Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Lloyd couldn't sleep. He tossed and turned in bed, a million thoughts zooming by. But this time it wasn't the visions.

It was Arin and Sora.

Lloyd still couldn't believe that both of them them had decided to go with Ras, trying to find a way to bring Arin's parents from the dead. Or at least, that was what Ras had told them. They'd learned from Jay, that they weren't in fact, even dead, they were alive, but in some 'weird' place as Jay quoted.

It had only been about three days since the battle with Thunderfang, but their absence sent some remorse through Lloyd. He'd been barely holding on when Arin left, and now both his students were gone, running around with an evil tiger, who had nothing but bad intentions planned ahead.

A tear fell down his cheek as he sat up and stared into space. They were practically his kids, he'd always have the laugh with them, always teach them, have fun adventures, lots of moments where they comforted each other.

Lloyd remembered the time when he was walking in the courtyard, just to empty his mind when he spotted Sora and Arin with pieces of metal, probably making something. When she spotted him her face brightened and she said 'Hey, dad' waving a screwdriver at him. Then her face flushed at the realisation and she turned her mop of pink hair round and started working on her invention, muttering words Lloyd couldn't hear, while Arin giggled, hands on his stomach. Lloyd's smile had never been bigger and brighter than it had in that moment.

He got off his bed and slid the door open, checking if the cost was clear as he quietly shut his door with a click and began to tiptoe across the hall, trying not to wake anyone.

Kai was a very light sleeper these days, specifically after the merge. The lightest of sounds would have him shooting up from his bed, with his fists balled with fire, threatening unknown danger or none at all. Lloyd always wondered if anything had happened to Kai after the merge that had caused him to act so jumpy and alert. But his gut told Lloyd that maybe he shouldn't ask, just in case it was something really bad. He'd ask another day, he thought.

He stepped out onto the courtyard porch jumping down onto the pebbles and patches of grass. He walked toward the dragon statue and sat around the edge of the short stone fence surrounding it.

He felt the cool night breeze whiz past his face, sending his blond hair away from his face. He breathed in and out taking in the silence of the night, almost grateful, he didn't have to worry and grieve right now. But then he heard a rooftile move and a voice swearing out loud.

Lloyd's head snapped up to see a figure half blinded by the darkness so the only thign he could make out was the high ponytail on his head. Lloyd shook his head and sighed. Jay.

"You can come down now, I can see you you know," he called out to him. He could hear a huff before Jay jumped down in front of him, wincing at his leg and clutching it in pain and staring at him with eyebrows raised, before he took a few steps back, leaning against the wooden column in front of the main doors.

"Couldn't sleep?" he said, his voice carrying that sharp edge he’d picked up since the Merge. "Guess the conduit ninja or whatever that dragon called you has nightmares too."

Lloyd looked down, his jaw tightening. He didn’t rise to it.

Jay sighed. "Relax, I’m not here to start a fight. Just saying… you look about as wrecked as I feel."

Lloyd’s eyes flicked up. "Arin and Sora—"

"—made their choice,” Jay cut in, his voice drawling." You can lose sleep over it, but it won’t change a thing. Ras has his claws in them now."

The bluntness made Lloyd flinch. He swallowed hard, a tear catching on his cheek. "…They were like my kids, Jay."

Jay barked a laugh — cruel and hollow. “Kids grow up. They leave. Sometimes they don’t come back. Trust me, you don’t wanna learn that lesson the way I did.” His eyes shadowed, old grief flashing before he smothered it. Lloyd knew what he meant.

For a moment, there was only the wind between them.

Then Jay glanced at Lloyd again, his smirk crooked but heavy. "Don’t look at me like that. I’m not completely heartless, you know. Just… different. The Merge does that to you."

"No, shattering your goodness does," Lloyd replied, tilting his head at Jay, taking a closer look at his suit. He saw just beneath his chest, two letters, one J, for Jay, and another one just beside it. R. He looked up at Jay who was frowning at him and Lloyd realised he must have stared for too long.

"What does the R stand for?" Lloyd questioned curiously. Jay looked down onto his suit before gazing at the stars and replying flatly, "Rogue,"

Lloyd's face scrunched up in confusion. Rogue? What could that possibly mean? In fact, why name yourself that? He almost scoffed at the answer, "Oh..uh..interesting. Why?"

Jay rolled his eyes and leaned further against the column, "It's cool," Lloyd raised his eyebrows. There was a beat of silence, "And so that you ninja couldn't find me. I had enough of you and that stupid girl I fought. And Ras, who I'm hunting once I help you with Arin's parents. Besides it worked. No one recognised me. Till that girl found out" He spat the last words out.

"She's not 'girl' ," Lloyd spat back, anger bubbling in his voice, "I think she's had enough of being called that in her lifetime. So don't. Trust me. Her name is Nya. She was your yang? Don't you remember?"

"OK chill, I got it, but yang? Don't make me laugh, you know I don't trust anything anyone says. I've been told different stories by different people. I think I've had enough," he said coldly, his eyes shooting daggers at Lloyd. Lloyd might as well have felt the daggers pierce his heart. He tried again.

"Do you not remember anyone? Kai? Cole? Zane? They were your best friends since the beginning, your brothers, you guys went on adventures, and no one could separate you. Don't you remember?" Lloyd repeated, desperation in his voice.

Jay shook his head and walked back towards the doors, his hand on the knob before he spoke.

"When my leg is healed, I'll help you find that Arin kid's parents, only if promised somethign in return, then you leave me alone and stop coming after me with all the ninja nonsense. I'm not your family, not even a friend and I never will be. Get that through your thick skull, greenie,"

He slammed the door behind him with a loud bang, leaving Lloyd staring after him, hopeless.

Lloyd recalled the past three days, where he and the ninja, especially Nya, tried to make Jay remember something,from video games to old pictures to his own room, filled to the brim with the memory of him and his old self. Jay thought that they were a bunch of psycho stalkers from then.

Lloyd missed him. He missed his jokes, his crash outs, his kindness, his silliness, his little spark that made him seem like a child sometimes. He remembered the way he used to comfort Lloyd when he'd taken Tommorrows Tea. How he'd remind him that his childhood wasn't lost, how he was still a kid but just in an older body. He'd taken him down to the arcade later and theyd went to the candy shop and bought pillowmints and lollipops, while Jay made hilarious jokes that made Lloyd choke on the candy, which caused Jay to panic terribly and pat him aggressively on the back.

Lloyd was always thankful for that. Jay just knew how to make things right. How to force a smile or a laugh out of you in any situation. But this Jay wasn't himself anymore, he lost his memory, his goodness was shattered and he'd been tossed around place to place around the merge, hoping to see if he could find who he was since he lost his memory. But things had taken a wrong turn and he refused to believe anything ever again.

Lloyd looked up into the night sky, a sad smile on his face, "One day Jay," he whispered," One day, you'll remember, "

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

...24...25...26...27...

Lloyd had been quietly ticking off the numbers on his little fingers, waiting for the exact moment a certain someone would storm through the cabin door.

...28...29...30—

The door slammed open so hard it ricocheted off the wall, nearly smacking Jay in the face on the rebound. Not that it would have made much difference—his expression already looked like it had been hit by a storm. His brows were furrowed, his mouth tight with fury, and yet, somehow, it only made Lloyd grin wider.

Jay’s eyes swept the room until they landed on him. In two strides, he was there, jabbing a finger in Lloyd’s direction while his other hand fisted into the front of his skeleton-print shirt, yanking him close.

" Where is he?!"

Lloyd blinked, thought the corners of his mouth twitched.

"Where. IS. HE?"

Lloyd couldn't hold back his grin. " Who's 'he'? I don’t know what you’re talking about."

That was all it took. Jay tore away from him and began ransacking the cabin. Pillows flew, blankets hit the floor, drawers yanked open and slammed shut. He muttered words Lloyd couldnt hear.

Finally, his frantic searching stopped. His eyes widened.

There—taped to the back of the door—was Mr. Cuddlywomp, skewered dramatically with a fake knife.

Jay let out a scream so shrill and high pitched it sounded almost inhuman.

Lloyd collapsed into laughter, clutching his stomach, tears falling down onto his cheeks uncontrollably.

Jay practically tore Mr. Cuddlywomp off the door, ripping the tape with a vengeance. "Don’t you worry, buddy, I’ve got you," he muttered, clutching the plush tight against his chest like it had barely survived a near-death experience. He yanked the plastic knife away—it hadn’t even pierced the fabric, just been stuck on with tape—but the look on his face suggested Lloyd had committed a war crime.

Turning on his heel, Jay stormed back to Lloyd, still hugging Mr. Cuddlywomp protectively. "If you ever—and I mean EVER—do something like that again, I swear, Lloyd , I will zap you and tell Wu to kick you off the bounty."

Lloyd was doubled over, wheezing with laughter, barely able to breathe.

Before Jay could launch into his full lecture, the door creaked open again. Nya and Cole stepped inside, frowning.

"Uh… who screamed?" Nya asked, scanning the room.

Jay froze. His cheeks flushed. He straightened up, and cleared his throat as he shoved Mr. Cuddlywomp behind his back. "That—uh—that was Lloyd. Bad dream."

Cole arched a brow as he looked out the window where full light came rushing in. "Jay, I don't think the kid was sleeping-"

Jay laughed way too loudly. "Y-yeah, you know, nightmares don't uh...He was probably just screaming to scare us you know.. !" He gave them both a frantic grin before shoving them back toward the door. "Anyway, thanks for checking, we're good in here, bye!"

He slammed the door in their faces, spun around, and jabbed a finger an inch from Lloyd’s nose.

“Not. A. Word."

Jay stood over him, seething, one hand still clutched protectively around Mr. Cuddlywomp." Do you hear me, Lloyd? Not. A. Word. Ever again. You’ve crossed a line, and if anyone even finds out I still sleep with soft animals, I will never hear the end of it—"

But Lloyd had already tuned him out. He leaned back against the bed, flipping casually through his comic.

Jay’s rant sputtered to a stop. His eyes locked on the cover. His jaw dropped.

" Wait. Wait wait wait." He pointed so fast he nearly dropped Mr. Cuddlywomp. "Is that… Starfarer issue #37?!"

Lloyd smirked, holding it up. "What, this? Yeah. Fear isn’t a word where I come from."

Jay gasped and his eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. "No way. You read Starfarer?!" His fury evaporated instantly, replaced with wide-eyed excitement. He practically flung himself onto the bed beside Lloyd, forgetting every threat he’d just made. "Dude, this is the best issue—the plot twist on page twenty-four? Pure genius. The art style? Chef’s kiss."

Lloyd chuckled, shaking his head. "You’re unbelievable."

"Unbelievably right," Jay corrected, already flipping through the pages like a kid in a candy shop. Speaking of candy—he suddenly noticed Lloyd’s hand hovering suspiciously near a bag of blue rasberry laces.

"Wait a second." Jay narrowed his eyes." Are those… MY LACES?"

Lloyd popped one in his mouth without breaking eye contact. "Finders keepers. Losers weepers, "

Jay groaned, but before long they were both sprawled out on the bunk, reading panels aloud, arguing over favorite characters, and flinging laces back and forth. Mr. Cuddlywomp sat squished safely between them.

Jay was still mid-rant about Starfarer’s villains when Lloyd leaned back on his elbows, chewing on another stolen blue lace, when an idea popped in his head.

"Hey, Jay," he said casually, "to make it up to you... wanna help me set up a prank on Cole?"

Jay stopped talking, eyes lighting up like fireworks. "Do I wanna—? Pfft, that's not even a question?!" He slapped Mr. Cuddlywomp down gently beside him, like a general setting aside his most trusted advisor. "You bet I do. What’s the plan?"

Lloyd grinned, lowering his voice as the two of them huddled together, trading conspiratorial whispers over crinkling candy wrappers. The plot thickened with every laugh, every outrageous idea.

Soon enough, they were sprawled across the bunk, discussing pranks and ideas, Starfarer comic open between them, blue laces scattered everywhere, Mr Cuddlywomp safely tucked in the middle. Their earlier fight? Completely forgotten.

Classic Jay. 

Chapter Text

The courtyard was quiet except for the clash of steel. Lloyd and Kai moved in rhythm, circling each other, sparks flying from their blades as they tested each other’s defenses and offenses.

"You’re getting sloppy, Kai," Lloyd teased ducking under a swing.

Kai smirked, a flare of fire dancing along his fists. "Oh yeah? What if i told you I was going easy on ya?"

But just then Lloyd prodded his sword too far and it nicked Kai’s side. It wasn’t deep, but enough to draw a thin line of blood, that bled through but didn't show much because of Kais already red gi. Kai froze for a split second, then lowered his sword.

"FSM! I'm so sorry," Lloyd looked down at his blade, examining it, "I swear I had blunted them. Probably not enough. sorry, " he repeated.

"Chill dude it's nothing," he muttered, spinning away, but Lloyd’s eyes caught the fleeting glimpse of his side as Kai lifted his shirt slightly to check the cut.

Rows of scars stretched across his ribs and shoulders, pale and jagged, some older, some darker, all criss crossed all over his tight stomach. Lloyd’s chest tightened. He hadn’t realized just how many there were. He certainly didn't get them from missions or sparring.

Kai noticed his look and snapped the shirt down quickly, cheeks flushed. "Alright greenbean, you wanna play rough huh?" he grinned, facing him again, acting like Lloyd hadn't seen.But he had.

Lloyd swallowed,but he managed a weak smile, the image of Kai's torso burned into his brain. There was more behind those eyes, behind those scars than he’d ever imagined.

----------------------(no this is not the zig zag line so this is just another little scene in the same time)

Later that night, Lloyd found Kai in his room. The door was slightly ajar, and the dim light caught Kai sitting on the edge of his bed, shirt half-off as he cleaned the small cut from earlier. Lloyd peered in and he saw the very thing imprinted into his head.

"Kai" Lloyd began softly, opening the door a bit wider, slightly stepping in.

Kai looked up, and when his eyes caught his, they looked horrified and angry, and Lloyd shut his eyes and tucked his lip in, in case Kai was ready to lash out at him, but he didn't.

"I saw the scars," Lloyd said, stepping closer. "You can’t hide them from me. Should I get some medicine?Some bandages? What happened Kai? It cant have been from missions, or any sort of-"

Kai held up a hand, forcing Lloyd to stop speaking. For a long moment, he didn’t speak. Then shakily, he exhaled. "When you found me after the merge ," he whispered. "I didn't tell you what happened did I?"

Lloyd shook his head. “No,"

Kai took a deep breath in searching for somethign in Lloyd's eyes, some hope, some trust, and then he spoke, voice barely audible." I won't tell you everyhthing that happened but I'll tell you where I got these from, "he gestured to his shirt where the scars where underneath. He patted the space next to him and Lloyd walked over and sat down beside him, waiting for him to start.

Kais hands shook, sparks flickering uncontrollably, as he started to speak." I was in the land of monsters" Lloyd didn't know what that place was, maybe heard Master wu mention it a few times, but he didn't say anything, just let Kai speak, "It was a horrible place Lloyd, the sky was black and grey there was no colour left in that place. No life. All that existed were monsters. Plants, old warriors. AlI that existed slowly started to turn into one. I could even swear I could hear the ground breathing beneath me," Lloyd gripped his shoulder, giving him a little squeeze, "I had few of those marks and I tried to heal them but they wouldn't. Like the place wanted me to give in, like some reminder that I had to eventually become one, no matter how hard I resisted,"

"Become... what?" Lloyd said, his voice barely above a whisper

Kai looked at his feet, swinging them lightly over the side off his bed, and Lloyd could see his adams apple bobbing up and down like something was too hard to swallow.

"A monster" As kai said it, Lloyd could feel the hollow Ness and emotion too all flowing in at once, as Kai tried to continue , but his voice cracked and a tear silently fell down his cheek.

He fiercely wiped at it, not wanting Lloyd to see. No one really saw this side of Kai. Vulnerable, unable to talk, like a weight pressing down on him that he couldn't hold.

Lloyd looked at his tear-stained older brother and thought how much times Kai had to be kept sane, how he tried not not to give up, how he had to keep it together. He couldn't imagine himself in this place, he didn't have Kais persistence and stubborness. He wondered how many other times Kai must've done that. He reached over and wrapped him up in a tight hug, which Kai returned after he stopped shaking, holding on for dear life. They stayed like that glued together. Lloyd wished he never had to let go but he did.

"…Kai," he said softly, "is that why? Is that why when I first saw you after the merge on the bounty and thought you were an intruder, and attacked you, you curled up inside yourself? You thought it came back didn't it? The monsters?"

Kai’s chest heaved, and he nodded reluctantly . "I...yeah.. .I had finally escaped that place but I still felt whispers in my head, voices telling me that it would come for me, that I couldn't escape it. Then you attacked me. I thought it was it. I felt weak and so I didn't bother fighting back. Even after that I still do hear it and.." He broke off, the words dying on his tongue.

Lloyd hugged him tightly, but just for a brief second. "Well I dont know what you went through Kai, but I know it was tough, dont tell me more OK? I've heard enough and I think you've told just as much too. Have you told anyone else? Nya?"

Kai let out a sigh and his eyes widened at the mention of Nya. "No. No one. And we cannot tell Nya. You hear me Lloyd? She'll kill me, act like the older sibling, she won't leave me alone for a second. I'm the oldest, I'm supposed to protect her. Been doing that our whole lives. It can't be the other way round. She's my sister and I love her and all but she's a mess when she gets worried, "

"And angry," Lloyd chimed in darkly.

"Shoot yeah, I swear she's worse than me when she gets mad" They both laughed quietly, a little ease filling the air.

"Hey Kai," Lloyd said, gripping his brother's hand with both of his, "I'm here if you need to talk OK? You've always been there for me and well, you need someone for you too," He squeezed his hand, "And I'll always be there,"

Kai looked at him with glassy eyes and squeezed extra hard and Lloyd felt like his hand was on fire. He looked down with wide eyes and it was on little flames, bouncing across his fingers , he looked back up to be met with a grin but didnt get the chance to yell out as Kai swept him up in a bone-breaking hug. Out of everything he loved Kai's hugs. Bear like and special in their own way. He smiled.

Kai let go and leaned back against the headboard, fire fading from his fists. "Anyway… any updates on Jay?" Lloyd shook his head sadly." That guy’s a jerk. Always hogging the games, whining about his fake leg, little drama queen. And don’t even get me started on that ridiculous ponytail of his."

Lloyd’s eyes flicked to the bedside table. A pair of scissors lay there, innocently enough.. but imagining it in Kai’s hand, it didn’t look innocent at all.

"…Kai," Lloyd said slowly.

Kai grinned mischievously. "I was thinking… maybe just a little snip. For Jay’s own good."

Lloyd laughed, shaking his head. "Uh… that’s too planned. Too obvious. If you actually snip his hair off, it won’t look like an accident, and he'll zap you till you're fried."

Kai’s smirk widened. "Yeah, yeah, you’re right… maybe..." He lit up a hand of fire. Lloyd dropped his jaw, wondering how he would ever pull off burning Jay's hair down.

They both burst into quiet laughter, the tension from earlier melting away. For the first time that night, Lloyd felt light again — like they’d taken the edge off the darkness with just a little bit of mischief.

Kai leaned back, arms crossed, still smiling. "Man, we’re terrible sometimes."

"You say that like it’s a bad thing," Lloyd replied grinning.

Kai went reached a hand forward to ruffle Lloyd's hair while muttering a 'Thanks buddy'. Lloyd took the opportunity to relive an old joke.

"Hey no one messes up my hair" . He said playfully, swatting Kai's hand away, a grin matching his.

"Not gonna let go of that are you?" Kai said, a spark in his eyes, the same spark of when Kai told him something before this very joke long ago. Lloyd still remembered the words, he would never forget them.

Don't worry big shot, I'll watch over you from now on.

And from then on he did. But he did it before he said that anyways. And still to this day he still does. He always did.

Lloyd smiled up at him, "Same way I'm not letting go of you,"

<><><><><><><><><>><><><><><><><>(OK now this is a flashback, and well it like switches povs continuously, but you won't really notice so it's OK:) )

Kai padded down the dimly lit corridor of the bounty, a half-bitten piece of bread, which engulfed a slice of cheese in hand. He’d taken a late night snack from the fridge, thinking about the stupid samurai and ways they could beat him and was heading back to his cabin when something caught his eye.

A soft glow spilled out from Lloyd’s room.

Kai groaned. Of course. That little troublemaker probably wasn’t asleep—probably staring into space, plotting a new plan or prank.

Still he hesitated. He was curious to see what the prankster was up too and as he peered through the glass, he saw the glow of the room showing Lloyd on his bed, a comic on his lap and his blankets shoved away.

"You’re up late," Kai said suddenly, opening the door and leaning against the doorway.

Lloyd jumped, then tried to hide behind the book. "Oh what, Kai? Oh, I was just reading," he muttered, but his voice carried a note of unease.

Kai raised an eyebrow. "Uh huh. Sure." He stepped closer, crunching on his bread. Then he noticed something—Lloyd’s shoulders were tight, and his eyes staring down the floor, as if having a staring contest with it. Something was bothering him.

"Hey," Kai said softly, crouching a little to meet him eye to eye. "What’s up?"

Lloyd’s small hands fidgeted with the corner of his book. "I.. I was just thinking... about my parents," he admitted quietly. "About.. you know… my dad.. and my mum. I… I don't.. I don’t know them. I know my dad was.. well is evil and well I don't know anything about my mum, she left me abandoned at school. And sometimes I wonder" his voice cracked. "Did they even care about me?"

Kai’s chest tightened. He knew that feeling all too well. His own past had shadows, mistakes, people he’d lost or been abandoned by. He sat beside him on the bed, patting Lloyd’s back gently. "Hey… I know that feeling," he said quietly. "I had… my own stuff. People who should’ve been there but weren't. I had to raise Nya by myself you know? You’re not alone in it."

Lloyd's eyes lit up at the mention of Nya, "Nya? Oh she's so cool! She's my favourite! You know she's the-" He clamped his hands over his mouth, not wanting to say anything further.

Kai raised his eyebrows and rolled his eyes. What stuff did they get up to when he and the boys were out on missions? And she's the what? Kai was too tired to ask and the blonde probably wouldn't even tell him.

Lloyd blinked at him. His small frame relaxed slightly, as his stomach made a little growl.

"Here," Kai said, tugging the bread and cheese from his hand and setting it beside Lloyd. "Eat. Your stomach’s rumbling. You can’t think straight if you’re hungry."

Lloyd stared at him, confused, eyebrows furrowing. "Why… why are you being nice to me? Don’t you hate me?"

Kai chuckled softly, ruffling his hair. "Don’t push it," he muttered, already standing. But inside, and he hated to admit it, there was a crack forming in his usual annoyance, a tiny bit of sympathy he didn’t expect to feel for the bratty little troublemaker.

He paused at the doorway. "Sleep, kid," he said, giving a small nod. "Come to me if anything is bothering you. You’ll be okay."

Lloyd watched him go, clutching the bread and cheese to his chest, feeling something warm he’d never expected from Kai—a quiet sense that maybe just maybe, he wasn’t so alone.

Maybe one day the red ninja would not hate him as much. He wanted to see more of the nice Kai he saw just now. He still wanted to to prank everyone, but not make them hate it, just brush it off as a little bit of innocent mischief from a kid.

He could only hope.

(Haha little did he know...)