Archive of Our Own ^beta

Shrek’s nerves were tattered, he was going to get married to Yoda in just a few minutes. He shifted his feet back and forth, admiring his long white dress. He couldn’t wait to see Yoda in his suit, and to be officially wed. It’s just prewedding nerves.. He fiddles with the hem of his dress while looking in the mirror.
“Nervous?” Obi Wan Kenobi asks
“Maybe a little” Shrek sighs
“It’ll be alright” Obi laughs
“I know, i’m just excited” Shrek chuckles
“I can’t blame you there” Obi beams
“Are you ready? The service is starting!” Luke Skywalker exclaims
“Yes! Cue the music” Shrek exclaims
“Righty!” Luke agrees, dashing out
“Ready for the best night of your life?” Obi asks
“Deep breath.. Yes” Shrek beams.
Obi nods, taking Shrek’s arm to walk him down the aisle. Yoda eagerly waits at the end of the aisle on a pedestal, Luke behind him with the rings, and Anakin in the middle, waiting to officiate it. Shrek walks confidently down the aisle, nerves in shambles but excited. He stops in front of Yoda, taking his hands as Obi slips behind them.
“Luke, do you have the rings?” Anakin asks
“Yes” Luke says, handing them to Shrek and Yoda. They gently take each other's hand and slip the rings on the ring finger.
“Do you, Minch Yoda, take Shrek to be your lawfully wedded husband?” Anakin asks
“I do” Yoda responds
“And do you, Shrek, take Yoda to be your lawfully wedded husband?” Anakins asks
“I do” Shrek responds
“You may now kiss the groom,” Anakin declares.
Shrek and Yoda pull each other in, kissing passionately while the crowd cheers. Then they pull apart, looking into each other's eyes for a moment before Shrek turns around and throws the bouquet, Han Solo catches it. Shrek picks Yoda up, passionately carrying him down the aisle.

The reception was a blur, a lot of joyous merry making, and then a trip to a fancy hotel for their honeymoon. They just enjoyed their weeks together, spending everyday to its fullest, loving the location and each other. And when it ended they didn’t mind too much. The only issue? When they got back they had both caught something, they threw up every morning. It was miserable, and their bodies always ached, so they just lazed around, but they started gaining weight. Even the house seemed to be getting thicker, part of it bowing unhealthily. When their stomachs turned into full round bellies they started suspecting something was afoot.
“Dear” Shrek mutters
“Yes?” Yoda replies
“You don’t think- we could be pregnant?” Shrek asks
“We might possibility there is” Yoda responds
“Ah, i suppose we’ll have to wait and see love” Shrek sighs
“Indeed we might” Yoda confirms.
Shrek seems a little nervous, but Yoda takes his hand, stares into his eyes, and smiles confidently.
“Whatever be’s will be” Yoda says
“I suppose” Shrek sighs
“Good dad you will be” Yoda says
“You too dearest” Shrek says, stroking Yoda’s face for a moment before kissing him
“Love you i do” Yoda says romantically
“I love you too” Shrek whispers, pressing his forehead against Yoda’s.

As time went on they and the house got bigger and bigger, until they were undeniably pregnant.
“Pregnant, how did you?” Yoda asks his hut
“..While you were on your honey moon.. He was just so charming” The hut cries
“It’s okay dear, we’re just curious” Shrek assures
“Well… It was the death star” The hut confesses
“See i do” Yoda nods
“It’s okay dear, we’ll be with you through this hard time” Shrek assures
“In this together we all are” Yoda nods
“That’s right.. We’re pregnant too” Shrek confesses.
The hut tears up, looking happy for them. They all gather in a group hug to cry about the news.
“Tell the others we should” Yoda says
“You’re right, I'll get Obi on the radio now” Shrek exclaims, rushing into the house.
Yoda follows him, almost out of breath the entire way.
“Even pregnant run fast you do” Yoda exhales
“Thank you, love!” Shrek calls as he picks up the radio
“Obi in, what do you need Shrek?” Obi picks up
“We have some big news!” Shrek beams
“What is it?” Obi asks
“Pregnant we are” Yoda replies
“Pregnant? Who?” Obi asks
“All of us! Even the hut!” Shrek exclaims
“...Aren’t you all- men? And- house” Obi mutters
“Yes” Shrek confirms
“So… how-... Nevermind” Obi shrugs
“Problem is there?” Yoda asks
“No.. Nevermind, i don’t want to know. I’m happy for you” Obi sighs
“Much thanks to you” Yoda responds
“I got Luke and Han with me if you wanted to tell them” Obi says
“Put them on the radio!” Shrek exclaims
“Alright, give me a moment” Obi sighs
“...”
“...”
“...”
“Hello?” Luke says
“Luke! News great have we!” Yoda exclaims
“Oh yeah?” Han says
“We’re pregnant!” Shrek announces
“...Pregnant? Who?” Han asks
“All of us, even the house” Shrek replies
“....Luke can we talk for a second?” Han asks
“Uh, yeah sure” Luke replies
“...”
“....”
“..”
“...”
“We’re happy for you!” Luke announces after a short time
“Where’s Han?” Shrek asks
“Elsewhere, comprehending” Luke answers
“Keep eye on him please do” Yoda says
“Oh we will! Have a good one!” Luke says before hanging up
“Well that went well” Shrek beams
“Indeed” Yoda replies
“Darth Vader next?” Shrek asks
“Oh yes do” Yoda urges.
Shrek nods and picks up the radio, dialing a new ship in.
“Hello?” Anakin wheezes
“Good news we have” Yoda says
“What?” Anakin asks
“We’re pregnant! Us both! Even the house!” Shrek beams
“...What the f- Helmet wheezing …. Congrats-” Anakin mutters
“Much thanks to you” Yoda replies
“How far along are you?” Anakin asks
“8 months” Yoda answers
“..It took you 8 months to tell me this?!” Anakin exclaims
“I thought you were disgusted?” Shrek teases
“It’s heavily concerning and biologically questionable but I thought we were friends!” Anakin shouts
“Don’t upset be please” Yoda coos
“I AM upset!.. I’ll be there soon” Anakin spits
“Good to have the father of our hut’s baby here” Shrek says
“...What!” Anakin shouts
“Death stare impregnated my hut it did” Yoda confirms
“..I’m going to have a word with him” Anankin says before hanging up.
Yoda and Shrek look between each other for a second, then they laugh lovingly. Shrek grabs Yoda’s waste, hoisting him up and placing him on his baby bump to kiss him.

Within moments the Deathstar touches down in the woods near their house, the same spot it was in before. The hut blushes at the sight, The Death star twists slightly, blushing as well.
“Keep it in your metal you horndog!” Anakin yells as he storms out of the ship and towards the hut.
“Anakin! It’s good to see you” Shrek greets
“Nice to see you both” Anakin says coldly, his helmet wheezing as he does.
Yoda was about to speak, but his words were drowned out by the sound of Luke, Obi, and Han’s ship landing. Its door crashes open, Luke leads the pack, Obi walks, almost ashamed in the middle, and Han is in the back with R2-D2 and C-3PO, half scowling.
“Welcome to the party!” Shrek beams
“Nice to see you it is” Yoda says
“Well, well, well, if it isn’t my son, and Obi.. and- that one” Darth Vader says
“The feeling is mutual” Han scoffs
“..Okay” Anakin says, turning his head away
“Come inside won’t you?” Yoda invites.
Unaware that his and Shrek’s water would break a few moments later.. And then the hut’s. Which left Anakin to help the hut give birth, C-3PO to help Shrek, and R2-D2 to help Yoda. It took the three of them a total of 4 hours to give birth. In Yoda’s arms was a beautiful baby girl, with no hair and pale green skin, In Shrek’s there was a strong baby boy, He had a thick lack of hair and green skin. And the hut… it gave birth to a beautiful healthy doghouse, with pale grey skin, the consistency of the father, who was cooing over the baby and mother.
Anakin stood off to the side, glaring indignantly.
It was a beautiful and messy day for this ever growing family.