Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Holy!Haruka: Ate too much namatake...
Sin!Utena: Got carried away while messing with girls.
Holy!Sayo: Chased a villainess in front of a moving car...
Sin!Nemo: Faced Enorme and her terrible wrath!

All: Dumb ways to die, so many dumb ways to die
All: Dumb ways to die~ so many dumb ways to die...

Inferno!Kaoruko: I felt the fire burn me to my bones
Inferno!Kiwi: Took shrapnel to the throat...
Inferno!Korisu: Trapped under a construction site
Rage!Matama: Wound infection after Nemo's bite.

All: Dumb ways to die, so many dumb ways to die
All: Dumb ways to die~ so many dumb ways to die...

Inferno!Haruka: Tried to fight the flower by myself.
Violet!Roboko: Flattened while tryna save Korisu
Fallen!Alt!Korisu: Got caught in the crossfire...
Alt!Violet!Kiwi: Got struck down by Brimstone's might.

All: Dumb ways to die, so many dumb ways to die
All: Dumb ways to die~ so many dumb ways to die...

Alt!Violet!Nemo: Fell down from a terrible height...
Fallen!Alt!Sayo: Sacrificed myself for the ones I loved
Fallen!Alt!Matama: Got electrocuted by a shoe...
Alt!Ruin!Venalita: I wonder, what does this big red button do?

All: Dumb ways to die, so many dumb ways to die
All: Dumb ways to die... So many dumb ways to die...

Fallen!Alt!Haruka: Stuck inside the dollhouse during the crossfire...
Fallen!Alt!Utena: Have your evil plan suddenly backfire...
Fallen!Alt!Nemo: Jump on the enemy and get killed by an arrow...
Fallen!Alt!Michiko: Got caught by the flower while defending my lady...
Fallen!Alt!Kiwi/Kaoruko: Go down in a blazing fire!

All: They may not rhyme but they're quite possibly
All: Dumbest ways to die! Dumbest ways to die. Dumbest ways to die~
All: So many dumb
All: So many dumb ways to die...

Chapter Text

Haruka sat up with a groan, rubbing her forehead and taking in her surroundings - the room she was in reminded her of a hospital.

As she wandered out of the room she woke up in, she found herself in a rather cozy atmosphere that reminded her of her favorite café - although...

She saw her face, staring back at her sixfold.

"Oh look, we've got a live one here!" One of the girls shouted sarcastically, she was as pale as snow and her eyes lacked a certain warmth that made her seem hollow.

"Very funny, but isn't she technically alive as well?" Another one piped up - pointing toward the corner, but she herself looked rather similar to the first - except her eyes were full of warmth.

A third one just scowls at her, this one had bloodshot eyes and looked rather unkempt - and she had foam around her mouth. "Why the fuck are we even here?" She spat angrily.

"Language!" Shouted a really really short version of herself. "Aru, Haru - you two need to be nice!" The sort of flat Haruka huffed.

"Uuuugh..." Another whined loudly - curled up in a ball on the couch, she looked a bit green.

In the corner of the room stood a version of herself she recognized as being similar to how Kaoruko described the Fallen Medic the first time Kaoruko herself had seen her - except this one was wearing a straitjacket and something over her mouth.

"Can someone please tell me what is going on?..." Haruka asked, looking concerned.

The one who was foaming at the mouth - she thinks the tiny version of herself called her Aru - started laughing hysterically. "I GUESS WE'RE WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN! OH ISN'T THAT JUST FUCKING GREAT!?"

The others flinched.

The smallest Haruka climbed up onto the table. "Every single one of us died, and I guess we were all brought here to share our experiences because of Ruin." She said.

"Wait wait wait, who is Ruin?" Haruka asked - concerned.

"I think Ruin is the villain mascot from my timeline." The pale but warm seeming Haruka piped up.

They all fell silent.

"I'm... I'm really sorry that you girls ended up like this... Would... You wanna talk about what happened?" Haruka asked.

"I'll go first - see, the flower in my timeline bloomed - but it didn't happen like yours or anyone else's, the girls and I were in the middle of town - I got trapped by Alice-Chan in her doll house, and the last thing I remember was everything crashing down around me before I was crushed to death." Tiny Haruka said, pacing around on the table.

"I JUST WANTED TO HAVE A NICE DATE WITH KAORUKO AND EAT NAMATAKE!" The green-ish Haruka sobbed loudly.

"I... I don't really know what happened but... Everything just suddenly ceased to exist all around me, I was so cold..." The pale Haruka murmured, hugging herself.

"My world got swallowed up by a fucking black hole! AND I GOT STUCK WITH THIS BIG BABY!" Haru shouted, pointing at the pale Haruka.

"LANGUAGE!" Tiny Haruka screeched.

Aru tilts her head - eyes wide and pupils merely tiny black dots - foam dripping from her mouth, there was a big chunk taken out of the underside of her jaw. "I think Leoparde gave me rabies." She giggled, tongue hanging out from the hole in her jaw.

Haruka looked toward the corrupted version of herself in the corner - who was just... Staring at her... Menacingly...

"W-What about her?" She asks, hesitant.

"Oh oh you wanna know what crazy nurse got up to? BAISER FUCKED UP HER MIND AND NOW SHE'S JUST A SHELL OF A HUMAN BEING!" Haru shouts, eyes rolling back a bit.

"I give up..." Tiny sighed.

Haruka sat down between the pale version of herself and the green-ish one. "I think we can all work through this and maybe you girls can move on to the afterlife peacefully?" She suggested.

Chapter Text

Sayo woke up with a start - her head hurt a little, the last thing she remembered was that freaky monster with gangly limbs and the crooked smile.

Looking around, she took note of the different things hanging from the walls - the stuff looked pretty old, but there was some newer stuff as well - futons, a recliner, a dining table and chairs...

"Hey there, nice to see you're awake." A voice came from off to her right - it was only then that she noticed herself sitting on the different chairs.

She rubs her head. "What is going on?..." Sayo asked.

"Apparently this is supposed to be some weird sort of timeline therapy." Remarked a Sayo who had black flowers growing from different parts of her body.

"I don't think we need therapy though." Piped up another, who looked like she'd been through hell both ways.

Sayo silently took in the appearances of the other versions of herself, one had a huge chunk taken out of her shoulder and was missing most of her right leg - another looked like she had been hit by a truck and gotten flattened, two of them looked more like older versions of her - both were rather pale and seemed quite tired.

"You guys look like you've had a rough time, did... Did your Baisers do this to you?..." Sayo asked, looking concerned.

One of the pale ones - the more tired of the two, spoke up. "I wish she did, then I wouldn't be so confused..."

The other pale specter of herself spoke next. "There's a chance mine was involved - there was a lot of dark magic before I ended up in the void with this one." She said, gesturing to the previous girl.

"What about you?" Sayo asked the one who looked like she'd been hit by a truck.

"Yes and also no, we were fighting and she tried to run away - she ran onto the road and I foolishly ran after her, but.. We were hit by a truck." She sighs from her position on the futon.

The one with flowers growing from her body spoke up next. "She bloomed... Then the kindness and warmth was gone, replaced by only cruel and twisted love that only brought us pain... She planted a seed inside my heart, just like she had done to Haruka, but instead of making me her puppet - she just... Left me to die..."

"That's horrible!" Sayo shouted, hugging herself.

The one who looked like she'd gone through hell piped up. "A similar thing happened to me, except we were in the middle of town - I sacrificed myself to save my friends, but I killed her first before succumbing to my wounds." She spoke softly.

The one with foam coming from her mouth sat up on the floor. "Not me, I got rabies from Imitatio." She sighed.

Sayo flinched, standing there in silence for a moment.

"I'm really sorry this happened to all of you..." She murmured.

Chapter Text

Kaoruko sat up with a groan, rubbing her forehead. "Violet? Haruka? Fuck, my head hurts..." She grumbles, sitting up.

"Oh... She's awake..." A near carbon copy of her murmurs.

Kaoruko nearly fell off of the couch. "WHAT THE FUCK!?" She shouts.

Another one - this one who looked like she had been on fire (and still had some glowing embers in her hair) just sighs. "You don't need to shout at us..."

"Yeah, I'm with sparky over there - my head still hurts even now, so please don't shout..." A somewhat flattened version of herself groans.

Two paler versions of herself were seated together on another couch.

"What... What the fuck happened ta you gals?..." Kaoruko whispered.

The flattened version of herself mumbles. "Most of us died..."

"I meant HOW!?" Kaoruko shouted incredulously.

"I tried to save Haruka and a fuckin' building fell on me!" Flat Kaoruko huffed angrily.

"Baiser took a bite out of mah ass!" One who had foam dripping from her chin snarled, her one good eye narrowed.

She winced. "That's disgusting! Baiser wouldn't normally sink that low." Kaoruko mumbles.

"I was fighting Leoparde - we got set on fire and I went down in a blaze of glory." The one with embers in her hair said - puffing out her chest.

The older, palest, and more confused looking version of herself spoke next. "I... I don't remember..."

"I blame Enormeeta's mascot - the last thing I remember was meeting her in the void." The other pale Kaoruko said, jerking a figure to the one beside her.

"I wish I was dead right now... My Haruka was poisoned..." Said the only non-injured one, who couldn't have been older than fifteen.

"Well damn... I'm sorry that happened ta all of ya, but ah need ta get back ta mah Haruka - we were on a date 'fore I ended up here." Kaoruko said, hugging each of the girls in turn before marching toward the stairs and opening the door - stopping in her tracks.

"Oh fuck. Gals, ya may wanna come see this."

She'd opened the basement door to find a room of Harukas upstairs.

"Oh shit." The others murmured.

Brimstone stared at the others from the dark recesses of the basement, eyes narrowed.

Chapter Text

Nemo dodged and weaved through the maze of corridors inside the freaky hospital - having just barely managed to get away from the freaky thing that looked like Venalita.

She slammed a door open and shut behind her, slumping down to catch her breath.

Six other versions of herself stared back at her. "Oh wow, you're actually alive." Remarked one who had an arrow piercing through her chest and poking out of her back, what looked to be a bit of her heart sticking to the head of the arrow.

"Of course I'm alive, why wouldn't I be?!" Nemo huffs, exhausted from the running. "Where even am I?"

"Well, the rest of us died before we ended up here?" One of them - who was bleeding profusely from a crack in her skull pointed out.

Across the room the one with part of a chandelier sticking out of the front of her face nods. "I mean you look worse for wear - but definitely not dead." She shrugs.

A head rolled across the floor in front of Nemo. "WHAT IN TRES MAGIA'S TITS!?" She shrieked.

A headless body ran by and picked up the head. "I got a head of myself, sorry." 

"I fucking hate you so much..." Growled one with a huge chunk taken out of her face and brain.

"What... What the fuck happened to all of you?..." Nemo whispered, trying to wrap her head around the situation.

"I watched Matama get flattened by a wall and a chandelier impaled me through the face." Said the one with the candle poking out from the back of her head, she seemed tired.

"I tried to dodge some rubble when Venalita nuked Nacht Base, I fell out a third story window and landed head first on the ground." The one with the cracked skull grumbled, wiping some blood off of her face.

The one with the arrow in her chest just sort of shrugs. "I'm not exactly sure."

"Oh oh oh! I know this one! Pick me!" The Nemo who was missing half of her face laughed hysterically. "Fuckin' mascot bit me" She says, her remaining eye twitching angrily.

Nemo winced a little, averting her gaze and then threw up a little on the floor - the taste of bile made her throat and eyes burn.

The one whose head had popped off again winces. "Eh... Flower bloomed, Azul got turned into a walking rose bush... Sulfur and Alice got crushed by a building... Magenta chopped my head off..." She said, not seeming interested in the conversation.

The last one, the more normal looking one - covered in cuts and bruises, sat down beside her. "I stood up to Enorme to protect my Matama and got killed for insubordination. You gonna be alright?" She asked softly, offering Nemo a bucket that had materialized out of thin air.

"I... Can see a running theme here with head trauma..." She mumbles, taking the bucket and throwing up again.

"Deep breaths squirt, things get better eventually." A seventh Nemo said, patting her shoulder - this one wasn't dead, but seemed real tired in comparison to the others, and somewhat older as well.

"I wandered around this building a bit, and there's a lot going on - I peeked in some of the rooms and saw other people in them, sort of like what's happening in here." Someone else said - stepping out of the shadows - she wore a uniform similar to Tres Magia's, except it was teal and black and had a scarf instead of a bow.

"Was Matama in one of them?" The one who had been impaled asked.

"Yep."

Chapter Text

Matama pushed open another door, silently passing through distorted room after chaotic room, this whole damn place was weird as all hell - she was having a hard time finding anyone, and for some reason she kept ending up back in the same place.

Eventually, she wound up somewhere new.

Six other Matamas sat on the edge of a stage while two more were pacing around on top of the stage and talking to one another in a hushed whisper.

"Well, this is certainly new." She mumbles, walking over to sit beside the other six - seemingly unphased by this strange situation.

There was a somewhat flattened version of herself, a version of herself who was almost entirely covered in strange black goo, another who had multiple stab wounds, and one that appeared to be rather soggy.

The second to last of the six had her arm hanging on by a thread - said arm had a huge chunk taken out of it and she was covered in blood down half her torso, and then there was the only one of the six who wasn't injured and just looked agitated.

The two on the stage looked a little older, one was transformed and the other looked more like a regular magical girl - except in pastel blue and white with bows in her hair.

"Did you guys all die or something?" Matama whispers.

"Yeah, pretty much." Said the one covered in the black goo.

"So how did you die? She asks.

"Venalita harnessed Nero Alice's power and basically destroyed reality - Nacht Base collapsed and I was crushed by a wall." Flat Matama sighed, her nubby arms waving angrily at the ceiling.

"Ʈㄖ 乃ᙓ ᕼㄖᙁ乇ᔑㄒ? Ꙇ ᙃㄖᙁ'Ʈ ᖇ乇ᙏ乇ᙏ乃ᙓ尺..." The one covered in the black goo spoke, her voice distorted - she turned her head and Matama was met with a glitched out eye, misshapen and the scelera was black instead of white.

She flinched away. "Well... That's definitely creepy..." She murmurs.

The Matama with the stab wounds tilts her head. "Utena did it. She bloomed near the city and it all went to hell fast."

"M-My Nemo n-nearly tore my a-arm off and I g-g-got a bad i-infec-tion." The Matama whose arm was barely hanging on was trembling and stuttering when she spoke.

"STOP TELLING EVERYONE I'M DEAD!" The tired Matama shouted from the other end of the stage.

They all snicker a bit.

"What about you?" Matama asked, looking at the soggy version of herself.

"I don't fucking understand how it happened, but I was electrocuted. By my own shoe." She grumbled, waving her hand dismissively.

She looks up at the two on the stage, who started bickering.

"What about them?" Matama questioned.

"Older Tama and Utaboshi Pearl? Technically they aren't dead, but Pearl was pulled out of her timeline in the middle of a battle against some alternate evil version of Tres Magia. I think they were called Brimstone, Black Rose, and Ice Queen." The Flat Matama remarked.

"So... This is a place where different timelines converge or something?" She mumbles, confused.

"Yeah that about sums it up babes." An alternate version of Nemo popped up from the shadows - she looked about as tired as the fifth version of herself.

"Are you from Older Tama's timeline?" Matama asked, and only received a nod before the Nemo vanished.

Chapter Text

After falling for what felt like twenty minutes - but couldn't have been more than five seconds, Kiwi landed on a soft chair - face first.

Upon righting herself, she found several other Kiwis sitting around her - including Ivy, and a Kiwi who looked a lot like Ivy.

"Damn... You guys look like shit!" She says, pointing at them one by one.

The Kiwi who looked like Ivy had a huge hole in her gut which was smoking and full of dying embers.

Another Kiwi had... Had almost half of her face ripped off - showing the flesh and muscles underneath the skin, teeth marks lining the area where the muscle was exposed - blood dripping down what remained of her chin.

One looked like she'd been in a cartoonish explosion - except she had shrapnel sticking out of a gaping hole in her throat and one of her eyes was dangling from the socket.

One Kiwi looked similar to a previous one - except she was still on fire...

The last of the Kiwis was huddled up in a corner and crying her eyes out - rocking back and forth while a seventh Kiwi - who was wearing a less frilly electric green and black version of the Tres Magia uniform - comforted her.

"Well you certainly don't look any better!" Huffed another older version of herself, she looked like she'd also been crying.

"Oh screw off." Ivy grumbles.

"Anyways, are you guys like... Dead?" Kiwi asked, lifting a cardigan covered hand up in front of her mouth.

"I'm not dead you dumbass!" Ivy shouts, whacking her on the back of the head.

"It was Brimstone's fault that I died, she came out of nowhere." The other Ivy said, scratching at the hole in her stomach.

"Stop scratching at that you dumbass." Ivy slapped her hand away.

"Kissing Utena-Chan was totally worth it!" The Kiwi with the missing skin gushed, eyes sparkling.

"Is... Is she... What the fuck?..." Kiwi mumbles - a concerned look on her face.

"Yes, yes she is." The other Ivy sighs.

In the corner the Kiwi who was sobbing was now ugly crying.

"I fumbled a grenade while running away from the Bloom." The Kiwi with the shrapnel in her throat remarks. "Also, is she gonna be okay?" She gestures to the ugly crying Kiwi.

"I took that flat-chested slut Sulfur down with me! Um... Although we might've... Accidentally killed Korosu before that..." The Kiwi - who by the way, is still on fire - said, looking nervous.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me!" The more gore-y Kiwi shouts.

"What about her?" Kiwi pointed at the Kiwi who looked like she was from Tres Magia.

"Brimstone's rival, Lightning Strike." Ivy held up a hand.

The other Kiwi - the grumpy one, mumbles softly.

"Sorry, didn't catch that - mind repeating?"

"I would like to leave now." The grumpy Kiwi says.

"So like, there's a group of Utena-Chan on the other side of this wall." The burning Kiwi says, pointing to the one-way mirror.

The entire group ran over - tripping over each other to stare at the Utenas.

Chapter Text

Utena groaned softly, rubbing her forehead as she sat up.

"So glad to see you're finally awake, kiddo." Magia Violet said, eyes narrowed as she glared at her from where she was seated.

Utena flinches. "Oh come on, you can't be serious!" She whimpered, trying to back away.

Magia Violet yanks her arm to the right, dragging Utena back over to her. "You can't run away from me in our current predicament." She said with a scowl. "It's not like I want to be here, stuck to you of all people either."

A few other versions of them stood off to the side - some nervous, and others looked more deranged at second glance.

"山ㄖ山, ㇄ㄖㄖ长 闩ㄒ 闩㇄㇄ ㄒ廾㠪 爪闩Ꮆ工⼕闩㇄ Ꮆ工尺㇄丂 千ㄖ尺 ㄩ丂 ㄒㄖ 尸㇄闩ㄚ 山工ㄒ廾!~" One of the bloomed Baisers giggled, her impossibly long tongue swiped across her lips and curled beneath her chin.

"𐌉 𐌃Ꝋ𐌍'𐌕 Ꮤ𐌀𐌍𐌕 𐌕Ꝋ 𐌓𐌋𐌀𐌙 𐌀𐌍𐌙𐌌Ꝋ𐌐𐌄, 𐌀Ɀ𐌵𐌋..." The other bloomed Baiser whimpered softly - she had Magia Azul's icy blade lodged in her throat, she looked so sad...

One of the Baisers was zipping around the room on all fours - looking for all the world like a feral animal, frothy reddish-cream foam was dripping from her open mouth, covering her lips and chin - her eyes were scratched up and weren't looking in the same direction...

It was an aimless creature whose humanity had long since been stripped away.

There was a somewhat flattened version of her as well - looked like she got run over by a car or something of the like.

One cowered beneath the table - limbs scratched up and bloody, covered in wounds and shaking like a scared dog.

Another one - who looked more like Magia Violet - sans the Floral Valkyrie transformation and lilac coloring - lingered in the corner with an older Utena, who seemed rather uncomfortable.

"Where are we?" Utena asked weakly, glancing around nervously.

"It seems Ruin decided to play another one of their games..." Violet muttered.

"W-What happened to all of them?..." She questioned, glancing over to the more normal pair in the corner.

After a few moments, Magia Amethyst approached Violet and Utena, tilting her head.

"They all died on the inside, and these spectors are all that remain of who they once were." Amethyst whispered, helping them to their feet and leading them to the couch to sit down.

"The creepy one over there with the long tongue caused most of the people in her timeline to die after she bloomed in a quarry near the city - the Shio Chans didn't stop her in her timeline." She explained softly.

She looked to the more sad-seeming bloom. "She was caught up in her emotions, and after she bloomed in the city - she killed Randa and Michiko, her and Azul got into a serious fight and Azul eventually killed her - she wasn't in control, and now she's just a sad shell of a girl." Amethyst continued.

She then gestured to the flattened one. "She and Azul were clashing, she tried to escape from her by running onto the road - Azul followed, and they were run over by a truck - Korisu and Kiwi were witness to their death." The Magia sighs, tilting her head back.

"That's awful..." Violet whispered.

"O-Oh... I... I feel bad now..." Utena squeaked.

"I'm not exactly sure what happened to that one, she said something about a nuke but that was all I could decipher from her jumbled speech." She points to the one beneath the table.

"What about that one?" Violet questioned - jerking a thumb toward the basically feral Baiser.

"Venalita gave her rabies, not sure how the mascot got it - but she's completely detached from her mind at this point, sort of like a zombie - so she was likely one of the first ones bitten." Magia Amethyst continued, pacing a little.

"And you?" Utena murmurs, hesitant.

"I haven't died - but in my timeline Tres Magia are the villains and Neo Enormeeta are the heroes, obviously we go by different group names, that one over there is from a normal timeline - sort of, I think she said she accidentally gave her Nemo a permanent extra part? Something like that." The tired looking heroine said, continuing to pace around.

From the corner of her eye - Violet noticed the door to the room was cracked open and several Korisu were watching them from the outside of the room they were in.

"While this has been LOADS of fun, I'd like to get out of here now." The older Utena said, twisting her hands together nervously.

"Don't we all..." One of the others muttered.

Chapter Text

Alternate Universe Venalita stared inside of the building - floating in the unending darkness that surrounded it, just silently watching as everything played out.

"I still think this was a stupid idea." One Venalita said - sticking out of their sleeve was a remote with a big red button on it.

"If you nuke this place like you did to your base, I will kill you myself." Another hissed, agitated.

It was hard to tell most of them apart, considering they looked almost a hundred percent alike...

Except for three of them who stood out quite a lot.

One was white with upside down pink hearts on them, another was in terrible condition - what with most of its small body being horribly disfigured - missing part of its head and its right arm sewn back on half haphazardly.

The third one was Ruin Venalita.

The other five - who all looked like completely normal Venalitas, just sort of watched on in silence, Vera also stuck out like a sore thumb, considering they were green and not a Venalita whatsoever.

"I've gotten used to seeing this kind of bullshit after spending so much time with Ruin." Alt-Vena remarked, a little nervous - floating away from the severely fucked up version of themself.

"What the fuck even happened to you anyway?" The one who looked like Vatz asked, waving a little wing-arm thing at the Venalita who was disfigured.

"ጎ ፏዐፕ ጎክፕዐ ል ቻጎፏⶴፕ ሠጎፕⶴ ል ዪልርርዐዐክ!" It giggled - voice coming out in a static-y hiss - it was holding up a severed paw.

"Can someone translate?..." Fallen!Venalita asked - already exhausted.

"Ruin, do you understand distortion?" Vetz asked, tilting their white and pink head to the side.

"He said that he got into a fight with a raccoon, it probably gave him rabies - which he gave to his timeline's Utena, who spread it to her Kiwi and several civilians before it consumed all of Sendai." Ruin said, leaning down to be on eye level with Vetz.

The mascots were all silent for several moments.

"You know, you guys actually suck at this." Origin!Venalita snorts, waving one hand.

End