Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was late, approaching midnight. 

The flat was quiet at last, no noise of Mrs Hudson walking around in the flat below and no noise from the restaurant next door. 

But Sherlock and John were still awake, unwinding after a long and stressful day in their shared bedroom. John had come home from the surgery later than usual that day, smelling of antiseptic and looking worn out, and instead of his usual greeting for sherlock he had dropped his coat and pulled him into an urgent kiss, one burning with surprising need as though the only thing that had been keeping him together throughout the whole day was the thought of coming home to Baker street. 

The dimmer on the lamp was set low in their bedroom, so the lighting was warm and soothing. Sherlock was checking on John, a rare occurrence, tucking the blankets up around his chest with surprising gentleness and even going as far as fixing the pillow under his head so it was fluffier. “You’re worried about me.” John said quietly, taking Sherlock's hand when he made to rise and move away. 

“I’m not worried, I'm simply observing and responding to the cues you’re giving me.” Sherlock, ever the analyst, answered. “Your breathing is slightly labored, as though each breath is heavy in your chest, and your shoulders are slumped instead of pulled back the way they usually are, a habit since your days in the war. You’re also lying down, sunk into the mattress, instead of sitting up with the blankets neatly around your legs, and you've quietly taken my care without a comment on it. Those things, coupled with the scent of chemicals on your coat and the fact that your limp- the psychosomatic one- has slightly returned, tell me that you had a long and stressful day and that you are physically too tired to fuss over yourself tonight, therefore I’ve decided to do it for you, by pulling the blanket up, tucking you in, and adjusting the pillow so your head is resting comfortably instead of at a painful angle.” 

“Excellent deduction as usual.” John said with a slight smile. “Are you coming to bed then? Seeing as I've been properly fussed over?” “For the last time I do not fuss, I only offer the comfort that is needed. Nothing more, nothing less.” Sherlock replied, but got changed into pajamas and slipped into bed anyway, curling up next to John but facing away from him- his favorite position for sleeping, close but not overwhelmingly so. Sherlock nestled comfortably into the mattress and closed his eyes, and immediately he felt John move- not away, but closer. John settled with his chest pressing into Sherlock's back, his chin resting on Sherlock's shoulder. Not the position he usually chose when he wanted to be the one being held. 

No, this meant that John wanted to lead, so Sherlock bit back a comment and settled in, making his tall frame more compact to fit in John's arms. John hummed quietly, a sound of contentment, and buried his nose into Sherlock's curls, breathing him in. Sherlock was not going to let go unnoticed, so he shifted his pose so he was lying on his back and murmured, “You really think I can't feel when you do that?” “Oh, I'm sorry, it's called comfort. I forgot you weren't familiar.” John responded sleepily, hands fisting in the fabric of Sherlock's pajama shirt, drawing their faces close. Sherlock drew a quick breath in as John kissed the side of his jaw gently, under his eye, then his cheek, then- oh, god- the corner of his lips, pressing just enough for Sherlock to be able to feel that lingering heat from earlier, the heat that said, I need you. Do not go away. 

And Sherlock did not have any desire to go away. 

“I’m happy you're here.” Sherlock whispered softly, as John pulled away and tucked his head back against his partner’s shoulder. He nodded and Sherlock moved back onto his side. He began to use his longstanding and effective trick for falling asleep, allowing his mind to slip into the mind palace and let his body relax, but he was still lucid enough to feel john wrap fully around his frame and ever so gently, so as not to startle, ease his knee between Sherlock's legs, pushing up so it was nestled between his thighs. 

The walls of the mind palace shattered as Sherlock registered what was happening. Oh, dear lord. Why does this pressure feel so good? It's not supposed to! Why there, between my thighs like that for goodness’ sake? 

Sherlock held still, his breathing measured and slow, not moving a muscle. He felt John shift again, making sure there was no space left between the two of them but still moving slowly. John knew that Sherlock spooked easily, especially with things like this, so he always made sure to be gentle and to not force anything. Once he had settled again, with his arms wrapped around Sherlock, drawing him in and keeping him close to his chest, Sherlock let a few seconds go by before speaking up. 

“I missed you today, but I don't want anything too….. improper,” Sherlock said cautiously, feeling his body tense up. “I know, love. I don’t either.” John murmured soothingly, taking Sherlock's hand and brushing his fingertips over his knuckles. He adjusted so there wasn't any pressure or discomfort on Sherlock's body before placing his other hand on Sherlock's side, half at his hip, half at his sternum. The familiar warmth of his hands was enough to ease the tension and send Sherlock back to the mind palace, allowing him to drift once again toward sleep. “I want to feel you, Sherlock," John murmured again, voice low. “But I know you and I know that you get uncomfortable easily. I won't do anything without telling you and asking your permission.” Sherlock nodded and allowed himself to nestle in even closer, pressing back and down into John's chest. 

He was unprepared for how good the pressure of John's leg between his thighs felt when he moved against it, however, and it took Sherlock by surprise. This isn't supposed to feel this good. 

He allowed John to settle in how he chose, and once he had stopped moving, Sherlock spoke up once more. “I- I’m sorry that my body isn't soft like yours is.” He said quietly. This was something that Sherlock had picked up on before, that he wasn't as pliant and comfortable to cuddle with the way John was. But John evidently thought differently, for he replied, “No, no, love, don't apologize. The way we’re settled, with my arms around you and you tucked into my chest, and my leg between yours and you pressing on like that, it doesn't hurt me at all. You’re just as comfortable as me.” John leaned forward and kissed Sherlock one more time, whispering, “Now it's time for bed for real, okay? Relax into the mattress and let me hold you steady.” 

Sherlock nodded and slipped back into the mind palace again, trying to soothe himself to sleep, but was unprepared for the amount of noise in there tonight. Everything in his mind was going haywire, and it was all because of the way that John- foolish, lovely John- was wrapped around his body. All analytical thoughts vanished and were replaced with soft murmurings of Mmm this feels nice and When’s the last time I really slept and I feel a bit more comfortable despite my lack of experience and Why don’t I lean into it a bit? What's the worst that could happen? and let’s try something… 

And before Sherlock realized where that last thought was going, the mind palace vanished and his body acted without his mind’s permission. 

Sherlock slipped his hand out from underneath John's and reached down, touching the side of John's leg. It was the gentlest brush, barely even there, but somehow his partner felt it because his leg tensed up between Sherlock's thighs, a pleasant feeling against his body, but that wasn't all. Sherlock felt the muscle in his thighs flex around John's leg, a reaction that he did not  intend for, but it seemed that his mind and his body had disconnected, and Ohhhhh my that really felt good. 

 “Careful now, Sherlock.” John said, laughing. “Wouldnt want to make me feel anything, would you?” Sherlock laughed as well, but didn't tease back. Not yet. “It did feel good on my end too, though…” John kept going, moving one of his hands to meet Sherlock's under the blanket and pressing over it gently, soothing the tension that had started to creep into Sherlock's back and shoulders.. “Good to see I've found your weakness.” Sherlock replied, trying for a light tone similar to John's, but failing due to the tremor that had crept into his voice. This was escalating in ways that Sherlock’s cold, analytical side wasn't prepared for, but also that the softer, more emotion-driven side of him one hundred percent wanted. His mind went back and forth for what felt like forever, but quieted when he felt John rest his chin once more on his shoulder, a steady and comforting weight. 

“I don't suppose you’d do it again?” John whispered.

 Sherlock wasn't sure how to answer, so he elected not to. Instead he pushed back and down into John's leg, a motion intended to be quick and teasing, but that wasn't what happened. Instead of a controlled motion, Sherlock felt his thighs tense again and his hips grind against John, a tightness that was followed by a bolt of pure feeling. 

It felt good. It felt too good. 

The motion caused John to tense against Sherlock's body, his leg pressing into Sherlock's thigh, creating resistance for him to move against. John's hand went to his hip, applying a bit of grounding pressure and guiding the movement as gently as possible so Sherlock wouldn't hurt himself. “Oh, ohh my, okay, you're alright, you're alright, just breathe” John whispered, steadying Sherlock's frantic rhythm with the pressure of his chest rising and falling against Sherlock's back. 

John could feel his love beginning to panic, the edge of pleasure ebbing away and leaving tension in its wake. He didn't want Sherlock to equate intimacy and closeness with pain, so he pressed his hand into Sherlock's shoulder, trying to remind him that he wasn't alone and that it was okay. 

Sherlock’s movement stilled and he made to pull away but there wasn't room, and when he pushed back he ended up curled tighter into John's arms. “I- I’m so- John, I-” He stammered, trying to move, but he ended up pressing in once more, flexing against John again. “Hey, hey, deep breaths, you’re okay. You didn't do anything wrong.” John reassured, disentangling and giving Sherlock a gentle hug to reassure him. After a while, he felt Sherlock's breathing even out and his body relaxed and settled into John's arms.”Wh- why did that feel so good?” Sherlock asked, shakily, eyes wide and confused. “It felt like that because bodies need some muscle tension relief and comfort sometimes. You're pressing into an area that stores tension, so when you move against something solid, like my leg, it helps relieve that tension and it makes you feel good, too. I know that you’re not always comfortable with doing anything more, but just this- this quiet warmth and intimacy and being close, is enough to quell the heat and help you work out the aches. It's not about climax, it's about comfort, and that's perfectly okay." John explained, and Sherlock nodded, understanding. 

“So that- that wasn’t the most sexual thing in the world, but it was enough?” Sherlock asked. “Yes, it was enough.” John replied, smiling. “You got the tension out, didn't push too many boundaries, and it felt pretty good, too. That's the perfect balance.” Sherlock nodded and nestled back into his partner’s arms, whispering, “I missed my person today.” “I missed you too.” John whispered back, pulling the blankets up around them and closing his eyes, sliding gently into sleep listening to the steady sound of Sherlock breathing.

Chapter Text

The next morning, they were still settled in like that. 

John opened his eyes to soft light filtering in through the curtains and the insistent press of his leg still between Sherlock's thighs. They hadn't moved much in their sleep, just an occasional shift for comfort, but John was a tiny bit surprised to wake up still in that position. He remembered what had happened and was proud of his partner for being a bit more brave and reaching out. 

John settled back into the pillow and closed his eyes again, breathing steady and slow, but in his half-asleep state he felt Sherlock put a bit of pressure on his leg. It wasn’t possessive, just gentle, a quiet movement that kept John in place so he couldn't slide his leg out from between sherlock’s and go away without making sherlock wake up. 

John smiled and nestled back into bed, resting his chin against Sherlock's shoulder, and felt his love respond to the touch, pressing back and down into John's leg again, similar to what he’d done last night. It was meant to be a gentle motion, accompanied by just a bit of pressure and warmth, but that wasn't what happened.  Instead he felt Sherlock's thighs flex around his leg. His hips ground into John hard enough to cause a wince from both of them, Sherlock due to the strain on his body and John from the sudden pressure against his thigh, the motion far too forceful and desperate for either of them to be comfortable. 

A small sound slipped from Sherlock's throat, half pleasure, half pain. “Easy, love, don't tense like that, it’s too much strain,” John murmured, making sure to keep his voice low and soothing. “It’s okay, I've got you.” He reached out and gently rested his hand against Sherlock's hip, feeling the tension through fabric and skin as Sherlock moved again, still caught in a frantic rhythm, his body desperate for relief.  

John shifted so he could press his chest into Sherlock's back, trying to regulate his quick breathing with the comforting rhythm of John's own. He felt Sherlock respond, the movement smoothing out, so John supplemented his effort with a bit of motion of his own: bracing Sherlock's hips and adjusting the angle of his leg so it was less taxing on Sherlock's body. “Relax your lower back, okay? You’re safe, you don't have to brace yourself.” John soothed, taking Sherlock's hand and squeezing. Sherlock’s motion finally stopped, his body relaxing, the tension bleeding away and being replaced with something softer. John rewarded him with a gentle hug, resting his chin against Sherlock's shoulder again and continuing to murmur soft words of comfort. 

Sherlock hadn't meant to move like that, John knew. His body had acted purely on instinct, and now it was aching with the consequences, but if John could do anything to lessen the pain he most certainly would. 

Now that Sherlock had relaxed fully into John, his limbs soft and pliant, John was able to carefully ease his leg out from between Sherlock's. Once he was free, John stretched slightly and turned to his love, pressing a gentle kiss to his temple and threading his fingers through his hair. “Hey, time to wake up now.” He said, making sure to keep his voice low once again. Sherlock opened his eyes slowly, looking up into John”s face. ‘Do you know what your body just did?” John asked, taking Sherlock's hand again. Sherlock stirred, moving so they were both sitting up. “I- i think- maybe.” Sherlock said, notably ashamed. 

“It’s okay,” John murmured, settling in closer and giving Sherlock’s hands a reassuring squeeze. “Are you hurting anywhere?” “Yes,” Sherlock admitted quietly, gesturing toward his hips as though he was too embarrassed to say it.. John nodded, understanding and already reaching out. He placed his hands gently on Sherlock’s hips, feeling the coiled tension beneath his fingers. With slow, deliberate pressure, he started to work out the soreness, making sure his touch was careful and grounding, focusing on ensuring that Sherlock felt safe. 

“I don't want to freak you out but during the night, while you were asleep, you moved like that again.” John said quietly, looking into Sherlock's face with soft eyes. “It was just a bit harder and more- frantic I guess. I helped you through it, though.” “I- I’m so sorry, John, I didn't intend to-” Sherlock began, but John cut him off. “Don’t apologize for any of this. You pressed a bit too hard but you were trying to feel better. It’s okay.” he paused for a second to give Sherlock a hug, pulling back and winding his arm around Sherlock's shoulders, pulling his love into his arms. “A bit of soreness is normal, okay? You put strain on parts of your body that you don't normally use. It's just fine.” 

He moved back to helping Sherlock with the soreness, doing his best to be gentle. Sherlock breathed through it, gasping slightly when John hit a tender spot but allowing him to help. John talked Sherlock through as well, keeping his voice low and steady and comforting. He teased a bit but mostly just offered comfort, and Sherlock responded in kind. 

Once John was done, he shifted so Sherlock could nestle comfortably into his side and wrapped his arms around his love, letting Sherlock lean into his chest. “I'll guide you through everything.” John promised, kissing Sherlock's temple. “Intimacy, closeness, whatever you want. Just ask and I'll be there to hold your hand through it.” “Thank you.” Sherlock whispered, closing his eyes and tucking close into John. “Rest for a second, it’s okay,” John said with a smile, rubbing circles into Sherlock's shoulder.

 “Can you show me how to make it not hurt?” Sherlock asked, sitting up. “I just- I know that I caused you pain and I never want to hurt you.” “Okay, I can show you.” John answered. “Settle in.” They nestled back into the blankets, lying down, and John gently encouraged Sherlock to lie on his side so they were facing each other. He gently guided Sherlock's leg in between his, pressing comfortably against his thighs, and initiated a slow motion- not rough or frantic, just smooth and fluid. “Feel the difference? You’ve got a steady surface to press against, with just the right amount of resistance so it feels good and you don't need to strain yourself.” John explained, his hands resting on Sherlock's hips again. He wasn't trying to restrict his movements, he was just trying to make sure Sherlock was stable and comfortable. “Mirror what I’m doing.” John said, and Sherlock did, a small sound that he couldn't quite stifle escaping his mouth. 

“Breathe through it, okay?” John recalled, and Sherlock nodded, drawing a deep breath. “There you go.” John praised, keeping one of his hands steady against Sherlock's lower back. When he felt tension creeping in, John pressed gently, guiding Sherlock and encouraging him to let go, not to resist. Once he felt Sherlock finally relax, John stilled, easing the movement to a gentle stop and pulling Sherlock in close. He pressed a kiss to Sherlock's shoulder and quietly murmured, “You did beautifully, love. Rest, now.” Sherlock nodded and closed his eyes, nestling into John, and breathed slowly and evenly, letting sleep pull him under again and getting a little nap, while John settled comfortably at his side.