Chapter Text
I was woken up, only to see nothing at all.
Then I opened my eyes and saw everything, only to remember nothing.
By the time I was able to stand or even have a look at my surroundings, I realised the only clothes I had were a black-ragged cloak, which seemed to have seen better days.
The next thing I noticed was how tired I felt, and I was also in… pain, yeah, pain. I had a look at my hands, they were covered in mud and blood, most likely mine. My feet didn't look much better and I felt a piercing pain in my back, right where my wings were almost touching the ground.
Or would’ve been.
I didn't have them anymore. I reminded myself they clipped my wings a long time ago. Clipped. My wings. They were clipped.
I didn't let the feeling of that memory stay for more than a mere second. It had passed over 500 years ago, it still hurts like the first day. A reminder that they caught me and abused me. I won't make the same mistake twice. Those who hurt me were going to pay the price for their crimes, and it was going to be paid slowly, and really, really painfully.
I will show them they can't hurt me anymore. I will show them all.
***
By the time I reached any place where I could rest, night had already fallen upon the sky a few hours ago. My magic has been weird ever since I woke up, still there, but weird. Almost like it had been hibernating for a really long time, as if something else had taken over them and set them aside. They were there, not at their full force, but I didn't trust them enough to use them to get home, not entirely sure that I wouldn't end up even further than I already was if I tried to winnow.
I spent the next few weeks, probably two or three; I didn't dare to count them, travelling through Prythian to get to the Night Court, my home.
I washed myself in ponds or lakes I found and ate whatever I could find, even if it meant I had to steal from shops or rob a poor man in a dark alley. I couldn't think about that, not when I had to get north as fast as possible. But I made a mental reminder of each and every one of them, so I could pay them later, when I was safe behind the night court borders.
I dreamt of him, of all of them, when I managed to sleep enough hours to dream. It wasn't that difficult. I was a dreamer after all.
I dreamt of Velaris and walking around the city at night to get to Rita’s. I dreamt of the night sky and all its stars shining brighter than anywhere else in Prythian. I dreamt of the snowy mornings where I would wake up to an eager Rhys wanting to play in the snow for hours and hours. I dreamt of Mor, Cassian, Amren, Rhys and Azriel, especially Azriel. Mostly Azriel.
I missed them all more than I wanted to admit. They were my family, not the one you were born in, but the one that can be found. For that, I will be forever grateful to all of them, and because of that I had to keep going.
I didn't even notice when I stopped walking or when I fell onto the rocky ground. I didn't notice when I stepped into Night Court territory or when I stopped shivering from the cold. I guessed that was a bad sign because now I was just lying in the snow with no energy left to even cover myself decently with my cloak.
I knew I was still alive because I kept my eyes open just to give me the pleasure of watching the snow even though my eyelashes were covered with small snowflakes. Maybe I was lucky enough not to be eaten alive by whatever creatures roamed these mountains at night, or maybe I wasn't, I thought as a creature approached me slowly, more curiosity than ferocity in its eyes. I stood still, not that I could do anything to defend myself even if I wanted to. The creature walked closer, so now I had a better sight of it.
It had four legs and almost looked like a cat, a very, very big cat, except for the wings. It was white with dark spotted fur, a long and fluffy tail as long as its entire body. I took a better look at the wings tucked at their sides. They were big, even tucked away. They were similar to the ones of an owl, more than a leopard. That's what it was, a winged snow leopard. I've never seen anything quite like it. There weren't any books in the High Lord’s library about these creatures. I would know, I had read them all. Twice.
The creature looked at me, really looked at me just as much as I was watching it and the only thing I saw in those big, grey, fierce, curious eyes was myself.
“Beautiful” I whispered with whatever strength I had left in me.
I closed my eyes and hoped that that beautiful creature wasn't too hungry tonight.