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I went to that store that night, with my kid brother in tow. I didn’t invite him or nuthin, but it was nice to have some company, even if the company’s freaking out behind ya as you work. I wanted to turn around and ask for a bit of faith in me, but I continued anyway, as my brother continued to plead with me in a fit of hysterics.
My brain had finally cleared up, and I could think and sort of hear clearly for the first time in a while, a long long while. It was turned way up, and the silence (the only sounds being walking, breathing, etc) was almost just as bad as not hearin anything at all. The fuzzy edges had cleared out, sort of like when you finally put on glasses when ya got bad vision.
As I was deliberating and listenin to the ringing silence, Rusty James was followin, trying to talk me outta everything. He always had sort of an intuition for these kinds of things, and I began to doubt myself as I jimmied the lock, walking into the store. Despite whatever he was sayin, though, Rusty James followed me in, shouting at me as I turned on the light.
I couldn’t see in the dark, I didn't know what he wanted from me.
Besides, his hollerin was probably gonna wake the neighborhood more than me turning on a single light. I made my way in, admiring all the gaudish sort of decor and looking at all the animals, trying to find that one section I had spent hours at. Rusty James trailed behind me cautiously, and I could almost smell the fear from him, it was that thick.
It was something you sort of picked up, if you were in a gang. After all, if you picked someone that was about to turn tail if any fighting happened, and you pick them to be part of your kit for a rumble or even a normal fight? You're done for.
Anyways, as I continued, I looked at all the cages, and none of them were locked all the way, not with anything special, only some push locks that were probably just designed so the animals couldn’t get out. I didn’t know why this place hadn’t been robbed or the animals hadn’t been released yet, I guess no one just wanted to rob this dump of a place.
I found the fish soon enough, and stared at them for a second, watching the glimpses of red and blue that flickered on the fish like a bad connection on a TV screen.
I started to open the cages for animals, starting with the animals that could actually move quickly, the dogs and cats and birds. Some of them didn’t want to move out of their cages, and as I started to reach into the first cage, I felt Rusty James tugging at my sleeve, pulling me away from the display cases.
“Rusty James..” I said softly, brushing him off.
“You can’t- the cops are gonna-” His voice was choked, terror clinging to his words.
“Hey, hey.”
I turned to face him, rubbing his arm up and down.
“You’ve seen what i do. This aint anything, yeah?”
“The- the officer, man, he’s out to get you, this could be-”
I shushed him gently, nudging him towards the counter. I had never seen my baby brother so shaken up, and I basically had to help him towards the counter, he was tremblin so bad. I hauled him up so he was half-leanin half-seated on the counter, and went back to trying to coax the littlest of the cats and dogs, the ones that hadn’t left yet, out of the cages.
They were real cute, me and Rusty James always wanted some animal when we were younger. I wanted a cat, one of those deep orange ones, with their sort of vibrant eyes. Rusty James always liked dogs.
I was holdin one of the kittens, petting it real soft and gentle, as much as I could, before Rusty James, soundin all scared like the little cat in my hands, whispered my name. My real name. Not some ‘The Motorcycle Boy,’ no, somethin I hadn’t been called since I was young, real young.
“Jaz- Jasper..?”
I dropped the bitty cat i was holding back into the cage as fast i could without hurting his or her little feet, and was at my brothers side as quick as I managed, and with a jolt, I realized my brother was crying. My brother never cried. Not even as a kid, he would lapse into quiet fits, and he wailed and screamed, but he never cried.
I lifted his head up as gently as I could, wiping away his tears.
“Whats wrong, Rusty James?” i tried to ask the question as kindly as I could, but I definitely sounded just like my normal. He didn’t seem to mind, grabbing the front pieces of my jacket, clutching it so tight his knuckles lightened.
“I dunno, man, I just…” He sniffled. “I’m just scared. Feels more scary than anythin I’ve ever done, yknow man?”
My lips pulled down, and I pressed my hand against his chest, feeling his heart pound wildly.
“Why’re you scared, kid? Aint nuthin to be scared about. I’ve done worse, you’ve seen it.”
He tugged me closer, so I moved to where his knees were pressed up against me, and he refused to let go.
“Yeah, I know, but man, theres been so much goin on over the days and…and y’know the cops goin after you and I- I don’t want you to leave me, man.” Rusty James sounded heartbroken, and I couldn’t help but feel a bit guilty.
“I would never leave you, okay? You can’t get rid of me that fast, kid, no one can.” I grinned at that, ruffling his hair.
He was still jittering quite a bit, and with a glance back at the rumble fish, I made up my mind.
“Hey, Rusty James, wanna get outta here?”
And I meant out.
“I’ll take ya to California.” I breathed, when he didn’t say anything. “I’ll show you the ocean. You’re gonna love it, more than I ever will.”
I wiped away the tear tracks on his face, rubbing his arm to calm him down.
“Yeah? Don’t that sound nice?”
He snuffled a bit, wiping at his face again.
“Mhm, yeah, that sounds real good man…we ain’t gonna see mom, right?”
I felt like laughing, and I knew my brother could see that I was laughing, through my eyes.
“Naw, of course not. I won’t let her come near us at all, yeah? If I see her, I’ll beat the hell outta her f’ya.”
I leaned down, pressing my hand back against his chest again, feeling his heart, slowed down quite a bit, and pleased, I stood up.
“Cmon, then, wipe ya tears.” I dabbed at his face one final time, and helped him stand.
“Aint the cops gonna come after you, man?” Rusty James was still shaking a bit, but he seemed to feel a bit better bout touching me, cause he used me as a sort of crutch, propping himself up.
“They will, they will.” That probably wasn’t too reassuring, but I couldn’t hear any sirens, so I walked out of the front door confidently, hands in my pockets like I did nothing wrong. And I didn’t, not really.
My vision was getting blurry round the edges again, and the noise was turning down low again, but I could hear my brother pretty damned clear, which was the only thing that mattered.
“We aint- are we goin back home? What about the old man?”
He caught up with me, grabbing my sleeve so I would slow down.
“Is there anything you want from home? Anyone you wanna say goodbye to?”
He stared at me for a second, and shook his head slowly.
“I just- there isn’t anyone, man, I just want my jacket. Ain’t it cold in California?”
“I didn’t really notice.”
Noticing how he sort of deflated at my answer, I managed a, “I’m pretty sure it was colder than here. Read it in a book, too.” And ruffled his hair again.
We were walking down the street again, back to our house. I was pretty sure I could hear the sirens now, loud wailing that echoed on the streets. It didn’t matter though- I would be outta here soon.
When we made it up the stairs, Rusty James disappeared into the house, and returned with his leather jacket, cigarettes, and other stuff he was stuffing into his pockets. He was looking behind me too, giving whoever was behind me the dirtiest damn look I’d seen on him.
I turned, having a pretty good idea of who was behind me, and sure enough, Cassandra was standing there, holding a cat in her arms, rusty orange and beautiful, both of them.
“You’re leaving again, aren’t you?”
She said quietly, petting the calm creature in her arms. I just smiled at her, moving closer to stroke the cat as well.
“This time, it should be for good.”
Her eyes filled with tears, but she smiled back at me, shakily.
“Will I ever see you again?”
I shrugged, and that seemed to be the answer she needed, because she put down the cat, and hugged me hard around the waist, and I could feel tears seeping through my jacket but I didn't mind. I just pet her hair, and we stood there for a bit, frozen in the moment.
She released me after a bit, and rubbed her eyes.
“I’ll- I’ll miss you.” She said, all soft like.
I nodded. “I’ll miss you too.” And it was sincere, surprising myself, and most definitely her and Rusty James.
She smiled shakily at me, and I looked her up and down.
“Go chase your dreams, Cassie.” I said softly. “Don’t let this place, or me, keep that beautiful smile of yours down.”
Cassandra scooped her cat up again, and looked at both me and Rusty James.
“Bye, Jasper.” She said warmly. I heard the choked “what the hell-?” as Rusty James spluttered, and she flounced off, with a grin.
“Man, you gave her your real name??”
“She was the world..” I said softly, following her with my eyes.
“I don’t get you sometimes, man, you know that? You say you hate druggies, then you give your real name to that-?”
“Hey.” I knew what he was gonna say, and looked at him weirdly. I knew my brother didn’t like her, not at all, and he and his friends picked on her, but I didn’t know how far it went. “Don’t cuss out girls, no matter how much you don’t like them. Besides, she said she was clean now.”
“And your just gonna believe that?” He was astonished. “Yknow, she got drugged up cause you left the first time, man? Shes gonna do it again!”
“I trust her. Shes a smart girl, just a bit emotional.” I looked at my kid brother. “She kinda reminds me of you, sometimes.”
He rolled his eyes, muttering things about how he didn’t get me, and how he wasn’t like her, not at all.
I just smiled again, indulgently half-listening as we went down the stairs, and I took the first motorcycle I could find. I felt Rusty James climbing in behind me, and as I revved the engine, I could feel him holding on for dear life.
“You ready?” I asked, over the loud roar.
He nodded, and with one last look around, we were off to California, the sunset gleaming gold over both of us.