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Thea walked through the gardens behind the Healer's Hall, deep in thought. The air was crisp and the leaves on the maple trees were just starting to change color from green to red. Rhysand had returned from Under the Mountain only a few days prior. The spell he had cast had been lifted, and the people of Velaris celebrated with relief and appreciation for the return of the High Lord and the freedom to move beyond the limits of the city. Rhysand had held a meeting for just the Heads of the Halls at the House of Wind yesterday, and Madja had relayed the message that Rhysand wanted to talk with Thea the day after. She had no idea about what. 

She saw the winnow open, and the High Lord of the Night Court stepped through.

"Rhysand," Thea said, standing up from the garden bench. She swallowed hard with emotion upon seeing the High Lord after fifty years. He looked different - tired and a bit haunted around his violet eyes. But he was alive. And back. 

"How has our ace Healer been?" Rhysand asked, his voice smooth with that wry edge that was so familiar yet almost lost in Thea's memory. He extended his hand for her to take.

Thea smiled widely, squeezing his hand tightly. She had once tried to courtesy before him when they first met, and he laughed in her face. "Much better now," she said honestly.

Rhysand smiled in return. "Thea, will you walk with me?"

"Of course," she said.

They strolled quietly through the garden.

"This garden is nice," he said, looking around.

"Thank you. It is a good project for some of the longer term patients or guests. Gardening helped people focus and feel productive during a...tumultuous time," Thea said. The garden was something she had started shortly after the shields had gone up around Velaris when people had come to the Healer's Hall feeling trapped and lost.

"Thea, I want to thank you for all your work over the decades I was away. Azriel said you really stepped up for the non-High Fae community and provided mental health services along with physical healing. You kept it together for so many of my people," Rhysand said.

Thea was caught off guard. Outside of when he would get injured, she and Azriel had barely spoken over the last forty-five years. She did not realize he would have anything to say about her to Rhysand. Although, he was the Spymaster, so perhaps he had been keeping tabs.

"You're welcome. But we all stepped up however we could. Not just me."

Rhysand's expression turned thoughtful. "This is what I wanted to talk with you about. Cassian and Azriel. How were they while I was gone? I want your honest assessment as their Healer."

Thea hesitated. She wanted to answer her High Lord, but she also wanted to protect patient confidentiality. "They did a wonderful job protecting the city. But this time was hardest on them. In the beginning their mental health suffered, especially Azriel. They have a lot of guilt that they couldn't help you. They stayed physically fit by regularly beating the shit out of each other. Sometimes it got...a little out of hand," Thea said.

She remembered the time Azriel blew a hole in Cassian's stomach with his Siphon the day after they had kissed. There was another time Azriel's wings were crushed from Cassian throwing him against a cliffside. One time they both blasted each other with their Siphons and the impact of their shattered shields led to severe internal injuries.

Rhysand frowned. While he could not see into her mind, he understood. "I wanted to spare them, but I also made things harder," he said thoughtfully.

"You did spare them. They know you did what you did out of love. But all that frustration and anguish needed to go somewhere," she said carefully.

Rhysand nodded.

"And you? How are you feeling?" Thea asked softly.

Rhysand sighed before chuckling ruefully. "You know, no one's actually asked me that," he said.

"What?" she asked, the shock evident. 

"Everyone's too scared, I think. Physically, I'm...fine. Mentally..." his voice trailed off as his eyes grew distant.

"It'll take a while to feel any semblance of normal. The trauma will be present for a while. Be patient with yourself," she advised. If the quiet rumors were to be believed, Amarantha had taken him as a lover. Thea could not imagine that being consensual, and the horrors of that kind of sexual trauma would take a long time to truly heal.

Rhysand snorted lightly. "I have patience for everything but myself."

"Exactly. Why do you think I said what I said?" Thea quipped, trying to lighten the mood.

Rhysand chuckled. "I can see why Az talks about you," he said.

Thea's eyes widened. This was the second time Rhysand mentioned Azriel talking about her. "Hopefully nothing too damning?"

Rhysand smiled, his eyes regaining a bit of that twinkle. "Not at all."

"Over the past several decades, I've mostly talked with Cassian. I haven't had many conversations with Azriel recently," she said.

Rhysand looked at her carefully, as though trying to discern her true meaning.

She hurried along to what she wanted to ask about. "In fact, Cassian and I had spoken about what we'd want to do when you came back. With your approval, I would like to visit the Illyrian war camps to check in with the people and provide healing support."

"Yes, he mentioned that. I think that would be excellent to help rekindle diplomatic relations," Rhysand said. "I was planning to visit Lord Devlon tomorrow actually, so you could join. I'll let Madja know."

"Great," she said.

The next day, Rhysand, Cassian, and Azriel picked up Thea at the Healer's Hall, and Rhysand winnowed them to Lord Devlon's camp. Thea was surprised to see Azriel, who had never gone to the camp when she had visited prior. He made minimal eye contact, which had been the norm over the recent decades. But like anytime Thea saw Azriel, her stomach tightened with desire and regret.

The snowy war camp looked the same as it did fifty years ago. Lord Devlon and two lieutenants emerged from the large central tent.

"Ah, so the dog was right? You got out from Under the Mountain," Lord Devlon sneered.

Rhysand smirked, his stance changing to that of the terrifying High Lord facade he projected at the camps. Thea had seen this a few times, and each time it was admittedly a bit intimidating to witness. 

"I did. Cassian tells me the girls have not been training. I gave that order one hundred years ago. You still haven't been following it," Rhysand said, his voice deadly.

"They train," Lord Devlon stated. "If they are awful in quality, it's not my concern."

Azriel's Siphons glowed with anger, and Lord Devlon's lieutenants stared at him.

"You will personally ensure they train. Or else I will not offer up our gift," Rhysand said. Thea had been obstructed from view, but now Rhysand stepped out of the way so Lord Devlon could see.

Lord Devlon's eyes lit up with recognition. "Thea. You are as breathtaking as ever, Healer," he said with an actual smile. He extended his hands, which Thea stepped forward to take.

She courtesied low to Lord Devlon, and his smile of approval only deepened. She could almost feel Rhysand, Cassian, and Azriel roll their eyes, but it did not matter as this was about her relationship with the Illyrians. Her goal was to help as many of them as possible, and she had no qualms about showing the leader the deference he desired in order to do that. "Lord Devlon, Tierien, Garlon," Thea said, addressing the leader and his top lieutenants, "It's been too long. How are you? What can I do to help?"

Tierien and Garlon beamed at the acknowledgement. They stepped closer to Thea, which made Azriel produce a surprising low growl next to her. His eyes blazed with icy rage. Lord Devlon frowned at Azriel, and Rhysand glared at his brother.

"I will ensure the females train. Come, Healer, let us take you on a tour so you can begin," Lord Devlon said, pulling her hand to the crook of his elbow. Tierien and Garlon closed in behind the pair, leaving Rhysand, Cassian, and Azriel behind.

Once out of earshot of the trio, Lord Devlon spoke frankly to Thea. "We have several who are ill. Remnants of a plague that tore through us last year. And some bones that could use mending. Some chronic illnesses among our wise elders. The last fifty years have been a challenge. We will always survive, but seeing you brings such strength," Lord Devlon said.

"I'm sorry it's been so long, but I'm happy to be here now. Can I use the Healer's tent?"

"It's yours. And if you would like to stay overnight, we can set up a house for your comfort," Lord Devlon offered.

Thea smiled but declined. Cassian had warned her never to stay overnight without him, and she knew he had planned this to just be a day trip to give Rhysand an update on the troops. Thea set up the Healer's tent with the supplies she had brought - herbs, fresh bandages, tools. She then began her rounds, checking in on all the elders who would not be able to leave their homes and visit the Healer's tent. By the time she had returned to the tent, there was a queue of people waiting for her.

She saw each patient privately in the tent. Many of the women were asking about contraceptives, and she discreetly provided them with tonics. Several warriors came for various muscle sprains or old injuries that healed improperly. She had to re-break many bones that had healed wrongly, but that was the only way to address some of the issues.

A couple of hours into the work, one warrior came in with an old wing injury. It was affecting his quality of flight, which for an Illyrian was deeply shameful.

"I'll need to re-break the wing bone to fix it," Thea warned, looking at the place in the middle of the wing where the bone had not healed correctly.

"Do it," he said gruffly.

"Wing injuries are very sensitive. It'll be painful. Potentially sexually arousing," Thea explained using her clinical tone.

"I said fix my wing," he said rudely.

Thea sighed. This was going to be a difficult patient.

She rebroke the wing bone as quickly as she could.

"Bitch," the warrior gritted out, clearly in pain.

She ignored the comment, and proceeded to heal the new break. She also touched areas of wing membrane that had thickened with scar tissue.

"Fuck," the warrior said gruffly.

She healed the wing as quickly as was possible. "Okay, that should do it," she said, stepping back to carefully examine the wing. It looked good. The warrior would be able regained full flight ability.

"Finish the job," the warrior grunted out.

She looked at him quizzically. He looked down to his groin where his erection pressed against his leather pants.

Thea scoffed. "That's what your hand is for," she said flippantly. She turned her back to the warrior to bring the next patient into the tent. Suddenly, she felt a brutal and painful yank on her hair. She fell backwards into the warriors arms.

"No, you hungry bitch, finish the job," he snarled.

"Let go of me!" Thea screamed, now actually truly scared. She jammed her elbow into his stomach but through the leathers, the move did minimal damage.

Azriel ran through the tent, his expression focused and deadly. Thea did not even know Azriel had been outside the tent, but immediately her body flooded with relief.

The warrior sneered. "Oh I see. She's a hungry bitch for you," the warrior spat out.

Azriel roared and charged at the male who tossed Thea aside to fight. Azriel quickly overpowered the male, punching him thoroughly. And again. And again. And again.

"Azriel, enough," Thea said firmly. He stopped punching the warrior, and the fact that he listened to her command made her feel powerful for a fleeting moment. It was exhilarating.

Thea kneeled next to the unconscious warrior and assessed the damage Azriel caused. Broken nose and jaw.

"Don't heal him," Azriel said, his voice cold. "He needs to remember not to touch females like that."

Azriel extended his hand to Thea to help her up. She placed her hand in his, the scarred flesh achingly familiar. When was the last time their hands had touched? She couldn't even remember, it had been so long. But now that her hand was in his, it felt...peaceful. Azriel pulled her out of the tent.

Rhysand and Cassian strode over. The queue of patients looked at her and Azriel curiously, obviously having heard the entire confrontation.

"What the fuck was all that?" Rhysand whispered, looking into the tent.

"The bastard touched her," Azriel seethed, his rage clear. He still had not let go of her hand.

"Are you hurt?" Cassian asked, looking over Thea carefully.

"I'm fine," she said, embarrassed and frazzled. Maybe if she hadn't made such a thoughtless retort to the warrior's advances, none of this would have happened.

"None of this is your fault," Rhysand said firmly.

Thea slammed her mental walls down. "Out of my thoughts, High Lord," she scolded. 

Rhysand smirked. "Fair enough. But do not blame yourself. Let's talk with Devlon." Rhysand started walking over to the central tent.

Azriel let go of her hand to press his warm palm to the small of her back as he walked with her. Rhysand told Lord Devlon what happened. The leader was apologetic and promised harsh consequences for the warrior who had harmed Thea. Thea was going to protest, but Rhysand's glare made it clear she should not. The warrior went against Devlon's orders. That means Devlon is in charge of the punishment, Rhysand explained in her mind. 

Thea resumed healing the warriors, but now both Tierien and Garlon were stationed right outside the Healer's tent. Satisfied with the resolution, Rhysand prepared to return to Velaris with Azriel.

"I can stay," Azriel said to Rhysand in protest.

"Let Devlon handle this," Rhysand said.

"Rhys, she's our healer," Azriel said.

The possessive tone made Thea shiver with desire. That asshole warrior had picked up on it easily - she would always want Azriel. It was hopeless and pathetic, but that did not change a simple truth.

"Yes, who is here to build stronger relations with the most reasonable of the Illyrians through her service. How Lord Devlon is seen after this trip is important. If you stay here, it sends the message that we don't trust him," Rhysand reasoned.

Azriel gave Rhysand a look that screamed, I don't trust him.

"Thea, are you alright?" Rhysand asked.

"I'm find, Rhys, thank you," she said. "I have fifteen more patients. So perhaps three to four more hours."

"Alright, Azriel will be back in three hours to check on you. And Cassian is around somewhere overseeing the girls' training. So if you need anything..."

"I know," Thea said simply. She could scream for Cassian, and he would hear her. 

Rhysand and Azriel left, the latter fairly reluctantly though he did not look at Thea.

It took Thea four hours to finish with the patients. At the end, two younger Illyrian males were added who looked like they had been sparring and hurting each other earlier in the day just for the chance to interact with the Healer.

Thea stretched and wiped her brow. She was exhausted and nearly drained, but felt useful. She had seen twenty-three patients in the Healer's tent and at least a dozen elders in their homes. With the exception of that one brute, everyone had been respectful, by Illyrian standards at least. She came out of the tent to an awaiting Azriel.

"C'mon, let's go home," he said gruffly.

"No, wait, I need to say goodbye to Lord Devlon," she said as she strolled over to the central tent.

Azriel rolled his eyes but followed, clearly not wanting to stay a moment longer than he needed at the camp.

"Just go be with your people, I'll be a minute," Thea said.

Azriel's hands fisted into balls. "These are not my people," he gritted out.

She looked at his hands, cobbling together the bits Cassian had let slip over the decades. Azriel had been hurt. It had been his half-brothers. It was bad. Azriel seemed to actively avoid coming to the camps. Thea realized he hated it here. 

"I'll be quick," she amended, as she walked faster to the tent to bid farewell to Lord Devlon.

Lord Devlon was appreciative, going so far as kissing the back of Thea's hand. He also presented her with an Illyrian dagger from his personal collection.

"There isn't some kind of culture significance to this, is there Lord Devlon? You aren't secretly trying to trick me into marrying you or something?" Thea teased.

Lord Devlon chuckled, actually chuckled. "No. Just a gift. Though both Tierien and Garlon have said they are interested..."

"Goodbye, Lord Devlon. I'm glad we are able to reconnect and rebuild relations after fifty years of distance. And I look forward to visiting sometime in the future to support your people," Thea said, not letting him complete his thought.

Azriel was again waiting outside, scowling.

"I'm sorry," she said. It had taken longer than she wanted to say goodbye.

"Already getting marriage proposals," he commented, his tone cold.

"Not from anyone I'd consider," Thea shot back. Before he could respond she said, "Take me home."

He opened up a shadow winnow, and they were gone.

It was not until March, four months later, that Thea saw Azriel again. She had heard from Madja that Azriel was on various missions for Rhysand - spycrafting no doubt, though about what Thea did not know. And there was a new arrival to the House of Wind, Feyre. The Cursebreaker. Madja was personally overseeing any healing Feyre needed, which was just fine from Thea's point of view. Though, admittedly, Thea was curious about Feyre and why she was staying in Night Court when she had been the lover of the Spring Court High Lord. Perhaps she was escaping, in which case Thea could empathize. 

Azriel landed on Thea's patio one evening, looking, for lack of a better word, ragged. But physically uninjured.

She went out to the patio to meet him.

"Hi," she said, intrigued by what could have instigated this visit.

"I need something to calm me down," he said, his voice tired and bottomless as shadows swirled around him. 

Not this again. "Azriel, we've gone over this. Without treating the root cause, anything I do is just a short term bandage. It's basically like giving you a drug," she said.

"Exactly," he snapped.

"No. It's not healthy just to rely on something that temporarily numbs you. Without facing..."

"You want to know what I'm facing?" Azriel snarled. "I tortured the Attor today. It tried to kidnap Feyre, and I chained it up in Hewn City and made it scream. Made it tell me and Rhys all its secrets. And then I sliced it up, broke its bones, and left it for Hybern to find." His tone was brutal, icy, and angry.

Thea swallowed. "Did you not want to do those things?" she asked carefully. Had Rhys made him?

Azriel let out a dry, dark chuckle. "I loved every moment of it," he confessed. 

Thea nodded carefully, thoughtful.

"Doesn't that frighten you?" he accused.

"No, I already knew this about you," she said simply.

His eyes narrowed, clearly not expecting that response.

"Look, I'm not one to judge. You enjoy torturing evil things and taking revenge. You enjoy "playing" with females who consent to a harsher kind of treatment. Are you hurting innocent people who don't consent?"

"Of course not," he said quickly with a look of disgust.

"Then why are you here asking me to calm your mind?" Thea asked.

Azriel paced, his shadows twirling around him wildly. "What's wrong with me?"

"You're different. Not out of the range of normal, though," Thea said, her tone scientific.

"What?"

"There's a healthy percent of the population who is like you," Thea said. She couldn't say how many. But across the thousands of patients she ever had over the centuries, this was not the first time she was having this kind of a conversation.

Azriel stilled, his shadows quieted. "You're completely unfazed by all this," he said.

Thea sighed, a bit exasperated. "You seem convinced that I'm going to run in terror or something," she said.

"Most people flinch around me. Feyre, she's kind, but she's scared of me," he said, the sadness seeping into his voice.

"Give her a century and she'll get used to you," Thea said wryly.

Azriel shook his head, remaining focused. "You didn't even flinch in the beginning. You've never been scared of me," he realized.

"You've never given me reason to be scared of you," she said. She was scared of what she felt. Scared of when she messed up her shot with him. But no, she never feared him. Perhaps she was a bit different as well.

He stalked towards her like a predator, his shadows flaring once again. He stopped inches away, the tendrils of his shadows caressing up her legs and tickling her palms. They stood like that, the darkness of his shadows surrounding them, for a long moment. It reminded Thea of how they had been forty-five years ago. She could feel the chemistry swirl between, even without Azriel actually touching her. And she desperately wanted him to touch her.

"After all this time, I still don't know what to do with you," Azriel admitted, his cool breath against her cheek.

"I have ideas," she said boldly. She felt the shadows snake up her lower back and wrap around her waist. She closed her eyes at the sensation.

Azriel let out a low growl of approval. His lips grazed her forehead. He was now warm.

"You strike me as someone who likes the chase. I'm a good runner," Thea said, her voice low and husky. She did not know where this bravery was coming from. Perhaps the century and a half quietly pining for him were culminating into this moment of insanity. Of laying everything on the line. 

"Cauldron save me," Azriel cursed. "What else?"

Thea thought through all their interactions. "You take orders well. Does that apply in the bedroom too? If I commanded you to get on your knees, would you?" she asked. Reckless, she was being absolutely reckless. 

Azriel moaned and pressed himself closer to her. His lips brushed down the side of her face. Thea gasped, wanting desperately to turn towards him and pull him into a kiss. But she remained still, having learned her lesson the last time. She would let him take the lead.

But instead of doing anything, Azriel stepped back, the heat between them dissipating. His eyes were unfocused. Rhysand was talking to him in his mind. Then he ran his fingers through his hair, frustrated.

"I have to go. There's a family dinner in town I forgot about," he said.

Thea nodded, that daring streak gone. He was leaving. No. 

"I'm sorry, fuck," he said, clearly pissed. The moment they had was clearly over, but he was still standing before her.

"It's okay," Thea said.

"No, it's not," Azriel said, no, whined. 

Thea laughed at the sound, having never heard that tone from him before. Azriel cracked a sheepish smile.

"We are finishing this conversation at some point," Azriel said. "Work is...there's a lot of work right now. But we are going to have this conversation," he promised.

"Yes, Spymaster, whatever you say," Thea said demurely, finding her rhythm in the conversation again. She was teasing him. They both knew it.

Azriel groaned. "I'm trying to calm myself down, Thea. I've always had the feeling you're...dangerous," he said, the wonder clear in his voice.

She was tempted to say something else provocative, but didn't push her luck. He bid her farewell and left.

Indeed it was a month until Thea saw Azriel again. In that month she had received a steady stream of patients, but no Shadowsinger. She was relieved. It meant he was unharmed, at least. Work was fine, busy as always with treating patients and training the apprentices. And yet she could not figure out why she felt so uneasy and frustrated.

But now, being in the main room of the House of Wind for Starfall, Thea's frustration eased. It was a magical, sacred night. All of the leaders of the Halls and their most respected deputies were in attendance. The whole room shimmered. And Thea herself felt beautiful. She wore a black backless halter dress that showcased her muscular arms and balanced her broad shoulders. And like so many in the room, she had opted for a dress that sparkled in the light with hundreds of small crystals sewn into the gauzy fabric. Her straight brown hair, adorn with hair pins of crystal, was up off her neck in a stylish bun. And her slightly upturned eyes were highlighted with some sparkling golden eyeshadow that complemented her warm brown skin.

"Finally, after fifty years, things feel truly celebratory," Madja said, taking in the room and her surroundings.

Thea smiled. "Indeed."

"Madja, Thea, it's lovely to see you," Mor said in greeting. She wore a gorgeous white gown, and she was accompanied by Feyre.

"You too, Mor. Thank you as always for the invitation," Madja said courteously. "And Feyre, it's nice to see you. You both look so lovely."

Feyre wore a gorgeous blue gown that shimmered with every small movement.

"Thank you. And it's nice to meet you, I'm Feyre," Feyre said, turning her attention to Thea.

Thea smiled. "I'm Thea. I'm Madja's deputy at the Healer's Hall," she said by way of introduction.

"Thea specializes in non-High Fae people. So she's healed Cassian and Azriel more times than I can count," Mor explained.

Feyre's face broke out into a mischievous grin. "I bet you've seen Cassian act like a big baby," Feyre said conspiratorially.

Thea snorted, nearly choking on her drink. She looked at Madja who wore a bemused look. "You're...not wrong," Thea said carefully.

Feyre and Mor chuckled. The sound caught Azriel's attention from across the room. He looked gorgeous in a dark gray tunic and matching pants. He was talking to the head of Trade, but his eyes landed on Thea, and he nodded in acknowledgement. And then he proceeded to stare at the backside of Mor's dress. Thea sighed, so typical. The jealousy she felt towards Mor was dull at this point, having been so used to Azriel's attention fixed on the other female.

"Well, this is a gorgeous gathering," Cassian said jovially, walking up to the females.

"Ah, just the person we were teasing," Mor said breezily, placing her head affectionately on Cassian's shoulder.

Cassian's eyes narrowed. "Are you divulging my secrets, Healer?" he asked, directing his attention to Thea.

"Only a bit, General," Thea replied.

Feyre's eyes lit up at the flirtatious interaction as Mor dragged Feyre away to gossip. Madja excused herself from the conversation.

"I show up and everyone leaves," Cassian observed.

"Don't you always have that effect on people?" Thea teased.

Cassian nudged Thea a bit harder than she expected, especially wearing heels, and she nearly fell over. Cassian quickly grabbed her, wrapping a hand around her bare back. He frowned as he righted her on her feet. He craned his neck to study the back of her dress, or the lack thereof.

"Fuck, Thea. You don't mess around," he said approvingly.

Thea rolled her eyes. Just as she was about to retort, the first spirit streaked across the night sky, and people cried out in delight. She looped her arm inside the crook of Cassian's as she pulled him to the patio. "C'mon, I want a better view."

He chuckled and deftly led them outside. They watched the spirits in silence until Mor beckoned Cassian to come dance. He excused himself and joined Mor on the dance floor.

"Nice dress," a voice next to Thea said.

She shivered, savoring the sound of his voice. "Thank you," she said. She briefly glanced at Azriel standing next to her, but his attention was to the sky, watching the spirits. "So how have you been?" Thea asked, returning her gaze to the sky.

Azriel kept his eyes on the spirits. "Busy. Frustrated. Work's been...a lot. You?"

Thea shrugged. "Strangely enough...same," she said simply.

They were silent for a long moment, just watching the sprits run across the sky. 

"I had hoped to visit to continue our prior conversation..." Azriel started to explain.

Thea completed his sentence. "But you're off trying to save the world, so don't worry about it."

Azriel chuckled. "Yeah. That." There was a heaviness in his tone.

The music inside was getting louder. Thea inhaled, gathering up her courage. "So I was wondering..."

"Az! Az! Az! Come, let's dance!" Mor said excitedly, running up to Azriel and grabbing his wrist to pull him to the dance floor.

Azriel's eyes met Thea's in quick apology before heading towards the center of the floor to dance with Cassian and Mor. The three melded and glided together seamlessly. It was both intoxicating and painful to watch, so Thea looked away. She redirected her attention up towards the sky to continue to watch the spirits overhead. There was nothing like this in Dawn Court, and this, along with many others things, made her love her current home so deeply.

Thea spent the rest of Starfall mingling, eating, and laughing. She only occasionally watched Azriel, who more often than not was watching Mor. Thea was getting ready to leave when suddenly Azriel appeared. So quiet. She hadn't heard or felt him until he was in front of her. 

"What did you want to ask me before?"

Thea smiled slightly. He had remembered. "Oh, I was wondering if you wanted to dance?" she asked, digging deep for that courage.

While Azriel danced the more upbeat songs, Thea knew he didn't dance the slow ones. In all the years she knew him, he never danced a slow song with anyone. She was asking for a slow song.

Azriel glanced tentatively towards the dance floor.

"We don't have to dance there," Thea said quickly, looking at the dance floor where Rhysand and Feyre were sparkling together, dancing with no space between their bodies. "I was thinking there," she suggested, looking at a shadowy corner of the patio.

Azriel quirked an eyebrow as his lips broke out in a small smirk. He shadow walked them to the corner without warning.

Thea gasped with surprise. "A little warning next time," she grumbled, lightly punching him in the chest.

He chuckled as he grasped her hand, placing it on his shoulder. She thought he would hold her other hand in his, but instead, he put it on his shoulder as well. Azriel's shadows surrounded them as they swayed to the music, some of the tendrils sliding up her bare back while Azriel's scarred hands remained fixed at her waist - they were cold at first, but warmed quickly. When a shadow tendril wrapped around the back of Thea's neck, she gasped.

"Sorry," Azriel said, and the pressure was gone.

"Don't stop. I liked it," she said, bending her arms more so that she was now closer to him. "Bring it back."

Azriel appraised her, that piercing, calculating gaze holding so much uncertainty, loneliness, surprise, and desire. The shadow tendril returned to Thea's neck, the pressure comforting. It was as though there was another hand there, gently caressing her.

Thea closed her eyes, enjoying the feeling of Azriel's hands on her waist and the tendrils along her back and neck. She bent her arms further to rest her cheek on Azriel's chest as she swayed.

Was she being too forward? Fuck it. He wasn't saying no. Was he wishing it was Mor in his arms? Probably. Oh well. Thea chose to pretend Azriel actually wanted her the way she wanted him. Her chest warmed at the fantasy as the two of them continued to sway.

They danced for several songs, until the dawn broke, the music stopped, and the shadows receded.

"Thanks for the dance," Thea said as they pulled apart.

Azriel looked at her, almost shyly. He opened his mouth to speak.

"Ah, there you are, Az, you disappeared," Cassian said, clapping his brother on the back.

Azriel slightly jolted at the contact, as though getting pulled from a daydream. "I've been here the whole time," he said quietly, sharing a small secret smile with Thea.

"What? I looked for you. You definitely were not there."

Azriel shrugged. "I was."

Thea saw the last of the guests were leaving.

"Thanks for hosting," she said. "Definitely the best Starfall since I've lived here."

"Let me take you home," Azriel offered.

"I'd like that, thank you," she said softly. "Goodnight, Cassian," she added. Cassian wore a curious expression on his face, as though he was going to grill his brother or Thea about what happened later.

Instead of shadow winnowing, Azriel scooped Thea in his arms to fly her back to the Healer's Hall. Thea pressed herself into his chest as she closed her eyes. She hadn't flown with Azriel in forty-five years, and she savored being in his arms like this once again.

The flight was too short. She wanted more time, but soon he was landing on her porch. He held her for a moment in the dawn light before tipping her feet down to the floor. His hands brushed her bare back, and she inhaled quietly from the contact, her heart racing.

"I had a nice time tonight," Azriel said, a bit shy. 

"Do you want to stay a while? Thought we might talk?" Thea asked.

Azriel shook his head. "I have to leave later today, otherwise I would." 

She struggled to hide her disappointment. All she wanted to do was pull him into her room and not leave.

Azriel looked at her carefully. "I'm sorry about all these years. I was embarrassed. It was...juvenile."

"It really was," Thea agreed dryly. Azriel chuckled. It wasn't okay how he had iced her out. But she understood why. "Don't do that again."

"I won't. Please forgive me."

"Already forgiven."

Azriel bent down and kissed her cheek. "You're right. It was the best Starfall."

Thea stretched her back and shoulders as she walked around the Illyrian war camp. It was cold, but it was nice to be outside after a full morning of patients. As Cassian had told her when he and Mor had fetched her at dawn, war was imminent. The Illyrians needed every warrior in top health, and her job was to get them as close to that goal as possible. She just needed to find a camp mother to get some lunch before resuming her work.

Thea.

Rhysand? She froze mid-step. Why was the High Lord speaking in her mind?

I need your help.

Where are you?  Thea looked around the camp. She had thought Rhysand and Feyre were training elsewhere.

My mother's house. He sounded tired, defeated.

She ran to the modest house at the edge of the camp. Cassian was outside scanning for her and visibly sighed with relief when he saw her running.

"Where is he?" she asked.

"Take a breath," Cassian advised.

"I'm fine," she said, brushing off his concern. She was a good runner, after all.

"C'mon," Cassian said, leading her into the house and up the stairs to a bedroom.

Rhysand was sitting on the edge of the plain bed. He was breathing heavily, but what caught Thea's attention were the holes in his wings. Seven of them.

"Fuck," she cursed as she went to him. She held her glowing hands out to assess him. There was also poison in his system. "Bloodbane." He had a couple broken ribs. And his back was torn apart by at least a dozen lashes. "Shit, get me water and towels, lots of them."

Cassian nodded and left the room to get the supplies.

Thea sent a blast of healing energy into Rhysand to stabilize him and stanch the bleeding on his back. Then she began working on his ribs, pouring healing energy into his chest to repair the bones.

It took a while, but eventually his breathing was no longer strained.

"Hybern?" she asked.

"Yes," Rhysand muttered.

"Where is Feyre?" she asked, looking around the room.

"She left," he said, the anguish in his voice clear.

"Did she leave before you got injured or after?" Thea carefully examined the arrow holes in his wings. Judging from the pus and rotting smell, the ash arrows had been dipped with Bloodbane.  

"After. She saved me," he said. "She found out we're mates."

Thea's eyes widened at the news, but she was not surprised after seeing the two of them cling to each other at Starfall a month ago. She was, however, perplexed. "She doesn't want to be mates?"

Rhysand snorted. "I...I don't know," he said, his voice hollow.

He sounded so defeated, so wounded. It was jarring to see the most powerful High Lord in history in this state of despair.

Thea's mind raced to find something to say that could help his mood. "Honestly, everyone could tell at Starfall that things were special between you two," Thea said matter-of-factly as she cleaned the wing wounds.

Rhysand chuckled ruefully. "Speaking of Starfall, you had a nice time," he said, a bit of that trademark mischievousness re-entering his voice. 

Thea narrowed her eyes. "Are you trying to read my mind again, High Lord?" she asked.

"No. It's much easier to read Azriel's," he said, watching her carefully to gauge her reaction. 

Thea blushed.

Rhysand seemed pleased by what he saw. "He's...happier around you. Lighter."

Thea sighed. "Are we really going to discuss this because you need something to keep your mind off your mate?" she asked, annoyed.

Rhysand's eyes glinted with mirth. "Yes."

Thea rolled her eyes. She almost contemplated walking away and not healing his wings. Almost.

"What I don't really understand is why him for you? You can have your pick of suitors, especially among Illyrians. Why Az?" 

"You don't think he's deserving?" she asked, watching his face carefully.

Rhysand's expression turned a bit dark. "He's done horrific things. We both have."

"Are you a horrific person?" Thea asked. She started to heal one of the wing wounds.

Rhysand gulped. "I'd like to think not," he said quietly. He clenched his jaw as the healing energy rebuilt the veins, nerves, and tissue missing from the hole. 

"Neither is he," Thea said simply.

Thea worked on three more wounds in silence. She assumed Rhysand was concentrating on not getting aroused from the experience. 

He eventually broke the silence. "Feyre called me a mess. I am a mess," Rhysand said, his eyes distant. 

Thea snorted. "So is she," she said, her tone perhaps a bit too impertinent.

Rhysand glared at Thea as his posture stiffened, the stance of a vengeful mate.

Thea quickly explained what she meant. "We all are, Rhys. In our own ways. The better question might be, does your mess and hers complement each other?"

He posture relaxed as he thought over her words. Another long silence passed. Thea worked to heal the last arrow wound.

"Does yours and Azriel's messes complement each other?" Rhysand asked.

Thea chuckled ruefully. "I don't know yet."

"But you want to find out."

"I do. Does he?" She shrugged in answer to her own question. She had no idea what Azriel wanted, except Mor.

"I hope Feyre wants to find out," Rhysand whispered.

"Rhys, I promise you she does," Thea said confidently.

"Did she say something to you?" His tone was a bit eager.

Thea shook her head. "I have eyes," she said dryly. 

Rhysand laughed. Just then, Mor came into the room. Rhysand's posture once again turned aggressive. "Where is she?" Rhysand demanded.

Mor help up her hands. "Feyre's fine, safe. She needs some time to process."

"I want to talk to her," Rhysand said.

Mor rolled her eyes. "Seriously, Rhys, I don't give a fuck what you want. You chose to not tell her. She had to learn from capturing the fucking Suriel?"

Thea's respect for Feyre increased exponentially. Thea had never even contemplated speaking to the Suriel let alone capturing it.

"I know I fucked up. I want to fix it," Rhysand said.

Mor threw up her hands dramatically. "That's not what she needs. She just needs time to think."

Rhysand turned towards Thea who was now inspecting his back to determine the best way to heal the lashings. "How long do I have to convalesce?"

"I can heal you completely within a couple hours. But it would mean I would need to take a break from healing the Illyrian warriors," Thea said.

Rhysand thought it over. "No, don't exhaust yourself. It's more important to continue helping the troops."

Thea nodded.

"Tell me where she is," Rhysand said, turning his attention back to Mor.

"No. You can figure it out yourself," Mor said, leaving the room.

Rhysand sighed.

Thea worked quietly on stitching his back together. He had been tortured, and her blood ran cold as she envisioned what that must have been like. She thought about Azriel enacting this kind of brutality on an enemy and enjoying it. While she found Hybern disgusting, she did not feel the same about Azriel. She knew her feelings for him led to these inconsistencies in her morality. But honestly, she didn't care.

Once she was done with his back, Thea spoke again. "Rhys, I can get you in flying shape in a couple hours," she offered again.

He shook his head. "No."

"Oh, you mean you aren't eager to get out there and find Feyre?" Thea teased.

Rhysand chuckled. "I am. But Mor is right. Giving Feyre more time to think things over is better. She's still so young," he said thoughtfully.

Thea nodded with understanding. "Oh to be twenty years old and to have found your mate," she said, a bit wistful and wry at the same time. Feyre was incredibly fortunate to have this kind of love, this kind of certainty, at such a young age. Thea doubted Feyre would ever truly appreciate how precious that was. And how much heartache she avoided.

Rhysand snickered as he stretched his wings and back. "Your time will come," he said, his tone drenched with haughtiness.

Thea scoffed. "Don't be cruel, High Lord," she bantered.

"If it doesn't work out with Azriel, there's always Cassian. Or I'm sure Lord Devlon would give you both of his top lieutenants," Rhysand teased.

Thea laughed at the absurdity, and Rhysand joined her. After a few moments, Thea was able to calm down and focus.

"Okay, that's enough. I'll let the Bloodbane work it's way out of your system naturally. Don't fly tomorrow. You can start your search the next day," Thea instructed.

Rhysand nodded. "Thank you, Healer," he said, his voice warm and full of appreciation.

"Of course, High Lord."

Author's Note: Thank you so much for the interest in the story! I'm hoping to upload two chapters every weekend. Really appreciate the kudos and welcome additional thoughts too!  

Thea and Madja were in the main area of the Healer's Hall when the screaming started.

"Madja?" Thea said, turning to her mentor as apprentices pressed their faces to the windows.

"Someone's attacking the city!" Gloria, one of the apprentices cried out.

"Get away from the windows!" Madja yelled.

But it was too late. A blast erupted and part of the Healer's Hall exploded, knocking Thea and Madja off their feet and flinging them back. Thea felt the heat, the dust, and the vibration of the blast as she flew backwards, but lost all sense of time and space as she laid on the floor. Her ears were ringing, her body ached, her head throbbed.

"Thea!" someone yelled. Was that Beatrice? Madja?

Thea tried to move, but everything hurt.

"Thea, get up girl!" Madja yelled.

Thea's head began to clear, and she forced herself onto her knees, trying to get her bearings. It was so shiny and bright. At that's when she realized the front wing of the Healer's Hall was now rubble. Through the dust, the early afternoon sun shined down on Thea's face. She winced and looked away. But her eyes then snagged on a motionless body - Gloria - the apprentice who had been by the window.

Thea crawled over to Gloria and felt for a pulse, for any sign of life. Nothing. Thea gasped. She blasted healing energy into Gloria to try to jumpstart her heart. Nothing.

"Thea! Stop, conserve your energy!" Madja cried out as she healed another apprentice who had been by the window.

Thea's heart squeezed with regret as she scrambled over the rubble to where Madja was. "What do you want me to do?" she asked her mentor.

Madja placed a hand over Thea's forehead to assess her. She pulsed a bit of healing energy into Thea, which helped clear her mind further. "We can handle things in here. But out there, all those people," Madja said, her lips pressed together in a grim line as she watched grotesque winged soldiers attack the people of Velaris.

"I'll help who I can," Thea said. She ran to her bedroom in the back of the Healer's Hall and grabbed her medical kit and the dagger Lord Devlon had gifted her. Upon returning to what used to be the front of the Hall, she crouched down in the rubble, wrapping the belt with her dagger around her waist and plotting out a course to get to the injured.

"Do not linger on anyone. If their injuries are serious, you do what you can in a couple minute's time and move on. Protect yourself, keep moving," Madja instructed.  

Thea inhaled deeply, her heart pounding. She had never seen such violence. Heard such screams. But she buried all of her own terror deep down and launched herself out into the chaotic streets. The cacophony of screams was overwhelming, and at first Thea got distracted by people clinging to her, begging for help finding a lost loved one or a safe place to shelter. She wanted to help everyone, but quickly disciplined herself to look for the injured.

She healed a few head injuries and broken leg bones from fallen rubble, instructing people to head to the Healer's Hall for further help. She wasn't sure if it was even safe at the Healer's Hall in actuality, but people needed hope.

Thea saw a large red shield encase the city, delaying more winged soldiers from landing on the streets. Cassian. She looked around trying to find her friend, but did not know where he was. 

"Help!" a female voice wailed out.

Thea turned her head to the sound to find a woman clutching a small, still child in her arms. Thea ran along the walkway and knelt down. It was a male river nymph.

"Please, please help!" the female cried out, likely his mother.

Thea scanned his body but found no signs of life. Thea's heart broke. She surged healing energy into his little body, grasping for hope. A pulse, she just needed a little, faint pulse.

"Save him, please!" the female cried out.

Thea tried again. Nothing. "I'm sorry, he's gone," she said. 

"No!" the female cried, clutching the boy.

Thea attempted to find another person to help, but the female grabbed her.

"No! Don't leave us! Please! Please try again, please!"

Thea's throat burned with unshed tears. "I'm sorry. I have to go," she said. If this were under different circumstances, she would have stayed and worked longer to try to revive the boy, but she could not linger. That meant other lives lost.

"I hope the Cauldron curses you!" the female lashed out.

Thea's heart broke a little more as she scrambled away from the crying female and the lifeless boy. She inhaled deeply and buried her anguish. She knew the female said that out of anger and grief. She needed to focus on what she could do. The lives she could save in this absolute chaos.

Winged soldiers were on rooftops, tearing into buildings and scaring people out of them and into the streets where they were being slaughtered by other soldiers. This was not war. This was a massacre of innocent people. Thea did not know how to fight, but she unsheathed her dagger and crept behind an enemy who was about to deliver a killing blow to an older male High Fae. Thea stabbed the soldier in its neck, blood spraying everywhere. The male scrambled to his feet and grabbed the soldier's sword out of its hand and stabbed it from the front.

This was the first life Thea had ever taken. Under different circumstances she would have felt awful, but right now she just felt angry and terrified.

"Are you hurt?" she asked the male.

"No, I'm okay. But my wife..." he said, looking into the house.

"Show me," Thea said, following him into the house where she saw a female High Fae bleeding profusely on the floor from deep claw marks along her chest.

Thea blasted her with healing energy to stop the bleeding and sealed the wounds. "She's stable and can move. Get her to the Healer's Hall, and they can help her further," Thea instructed.

The male nodded, and Thea carefully left the house and re-entered the fray. She continued down the street and healed a few more people. Just as she was about to move to the next house, the ground vibrated hard behind her as someone landed.

She turned around, ready to strike the enemy.

"What the fuck are you doing out here?!" Azriel roared at her. His eyes were wild, his face full of rage and darkness, and his seven Siphons gleamed with power. He looked like Death incarnate, beautiful, glorious death that she would welcome. 

But he had never raised his voice at her before. "Saving people!" she hollered back.

"It's not safe!" he said, looking around and up for any potential attacks.

"Obviously," she said, walking towards the next house.

Azriel grabbed her shoulder to stop her. "Survey the house first. Make sure it is clear of enemies. Then enter," he instructed.

"Azriel, go, defend this city," Thea said. He was wasting precious time talking to her. He needed to fight, to kill.

He hesitated. "Thea..."

"Go! Protect us," she urged.

He held her gaze for a long moment then nodded, launching into the air and attacking the remaining winged soldiers on rooftops ahead of where Thea was running.

So much death. She was too late to save so many. And some she tried to save and failed to do so before they succumbed to their injuries with scared expressions on their faces. Some had worn expressions of relief at seeing her, thinking she would save them. How badly she wanted to, but for some, their injuries were simply too catastrophic, and it would take too long and too much power to try. She felt so guilty telling them lies that someone else would arrive to help them. Some begged her not to leave.

It destroyed her, but she buried it further down. She needed to save who she could. Her gaze went to the Rainbow where people were fleeing and screaming, and a legion of winged soldiers were savoring the slaughter. Thea ran over, healing a few people along the way. As she entered the artistic heart of Velaris, she saw Feyre summoning the water in the river, forming wolves that attacked the soldiers, drowning them on land. Then the wolves morphed to winged creatures to follow the soldiers who attempted to escape by air. Thea gasped, having never seen such remarkable magic. 

Thea ran down the alley that Feyre had just cleared of soldiers.

"Thea! Why are you outside?" Feyre asked, her expression wild like Azriel's had been.

"Trying to save as many people as I can," she replied.

Feyre nodded in approval. She turned to a shopkeeper who held a pipe as a weapon. "Help her find the injured. She's a Healer," she instructed.

The shopkeeper nodded, and Feyre was off.

Thea turned and smiled with relief. "Hi Iris, I'm relieved to see you're okay," she said to the shopkeeper.

"Likewise, Thea. Who the hell was that warrior with the water magic?" Iris asked as she guided Thea over to a few people huddled around a male Urisk with a severe stab wound.

"That was Feyre, the Cursebreaker," Thea said.

Iris nodded in understanding.

Thea healed the Urisk and bid farewell to Iris. She was back in the alley, looking for the next tranche of injured people when a wave of starry darkness flooded the street, the whole city. Thea sighed in relief. Rhysand. She could hear a few screams and realized the darkness was attacking the last of the enemies that had infiltrated the streets.

The darkness quickly lifted, and the afternoon sun was back. People reemerged from their hiding spots and flooded the streets to take stalk of the destruction, to find their loved ones. Thea inhaled and exhaled deeply before refocusing on her task.

Rhysand! she called out in her mind.

Rhysand winnowed in front of Thea a moment later.

"Thea," he said, clearly relieved to see the Healer uninjured.

Thea did not want to waste time. "We need to set up triage protocol. Could you let Madja know where I am? I'll scout ahead and try to stabilize as many people as possible, but some of the apprentices and Healers need to come out to bring people back to the Healer's Hall."

Rhysand nodded in agreement. "Of course," he said and disappeared.

Thea asked Iris to coordinate the people of the Rainbow to find any injured neighbors in the area and sent a message to Rhysand to have the Healers coordinate with Iris to find the most severely injured. Thea then moved on to the next neighborhood of the city and did the same thing, working with a local leader she trusted to coordinate their neighbors to find everyone who had been injured. Thea saved her magic for only the most critically injured.

After a few hours, Thea took a break to eat some food at Tanvi's restaurant, the spicy curry warming her soul. Tanvi had made a huge vat of curry for everyone helping with repairs and the injured.

"Smells good," Cassian said, looking at Thea's bowl before sitting down and enjoying the momentary reprieve.

"Get your own," Thea said grumpily but with a relieved smile at seeing her friend alive. But..."You're injured."

Cassian shrugged, his bruised face coming into even sharper relief at the motion. "Not a big deal," he said. Tanvi set a bowl of curry in front of Cassian who looked at the owner with appreciation. "Thank you, Tanvi. Sorry this visit is under such awful circumstances. Much prefer being here with the whole family and not after, well, an attack."

Tanvi patted Cassian's shoulder affectionately. "It's always lovely to feed you and your brothers. Where are they?" She looked around but did not spot Rhysand or Azriel.

"Rhys is building new wards. Stronger ones. Az..."

"I'm here," Azriel said quietly, emerging from a shadowy corner.

Thea took him in with her gaze. He was exhausted, Siphons dull. But he was alive. And also injured. Blood was dripping from somewhere.

Tanvi smiled as Azriel sat down next to Thea. She gave him a bowl of curry that he took with an appreciative nod.

Thea scanned his body with a glowing hand to assess his injuries. A few slashes and stab wounds. But they avoided his organs thankfully.

"I'm fine," he said, beginning to eat. "How are you?"

"I'll be better if you aren't injured," Thea said, blasting healing energy through Azriel to stanch the bleeding.

"That's enough. Save it for others," he said quietly. "But thank you."

Thea nodded. Other than the few words they exchanged during the invasion, they had not spoken since Starfall.

"Are you okay?" Azriel asked carefully.

Thea knew what he was asking. But she hadn't even processed anything. She was just running on adrenaline. And there was so much work to do before resting and slowing down her busy mind. "I don't know yet. But probably not," she replied truthfully.  

Azriel nodded in understanding.

"You?" Thea asked.

"Same," Azriel admitted.

"Me too, not that either of you seem interested," Cassian said, testy, as he scraped the bottom of his curry bowl.

Thea rolled her eyes. She leaned across the table and shoved Cassian's head lightly. He chuckled which made Azriel and Thea do the same.

Once the meal was done, Azriel and Cassian flew off to help in a different part of town. Thea continued her survey of the injured, working well into the night. It must have been two in the morning when she finally went back to the Healer's Hall. Madja briefed her on the patients they had saved, and those they had not. Thea felt numb, her nerves frayed, as she trudged to her room. She bathed, washing the blood and grime off her body, and got ready for bed.

But rest did not come. Flashes of the day flooded her mind. The lifeless boy. The weak cries for help as she walked away from people who were too injured to save. The curses of people who saw she was abandoning their loved ones. The soldiers slaughtering people she knew. Their blood on her hands. The fear. The screams.

"Thea."

Thea looked up to find Azriel crouching in front of her. She was curled up on the floor in a fetal position. How did she get here?

"Here," Azriel said gently, placing a pillow below her head.

Thea shattered at the soft gesture. She wept. Azriel laid down on the floor next to her on the floor, wings tucked against his back as cradled her against him, saying nothing. Thea was not sure how long she cried against his body, his chest shielding her from the outside world. Shadow tendrils encased her back, cocooning her in their embrace.

Eventually Azriel asked, "How many?"

"Thirty-four. I let thirty-four people die today," Thea croaked out. 

The shadows tightened around her. "Don't say it like that. You didn't let anyone die," Azriel said.

"But I did! I made choices that led them to die. I allowed it to happen."

"Hybern did this. Do not forget who the enemy is."

"They are the enemy, yes. But I betrayed those people. They trusted me to help. Their families thought I would help. And I left them," she heaved out.

"To save others," Azriel said. "I know each loss is painful. But you saved so many."

"Not enough."

"Did you count?"

"No."

"Count next time. You deserve to know."

"I'm not seeking some balance of the scales, Azriel. I don't need that validation. I just don't want their looks of betrayal and suffering branded into my mind," Thea confessed.

Azriel's arm wound around Thea's back, and he tightened his grip. People did not treat Azriel like this. He was a defender of the city, and while so many residents were scared of him, they always regarded him as almost other-worldly. Thea was someone people relied on to take care of them. And today, she was destined to fail so many. Yes, save many. But also fail miserably.

"It'll get better with time, but that feeling might always be there. That...hole," Azriel said.

Thea buried her face in his chest further, seeking escape. At some point her breathing evened out, and Azriel gently picked her up off the floor and put her on the bed.

She stirred. "Are you leaving?"

Azriel nodded. "We have to prepare for retaliation," he said.

"We? You mean the Inner Circle?"

"Yes."

Thea frowned sleepily. "The only thing that would be true retaliation would be destroying Hybern..." She paused as realization struck her.

The lack of protest only confirmed her suspicions. The Inner Circle was going to enter Hybern. And that was beyond dangerous. That was suicidal. Then again, if anyone could do it, they could. And that's why they were attempting it.

She sighed as Azriel watched her. She may never see him again. Before Rhysand had thrown the shield over Velaris, she had this thought every time she and Azriel parted. It had been a habit. But this time, it felt more...likely.

This was life now. Scary. Unknown. Dangerous. 

"Come back, and I'll patch you up," she said, her voice unwavering.

He gave her an approving nod, perhaps proud of her bravery. "I'll hold you to it," he said before walking over to the patio to leap into the night sky.

She didn't even have time to thank him for helping her.

Thea spent the next few days supporting people's recovery and mourning the dead. She felt numb and kept expecting patients to accuse her of failing their friends and loved ones. But no one did. In total there were one hundred and twenty-seven people who were killed in the attack. The living were trudging along, trying to grieve and rebuild at the same time.

Suddenly, Thea felt a painful stab to her back and chest that burned. And while it was not debilitating, it was ever present.

"There's nothing wrong," Madja said, puzzled, after assessing Thea.

"My mind is playing tricks, I guess," Thea said. But felt like something was terribly wrong.

Madja's eyes grew distant for a moment before she refocused on Thea.

"Thea! With me! Quickly. We must get to Rhysand's townhouse!" Madja cried out.

No. They're hurt. And if we're going to the townhouse, it's bad. Thea had never been to the townhouse. She knew where it was, sure, but Rhysand and the others preferred getting healed at the Healer's Hall or the House of Wind. There was a layer of removal in those places. His townhouse was personal.

Thea grabbed her medical bag. For days she had been going over every possibility of injury given her last conversation with Azriel. She had fresh stocks of every herb and fresh bandages of all sizes.

"Come, Madja, I can winnow us there," Thea said to her mentor.

Madja's shock was evident. "You can winnow?"

But Thea did not respond as she opened a gate and gripped Madja's hand as they walked through and arrived at the front of Rhysand's townhouse. Thea had never told Madja she could winnow as it risked disclosing her true identity.

"Come!" Ameren cried out as she flung the door open.

Thea ran through the unfamiliar door and was greeted by shouts and moans...and so much blood.

Azriel and Cassian. They were writhing in pain. Cassians wings were...non-existent...shredded. Azriel was in Mor's arms as she attempted to stanch the bleeding. Suddenly, Thea understood the pain she felt earlier in the chest. Because in Azriel's chest was an ash arrow.

And as Thea looked at Azriel's wild and pained eyes, she felt an abrupt tug within her body, a flood of desire and love, and a fierce primal need to protect.

She gasped.

The mating bond.

After all these years...now?

It had been him all along?

She froze for a moment before her Healer instincts took over. He was so pale. Dying. Compartmentalizing, Thea knelt in the pool of Azriel's blood assessing the injury as she placed a hand on his forehead to flow calming pain relief to his mind. Azriel moaned with appreciation.

All of this must have taken just moments as Madja finally got to the scene, her legs wobbly and slow.

"Thea, switch, help Cassian," Madja directed.

"What?" Thea asked, breathless. The thought of leaving Azriel, after what she just discovered seconds ago, felt impossible.

"The wings! You're the specialist," Madja barked already assessing Azriel's chest wound herself.

"Right...of course," Thea said, rushing over to Cassian. She flooded his mind with pain relief as she assessed the damage. This was catastrophic.

"Save them," he begged Thea. "Save them or kill me." He was crying, his face one of pure anguish.

Thea inhaled as she looked at Rhysand, who's face was ghostly pale. He was unsure the wings could be saved. It was so clear in his expression.

But she could do it. It would take nearly everything within her. But she could.

She looked at Cassian straight in the eyes. "I've got it, Cass. I promise. I need to sedate you. I would do a better job that way. Is that okay?"

"Yes, do whatever it takes," Cassian gritted out, the pain starting to overpower the temporary relief she had been providing. Thea quickly sedated Cassian and placed his now heavy head gently back on the floor.

"What do you need?" Rhysand asked once Cassian was out.

"Water, lots and lots of clean water. And all the clean blankets you have," she said. Rhysand nodded and hurried to get the supplies.

The first step was to clean what remained of the wings to avoid infection. This meant delicately flushing every area with water to remove debris and minimize the risk of infection. Rhysand used the blankets to sop up the bloodied water from the floor. The wings were not only shredded, but partly burned. This meant that she needed to remove all the burnt tissue before she could determine how to rebuild his wings.

The ache in her chest started to ease, and she turned her head to look at Madja and Azriel. Azriel was sedated, the arrow was out, and his chest was now healed. He still looked terribly pale, but he was alive.

"How is he?" Thea ventured to ask her mentor.

Madja frowned. "That arrow was Bloodbane tipped. The poison was spreading through his body fast. I've contained it, but he'll need..."

"I have the herbs in the bag," Thea said.

Madja looked at Thea, pleased. "Good girl," she said approvingly, finding the right vial with dried pink flowers. "I'll make the tea," she said. 

Thea resumed her work removing the dead flesh from Cassian's wings. When Madja came back to the room, Thea washed her hands and took out a clean scalpel. She cut her palm, cupping the blood that pooled. Mor looked at Thea curiously.

"Madja, here," Thea said.

Madja held the cup out as Thea poured in her blood. Madja nodded in understanding, healing Thea's wound once enough blood was in the cup. Thea was going to do anything she could to help Azriel.

"You're of the Dawn Court?" Mor asked, shocked.

This might have been the first personal question Mor asked Thea in the one hundred and fifty years they knew each other. Mor was always friendly but with that casual indifference one holds acquaintances or the help. And she never once attempted to know Thea more deeply. And given Azriel's open desire for Mor, and Thea's own feelings towards him, Thea made no attempts to ingratiate herself to Mor. She knew Mor was lovely, fierce, brave, intelligent, and beautiful. She completely understood why Azriel had loved her for 500 years. But that didn't mean she wanted to be friends with the female. 

"I am, originally. But I prefer the night," Thea said, glancing at Azriel.

"You do bear a remarkable resemblance to Thesan," Rhysand assessed, as though looking at her for the first time.

Thea did not disagree. "Later," she said. She fortified her mental shields, not wanting Rhysand to know about the groundbreaking discovery of the mating bond.

Rhysand pursed his lips but said nothing further on the topic.

Madja roused Azriel just enough so that he could drink the tea with her support. Once all the liquid was drained, Madja resumed the sedation and rested Azriel's head back to the floor. "He's stable, you can move him," Madja said to Rhysand.

Relief flooded through Thea. Azriel would live. Now she just needed to make sure his brother did too.

"Mor, go check on Elaine and Nesta. Bring Madja. Ameren, handle the book. I'll get Azriel to a bed," Rhysand directed.

"Who's Elaine and Nesta? And where's Feyre?" Thea asked offhandedly as she planned out how to rebuild Cassian's wing. The dead silence that followed her questions made her realize she had said something wrong.

She looked at Rhysand, his face severe. And Mor looked heartbroken.

"Oh, fuck," Thea whispered.

"Feyre's alive but now in Spring Court. Elaine and Nesta are her sisters. They were...changed from human to fae," Mor supplied.

Thea met Rhysand's eye. His mate was back with Tamlin? What was going on? Thea quickly compartmentalized her thoughts. This was important, but she needed to focus on Cassian's wings.

"Later," she whispered to Rhysand. They were going to have a talk later. About her. About what was going on. But now was not the time.

Rhysand nodded. "Later."

Rebuilding Cassian's wings was the hardest thing Thea had ever done. Mor set Thea up in a guestroom at the townhouse so she could rest. She would sleep for four hours and then do an eight hour shift on Cassian's wings. Then another four hours of sleep. And then another eight hours of work. It was a grind where she lost sense of time, of days. She started with fixing the wing bones that were broken. Then worked on arteries and veins, then the nerves. Upon her request, Rhysand brought every book on Illyrian wing anatomy from the libraries which admittedly was just a few. As she ate, she studied the anatomical drawings to make sure she wasn't missing anything. Having worked on Cassian so much over the last century and a half, she also used her memory of how his own individual wings had looked, felt, and operated. From all that, she reconstructed a paper thin layer of membranes and tissue. 

She spent so much time, energy, and attention working on Cassian's wings that she did not give herself much time to think about the fact that she and Azriel were mates.

Mates. She couldn't help but feel dread at that fact. Deep down, she should have known. She read him so well, too well. While Cassian often lamented that he did not know what Azriel was thinking or feeling at any given moment, Thea never had that problem. She had thought Cassian was just not observant enough. But it wasn't Cassian. It was her. Something far more primal mixed with her observational skills and led to her to understand Azriel when others did not.

Her mate.

But he loved Mor. He loved Mor so deeply and for nearly his entire life. He must have been waiting for the mating bond to snap into place with Mor all these centuries. He would be so...disappointed. Thea's stomach churned. 

Thea knew he felt something for her. Lust. Curiosity. Some kind of loose interest. Like he thought perhaps someday she could be one of his partners in his play room.

But she knew with absolute certainty he did not love her. And it was likely he never could. Not really. He already loved someone. And Thea was not foolish enough to think Azriel would want to redirect his attention, even if he noticed the mating bond.

Did he even know? Did he suspect? She had never heard of a case where the female felt the mating bond first. But she was also not an expert in the bond. When he woke up, she would see if he suspected. And if he did not, she would not tell him. Not yet. Perhaps never.

She needed to figure out what she wanted. Well, she knew what she wanted. She wanted him as her mate - mind, body, and soul. She wanted his love - forever. But knowing that was not going to happen, she needed to figure out what she was willing to settle for. 

Settle. How would she balance her unyielding desire for him with protecting her heart from the heartbreak she was positive would come?

Azriel recovered and awoke after three days. She could have sped his recovery if she had the energy, but all her attention was on Cassian. Azriel stirred from the bed, impatient to rise.

"Easy," Thea said, helping him sit up. She gave him a glass of water.

"How do you feel?" she asked as she watched him gulp down the water. She refilled the glass.

Azriel flexed his back and shoulders. "Like I was speared," he said dryly.

Thea chuckled.

Azriel cocked his head to the side at he looked at her and for a moment she thought he might have felt the mating bond too.

"What?" Thea asked, watching him carefully.

"You look tired," he said.

Thea rolled her eyes. He definitely didn't feel it. Or if he did, he was being an asshole, which would be worse.

Azriel looked over at the other bed in the room where Cassian lay.

"You're saving them," he said, staring at the progress of the reconstructed wings.

Thea nodded as she continued to assess Azriel's recovery. "From bone and just a bit of salvageable flesh," she said. She still had hundreds of layers of membrane and tissue to build over the few layers she had already made, but she was doing it.

"Thank you," Azriel said, his voice thick. "The bastard shielded me from the king's blast, took the full force of it on his wings."

Thea nodded. "I know," she said softly. She checked his wound site, which Madja did an excellent job on. She suspected his aches was due to a lingering bit of Bloodbane.

Azriel shook his head angrily. "He shouldn't have done that."

"Of course he should have," Thea said. "You would have done it if the roles were reversed, right?"

"Absolutely."

"Why shouldn't he?" Thea asked. "Because you think you're not worth it?" She already knew that was the answer. Cassian had said as much in the past.

Azriel didn't respond.

"Cassian thinks you're worth it. Don't taint his choice with your own angst. Someone can love you and you not love yourself at the same time. Don't confuse the two," Thea said. 

Azriel held her gaze and nodded curtly but said nothing further on the topic.

"You can resume normal activities tomorrow," she said.

Just then, Rhysand came to visit. He recapped what had happened while Azriel was recovering. The pair strategized what Azriel should work on starting the next day.

"There is a bit of news we learned about Thea. But I don't know the details myself yet," Rhysand said, looking expectantly at Thea.

"Oh, is now "later"?" Thea asked, looking up from building out yet another layer of Cassian's wing.

"What is it?" Azriel asked.

"Az!" Mor said happily as she came into the room. She sat on his bed and wrapped her arms around his neck.

Azriel hugged her against him, and Thea looked away, focusing on her task. Rhysand glanced at Thea, but he said nothing.

"Thea, it's looking really good," Mor said encouragingly as she watched the healer work.

Thea smiled at Mor. "Thank you," she said.

"So Mor, I was just saying that we had learned a bit about Thea in the last few days," Rhysand said.

Mor's eyes widened. "Oh, that's right!"

"What the fuck is going on?" Azriel asked impatiently. Clearly the Spymaster did not like being out of the loop.

"I'm of Dawn Court," Thea said.

Azriel's eyes widened, and he looked quickly at Rhysand to judge his reaction.

"You already knew," Rhysand said, appraising Azriel. "Why didn't you say anything?"

Azriel shrugged. "Wasn't my secret to tell, and you never asked me," he said.

Azriel looked at Thea who was shocked. Azriel had known? For how long? She shouldn't have been surprised, she supposed. He was a Spymaster and likely knew many secrets.

"Well, for those of us not named Azriel, would you mind telling your story, Thea?" Rhysand said, an annoyed edge to his tone. It was clear he was going to have words with Azriel later, but Azriel's expression was calm.

Thea cleared her throat awkwardly. "Thesan and I share a father. I don't know who my mother was. A servant at the Court originally from Xian. She left me at the orphanage days after I was born. I didn't know about my lineage until I was older. I didn't dare tell anyone. There were rumors the High Lord, Thesan's father, had killed prior illegitimate children who could pose a threat to his heir. I didn't want to threaten Thesan. I don't even know him. I got a job at the Healer's Hall and worked my way up to being a skilled healer. My stamina advantage had been evident, so I attempted to hide it. I didn't want anyone to ask questions. But if we ever had an emergency and people's lives were on the line...I just did the work. I...I got into a disagreement with another healer. He and I had been...involved. I thought he loved me. He accused me of being a witch. He submitted a formal accusation."

Azriel's eyes were sharp. He hadn't known that part. "What's his name?" he asked, his voice taking on that icy tone. Thea sensed he would have no qualms about enacting retribution, but did not know his motivation.

"Let her finish the story, Az," Mor said, rolling her eyes. She was probably used to witnessing Azriel wanting to defend the honor of any number of people.

Azriel did not press the issue, but Thea sensed this would not be the last time they would talk about that part of the story.

"The Head Healer thought there was enough evidence to warrant deeper examination. She had never really liked me, but she accepted me since I was a good Healer. The next step was that the Head Healer would take the inquiry to Thesan who would review. I didn't want to go before Thesan. He had just become High Lord. I was terrified he would figure out my identity. That given my strength as a Healer and where it came from, he would see me as a threat to his very new and vulnerable position. And I would be thrown in prison or executed. So I ran. Took a while, but I got all the way to Night Court. I asked around about a Healer, and tracked Madja down. Begged for her to take me in. And she did. She didn't know my lineage, just that I was running away from Dawn Court," Thea explained.

Mor got off Azriel's bed and crossed the distance to hug Thea. The gesture caught Thea off-guard, but she hugged the female back.

"I'm so sorry this happened to you. But I'm forever grateful you're here," Mor said.

Thea tightened her arms around Mor. "Thank you," she said. They both loved Cassian and Azriel in their own messy ways.

Rhysand thought over Thea's story.

"I'm sorry, Rhys. I never wanted to create a diplomatic nightmare for you," Thea said.

Rhysand chuckled darkly. "Considering my mate is in Spring Court hopefully wrecking havoc, I would say this situation doesn't rise to the top of diplomatic challenges."

Thea snickered.

"But I agree we don't need to tell Thesan. It doesn't help anyone. We're going to need him soon, and I don't want anything to fuck that up. So, we keep this quiet...for now," Rhysand said.

Thea looked at Azriel deep in thought.

"How did you get discovered now?" Azriel asked.

"Madja said Rhysand needed us at the townhouse. I knew what you all had planned to do, and if we were being called to the townhouse, then it was bad. So I winnowed us here to save time," Thea said. Winnowing was a power reserved for the most powerful High Fae, and disproportionately High Lords and people related to them.

"The Bloodbane was spreading in your system so fast. Those minutes saved your life," Rhysand said to Azriel.

"She also gave you her blood for the Bloodbane," Mor added. Dawn Court blood was blessed with special healing properties against Bloodbane.

Azriel looked at Thea. "Thank you," he said.

Thea shrugged. "I told you I'd patch you up," she said flippantly, as though she did not sacrifice her most precious secret for him.

Azriel smiled, a genuine smile. Mor and Rhysand were visibly surprised at his reaction, it being such a rare occurrence. Thea memorized that smile, unsure if she would get to see it again.

"They are just so...shiny," Cassian said at the training grounds as he extended his wings tentatively in the afternoon sun. It was just over two weeks after his catastrophic injury. Rhysand had told him about Feyre's decision to go back to Spring Court, which angered Cassian. He was motivated to get back to flying as quickly as possible, likely to keep tabs on her, although Thea suspected Azriel was already doing so. 

"They aren't done yet," Thea said as she carefully examined his wings and Azriel's for comparison.

For two weeks Thea had worked tirelessly on rebuilding Cassian's wings. And now it was time for the refinements - the ridges, bumps, variations in thickness and texture that gave Cassian's wings the uniqueness he needed in order to fly in an expert fashion.

"I know. It's not a complaint. I've already told you I'm grateful like a dozen times," Cassian said charmingly.

Thea smiled affectionately at her friend. "That's true," she said, pleased.

Azriel looked at the pair and shuffled his feet uneasily. "That area needs to be thicker," he said, directing them to business. He pointed to an area of membrane on Cassian's right wing.

"I'm aware," Thea said, directing her attention to her mate.

Her mate. The desire for Azriel was a bottomless pit she continually swam through these last two weeks. She has no defenses. No coping mechanisms. Everything just felt raw. No amount of compartmentalizing worked. All she wanted to do was be close to him. Touch him. Listen to him speak. Take care of him. Protect him at all costs. And kill the bastard who had hurt him - Jurian. If she ever had the chance, she would take it.

Thea placed a hand on each side of Cassian's right wing and thickened the membrane in the location Azriel advised.

Azriel stood behind Thea, but as he bent his body towards Cassian's wing to examine it, his cheek neared Thea's. She inhaled, feeling his presence and his crisp scent surround her. Overwhelm her. Prior to the mating the bond, this would have been a challenge. Now with the bond, it was impossible.

Thea stepped away to allow Azriel to look at Cassian's wing more carefully and to give herself a moment to gather her wits.

"No, not quite. There's more variation in thickness. Ripples. Right now the whole area is thicker," Azriel analyzed.

Thea inhaled deeply than exhaled. She was fine with the feedback. She was not fine with what she needed to do in order to do a better job. "Can I...Can I touch your wing for comparison?" Thea asked.

Azriel's hazel eyes shot to Thea. He was calculating the cost, but finally conceded. "Sure."

Thea swallowed hard as she used her fingertips to touch both sides of Azriel's wing in that area. She could feel every ripple, the richness in the variation in thickness, how each detail could help aerodynamically as he flew.

Azriel's jaw tightened as he pressed his lips together. She knew this was uncomfortable for him. She didn't make eye contact as she went to Cassian and adapted what she had felt from Azriel's wing to his. 

"How's that?" Thea asked, carefully examining her work in the sunlight.

Azriel looked it over. "Good," he said tightly.

Cassian looked at the spot as well, pleased. "Great. Now only nineteen more places to refine," he joked.

Thea laughed, but Azriel frowned. "I'll get us some chairs," he muttered. He returned with two stools for himself and Cassian as well as blankets they could place over their laps to hide any awkward reactions. The two Illyrians faced each other and settled in for a long session refining the wings. 

Thea attempted to make the next refinement to Cassian's wings by just making visual comparisons to Azriel's.

"No, still too thin," Azriel said. He was a perfectionist when it came to his brother's wings.

"Can I..."

"Yes, it's fine. Touch them however you need," Azriel snapped moodily.

Thea frowned. She knew his reaction was not a personal attack on her, but he was so deeply uncomfortable with this whole situation. She touched his wing and understood what he meant by the area being too thin. "I'm sorry about this," she said quietly to Azriel. It pained her to be the cause of his discomfort.

"It's fine," he repeated through clenched jaw, deliberately not making eye contact. He was probably so annoyed with her.

She, on the other hand, was getting more turned on being in such proximity to Azriel and touching him so intimately. It was so deeply unprofessional. She attempted to bury the mating bond within herself, but it continually surfaced, strumming her heart. She inhaled, trying to calm down.

Over the course of two hours, she made refinements to Cassian's wings as informed by touching and adapting Azriel's. Every time she touched Azriel's wings, he refused to look at her. She tried to keep each touch as swift as possible, but even through the blanket she could tell he had a large erection. She felt so wrong for looking. This whole situation was painfully awkward.

"Okay, Cass, why don't you try to fly?" Thea finally suggested, creating significant distance between herself and Azriel.

Cassian jumped off the stool. He stretched his wings and made a running start into the air. It took a lot of effort, but he was airborne. Relief washed through Thea at seeing Cassian fly. He banked left, then right, and did a few spins and dives in the air. Thea cheered and clapped. He would be fine. He was fine. 

When Cassian landed, he was all smiles. "You are the greatest Healer in the world!" he said, picking Thea up and spinning her around with appreciation.

Thea laughed at his joy. "It was okay? Anything to refine?"

Cassian set Thea back down onto the training grounds. "It was great. I should try these out for a while, and I'll let you know," Cassian said, still holding Thea.

Azriel growled. "Great. We're done," he said, pulling Thea by the elbow away from Cassian.

"Huh?" Thea said, confused.

Azriel quickly made a shadow winnow and pulled her through it. They arrived in her room in the Healer's Hall. What was happening?   

"Azriel..."

Azriel did not let her speak. Instead, his body pinned Thea to the wall and his mouth plundered hers. Thea was shocked by the kiss for a moment, but then melted into it. This was happening. Finally. After all these decades, they were back to where they had been. Azriel's tongue dueled with hers, and it was a battle she was happy to lose if it meant he would never stop kissing her. All she wanted was to be possessed by him, and to possess him. The need was all-consuming.

Azriel grunted as he wrapped his arms around Thea, holding her up against her bedroom wall as she succumbed to his thorough kisses.

"You touch my wings like that for over two hours. Do you have any idea what that does to me?" he growled as his lips moved from her mouth to lick and nip her neck.

"I tried...I tried to be clinical about it," Thea said, dazed. Her core ached more and more deeply with ever swipe of his tongue and teeth. 

"You failed."

She could feel herself become even more wet at those words. She was losing all sense of time, of reason. The bond tugged on her. The bond. He still did not know. "We have to talk."

Azriel did not seem to hear her. "For so long I've thought about what it would be like to fuck you. I imagine you like it rough. Question is, how rough?" he said, his tone serious and full of promise.

She moaned. Oh fuck.

"Az...Az..."

Azriel suckled at her neck. He chuckled darkly. "It's taken you a century and a half to call me Az. I've had to listen to you say Cass and Rhys for over a hundred years," he grumbled, the jealousy clear.

It was true, she never used his nickname. It was too intimate. Too familiar. 

He pulled the drawstring lose on her pants, and his hand slipped inside. His scarred, rough fingers stroked the bundle of nerves at the apex of her thighs, and all thoughts fled her mind. She moaned as she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, leaning her forehead against his shoulder. He stroked her folds and her legs weakened. It felt so good. So right. 

"Already drenched. Good girl," he whispered roughly. 

Thea whimpered. His words only made her wetter. She wanted to be his good girl. She clawed desperately at him while her pelvis ground down on his beautiful perfect hand teasing her to get even more friction.   

"Az..." she gasped. Words escaped her. She was a bundle of sensation. Of need.

Azriel continued to stroke her as he watched her reaction. His eyes were dark and focused on her face as his fingers entered her core. 

"Fuck, Thea, you feel so good. So fucking warm," Azriel said, his tone a mixture of darkness and wonder.

She cried out at the pleasure. It was all too much and not enough at the same time. She undulated her hips as she tried to get even more pleasure from his hand in her, on her.

"Greedy, take what you need," Azriel urged as his fingers penetrated her faster, harder, deeper. 

Her hips moved wildly to meet every thrust of his fingers as the heel of Azriel's hand pressed roughly into her clit. It did not take long for her to come. Perhaps it was the bond. Perhaps it was her pining for so long. But the orgasm came quickly and fiercely, weakening Thea's legs to jelly. She gasped and screamed her release as she clung to him. 

"Az!" she cried as the waves of pleasure cascaded all around her. She lost all sense of time and space, and all she felt was Azriel's body and shadows holding her up, almost as though she was floating. 

"Gorgeous, even more gorgeous than I imagined," Azriel said, his tone laced with a bit of awe.

That Azriel had imagined Thea in the throws of passion was such a turn on. She wanted more. She wanted him inside her, fucking her hard and fast.

But they needed to talk.

"I need...I need to tell you something," she said, breathless, as she came down from her orgasm.

His shadows wrapped around her wrists and legs, pinning her to the wall. She could not move. Desire flooded her again. All her fantasizing. All her wishing. It was finally here. Finally real.

And it was all wrong because he didn't know they were mates. He needed to know before they did anything else. 

"Stop!" she said reluctantly. It killed her to say it.

Azriel's face changed to one of horror. The shadows released her as he stepped back, creating distance. She could feel him change before her. He became ice - cold, empty, impenetrable. Gone was the wild and passionate male who had been so warm - hot even - under her palms.  

"I apologize. You've changed your mind," Azriel said, as though he should have expected this reaction.

"What?" she said, confused and still weak from her orgasm. She leaned against the wall. She just needed to catch her breath, and then she could talk.

"I'm sorry," he said without looking at her. And with that, he disappeared into another shadow winnow.

Thea screamed.

He fucking left! He didn't even give her a chance to explain. To speak! She had just experienced what was perhaps the best orgasm of her life, and she just needed to catch her fucking breath and tell him some critical information before they did anything else. And he fucking leaves?! After nearly half a century of waiting and hoping he would touch her again. Fuck! Sanity in shreds, she lost all sense of reason. Her mind was in free fall as her compartmentalizations were...nonexistent. Part of her wanted to fuck Azriel's brains out. And the other part wanted to beat the shit out of him for leaving her without letting her even speak. And all of her was incredibly pissed off. 

She needed to talk to Azriel. No, she needed to punch his beautiful perfect face for leaving her without letting her say anything.

Rhysand! She reached out to the High Lord for help.

A few moments later, Rhysand appeared. He wore a curious expression as he examined the Healer. "Thea, usually you're so calm, that was a loud shout."

Thea lowered her mental walls and showed the High Lord what happened. The bond. The kissing. Azriel's leaving.

Rhysand's eyes widened, surprised. "Oh shit."

"Where is he?" Thea barked. In hindsight, it was not wise to speak to the High Lord in such a manner. But Thea's mind was not her own.

Rhysand held up his hands in a defensive posture. "I'll take you to him, but be gentle, you are positively feral," he warned.

They winnowed to the House of Wind's training ground where Azriel was beating the shit out of the training dummy. Cassian watched from the side, a bewildered expression on his face. 

Thea charged up to Azriel. "You bastard!" she screamed, pushing Azriel away from the dummy.

"That's not a good idea when he's in this state," Cassian warned, concerned.

"Stay the fuck out of this, Cassian!" Thea snarled.

Cassian's eyes widened with surprise as he had never heard her speak so harshly.

Azriel looked resign, but did not touch Thea. She pushed him again.

"You left me, you just left!" she screamed.

No emotion. No response. Ice. His eyes were distant as he looked to the ground. It was like his mind was somewhere else as his body endured this confrontation. A coping mechanism. After centuries of hardship, Thea should have known he knew how to endure anything, block everything out.

That cooled her fury. She did not want him to block her out. She inhaled and exhaled a few times, calming down - marginally.

"Look at me," Thea commanded.

Azriel did, reluctantly. But his gaze was still distant.

"You didn't let me explain. I told you to stop, but not because I didn't want you. I told you to stop because we needed to talk," she said, her voice firm, the frustration simmering under the surface.

His eyes widened with understanding and surprise. "I didn't...force you..."

"Of course not," she said dismissively at the absurd notion. She had wanted everything they had done. She wanted more.

Azriel sighed in relief. "Then what was wrong?" he asked, curious.

Thea struggled to find the words. Rhysand and Cassian were now no where to be seen, offering them a semblance of privacy.

"I didn't want to tell you at first. I'm still reluctant to. But things were moving so fast just now. And if you found out later..." she shivered. If the roles were reversed, she would want to know about the mating bond before they went any further. It was only right.

Azriel looked at her quizzically. "What are you talking about?"

"Do you feel it? At all?" Thea asked quietly. Perhaps it was too much to hope that he felt even a sliver of what she did.

"Feel what?"

She was going to fuck this up again. Once he knew, he was going to leave. That was their pattern.

"Feel what?" Azriel pressed, stepping closer to her.

She surfaced the threads of the bond within herself, envision them extending to Azriel, wrapped her mind around it, and tugged - hard.

Azriel's body lurched forward. His eyes widened. Realization. "You?" he said softly. He was surprised.

Thea didn't say anything for a long moment. Neither of them did. But finally the silence was too much for her.

"I know I'm not the one you want. I know that must be disappointing. But I didn't want us to fuck without both of us knowing. I'm not interested in...trapping you into something you don't want," she said quickly. 

Azriel looked at her thoughtfully. He stepped closer to her. "Who's to say I don't want this?"

Thea rolled her eyes. "You're in love with Mor. You have been for 500 years. Mating bond or not, that doesn't just go away. Nor should it," Thea said bluntly.

Azriel nearly flinched at the forthrightness of her words. They had never talked about Mor. But now everything was on the table. They stood there on the training grounds for minutes in silence.

Finally Azriel spoke. "I didn't know. The males are supposed to know first."

Thea smirked. "Like I said, you've been a little emotionally preoccupied," she replied dryly.

Azriel chuckled lightly. "But I've always felt connected to you. Since we first met. You've always been...important."

"Same."

"When did you know?"

"When you came back from Hybern. Before I knew what was wrong, I felt a pang in my chest. And when I saw you with that arrow through yours, I knew. I would do anything to save you. And I would destroy anything that hurt you," she said passionately.

Azriel's lips curved into a small, almost bashful smile. "I need to think about things. Thank you for telling me. I'm sorry I didn't realize it sooner. I'm sorry I left without talking."

"It's okay."

Azriel closed the distance between them. He brushed his fingertips from Thea's forehead down her temple and around her jaw. It was a delicate and soft gesture. "I'm not disappointed," he said.

Thea scoffed, disbelieving, but Azriel placed his fingers under her chin to tilt her head up to meet his gaze. He was focused, inquisitive, and serious. There was no more ice. 

"I'm not disappointed. I'm honored. We'll speak soon?" Azriel said, his question more of a statement.

Thea nodded.

Author's Note: Alright folks, it's getting serious between the two heroes. Appreciate you reading my work and thanks for the kudos and feedback. I decided to post this early and made this a long chapter since I live in the U.S., and we have a long weekend ahead of us, so this will be the only chapter posted for this weekend. Also note that I think the whole story will be 10 long chapters like this. I originally mapped out 9 but I think 10 is where it'll land at the end. Thank you for reading!  

Azriel entered what remained of the Healer's Hall from the entrance. The throngs of people shuffling about parted as he strode to Thea who, along with an apprentice, was tending to an Urisk.

"Hi," he said.

Every eye in the Hall was trained in him. They were all grateful to the Shadowsinger for protecting the city. And most were also deeply terrified of him.

"Hi," Thea said, not taking her eyes off her patient.

"When are you available?" he asked quietly. It had been a couple weeks since their conversation at the training grounds, and they had intentionally not spoken since.

"After I'm done here," she said, finally looking at him and offering a small smile.

He nodded and watched her attentively.

"Lilian, what do you see?" Thea asked the apprentice.

Lilian, a young High Fae female, glanced nervously at Azriel.

"No, not the Shadowsinger. On our patient," Thea said.

Lilian blushed and returned her attention to the Urisk. "Skin lesions on the neck," she said.

"Good. Potential causes?"

Lilian paused for a moment. "Contact with a poison and allergies are the most common reasons," Lilian responded.

"Treatments?"

"Poultice of herbs on the lesions for at least eight hours," Lilian said.

"Great. What are the next steps?"

"Ask the patient relevant questions. Identify potential causes. Then develop the poultice and apply," Lillian rattled off.

"Good. After you have identified potential causes, report to Beatrice to discuss the contents and ratios for the poultice," Thea said.

Lilian nodded. "Yes, Healer," she said.

Thea took off her apron, and briefed Beatrice for a quick moment. Beatrice eyed Azriel, intimidation and intrigue evident.

"I'm done with my shift. Shall we?" Thea asked Azriel, leading him towards the residential area of the Healer's Hall where her room was located.

Azriel nodded and followed.

"So no patio entrance today I see," Thea lightly teased.

The time apart had been a good thing for the two of them. It allowed Thea to settle into the mating bond. She felt more like herself now and less like a bundle of arousal and desire. Marginally.

"Well, I wasn't an emotional wreck and the world isn't ending to my knowledge, so I figured I'd come in the normal way," he said, the self deprecation clear. 

Thea chuckled at the dry, slightly dark humor she enjoyed so thoroughly.

Once they were in her room, Azriel straddled a chair at her small table to give his wings some room.

"You were good in there. Teaching," Azriel praised.

"Thanks, I should hope so. I've been teaching apprentices for over a hundred years," Thea said dryly, matching Azriel's earlier humor.

Azriel smirked. "Fair."

"So, how are you?"

"We got Feyre back," Azriel said, his eyes shining with excitement.

Thea's clapped. "Amazing! How?"

Azriel regaled her with the fight on the ice. No, he and Cassian were not injured. Yes, Feyre revealed she's High Lady. "She brought someone with her - Lucien."

"Who is that?" Thea asked. 

"Lucien was sort of the spy for the Spring Court. And he is mated to Feyre's sister," Azriel explained. 

"Nesta?"

"No, Elaine."

"Oh, thank goodness," Thea sighed with relief. 

Azriel raised an eyebrow. "You see it too?"

"Of course. Cassian is enamored with Nesta," Thea said. She had only seen it towards the end of her extended stay at the House of Wind once Cassian was able to be moved there from the townhouse. He and Nesta verbally sparred in a way she had never seen before.

Azriel gave a curt nod.

"We also learned that Tamlin had locked Feyre in the house when they had been together," Azriel said, his tone grim, cold, and deadly.

"Oh shit," Thea whispered.

"And Rhys...he talked about how he felt her terror through the mating bond," Azriel said carefully.

Thea had a feeling she knew where this conversation was going. "Ah," she said, noncommittally.

"What do you feel through it?" Azriel asked quietly.

"You were excited earlier today. I assume that's when the fight happened," she said.

"That's it?"

"Before, when you woke up from your injuries and were angry about Cassian shielding you, I knew exactly what you felt," Thea said.

Azriel nodded. "That you did. So it's only when I feel something sharply?"

Thea paused before answering. "No."

Azriel was silent for a long moment, his face seemingly blank. But there was a storm behind his eyes, and his posture was stiff.

"We don't have to talk about this if you're not comfortable," Thea said. 

Azriel shook his head. "No, I'm asking. What do you feel?"

Thea inhaled and exhaled deeply. "Your darkness. Your self-loathing. Your pain. Your loyalty, your love, your kindness. Your desire to always be better. Az, I feel...everything."

Another long silence. If Thea was not used to holding silences after years of waiting for patients to answer questions honestly, she may have felt a need to fill it with more talking. But her experience kicked in, and she waited for him.

"No one knows all of it. Not even Mor, Cassian, Rhys. Aren't your frightened by it?" Azriel asked, almost accusingly. 

Thea shook her head. "No, I'm not frightened."

"It will consume you," Azriel warned darkly. Like it consumed him, was what was unsaid.

Thea looked at him unflinchingly. "It's multifaceted. Prismatic, if you will. I'll feel the darkness and then it'll turn into how much you love Mor and then turn into how sad you are about her and then turn into how annoyed you are with Cassian. Sort of like a river of emotions. And so, no, I don't think it's overwhelming. I can handle it."

Azriel looked at Thea uneasily. "You can feel what I feel for Mor?"

Thea sighed. "Yes, it's very complicated." And admittedly, not something Thea particularly enjoyed feeling. The jealousy she had felt towards Mor had scabbed over to a numbness during the last century. But that was before the bond. Now she could sense the depth and intensity of his feelings for Mor, and it felt so raw again.

Azriel chuckled darkly as he stood up from the chair and walked closer to Thea. "Can you tell what I feel for you?" he asked softly.

Thea swallowed hard. He was so close now. "Yes. You feel happy about me. You admire me. You desire me." Thea blushed as she said these statements she knew were true. They felt like a salve over that rawness she had felt earlier.

"I told you I wasn't disappointed," Azriel said, an arrogant lilt in his voice. 

She nodded, looking away. "I believe you."

There was a long silence where she looked anywhere but at him as she struggled to sift through his feelings through the bond as well as her own.

He tugged on the bond, the pull drawing her eyes to his.

"I don't feel your emotions very strongly yet. I have a general sense, but it doesn't feel like the river you described. Maybe a small delicate stream?" Azriel said.

Thea chuckled, unsurprised given the bond had not snapped for him.

"I want to explore what's between us. Do you?" Azriel asked softly.

She hesitated. "Az, we've known each other for so long. And we already had...a false start forty-five years ago. I don't want that again. I went feral just from one orgasm, can you imagine what will happen if we fucked?"

Azriel smirked, his face turning wolfish. "I can. I'm pretty excited about the prospect," he said, brushing her hair away from her face.

Goosebumps sprang up on her arms from that small contact. She already wanted more. She was in so much trouble with this male, her mate.

"Me too," she confessed.

"But?" he asked, watching her expression become more uncertain.

"But I want all of you, Az. That includes your heart," Thea said.

Azriel sighed. "All of me is..." he shook his head a bit in disgust at the thought of himself.

"I can already feel you. I know what I'm getting myself into. You won't scare me away," Thea assured.

Especially when he was nearby, Thea could feel the deep loneliness, the self-loathing, the desire to disappear or freeze over and become unfeeling. But she also knew he wrapped himself in that icy exterior to protect himself. He was a sensitive soul. He felt things deeply. He loved deeply.

Azriel searched Thea's eyes for any hesitation but found none. "About Mor, she's important to me," he started.

Thea nodded. "I never want her level of importance to diminish in your heart. But I don't think I'll survive if you're completely in love with her and fucking me. I have to protect myself from that level of heartbreak," she said.

Azriel thought about what Thea said and nodded. "That makes complete sense," he said.

Thea smiled sadly. "Maybe we'll never accept the mating bond. That's okay. Or maybe it'll be another one hundred and fifty years."

Azriel looked at her quizzically. "You would wait for me? Why?"

"You're worth it," she said simply. She sent a surge of her feelings across the mating bond. She wanted him to have a sense of how she felt.

His eyes widened as he pulled her close. "How did I get so lucky?"

Thea smiled, knowing his feelings were genuine.

"So, can we still kiss?" he asked.

"Yes, I would like that. But no orgasms," she warned.

Azriel pouted, actually pouted. "But you looked so beautiful the last time," he whined.

She realized he was a bit whiny when he was aroused and not getting his way.

"Remember the whole feral thing?"

"It's because I left. I'm sorry about that. But I'll stay this time, every time. And if you want, I can take you to my place and restrain you so you're not a menace," he suggested, his voice turning impossibly seductive.

Thea's arousal overwhelmed her capacity to think. "Not today. I need to think about what boundaries I want to set around you," she said.

"Okay," Azriel said before sweeping her mouth into a kiss.

Thea and Azriel strolled down the streets of Velaris on a starlit night. It was their first actual date, and Azriel had picked Thea up at the Healer's Hall to get dessert after the first family dinner with Nesta present.

"Any progress with the human courts?" Thea asked, after Azriel recapped the awkward dinner.

Azriel frowned.

"Ah, say no more," Thea said understandingly. 

Azriel looked at her appreciatively. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "But here's something interesting...Feyre wants to learn how to fly," he said. 

"Really?" Thea asked as she tucked her arm behind Azriel's back below his wings. 

"She can shapeshift," he whispered into Thea's ear. 

"That's incredible."

"I'm going to teach her. I learned later in life, so I think I'll be best at it," Azriel assessed.

"Instructor Azriel. That sounds so cute," Thea teased.

Azriel looked at her quizzically. "Cute? I don't think that word has ever been used to describe me."

She looked at the handsome male, his hazel eyes glinting with seduction. During this date, they had agreed to talk about boundaries. While Thea was enjoying the current conversation, she knew Azriel was eager to discuss more...delicate topics.

"No, I suppose not," she said, her voice husky. "Shall we get some cake? Sop up that wine you drank at dinner?"

Azriel smirked. "Yes, good idea."

"Azriel! Thea!" Feyre called out. The High Lady waved them over to the bridge crossing the river.

Thea waved back and the two went to greet Feyre and Rhysand. 

"Hello, High Lady. It's lovely to see you, welcome back," Thea said kindly. She had not seen the High Lady since her return to the Night Court.

Feyre's eyes were sparkling. "So much happened in the month I was gone! When I heard about your mating bond, I was so excited. Azriel's the best of them," Feyre said, baiting her mate.

Rhysand scoffed as Azriel looked embarrassed.

"I wholeheartedly agree," Thea said, giving Azriel's waist a small squeeze of assurance.

"I'm standing right here," Rhysand grumbled.

Feyre and Thea chuckled.

"We were going to get some cake. Join us?" Thea asked.

She felt a quiver of annoyance through the bond. Azriel did not want them to join. 

"Oh, thank you, but we're going to head home," Feyre said, her eyes glistening with anticipation.

"Ah, of course," Thea said knowingly.

"But I would love to spend time with you. Learn more about you. Maybe you can come to the next family dinner?"

Thea wanted to accept but hesitated. She glanced at Azriel who looked uneasy. She realized he hadn't told Mor yet.

"Once Mor knows, absolutely."

Feyre's eyes flickered with understanding. "Of course. Well, I look forward to it!" Feyre gave Thea a big hug before walking off with her mate back to the townhouse. 

Thea and Azriel turned around and walked in silence to the late night cafe. It had thankfully been spared in Hybern's attack. "Does Cassian know? Ameren?"

"I think Cassian suspects something after our fight at the training ground," Azriel said. "It's not like I don't want to tell them. But there's been a lot happening. We're likely weeks away from war. We're trying to assemble all of the High Lords. I'm trying to manage the network..."

"Az, don't worry about it. I understand. It's not like I've told Madja or Beatrice," Thea said. 

Azriel nodded, embarrassed he had been rambling.

"So, here's the important question. Chocolate cake? Or Strawberry cream? I've narrowed the options. You pick," Thea said.

"Chocolate."

"Oh, no hesitation, I like that," Thea flirted. She placed their order at the counter.

Azriel led them to a secluded table in the back to wait for the arrival of their dessert.

"So...have you thought about our last conversation? About...boundaries?" he asked.

Thea nodded. "I've thought of little else," she admitted.

Azriel smirked. "It's been dominating my thoughts too," he said.

A waitress came to their table to deliver the large slice of cake. She gave a wink to Azriel, which made Thea growl. The waitress' eyes widened, and she hurried away.

Azriel chuckled. "And people think I'm terrifying," he joked.

Thea continued to glare daggers at the waitress, her body warm with quiet rage. How dare some stranger flirt with Azriel right in front of her. It was clear they were on a date. They ordered one cake with two forks for fuck's sake. It was so shameless...

"Hey, come back," Azriel said, his voice stern.

Thea's eyes snapped back to Azriel. She inhaled. "Sorry," she said.

Azriel shrugged, a bit bashful. "It's flattering, I admit. Your possessiveness."

Thea catalogued that for later. Perhaps because he had felt chronically unwanted by Mor, the fact that he knew without a doubt that Thea wanted him was a heady feeling.

"So...boundaries...I've thought of some," Thea said, reverting to their original conversation.

"I'm listening."

"No fucking," Thea said.

If they had sex, it would essentially mean accepting the mating bond. And Thea didn't want to do that unless there was love as well. While Thea did not expect Azriel to stop loving Mor anytime soon, she had decided she needed him to love her too - at least a bit.

"Be more specific," Azriel said softly, his hazel eyes never leaving hers.

Thea gulped. "Your penis doesn't enter anywhere below my waist," she said, getting specific.

Azriel's eyes darted to Thea's mouth. He licked his lips. "Of course," he agreed easily. "What about my mouth? Where can it go?"

"Anywhere," Thea said. She was getting warm with this conversation.

"And my hands?"

"Anywhere."

"And my shadows?"

Thea mulled this over. "Anywhere except orifices," she said.

Azriel smiled wickedly. "Okay, I'm clear."

"What about you? What are your boundaries?"

Azriel thought it over. "With prior people, I didn't get touched that much. They were usually...restrained," he said.

Thea swallowed, the image of her restrained on a bed with Azriel over her naked body flooded her mind, making her wet. "Would you be comfortable being touched?"

"By you? I think so," he said carefully. "But not my wings. And not my hands."

Thea nodded. "Have you ever been the submissive?" she asked.

Azriel arched an eyebrow. "Rarely."

"Do you think you'd like to try it?" She remembered the time they flirted where she talked about him getting on his knees. He seemed to have liked that idea.

Azriel's gaze was cautious and alert. "Eventually, perhaps," he replied.

Thea nodded in understanding. "Okay, I'm clear. Shall we go play?" she asked, her voice husky, the chocolate cake forgotten.

Azriel nodded. He quickly pulled her out of her seat and through the exit of the restaurant. He shadow winnowed them to the inside of a small apartment. They were still in Velaris.

"Is this your place?"

"Yes, when I need a place to get away," Azriel said.

A place that was quiet. And fully his. Thea walked around. They were standing in a cozy living room, and to the right was a small kitchen and dining table in an open air concept. There was a hallway with two bedrooms and a bathroom.

Azriel opened a door on the right side of the hallway, offering her entrance.

It was a large bedroom, dimly lit, with a wide bed, a few contraptions, and a walk-in closet with built in drawers. She looked at him for permission to snoop around, and he nodded. She pulled at the top drawer where she found various blindfolds, gags, collars, and restraints - cuffs, soft rope, chains. The next drawer had whips, flogs, and paddles. The third drawer had dildos to insert into the vagina or anus. She took a more careful scan of the bedroom itself. The four-poster bed looked sturdy with many different ways to restrain someone on it. There were also hooks hanging from the ceiling of the room so someone could be restrained standing up with a partner able to walk all around them. There were hooks on the floor to restrain someone in a kneeling position. And there were hooks against a wall. There was also a pile of differently shaped pillows and cushions.

"Do you have experience with any of this?" Azriel asked, watching her carefully. 

"I've dabbled with past lovers. It was enjoyable," Thea said. Nothing she'd seen in this room scared her, but there was a lot of new ideas that raced across her mind as she thought through all the different things that could be done with the set up Azriel had.

Azriel's nose flared as he smelled her arousal. "Pick out what you'd like to use," he said. "I'm happy to answer questions."

Thea's gaze lifted to the ceiling hooks.

Azriel chuckled. "No...not the first time," he said.

Thea pouted, her curiosity only increasing.

"Let's ease into things the first time," Azriel advised.

"I want to be restrained, no gag," Thea said. She wanted to have the ability to speak.

"Hands only? Hands and feet?"

"Whatever you want," Thea said.

Desire, which Azriel had been doing an admirable job containing as she explored his play room, rolled off of him in waves. His shadows gathered around him.

Thea stepped into them as she touched his clothed chest with her hands. "Use the shadows too. Like you did before," she said.

"Blindfold?"

"Sure."

"What about pain?" he asked.

"I've liked rough sex in the past. Spanking. Hair pulling. But I've never been flogged or whipped," she said.

He nodded slowly as he mulled over her experience while his shadows swirled around. He had yet to reach for her. To touch her.

"Do you usually not touch the females with your hands?" she asked delicately. She noticed the plethora of toys available in addition to his shadows, all of which could lead a female to orgasm without him ever actually laying his scarred hands on her.

"Usually not," he admitted.

"You used your hands on me the other day," she said, biting her lip at the memory of how quickly and fiercely she had orgasmed under his ministrations.

"I hadn't been thinking at the time. And technically, all it took was a couple fingers," he said dryly.

Thea laughed and rolled her eyes. Azriel chuckled at her reaction. She stepped closer to him, looking at his hands at his sides. "But in all seriousness, would you touch me with your hands? I'd like that," she said. The fingers on her right hand hovered over the rippled flesh on his left, but as he requested, she didn't touch his hand.

Azriel swallowed hard as he watched their hands. "I have toys that are smoother, softer," he offered.

Thea shook her head. "Nothing will be better than you touching me," she said honestly.  

Azriel's breathing became heavier. "I'll use my hands," he whispered.

The promise hung in the air.

"You need a safe word. Say it when you want me to stop. I won't stop otherwise," he said.

His hazel eyes focused almost too attentively on her. It was a bit overwhelming. Thea said the first thing that came to mind. "Apples."

He scoffed. "Never looking at apples the same again," he muttered.

She chuckled.

"Shall we begin?" he asked.

"Yes, please," she said.

He groaned at her demure response, leaning towards her body without even realizing. He quickly righted himself and with a flick of his wrist, his shadows swarmed around Thea and carried her towards the bed. She became weightless for a moment before the shadows placed her down on the bed, wrapping around her wrists and ankles to restrain her against the firm mattress.

"Oh woah," she said, surprised by the magic. Surprised, and excited.

Thea craned her head around the room, but Azriel had disappeared. Fear rose in her stomach. Did he just leave her here?

"Az?" she called out tentatively.

"Yes?" he responded, emerging from the walk in closet carrying a silken blindfold and set of leather cuffs in his hands.

Thea gulped, drinking in the sight of him. She had seen him in various stages of nakedness countless times, but that had always been in a clinical fashion. And when her mind would wander inappropriately as her eyes lingered too long, she would scold herself. It was a pattern - to look at Azriel, to get pissed at herself for ogling him, and then to look away and focus on healing him.

But now, he was just standing there. No shirt. Biceps and pectoral muscles flexing as he played with the blindfold. Swirling tattoos marking his warrior status wrapped around his arms, shoulders, and upper chest. Well-defined abdominal muscles moving as he inhaled and exhaled. Loose linen pants slung so low on his hips that much of his pelvis was on display. A large bulge slightly bouncing under his pants as he walked. 

And Thea stared openly, hungrily. Her heart pounded in her chest and her mouth watered as Azriel walked over to the bed. She swallowed hard.

"You okay?" he asked, his eyes tracing slowly up and down her restrained body. 

"I thought you left."

His eyes met hers, troubled. "I would never leave you tied up."

"I know. It was irrational," Thea said, embarrassed. "Should I play a role?" she asked, changing topics.

Azriel's eyebrows furrowed at the question, gathering bits of intelligence about Thea. Yes, she had played sexual games before. Yes, she enjoyed rough sex. Yes, she had done roleplaying before.

"No. I want to experience you," Azriel said. 

She bit her lips, and Azriel's gaze honed in on her mouth. "Same," she said. Heat swirled between them, ebbing and flowing along the mating bond as Azriel's shadows gathered, darkening the room. This was really happening. 

"Ready for the blindfold?" Azriel asked, his voice gravelly.

"No. Let me stare at you for a bit longer," Thea said. Her eyes raked across every visible morsel of his body, and the ache between her legs deepened. She wanted to touch him, everywhere, desperately. Why did she request restraints and a blindfold? A fool's agreement. 

Azriel smirked at her clear objectification of him. He returned the hungry look. "Ready now?" he asked, his posture taut.

"Yes."

With that one word the blindfold slipped over her eyes and her world became dark. But also vibrant. She paid more attention to Azriel's breath, the dips and movements on the bed, any rustling sound.

Azriel's fingers toyed with the straps of her dress. "How much do you like this dress?" he asked, his voice low. She could feel he was holding himself back from ripping it off her.

"I like it. The color reminds me of you," Thea said. It was a simple knee length cotton dress with thin straps. But it was blue - specifically cobalt blue. 

Azriel stopped breathing for a moment. And then his lips were on hers hungrily. Appreciatively. She responded to his kiss, opening her mouth to allow his tongue inside. They kissed thoroughly for what must have been minutes. Azriel would move to her neck, her jaw, just for a few breaths before kissing her lips again. It was as though he had been starving and her lips were the feast.

"I'll be gentle with the dress," he murmured. He felt proud that she had worn the color even if he hadn't realized the intentionality before.

She sighed with affection as his lips bushed against her ear and down the column of her neck.

He unbuttoned the back of the dress delicately and undid one of the shadow restraints to slide the strap down her arm. She felt the cool and smooth leather cuff wrap around her free wrist. She seized the opening to touch his neck, her hand tracing down his shoulder and pecs. His skin was cool but quickly warmed as she touched him.

Azriel groaned and laced the cuffs behind the bars of the bed. "Naughty," he scolded lightly.

Now her arm was above her head as Azriel slid the other strap of her dress off. With the free hand she continued to touch his shoulder, his bicep, his forearm. He grabbed it firmly and cuffed it as well with a grunt.

She giggled mischievously as she tested the cuffs. They would hold. She was well and truly restrained with her arms above her head.

"I see how this is going," he said dryly, the amusement clear in his voice. 

"It's your fault. You're gorgeous. How could I not want to touch you?" she teased as she rattled the cuffs a bit in an effort to reach for him.

Azriel chuckled.

There was a long silence where Thea tried to hear what Azriel was doing, but he was still. "What's going on?" she asked.

"You look good," he said, his voice thick. Suddenly the dress was quickly pulled down her breasts and her hips until she was naked except for her underwear.  

"Shit," she said, breathless. She had not expected the dress to go so quickly.

"This is even better," Azriel said, pleased. He gathered her underwear in his hands and dragged them down her hips as well.

Thea's heart pounded. She was naked. She had just been teasing him, but now her voice was caught in her throat. She was so exposed.

"This...this is the best," Azriel assessed. Suddenly he was on top of her, his weight pressing her into the mattress. He kissed her on the lips greedily before dragging his mouth down to a breast. He swirled her areola in his mouth and sucked her nipple - hard.

"Fuck!" she cried out, bucking up against his body.   

Azriel fed off her reactions. His mouth went to the other breast and did the same thing as a rough hand teased the first. The sensations overwhelmed Thea. Every place Azriel made contact with her body felt like a frayed raw nerve, and all of it zinged down to the apex of her thighs. She arched her back as she attempted to grind her hips against his quite prominent erection. But Azriel slid off of her, instead going to her side and wrapping an arm under her back. His knees slid under her back as well so much of her torso was off of the bed. His free hand stroked down her chest, her stomach, her pelvis, and landed on her clit. He rubbed gently.

Thea whimpered and bucked again. It was like she was his own personal zither, and he was playing her in an expert fashion. 

"You're so beautiful," he said, his tone full of fascination.

She felt shadow tendrils wrap around her ankles and secure her feet firmly to the mattress. And then his mouth was once again on her breast as his fingers stroked her clit, her folds, and teased her entrance.

"Az..." she cried out, flailing against her restraints as he held her against him. Her mind was fracturing. All she could focus on was how badly she wanted his fingers inside of her.

"Use your words," he commanded calmly.

She inhaled, trying to catch her breath. But it was impossible. Between his fingers and lips skillfully playing with her body and the mating bond pulsating his excitement and desire to her, Thea was all feeling. No logic.

"I'm waiting," he teased.

"Fuck me with your fingers," Thea managed to grit out. Her voice was raw and demanding. She did not even recognize it. 

"There you are. So beautiful, so wild," Azriel said, pleased.

He inserted two fingers inside her wet entrance, and she screamed. She lost all sense of propriety as she cursed loudly and urged him to pump his fingers faster, harder. Her toes curled and her back arched high as her orgasm approached.

And then he was gone. His fingers were out of her body. Her back no longer rested against his thighs. He had disappeared.

She screamed with frustration. "Az! What the fuck? I need to come!" She writhed around on the bed to try to get some friction between her legs, but the shadow restraints prevented that.

"Oh I know," he said confidently. He sounded like he was off the bed.

"Bastard!" she cried. What the fuck was he doing? Who the fuck did he think he was?

She felt him kneel on the bed, his mouth close to her ear but not touching it. "I control when you get your orgasms. They belong to me," he said. The possessiveness she felt through the bond only made her want him more. But she was also raging mad.

"Arrogant fucking bastard," she snarled.

His hand came down on the side of her hip, hard. He had spanked her. It only made her angrier. And more aroused.

"You have the foulest mouth when you're feral," Azriel observed. "All that clinical professionalism just falls to the wayside. And what's left is pure need."

Azriel rubbed her clit, and her body arched up to meet his fingers. She did not dare speak out of concern he would just continue to tease her.

"You know, the mating bond is handy. I'm learning to feel when you're about to come and can just...stop," Azriel said, removing his fingers from her clit.

She screamed. "I fucking hate you!"

Azriel chuckled, knowing that was simply untrue. "Use the safe word, and I'll stop this. And I'll still bring you to completion after if you like."

As frustrated as she was, she was not ready to stop playing. She wanted to experience more with Azriel. "What's the alternative?"

"Let me into that beautiful mind of yours. Let me earn your submission," Azriel said.

Thea licked her lips. "I want to continue," she said, her body so sensitive.

Azriel stroked down her arm gently. "Okay. What's the name of your former lover, the one who accused you of being a witch?"

Oh, so this was going to be an interrogation now? "No, you're not going to hurt him or kill him," Thea responded.

Azriel grabbed a fistful of hair at the base of Thea's skull and pulled firmly. Thea moaned. 

"You protect him? From your mate?" he asked, his tone icy but his lips against her ear were warm.

"Protect is not the right word," Thea said.  

"Do you still love him?" Azriel snarled. Thea could feel an undercurrent of fear course through the mating bond. Azriel was worried.

"Of course not. But you will not hurt him or anyone else involved with my leaving. I won't allow it. It was my choice. And I've moved on. I found you after all," she said. 

He gasped in surprised. He released his grip on her hair and cradled her head as kissed her passionately.

"I swear I won't hurt him or kill him. I just want to observe. Maybe scare him, just a little," Azriel said, his tone a bit sinister.

Thea chuckled. She mulled it over for a moment. "Damien."

Azriel grunted in approval. "Good girl," he said. He positioned his body above her and swirled his tongue around a nipple and sucked.

"Gods, don't stop," Thea moaned as she arched into his mouth.

But he did stop. Fucking bastard.  

"When did you first desire me?" Azriel asked. He was still hovering above her, and she desperately wanted to touch him. She pulled at the restraints. 

"Az...you are not being fair," Thea argued, breathless. She was strung so taut.

"You're right. I'm not. When did you first desire me?"

Thea grunted with frustration. "When I first saw you," she said. 

"Why?"

"You figured out I worked on Peregryns before I mentioned I was from Dawn Court. I liked that you were observant and smart," Thea shared.

There was a pause, and Azriel's voice turned a bit mischievous. "So it wasn't because I'm better looking than Cassian?"

He was enjoying this too much. "I actually think Cassian is better looking," Thea retorted.

He lifted up her thigh and spanked part of her ass and the side of her hip. The impact was loud and the sensation stinging. Thea moaned and writhed.

"Is that so?" Azriel said, his voice dangerously low.

She nodded. It was the truth. Cassian's more rugged good looks had been what Thea usually found attractive.

"Then why didn't you fuck him? He's offered countless times."

She hesitated. "You know why," she said softly, the conversation suddenly turning serious.

"Say it," Azriel demanded as he massaged where he had spanked her.

"He's not you. Doesn't matter what he looks like. I wasn't going to fuck him when I wanted you," she confessed.

"You still fucked that artist in the Rainbow and the deputy of Trade," Azriel pointed out.

She tilted her head. Those had been her two casual lovers during the forty-five years Azriel and Thea had not been talking. "Keeping tabs on me?"

"Of course. You were doing the same, weren't you?"

"No. I was doing patient intakes. People know I heal you and Cassian. They like to brag about fucking you. I hated hearing about it each time," she gritted out.

"Jealous?"

"Absolutely."

He chuckled, pleased.

"My point still stands. You fucked others, why not Cass?" Azriel pressed.

"Isn't it obvious?" Thea asked. 

"Tell me."

Thea sighed. "Mor chose Cassian over you. When I learned that, I knew I would never risk you thinking I did that too," she admitted. 

She could feel his deep satisfaction through the bond. Mor was theirs - his and Cassian's. But Thea was his. Only his.

He moved to kneel on the bed and tilted her hips as he buried his face in her folds. He licked, kissed, sucked. "Oh gods, Az..." she moaned as she attempted to writhe against his mouth. He inserted two fingers into her, and she screamed. She was not sure how long he plunged his fingers in and out of her as he kissed, licked, and nipped her most sensitive area. But her orgasm began to mount again.

"So gorgeous, so fucking delicious," he muttered as he gave her folds another long lick.

And then he was gone.

"No, no you fucking bastard! Finish it!" she screamed. She twisted and turned on the bed, pulling at the cuffs. She would break the fucking bed if it meant finding Azriel and shoving his face between her legs to finish his damn job. She knew he wanted to make her orgasm, she could feel it so clearly through the bond. But he also loved this game and seeing how far he could push her.

Azriel laughed, a dark edge to his tone. "Do you touch yourself enough? You're wound so tight," he teased. She could tell he was now to her right.

She snarled.

"When you touch yourself, do you think of me?" he asked. She could hear him wiping his mouth of her wetness.  

"What do you think, bastard?" she growled. She was so pissed at him. 

He released the shadow restraints on her ankles and flipped her over on the bed such that her ass was now up in the air. He spanked her soundly on her ass.

She gasped with surprise in this change of position as well as the impact of his hand. She could feel her wetness slide down her inner thigh. 

"Answer."

"Yes," she said.

"What do you think about? Be specific," he demanded, rubbing where he had spanked her. 

"Being here, you fucking me here," she admitted.

"You'd wish you were those other females," Azriel said, his hand on her ass becoming a bit cold.

"Az..." she said, her tone a warning. She did not want to talk about other females right now.

"You would think about why them. Why would I invite them here and not you? You'd think to yourself, what's wrong with me?" he pressed, his voice turning icy.

"Azriel, you're being an ass," she warned. She reached for him through the mating bond, but it was as though there was a wall around him. She could not feel anything from him.

He plunged his cold fingers inside her. "You'd think about what those other females had that you didn't. What did I see in them that I didn't see in you? Why weren't you worthy of coming here?"

He was being cruel now, and her body cooled.

"Azriel, stop. Where did you go?"

He ignored her. "What was wrong with you? What was wrong with this pussy that I didn't want it?" he snarled. 

Azriel pulled his fingers out of her and slapped her pussy. She gasped. While the act felt good, she still could not feel him through the bond. She was alone.

"Apples," she said.

Azriel immediately released her from the cuffs, and she removed the blindfold.

"I'm sorry, did I slap you too hard?" Azriel asked, his eyes alert and full of concern.

"No. But where did you go?" she asked. 

Azriel didn't try to deny it. "I slip into myself when...when I get cruel," he said.

Thea studied his face as she felt for the mating bond. It was back. He felt awkward and ashamed and aroused.

"If being cruel is what you want and need to be, I support you. I will experience it with you. But it has to be you. I won't expose the most intimate parts of myself to...a wall," she said.

He nodded with understanding. She straddled his lap and faced him, unwavering. He was still hard. And she was still so turned on.

"Try again. Just don't hide this time. Let me feel you through the bond," she said as she threaded her fingers through his hair.

He shook his head. "I don't know how to go that far without retreating inside myself. I said awful things to you."

There was a long pause where Thea gently stroked the sides of his neck.

"I understand that you'd need to retreat inside yourself for work. If you're interrogating someone or if Rhys commands you to torture someone. It's a defense mechanism. A version of compartmentalizing. But this...what we do here should be fun and intense and intimate. I want your cruelty, your darkness. But I don't want to be walled off from you when experiencing it. It felt too lonely. That was the scary part. This is a boundary for me."

He was thoughtful, unpacking what he had learned about her, and himself. "I understand. I'm sorry about what I said. I'm sorry I didn't give you a warning I could get like that. I just slipped into that place. But it's no excuse," he said.

She pressed her lips. "Did you enjoy doing that?"

"Enjoy?"

"Yeah. Like you enjoyed torturing the Attor. Did you like making me upset? Did you like pressing further when I asked you to stop?"

He thought it over. "I didn't really think about it as enjoyment. It's just what I do. I hurt people. Even when they beg me to stop. That's who I am. So I hurt you. It's fucked up. And I'm sorry," he said.

There was too much to unpack in that statement. And Thea was still incredibly aroused.

"New rule - I want you to enjoy our time together. If you aren't actively enjoying yourself, try something else. Practice having fun with me. Be as rough as you want, as cruel as you want, but be here with me and enjoy it. That's what I need to enjoy it too," Thea said.

"Okay."

She smiled wickedly. "Can we resume?" She ground herself against his hardness.

He hissed, gripping her hips to still them. His eyes were sharp, a warning. She tried to grind again.

He flipped her back onto the bed, but did not cuff or blindfold her. Thea moaned and arched her hips as he hovered over her.

"So hungry," he said smugly.

She savored the freedom to touch him. She tried to pull him closer to her.

"Is this what you wanted?" he asked, his clothed erection thrusting against her. The roughness of the fabric against her most sensitive flesh made her gasp with pleasure.

"Is it?" he teased. Another light press of his hardness against her, and then nothing.

"Bastard," she gritted out as she dragged her nails down his pecs.

He gasped. "Takes one to know one," he said dryly.

She chuckled. He had a point. She was one too.

He licked a column from her collarbone up her neck to her jaw. She mewled and tilted her hips, trying to get some friction.

"Az, please, more."

But he held her hips down with a hand. "Tell me a secret for another stroke."

"What kind of secret?"

"Anything."

"I think your voice is so sexy," Thea admitted.

Azriel rocked his hips a few times, and she greedily rose to meet them.

"Oh?" Azriel asked.

"It always starts a little gravelly because you are usually so quiet. And then it smooths out, gets deep. I like how often it sounds like you're holding back a secret or a quip when you speak. That restraint I hear, I want to unleash it."

He groaned, and she could feel through the bond how he delighted in her words. He ground against her, and Thea hooked her legs around his thighs to lock him in place.

"Fuck," he said, surprised.

She writhed against his erection. She knew she was being completely wanton. And she did not care. 

"So wild, so fucking good," he said, his voice in fact gravelly with desire. He continued to rock his erection against her as she undulated her hips.

She wrapped her arms around his neck. "Harder," she moaned. She would not last through another round. She was at the end of her rope. Her mind frayed with need.

"Beg."

She moaned as she clung to him, their hips working together to bring her ever closer. "I'm begging you. Please, Az. Please let me come." She felt no shame. He had wanted her submission, and he had it.

"Good girl, come for me," Azriel said, clearly pleased.

Her climax was hard and fast. She shouted with surprise at the force and intensity. Perhaps it was the bond. Or the game. But it rolled over her for what felt like minutes.

She clung to Azriel, and he held her against him. "Perfect, so perfect," he said softly, stroking her hair and pulling it back to kiss her lips tenderly as she came down from the high. She could feel his satisfaction at seeing her orgasm. His pride. But also his arousal.

"You need to come," Thea said, moving to get up off the bed.

"Easy, it's okay," Azriel said, kissing her cheek.

"I haven't even seen your cock yet," she realized. 

Azriel chuckled. "Eager?"

"Of course. You have the largest wingspan that I know of," she said.

Azriel smirked. It was a confident expression, which made it so sexy.

"Go brace yourself on the ceiling hooks," she said.

Intrigued, Azriel raised his eyebrows as he sauntered over to the hooks. He grabbed the chain of the restraints dangling down with one hand.

Thea scrambled off the bed and went to the pile of cushions to find the perfect one. She placed it in front of him and kneeled down. 

"Fuck," he whispered as he looked at her.

"I haven't even done anything yet," she teased, untying the drawstring of his pants.

"The sight of you...on your knees..." he didn't finish the sentence but swayed a bit, the ceiling hooks in fact bracing him.

"I look forward to the reverse someday," she said with a devilish smirk.

"Cauldron save me," he breathed. Thea could feel his arousal deepen.

"If this was all it took for you to swoon, I would have been on my knees a century ago," she flirted.

Azriel chuckled then groaned as his erection was freed from his pants.

Thea looked at his cock, her eyes wide. She swallowed, hard. "Well, this does not disappoint."

Azriel laughed heartily as he continued to brace against the chain. She could tell through the bond that he was so pleased and proud.

"I'm not going to fit this all in my mouth. My gag reflex is too sensitive. I'll need a couple decades of practice," Thea said, evaluating his impressive length and girth. 

Azriel laughed again. "Anything you do is going to be great," he assured her.

Thea licked her lips and kissed the tip of his cock. Azriel was not breathing. She then licked the underside of his cock from base to tip.

"Gods..." he muttered as he watched her, his eyes wide, his shadows encircling them.

"You mean goddess," she corrected.

He was about to chuckle, but she stole it away as she took him in her mouth as far as she could and sucked hard.

"Shit, Thea!" he gasped out.

She set a slow pace as she sucked and kissed him. She could feel his arousal become stronger, understanding what he meant when he said the bond helped him judge when she was closer to her own release but never over the edge. It was a powerful, heady feeling.

She changed to her hand, grabbing him in her fist and moving up and down his shaft while maintaining a tight grip. He moaned and almost lost his balance.

"Do you like being teased, Az?" she asked as she let go of his erection and watched his body bend with frustration. He groaned deeply, a sound she had never heard from him before. His shadows swirled around her, a tendril pulling her hand back towards his cock.

She giggled. "Apparently not," she said, as she fisted around his erection once more, now adding her mouth.

"Thea...Thea..." Azriel chanted, his head flung back as one of his hands anchored at the base of her skull. He didn't push her on or off his cock, but he clutched her hair at the scalp, grounding them together.

She picked up the pace and could feel him losing control. His orgasm was imminent, almost as though she could see it in her mind.

"Fuck!" Azriel cried out, spraying himself in her mouth. She sucked and licked him clean, swallowing his salty seed. She wiped her mouth, pleased with herself. 

Azriel pulled her up from her knees and kissed her appreciatively, tasting the last of himself on her tongue. He clutched her and guided them back to the bed where they collapsed.

"Did you enjoy yourself?" Thea asked.

Azriel chuckled. "Fuck, yes. That was fun. You?" he asked. 

"You mean besides the psychological warfare?" she teased.

His cheeks colored, a bit embarrassed.

"I even liked parts of that. Like you wanting to scare Damien. That's such a turn on," Thea admitted.

"But the things I said later, about the other females..." 

Thea cut him off. "Everything you said were things I have already said to myself," she said darkly.

Azriel grew concerned. "Thea..."

"It doesn't matter, we're here now. That's what matters to me," she said assertively. She pushed down her jealousy towards those other faceless females and tried to focus on Azriel's desire for her now. Nevermind the past. 

Azriel nodded. "I'm really glad we're here now."

They kissed for a while. Azriel held her hair by her nape and pulled, exposing her neck. Thea smiled, pleased, as he kissed her exposed flesh. It was a vulnerable position.

"When did you know you liked to be restrained? Likes things rough?" Azriel asked.

Thea thought it over. "I think I always did. At the orphanage, there were some older boys, a trio. Two peregryns and a river nymph..."

Azriel's eyes narrowed, concerned about where this story was going.

"They would play rough with me. Nothing sexual. It was a lot of fighting, restraining, pushing, running. Because they were bigger, I was a bit at their mercy when we fought. It was thrilling to be at that disadvantage. As I got older, I realized I preferred things rougher because it gave me that same thrill. Coupled with, you know, pleasure," Thea explained. 

"They never...abused you?" Azriel asked.

She shook her head. "Rough housing, yes. But never abusive. They treated me like a boy, and honestly I liked it. There was safety in that. Freedom."

"Did that last the whole time you were there?"

"Gods no. By the time I was thirteen, things changed. The boys were more interested in girls, sneaking off to have sex. And eventually they aged out of the orphanage."

"So what happened to you?" Azriel asked.

Thea shrugged. "Tried to keep to myself. Take care of the little ones. Avoid the wrath of the caretakers. Some of the High Fae girls were terrible. They knew I had been friends with the trio of boys and either judged me for it or were jealous. They set me up to get in trouble with the caretakers all the time. It was...unpleasant."

She shivered at the memories. To this day, Thea did not do well in small confined spaces as the default punishment had been being locked in a small closet. 

"And your friends? Why didn't they check in on you?"

"I think they were normal 18 year old males. They only thought of what they wanted. By the time they left, they didn't have any loyalty to me. I never saw them again," Thea said, the sadness evident in her voice. 

Azriel frowned. "I'm sorry."

Thea hadn't thought of her childhood friends for a while. There had been a few years there where she felt included, part of a found family with brothers. It had been so fragile, and it was gone so quickly.

"So anyway, the rougher sex, being restrained, it's just my own way of feeling free. I know it's fucked up..." Thea said.

"It makes perfect sense," Azriel assured her. He kissed her, and she smiled weakly. "Thank you for telling me."

Author's Note: How we feeling folks? We finally see Azriel's play room, which does have endless possibilities. But alas, there's also a war brewing, so inconvenient! Thank you for the kudos and comments on prior chapters, it means so much to me as I do spend a lot of time planning out each chapter and drafting and redrafting. I'm not sure if I'll be able to post another chapter this weekend given other commitments, but hope this spicy one tides you over.  

A week went by without any contact from Azriel. Thea knew he was working on some negotiations with other Courts, but he had kept the nature of the work rightfully vague. Thea had no shortage of work per usual, but something was wrong. Thea could feel through the bond that Azriel was distraught about Mor - ashamed and lonely.

But he did not come to visit Thea.

Thea tried to compartmentalize her disappointment. Azriel was not obligated to share anything with her. What were they to each other at this point anyway?

And yet. After what they had done in his apartment. After talking and joking together until the sun crested over the horizon. After he had dropped her off at her room, kissing her so sweetly and promising to see her soon...

Azriel was an emotional wreck, and he was not confiding in her.

Thea pushed her anger and disappointment down deep and focused on doing more work. Herbs needed crushing. Bandages needed rolling. Never mind there were apprentices for that. She needed to keep busy.

Until one night, when she was organizing the herb surpluses, it became too much. Thea had buried her feelings down too far. And now, under the strain of exhaustion, they bubbled up to the surface.

Thea rushed to her room and burst into tears. Azriel would never love her. He would never trust her. He would never want her the way she wanted him. She thought she could do this. She thought she could share him, at least in the beginning. But she needed him to share himself. And it wasn't fair to expect him to give more of himself than he was ready. It was her problem that she wanted more. She wanted too much. This was doomed. She needed to reject the bond.  

She sobbed on the floor of her room for minutes, the flood of emotions overwhelming her.

Azriel shadow winnowed into her room, his eyes sharp as his knife Truth-Teller gleamed in his hand. "What's happened? I felt you," Azriel said, his tone deadly as he surveyed her room for any possible threat.

Shit. The bond did go both ways after all.

"I'm fine," she said, wiping her tears quickly. In the entire time they had known each other, Thea had only cried in front of him after Hybern attacked Velaris. This, by comparison, was juvenile - a female crying over a male who would never love her. How trite.

He put the knife away and knelt on the floor in front of her. "What happened? Why are you crying?" Azriel asked, placing his hands in her shoulders and examining her body.

"I'm fine," she repeated, shrugging his hands away. She got off the floor and moved to the opposite side of the room. She felt so foolish that her emotions had gotten the better of her. That he had felt it. 

Azriel rose from the floor, his gaze piercing. "Why are you crying?" he asked again. He was not letting this go.

Thea did not respond, but Azriel allowed the silence to breathe. She used the time to calm her frayed nerves. Finally, she spoke without looking at him. "You."

Azriel flinched. "Is this about what happened at my apartment?" he asked warily.

"No. Yes. A bit."

"Did I push you too far?" he asked, a clear undercurrent of fear coursing through the bond.

Thea turned to face him. "No, no. I loved it. And I felt close to you after. But you didn't come visit me when you started feeling like shit earlier this week. I...I spiraled after that," she said. She snorted derisively at herself. Foolish. "I'm sorry to worry you."

Surprise and then shame streaked across Azriel's face. "I'm sorry. I can explain," he said.

"You don't owe me any explanation. I know this. But with this mating bond...I feel irrational. And that's not fair to you. I don't want to impose myself on you," Thea said.

Azriel closed the distance between them. "You're not an imposition. You're my mate. Tell me what you need."

Thea shook her head. He was being too kind and understanding. It was always this pattern with him. He accommodated everyone else. Rhysand. Cassian. Mor. And now with this bond, he wanted to accommodate her. He always put what he wanted last.

"Thea, tell me," Azriel said.

"I need you to reject the mating bond," Thea forced out. She grimaced at how the words felt leaving her body, like a thousand small needles scratching at her heart.

Azriel's eyes widened. "What?"

"I feel so guilty being this pathetic burden..."

"Stop," Azriel commanded.

Thea wiped tears from her eyes. "You don't want this. You don't want me. This isn't fair for you. I can't do this to you," she said. 

Azriel gripped her shoulders to look squarely into her eyes. "Thea, you're saying everything I'm feeling. I think our emotions are so tied around each other, it's getting confusing who feels what. You're not a burden. You're a haven," Azriel said, slicing though all of her - their - insecurities.

Thea was silent for a long moment. It made sense their emotions would be entwined messily.

"You think you're a burden?" she asked.

Azriel scoffed. "Of course. Who I am, what I do...I know I'm hard to be around. My emotions are literally infecting you. I'm fucked up in the head about sex and intimacy, as you learned last week. And yet...I want you, desperately. I relish that you're my mate," Azriel admitted, the greed evident in his voice.

Thea inhaled, calming her mind. I relish that you're my mate. She loved hearing that. "You're not hard to be around, Az. I've never thought that," she said softly.

A flood of relief - perhaps hers or his or both - coursed through the mating bond. Azriel held her tightly, burying his face in her hair and neck. They stayed like that for a while as they both calmed down. Thea breathed in Azriel's scent and felt her mind relax.

Finally, Azriel spoke. "In the Hewn City, Rhys and I made a tough call, and it deeply hurt Mor. It was the right decision, but we didn't give her warning. And that was wrong. She called us out on it. I planned on telling her about you, but I couldn't for a few days because she wasn't even talking to me. I was just stuck."

Thea rested her head on Azriel's chest, listening to his heartbeat. "You could still have come to see me," Thea said.

Azriel shook his head in disagreement. "When Feyre invited you to dinner, you were excited. But then you remembered Mor didn't know. I didn't want to come to you without having taken that step. I want you to be able to come freely to the House of Wind or the townhouse and not have people wonder why."

"So, she knows now?"

Azriel nodded. "Yes. They all do. Mor says she's happy for us. She wants to talk with you."

"Okay. Thank you for doing that. Next time, though, just visit. You don't need to make progress on a project in order to visit. I just want to spend time with you. Any time you're available," Thea said.

Azriel's cheeks colored as he gave her that shy smile. He pulled her over to the edge of the bed, sitting down and placing her hips on his lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and they sat in comfortable silence for minutes.

But then Azriel's eyes turned dark.

"What is it?" Thea asked.

"Another thing happened. Hybern attacked the library under the House of Wind," Azriel said softly.

"What?" Thea said, shocked.

"Feyre, Rhys, and Cassian stopped it. But I didn't sense it beforehand," he admitted, his tone full of self-loathing.

Thea searched his face. "Is the mating bond a distraction?" Was this preventing him from doing his job?

"No, it was a spell. Impossible to detect. But still, I..."

"Blame yourself," she finished.

"Yes."

"You already know what I'm going to say, but I'll say it anyway. You're a damn good spy. You can't catch everything. That's impossible. And this one was beyond your control. It's a terrible feeling. I imagine it's like how I feel when I lose a patient," Thea said. 

Azriel sighed. "I think you're right."

Now that her eyes were finally clear of tears, Thea looked at him carefully. He looked truly exhausted. "Would you like to sleep here tonight? Just sleep?"

Azriel looked longingly at the bed and nodded. She got up from his lap and undressed in front of him. She sauntered over to her dresser to put on her night shirt, and he watched her with simmering hunger.

He washed up next to her in the bathroom, the sheer domesticity of this act striking given they only started talking again months ago. Thea pulled him to her bed and laid against the wall knowing he would want more space for his wings. 

He laid on his side. She turned off the faelights, and they settled down. 

"This bed is small," Azriel grumbled.

"You can leave if you want," she retorted.

He chuckled. He shifted so he was even closer to her, his right wing curving around to cover them. It was far from completely taut, and Thea stared at how the folded membrane looked in the starlight.

"You can touch them if you like," Azriel said softly.

Thea gasped. He had said a week ago when they played that he didn't want her touching his wings. The trust he placed in her so quickly was unexpected and filled Thea with pride.

"I'd like to very much, but I know it's arousing. And we agreed to just sleep," she said.

"I'd be up for a little activity before sleeping," Azriel said. 

"Oh?"

"Yes. You?"

"Well, yes. I thought I was being sweet and understanding by offering to just sleep," Thea teased.

Azriel chuckled as he pulled her flush against him and kissed her soundly.

"Touch them, but be gentle," he urged.

"Where do you like to be touched?" Thea asked as she stroked the inside of his wing.

Azriel groaned quietly. "You tell me. You're the only person who's touched them since we've known each other..."

Pleasure bloomed in Thea. Although all prior times she had touched his wings were clinical, she still savored the knowledge that only her hands had been on them in the last century and a half.

"Well, let's find out what you like, Az," she said, her voice low.

Thea's hand reached up to touch the top of his wing, from spine to tip, her palm curving around the bone the whole time.

"Fuck..." Azriel cursed, gripping Thea's waist as he rested his forehead against her shoulder.

Once Thea's hand reached the tip of Azriel's wing, her hand moved down, caressing the outer edge.

Azriel heaved. Thea imagined what it would be like to have him on his knees, chained to the floor as she played with him like this, taunted him like he had taunted her by withholding his orgasm as he begged her for release.

But not tonight. Tonight he was exhausted, and she was learning what he liked. How much pressure to use. What parts were most sensitive. And she would make him come undone. That was the promise she made with each touch.

Her hand continued its exploration, now palm up as she caressed the bottom ridge line of his wing.

"Gods..." Azriel moaned as he gripped her more tightly and thrusted his hips against the side of her thigh.

"The bottom's particularly sensitive," Thea observed, repeating the stroke on the underside of his wing.

Azriel groaned as he fumbled with the laces of his pants. He freed his cock enough to ensure he would not come in his pants but got too distracted to actually remove them.

Thea's fingers started at the top of his wing and made long light strokes down the membrane to the bottom.

Azriel bucked against her side. "Mother save me," he groaned, grinding his erection into her thigh. 

Thea changed directions, moving her fingers from bottom to top against the membrane, and Azriel lost all semblance of control. His hands gripped Thea's hips as he rutted hard and fast against her thigh.

Being the cause of Azriel's imminent undoing with just her fingers on his wing was a heady feeling. Thea was powerful, and it was intoxicating.

"You keep talking to the Gods and Mother, but really, you should be worshipping me," Thea said, stepping into her power. She curved her fingers so her nails gently scraped up from the bottom of his wing to the top.

"Thea! Fuck, Thea!" Azriel roared as she continued to drag her nails over his wings until he surged against her, coming undone. His seed sprayed against her hip and thigh as he shook with the intensity of his orgasm. "Thea...Thea..." he chanted quietly as he came down from his high. 

She had felt his climax through the bond, and she delighted in bringing him to completion. She went to the bathroom to clean up, and brought back a small damp towel for Azriel to use.

Azriel was still breathing heavily. "You're fucking incredible. Thank you," he said, his eyes heavy with sleep. He kissed her appreciatively.

She held him tightly, feeling his bone-deep exhaustion. "You're welcome, Az. Go to sleep, I've got you," she whispered.

He closed his eyes and fell asleep immediately.

Thea walked through Rhysand's winnow to bright late afternoon sunlight. She squinted, taking in the scene before her. They were at an Illyrian style camp in the hills of Adriata in the Summer Court, but it felt odd for it to be warm and sunny rather than icy with snow on the ground.

"Oh no," Beatrice whispered from beside Thea, having just arrived as well through the winnow.

Thea, Beatrice, and several apprentices stood in front of the large Healers' tent. Loud moans came from within, and wounded Illyrian soldiers littered the floor around the tent.

"Come, let's go everyone. Triage protocol. Beatrice, you're in the tent with Lillian. I will make rounds to stabilize patients. Others, spread out and examine the injured. Call me as needed for the most serious cases you find. If it can be healed with herbs and manual work, do that. Do not waste your energy as it'll have to last all night and into the morning. Save wing healing for later unless life threatening. Apprentices, be respectful of the Illyrian healers and take direction from them," Thea instructed.

Beatrice and the five apprentices nodded and scattered.

Thea sighed, the sight of so many injuries was admittedly overwhelming.

"What are you doing here?" Azriel said, coming up to Thea. Blood and dirt smeared his face and armor.

Had it just been last night that she held him in her arms as he came undone from her touching his wing? Early this morning he had kissed her and left the Healer's Hall to meet with the Inner Circle, and she knew something serious had happened as bloodlust and adrenaline coursed down the bond. Azriel was fighting. A lot. Thea warned Madja something was wrong, and when Rhysand winnowed to the Healer's Hall to demand Thea and others come with him, it all made sense. War with Hybern. A battle in the Summer Court.

"Are you hurt?" she asked, scanning his body with her hands.

"I'm fine," he said.

"Cracked ribs," she assessed.

"What are you doing here?" he repeated.

Thea healed Azriel's ribs, thankfully not too serious. She knew under triage protocol she should conserve her energy, but he was her mate. She couldn't bear to see him hurt. And now that he was in good shape, he could help her by using his energy to make field dressings.

"We are helping the Illyrian healers. Providing additional support," she said.

Azriel looked at her, concerned, as he followed her to the nearest wounded Illyrian. With shredded wings and a hole through his chest, Thea blasted the warrior with healing energy to stabilize him.

"Az, use a patch right here," she said, holding the sides of the chest wound together. Azriel obeyed and make a battlefield patch at the instructed spot. "Someone will be over as soon as possible to help further," Thea said to the soldier.

"Thea, are you sure you should be here?" Azriel asked delicately as they walked quickly to the next injured warrior.

Thea whipped her head around. "I'm the best Healer for the Illyrians," she said.

"Of course. But if some were to die..." Azriel said quietly. The attack on Velaris was still fresh in their memories. Thea remembered the dead faces of each of the victims she could not save. And Azriel knew.

"This is war. I understand that," Thea said firmly. She compartmentalized her uneasiness with loss. It was likely people were going to die today. She needed to accept that, even if each death would scar her.

Azriel looked at her, clearly remembering how she had broken down after Hybern's attack. How he had held her in the silence.

"I'm stronger now. I've been mentally preparing to have to do this ever since then. And I have you now. Right?" Thea asked.

Azriel nodded. "I've got you."

"Good. Now help me in this first round with stabilizing the patients," she said.

Together, they stabilized thirty-seven wounded warriors waiting for help near the Healer's tent. She healed several of the more serious injuries up to a safe point to hand over to Illyrian healers or the apprentices, and directed Azriel to produce field dressings in strategic locations that maximized the likelihood of survival for those who needed to wait.

But Thea also lost eight soldiers in her arms, unable to heal them fast enough before they succumbed to their injuries. And each time she lost someone, it felt like a knife wound to her soul.

"I'm sorry. It's not your fault, it's Hybern's," Azriel had said each time.

She had compartmentalized each loss away in her heart as Azriel had led her to the next patient.   

Now, sweaty and panting from all the exertion, Thea washed her hands, face and neck in clean water Feyre had given her when she joined in the effort to help the wounded. Thea shared her assessment of the most seriously injured with Beatrice who was going to prioritize their healing in the tent.

Thea inhaled and exhaled, trying to get a grip on her frayed emotions.

"Drink," Azriel said, giving her a large cup of water.

Thea took it. "Thank you," she said, gulping it down.

"I'll get you some food," Azriel said, looking around for a camp mother.

Thea's eyes widened. "No! I'll get it myself."

Azriel looked at her quizzically until he realized why she was startled. "It's the female offering her mate food that's significant," Azriel said.

"Usually. But given our...atypical start...let's just avoid giving each other food until..." Thea's voice tapered off. Until he accepted the mating bond. Until she did.

Azriel's eyes were piercing with desire. "Okay," he said quietly. He touched her cheek. "You're remarkable. What you just did. Thank you."

Thea smiled, but she was still haunted by the eight warriors she could not save. "Thanks for assisting, you'd make a great apprentice," she teased, pushing through her sorrow.

"I'd only serve you," he said, his voice now low and thick.

Thea gulped. It was an odd feeling to be both sad and aroused. What she wouldn't give to have her way with him right now. She hadn't orgasmed last night despite being incredibly turned on as she had insisted Azriel sleep. But now she was regretting that.

"You should go, right? I'm sure there's a lot of intelligence to triangulate," Thea said.

Azriel nodded reluctantly. "You're not wrong."

"Go, work."

"Please eat," he said.

"I will, you too. Go," she said.

He leaned in. "I'm going to take care of you later," he promised, his voice so smooth.

She moaned as he jogged away to talk with Rhysand. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Mor carrying blankets. Their gazes met, and Thea nodded with acknowledgement. Mor gave Thea a tight smile. Thea was not sure what to make of Mor's expression, but she did not have time to dwell on it. There was too much work to do.

At dawn, Thea dragged her body back to the tent she was sharing with Beatrice. She had not seen Azriel again and assumed he was busy being Spymaster. Thea collapsed on her bed and fell asleep.

An hour later, the apprentices and Beatrice left with Rhysand, Feyre, and Mor. Thea continued to sleep until strong hands shook her awake.

"Thea."

She opened her eyes to see Azriel crouched next to her cot.

"Good morning," he said, an amused glint in his eye.

"What time is it?"

"Nearly nine."

Thea clamored out of bed. "Shit. The patients! Did we lose anyone else?" She had lost three more patients in the early morning when they took turns for the worse and her power had already been spent.

"No, everyone survived," Azriel said.

Thea sighed with relief. "I should have woken up hours ago," she said, frustrated with herself.

Azriel frowned. "According to the Illyrian healers, you left around dawn. So you've barely slept as it is. We need to move the legions, otherwise I would have insisted you sleep longer."

Thea rubbed the sleep from her eyes, her body still admittedly exhausted.

"Would you like to fly with me or go home? Cass and I are staying with the legions, and we are flying to our southern border."

That was a dumb question. "Hm, spending a few hours in your arms, or going home to an empty bed. What kind of choice is that?" Thea asked flirtatiously.

Azriel blushed a bit, his eyes gleaming with amusement. "Get cleaned up. We're leaving," he said, exiting her tent.

She went to the wash basin and cringed at her reflection. She had not realized her face was covered in blood splatters, sweat and grime. She had forgotten to wash up before sleeping and then proceeded to flirt with Azriel looking like a complete mess. No wonder he was amused.

Thea quickly cleaned up, changed clothes, and stuffed her things in her pack. Racing out of her tent, she was surprised to see the camp was nearly completely packed up, most of the legions already flying off.

Azriel was waiting outside. "Hi, the camp mother set this bowl of stew on the floor here. I never touched it," he said, his tone incredibly dry.

Thea chuckled as she picked up the bowl and ate. She was starving. Azriel quickly broke down her tent, and another Illyrian came by to collect it, Thea's pack, and the bowl.

"We won't need this tent at the next site," Azriel instructed.

"What?" Thea asked, confused.

Azriel's hazel eyes met hers. "Going forward, you're sleeping in my tent," he said, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Thea's body froze and burned at the same time. She nodded, not daring to speak. She regretted not dragging Azriel back into the tent before he broke it down.

Azriel seemed to notice her arousal. "C'mon, the sooner we fly, the sooner we land," he said, his implication clear.

Thea wrapped her arms around his neck, and he picked her up. He fully extended his massive wings and launched into the sky.

This was the first time Thea was flying in his arms since they discovered the mating bond. She studied her mate as he flew, easily catching up with the back of the legion given the power he could generate from his enormous wingspan.

She nuzzled into his neck and kissed a line up to his jaw.

He hissed. "Thea..." he warned.

"What?" she asked, feigning ignorance.

His sideways glance clearly indicated he was unimpressed with her innocence act.

She laughed, and he smirked. She idly traced circles and swirls with her fingertips on the side of his neck. His jaw tensed and after several flaps of his wings, he abruptly stopped flying forward, letting the last of the Illyrians flying behind them to pass. 

"What are you doing?" Thea asked.

Azriel flew them a bit higher until the only sound they could hear were the flaps of his wings, the legion out of earshot.

"You are trouble," he said, rearranging her so that her legs wrapped around his waist. "It's my own fault. I haven't taken care of you like I promised I would."

He kissed her thoroughly, their tongues entwining as Thea clung to Azriel mid-air, her hips grinding but not catching any friction as his erection was below where she was braced against his body.

"Az..." she mewled. He licked and suckled the sensitive area of her neck and clavicle.

"You need to come," Azriel teased.

"Yes, please. Haven't I been good?" she asked brazenly, kissing him again.

Azriel groaned. "So good," he agreed. He carefully moved one of his hands to the front of her body and pressed his knuckles between her thighs. His other arm wrapped her tightly against him, and his wings beat steadily to maintain their altitude.

Thea gasped, wantonly grinding her hips into his knuckles.

"That's it," he urged, nibbling at her neck.

Thea was all sensation, all need. She knew she was in the air, and she should be clutching at Azriel to avoid plunging to the ground, but she also knew he would never let her fall. Her hand tangled in Azriel's hair at the nape of his neck as she continued to grind against his hand.

Azriel licked the shell of her ear. "I've got you," he said.

Thea shivered as she ground against his hand. "More. Please, Az," she begged wantonly.

Azriel groaned. "Wrap your arms around my neck. Do not let go," he commanded.

She did as he directed, and he loosened her legs from around his waist to create a bit of space for his hand to slide into her pants as the other grabbed her ass. He surged two fingers inside of her, and Thea screamed. In the back of her mind she was grateful the legion was well ahead of them now, and that this piece of sky was just theirs. Because she was overwhelmed with need.

"Faster, Az. Do not fucking stop, please," she begged. Her arms burned from hanging onto Azriel so tightly, but all of her focus was on her orgasm mounting quickly after delaying her own needs for a day and a half.

Azriel watched her, enraptured, as his fingers pumped faster inside. "My girl...so wild, so gorgeous," he said, his tone thick with desire.

Thea nearly purred at his endearment. His girl. Fuck. "So good, so good," Thea moaned as she ground her hips into his hand. She was so fucking close.

"Scream. No one's out here but us," Azriel urged.

That's all it took.

"Az!" she cried out from the depths of her chest as her orgasm exploded within her. Her mind was in freefall, but Azriel held her tightly, insuring she did not plummet even when her legs went slack around his waist as she rode out the waves of her orgasm.

Eventually, Azriel pulled his hand out from her pants and sucked his fingers clean. It was perhaps one of the most erotic things Thea had ever witnessed.

"Fuck," she breathed before kissing him appreciatively.

Azriel chuckled between kisses, clearly pleased with himself. He gathered one arm under her knees and the other at her back once again. Thea sighed, her eyes closed as she savored how special this experience was.

"Good?" Azriel asked knowingly, as he began to fly forward once again.

"Mmm hmm," Thea said, resting her head on his shoulder. She still felt weightless, and being in the air added a deeper dimension to the sensation. "Thank you," she whispered before falling asleep. Thea dozed in Azriel's arms and when she awoke, they were descending in the afternoon.

Azriel landed in the snowy southern hills of the Night Court, not releasing Thea until she was acclimated to being on the ground. He flexed his arms.

"I'm sorry," she said, assessing his arms and shoulders for muscle strain. She flooded his body with a bit of pain relief and had faith his fast healing ability would take care of the rest.

"I'm not," Azriel said, his gaze mischievous.

"Az!" Cassian called out.

Azriel looked at his brother and sighed. "Work," he said regretfully.

"Me too. I'll be at the Healer's tent," Thea said.

Azriel nodded, and they parted. Thea checked in with the Illyrian healers who were setting up as there were still several warriors who were seriously injured. Thea got to work accelerating their healing progress.

A few hours later, Tierien and Garlon, Lord Devlon's lieutenants, stopped by.

"Hi, you two. How's the shoulder?" Thea asked Garlon. He had suffered from a stab wound yesterday which Thea had healed, but not completely in her hurry to ensure as many people as possible stabilized.

Garlon smirked at the opening. "A little sore," he said, sitting down and letting Thea examine it.

She peeled back the Illyrian leather armor to examine the wound. "Hm, yeah, I'm sorry I didn't have energy to come back to you yesterday. I'm impressed you flew all this way," she said, concentrating on carefully sealing the stab wound together.

"It was not without difficulty," Garlon said as he watched Thea work.

"Do you need anything? Have you eaten lately?" Tierien asked.

She thought about it. She hadn't eaten anything since the morning stew. It was nearly dinner time. "Food would be great, actually, thank you."

Tierien nodded and went to find some nourishment for Thea.

"How are you finding life at the war camp?" Garlon asked.

"It's mostly work, so it's been fine," she said.

Garlon chuckled. "You're strong."

"Thank you," she said, knowing that was high praise from an Illyrian. She finished sealing the wound, concentrating on leaving minimal internal scarring.

Tierien came back with a bowl of porridge and an apple.

"Ah, thank you so much," Thea said appreciatively, digging into the porridge. "Move your shoulder, how does it feel?" she asked Garlon.

He moved his shoulder experimentally. "Perfect," he said.

Thea smiled, pleased.

"You take care of us, we take care of you," Tierien said, his voice smooth.

"Yes, we wondered if we could take care of you tonight? We are good at sharing a lover," Garlon said, his gaze roaming up her body.

Thea froze, spoon halfway to her mouth. She looked at the Illyrians, and four beautiful hazel eyes focused back on her as though she was a delectable dessert. They made no move to advance, but their intentions were crystal clear.

Shock and arousal flooded Thea's body. They wanted to...share...her. With each other. At the same time. Fuck. She had never been with two males at once and the thought was intoxicating. Thea recalled her conversation with Rhysand where he joked that Lord Devlon would be happy to give her both of his lieutenants. And here they were, offering themselves up to her. Her mouth watered, until she caught sight of the apple still in Tierien's hands.

Azriel. The mating bond. They had never agreed to refrain from entanglements with other people, but she had assumed it. He had requested she stay in his tent for fuck's sake. He had called her my girl just hours ago.

"I...I'm flattered...truly. But I can't," she said, walking backwards.

Garlon wore a skeptical expression as his nostrils flared and picked up her arousal. Tierien stroked the skin of the apple as his eyes remained fixed on her.

"Excuse me," she said, darting out of the tent and walking quickly away.

She needed to calm down. Her nerves were frayed from witnessing so much carnage yesterday. From taking care of so many people. From coming undone in Azriel's arms as he flew. From being offered two gorgeous males at one time. Gods...

"I was looking for you, hi," Azriel said, coming up to her. He frowned when he caught scent of her, his emotions morphing from confusion to anger. "What is going on?" he asked, his tone deadly.

Tierien and Garlon had followed but stopped upon seeing Azriel standing in front of Thea. Azriel's shadows swirled erratically, his glare blazing with icy fury as he focused his attention on the lieutenants and started to stitch together a story in his mind.

"Nothing happened," Thea said as she stood between him and the two other Illyrians.

Azriel advanced two steps, but Thea kept her body between the males.

"Az, nothing happened," she said again. She placed a hand on his chest. She chose him. She would choose him every time.

Tierien took a bite of the apple he still held and turned away with Garlon in tow.

Once the Illyrians left, Azriel pulled Thea by the hand towards his tent. Once they were inside, he placed a shield around.

"Speak," he said, his tone on the edge of dangerous.

Thea inhaled, trying to wrap her mind around everything she was experiencing and feeling. "I just need to clear my head and walk around," she said.

"You cannot walk around camp smelling like you want to fuck," Azriel spat out.

She cringed. He had just made her come that morning. In the sky no less. But with the mating bond and in the thick of war, everything felt so raw.

"Do you want to fuck them?" Azriel asked, anger, disbelief, jealousy, and hurt evident.

"No," Thea said. "They offered themselves to me. And I declined," she explained as clinically as she could manage.

Azriel mulled over her words. "You declined, but you want to," he pressed.

"For Cauldron's sake Az, if two beautiful females offered to fuck you at the same time, I wouldn't hold it against you if you got aroused!" she retorted. She turned around and buried her face in her hands. Her cheeks burned with arousal and embarrassment.

A long silence filled the tent as Thea worked to calm down.

"I'm sorry. You're right. Getting aroused doesn't mean you'd do something. But what aren't you telling me?" Azriel asked, sensing something amiss within Thea.

He always pressed for more information from her. She supposed that was his nature as a Spymaster. And she actually didn't mind sharing with him.

The problem was he didn't share with her.

"Thea..."

"A lot, Azriel. I don't tell you a lot of things. But I tell you a hell of a lot more than you tell me," she said. He winced. Her instinct was to comfort him and apologize, but she stopped herself. "Do I still smell like I want to fuck?" she asked rhetorically, knowing full well she was no longer aroused.

He shook his head.

She walked out of the tent, inhaled the night air, and headed to the edge of camp. The cold wind pierced her thin jacket, but she was not going to go back. She was too frazzled.

As Thea walked around the camp, she realized what was so damn appealing about Tierien and Garlon's offer was not only the idea of two males fucking her at the same time, but how transparently they had offered. No games. No walls. No rules. They said they wanted to share her and that was it. Simple.

Everything was always more complicated with Azriel. What he did not say was often more important than what he did. And while she knew he was physically attracted to her, protective of her even, he kept his feelings so close.

I relish that you're my mate. At the time she had enjoyed hearing these words from him, but now that she turned them over in her mind, they did not mean much. They were words of hunger. But not of affection. Not of intimacy.

She was not being fair. Touching his wings in her bedroom had been incredibly intimate. Azriel had trusted her. And the trust she had placed in him as he made her come undone in the sky was also intimate.

But that was physical intimacy. There was an emotional component to that, yes, but that wasn't the only thing she wanted. She thought back to when they talked at his apartment until dawn. She had shared about her past, but he did not share in return. He had only expressed appreciation for her story.

She barely knew anything about him.

"So, are you done freezing your ass off?" Cassian said, walking up to Thea.

Now that Thea thought about it, she was in fact freezing. "I guess," she said reluctantly.

Cassian chuckled as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and guided her to the fire by his and Azriel's tents. "Let's get some alcohol in you. Then at least you're a fun emotional wreck," he teased.

Thea laughed heartily as she sat down on a log by the fire. Her fingers were quite cold. Cassian handed her a large cup of wine, and she drank it and requested a refill.

She warmed by the fire for several minutes until Cassian finally asked, "You want to talk about it?"

She looked around. "Didn't he already tell you?" she asked. Azriel was no where in sight, but she suspected he was keeping an eye on this conversation.

"Sure, but you haven't."

Thea smirked. She visualized the threads of the mating bond reaching out to Azriel and pulled. Azriel emerged from his tent, a tight expression on his face. 

"Is Cassian our mating bond counselor?" Thea asked Azriel, her tone dry.

Azriel's face relaxed every so slightly. "It was the best I could scrounge up," Azriel bantered back, grabbing a cup of wine.

"Hey, I am a great counselor," Cassian said defensively.

Thea thought about it. "Actually, you probably are after dealing with Az and Mor for five hundred years," she admitted.

Cassian howled with laughter, and Azriel choked awkwardly on his wine. Thea giggled as her mate squirmed and coughed.

"Thea, you are savage," Cassian teased.

Thea rolled her eyes. "And you love it. Nesta is way more vicious than I am," Thea pointed out.

It was Azriel's turn to chuckle as Cassian's eyes bulged and then narrowed. 

"No comment, Cass?" Thea pressed. She had barely eaten anything all day, and the alcohol was indeed making her more bold.

Cassian shook his head. "Absolutely savage," he muttered as he took a long drink.

Thea and Azriel shared a knowing look. Azriel's eyes lingered a bit longer on Thea, and his hand reached out to caress hers. Thea watched his scarred hand in the firelight as it stroked the top of hers resting on the log. She smiled at the show of affection and turned her attention back to Cassian.

"So Cass, when do you go to the Steppes?" she asked.

Cassian sighed. "Tomorrow morning. I'll visit a few families. There's too many to see them all," he said darkly.

"What was the final death toll?" Thea asked.

"Fifty-six. But almost all in battle. Would have been much higher without you and the other Healers ," Cassian said, the appreciation clear.

"I'm glad we were able to help," Thea said.   

"How do you feel?" Azriel asked softly. They had not talked about any of it yet.

Thea reflected on the question. "I'm pissed about the eleven I lost," she said. 

Cassian sighed. "You saved many more," he said.

"I tell her this every time," Azriel said in agreement.

"You're going to go mad if you only think about the ones you lose. I have sent thousands to their death over the centuries. But their lives meant tens of thousands were saved. In war, that's the best any soldier can hope for. That their death meant others live," Cassian said.

"Exactly," Azriel said.

Thea sighed. "I gave you both shit about the females you're in love with and now you're giving me shit for my fucked up guilt," Thea said, her joking tone hiding her defensiveness.

Azriel's gaze pierced through all the bullshit. "Thea," he said quietly, his hand squeezing hers.

This was the second time she brought up Mor. Thea knew she needed to get a grip and stop this madness. "You're right, Cass. War is different. I know that in my mind, but my heart needs to catch up," Thea said.

Azriel squeezed her hand again, lifting it off the log and placing it on his lap as he inched closer.

Cassian nodded as he appraised Thea. "Have you ever wanted to learn how to fight?" he asked, changing the subject abruptly. Thea knew he did this when he was uncomfortable.

Thea tilted her head. "You offering to train me?"

Cassian nodded. "Everyone should be trained with the basics."

She looked at Azriel for his opinion.

"Cassian's the best at teaching combat," Azriel said.

"Okay, do what you can in whatever time's available, I suppose," she said.

Cassian cracked his knuckles. "Excellent."

"This isn't a situation where you're going to make me throw sacks of flour around or something, right?"

Cassian thought over the suggestion. "That's a good training idea for Feyre. She's so damn skinny. But no, you have muscle on you. No strength conditioning necessary. How flexible are you?"

"Flexible," Thea said matter of factly.

Cassian raised his eyebrows and looked at Azriel, who kept his stare on Thea. She could feel Azriel's hand getting warmer against hers.

"Okay, we'll have to test that," Cassian said. 

Azriel glared sharply at his brother.

"Combat-wise, I meant," Cassian clarified.

"When should we start?" Thea asked.

Cassian shrugged. "After the High Lords and Lady meeting. Everything's shit until then."

"When is that happening?"

"In two days. I dispatched the messages to the other Courts today," Azriel said.

Thea nodded, and her stomach grumbled. Perhaps the alcohol was disagreeing with her.

"Hungry?" Cassian teased, producing a small loaf of bread from his pack by the fire.

"Yes, my savior!" Thea said enthusiastically, reaching for the bread.

Cassian chuckled and tossed the loaf to Thea who tore off a big piece and tossed it back. "You aren't keeping your mate fed, Az," he scolded lightly.

Azriel's jaw clenched. "She won't take food from me," he said.

Cassian looked at the pair quizzically.

"Just in case," Thea explained weakly between bites of bread.

"There's no significance in the male giving the female food, other than providing for her," Cassian said.

"Thank you," Azriel said, looking at Thea as though it was obvious.

"There are bonded pairs of males and bonded pairs of females. How do they figure out which way is significant?" Thea asked.

Cassian thought it over. "I suppose the person who felt the bond first would be the one to wait for the other to offer food? Oh, I see now. You felt it first."

Thea nodded.

"You know, that's clever, might as well be safe," Cassian said. Thea preened a bit at Cassian's agreement as Azriel sulked. "And in the meantime, I'll keep you fed."

Azriel growled at his brother, and Thea got up quickly from the log, still holding Azriel's hand.

"Okay, that's enough from you," she said pointedly to Cassian who chuckled in delight at making his brother pissed. He would have a hard day tomorrow at the Steppes, so Thea let it go.

She looked at Azriel. "C'mon roommate, let's go to bed," she said with an overabundance of drama. Being tipsy really was doing a number on her.

"Roommate?" he said incredulously as they walked back to the tent, and Cassian howled with laughter.

Once Azriel placed a shield around the tent, he spoke. "Thea..."

"It's late, let's go to bed," she cut off.

"I want to talk," Azriel said, his voice firm and gentle at the same time, like the hauntingly beautiful music she would listen to at the amphi-theater in Velaris.   

Thea inhaled and exhaled deeply. "Okay, about what?" she asked, sitting on the edge of the bed.

Azriel sat down beside her. "Whatever you want to talk about."

Thea gasped. She had not expected that response.

"You're right. You share more than I do. I don't think I'll ever be as...forthright as you are. But I can do...better," he offered.

Thea swallowed hard. It was so foolish to compare any other male to Azriel. She didn't want things to be easy. All she wanted was for him to try. And he was.

"What happened to your hands?" she whispered.

Azriel balled up his scarred hands in recoil to the question. And Thea almost took it back, but she stopped herself. He wanted to try and talk. She needed to give him the opportunity to do so.

Finally, he spoke quietly. "I have two older half-brothers by blood. When I was eight, they pinned me down, threw oil on my hands, and set them on fire. They did this multiple times. Each time my hands healed a bit before they started again."

Thea was speechless. He was tortured as a child? By his own family? The pain. The betrayal. The terror. The disgust. She ran to the tent's exit and threw up just outside in the dirt, the wine and bread coming up as she processed this gruesome revelation. She spat in the dirt and wiped her mouth before coming back into the tent.

Azriel watched her carefully as she went to the wash basin and cleaned up.

"I'm sorry," she said, wiping her face with a towel.

"It's alright. That's actually a very reasonable reaction," Azriel said.

Thea grunted. "Why didn't anyone find you? You were a child. You must have been screaming."

"I don't want you to get sick again," Azriel warned.

Thea braced herself. "I've already emptied the contents of my stomach," she said darkly. 

Azriel continued. "I was a bastard son. I was kept in a cell. No one knew except my father, step-mother, and half-brothers. Yes, I was screaming, but by the time the warriors found me, it was too late. My hands had healed into this," Azriel said, looking at his own hands in disgust. 

"And your mother? Did she know you were in a cell?"

"I was forbidden from telling her anything. They threatened to kill her if I did. But once she saw the hands, she realized. It broke her. She wanted to get me out but had no power."

"You had to stay there after that?" Thea asked, horrified.

Azriel nodded. "For another three years. Until I went to train and found Rhys and Cass."

"Fuck."

Azriel continued, his gaze unfocused as he remembered. "I couldn't use my hands for a long time. I felt so powerless. Cold. Angry. Lonely. And that's when the shadows came. To help me. To keep me sane, in a way. I learned I could speak to them. They would tell me things, secrets they learned from beyond the tiny pitch black cell I was in."

"Fuck," Thea wheezed out. A tiny dark cell? This was Thea's own version of hell. She had spent plenty of hours and nights in the "redemption chamber" which was a small closet at the orphanage outfitted with locks. And that was nothing compared to this. Azriel had been tortured for eleven years. That he even survived was a testament to his strength.

"When my father realized I was a Shadowsinger, he finally saw value in me. He agreed I could fly and train," Azriel said.

"You said you learned to fly later in life," Thea whispered, recalling the memory. He had said it so casually and only in the context of teaching Feyre. Thea hadn't picked up on it then.

Azriel nodded. "Fly. Train. It felt impossible to be older and so behind. And broken," he said, his voice distant.

"Az..." Thea could feel the swirl of emotion emanating from him. Sadness, such deep sadness.

"And cold. So cold. The shadows kept me warm," Azriel said. He lifted up his hand, and a shadow tendril wrapped around it, almost as an act of comfort.

"But the shadows don't have a temperature," Thea said, confused.

"They do to me," Azriel said.

Thea furrowed her eyebrows, thinking through how this could be possible medically. "To survive, your core temperature dropped permanently. How?"

He shrugged.

"Az...that's...impressive magic."

"I did what I needed to survive," he said hollowly.

Thea was still confused. "I don't understand. You're warm when I touch you," she said.

"Only with you," he clarified.

"Really?" She thought through the implications of what Azriel was saying. Everyone thought he felt cold all the time? Was this the mating bond?

"Yes. The first time we met and you healed my collarbone, I felt so warm. It was such a strange sensation. One of the reasons I distrusted you at first."

"Did you think I was a witch?" Thea teased.

"The thought did cross my mind," Azriel admitted. "I'm relieved I never voiced it."

Given her past lover Damien accused her of the same thing, she was also glad Azriel did not repeat that trauma.

Thea sat back down next to Azriel. "May I?" she asked, holding her hand palm up for him to place his own in. He did. She carefully examined the scars, her palm glowing as she assessed the injury. "I could heal them, but I would need to remove all the skin and regrow the muscle. There would be no guarantee you'd be able to use them as well as you use your hands currently. It would take a long time to rehabilitate," she said.

Azriel sighed. "Honestly, that's the best assessment I've ever received. Other Healers have said it just couldn't be done," he said.

"Well, others aren't me," Thea said, a bit haughty.

Azriel chuckled. "They certainly are not," he said. "Thank you, but no. I don't want to do anything, especially so close to war. Maybe when I'm retired."

Thea laughed. "So like another 500 years?"

"Pretty much."

The two workaholics shared a dark laugh.

"Thank you for telling me," Thea said.

Azriel nodded as he brushed Thea's hair affectionately, signally what he thought was the end of the conversation.

But Thea was not done asking questions. "What happened to your half-brothers? Were they punished?" Thea asked.

Azriel nodded. "Rhys and Cassian beat the shit out of them, broke their wings so they couldn't fly for a long time."

Thea frowned. "That's it?"

Azriel quirked an eyebrow. "What do you mean?" he asked distractedly. He continued to play with her hair, twisting strands around his fingertip. His mind was clearly on other activities.

"I would have doused them in oil and set them on fire," Thea said, enjoying the brutality in her fantasy.

Azriel froze and looked at her, an unnamable glint in his eyes as he witnessed a side of her he had not realized was there. The darkness. The protectiveness. The ferocity.

"Was that too harsh?" she asked self-consciously. Perhaps she was coming off as too drunk and crazy.

Azriel answered with a swift and hungry kiss that Thea matched. And as Azriel pushed her down onto the bed to kiss more thoroughly, Thea could feel through the mating bond the deep appreciation he had at her statement.

Thea sent a silent prayer to the Mother that she would in fact never come across Azriel's half-brothers, because she knew she would do exactly as she said if she ever did.

Author's Note: Thanks for reading and the support! Things are getting more emotionally intimate and serious for our heroes as they learn more about each other. I'm always struck by how fast ACOWAR is - just the pacing in terms of the number of days the book covers, it's actually a very short number of days. So that fast timeline is a key piece of the plot for this story. Thea isn't used to this fast life, and it's affecting her! Hope you enjoyed this chapter, comments and feedback welcomed! 

The next morning, Thea winnowed back to the Healer's Hall. Azriel went off for a flying lesson with Feyre, and Cassian went to the Steppes. Thea was struck by how Azriel could move from dispatching messages to High Lords to talking to her about his childhood trauma to then teaching the High Lady how to fly. The mental acuity needed to constantly switch between these various roles, skills, and identities was mind-boggling to Thea who thrived on having a singular focus - healing.

So it was a little confusing when Rhysand called Thea to the townhouse the night before the High Lords and Lady meeting. Thea did not feel like walking given her exhaustion from earlier in the week, so she winnowed. On the other side, she was surprised to find she was inside of the home. She had expected to land on the street outside the front door given the wards.

"Uh, hi," she said lamely as she stared at Rhys, Feyre, Mor, and Azriel sitting around a table in the dining room. Behind her in the sitting room were Amren and Nesta. 

Azriel's eyes widened with surprise upon seeing Thea.

"Ah, Thea, thanks so much for coming," Rhysand said smoothly, getting up from the table and pulling out the chair on Azriel's other side for her.

Thea sat down and looked at Azriel who gave her a slightly bewildered expression. "How can I help?" Thea asked tentatively.

"I've asked Thea to join us since she's from Dawn Court," Rhysand explained to the group.

"Is that where the meeting is happening?" Thea asked.

Rhysand was surprised. "Oh, forgive me. I thought Azriel shared this with you," he said.

"I am discreet with what I share..." Azriel motioned awkwardly between him and Thea.

"Of course. And I appreciate that. But I trust Thea. As evidenced by allowing her through the wards," Rhysand said.

Thea flushed at the compliment. She could feel Mor and Ameren's eyes on her, sizing her up.

"I'm...uh...I'm happy to help. I haven't been back since I left though," Thea said, hedging on how useful she could possibly be.

"The meeting will be at Thesan's palace. What do you know of it? Any traps? Escape routes?" Rhysand asked.

Thea thought over the question. "Will you be in the room with the koi pond?"

Rhysand furrowed his eyebrows, not understanding the question.

"The pool of water with the fish? Those fish are called koi," Thea explained.

"Yes, we believe that will be the room," Rhysand said.

"Back when I was there, Oryx would hide small weapons in the wisteria. There will likely be a sword or dagger in the pond that's been glamoured," Thea said.

Azriel's eyes widened at the news. He hadn't known this.

"Who is Oryx?" Mor asked.

"The captain of the Peregryns," Thea said.

"Thesan's lover," Rhysand said.

That caught Thea off guard. "Oh, I...I didn't know that," she said, blushing.

"What is it?" Azriel asked.

"Not important," Thea said dismissively.

"Thea, everything is important for tomorrow. Please share," Rhysand pressed.

Thea sighed. "I specialized in healing non-High Fae back then too. So I healed the Peregryns often. There was a time I was infatuated with Oryx. He was always kind and flirtatious. A bit of a braggart which is why I know about all his hiding spots. He never pursued me despite the attention he bestowed. And now I perhaps have some closure about that," Thea explained awkwardly. 

Thea glanced at Azriel who was silent, his jaw tight as his eyes stormed. He wasn't pleased.

Rhysand thought over the information. "Do you know anything else about Oryx that we should know? No detail is too small."

Thea mulled it over. "He'll favor his left side," she said. She did not want to disclose confidential health information, so she did not talk about the longstanding injury to his right hip.

"He's right-handed," Azriel countered.

"He will fight right-handed because he can usually beat an opponent with his right. But he's stronger with his left," Thea explained.

Azriel nodded with understanding. "Should I add you as a spy to my network?" he teased, impressed with Thea's level of knowledge. He placed his arm around the back of her chair, and Thea could feel the pride course through the mating bond.

Thea smiled. "I won't break patient confidentiality," she warned, leaning back in her chair to touch him.

Azriel sighed, "Fair."

Mor watched the exchange with particular focus. "Seems like you have a penchant for winged males," Mor said, her tone sharp.

Feyre gasped with surprise at the comment while Azriel's mouth slackened in shock. Thea looked at Mor, a sense of betrayal permeating her body. While she and Mor had never been friends, they had always been friendly. And Azriel had said Mor was happy for them. What changed? Did Mor think Thea had some kind of wing fetish? Was Mor staking her claim on Azriel now, after all this time, by tearing Thea down?

"I've only fucked High Fae, if that's what you're asking, Mor," Thea said bluntly, staring unwaveringly at the other female and letting her confusion and disappointment shine through her gaze.

Mor's cheeks flushed ever so slightly as she glanced at Azriel who was deeply uncomfortable and pissed between the two females.

Thea turned her attention to Rhysand. "Anything else I can help with?" she asked, her tone tight.

Rhysand cleared his throat, giving Mor a severe look that quieted his cousin. "Nothing else on Dawn Court. Thank you. That was excellent intelligence. But I do have another request," he said. He turned to Azriel. "We're positive Thesan knows nothing about Thea?"

Azriel nodded. "No indications whatsoever," he said.

Thea quirked her eyebrow. So he had been spying on the Dawn Court - to protect her.

"Great. I've talked with Madja, and I have a proposal for you, Thea. For the foreseeable future, I would like you to work with the Inner Circle. The war is brewing. We need the Healers ready. I'd like you to be our point person," Rhysand offered.

Thea inhaled sharply, surprised.

Azriel jumped in. "Rhys, let's talk privately about this first," he said quietly, his tone sharp.

Rhysand shook his head. "No. You're not able to stay neutral on this. So I'm taking it directly to Thea." He looked at her expectantly. 

"How did Madja feel?" Thea asked. As the Head Healer, Madja would usually be the one to interface with the High Lord on these kinds of Court-wide matters.

"She was alright with it after some heavy praise. She is ancient and wise. But that also means she is not fast. And she cannot winnow. And you're the one with the specialty we need given our forces are predominantly Illyrian. You are simply the better asset in war," Rhysand reasoned.

Thea thought over his logic, which was sound. She looked at Azriel who was giving Rhysand an icy glare.

"Az, let's go outside and talk about this for a bit," Thea offered.

"It's your choice, Thea," Rhysand emphasized.

"I'm aware. And I'm honored by your faith in me. But I'd like to consult with Az," Thea said, getting up from the table. She held out her hand for her mate to take, and the pair walked out to the backyard, all eyes on them as they left.

The garden at the back of the townhouse was lovely with a large stone fountain in the center. Thea sat at the edge of the fountain while Azriel paced in front of her.

"Rhys didn't tell you he talked with Madja," Thea assessed. 

"No. I would have tried to dissuade him," Azriel said. 

"Why?"

"I want you as far away from war as possible," Azriel said intensely. 

Thea frowned. "I'm not some weak flower that needs protecting," she retorted.

Azriel stopped pacing and faced her. "No, that's not what I mean to suggest at all."

Thea stood up, intrigued. "Then tell me," she said.

Azriel gathered his thoughts. "When I saw Hybern's forces destroy the Healer's Hall, my stomach dropped. I tried to get to the Hall, but there were soldiers everywhere. And by the time I fought my way through, I saw you running around on the streets."

Thea remembered Azriel's ferocious gaze. How he had actually yelled at her. She had never heard him raise his voice before or since. "You were furious," Thea recalled. 

"No, I was terrified. I would have asked Rhys to not involve you for my sake. Because if something happened to you..." Azriel didn't finish that thought.

But Thea knew what he felt through the bond. Dread. Terror. Despair. He was so scared to lose her. Perhaps almost as scared as she was of losing him.

"This is war, Az. It's foolish to think we'll come out of this unscathed. What if my being there makes the difference for you, or Cass, or Rhys, and I wasn't close by? How do you think I would feel if you died, and I could have done something about it? That's the calculation Rhys is making, and I agree with it," Thea said. 

Azriel nodded reluctantly. "I know. I know," he whispered.

"Cass, Mor, Rhys, Feyre, they are all going to fight. I'm not even going into battle. Everyone you love will be in far more dangerous positions," Thea said, trying to put her involvement into context. 

"You know it's not the same," he said quietly, taking her hand in his. Thea was precious to him in a way he could not articulate, and perhaps did not fully understand himself.

"I know," Thea said, her own body filling with dread at the prospect of Azriel fighting in a war. Or perhaps their shared dread was entwining through the mating bond.

"Thank you for talking with me about this before you gave your decision to Rhys," Azriel said.

"Of course. We're a team," Thea said. 

In the darkness, she could not see if Azriel was blushing, but she wanted to think he was.

"So, you're keeping tabs on Thesan?" Thea asked as they started to walk back towards the house.

Azriel smirked. "A bit. And Damien," he said, the name sounding sour coming out of his mouth.

"Oh?"

"Yes. You really do have a type," Azriel said dryly.

Thea smiled knowingly. With long brown hair and a stubbled jaw, Damien looked like a shorter and thinner Cassian, but with blue eyes and no wings. "I told you. Did you bother him?"

Azriel slung his arm possessively over Thea's shoulders. "I may have spooked him a bit," he said vaguely.

Thea rolled her eyes. 

Azriel chuckled and kissed her on the temple as they went back inside the house.

Thea knew something had gone terribly wrong. Azriel was upset over Mor. That's all Thea could glean through the bond, but even that filled her with a different kind of dread than the threat of war. Thea tried to compartmentalize her anxiety as she worked at the Healer's Hall to prepare the apprentices and Healers for war. Everyone had done great at Adriata, but the team that would be traveling with the troops would be larger - four Healers and eight apprentices. It was basically two-thirds of the staff at the Healer's Hall.

Thea focused on refreshing all twelve participants with Illyrian anatomy and healing techniques. While several had sat in and observed Thea heal Cassian and Azriel in the past, none had dared to visit the Illyrian war camps with Thea.

Thea was trying to give a crash course on unique aspects of Illyrian anatomy when the Healer's Hall started to shake and a wave of dreadful uneasiness coursed through everyone's body. The dust and debris from the repairs to the building after Hybern's attack rained down in the lecture room.

"What was that?" Beatrice asked once the shaking stopped.

"I have no idea," Thea said. "Let's conclude for today and be prepared for more walk-ins. Activate the neighborhood leaders and see if anyone is hurt and can't get here. Be prepared to move quickly."

Thea went to Madja to coordinate on additional plans. They were delegating jobs out to staff when Thea received a message directly from Rhysand in her mind.

Thea, come to the townhouse as soon as possible.

Thea explained what was happening to Madja who shooed her out, and Thea winnowed to the townhouse. This time, even more people were sitting around the dining table as Elain and Cassian had joined. All eyes fell on Thea as she exited the winnow, all eyes but Azriel's.

"Thea, good. Thanks for coming. How is everyone at the Healer's Hall? The wall has come down," Rhysand said, not wasting any time.

Thea took a moment to mull over all this information. The wall? She packed that existential dread away in her mind. "We have Healers checking in with neighborhood leaders to see if anyone was injured in the shaking," she reported. That system of relying on local leaders was something Thea had informally developed over the decades and activated after Hybern's attack. Madja had decided to formalize it in the last few weeks.

"Good. We will be going to the Illyrian legions and from there some of us are going south to the human lands. I would like you to come with us and stay with Cassian at the camps. There will be other warlords there besides Devlon, and they may need an incentive to behave in light of the wall falling if my wrath starts to chafe," Rhysand said.

"You'd like me to offer to heal their warriors as a type of carrot for falling in line?" Thea asked.

"Pretty much," Rhysand said.

"Sure, sounds good," Thea said agreeably.

"Great, we leave in an hour," Rhysand said.

Everyone started to disperse, and Azriel still had not even looked at Thea. His shadows swirled around his legs, torso and shoulders, and his face was stone.

As Azriel walked by her, Thea grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "Az," she said quietly. He still did not meet her gaze. "Az, whatever happened, it's okay," Thea said softly. She had no idea what the fuck was wrong, but she wanted to diffuse this tension.

Azriel shook his head in disagreement. "Later," he muttered, the shadows nearly engulfing him before he winnowed away.

Thea sighed. She contemplated going after him, but she also knew he needed space. Whatever had happened made him feel like he could not face her.

"You have a lovely way with him," Mor remarked, leaning against a doorway.

"Usually," Thea said, unable to hide her frustration.

"I know I was out of line the other night. I'm sorry. I'm glad you're his mate. Truly," Mor said.

Thea looked at the other female, who always looked beautiful, poised, and powerful. There was an etherial quality to Mor, and Thea could not blame anyone for being in love with her.

"Mor, I know we aren't friends, but can I be unfiltered right now?" Thea asked.

"Of course," Mor said, standing up straight to be even more attentive.

Thea walked outside to the garden, and Mor followed. They were alone. Thea wasted no time. "Azriel loves you. He's loved you for 500 years. Being his mate means I know how deeply he loves you. How special you are to him. And I respect that. So if you want him, if you feel the same way, now is the time to say something to him," Thea urged.

Mor examined Thea carefully. "You would give him up?" she asked.

"I would see that he's happy. If you love him, if the two of you are together, I know he would be happy. And I would reject the mating bond, make him reject it," Thea said.

"But you love him," Mor pressed.

Thea swallowed hard. "Yes, I do," she confessed. It was the first time Thea admitted that to another living soul. Mor studied Thea for a long moment. "Mor, please, claim him now. Before I give so much of myself to him that I'm destroyed if you decide years later that you want him. Please, take him now," Thea nearly begged.

Mor appraised Thea and smiled. "You're strong and selfless and brave. You're perfect together," she assessed, relieved.

Thea furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. "Thank you, but that doesn't answer..."

"I'm not in love with Azriel. And I never will be. I simply can't. Same with Cassian. They are my family. And we have been through so much together. I love them so dearly. But no, Thea, it's just not within my capacity to love Azriel in that way. I swear to you, I will never claim him," Mor said. 

Thea exhaled a breath she had not realized she had been holding. What did this mean? The way Mor described herself made Thea think that perhaps she could only ever love a female. "I believe you. Thank you for telling me. Will you tell Azriel?"

Mor sighed. "Yes, I will if I have to. I wanted to get a sense of who you are. I know now. And selfishly, I'm...relieved. I'm so relieved he has someone who loves him the way he deserves."

The lump in Thea's throat got bigger as she attempted not to cry. "Thank you, Mor."

Mor shook her head. "No, thank you Thea," she said, swooping down to the shorter female to give her a hug. When they separated, Mor wiped a tear from her eye. "Well, that's one taken care of. Now the other..."

"Cass?"

"Yes," Mor grumbled.

Thea smirked. "Not a fan of Nesta?"

Mor's eyes widened. "Gods, you're observant. Just like Az. No, I'm...not a fan," she said, a frown evident on her face.

"He can handle her," Thea said.

"But does he need to?" Mor asked skeptically.

Thea chuckled. "He wants to," she assessed.

Mor groaned with resignation. 

An hour later, Thea, the Inner Circle, and Feyre's sisters arrived at the Illyrian mountain-camp. It was cold and dreary as usual, and a large group of surly Illyrian warriors assembled to meet the visitors. All eyes focused on Rhysand, and while Thea had walked up and stood behind him, the other females did not. As Rhysand and Lord Devlon talked, Thea became distracted and alarmed that she did something wrong. Was there a coordinated plan to have the females off to the side for some diplomatic reason that she was unaware of? Did she just mess things up by standing where she usually stood behind Rhysand? But Thea could not fret for long as Rhysand stepped aside and gently pushed her at the small of her back up to the front.

"She is no more High Fae than we are," Lord Devlon spat out, still looking at the group of females off to the side.

Lord Devlon's attention turned back to the front and his scowl instantly lightened. "Ah, Thea. You are always welcomed here," he said, holding his hands out for her to take.

Thea placed her hands on top of Lord Devlon's and curtsied low as she always did in his presence. The group of Illyrian males behind Lord Devlon nodded approvingly at her show of respect. Some of the leering gazes made her think they had interpreted her deference as submission. And Azriel's rage and disgust through the mating bond only confirmed her suspicion.

"Surely you must agree, Healer?" Lord Devlon said expectantly, his gaze once again focused on Nesta.

While she was a bit lost in the conversation and distracted by Azriel's strong emotions, Thea glanced at Cassian who was attempting to keep his own anger in check. And that was all she needed to know how to respond.

"Lord Devlon, if you're asking for my medical expertise, these females are all High Fae. And I'll remind you that one of the conditions of my coming to your camp and helping your people is your alignment with the wishes of the High Lord and High Lady. Insulting her sisters seems misaligned with that condition, which means if it continues, I'll be forced to cease my visits to your camp after the war. And I think both of us agree that would be an awful outcome," Thea said sweetly.

Lord Devlon assessed Thea, perhaps seeing her steel spine and shrewdness for the first time. He smiled.

"We absolutely agree," Lord Devlon said, kissing Thea's knuckles.

Thea smiled at Lord Devlon, and Azriel took a step closer to the pair. His eyes blazed and shadows wrapped around the tips of his wings. Rhysand lifted a hand to hold his brother back. Some Illyrian warlords turned their attention to Azriel at the movement, their disgust and dislike of the Shadowsinger evident. 

Lord Devlon took Thea's hand to the crook of his elbow. "Come, I'm sure the other warlords have warriors they would like you to tend to. I believe you've met a few but not all decades ago. Allow me to reintroduce you to them."

"I would be delighted," Thea said breezily.

She walked with Lord Devlon without giving any of the Inner Circle a second glance. She curtsied politely to each of the warlords as Lord Devlon introduced her. Some seemed curious about her, perhaps a bit too curious. Others were indifferent. She softened some of the most hostile ones by asking about patients she had healed after the battle at Adriata, and she impressed the ones she did not know with her extensive knowledge of Illyrian healing and how her practice complemented their own healers' expertise.

Thea could feel Azriel's watchfulness and jealousy as she charmed the warlords, and part of her - the petty part - enjoyed his discomfort at seeing her in her element. Feyre and the other females left to prepare for the trip to the human world, and Rhysand, Azriel, and Cassian pulled Lord Devlon aside to discuss the war further. As Thea made her way to the Healers' tent, she snuck a quick glance to Azriel who returned her gaze with a haunted expression of his own. It was just a moment, and there was too much for them to discuss.

For the next several hours, she worked with various patients from all of the clans. Cassian stopped by to check on her and let her know the others had left for the human manor. Azriel hadn't come to say goodbye. She compartmentalized her disappointment as she focused on the patients.

It was over an hour later when she finally took a break. Working herself to exhaustion was a good coping mechanism for the sadness and frustration she felt. She sat on a stool outside the Healer's tent, staring at the ground as she rolled her shoulders back.

Cassian came over with a bowl of soup. "Figured you'd be hungry," he said, handing her the soup.

She took it, recalling his promise to keep her fed. "Thank you," she said. She gulped down the warm liquid greedily.

"How are you doing?" Cassian asked, sitting down next to her on a stool.

"I honestly have no idea," Thea said, her voice empty.

"You want to talk about it?" Cassian asked gruffly.

"I don't even know what the 'it' is. Something happened at Dawn Court. It involved Mor. And now Azriel is ashamed and cannot look me in the eye," Thea said, her frustration seeping through.

"He didn't tell you?" Cassian asked, flabbergasted. 

"Not yet. And I'm trying to be patient, Cass. I really want to be. But fuck," Thea heaved out.

Cassian watched Thea for a long moment. "Eris, the oldest son of Beron, and Mor had been engaged, but she didn't want that. When she slept with me, he called it off. Her family...hurt her badly for the loss of that powerful connection by marriage. Anyway, at the meeting, Eris called Mor a slut. Azriel attacked him and nearly choked him to death. He was...dark. He had these impenetrable shields up. Wasn't listening to Rhys' order to stop. Finally Feyre got through to him, and he released Eris."

Thea thought over what Cassian said, and, being familiar with the room Thesan hosted the meeting in, she could clearly envision how this had unfolded. 

"Did that asshole apologize to Mor?" Thea asked.

Cassian smirked. "Yeah, he did."

Thea nodded. "Good." She took a long sip of soup. "I don't understand why he should feel so ashamed about this."

Cassian hesitated. "Mor was alarmed by the ferocity of Azriel's attack. That night, she flirted heavily with Helion, and they slept together," he said.

Thea furrowed her eyebrows. Perhaps her theory that Mor loved females was not wholly accurate. But that was not Thea's focus. She looked at Cassian's face and could see what he did not say. "Az was upset," she said.

Cassian nodded awkwardly.

"Right. Of course he would be," Thea said quietly, resigned. The female he loved fucked another male after Azriel had defended her honor. The overture was soundly rejected. That only fed his feelings of inferiority. And now, layered on top of all that, was guilt that he had even attacked someone on Mor's behalf when another female was his mate.

"Thea, you know you're important to him," Cassian said, earnest.

Thea's throat constricted. She knew. But was it enough? She was about to respond when Azriel appeared. He saw the two of them talking closely, and his eyes narrowed.

"What's wrong?" Cassian asked, standing up quickly.

Azriel looked at his brother. "We need to move the legion. We're in the wrong place. Hybern will attack Summer Court tomorrow."

Cassian frowned. "What? How do you know this?"

Azriel inhaled as if bracing for impact. "Jurian. He was at the manor. He's on our side."

"Like hell he is! You expect us to move on the intel of a traitor who was an eyeball and piece of bone a few months ago?" Cassian shouted.

"Jurian?! Isn't this the bastard who shot you in the back?" Thea asked, furious. He's the one who almost killed her mate. How dare he now come back claiming he was a good guy all along. Fuck him.

Cassian nodded. "That's right. You should have ripped his throat out when you saw him," he seethed.

Azriel held his ground, expecting this reaction. "Rhys and Feyre believe him," he said simply.

Cassian groaned with frustration and anger. "If that fucking eyeball is wrong, I will kill him."

"Get in line," Thea said darkly. She remembered Azriel on that townhouse floor surrounded by his own blood, his face pale and pinched with pain - dying. She would in fact kill Jurian if he betrayed them. She knew that truth within her bones.

Thea felt pressure wrap around her palm. Azriel's shadows had reached out to comfort her and perhaps welcome her darkness. Even though they still had not talked about Mor, Thea appreciated this. She squeezed the tendril of shadow before it receded.  

"We'll go to the northern boarder of Winter Court," Cassian said.

Azriel nodded. "Yes."

Cassian turned to Thea. "Do you need help breaking down the Healers' tent? I can fly you to the new location since I assume you haven't been to the area," he offered. He had been so used to being in the middle of Azriel and Mor, he knew what to offer to buffer two people.

Thea was about to accept both offers when Azriel interrupted. "I'll do it," he said with a tone of finality.

Cassian looked at Azriel, who only stared back at his brother with a stony expression. "Thea?" Cassian asked, wanting her to have the final say.

"Az, can you pull up the stakes of the tent?" she asked. She would always choose Azriel.

Cassian nodded in approval, and Azriel said softly, "Sure." 

She quickly packed up the healing supplies as Azriel broke down the tent. Within minutes, throughout the camp, tents were packed, fires were put out, and warriors were in the air ready to move. Azriel handed the tent and supplies to another Illyrian who was ready to fly ahead to set up the next location.

"I don't know what happened to my pack," Thea said, realizing when they had arrived she had given it to a camp mother to handle.

"They'll set up our tent at the new location," Azriel said. He was equipping additional daggers on his body for the trip in the event of a confrontation.

Our tent. Despite everything he was feeling, he still intended for them to share a tent. That gave Thea some comfort. It meant he wanted to address this chasm between them.

"Are you ready?" Azriel asked.

Thea nodded.

Azriel frowned, looking around the camp that was quickly being deconstructed. He grabbed a fur and wrapped it around Thea's shoulders. Thea only wore her Healer's garb and the thin coat she used while working. "It's going to be cold," Azriel said, pinning the fur in place.

"But you'll keep me warm," Thea said, a bit flirtatious.

Azriel's hazel eyes finally met hers. He didn't smile, but the shadows lightened a bit. It was progress at least. Thea wrapped her arms around his neck, and he scooped her up. Then he was in the air. It was a long flight, and they did not speak. Thea dozed on and off in Azriel's arms, exhausted from the diplomatic theater in the early morning and the healing she had done. His heartbeat was a comforting constant that lulled her in and out of consciousness. When she was awake, she channeled a bit of healing energy into his body to keep his arms from getting too sore from carrying her.

"We're here," Azriel said as he landed.

Thea opened her eyes to see she was still in his arms, and he made no move to tip her to the ground.

"Thank you," she said.

Reluctantly, Azriel set her down. It took a moment for Thea to gather her bearings and fight against the harsh wind that whipped around them.

"Let's go to the tent," Azriel said, placing a hand lightly on her back.

Thea nodded in agreement.

Once in the tent, Thea started the conversation they both knew they needed to have. "Cass told me what happened. You did the right thing."

Azriel sighed. "Did I?" He took off the weapons and Illyrian leathers.

Thea unpinned the fur Azriel had obtained and took off her coat. "Of course. You defended the person you love. There's no shame in that," Thea said matter-of-factly.

Azriel's eyes met hers. "Thea..."

Thea held the silence while she continued to look at Azriel.

It seemed like a thousand thoughts raced through Azriel's mind, but he only said aloud, "You're upset."

"No, I'm not. I'm...resign," she corrected. "One of your most admirable qualities is that you're so loyal to the people you care about. How can I be upset that you demonstrated that?" Thea undressed and put on her sleeping shirt which had been thoughtfully laid out for her on the bed.

Azriel shook his head as he undressed and put his sleeping pants on. "You're holding back. Tell me what you really feel," he urged.

Something in Thea cracked. She was trying to be understanding. She was trying to be accommodating. "The fact that you can't tell is the problem," she snapped.

Azriel winced as his whole body absorbed the barb.

Thea inhaled and exhaled deeply. "I'm sorry, that was cruel."

"It was the truth," Azriel said.

Thea shook her head. "I'm being impatient. You only learned about the mating bond a few weeks ago. I can't expect too much..."

"No, Thea, you should expect the world from me. That is what you deserve," Azriel said, his tone serious.

"Fuck the world. I just want you," Thea said passionately. 

Azriel slumped down on the bed. "You have me. It's a pathetic offering. Dregs."

"It's not dregs, Az. It's just..."

"Not enough," Azriel supplied. His feelings of inferiority swirled around the mating bond.

Thea shook her head. "Stop. That's not what I was going to say..." she said, frustrated.

Azriel cut her off, lost in his own thoughts. "You send these pulses through the bond of how you feel about me. And there's such depth. Such richness. It's so beautiful. And I don't deserve it," Azriel said, regretful.

"That's not true."

"It is. You know how insufficient I am compared to what you deserve," Azriel said, the deep sadness and shame so clear. The mating bond made it impossible for Azriel to hide himself from her - all his flaws, all his insecurities. And he only saw those things, never his strengths.

Thea paced across the tent, angry. "Stop! If you're going to be miserable being my mate because you don't think you'll ever measure up to some bullshit standard in your head, then let's end this! Reject the mating bond. I'm not here to expand your misery. But let me be clear. I am happier now than I have ever been. You are enough, Az." 

Azriel surged up to his feet and closed the distance between them. He kissed her passionately, pouring all of his feelings for Thea into the kiss and through the bond - appreciation, respect, wonder, adoration.

Perhaps he would never love her the way he loved Mor, but perhaps that was okay. Because what Thea felt emanating from Azriel felt so beautiful and so real.

When they separated, Azriel looked at her squarely. "I will never reject the bond. Please don't reject it."

Thea's breath hitched at the unwavering certainty she felt flowing out of him. "I won't," she promised.

The heaviness of what they both admitted settled over them. It was not the same as accepting the bond, but they were committing to something. There was a version of forever they could potentially build, day by day - together.

"Thank you," Azriel said. He sighed with relief as he rested his forehead against hers. "Fuck, you scare me, Thea," he admitted.

"What? Why?"

"This feels too good to be true. I keep expecting you to give up on me," Azriel confessed.

Thea blushed. "It doesn't have to be painful to be real," she said.

Azriel smirked. "You sound like Cass."

"Oh?"

"At Dawn Court, we spent the night out flying around and getting into trouble. I was confused and upset. And Cass gave me such an earful about Mor...you...love," Azriel recounted. 

The two brothers talked about love? What she would have given to have been there. "What did he say?"

"He said I make things too complicated and have conditioned myself to think that love has to be this awful and painful feeling because that's what I've felt for centuries. He said I'm happy when I'm with you. And that is important," Azriel said.

Thea smiled. "Well, he's by far the most brilliant of you three," she said.

Azriel shook his head with annoyance as he sat back down on the bed. "Gods, I'm going to have to deal with you two flirting and praising each other in this sickeningly sweet way for the rest of my life," he grumbled.

She caught the promise of forever in his words and her breath hitched again as her body filled with hope. "Praise? What did he say about me?"

Azriel's eyes sharpened. "You're more interested in what he had to say than what I said?" he asked, the jealousy clear in his tone.

Thea turned her full attention to Azriel and straddled his lap. "You were praising me too? Why don't you two have these conversations in front of me?" she joked.

He chuckled as he rested his hands possessively on her hips.

"What did you say?" she asked, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"You're wise, beautiful, loving, fierce. Too clever and talented for your own good. And perhaps the best thing that's ever happened to me," Azriel confessed.

She breath hitched. "Az...That's some praise," she said. She closed the space between them with a kiss. Azriel deepened the kiss, and Thea could feel his erection grow as she straddled his lap. "Can we go to your apartment and play?"

Azriel groaned with frustration. "We are hours away from war. I would be too tempted to stay if we went."

"That's so responsible of you," she grumbled.

Azriel sighed, resting his forehead on her chest. "Thea, are we okay?" he asked softly, alluding to their prior conversation.

Thea hesitated. "Honestly Az, I don't think I'm okay. But it's so hard to parse what I'm feeling about us, the mating bond, Mor, what you told me the other night about your childhood, war starting in a few hours, all the people who will die, the prospect of you dying...I can usually think logically and focus, but I feel myself slipping," Thea confessed. Her head ached as that sense of overwhelm crept in.

Azriel held her close, his shadows wrapping around her back as well to cocoon them. "I've got you," he said.

"Are you okay?" Thea asked. "Or perhaps, are you more okay than usual?" She knew his self-loathing would not allow him to admit to actually being okay - not yet at least.

Azriel chuckled darkly. "Yes. Much more okay than before I learned about the mating bond," he said.

"Yeah?" 

Azriel nodded.

Thea's heart clenched. She kissed him thoroughly, threading her fingers into his hair. "Az, please make me come," she requested in between kisses.

"How would you like it?" he asked.

"Whatever you want. You're in charge," Thea said, relinquishing her power. She needed him to take care of her tonight - to quiet her busy mind and make her scream.

"Okay," he agreed. Azriel stood up, still holding Thea. He turned and tossed her onto the bed, causing her to bounce once before her back settled onto the mattress. Azriel stared at her, his shadows licked like flames around his legs and his eyes were dark. He didn't move.

"What's wrong?" Thea asked, feeling her core tighten at having been tossed like a ragdoll.

"You're so beautiful," Azriel said as he continued to stare at her.

Thea swallowed hard and looked away, squirming a bit under his scrutiny.

"You don't believe me," he ascertained.

"I do," she said carefully. "But it takes me a moment. I've spent a lot of decades working to be okay with how I look."

Azriel hooked his fingers under the waistband of her underwear and pulled them down, caressing smooth brown skin.

"What do you not like?" Azriel asked as his eyes traced up and down her muscular thighs and calves.

Thea thought it over. It wasn't that she didn't like a part of her body. But her appearance had never been a priority - for her or anyone around her growing up. "In Dawn Court, the more slender and dainty you are, the more beautiful. Like that soft hint of sun before sunrise - delicate. That's what's considered most desirable. And I am far from that," Thea said.

Azriel frowned. "That is true. You're the first rays of light breaking through the horizon right before the sun crests. The kinds of rays that pierce through storm clouds. Unwavering. A beacon," he said, running his hand from her foot up her calf, her thigh, her hip, and her waist.

Thea blushed, not expecting such romantic words. "I didn't realize you're a poet," she teased.  

Azril chuckled, almost to himself. "I'm usually not."

"So what now, Spymaster?" Thea asked demurely.

Azriel tugged her sleep shirt up, and she raised her arms so he could remove it. He drank in the sight of her naked. Full breasts. Broad shoulders. Strong arms. She did not look like a female who needed rescuing or protecting. Who would ever submit to a male. That she would choose to do so - that she would fall apart in his arms after Hybern's attack on Velaris, that she would want him in charge of her pleasure - was a privilege Azriel did not take for granted.

"I have many ideas. First, we're testing that flexibility," he said.

Suddenly, a shadow tendril bound her hands together and pulled them over her head. Azriel fashioned another tendril into a stiff rod, wrapping the ends of it around her ankles and spreading her legs apart.

"Oh, shit," Thea heaved out, gathering her wits as she stared at the shadow rod slowly lengthening.

"You okay?" Azriel asked, watching her carefully.

Thea nodded. 

"Say it," he instructed.

"I'm good. Was just surprised," she said, feeling a slight stretch in her inner thighs as the rod stopped expanding. Her legs were spread wide open.

"Use the safe word if it's too much," Azriel said.

"I know."

Azriel sat down on the bed and looked at her most intimate part, really looked. He spread her folds and looked some more. 

"Az..." she said, squirming a bit as he just stared intensely. It was incredibly arousing and overwhelming at the same time. 

Azriel's hazel eyes, darker with desire, dragged up the rest of her body before meeting hers. Thea licked her lips, and her body flushed with more arousal. She instinctively writhed on the bed in an attempt to give herself some relief, but with her legs so spread out, there was no way to get any kind of friction. 

Azriel smirked. "You like me just looking at you," he said with a confident lilt.

"Yeah, I guess I do," she realized. It was an odd feeling to be so blatantly ogled, but a good one. She pulled at the shadow restraint around her wrists, but it did not budge. She desperately wanted to touch herself.

His eyes roamed down again. "You have a beautiful pussy," he said.

Thea flushed at the compliment. "She would appreciate being touched, Az," she said impatiently. 

He chuckled. "My girl...always hungry," he said, his tone full of approval. His own gaze and posture reminded Thea of a predator ready to strike.

"For you? Yes," Thea said honestly.

With those words, Azriel pounced on Thea, resting his weight on her as he kissed her deeply. His legs nestled between her spread ones, but his erection pressed into the mattress. Thea pulled hard against the shadow restraints as she tried to rub her clit against his abdomen, anything for a bit of delicious friction.

"Az..." she mewled as he moved to her breast, licking and sucking unrelentingly.

"Your skin tastes so good," Azriel said, as he sucked her nipple - hard - while wrapping his arms around her arched back and pinning her body to his.

Thea grunted with frustration and arousal - fighting against the shadow rod spreading her legs. She desperately wanted to wrap her legs around Azriel and grind against him. But that was impossible.

"Az...Az..." she chanted, pulling hard at the restraints. It seemed her mind was dreaming up every fantasy she could not have because now she wanted to wrap her hand around his throat as she ravished him. "Az...please..." She did not even know what she was asking.

Azriel pulled at the hair at the base of her skull, the sensation grounding her as she exposed her neck to him. Her submission. He moaned before kissing and nipping her pulse point. "Relax into it, Thea." He stroked her folds, finding them slick with her arousal and dipped two fingers into her pussy, thrusting them in and out while plundering her mouth with his. When Azriel's palm brushed up against her clit, Thea bucked up violently, trying to grind against his hand to reach for something she could not attain.

"I don't think I can come like this," Thea whined.

"I'm not trying to make you come yet," Azriel said, his tone smug but with an edge of darkness.

It silenced Thea. When he had said they were hours away from war, Thea had thought they were in a rush, but it seemed like Azriel was going to take his time. Thea inhaled and exhaled, calming her frayed nerves.

Azriel gave her a small approving smile. "There you go," he said, stroking her hair affectionately as he felt her settle into the restraints.

"Thank you, Spymaster," Thea said, her tone taking on a submissive quality.

Azriel closed his eyes and groaned with pleasure. "Such a good girl," he said.

Thea felt another wave of arousal drench her core at his response. She knew in that moment she would do anything he asked of her. But he asked nothing of her. Instead, he dragged his body down so that his head was at her pelvis, his nose inhaling her scent so intimately.

And then he feasted. Thea screamed as Azriel licked and sucked her clit and folds hungrily. With the shadow rod spreading her so widely, there was no where to hide. She could not squeeze her legs together but instead was forced to absorb the barrage of pleasure at full blast. And Azriel was unrelenting. He inserted his tongue inside of her as his fingers massaged her clit, and she had no more words. She was all sensation, her mind in tatters as she succumbed to his onslaught.

Azriel shortened the length of the rod, which alleviated some of the stretch Thea had felt in her inner thighs. "How flexible are you the other way?" Azriel asked, curious.

Thea did not understand the question through her haze of pleasure. "What?"

Azriel flipped Thea over on her stomach, the shadow rod still spreading her legs apart. Thea gasped with surprise as the sudden change of orientation, but in her feral state she used the opportunity to grind herself against the sheets of the bed, the slight friction soothing her a bit.

Azriel released Thea's wrists from the shadow bindings, but quickly grabbed one, pulling her arm behind her back and curling her spread legs towards her shoulders to attach her wrist to the shadow rod as well. He did the same with the other arm. Now all four of her appendages were attached to the rod, and her back was arched off the bed as her weight was predominantly on her stomach and chest. 

"How do you feel?" Azriel asked, admiring her bowed form.

Thea grunted with frustration as she could not get the leverage she wanted to grind into the bed. "Helpless. Aroused," she said.

"Do you want to stop?" Azriel asked. 

"Fuck no," Thea said.

Azriel positioned her body towards the edge of the bed, and he stood in front of her, naked and proud. "I'm going to fuck your mouth now," he warned, his voice thick and needy. "If you want to stop, pull off and use the safe word."

Her mouth watered. She did not anticipate wanting to stop. "Okay," she agreed. She opened her mouth, and his cock was inside in an instant.

In this position, Azriel controlled everything - the pace, the depth, all of it. "Fuck, Thea," he said, as he watched his cock disappear into her mouth.

Historically, Thea mildly enjoyed giving oral sex. She did not necessarily enjoy the act herself, but she enjoyed the reaction of her partner. However, being completely at Azriel's mercy was intoxicating, and it made her want things she had never wanted before. After several strokes, she pulled off.

Azriel's face flooded with concern. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. But I want you to really fuck my mouth, Az. Make me gag," she demanded. Her tone was low, needy, and wild. 

Azriel crouched down and kissed her passionately. "Yes, Healer," he said demurely, his eyes sparkling with humor.

Thea smiled at his joke and opened her mouth again. Azriel thrusted inside, going deeper into her mouth. He hit the back of her throat and backed off just a bit, but his pace was not gentle. Thea's mind relaxed into the discomfort growing in her jaw from being used to thoroughly as she felt Azriel's arousal and her own weave together.

Eventually Azriel pulled out, and she caught her breath and licked his cock hungrily. "Fuck, Thea, look at you. Fucking incredible," he praised softly, wiping the saliva away from her chin. Then he was back inside, this time slower and more deliberate, and Thea knew he was going to try to go as far into her mouth and throat as he could. She worked to relax her throat, but the unsurprising truth was that she had never had someone as big as Azriel in her mouth before. Her gag reflex sprang up despite her best efforts, and she was a bit frustrated with herself for not being able to take more of him down her throat.

"Don't even worry, it's so fucking good," Azriel gritted out, sensing her frustration through the bond. He thrusted hard into her mouth several more times before it became too much. "Thea!" Azriel shouted, as he trembled through his orgasm, spraying his seed into her mouth.

She swallowed it down, the exhilaration she felt from pleasing him was indescribable and swamped her sensitized body. Soon she felt the spreader bar and restraints disappear. She stretched her body a bit before Azriel gathered her tightly in his arms. Wrapping her arms around his shoulders and nuzzling his neck, Thea felt so desperate. "Az...I need..."

"I know, I know," he said comfortingly. He slipped two fingers inside of her and pressed his rough palm against her clit.

"Yes!" She gasped and ground against him, her hips undulating quickly. Azriel clutched her close as he licked and sucked a nipple. Thea bent back to allow better access, and Azriel's shadows and arm supported her weight in the arched position. He continued to thrust into her hard and fast, just as she liked it.

Thea's orgasm came quickly and fiercely. She screamed and dragged her nails across his shoulders. Her mind was in freefall as her body pulsed and pulsed and pulsed. 

"I've got you," Azriel whispered as he clutched her close, watching her ride out the waves of pleasure with rapt attention.

Thea became limp as she came down from her orgasm, her mind blissfully empty. Azriel placed her gently onto the bed and pulled the blankets around their bodies, still holding her close.

"Thank you. You're so beautiful, so amazing. That was incredible. I don't have words," Azriel said reverently as his hands gently massaged her shoulders which had been put under strain in that bowed position.

Thea smiled sleepily. "You're welcome. Thank you, Az. I needed that more than I realized," she said, the exhaustion catching up to her.

"I'm glad you liked it. Go to sleep, Thea," he whispered, kissing her forehead. 

She was asleep within moments.

Author's Note: Thank you for the continued support! Hope you enjoy this chapter, which, as you now know, is the inspiration for the title of this story overall. It's going to get more angsty and complicated as war is upon us. I won't be able to update again until at least next weekend, but at least Azriel got to show off his shadow spreader in the meantime. Hehe. Take care!

Azriel left the camp before dawn, outfitted in his black battle armor, a wing-tipped helmet, two swords strapped to his back, and seven Siphons blazing. Before he left, Thea had given him a searing kiss that made him smile shyly, a striking juxtaposition to the terrifying and beautiful image he made otherwise.

The plan was that Thea would winnow the Healers and apprentices to this location where they would wait out the battle. Then they would winnow to the new camp location to set up the Healer's tent and tend to the wounded.

Thea winnowed back to Velaris, gathering up the Healers and apprentices at the Healer's Hall. She helped them double check supplies, and then winnowed them back to the camp. It was exhausting to winnow over such a long distance, so once everyone arrived at the northern border of Winter Court, Thea rested and ate.

Mor winnowed back to the camp in search of Thea.

"Mor, what's wrong?" Thea asked. She searched for Azriel though the bond, but the connection was too faint in the distance.

"The battle will start soon, do you want to watch? I can take you, and you'll know the location then too," Mor said.

Thea hesitated. Did she want to watch the battle? She'd never seen war before. She was not sure if it would make her feel better or worse to see Azriel fighting. "Okay, thank you," she said.

Mor winnowed them to a hill above a field where the two armies assembled to face each other.

"Thea," Feyre said with a small tight smile as she watched the battle from the same hill.

"High Lady," Thea said with a polite nod.

Feyre chuckled. "Please, just Feyre. I've invited you to family dinner for Cauldron's sake," she said.

Thea smiled. "I plan to be at the next one," she said, her words heavy. If they all survived. If there would be more family dinners to go to.

Feyre nodded her approval but did not say more.

"Azriel's there," Mor said, pointing to the frontline where Azriel, Cassian, and Rhysand were fighting.

Thea sighed. "Right in the front," she murmured.

"Yep," Mor said, her gaze focused.

Thea watched as Azriel, a swarm of shadow and steel and blue energy, ruthlessly cut down enemy after enemy. She did not dare reach out with the bond and distract him, but she could feel he was focused and enjoying the battle slaking his bloodlust. 

The Illyrians held the lines alongside another group of soldiers. "Are those the Darkbringers?" Thea asked.

Mor nodded. "Yes, led by my father," she said, the word full of loathing.

Thea did not ask more details. She knew something had happened between Mor and her family, and she did not want to ask more questions about it.

"Do they have Healers?" Thea asked.

Mor shrugged. "Who cares?"

Thea chuckled, which felt odd when she watched her mate deal deathblow after deathblow in a muddy and bloody field. But she did catalogue asking Rhysand if the Healers and apprentices should divide up between the two armies after the battle.

Thea watched Azriel for several more minutes, taking in every brutal swing of his sword, blast of his Siphons, and thrust of his shield. While she was deeply anxious about his well-being, as well as Rhysand's and Cassian's, she was also intoxicated by the efficient and strategic manner in which Azriel fought. He wasted no energy, every move was precise and calculated. Until he would unleash himself in the form of a Siphon blast against Hybern's shield or a section of the army that revealed the wild, brutal power within him.  

"Azriel and Cassian have such different fighting styles," Thea observed. Cassian was unrelenting strength and forcefulness. With each attack, he held nothing back.

Mor nodded in agreement. "I've always thought of them as lightning and thunder."

"That's beautiful," Thea said.

"It shouldn't be much longer," Mor said, seeing something in the field of battle that Thea's untrained eyes did not catch.

"I'll winnow the Healers and apprentices," Thea said.

While it pained her to turn around from watching Azriel and making sure he was safe, she winnowed to the campsite.

"Is the battle done?" Beatrice asked as Thea approached the group.

"Nearly. Everyone ready? The Darkbringers are also present. Does anyone have experience with them?"

"I do," Beatrice said with a shiver. "I've healed some of them with Madja when she'd visit the Court of Nightmares."

Thea frowned. "What should we know about them?"

"They are a cruel bunch," Beatrice explained.

"Should we have someone provide security for the Healers and apprentices if Rhysand asks us to help them?" Thea asked.

Beatrice thought it over. "I wouldn't mind to be honest. Maybe the Shadowsinger? He's the most terrifying," she said.

"Yes, I'm sure Thea's lover would do it," Lillian, one of the apprentices, teased.

All of the Healers and apprentices laughed or squealed at the gossip. "Okay, that's enough. I'll consult with the High Lord and the Inner Circle. We'll keep everyone safe. Those of you who are focused on High Fae, Beatrice is your lead. I'll lead on Illyrians with the others," Thea said, slightly unnerved by her personal life being on full display.

Just then a shadow winnow opened up, and Azriel emerged. Blood and mud caked his armor and splattered his face, but he was alive. Thea let out a deep sigh that bordered on a cry at seeing him. They locked eyes, and for a moment, it was just the two of them taking each other in, the shared relief at seeing one another twining around the mating bond. He advanced towards her, but then his eyes darted to the gaggle of Healers and apprentices behind Thea, and he paused mid-step, unsure of what to do.  

"I'll be right back," Thea said to the stunned group. Several of the apprentices seemed terrified and awed by the Shadowsinger in the black armor.

She walked towards Azriel and winnowed them to their tent. He was about to speak, but she cut him off by wrapping her arms around his neck and jumping up. He instinctively caught her as she locked her legs around his waist as they kissed. He carried her to the bed and tossed her down, plundering her mouth with his.

Relief, respect, admiration, adoration, and desire flowed back and forth between them.

"We need to go. I need to lead the Healers. I shouldn't have started something. I'm sorry," Thea said in between kisses. Guilt at being so selfish when there were people injured sliced through the pleasure and relief she felt. Azriel relented.

"Never apologize for kissing me," Azriel said, pulling her up from the bed.

"I feel so..." Thea did not even know what she felt. Relief. Pride. Dread.

"Me too," Azriel said knowingly.

"I saw you fighting," Thea said.

"I know," Azriel said.

"You did? I didn't mean for you to know. Was that distracting?" she rambled as she quickly washed her face of the blood and dirt transferred to her from Azriel's face. Her clothes were now bloody and dirty as well, but that was going to be unavoidable anyway. She wrapped an apron around herself. 

"No, it felt nice. A safe place for my mind to retreat to at times," Azriel said.

Thea smiled but refocused on business as they exited the tent and walked to the group. "Does Rhys want us to heal the Darkbringers too? Do they have their own Healers?"

"They don't. Yes, they will need help too," Azriel said.

"How should we divide up? Do we split and go to each camp? Do we set up the Healer's tent in between and just mix everyone?"

"Yes, the tent is in the middle between the two camps."

"Some of the Healers and apprentices are wary of the Darkbringers," Thea said.

"But not the Illyrians?" Azriel asked skeptically.

"I think the ones who were at Adriata had a decent enough experience with the Illyrians," Thea pointed out.

"I'd be wary of everyone," Azriel warned.

"So to that point, you were volunteered as our security," Thea teased.

Azriel smirked. "Was I?"

"I think you have some fans among the Healers and apprentices," Thea teased.

Even through the dirt and blood on his face, Thea could tell he blushed a bit.

They went back to the group and winnowed everyone to the new location of the war-camp at the edge of the battlefield in Summer Court. Thea and the team quickly got to work at the Healer's tent, which was already standing in between the two camps. Thea triaged the Illyrians, and Beatrice did the same for the Darkbringers. Azriel checked in every twenty minutes to see if the Healers needed anything while glaring at all of the Darkbringers and Illyrians in the tent before disappearing again. When Nesta, Feyre, and Mor showed up to help assist with the wounded, Thea excused Azriel from his security duties.

Thea and Beatrice compared notes on their triage assessments. While not that many Illyrians died in the battle, dozens were critically wounded. Nesta, Feyre, and Mor helped the apprentices cut up bandages and do basic care while the Healers and Thea handled the more complicated cases.

After a couple hours, Keir strode up to the Healer's tent, furious. "My soldiers are not being healed," he accused, looking at Thea as the Healer in Charge.

"We operate based on severity of injury. The most injured people get healed first," Thea explained as she continued to treat an Illyrian warrior with a stab wound to the chest.

"They have been waiting while you focus all your attention on Rhysand's pets," Keir spat out, looking at the Illyrians who did admittedly dominate the tent.

The Illyrian patient launched angrily at Keir. Thea pressed him back down on the cot with all her strength to avoid worsening his injury.

She glared at Keir. "Stop! Leave now," she demanded.

Keir's face turned cruel. "You don't command me, girl! You think just because you fuck them that they deserve special treatment..."

"That's enough!" Mor said, stepping between Thea and her father. "You heard the rules. Soldiers will be healed in the order of severity."

Mor stared down her father for a long, uncomfortable moment. He sneered and walked off.

Thea returned to healing the Illyrian warrior.

"You alright?" Mor asked.

"Yes, thank you," Thea said. But Keir's words rolled in her mind. She did not know Keir, had never met or spoken with him until that interaction, and yet he seemed to suggest he knew about her personal life. She was, admittedly, a bit shaken.

She was proud to be Azriel's mate, but it was also a private thing. They hadn't accepted the bond. And perhaps that would never happen. But between the Healers and apprentices teasing her and Keir's insulting words, she felt like she and Azriel were on display in a way she was unprepared for.

Thea worked into the early evening, and thankfully the injuries she treated in this later stage were less severe. She was even working on High Fae as she thought it would be good for Keir to see all the Healers focused on his people as well.

Azriel came over with a pitcher of water and glass.

"Since I'm only allowed to give you water," he said dryly, handing Thea a nearly overflowing glass.

Thea glanced at the Darkbringer soldier who did not understand the joke. The soldier glared at Azriel nonetheless, and Azriel pointedly ignored the patient.

"Thank you," Thea said, taking the glass and drinking the whole thing.

She finished up with the patient and took a break to talk with Azriel.

"There's food by the fire," Azriel said, pointing to the fire Rhysand, Feyre, Cassian, and Nesta were around.

Thea squinted her eyes. "Is Cassian hurt?" she asked, seeing Nesta wrap his arm with bandages. Thea started to walk over. What was Cassian doing not getting an injury addressed?

"Wait," Azriel said, grabbing Thea's hand. "Let Nesta handle this one. It's minor."

Thea bristled for a moment at the suggestion she let her friend remain injured when she could easily fix the problem.

Azriel leaned down and whispered in Thea's ear, "Just watch."

Thea sighed, annoyed, but followed Azriel's advice. She watched Cassian and Nesta as Nesta wrapped Cassian's forearm - a little too loosely in Thea's opinion. But Thea quickly realized that wasn't the point. Cassian could not stop staring at Nesta, and the heat in his gaze said everything.

"Oh," Thea said, looking away, flushed. She had witnessed something private. She realized Azriel must do this all the time as a Spymaster.

Azriel smirked. "It'll heal by tomorrow, don't worry."

Thea nodded, distracted. She did not want to compare the brothers. She simply should not. They were so different. And yet.

Outside of times they were physically intimate, Azriel had never looked at her with that kind of deep yearning. It was a trap to compare herself to Mor, and she pushed down her anxiety, her own feelings of inferiority. But these feelings pushed up against the fact that people knew they were...involved.

They had committed to not rejecting the mating bond, but that could mean so many things. Would they just continue to...court? That could last for centuries. And that was fine, theoretically. But Thea also had basic physical needs, specifically in the form of a cock thoroughly ramming into her. Would they become involved with other people and be tethered to each other as well? The thought of knowing Azriel was having sex with someone else made Thea's stomach turn. And if she was being honest, she didn't even think sex with someone else sounded appealing.

There needed to be a time when they discussed how to proceed. It didn't have to be today or tomorrow. But at some point - soon - assuming they survived.

"Are you okay?" Azriel asked, pulling Thea from her thoughts.

Thea blinked. "Sorry," she said.

"Deep thoughts? You got that little crease right there," Azriel said, pointing to her forehead.

"Yeah. My mind got really busy just then," she said vaguely.

Azriel seemed unconvinced by that response but did not press. "Go get some food. I'll refill your supplies," he said.

Thea nodded and went over to the fire. Mor and Cassian were chatting, and Feyre and Rhysand were in their own little world. Nesta had disappeared.

"How are the patients, Thea?" Mor asked.

"Let her eat," Cassian said, giving Thea a bowl.

Thea scooped out stew from the pot by the fire and ate a few bites before answering. "The most critical are stable. Almost all of the patients now are Darkbringers."

"Don't let Keir get to you," Mor said encouragingly.

Cassian frowned. "Why do you care what Keir thinks?"

Thea shrugged but Mor said, "He was being an asshole to Thea."

Cassian's frown turned severe. "What happened?"

"Nothing. Mor handled it," Thea said quickly. The last thing she wanted was to talk about Keir.

It got worse when Rhysand stepped in. "What did he say?" the High Lord demanded.

Thea's stomach dropped. She did not want to create any drama. And she knew if she spoke the words, she would get even more upset. She was too exhausted and fragile to be diplomatic.

And the fact that she had no idea how Azriel would react filled her with dread. Did she want him to react like he did when Eris insulted Mor? Did she want him to react at all? She did not even know herself.

Thea turned to Mor, her eyes pleading with the other female to help.

Mor looked at Thea sympathetically, realizing she had opened a can of worms. "Keir was upset mostly Illyrians were being healed. Thea told him it was based on severity of injury. And he insulted Illyrians, and Thea told him to leave. Then Keir said: You don't command me, girl! You think just because you fuck them..."

"Shit," Cassian cursed, not needing to hear more. "Az!"

The moment Cassian called for Azriel, Thea knew she actually did not want to see her mate's reaction. "I'm going to go back to work," Thea said, abruptly getting up as Azriel strode over.

Cassian was so shocked by Thea's reaction, he said nothing.

Azriel glanced at Thea curiously but she didn't say anything to him as she resumed her work, now enjoying a fresh supply of bandages thanks to his help.

She refused to look at Azriel, Cassian, and Rhysand talking. She refused to reach out through the mating bond to gauge Azriel's reaction. In fact, she walled herself off from the bond, not wanting to feel whatever Azriel's reaction was. If he was upset, she would get upset. If he was indifferent, she would be devastated, and he'd be able to tell through the bond. It was a lose-lose situation.

She just needed time to think logically about her life. But these last few days left no time for that. Had it been just over a week since Azriel had visited her in the Healer's Hall when she was sobbing on the floor telling him to reject the mating bond? It felt like a lifetime ago. She was exhausted, frayed, and spiraling once again.  

"Thea," Rhysand said, standing in front of the Healer's tent.

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry about Keir. He should never speak to you in that way. He's a miserable creature. We will deal with him. It's delicate given we need his forces. But please rest assured, he will be punished," Rhysand said.

"I don't care about any kind of punishment, Rhys. Do whatever you think is appropriate given you're High Lord," Thea said, her tone a bit deflated.

Rhysand quirked an eyebrow as his gaze assessed Thea. "Why don't you go rest? Things looks well in hand here, and I'm sure Beatrice can handle the overnight work?"

Thea was about the argue when Beatrice chimed in, "Of course. I've been telling her this for years."

Rhysand looked expectantly at Thea. "You're no good to me exhausted, Thea. Please rest," he said.

Thea nodded, discussing some patient notes with Beatrice before washing up and heading back to the tent. She was indeed tired, to her bones. But more concerningly, her mind was exhausted and frazzled.

Thea walked into the tent to find a pacing Azriel, shadows swirling all around him. He had cleaned up and was out of the armor, wearing only his low-slung sleeping pants. When she entered, he froze and placed a blue shield over the tent.

"Why didn't you tell me what Keir had said?" Azriel asked. While his voice was quiet, his tone was icy. He was furious.

Thea sighed. "I didn't care about what he said. More that he seemed to know something about us," she said.

Azriel's shadows flared. "Would that bother you?"

"If he knew about us? I don't know," Thea said. 

"We share a tent, Thea. We haven't been discreet. I didn't think we needed to be," Azriel said.

"I hadn't thought people were paying attention. But I should have known as a member of the Inner Court people would be watching you," she said.

Azriel scoffed. "You think it's me who people are paying attention to?"

Thea frowned. "What? It's me?"

Azriel looked at her in disbelief. "Thea, the Illyrians are enamored with you. Basically the soldiers want to be Cassian, and they want to fuck you. You have no idea the filth I hear. My favorite rumor is that I'm just one of several of your lovers," Azriel gritted out sarcastically.

Thea's eyes widened with surprise. "A whole Illyrian harem, hm?" she joked.

It did not land. Azriel's eyes narrowed, but he only asked, "Is that what you want?"  

"No."

She wanted Azriel to pine for her. To look at her with the yearning Cassian had when he looked at Nesta as she wrapped his wrist. The love Rhysand had when he looked at Feyre when she sat beside him.

Because in the depths of her soul, Thea was so proud to be Azriel's mate, but also terrified he would never actually want to accept the bond. Or he would accept it from a place of desire rather than love. 

But it had only been a few weeks. A few intoxicating and overwhelming weeks.

"Why can't I feel you?" Azriel asked.

"I just need a break," Thea said.

"You're hiding from me," Azriel assessed. 

"So what if I am?" Thea spat back. 

Azriel winced. "Thea, did I do something wrong?" he asked softly, insecurity seeping into his voice. "I thought we were in a good place this morning..."

"We were. I'm sorry. I'm just...tired," Thea said, grasping for excuses.  

Azriel did not believe her. "You said you were happier now than you ever had been. But you look miserable," he pressed.

"I'm not miserable, Az. I'm...overwhelmed by my thoughts."

"So share them with me," Azriel said.

Thea hesitated.

"Thea, tell me," he pressed.

He was trying. She could see that. But she was also so painfully jealous of the things she did not have.

"What was your reaction when you heard about what Keir said?" Thea asked.

Azriel frowned at the memory. "I was angry he would dare to speak to you like that," he said.

"But you didn't throw up an impenetrable shield and choke him, right?" she asked sharply.

Understanding dawned on Azriel's face. "This was a different situation."

"Sure," Thea said, her tone so neutral it felt forced.

Azriel gathered his thoughts for a moment before speaking. "When Eris called Mor a slut, he was bringing back so much trauma. After Mor and Cass slept together, Mor's family including Keir drove three nails through her stomach and womb. And after they brutalized her, they dumped her body. I found her," Azriel explained, his voice quivering.

Thea gripped her own stomach in response.

"What Keir said to you, it was awful, and I'm furious. Rhys promised me I'll get to dole out the punishment when the war's over. And I will enjoy his suffering. But Keir doesn't know what he's talking about. And it didn't have the layers that Eris' comment did," Azriel said.

Thea turned around. "I'm sorry," she mumbled. She was being so damn petty, and it was so fucking embarrassing.

Azriel stood behind her and placed his hands on the sides of her shoulders. "It's okay. You didn't know." When she did not respond he added, "Please stop blocking the bond. I want to feel you."

"It's ugly right now," Thea said, her insecurities, jealousies, pettiness, and fears whirling around her mind.

"I don't care," Azriel said. "I've got you."

"Do you?" Thea whispered.

Azriel inhaled sharply. "You don't think I can handle you when it's bad?"

Thea hesitated.

"Oh, I see," Azriel said. Since that night at his apartment, he never blocked the bond from her. Despite everything, he had an innate faith she could handle him.

However, if she revealed what a mess she was, he would internalize it. This was different from when she broke down about the attack on Velaris. There was an enemy then. This time, all her feelings, all her fracturing, were because of Azriel and what they were and were not. If he knew, he would blame himself. Her feelings would hurt him. And that's the last thing she wanted.

Azriel frowned as he stepped away from her. Thea felt the room get colder as he started to withdraw.

"Az, it's all just happening so fast. We didn't talk for 45 years. And now in a matter of weeks we've learned we're mates. And there's a war. And maybe none of this will matter if we're dead soon," Thea rambled.

Azriel winced. "Don't talk about dying."

"It's a likely outcome, Az," Thea said darkly.

"Stop," Azriel pled. He was terrified of the thought.

"If you can't even handle me talking about dying, how do you expect to handle the shit in my mind?" Thea snapped.

Azriel winced again, but now his expression was laced with shame. "You're right. Fuck, you're right."

There was a long silence where neither of them knew what to do.

Finally Thea spoke. She needed space and time to think. "I'm going to go bunk with Beatrice."

"No. Stay," Azriel said.

"Why? Are you worried one of my other lovers will steal me away on the walk over to her tent?" Thea said sardonically. 

Azriel frowned. "I know what you're doing."

"You do? Because I don't," Thea said gloomily.

"You're pushing me away," Azriel said.

"Then maybe you should take a hint for once," Thea retorted, the words intending to wound. She never thought this would be the way she would equate herself to Mor. What the fuck was she doing?

Azriel's face fell. Anguish. Self-hatred. Despair. She watched as he gathered up his tattered emotions and wrapped them in an icy expression. Impenetrable. "I need to find Hybern's forces. Use the tent while I'm gone," he said, his voice distant and cold.

And then he left.

"C'mon, get your ass up, let's train!" Cassian said, shouting into the tent.

Thea groaned. She had spent the day before tending to the wounded as Rhysand, Cassian, and others waited to hear back from Azriel about where the hell Hybern's army went. Azriel had been gone the whole day, and Thea was not sure when he would be back.

The wounded were well on the way to being healed, and the Illyrian healers were fully capable of taking care of their own going forward. Beatrice had decided to stay, so she was able to tend to the injured Darkbringers. The other Healers and apprentices had left the night before to recuperate in Velaris.

Thea could leave and go back to Velaris too, she supposed. But she wanted to stay. She wanted to speak with Azriel upon his return, and she was not sure when that would be. She had said awful things when he left. Despite not wanting to hurt him by exposing him to her internal mess, she wound up hurting him anyway with her words. Perhaps they were just destined to hurt each other.

"Thea! Up! Now!" Cassian said from just outside the tent.

"Fine," Thea grumbled, getting out of bed and washing up. She emerged from the tent wearing her Healers uniform and a deep scowl.

Cassian handed her a slice of bread, some dried meat, and Illyrian leathers. "Change, eat, and then we train," he ordered. He was using his General tone where there was no room for argument.

She went back into the tent to change, and when she emerged he led her to a rough hewn training circle where other Illyrians were also practicing. Thea fell in line, not having anything better to do anyway. She swallowed down the dry food, drank some water, and looked expectantly at her instructor.

"Do you have any experience fighting?" Cassian asked.

Thea shrugged. "Roughhousing with boys when I was at the orphanage?"

Cassian frowned, skeptical of how those skills would translate. He picked up some pads for his hands and placed them in front of her. "Okay, why don't you throw some punches, and I'll just evaluate for a while," he offered.

Thea nodded. She wrapped her knuckles with some cloth for a bit of protection. Cassian looked at her expectantly, and she punched the pad. It stung, in a good way. It felt productive.

"Not bad. Strong," Cassian said. "Other side too."

She punched with her other hand.

"Weaker," Cassian assessed. "Again."

Thea jabbed the pads multiple times. Cassian coached her on how to use her feet and hips. He taught her about different kinds of punches like a cross and upper cut. And then he called out different combinations of punches for her to follow. It was therapeutic to just follow Cassian's directions, letting the anger and sadness out with each punch.

"Okay, break, get some water," Cassian said.

Winded, she grabbed some water and sat down to rest.

"You're not completely hopeless," Cassian said, pleased.

Thea chuckled. "Wow. That is not a compliment, Cass," she said.

Cassian shrugged. "You know what I mean," he said, nudging her.

She rolled her eyes but smiled at her friend.

"Okay, let's work on defense," Cassian said.

For the next couple of hours, Thea and Cassian worked on how to defend oneself against various kinds of attacks. Thea had the right instincts from her days at the orphanage and from basic self-defense she had picked up over the centuries. And working through how to handle an opponent with a size advantage or a speed advantage was fun problem solving. Cassian had been unimpressed by Thea's snarky response that she just needed to land a good stab to an artery and wait for the opponent to bleed out.      

Exhausted, Thea went to the Healer's tent to relieve Beatrice and Illyrian healers and tend to the wounded. She stayed busy, but the pit in her stomach from the last conversation with Azriel continued to gnaw at her, eroding her energy. She had been so petty and cruel. That's not who she wanted to be to Azriel. She stuffed down her anxiety, her anger, her shame, and concentrated on her work.

And that routine repeated for two more days. The troops were restless as there was still no word about where Hybern's forces were. Cassian kept them busy by having them build a trench. Thea supposed that was better than Illyrians picking fights with each other and having to heal them.

Azriel had not been back to the camp. Thea had not let down the block she had placed around the mating bond. She was partly scared she would feel nothing on the other side because she feared he blocked her off too. She was partly scared she would feel him, and he would be in a bad state. How could he not be? He wasn't finding Hybern's army and his mate had been a total jerk to him.

But she missed him, desperately. It was so strange that after 45 years of no contact, going just days without seeing him felt impossible. She was existing. She wasn't living. She wasn't happy. She was miserable. All she wanted to do was jump into Azriel's arms and tell him she was sorry for being so cruel and petty.

Thea compartmentalized her emotions as she focused on her opponent - Feyre. After five days of waiting around, Cassian had thought it was a good idea for Thea to have a real life sparring partner. Feyre had been restless and eager for something to do. Thea was unconvinced this was a good idea.

"Feyre, feel free to use your powers," Cassian said as Thea and Feyre got into the training circle. Several Illyrians were watching from the edges, amused and intrigued by this pending fight. 

"What?!" Thea protested as she held a practice dagger in her hand. She had refused a sword given there was likely not enough time to actually learn how to use it properly.

"An opponent is not going to fight fair," Cassian explained.

"Sure, but isn't Feyre extremely powerful?" Thea asked rhetorically. Feyre had caught the fucking Suriel after all - more than once.

Feyre smiled appreciatively at Thea. "I knew I liked you," she said to Thea as she swung her practice sword in the air to test it.

Cassian only shrugged, taking no pity on Thea.

Thea shook her head ruefully. "Alright, let the slaughter begin," she said, resigned.  

Feyre lunged forward aggressively and quickly, and Thea sidestepped. Thea was honestly intimidated. Feyre was clearly more experienced at fighting plus had the powers of all seven High Lords coursing through her. The only things Thea had going for her were that she was scrappy and knew anatomy. She was also likely at least forty pounds heavier than Feyre, so hopefully that additional muscle could somehow work in her favor.

Feyre struck at Thea's neck with her sword, and Thea dodged by bending back. Oh, right, and she was flexible. Feyre swiped down, and Thea blocked the attack with her dagger, and she realized Feyre actually did not have a lot of brute strength. Thea did have an advantage there. Thea pushed the sword off her dagger and shoved her shoulder against Feyre's chest, causing Feyre to stagger back.

Feyre's eyes lit up at the challenge. She lunged again, swiping faster and more aggressively with her sword. Thea barely avoided the attacks as she blocked with her dagger or sidestepped. Feyre was relentless, and Thea realized she should try to get the sword out of Feyre's hand. She saw an opening when Feyre attacked - Thea grabbed Feyre's attacking arm and struck her elbow and forearm hard, forcing Feyre to drop the sword due to the shock of pain. Thea kicked the sword out of the training circle and out of play.

"Clever," Feyre said.

"Trying to be," Thea admitted, catching her breath. She tucked the dagger into the back of her belt while they transitioned to hand-to-hand combat.

Feyre closed the distance between them and relentlessly threw punches and kicks at Thea. And while Thea blocked, she realized Feyre's fists were literally on fire.

"Shit," Thea said, sending healing energy to her hands which were already blistering from blocking flaming fists. She glared as Cassian who was smirking with amusement.

"You have yet to try to even punch or kick Feyre," Cassian said to Thea.

"Yeah, I'm too busy trying to survive," Thea retorted.

"Go on the offensive, c'mon, let loose," Cassian commanded.

Thea hesitated. This was the High Lady after all.

"If you hurt her, you can heal her right after. Now actually fight," Cassian said. He was using that General tone again.

Thea inhaled, deeply unsure if she could even land a punch or a kick. But Thea diagnosed Feyre like she would a patient - she favored her right, she liked being the aggressor, and she was fast. Thea needed to land an efficient and powerful hit, perhaps just one, for Cassian to call this skirmish over. Or perhaps Thea would have her ass handed to her and that would end it. Either way, someone was going to have to be on her back.

Feyre started a series of punches and kicks, most of which Thea blocked or avoided by sidestepping. Some blows did land on Thea's face and torso and were quite painful, but nothing compared to the memories she had of fighting with her childhood friends at the orphanage. Thea caught an opening and punched Feyre in the ribs - hard. Feyre grunted, clutching her side.

"I'm sorry," Thea said. 

"Don't apologize, attack again!" Cassian said, exasperated.

Feyre chuckled. "It's okay, c'mon," she said encouragingly.

Thea was pretty sure she at least bruised Feyre's ribs and prayed Rhysand was not going to melt her brain for hurting his mate, even if she had consented to this fight. Thea looked over at the High Lord standing next to Cassian. He didn't look pleased, but he didn't look angry at Thea at least.

Feyre attacked again. Thea responded with a series of punches and kicks that were admittedly half hearted. It was so awkward to battle the High Lady.

"Stop half-assing this, Thea," Cassian growled. "Pretend she's someone who's going to kill you."

Thea attempted this visualization, but it still felt awkward.

Feyre's eyes glinted. "I know. Pretend I'm someone who's going to kill Azriel," she said.

Thea's heart clenched at the memory of Azriel dying on the floor of the townhouse. "Feyre..." Thea warned, her voice turning cold.

Feyre smiled slyly. "Yes, that. That rage. Use that," she said.

"Attack, Thea," Cassian ordered.

She attacked. She no longer saw Feyre but some faceless aggressor threatening her mate. She thought about all the sensitive places for a High Fae. She kicked at the inside of Feyre's knee. Then punched at her neck and throat. Then connected a punch again on that side where she had already bruised a rib.

On the defensive, Feyre shrouded the entire circle in darkness. Thea picked up handfuls of dirt and threw them in a circle around her to try to suss out where Feyre was. She heard a gasp of surprise and kicked blindly in that area of darkness. She made contact with Feyre's thigh, but it was not a well-placed kick. Feyre disappeared in the darkness, and Thea paused to listen. She did not move. She knew Feyre would not be able to resist attacking, so she waited. She heard her opponent's quick, light footsteps and dropped her shoulder. She felt Feyre's body lunge at her, but she pushed up, and Feyre launched over Thea's shoulder and landed on her back. The darkness dissipated as Feyre landed, the wind knocked out of her. Feyre rolled away and blasted bright white light at Thea. Given Thea's eyes were still dilated from the darkness, the bright light was absolutely blinding. Feyre used that to her advantage and kicked Thea's feet out from her, causing Thea to land on her back. Feyre scrambled on top of Thea with the practice dagger at her neck. Thea had no idea how Feyre got the dagger from the back of her own belt.

Thea lost. She tapped out, and Feyre helped the other female get up.

"You did great. Without powers you would have had me," Feyre praised.

"Thanks," Thea said, brushing the dirt off her clothes.

"Not bad, took you a while to take it seriously though," Cassian said as he walked through the throng of people who had assembled to watch the fight.

Thea shrugged.

"Just needed the right motivation," Feyre said knowingly.

Thea smirked as she scanned Feyre for injuries. Thea had actually cracked Feyre's rib during the fight. She quickly healed it and flooded the High Lady's body with pain relief.

Feyre and Rhysand walked off together, leaving Cassian and Thea by themselves.

"C'mon, food time," Cassian said, heading to a fire pit.

Thea looked at Cassian curiously. "Don't you have other things to do? You've just spent almost the entire morning training me and yelling at me about how I should beat up Feyre. You've been with me every morning," Thea said. He was in charge of this entire war-camp after all.

Cassian shrugged. "I delegated work to my lieutenants. It's fine," he said.

Thea stopped moving, realization dawning in her distracted mind. "Did Az tell you to watch me?" Thea never talked about Azriel during the last five days, and she should have realized it was suspicious that Cassian didn't bring him up.

Cassian hesitated before responding carefully, "He said you guys had a bad fight and to keep an eye on you."

Thea sighed. "I'm fine, Cass. Go be General for Cauldron's sake," she said, shooing him away.

But he didn't leave. "Thea, you know Az is a challenging person..."

Thea's heckles instinctively rose to her mate's defense. "Why do you think he's the one in the wrong? I'm the one who was the jerk. He was trying to get me to talk to him, and I refused. I hurt him, when I promised myself I wouldn't," she said.

Cassian furrowed his eyebrows. "That seems like a trap. Az hurts me all the time. I hurt him all the time. That's just how relationships, any relationships, go."

Thea shook her head. Cassian did not understand. "I know what I am to him. I'm the one who is easy to get along with. Clever. Fun. Snarky. The reprieve from all the other bullshit he goes through. The last thing he needs from me is to make his life harder," she said.

She was his haven. The best thing that ever happened to him. His girl. Why? After a lifetime of painfully pining after Mor, Thea represented the opposite - someone who unabashedly wanted Azriel. A salve for a wounded heart.

But her feelings, her desires? They were not simple. In fact, they grew more complicated and deep with each passing day. The longer she was around Azriel, the more and more of him she wanted. More than he was able to give.

"Thea, that's not what you are to him," Cassian said, aghast.

Thea stopped walking. "What?"

"You're not some place to escape to where things are easy. You're his mate. Just like you're trying to think about how to protect him with these mental knots you're tying yourself into, you can bet he's doing the same. All he wants to do is be near you and take care of you. Honestly, it's a little annoying," Cassian said, his frustration seeping into his tone.

Thea looked at him, a bit disbelieving.

"You think I'm joking? 'Cass, check on Thea. She's been walking in the cold for an hour.' 'Cass, don't forget to give Thea lunch because she hasn't eaten since breakfast.' 'Cass, I fucked up somehow, and Thea's really upset. Take care of her while I'm away,'" Cassian rattled off.

Thea thought about this for a moment. "I thought you were doing those things of your own volition," she said.

Cassian looked sheepish. "Don't get me wrong. I happily do them. Of course I'll take care of you. But I don't want you to think that he views you as just some kind of...balm. It's not his way to be showy. But, fuck, almost all of our conversations since he discovered the mating bond are about you and what he can do for you," Cassian said.

Thea wrapped her brain around this information. She had not realized she dominated his thoughts. "But he loves Mor..."

Cassian looked at Thea skeptically. "Does he?"

"Cass..." Thea said sharply, a warning. He knew better than to say shit like that to her. The kind of shit that would give her hope that Azriel's heart was changing.

"I'm serious. I honestly don't know. I don't even know if he knows. Thea, I'm going to be brutally honest," Cassian started.

"When are you not?" Thea retorted.

Cassian smirked. "You are an amazing person. For decades I wanted you. Every time you rejected me, it only made me want you more."

"Cass..." she didn't know what to say.

Cassian patted her shoulder. "Don't worry about me."

Thea met his eyes with understanding. "Because of Nesta."

Cassian nodded. "But don't you see? The moment I saw Nesta, there was no one else. I don't think there will be anyone else ever again. I'm not positive, but I'm pretty sure. I know the bond hasn't snapped for Az yet, like it hasn't snapped for me. But even so, that's why I'm skeptical about Az's feelings for Mor."

Thea inhaled deeply as, almost despite herself, she felt the beginnings of hope brew within her at Cassian's words, at his logic.

Cassian handed her a bowl of gruel. "You deserve everything you could possibly want in a mate, a partner. You should expect Azriel to step up to meet those desires. And if he doesn't, then don't accept the mating bond and find someone who is everything you deserve," Cassian said.

Thea sighed. "Cass, thank you, you really are a fucking good mating bond counselor," she said.

Cassian chuckled loudly before stuffing his face with food. They sat in companionable silence while they ate. When they were finished, they strolled around the camp for a bit. Then Cassian paused. "Az is back," he said. He rushed to Rhysand and Feyre's tent, Thea at his heels.

They burst into the tent to find Rhysand, Feyre, and Mor along with Tarquin and Varian already present. Azriel had been breathing heavily as he spoke to the group. His head snapped to the entrance, and his eyes met Thea's. He was filthy and exhausted, but he was alive and here. Gods, she had missed him. Relief flooded Thea upon seeing him, and she instinctively dropped her walls around the mating bond. All she wanted was to be close to him. She was hit with a flurry of his emotions - relief, exhaustion, anxiousness, frustration, sadness, desire...yearning. She gasped as their eyes continued to lock.

"Ah, we haven't met yet. I'm Tarquin. Are you the Healer I've been hearing so much about?" Tarquin asked charmingly, coming up to Thea. The High Lord of Summer extended his hand for Thea to place hers in, but Azriel moved to stand beside Thea. Tarquin's eyes widened with surprise, and Varian stepped forward to protect his High Lord.

"Back off," Azriel said quietly. His shadows swirled and his eyes blazed with a new level of icy ferocity.

Thea gulped as she felt the jealousy and possessiveness rolling off of Azriel in waves. He was wound so tight and was going to cause a diplomatic incident if they weren't careful. 

"Please excuse my mate, we haven't seen each other in several days. Yes, I'm Thea, Healer in Charge for Night Court. It's lovely to meet you," she said courteously.

This was the first time Thea had publicly called Azriel her mate, and that did not go unnoticed by Azriel who could not stop looking at her.

Tarquin nodded with understanding. "Ah, of course. It's lovely to meet you."

Thea nodded politely before scanning Azriel's body for any potential injury.

"I'm fine...physically," Azriel said softly as he watched her every move. It was as though his eyes were drinking in the sight of her, quenching an unending thirst. He had never looked at her like this before, and Thea's whole body was on fire from his gaze.

"Okay," she said, giving him a small smile. She started to exit the tent.

"Thea," Rhysand said.

"Yes?"

"Can you winnow to the Healer's Hall and let them know to get ready? We still need to figure out the plan, but they need to be ready at a moment's notice to meet us," Rhysand requested.

"Of course," Thea said.

Once outside the tent, Thea inhaled deeply, her nerves frazzled but for a new reason. What had just happened? That had been perhaps the most intense interaction she had ever had with Azriel, and it was in front of his family and total strangers. Something was different.

Thea winnowed to Velaris to let Beatrice and the others know to pack up, prepare supplies, and be ready to leave sometime that day as needed. She then returned to the camp and busied herself at the Healer's tent. There were very few patients, but she cut bandages and crushed herbs she had taken from the Healer's Hall in preparation for the battle ahead.

A few hours passed, and Thea felt Azriel's presence before she saw him. She looked up as he watched her prepare poultices.

"Hi," she said.

"Hi. You changed clothes," Azriel said. She had been wearing the Illyrian leathers when she had barged into Rhysand and Feyre's tent, but she was back in her Healer's uniform now.

"So did you," she observed. At some point he had cleaned up and changed out of his Illyrian leathers as well.

"The leathers looked good on you," he said, his gaze unquestionably hungry.

Thea licked her lips. "Thanks. Is the plan set?" she asked.

"It is. A glamour on this camp so we look like we're still here while we march to Hybern. It's going to take a few hours for Feyre and Rhysand to spin the glamour. After that we'll winnow to Hybern's army, hopefully with surprise on our side," Azriel said.

Thea nodded. A few hours. That's how they needed to live their lives now. Hour by precious hour. 

"Do you want to go somewhere for a bit?" Azriel asked tentatively.

"Yes," Thea responded, unequivocal.

Azriel smiled that shy smile, and Thea's heart clenched. He extended his hand which she grasped, and they traveled through his shadow winnow to his apartment.

Azriel's lips were on hers before they even firmly stepped foot on the other side. His hips pinned her to the wall of his playroom as he continued to kiss her - a starving male in search of satiety. Thea lost sense of how long they were kissing.

"Didn't you say before that we shouldn't come here because it's so close to battle?" Thea asked.

"I was an idiot," Azriel said. His simple phrase felt loaded with layers of meaning.

Thea laughed - a full bodied one.

"I missed you," Azriel said as his lips moved to her neck.

"I know. I felt it. I missed you too," Thea said.

"I know."

"Az, I'm sorry I was such a jerk before. I hurt you on purpose with my words and blocked the bond because I was hurt. I'm sorry," Thea said. 

Azriel shook his head. "I understand. Truly. But please don't block me out again," he said, no, begged.

Thea hesitated. "Sometimes I'm just so fucking messy," she said, some of Azriel's self-deprecation rubbing off on her.

"I know you think I can't handle it. But I can. I thought about that the whole time I was away, how I can prove it to you. I want your mess," Azriel said as he wrapped his hand around the back of her neck.

Thea raised an eyebrow. "You're different. More...overt," she observed.

Azriel nodded. "I did a lot of thinking while I was away. Mor always recoiled when I showed her too much. But you have never recoiled from any part of me. And yet, I've been holding back because I didn't want to scare you. I've been treating you as though you'd run away if I showed you how much I want you."

"But it's the opposite. I want to know. I need to know," Thea said.

Azriel breath hitched. "I get that now. I'm working on undoing centuries of behavior." 

Thea closed her eyes as she rested her forehead on Azriel's chest. He had a point - he was used to acting a certain way for centuries. To hide himself. Diminish himself. Act unfeeling when he felt so very much.

She could feel the shift in the mating bond - there was a depth that Thea had not felt before. And what had been an endless pool of mixed emotions representing Azriel had become more formed - clearer.

"I'm sorry I made you doubt," Azriel said as he felt her barrage of emotions - how deeply she wanted him, how much she wanted him to yearn for her, how insecure she had felt.

"Well, you did admit to being an idiot, so that helps," Thea said dryly.

Azriel chuckled. "Since you like me being possessive, I'll tell you a secret," he offered.

"Oh?"

"After Devlon's lieutenants offered themselves to you, I had words with them," Azriel said.

Thea looked at her mate carefully. "What were the words?"

"To never try that shit again. And to let any of the warlords who had entertained the thought of pursuing you to keep things professional. Otherwise I would visit them all as they slept and slit their throats," Azriel confessed, a deadly edge to his tone. He had deeply enjoyed making the threat.

Thea's eyes widened. "Those are definitely some...words," she said, processing. It was true during the five days Azriel was away that none of the Illyrian warlords and soldiers had spoken to her socially.

"Too much?" he asked, a bit of insecurity seeping into his voice.

"Well, I certainly appreciate the thought," Thea started diplomatically. Azriel chuckled. "But...you know what? I'm actually fine with this. Illyrians respond to strength from another male. I don't like that aspect of the culture, but that's what it is. So sure, mark me as yours. It's fine," she reasoned.

Azriel groaned. "Thea, you can't say shit like that hours before battle," he gritted out as he nuzzled her neck. "About marking you."

Thea blushed. "Sorry," she said. Her eyes flitted to his closet of toys. "I know we haven't talked about it yet, but I am interested in getting flogged..."

"Thea! You are so fucking dangerous. Do not talk about getting flogged right now. I'm trying to save all my violent tendencies for the battle that I'll remind you is in a few hours," Azriel warned, his eyes wild.

Thea took pity on her mate. "Az, you need to come. You are wound too tight," she determined.

She unlaced his pants and slid her hand to his erection, freeing him from the constraining fabric. His hips still pinned her against the wall of the dim play room, so it was challenging to position her hand around his cock.

"Move back, and I can use my mouth," Thea suggested.

Azriel shook his head. "I haven't looked at you for five days. You're staying right here," he said as he stared blatantly at her.

Thea gasped and looked away, embarrassed by the intensity of his gaze.

His thumb and index finger lifted her chin back up. Hazel eyes met brown. Azriel smirked as his eyes flitted down Thea's jaw, his hand on her chin dragging down the column of her neck and wrapping around her throat lightly yet firmly.

Arousal flooded Thea at this possessive act, and Azriel's nostrils flared as he took in her scent. He braced himself against the wall with his other arm and moved his hips back to give her a little more space to stroke his shaft. She gripped him tightly and stroked up and down several times, feeling how incredibly close he was already.

Azriel kissed her hungrily, his hand remaining on her throat the whole time. He never cut off her air supply, but his grip commanded she follow his lead, which was absolutely thrilling and deeply satisfying for Thea.

"Which do you think I'd like more? Your hand like this or one of the collars?" Thea asked huskily between kisses.

Azriel groaned, his body beginning to jerk as he thrusted into her hand stroking him. "That mouth. I should have gagged you," his said, his voice low and gravelly.

She smiled slyly. "Do you mean with one of your toys or your cock?" she countered, knowing she was going to send him over the edge imminently.

"Fucking hell," Azriel groaned as he bucked wildly into Thea's fist. She had no doubt he was visualizing his cock choking her and making her gag. He gasped as his seed sprayed over Thea's hand and arm. She stroked him a couple more times, pulling ever spasm from his body. "Fuck," he whispered, spent. He leaned his forehead against hers as he caught his breath and loosened his grip on her throat to move his hand to the back of her neck, stroking it affectionately.

"Good?" she asked, already knowing the answer. She clenched her thighs together, her own arousal at making Azriel come undone already taking over her senses.   

Azriel chuckled darkly as he took off his shirt and used it to wipe her hand and arm of his cum. Then he carried her to another part of the room that had metal restraints on hooks attached to the wall. He took off her shirt before raising her arms and cuffing them to the wall.

Thea pulled at the cuffs, the cold metal biting into the flesh of her wrists. She moaned and writhed as her arousal swirled around in her mind.

"What did you say about kneeling the last time we were here?" Azriel asked, already knowing the answer.

Thea's heart thudded loudly. "I looked forward to the reverse someday," she said.

"That's right," Azriel said, dropping to his knees and quickly taking off her pants and underwear in one smooth and efficient move.

"Fuck," Thea moaned, seeing him kneeling before her. She could barely breath. What was happening? 

He looked up to her eyes as he knelt before her. "I was wrong before. This is the best view," he said.

Thea groaned as she felt the genuineness of his words through the bond. "Az..."

Azriel didn't respond because he buried his face in her folds, lifting her thighs onto his shoulders as he licked, sucked, and kissed her.

Thea screamed, deep and guttural, as she lost herself in the sensations. She wanted so desperately to touch him, but the restraints prevented that, forcing her to focus on his mouth on her core, his hands gripping her ass hard as he supported much of her weight on his shoulders.

She was at his mercy. In this position, there was minimal leverage for her to grind against him. She needed to just trust he would bring her to completion. She took in the sight of Azriel focused solely on her pleasure, his shadows helping to support her weight so that he could slide two fingers into her.

"Fuck," she moaned. She strained wildly against the restraints, wanting to smash his face into her folds as her orgasm mounted.

But then Azriel stopped.

"Az, I swear I will punch you if you withhold my orgasm today," she threatened.

Azriel chuckled. "Rhys told me you fought well against Feyre. Landed good blows."

"Yes, and I'll show you everything I've learned if you don't get back to it," she snarled, pulling against the restraints.

Azriel's eyes caught on her wrists encircled with metal. "Careful. You're already rubbing the skin raw," he said. A pulse of concern ran through the mating bond, but Thea needed him to focus.

"Az, don't worry about that. Worry about what I'm going to do if you don't make me come," she threatened.

Azriel rose from his knelt position to pin Thea to the wall, the coolness of the surface flooding her back and making her shiver. He brushed his lips against her ear. "You will come completely undone, don't you worry about that," Azriel said, his voice confident and low.

Thea's arousal kicked up a notch at the promise. "We don't have much time, as you keep reminding me," she said.

"We'll have enough," he said.

That was not true. That would never be true. She would always want more time with him.

"I'll be right back," he said before walking over to his closet.

Thea squeezed her legs together, trying to get a bit of relief. Azriel reemerged with a bag in his hand. He took a triangle shaped pillow and placed it on the floor along with the same thinner square one she had used to kneel on the last time they were here. He undid the metal restraints, looking at her wrists with a frown.

"I'll pad these before we use them again," he said.

"I didn't mind," she said, looking at her raw, red wrists.

"I did."

"You must know from prior experience that these chafe," Thea said, looking at the wall restraints.

"Yes. But I hadn't realized seeing the results on you would affect me. It's never bothered me before," Azriel said, staring at her wrists. He was troubled and conflicted.

Thea supposed everyone had their limits. And those limits could change. She healed her wrists, the redness disappearing. She felt Azriel's anxiousness ease.

"I'm fine. Please, Az, I need to come," she whined, pressing her naked body against his.

"I know you do," he said arrogantly. He made no move to touch her.

And that inaction filled Thea with feral rage. She launched at Azriel, pushing him. He absorbed the attack. That only made Thea more angry.

"Show me what you've learned," he taunted.

She growled as she launched a series of punches and kicks at him. He blocked everything with ease, but his eyes lit up with approval. He did not attack.

Thea grew frustrated that she could not land a blow. She decided she was not going to play fair. She stroked his wing as she quickly sidestepped.

Azriel gasped, the touch destabilizing him.

She quickly sidestepped again such that she was behind him and darted her hand out to touch his wing's bottom ridgeline, one of the most sensitive areas. She followed that with a kick to the back of his knees that brought him to the ground.

Before she could celebrate, Azriel spun around on his knees and grabbed her around the waist, wrestling her to the ground with him. She landed with an oomph, her stomach on the high side of the wedge pillow, and her chest sloping downward. She struggled and fought to rise from this position, but Azriel was stronger and kept her pinned.

"So fucking clever. So fucking feral," Azriel said approvingly.

He wrapped a tendril of shadow around her wrists and bound them together, pulling her arms out beyond her head. He snaked the tendril to wrap around one of the metal floor hooks to keep Thea in this position, her ass up in the air as she was splayed over the wedge pillow and kneeling on the square one.

"I know you like to fight the restraints. The shadows won't bite your flesh," Azriel said softly as he stroked her back and pulled her hair gently away from her face.

Thea, even through the haze of her arousal, was touched at the thoughtfulness.

"Az...please..."

He stood up and walked around her as she waited in this vulnerable position on the floor.

"You look so good," he said, his voice low with a bit of an edge.

"Az..." She needed to come, and all this waiting was pure torture. She knew that was the point.

Azriel kneeled beside her on the floor, gently stroking her back again. His hand went low, caressing her round ass and the backs of her thighs.

"You're so needy. I can feel it so clearly through the bond. Did you touch yourself while I was gone?" he asked, as he reached for the small pouch he had brought from the closet.

"No," she whimpered.

"Why not?"

"I was too sad. I just tried to keep busy with work and training," Thea confessed.

Azriel pulled at Thea's hair at the nape of her neck and her head rose off the pillow. He kissed her gently.

"Me too," he said.

"I could tell," she said dryly. She knew the moment he had looked at her that he had not come since the last time they had been together. His need for her had overwhelmed her senses.

Smack! He had slapped her ass cheek hard. "Always with that smart mouth," he said.

She gasped sharply but eased into the stinging sensation as he massaged the spot he had slapped.

"I kept thinking about what I wanted to do with you when I saw you again. And I realized I wanted to give you what you wanted," Azriel said cryptically.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

Azriel pulled out a small black toy and a bottle of lubricant. He showed them to Thea.

"Do you know what this is for?"

Thea gulped, her arousal deepening. "My ass," she said.

"Have you ever had something in your ass before?" Azriel asked.

"Yes."

Azriel's shadows swirled around, the jealousy clear.

"Damien's cock?" Azriel asked darkly.

Thea didn't answer but she also did not block the bond.

Azriel growled as he discerned the answer from her emotions.

"When I sink my cock into your ass, it'll wipe away any memory of anyone else having been there," Azriel snarled in her ear, the promise clear.

She inhaled sharply. When. "Az..." she could not articulate her question at the tip of her mind.

"Not tonight, I know. But, yes, when," Azriel pledged, knowing exactly what he was saying. They would accept the mating bond someday.

"Will it be the same for you? Will feeling me tighten around your cock make you forget all the others before me?" Thea asked boldly.

"Already I barely remember what I did with them," Azriel admitted.

Thea heaved at the intensity and honesty in his words. And his vulnerability only made her want him more. "Please Az, please..." she begged.

"Say it. Tell me what you want," he demanded.

"Stick that toy in my ass. And use your fingers to fuck my pussy. Fill me up," she requested wantonly.

Azriel moaned. "My good girl. Use the safe word if it's too much," he reminded her.

"I know," she said.

He made the toy slick with lubricant before slowly starting to push it into her ass.

While Thea had had anal sex before, it admittedly had been decades. The intrusion burned.

"Relax, baby," Azriel said gently, kissing her shoulder and back as he stilled the toy to allow her to acclimate.

Thea practically purred her approval at the new nickname. Baby. Yes.

"You're so tight, fuck," he moaned.

"More," she whimpered.

Azriel continued the slow intrusion until the toy was fully lodged in her ass.

Thea moaned at the overwhelming sensation. She felt so full, and it still was not enough.

"More," she said again.

Azriel chuckled. "So hungry," he teased as he tapped on the wide flat side of the toy sticking out of her ass. He wiggled it around.

She moaned again, pulling hard on the restraints to try to get more of something she could not verbalize.

"Fuck, I can actually see your wetness dripping," Azriel said, his tone full of wonder.

"Please...I'm begging..." she whimpered.

Azriel sighed with satisfaction. "Of course, baby. You begged so nicely," he said approvingly. He plunged two fingers into her dripping pussy.

Thea screamed as she pulled against the restraints again. "Thank you, thank you Az," she said, her mind fraying from the depth of her arousal. She was so fucking full now.

Azriel began moving his fingers and the toy, plunging them into her in an alternating fashion. "Fuck, Thea, you look so good," Azriel groaned out, the hunger clear in his voice.

"It feels amazing," Thea said, sliding into a deeper sense of submission as she stopped fighting the restraints and focused on Azriel's movements.

"I knew you'd like this. When you were aroused by those clowns offering themselves to you, I knew. Do you wish someone else was here with us?" Azriel asked, his tone curious.

"No." The thought of someone else here with them did nothing for her. She just wanted him. Only him. Always him. And he could give her everything she wanted.

Azriel groaned with appreciation at her response. He treasured that she was his, only his. 

Thea lost sense of time and space as she concentrated on the alternating motions filling her up. But at some point, her orgasm began to crystallize again.

"Az..."

"I know, I feel it," he said. He leaned down and pressed kisses and licks all along her back. He sped up.

She panted and groaned as her orgasm approached.

"Come, Thea. Let yourself go. I've got you," he said in her ear.

And she believed him. She would take that leap of faith. And he would catch her.

Her orgasm flooded her body, overwhelming all senses. Her mind was in complete free fall, and she screamed. Her body clenched around the toy and his fingers, spasms overtaking her body.

"I've got you, I've got you," Azriel chanted, stroking her back soothingly.

The spasms did not stop. She shook and shook as her body continued to release.

"Az..." She sought him out, needing him to anchor her through these sensations.

"I know, baby," he said. He released the restraints and gently pulled the toy out of her ass. He gathered her in his arms and held her tightly against his body - flesh to flesh. "I'm here, I've got you," he repeated.

Thea breathed him in. Her body shook one last time as she wrapped her arms around his broad shoulders.

Azriel picked her up off the floor. He carried her to the bed and laid her gently under the covers. He slid in next to her and held her tightly. She clutched at him. He massaged and stroked her wrists, her arms, her shoulders, her back, her ass.

Thea mewled as she nuzzled against his neck. She still needed something. She still ached.

"You want to come again," Azriel said, articulating what she had been seeking.

She nodded.

"Of course," he said.

"Just the clit," Thea instructed, knowing how oversensitive she was elsewhere.

Azriel nodded. He massaged her clit with his fingers as she kissed him hungrily.

"Faster, please, I'm already so close," Thea said between kisses.

Azriel sped up his firm strokes swiping over her clit.

She clutched him tightly, her lips on his, her teeth nipping his lip. Her second orgasm crested over her body quickly, and she gasped into Azriel's mouth as her body shook. She stilled his hand against her clit and pressed his hand into herself as she rode out the multiple spasms. She brushed her lips against his a couple times before kissing him gently, appreciatively.

"That was incredible," Azriel said, his voice full of wonder.

"Hm?"

"You coming while kissing me. I've never experienced that before," he shared.

Thea smiled. She was not surprised as she inferred his prior experiences lacked the emotional intimacy they were building together. "Do you want to come again? We can kiss while you do," she offered.

Azriel shook his head. "I might collapse and not wake up for the battle if I do," he said.

Thea chuckled. He did look pretty tired and likely had barely slept while he was away searching for Hybern. "Sleep, I'll wake you up when Rhysand calls for us," she said, brushing her hand affectionately against his cheek.

Azriel nodded, rested his head on the pillow, and fell asleep in moments.

Author's Note: Thank you so much for reading! Our heroes are finally making some meaningful progress. Azriel finally feels ready to show more of himself. And Thea is finally starting to believe they will work out - eventually - someday. We are closer to the end than the beginning now, folks. This story will probably be 11 chapters (10 chapters plus an Epilogue). And the war will start in earnest in the next chapter. Thanks for the support!    

Thea, Nesta, Feyre, and Mor watched the battle unfold in the valley below the camp at Summer Court's eastern border. It was already starting to rain as the ground became thick with mud and blood. The screams of the soldiers dying on both sides was haunting.

Thea could feel through the bond that Azriel was focused and determined in the battle. She was relieved the nap he had taken at the apartment seemed to have helped.

Thea had taken in the sight of Azriel at peace, his arm and shadows slung over her waist, and knew she was already ruined. It did not matter that they had not accepted the mating bond. It did not matter there was so much more for them to unpack about each other and their relationship. She was his. And she would be his for the rest of her life - whether that was a few hours or hundreds of years.

"Shit," Mor muttered as the Darkbringers were overrun by the Hybern calvary.

Cassian roared orders to the Darkbringers before launching himself in the middle of a swarm of enemies. A huge red explosion from Cassian's body eviscerated several of the Hybern calvary.

Nesta gasped besides Thea.

"He's strong," Thea said confidently, partly for Nesta's benefit, partly for her own.

Nesta didn't react to Thea's words as her gaze remained focused on Cassian battling in the valley, completely surrounded.

Thea located Azriel through his blue light and shadowy presence. He was trying to get to Cassian to help, but first he needed to battle through what looked like an endless swarm of Hybern soldiers. Thea could feel how anxious he was. He could not get to his brother.

Mor shouted various battle strategies as she paced angrily like a caged animal. Feyre attempted to convince Mor to go join the battle, but Mor resisted as she had promised Rhysand to stay and protect Feyre. 

"Help them," Nesta urged.

Thea's eyes met Mor's. "Az needs you. He can't get to Cassian alone," she said.

Mor pressed her lips together and nodded stiffly. She changed quickly into battle gear.

Thea turned her attention back to the battle to see a Hybern soldier raise his sword to attack Azriel from behind. He didn't see it.

"Az!" Thea screamed in terror. Flashes of Azriel lying on the townhouse floor in his own blood - dying - flooded Thea's mind. 

Mor winnowed right to Azriel's side and killed the soldier before the blow landed on Thea's mate.

Thea gasped in relief. "Thank you, Mor," she whispered. Did she have the stomach to continue to watch? Part of her could not look away from the battle, and part of her wanted to never watch Azriel fight again. The first part won. 

Mor and Azriel fell in to a beautiful rhythm together as they battled side by side, attempting to reach Cassian who was several feet away. Each time they made progress, Hybern soldiers would swarm them, realizing that the duo were formidable foes that needed to be stopped.

Cassian was slowing down physically, his Siphons nearly dim, but he surged against Hybern's forces, unleashing himself once again.

"Reckless, he's being reckless," Thea said anxiously watching Cassian continue to charge ahead and Mor and Azriel attempt to get to him. 

"You can feel Azriel?" Nesta asked.

Thea looked at Nesta, realizing that Feyre was no longer next to her sister. Where did the High Lady go? Thea did not have the energy to be too concerned. "I can. And right now he's so pissed at Cassian."

Thea could not blame her mate, but she also understood what Cassian was doing. They had had several conversations when Rhysand had been Under the Mountain about how angry Cassian was that his brother had sacrificed himself and taken Cassian's choice about how to retaliate away from him. Cassian was not only unleashing all of his fury at Hybern, but he was, in a way, making up for what had happened before. Thea hated this choice, but she understood it.  

"He's not the only one," Nesta said, her voice steely.

"They'll get to him," Thea said, as she watched Mor and Azriel fight.

It was a slog. Perhaps twenty or thirty minutes passed. Rhysand and Tarquin's forces surged against Hybern's and finally things started to shift. A Hybern cammander, perhaps sensing his troops weakening, approached an exhausted Cassian.

"Wait, wait," Thea muttered.

But Cassian did not wait. He launched himself at the commander, swinging his swords wildly. They battled for minutes. If Cassian was not completely exhausted, Thea knew without a doubt he could have taken the commander down. But instead he was on his heels more often than not.

Thea could feel that Azriel was frantic. Whatever he saw down there was worse than what Thea could make out in the rain.

Suddenly Nesta gasped and cried out beside Thea. But before Thea could look at Nesta and ask what was wrong, she knew. Between seeing Cassian fall to the ground and feeling Azriel's anguish, she knew. Cassian had been cut down. It was bad. 

"Fuck," Thea cursed, springing into action as she buried her own feelings of dread and despair. She turned away from the battle and made a winnow.

"Where are you going?" Nesta accused.

"I'm getting the Healers," Thea said.

She was back at the Healer's Hall where Beatrice and the other Healers and apprentices were waiting.

"Come! The fighting is almost over," Thea said.

She opened the winnow again and the group arrived back at the Healer's tent at the campsite.

"Lillian, you're with me. Cassian's been severely injured. When he comes in, he's priority. Beatrice, you're on triage," Thea said to Beatrice who nodded with understanding. Thea put a clean sheet on a table in the tent knowing that she would need more space than a simple cot for whatever had happened. She pulled her wet hair away from her eyes, the anticipation nearly unbearable. Other injured soldiers were already being helped to the tent, meaning the fighting was over enough that some soldiers were being redirected to taking the injured back to camp. Beatrice led the triage protocol as Thea waited for Cassian. 

Rhys, I'm ready for Cass at the Healer's tent. Where are they?  Thea said, speaking to Rhysand in her mind. She could tell Azriel was stressed and frantic, but the bond gave her no other information.  

They will be there momentarily, Rhysand said, his tone one of anguish.

"Thea!" Azriel cried out as he and Mor entered the tent with Cassian between them.

While she usually loved hearing Azriel say her name, the loud desperation in his voice was something she never wanted to hear again. "Here!" she shouted, ushering them to the table.

Azriel and Mor heaved Cassian's unconscious body onto the table, and Thea began her assessment. There were blue patches all over Cassian's abdomen from Azriel's field dressings that roughly sealed a large deep slice from navel to clavicle.

"How bad was it when you got to him?" Thea asked as Lillian cut away the Illyrian leathers on Cassian's body.

Thea felt for a heartbeat. Faint. Slow.

"Bad. His guts were on the floor," Azriel said, his eyes frantic and his hands shaking.

"Fuck," Thea whispered. Even when she repaired the initial damage, infection was guaranteed. 

She pulsed healing energy into Cassian's body, trying to stabilize him and make his heartbeat stronger. But it was only growing more faint.

"Shit, no you idiot. No, no," Thea chanted. Cassian's skin was white. He had already lost so much blood.

She focused on his chest and sent a targeted blast of energy there.

But his heart stopped.

"NO!" she cried. She cut through the blue bandages binding Cassian's chest together, and his guts spilled out onto the table.

"Oh fuck," Mor said, turning green.

But Thea was singularly focused on Cassian's heart. She reached into his chest cavity, grabbed his heart in her hands, and squeezed in rhythm as she shot more healing energy directly into the heart and blood stream.

"C'mon, c'mon," she chanted as she squeezed his heart, her eyes filling with tears.

Nothing.

"You bastard."

Nothing.

"I will kill you if you die," Thea gritted out, growing more desperate and insane.

Nothing.

Beatrice came over to Thea and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Thea..." she started sympathetically. Thea knew that tone. It was the tone Beatrice always used when Thea lost a patient and was stubbornly not giving up. The pity. The sadness. But hearing Beatrice use it for Cassian triggered something deep within Thea.

Beyond anger.

Beyond denial.

Outright rejection.

She did not accept this as Cassian's fate. She did not accept her mate's pure despair and anguish. She did not accept her own heart feeling like it was being ripped out of her chest at the thought of her best friend being dead. 

"NO!" Thea cried out.

She unleashed herself. Glowing golden light poured out from Thea and into Cassian's body, into his heart. Thea released everything she had, surrendering her power to the Mother, the Cauldron, and anyone and anything that could help. Save him.

The Healer's tent and the whole camp was doused in warm golden light. Every conscious person in the vicinity looked with bewilderment at what was happening at the table. Mor, Lillian, and Beatrice shielded their eyes from the glow. Azriel's shadows vanished as he stared at his mate.

Thea, panting, crying, continued to pump Cassian's heart in her hand. And then she felt his heart beat. Once. Twice.

"Thank you, thank you," she whispered through her tears, speaking to any and all higher powers.

When she was satisfied his heart was beating with regularity and strength, she removed her hand from Cassian's chest. Azriel gasped with relief and wrapped his arms around her shoulders from behind. She leaned back for the briefest moment to savor the comfort of his embrace.

"Oh thank the Mother," Mor said.

"Thea...how..." Beatrice said in wonder.

Thea wiped her brow, deeply exhausted.

"Clean the organs, identify ones that have been injured, place the uninjured ones back into the chest cavity, and I'll heal the injured ones," Thea instructed Lillian. Her legs felt weak from that display of power, and she swayed a bit.

"Thea," Azriel said worriedly, grasping her waist to stabilize her.

"I'm fine," she said, ignoring the draining feeling quickly overwhelming her body.

"Thea, you're not fine. I'm taking over," Beatrice said firmly.

"No, Beatrice, help the others," Thea said, fighting her way through the exhaustion.

"You need to rest," Azriel said. He was worried about her now.

"I'll be fine," Thea insisted stubbornly. She took a step towards the table, and her world went black.

Thea woke with a jolt.

"Easy, easy," Azriel said from beside the bed.

She looked around. She was in their tent. The last thing she remembered was...

"Cass..." she said, her voice cracked and dry from disuse or screaming.

"Alive. Beatrice finished patching him up. He's okay," Azriel said, handing Thea a glass of water that she drank quickly. "How are you feeling?" Azriel asked carefully.

"I'm fine. I should check on the other patients," she said, attempting to get out of the bed.

Azriel grabbed her hand. "Everyone's stable. Beatrice and the others have it handled," he said.

Thea's brow furrowed. "What? How?"

"That blast of energy you released swept through the entire camp. Everyone who was injured has stabilized," Azriel explained.

Thea's eyes widened with shock. "How is that possible?" she asked. That kind of result required an unfathomable amount of power.

Azriel looked similarly bewildered. "You tell me."

"I don't know," Thea admitted. She had never done anything like that before. And she sensed she would never be able to do it again. She still felt so drained. But before she could think further on it, her stomach growled loudly.

"C'mon. I think the others are having dinner. You can see Cass for yourself," Azriel said.

They walked out of the tent to the dusk settling in over camp. "I've been asleep the whole day," Thea said, disbelieving.

Azriel pressed his lips together and nodded, watching her carefully. He was unable to hide his worried expression.

"What's wrong?" Thea asked.

"A lot," he said, his voice strained. Thea could feel the pressure he was under.

"Tell me," Thea said.

"You weren't waking up," Azriel said, his voice cracking and his eyes desperate.

Thea gasped as the rawness. She could feel the fear and relief coursing down the mating bond. "Az..."

"And we know where Hybern's full forces are. There's too many," he said, almost as an afterthought. As though her not waking up had been more important to him than the fact that Hybern was likely to win this war. 

Thea's head spun. "Can we pull it off? Is there a chance?"

"Not sure yet," Azriel admitted, lifting up the flap to the war tent and signaling the end to their conversation.

Thea stepped in to find Amren, Rhysand, Feyre, Cassian, Nesta, Tarquin, and Helion all turning to look at her and Azriel.

"Ah, you're awake," Rhysand said, coming over to Thea. He picked up her hands in his and squeezed, his eyes shining with appreciation. "You gave us a bit of a scare when you collapsed. Especially Azriel." Rhysand's violet eyes appraised his brother for a moment, but Azriel's expression gave nothing away. Rhysand turned his attention back to Thea. "Thank you, Thea, truly. I will never be able to repay you."

Thea shook her head. "There's nothing to repay," she said. Rhysand acted like saving Cassian was an act born of duty. But that wasn't it. She had wanted to save Cassian - for herself, for Azriel.

"On the contrary. What you did helped all the wounded. My healers report that our soldiers are faring well. The Summer Court owes you a debt of gratitude," Tarquin said earnestly.

Thea was a bit overwhelmed at the attention. "I'll leave it to you and Rhysand to figure that out," she said, knowing from Azriel that the two of them had history.

Rhysand and Tarquin chuckled awkwardly.

Thea's eyes wandered and met Cassian's, who had been sitting but stood up slowly at her attention. He braced himself against the table as she walked over to him. She could see the traces of pain on his face, in his stance. While Beatrice had healed him sufficiently, she did not have the same stamina or precision Thea did, so Cassian was not back to full form. Part of Thea was glad that he was still sore and injured. It would remind him of his poor choices.  

"You idiot," Thea muttered as she stood in front of Cassian, taking him in. Flashes of his lifeless body on the table swirled in her mind. She remembered her fear, her desperation.

Azriel moved closer to her, offering support.

"My savior," Cassian said with a flourish, a big smirk on his face.

His cavalier attitude only made her angrier. "Reckless asshole. I fucking held your heart in my hand, your guts everywhere on my table. You were nearly gone, Cass. And this isn't the first time I have exhausted myself because I believe in you so damn much. Who fucking saved your wings? And after all that, you go charging into battle with a death wish, not waiting for Az and Mor. I saw. Nesta saw. Fuck you, Cass," Thea said, her throat constricting with emotion. She would never forget Nesta's anguished cry when Cassian went down. She would never forget how his heart was motionless in her hand.

Cassian frowned as he absorbed her words. He reached out a hand to touch her shoulder and pulled her to his chest. They embraced, and Thea could feel his heart beat - still strong. When they separated, Cassian smiled warmly but also a bit mischievously. "Thank you, Thea. Are you sure I'm not your favorite?" he asked, an arrogant lilt to his voice. 

Thea grunted with frustration and punched him in the shoulder before turning towards the exit of the tent.

There was a low whistle as she walked by. "Fiesty," Helion said with approval.

Azriel glared at Helion, but Thea ignored the High Lord. She walked five paces out of the tent before her legs gave out. She sat on the ground and wept. Wept with relief. Wept with exhaustion. Wept at how brutal war was. Wept at how the brutality of war made her cry on a regular basis.

Azriel knelt in front of her, covering her from prying eyes by extending his wings around her.

"Thea," he said softly.

She continued to weep.

"Wrap your arms around me," Azriel instructed.

She did as she was told and encircled his neck. He scooped her off the ground and carried her to the nearest fire.

"Please get her food," he told a camp mother.

Azriel sat down on a tree stump that served as a low stool. He held her quietly in his lap for what must have been several minutes. She rested her head on his chest as she watched the flames of the fire lick the dry wood fueling it.

"Like you said, Cass is an idiot," Azriel said.

"I almost lost him. It was so close, Az," Thea said hollowly. She shivered at the memory. She had used every bit of herself to pull Cassian back from the brink of death. His heart had stopped beating for what felt like a solid minute. 

"You should eat," Azriel said as the camp mother handed Thea a plate of mutton.

She took the plate and began eating.

After several minutes, Azriel spoke. "I've never seen anything like that," he said quietly.

"Which part?"

"All of it."

She snorted, her nose stuffy from crying. "To be honest, I've never done anything like that before."

"How did you know to pump his heart in your hand?"

"Instincts. I was desperate. I thought the surge of energy targeted to his heart would work. When that didn't start it beating, I was just...I was just guessing," she admitted. She pumped his heart to buy time, mimicking his body's natural rhythms. But she had no idea if that would actually work.

Azriel clutched her closer to him. "That final golden light. What was that?"

"I don't even know. I just...released everything I had," she said.

Azriel nodded thoughtfully. "You didn't give up. Thank you," he said, his voice breaking.

She snuggled closer. She could feel how grateful he was, how relieved. "I was going to do everything I could. I told you," she said.

"It's one thing for you to say that. It's another thing to witness it..." Azriel said, his voice taking on a haunted quality.

Thea didn't know what to say. She could feel how despondent Azriel was. Azriel held Thea as his body and the fire warmed her. With a full belly, she was becoming drowsy once again. Azriel was adamant that he carry her to their tent, and Thea humored him. He laid her down on the bed, undressed her, and put her sleep shirt on. 

Thea was struck by his attentiveness, not used to being cared for so thoroughly.

"You don't have to work?" Thea asked as Azriel slipped into bed and pulled her body to his. Were there not war strategies to discuss?

"Everyone's exhausted from the battle. We'll meet at dawn. And Rhys knows I want to be here with you," Azriel said, his face pinched.

"I'm fine, Az," she said assuredly.

Azriel stroked Thea's hair several times, almost as though convincing himself she was in fact okay. 

Thea's heart clenched. "I'm sorry I scared you." 

"You were so pale after you stabilized Cass. I immediately knew something was wrong," Azriel said.

"I felt really weak and drained." And if she was being honest, she still did. She did not feel her power recovering like it normally would.

"Beatrice said you'd be fine with more sleep, but I found it hard to just believe her. It was a...stressful day," he said.

Thea could feel his flurry of emotions swirling around the mating bond.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked.

"No. Not because I don't want to. I just...I don't know where to start," Azriel said. The battle. Cassian's injury. Thea fainting. Hybern's forces. It was so much. 

Azriel settled into the bed, a wing protectively covering Thea and himself.

Thea looked up in the cocoon of his wing, seeing the veins web across her line of sight. "Can I touch your wings, Az?" Her tone was seductive. 

Azriel looked at her carefully. "You're not too exhausted?"

"No."

"Then of course. You don't have to ask. You have permission to touch me anywhere," he said.

Thea gasped at the intimacy of his words. How far they had come in such a short time.

She raked her fingertips lightly over the middle of his wing.

Azriel inhaled sharply, his hands hungry on her skin as though unable to touch her enough. Azriel nuzzled her neck, kissing and licking her pulse point as his hands continued to touch and squeeze her. "When you were unconscious, I kept on thinking that we might never be this close again," he confessed.

"Az..." His words were said with such fragility, such desperation. It was hard for Thea to wrap her mind around the meaning behind the tone.

"That I might never hear your voice again," he said, his own voice cracking with emotion.

The rawness Thea felt through the bond was genuinely overwhelming. It felt so intimate - too intimate - in a way that Thea was not prepared to unpack or understand in her current state. 

"You mean that you might never hear me beg for you again?" Thea bantered seductively in an attempt to lighten the mood.

There was a flicker of disappointment in Azriel's eyes before it disappeared, and he met her seductive gaze with one of his own. He lifted her shirt off of her and attacked her breasts, licking and sucking them hungrily.

Thea gasped, a sharp cry escaping her throat.

"That I might never hear that sound again," he said, his tone greedy and pleased.

"You mean that you might never get the ego boost from eliciting that sound from me again?" Thea bantered as she writhed against him.

Azriel chuckled as his hand dipped down to stroke her folds, her clit. "No, but I did think that I'd never hear your smart mouth giving me shit again," he said.

Thea moaned, her senses overwhelmed with what he was saying, how he was processing what he had felt when she was unconscious. She reached down and wiggled her hands inside his loose pants. She stroked his warm, hard cock.

"Fuck," he grunted out.

"Did you think about how you might never have my hand gripping you like this again?" she asked boldly as she stroked him.

Azriel groaned, gripping one of her hips tightly in response.

"Use your words, Az," she commanded.

Azriel's eyes sharpened, understanding the power dynamic at play. Thea stared at him, waiting for his response.

"Yes," he admitted. His submission.

Thea became filled with a sense of power. "And that you'd never feel this again?" Thea asked, stroking the underside of his wing with her other hand as she continued to stroke him.

Azriel gasped as he thrusted into Thea's hand.

"Hm?"

"Yes," he heaved.

"Did you think of all the things we have yet to do? That you might never get the chance to fuck me in my pussy?" Thea asked, her voice sultry.

Azriel groaned, a twinge of shame coursing down the mating bond. "Yes," he admitted.

"That we might never go back to your apartment and play again?" Thea asked.

More shame coursed down the bond. "Yes," he admitted.

"There's nothing to be ashamed of, Az. I know you want to do filthy things to me," Thea said. She could feel it, especially after he had returned from finding Hybern. Azriel's desire for her was deep, perhaps bottomless, and it was intoxicating.

"With you," Azriel corrected. "I want to do filthy things with you."

He plunged his fingers into her pussy and she gasped, overwhelmed by his words.

"Think of the filthiest things we could do together, Thea. And I want to do all of that...and more," he said, his voice low, dark, and full of desire and promise.

Thea whimpered as she continued to stroke him. She thought of what they did the night before, but now with his cock in her pussy, a toy in her ass. Or vice versa. She thought of being restrained, flogged, teased, and tortured in the best possible ways before Azriel would fuck her until she was hoarse from screaming.

"You got yourself more aroused," Azriel noticed, pleased. He surged his fingers inside of her just as she squeezed her hand around his cock and stroked him. "Fuck," he gritted out.

She held his jaw in her hand and kissed him roughly. Like he had done the night before, she slide her hand down the column of his neck and squeezed the sides of his throat experimentally. 

Azriel moaned. "Harder, Thea, choke me harder," he requested.

Thea did not think she had ever heard something more erotic in her life. She did as he asked and tightened her grip carefully on his throat as she continued to stroke his cock.

"Fuck, so good," he whispered.

She grounded down on his hand which had stilled when he became distracted by her ministrations. "Did I tell you to stop fucking me with your fingers?" she asked rhetorically, her tone low and sharp. She squeezed the sides of his neck while she pulled long hard strokes on his cock.

"Not fair," he gritted out, incredibly aroused. He was struggling to remember to plunge his fingers into her pussy as he was so overwhelmed with what she was doing with his body.

"No shit," she said. Unlike Azriel, Thea could multi-task, and she focused on having Azriel reach his orgasm while grinding against the heel of his hand. She sped up her strokes as she kissed him.

"Thea," Azriel muttered between kissed. He attempted to focus on her pleasure, but Thea could tell how distracted he was.

"You come first, and then you make me come with your mouth," she instructed.

"Yes, Healer," he said submissively. 

Power flooded through Thea. Seductive power. She knew Azriel was completely at her mercy, and it was thrilling. Her pace quickened, and she could sense Azriel's orgasm. She drove his body towards it with every stroke and every squeeze. She kissed his lips as he moaned into her mouth, and she bit down hard on his lower lip when he was moments away from coming.

"Ah!" Azriel gasped into Thea's mouth as his orgasm overtook his body. Warm seed sprayed onto Thea's hand and stomach, and she kissed Azriel through his orgasm. She poured everything she felt for him through the kisses - all her love, her pride, her admiration, her respect, her desire - and Azriel gasped and shuddered as he came down from his climax.

Thea loosened her grip on his throat as Azriel pushed her down on the mattress, his lips never leaving hers.

"Fucking amazing," Azriel said appreciatively.

Thea smiled. "Get to work, Shadowsinger," she commanded firmly.

Azriel smirked. "Yes, Healer," he said, moving down the bed so that his face was now in front of her core. He licked, sucked and kissed her reverently and thoroughly.

Thea's mind emptied of all the uncertainty and anguish she felt as she focused on Azriel's tongue and lips on her, in her. Her body writhed against his face, anything for more friction, and he gripped her thighs tightly as he continued to devour her.

"Az, it's so good," she said, threading her fingers through his hair as she pressed him further into her folds.

Azriel groaned, and the vibrations brought an additional dimension to her pleasure

Thea gasped, grinding and writhing frantically, her back arching up from the mattress as she sought out her climax. Azriel held firm to her hips and thighs, moving with her, his mouth never leaving her core. Thea's orgasm slammed into her ferociously, the combination of feeling Azriel's mouth and tongue on her along with his pleasure at seeing her come so undone amplified her freefall. She squeezed her legs shut around Azriel's head, curling to the side as her body continued to spasm.

Azriel wiggled out from between her legs, panting heavily. He wiped his mouth of her wetness and grabbed a damp towel.

Thea's mind was still floating as Azriel cleaned her up. "Thank you," she managed to say.

"You're welcome. I bruised you. I'm sorry about that," he said regretfully, as he showed her bruises the shape of his fingerprints on her thighs.

"Don't worry about it," she said, not even feeling them.

"In my defense, your legs are incredibly strong, and I didn't want to suffocate," Azriel teased. 

Thea laughed. "I'm sorry. Did I almost smother you during my orgasm?"

"Baby, you did smother me. And I loved it," Azriel said with a small, roguish grin.

Thea froze, blushing deeply. She did not have a clever response. 

Azriel smirked. "It's nice to know sometimes I can beat that smart mouth," he said as he laid down next to her on the bed.

"I don't plan to allow that too often," she quipped, finding her footing in the conversation.

"Of course," Azriel said. "We should get some sleep. It might be the only night of full sleep we get in a while." 

Thea sighed. In war, sleep was precious, and Azriel was right. "How quaint life was when we were flirting over chocolate cake. When was that? A month ago?" Thea asked rhetorically.

"No, that was barely more than three weeks ago. And you call that flirting? Do you flirt with other males by talking about what orifices they are allowed to stick their body parts into? Fuck, Thea," Azriel said with a dark chuckle.

Thea suppressed a giggle. "What would you call it then?" she asked.

"Torture. Sweet, glorious torture," Azriel assessed.

"Well, you are the expert there," Thea bantered dryly.

Azriel laughed heartily, his shadows lessening a bit as his face lit up with mirth at the dark joke.

Thea smiled, please with herself for winning the verbal sparring, before yawning.

Azriel kissed her softly. "Sleep, Thea," he whispered. "Dream about other flirting we've done."

Thea chuckled and snuggled against his chest. She fell asleep quickly.

However, in the early morning, Azriel stirred which woke Thea up.

"What's wrong?" Thea whispered, sensing Azriel's unease.

"Stay in the tent. The shadows are recoiling," Azriel said softly.

He left the tent quietly. Thea stayed and tried to continue to rest, but she was too awake. About ten minutes later, Azriel came rushing back into the tent.

"Elain is missing. The Cauldron has taken her," Azriel said, quickly changing into his Illyrian leathers.

Thea's eyes widened in shock. "What?" She leapt out of bed and began to change clothes.

"Tricked her into walking right out of the camp. Hybern has her," Azriel said.

Thea gasped, her heart pounding. She knew where this conversation was leading. "Az..." She remembered what Hybern had done to Azriel the first time. Flashes of her mate on the townhouse floor bleeding out, pale and pained, flooded Thea's mind.

"She's Feyre's sister, Thea," Azriel said, his tone strained.

Thea nodded. She couldn't speak, the lump in her throat wouldn't allow it.

"I can get her back," Azriel said, walking over to his mate.

Thea swallowed hard, trying to move past her uncertainty and fear. "No Az, you are getting her back," she said, her voice determined. This was beyond dangerous. Beyond crazy. But this was also the perfect mission for Azriel's skillset.

Azriel smirked and nodded. He could feel Thea's confidence in him through the bond. 

The pair walked over to Feyre's tent.

"I'm getting her back," Azriel said upon entering the tent.

Nesta was seated, and she looked at Azriel with a mixture of dread and pity. "Then you will die."

Thea shot a fierce glare at Nesta who looked away, a tinge of shame on her expression for being so blunt in front of Azriel's mate and the person who had saved Cassian's life. 

"I'm getting her back," Azriel repeated determinedly.

"I'm going with you," Feyre said.

If Feyre was going, Thea was also curious why others couldn't join. She soon answered her own question when Feyre shapeshifted her face to Ianthe, the person who had given the location of Feyre's sisters to the King of Hybern and gotten them kidnapped when they were human.

The plan was set. Feyre would enter the Hybern camp as Ianthe. And Azriel would enter in the shadows. Thea accompanied Azriel to procure robes from the camp priestess, a gnawing pit growing in her stomach. 

"Az, please be careful. If you get hurt...I'm still spent," Thea said anxiously. Her body had made no progress towards recovering its power.

Azriel kissed her. "I'll be fine," he assured her.

But Thea knew through the bond that Azriel felt unsure of that statement.

Several minutes later, after Rhysand and Feyre said their goodbyes, Rhysand looked at Azriel, his expression serious. "You get them in and out again, Shadowsinger. I don't care how many of them you have to kill to do it. They both come out." While Rhysand said it softly, it was clearly a command.

"I swear it, High Lord," Azriel replied, focused and severe.

Thea felt sick with dread. She thought of all the times over the past century and a half she had healed Azriel after exchanges like these, the ones filled with promises Azriel would keep - with his life as the currency he would willingly exchange.

He looked at her - his gaze full of longing and a tinge of regret, as though he had wished they had more time. And that was not the kind of gaze she wanted to see from him.

Thea looked back at him, unflinching. She dug down, past her anxiety and dread. "They come out. And so do you," she commanded.

He held his breath for a moment before nodding. "Yes, Healer," he said.

And then he and Feyre disappeared.

Thea dozed fitfully until dawn when she was jolted awake. Azriel was in pain. Something was going horribly wrong.

She ran towards Rhysand's tent. But he was already out of the tent and heading towards hers. They locked eyes along the dirt walkway, their expressions grim.

"How bad?" Thea asked.

Rhysand's gaze was distant as he tried to glean what he could from Feyre. "I'm not sure yet."

They stood there, tense, for long minutes. Finally Rhysand's head snapped. "Edge of the camp," he said, winnowing without a second glance to Thea.

Thea winnowed herself to the edge of camp where she saw Feyre, and Elain in Azriel's arms. Azriel. Relief swept over Thea's body at seeing him alive, but it only lasted a moment.

A human female walked besides them. They saved two people?

"I couldn't leave her," Feyre said, clearly in a state of shock.

Azriel's face was white and his slashed up back was covered in blue patches of energy. He was bleeding and his wing was contorted in an unnatural angle, broken and shredded.

Thea's stomach churned as she assessed her injured mate. She could feel that he was in a significant amount of pain. "What happened to 'I'll be fine?'" Thea asked rhetorically, the fear and frustration evident in her voice.

"Plans changed at the camp," he gritted out. No kidding, there was another person he apparently carried.

Nesta arrived and embraced Feyre tightly as Rhysand took Elain from Azriel's arms. 

Thea tried to heal his back, to stop the bleeding. But her power sputtered. She turned to Rhysand. "I can't heal him," she said, alarmed.

"Let's get him to Thesan. You can advise on how to heal his wing," Rhysand suggested.

"No," Azriel said, knowing what a risk that was to Thea.

"Good idea," Thea said, not realizing Thesan was even at the camp.

"Thea," Azriel heaved out in protest.

"Don't. Don't expect me to accept your suffering. I'm going to do whatever I can, remember?" she said fiercely as she wrapped his arm around her neck.

Azriel sighed as he acquiesced. 

Thea winnowed Azriel to their tent while Rhysand asked Thesan to join. She settled Azriel on their bed. "I'm sorry someone else will touch your wings," she said, mourning the exclusive privilege she had enjoyed for the last century and a half. 

"Jealous?" Azriel teased despite wincing from the pain.

Thea snarled at the thought. "If I had my way, I would be the only Healer to ever touch you," she said, her possessiveness flaring.

Azriel squeezed her hand in his. He knew, and he was pleased. 

Thesan came into the tent, his lean, glowing body quickly surveying the surroundings. His upturned eyes landed on Thea standing next to the bed, holding Azriel's hand. Their eyes met. Thesan seemed to register some sense of recognition, of familiarity. It was clear he had questions for the Healer, but he held them in as his attention focused on the patient.

Azriel's posture was tight as he watched Thesan, as though ready to pounce if needed.

"You need a Healer?" Thesan asked. 

"Yes, High Lord, thank you for the help. Please address the back first. And I can walk you through the wing repair," Thea said.

Thesan's hands glowed as he assessed Azriel's back. Then he began to heal it, stitching the tissue and skin back together carefully. Thesan looked at Thea as she watched his work. "You're a Healer?" Thesan asked Thea. 

"Yes," Thea said. She did not want to cause a diplomatic incident by lying, so she decided she would answer Thesan's questions truthfully.

"Are you from Dawn Court?" Thesan asked, wasting no time.

"Yes."

Azriel watched Thesan carefully, waiting for the slightest hint that Thesan would be a threat to Thea.

"But now you live in Night Court?" Thesan asked. 

"Yes."

Thesan continued to work on Azriel's back. "Why can't you heal him?"

"I'm spent from yesterday," Thea admitted.

Thesan's eyes met hers again, shrewd this time. "That was you? The healing surge?"

Thea gulped. "Yes."

Thesan raised his eyebrows in acknowledgment. "That was reckless," he said.

Thea bristled. "I wasn't going to let Cassian die."

Thesan look at Thea again, his gaze even now. "No, I suppose that's not in your nature," he said, his words heavy. It was as though he knew her, but they had never met before.

After a few minutes, Thesan had finished with Azriel's back. "Does this meet your standards?" Thesan asked a bit cheekily. Thea looked over the High Lord's work, which was excellent.

"Good," she said simply.

Thesan smiled, amused. 

Thea began to explain Illyrian wing healing strategy. "For the wings...Bones first and then blood and tissue. For Peregryns, the bones are like arms at the top of the wing. But for Illyrians, the bones are throughout the wing, like an arm and the palm, and then fingers. Azriel's injury is essentially at the base of the arm bone to back, but the damage contorted everything. Focus here first," Thea said, pointing to where his wing connected to his back muscles. "Illyrian wing bones are not hollow like Peregryn, think of them more like finger bones. Be deliberate in how you touch the wings, they are sensitive, sexually, more so than Peregryn wings." Thea tried to keep her tone as clinical as possible. 

Thesan flushed a bit. "I apologize in advance," he said. 

"It'll be fine," Azriel said.

Thesan followed Thea's instruction and first healed the wing bones. Thea advised on the order of bones, and then the order of stitching and sealing on the wing's membrane. Azriel clenched his teeth at the sensation.

Thesan was able to repair the wing to an adequate stage, but it was infeasible to teach him how to do the more surgical work Thea was known for. That took years to master. So Azriel's body would need to heal himself over time, or Thea's abilities would have to return.

"I know this is likely poor compared to what you can do," Thesan said, looking at his handiwork.

"It's pretty good for a first job," Thea said diplomatically.

Thesan chuckled, amused at Thea's assessment of his work.  

"Thank you," Azriel said.

Thesan nodded. "Happy to help. You're a good teacher," he said to Thea.

Thea gave Thesan a tight smile. "Thank you," she said.

The High Lord exited the tent, leaving Thea and Azriel alone.

"I'm sorry I couldn't heal you myself," Thea said immediately, looking at the blanket likely hiding an awkward erection from Thesan's touch.

Azriel shrugged. "Please don't worry about it," he said. "How was that? Talking to your brother?"

Thea shrugged. "It was odd. It felt like maybe he recognized me. He seems kind," she said.

"By all accounts he is," Azriel agreed.

Thea brewed a tea of herbs to help with the pain. After Azriel took a few sips, she asked what she had been eager to know.

"So plans changed at Hybern's camp?"

Azriel nodded. He told her about seeing the human girl, and Feyre's desire to save her. About Jurian's help, finding Elain, running, the naga creatures, Tamlin, Feyre flying. All of it.

"So you saw this human girl and just decided then to save her?" Thea asked. 

"Yes."

"What if there had been two humans to save? Three?" Thea asked.

Azriel looked at her quizzically. "What do you mean?"

"How would you have saved them? As strong as you are, at some point you wouldn't have been able to carry them," Thea said, clearly getting upset.

"I would have found a way, or come back," Azriel said.

"You must have known the torture was happening. But the moment Feyre sees it, saving other people becomes a priority," Thea said.

"She's my High Lady. She wanted to save the girl. I was going to make that happen," Azriel said.

Thea noticed he did not counter her assessment that he must have known the evils happening at the Hybern camp. That meant Rhysand must have also known but never gave an order to Azriel to stop it. Because while awful, the torture of humans was not a priority for winning this war.

"How much do you have to risk for it to be enough? Thea asked.

Azriel shrugged. "She is my High Lady. I will do whatever she asks," he said simply.

"No matter how ridiculous," Thea said sharply.

Azriel opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it. A long silence passed. "Don't make me choose between the two of you," Azriel urged quietly.

"Az, I'm pushing you to choose between yourself and a foolish request that you try to fulfill without question," Thea said. "This mission was already incredibly dangerous. And then midway she changes it so that you have to carry double the weight, a stranger who doesn't trust you. That slows you down, and a creature jumps on you and tears you up. Tell me I'm wrong," Thea said.

"You're not wrong. But this isn't about right and wrong. She is my High Lady," Azriel said.

Thea grunted with frustration. Always with the fucking self-sacrificing shit. She loved and hated him for it.

Azriel winced as he shifted in the bed. He reached his hand out for her to take. Thea placed her hand in his, and he pulled her to the bed.

"Come rest with me," Azriel said softly.

Thea sighed and slid onto the bed with him. He clutched her to him and quickly fell asleep. Thea stayed up, stroking his shoulder, his shadows swirling around her arm and hand.

"Yeah, you guys know I'm right," she whispered to Azriel's shadows.

The shadows only encircled her more tightly.

Hours later, near noon, Thea slid out of bed to speak with Feyre. She knew Azriel would disapprove, but she didn't care. She had given it a lot of thought and was still pissed.

Thea peeked into Feyre's tent and saw she was coming out.

"Feyre," Thea said, catching the High Lady's attention as she left the tent.

"Thea! How is Azriel?" Feyre asked, her face full of concern.

"Thesan did all he could. The wing is not in flying condition yet. But it's better than nothing," Thea said.

Feyre sighed. "I'm relieved it's not worse. And angry it's not better."

"Changing plans has costs," Thea said sharply.

Feyre's eyebrows raised. "They were torturing the girl," she said.

"I'm not saying that's okay. It's awful and disgusting. I'm glad she's out. But you were reckless," Thea said.

"I ordered him if the girl wasn't at the cliff by the time we got there, he was to leave with Elain, and I would go back for her," Feyre said.

Thea snorted. "And you think he would have listened? When Azriel swore to Rhys that he would bring you and Elain back? You know him. You know he would have given everything to save you and Elain. And you make it harder by adding another person, unplanned? Of course Hybern is torturing people. Look what they did in Velaris. You should have figured out an actual plan if you wanted to save more people than Elain. It was reckless. But you knew Azriel would do it, because he would do anything for you. And in the very deepest and most shameful parts of your heart, you took advantage of that. Of his nature. Of his insecurities. Of his loyalty," Thea said, her words sharp and biting but her tone icy calm.

Feyre looked away, and Thea knew her words had hit close to home. After a long moment, Feyre squared her shoulders to Thea and looked at her directly in the eye. "I can see why you're his mate," Feyre said, her tone full of respect. "You're the protector he needs."

Thea nodded. "And if you ever take advantage of him again, the next time Rhys is injured...don't ask me to help," she vowed.

Feyre gave a short nod of agreement. The two strong-willed females looked at each other until Thea nodded respectfully to the High Lady and walked away.

Thea worked at the Healer's tent for a couple hours, providing basic care to those injured. Usually her energy restored in a day, so she was deeply concerned that there was no improvement to her own condition. She would be useless after future battles at this rate.

Thesan visited the Healer's tent to observe, give advice, and learn practices from different Courts. Thea was wrapping up with coaching an apprentice when Thesan approached her. He had studied Thea and her interaction with the apprentice.

"Can we talk privately?" he asked.

"Of course," Thea said.

They walked out of the tent and along the edge of the camp. The silence was heavy but not uncomfortable. It was as though both of them knew what they wanted to talk about. 

"When I saw you earlier today, I knew exactly who you are," Thesan said, wasting no time.

"Oh?" Thea asked. While she had dreaded this confrontation for centuries, now that it was happening, it did not actually feel scary. Perhaps because they were at war, and her prior fears felt small by comparison.

"My father loved my mother, but he was also a flawed male. He had affairs, multiple. You're likely the daughter of him, and of the manager of the house, Elara."

Thea did not bother denying it. "Elara? I didn't know my mother's name."

Thea raised his eyebrows, surprised. "She was lovely. A kind High Fae who was also firm, capable and in charge of all the servants in the residence. She always treated everyone with respect, especially the Lesser Fae," Thesan said, knowing Thea had a similar tendency. 

"She does sound like a force," Thea said.

"She was. She left her position about two hundred and fifty years ago. I assume because she was pregnant with you?"

"That lines up," Thea said.

"So you knew who your father was?" Thesan asked.

"I learned when I was of age. But my guardians at the orphanage told me to never say anything. To hide who I was as they feared he would imprison or kill me. I took an entry-level job at the Healer's Hall and worked my way up to being a Healer," Thea explained.

"I suspect you did quite well," Thesan said.

"Too well," Thea said, the bitter edge of her voice undeniable.

"Why didn't you come to me?" he asked.

"I didn't know you. When I got into trouble, you were so new as High Lord. I didn't know what you stood for. If you would be cruel like your father was rumored to be. There was no reason to believe you would welcome me as a...sister," Thea said.

"So you ran?"

Thea nodded. "To Night Court. I've been here for the last 150 years."

"A coup for Rhysand. You are powerful," Thesan praised.

"Not powerful enough," Thea said, deeply frustrated that she still had not recovered enough to be able to heal Azriel.

Thesan's face was grim. "Thea, to my knowledge, no one has ever survived the Final Sacrifice. You brought someone back from the edge of death. The fact that you are not dead yourself is a miracle."

Thea furrowed her eyebrows. "What? What do you mean?" she asked alarmed.

"That massive healing surge you made. That's called The Final Sacrifice. If a Healer unleashes themselves like that, it is a final act to save the others around them. A selfless choice born of complete desperation," Thesan explained.

"I've never heard of this," she said, alarmed, her mind quickly realizing the ramifications of what Thesan was saying.

"After the last war, it was no longer taught at Dawn Court. But the older healers know about it. And it's spoken in whispers. The fact that you were able to draw that depth of power instinctually, without ever being taught, is a testament to your abilities. And you are alive. Again, a testament to your power," Thesan said.

"Wait, will I be able to heal again?" Thea asked.

"It is unlikely," he said delicately.

Thea began to tear up, knowing the truth before Thesan had spoken it. "It has been feeling like part of me is missing," she said, clutching her chest.

Thesan nodded. "It is. It lives on in Cassian and all the others you healed that day. No patients died that night, right? A miracle born from your sacrifice," he said.

Thea nodded slowly. She wanted to deny everything Thesan was saying, but deep inside she knew. She supposed she should be grateful that she was able to save Cassian and so many others as her final act as a Healer. But instead she just felt sad, mourning her loss and all the people in this war she would not be able to help in the future.

Thea wiped her eyes, anger and sadness swirling within her body. She inhaled and exhaled. She compartmentalized her sorrow within a corner of her heart.

"Thank you for explaining this to me," Thea said to Thesan.

He looked at her carefully. "Will you be alright?" he asked.

"No, of course not," she said. So much of her identity, her sense of pride, was entwined with her job as a Healer. No, she would be a mess. Later. She desperately wanted to talk to Azriel, but he needed to sleep and heal.

Thesan nodded thoughtfully. "I'm sorry I don't have a better assessment."

"No, don't be sorry. You helped explain this hole I've been feeling within myself since I healed Cassian. Thank you," Thea said.

"Do you want to be alone?" Thesan asked.

Thea thought over the question. "No. No, I want to get drunk," she said.

Thesan chuckled, his warm aura lighting up a bit more. He bent his arm, offering it to Thea to slip her arm through. "Come, Thea, let's drink. And you can tell me everything about your time at Night Court," he said.

She slipped her arm into his with a smirk. "Are you asking me for confidential information about the Night Court?" she asked shrewdly. While she was absolutely devastated about her healing abilities, it felt good to be distracted by conversation with her half-brother.

Thesan laughed. "You really are the Spymaster's mate, aren't you?"

Thea nodded, her pride evident. "I am."

"Tell me whatever you're able to. I want to know more about you. And I'll share as well," Thesan said.

"I do want to know how you and Oryx got together," Thea said.

Thesan's eyes lit up. "Sure, we'll start there," he said. "You know him?"

"I do. He was a frequent patient of mine," Thea said.

Thesan frowned. "Yes, it's stressful to have a partner who's job is to fight. He's still working and strategizing right now when I wish he would rest," he said, his eyes tight.

Thea empathized. "I've healed thousands of soldiers and warriors. What they do gives them such pride. And those they protect, like us...it feels like there's a debt that needs to be repaid and never quite can be," she said.

Thesan nodded in agreement. "We just have to do what we can," he said.

"Yes, precisely," Thea said, her voice hitching as her thoughts snagged on everything she could no longer do.

Thesan guided them to a cask of wine in the camp. "Come, let's try to forget our troubles for a bit," he said jovially as he handed her a cup.

Thesan and Thea talked for hours about their lives, their childhoods, their lovers, and as the sun was setting, they huddled by the fire near Azriel's tent eating an evening meal and clinking glasses of wine.

"There you are," Azriel said, clearly having slept most of the afternoon from the scratchiness of his voice.

He sat down next to Thea, looking wearily at Thesan.

"Yes. Thesan and I were just getting used to the idea of having a sibling," Thea said teasingly. She was clearly drunk.

Thesan smiled with amusement. "She's already acting like a little sister," he jested, feigning annoyance. 

Thea flushed with delight at the title and quickly took on the role - narrowing her eyes in a brattish fashion which only made Thesan chuckle. 

"I'm relieved the introduction is going so well," Azriel said, his tone laced with a bit of protectiveness. If the introduction was not going well, it was clear a wildly different version of Azriel would appear.

"I haven't forgotten how you pounded Eris. I have no desire being on the receiving end of your wrath," Thesan said diplomatically.

Thea made a face of regret. "I wasn't there. Was it as spectacular as I imagine?" she asked Thesan.

Thesan chuckled as Azriel shifted uncomfortably. "I maintain my neutrality across all the High Lords and Lady. It's my strength. But I will say...between siblings...yes," Thesan whispered conspiratorially.

Thea giggled, the alcohol making her lightheaded. Thesan's eyes sparkled at seeing Thea so happy in his presence, while Azriel's shadows wrapped around her waist, also wanting her attention.

She looked at Azriel, her eyes shining. "See, you're spectacular," she praised and then giggled.

Azriel's eyes widened. "Let me get you some water," he said dryly. Thea touched his cheek affectionately and nodded.

Thesan looked at the pair as Azriel returned with a glass of water for Thea and some food for himself. "Dawn and shadow. There is an elegance to that," Thesan remarked.

Azriel watched Thea carefully. "I agree," he said thoughtfully. "So what did you do this afternoon? Work?"

The innocent question was sobering as Thea remembered what she was trying to get drunk and forget about. Thesan turned serious as well. Azriel watched the pair, knowing something was amiss.

"Shall I retire from your company?" Thesan asked Thea.

Thea nodded. "Yes, I think I need to talk with Azriel. Thank you for today," she said.

Thesan smiled sympathetically at Thea. "It was my pleasure, truly," he said, getting up from his seat by the fire and taking his leave.

"What's going on?" Azriel asked impatiently once Thesan left.

"My healing power, it's gone," Thea said forthrightly. Saying it was so much more painful than she had imagined.

Azriel inhaled sharply. "Because of that surge?" he asked.

Thea nodded. "Thesan said what I did is called the Final Sacrifice. It's an ancient technique where a Healer unleashes themselves to save everyone around them. To Thesan's knowledge, the Healer died each time this has been used in the past," Thea said. 

"What?" Azriel said, his eyes wide with fear and his hands moving around her body to identify any indication of pending death.

"I'm fine. He doesn't think anything will happen to me now. He thinks I was powerful enough to survive it. But I've lost my abilities. I'm useless," Thea said bitterly, the reality of her new situation flooding her mind.

Azriel pulled her onto his lap as he clutched her. His heart was racing. "I know it's awful about your healing. And I'm so sorry. But I'm still processing the part where you could have died," Azriel said, his voice cracking.

Thea gasped at the emotions she felt through the bond. Deep anguish and relief. She nuzzled his neck, realizing his feelings mirrored how she felt seeing him return to camp earlier in the day. "I'm okay," she said softly.

Azriel shook his head. "I knew something was wrong," he said adamantly. "The bond felt different. Weaker, flickering. It wasn't like when you're asleep."

"You could tell a difference?" Thea asked, surprised.

"Yes. It was awful," he recalled. He continued to clutch her. 

"And now? What do you feel?"

Azriel took a moment. "It's been normal since you woke up," he said, the assessment calming his emotions and loosening his grip on her body.

Thea's heart clenched, touched that he could read the bond in a more nuanced way than before. She kissed him then, out in the open air, and the warmth of the fire against her back felt almost cool compared to the heat between their lips, their breath, their bodies.

"Thea, I'm so sorry you've lost that piece of yourself," Azriel said softly. He knew a lot about loss, and she could feel the depth of his empathy.

Thea sighed. "I just feel like I'm dead weight," she said derisively.

Azriel eyes narrowed at her self-judgment. "Stop. You're not dead weight. You're a leader. All of the Healers and apprentices look to you for guidance, not just here at the camp, but for decades. You are their pillar, and that has nothing to do with your actual ability and everything to do with your generous spirit and willingness to help them."

Azriel was not wrong. Thea could still teach and mentor, even without her actual abilities. And Madja would probably be willing to allow her to stay at the Healer's Hall and run operations. She could continue to teach the other Healers how to help all different types of non-High Fae people. Others could take up her mantle of ensuring high quality care for everyone. She could still have a full life with meaning. It was not the life she had envisioned for herself, but it could still be a good life.

If they survived. That was the first step.

"Thank you, Az, for talking through this with me," Thea said.

"Of course. Thea, I want to be clear, though, you have value just as a person. Outside of being a Healer, a leader. Just you. You've been showing me that about myself. And I just want to say it back to you," Azriel said.

Thea nodded. He was right. Azriel's statuses as the Spymaster and Shadowsinger with unfathomable power were not why she loved him. She loved him because he was thoughtful, insightful, clever, loyal - a gentle soul wrapped in ferocity who embraced the darkness and also strove towards light. Her feelings for him were not tied to his abilities or power.

And Azriel was saying the same thing. His feelings for her were based on who she was as a person and not the roles she played in society.

Thea smiled. "It's nice to know you listen to me," she teased before kissing him gently.

"Every word," he said reverently.

She moaned. "That is so fucking attractive," she said. 

"I've got to overcome your long hair fetish somehow," Azriel joked dryly.

Thea laughed, a deep, loud, healing laugh.

Azriel watched her, clearly pleased that his wit had elicited such a response. 

Thea looked at Azriel lovingly. "I'm so happy you're my mate, Az. Truly. You get me," she said wiping a tear of laughter from her eye.

Azriel was overcome. He surged up and kissed her passionately. "I've got you," he agreed.

They were still out in the open, so Azriel gripped her ass and hips as she wrapped her legs around his waist. He sat up with her encircled around his body, and he walked the both of them into the tent as they continued to kiss.

Author's Note: Thanks so much for reading and supporting this story! It's getting serious. We are barreling towards the end soon. Did you like the first sex scene with a more submissive Azriel? I love how he says, "Yes, Healer" when they are intimate and then again when he leaves with Feyre to rescue Elain. Swoon. Anyway, hope you enjoy and thanks again for reading. Feedback welcomed and deeply appreciated!   

"No, absolutely not," Rhysand said.

"Don't do this," Azriel said fiercely, shaking his head.

It was the next morning - dawn - and Azriel had not expected the forcefulness of Rhysand's and Cassian's resistance to him fighting in this battle. What was likely the last battle. 

"Your wings are not good enough yet," Cassian said for the fourth time.

"And who's fault is that?" Azriel spat out, furious shadows roiling around him.

Cassian took a step back, surprised by the barb.

"It's mine," Thea interjected.

Azriel's head whipped to his mate, and his icy glare softened immediately. "I didn't mean you," he said gently.

"Az, it's my fault. My job is to heal the hardest injuries. And I can't. The blame is wholly on me," she said adamantly.

Cassian looked at Thea, the guilt evident.

Last night, as Thea helped winnow humans to safety in Summer Court, she  disclosed to Rhysand and Cassian that her healing ability was gone - forever. Rhysand immediately went into problem-solving mode. He promoted Beatrice to Interim Healer in Charge and sent word to the other High Lords that they should coordinate Healers across the Courts. Cassian had just been uncharacteristically quiet. 

Azriel rounded on Rhysand and Cassian. "Even injured, I'm a good fighter. Don't bench me," he said, not letting this go.

Rhysand and Cassian were glaring furiously at Azriel when Mor came into the tent, her eyes brimming with tears.

"What's this I hear about you wanting to fight?" she said angrily.

Azriel locked eyes with Mor, and Thea quietly left the tent. She had no desire to watch her mate have an emotional exchange with the woman he loved. 

Thea exhaled, so deeply angry and sad. She did not think she ever felt so useless. She went to the Healer's tent which was being packed up to be moved. She needed to stay busy.

"Good morning," Thesan said. He was already directing some of the Healers from the Dawn Court on how to coordinate with others per Rhysand's communique.

"Is it?" Thea asked bitterly.

Thesan caught his error. "Ah, of course not, I'm sorry," he said sympathetically.

"No, I'm sorry to snap," Thea said. She sighed deeply.

"How are you doing?" Thesan asked carefully. 

Thea shook her head. "I'm a mess. But it's not about me. This is war. I just came to check in with Beatrice on what she needed. Maybe I can cut up fresh bandages or make poultices," she said.

Thesan looked at his sister with sympathy. He was about to speak when another voice interrupted. 

"Thea?"

Thea turned towards the voice to see Oryx rushing over to stand next to Thesan.

Thea smiled. "Hi, Oryx," she said, so pleased to see her old crush. He looked exactly as she remembered - kind but mischievous brown eyes, shoulder-length curly black hair, and golden brown skin, with broad shoulders and an incredibly confident posture.   

Oryx chuckled and hugged her tightly. "Thesan said you were here, but I could hardly believe it. After all this time. It's so lovely to see you again," Oryx said warmly.

"It's wonderful to see you too. I'm sorry it's under such circumstances," Thea said.

Oryx shrugged. "War either brings people together or tears them apart. In this case I'm so glad it's brought us all together. Have you asked her yet?" Oryx asked, turning to Thesan.

Thesan smiled tightly. "No, I was just about to when you interrupted," he said to his lover.

Oryx chuckled. "I'm sorry, love, please," he said, urging Thesan to speak.

"Thea, you are welcomed back to Dawn Court anytime. If you ever want to come back, please do," Thesan said diplomatically.

Oryx looked at his lover, unimpressed with the offer. "What Thesan means is that we have an opening for Head Healer. And it's yours if you want it," Oryx said.

Thea gasped. "What? A job?"

"Yes. Damien left abruptly a couple weeks ago. I assume you remember him?" Oryx said, a knowing lilt in his tone. While it had been well over a century, it was clear Oryx remembered that Damien had been Thea's lover.

Thea's head spun. "Yes." So Damien had been the Head Healer of Dawn Court? Thea supposed his betrayal allowed him to advance beyond his skill.

"Well, he just left without any warning. Never liked him. Anyway, come home," Oryx urged.

Thea looked at the pair quizzically. "But I'm useless now," she said.

Oryx glanced at his lover, a bit flabbergasted.

Thesan raised an eyebrow pointedly at Oryx.

"Forgive me, love. I got very much ahead of you," Oryx said sheepishly.

"You did," Thesan said, amused.

"What's going on?" Thea asked the pair.

"Thea, I will restore your power," Thesan said.

"What?" Thea gasped, shocked. 

"I talked about it last night with Oryx. He knew you for decades, knew your good character back then. And now you are the trusted Healer in Night Court. And even the Illyrians respect you. You are obviously skilled, but more importantly, kind-hearted. The world needs you," Thesan said.

"Thesan, I...I'm so honored. But I can't go back to Dawn Court, if that's what you expect in return," Thea said.

Thesan waved his hand while Oryx looked crestfallen. "I knew that was a long shot. Especially given Azriel is your mate..."

"The Shadowsinger is your mate?" Oryx asked, surprised.

Thea nodded.

"That's terrifying," Oryx mumbled.

Thea chuckled. "It's not for me," she said.

"The point is...I want to restore you power. And it is not conditional on you returning to Dawn Court. I want to do this because you are a good person, and I am proud to be your brother," Thesan said.

Thea froze. She could feel the sting of tears in her nose and eyes, and the back of her throat seized up. Brother. A brother who would help her in her most desperate time of need.

"Oh, Cauldron bless you," Oryx said sympathetically as he watched her begin to cry. He wrapped his arms tightly around Thea and pulled Thesan in for the hug as well.

The three of them embraced for a long moment as Thea wept. Wept for her younger self who had felt alone and unwanted in the orphanage. Wept for her mother, Elara, who had calculated that anonymity was safer than being with her. Wept for herself now, who finally knew what it felt like to have a big brother step up and help her.

Once they separated from the hug Thesan asked, "May I?" as he motioned to touch her chest.

Thea nodded tentatively.

Thesan put his hand on her chest and transferred warm Dawn energy. Thea had never felt something like this. Was this what it felt like to be healed by her? Thesan's whole body glowed with soft golden light, and when he was done, she glowed as well.

"There you are, in your full splendor," Thesan said proudly.

Thea looked down at her arms; she was glowing lightly.

"What did you do?" she asked, shocked. She had never felt so warm and strong.

"I shared my power with you," Thesan said. "Think of it as a catalyst to reignite your own abilities."

Thea gasped. "Thesan..." He had sacrificed part of himself.

Thesan smiled. "I told you. I'm enjoying having a little sister." 

Thea wiped her eyes of tears as Oryx grinned proudly at his lover. "Thank you," Thea said.

Beatrice and the other Healers celebrated Thea's restoration with loud shouts and claps.

"I'm so glad you're back. Being Healer in Charge is too stressful," Beatrice said sheepishly, giving her friend a big hug.

Thea chuckled. Beatrice had been in charge less than ten hours.

Azriel, Rhysand, Cassian, Mor, and Feyre exited the war tent to see what the commotion was about.

Azriel looked at Thea, first with concern and then with curiosity. He strode up to her, cupping her head in his hands. "Are you alright?" His eyes traced over her tears and also her glowing aura.

Thea nodded. "Thesan restored my healing ability," she said.

Azriel sighed, hugging her tightly. Relief and joy twined around the mating bond. He released her and continued to stare. "You're breathtaking," he said as his eyes drank her in.

She blushed. "Thank you," she said shyly.

"How do you feel?" Azriel asked.

"Good, really good. I can heal you now," Thea said.

Azriel shook his head. "We have to march soon. Wait until the break. Let your body enjoy being at full capacity for a bit, and I get to admire you like this for a while."

Thea smiled as Azriel kissed her forehead.

A throat cleared, and Thea looked over to see Oryx watching the couple carefully.

Azriel nodded in acknowledgement. "Oryx," he said.

"Shadowsinger. And dear Thea's mate," Oryx said.

Azriel's eyes steeled at the endearment, but Thea held his arm and squeezed.

"Oryx told Thesan about my work at Dawn Court, which convinced him to help me," Thea explained.

Azriel's eyes softened a bit. "Thank you," he said.

Oryx nodded in return.

Rhysand shook Thesan's hand, clearly appreciative. "If we survive this, you and Oryx are welcome at Night Court anytime," Rhysand said.

"I hear Starfall is gorgeous," Thesan said amiably.

"Yes! Come for Starfall!" Thea said, releasing Azriel's arm to tuck her arm around her brother's. She rested her head against his shoulder as they walked and talked about Starfall, two bobbing glowing heads on a gray morning. Oryx and Azriel's eyes met, and they fell in line behind their partners.

As the group walked through the destruction Hybern had created in the human realm, the high of the early morning slowly faded as what the army was going to face became ever more real.

"So much devastation," Thea murmured as she looked around at the charred remains of homes and villages.

"At least the people got out," Thesan said, grim.

"But if we don't win, it'll just be a matter of time," Thea said.

Thesan did not disagree.

Thea remembered the attack on Velaris - how scared she had been but also how focused and useful she felt saving who she could. She also remembered the trauma afterwards, how she still remembered every single person she could not save. But upon reflection now, it had all been worth it to save the lives she did.

"Brother, I have an idea for how to use the Healers during the battle. Can I share for your thoughts?" Thea asked.

Thesan smiled. "Of course," he said.

Thea talked through her idea, and Thesan provided some feedback and additional suggestions. She then talked with Beatrice, along with some of the Healers from Dawn, Summer, and Winter Courts. After integrating their ideas, she was ready to approach Rhysand.

"Rhys, some of the Healers are prepared to be in the rear and heal fallen soldiers who would then be able to return to battle," Thea said.

Rhys raised his eyebrows, intrigued. "How would that work?"

"Some of the Healers from different Courts have expressed interest. We should be able to heal minor injuries fast enough such that people could return to battle who otherwise would not be able to. And we could quickly stabilize more serious injuries as well. Thesan will winnow the seriously injured back to the Healer's tent. We would require some soldiers as protection," Thea said.

Rhysand nodded thoughtfully. "This sounds like a good idea. We need all the soldiers we can manage. Let me confer with the other High Lords," he said.  

By the midday break, there was a bit of sun. Rhysand has discussed the plan with the other High Lords who had agreed to provide soldiers for protection. The Inner Circle assembled together, and Thea spoke with the other Healers who volunteered for this assignment. There were five Healers, including Beatrice, who wanted to give this a try, knowing this battle had the highest stakes. Each of them changed into Illyrian leathers, helping each other put on the armor they often cut away from patients' bodies.

"What's going on?" Azriel asked, coming over to the group of Healers who were now fully changed.

"Ah, you are done? Let me heal you now," Thea said, pulling him over to a tree stump to sit.

"What's going on?" Azriel asked again sitting down and spreading his legs so she could stand between them and face him.

"The five of us are going to be in the rear to heal injuries and get soldiers back on the field," Thea said.

Azriel frowned. "That's dangerous," he said.

"Oh, and what you do isn't dangerous?" she asked. "You're going to fly around to find the Cauldron, right?"

"That's different," Azriel said, his tone severe.

"Why?" Thea snapped. In her petty state, the fleeting thought that she shouldn't repair Azriel's wing if he was going to behave this way flashed through her mind. She pushed her pettiness down.

"You know why," Azriel said quietly. He sighed as she pressed a warm hand on his wing joint to provide the intricate stitching needed to fully heal it.

"You're not expendable, Az. Not to me. Not to your family," she said.

"More so than you and them," he said darkly.

"No. And if we survive this, I'll spend my lifetime unwinding all those knots inside that make you think that," Thea said. A promise. That's all she could give him at the moment.

Azriel pressed his forehead to her chest as he held her hips. "Thea, I'm sorry I wasted so much time," he said, his tone full of regret.  

"You're talking like you're going to die. I'm healing you to try to minimize that chance," Thea said. 

Azriel smirked, but then his expression turned serious. "It could still happen. Even if I'm at full health."

"I know."

"If things fall apart, you need to winnow out of here. Save who you can and regroup," Azriel said. 

"No."

"Thea..."

"The Healers do not retreat. We stay until there is nothing left we can do. And even then, I would search through the bodies to find yours on the off chance your heart is still beating. I would not leave until I knew without question that there's nothing I could do for you," she said passionately.

Azriel sighed. She could feel through the bond that he believed her. He clutched her tighter. "So fucking brave. You terrify me," Azriel said quietly.

Thea smirked as she ran a hand through his hair. "Aren't you supposed to be the terrifying one?" she teased.

"I'm aware," he said wryly, his shadows swirling around the both of them.

Thea chuckled and kissed him.

He kissed her back thoroughly and when they parted he said softly, "I love you, Thea."

Thea gasped with surprise. "What?"

"I love you," he repeated, this time a little louder.

Thea shook her head, disbelieving. "You don't have to say that just because we might die soon," she said bluntly.

Azriel looked at her quizzically. "You think that why I said it?"

"Isn't it partially at least?" Thea asked.

"No! I said it because that's how I feel," he said, his tone serious.

Thea was so overwhelmed, she did not even have words. Part of her desperately wanted to believe him. But another part of her, the part well-trained after nearly a century and a half of yearning for him, simply could not. He loved Mor. And that did not magically go away after learning about a mating bond less than six weeks ago.

Azriel watched her carefully. "I know what you're feeling. You don't believe me. You think I love Mor," he assessed.

Thea nodded, impressed he was able to read her emotions so accurately.

Azriel unsheathed Truth-Teller and put it into Thea's hand, wrapping his hand around hers as she held the hilt. He pointed the blade tip-first against his own exposed neck.

"What are you doing?" Thea asked, aghast. Why was Azriel having her hold his own knife to his neck?

"Truth-Teller allows the wielder to parse truth from lies in someone's statement. And if there are false statements, the knife will strike true," Azriel said.

Thea's eyes widened. "Az, this isn't necessary," she said. She did not want his own knife to stab him.

Azriel ignored her protests as he continued to hold her hand and the knife to his neck. "I love you, Thea. And as for Mor...This morning she begged me to not fight. And I agreed, but it didn't come from that feeling it used to. That pressure, that drive to try to make her happy, to make her see me and love me. Because I don't want that anymore. I don't love Mor like I did before," Azriel said.

Truth-Teller thrummed in Thea's hand, the power at ease. The knife did not advance into Azriel's flesh as Thea wielded it, but she supposed she did not know what the knife felt like when someone was lying.

"Here's a lie for contrast," Azriel said, discerning her feelings as he dropped his hand wrapped around hers and the knife. "I don't think you're beautiful."

Truth-Teller's energy became discordant, and she felt a compulsion to surge the knife forward.

"Shit!" Thea said, pulling the knife back before it stabbed Azriel, though not before the knife nicked his neck.

Frazzled, energized, and slightly overwhelmed, Thea returned the knife to Azriel and healed the small wound on his neck.

"Az, you are fucking insane. And I love you," she said, kissing him aggressively.

Azriel was still holding Truth-Teller in his hand as they kissed. He smiled, knowing her confession was true.

"I couldn't think of another way for you to believe me quickly," Azriel said.

She wrapped her arms around his neck as she savored this moment before the chaos of battle.

He was hers.

She was his.

"You are efficient," she said begrudgingly, her heart relaxing.

Azriel chuckled.

"Okay. Try out your wings," she said, separating from him and returning to their reality.

He got up off the tree stump and stretched his wings. He shot up into the sky and flew a bit before returning in front of her.

"Perfect, thank you," he said. He could fight. His whole posture changed.

Thea smiled, admiring her warrior, Death incarnate. "You're welcome. C'mon, let's go before I jump you."

Azriel smiled charmingly. "You say that as though it's supposed to incentivize me to move."

Thea liked this side of him. Free. Confident. Flirty. She gave him a knowing look. They had responsibilities.

Azriel sighed. "Okay, okay," he said reluctantly. 

With that, they winnowed back to the group.

Thea looked out across the grassy plain that stretched to the sea. They were vastly outnumbered by Hybern's army. The dread grew in her stomach. Even with five Healers, how many people could they get back into the fight? How much could that truly help against these forces?

"So you're going to be in the back healing the wounded?" Cassian asked, coming up to stand next to Thea as she looked out at the field.

Thea nodded. "As long as you think it's worth the soldiers to defend us?" she asked.

Cassian nodded. "Oh it's definitely worth it. You all are nuts. Brave, but nuts," he bantered.

Thea rolled her eyes. "I literally gave up my power for you. If anything has driven me to insanity, it's you," she bantered back.

Cassian turned serious. "I'm sorry, Thea. I'm sorry I put you in that position. Last night when you told me...I knew I would spend my life trying to make that right, and fail," he said darkly.

Thea shook her head. "I had no regrets. If Thesan hadn't restored my abilities, I would still have no regrets. You're an idiot, and you're my best friend, Cass," she admitted.

He smiled widely. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. I think it's a tie between you and Madja, you know?" Thea joked.

Cassian laughed loudly and pulled Thea into a tight hug. Azriel watched his brother carefully but did not protest.

When they separated, Cassian looked directly into Thea's eyes and turned into the General. "The Attor are the main concern. Any other threat you would see coming through the lines. We will focus on the Attor to try to prevent them from getting through. But if they do, you need to fight like hell. Do you have weapons?"

"I have the dagger Lord Devlon gave me," she said, pointing to the holster on the left side of her belt.

Cassian nodded in approval. "I forget you collect Illyrian suitors like sweets," he teased.

"What do you mean?" Thea asked, concerned.

"Usually daggers that nice are given as a betrothal gift," Azriel said, his annoyance clear.

"What? I told Lord Devlon he better not have been trying to trick me," Thea said, pissed.

"Well, he did offer up his deputies to you for engagement," Azriel said tightly.

"Uh oh. Was Az pissed?" Cassian teased.

"No, that was before..."

"I was furious," Azriel said, interrupting her protests.

Thea opened and then closed her mouth. He had been jealous then? Before the mating bond had snapped for her? The Illyrian camp was the first time they had spent any real time together in 45 years. For decades prior, he had actively avoided her.

Cassian chuckled as he slapped Azriel on the shoulder in pity.

Thea quickly focused. The notion of Azriel being jealous before the mating bond was too big and amorphous to wrap her arms around now, minutes before war.

"Wait, didn't you just let Elain borrow Truth-Teller? Is there something you'd like to tell me, Az?" Thea asked.

Azriel's eyes widened with concern until he saw the wicked glint in Thea's eyes. She was teasing him. Given his intense confession earlier in the day as Thea held Truth-Teller, Azriel had not anticipated any friction in Elain borrowing the knife for strength.

Azriel smiled mischievously. "Jealous?" he teased. 

Thea tilted her head to the side, deciding to play along. "Maybe. When's the next time I get to use it?" she asked.   

"The next time we play," Azriel said, his eyes dark and full of meaning.

Thes gasped, imagining all the ways the power of Truth-Teller could be used. She bit her lower lip. 

Azriel smirked as he knelt in front of Thea and slid a small dagger into each of her boots. He strapped a leg holster on her right thigh and slid a knife into that.

Once he was satisfied she was well equipped with weapons, he looked up at her from his kneeling position. "Still the best view," he said, his expression serious and downright sexy.

Thea flushed. They both knew she was wet at the words. "Get up."

He rose from his knees and stood before her. He stared at her, taking in every inch of her form in front of him. The heat between them was palatable.

"So are all these weapons betrothal gifts?" Thea asked, her voice low. She was being bold, perhaps too bold, but in these last moments before war, she felt her mind scattering, fraying, and she wanted to fantasize about a future that in all likelihood would not happen.

Azriel's lips quirked up. He wrapped his hand around the back of her neck, anchoring them together.

"I had been planning a house as a betrothal gift, but, sure, if you want some knives I could throw that in as well," Azriel said.

Thea's eyes widened with surprise at his words. "Az..."

"I know you were joking. But I'm not," he said, his gaze intense.

She stared at him. The enormity of emotions rolling off of him could have been drowning, but Thea absorbed it all. All of him. And that was all she needed.

There likely would never be a betrothal or a house or a forever for them. But there was now. This moment. 

"You're mine," she whispered. "I'm so proud you're mine."

Azriel's throat bobbed as he swallowed hard. He kissed her passionately for the last time, and she poured all of her emotions into the kiss and through the bond. Her love. Her desire. Her respect. Her pride. All for him. He gripped her more tightly, and sent the same emotions right back to her.

"I love you," he said. She relished those words coming from his voice.

"Say it one more time," she requested. One last time.

"I love you." Azriel kissed her lips.

"I love you," Thea replied.

Azriel held her gaze for a long, heated moment, then flew into the air. She watched him fly for a few beats, but then turned around to face an amused Feyre and Rhysand who had been watching the whole exchange.

"And that's without finalizing the bond? Can you imagine what will happen when they do?" Feyre asked, fanning herself a bit, the teasing tone in her voice indicating she was not upset about their prior confrontation.

Rhys frowned. "I'd really rather not," he said dryly as he watched the beginning of the battle as both sides attempted to tear down shields.

Thea flushed a bit and bid farewell to the High Lord and Lady to winnow the other Healers to the rear of the battle down on the grassy plain.

Once she was down on the battle field, she met her protector, which was an armored white bear from Winter Court.

"I'm Thea. What's your name?" she asked.

"Fenton," the bear replied.

"Thank you for helping me, Fenton," Thea said. 

Fenton nodded. "The shields will come down soon. Prepare yourself. Stay behind me," he said.

Thea agreed.

When the shields came down, the loudness of war was overwhelming. Soldiers were screaming to galvanize themselves. Generals were barking orders. The skies were full of flapping wings, with Cassian at the front. The metal on metal clang of swords was relentless. Thea became restless as she watched the slaughtering happen, but was unable to do anything until the lines advanced or fragmented.

"Over here," Fenton said, moving to the right towards a Summer Court soldier who was on the ground.

Thea assessed. Slashed leg. She quickly healed him as Fenton stood as the watchful guard. Once the soldier was healed, he grabbed his sword and re-entered the battle.

"I see another one," Thea said, walking more to the right.

Fenton jumped in front of her, slashing at the ground. A Hybern soldier had started to rise. "Let me go first," he said.

"Right. I'm sorry," she said, the adrenaline coursing through her. The next soldier had a huge gash on his face which Thea healed. She also provided stabilizing care for someone who had been stabbed. Thesan winnowed to Thea to learn where all of the seriously injured were located. He then quickly winnowed to each person to take them to the Healer's tent.

Fenton and Thea kept moving to the right, healing soldiers as best she could to get them back into the fight. Once she overlapped with the next Healer, Thea turned around and moved towards the left to find more casualties. Fenton swept through the injured Hybern soldiers to make sure they were well and truly dead. Thea looked up at the sky to see Illyrians and Peregryns fight against an army of Attor who were shooting ash arrows laced with faebane.

An Illyrian she came across had an arrow to the shoulder. "I can heal you, but your magic is impeded by the faebane." Even if she offered her blood, it would take too long for his magic to return. 

"I'll even fight on the ground if I must," the Illyrian gritted out. "Just get me back in there."

Thea healed his shoulder to a useable state and the Illyrian grunted in approval before launching himself into the fray.

The fighting was getting messier - the lines were not holding on either side. There were more injuries to navigate, and she made so many tough choices as to who to heal enough to get them back into battle. Some of the more seriously injured Illyrians cursed her for not healing them enough to return to battle. Thesan winnowed them back to the Healer's tent.

"Beron and his sons have destroyed the faebane, hopefully we'll see less serious injuries," Thesan reported the next time he saw Thea. He winnowed away to take more casualties to the Healer's tent.

"Less grumbling Illyrians would be a good thing," Thea mumbled to Fenton who snorted in agreement.

They moved through the back of the fight continuing to identify soldiers who could return to battle. At some point, a shield arced across the entire army. Rhysand. That was followed by a blue shield that covered over the first. Azriel. Something was terribly wrong.

Suddenly a tunnel of white light barreled into the Illyrian army. Thea fell to the ground from the impact of the light when it destroyed the shields Rhysand and Azriel had placed. The wind was knocked out of her as she gasped for breath, ears ringing. She was so disoriented. But what was clear was that where there used to be a whole sky of Illyrian soldiers, there was only ash.

Hundreds of people turned to ash. This was the Cauldron's doing.

Thea tugged on the mating bond, relieved it was still there. Azriel was alive, and he was angry but there was no sense of deep personal loss, so that meant Cassian was okay. Several of the Illyrian soldiers she had healed had been victims though.

But there was no time to mourn. The Attor army that had been engaged with the Illyrians and Peregryns was now on the ground wreaking havoc, tearing into demoralized soldiers with speed. 

Suddenly, another blast of deadly white light shot through the Hybern army and into the united Prythian forces. While Thea was not in the vicinity, there likely was a Healer in the back of that area. It would only take a few more blasts like that to wipe out any chance of surviving, let alone victory.

There was no time to become too fixated on potential annihilation by the Cauldron as two Attor broke through the lines to the back of the field - right in front of Thea and Fenton. Fenton growled swiping hard at the Attor, but the Attor still had the advantage of flight and struck at Fenton from the air.

Thea grabbed a discarded shield from the ground and unsheathed her largest dagger from her belt. She swung wildly at the Attor's feet and wingtips when they came close as Fenton caught one and dragged it to the ground. He shredded it angrily, but not before it dug its claws into Fenton's white chest fur. Fenton roared with pain as he flung the dead Attor away, blood dripping from his chest.

Thea faced off against the other Attor as Fenton struggled to stay upright. He lurched at the Attor who dug its claws into Fenton's back greedily. Fenton roared again, but Thea took the opening to swing her dagger at the Attor's wing, cutting one cleanly off its body. The Attor screamed and released Fenton, turning its attention to Thea. It lunged towards Thea with it's claws, but the shield blocked much of its attack, and Thea swiped the dagger at the Attor's exposed feet. The Attor kicked away her dagger from her hand. She pulled the shorter dagger from her hip and attempted to stab her enemy in the other wing. The blade caught flesh, and the Attor screamed. Thea lunged and slashed at the Attor's chest, spilling its innards onto the floor. It lurched on the ground, and Thea delivered the killing blow, severing its head from its body.

Thea panted hard and looked around. Thankfully there were no other Attor around as the remaining Illyrians and Peregryns had reformed the lines and were engaging the Attor.

Thea felt a tug of concern on the mating bond. I'm fine, she sent calming emotions through the bond. She guessed Azriel sensed her fear. She had no idea where he was in this madness. Had he and the others located the Cauldron?

She found a mildly injured Peregryn and asked that he stay with her while she healed Fenton. The Peregryn was a bit puzzled about why she would spend time saving a bear, but did not argue with the request.

"Fenton, let me assess you," she said.

His breathing was watery. "Leave me. Continue the mission," he said.

"Now, what kind of partner would I be if I did that?"

"Who are you talking to?" the Peregryn asked as he scanned the field.

"Fenton," she said, as though it was obvious.

"The bear?"

"Yes, can't you hear him?" Thea asked, annoyed. She began to heal Fenton's wounds. They were more serious than quick field healing, but she was worried if he went to the Healer's tent, he would not be well tended to.

"No."

Fenton chuckled. "I'm telepathic, Thea. And I usually don't talk to High Fae," he said, the amusement clear in his mental voice.

"And so every soldier we healed thought I was just talking to myself?" Thea asked.

"Probably." Fenton snickered.

She laughed. She flooded his body with healing energy and all of the claw marks healed.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

Fenton got up. "I'm good, let's continue," he said.

Thea turned to the Peregryn who had just finished killing a Hybern soldier. "Thank you. Fenton's healed now," she said. The Peregryn bowed and shot into the sky.

Thea looked out to the ocean where she saw Hybern ships as well as other ships - allies - coming to join the fray. Seraphim flew over the battlefield to join Illyrians and Peregryns. Thea's heart soared at the idea of more people joining the fight. But the more people joined, the more they were injured. The Hybern armies were simply too big, and in any kind of war of attrition, it would be a slaughter. 

"Are you tired?" Fenton asked when Thea paused after healing a High Fae soldier.

She thought about it. Perhaps it was the adrenaline, perhaps it was Thesan's power multiplying inside of her, but she was actually okay. She could continue. She simply must. "No, let's go," she said.

Lines were breaking everywhere, so the "back" of the fight was now a loose term. This meant she had to fight more than heal at times. Fenton would shred a Hybern solder enough to incapacitate them for Thea to deliver the killing blow. She tried not to think about how many lives she was taking. She knew this was all a necessity and did not have moral qualms about it. But it still felt odd to be Healer who killed. She looked over and saw Thesan do the same thing - offer killing blows to Hybern soldiers, then winnowing seriously injured warriors away.

Suddenly, two massive beasts emerged at what could be considered the frontlines. It was not until the black and white beasts were clearly killing Hybern soldiers that she realized they must be Rhysand and another High Lord's beast forms. This led to Hybern soldiers fleeing in every direction - including through the united Prythian forces. Five Hybern soldiers broke through lines to then surround Fenton and Thea.

Fenton growled. "You should winnow out of here," Fenton advised.

While she did not turn her head, she could have sworn she heard Azriel shout to shore up the lines. Was he nearby fighting on foot now?

"Am I a distraction, Fenton?" Thea asked.

"No."

"I'll stay then," she said.

Fenton lunged quickly at two solders with a fierce swipe of his paw. That shredded them, and Thea surged at them with her dagger and shield in hand. She stabbed one in the throat, and then the second.

"Thea!"

She turned around to see Fenton wide-eyed as a sixth soldier lunged at her with a sword in hand. She held her shield up, hoping it would do enough to make the blow survivable.

Just as the sword should have made impact with her battered shield, a blue shield surrounded her. Azriel emerged from the lines, a dark and furious warrior surrounded by shadow. Death incarnate. Azriel swung his sword, the soldier's head flying off his shoulders and thudding onto the ground. Azriel, a blur of shadow, blue light, and steel, turned around to find three more Hybern soldiers swarming him. He swung his sword and unleashed his shadows to restrain the soldiers, making their deaths swift and clean. Azriel scanned the field to see the lines had been reformed, and it did not seem like any other Hybern soldiers were going to get through - for the time being.

He lowered the blue shield, and Thea ran towards him. His shadows receded. Now that she looked at him carefully, one of his wings was bent out of shape.

"After I just healed it," she lamented. 

Azriel sighed, taking in as much oxygen as he could in this short reprieve. He kissed her deeply, drinking her in.

The roar of war subsided as Thea kissed Azriel in return, focused for just a moment on her mate.

"Hi," Azriel said. 

"Hi," Thea said shyly, realizing she had not thought she would get to see him again. 

A few more Hybern soldiers broke through the lines, and Azriel dispatched them quickly and efficiently.

Thea assessed him. "I can't heal that wing now, it's too intricate," she said.

"I know. Do whatever you can do," he said, holding a hand to a gash on his torso. He also had a couple blue patches of field dressing on his shoulder and thigh.

Thea quickly healed his three sword wounds. She also gave him a bit of pain relief for the broken wing.  

"Thank you," he said, kissing her quickly on the forehead before running back into the frontlines of the battle.

She would have much rather he stayed with her in the back, but she understood that was not the mission. And if Azriel was on the battlefield, that meant the Feyre and Ameren had found the Cauldron. Now it was just a matter of doing something with it before their forces were destroyed.

So that meant continuing to heal as many soldiers as possible. She regrouped with Fenton who was blessedly not injured from that prior fight.

"Over here," Thea said, finding a few soldiers in the back of the field alive.

After healing them, Thea noticed some soldiers heading toward her. Apparently word had gotten out that there were Healers in the back of the fight that could help them.

And so the slog continued for what felt like hours. Thea was getting tired. But she pushed forward. Because what was she saving this power for anyway? If Hybern was going to use the power of the Cauldron to annihilate the Prythian army, then there was no point saving any energy. She should just leave it all on this bloody, grassy field.

Then she heard the terror of screams before she saw the cause. A bird-like thing of light and flame ripped through the Hybern army as they scattered and ran.

"DO NOT RUN!" Rhysand roared to the united Prythian forces. "DO NOT RUN!"

The soldiers echoed the warning behind them. "Do not run! Do not run!" 

Thea froze in place. The winged creature flew over her and headed towards the Hybern boats where it proceeded to destroy them - all of them - and then disappear.

"Is it done?" Thea asked Fenton in disbelief.

"I'm not sure," Fenton responded, scanning the field.

A few confusing moments passed until Azriel shadow winnowed to Thea. She was overcome with relief to see him again.

He launched into her, squeezing her a bit too tightly as they embraced.

"Thank the Gods," he said, his voice cracking with emotion as he held her. She was alive. He was alive. He kissed her.

"No, thank Fenton," Thea said, looking at the armored bear.

Azriel let go of Thea and bowed low to Fenton. "Thank you for keeping her safe."

Fenton nodded.

Suddenly, alarm spread over Azriel's face.

"What is it?"

"Cassian," he said, grabbing her arm and shadow winnowing them to the clearing in the forest where Cassian lay - broken but conscious.

Nesta was next to a distraught Elain as she tried to stop a wound from bleeding. There was a dead human man on the ground, neck broken. And the decapitated body of the King of Hybern.

Thea did not try to comprehend what had happened, her sole focus was on Cassian. She knelt down and quickly assessed the damage while pouring pain relief into his body. Snapped femur. Four snapped ribs, one puncturing his lung. Wing bones broken in eight spots. She looked around at the blood trails that led to this spot. He had crawled.

"My savior," Cassian said, a wry smile on his lips.

"Idiot," Thea retorted as she blasted healing energy into his body to stanch the bleeding. "For over a century I thought Azriel was the reckless one. But it's actually you."

"He just wanted your attention," Cassian wheezed.

Thea snorted at the ridiculousness of that statement while Azriel frowned at his brother.

"Az, hold him still," she instructed.

Once Azriel had Cassian pinned, Thea reset the femur. Cassian howled in pain.

"Field dressing," she said, pointing to Cassian's leg. Azriel followed her instruction.

She quickly moved to his ribs, prioritizing the one puncturing his lung. She reset the rest of his ribs and Azriel put field dressings on to stabilize Cassian's chest.

Suddenly there was a female scream coming from the hilltop. And then another. And another. The most guttural, anguished thing Thea had ever heard.

She looked at Azriel who was looking at Cassian. Both were clearly distraught. And at the edges of Thea's mind, she knew something catastrophic had happened.

Azriel gathered Cassian up, and Thea silently helped brace his other side. And then they went through Azriel's shadow winnow to the hilltop.

Rhysand laid on the ground, lifeless. Feyre was clutching him and screaming. Mor was beside her, arms wrapped around her back. Mor saw Thea and tried to pull Feyre away from Rhysand's body to make room for the Healer, but Feyre resisted.

Thea quickly knelt on Rhysand's other side, trying desperately to find a pulse. Feyre lunged at her and screamed, unseeing, but Mor held her back.

"It's Thea. She's helping," Mor said.

There was no pulse. Nothing. No. There had to be something. Thea searched again, shooting a blast of healing energy right at Rhysand's heart. She just needed one beat. No. Nothing. Nothing Thea could even latch her healing onto. Not again. Not after this had just happened with Cassian days ago.

Thesan crouched down next to Thea and touched Rhysand. Their eyes met, and Thesan shook his head. 

Thea let out a gasp as Feyre sobbed.

"I could use..."

"The Final Sacrifice won't work," Thesan said, already knowing what his sister was going to say. "He's already gone."

"You don't know that!" Thea said.

Azriel pulled Thea back, away from the body, as she fought to stay and try something. She could feel her and Azriel's grief mixing and swirling within her body.

"No, no," Azriel begged, pulling Thea to the back of the gathering crowd. He wanted as much distance as possible between Thea and Rhysand's body.

"I have to try," Thea said.

"Thea, if you use it, he will not rise. I swear it," Thesan said assertively.

Thea shook her head. "I have to try," she repeated stubbornly, so clearly in denial.

"No, please stay. Please stay with me," Azriel said desperately.

Through the grief, she discerned what he was asking. Choose me. Choose to be with me, here, in this life. Thea looked into Azriel's desperate eyes, so exposed, so frantic, so unsure of what she would decide.

She nodded. She would always choose him.

He cried in relief and sorrow, clutching her tightly.

"BRING HIM BACK!" Feyre screamed as the High Lords gathered.

Thea and Azriel watched at each of the seven High Lords relinquished part of their power to revive Rhysand, some more willingly than others. Thea did not understand how, from a medical perspective, this would revive him. But some things superseded logic and the powers of healing. 

Perhaps it was minutes or hours, Thea did not know. But once Tamlin shared his power, the group waited. Feyre clutched Rhysand, desperate and crying and mumbling to herself. Thea supported an exhausted Azriel whose despair was unending. He was supposed to go first, he rambled quietly into Thea's ear in his grief. He had promised Rhysand's mother he would always protect Rhysand. Thea murmured words of comfort to Azriel as they just...waited.

Finally, Rhysand's chest rose.

Thea gasped. "He's breathing," she said.

Azriel looked silently, mouth ajar, eyes watering. Cassian let out a laugh or cry, perhaps a bit of both. And suddenly the group converged towards Rhysand and Feyre, the collective relief palatable. Thesan checked Rhysand for injuries or any other issues, but there were none.

And then Rhysand was looking at the Cauldron, and Mor, Azriel, and Varian were pulling out Ameren from its depths. Ameren coughed, vomiting water as she reacquainted herself with the ground. Thea assessed her quickly - she was High Fae now, only High Fae, and was otherwise perfectly healthy.

"Thea, could you help Cassian?" Mor asked, looking at their friend who was still severely injured but jubilantly celebrating with Rhysand.

"Yes, good point," Thea said, remembering she had been working on that.

"Bet you didn't think you'd see me again," Cassian said to Rhysand.

Rhysand sighed. "I didn't," he said, his voice full of emotion. He clapped his brother on the back of the neck affectionately.

Thea came over to resume healing Cassian's femur which she had set but not healed, bone being the most stubborn thing to heal.

"You're like a cockroach," Thea teased as she focused healing energy on the snapped bone. This was going to take a while to heal.

Cassian smiled. "Is that any way to talk to your best friend?" he teased.

Thea rolled her eyes. "I only said that because I thought we were all dying," she joked.

"Best friend, huh?" Rhysand said, amused. He looked at Azriel.

Azriel shrugged. "Better than the alternative," he said dryly.

Cassian chuckled, slapping Azriel lightly on the back. Thea and Azriel's eyes met, and love pulsed back and forth across the mating bond. Azriel had nothing to be concerned about.

Eventually Azriel departed the group to survey the war zone and report back on casualties. Thea winnowed Cassian to the Healer's tent at the war-camp to finish healing him.

"So, you and Nesta went head to head with the King of Hybern?" Thea asked.

Cassian nodded. "Glad I'll never have to do that again," he said grimly.

"That was very brave. And stupid. And romantic," Thea assessed.

"And that's basically me, in a nutshell, right?" Cassian said charmingly.

Thea laughed. He was not wrong. Thea assessed his wing and determined how much she needed to heal now to avoid permanent damage.

"How do you think Nesta is doing?" Thea asked.

Cassian sighed. "Terribly. She saw her father killed right there. She almost died. She wasn't...she wasn't willing to leave me," he said.

"Cass..." Thea said softly, knowing the significance of what he was saying.

"I know," Cass said, his tone heavy.

Whatever was happening between Cassian and Nesta was deepening - that was irrefutable now - no matter how stubborn they both were.

"Okay, I'm done for now. I'll heal the rest of your wing later after we finish triaging the patients," she said.

Cassian nodded with understanding as he hopped off the table. "Thank you, best friend," he said affectionately.

She smiled. "Get out of here, idiot."

Author's Note: Thanks for reading! I know it was tough for Thea to lose her power in the last chapter, and I always knew I wanted Thesan to step up and be a true big brother to Thea and help her. It runs the risk of landing a little deus ex machina, but hopefully it also lands as an opportunity for the deep scar within Thea about her biological family to begin to heal. On a lighter note, I loved the light references to armored bears from Winter Court, aka fuzzy animals, in ACOWAR and always wanted to integrate that into this story. No intimate scenes this chapter since it's all about war, but hopefully you enjoyed the declarations of love. It's been a journey for Az especially to get to a place where he feels he wants to let go of the past, and knows he can show someone how intensely he can feel for them and be appreciated for that rather than shunned. Hopefully the love declarations feel earned and not forced, but I'll be curious for your thoughts on how it lands. Thanks again for reading and for the support! Two more chapters to go!   

Thea stretched her aching body as she dragged her feet back to the tent. This was probably the longest day of her life. She had awoken powerless, and now, at the end of her day, all of her power was spent, but it was there. Hers again. She had healed over five dozen people in the midst of battle. And then triaged another five dozen afterwards in the Healer's tent, including Cassian and Azriel. Now, completely spent, she knew she had done everything she could today.    

When she entered their tent, Azriel was throwing some rosemary and peppermint into a large basin of hot water.

"Hi," she said, confused.

He smiled. "Hi, here, for you," he said, pointing to the tub.

Thea gasped, as she stared greedily at the tub. "Really? How did you get hot water?"

Azriel looked pleased. "I procured it from Autumn Court," he said. He undid her apron and proceeded to undress her completely. He held her hand and led her to the bath. "Be careful as you step in."

She climbed into the tub and groaned with delight. She hadn't had a hot bath for...she could not even remember anymore.

"Thank you, Az," she said softly as she closed her eyes. Her body relaxed.

Azriel took some soap and a washcloth and gently cleaned her face, her hands, her arms, her shoulders, her chest, her back, her legs. She was so relaxed she dozed in the bath, slipping in and out of consciousness as Azriel washed away the grime and blood that caked her body.

"Thea, you're all clean. Do you want to stay in the bath for a bit?" Azriel asked.

She opened her heavy eyes. "Yeah, just until the water is cold," she mumbled.

Azriel kissed her forehead. "Okay, I'll be right outside. My shadows will make sure you don't drown," he teased.

"Thank you, my love," she said, slipping back into sleep.

Azriel froze for a moment at the endearment before smiling.

Thea wasn't sure how long she slept, but by the time she awoke, the bath water was indeed cool. She climbed out and dried off, feeling refreshed and at ease. And hungry. When was the last time she ate?

After dressing, she emerged from the tent to look for Azriel. She did not have to look far as Azriel stood outside the tent, tending to the fire.

"Hi, how are you feeling?" he asked.

"Good. Thank you for doing that. How did you get Autumn Court to give you hot water? Don't they hate you?" she asked.

Azriel shrugged. "Threats work very well with them," he said vaguely.

Thea shook her head with amusement. "That reminds me. Were you the reason Damien quit being Head Healer of Dawn Court?"

Azriel raised his eyebrows. "Oh, so you've heard," he said.

"Yes. So?"

Azriel shrugged again. "I may have helped him see he wasn't actually qualified for that position."

"And I assume threats worked very well with him too?" Thea asked.

Azriel didn't answer, but smiled knowingly.

Thea sighed. "Good thing you're cute," she said dryly.

"Again with cute? Should I grow out my hair so you finally call me sexy?" Azriel bantered.

Thea laughed. "What are you talking about? I have definitely called you sexy," she said.

Azriel quirked at eyebrow. "My voice, yes. That's it."

"Hm, I guess it's just been me talking in my head," she said thoughtfully.

Azriel chuckled. "And you call me the insane one," he quipped.

Thea bristled. "I was going to affirm your sexiness, but now after that, I don't think I will," she said, haughty.

Azriel looked slightly crestfallen. "I walked right into that," he admitted.

Thea stomach growled, and she remembered what she was intending to do when she came out of the tent.

"I'm starving. Where's the nearest camp mother?" she asked.

Azriel looked at her quizzically. He pointed to the fire. And now that she looked at the fire rather than only focusing on her sexy mate, she saw there was a cooking pot filled with broth along with some raw meat and vegetables on the side.

"Az..."

"I thought...we might cook together?" Azriel offered tentatively.

Thea stood there before the fire, looking at the spread of food, frozen.

"Thea?"

Thea's eyes met Azriel's, and his face fell.

"Do you...not want to accept the bond?" he asked, his voice soft and cracking. The vulnerability was heartbreaking.

Thea snapped to attention. "What? No, of course I do. But we don't need to rush it. We have the blessing of time now. It's been less than two months since we discovered the bond. We can take our time," Thea reasoned. 

Azriel's gaze was a bit apprehensive. "Do you need more time?"

Thea shook her head. "No, but..."

"I don't need more time," Azriel said assertively.

The quiet certainty in Azriel's voice surprised Thea. "Az, I need you to be sure," she said, disbelieving. Her stomach quivered, partly from hunger and partly from this difficult conversation.

Azriel narrowed his eyes. "You think I'm not?"

Thea hesitated before answering. "You've changed your mind before," she said carefully.

Azriel was clearly confused. "What do you mean?"

Thea scoffed. "Az, forty-five years ago, you sized me up and found me lacking."

"That's what you think happened?" he asked, surprised.

"The words 'we're done' are fairly absolute," she said dryly.

"But it wasn't because you were lacking. I was," Azriel said.

Thea blinked, confused. "What?"

Azriel looked away as he recalled that time, and his shadows curled around his wings and legs, almost as though they were stabilizing him, giving him strength. Once he had gathered what he wanted to say, he looked at Thea again. "I was embarrassed and ashamed. You knew my proclivities, embraced them even. I wasn't prepared for that."

Thea wanted to speak but held her tongue as Azriel's determined gaze made it clear he was not done.

"What I did with those prior females...they were agreements, essentially. Straightforward and simple. But around you I have always felt...convoluted," Azriel confessed.

"Convoluted?"

Azriel nodded.

What was he saying? Thea did not understand.

Azriel picked up on her confusion, and he explained further. "I already knew I was the weak link in the Inner Circle when Rhys wasn't around. Mentally I wasn't in a good place. And then I blasted a hole in Cass because I was so distracted by how much I wanted you. So I knew I had to stop. No spending energy or time trying to figure out what was happening between us," Azriel explained.

"But something had been happening between us," Thea said, almost reassuring herself that she had not imagined the tension and desire all those decades ago.

Azriel wore a stunned expression. "Of course something was happening between us," he said, flabbergasted.

Thea inhaled, her stomach quivering. She tried to wrap her mind around what he was saying.

"Thea, I'm sorry. I was a mess back then, and I hurt you. More deeply than I realized. I wasn't ready for you - for someone I admired to actually want me, let alone these parts of me I hid the most. And I sabotaged us before we had a chance," Azriel said.  

Thea believed him. Azriel's low self-worth meant he still struggled with believing her feelings for him even now with the mating bond. So it made sense that before the bond, he would not have been able to believe that she wanted every part of him, that she wanted to share the darkness with him.

And yet.

"If the mating bond hadn't happened, do you think you would have found your way to me?" Thea asked. It was the question that hung over her mind all the time. How much of what they had was because of the bond? How much was because he just wanted her?  

Azriel nodded. "Yes. It would have taken much longer, but yes. Especially after Starfall and Hybern's attack on Velaris, I knew things were changing. I was changing."

Thea inhaled. Hope filled her body. Azriel's feelings were not caused by the mating bond. Instead, he had had feelings for her forty-five years ago that he had purposefully walled off. And now, with the clarity the bond provided, they had a chance of making it. A good one. 

"Would you like to cook together?" Azriel asked again, cautious.

Tears welled in Thea's eyes. "Yes, yes I'd like that very much."

Azriel smiled shyly, and she launched herself at him, hugging him tightly. They kissed for several long moments, love, excitement, and anticipation wrapping around the mating bond.

Once they had separated, Thea took a moment to appreciate the planning Azriel had put into this. He had first made her a hot bath, and then he had gotten soup and ingredients for them to cook. And given they did not know if he should offer her food, or if she should offer him food, it was clever of him to plan something where they cooked together.

Thea threw in the small cubes of root vegetables and rice first as they took the longest to cook. Then they settled down on a log and waited as these first ingredients softened in the pot.  

They sat in silence for a long moment, until finally Azriel broke it. "How do you feel about the battle today?" he asked, taking her hand in his.  

Thea's mind spun wildly with the memories of the day, but their entwined fingers anchored her. "It was terrifying and awful. I have no desire to do that ever again."

Azriel nodded thoughtfully. "I feel the same way. Despite the fear, you were amazing. How many people did you get back into battle?"

"Sixty-two," she said.

Azriel smiled proudly at her.

"Between all the Healers, I think we got over two hundred people back into the battle," Thea said.

"It made a big difference. And also stabilizing the more seriously injured and winnowing them back. So many people were saved by the Healers and Thesan today," Azriel said.

"We did good," Thea said.

She had seen so much death. There were so many people who had been angry at her for relegating them to be winnowed to the Healer's tent due to the severity of their injuries. And even though they were enemies, she had killed several people. She knew she would be haunted by and proud of this experience for her lifetime.

"You really did," he said, his pride mirroring her own.

Now that the root vegetables and rice had softened, Azriel put in the slices of beef and mushrooms.

"You did good too. You took over commanding the legion from Cassian," Thea said.

Azriel's face turned grim. "I did. Not my favorite job."

"You should be proud," Thea said. Until Cassian had told her, she had not realized Azriel had essentially acted like the General of the legion when Cassian went with Nesta to distract the King of Hybern. 

"We lost a lot of people," Azriel said. 

Thea knew what was unsaid. If Cassian had been in charge, maybe less people would have died.

"It had to happen that way. The choice wasn't Cassian or you leading the legion. It was you or someone like Devlon," Thea reasoned.

Azriel snorted. "Fair." 

Thea looked at the soup which had thickened and gotten bubbly. "I think it's ready," Thea said, getting up off the log.

Azriel followed her to the pot. He grabbed a bowl and the ladle, mixing the soup. It was indeed ready. He filled the bowl and placed a spoon inside.

Azriel handed the bowl to his mate. "Eat, Thea," he said, his voice confident.

Thea blushed at the words. He was accepting the mating bond. She placed the bowl he gave her down to ladle soup into a second bowl. Placing a spoon in, she silently held that bowl to Azriel.

"No words from that smart mouth?" Azriel asked, lightly teasing.

"You already know," she said simply. 

He took the bowl and kissed her soundly.

They separated, sitting back down by the fire and looking at each other as they took that first spoonful of the soup. And smiled.

It was official. They were mates.

Thea fed the next spoonful of soup from her bowl to Azriel.

"Just to be doubly sure," she joked.

He chuckled and ate from her spoon. Then he fed her soup from his bowl. They kissed and chuckled, encircled in a bliss they did not think had been possible only hours earlier.

Once their bowls were done, Thea looked at Azriel expectantly. "Shall we go to your apartment?" she asked.

Azriel cleared his throat. "I would love to, but I don't think it's a good idea. If we go, I would not let us out for at least a week. And there's going to be a ton of diplomatic activities here in the coming days," he reasoned. 

Thea pouted as she straddled his lap. "I see Responsible Azriel is back," she teased.

Azriel laughed. "If I was being responsible, I would suggest we not consummate the bond until after all the diplomatic shit..."

"Don't you dare," Thea threatened.

Azriel smirked, pleased with Thea's reaction. "I'm not. Because I'm not actually that responsible," he said. Azriel stood up from the log and walked back to the tent carrying Thea, whose legs were wrapped around his waist.

He put a shield over the tent once they entered. Anticipation swirled within Thea's body as he tossed her down on the bed. Anticipation and a bit of panic.

Azriel quirked an eyebrow up as he settled on the bed next to her. "What is it?" he asked.

Thea snorted. "You're getting good at that," she said, referring to his skill in reading her emotions through the bond.

"What is it?" he repeated.

She inhaled and looked at him. "Just nervous," she admitted.

Azriel frowned. His shadows wrapped around the tips of his wings and down his arms, almost as though they were getting ready also. "Why?"

"I've wanted this for so long. I just want it to be real," Thea said as she extended a few fingers to stroke his shadows.

Azriel studied her face. "Real?" he asked quizzically.

"Yeah, to really be happening. Not my fantasy. Not wishful thinking. I almost want it to have already happened so that I know it actually happened if that makes any sense," Thea rambled, getting overwhelmed by her thoughts.

Azriel clutched the back of her neck and pulled lightly on the hair at her nape. The act grounded them together as her eyes focused on his and her breathing steadied.

"This is happening," Azriel assured her. "And you will enjoy every moment. No skipping to the end."

His confidence flooded her system, making her brave.

"You sure that impressive cock of yours will measure up?" she teased, unable to stifle a giggle.

Azriel's eyes narrowed as he launched at her, gathering her wrists in his hand and pinning them above her head. "Measure up to who?" he asked, his voice sharp as his power flared around them.

"Your fingers. They are my favorite appendage of yours...currently," Thea clarified, still teasing. He thought she meant another male? Ludicrous.

Azriel's face relaxed. "Oh, is this how it's going to go?" he asked, his voice taking on an amused edge.

"I don't know what you mean," she said, feigning ignorance.

Azriel smirked roguishly. He was so fucking beautiful. Thea grew wet just looking at him, and his nostrils flared at the scent. She writhed, pushing her wrists up against his hand pinning her in place. His smirk turned into a full on predatory smile as his shadows wrapped tightly around her wrists to hold her in place, freeing him to fully admire her restrained form.

"Are you going to be sassy the whole time?" Azriel asked, his hand plunging under her shirt and skating up her stomach. He stroked the underside of her breast but did not advance his ministrations further.

"Scared you can't handle a little sass?" she taunted. She arched into his touch, urging him to advance higher.

He leaned down to her ear. "By the end, you'll be screaming and begging me to fuck you harder. I know where this is going. You do too. And I'm very patient," he said, his voice low and gravelly and so damn sexy. 

Thea's body flooded with anticipation and adrenaline.

"Undo these restraints if you're so confident," she dared.

Azriel raised his eyebrows, curious. "Okay, now I'm intrigued," he said, releasing her from the shadow bindings.

She pounced on him, slamming into his body and kissing him hungrily. She ripped his shirt at the back of the collar, taking advantage of the spaces for his wings to make a few more strategic rips. Buttons be damned. And suddenly he was shirtless.

"Fuck," he said, breathless.

Thea smiled greedily. "I've been wanting to do that ever since I borrowed your clothes," she said, her hands stroking his bare shoulders and then down his pecs.

"You never did give those back," Azriel said, alluding to the set of clothes she had borrowed at the House of Wind when she had healed Cassian's Siphon injury forty-five years ago.

"They are gone. I wore them to bed for about fifteen years, until they were threadbare," she admitted.

Azriel paused, and a sense of awe ran through the mating bond from him to Thea. "I'll give you another set when we go home," he said.

Thea blushed. "Good." She unlaced his pants and dragged them down his hips, allowing his cock to spring free.

Azriel panted heavily as his hands dove into Thea's hair, pulling lightly at the scalp to tip her head back and kiss her lips thoroughly. One of her hands braced against his shoulder while the other stroked his cock. He was impossibly hard and so very warm. When she pulled away, he snarled, frustrated.

"Uh oh, is the Spymaster's patience wearing thin?" Thea teased. She looked at him in his naked glory. She was still fully clothed.

Azriel's nostrils flared. "Do you remember your safe word?" he asked, his voice low and feral.

"Of course," she said, her body flooding once again with desire.

"Good."

And then the whole tent was cast in shadow. Several tendrils swirled under her shirt and expanded outward, ripping the fabric off her body in a flash.

"Shit," she gasped with surprise as she was now shirtless without Azriel having touched her.

In a flash Azriel's arm wrapped around her waist, and his mouth kissed bare breast, hard. She groaned with pleasure and arched into his mouth. Azriel used her bowed back to grab the waist of her pants around her ass and pull down, swiftly removing her pants and then her underwear. She was now as naked as he was.

"Definitely impatient," Thea teased.

Azriel sucked hard on her nipple, and the pain and pleasure flooded Thea's senses. She moaned or groaned, she wasn't sure which as she focused on what his tongue and lips were doing. 

"Only for you," he said, his voice the wildest she'd ever heard it. She whimpered with pleasure at the exclusivity of his words.

He growled his approval at her reaction, which only made Thea want to please him more. This continual feedback loop nearly overwhelmed Thea - nearly. Instead, it made her want more. Now.

"Fuck me, Az," she requested, clawing at his shoulders and chest. She needed him inside, filling her, stretching her, fusing with her.

"Not yet," he nearly snarled, as he plunged two fingers in and out of her. He was big, and she needed to be prepped.

She moaned loudly. "Another," she urged as her hips ground into his hand.

"My girl...always so greedy," he said approvingly as he added a third finger.

"Az..." she groaned out, low and guttural. She was so stretched and yet she knew his cock, large in both length and girth, would only stretch her further.

"You're going to come for me first," Azriel commanded. The shadows swirled all around him as his hazel eyes were so very dark. He was beautiful.

Thea, succumbing to the overwhelming pull of the mating bond, nodded without protest.

Azriel smirked. "Where's that smart mouth?" he teased. His nipped her neck at a sensitive spot as his thumb pressed against her clit.

Thea gasped, clutching his neck. She was all sensation, all hungry desire.

"Hm?" Azriel taunted, making lazy light circles around her clit.

"Shush. I already told you these fingers are my favorite thing about you," she moaned. Her singular focus was her pending orgasm. 

Azriel chuckled, quickening his pace and increasing the pressure. His mouth captured a nipple and licked and suckled while a tendril of shadow swirled around her other breast in a caress.

She groaned and heaved, arching her back off the bed. Sensation overwhelmed her. She could not think. Could not speak. She was only need.

"Come, Thea," Azriel said, his voice like a lightening rod through her haze.

She screamed as her orgasm erupted from her, her body going from tight and taut to boneless as wave after wave of pleasure cascaded over her. She gasped for breath and reached for Azriel. He was on top of her in a moment, kissing her hungrily.

"So beautiful," he said, the reverence in his voice sending a shiver down her spine.

"All yours," Thea said, sending all her love for him through the bond. No more jokes. No more teasing. Just her, giving all of herself to him. 

Azriel inhaled and clutched her tightly. He stilled on top of her, his expression full of wonderment. "You're glowing," he said.

A very soft golden light emanated from Thea's naked body. She smiled as she felt her Dawn power come to the surface.

Azriel's bewilderment was clear. He could not believe he, someone enveloped in shadow, in pain, in darkness, could have that kind of effect on her. That she would find him worthy of this display. But he saw it. He knew it. And it was confounding.

She curled up from the bed to pull him back down. "Don't overthink it, Az. You still owe me a hard fuck," she said, her voice sultry. 

She could tell his sense of overwhelm calmed as he focused on his goal. To make her beg for him. She shivered with anticipation as his expression morphed from one of awe to one of unbridled desire.

They kissed hungrily and sloppily as Azriel positioned himself at her entrance. She tilted her hips up. He rubbed his cock in her folds, giving her that delicious friction she loved.

"Az, go inside," she said, needing more.

Azriel inhaled sharply as he sank into her slowly, filling and stretching her until he was at the hilt. "Fuck," he gritted out, his jaw tight. 

Thea panted heavily as she wrapped her mind around everything she was feeling - from herself and from Azriel. And through the cacophony of their emotions flowing across the bond, she knew with the utmost clarity - she was full, complete, like the missing piece of her own soul had slid into place.

And that unquestionable truth quieted Thea's mind and gave her a deep sense of peace.

But not patience.   

"Move, Az," she whined. She tried to undulate her hips, but his shadows pressed them down, holding her firmly in place. She whined. More, she needed more.

"Gods, wait," he said, an edge of desperation in his voice.

She realized he needed a moment to collect himself. She stilled.

"Is this what you felt?" he asked, a wild expression on his face. 

"What?"

"When the bond snapped. Fuck, Thea, I feel...everything," Azriel said, amazed. His eyes shined brightly with awe and love.

Thea smiled, tears welling in her eyes. "Yes, that's what I felt," she said.

Azriel kissed her desperately, apologetically, as he began to moved in and out of her. The friction lit up every nerve in her body. She could feel him so clearly now. The love. The darkness. The admiration. The regret he did not feel the snap sooner. The unbridled desire to possess her.

Thea smiled as he hungrily kissed her neck, her ear, her jaw. "There you are," she whispered, as her love wrapped around these stronger, clearer threads of the bond to his heart, his soul.

"I'm yours, all yours," Azriel chanted as he thrusted into her.

Finally. What Thea had yearned to hear. To know with indisputable certainty. She faintly registered that she was again glowing in this cocoon of shadow.

"I know," she said, matching every thrust. "Now show me everything, Az. Hold nothing back."

Azriel growled as he pulled out from inside her to flip her over onto her stomach. Thea braced herself on her forearms and knees as he re-entered her from behind. She made a guttural moan or scream, she was not quite sure which, as this angle was so much deeper, and he stretched her in brand new ways.

"Harder," she begged. Sure enough, she begged just like he had said she would. She could feel his satisfaction through the bond.

He gripped her hips bruisingly tight as he pounded into her. She screamed with pleasure - and a bit of pain - at the force, demanding it all. Accepting nothing less.

Thea reached back, wanting to touch him somehow. Azriel felt what she wanted and pulled her up such that her back was flush against his chest. He never stopped thrusting into her. She slung her arm around his neck and turned her head to kiss his lips, to duel with his tongue. He wrapped an arm tightly around her waist, the other arm crossing her chest to allow his hand to lightly wrap around her throat.

Thea moaned in approval, and Azriel squeezed the sides of her throat. The feeling of being possessed was absolutely intoxicating.

"More, tighter, mean it," she urged, gripping the hair at the nape of his neck and pulling.

His neck fell back, exposed - a submissive act. "Fuck, I love you," Azriel said.

And Thea knew he meant it. She could feel it. His emotions were so fierce, so raw, and so exquisite. He relinquished every bit of himself to her. She could break him, destroy him, and he would allow it. But she would never. Instead she cradled his submission in her own heart, treasuring it. She reached up to lick, suck and nip his neck.

"Mine," Thea said, threading her fingers through his hair. She would always want all of Azriel. His love, his loyalty, his brilliance, his empathy. Along with the darkest, basest, coldest corners of his soul. All of it belonged to her.

Azriel moaned - her possession of him complete. "Yours." 

And then he truly unleashed himself. Tendrils of shadow wrapped around Thea's thighs, hips, waist, stomach, and breasts and pinned her glowing body to his. One of Thea's hands dragged down to rest on the forearm of the hand clutching her throat. A shadow tendril wrapped around her hand and kept it there. The other hand was tied to her side by another shadow. The pressure of the shadows felt like a cross between arms and ropes. Thea moaned at the sensation and felt Azriel slide even more easily into her as she drenched his cock with a fresh batch of her arousal.

They locked eyes, his dark and hers shining.

"Too much?" he asked.

"No, it's perfect, make me come," she pled.

He kissed her greedily as he continued to possess her. Shadows swirled everywhere, brushing against their bodies as she climbed towards her orgasm. His arm around her, his hand encircling her neck, the shadows pulsating pressure on every erogenous zone she had, his cock filling her completely. And the mating bond created an endless feedback loop of desire, love, and trust. And in the darkness, wrapped together so tightly, so completely, Thea came undone.

"Az!" she screamed from the depths of her heart and soul. She came - hard and long - gripping his cock tightly for what felt like an eternity. 

Azriel roared his own release and clung to her, his wings and shadows encircling them as they came down from that near-impossible high.

Surrounded by the protection of his wings, the comfort of his shadows, and the steadfastness of her Dawn glow, Azriel and Thea panted together as their heartbeats synced, their scents melded, and their souls fused.

Mated.

Soon their thighs gave out, and they both collapsed onto the bed, entwined, Azriel still inside of her but softening. He kissed her shoulder blade as he pulled out, leaving her empty. She moaned in protest as she turned to face him.  

He looked at her with that wonderstruck expression he had when he saw her glow in the shadows.

"What?" she asked, getting a bit self-conscious.

"Nothing, this is just how I'm going to look at you from now on," he said. He pushed her hair, messy and sweaty, away from her face.

She smiled. "I could get used to this," she bantered.

Azriel chuckled, pulling her body close to his. He kissed her forehead. "Gods, I love you," he said.

She slung her arm around his waist. "I love you, too," she said. She passed out before he could say anything else.

Thea stirred from sleep a couple hours later to find Azriel kissing her neck and clutching her waist as his erection brushed against her ass.

"I need you," he said desperately.

"Then have me," she whispered. Even in this groggy state, with the mating bond thrumming loudly in her body, Thea was already ready for him. 

He entered her from behind. The sheer power of his thrusts pitched her forward on the bed such that she landed on her stomach, and Azriel kneeled behind to get better leverage.

She moved to a kneeling position, and Azriel pulled her arms behind her back to restrain her, causing her to brace her weight against her shoulder.

"I wish I had the cuffs," he gritted out.

"Use the shadows," she said.

Smack! He slapped her ass - hard.

"Did I ask for your suggestions?" he said, his voice icy.

She shivered. Oh, she understood what was happening. He wanted to be in charge - fully.

"No, Spymaster," she said apologetically, with special emphasis on the second part of his title. 

He sent a deep sense of satisfaction through the bond.

"If I want your opinion, you'll know," he said, an edge of cruelty to his voice.

"Yes, Spymaster," she said demurely.

"Good girl," he said, clutching her ass cheek firmly. His approval was intoxicating.

"You're so fucking tight," he said, his thrusts firm and deep. The mating bond hummed with delight at the union.

She gasped and moaned but said nothing in response. He knew how hungry she was for him. Azriel did indeed follow her unwanted suggestion and wound shadows around her wrists and up her forearms to her elbows to immobilize her.

He leaned down, brushing her hair away from her face to place a kiss on her temple, so gentle compared to his relentless thrusts.

"You're mine, say it," he commanded.

"I'm yours," she said.

"Is another male ever going to touch you like this?" he asked, his tone sharp.

"Gods, no," she cried as he thrusted into her particularly hard.

"Has it ever been this good with anyone else before?"

"No," she said honestly. She couldn't lie if she wanted to with the bond so strong. Luckily she didn't have to.

"Tell me why," Azriel said. He was going faster now, a bit more erratic. He reached around and pressed his fingers to her clit.

She moaned, unable to concentrate on anything but his cock pounding into her and his fingers strumming her clit. She was so close.

"Answer me," he said, removing his hand and stilling his thrusts abruptly.

She screamed in frustration. "No, please, please!" she begged, rolling her hips trying desperately to regain some friction.

"Answer me," he repeated, his icy tone cutting through her haze.

"Because I love you, you bastard!" she cried out, completely overwhelmed with need.

Smack! Another hard slap on her ass.

"That mouth. I will gag you someday," he said.

"I'll allow it if you fuck me better than you are right now," she taunted. He was still not moving. She knew she was asking for punishment. She didn't care. She was absolutely feral.

He smirked, his eyes lighting up at the challenge. He slapped her other ass cheek before smoothing his hand over it gently. He took his thumb and placed it over her puckered hole, pressing in.

She gasped at the overwhelming pressure and sensation as he resumed his thrusts, now fast and hard.

"Is this more to your liking?" Azriel snarled.

"Yes," she moaned.

"Yes who?"

"Yes, Spymaster," she said, feeling herself edge closer to orgasm.

"Don't come yet," he said.

She grunted with frustration. He knew. The bastard could feel through the mating bond that she was so fucking close.

He leaned down. "You will not come until I say so. As punishment for your lip earlier," he said viciously.

She whimpered. Not out of fear, but out of pure frustration. She had never wanted to orgasm so badly. She could use the safe word and call off this whole farce, but she was also having so much damn fun. When she was in the right mind, she would think of a proper retaliation. But right now she focused on willing her body to not come.

She screamed, a deep guttural sound she did not even know she could make. "Please! Please!" she begged. She was losing her mind from the unrelenting need she felt to let go, to release.

"Please what?" Azriel taunted.

"Please may I come, Spymaster?" she screamed.

"Good girl, you're learning. Yes, come for me," he urged.

With that, she shattered. The orgasm exploded within her, the waves cresting over her entire body for several moments. She was everywhere and no where at the same time, all sensation and pleasure as the feedback from Azriel through the mating bond extended the pulses of her orgasm.

Azriel released her hands and arms from their shadow bindings, and gripped her hips as he plunged into her a final time before coming with a loud groan.

When he stilled, Thea twisted her body to face him. She stared up at his beautiful face, his hair and body wet with sweat. She pulled him down onto her, and he nearly collapsed but caught himself on one elbow to avoid crushing her with his weight.

He stroked her hair gently out of her face as he looked at her, full of wonder.

"What is it?" she asked.

Azriel smiled sheepishly. "I told you. This is just how I look at you now," he said.

Thea blushed. 

"My dawnlight," he whispered reverently. He stroked her cheek, and she closed her eyes at the gentleness, such a sharp contrast to their earlier activity. 

Dawnlight. She blushed at the term of endearment. "Should I give you a nickname?" Thea asked.

"Oh, you mean 'bastard' isn't it?" Azriel said dryly.

Thea laughed, a full bodied laugh. "Actually, you're right, that one has legs," she teased.

Azriel laughed, a free and joyful sound. Thea delighted in witnessing this reaction and vowed to herself she would work to hear this kind of laughter from him on a more regular basis. She wrapped her arms around his neck to pull him down for a kiss. She winced as she flexed her arms and shoulders.

Azriel frowned. "I was too rough," he said, massaging her shoulders and arms.

"No, I liked it. I would have used the safe word if I didn't," Thea said. She could tell he was initially skeptical, but as he searched the mating bond, he knew she was telling the truth.

"Was there anything you didn't like? Either time?" he asked.

She thought it over. "You bring up other people. And honestly, I don't ever think of anyone else until you mention it," she said.

He smirked, pleased. "I'll leave the past in the past," he said.

"What about you? Anything you didn't like? I know I was giving you attitude," she said.

Azriel chuckled. "I expect nothing less," he said.

"Did it annoy you?"

"Yes, in a good way. I don't want you to act as some submissive, brainless doll. I want you, as Thea, to submit to me because you're willing to do that. I want to earn it. And when you tease me or curse me, I feel like it's a challenge. And I enjoy a challenge," Azriel said with a roguish smile.

She nodded, admittedly relieved to hear his thoughts.

In fact, all this post-coital communication was a turn on.

"Can I touch your wings?" Thea asked.

"Of course. I've told you that you don't need to ask," Azriel said, sitting up on the bed.

Thea sat up on the bed as well and moved behind him. She placed a series of kisses down his back until she reached the junction with his wings. She kissed the joint where his wings met his back, a place she knew was sensitive.

Azriel gasped, his wings fluttering.

"Is that okay?" Thea asked. She had never kissed his wings before.

"Yes."

She kissed down the joint of each wing, Azriel breathing heavily the whole time. She rested her forehead on his back as she extended both her hands out along the ridge line of each wing.

"Oh fuck," Azriel sighed out, closing his eyes.

"Too much?"

"No, keep going," he urged.

Thea moved her hands down the outside of his wings, stroking them gently. She dragged her chest against the back of his wings, and her nipples hardened upon contact with the rough texture. It felt so good.

"Fuck," Azriel said, balling his hands into fists as he shook with arousal.

Once done with the outside of his wings, she moved to face him again. He was panting heavily, his eyes dark and focused on her. She looked down at his cock, already hard again.

She smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him softly on the lips. She licked the seam of his lips, and he opened his mouth for her. Her tongue stroked his slowly, his breath hot on her skin.

Azriel then kissed a line down her neck, suckling her pulse point before focusing his attention on her chest, kissing her breast and licking the areola. He took her whole nipple in his mouth and sucked hard.

"Easy," she said. "Softer." She threaded her hand through the hair at the back of his neck, keeping him at her breast.

He eased up on the pressure and instead licked her nipple, swirling his tongue around in various directions.

She moaned. "That's so good," she praised, pushing her chest further towards Azriel.

He moved to the other breast, showering it with the same attention.

"Is it okay if you're on your back?" Thea asked Azriel.

There was a pause, and a ripple of uncertainty coursed through the mating bond.

"Nevermind," she said, knowing she touched a nerve.

Azriel looked at her thoughtfully. "No, I want to. I just haven't before."

"Never?"

Azriel shook his head. "It's just a...vulnerable position. With my wings pinned."

"We don't have to."

"I just said I wanted to," Azriel whined. 

Thea giggled. She pushed him down onto the bed and straddled his waist. Azriel watched with rapt attention as her hands dragged down his shoulders, pecs, and stomach. Her lips followed a similar path down his torso. Then she fanned her hands out to brush the insides of his wings, tracing from their edges to where they disappeared behind his back. 

"Fuck," he hissed out, panting.

Thea kissed him gently as one of her hands stayed on a wing, lovingly caressing it. Azriel kissed her back roughly and surged up in an attempt to flip them over, but Thea held him down by pinning his shoulder. Azriel's eyes widened with surprise at Thea's strength.

"Let me make love to you, Az. Please," she whispered gently.

"I...I just don't know what to do," Azriel said, the uncertainty in his voice so heartbreaking. He understood rough sex. He knew how to be dominant. He knew how to drive her absolutely wild. But he was clearly at a loss with what she was asking for now. Had he never had a lover be tender with him? Worship him? Savor him? Had sex only ever been a fast and frantic battle of wills for him?  

"I'll show you, I'll take care of you," she promised. She poured all her love through the mating bond, emphasizing how safe he was, how safe she was.

Azriel sighed and relaxed against the mattress.

"Use the safe word if it gets to be too much," she said with a sweet smile.

Azriel groaned. "How will I ever eat them again?" he asked rhetorically. To his point, she did not recall him eating apples recently.

Thea giggled as she kissed him, flattening her body against his to slowly rub her stomach, chest, and nipples against his torso before rising again to hover over him. 

"Oh gods," he muttered as he watched her with restrained hunger, his hands gripping the bedsheets.

Thea took his hand in hers and placed it on her hip, urging him to stroke gently up her back. She closed her eyes at the sensation. When he reached the nape of her neck, he stopped.

She kissed him. "Run your fingers through my hair. But don't pull too hard," she said, caressing his scalp softly to demonstrate.

He moaned at the sensation and replicated it with her hair. The gentle tug on her scalp sent shivers down her spine.

Azriel observed her reaction carefully. "You're so beautiful," he said.

She smiled and grasped the same hand that had just been tangled in her hair. She kissed and licked his wrist and scarred palm appreciatively as he gasped with surprise, eyes wide. She then proceeded to lovingly kiss the rough scarred skin of his thumb and each finger as he watched, frozen. He held his breath.

"Is this okay?" she asked, concerned. She knew she was pushing him beyond his comfort zone. Was it too far?

Azriel exhaled and nodded. Wordlessly, he raised his other hand for the same treatment. She warmed knowing he wanted more. She continued to hold the first hand in one of hers as she kissed and licked his second hand gently. She felt how overwhelmed Azriel was through the bond. How foreign this felt to him. How terrifying, fascinating, and intimate her kisses felt on his scarred flesh. Azriel inhaled and exhaled, his breath ragged. Thea sent another pulse of love through the mating bond as she slipped him inside of herself ever so slowly. She controlled the speed of his entrance until he was completely inside to the hilt. 

Azriel moaned as Thea brought both his hands up to her lips to kiss as she began to rock her hips. The pace was slow and gentle. Thea continued to grind her hips into Azriel as she held his hands, kissing them over and over.

"I want to sit up," Azriel said.

Thea pulled him up so that he was now sitting on the bed, and she remained inside of him, straddling him. He hugged her tightly, no space between their bodies. His breath was ragged as he buried his face in her neck. She continued to rock her hips, pressing her clit against his pelvis to capture that delicious but languid friction.

"I love you," Azriel said, his voice breaking as he continued to clutch her.

It was then that Thea realized how emotional he was, how something inside him began to thaw. She touched his cheek and found wetness - tears.

"Az..."

He only buried his head further into her neck. Thea didn't push him to look at her. The intimacy of this coupling was already overwhelming for her, so she could only guess how staggering it was for Azriel.

"I love you. I love all of you," she said reverently as she wrapped one arm around his neck and caressed the back of his head against her body.

His breath hitched as he let out a soft sob. She could feel he knew she was telling the truth, and yet he still felt intense disbelief.

"Az..."

"Don't stop," he urged, his voice so thick with emotion. He held her tighter, if that was even possible. She continued to rock her hips but sped up a bit.   

"You're so beautiful. Every part of you. Your heart. Your soul. Your darkness. I love all of it," she whispered.

Another sob. He was overwhelmed. But also so hungry to hear these words from her.

"I know you think you're too damaged. That you don't deserve anything soft and tender after exerting such cruelty in this world. But you're a good person, Az. You're selfless, brave, loving. You deserve to be cherished. I cherish you," she said.

A loud sob this time. His hips began to move as well, fast but gentler than their past couplings. The impact lit up that secret spot inside of her, and she gasped, succumbing to the sensation. She couldn't form words any longer as their entwined bodies ground and strained against each other and the mating bond thrummed and wrapped around their souls. She came first, her orgasm exploding and then rolling across her body in multiple waves. 

Azriel's jaw tightened as his orgasm approached.

"Come for me, my love," she urged.

He gasped as the orgasm erupted out of him, grinding Thea's hips against his for several moments as his whole body shook with the aftershocks. Moments passed, and Thea was no longer sure if Azriel's body was still shaking from the orgasm or from weeping.

"I've got you," she said. "Thank you. That was beautiful. You're so precious," she cooed softly in his ear. She wiped the tears away from his face, honored he would let her experience him in this vulnerable state. She loved him even more for it. 

He still was not saying anything, but he sent a huge pulse of love and appreciation through the mating bond.

"C'mon, let's lie down," she said. She pulled him down to the mattress so that he rested partly on top of her, his head on her chest. His breath hitched multiple times as his body came down from such an emotional experience. She held him and stroked his arm, his back, his face.

They laid like that for several minutes, neither talking.

"Thank you," Azriel said, finally speaking. "I...I don't have the words for what that meant."

"I feel you. I know," she said. She kissed him comfortingly.

Several more minutes passed as they cuddled on the bed. Thea grew drowsy again.

"Healing. That's the word," Azriel whispered before succumbing to sleep.

Thea's own breath hitched at his words. She smiled before falling asleep herself.