Archive of Our Own ^beta

All the members were getting ready to head to KCON LA, an event MONSTA X hadn’t attended in quite some time. It was an amazing chance to reconnect with some of their international fans and a sort of way to celebrate their 10th anniversary. But even with the trip ahead, there was a lingering worry. Changkyun.

It had been a while since the group’s maknae had been doing well — physically and mentally. He’d participated in the three-day show celebrating the band's anniversary, but right after that, he had another setback. The company released another statement to the community explaining his absence from yet another big event. A few days ago, he hadn’t joined the Waterbomb in Busan, a highly anticipated event for fans, due to health reasons, and now it was happening again.

— Are you going to be okay?— Minhyuk asked as he packed for the trip.

— Of course I will. Don’t worry.— the youngest replied. — I’m not a kid anymore, I know how to take care of myself.—

— You know you’ll always be our baby, right?— Minhyuk teased him, and Changkyun just rolled his eyes.

— I’ll call as soon as we land, okay?— Kihyun said, leaving a kiss on his boyfriend’s forehead. Changkyun just nodded. They usually didn’t show affection openly, always kept it subtle, but since Changkyun hadn’t been doing well lately, Kihyun had started being a little less discreet, at least at home.

— Take care and get better soon! You’re really missed on stage, kiddo.— Minhyuk messed up the younger’s hair, and then the two older members left the dorm, leaving the maknae alone.

The trip was long, and anxiety started eating at the shorter one. He knew Changkyun wasn’t a kid anymore and could handle himself, but he couldn’t stop thinking… What if he needed them? What if he needed him? What if something like what happened with Jooheon happened again, and there was no one around this time? He shook his head, trying to get rid of those damn thoughts — he was overthinking. Changkyun would be fine. He was doing much better mentally and would call if he needed to. Plus, he wasn’t alone. He had people to rely on. Friends to lean on and a loving family. Everything would be okay. The main thing now was for Kihyun to focus on taking care of his physical health too.

As soon as they landed — just like he said — he called Changkyun, not even realizing the time difference. There was a 16-hour gap. It was daytime in LA and past midnight in Seoul.

— Baby?—

— Hm?— the younger just mumbled.

— Sorry, did I wake you?—

— No, it’s fine. I’ve got insomnia anyway. How was the flight?— he yawned on the call.

— Good, we made it safely. And how are you doing?—

— That’s great.— He smiled tiredly on the other end. — I’ve got a doctor’s appointment in the morning. Might try to sleep a bit after we talk so I’m not completely wrecked.—

— Alright, I’ll hang up now then. Don’t want you showing up like a zombie at the doctor’s.—

They both laughed.

— I’ll be okay.—

— I know you will. I trust you.—

— What about the interviews? How’s the language stuff going to work?— Changkyun changed the subject.

— Well, I think Jooheon and I will handle most of it. Minhyuk said he could manage a bit. Hyunwoo hyung feels a bit unsure, but if someone asks him something, he’ll speak up. I think the same goes for Hyungwon.—

— You’re nervous, aren’t you?— the younger's voice was deeper now, but gentle.

— How do you know me so well?— Kihyun sighed. Even though he believed in his abilities, he still felt nervous. — I know I can do it, it’s just… I feel more confident with you around.—

— Well, you know it’s okay to make mistakes. Your English is basically better than mine, and Jooheon’s there to help, plus the other hyungs have improved a lot. You’ve got this. You don’t need me for that.—

— Changkyun-ah, don’t be so modest. No way my English is better than yours. But I’ll do my best, I always do. And of course, I need you, don’t be silly.— 

— Okay, I just want you to do great. All of you.—

— I wish you were here.—

— I wish I was too… What a time for my health to fall apart.—

— Maybe it’s your age.— Kihyun teased.

— You’re the old one in this relationship.—

— Shut up! I’m only three years older than you!— Kihyun yelled, indignant, while Changkyun just laughed on the other end. — But seriously, I hope it’s nothing too serious with your back. Your rough patch really worried me, even though I knew you’d pull through.—

— Yeah… the price of being this hot, I guess…— Changkyun joked.

— Changkyun, please!!— Kihyun laughed at his boyfriend’s nonsense.

— Anyway, good luck with the interviews and the weekend performance! I know you’re all gonna kill it! You’ll be the star like always.—

— Will you watch?—

— Of course, wouldn’t miss it for anything. I’m your number one fan. Did you forget? I’m the biggest monbebe-kibebe in the world.—

— Idiot. I love you.— Kihyun laughed shyly.

— I love you too, dummy.—

— I gotta go now. The guys want to eat at this specific restaurant. And rest a bit, your doctor’s appointment is early. Keep me posted, or let one of the guys know, okay?—

— Sure, send my love to the others.—

— Will do. Bye, love you, take care.—

— Bye, love you, good luck!—

The call ended.

Kihyun unpacked and rested for the rest of the morning. Later, he’d go have lunch with the members. The next few days would be hectic. He hoped everything would go well — with the group and with his beloved’s health. With a deep sigh after a refreshing shower, he flopped onto the hotel bed and knocked out. Hyungwon said he’d call when it was time to eat.

The next morning, MONSTA X had some interviews, and everything went well. Despite some nerves, being together was more than enough. Even though the absence of the youngest weighed a bit, they would do their best for him. Kihyun did great, Jooheon did great, even Minhyuk handled it super well. Changkyun would definitely be proud — or so Kihyun thought. Speaking of him, there’d been no word from his boyfriend yet, no update on his condition, and he was starting to get worried.

— Kihyun, you okay?— Hyungwon asked, noticing the older looking more agitated than usual.

— Changkyun hasn’t replied to my message.—

— He might be sleeping. It’s what, 11 PM in Korea?— Jooheon said, slurping up his ramen.

— He doesn’t usually sleep this early.—

— Relax, man.— Minhyuk threw his arm around his shoulders. — He’s fine. If he weren’t, we’d know. Now come eat something.—

— Jooheon and Minhyuk are right. The kid knows how to take care of himself.— Shownu said with a mouthful of food.

— We even ordered chicken. He’ll reply.— Hyungwon smiled gently, and Kihyun finally gave in and joined them for lunch.

Throughout the day, the guys rehearsed for the show, did a little sightseeing, and had interviews. It was a great way to keep their minds occupied for a while. But soon, one phone call brought all the anxiety rushing back.

— Im Changkyun!—

— Hey hyung, I was already asleep when you texted. Sorry.—

— No, it’s fine. How was the doctor? How are you?— Kihyun asked, frantic.

— Hey, calm down. Breathe a bit.—

— I am calm.—

— Doesn’t sound like it.— He sighed. — I’m okay for now. The doctor suspects a herniated disc. I’m doing some tests to confirm and start treatment soon so I don’t delay the comeback.—

— You know if you’re not okay, there’s no way we’re letting you promote, right?—

— Yeah, I know. But I’ll be fine by then. I’m tired of feeling so useless.—

— You’re not useless, Changkyun.—

— I know… I just wanna be back with you guys and see our fans soon. I waited so long for our return and then this happens… It’s just frustrating.— 

— I get it. But things will get better.—

— I saw the interview. You were amazing. You all were, but especially this one guy named Yoo Kihyun really stole the show. Not only the show, but my heart too.— 

— You’re so dumb.— Kihyun giggled.

— For you, I’m the dumbest person alive.—

— Tomorrow’s the big day.—

— And you’ll be the stars of the night. Everyone’s waiting for it. No shade to the other artists, of course.—

— Right. It feels so good to be on stage, like I’m home.—

— You’re making me jealous.—

— Naaaah, you’ll be back soon, babe.—

— I really hope so.—

— Anyway, I should hang up. We’ve got more stuff to do, and I might only be able to talk again when we’re heading back home.—

— No problem! Say hi to everyone. I’ll be waiting for you at home.— 

— Okay! You watching today?—

— Always.—

— I love you.—

— I love you too.—

The call ends.

KCON had been amazing. Reuniting with Monbebes was always a joy for the Monstas. Being on stage felt like being home. Hearing people scream their names and sing along to their songs was surreal — it reminded them just how loved they were, even after all these years. Sometimes they forgot how big they were as artists, and being reminded of that was the best feeling. Besides seeing their international fans, they also got to reconnect with an old friend and colleague. Jackson was performing as a solo artist, and it had been a while since they’d seen him, so they made the most of the reunion.

They were heading home soon. Kihyun felt content — but also anxious to see his love again and get good news.

The flight back was smooth. The members headed to their respective dorms. Hyungwon, Jooheon, and Hyunwoo went to theirs, while Minhyuk and Kihyun went straight home to meet Changkyun. The other three would drop by soon to check on the maknae. On the way from the airport, they posted a few things on Bubble and Berrys, and not long after, they arrived at their destination.

Minhyuk stretched while Kihyun unlocked the door. Their suitcases were neatly placed beside them. As they stepped inside, they removed their shoes and Kihyun called out to announce their arrival — but no answer. Maybe Changkyun was asleep. It was already a bit late.

They walked in, each heading to their rooms. They planned to order food since neither had the energy to cook and would likely crash right after. After dropping his bags off, Kihyun quietly made his way to Changkyun’s room, not wanting to wake him if he was sleeping. To his surprise, Changkyun wasn’t there. A wave of worry hit him instantly.

Kihyun burst into Minhyuk’s room, frantic. He was pacing, phone to his ear. Poor Minhyuk, fresh out of the shower, was startled by the sudden chaos.

— Jesus, Kihyun! You fucking scared me!—

— Minhyuk!—

— What?!—

— Changkyun’s not here, and he’s not picking up his phone!—

— What?! Okay, calm down, breathe! Maybe he stepped out to buy something.—

— He’d rather order delivery than leave the house.—

— Maybe he just needed some fresh air. You really need to calm down, Kihyun.—

— But I am calm!— Kihyun insisted, clearly not calm.

— Doesn’t seem like it.—

— And you’re way too chill, and it’s stressing me out.—

— He probably just stepped out and is on his way back. Maybe his phone died. If he’s not back by midnight, we’ll go look for him.—

— That’s too long! I’m going now.—

— Kihyun, seriously. We just got back from a long trip, we haven’t even eaten properly. Changkyun’s fine.—

— And what if he’s not?! What if he needs us? What if he needs me?!—

— It’s kinda wild seeing you like this. You really love him, don’t you?—

Kihyun just nodded in silence.

— Let’s eat something and then we’ll go look for him. I’ll let the others know.—

Kihyun hugged the taller guy tightly, whispering a quiet thank you.

Hyunwoo, Hyungwon, and Jooheon had already joined them. They were finishing dinner while Jooheon kept trying to call Changkyun — and even his parents. Kihyun was calling mutual friends, and Hyunwoo was trying to get in touch with his manager.

— I think I’ll go take a walk around the neighborhood.— Minhyuk said.

— We didn’t see him on the way here. I don’t think he’s nearby.— Hyungwon chimed in.

— Pretty sure his phone really died.— Jooheon sighed, frustrated. — Damn it, where are you, Changkyun?—

Out of ideas, with Kihyun and Minhyuk ready to go out looking for him, the sound of the front door unlocking suddenly echoed through the room. Kihyun immediately bolted toward it.

Changkyun stepped inside, completely calm, taking off his shoes — only then noticing all his hyungs staring at him, wide-eyed. Annoyed, Kihyun smacked his arm and pulled him into a tight hug.

— Where were you?!—

— I went to the studio.—

— Why didn’t you say anything?!— Minhyuk and Jooheon asked, both irritated.

— My phone died on the way back, so I just walked home.—

— Please don’t ever do that again, okay?— Kihyun said, holding his boyfriend’s face in his hands.

— Sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you guys. Honestly, I forgot you were coming back tonight.—

— It’s okay, Chang.— Hyungwon said. — But next time, at least leave a note or something. Seriously. I thought Kihyun was gonna pass out.—

— Shut up, idiot.— Kihyun muttered, blushing.

— And he almost gave me a heart attack too! Seriously, you two!— Minhyuk huffed. — I’m going to bed.—

— Since everyone’s calmer now and Changkyunnie’s home, can we crash here tonight? I’m really not in the mood to go back to the dorm.— Hyunwoo asked, scratching the back of his neck. He seemed relieved they were all together, it reminded him of the old days.

— Of course. You guys can take my room. I’ll sleep with Kyunnie.— Kihyun said, still gripping his boyfriend tightly as Changkyun stood there like a statue, trapped in his arms.

— Hyungwon, you can sleep with me. Hyung and Jooheon can take Kihyun’s room.— everyone agreed.

Minhyuk brought the dirty dishes to the sink. They’d deal with them tomorrow — they were too tired. Then he and Hyungwon went to their room. Jooheon and Hyunwoo headed to Kihyun’s room, but not before Jooheon interrupted the moment between the couple to hug his best friend and kiss his forehead. Changkyun just smiled and wished him good night. Hyunwoo waved and followed him out.

Once everyone was settled in their rooms, Kihyun sat on the couch and pulled Changkyun onto his lap.

— I was really worried. I’m sorry if I’ve been overprotective, I was just scared.—

— You don’t need to apologize. I know I haven’t been doing great these past few months, so I get why you’re worried. But I want you to know that I’m okay, and I’ll always come home. I just got a little carried away, and my battery died.— Changkyun said, gently holding his boyfriend’s hands. Kihyun still had that anxious, teary look in his eyes. — I’m sorry for making you worry, okay?—

— It’s okay. You’re here now, and that’s all that matters. But please…—

— I’ll let you know next time. I promise.—

— Thank you, really… You have no idea how scary it was to come back from so far away and not find you here.— A pout formed on Kihyun’s lips.

— Ki… I’m sorry, really! That wasn’t my intention. I’ve just been kinda spaced out lately.—

— It’s okay. Just… kiss me, please.—

— With pleasure!—

The younger one leaned in and kissed the older with a soft, gentle touch — no rush. Kihyun had only been gone a week, but it felt like forever, being away from those sweet lips. Kihyun wrapped his arms lovingly around Changkyun’s neck, and a shiver ran down the younger’s spine. His hands gently caressed Kihyun’s waist, sending warmth all over the elder’s body. Ten years of dating, and Changkyun still made Kihyun feel like it was the first time — and Kihyun had the same effect on Changkyun.

After a long, passionate kiss, they pulled away slightly, staring at each other with those goofy, love-struck smiles. Changkyun gently stroked Kihyun’s cheek as Kihyun looked at him with nothing but love, affection, and care. They sat there in comfortable silence — just the two of them. A silence that was only theirs.

"Today was a very difficult day

My heart aches when I see you

I'm sorry that being by your side

Is the only thing I can do for you

Because you're so beautiful when you smile

Whenever you lose that smile

I want to give it back to you

Even though I gave it my all

I'd rather cry than let you cry

I want to be hurt than let you get hurt

I never want to see

You hurt again

Loving someone

More than I can handle

It's strange

When you love someone..."