Archive of Our Own ^beta

There’s one constant in Saheon’s life, and that’s being told that Jaheon is too good for him.

It’s true, but Saheon doesn’t really care about that. What he does care about, is the fact that Jaheon is still his. His boyfriend. His man.

Now, see, Jaheon is handsome. And that’s not just a fun fact, it's the unequivocal truth. There’s no universe in which Jaheon and the concept of being handsome aren’t inextricably bound. Call it the red thread of fate, if you will—except Jaheon’s soulmate isn’t another person, it’s his looks.

With such a handsome boyfriend, it’s natural that Saheon’s head is a little big. He likes hearing people whisper in public—stuff like, that guy is so hot and should I ask for his number? and I wonder if he has a girlfriend… It all makes him laugh, especially when he reaches for Jaheon’s arm, molds into his side, and sees the faces of his boyfriend’s admirers fall as they watch him mark his territory.

Jaheon scolded him a few times in the past when he heard him brag about it. “I’m not an object, Baek Saheon,” he’d say, but made no move to actually do anything about it.

Saheon knew it then, and he knows it now: Jaheon doesn’t care about him romantically. A man like him isn’t capable of developing such emotions, but that’s exactly what Saheon likes. Jaheon isn’t clingy, annoying, or jealous like most men and women are. He’s impartial to everything in the world, really. He would date anyone if they asked him to.

Saheon thinks about how he’d gotten to Jaheon first, and then he thinks about how it must mean something.

1.

It starts out slow, unnoticeable. 

Jaheon isn’t a good boyfriend, which Saheon knows, so he doesn’t bother with having expectations.

His boyfriend is calm and stoic, but that also means he lacks passion—especially towards Saheon. When they first began dating, he’d only call Saheon Baek Saheon-ssi, and that’s far too cold of a title to use on your lover, so Saheon had convinced him to use Saheon-ah instead.

Sometimes, the -ssi still slips out, but he now knows to correct himself. It’s a bit like training a dog, except that the dog is untrainable unless you pull up a list of pros and cons explaining why the training is necessary and not a waste of time.

To put it simply: Jaheon is a piece of shit, but he’s also handsome. 

With such a good face, Saheon thinks it’s fine if his boyfriend acts out of line sometimes. 

Just sometimes, though.

For instance, right now is not a ‘sometime.’ Right now is a ‘Saheon will thrash his apartment unless his boyfriend replies to his eighty-two text messages within the next seven minutes.’

He’s been left on seen for about eighteen hours now, which is whatever since it’s Jaheon, but what really bothers him is that it’s been happening way too often lately.

He sends Jaheon a good night text? He’s not getting a reply until mid-afternoon. Before, Jaheon would’ve replied by 11AM, max. This new behaviour irks Saheon, and when he’s irked, he has unsavoury thoughts.

Baek Saheon

He hasn’t replied to me since yesterday afternoon

He’s cheating on me

Whatever

Piece of shit

Hope he’s using a condom so he doesn’t have ten sons that act like shit just like him

Go Yeongeun

Maybe he’s busy?

Why do you always jump to conclusions like that

You should jump off a cliff instead

Baek Saheon

Why the fuck would he be busy

Go Yeongeun

You’re dating a working adult 

Hello???

Baek Saheon

Yeah that would be a convenient excuse for him huh

Fucking asshole

Go Yeongeun

Can you relax

There’s actually something wrong with you

Why would Lee Jaheon cheat on you

Baek Saheon

Because he’s a piece of shit

Go Yeongeun

YOU are the piece of shit

Kim Soleum

She’s right

Also, Lee Jaheon would tell you before cheating

Go Yeongeun

Yeah 

Because he’s a gentleman 

Unlike you

Baek Saheon

Go fuck yourselves

Five minutes later, his phone chimes.

Lee Jaheon

Hello.

Sorry.

I was busy with work.

I can meet you tomorrow.

I’ll call you at 10PM.

Be sharp.

Saheon’s heart beat quickens.

Baek Saheon

It’s okay

I love you

Are you still busy?

Why aren’t you replying?

Hello? 

Lee Jaheon

I’m here.

I’m about to drive, so texting isn’t possible.

I love you, too.

It’s a lie, but Saheon feels high off of joy.

2.

Saheon doesn’t like Jaheon romantically.

At times, it might seem like he does because of how clingy he is, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t.  

He likes the idea of Jaheon—the idea of this handsome, strong, capable man belonging solely to him. He likes how Jaheon makes him look when they’re out together. He likes how being Jaheon’s boyfriend elevates him.

He likes the matching rings they wear. He likes seeing Jaheon’s silvery hair spread out over a pillow on his bed. He likes seeing Jaheon’s face above him when they’re being intimate.

He likes Jaheon’s cold hands. He likes Jaheon’s eyes. He likes the way Jaheon holds pens.

Saheon likes all these things, but he doesn’t like Jaheon—he never will. This is important.

“Do you like me?”

They’re in bed together. It’s Saturday, meaning Jaheon doesn’t have work, meaning he spends his weekend at Saheon’s place. The entire apartment is already littered with his belongings—an air purifier placed beside the bed, his work laptop on the desk, his preferred brand of protein powder tucked in one of the kitchen cabinets, his toiletries on the bathroom shelf.

Jaheon’s place, just the same, is littered with Saheon’s things.

“I do,” Jaheon says softly.

Saheon thinks the way he sleeps is funny. He lays on his back, one hand wrapped around Saheon, who’s laying on his chest, and the other hand resting on his stomach. He sleeps like he’s ready to be sent off to an unjust death. Their legs are tangled beneath the sheets.

Lazily, Saheon draws shapes on Jaheon’s bare chest with a finger. “Really?” 

“Yes.” 

“You’re lying,” Saheon hums.

“I am.” 

Saheon’s heard the same admission many times before. It usually makes him laugh. A slow giggle that bubbles up from the back of his throat and sweetens the atmosphere. He doesn’t laugh this time, though. He feels irritated. 

“Why would you admit that?” he sits up, his irritation quickly turning into a headache.

“I simply confirmed that what you said was true,” Jaheon replies.

“That doesn’t mean I want to hear that? Tell me I’m wrong, or something.”

“You’re wrong,” Jaheon says, obedient. “Or something.”

Saheon stares, unmoving. Wow. What the fuck? The audacity of this bastard is insane. 

“Get the fuck out of my apartment.”

Jaheon gets out of bed, gets dressed, gathers his things, and leaves. Saheon is flabbergasted.

Baek Saheon

He said he doesn’t like me

Go Yeongeun

Good for him

He deserves better

Kim Soleum

Glad he opened his eyes

He should open them further and break up with you

Baek Saheon

Go to hell

3.

Every time someone brings up his boyfriend, Saheon hears the same thing: Jaheon is a good man—which is great, because if he wasn’t, Saheon wouldn’t be dating him.

He’s a good man, but do good men have stray tubes of shimmering pink lip gloss lying around their apartments? 

Saheon tries to reason with himself: it’s probably mine. I must’ve left it here last time. How good of him to keep it for me. It sounds plausible, except for the fact that Saheon doesn’t wear lip gloss. He’s never worn lip gloss. He never will wear lip gloss.

“What the fuck is this?” Saheon holds the tube up to Jaheon’s face as the man exits the bathroom.

“Lip gloss,” he says without missing a beat. 

Wow. How fucking shameless. He even has the audacity to know what it is. “Yeah, no shit. Why the fuck do you have this?”

“It’s my sister’s.”

Oh goody, he's been cheating!

“We’re done.” Saheon grabs his bag and coat, then turns. “Don’t call me.”

As he slams the door, he hears Jaheon reply: “Okay. Take care of yourself.”

Baek Saheon

I broke up with him

Go Yeongeun

Yay! 

Kim Soleum

I need to congratulate him

Give me a second

Go Yeongeun

Now he can date someone good for him 

Baek Saheon

Kill yourself

A week later, Saheon is crying to his sister on the phone.

“Noona, he cheated on me. Why the fuck would he do that?” Saheon sniffles. “We weren’t good together, but we weren’t bad either—and why would he tell me to take care of myself? I’m going crazy…”

“Saheon-ah, are you sure he cheated? Jaheon-ssi seems like a good man…I don’t think he’d ever do that to you. Plus, since he told you to take care of yourself, maybe he didn’t?”

His sister’s being so genuine that he wants to laugh. “You don’t know men like I do, noona.”

“Um…alright,” she says hesitantly. “But still, at least give Jaheon-ssi a chance to explain? I truly don’t believe he would do that to you…”

“Okay, noona,” Saheon says before hanging up.

He doesn’t think Jaheon deserves a chance to explain.

Two weeks later, he decides to give Jaheon a chance to explain.

Well, actually, it’s more than that. He misses Jaheon—he misses his face, at least. He’s so handsome…it’s fine if he cheats a little, isn’t it? As long as he stays handsome and Saheon stays his only boyfriend…it’s fine…

When Jaheon picks up, Saheon uses his sweetest voice: “Hyung…I was angry last time, so I was just saying this and that…I didn’t really want to break up…I miss you…can we…get back together? Please?” 

The other line is quiet for a very, very long time. Saheon almost thinks Jaheon’s hung up on him, but then he speaks up. “It’s okay. I knew you were angry. I missed you, as well. We can get back together.”

Saheon gushes sweet nothings into the phone for the next half hour.

He has his boyfriend back. That's all that matters.

He soon finds out that Jaheon does, in fact, have a sister. He didn’t take back a cheater, how lucky…!

He also finds out that some random woman at Jaheon’s workplace has been flirting with him non-stop, and since Jaheon is slow to that kind of thing, he agrees to give her his number for her so-called work purposes.

Is his boyfriend stupid? What kind of colleague sends good morning messages?

Baek Saheon

Lee Jaheon's one dense fucking idiot alright

Go Yeongeun

Clean out your mouth please

Kim Soleum

You don't deserve him

Baek Saheon

Both of you will die

Saheon breaks up with him a second time.