sweet embarrassed smile.

“I’m not sure I’m brave enough to get an actual piercing though.”

The chair’s wheels rattle on the floor as Hyunjin stands up. He carefully walks closer, keeping a bit of distance because he’s not sure if he can hug Jeongin right now. They grew close so fast, burning just like the cigarette Hyunjin pressed on Jeongin’s lips a month and a half ago, but would it be okay now to wrap his arms around him again?

He stops in front of the bench, right before their legs can touch. “It’s okay if you don’t get one.” Hyunjin feels oddly breathless as he speaks. “Have you been doing well?”

He feels every inch of his skin tensing in anticipation, hoping Jeongin will answer with a ‘yes’.

“I wanted to apologize to you in person,” he says instead. “I went back to my parents’ place and it was rough but I was still wrong, I could’ve called you or send a text and—”

“I asked something else.”

Jeongin blinks in surprise, pouty lips closing shut and a blush creeping up to the apples of his cheeks.

How can you miss so much someone you’ve known for so little? 

Hyunjin had never believed in divine intervention before Jeongin’s lips landed on his for the first time. If Jeongin were church, he would get on his knees. 

”I’ve been doing better than the last time you saw me.”

It’s impossible not to notice the slight changes in Jeongin’s appearance: his longer hair, the thin line of blurred eyeliner that follows his eyelashes or the different cut of his jeans shorts, more casual. He still, however, fiddles with his rosary ring on his index finger like Hyunjin has seen him do several times.

“And are you safe?”

“Yes, of course,” Jeongin looks right back up. “Minho hyung is like… a scary rabid bunny.” He chuckles at his own words and tension finally shakes off of Hyunjin’s skin.

“That sounds actually terrifying.”

“You’re safe from his fury.” Jeongin laughs a little. “He’s actually right outside of here, special hyung emotional support.”

Hyunjin can’t hold back his next words, blurting out of his lips like an instant reaction at Jeongin’s shy shrug. 

“You’re so sweet.”

Faded red and pink bloom on Jeongin’s already rosy cheeks and what a lovely sight it is. He lifts his hands from on top of his thighs and Hyunjin doesn’t know what to expect, until Jeongin’s fingers brush against his own.

“Is this still okay?”

Hyunjin’s quick in intertwining their hands, fitting perfectly with each other. He nods to Jeongin’s answer and steps closer, pathetically feeling more relaxed now that he can breathe in Jeongin’s scent. Changbin was right the other night, he needs an intervention.

Or to be exactly like this, here, holding Jeongin’s hands once again.

“I left Busan, like— officially,” Jeongin tells him, a hint of sadness but also a lot of resolution in his voice, just like in his eyes. “My parents wanted me to stay home or at least at Minho’s, but I really need some new air for a while after this month, and my older brother lives here too, so… I’m here. Or on his couch, I think.” He mutters quietly the last few words, sweet in his embarrassment.

Hyunjin thinks about the size of his bed in his studio apartment, then scratches that thought and remembers that Chan was looking for a roommate. It would be convenient, if Jeongin can survive Seungmin.

He could beat him, probably.

“So you and your parents are okay?”

Jeongin cringes slightly at the question. “Kind of. They struggle to understand me and my choices but we’ve done a lot of talking. Which made me exhausted and I apologize, really, I’m sorry if I didn’t answer back anymore. I didn't want anyone to see me or hear me or read me like that.”

A deep sigh sits in Hyunjin’s chest, along with a strong feeling of fondness.

“It’s okay,” he smiles tenderly at Jeongin. “I was just sitting here writing sappy blog posts and such…” He tries to make him laugh and, thankfully, he succeeds. Shy and pretty, Jeongin laughs and looks away, shaking his head. Hyunjin pokes the back of his hand, still locked with his own. “Don’t apologize a third time.”

“Okay, okay, I won’t.”

“Perfect.”

A calm silence falls between them, allowing them to look at each other now without the same amount of tension as the start. Hyunjin sees Jeongin’s eyes straying to his longer hair and then to the new set of piercings on his left ear. They travel down, sit for a millisecond on his lips and then go back up.

“How have you been doing? Honestly.”

“I have been doing well. I’ve been working a lot,” Hyunjin answers, butterflies storming in his chest as Jeongin starts feeling the rings on some of his fingers. “Seungmin filled my schedule to the brim last week. I pierced a countless amount of lobes and noses, and industrial piercings are getting popular again, they go from here… to here.”

He traces the line with one finger on Jeongin’s ear, holding back a smile when he has to tuck strands of hair behind it first.

“It sounds cool.”

“The trick is that you can get it only if you have the right anatomy for it,” Hyunjin explains. And it feels so natural to be slotted in between Jeongin’s legs again, to be this close and talk so casually.

“Do I?” Jeongin asks, a bit curious. 

Hyunjin seeks the opportunity, leans into his space and notices the way Jeongin’s eyes fall on his lips again. “Let me take a good look.” He inches closer to Jeongin’s side to get a quick glance at his ear — on this one the folds seem okay, he should actually check better in consideration later — and then presses his lips on Jeongin’s cheekbone in a gentle kiss.

It doesn’t last even a full second but it’s enough, as Jeongin exhales a shaky relieved breath at the touch.

“I’ve missed you,” Jeongin’s fingers twitch in their hold around Hyunjin’s hand. “I kept thinking about you every day.”

“Me too, Innie. Me too.”

Hyunjin had never known devotion until he met Jeongin. And it is so clear now, as their lips meet in a long awaited kiss, how much the man he’s holding has captured his heart and soul. Hyunjin swallows his every sigh and searches for Jeongin’s heartbeat with the palm of his hand, trying to be sure that he didn’t fall asleep at his desk like he has done before on his shift, that Jeongin is here and that he is at peace with himself, that he can smile and laugh and live without a heavy burden on his shoulders like when he first met him.

A knock on the door makes them both startle and Hyunjin can’t help but cradle Jeongin’s cute rosy cheeks in his hands. 

“Stop,” Jeongin slaps him away as he chuckles quietly, yet he welcomes Hyunjin’s last peck. “Okay, step away now, go.” Another gentle slap on Hyunjin’s chest and an embarrassed shy smile on his lips. Oh , Hyunjin thinks of so many indecent things they should lock him up.

The door creaks slightly as it opens and Hyunjin is glad that the only thing Seungmin can see is him and Jeongin’s back because, if he can hide his emotions, Jeongin is instead a full and flushed open book.

“Sorry to interrupt but— Are the people in front of the studio waiting for you?” Seungmin leans on the door as he asks the question. “One of them is pacing back and forth and I would like to know if I have to prepare him to witness an extreme piercing or not.”

Jeongin looks panicked at Hyunjin, unsure of what to say. “It’s a simple one,” Hyunjin tries to save him from coming out with an answer for a piercing that’s not visible. “Belly buttons at the end of summer are a classic.”

“Okay, got it,” Seungmin nods and salutes Hyunjin while winking at him.

The door closes behind his back in an instant and silence falls flat.

All before Jeongin snorts and hides his face in his hands, a quiet and weak “Oh my God,” escaping his lips. 

Hyunjin chuckles at the sight and combs his hair, silky smooth black strands run through his fingers once again. He still remembers the feeling of washing shampoo buds off them, Jeongin smiling in a wet kiss.

“It’s okay, Innie, Seungminnie won’t check.”

“Don’t make fun of me,” Jeongin pokes him on the stomach to reprimand him — it’s so endearing that Hyunjin is indecisive whether he wants to be poked again or poke him instead. “I’m scared of needles.”

What a cutie.

“When are you getting off work?”

The question comes out of nowhere but it’s very welcomed, sparkles of excitement pop inside Hyunjin at the implications of it. 

“Around seven, why?”

“We have a lot to talk about so…” Jeongin tries to fix his hair by running his hand through them. “We could do that over some food, my treat.”

“Oh no,” Hyunjin charges his energies in a dramatic sigh. “We’re back on fighting over bills.”

Jeongin sighs too to match him, adorable and silly. “I’ve found a good paying job so stop fighting me back.”

Hyunjin smiles at the good news. “Innie, that’s great! What is it?”

“I’m a latin tutor.” 

Jeongin’s proud as he answers, but Hyunjin’s a bit too dumbfounded by the sudden knowledge that Jeongin knows an ancient language and that he himself finds it hot — probably all for the wrong reasons.

“You what.”

“I have so many things about seminary to explain to you,” Jeongin chuckles at him. “Are you free for dinner?”

Hyunjin’s heart is hammering in his chest but its rhythm is so pleasant, it means happiness, and many other things more. “Yes, yes, I am.”

It’s hard to say goodbye, even with the knowledge they’ll see each other again in a couple of hours. Hyunjin kisses Jeongin right up to the door and Jeongin doesn’t let go of the hold on Hyunjin’s shirt until he’s breathless and he has to leave before the time he spends inside the piercing room gets too suspicious.

It’s only routine for Hyunjin to walk a client at the front desk to pay, even though he didn’t perform any service for him and will sneak the money back in Jeongin’s pocket later. And if his lips are bruised by kisses, Seungmin doesn’t point it out until Jeongin is out of the shop and engulfed by the arms of two men Hyunjin guesses must be Minho and Jisung.

Contrary to the times Jeongin has been hugged by Hyunjin, he squirms away from the hugs with a giggly smile on his face and threatening harmless punches.

He sees him again only a couple of hours after, leaning against the lamppost right outside the studio, waiting for him. The light casts a glow on the highest points of his angelic face and Hyunjin can’t contain his smile when their eyes meet.

It takes time, to get to know the parts of each other that they hadn’t had the chance to share before, when both of their lives were overturned and difficult to even grasp at. The only things they could hold onto were each other and their complicated feelings, the only things that felt real. 

Hyunjin sees the sun set behind Jeongin’s back in the evening and sees it rise and kiss his skin in the morning, the bed sheets tangled in between their bodies and their hushed voices now growing tired.

Jeongin falls asleep once the dawn has ended, muttering sleepy words against the skin of Hyunjin’s neck and taking in calm slow breaths.

“We should go to Nami Island next.”

Hyunjin traces the line of Jeongin’s spine over his shirt, taking in all of his warmth. “Should we?” Jeongin is far from fragile, he’s one of the strongest people he has ever met, but he can’t help but touch him delicately. A precious angel to pray to under his fingertips.

Jeongin gives one weak sleepy nod as an answer. “If you want to. I’m very good at planning. Tell me anything you want to do and give me three days tops.”

In a couple of months Hyunjin’s studio apartment starts to fill in with new memorabilia: magnets on his fridge, photos on his walls next to his old posters and a map glued on top of his bed with notes and post-its all over it.

Jeongin’s cross gets lost in the bottom of a drawer inside a small box, he finds it only before he finally convinces Jeongin to fully move in and he has to free some extra space for him. Jeongin’s handwriting is inside the cover of the jewelry box like a secret confession to himself. A happy one.

“I love how the world makes me feel now.”