Archive of Our Own ^beta

It was a casual night at the Wick. MC was sharing drinks with Ais and Vere, courtesy of Leander, who was in high spirits behind the bar.

"If you could be any animal, which one would you be?" MC asked, just as the door creaked open to admit Kuras and Mhin.

"Animal?" Ais repeated, rounding his whiskey with a slow swirl.

"If I didn't know you any better, I'd be offended," Vere drawled, fanning a hand over his chest. "But I suppose my answer is obvious enough…" His long, fluffy tail slid behind Ais’s chair and came to rest on MC’s shoulder.

"A fox?" MC guessed. "Fitting."

"I’d guess a lapdog," Mhin muttered under their breath.

Vere’s gaze snapped to them like a dagger, smile souring as though he’d swallowed something bitter and cheap. "And what would you be? A lab rat?" His eyes flicked briefly to Kuras.

"If you—" Mhin began, but Leander’s cheery voice cut through.

"Heyyyyy," he crooned, sliding in behind the counter. "Impossible scenario talk again?" MC nodded. "Perfect! What’s it this time? Furniture? Colors?"

"Animals," Kuras sighed, folding his arms.

"Ah!" Leander snapped his fingers. "Then I’d be a lion!"

"A lion?" Mhin asked, incredulous.

"Well, yeah! I'm brave, I care for my pack and my hair is amazing," pink tinted his cheeks. "Wouldn't you say?" He turned hopefully to MC.

"I agree," Vere said with a curiously unreadable look.

"You do?" Leander brightened.

"Of course. Male lions mate up to forty times a day." He raised his glass, smug.

Leander’s jaw dropped, MC choked on their drink, and Mhin turned away—coughing... or stifling a laugh.

"Aren’t you in a good mood tonight," Ais remarked, smirking.

Vere’s tail slipped from MC’s shoulder, curling instead around Ais’s waist and being promptly—generously—petted; as though this were an entirely normal occurrence. "Still haven't heard your answer," Vere pressed.

Ais hesitated, eyes flicking to the teal mark on his bicep. "...An octopus, I guess."

The MC tilted their head. "Is it because of the Se—"

"May I have some water, Leander?" Kuras interjected smoothly.

"Oh, sure!" Leander beamed.

MC turned on Kuras next. "How about you?"

Kuras folded his hands neatly. "I believe I am quite comfortable as a human. Still, I wouldn’t mind hearing your thoughts."

MC studied him. "Maybe an ox… or a goat?"

Kuras’s brows lifted, surprised. A stifled snicker—Vere’s, undoubtedly—came from somewhere behind them.

"How so?" Kuras asked carefully.

"You’re hardworking, always helping people. Intelligent, curious, not to mention your…" Their eyes almost dipped lower than they meant to. "…build," MC finished, flustered.

Kuras inclined his head, smiling faintly. "Then I thank you for the compliment."

"All that’s left is Mhin," MC said, watching them pocket their payment from an apologetic Leander.

"Hm?"

"Ais mentioned calling you a dove…?"

Mhin huffed. "More like a crow."

"Aren’t crows omens of death?" MC asked.

"Did I say otherwise?" They shot a glare at Ais and Vere. Neither looked fazed—too deep in their own debate about fabrics and "stretching something."

"So, a fox, an octopus, a lion, a goat, and a crow walk into a bar…" MC mused aloud.

"You’ve left someone out," Leander sing-songed.

"Who?"

"You, of course!"

"Right…" MC thought for a moment. "A sparrow, I guess."

Leander squinted. "Why a sparrow?"

"It’s—" The Wick’s door slammed open. "Ugh! Will anyone let me finish a sentence tonight?" MC groaned.

A hooded figure stepped in, steps thundering. "I am the most powerful exiled mage! I demand you hand me over the establishment and follow me to war against the Senobium of the Luminous—"

"Didn't we bust you like two fics ago?" Vere interrupted flatly.

"—Void!"

"Anticlimactic at best," Vere muttered.

The mage raised their suddenly shining hands. "How dare you—" They snarled

"Get down!" Leander shouted, shoving MC behind the bar as beams of light shot across the room. "It reflects—stay clear of mirrors!"

This time, they were faster;Kuras struck from the left, while Ais ducked froward. Vere, after a successful—almost choreographed—pattern of steps, pulled his claws out, ready to make a meal out of them, maybe probably. The mage’s magic ricocheted wildly off bottles and brass fixtures, each strike leaving a new scorch mark in the Wick’s walls.

It was Mhin who made the mistake of throwing their dagger at them; despite their pin-point accuracy, the mage hit the antique and it reflected down on all four of them simultaneously. Another blast shattered the shelves behind the bar, scattering liquor and glass before striking Leander himself.

The patrons of the Wick had already almost emptied it. Since last time, Leander had ordered the Adders to make the patrons and themselves the priority in case of a similar event.

The mage, breath ragged, turned on their heel and bolted—again.

Silence followed, broken only by the settling of dust. The MC was mustering up the courage to get up and assess whatever possibly bloody, gut-wrenching and vomit-inducing scene was going to scar them permanently—when a sudden caw made them freeze.

A crow swooped down and landed in their hair, talons pricking gently at their scalp.

MC peeked over the bar; oh Allmother.

In front of the stools sat a ten-foot lion, blinking in bafflement. Beside him stood a goat, perfectly motionless. A few steps away, a fox nosed curiously at a small, squirming octopus flopping indignantly on the wooden floorboards.

MC’s jaw went slack. "Oh no," they whispered.

The crow cawed again, snapping MC out of their trance.

They scrambled upright, grabbed Kuras’s still-upright glass of water, and unceremoniously plopped the octopus into it. The fox hissed in protest, yelping when MC scooped him up under the arms like a misbehaving cat. They bypassed the looming lion, deposited the octopus-on-glass on the counter, and set the fox on a stool.

Then, they carefully approached the goat, crouching down to its eye level. "K... Kuras?" They asked hesitantly.

The goad looked at them dejected, and somehow... Disappointed?

"Can you please move with..." MC glanced back. The lion was restless, pacing in circles; the fox’s gaze was locked on the crow nesting smugly in MC’s hair; the octopus did… absolutely nothing, really; squashed neatly into a space three sizes too small for it. "...The others?"

The goat—Kuras—didn't react.

"Please?" Nothing. The MC dipped their head. "Fine."

They rose, moved behind the goat, and took hold of his horns like handles. Planting one foot against his haunch, they gave a push. With a reluctant shuffle, the goat moved, and MC steered him beside the lion as though driving a particularly stubborn wheelbarrow.

"Alright…" MC muttered, surveying the line-up. "So—Vere." Their eyes found the fox’s. For a moment, the fox looked at them, before flicking back to the crow on their head.

"Leander?" The lion’s ears perked. With a sudden burst of energy, he bounded in a restless circle around them, tail lashing. MC nodded, reaching out. "I know, I know…" Their hand brushed his mane—shockingly soft—and the lion stilled, leaning heavily into the touch.

"Uh... Kuras," they looked at the goat, still in some sort of haze and unresponsive. Noted.

"Ais, obviously," they nodded to the water glass. One tentacle lifted lazily in acknowledgment.

"And Mhin.." Instinctively, MC raised a hand to chest height. The crow hopped down to perch on the bandages across their torso, talons pressing lightly. Vere’s fox-eyes tracked the bird’s every move. "Five outta five. That's bingo, ain’t it?" MC exhaled.

Slowly, voices and boots started approaching again—Adders, returning.

Shit.

MC bit their lip, scanning the room. The back door, tucked between the stairs and the bar’s rear, caught their eye. They tried the knob; it opened.

"Perfect," they muttered. "Everyone, inside!"

No one moved, except the lion. MC closed their eyes, praying for patience.

As Leander padded past, they carefully transferred Mhin onto his broad back. Immediately, the fox stirred, trotting after them. MC’s prayers shifted; from asking for patience to hoping that Vere won't eat Mhin, or the latter wouldn't grudge the other's eyes out with their talons in retaliation.

MC turned to Kuras, who was still a goat. Same tactic as before; horns in hand, a shove from behind. One reluctant shuffle, then another, until they managed to wheelbarrow him through the door.

Then—click.

MC whipped around—just in time to see the octopus tumble from its cup, water spilling across the counter.

"Ais!"

They dove, catching him in their hands a split second before he could become a crimson smear on the floorboards. They bolted behind the bar, refilled the glass, and deposited him safely inside. One last dash, and—

The doors swung open and three Adders entered. MC hid the glass with Ais in it behind their back.

"Boss?" One of the Adders called for Leander. "Hey—where is he?" He glanced at MC.

"They're... Uh…" MC fought not to glance at the back room. The Adder’s brow arched. "He’s hurt."

"What?!" Another Adder—familiar, the same woman who’d tried to shoo MC off their first day in Eridia—rushed for the door. MC jumped in front of her. "What’s the meaning of this? If Boss is—"

"Leander’s being treated by Doctor Kuras," MC interrupted firmly, locking eyes with her.

Silence fell.

And then—from inside the back room—a loud bleat. MC’s stomach dropped. "Uh—hehe—parasites," they blurted. "Kuras just got an… emotional support goat! Crazy, right? Doctors and their quirks, you know…"

The Adders looked between themselves.

"Really?" The first one asked, more amused than suspicious.

"Really!" MC doubled down, forcing a grin. "They’re very… heal-y animals."

"Wow." The man elbowed his companions. "The more you know, right? Does Boss need you in there?"

"Yes! Yes, he—uh—sent me out for napkins. Or towels. For cleaning up. Medical… things." They awkwardly shifted the glass from one hand to the other, ready to grab whatever was offered.

"Mm. Tell Boss we’ll handle the cleanup. C’mon, guys."

The Adders filed out, leaving MC blessedly alone.

Seizing the moment, they ducked into the back room, shut the door fast, and pressed their forehead against it with a long, shaky sigh. For a brief, blissful second, eyes closed, they imagined all five of them sitting obediently in a neat little row, waiting patiently for instructions.

Then, they made the mistake of opening them again. The sight nearly made them shut their eyes right back

Leander was sprawled belly-up on the floor, rolling like an overgrown housecat, his massive paws batting at the crow that kept swooping just out of reach. Mhin cawed derisively every time, wings flicking dust from the shelves onto his mane

Vere, in fox form, had hopped onto the stacked crates, tail flicking as he crouched like a predator. His golden eyes were locked on Mhin as if the crow was dinner. Each time he twitched forward, though, the crow turned its head and cawed loud enough to make MC’s eardrum ring.

Kuras—the goat—wasn’t helping. He stood in the corner, chewing methodically on a length of rope that had been hanging from a peg, gaze fixed on MC with what could only be described as judgment.

And Ais… poor Ais, still trapped in the grass in MC’s hands.

MC pressed a hand to their forehead. "Allmother give me strength."

Leander huffed a great leonine breath, rolled once more, and promptly knocked over a broom. It clattered noisily to the floor, and Ais flopped a tentacle in half-hearted applause. Then, he slowly extended a tentacle and crawled up onto MC’s arm.

They blinked down at him in disbelief. The octopus nuzzled his chunky little head against their skin in what could only be described as… comfort. Or an apology. "…You’re kidding me," MC muttered. Still, the tiny weight was oddly reassuring. "Please get back in the glass."

To their surprise, Ais obeyed instantly—sliding back down the length of their arm with dignified suctiony plops. He returned to the glass successfully… though not before Mhin made a low swoop, talons grazing the rim in what was definitely an assassination attempt.

"Mhin," MC warned sharply, reaching out their hand. "No violence. Perch."

The crow clicked their beak, but hopped onto MC’s wrist all the same, glaring daggers at the fox across the room. Vere, of course, was glaring back, his tail twitching like he was ready to pounce.

"Guys, I’m saving your dignity here." MC raised their voice, glancing toward the corner—where Kuras was still chewing methodically on rope. "Don’t make my life harder than it already is…"

Kuras did not stop chewing. His goat eyes remained full of ancient disappointment.

MC dragged a hand down their face. "I am so screwed… Right. Okay. Think. What’s the plan?"

They had no spells, no talismans, no enchanted trinkets. They weren’t even sure they remembered which way the mage had run off. All they knew was this wasn’t permanent. It couldn’t be.

The only solution was to track the mage down and make them reverse the spell. The how, though… that was the problem.

MC sat cross-legged on the backroom floor. "Something simple and discreet. We can’t exactly parade through Eridia with a lion, a fox, a goat, a crow, and an octopus in tow."

Mhin ruffled their wings and gave a pointed caw, as if to say you’re doomed anyway.

"Gee, thanks."

The fox sneezed. "You’re not even trying to help!" MC accused, turning to Kuras as the scrape and crunch of fibers between his teeth filled the silence.

Only Ais seemed remotely cooperative, raising a tentacle from his glass like a timid student volunteering.

"Thank you, Ais," MC said gravely. "At least someone here believes in teamwork." The octopus sank back into the water with a little plop.

"Okay. Options." MC held up a finger. "One; disguise. We… I don’t know, put cloaks on everyone. Pretend you’re traveling performers."

The lion blinked. "…Yeah, no, that’s insane." Finger two. "Two; cages. Pretend you’re… transporting exotic animals. Except I don’t own any cages. And I’d need, what, five? And also that’s awful." The crow cawed in agreement.

"Fine. Three; split up. But then half of you get lost, eaten, or stomp through a marketplace and cause a panic, and then I’ll never find that stupid mage." Vere sneezed again. "You have allergies or something? Ugh." MC rubbed their temples, brain throbbing. Then—
"…Mhin." The crow cocked their head. "You can fly." An approving caw. "You can fly and find the mage." MC sat up straighter. "That’s it. That’s where we start." Mhin clicked their beak, smug.

"Ais?" MC turned. The octopus perked in his glass, tentacles curling. "How long can you stay out of water?" He lifted three limbs. "Three minutes?" He shook his bulbous head left and right. "…Thirty?" MC received a solemn nod. They squinted. "It is deeply concerning that you’re this in tune with me right now, but whatever. Mhin will carry you. Four eyes are better than two."

Instantly, the crow flared their wings, cawing sharp disapproval. MC jabbed a finger. "And you won’t drop him. Or I’ll let Vere eat you."

The fox gave a pleased, rumbling purr, tongue lolling slightly. His pink eyes shone with wicked amusement, tail swishing. Mhin froze, feathers puffing indignantly. Then, they clacked their beak once in resignation, cornered into compliance.

"Good. Progress." MC exhaled, feeling—for the first time since the chaos began—that they weren’t entirely doomed.

They turned to the others. "Now… Leander. Kuras. Vere. How do we move you three without causing a riot?"

Leander gave a long, rumbling growl, tail thumping the floorboards like a drum and Vere yawned pointedly and licked a paw. Kuras... chewed.

Mhin’s wings beat hard against the night air, carrying them high above Eridia. The city stretched below in a web of lanternlight and winding streets, silvered faintly by the moon. Dangling precariously from their talons was Ais, who clung to himself quietly.

Mhin cawed once tauntingly, and tilted just enough to make the octopus sway dangerously. Ais blinked up at them, unbothered. Didn't even twitch.The crow tried again, a sharper dip this time, claws loosening fractionally. Still nothing.The octopus simply raised one slow, unimpressed tentacle, as if giving a silent, judgmental salute.

Mhin clicked their beak in frustration, angling upward. If Ais refused to panic, then at least he made a steady lookout. They swept the city; over crooked roofs, through alleys and courtyards, until a faint flicker of hostile magic shimmered near the outer district; the mage!

Inside the bar's backroom, MC was fighting their own battle. "Okay," they muttered, dragging their own cloak over Leander’s shoulders. "If you keep your head down, you just look like… a very large man." The lion immediately shook, mane fluffing wildly, and the cloak slid to the floor. "…Right. Too much mane."

They tried again with an old bedsheet, draping it like a veil. Leander sneezed, pawing at it until the sheet tore down the middle. MC groaned, grabbing the nearest rug and hauling it over him like a blanket.

That was when Vere lost it; the fox yipped, then rolled onto his side, paws curling as sharp, delighted sounds bubbled out of him, his tail slapping the floor with each wheeze.
"Oh, sure, you think this is funny," MC snapped, wrestling the rug as Leander wriggled out of it like an overgrown kitten. "Meanwhile, I’m the one who has to figure out how to sneak a whole zoo past the Adders."

Vere yipped again, tears glinting in his eyes. Leander, now rug-free, promptly flopped onto his back and demanded belly rubs. MC threw their hands in the air. "I hate my life."

The backroom window rattled, and in swooped Mhin, wings spread wide. They landed neatly on a shelf, shaking off the night air. Their claws were empty.

Half a second later, Ais dropped in through the window like a wet rag, landing on the counter with a soggy plop.

MC winced. "Please tell me you found the mage." Mhin puffed their feathers with smug pride. MC exhaled in relief. "Good. Finally, we can—"

They didn’t get to finish. Leander bounded to his feet, eyes shining with excitement. With one great shove, he all but scooped MC onto his back. "Wha—Leander! Wait—!"

He roared with joy and barreled straight for the back door, splintering it open with a crash. "Leander, stop!" But the lion was already tearing down the alley, following Mhin’s circling flight.

Vere, cackling fading, darted after. With acrobat’s precision, he leapt onto Leander’s back in one fluid motion—something clenched carefully in his jaws; the glass of water, balanced perfectly without a drop spilling. Ais, in the miliseconds he had, used his tentacles and jumped up from where Mhin had thrown him and tumbled neatly into the glass.

The makeshift cavalcade thundered through the night.

They found the mage in the middle of screaming something about "vengeance" and "tyranny" while blasting a marble statue to rubble. Leander, back occupied, skidded onto the bridge, claws scraping stone.

MC tumbled off Leander’s back, stumbling forward. "Wait—wait, wait, please stop!"

The mage blinked at them, hand still raised, glowing faintly. "What—"

MC practically threw themselves at them, seizing their wrist. "Please, you have to undo it! You have to turn them back!"

"I—what? Get off me—"

"Please!" MC’s voice cracked, tears pricking. "You don’t understand, I can’t do this! I’m cursed, okay? I’m cursed and—and I don’t even know why I keep finding myself in these situations and—and—" Their words spilled over themselves, messy and breathless.

Behind them, the fox, the crow, the octopus-in-glass, and the lion all exchanged a look. If animals could look at someone like they’d sprouted four extra heads, they did.

MC ignored them, clutching at the mage’s hands. "I can’t fix this—I can’t fix any of this! But you can! Please, I’ll do anything, I’ll—" In their sobbing, frantic desperation, they managed to wrestle the mage’s glowing hands up—pointed squarely at their menagerie of companions.

No light, no magic, nothing.

MC froze. "...Shit."

A harsh shove sent them sprawling onto the cold stone of the bridge. The mage loomed over them, robes billowing, voice dripping venom. "Deception. Control. You mortals are so easily led astray. And now—" a glow began to crackle at their fingertips, aimed squarely at MC’s chest, "—you’ll be the first to fall."

The animals bristled instantly. Leander’s massive form roared, tail lashing against the cobblestones and Vere bared his fangs with a growl building in his chest. Mhin spread their wings with a sharp, echoing caw, and even Ais lifted his tiny tentacles like knives ready to strike.

THUNK!

Before the mage could unleash anything, they lurched forward with a strangled yelp, crashing face-first into the bridge beside MC.

MC blinked in shock, then turned their head; standing triumphantly atop the mage’s back was a goat—horns lowered like a battering ram, chewing smugly on a tangled tuft of the mage’s hair. "Kuras…?" they whispered.

The goat bleated in victory, eyes half-lidded, chewing with slow, deliberate satisfaction.

Vere outright collapsed onto the cobblestones in wheezing laughter, tail thrashing uncontrollably.

The mage squirmed under Kuras’s weight, muffled curses spilling into the stone. With a furious growl they finally wrenched a hand free, light sputtering out of their palm. The uncontrolled blast flared wildly, catching Kuras full in the chest.

For one dizzying instant, the goat vanished.

When the glow faded, Kuras stood tall in his human form, one knee digging into the mage’s spine, hand braced on the back of their skull. His expression was unreadable—calm, almost serene—except for the dangerous glint in his eye.

"Well," he murmured, voice smooth as ever, "isn’t this a compromising position?"

The mage thrashed beneath him, but Kuras didn’t so much as flinch. With a sharp twist of his wrist, he seized the mage’s glowing hand, forcing their palm flat against the cobblestones. "You’ll forgive me," he continued, tone polite but laced with steel, "but I’ll be borrowing this."

And with frightening ease, he wrung the magic out of them. Light spilled across the bridge, shattering into fragments that whipped toward the others.

Leander’s roar cut through the night as his massive body folded back into broad shoulders and messy brunette hair. Vere yelped, fur rippling before his limbs lengthened and snout disappearing. Ais reformed in a crouch, teal marks glowing faintly, breathing hard. Mhin stumbled upright with a shake, wings receding into thei cape.

MC stared at the scene in disbelief.

Kuras, very deliberately still straddling the defeated mage, glanced their way with a calm smile. "There we are," he said pleasantly.

Huh... Seems everything went good at the end of the day!

The Adders arrived late to the party, ropes in hand, just as Leander and Kuras finished hauling the mage upright between them. The outlaw still crackled faintly with unstable light, spitting curses under their breath.

"Well," MC sighed, brushing the dust off their clothes. "That was—" A sudden flare; a last, desperate crack of light burst from the mage’s chest, ricocheting violently between the bridge’s statues. "—oh, come on—!" The bolt slammed straight into MC.

Poof!

Where MC had stood, feathers scattered in the wind. A tiny sparrow fluttered uncertainly in place, chirping in outrage.

Leander nearly dropped the mage. "MC?"

The sparrow whirled midair, glaring daggers with beady black eyes.

"Oh my," Vere drawled.

"Called it," Ais murmured smugly, then got chirped at the ear by MC.