Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

You might be wondering, “Shuriken, how the hell do you live a double life while also working part-time at one of Thieves’ Den’s most busiest cafés while also having an extremely overprotective sister?”

To be completely, totally, and sincerely honest - he doesn’t know. Like, he did, but if you were to ask him exactly how he’d accomplished such a feat, the words would leave him on the spot.

One thing that he could answer on the spot, however, was how screwed he was gonna be when he got back home.

You see, Shuriken had dealt with a scuffle in one of the shadier regions of Thieves’ Den - nothing that he couldn’t handle, right? He’s the Silver Shadow! The people love him. He’s literally almost gotten blown up before and walked out of it like it was nothing. Because he is a professional.

…Except there had been one too many thugs, and he’d gotten his ass beat and then served to him on a plate. Not that he would be telling anyone other than you, dear reader. The Silver Shadow cannot be caught lacking.

He’d technically won, yeah, but thugs didn’t miraculously disappear when you bested them in a fight. And Shuriken didn’t particularly have the energy to track them down right now. He could go and do it - a professional such as himself can outdo some street thugs who pickpocket little kids for fun - but perhaps this once he could be caught lacking. Just for a little bit.

And now he had a particularly nasty bruise below his eye where one of the thugs had managed to land a hit on him and if Shuriken didn’t find a way to cover it up before morning, Vine Staff was going to behead him and feed him as fertilizer to her plants.

“Oh, Shuriken, you should probably tell your sister! I’m sure she would understand!” Is what you may be thinking at the current moment.

And Shuriken would tell his sister, honestly, but he’d gotten himself caught up in too much trouble that it would be just a little difficult to explain that, yes, he had almost gotten blown up on more than one occasion. Not to mention that Vine Staff almost exclusively followed the Silver Shadow’s activities when they showed up on the news, which had led to several scenes where Shuriken had to literally watch himself on TV while Vine Staff ate breakfast.

Anywho, Vine Staff was one issue. But Sling? Oh, gods. Slingshot was something else entirely.

His sister was overprotective, but Slingshot could sentence him to the treacherous activity of dishwashing.

Shuriken hated dishwashing. At home, it was annoying, but the three of them didn’t really use up any plates.

But at the café? That was a literal nightmare. Anybody on dishwashing duty was given the deepest condolences by the other staff because of how terrible it was. There were always piles of plates that never seemed to shrink no matter how fast you scrubbed, and they were always nasty. Shuriken would rather give himself up to Vine Staff’s flytraps than have to deal with that.

Anyways, back to his bruise. Shuriken has quite the habit of getting carried away. The professional has lots of amazing thoughts to think about, you couldn’t really blame him.

Shuriken, due to the nature of his job, was quite proficient in hiding bruises. Did it involve some makeup that he had to steal from his sister? Yes, it did. But the Silver Shadow, vigilante of Thieves’ Den, couldn’t risk becoming plant fertilizer.

He wasn’t any sort of makeup expert (unless his arm tattoo counted), and he’d had to search up how to hide bruises on incognito mode on his crappy laptop when he’d first become a vigilante. But now he could effectively hide his bruises without a second glance.

The issue? He was out of concealer.

And so, the Silver Shadow, the professional, the master of disguise, was going to a makeup store to find himself some concealer. (Not that boys couldn’t wear makeup. Shuriken is very supportive of everyone and how they choose to express themselves, you know. What kind of vigilante would he be?)

Shuriken searched for any makeup stores, which literally all turned out to be closed. What if the people of Thieves’ Den want some makeup at one in the morning? What then?

He ended up just entering a convenience store, going into the beauty section in his complete vigilante outfit. The cashier doesn’t even bat an eye - they look tired as fuck and Shuriken honestly feels bad for them. Working in customer service does something to the mind that can’t be fixed.

But anyways.

The Silver Shadow is a man on a mission.

A mission to find the right concealer shade.

He ends up spending way longer than he should picking between two shades before just eventually doing the ancient, sacred ritual of eeny-meeny-miney-moe and picking the one he lands on.

Shuriken also buys himself a bag of sour candies (a professional needs his nutrients) and then a bar of chocolate. And then another, to ward off his sister if she does end up finding out about his bruise.

He goes to the register, staring at the cashier, who barely even seemed to notice that a literal vigilante was in front of them. But Shuriken didn’t really mind. He wasn’t some big hotshot or whatever - a good vigilante is humble and doesn’t have an ego that could serve as an atmosphere.

“Your total will be.. 17 dollars and 37 cents. Cash or card?”

Shuriken pulls out a wad of cash he estimates to be about twenty bucks and hands it to the cashier. The cashier counts the money before handing him his change, yawning.

He grabs his items, but he slides one of the bars of chocolate over to the cashier. “You can have this, dude.”

The cashier blinks a few times, and then seems to wake up from the customer-service induced state of dissociation. “Wh- oh. I- uh, thanks, man- er, Silver Shadow.”

“‘M just a normal guy behind his mask. Get some sleep, man.” Shuriken shrugs, ripping his bag of sour candies open and popping one into his mouth. They aren’t as sour as he would like.

The cashier nods, opening his chocolate bar. “Yeah.. I will. Thanks.”

Shuriken nods, and then takes off with his grappling hook. What kind of vigilante would he be without his grappling hook, honestly? Every good vigilante needs one handy.

And now comes the tricky part. Getting home without waking up Vine Staff or Slingshot.

But you see, Shuriken is an intelligent man. Everyone knew that Shuriken snored loudly - even Shuriken himself! He is very humble about his faults, yes, everyone should clap.

Anyways, to prevent any sort of suspicions about his nightly excursions, Shuriken would play an audio of him snoring that he’d recorded a while ago from his Bluetooth speaker and then leave.

A master of trickery, if he does say so himself.

Luckily, his apartment is not too far from the convenience store, and he makes it there easily with a few large swings of his grappling hook. He remembered to leave the window open (thank goodness, that window was so squeaky for absolutely no reason), and so now he makes his descent into his bedroom, like a true man.

Shuriken cringes at the sound of his own snoring, but it is a necessity for his vigilante life to go under the radar. He heads into his bathroom, which is only a hallway across from his room, and locks the door behind him.

The bruise isn’t as bad as he thought it was, but still something that could get him fed to plants if he didn’t cover it.

Setting down his bag, he opens the concealer before scouring his cabinets for the color corrector he’d purchased. This bruise was more purple-ish, which meant he’d have to use the yellow corrector.

Shuriken wipes off his first layer of face paint before applying the yellow corrector. Then, he swipes on the concealer, pleased with how smooth it blends into his skin tone. See, the method of eeny-meeny-meiny-moe never fails him.

He heads back to his bedroom, tossing the bag into a corner before changing into his pajamas. Shuriken has not let the city of Thieves’ Den down tonight - he even bought a man chocolate. Isn’t that just great?

All in a day’s work.

Chapter Text

If there was one thing that Shuriken could admit about himself (other than being extremely handsome and talented, of course), it’d be that he was nosy.

And so, when a trio dressed in perhaps the most conspicuous clothes you could be wearing in Thieves’ Den walks into the café he works at, Shuriken really couldn’t help himself but to eavesdrop. Hey, that line kind of sounds like the start of a bad joke.

Shuriken is on serving duty today, which gives him the perfect opportunity to listen in on the trio’s conversation. Shuriken is using his resources, okay? Don’t blame him. He knows exactly what he is doing because he is a professional.

Being a vigilante, Shuriken needs to know what’s going on in Thieves’ Den, just to get a feel of what might be happening in the further regions. And his method of doing that? Listening to people yap at the café.

He didn’t know what Slingshot put in the drinks, but Shuriken had heard some of the wildest things while he was serving coffees and pastries. There was definitely some sort of drug that just enticed people to spill all of their life out in the span of an hour-long yap session while sipping coffee. Like that one time he’d heard that some girl’s husband had an affair with her brother. He and Vine Staff had been waiting for a sequel since forever, but the girl had never came back in after that.

Had Slingshot lectured him at least once about spying on the customers? Maybe. But the Silver Shadow needed his intel somehow, and he wasn’t about to turn down a perfectly good intel-collecting spot.

The trio is clearly not from Thieves’ Den - they actually look to be from Lost Temple, which gives Shuriken the shivers. Not that he’s scared of anything - the Silver Shadow is a fearless man - but Lost Temple had all sorts of odd activities going on inside, and Shuriken had even heard a rumor of some sort of weird cult completely taking over the place.

Yeesh. Could a faction just not be normal anymore? Blackrock had been one thing with its killer robots and questionable government, but Lost Temple with its cults and violent population was a fierce competitor for the “most fucked up faction nobody would want to live in” award.

But anyways. Again, a vigilante such as him who thinks all the time has nothing to think about except his amazing thoughts. Even if it means getting carried away sometimes.

He wanders closer to the trio, with some waters meant for a table a few paces away in his hands.

“Who are we even meant to be here for?” One of them asks. He had an almost posh accent - certainly not a Lost Temple one - and yet he was clearly from Lost Temple. Odd. Shuriken couldn’t really place where the accent was from, actually. Not that he was stupid, unlike what his roommates insisted. He was very intelligent and could easily claim his title as the world’s smartest man if he really wanted to.

“I’ve been hearing whispers about a new vigilante around these parts!” Another one replies. Shuriken had to try his best to keep from dropping the waters. “He could prove as a nice thief for our family, don’t’cha think, Rifle?”

The third one hums, inspecting her claws in the sunlight. “Yea, yea, whatever. We need new recruits, is what Broker is tryna say. And nobody in Lost Temple seems particularly willin’, so we’re gonna hafta extend past that.”

“So we’re outsourcing acolytes?” The first voice questions.

“Bingo, Doc!” The second voice answers.

“Don’t call me Doc.”

Shuriken hurries away, dropping off the waters before rushing back to the kitchen.

This was just dandy. Wonderful. Splendid, even. He had some odd cult from Lost Temple following him. No problem! He was a professional. And professionals could deal with some overly religious weirdos any day.

—

Shuriken couldn’t really lie, he was just a tad bit nervous about his patrol tonight.

Not because of any looming cultists trying to find him - oh, no. Totally not because of that. Shuriken is a master of disguise, the Silver Shadow, the hero of Thieves’ Den! He can do anything.

..okay, maybe he’s a little scared. But with how out-of-place and unnerving the trio looked - especially the one named Rifle - Shuriken would be insane to not be at least the tiniest bit scared. A true man only shits his pants a little in the face of danger.

See? The Silver Shadow is a very humble man who can admit his fears when it comes to it. There is no reason to be seeking him out for some sort of ‘family’, whatever sort of cult that was. He just wanted to protect his city, you know? Normal things to want to do in life.

So, what does Shuriken do to calm him down?

He brings a bag of sour gummies with him. Like any sane person would do in this sort of situation. The Silver Shadow may be very manly and magnificent, but he also samples the most exquisite sour gummies in his free time.

And off he goes into the night with his grappling hook and his gummies.

Shuriken’s favorite perch is at the top of a giant temple in the center of Thieves’ Den, which serves as a spawn point for most demons. It’s tall, and virtually nobody can see him up there, which means that he can’t get jumped by any cultists.

Wow, Shuriken is good at avoiding weirdos. He should get an award.

Except when he gets up to the top, there’s somebody there.

Okay. Okay. No need to panic. Maybe it’s a fellow vigilante, even though Thieves’ Den is severely lacking in those. (Seriously, it’s almost concerning. Shuriken would like to have a vigilante buddy, but, you know. He has to do everything himself these days.) Hopefully. Maybe it’s just some harmless guy who likes scaling really tall buildings for fun. Shuriken did that. This guy was just like him! Surely.

Shuriken scales the temple and settles down some ways away from the figure, digging into his bag of gummies. “Hey, dude.”

The man turns, and Shuriken does his best not to piss himself when he realizes it’s the man from the café. The one who had said he’d be a nice thief. And, well, he is a very good thief, if he does say so himself, but he steals from the rich and the rich only. The sort of thief this man was implying was the type of thief Shuriken did not wanna be. He knew when not to cross the line. He’s very good like that.

“Well, hello, there!” The man greets with excess cheeriness. “Are you the vigilante I’ve been hearing so much about?”

“Uhh.. yep. That’s me.” Maybe not the figure of strength with that introduction. But, alas, this was Shuriken’s super secret technique of pretending to be some sort of loser guy who works at a café and steals his sister’s makeup before revealing himself to be amazing and really cool. Yup. All a part of the plan.

“Say, would you be particularly interested in joining my family? We’ve got loads of vigilantes just like you! I’m sure it gets lonely here, as the only vigilante.”

Shuriken shakes his head. “Nah, I’m good.”

The man pauses. “..that’s it?”

“Yep. Want a sour gummy?”

“I.. okay then!”

Shuriken pulls a few sour gummies out of the bag, picking out the flavors he doesn’t like in the moonlight (he isn’t gonna be that generous to some cultist who probably is way richer than he will ever be) and hands them over to the man.

The man stares at the gummies for a second. “Thank you, I suppose! I’d best be off now!”

Shuriken hums. “Have fun doing.. whatever you do in your free time, dude.”

“Oh, I promise you that I will!”

Shuriken glances away, and when he looks back, the man is gone.

..oookay. He just disappeared. Nothing that Shuriken should be worried about. At least he still has his sour gummies.

Shuriken thinks for a moment, wondering what he should do next. It was too early for him to return home - Slingshot would probably still be awake. What could he do now?

Well. Let’s see.

He could:

1. Go try and find another vigilante (unlikely)
2. Get some more snacks (good option)
3. Wander around (decent)

And then he remembers.

Thieves’ Den doesn’t have another vigilante, but what it does have is a hero.

Specifically, one named Hannya.

The issue is, Hannya doesn’t really come around anymore - some people said he went into retirement, or something like that. Shuriken didn’t really know, but the guy was a pretty big inspiration for him, and if there was anybody more magnificent than him, it would probably be Hannya.

Not that Shuriken would be telling anybody this normally. You’re special, dear reader. After all, why else would you be reading his 100% foolproof guide on how to live a double life if you didn’t want secrets about him? Just because you like his character? Yeah, okay.

Well, actually - Shuriken wouldn’t be too upset about that, honestly.

Shuriken pops another gummy into his mouth. Considering that there were creepy cultists in Thieves’ Den, who seemed to be the exact type of “corruption” Hannya was always promising on getting rid of, there was actually a solid chance Hannya would reappear tonight.

See, Shuriken does have some brain cells, unlike what Vine Staff says.

And so, he grapples into the night, on a hunt for Hannya.

—

Despite how mysterious Hannya was, Shuriken actually found the guy patrolling pretty easily. Because, you know, Shuriken is a talented vigilante who knows exactly what he is doing. Mhm. Totally.

And - okay, here comes a momentary fanboy ad break - Shuriken just might be going crazy because he’s pretty sure he’s the first person who has seen Hannya in a couple of months.

Hannya. The guy was a little bit too slow on his feet for Shuriken’s liking, but it was his morals that made him inspiring. Yeah, morals. Shuriken knows what that word means.

And so, what does Shuriken do?

He jumps down behind Hannya and follows him. Obviously.

Except Hannya spins around, slicing his katana through the air like it weighs nothing. But it clearly does, because that shit is huge.

Okay. Maybe trying to stalk Hannya was a bad idea. But it’s okay! Because Hannya is literally only a couple feet away from him, and he looks so cool with his hero getup, and Shuriken really should ask him who his designer is.

Focus, Shuriken.

“Oh, hi, dude,” Shuriken greets with as much casualness as he can muster. “I, just, uh- wanted to say hi. Because, you’re like, a really big inspiration of mine. And you’re super cool.”

Hannya pauses, very clearly surprised by the interaction. (And maybe even astounded by how awesome he is.) “Who are you? Why were you following me?”

“Oh- uh, I’m the Silver Shadow! A vigilante. Who is a very nice guy. I give to charities, you know. And I was following you because, like, you kind of disappeared and I was just a little bit shocked about seeing you again. And I’ve always wanted the chance to talk to you in person. Not in a creepy way, though- I’m not a freak.”

Hannya just stares at him from behind his mask. “I.. see.”

“So.. um.. why are you back out, Hannya? Cuz, like, everyone thought you retired or something.”

“There has been whispers of a corruption spreading through Thieves’ Den,” Hannya explains. “Have you seen anything of the sort?”

Shuriken scratches the back of his head. “Uh, well, there was this guy who tried to get me to join some sorta family when I started my patrol.. he was kind of weird. I gave him sour gummies, though. He liked those.”

Hannya sighs. “He has been plaguing this city for years. I thought I’d gotten rid of him by now.”

Shuriken stands there awkwardly. He doesn’t really know what to say. And he always knows what to say. You couldn’t really blame him, though, because he’s standing in front of the great hero Hannya. You would probably be speechless, too. Hannya just has that aura.

“If you see him again, Silver Shadow, do not let his words get to you. They are demonic and intend to destroy you.”

“Will do, man.” Shuriken really doubts that the guy was demonic, but, you know. He’d take Hannya’s word over that weirdo. “Want a sour gummy?”

Hannya tilts his head to the side. “No. But thank you for the gift.”

“You’re welcome, bro. I’ll be off now.”

And then, in a display of his awesomeness, Shuriken launches his grappling hook and does a flip mid-air. Because why not? He can afford to show off a little in front of his idol.

Today has been a great day to be the Silver Shadow, honestly.

—

(Hannya is bewildered by the vigilante. He is positive it is one of his neighbors, Shuriken, the one who has an affinity for backflips. They sounded far too similar and he was eating the same sour gummies Hannya saw him eating earlier while hanging out with his sister. It isn’t difficult to make the connection.)

Chapter Text

Shuriken, for one, single, glorious day, gets to be unemployed!

Well, unless being a vigilante counted as a job. He didn’t think it did, considering it went against the law (although the law enforcement in Thieves’ Den didn’t really mind him that much anymore, all because of Shuriken’s amazing aura), but, you know. Life has lots of paradoxes, like how Vine Staff had once said she was speechless and then continued to yell at Shuriken for the next forty minutes for knocking over her plants.

But anyways, because Shuriken didn’t have to work a shift today at Slingshot’s café, he’d decided to go out on an earlier patrol and stop crimes. And while Shuriken did like getting paid, he did not like having to scrub the floor in order to get paid. The woes of working at a café where people apparently cannot afford to not eat like toddlers.

He sincerely doubted any illegal activities were happening in broad daylight, but some people really were that stupid. Crazy, right? Unlike Shuriken, who is the most intelligent person on the planet. Yup.

(Somewhere some ways away, Vine Staff shivers.)

And while he should be staying away from the place of his employment (a very scary word, honestly), Shuriken has been patrolling the city for almost an hour now and there has been no crime. Which is a good thing, but, like, come on. Can’t he stop at least one mugging? Save a cat from a tree, even?

..gods. A cat from a tree? He’s getting desperate. He needs his sour gummies, but he ran out on his last patrol and Slingshot would definitely question his financial decisions when he did their expenses at the end of the month. He can already imagine his words: “Shuriken, why did you buy a stock of sour gummies that cost over a hundred dollars? You do realize I don’t have to pay you, right?”

The thought of having no sour gummies to munch on truly devastates Shuriken.

And so, with his awesome grappling hook, Shuriken makes his way over to the café.

“But, Silver Shadow, aren’t you worried about getting recognized by your roommate?” Is probably what you are thinking right now.

But Shuriken is a professional, a master of disguise, the Silver Shadow! He is above getting outed in a cat café in front of his roommate who had once had to wear a maid dress for a whole month. He is simply too good like that.

And when he strolls into the café, wondering what sort of pastry he should get, he walks into a robbery.

A robbery! At his place of work! How blasphemous. Honestly, the robbers of Thieves’ Den should know better. Shuriken gets free muffins weekly,  and if that is ever taken away from him, he will cry.

Slingshot is at the register, having an expression of deep ire on his face. It’s a bit surreal to see him as the Silver Shadow, but, you know. This sort of situation was bound to happen at some point or another. Slingshot’s café was one of the most successful in Thieves’ Den - if Shuriken was a robber, he’d probably steal from it too.

..woah. Hey. This is the sort of thief the weird cultist guy wanted him to be. And that was a big no-no.

“Hey, dudes,” Shuriken greets casually. “Kind of rude of you to rob, you know.”

“Dude, what the fuck are you talking about? We’re robbing this place! We have guns! ” Said one of the robbers incredulously, waving their gun around in the air. As if the Silver Shadow isn’t smart enough to see it. Honestly, do these robbers take him for an idiot? Because he is not an idiot. Shuriken, the professional, the hero of Thieves’ Den, is probably a lot brighter than these robbers, who are stealing from a café in the middle of the day. What amateurs.

“Oh, uh, sorry- was me walking in not apart of the script? Sorry, man. I’d hate to ruin your main character moment.”

“I’ll literally shoot you right now.”

Shuriken holds his hands up in surrender. “Woah, woah, woah. Shooting is not cool, dude. That shit kills people, did you know?”

You may be thinking, “Shuriken, what the actual FUCK are you doing right now?”

Watch and learn, dear reader. This is all a part of Shuriken’s master plan to stop crime.

The robbers are clearly not very perceptive - just as Shuriken thought, because he knows everything and he is super cool - , because they don’t seem to notice his namesake gear in between his fingers. They are very cool and badass, yes, everybody should be in awe of how awesome Shuriken is right now.

In one swift motion, he sends his shurikens flying towards the robbers, which nicely plant themselves into their bodies. The robbers screech, picking out the shurikens.

And by the time they’re done, Shuriken is already behind them. They don’t call him the Silver Shadow for nothing, right?

And because he actually does know what he is doing, the robbers are crumpling to the ground with a swift kick to the back of their knees.

Wow. Shuriken is so cool. Because he just did that.

Not that he doesn’t know what he’s doing, of course. He is a professional who has done this several times before. He is the Silver Shadow, the hero of Thieves’ Den, and he just stopped a robbery because he just has that aura.

Slingshot just stares at him for a few seconds, and then shrugs. “Thanks, dude.”

“No problem, man,” Shuriken replies easily. “Say, can I get a muffin?”

“I’m not giving you a muffin for free.”

“Wh- I just saved your life, dude!” Shuriken sputters, throwing his hands in the air. “I deserve at least one muffin.”

“Yeah, but I need to pay rent. You either pay or you don’t.”

Shuriken groans, and then eventually digs out the money needed to pay for the muffin. Gosh. He does all this amazing and magnificent work for the faction of Thieves’ Den, and he can’t even get a muffin on the house.

Slingshot takes the money, placing it neatly into the register. “Thanks for saving my café.”

“It’s all in a day’s work,” Shuriken answers. “By the way, your shoes are sick, man.”

“Thanks, dude. I bought em’ myself.” Slingshot glances down at his shoes, which are perhaps the cleanest Air Jordans Shuriken has ever seen in his entire life. Shuriken doesn’t even remember seeing those in the apartment. Slingshot must keep them in a vault someplace safe. That was probably what Shuriken would do.

Shuriken turns to leave, but then Slingshot freezes. “Wait a minute. You- you sound a lot like-“

Oh.

Oh no.

He cannot get recognized now.

“Hah, gotta go, dude! Got crimes to stop, you know the deal,” Shuriken says hurriedly, in a noticeably deeper voice, before grappling away.

—

Slingshot is going insane.

Because he is fairly confident that the Silver Shadow, the most well-known vigilante in Thieves’ Den (and the only one, but, ignore that) is his roommate. His twenty-two year old roommate who exclusively eats cereal for breakfast and cannot wash his own clothes for the life of him.

He just wants to pay rent. That’s literally all he wants to do.

And buy some new shoes, too. He’s a bit of a sneakerhead.

He is actually really stupid for not figuring out earlier, and the entire time he was talking to the guy - who is Shuriken, gods, that is so weird to think about - he was just like, “huh, that guy sounds familiar. Oh well!”

And- oh, what is he gonna tell Vine Staff? Shuriken’s sister was not a force to be reckoned with when she was mad. She had almost threatened to get rid of his Air Jordans.

And-

Wait.

If Shuriken was the Silver Shadow, didn’t this mean Shuriken had almost gotten blown up before?

Slingshot slides down against the wall, putting his head in his hands.

He can’t do this anymore.

—

Remember his phrase, “a true man only shits his pants a little in the face of danger”?

Yeah, Shuriken was actually shitting his pants quite a bit at the moment. Well, not actually, he isn’t a toddler - gods, why did he phrase it like that?

Ignoring that fun sentence, Shuriken is not excited to go home. He is scared for his life.

And professionals don’t get scared, but in this sort of situation, they honestly should be.

Because at home, Shuriken is actually not the fearless Silver Shadow, but rather just Shuriken, who plays video games in his free time and puts his right socks in his right drawer and his left socks in his left drawer. Because he’s got too much free time on his hands. Hence the whole vigilante thing.

Shuriken is praying that Slingshot didn’t tell Vine Staff. If he did, Shuriken might as well lie down in the dirt and let the earth reclaim him as its child. It would be a less painful death than whatever Vine Staff had in store for him.

Shuriken grapples home with his heart pounding out of his chest, and when he crawls through his window, Slingshot is there. Waiting. With a very menacing expression on his face. Shuriken has only seen the guy this pissed off when someone tried to get a coffee for free with a coupon to a completely different store.

“Oh, uh, hey, dude- crazy coincidence that I just happened to grapple into your house, isn’t it? Like, totally. I’m not trying to stalk you though. That would be weird,” Shuriken rambles, although he knows his fate has been sealed.

Slingshot pinches the bridge of his nose. “You are in so much trouble.”

—

Shuriken is now sitting awkwardly on his bed, still in his vigilante costume, while Slingshot paces in front of him.

“Do you know how stupid this idea is? I- you’ve almost gotten blown up before! How in the world have you not died yet? I- I am astounded. I need a minute.”

Slingshot pauses, sighing deeply. “This is fine. This is fine.”

“I-“

“Not now, Shuriken.”

“No, dude, like, where is Vine Staff? Because, like, you’re scary, but she-“

“She’s still working. I’m supposedly on my break right now. And you should be home doing the laundry, but, you know. You can go ahead and be a vigilante. That’s cool too.”

“I did the laundry, though,” Shuriken replies. See, he is a good roommate who does the laundry for other people. What sort of roommate would he be otherwise?

“Good job, Shuri,” Slingshot says, in the tone of an exhausted mother caring for five children at once. “How did you even hide this for so long?”

“My fear of you and Vine Staff has made me a master of disguise.”

Shuriken winks at you, dear reader. Yeah, you should be lucky. Shuriken does not wink at just anybody. Well- no, that sounds really wrong. Shuriken is not trying to imply that, dear reader. He just has that natural charisma.

“There’s nobody else in the room other than us- who are you winking at?”

Shuriken shrugs. “Nobody.”

“Oh gods. I can’t deal with this. Nope. You know what, Shuriken? Go out and be a vigilante. I literally do not care. Just- ugh, just don’t die. And you still have to pay your portion of rent.”

Shuriken breaks out into a grin. His aura has prevented him from a painful death of being eaten by flytraps. “And, like, you didn’t tell Vine Staff, right-?”

“No, Shuri. This is the sort of thing she has to find out by herself. I’m too tired to try and explain to her that you’re the Silver Shadow when we literally got robbed today.” Slingshot seems to collect himself with another sigh.

“Cool, cool, cool. Just making sure. Uh, I’m gonna go and do some more crime-stopping things, now. Do you want anything from the store?”

Slingshot blinks. “Uh- buy some more onions. We need them for dinner.”

Shuriken nods, and then bolts out the window before Slingshot can get mad at him again.

—

Slingshot will literally never understand his roommate ever again.

Chapter Text

Shuriken, the fearless vigilante of Thieves’ Den, the Silver Shadow, a professional , a master of disguise, is being bested by a spider.

And, to be fair, so are his roommates. Shuriken isn’t completely at fault here.

It had all started during breakfast, when Shuriken had went to grab his usual cereal in the pantry. Because cereal is what all vigilantes should be eating in the morning, especially when they have an eight-hour shift of dishwashing ahead of them. (As it turns out, Shuriken had not been able to evade Slingshot putting him on dishwashing duty, and now he was stuck doing it for an entire week. A week! Shuriken is truly devastated.)

But, anyways, back to the spider.

He had been having quite the jolly morning, apart from Slingshot glaring at him across the table, with his poor, poor sister in the middle. Oh, how clueless she was.

..not that he wanted her to find out about his vigilante thing, of course. He just didn’t want his dear sister to suffer the wrath of Slingshot’s fury towards him. See? He does care for his sister. Shuriken should get the “best little brother” award, honestly. Every other brother in the world is lacking in his magnificence.

Anywho, Shuriken had gotten up to serve himself some cereal - and also to get away from Slingshot’s piercing gaze. He wasn’t really too sure on how long Slingshot would be mad at him, but the last time Shuriken had fucked up (which was referred to as the Air Jordans Incident), Slingshot had taken about a month to fully forgive him again.

And do you know, dear reader, what Shuriken saw when he went to go get his beloved, sugary cereal with no nutritional content whatsoever?

A spider.

And not a tiny, little spider that can do no harm - no, those are the spiders Shuriken quite likes, actually. No, this spider something of a nightmare, because it was way bigger than the average spider and it was colorful. Any fauna or flora that is brightly colored in Thieves’ Den has a 99.9% chance of being lethal. He had learned that the hard way when he had almost gotten eaten by a carnivorous plant once.

If there was something Shuriken hated about his faction, it was the amount of spiders they had. And literally none of them were “normal” spiders - they all had to be poisonous or have insane jumping lengths or being immune to death or something.

“Hey, um, guys?” Shuriken said slowly.

“Hm? What is it, Shuri?” Vine Staff asked, glancing up from her very balanced breakfast of toast, eggs, and berries. Yuck.

“Now, I don’t want to alarm you, but- uh, there’s a spider in the pantry.”

“WHAT?”

—

They are all currently hiding in the room furthest from the spider. Safety precautions, y’know?

Slingshot seems to be temporarily scared out of his anger at Shuriken - which is perhaps the one good thing the spider has done - and is entirely focused on getting rid of the spider.

His catchphrase, “a true man only shits his pants a little in the face of danger”, seems to be losing its meaning quite rapidly. Who wouldn’t shit their pants when there is a brightly-colored spider in their house? Honestly.

“We need a sacrifice,” Slingshot declares, and then turns with a glint of malice in his eye to Shuriken.

“Woah, woah, woah, dude, hey, let’s talk this out, alright? You know, you don’t have to do this. Why can’t you be the sacrifice, huh? Or Vine Staff-“

Vine Staff glares at him. Shuriken puts his hands up in surrender. “Sorry, sorry, wrong thing to say. But why me?”

Slingshot stares at him incredulously, and opens his mouth to reply, but then seems to realize that Vine Staff does not know why he is torturing Shuriken in this way. “It’s because you got my Air Jordans dirty,” Slingshot says instead. Shuriken is silently grateful that Slingshot has not decided to out him as a vigilante in front of his sister today.

“I did not! ” Shuriken squawks. “Maybe you just don’t take good care of your Air Jordans.”

Vine Staff gasps. Slingshot looks murderous.

Shuriken has fucked up big time, he realizes.

—

Shuriken is now the sacrifice.

He brought this upon himself, really. It is never a good idea to insult Slingshot’s Air Jordans, dear reader. Do that, and you will end up baked into one of his pastries. Learn from his mistakes, dear reader. Shuriken has a plethora of life lessons that can be learned from his blunders. Yes, he admits it. Only occasionally does he make mistakes. It is quite surprising to hear, I know.

But anyways. The Silver Shadow, the hero of Thieves’ Den, is now bait for a spider.

What a terrible way to die.

“Look, Sling, I’m sorry I dared to insult your holy Air Jordans, I won’t do it again, please-, dude, I can’t go into that room alone. Dude. Please. Vine Staff, help me.” Shuriken pleads, trying to make his best puppy face as Slingshot pushes him towards the kitchen. That method usually works. At a very young age, he has discovered that being cute is a weapon to be utilized.

Vine Staff simply shakes her head. “I think you brought this upon yourself, Shuri. I can’t help you.”

Shuriken is this close to knocking over a plant, just to spite his sister.

But then he remembers.

The chocolate.

Dear reader, if you have terrible memory, let me refresh you - back in the convenience store, Shuriken bought two bars of chocolate. One for the cashier, and then one for Vine Staff.

But Shuriken hadn’t given her the chocolate yet.

He smirks. Everything is going to plan.

“Well, I guess you won’t be having the chocolate bar I bought you,” Shuriken sighs dramatically.

Slingshot’s eyes widen in panic, immediately catching on to his spectacular plan of getting out of being sacrificed. “Vine Staff, no. Don’t listen to him. He’s lying.”

But Vine Staff is already gone. Because if there is one thing Vine Staff loves more than her plants, it is chocolate.

“You have chocolate?” Vine Staff whispers.

Shuriken nods, grinning. He knows he has won this bottle. “Yup. Sea salt caramel, too.”

Slingshot groans. They both know that there is no convincing Vine Staff when sea salt caramel chocolate is on the line.

Vine Staff rushes towards Slingshot, freeing Shuriken from his evil grasp.

“Sister, you deserve ten sea salt caramel chocolate bars,” he says in thanks as he scrambles away from Slingshot. “I will personally fund your sea salt chocolate campaign.”

And then, a devious, quite malicious idea pops into his head.

Shuriken starts pushing Slingshot into the kitchen. And Slingshot isn’t wearing any long sleeves today, which means he is more at risk of the spider jumping on him. Vine Staff catches on, and with the power of pure sibling magic, they trap Slingshot in the kitchen.

Slingshot screams bloody murder as he desperately tries to escape the kitchen, but Shuriken has successfully captured him. It’s almost like Pokémon.

“You two are both going on dishwasher duty after this,” Slingshot promises with a murderous glare. The words almost feel like a threat. But Shuriken fears nothing from a man who is currently trapped in the same room as a spider.

But just as Shuriken is about to celebrate his victory, Vine Staff freezes.

“Shuriken. The spider is on your arm.”

—

Slingshot locks the door of the apartment behind them. Shuriken is shaking from fear. Vine Staff pats his back reassuringly.

“It was nice living there,” Slingshot murmurs mournfully. “I guess we’ve got to live on the streets now. In a dumpster, maybe. Do you think I can convince Skate to let us live with him?”

Shuriken is far too traumatized to speak. The Silver Shadow, the professional, is, like, 90% sure he just pissed his pants.

Vine Staff peers at the next door, which is where their lovely neighbor, Katana, lives. He speaks exclusively in proverbs and keeps telling Shuriken to “think before he acts” (which is probably the most lame thing he has ever heard). Recently, he seems even more watchful of him, which is like, totally weird. He even tried making small talk. It was a scary experience.

“Do you think we can get Katana to kill the spider for us?” Vine Staff wonders aloud. Shuriken turns to her as if she is the SFOTH themselves, because, with this sort of epiphany, she is an angel in disguise.

Slingshot is already knocking on Katana’s door. Within a few seconds (and some very heavy-sounding footsteps), the door opens.

“Hi, Katana!” Shuriken greets the man casually, as if he isn’t trying to recruit him into a suicide mission to kill a spider.

“Katana,” Slingshot says seriously. “We need you to kill someone.”

Even though Katana is wearing a mask, Shuriken knows his eyebrows just shot up in surprise. He’s an intellectual like that. “Pardon me?”

“What Slingshot means,” Vine Staff interrupts hurriedly, her expression sheepish, “is that we have a spider in our apartment and we need you to kill it.”

Katana huffs. “A spider?”

“A really big, colorful, scary spider,” Shuriken confirms with more fear than someone recollecting a murder.

Their neighbor sighs, and then nods. “Give me a moment.”

Slingshot unlocks the door for Katana, and then salutes him. Vine Staff and Shuriken do the same. Katana will need all the support he can get.

Katana goes in, and Shuriken holds his breath. This is a very suspenseful moment, reader, if you couldn’t tell.

Katana exits not even a minute later. “The spider is dead.”

And now, the Silver Shadow, the hero of Thieves’ Den, can finally rest easy.

The trio of roommates thank Katana profusely before returning back to their humble abode, which is now spider-free. Shuriken can admit that, just this once, the Silver Shadow needed just a tiny bit of help with killing a spider.

But there is just one, tiny, small thing bothering him. Because Katana sounds so familiar, like he’s talked to him before - which, he has, but not very recently, but he could’ve sworn he’s heard his voice before someplace else-

Shuriken gasps out loud.

Hannya, his idol, perhaps the best man ever (apart from himself), is his neighbor, Katana.

And what does Shuriken do after having this revelation?

He goes and buys some more sour gummies.

—

“Uh, do you know why Shuriken just gasped, or-?” Vine Staff asks inquisitively, turning to Slingshot with a bewildered expression on her face.

Slingshot sighs. “He probably just found out that I ate the last of his chocolate.”

“Wait- my chocolate?”

Whoops.

Chapter Text

Shuriken is going to stop some actual, real-life crime today!

You see, dearest reader, Blackrock has been a major issue to Thieves’ Den, with all of its nasty pollution and the such. Because, you know, when can Blackrock do anything right?

(Someplace far away, Medkit smiles.)

And so, Shuriken is taking it upon himself to completely wreck one of their closest facilities. Because why not? He can do anything! He is the Silver Shadow, after all. And the Silver Shadow helps out his faction when he can like a good citizen.

..Okay, actually, maybe he should think this through a little. Blackrock is one of the most dangerous factions to be in, especially as an outsider, and specifically targeting their facilities would probably result in ten Biografts on his trail.

But Shuriken would be so cool afterwards. Like, yeah, he completely wrecked a facility that’s been polluting his faction for years. Hell yeah.

And - this secret stays between Shuriken, you, and the author, reader - if he’s being completely honest, he’s just the tiniest bit nervous. Just a smidgen. Barely noticeable.

But he is a true man. And a true man only shits his pants a little in the face of danger.

Shuriken should get an award for best quote, honestly. That is such a good line. He should probably trademark it.

—

Shuriken can tell he’s getting closer to Blackrock because the temperature drops significantly. And because Thieves’ Den is a lot warmer and more humid, it means that Shuriken’s vigilante costume - which is made to be breathable and light - is not helping to combat the weather.

But Shuriken is an intellectual, and so he wore a hoodie on top of his normal clothes. Genius, right? He can’t really afford to make an entirely new vigilante costume suitable to Blackrock’s climate, so this is what he’s gonna work with.

He isn’t as used to having this sort of extra weight on him while he’s patrolling, but, you know. Shuriken is not gonna let some corrupt capitalists ruin his faction. (If you couldn’t tell, Shuriken hates corrupt capitalists. Everyone could clap now.)

Thankfully, the facility he’s targeting in particular is one of the closest to his faction that he knew of, which meant that there was a pretty low chance the temperature would drop to subzero. You really never knew with Blackrock, though. Last he’d heard, they’d gotten rid of all their living scientists and replaced them with robots. Because that was totally the most logical thing to do. Yep. 100%.

And so, in all of his magnificent, amazing aura, Shuriken slips into the facility with little to no trouble at all. He is on the lookout for any sort of security cameras, though, because gods know what sort of booby traps they have in store for him. There’s probably some sort of noxious poison that kills him slowly and rots his body or something like that.

(Subspace gets a bad feeling someplace far away. Honestly, Shuriken has no idea how he keeps doing that. He’s just That Guy.)

Not that he’s going to die, of course. He’s way too awesome for that.

..and, also, Vine Staff would probably kill him if he died.

Shuriken sneaks through the hallways of the facility, taking out any cameras he sees with a quick flick of his wrist and his namesake gear. He feels so badass right now. Like an actual, honest-to-SFOTH hero. This is probably something Hannya would do.

Or, rather , Katana . Because his forty-something year-old neighbor who drinks herbal tea has been his lifelong idol. Just another day for Shuriken, y’know?

..actually, come to think of it, Katana probably wouldn’t do this. Probably because - and don’t tell anybody that he is about to slander Katana’s name - the guy is way too slow and his gear is way too noticeable to be sneaking into a Blackrock facility. Shuriken, on the other hand, who is super cool and awesome and is the hero of Thieves’ Den, is the stealthiest man that ever lived and does not have an excessively giant gear.

Well, that is, until he crashes into somebody, and gets promptly punched in the gut.

Shuriken clutches his stomach, hissing under his breath. “ Ow! Damn, dude, did you really have to do that?”

But when he looks up, he’s, like, 90% sure this guy is not from Blackrock. And he’s thankfully not a Biograft. He doesn’t think Biografts can punch you in the gut without impaling you.

The demon stares at him for a second, confused, before crossing his arms. “What are you doing here? Are you a spy for Blackrock or somethin’?”

Shuriken laughs at the thought, then winces at the pain that follows. “Do I look like a spy for Blackrock? I’m clearly from Thieves’ Den, dude. Are you blind? You should probably get your eyes checked.”

The demon doesn’t look impressed. “Blackrock has pulled this sorta bullshit on me before, kid. Better get your ass outta here before I knock you out.”

Geez. This guy is aggressive for literally no reason. Shuriken’s just a chill guy, man. He doesn’t want any trouble. He just wants to get rid of some corrupt capitalists.

And, also, he’s not a kid. Just because he plays Pokémon does not mean he is a child.

The guy blinks at him. “You play Pokémon?”

Whoops. He must’ve said that aloud.

“Yeah, bro. I’ve got a shiny Scyther, you know? He’s super overpowered.”

“Oh, sweet, dude. I’ve got- I mean, dude, what the fuck are you talking about?”

But Shuriken grins. What are the odds that he and this random other guy are both invading a Blackrockian facility and they both like Pokémon? Honestly, today is a great day to be the Silver Shadow. Being a vigilante can get you lots of new friends, kids. Well, it can also get you a lot of enemies, too. But only if you’re not the charismatic and charming Silver Shadow, which you obviously aren’t, because you’re reading fanfiction right now.

The guy crosses his arms, amused. Shuriken takes note of how fucking jacked this guy is. He’s gotta be a boxer or something to have biceps like that. Like, it’s impressive. He can appreciate a guy who goes to the gym a lot.

.. not that Shuriken likes looking at other men because of their muscles. He isn’t gay. He is an ally, he’ll have you know. Because gay people are cool. What sort of vigilante would he be if he was homophobic?

Gods, he’s getting off-track. One moment, you’re invading a Blackrock facility, and the next, you’re assuring the reader that you aren’t gay. The duality of man.

“So, you’re looking to get rid of these bullshit Blackrock facilities, too?” The man asks.

Shuriken nods. “Yep. They’ve been polluting the crap out of Thieves’ Den.”

“Well, I just hate Blackrock, but, good for you, man.”

He snorts. Whoever this guy is, he likes his vibe. Shuriken wishes there were more vigilantes in Thieves’ Den so he could have conversations like these.

Speaking of. He should probably ask for the guy’s name. Y’know, just in case. It’d be a shame if he never caught the name of a guy who hates Blackrock and loves Pokémon.

“What’s your name, dude?” Shuriken asks curiously, straightening himself upright.

“Coil,” he responds, “but I go by a lotta names nowadays.”

Shuriken is fairly sure the guy is using his real name, and judging by his clothes, he’s probably not from Thieves’ Den. It wouldn’t hurt to use his real name with this guy, right?

“Mine’s Shuriken,” he replies. “Now, can we go attack this place or what?”

Coil grins. “I thought you’d never ask.”

—

As it turns out, him and Coil make a pretty good duo for getting rid of corrupt capitalists.

Coil’s plan had been to completely wreck the main communication systems in the facility, and Shuriken’s plan had been- well, he didn’t really have a plan. He was relying on the ancient method of “fuck it we ball”, which usually never let him down.

The comms system of the facility, as Coil had put it, was the part they needed to take down first, as it would completely ruin their plans of trashing the place if a message got back to Blackrock. Shuriken got the distinct feeling Coil was very experienced in this sort of work- which, honestly, Shuriken found super cool.

See? Even the Silver Shadow can appreciate other people’s aura sometimes. His aura in particular is just the best.

“So, do you just blow up Blackrockian facilities for fun, or-?” Shuriken asks while they’re walking to the comms room.

“Yeah, that sums it up pretty well,” agrees Coil without a beat of hesitation. “In fact, you could call me something of a vigilante.”

Oh boy. Shuriken is talking with another vigilante. Today might just be the best day ever. And this guy knows what he’s doing, clearly, as he isn’t dead yet and speaks about these facilities as if he knows them like the back of his hand. 

“Well, I’m Thieves’ Den’s one and only vigilante!” Shuriken chirps with pride. “The best in the faction!”

“Well, if you’re the only one, you’re automatically the best-“

“Okay, man. Too far.”

“I’m literally just stating the obvious.”

“Too far.”

Coil shakes his head, muttering. Shuriken grins like an idiot from behind his mask.

He and Coil arrive at the comms room, which has two Biografts stationed inside. Shuriken doesn’t think his gear will do anything to these guys - they seem hella armored. Like, more so than the usual Biograft.

Not that the Silver Shadow can’t take a challenge. Shuriken has his dagger for situations like these where his gear isn’t really the most useful thing to be using.

He slips the dagger into his hand, watching Coil tense up and bring his fists in front of his face. The tubes on his arms start to glow red, and Shuriken isn’t sure about you, but if some guy starts charging towards you with his body modifications turning red, he’d probably piss his pants. Coil turns to him, and then nods.

And in a super epic battle fight scene, Shuriken and Coil throttle the fuck out of the Biografts. Those hunks of metal didn’t stand a chance.

Dismantling the comms system is probably the easiest part of the entire process - Coil literally just starts punching everything and doesn’t move on until sparks fly.

Maybe not how Shuriken would’ve done it, but it gets the job done, he supposes.

Once Coil is done completely beating the shit out of the comms systems, he wipes off his hands and turns to Shuriken. “We’ve got two options, here, kid. We can either blow the place up, or we can disable the main systems and call it a day. Your choice.”

“I’m not a kid. I’m twenty-two!”

Coil pauses. “Damn. Thought I was older than you.”

Shuriken stares, mouth agape - not that Coil can see with his mask. “You’re younger than me!?”

“I’m twenty. Now answer my question.”

Coil seems to be in a bit of a hurry to forget about the fact that he’s two years younger than Shuriken and is taller than him. Taller than him, the great Silver Shadow, hero of Thieves’ Den! Today is a terrible, terrible day for the 5’7” community.

“I think it’s easier to just blow the place up,” Shuriken answers, collecting himself. He doesn’t really care about what happens to a place that is run by corrupt capitalists.

Coil laughs. “I like the way you think. Now, c’mon, I’ve got an idea.”

Shuriken wanders over to where Coil is standing as he kneels over the Biograft he completely obliterated , flipping the thing over and popping out the back hatch. Inside, there’s an orange crystal, pulsing with energy. In fact, it kind of resembles the one stuck onto Coil’s horn.

“These crystals are hella explosive when they react with heat. It’s why Biografts completely break down when they overheat. But, if we take all the crystals out and light em’ on fire, we can effectively blow up the place and leave no trace.”

Shuriken blinks. “Dude, have you done this before?”

Coil scoffs, as if what Shuriken said personally offended him. “Whaddya think? ‘Course I have, bro. Go scout out the place for Biografts and take their crystals, then come back.”

Shuriken nods, then runs off into the hallways, his mind whirling. This is probably the wildest thing he’s ever done, ever. He hates Blackrock, yeah, but he’s never blown up their facilities before. He didn’t even know you could do that without dying.

But he is a man on a mission.

A mission to kill some Biografts.

—

When he returns, his arms are full of crystals. As it turns out, Biografts are pretty stupid and fairly easy to kill when they’re caught off-guard.

Coil takes some of the crystals out of his arms, and then beckons for him to follow. Shuriken stumbles behind, very careful not to drop any of the crystals. Coil leads him to a room with fucking lava beneath them, which is totally not terrifying. Because, you know, Blackrockians can afford to have lava floors for fun. Why not?

On the side of the wall, there are several vents where the heat can escape. Shuriken can already tell what’s going to happen, and by the SFOTH, is he stoked. This is a once-in-a-lifetime experience!

“When we drop the crystals in, we’ve got about a minute before they explode. You better be fast, dude, or else there’s no savin’ you.” Coil explains.

“Don’t worry about me, dude. I’ll be fine. Now, c’mon before my roommate wonders where I went.”

Coil yanks one of the vents open, nods, and then dumps all the crystals inside. He doesn’t even wait for Shuriken before he bolts, and Shuriken hastily shoves all of his crystals inside the vent, too, before chasing after him.

Gods. Coil is cool, but not waiting for him? That’s truly devastating. What if Shuriken gets blown up, huh? What then?

Oh, crap. If this ends up on the news - which it most definitely will - Slingshot is never going to let him go outside again. He’s screwed.

..well. At least he got to blow up a Blackrockian facility. That’s not something you get to do everyday.

Because Shuriken is so agile and awesome and amazing, he’s speeding out of the facility in no time at all, and even when he’s outside, he doesn’t stop running. Neither does Coil, for that matter.

And then it happens.

The facility explodes.

It is loud and it is huge, and the ground shakes beneath his feet, but Shuriken only laughs in elation. He is so fucking badass for that.

Once he and Coil are a safe distance away, he wipes off his costume and sighs. “Wanna go get some burgers?”

—

Coil and Shuriken are now eating burgers in Thieves’ Den.

The diner they found is one of the only places that serves 24/7 burgers, and even though it’s not cultural food (which Shuriken still devours, by the way), it still slaps. Note to self - if he wants to eat some good burgers, do it after he blows something up for maximum effect.

Coil, as it turns out, is a ravenous creature of the night, and is downing his third burger with no end in sight. Shuriken worries for him.

They’ve exchanged numbers, too, for Pokémon related chats. Because if you meet a Pokémon bro, you don’t leave him hanging. You make him a lifelong friend.

And now, Shuriken can finally say that today has been quite a good day.

All in a day’s work.

Chapter Text

Shuriken is having possibly the worst day ever. Like, he’s pretty sure that it cannot get much worse than this. Actually, no, it would be really bad if he ran out of his sour gummies, but luckily, he’s stocked up on those.

His first issue of the day had been Slingshot absolutely grilling him about blowing up a Blackrock facility as soon as Vine Staff left the house. Like, the dude had been livid. Shuriken has actually never seen the guy this pissed off before, although a close competitor would have to be the Air Jordans Incident, which Shuriken swears to never speak of again to save his own dignity.

“Look, I was skeptical about the vigilante thing, whatever,” Slingshot had said, putting his hands up in the air as if he were surrendering. The guy was probably surrendering all his aura to Shuriken, who is the most aura-ful person ever. “But you literally blew up another faction’s building in their territory. Do you know how fucking dangerous that is, Shuriken? What if someone had spotted you!? What then?”

“But I didn’t get caught,” he had argued. And Shuriken’s logic was basically foolproof. If it didn’t happen, why worry about it? Seems like a big waste of time. “Look, dude, I know what I’m doing, alright? I’m not an idiot.”

Of course, Slingshot hadn’t listened to him. And Shuriken kind of understood where he was coming from, but, like, geez. If Shuriken was stupid enough to get caught - which he isn’t, by the way, because is an intelligent professional who knows exactly what he is doing - he probably would’ve gotten caught already.

And now, Shuriken is on a month of dishwasher duty, at home and at the café. An entire month! Him, the courageous Silver Shadow who had gotten rid of corrupt capitalists in a very awesome and badass way, was being subjected to peasant work. He wouldn’t stand for this.

But this isn’t about his month-long dishwasher duty. He has bigger fish to fry here, man.

And that fish was the fact that he is wounded - quite badly, if he does say so himself - and he’s scrambling to hide away his bloodstained vigilante getup before either of his roommates get home.

Okay, maybe that fish was a little too big to fry. Sorry, reader. But there is really no nice way to phrase that he has been brutally injured and is bleeding out on the streets as you read.

Shuriken isn’t gonna sugarcoat it - the wound hurts like hell. It’s absolutely nothing like he’s ever dealt with before, and, like, it does not feel awesome sauce. In movies, injuries looked badass, but in Thieves’ Den, they made Shuriken look like a haggard man who is on the brink of death.

He has literally no idea how he got injured in the first place, too. He only knows that he got ambushed - which is ridiculous, honestly, because he’s meant to do the ambushing here - and got fucked up on a spiritual level.

..And he just might be trembling out of pain and he might be fighting off the urge to cry and go vomit into the toilet. Which is not very aura-ful of him, if he does say so himself. He has a reputation of magnificent, amazing aura to uphold, and he is not gonna let some pesky wound in his side ruin that for him. Even if the wound hurts like a bitch.

Gritting his teeth, Shuriken picks himself up and stumbles towards the bathroom, where he can hopefully clean up this whole mess before Slingshot can give him a billion years of dishwashing duty. That, along with running out of sour gummies, would be universally declared as the worst day ever.

But as he’s on his way there, Shuriken hears the worst thing ever.

Vine Staff’s voice. In the house. When she is meant to be out and about .

Shuriken isn’t a very religious guy, but he starts praying profusely to the SFOTH, because there is no way he is going to survive this interaction with his sister without some divine intervention.

(On a comparison chart between an open wound and Vine Staff when she is angry, Vine Staff is 100% more lethal.)

—

There are lots of emotions running through Vine Staff’s head right now.

But before she can even think about being mad, she is immediately overcome with perhaps the biggest wave of sisterly protection that she has ever experienced in her entire life.

“Shuriken, what- what happened to you? ” She breathes, dropping her arms full of groceries onto the floor with a thud.

Shuriken grins weakly at her. “Do you promise not to get mad?”

And Vine Staff knows immediately that Shuriken is in big trouble. Because any younger sibling knows that asking someone if they “promise not to get mad?” is essentially the same thing as saying “I’m in some deep shit, please don’t kill me”.

Vine Staff rushes over to her brother - who is dressed in the same exact clothes as the Silver Shadow, and-

Oh.

Oh.

Her brother is the Silver Shadow.

Her- her brother, who can’t even fold his shirts properly, is the Silver Shadow.

The gravity of this connection doesn’t hit her until much, much later. Because right now she is entirely focused on making sure her brother does not die. She deserves the “greatest big sister” award after this, truly.

Vine Staff ushers Shuriken to the bathroom, ordering him to take off his shirt. Shuriken sighs, winces, and then tugs off his garb, which is stained crimson from the blood.

And seeing her brother injured, with a giant wound in his side, makes Vine Staff see red.

But she cannot afford to be angry right now. Right now, she needs to heal. Only later can she worry about murdering the person who dared to lay a finger on her brother.

Vine Staff summons her gear in one, smooth motion, a sprout forming in the palm of her cursed arm while her other hand hovers over the injury.

She isn’t exactly sure how she heals. She just feels the life energy from the plant and funnels it into whatever bruise or scrape or rash she’s healing at the moment, and then it just turns out good as new, as if nothing had ever happened. She is praying that it works with Shuriken.

With a few minutes of intense concentration, the gash is sealing itself back together, and the skin is healed, no stitches needed.

Shuriken sags with relief, and then wraps her arms around her in a tight hug. “ Thank you, ” he whispers, and his tone is so genuine that it genuinely surprises her. Not that her brother isn’t genuine, but he rarely shows it through words.

And then, when they are done hugging, she puts her hands on her hips and offers Shuriken a glare that could kill a grown man. “You better have a good explanation for this.”

—

Suffice to say, Shuriken is cooked.

He’s 100% sure that he is never going to be able to patrol again after he has just received the absolute worst lecture ever. Not even the promise of a sea salt caramel chocolate bar paired with a bouquet of hyacinths - Vine Staff’s favorite flower - can get him out of this one.

It was nice knowing you, dear reader. But there is a very good chance Shuriken is never going to be able to leave the house again without Vine Staff finding out in one way or another.

…

SIKE!

Oh, boy, you should’ve seen the look on your face. Yeah, right. Shuriken is way too good to give up his vigilante career just like that. Also, that shit was expensive, and Shuriken would literally rather scrub the floors of the café for all eternity than to give up his getup for free. Shuriken is a man of business, you see - surely you understand,

He’s still in trouble, yes. He has still suffered the wrath of his sister and barely made it out alive, yes. But the Silver Shadow is going nowhere.

“I can’t stop you from sneaking out, can I?” Vine Staff had murmured at the end of her screaming/lecturing speech.

Shuriken had shrugged. “You’re a lot scarier than whatever I’ve seen out there, Vine. I’m pretty sure you can.”

Vine Staff had smiled, softly. “But if you ever get injured like that again, you will come directly to me and tell me the name of the person who did that to you, do you understand?” Her tone was suddenly more serious than an army general, and Shuriken got the vague feeling that it was a threat.

Shuriken had nodded profusely, thanking her over and over and over again. Because, like, he had been entirely convinced that he was gonna be screwed after that confrontation.

But Shuriken is just That Guy, and so he can evade getting his ass beat by both Slingshot and Vine Staff. His name is going to go down in the history books . He is so awesome and cool, everybody should be clapping- no, a standing ovation. Yeah, you heard that right.

You know who did get his ass beat when he got home? Slingshot. Because Slingshot had known about his secret identity as the Silver Shadow, and he had intentionally not told Vine Staff. And, not that Shuriken enjoys watching over people suffer for fun - he isn’t weird - but he would never let go of the memory of Slingshot’s terrified expression while getting grilled by Vine Staff. Like, it could be considered the eighth wonder of the world. It was an enlightening thing to see.

But after everything had calmed down, Shuriken had called them both into the kitchen for a very important meeting. One that could change their lives forever.

He clasped his hands together, taking a deep breath in while his roommates waited in anticipation.

“So.. what’re we having for dinner?”

—

(As it turns out, his roommates had not found that funny whatsoever. As if Shuriken isn’t the most humorous, comical, and hilarious man on the planet. His roommates really need a lesson on how to appreciate other people better.

Also, they ended up getting vegetable pizza just to spite him.)

Chapter Text

Something terrible has fallen upon Shuriken.

He is ill.

Him, the infallible Silver Shadow, the master of disguise, has caught the plague. And now he is going to die.

..okay, maybe he over-exaggerated a little. He hasn’t caught the plague, but he has certainly caught something, because he can’t breathe through his nose and his throat is dry even after chugging an entire bottle of water.

He looks back on the days where he was healthy and joyous mournfully. How foolish he was for not appreciating those days to their fullest. Everyone should be appreciating how healthy they are right now.

Shuriken is currently as snug as a bug in a rug. He is fully capable of walking around, but he doesn’t particularly feel like doing that the moment, so he remains bedridden. He will be treated like a pampered, pretty princess. A princess who is flying through tissues like it’s nothing, but still a princess.

How has he caught this plague, you may be asking?

Well. Don’t tell his roommates, but he may have gone on patrol while it was raining outside. Supposedly. Allegedly.

But thankfully, Slingshot has made him chicken noodle soup, which he is eternally grateful for, because chicken noodle soup while you are sick is like crack. Slingshot probably did put crack in the soup, come to think of it.

.. heh . Cocaine soup. That’s funny.

Shuriken starts giggling at the thought of cocaine soup while blowing his nose at the same time. He is a master of multitasking, he’ll have you know. Nobody is doing it like he is.

He sips a spoonful of cocaine soup while staring up at the popcorn ceiling.

Shuriken discovers that he hates popcorn ceilings after staring at it for a few minutes. They are ugly and they do not match the vibe right now. Shuriken requires maximum vibey-ness to recover from this condition that has befallen him.

Carefully, he places the cocaine soup on his nightstand and wobbles to his feet while on top of his bed, trying to reach for the ugly ceiling. Stupid, stupid ceiling. Who even thought that this style of ceiling was a good idea? He is determined to get rid of the ceiling himself, all while ignoring his temporary dizziness from standing up so suddenly.

Slingshot pushes the door open, holding a plastic bag in his hand. He stops and stares at Shuriken, who only stares back like a deer in headlights.

“Shuriken, what the hell are you doing?” Slingshot asks, exasperated. He looks entirely too tired to be dealing with this right now.

“I’m getting rid of the ceiling. It’s ugly,” he responds matter-of-factly. Because it is a fact. This ceiling is a crime to beauty and he is going to cleanse it from this world. Shuriken doesn’t know how Slingshot has lived so long with such an unattractive ceiling.

Slingshot offers him a dead glare. “You can’t get rid of the ceiling, you idiot,” he states.

“Yes, I can.”

“No, you can’t.”

“Yes, I can! I am the Silver Shadow. I can do anything. I have evaded the police before.”

His roommate groans, shaking his head like a disappointed father. “The Silver Shadow, grand vigilante of Thieves’ Den, is the same guy trying to get rid of the ceiling when people literally live above us. I can’t believe this.”

Shuriken stops. “Did you just call me.. grand?”

“No, dude, I was being sarcastic. Are you slow?”

“Oh my SFOTH. Slingshot just called me cool, guys. Oh my gosh.”

“Who- who are you talking to? This is the second time you’ve been talking to someone else when we are the only people in the room.” Slingshot looks mildly weirded out. He just can’t fathom Shuriken’s insane amounts of aura. Sucks to suck, he supposes.

“The reader,” Shuriken says ominously while turning to look at you. Yeah, you.

Slingshot drags a hand down his face, looking like he aged a thousand years. Jokes on him, Shuriken has been blessed with eternal youth. He is so awesome like that.

“Y’know what, Shuri? I am going to eat your sour gummies.”

Shuriken gasps dramatically, clutching his heart. “You wouldn’t!”

“Yep,” his roommate says dryly. “I’ll do it if you don’t get down and take your medicine.”

Shuriken sticks his tongue out at Slingshot, crossing his arms. “I am not taking my medicine. I hate pills. You know this, Sling.”

“I got it in liquid form. And it’s grape flavored.”

Shuriken considers this for a moment. Grape flavored is a lot better than asshole hair flavored, like most pills are.

He settles back down into his bed. The ceiling may have won the fight, but it will not win the war.

—

Shuriken has taken his medicine. It tastes alright. His vitamin gummies taste a lot better. But his sour, non-vitamin gummies remain outmatched.

Speaking of his sour gummies, he wants one. Right now. And he will not stop until he goes and eats one. A blue one. He craves a blue sour gummy.

Except Vine Staff has confiscated his sour gummies until he gets better. He loves his sister, but this is simply a crime. Restricting his access to sour gummies is like keeping the author away from garlic bread.

Wait, what?

Shuriken shakes his head and tiptoes his way into his sister’s room, using his awesome and super cool stealth skills to sneak in. Because he is just so amazing like that.

And there is his beautiful bag of sour gummies, waiting for him on the nightstand. It looks like just he remembers.

Shuriken makes his way towards the bag, before pausing. This seems too easy. Whenever Vine Staff hides something from him, it is never this out in the open.

But the gummies are right there . He can just go and grab and leave like nothing happened.

Shuriken leaps forward, snatches the gummies, and scurries back to his room like the gremlin he is. He is not ashamed of the person he becomes when sour gummies are on the line.

He picks out a blue gummy and pops it into his mouth. It is one of the best things he has ever tasted, ever. It is like a bite of heaven. Shuriken will never be able to give these up.

Shuriken considers settling back into his bed, but then an amazing thought strikes him.

He could just.. go out on patrol. That way, his sour gummies can’t get taken away again!

Wow. Shuriken is such a genius. He deserves an award and a nerf gun. Why does he want a nerf gun? Well, to shoot all the criminals, obviously.

Shuriken quickly changes into his costume (which has been cleaned of all of its bloodstains thanks to his amazing sister, Vine Staff) and ignores the growing headache he has or how he feels both hot and cold at the same time. It is no challenge for him, the Silver Shadow, hero of Thieves’ Den! He’s literally gotten stabbed before. The plague will not stop him now.

—

Shuriken feels like shit.

Okay, maybe he shouldn’t have gone out on patrol while he is still sick. But he thought that he had nothing major and that it wouldn’t affect him too much while on patrol.

But he was severely, severely wrong. Because he is seeing doubles and he just might pass out on this rooftop he’s on. At least his sour gummies are still safe.

Shuriken coughs into his arm - and it isn’t a normal cough. It is a sickly old man cough, the type of cough you hear at the store and make a face at because of how nasty it is.

He is so screwed.

Shuriken is way too lightheaded to even attempt to grapple at the moment, and he has no clue where his apartment is. So now he is effectively lost while he has the plague.

He sneezes. Once, twice, thrice. And then he stops. Come to think of it, he’s never sneezed more than three times in quick succession. Did he have to pay for the quadruple sneeze game pass?

Shuriken giggles at the thought. Quadruple sneeze game pass. He’s gotta be the first person to think of that. He is just so hilarious like that.

But then he sneezes again. Ugh. He really should’ve let himself be a pampered pretty princess at home.

But nooo. The city is calling for him, you see. He’s like Batman. But if Batman was an Inphernal and ate onigiri.

Shuriken stands up, and then immediately loses his balance and almost falls off the edge of the rooftop he’s on while his vision swims.

Okay.

That’s totally fine.

“Silver Shadow? Are you alright there?”

Shuriken turns and finds Hannya standing behind him. Or, er, Katana. He doesn’t really know what to call him by anymore.

“Hey, dude,” he greets, his words slurring together. “Want a gummy? They’re so good.”

Hannya shakes his head. “No. Thank you, though.”

Shuriken pops another gummy into his mouth. Eugh. A green gummy. He hates the green gummies. Which is ridiculous, because green is his favorite color, and they should make the gummies that are literally the same color as him at least taste somewhat good.

“Are you sure you should be out here today, Silver Shadow? You sound ill.”

Shuriken cracks a grin behind his mask, even if Katana can’t see it. “Nah, dudes. ‘M fineee. I just, like, can’t tell if there’s two of you or not.”

Hannya sighs. “You should be resting.”

“Nuh uh. I am perfectly capable of- of-“

Shuriken sneezes mid-sentence. Gosh. His body can’t even let him finish talking. How rude. His body needs to learn some manners.

“-of taking care of myself, bro,” he finishes. His head throbs, but he won’t let Katana know that. Also, his eyelids are really starting to feel heavy. A nap would be good right now.

Katana sighs deeply, walking over to him before hoisting him into his arms. Shuriken sniffles. “What’re you doing, bro? ‘M not a baby.”

“I am taking you home. You are clearly not fit for a patrol at the moment.”

“ Hmmm. Thanks, Katana,” he mumbles. His head hurts.

Katana pauses for a second, and then huffs out an amused breath. “You truly are perceptive, Shuriken.”

Woah, woah, woah. Hey. Wait a minute. Katana knows. He-

He kind of wants to go to sleep, actually.

Yeah, that sounds good right now.

—

Slingshot opens the door to find Katana holding a fast-asleep Shuriken, clutching his sour gummies like a lifeline. He doesn’t even care that Shuriken is clearly in his vigilante clothing. He doesn’t care.

Because Vine Staff would actually kill him if he had lost Shuriken. And if he gets yelled at by her for the second time this week, he is going to go jump off a cliff.

“Thank you, Katana,” he mumbles. He’s secretly relieved that Shuriken is perfectly fine, apart from being sick. Even if Shuriken is constantly testing his patience, Slingshot does care for him. “Can you take him to his room?”

Katana nods, following behind Slingshot as he leads the way to Shuriken’s room. It reeks of illness, but Slingshot could give less of a shit. He just wants to take a nap knowing that Shuriken isn’t running off in the streets or whatever the hell he does.

Katana places down Shuriken carefully on his bed. He actually looks peaceful, his expression not one of mischievousness or pure chaos. It’s just.. relaxed. It’s a nice change, for once.

“How did you even find him? I’m assuming you’ve known about his whole vigilante thing for a while now.” Slingshot asks, peering up at the man. Gods, he is tall. The Lakers could use him. The guy could probably dunk on LeBron.

Wait, the Lakers don’t even exist in this universe. What the hell is he talking about?

Katana merely shrugs. “I simply did.”

…oookay. Being oddly vague. But Slingshot is really not in the position to care, so he simply nods his thanks and lets himself collapse onto the couch as Katana leaves.

He finally takes a nap.

Everyone cheers.

Chapter Text

Shuriken is currently being chased by a big, scary woman with a gun.

Yes, you heard him right. A gun! Somebody dared to draw a gun on him, the great Silver Shadow! Like, come on, dude. A gun is just an unfair advantage, especially in a place like Thieves’ Den, where gears like those aren’t really all that common.

And the gun is bad and all, but the worst part about all this is that the woman chasing him was one of those weird cultist freaks. He thought he’d gotten rid of them after he’d very politely told the man on the spawn tower no, but, he supposed that these people were just really adamant on getting him to join. Shuriken didn’t really think he was that popular in Lost Temple, but it appears that word of his magnificence has transcended factions.

The lady has been showing up more, though, now that he thinks about it. She’s always with either the man at the spawn tower or the one with the crystal in between his horns (which actually reminds him of the one Coil has - he should probably ask him if he knows the guy) at the café, but whenever he comes by to eavesdrop, Shuriken can never get any good gossip. A tragedy, really.

What was her name again, anyways? Rifle? Yeah, Rifle.

That’s actually pretty a badass name, if he does say so himself. Of course, nothing is more badass than Shuriken, but he can appreciate other people’s badassery at times.

Sadly, no matter how badass the name is, a scary woman with a gun is still a scary woman with a gun. One who is approaching very quickly.

The few seconds it would take for him to grapple away would probably result in him getting caught by Rifle, so he resorts to jumping from rooftop to rooftop. Shuriken is actually very well trained in the art of skedaddling, so clearing the distance isn’t really that difficult. Of course, nothing is difficult for him, the hero of Thieves’ Den.

Unfortunately for him, though, so is Rifle. And don’t tell anybody that he said this, but the fact that Rifle is clearing the jumps with ease scares him. Just a little, though, because he is way too spectacular and cool to possibly be scared by someone holding a gun.

Okay. On second thought, maybe he should be scared of someone holding a gun.

But it is actually ridiculous that Rifle is this good at rooftop-jumping. Like, seriously, get a job, or something. Shuriken gets the pass because he actually does have a job, and he can assume that Rifle’s job is harassing vigilantes to make them join her cult. That just screams unemployed, if you ask him.

So, like the true man he is, Shuriken keeps running. His shoes, which Slingshot had so kindly bought for him, are probably going to be all scuffed when he gets back home. Hopefully he can clean them before Slingshot jumps off a cliff.

The guy has not been having a good week, and Shuriken refuses to think that he’s actually the cause of most of his distress. Because he is way too awesome sauce to be giving someone a bad time.

Anyways, back to skedaddling. Shuriken is wondering why Rifle hasn’t used her gun in him yet - not that he wants her to, obviously, but that kind of seems like the most logical thing to do in this sort of situation.

“Dude, what do you even want from me?” Shuriken asks, turning his head back to glance at her. The sound of bells follows her every footstep, which is kind of stupid and un-stealthy of her. Shuriken, the stealth master, knows exactly what he’s talking about, by the way.

“Yer a promisin’ recruit, n’ since Broker can’t seem ta do his job right, I’ve gotta step in for ‘im,” Rifle replies casually, as if she isn’t actively chasing him. In fact, she seems barely out of breath.

Also, what kind of idiot tells the guy they’re chasing about their evil, malicious plans? That seems really counter-intuitive. Yeah. Counter-intuitive. Shuriken has been reading his dictionary lately, he’ll have you know.

Shuriken turns back to look at Rifle, and then promptly falls down one of the alleys in between two buildings.

Of course, since he is so agile and cool and awe-inspiring, he immediately reaches for his grapple and hooks it onto the nearest ledge he can find.

And now, the Silver Shadow, hero of Thieves’ Den, master of disguise, is hanging in the middle of an alleyway with his grappling hook.

Rifle just stares down at him for a moment before laughing. “Fer such a slippery little thing such as you, yer pretty stupid.”

Shuriken gasps. “How dare you! I am very intelligent.”

“How do ye spell ‘onomatopoeia’, then?”

Oh, that’s just dirty. Who even knows how to spell onomatopoeia, anyways?

“Can you even spell that?” Shuriken barks back indignantly.

“That don’t matter right now, kiddo,” Rifle replies, in a tone that suggests that she, in fact, doesn’t know how to spell onomatopoeia, either. He should’ve known. “Anywho, I’ve gotta kidnap ye now. Try not te squirm, will ya?”

Wait, what?

Shuriken climbs up his grappling hook, but Rifle is simply too fast. Which is ridiculous. Shuriken is the fastest guy ever. Well, other than Skateboard. The dude reaches Mach 3 while on his board like it’s nothing.

Rifle hoists him up on his hook, stares at him for a moment, and then whacks him on the head with the butt of her gear.

And despite all of his incredible aura, Shuriken is knocked out cold.

—

Shuriken wakes up. His head hurts terribly .

And when he tries to go rub his eyes, he finds that he is tied to a chair, with his arms tied behind his back.

Wow. Cliché, anyone? Like, seriously, could the author not think of a better way to kidnap Shuriken?

Wait. What is he even talking about?

Shuriken shakes his head and glances around the room. There is somebody beside him. Actually, somebody he knows pretty well.

“Wh- Coil? What the hell are you doing here?” Shuriken asks, confused. Because it is very unlikely and out-of-character that these cultists actually managed to tie Coil up and he hasn’t escaped yet.

Coil glances at him. “Oh, hey, dude,” he greets casually, as if they aren’t both kidnapped and trapped in a room with no idea where they are.

“Why are you not scared? Do you even know where we are?” He questions, trying to get a good look around the room.

Coil snorts. “ Pfft. Scared of these guys? Yeah, right. No, they’ve actually done this number a few times before. They’ve got, like, a fetish for vigilantes, or somethin’.”

“A what for vigilantes?” Shuriken does not wanna be here, tied up to a chair, if Coil is telling the truth.

“Forget I said anythin’. Anyways, these guys have been tryna convince me to join their stupid ass cult for a while now. I’ve been saying no, but sometimes they’ll try and force me to. It never works, obviously.”

Shuriken blinks at him a few times, opens his mouth to reply, and then shuts it. Coil is acting like this is just a normal thing that happens to all Inphernals, which it clearly isn’t.

“So.. like.. do they just question you, or-?”

“Uhh, yeah, pretty much. It’s usually that Broker dude, but sometimes it’s some guy named Medkit.”

Broker. That must’ve been the guy he spoke to at the spawn tower, since that was the one Rifle had said wasn’t doing his job or whatever. See? Shuriken is an intellectual. A detective, even.

“They really can’t force you to join.. I dunno why they even waste their time tryna kidnap us, if I’m being for real. Peer pressure, or somethin’.”

Shuriken is still very thrown off by how casual Coil is being right now. But he seems to know what he’s talking about, so Shuriken doesn’t really question it.

“So..” Shuriken runs his tongue along his teeth, unsure of what to say next. This is probably the one situation he has never been prepared for before. “Should we, uh, break out, or something? Cause, like, me and my roommates were meant to go out and eat sushi tonight and I don’t really wanna miss sushi night.”

Coil snorts. “Fuckin’ hungry ass.”

“You eat more than me! You had three combo meals of the spicy burger last time we saw each other.”

“Yeah, cause we had fought off some clankers earlier.”

“I- okay, actually, that’s fair. But I got chased by Rifle for ten minutes straight. I am allowed to be hungry. I’m a growing boy.”

“You’re literally older than me. You’re more grown than I am. Also, we’re both adults. We don’t grow anymore, dude.”

Shuriken scoffs. “How dare you question my logic. This is a crime.”

Coil laughs a bit. “Well, I am a criminal.”

“Wait, dude, what? I know being a vigilante is technically against the law, but, like-“

“Shut up! ” A voice barks from behind the door. “Gosh, do ye two ever stop yappin’?”

Shuriken glances at Coil. Coil glances back. They both start giggling like a bunch of idiots. Not that Shuriken is an idiot. Why would you assume that? Because of last chapter? That was a vulnerable moment, okay?

After they’ve both collected themselves, Broker enters the room with a wide grin on his face. “How fun! Two vigilantes in the same room. It appears from your little.. ehm, chat .. that you are already getting along splendidly!”

Coil rolls his eyes. “Dude, can you just cut the crap and let us go? We aren’t gonna join your stupid cult.”

Broker’s smile falters for a second. “But we could offer both of you protection. I know that Ban Hammer’s been a real pain to deal with for you, Coil. If you join us, he’ll be out of the picture, and you’re free to explode as much of Blackrock as you’d like! Maybe that way we can stop sending Medkit out there. The man really is not fond of his old faction.”

“Ban Hammer? That old man? Couldn’t catch me if he took off his blindfold for once, I’ll tell you. Also, that kind of gets rid of the thrill, lowkey.”

Shuriken literally has no idea what is going on. He just wants to go home and not miss sushi night, honestly.

“And you, Shuriken,” Broker continues, completely ignoring Coil. He has that faux cheeriness in his voice that gives Shuriken the shivers. He isn’t scared , obviously. This man, who is clearly not a spring chicken, talks like a ten year old girl. “You would also be granted protection, too, obviously - the Family offers the same love to all of its members! - but you would be paid much better than at that café of yours. Although, even though I can’t taste, those pastries truly are delicious.”

Wow. This guy is pretty stupid. Shuriken has literally never been motivated by greed in his entire life. Well, except for when it came to sour gummies. But he sincerely doubts that this guy is gonna convince him to join a really shady cult with sour gummies.

“I’m good,” he replies.

Broker stares for a few seconds at the two of them.

“Well,” he says in a strained tone, clasping his hands together, “it appears the two of you need some more time to think on this, it seems!”

“We’ve already thought on this, old man,” Coil spits out. “We say no. Now, can I go back home?”

“Yeah, man,” Shuriken agrees, nodding his head. “I need to get back home for sushi night. They’ve got all-you-can-eat, tonight, and last time Sling won.”

Coil murmurs something that sounds a lot like ‘fatass’ under his breath, but Shuriken chooses to ignore it.

Broker hums, and Shuriken’s eyes widen as he pulls a literal knife from nowhere. Shuriken’s gotta figure out how he does that. Broker inspects the knife carefully, which looks deadly sharp in his hands.

Broker walks over to him and tilts his jaw upwards with the knife so that he looks the man in the eye. Shuriken is currently about to piss himself.

”Our Family is one of the few places that you will ever feel truly at peace,” Broker says, his tone suddenly sincere. “Turning down this offer will not turn out well for you, I’ll have to say. And, Shuriken? Would you mind telling your.. ah, neighbor should give me a call? I’ve been meaning to speak to that traitor, you know.”

Shuriken stops. Katana? Traitor? What could someone as cool and manly as Katana have to do with this freakish cult? Surely he wasn’t a part of it, right? Right?

Also, he really does not like the look of the knife in Broker’s hands. He does not wanna get stabbed again for the second time this week. He’s already washed his costume!

”I said no. I’m not interested. If I was, there is really no need to kidnap me, I’d just come to you,” Shuriken says firmly.

“Fine, then!” Broker says in a clipped tone, stepping away pocketing the knife. “But, if you ever want to give us a call, the opportunity is always open!”

And then he leaves.

“Wow, dude,” Coil says in an impressed tone. “You scared him off with your gluttony.”

“I- okay, dude. You’re just mad you don’t get to have sushi tonight.”

Shuriken sighs, and then slips his dagger into his hand. Easily, he cuts open the ropes and stands up, stretching his limbs.

“You- you had that the whole time!?” Coil exclaims.

“Uhh.. yep!” Shuriken scratches the back of his neck sheepishly. He quickly cuts through Coil’s ropes. “Anyways, wanna come get sushi with me? I’m pretty sure Vine and Sling wouldn’t mind. Just, like, don’t mention this at all, or else I’m screwed.”

Coil considers the offer for a few seconds, before shrugging. “Sure, dude. I’ve never even had sushi before.”

“WHAT!?”

—

(As it turns out, Vine Staff and Slingshot were a little bit more than apprehensive to have some random, jacked stranger join them for sushi night. It also became pretty awkward when they all discovered that Slingshot and Coil both knew Skateboard and that Coil had been living in the guy’s basement for a few months now.

But Shuriken got his sushi. That’s kind of all that matters, really.)

Chapter Text

If there is one thing that everybody can agree is the best thing to ever grace this planet, it is instant ramen.

You simply can’t go wrong with instant ramen. It’s quick, it’s delicious, and you can find it pretty much anywhere, especially in Thieves’ Den. And while actual, authentic ramen is amazing, Shuriken doesn’t really feel like spending thirty dollars for one singular bowl when he can spend the same amount on a ten pack of instant ramen. He is very responsible with how he spends his money, unlike what Vine Staff says. It’s not his fault that the sour gummies brand is so good at advertising!

However, nobody eats instant ramen like Slingshot.

It’s almost scary. Only almost, though, because Shuriken is scared of nothing. Of course. He is the Silver Shadow, after all. The people love him. He gets all the ladies.

..okay, maybe he doesn’t get any ladies. But that is irrelevant information. Why are you so obsessed with his love life, huh? What if he doesn’t even want ladies? What if he is perfectly fine by himself? Geez.

Anyways. Back to instant ramen.

You see, on this particular day, Shuriken was trying to get some sleep. His shift at the café had been particularly brutal, and if he has to try and explain to another customer that they couldn’t pay for a twenty dollar order with only seventeen dollars, he is going to combust. Like, how did some people even get through high school without failing? It astounds him, truly.

But nooo. Because when he turns around and flops onto the other side of his bed, Slingshot is just.. there. Staring at him.

See, this is why Slingshot had to wear a cat maid dress for a month straight at the café (don’t ask). Because who the fuck does this that is completely human and not three cats in a trenchcoat? Honestly.

And, also, Slingshot has not blinked. Like, at all. Shuriken is sincerely wondering if there is a skinwalker next to his bed right now. While he is cuddled up in his Minecraft creeper blanket. Like, can it wait for him to at least brush his teeth? He doesn’t think being eaten alive is very pleasant with his morning breath.

Don’t tell anybody, but the Silver Shadow suffers from a lethal case of morning breath. 

Shuriken groans and throws his pillow at Slingshot. He immediately mourns the loss of his fluffy, cool pillow, but it is all for a good cause.

Which is, obviously, to get rid of Slingshot.

“Shuriken, we are out of ramen ,” Slingshot says. Shuriken has never seen such fear in his eyes before. People have explained murder scenes with less terror. His roommate honestly looks like he’s about to piss himself. It’s kinda funny.

“Even the extra two packets you keep under your bed?” He mumbles, rubbing his eyes.

“ Yes. Wait- how do you know about that?”

“I know everything,” he says ominously. In reality, he’d been snooping around Slingshot’s room because he got bored. But a magician never reveals his secrets, you know. You better not snitch on him.

Slingshot grabs his Minecraft creeper blanket and throws it against the wall, far away from Shuriken’s reach. He is immediately blasted with the frigid AC of his apartment air, and it is a brutal thing. Like, how do Vine Staff’s plants survive in this cold? It’s like the tundra.

How dare Slingshot do this. He needs his Minecraft creeper blanket.

“We’re going to get instant ramen. Come on.”

Shuriken sighs and checks his phone, which informs him that Slingshot has woken him up at midnight to go get ramen.

Yeah, he’s definitely a cat in disguise. No human does this.

So, Shuriken, dressed in his Pikachu-themed pajamas, reluctantly follows behind Slingshot to go get some ramen. Because, you know, who doesn’t go to get instant ramen at midnight with their roommate? It’s just a normal day for the Silver Shadow, hero of Thieves’ Den.

But just as Slingshot is about to open the door, something terrible happens.

“Where are you two going?”

Shuriken turns, painstakingly slow, to face his sister, who looks like she just crawled out of the depths of the ocean. Her hair is tangled and her face paint is all smudged. Not that he is going to tell her this, obviously. He values his life quite a lot, actually.

“Just.. getting instant ramen. Y’know, normal things to be doing at midnight,” Shuriken explains, glaring at Slingshot from the corner of his eye.

Vine Staff sighs. “And whose idea was this?”

Shuriken points to Slingshot. Slingshot points to Shuriken.

“Dude! You woke me up from my beauty sleep to go get ramen! Why are you blaming me!? ” Shuriken squawks in offense.

“Because you ate the last of my secret packs!” Slingshot retorts. “I was saving those!”

“Okay, okay, can we just go get the ramen so I can go back to sleep?” Vine Staff says, yawning.

“We?” Shuriken might as well wake up the whole city to go get some instant ramen, at this point. 

“I don’t trust either of you two at midnight to go to the store alone.”

Slingshot opens his mouth to respond, then shuts it. “Yeah, that’s fair.”

—

“I want to sit in the cart.”

“I am not pushing you around in a cart, Shuriken. You can walk.”

Shuriken stays firmly where he is, holding onto the cart while staring Slingshot in the eye. If he cannot get his beauty sleep, then he will still be treated like a princess. Because he is the prettiest princess of them all.

Slingshot lets out a long-suffering sigh. “Why did I decide to wake him up, again?” He asks, turning to Vine Staff. She simply shrugs.

Shuriken takes this as a win and scrambles into the cart. Because riding around in a shopping cart at twenty-two years old while wearing Pikachu pajamas is the figure of awesomeness. He is 100% gonna pull all the ladies now. Nobody is doing it like him.

Slingshot reluctantly starts pushing the cart around and makes a beeline for the food section, before he starts searching the shelves for his ramen like a madman. Like, can he not go without it for one day? Gosh. Slingshot is gonna need rehab at this point.

Meanwhile, Shuriken pulls out his bag of sour gummies and starts eating.

“What the- Shuriken, have you had that the whole time?” Vine Staff asks. She looks a little worried. “Are you addicted to those things?”

Pfft. Worried? Why would she be worried?

“Look, sis, I’ve been eating these things every day for a year and I still haven’t gotten addicted. I’m just way too spectacular like that,” he replies easily while popping another gummy into his mouth. “unlike Slingshot, who apparently has to make it everyone’s problem to get some ramen.”

“Hey!” Slingshot’s voice protests from another aisle.

Shuriken looks around, confused. “Is that a mosquito buzzing by my ear?”

Vine Staff rolls her eyes, struggling to hide her smile. Shuriken is just a comedian like that. He should get a job in stand-up comedy, but he’d rather sit down.

Okay. That wasn’t really his best line, he’ll admit it.

But it’s fine! He is the Silver Shadow. He is That Guy™️. He doesn’t need to worry about what people who read fanfiction in their free time think about him.

Anyways, Slingshot returns with two five-packs of instant ramen. And since Shuriken is an intellectual, he can come to the conclusion that that results in ten servings of ramen total. He dumps them in the cart, and Shuriken has to shove the giant packs behind him. He refuses to do anything for Slingshot after he’s forced him to wake up from his beauty sleep.

They start to make their way towards the registers to pay for their instant ramen, but then.

Shuriken spots the best thing ever.

A nerf gun.

It looks like an absolute unit. It looks like it can kill a man. It is everything Shuriken has ever wanted in life.

Except it is almost a hundred dollars.

Shuriken scrambles out of the cart to look at it, re-checking the price tag, juuust to make sure he isn’t misreading that.

Well. Shuriken has done so much for the faction of Thieves’ Den, y’know. Surely he can have this one thing on the house? And it isn’t like he’s stealing from a family-owned business, you know. This is a corporation that can be seen all through the faction - they clearly have lots of money.

Well.. he does hate corrupt capitalists, doesn’t he?

Surely nobody will notice.

Shuriken grabs the nerf gun and hides it completely non-conspicuously behind his back. Because - in case you’ve forgotten - he is the master of disguise. He can hide that he is trying to steal a hundred-dollar nerf gun from his roommates with ease. You must sincerely doubt his abilities if you think he can’t.

As they approach the registers, Shuriken notices something amiss. His spidey senses are tingling.

He notices two masked men by the registers.

And they have guns.

The store is getting robbed.

Oh, man. This really seems like a situation his super cool alter ego, the Silver Shadow, could deal with.

Dear reader, Shuriken is about to aura farm so hard.

Vine Staff squints, seemingly catching on. “Oh my SFOTH,” she whispers. “We have to get out of here. Shuriken, are you-“

But Shuriken is gone.

—

“Where did he go!?” Vine Staff exclaims, glancing around the store worriedly. He’d been in the cart the whole time, apart from when they had gotten near the registers - which are currently being robbed-

Slingshot’s face dawns with realization. “Oh, no.”

“What? What is it? Do you know where he went?” She asks, panicked. Shuriken disappearing in the middle of a robbery is really not a comforting thing.

“No. Look.”

Slingshot points as a figure suddenly jumps down behind the robbers.

And-

Oh, gods.

It’s Shuriken. Except he is now the Silver Shadow, complete with the full outfit and mask.

“How- wasn’t he just in his Pikachu pajamas?” Vine Staff wonders aloud, completely appalled. Her brother is a lot of things, but sometimes she has trouble processing that he’s also a vigilante.

Slingshot pinches his nose. “I don’t know, man. I don’t question whatever the hell he does anymore.”

—

He is so badass.

Shuriken might be outnumbered, but these guys are slow. Like, literally and figuratively.

And of course, Shuriken is a professional. He can best some random, no-lifers who attempt to rob a store any time of day.

His aura levels are currently at an all-time high. Nobody is ever going to aura farm this hard ever again. He’s going in the history books.

The robbers are really no big issue - with only a few well-placed hits to their kneecaps and  chests, and they’re out. He’s like a ninja.

But for good measure, Shuriken pulls out his newly-acquired nerf gun and shoots them both in the legs.

He wipes off his hands on his pants and bows at the cashiers - a common way of greeting or showing respect in Thieves’ Den - before speeding out of the store and grappling away.

Oh, man. Shuriken is literally that guy. He is so awesome for doing that.

..he might get yelled at when he gets home, though. But he’s literally saved the city! And he acquired a nerf gun, too, all for free. Like, come on! You can’t say that isn’t literal awesomeness.

—

When his roommates get back home, he is lying on the couch, back in his Pikachu pajamas, acting like he didn’t just save Thieves’ Den. Because he is a humble man. He does not ask for a lot in life.

Apart from his nerf gun, which he cradles close to his chest.

“Oh, hi, guys,” he greets casually.

“Shuriken, do you know how dangerous that was? Oh my SFOTH! You scared me, Shuri.” Vine Staff cries, running over to him and hugging him tight.

Shuriken returns the hug. “I’m fine, sis. Those dudes were, like, so lame. They didn’t stand a chance against me.”

Slingshot frowns at him. “Where’d the nerf gun come from? Did you pay for that?”

He smiles sheepishly. “About that..”

(Later, Shuriken is scolded for almost thirty minutes straight. But, hey, at least he got it keep it.)

Chapter Text

Today is a very special day, dear reader.

A day that comes around rather rarely, in fact - once every year. A day that simply cannot be passed by. A day that changes your life forever.

And no, it isn’t Shuriken’s birthday. Yeah, he knows, it’s pretty sad that there’s only one day a year to appreciate how spectacular and amazing he is. But, on the other hand, that day could technically be every day, if you put your mind to it.

This is a sign for you, by the way. A sign for you to sign a petition that every day should be called “Shuriken Appreciation Day”, where people give him gifts for free and he gets to eat all the sour gummies he wants. That sounds like a great day, especially for guys named Shuriken. Or girls. Or nonbinary pals.

See? He’s a great guy who supports the LGBTQ community. Everyone should give him a round of applause. Not that he’s special - you should be supporting the LGBTQ community too, you know. Because, like, it’d be totally uncool if you didn’t. And Shuriken would probably be sad.

Well, he is special and unique in his own awesome way. But you can clearly see the point he’s trying to make here.

Anyways, the thing he is trying to say is that today is Katana’s birthday.

And since Katana did save him from falling off a rooftop and almost losing his sour gummies when he had the plague, Shuriken owes him.

How is he going to do that, you might be asking?

Well, that is in the form of a surprise birthday party, of course. Because what else would he do?

Except Shuriken is currently staring at a selection of birthday candles and now he is realizing that he may or may not have forgotten how old Katana was.

Don’t blame him, okay? He knew that Katana was somewhere in his forties, but, like, who even keeps track of age at that point? Like, get past thirty, and you’re officially grandpa status. Really no point in remembering past then.

Unlike Shuriken, of course, who is the figure of youthfulness. He is agile and awesome and does not have creaky bones.

Shuriken bites the side of his cheek, shifting from side to side while staring at the candles. Dude, he is so done for if he can’t even remember how old Katana is turning.

Forty.. two? No, that doesn’t sound right.

Forty-five? Ehh.. it’s in the middle. Close enough, right?

But Shuriken is pretty sure Katana is younger than forty-five. Then he’d surely remember, because, like, geez - do you even do anything at that stage of life? Most Inphernals are considering going into retirement then.

Okay, maybe not that early, but still. Shuriken doesn’t even understand how Katana has the energy to be a hero while also having achy bones and whatever other stuff old people deal with. A failing liver, maybe. Amnesia, probably. Although Katana seems to remember with perfect clarity the time that Shuriken accidentally destroyed his vase.

Of all the things. Like, why doesn’t Katana remember things from his childhood, or something? Why remember that moment specifically? This is very unfair.

Shuriken eventually goes with forty-four. He’s pretty sure that even if he’s wrong, Katana is too old to remember anyways.

Alright. He’s acquired the candles.

Now, he needs to get a gift.

What kind of gifts can he get for a guy who says he enjoys meditating, though? A meditation buddy? How lame is that, honestly? Like, does Katana have no hobbies of his own other than “hunting down the corruption”?

Ehh.. maybe he can skip out on the gift. Surely Katana won’t notice.

Shuriken drops the candles into his basket and continues to search the shelves for decorations. He’s on decor duty, while Slingshot is on food duty and Vine Staff is on gift duty. They make a splendid party-planning trio, if he does say so himself.

Of course, he’s the best out of them three. Everyone should already be aware of this, but some people actually don’t have Katana’s freakishly good memory. Yeah, he knows - it’s shocking.

Shuriken buys a bunch of red balloons (since that seems to be Katana’s preferred color - in fact, once, Vine Staff found him a teal-colored quilt and the man very politely refused and never touched it again) and other red-themed decorations. Shuriken really doesn’t like the color red, but, you know, whatever makes the guy happy.

When Shuriken finds himself at the registers, he notices a very.. peculiar looking man.

That is to say, he looks nothing like he’s from Thieves’ Den. Seriously, what is it with people dressing as if they want to be out-of-place? It seems really stupid to him, especially because he’s the master of stealth and disguise.

The man looks like he’s from Blackrock, actually. Which is never a good sign. As he learned from Coil, a Blackrockian is never to be trusted.

Weird enough, though, he’s wearing a helmet. Like, not a sports helmet - no, a full-on helmet that covers the guy’s entire head and face. Seems a bit overkill, if you’re asking him. Which, of course you are. Why else would you be reading his 100% foolproof guide to living a double life?

..it does kinda look cool, though. Just not for casual wear.

But the guy is holding a bottle of sake. Which is a traditional Thieves’ Den drink. So either he’s just a tourist - which is pretty unlikely, because Blackrock doesn’t usually let its remainder of living inhabitants wander around freely - or this man is using an alcoholic drink for nefarious purposes.

And Shuriken will not let any scheme go under his watch unnoticed.

Because he’s, like, a vigilante.

The Silver Shadow. Who gets all the ladies.

And that’s the type of stuff he does.

Anyways.

Shuriken pays for his items and very stealthily and inconspicuously follows behind the man, a whole lot of thoughts flying through his head. Because a person who thinks all the time has nothing to think about except thoughts.

Wise words, truly. He should trademark that.

His suspicions about the man don’t cease as he comes closer and closer to Shuriken’s apartment complex. Like, the guy seems completely normal, but Shuriken can tell there is something much more sinister about him. His spidey senses are tingling.

And then the man goes inside the building.

Like, hello? What the hell? This is not normal. Why is a Blackrockian going in his house?

This is blasphemy. He does not want any Blackrock scum near his property.

..wow, geez. Coil is kind of rubbing off of on him.

Maybe this guy hates Blackrock too and he hasn’t left, for whatever reason. And he’s visiting Thieves’ Den for no reason. Why not? Shuriken can confirm that his faction is the most awesome sauce and that everybody should visit at least once.

Yes, yes, that’s it. Shuriken supports everybody. He is very willing to see things from everyone’s perspective, y’know. He’s almost like an empath.

Except for the corrupt capitalists. He hates those losers.

Shuriken races up the stairs to get to his apartment and is even more astounded to find the man hovering in front of Katana’s door. Like he knows the guy.

And not that he’s gonna brag or anything, but he sincerely doubts that this Blackrockian even knows about Katana’s identity as Hannya. Only Shuriken knows that, because he is That Guy™️.

“Sorry, dude, who are you?” Shuriken questions. “‘Cause, like, you’re kind of standing in front of my neighbor’s door. And I need to get in. For normal neighbor reasons.”

That sounds a lot weirder than he intends it to be. Oh, gods. Is this guy gonna think he’s a freak? He is not a freak. He is the master of disguise, the Silver Shadow! Shuriken is way too spectacular to be a freak.

The man turns to him with the bottle of sake still in his arms. “You are Katana’s neighbor?” He asks, very annoyingly avoiding Shuriken’s question.

“Yeah, man. And I am trying to plan his birthday party before he gets back home, so can you move?”

The man shuffles awkwardly out of the way. “..Sorry,” he responds after a pause. “I have a gift for him, actually.”

Shuriken raises his brow. “A gift? You- you know Katana well enough to get him a gift?”

“I wouldn’t say I know him, but we’ve spoken several times. He seems to particularly enjoy this drink whenever we talk.”

Dude, what the fuck does Katana get himself into whenever Shuriken isn’t paying attention?

“And when do you talk, huh?” Shuriken presses on.

“We drink together,” the man explains.

Woah. Hey. Katana drinks with a guy from Blackrock? What next, Shuriken hates eating sour gummies? Gods. This is so weird.

..and, also, Shuriken has literally never known Katana to be a drinker.

The man shifts awkwardly from side to side. “I guess I didn’t introduce myself properly. My name is Hyperlaser.”

Okay. Wait. That’s actually a pretty cool name. He might consider being chill with this guy.

Just might, though.

Shuriken hums and then opens the door, letting Hyperlaser follow behind him. Inside of Katana’s apartment, the living area - which is sectioned off with shoji doors - has been arranged with all sorts of different treats, most of which are authentic Thieves’ Den cuisine.

“Just, uh, put the sake on the table. Me and my roommates are help setting up - I think Sling should be around here somewhere,” Shuriken says before rushing off to another room. Inside, Slingshot is scrolling on his phone.

Slingshot glances up at him. “Oh, hi, Shuri.”

“Dude, I think Katana has a boyfriend.”

Slingshot chokes on his spit, coughing for a couple seconds before eventually collecting himself. “I’m sorry, what?”

“There’s this guy in the house and he says he’s, like, Katana’s drinking buddy and he brought him sake.” Shuriken is wide-eyed. Because he really never would have guessed Katana swung the other way. Not that he’s, like, homophobic or anything. Shuriken just thinks that at Katana’s age, maybe he shouldn’t be trying to get a boyfriend. Just a thought to keep in mind.

“And.. how does this show that Katana has a boyfriend?” Slingshot asks, brow furrowed and his hand beckoning for Shuriken to go on.

Shuriken rolls his eyes. “Dude, it’s, like, the most obvious thing ever. Katana literally never leaves his house and he never talks to anybody. Now he has a guy he talks to at the bar? Is that not how you get a boyfriend?”

“Like you would know about how to get a boyfriend,” Slingshot mutters wryly under his breath.

“I am plenty capable of getting a boyfriend. Or a girlfriend. You doubt my aura, Sling.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night, bro. Anyways, can you go set up the decorations? Vine Staff is gonna be here soon which means Katana is coming back home.”

Shuriken groans, and then reluctantly beings putting up the decorations.

—

Shuriken is very impressed with his handiwork, if he does say so himself.

Katana’s apartment  isn’t too overly decorated, but it’s clear that a special event is taking place. Shuriken is pretty sure that the guy wouldn’t want his house to be completely cluttered, which is reasonable, he supposes.

Vine Staff has returned, too, her arms filled with bags. She gives a swift hello to Hyperlaser, who has been simply sitting awkwardly until Katana gets back.

Talk about a desperate boyfriend. Shuriken is the #1 Katana and Hyperlaser shipper, he’s decided.

If nobody else is gonna do it, he might as well do it himself. Because he’s just so marvelous like that.

Vine Staff peers outside the window after organizing her gifts. “He’s coming! Everyone, hide!”

They all duck behind a counter that is placed close enough near the door, bating their breath as the door creaks open.

There is a pause.

“Wh-“

They all leap out from their spots - well, except for Hyperlaser, since he’s old, and he just quietly reveals himself instead.  Loser.

“Happy birthday, Katana!” They all cheer.

Katana seems to short-circuit for a second.

Then,

“Thank you,” he murmurs after breathing a sigh of relief. “You had me temporarily worried, with the state of my house.”

Shuriken grins and grabs his wrist, dragging him over to Hyperlaser. “Okay, okay, happy birthday - now, go talk with your boyfriend!”

Katana coughs. “Pardon?” He asks, looking at him with a mixture of confusion and surprise.

Shuriken only offers a big, knowing grin before skipping away, taking it upon himself to eat the mochis offered on a plate.

Shuriken watches with glee as the two men start to chat with each other. He has successfully done it. He has gotten Katana a boyfriend. He’s like a super awesome, cool wingman.

What a great day it is.

These mochis are good, too.

—

(Shuriken doesn’t fail to notice how Hyperlaser lingers at Katana’s place even after he and his roommates have left. He hopes to be there at the wedding.)