Archive of Our Own ^beta

Janus just kept smiling, eyes wide and eyebrows raised as rage quietly consumed him. The other sides were arguing once again about something frivolous that Janus couldn’t even remember now.

Janus had always been the most put-together of the sides, but lately he had felt his composure slowly slipping. He had lived with Remus for the majority of Thomas’ life, and yet the core sides were the ones to actually begin driving him near insanity. At least Remus knew how to rein it in every once in a while, while the bickering between the others was almost constant, and usually over inconsequential things.

Janus didn’t want to be sucked into the shout-fest, so he simply sank out. He found himself in his room, smelling of old books and scented candles. Hundreds of books on philosophy, psychology, history, and even some classic fiction such as Dickens, Austen, Poe, and Shakespeare lined the walls. Posters hung over the bookshelves of Deceit-themed wordplay versions of musicals. A bowl of apples sat in the middle of a coffee table, as did a bottle of wine. Thin, dark yellow curtains were draped over a large, sunny window, that looked out on his garden. His garden mainly consisted of poisons and carnivorous plants, but there was a singular apple tree in the middle, its branches twisted to look almost like the body of a snake. Janus had made sure his bed was in direct sunlight in the mornings, as he very much enjoyed basking in the warm light when he woke up.

Now, however, it was evening, so light had long ceased its appearance in his space. Janus sighed heavily and sat in the armchair by the coffee table. He grabbed the bottle of wine, summoned a glass, and poured himself a drink. Janus walked over to one of the bookshelves, and carefully took out The Cask of Amontillado. He sat back down and kicked his feet over one of the armrests, before he began reading. He sipped at his glass of wine as he read, careful not to spill, because while lies, deceit, and subterfuge were one thing, harming a book was unacceptable. Eventually he found himself dozing off, his eyes slowly drifting closed, so he put down the book and glass carefully, and allowed himself to properly rest.

~•~

Janus was roused a couple of hours later by a knock at the door to his room. Confused and still rather groggy, he got up from his chair and walked across the room to answer the door. He suspected Remus, at first, then remembered that Remus never knocked, much less waited for the door to be opened. Carefully, he opened the stained ebony door. He didn’t know what to expect, but he knew it wasn’t this.

“Good evening, Patton,” he said, attempting not to show his confusion, “May I help you?”

“Hey, Janus. I just came to check on you after the, uh… disagreement… earlier.”

Ah. “I see. Come in.” Janus offered, opening the door fully to let the moral side in. Patton nodded slightly and entered the room.

“Remember that you can’t lie in here.”

“I know.”

Janus closed the door and walked back over to his armchair. He realized Patton didn’t have something on which to sit, so he conjured a second chair, across from his. I can always just get rid of it when he’s gone. He thought. Patton sat down, but seemed more stiff than Janus was in his own seat, as people often were in someone else’s home. He saw Patton eyeing his wine glass as he moved to refill it, but he didn’t say anything. When Janus was done, he looked at Patton expectantly.

“Well? You came here to talk to me, didn’t you?”

Patton looked up at him. “Huh? Oh! Yeah, I was wondering how you were doing after the arguing earlier. I noticed you sank out in the middle of it.”

Janus eyed him suspiciously. “Yes, I did. The constant bickering tends to erode my tolerance for idiocy.”

“Yeah, I kind of understand that. I love them all, but they don’t seem to know when a situation isn’t serious enough to argue over.”

Janus rolled his eyes. Not necessarily at Patton, but definitely at the situation. “Indeed. The consssstant moral dilemmas, they never seem to end. How could four sides of the same person disagree on everything? It’s exasperating. And I’ve lived with Remus for the majority of our lives.”

Patton laughed lightly, but there was no humor to the sound. “I get what you mean. I’ve known them my whole life, but the bickering still gets to me.”

Janus tilted his head, questioningly. “It does?”

Janus didn’t expect Patton to enjoy the fighting, but he didn’t think the side would still be too bothered by it. He never presented any signs of being uncomfortable.

“Yeah, I usually try to block it out when I’m not a part of the conversation, and to resolve it as quickly as possible when I am.”

Come to think of it, Janus did notice Patton’s gaze being rather unfocused during the squabble. Had he been dissociating?

After a minute of silence as Janus considered his words, he said, “You know, Patton… if you ever find yourself needing a break from them… I wouldn’t be opposed to letting you come here. It sounds to me like their disputes leave you just as exhausted as I am more often than not. I know you care about them, but everyone needs a break sometimes, even from people they love.”

Patton looked up at him. “I- I wouldn’t want to intrude or anything! You don’t have to-“

“You’re not intruding on anything. I’m the one that offered. If you don’t want to take the offer, then of course you don’t have to; just know my door is always open to you, if you need it.”

Patton hesitantly nodded. “Thank you, Janus. I appreciate that.”

Janus reached out and placed a gloved hand on the other’s knee. “It’s no problem at all. I know you don’t know me as well as some of the others, but I’m happy to offer someplace… or to be someone safe… for you.”

Patton seemed to be blinking away tears, rather unsuccessfully. The side jumped up from his chair and hugged Janus tightly. The deceitful side froze, unsure of what to do. He slowly moved his arms to return the hug, patting Morality on the back lightly. After a moment or two, Patton seemed to realize what he’d done and quickly stood up.

“Sorry, that was really sudden of me.”

Janus stood up as well. “It’s quite alright, Patton, I’m not upset with you. I’m just… not used to being hugged, I suppose. The closest to physical affection I normally receive is from Remus, which isn’t exactly… conventional…” he said, trying not to grimace. He watched Patton intently, fixed on the light, cocoa-brown eyes hidden behind his glasses, “Do you… need another hug?”

“Would that be okay?”

“Of course.”

Janus carefully wrapped his arms around Patton, making sure to be gentle. Patton reciprocated, much more quickly than Janus’ slower, more calculated movements.

Janus felt his shoulder getting more damp the longer the embrace lasted, but he didn’t pull away. He heard a couple of hitching breaths from the other, and carefully moved them over to his bed. He sat down, kicking off his shoes and helping Patton with his own, before adjusting to better hold on to the man.

Janus didn’t say anything as Patton cried. He didn’t hush him, or tell him that everything will be okay. He just held him, allowed him to feel what he was feeling, allowed him to cry. He was there for him, offering his support, showing he cared as well as he could, but he didn’t feel the need to stop his tears. Patton had clearly been holding this back for a while, and needed to let it out, so Janus simply let him.

Eventually, Patton seemed calm enough to hold a conversation.

“Do you feel better?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-“

“Don’t apologize. You have nothing to apologize for. You seem to have needed this, and I’m glad I could be here.”

Janus smiled at Patton with a rare, genuine smile that was reserved only for him in that moment. Janus, against his better judgement, actually found himself feeling a kind of… trust towards him. A trust he hadn’t felt since Virgil had left. He realized he cared for Patton, in more than just a mutual respect. It dawned on him that maybe, just maybe, he could find a friend in the side next to him. Maybe he had already found one? He wasn’t quite sure. He knew what having a friend felt like, but Remus was very, very different from Patton. And perhaps… that wasn’t such a bad thing.

“Thank you so much, Janus.”

Janus refocused his thoughts onto the current situation.

“Any time, Patton.”

Patton yawned. “I should probably get going. I’m spent!”

Janus looked at the clock on his wall. “Oh, yes. It is rather late. If you would like to, you may stay the night, but of course it’s not a requirement.”

It was an option. In case Patton didn’t want to be alone, he could stay there. He shook his head.

“I appreciate the offer, Janus, but I really should head back. I’ll see you later, though! Thank you again.”

“Of course. Let me show you to the door.”

After Patton had left, Janus decided he would keep the second armchair in his room.