Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

RedCrow: Hey, what's this, some random group chat?

HackerGenius: It is a group chat for all the members of the 'coffee table alliance' to talk together, idiot.

RedCrow: Hey, watch it you damn monkey!

BlackDog: *sighs* Why did I ever agree to this...

ImmortalKing: Because you love me. :)

BlackDog: Sh-shut up Shiro!

RedCrow: Awkward....

HackerGenius: It's only awkward because you have no experience with relationships, Misaki.

RedCrow: Again with that?! I told you that I don't need a girlfriend, so I don't want one!

ImmortalKing: Um... Kuroh, I was just teasing you.

BlackDog: ...Oh.

ImmortalKing: N-not that I'm rejecting you! I'm just trying to say that it wasn't how I meant to come across!

BlackDog: Wh-who says there's anything to reject?!

ImmortalKing: But you just said-

HackerGenius: He sounds like you, Misaki.

RedCrow: Shut up, monkey! Amd quit using my first name!

BlackDog: I didn't say anything that needed acceptance!

ImmortalKing: Oh.. you don't return my affections, then. I'm sorry, let's forget this conversation ever happened.

BlackDog: WAIT WHAT?!

HackerGenius: Was I the only one who noticed that they had affections for each other?

RedCrow: WAIT, REALLY?!

HackerGenius: Idiot.

RedCrow: Shut it or I won't let you top tonight!

BlackDog: WHAT

ImmortalKing: I don't think this is the place for such conversation...

ShirosCat: Shiro, what does "top" mean?

HackerGenius: You won't "let" me?

ImmortalKing: Um... ask Kuroh.

BlackDog: ABSOLUTELY NOT!!

ShirosCat: But I wanna knooowwww!

RedCrow: You can't top whenever you want, monkey!

BlueKing: Fushimi, please learn to separate your work and sex life, the entire squad is on this chat.

BlueLieutenant: Affirmative.

Annah: Misaki, what does "top" mean? And what does that have to do with Fushimi's sex life?

RedCrow: ANNAH'S ON THIS CHAT?!

BlackDog: Well, I thought that was fairly obvious myself.

RedCrow: Oh, you shut up!

DontTouchMyBar: Yata, please quit makinga fool of yourself and come wash the dishes.

RedCrow: ..Yes sir.

GhostKing: So, I die and this is what you all do? But I have to admit that an alliance between the red and blue clans is funny. Good job, Annah.

RedCrow: Wat.

BlueKing: I also share that sentiment.

Annah: M-mikoto?!

GhostKing: Hey, I manage to haunt a group chat and no one even bothers to act welcoming. What a let down.

ImmortalKing: Oh, I'm sorry. Welcome to the group chat, Mr. Suoh.

GhostKing: Eh, Mikoto is fine.

ImmortalKing: Very well, Mr. Mikoto. :)

RedCrow: WHAT IS GOING ON?!

Chapter Text

BlueLieutenant has changed the group name.

GhostMikoto: Oh good, I'm not going to be stuck haunting lectures.

BlueLieutenant: This was supposed to be a chat to improve communication, Mr. Suoh.

GhostKing: I think they're communicating just fine. Misaki and Saruhiko finally came out as a couple, and the silver king finally got laid.

BlackDog: HOW WOULD YOU KNOW THAT?!

DontTouchMyBar: I told him.

BlackDog: HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?!

GhostKing: Izumo knows everything.

PhotoNerd: Truth.

GhostKing: Totsuka?

PhotoNerd: Good morning, King. :)

RedCrow: I repeat my question from last night: WHAT IS GOING ON?!

HackerGenius: Our group chat is being haunted. Idiot.

BlackDog: THIS DOESN'T ANSWER THE QUESTION OF HOW KUSANAGI KNEW ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT

ImmortalKing: Oh, I'm sorry Kuroh.. Should I not have told him?

BlackDog: WHY WOULD YOU TELL HIM?!

RedCrow: WHY WOULD YOU TELL HIM?!

HackerGenius: Wow. That was unique.

BlueKing: Speaking of getting laid...

ShirosCat: Can ghosts have sex?

GhostKing: What.

PhotoNerd: Uhm... why do you ask?

ShirosCat: Because Izumo said that Mikoto and Tatara wanted to have ghost sex if it was possible!

ImmortalKing: Mr. Kusanagi, please don't corrupt Neko's brain.

DontTouchMyBar: I apologize, it won't happen again.

TubOfLard: Yeah, of course I've given anal!

RedCrow: WHAT?!

HackerGenius: TMI

BlueKing: How is this relevant..?

GhostKing: There are some things that I wish I just did not know.

PhotoNerd: Same, King.

Annah: ...I googled that.

TubOfLard: Holy shit, I'm sorry, Annah! This was sent to the wrong group chat!

RedCrow: WHY DO YOU HAVE A GROUP CHAT TALKING ABOUT ANAL?!

ImmortalKing: Is it wise to have a group chat like this with Annah and Neko on it?

ShirosCat: Is it okay for two girls to have sex?

BlackDog: Uhm... why do you ask?

ShirosCat: I know about guys and girls, and guys and guys, but I don't know any other girls that like girls! And I really really really like Kukuri!

BlueLieutenant: It is alright, I assure you.

ImmortalKing: You can still get food without having sex with Kukuri, Neko.

ShirosCat: Really?! \(^-^)/

ImmortalKing: Yes, I promise. :)

RedCrow: YES.

HackerGenius: Absolutely.

TubOfLard: Yup, definitely.

DontTouchMyBar: It worked for Totsuka.

BlueKing: I'm not quite sure I followed the train of this conversation...

GhostKing: Some people need to check what chat they post in.

TubOfLard: Honestly, hand cuffs are more of my thing than rope. It's stronger. Also, I think screams are sexy.

ImmortalKing: Point proven.

TubOfLard: OH SHIT!!

BlackDog: Annah, please ignore everything he says.

Annah: Yes, Mr. Kuroh.

GhostKing: Good call.

DontTouchMyBar: I do agree with those points, however.

PhotoNerd: Izumo, Annah is in the chat!!

ImmortalKing: The Lieutenant would have fainted at such conversation...

BlueLieutenant: What?

ImmortalKing: Oh, I'm sorry, I meant the Gold King.

BlueLieutenant: That makes.. sense?

BlackDog has changed the group name.

((A/N: To find out what it changed to, stay tuned for next chapter! XD))

Chapter Text

ImmortalKing: Even I am insane, Kuroh? :(

Annah: Why would you call me insane?

PhotoNerd: Yes, what about me, too?

BlackDog: I'm sorry, I meant no offense.

TubOfLard: I'm not insane.

TubOfLard: Everyone?

TubOfLard: Where are you?

HackerGenius: This is Reishi Munakata. I'm currently helping Fushimi, who ended up choking on his orange juice. -RM

BlueLieutenant: Neither of you are at the office, sir.

DontTouchMyBar: Don't think about it too much, Seri.

ImmortalKing: Is Fushimi alright, Reishi? I thought I heard the glass break.

RedCrow: Wait... how would you know?!

GhostKing: I'm not insane, by the way.

ImmortalKing: They are at my houe for brunch.

DontTouchMyBar: You're a little behind, King.

GhostKing: Eh, fuck it.

PhotoNerd: He doesn't HAVE a little behind, though. ;)

BlueKing: I have returned to my rightful phone.

GhostKing: Totsuka.

PhotoNerd: Yes, King?

GhostKing: Let's take this somewhere else.

PhotoNerd: Yes, King! ^-^

BlueKing: *sighs* This is.. awkward

ShirosCat: :( I wish I wasn't single....

BlueKing: I can fix that.

ShirosCat: Really?!

BlueKing: Yes. And you get to stay with your king.

ShirosKing: YAY!!

ImmortalKing: Hurt her, and you'll regret it.

BlueKing: I'll keep that in mind.

Annah: Congratulations, Neko.

ShirosCat: Thank you!! ^-^

HackerGenius: Tbh if I didn't know that the Captain wouldn't date someone out of desperatemess, I'd be worried about this.

BlueKing: I wasn't desperate at all, thank you.

HackerGenius: Yes sir.

Chapter Text

RedCrow: Yata Misaki

HackerGenius: Fushimi Saruhiko

BlackDog: Kuroh Yatogami

PhotoNerd: Totsuka Tatara

ImmortalKing: Yashiro Isana

ShirosCat: Neko ^-^

BlueKing: Reishi Munakata

BlueLieutenant: Awashima Seri

Annah: Annah Kushina

DontTouchMyBar: Izumo Kusanagi

GhostKing: Mikoto Suoh

TubOfLard: Rikio Kamamoto

--Also, For the Extra--

FirstPlace: Sukuna Gojou

RevolutionizeTheWorld: Hisui Nagare

GreensBabySitter: Tenkei Iwafune

BeautyIsEverything: Yukari Mishakuji

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
And A Brief Extra For Everyone Who Read This:
*In the J-Rank JUNGLE Group Chat*

FirstPlace: has any1 else been following the group chat the silver king started?!

RevolutionizeTheWorld: Unfortunately, yes.

BeautyIsEverything: That isn't very appropriate for a child to be reading, Sukuna.

FirstPlace: Oh, you shut up! The new red king is a part of that chat!

RevolutionizeTheWorld: I agree with Yukari, Sukuna.

GreensBabySitter: *sighs* We do have to wonder if they'll ever actually discuss plans on that chat.

GreensBabySitter: BATTLE plans.

GreensBabySitter: That are useful.

Chapter Text

Immortal King has changed the group name.

GhostKing: Trying too hard, Shiro?

ImmortalKing: XD Probably.

HackerGenius: I refuse to be in a group with this name. That is just embarrassing.

HackerGenius has changed the group name.

~Group Name: The Blue Clan Is The Best Clan~

BlackDog: Uhm, excuse me?

ImmortalKing: Shots fired...

BlackDog: He insulted you too, Shiro!!

RedCrow: WHAT THE HELL MONKEY?!

ImmortalKing: Everyone has their own opinions, Kuroh.

HackerGenius: However, you agree with me.

GhostKing: What the fuck?

BlueKing: ...No comment.

PhotoNerd has changed the group name.

~Group Name: Mikoto Suoh is the best King~

BlackDog: I beg to differ.

DontTouchMyBar: Both of you are unreasonably biased, due to the circumstances involving your current relationships, so I doubt either one of you is in a position to argue over which King is better.

Annah: I agree with Totsuka.

RedCrow: Hey, I like this group name!

ShirosCat: >:( Shiro is the best King!!

BlueKing: *sighs* This is going to become a recurring thing, isn't it.

GhostKing: Seems so.

TubOfLard: Wait, Neko, if you're dating the Blue King now, shouldn't you think that he is the best King?

ImmortalKing: Ah... I don't think that's how it works for her.

ShirosCat: No, Shiro is always the best!! The Blue Boss is pretty good, though!

BlackDog: You still call him that?

PhotoNerd: Do I even want to know what's going on?

BlueLieutenant: Wait, since when have Neko and the Captain been dating.

HackerGenius: Since yesterday. Pay attention.

Chapter Text

DontTouchMyBar has changed the group name.

DontTouchMyBar: There, that's better.

DontTouchMyBar: ....

ImmortalKing: Oh, hello Mr. Kusanagi. I am glad that someone else is online.

DontTouchMyBar: No one else is here? Do you know why?

ImmortalKing: I think that the red and blue clans dragged Kuroh and Neko to go drinking. I was off buying groceries as a favor to Kuroh at the time, so all I have is a brief text message.

DontTouchMyBar: Speaking of Kuroh, I honestly hadn't realized that you had remembered telling me. Not that this is a bad thing. However, you seemed too drunk at the time to really have retained memory.

ImmortalKing: I didn't remember, actually.. ^-^;

DontTouchMyBar: Oh, did Rikio show you the video that was taken?

ImmortalKing: Yes, after I woke up and was sober enough not to call him "that fat guy". I did apologize for that, of course.

DontTouchMyBar: Naturally. I apologize for letting you get so drunk, but you were paying me and being quite insistent.

ImmortalKing: Don't worry about it. That was my fault, no one else's. I was happy and celebrated excessively. You were not to blame.

DontTouchMyBar: Very well, if you say so. By the way...

ImmortalKing: Yes, Mr. Kusanagi?

DontTouchMyBar: Why do you think the Blue King is dating Neko?

ImmortalKing: To keep an eye on me and make sure I wouldn't run off again, originally.

DontTouchMyBar: Only originally?

ImmortalKing: I know that you don't see him as often as I do, now, so I don't blame you for not noticing. I honestly thought that it would fail miserably, and was quite worried. However, he has surprisingly learned from Neko's carefree nature, and begun to enjoy life more. Just yesterday, he was at a park for just the sake of being there.

DontTouchMyBar: She is having a... good effect on him, then?

ImmortalKing: Yes, and it works the other way as well. I never thought I'd see the day that Neko actually out away her own dishes! But last night she put them in the sink without a second thought. She even stopped leaving her... undergarments places.

DontTouchMyBar: I think that's a miracle within itself. Neko becoming at least a little responsible.

ImmortalKing: Yes, it is quite amazing. I am not hoping for much more, obviously, but I like the changed I see. They balance each other.

DontTouchMyBar: Like you and Kuroh?

ImmortalKing: ......A little like that, yes.

HackerGenius: So you're gossiping about other people's love lives, Izumo?

DontTouchMyBar: Be grateful that we aren't talking about you. Unless you want us to, anyway.

HackerGenius: I will kill you if you do.

DontTouchMyBar: Oh, do you want to try? Last time we scuffled, your ass was handed to you.

HackerGenius: Why not?

ImmortalKing: Woah! There's no need for that! You're right, talking about other people so bluntly is wrong. I'm sorry.

BlueKing: You honestly believe what you said, Yashiro Isana?

ImmortalKing: Yes, I do. Neko is good for you.

BlueKing: ...Hm. That's something to contemplate, I guess...

ShirosCat: Don't forget to sleep! :(

BlueKing: I won't, don't worry.

TubOfLard: Hey, mom, do you want me to pick up butter?

Annah: ...I am glad to see that you still talk with your mother, Rikio.

RedCrow: Hell yeah, that's tons better than whatever the hell you were doing last time!

TubOfLard: I really need to check what people I'm sending messages to.. Goddamn it.

GhostKing: Yes. Especially because, even if you're part of my family, I'm sure as hell not the mom.

PhotoNerd: Nope. Pretty sure that's me!

Annah: That does make sense, come to think of it. Tatara always did seem more 'girly' when it came to his actions.

TubOfLard: This is still really fucking hard to get used to.

RedCrow: You're telling me.

BlueKing: It is unnerving to see the man I killed chat with the men he left behind.

GhostKing: Damn, you still on about that? You did what you had to do, and I did what I had to. Move on.

BlackDog: It isn't so easy to do that at times. Especially when you care about someone a lot.

TubOfLard: #ReishiMikotoShipConfirmed

GhostKing: WHAT

PhotoNerd: King, is there something you're not telling me?

GhostKing: NO. Rikio, what the fuck.

TubOfLard: Well, he does care a lot about you...

BlueKing: We'd kill each other in the first week.

GhostKing: Agreed, for once.

TubOfLard: ..I think it could have happened.

BlueKing: I would not make a move on a man grieving his lover.

GhostKing: Which is why you've been single... forever.

BlueKing: I can exorcise you, you know.

GhostKing: You wouldn't dare.

BlueKing: ....

GhostKing: XD Exactly.

BlackDog: SHIRO NEKO OUT AWAY HER DISHES, IS EVERYTHING ALRIGHT?!

RedCrow: ...That was.... really really late.

ImmortalKing: ..Agreed.

Chapter Text

DontTouchMyBar has changed the group name.

GhostKing: The red and blue clans have been fighting for.. how long? Yeah, not surprising.

BlueKing: Shiro, are you online?

ImmortalKing: Yeah, what's up?

BlueKing: Who is Kukuri? Neko talks about her a lot.

ImmortalKing: Oh, she's a girl from our school. Well, the school I thought that I went to. She and Neko are pretty close friends.

BlueKing: Didn't she ask about sleeping with Kukuri before...?

ImmortalKing: Honestly, do you think that she knows what sex is, other than people who are close do it?

BlueKing: Normally I would think that you're insulting my girlfriend, but in this case I know that it is not an understatement. I'm fairly certain you're right, actually.

GhostKing: I'm still confused at the fact that Reishi likes GIRLS.

PhotoNerd: Yeah, I always thought he was gay.

RedCrow: He isn't gay?

HackerGenius: Misaki, for the love of God, use your brain for once.

RedCrow: OH, HE CAN'T BE GAY IF HE'S DATING A GIRL!

ShirosCat: Wait, what does 'gay' mean?

ImmortalKing: Being gay basically means that you're a guy who only likes guys.

ShirosCat: They can't be friends with girls?!

ImmortalKing: Nono, they just only want to DATE men.

ShirosCat: Oh, okay! So, are you and Kurousuke gay?

BeautyIsEverything: I know that Kuroh is, his first crush was simply beautiful. Ah, the simple tale of unrequited love as a child..

BlackDog: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?!

ImmortalKing: Have you been here the whole time?!

GhostKing: Well... I don;t know who this is, but this is awkward.

BeautyIsEverything: I'm Kuroh's brother. I'm the more beautiful of us, obviously.

BlackDog: Master Ichigen taught both of us. For some reason.

TubOfLard: Wait... has the entire green clan been spying on us the whole time?

HackerGenius: HOLY SHIT THAT WAS RELEVANT

BeautyIsEverything: Oh no, it was only the J Ranks, and our King, reading this. But they all dropped off long ago. I've been sticking around because of the beautiful budding romance of Neko and the Blue King!

ShirosCat: oh, are you the guy who tried to hurt Kurousuke?! >:(

ImmortalKing: Now now, let's all calm down...

RedCrow: I AM SO CONFUSED

TubOfLard: I can post relevant things here, Fushimi. Just because I sometimes post things in the wrong chat does not mean that I cannot send the right posts when I want to.

HackerGenius: I am certain that this relevant streak isn't going to last long. What does everyone else think?

RedCrow: I think that Annah shouldn't keep coming back on this chat...

BlackDog: The better idea would be for all suggestive imagery that we want to post here just not be posted here.

BlueKing: I am not the one who admitted to getting laid on the feed.

BlackDog: ....

GhostKing: BURNNN

PhotoNerd: Oh dear... Mikoto somehow got drunk...

BlueLieutenant: Do I want to know how he managed that?

PhotoNerd: ..No.

DontTouchMyBar: I know, but I have been ordered to secrecy.

ImmortalKing: Now I want to know...

Annah: Izumo, why did you want me to use my power on some whisky?

ImmortalKing: ...Mr. Kusanagi, I think we need to talk about power abuse.

ImmortalKing: Abusing ANNAH's power.

DontTouchMyBar: In my defense, it wasn't my idea.

HackerGenius: Does this group chat even have a purpose anymore?

GhostKing: HAHAHAH WHEN DID IT EVER HAVE A PURPOSE, IDIOT. NO ONE ACTUALLY EXPECTED THIS GROUP TO GET SHIT D O N E, DID YOU?! XD XD XD XD XD

BlueKing: ..Totsuka, can you please remove your lover from the chat?

PhotoNerd: Already working on it. Come on, King.

ChostKing: KJHJGEJHCGVERGJBHjhZfhKH8KJH;L;HWERE YOU USED TO CALL ME ON YOUR CELL PHONE-

PhotoNerd: ...I am terribly sorry, everyone. Come on, King.. Please.

Chapter Text

HackerGenius has changed the group name.

RedCrow: What, you're still on about that?!

HackerGenius: It is an amazing rose, and very life-like. You have a lot of skill, though it does not quite make up for your lack of brains.

RedCrow: First you compliment me then you insult me? What the hell, Saru!!

Captain: Fushimi, I recommend that you keep your petty lovers' quarrels off of the feed.

RedCrow: ..Who are you?

HackerGenius: The Captain changed his screen name, Misaki.

RedCrow: Wait, that's possible?!

Captain: It is, if you know how.

RedCrow: How do you do it, then?!

HackerGenius: Sorry Misaki, you'll have to figure it out yourself.

RedCrow: You KNOW I can't!

HackerGenius: That isn't my problem, is it?

RedCrow: SARU, SO HELP ME-

Annah: Can I see the rose painting, Yata?

RedCrow: ..Oh, sure. It's upstairs. i'll show later.

Annah: Thank you. :)

RedCrow: Yeah, no problem. I was gonna show you anyway.

DontTouchMyBar: I assume that I won't be granted the same privilege?

RedCrow: NO, you'll tease me about it!

ImmortalKing: How DO you change your screen name, Reishi?

Captain: *sigh* How about I show both you and Neko later, since I know that neither of you will sop bugging me about it?

ImmortalKing: Thank you! ^-^

BlackDog: ....I actually have a pressing need to see that rose, now.

RedCrow: WHY IS EVERYONE SO OBSESSED WITH MY PAINTING?!

GhostKing: They wouldn't if you didn't make a big deal about it...

PhotoNerd: I knew those painting lessons I gave him would pay off! Good job, Misaki!

RedCrow: ....

DontTouchMyBar: Oh, so you two weren't sneaking off to make out back then.

RedCrow: WHAT THE HELL?! WHY WOULD YOU EVEN THINK THAT?!

PhotoNerd: ...I was dating King at the time. Also, Yata is not my type. No offense.

RedCrow: None taken. You're not mine either.

TubOfLard: Dammit, I shipped that...

RedCrow: WHAT?!

HackerGenius: ....Rikio, you need to rethink your pairings...

BlueLieunenant: Well, I shipped Yata and Yashiro Isana for quite a while, so I don't think I can talk.

ImmortalKing: ..What?

BlackDog: I do believe that I am the only person Shiro has ever dated, so I can assure you that they were most certainly never a thing.

TubOfLard: No need to be jealous, we all know he's taken.

BlackDog: I AM NOT JEALOUS!

HackerGenius: And Misaki's not a moron.

RedCrow: Exactly!

RedCrow: Wait... what?

Chapter Text

TubOfLard has changed the group name.

TubOfLard: You know, sometimes I lie here and think about my life. I mean, am I actually accomplishing anything? Are any of us accomplishing anything? Why do we even exist?Is there some sort of plan that e were created to carry out? Does it even matter in the whole scheme of things if we die? What even happens after we die? Is Earth even real? We could be test subjects in a lab, for all we know. Or maybe none of you are real, and I'm just hallucinating. If none of this is real, why does it hurt if people leave or die? Is it even okay to feel remorse?

TubOfLard: Is this phone real? Is it an illusion? Maybe it's alien technology. The person who invented the phone wasn't necessarily human, the aliens could be manipulating us in disguise.

DontTouchMyBar: Rikio

TubOfLard: Yeah, Izumo?

DontTouchMyBar: Do you think that I'm real?

TubOfLard: Yeah, of course you're real.

DontTouchMyBar: Okay, good. How many drinks have you had?

TubOfLard: ..I don't know, I lost count.

DontTouchMyBar: Put the one you're holding down, and go get a drink of water.

TubOfLard: But I like beer...

DontTouchMyBar: No, sweetheart, you don't. No one actually likes beer. But please, just trust me and get a glass of water.

TubOfLard: ..Okay, I'll go get one. One second, I'll be right back.

DontTouchMyBar: Don't fall on your face or anything.

DontTouchMyBar: Rikio, it's been 10 minutes... you alive?

TubOfLard: Oh, yeah. Sorry, forgot to check back in.

DontTouchMyBar: It's fine as long as you're okay.

TubOfLard: Keep talking like that, and I'll start to think that you like me.

DontTouchMyBar: Who says I don't?

HackerGenius: If you too are going to become a thing, can you kindly not do it in this chat? There have already been too many couples that came together because of this thing. It really is too much.

HackerGenius: More importantly, why are you guys both awake at 2 am? I'm only awake because Misaki lost his key... again... and I have to let him in. I doubt you guys have the same reason.

TubOfLard: It's Friday, I thought that I'd live a little.

HackerGenius: It's a Tuesday.

DontTouchMyBar: I'm sure that it can be Friday if he really wants it to be.

TubOfLard: Exactly.

HackerGenius: You guys act like you're already married or some shit...

TubOfLard: What?! We're nowhere near that far!

HackerGenius: Whatever, I'm going to bed. Weirdos.

DontTouchMyBar: Tell Misaki hello for us.

TubOfLard: Oh, and you guys better use protection.

RedCrow: Fuck both of you, assholes. I'm not even over at his house for sex, dumb asses. I do have a life outside of my dick.

HackerGenius: Though you spend so much time being one that it is quite easy to forget that.

RedCrow: Oh, you shut up! I should be saying that to you, Mr. "I'm-Just-Gonna-Switch-Clans-With-No-Warning"!

HackerGenius: If we're going to have this argument, at least say these things to my face. We are in the same room, after all.

GhostKing: Am I the only one NOT about to get laid right now?

Captain: Where's Totsuke, Mikoto?

GhostKing: Haunting his mom. He misses her.

Captain: Ah, that makes sense. And I am also not about to get laid, so I will join you in watching the horny idiots.

RedCrow: 1- I'm not an idiot! 2- I'm not horny!

GhostKing: ...Sure, Yata. Sure.

RedCrow: Mikoto, what's that supposed to mean?!

TubOfLard: Yata, were you by chance ever in a relationship with Mikoto?

GhostKing: No.

RedCrow: Yes.

TubOfLard: Oh, a one-night stand during the time that Mikoto and Totsuka had their separation doesn't count. At all.

RedCrow: ...Then no.

TubOfLard: Dammit, another ship busted.

TubOfLard: I don't know, I kinda like to be a bottom more than a top myself...

RedCrow: Alright, that's it, I on't need to know about whatever the hell is going on in your other group chats. I'm going to sleep.

HackerGenius: Agreed.

Captain: Good night, everyone.

DontTouchMyBar: i'm just gonna stay here, actually.

GhostKing: Start sexting and I'll kill you both.

Chapter Text

DontTouchMyBar has changed the group name.

Captain: There is no reason to hide your relationships here, Kusanagi. No one else is, so we do not expect that of you.

DontTouchMyBar: Thank you for the thought, Reishi. However, I really am not dating Rikio.

ImmortalKing: You mean you two are engaged?!

DontTouchMyBar: ABSOLUTELY NOT!

TubOfLard: More importantly, where did that even come from?!

ImmortalKing: Well, you addressed him as 'sweetheart' last night, and if you two are not dating then it must mean that you are either dating or married. Neither of you wear wedding rings, so I highly doubt that you two are married. You two could be engaged, however, which would make sense if it happened recently.

DontTouchMyBar: We're not engaged.

DontTouchMyBar: We're also not dating.

DontTouchMyBar: We are also DEFINITELY not married.

DontTouchMyBar: I used 'sweetheart' as a form of address because it was late at night, I was tired, and I was not thinking properly.

ImmortalKing: Alright, if you say so. :)

Captain: If you wish to be bashful about your relationship, very well. We will not push it any further than this.

BlackDog: I agree. I know that it's hard to talk about your relationships sometimes, so I'll respect the privacy of you both and drop the matter.

TubOfLard: You guys do realize we actually AREN'T in a relationship, right?

ImmortalKing: Rikio, we're all dropping it, you know. :)

DontTouchMyBar: ....I'm fairly certain that no one is going to believe us, no matter what we say.

GhostKing: You two were acting hella suspicious with the 'sweetheart' and the caring bullshit, so I'm not surprised.

PhotoNerd: I actually think that you two are a cute couple.

PhotoNerd: Oh, we're dropping it, sorry.

TubOfLard: ....I think I hear Misaki calling me, I better go check on him.

RedCrow: Actually, yeah, I am. I'VE BEEN CALLING YOU THE LAST FIVE MINUTES, ASSHOLE!

HackerGenius: What can you get from him that you can't get from me?

DontTouchMyBar: A lot of things, actually.

HackerGenius: ....I'd ask what you meant by that, but I really don't want to know. Just make sure that your boyfriend doesn't do anything to mine.

DontTouchMyBar: I-

DontTouchMyBar: You know what...

DontTouchMyBar: I'm just gonna go over to Seri's place for a while.

BlueLieutenant: I am sorry for not following along, but I just got back from a mission. Would anyone like to fill in the details, please?

HackerGenius: Kusanagi is "not dating" Rikio.

BlueLieutenant: Ah, that makes sense. I'm surprised that RIKIO is his significant other, but I am not surprised at all that he is dating a man. I'm glad that he finally revealed this to everyone else, even if he's insistent on denying it.

DontTouchMyBar: Seri.. We AREN'T dating.

BlueLieutenant: When did I ever say that we were dating?

DontTouchMyBar: ....Never before have you sounded so much like Misaki...

RedCrow: What's that supposed to mean?!

BlueLieutenant: Please remember whose house you plan to be staying at before you insult me...

DontTouchMyBar: I'm sorry, Seri...

TubOfLard: Mom, if a friend of mine happened to like someone and everyone thought you two were dating anyway, would then be a good time to ask them out?

DontTouchMyBar: ....

TubOfLard: UHHH

TubOfLard: FUCK

TubOfLard: Can you just-

TubOfLard: Forget this happened???

ImmortalKing; I actually kinda feel like I'm intruding on something private...

ShirosCat: Shirooooo, what's for dinner????

ImmortalKing: I don't know, Neko. Why don't you ask Kuroh?

DontTouchMyBar: ...I am not sure what just happened.

TubOfLard: SOO, how's everyone doing today?

BlackDog: Tonight's dinner is curry.

ShirosCat: YAY CURRY

HackerGenius: Oh btw Reishi and I had a fight.

HackerGenius: I'm leaving the Blue Clan now

HackerGenius: #oops

RedCrow: WHAT. THE. FUCK?!

PhotoNerd: Wow... this escalated...

GhostKing: I'm still confused. They WEREN'T dating?

DontTouchMyBar: King?

GhostKing: Yeah?

DontTouchMyBar: PLEASE shut up. Now isn't the time.

GhostKing: Oh.

Annah: Congratulations on finally confessing, Rikio!

ShirosCat: LOL!

BlackDog: ...Oh dear...

ImmortalKing: on the bright side, curry sounds delicious.

RedCrow: I remember when the conversations here were FUNNY!

Chapter Text

BlackDog has changed the group name.

BlackDog: Shiro is gone to settle some things about the Gold King's burial, and Neko is going on a date with the Blue King.

BlackDog: I'm still not quite in support of that relationship, honestly.

BlackDog: He did kick the shit out of me.

BlackDog: I was holding back, however...

BlackDog: Not that he wasn't.

BlackDog: I guess our confrontation back then wasn't the best way to measure our power.

BlackDog: Maybe I should challenge him to another fight.

BlackDog: However, that would be dumb. If something happens to me, who will take care of Shiro?

BlackDog: He likes to act like he's okay, you know?

BlackDog: But he isn't. He isn't okay at all.

BlackDog: The death of the Gold King really got to him.

BlackDog: Honestly, the Gold King in general got to him.

BlackDog: They knew each other before they became Kings.

BlackDog: Sometimes I feel like I could never match up to the place that the Gold King has in Shiro's heart.

BlackDog: It isn't like I think that he does not have feeling for me.

BlackDog: I know him too well to think that.

BlackDog: He also has a habit of confessing his feelings at any available opportunity.

BlackDog: I don't mind that too much.

BlackDog: It is embarrassing at times, however.

BlackDog: I wonder when he first started having feelings for me.

BlackDog: He's never told me exactly when he started to have feelings for me...

BlackDog: That is just a minor detail, and not worth worry, but...

BlackDog: Sometimes I'm concerned that he only claims to have feelings for me to humor me

BlackDog: But I also highly doubt that he's capable of such deception...

GhostKing: ..Wow. You've got a lot on your find there.

BlackDog: Oh, Mr. Mikoto. I'm sorry, did I disturb you?

GhostKing: No, you didn't.

GhostKing: I think you broke the record of amount of posts sent in a row, though. XD

BlackDog: Wait, there's a record kept for that?

GhostKing: Well, Totsuka would keep records of that back when we were alive.

GhostKing: We made it a sort of contest.

BlackDog: Oh, I see. Who was the previous owner of the title, out of curiosity?

GhostKing: Yata was. It happened one time when he was chewing out Fushimi.

BlackDog: Ah. Somehow, I am not too surprised.

GhostKing: They used to get along better, before Fushimi left.

BlackDog: Speaking of Fushimi, do you have any idea why he might have left?

GhostKing: He said that he and Reishi had an argument, right?

BlackDog: Yes.. But it seemed a little unexpected.

GhostKing: Everything's unexpected with those guys.

ShirosCat: Wait.. Fushi's gonna come back, right?

BlackDog: Why? Do you want him to come back, Neko?

ShirosCat: Well... He's funny. And he makes Reishi laugh!

GhostKing; Oh, does he?

ShirosCat: Uh-huh! It's cute!

GhostKing: Then I'm sure he'll be back.

ShirosCat: YAY!! ^-^

RedCrow: ...

RedCrow: Wait, Neko, aren't you on a date with Reishi? Why are you on this chat?

ShirosCat: Oh, I just thought I'd come see what you were talking about!

ShirosCat: And I was hoping that Shiro was on..

ImmoralKing: Neko, it's past midnight. Why would I be on?

ShirosCat: Oh, right! Sorry, i didn't think about that!

RedCrow: I'm not the only one seeing the inconsistency here..?

GhostKing: Good job, you've gotten smarter, Yata.

RedCrow: Oh, thank you, Mr. Mikoto!

BlackDog: I-

BlackDog: Just come home safely, alright, Shiro?

ImmortalKing: Gotchya! ^-^

TubOfLard: Hey.. Guys? I got a question.

BlackDog: Yes?

TubOfLard: Does any one know the origin of the fist shape hole in the wall?

RedCrow: .....

RedCrow: No.....

TubOfLard: Really, Yata?

RedCrow: SARU PISSED ME OFF, OKAY?!

DontTouchMyBar: DON'T TAKE IT OUT ON MY BAR!

RedCrow: SORRY!

DontTouchMyBar: You ARE helping to fix it.

Captain: ...I remember a time when Fushimi kicked a hole in his desk.

RedCrow: Oh... I'm sorry.

Captain: It's of no consequence, I made him replace it with his paycheck.

RedCrow: Oh.. wow. That's pretty evil.

RedCrow: Good job.

BlueLieutenant: No one else is concerned about the fact that Fushimi is now a part of the Green Clan?

Captain: I never said that.

RedCrow; I AM DEFINITELY UPSET

RedCrow: I JUST DIDN'T WANNA BLOW UP

RedCrow: BUT, HONESTLY, IS THAT GUY GONNA MAKE BEING A TRAITOR A HOBBY?!

DontTouchMyBar: Apparently. I was surprised, though. He seemed happy in Scepter 4.

RedCrow: HE WAS! THAT'S WHAT I DON'T GET!

TubOfLard: No use worrying about it now, I guess...

TubOfLard: Unrelated, but my mom wants access to this chat. Should I add her?

Annah: Yes, please. i would like to meet her.

Annah: She seems like a lovely woman.

GhostKing: She is. Makes great cookies, too.

TubOfLard: ..I'm not even gonna ask.

PhotoNerd: She has a nice smile. I like people with nice smiles.

GhostKing: which is why I have NO idea why you like me.

PhotoNerd: You have an amazing smile. It's just hard to see sometimes.

BlackDog: That is actually a rather touching statement.

PhotoNerd: Thank you. :)

RedCrow: I'm confused.

Chapter Text

PhotoNerd has changed the group name.

GhostKing: Hey, Izumo

DontTouchMyBar: Totsuka why did you name the group cheese

DontTouchMyBar: Also, yes King?

PhotoNerd: I like cheese

GhostKing: You asked out Rikio yet?

DontTouchMyBar: For the LAST TIME, we are NOT a thing!!

PhotoNerd: Ah, still in denial?

PhotoNerd: I remember when King was in denial.

RedCrow: Wait, really?

PhotoNerd: Oh, that happened before you joined. But it was funny. XD

PhotoNerd: He was just embarrassed about publicly announcing that we were dating, like Izumo's acting now.

RedCrow: Wow, that sounds funny!

RedCrow: But why is he denying it if everyone already knows...?

PhotoNerd: Don't question men, Misaki. They're stubborn.

DontTouchMyBar: You're a guy too, Totsuka...

DontTouchMyBar: Also, I'm not denying it because it ISN'T HAPPENING

TubOfLard: We really AREN'T a thing, guys...

GhostKing: Well YOU were the one who said you liked him

TubOfLard: My sister took my phone and sent that! That was NOT me!

GhostKing: But you joined after Totsuka, besides us you know him best. I'm not actually surprised.

Captain: I think that it's cute, honestly.

TubOfLard: Well I think Reishi/Saruhiko is cute, but that isn't happening either!

Captain: ..You "ship" me and Saruhiko...?

ShirosCat: No, Reishi is MY boyfriend! I like him almost as much as Shiro, and no one else can have him!

TubOfLard: My point exactly. My ship can't happen, and yours definitely won't happen.

DontTouchMyBar: I'm just impressed that Rikio has managed to post everything into the correct chats the entire time.

TubOfLard: Oh, shut up, Izumo!

GhostKing: Please don't have weird lovers' spats in the chat

GhostKing: I'm feeling awkward

DontTouchMyBar: WE

DontTouchMyBar: ARE

DontTouchMyBar: NOT

DontTouchMyBar: A

DontTouchMyBar: THING!!

BlueLieutentant: Methinks that thou protest too much?

DontTouchMyBar: ..Really, Seri?

BlueLieutenant: I'm not the one badly hiding my relationship like a teenage girl, you know.

BlueLieutenant: You were never like this when WE used to date.

DontTouchMyBar: Because we were actually dating.

DontTouchMyBar: I'm not dating Rikio.

TubOfLard: ...This is NOT going to be a recurring thing.

ImmortalKing: I'm getting a feeling of deja vu.

BlackDog: I am as well.

ShirosCat: Heey, didn't this argument already happennn??

Captain: Indeed it did, Neko.

ShirosCat: So why are we having it again???

Captain: Because Mikoto doesn't know ow to leave well enough alone.

Captain; He always acts recklessly, like when he took over your school.

ShirosCat: That was really mean, Mikoto!! >:(

GhostKing: ...I was acting on an incorrect assumption

PhotoNerd: He means sorry

GhostKing: No, actually...

PhotoNerd: Yeah you do.

GhostKing: ...

PhotoNerd: Yeah.

Chapter Text

Hey guys, this is Pheasant!
I am extremely grateful to everyone who read this and to everyone who gave me kudos. ouo

so.. I wanna make you an offer!
I'll take 3 requests from you guys and make them 3 chapters!
(credit will be given)

^-^ go ahead, knock yourself out!

Chapter Text

1) certain ship you want brought up in conversation
2) something you want to be brought in conversation
3) Certain characters you want to interact
4) A group name idea
5) Another Green Clan extra
6) Anyone you want getting drunk and posting weird ish
7) Something you want Rikio posting in the wrong chat and a conversation stems from that
Anything along those lines, be creative ^-^

Chapter Text

BenzaiYujiro: I am a fruitcake.

BenzaiYujiro: I am a fruitcake.

BenzaiYujiro: I am a fruitcake.

BenzaiYujiro: I am a fruitcake.

BenzaiYujiro: I am a fruitcake.

BenzaiYujiro: I am a fruitcake.

BenzaiYujiro: I am a fruitcake.

BlueLieutenant: ....Fushimi, did you hack Yujiro's account?

BenzaiYujiro: I am a fruitcake.

HackerGenius: No, that is not me.

BenzaiYujiro: I am a fruitcake.

BlueLieutenant: ...I highly doubt that is Yujiro posting that.

Akiyama: No, that is most certainly not benzai.

BenzaiYujiro: I am a fruitcake.

Akiyama: he also dislikes fruitcake.

BenzaiYujiro: WHAT THE HELL?!

BenzaiYujiro: WHAT SORT OF BASTARD DISLIKES FRUITCAKE?!

DontTouchMyBar: ...Yata, please your fruitcake obsession out of the chat.

BenzaiYujiro: NO

BenzaiYujiro: ..Wait, HOW DID YOU KNOW IT WAS ME?!

HackerGenius: I actually feel like an idiot for not figuring that out.

HackerGenius: How did Yata even learn how to hack someone's account?

BenzaiYujiro: HAHA WHO'S THE DUMB ONE NOW MONKEY?!

Akiyama: ..Please remove yourself from Benzai's account. This is painful to watch.

HackerGenius: ..Wait, I remember teaching you a few years ago.

HackerGenius: You didn't forget?

HackerGenius: Wow, you're less dumb than i thought.

RedCrow: I AM NOT AN IDIOT, MONKEY!!!!

BenzaiYujiro: I was reprimanded by a few members about spamming the feed, but I have not actually commented on here before now.

BenzaiYujiro: Akiyama, do you know what happened?

DontTouchMyBar: it was Yata's fault, and he's going to apologize.

RedCrow: WHAT?!

DontTouchMyBar: Don't be rude, Yata.

RedCrow: ..Fine.

HackerGenius: I'm just impressed he remembered what I taught him

HackerGenius: Good job.

BenzaiYujiro: ..Is complimenting those sorts of pranks really appropriate?

RedCrow: Wait.

RedCrow: SINCE WHEN WAS HE STILL ON THIS CHAT?!

Captain: ...That is a good question.

HackerGenius: Oh wow my imitation was spot on?

HackerGenius: That's scary.

HackerGenius: Better not tell fushimi about this, though.

RedCrow: WAIT WHO IS THIS?!

HackerGenius has left the chat.

Chapter Text

On one beautiful spring day in the office, Reishi was in the aforementioned office faithfully doing his paperwork, because that is the sort of leader he is. He gets shit done. So there he was, getting shit done and being a good leader. Suddenly, his phone, which is sitting on the desk next to his paperwork, makes the little pinging noise it makes whenever it gets a text message. Now, this is a rare occurrence as few people ever feel the need to text the Blue King. Not when running up to him and ranting in his face was an option.

Obviously, Reishi was overcome with a sort of burning curiosity to see who not only had his phone number but would also willingly text him to have a sort of civilized conversation like normal people. In other circumstances, he would have left the message until a later time. However, he was already caught up with the paperwork he needed to finish today, and there seemed to be nothing going on that day to focus on. Therefore, Reishi decided that he deserved a pass. Slowly, looking around in a guilty fashion to see if there are any lacke- Scepter 4 members milling around to see his bad example, the blue haired tyran- King reached forward and grabbed his phone.

The text was from the Red King's old phone, and that discovery made the bluenet's eyes narrow.

Mikoto: Hey, Reishi. You there? Don't tell me you're doing paperwork or some shit.

Biting back a laugh, the Blue King thought of a response an quickly typed it out.

Reishi: In case you have forgotten, the living Kings still need to keep this country running. So, yes, I am doing paperwork.

Mikoto: You also need to stop the green clan, I guess. That doesn't require paperwork.

Reishi: Actually, you'd be surprised.

Mikoto: ..Wow.

Mikoto: Anyway.. I need to tell you something.

Reishi: I assume that is why you didn't contact me on the group chat like normal?

Mikoto: Yeah, pretty much.

Reishi: So, what was so important that you had to bother me at work?

Mikoto: I've actually been to tell you this for a while..

Miktoto: Fuck, how do I state this...

Reishi: ..Mikoto Suoh, is this a love confession?

Reishi: I never thought I would have to do this to you of all people, but let me remind you that you are a taken man.

Reishi: As am I.

Mikoto: WHAT

Mikoto: NO, YOU DUMBASS

Mikoto: You know what, maybe I won't thank you after all.

Mikoto: Dumbass.

Reishi: Mikoto, you do realize that certain ways of saying things will make people jump to conclusions.

Reishi: Also, what was this about thanking me?

Mikoto: I just wanted to say thanks for putting up with my shit when I was alive

Mikoto: And for stabbing me in the chest

Reishi: ...That was actually a moment of emotional scarring for me.

Reishi: I hope you realize that.

Mikoto: Eh, I figured.

Reishi: You FIGURED?

Mikoto: You always did have this habit of being over emotional.

Reishi: Wait, I'M the over-emotional one, Mr. I'll-Kidnap-A-Whole-SCHOOL-To-Avenge-My-Boyfriend?

Mikoto: Ouch, that hurt.

Reishi: I have a feeling that you're mocking me.

Mikoto; It isn't a feeling.

Reishi: DAMMIT THIS IS WHAT I GET FOR TRYING TO HAVE AN ACTUAL CONVERSATION WITH THE RED KING

After that, Reishi angrily completed all available paperwork in the office. Seri once described it to the other Scepter 4 members as "the Captain signing his paperwork like it killed his mother".

Chapter Text

GreensBabySitter has changed the Group Name.

GreensBabySitter: Lol

GreensBabySitter: Ur all dumb XD

GreensBabySitter: Can u just say what u all wanna du on the chat pls?

GreensBabySitter: cuz we r all bored

Captain: Who is this?

GreensBabySitter: Lol its Iwafune dumbass

Captain: The Grey King?

GreensBabySitter: Aye broooh XD

RedCrow: Someone sounds drunk as HELL

Annah: Yata, I don't know who 'GreensBabySitter' is. Do you know?

GreensBabySitter: m not drunk, i only drinked a litle bit

DontTouchMyBar: I think that it is a member of the Green clan, or someone affiliated.

Captain: You referred to more than one person reading our posts. Who were you talking about?

RedCrow: Wow, THAT wasn't obvious

GreensBabySitter: The green clan obbbvvvssssssss XD

Captain: That would make sense, given your name, I guess.

GreensBabySitter: MICKEY MOUSE CLUBHOUSE

GreensBabySitter: COME INSIDE IT'S FUN INSIDE

Captain: Iwafune, are you drunk and watching an American kids' show while bothering the people on this group chat.

GreensBabySitter: XDDD ayeee

BeautyIsEverything: Mr. Iwafune, I think you should go to bed.

RedCrow: Yeah... I'm kinda weirded out by this guy... not to mention the fact that THE GREENS ARE STALKING THIS CHAT

GreensBabySitter: WHY SHOULD I??

BeautyIsEverything: Because your giggling is worrying Nagare.

GreensBabySitter: Really?

RedCrow: Oi, hey Greens! How is Fushimi doing over there? He alright??

BeautyIsEverything: Yes, really.

GreensBabySitter: FIIINNNNNN

BeautyIsEverything: :) Thank you

ShirosCat: Oi who was THATTTTTTTTT??

Captain: A drunk man who is more alive than I thought he was.

BeautyIsEverything: By the way, Yata, Fushimi is doing just fine.

ShirosCat: Ohhhh okai!!

BeautyIsEverything: ;) He is also a rather good kisser

RedCrow; WHAT?!?!

RedCrow: Okay, yeah, I broke up with him when he joined the Green clan..

RedCrow: But WHAT?!?!

BeautyIsEverything: XD finder's keepers~

BlackDog: Imagining Yukari in any sort of relationship is upsetting within itself...

TubOfLard: Why, because you want him to yourself?

BeautyIsEverything: Ohohoho, that is an interesting thought~

BlackDog: ABSOLUTELY NOT, I WOULD NEVER BE INVOLVED WITH THAT MAN

ShirosCat: >:( why is that meanie hereeee??!!

Captain: I am not quite certain what is going on, but Neko darling you do need to calm down.

BeautyIsEverything: Ah, young love is beautiful~

RedCrow: GET OUT!

BlackDog: GET OUT!

Chapter Text

ImmortalKing has changed the group name.

ImmortalKing: I mean, Kuroh is just... really really hot

ImmortalKing: Maybe that's weird because I'm technically over 70 years his senior loll XD

GhostKing: I think weirder things have happened.

ImmortalKing: But like i love his hair. It's so freaking soft. And black. And long. Holy SHIT is it long. It is so pretty, too.

BlackDog: uhm, Shiro can you please stop talking about my hair? It's embarrassing.

ImmortalKing: Okay. Your face is just so hot, and your lips are so kissable like you don't even know.

ImmortalKing: I love you SOOO fking mch like ydek-

KingAndLieutenant: Well, finding this group chat to haunt took a while. Thank you, Tostuka.

PhotoNerd: No problem! :)

ImmortalKing: HOLY SHIT ITZ THE LIEUTENANT

ImmortalKing: HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT MY BOYFRIEND

KingAndLieutenant:..Adolf, are you drunk?

ImmortalKing: lol yeah

ImmortalKing: But Kuroh is so sweet.

ImmortalKing: Did i tell you that he saved me when we first met?

ImmortalKing: He looked so hot then

ImmortalKing: Hez evn more hot when his shirt is off

DontTouchMyBar: Annnddd I think you should lay off ofthe drinks

DontTouchMyBar: Their is only so much TMI I can handle

BlackDog: P-please quit talking about my physical attributes on the chat!

ImmortalKing: Kuroh I haven't even begun talking abut that physical attribute yet...

ImmortalKing: Tho it is rther impressive

ImmortalKing: I am a rlly lucky man

BlackDog: SHIRO

KingAndLieutenant: Oh dear...

ImmortalKing: What? I am vry vry lucky tooo have u Kuroh. U have no idea how much I luv u.

BlackDog: Shiro, go to sleep, you're drunk.

ImmortalKing: K.

ImmortalKing: Ily <3

BlackDog: ..i love you too.

Chapter Text

CaptaCaptain has changed the group name.

Captain: I know that this chat is mostly for fun, but we do have to focus here. Is everyone ready?

ImmortalKing: Yes, we're ready.

BlackDog: I have become mentally prepared, yes.

RedCrow: I AM NOT READY

RedCrow: NOT READY AT ALL

Annah: Yata, what's wrong?

RedCrow: GAH

RedCrow: It's.. nothing, Annah. Don't worry about it.

Annah: ..okay.

Captain: I am sure that everything will turn out fine.

BlueLieutenant: There are still some parts of the plan that you have not explain thoroughly...

Captain: It isn't necessary at the moment.

ImmortalKing: It isn't 'necessary', huh...

Captain: Don't make me remind you of what happened at the end of season one.

ImmortalKing: ...Fair point.

DontTouchMyBar: Uh... was that a casual fourth wall break in there?

Annah: What do you mean, "fourth wall break"?

Captain: Imagine that this is a story, and that hundreds of people have read our antics. In addition, a few of them have made requests for certain... Pairings.

DontTouchMyBar: Oh gods... Did anyone request anything with me and Rikio?

DontTouchMyBar: Please say no

Captain: No, actually, they didn’t. You see, many people would see that relationship as a “crack” ship or a crazy and unlikely pairing. It is not all popular, so you may be safe from any requests.

Captain: I, on the other hand, keep getting “MikoRei” requests....

PhotoNerd: I have the strangest feeling that a lot of people want Reishi to end up with my King...

PhotoNerd: In case you didn’t notice, MY King.

RedCrow: Yeah, yeah, we get it. No one trumps you when it comes to Mr. Mikoto’s heart.

RedCrow: Unfortunately.

HackerGenius has joined the chat.

HackerGenius: Yata please quit being jealous about someone else being with your King, Fushimi is pouting in the corner.

HackerGenius: Serves him right, though, now he can be miserable and see what it’s like to be shown up.

HackerGenius: Also, no, I am not telling you who this is, idiot.

Captain: Thankfully, we have been able to fulfill most requests without cheating on any significant others, and we have been able to slightly break the rules while technically following them. ‘

Akiyama: With all due respect Sir, isn’t that basically our job description?

BlueLieutenant: Actually.. Now that I think about it, isn’t that what we do every day?

GhostKing: Hah, “order” my ass.

Captain: Scepter 4 is still a group that stands for order and strives to keep the peace.

GhostKing: By fighting me in the streets and blowing up parts of buildings...?

Captain: Shut up Mikoto, you are not helping.

GhostKing: How are you gonna make me?

Captain: I have my ways.

DontTouchMyBar: WOAH this became suggestive really quick.
PhotoNerd: Let me emphasize MY King.

PhotoNerd: I may be a pacifist, but that doesn’t mean I won’t find a way to kill you from beyond the grave.

GhostKing: I love it when you finally drop the happy mood and lose your cool.

GhostKing: It is unbelievably hot.

BenzaiYujiro: As hot as Mr. Shiro seems to think that Kuroh is?

BlackDog: LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS

TubOfLard: Well, you’re the one that is possibly jealous of Fushimi for kissing Yukuri, soo

BlackDog: I was not jealous, I was disgusted.

BlackDog: It’s like you getting too much information about your mother’s relationship with her new husband.

TubOfLard: Ew.

TubOfLard: No

TubOfLard: Stop.

BlackDog: It isn’t pleasant, is it.

TubOfLard: Ew, the visuals. Oh my god.

BlackDog: Exactly.

ImmortalKing: I have a question, actually.

ImmortalKing: Which of our relationships are actually popular in this group?

ImmortalKing: Not that it matters, I am just curious.

Akiyama: Yes, I am curious as well. Do they ship Benzai and I?

HackerGenius: Fushimi ships Benzai and you, don’t worry.

BenzaiYujiro: Well, at least he has some sense.
BenzaiYujiro: Even though he is a heartless traitor that abandoned us for the Green Clan.

BenzaiYujiro: You know, the one that wants to cause chaos for the entire world.

Akiyama: Yes, there is that...

Captain: In answer to your question, Yashiro Isana, the most popular pairings seem to be as follows: Mikoto and myself, Shiro and Kuroh, then Yata and Fushimi.

HackerGenius: Lol they don’t even ship you with your own girlfriend.

HackerGenius: Loser.

Captain: As a matter of fact, our first date is going to end up as a one shot on this site, which is more love than you seem to be getting.

HackerGenius: WHAT

RedCrow; Wait, wait, wait.. Why do they ship me with Saruhiko if they think he’s a traitor

GhostKing: You think they follow logic?

GhostKing: I am pretty sure that they just ship Reishi with me because he tackled me to the ground and tried to kiss me right before I killed the Colorless King.

PhotoNers: Wait, WHAT

PhotoNerd: You were almost kissed by another King right before you avenged my murder, and you never brought this up?

GhostKing: i was exaggerating, he wasn’t planning on kissing me.

Captain: He is right, I was not actually planning on kiss him.

DontTouchMyBar: However, your lips almost touched.

Annah: Yes. I had almost thought you were planning on cheating on Totsuka.

GhostKing: Of course not.

PhotoNerd: Still, King, you could have mentioned it. That way I wouldn’t have been caught off guard if it came up in conversation.

GhostKing: I did not want to upset you.

PhotoNerd: I’m not upset that it happened, I’m upset that you his it like it was some sort of secret.

GhostKing: ..Totsuka...

PhotoNerd: Well, no sex for you.

TubOfLard: A sex ban?

TubOfLard: Wow.

HackerGenius: Fushimi apparently says congratulations, Rikio.

HackerGenius: I don’t know why.

TubOfLard: I’VE BEEN ON-TOPIC FOR LIKE EVER ALRIGHT?!

HackerGenius: ..Good luck with that.

GhostKing: Baby, come on, I didn’t mean to piss you off. I’m sorry.

PhotoNerd: I am not lifting the ban, at least for now.

GhostKing: I know. I just don’t want you mad at me.

RedCrow: ...To be honest, that’s really sweet.

DontTouchMyBar: It is. He doesn’t care so much about the lack of physical pleasure (still not sure how ghost sex works), but of the fact that is lover was upset at him.

Captain: Yes, that was adorable.

ShirosCat: REISHIIIIIII

ShirosCat: I read a book about you and Mikoto! >:( you kissed him!

Captain: Neko, I assure you that did not happen.

BlackDog: Or did it.

Captain: Do you enjoy making my life hell?

BlackDog: Oh, yes. Yes I do.

RedCrow: I know I do.

GhostKing: It’s a hobby. I’m glad that it’s catching on.

DontTouchMyBar: Well, messing things up for the Blue Clan is what the Reds do.. So, yes.

Captain: I never knew so many people hated me.

ImmortalKing: Reishi, Neko is crying and saying you love mikoto and not her?

ImmortalKing: I am waiting for an explanation.

Captain: Neko seems to have found the great pool of MikoRei fanfiction, and got the wrong idea.

ImmortalKing: Ah, I see.

ImmortalKing: Please come over here and explain it to her in person. She is quite a bit upset. Especially because of her abandonment issues...

Captain: I am actually on the way to your dorm now.

ImmortalKing: You work fast.

Captain: Wouldn’t you, if this were Kuroh?

ImmortalKing: Of course. :)

HackerGenius: EW SOPPY SHIT

HackerGenius: I’M OUT

HackerGenius had left the chat.

Chapter Text

RecRow has changed the group name.

RedCrow: I mean, we've defeated the Slates, and we don't gotta fight anymore.

Redrow: And making friends seems to be the norm, so...?

HackerGenius: I don't know about making friends, honestly.

HackerGenius: By the way, this is Fushimi back on my account. Sukuna will get on his account and talk if he wants to.

RedCrow: Oh. It's you.

RedCrow leaves the chat.

BeautyIsEverything: ..Maybe I should not have teased him the way I did?

HackerGenius: Wait.. what did you do?

BeautyIsEverything: I decided to tease him slightly, and said something about you being a good kisser. I was just attempting to get a rise out of him.

HackerGenius: Oh my God

BeautyIsEverything: I'm sorry, Fushimi..

BlackDog: Honestly, Yukuri, you should never say something like that when you don't mean it.

BlackDog: Yata was extremely torn up over that.

HackerGenius: And of course the idiot wouldn't question it...

BlackDog: You didn't give him a reason to. I would have believed Yukuri in the same circumstances.

DontTouchMyBar: Oh goodness.. Hold on, I'll convince Yata to get back on the chat so you both can explain.

HackerGenius: I would rather confront him in person about it

HackerGenius: He tends to deal with it better that way

GhostKing: No he doesn't.

HackerGenius: ..Okay, get him to come back to the chat.

RedCrow has joined the chat.

RedCrow: Izumo said you had an explanation, and it better be a damn good one.

BeautyIsEverything: I am sorry, I merely meant to tease you. Nothing happened between Fushimi and me.

BeautyIsEverything: He is not my type, I assure you.

TubOfLard: Is Kuroh your type?

BlackDog: YOU'RE REALLY BRINGING THAT UP AGAIN?!

RedCrow: Oh my GOD.

TubOfLard: Oh.. I actually didn't mean to post that here.

HackerGenius: I didn't even know he said that until just now.

HackerGenius: I really am sorry.

HackerGenius: I meant what I said after we beat Sukuna, though.

HackerGenius: I'm working on that.

TubOfLard: WAIT THERE WAS A CUTE SARUMISA FLUFF MOMENT AND I MISSED IT?!

RedCrow: "Sarumisa"..?

GhostKing: You and Fushimi

GhostKing: Ship name

HackerGenius: ...Wow

RedCrow: I-

RedCrow: WAIT DID SARUHIKO ACTUALLY APOLOGIZE

HackerGenius: Yes I did, moron

RedCrow: OH SHIT

RedCrow: THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE

RedCrow: WHAT DO I DO?!

HackerGenius: I take it back now

RedCrow; NO WAIT

RedCrow: DON'T

RedCrow: ..It's all good, I guess.

HackerGenius: Really?

RedCrow: ..Yeah.

HackerGenius: Good

ImmortalKing: Awwww, they've gotten back together. That's so cute!

PhotoNerd; I wish this was in person and that I could take a video of that moment

HackerGenius: Oh. my. god.

Captain: I've actually taken a screenshot of that.

RedCrow: SHIT

HackerGenius: Please no.

Captain: Why not It was cute

Akiyama: It was cute, honestly.

HackerGenius: At least I don't basically say I ship myself with my boyfriend.

TubOfLard: Oooh burrrnnn

Akiyama: At least I did not sleep my way into my position

Captain: I assure you, no sucking happened.

Captain: **such thing

Akiyama: I honestly didn't want to believe such a thing of our captain, but...

Captain: It was autocorrect, Akiyama

Captain: Autocorrect

HackerGenius: I did not "sleep my way" into any position Akiyama, I just have superior combat skills.

Akiyama: I highly doubt that.

HackerGenius: Would you like to try me?

Akiyama: With Captain's permision.

Captain: Don't destroy any buildings.

RedCrow: wOAHWOAHWOAH

RedCrow: NO

RedCrow: YOU AREN'T FIGHTING SHIT UNTIL YOU COME HERE AND KISS ME YOU MONKEY

RedCrow: BY THE WAY WE'RE DATING AGAIN

HackerGenius: Don't I get a say in this?

RedCrow: Are you rejecting me?

HackerGenius;: Of course not.

RedCrow: Then come here and kiss me.

HackerGenius: I'm trying. You made me give back the key to your place so I'm picking the lock

RedCrow: ...

RedCrow: There. Unlocked.

HackerGenius: I was almost there, too.

TubofLard: That sounds dirty

HackerGenius: You have a dirty soul

DontTouchMyBar: Truth.

ImmortalKing: Not asking how you know about that

Akiyama: Did Fushimi just ditch our fight to fuck his boyfriend?

Captain: I believe so, honestly...

BenzaiYujiro: In that case, I say we do some collaborative research.

Akiyama: that sounds good. Where are you?

BenzaiYujiro: My place.

GhostKing: By 'research' they mean 'sex', yeah?

PhotoNerd: Yup.

GhostKing: Well, if everyone's doing it...

PhotoNerd: No. Still banned.

GhostKing: Damn it.

Captain: lol

ShirosCat: Reishiii, can we go play?

Captain: Neko, I'm at work.

ShirosCat: Okay, meeting you there!

Captain:I wasn't trying to invite you-

ImmortalKing: I suggest you just go on a date with her, lest she steal your spinny chair again

Captain: ..Sadly, you're right...

Captain: I do need to focus on work sometimes, though

ImmortalKing: Make her feel useful, it will buy you a few hours

BlackDog: ..Wow...

BlueLieutenant: Am I the only one here who is single?

BeautyIsEverything: No.

BeautyIsEverything: My boyfriend is dead.

FirstPlace: Oh.. right

FirstPlace: You and Nagare were fucking, weren't you?

BlackDog: TMI

Chapter Text

Captain has changed the Group Name.

FirstPlace: Oh yeah

FirstPlace: That's appropriate, isn't it?

ImmortalKing: Yes, it is.

ImmortalKing: I was just rereading some of our old posts for fun.

GhostKing; Oh yeah, some of that shit was funny.

ImmortalKing: Kuroh, are you online?

BlackDog: Yes. What do you need?

ImmortalKing: You do know that I love you, right?

BlackDog: Of course I do.

ImmortalKing: I am also definitely not pretending to love you just to humor you. I would never do anything like that, especially because it would hurt you way too much.

BlackDog: Shiro.. I was just in an off mood when I typed all of that. Please don't take it personally.

ImmortalKing: I actually loved you since a few days after we met.

ImmortalKing: When I was joking about my wife being the one who made me those lunches, it was actually more like wishful thinking.

BlackDog: ..Oh

ImmortalKing: So.. Don't worry, alright?

BlackDog: Don't worry, I won't. :)

TubOfLard: #relationshipgoals

FirstPlace: I'd complain about you idiots being soppy, but that was honestly kind of cute.

DontTouchMyBar: Yes, yes it is.

BlueLieutenant: I wish I had a relationship like that.

Kukuri has joined the chat.

Kukuri: Hello, Neko told me about this chat?

Kukuri: My name is Kukuri, what are all of your guys' names?

ShirosCat: OH HI KUKURI!

Captain: Oh, you must be the classmate I have heard so much. My name is Reishi Munakata, and I am Shiro's boyfriend.

BlackDog: NO YOU ARE NOT

Captain: I mistyped. I am NEKO's boyfriend.

ImmortalKing: Ah, I can see how you could have mistyped when distracted, as her username has my name in it.

Kukuri: Oh, you're Shiro! That friend of Kuroh's and Neko's, right?

ImmortalKing: Yes. Hello, Kukuri.

GhostKing: hello. I'm literally dead. I'm Mikoto.

PhotoNerd: Hello, Miss Kukuri. I'm Totsuka, and I died a few years ago. I'm Mikoto's boyfriend.

Kukuri: Oh.. It's nice to meet you.

RedCrow: Hey, I'm Yata.

BlackDog: This is Kuroh. Shiro is my boyfriend.

Kukuri: OHH, okay!

Kukuri: Congratulations!

ImmortalKing: Thank you. :)

BlueLieutenant: Good morning, Kukuri. My name is Seri.

Kukuri: Nice to meet you, Miss Seri!

TubOfLard: I ship it.

BlueLieutenant: No.

Kukuri: Uh.. who's that.

RedCrow: An idiot. Don't mind him.

Annah: Good morning, Miss Kukuri. My name is Annah, and I am fourteen.

Kukuri: Awww, you sound so cuutee!

PhotoNerd: She's our daughter.

GhostKing: ..Yeah, basically.

Kukuri: Awww, that's adorable!

Chapter Text

HackerGenius has changed the Group Name.

HackerGenius: We really need to end this one and start a new one.

HackerGenius: This is just too insane, and I think we need a fresh strt.

Captain: Wise words, Fushimi.

HackerGenius: I've made the new chat now.

Captain: Thank you.

HackerGenius: I'll send everyone the information.

RedCrow: HEY WAIT A MINUTE

RedCrow: DON'T BE PRODUCTIVE ON THIS SITE

RedCrow: IT'S BAD FOR MORALE!

TubOfLard: Truth

GhostKing: Izumo will get you in trouble for being productive on the chat.

Captain: And how would he know..?

BlackDog: I believe we covered this earlier. "Izumo knows everything".

TubOfLard: Truth.

DontTouchMyBar: What's this about productivity on the chat?

HackerGenius: Oh my god.

HackerGenius: i'll see you on the next chat.

HackerGenius has left the chat.

RedCrow: Wow. Jerk. Always leaving.

TubOfLard: I'm not quite sure what you're describing, but I think you find loss of control as a sort of turn on? I haven't quite looked into the exact specifics or names for that, but it seems like that's what you're trying to say. If that's the case, then I think I know a person or two who can help you figure out if that's really what you're into, and what your limits are. If you want, I can recommend them to you?

Captain: ...

Annah: Rikio, have you ever reconsidered your life choices?

RedCrow: OKAY.

RedCrow: I AM DONE.

RedCrow: GOODBYE

RedCrow has left the chat.

Kukuri: Wow.. TubOfLard seems rather.. knowledgeable in certain areas.

ImmortalKing: I advise you just ignore him until told otherwise.

Akiyama: Yes, actually, I would like those recommendations.

FirstPlace has left the chat.

BlueLieutenant: That was much more than I ever wanted to know.

TubOflard: SHIT

BlackDog has left the chat.

GhostKing: Rikio, rethink your life.

PhotoNerd: Actually, losing control is a real turn of mine.

PhotoNerd: You would know, right, King?

GhostKing: . . . .

DontTouchMyBar: And I think it's time to move onto the new chat now.

ImmortalKing: Agreed.