Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Iruka wakes in the hospital, and almost immediately knows something is severely wrong. 

It starts when he isn't sure what day it is. Like gaining lucidity in the middle of a dream, he doesn't know how he got here or what he was doing beforehand. He and Naruto had gone to lunch a few days prior, because Iruka wanted to see him off before he left on his big journey galavanting across the countryside with Jiraiya. Iruka only cried a little to watch him go, thank you very much, but that's about where his recollection ends. 

Then belatedly it dawns on him that he doesn't recognize the view out of the window. It's early in the morning, and the curtains are tucked aside to let in the waxing sunlight as the sky turns from black to blue, and not a single silhouette in the distance is familiar. If it weren't for the white and green color scheme that seems to be a tell-tale sign of the inside of Konoha's hospital, he'd be forced to wonder whether he's even in the village at all. Tsunade and Shizune arrive together very shortly after this which at least confirms that he is thankfully still within the safety of Konoha's walls. But almost directly in her wake is Kakashi, who sits down on the side of the bed and looks visibly worried about Iruka's disposition, which catapults him all the way back to square one for a number of reasons. 

Surely in other circumstances he might just faint to know that Kakashi, the object of his recent (and longstanding) infatuation, the recipient of Iruka's horrible prepubescent-like crush, is fawning over him. Asking him if he's okay, how he's feeling, holding his hand and looking at him with such pitiful concern in his eyes - except that, last week, Iruka was still working up the courage to even talk to him in public following the very stilted awkwardness that still sort of lingers after the fiasco that was the chuunin-exams nominations, and then of course the actual fiasco that was the actual chuunin exams. So their semi-established friendship rests on tenterhooks at the moment, and isn't anywhere near being at the point where this sort of behavior is appropriate. 

That, and the fact that Kakashi has two eyes that are both the same color, and neither of them are a sharingan. 

"Kakashi-san. I think something is wrong with me." 

"Somehow we've gathered," Tsunade replies. She turns to Shizune, who had until now been hovering on the sidelines. "Fetch me Ino after all. And one of the Hyuuga medics - see if Ayano is around somewhere." 

He's not exactly sure what help Tsunade expects to find from a thirteen year child, but he supposes there are bigger questions at the moment. Shizune quickly departs the room to hunt people down. 

"Iruka," Kakashi says once it's just the three of them. Kakashi is still holding his hand, and Iruka is starting to get over the initial shock of the last few minutes and at least some part of his brain is quickly catching up with his body, and, oh shit, Kakashi is holding his hand. "Why don't you tell me the last thing you remember?" 

Iruka frowns and blinks a few times as he attempts to recall the answer.

"I got up this morning... then I made breakfast," he says slowly. "I was walking to the Academy, and... after that, I don't... I'm not sure. I woke up in the hospital. It felt like I had just closed my eyes, and when I opened them I was here. And then you showed up, and I'm really confused."

"Tell me a bit more about the days before what you remember last," Tsunade prompts.

"Okay, well, Naruto and I went to lunch not long ago," Iruka continues. "I wanted to see him one last time before he left, so we went to Ichiraku's."

"Left where?" Kakashi asks, still gently. 

"The village," Iruka answers. "To train? With Jiraiya-sama?"

Tsunade and Kakashi share a worried and very loaded glance.

"But that was-" Kakashi starts to say. Tsunade holds up a hand and cuts him off. 

"Iruka," she continues. "Can you tell me what year it is?" 

"What year?" Iruka asks. "What kind of question is that?" 

"One I need you to answer," she says. "Tell me how old you are right now." 

"What in the-? Tsunade-sama, I'm twenty-three," Iruka replies. The line of questioning is starting to frustrate him and it's clear they know something they are choosing not to clue him in on. Kakashi stares at him for a full fifteen seconds before he manages to say anything, and when he speaks, despite the fact he doesn't peel his eyes away from Iruka's face, it's clear Kakashi is not talking to him. 

"How is this possible?" He asks.

"I don't know. I've never seen something that can so thoroughly erase that amount of time," Tsunade says. "Minutes, or hours, maybe. Not...."

Kakashi squeezes his hand, almost unconsciously, like he doesn't mean to. 

"But where are his memories?" He asks. Iruka has never heard him sound so close to something like panic. "Are they just gone?"

Tsunade puts a hand to her chin and grunts in frustration. "I don't know. Ino should be able to tell."

"I'm right here," Iruka says hotly. "Can someone just tell me what's going on? Why are you both acting so weird? Why is everything so weird?" He rounds on Kakashi, pointing a finger at him. "And what happened to your eye? Why don't you have a sharingan?"

Kakashi takes a deep breath before he replies. 

"Listen, Iruka," he says instead of answering him. He doesn't use an honorific and Iruka's name sounds so good coming from his mouth, soft like the way a pair of leather gloves wears down over time to perfectly fit onto your hands. Oh, it's definitely doing something to his head. Aside from whatever is already wrong with him. "You don't remember it, but you were on a mission until yesterday. You were hit with a jutsu that has-... tampered with a large portion of your memories-"

"Why did you hesitate on the word 'tamper'?" 

"He's trying not to say 'erased'," Tsunade adds. "Though we've yet to rule that out entirely."

"His memories can't be gone," Kakashi argues. "They have to be somewhere." 

"Not necessarily."

Iruka decidedly interrupts. "So I'm- what, I'm missing time or something?" He asks. "How much?" 

"About five years, if my math is correct," Tsunade supplies helpfully. 

"I... uh, come again?" 

"Five years," Kakashi repeats, almost sadly. "The day Naruto left the village to train with Jiraiya was almost five years ago." 

Iruka tries not to gape, but he's pretty sure he doesn't succeed. For a full minute he sits in stunned silence and attempts to remember anything following the moment he stood and watched Naruto's shadow crest over the hill as he walked away. But there's nothing. And after a minute of this he realizes the attempt is tiring him out. A headache is starting to form behind his eyes and is quickly gaining steam. 

"Five years?" He says in disbelief. "There's no way I just forgot five years. I- I mean, wouldn't I feel like I was missing something?"

"Not necessarily," Tsunade says. "It depends on how well the jutsu was cast and how cleanly your memories were erased."

"Or blocked," Kakashi corrects. "They're not- they can't be gone." 

"They very well might be," Tsunade says sternly. "We won't know until someone looks. Ino is on the way here. Actually, Iruka- tell me who you've talked to since you woke up in the hospital."

The rapid fire questions are not helping his headache much. 

"Um, a few of the medi-nin, mostly. But otherwise just you and Kakashi-san." 

"No one else?" 

"No, why? Should I have?" 

Tsunade shakes her head and then turns to head towards the door without an explanation.

"Don't move," she says simply, and she leaves. 

Iruka heaves a sigh. "I don't understand," he says into the quiet room. "How can I not remember the last five years? What did I miss?" 

"... a bit," Kakashi says, and Iruka glares.

"Not helping." 

"I'm sorry. I can explain everything."

"What happened to your eye?" 

"It's, well-... I lost it," Kakashi says carefully. 

Iruka scoffs. "Clearly you found another." 

"It's a long story. I promise I'll fill you in." 

Iruka has nothing to say to this. Truthfully he's got plenty to say but doesn't feel like he knows how to particularly articulate himself at the moment. Tsunade is gone for less than two minutes before she comes back, and somewhat inexplicably she's brought Sakura trailing behind her. Iruka gasps quietly and claps a hand over his mouth to cover the sound as she comes into the room, because she's no scrawny pre-teen like he's expecting. In her place is instead a young woman, taller, fuller, her hair a little shorter and more neatly kept, and she's grown into her wide eyes a bit some too, though right now they're narrowed in a guilty smile. 

"I figured it might be better to ease into this one at a time," Tsunade says. "You're about to meet a lot of people you haven't seen in a while." 

"Hi, sensei," Sakura says with a small and almost nervous wave. Iruka stands and steps away from the bed. Sakura holds out a hand for him to take as he mentally wrestles with the idea that the grubby little girl he used to know is now a young adult. He just saw Sakura days ago - though he supposes that's not exactly true.

"Oh my goodness, Sakura-chan, you're-... it's really been five years, hasn't it? But look at you! You're grown! How old are you?"

"Ah, I'm actually turning nineteen in a few months." 

"Nine- teen?"  

Sakura chuckles quietly and squeezes his hand. "I know it's all a little weird, but we'll get to the bottom of this," she says. 

Iruka nods somewhat wistfully and lets her go. He sits back down on the bed, still feeling stunned just as there's a soft knock on the door. It takes him some effort to do so, but Iruka keeps his expression neutral as Ino walks in the room, just as tall and full and beautiful as Sakura is as a young woman and Iruka still can't believe his kids have grown up so fast. Ino shares a glance with Sakura and gives a polite nod to both Tsunade and Kakashi as she stands at Tsunade's side.

"Iruka-sensei, Kakashi-sama," she greets. "I promise I'll do my best."

"'-sama'?" Iruka repeats. Ino pulls a face. 

"Oh, damn," she says. Sakura claps a palm to her forehead.

"Why did she call you that?"

Tsunade speaks up when it's clear no one else is going to. "Because I'm no longer the Hokage," she says. "Kakashi took over last month, as Rokudaime." 

Iruka's jaw practically hits his chest. "They made you the Hokage?" 

Sakura bodily turns around to hide her snort but Tsunade does no such thing, and barks a laugh into the room at Iruka's too-honest reaction. Kakashi simply sighs. 

"Believe it or not, yes." 

"Sorry, I'm sorry, I just- I never would have- I mean, I can't believe you'd agree to that." 

"It took some persuasion," Tsunade says, wiping tears from the corner of her eyes. Iruka regards Kakashi's sharingan-less expression, clearer and more readable now than it's ever been before. 

"And your face is on the rock outside?" 

"Sure is." 

"Geez, is there anything else I should be aware of before I find out the hard way?" 

Tsunade's mirth suddenly sobers, and Iruka can almost picture the way that Kakashi thins his mouth into a line at whatever his immediate answer to this question is. 

"Well, actually..." Kakashi says. "Since you asked, yes." 

Then he pauses, and from underneath his flak-vest he pulls out the thin necklace that holds his dog tags. He takes them off, and he puts them in Iruka's hand for him to read. And the name on them isn't Kakashi's. It's his. Iruka's eyes go wide, and he hurriedly reaches for his own neck to find the tags tucked under his shirt and pulls them out, reading the embossed name. Not his own, but Kakashi's. 

"Why am I wearing these?" He asks quietly. "These are yours. Why are you wearing mine?"

"Because we traded them," Kakashi says carefully. "You aren't a fan of jewelry, and you didn't want a ring. So this was your idea. I admit, I liked it more anyway."

Iruka clutches Kakashi's tag in his fist and takes several agonizingly slow seconds to put two and two together and realize what Kakashi is trying to say. The longer he sits and thinks about it, the deeper his face reddens. 

"There's no way," he says. "There's no goddamn way." 

"Should I be concerned that this is so unbelievable-?"

"We're married?" Iruka interrupts. "We're married and you're the Hokage? I'm married to the Hokage!?"  

"Yes... and, yes," Kakashi says. "Happily, I promise you." 

Iruka thinks he might just cry from the ridiculousness of the whole thing. Six days ago he was practicing 'Hey Kakashi, do you want to grab lunch sometime?' in his bedroom mirror for twenty minutes before bed every night and now, inexplicably, he's skipped everything that might possibly come after that and has jumped right into marriage. Which, okay, if he ever allowed his fantasies to run rampant (not that he did too often), then maybe this is in the ballpark of where they would have ended up. Kakashi being the Hokage wasn't really part of the picture but that matters less than the larger picture which is that, somehow, they managed to get over their awkward post-fallout no-talking stage and go back to being friends. And then some. And Iruka can't remember a single minute of it. 

"This is insane," he says. He's still holding both sets of tags in his hands. He knows his face is horribly red and there's no good way to hide it. "This is- it's- I- I actually don't know what to say." 

"I know this is a lot to take in," Kakashi says. "I promise you, we'll figure it out." 

"Which we can't do until we get started," Tsunade adds. 

"R-right... of course, my apologies Tsunade-sama," Iruka says. Somehow his blush manages to get just a bit deeper. He hands Kakashi back his tags - Iruka's tags, the ones with his name instead of Kakashi's own - and Iruka tucks Kakashi's tags back under his own clothes. Kakashi then stands from the bed, resting a hand on Iruka's shoulder as he does so. 

"I'll stay out of the way," he says to Tsunade, he somewhat reluctantly leaves the room. 

"Alright, sensei," Ino says carefully. "Let's see what we can find." 

As it turns out, the Yamanaka mind transmission jutsu is, in a word, unpleasant. And that's putting it mildly. 

Iruka's perception of time is perhaps a little messed up but it feels like he sits there with Ino's palm on his forehead for a solid hour while she digs her fingers into his brain - metaphorically speaking of course but it doesn't feel metaphorical to have someone who doesn't belong waltzing around in your head, especially when they're actively searching for something and not making a great show of being subtle about it.  

His headache goes from mild to debilitating in short order and they're forced to stop so Sakura can relieve it for him and he isn't struggling just to breathe through the pain. But it doesn't seem like Ino was able to find much, if anything, not from the frown she wears as she makes one last sweep and then declares she's done. Sakura rests a cool hand against his temple to remedy what remains of the headache, and by the time she's done he is exhausted. He's definitely not in the mood to entertain further conversation, but clearly they aren't done talking about this. Kakashi comes back into the room shortly and behind him is Tenzo, for some reason, and now there's five people packed around the bed which starts to make him anxious. Ino skips the preamble. 

"Well, his memories are still there," she says. Iruka starts to get his hopes up- "But it's almost like they're... locked away." -and then they are quickly stomped on. 

"What were they trying to accomplish by altering his memories like this?" Kakashi asks. "And to this degree?"

"These were rogue Iwa shinobi, but they weren't missing-nin, not as far as I could tell," Tenzo says. Iruka has no context for their conversation but assumes it has something to do with whatever mission he was on prior to this entire fiasco. "Maybe they were disillusioned by or unhappy with the alliance and didn't want us leaving with information they consider proprietary."

"What alliance?" Iruka asks. Kakashi regards him with something uncomfortably close to pity, though that could just be Iruka's own frustration messing with him. He sits down again on the edge of the bed, but he doesn't sit quite as close as before nor does he take Iruka's hand. 

"Iwagakure and Konohagakure are currently in an alliance," he explains. "Your mission, the one you were on just before this, was to visit Iwa and speak to their Academy sensei, to trade information on our curriculums and see where improvements could be made."

"I still teach?" 

Kakashi nods. "You do." 

"...okay," Iruka says. "That's good." 

Kakashi grasps his arm in a somewhat consolatory gesture before he turns back to Tenzo. 

"You were able to dispatch the rogue shinobi?" He asks. Tenzo nods. 

"They engaged with force well outside of Iwa's own territory. Their bodies were collected and are being kept in T&I."

"Then have word sent to the Tsuchikage," Kakashi says. Tenzo snaps to attention at Kakashi's sudden change in tone, recognizing that he's being given an order. "He's free to have the corpses retrieved if he so chooses, but make sure he understands I expect an investigation. Iwa shinobi attacked my own within our borders. This could have been the actions of a handful of individuals, or it could be a larger force of brewing unrest. If there's lingering tension between the villages then I want to address it sooner rather than later, before this is only the beginning of something worse."

"Of course," Tenzo replies. "If you need a team assembled for any reason, let me know. I will gladly captain it."

"Noted," Kakashi says, and Tenzo quickly departs. Kakashi doesn't drop the Hokage cloak just yet, and instead turns to Ino. 

"Say more about how his memories are 'locked away'."

"Oh- well, honestly Kakashi-sensei, I'm not sure how else to describe it, but that's what it feels like," she says somewhat hesitantly. "Imagine if you will, a loud noise from behind a closed door. You know it's there, you can hear it, you can maybe even guess how far into the room it is because of the sound or the echo. But you can't see it, or tell what made it. And you can't open the door." 

"Can anything?" 

Ino rests a hand on her hip as she mulls it over. "The block isn't permanent, but it's strong. To me it seems like someone was going for a specific period of time, and... vastly overshot their target. It aligns with Tenzo-san's theory of rogue Iwa-nin trying to wipe his memories of the entire visit, but they miscalculated. What they wound up with was a much larger period of time locked away instead of entirely wiped clean. Which is what would have happened otherwise." 

Tsunade makes a contemplative noise. "If the block isn't permanent, then what are the chances we can access the memories behind it?" 

Ino frowns. "My father used to have a saying: you can't break open a door without splintering some wood. He's talked about cases similar to this. Sometimes there's very little that can be done outside of simply waiting for the strength of the block to start to fail, so it takes less effort to retrieve what it's hiding." 

"If we try anything," Sakura pipes up. "It needs to wait until tomorrow. I'm not generally comfortable with subjecting anyone to the mind transmission jutsu more than once a day. It's not a gentle technique." 

"...seconded," Iruka adds quietly. He covers his eyes with the heels of his palms to block out the bright overhead lights, or maybe just the room in general. He's finding it hard to keep up with the conversation when there's a degree of context he lacks. Right now the only thing he wants to do is go to sleep - preferably until this all smooths over and he's got his brain situated correctly again.  

"Not my favorite plan, to sit around and wait," Tsunade says. "But I agree that we need to give it at least a day. Iruka needs to rest before we continue. He's on medical leave until I say otherwise." She spares a glance at Kakashi. "Though I suppose you're welcome to give the order yourself."

Kakashi hesitates before he replies. 

"Let me have the room for a few minutes," he says. Ino obligingly follows Tsunade out of the room and Sakura trails after them, giving Iruka a gentle pat on the arm as she departs. He takes his hands away from his face but hasn't opened his eyes. When the door clicks, Kakashi walks over to the window and draws the blinds and the curtains to hide the sunlight, and then flips off the harsh fluorescents. Iruka peeks open an eye as Kakashi sits down on the edge of the bed. 

"Thank you," he says. "That was... taxing."

"I know this is a lot to take in." 

"I just can't believe there's so much I've missed." He clasps his hands in front of him, nervously wringing his fingers. Kakashi reaches out and covers his hands in an attempt to calm his fidgeting before he seems to realize that Iruka may not be comfortable with that sort of familiarity - not that he minds, definitely not, but it is weird. 

"Sorry," Kakashi says. "Habit." 

He withdraws his touch, though Iruka's face has already gone beet red and he groans in annoyance. "This is my worst nightmare."

"Why's that?" 

Iruka has very little to lose at the moment and, hell, they're apparently married, so he figures he might as well lay out his cards since he can. 

"Oh, I don't know, maybe it has something to do with the absolutely disgusting crush I have on you at the moment." He says this while pointedly avoiding looking Kakashi in the eyes. "Last week I was still working up the courage to talk to you, and now! Now you're telling me we're married?" 

"You did, for the record," Kakashi says, no longer hiding his fond smile. "We started dating a few months after Naruto left."

"But I don't remember it," Iruka says in dismay. "And it doesn't even feel like I can't remember anything, to me it was just yesterday I got Ichiraku's with Naruto, and you were... geez, are you okay? I mean, I get that it's been a while, but... you were in bad shape after Tsunade-sama was finally able to wake you from being comatose after the Akatsuki came to the village." 

"I was fine," Kakashi says. "I am fine, Iruka."

"Mostly," Iruka argues. "What about your sharingan?"

"It's a long story-" 

"-you said that already."

"Well it is," Kakashi insists gently, which is also still weird. There are a lot of ways that Iruka could describe Kakashi but gentle has never been one of them. "I promise I can and will explain everything you've missed in as much detail as you want. But not right now. Right now you should rest, and tomorrow, we can talk." 

As much as Iruka is dying to understand what's happening he's also severely wrung out, and maybe Kakashi is right. But the hospital is not his favorite place to be. 

"Do I have to stay here?" He asks, but realizes he doesn't actually know where he'd go otherwise. "I mean, I guess I don't live in my apartment anymore."

Kakashi shakes his head somewhat sadly. 

"You and I live in my estate, the one that used to belong to my father," he says. "But accommodations can easily be made otherwise. There's always the Hokage tower. It would certainly shorten my trip to the office every day." 

"Wait, what? But I couldn't kick you out of your own house."

"Our house," Kakashi corrects.

"Oh, you know what I mean!" He says. This entire conversation feels so ridiculous to actually be having aloud. 

"If it's uncomfortable for you, we can figure something out," Kakashi says. "Naruto has an apartment nearby. I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you crashed with him for a while. But you might need to tidy the place a bit before it's liveable." 

Uncomfortable is not the word he'd use to describe the way it makes him feel to think about sharing a house and a living space with Kakashi. He's not exactly sure what he might call it, if he's being honest. He rests his head in his hands with another groan. 

"I don't know," he says into his palms. "I don't know what to do, this is so confusing . I just- I need some air. I need to think." 

"Alright." Despite himself, Kakashi rests a hand on his back before he gets up. "Let me talk to Tsunade. I don't see any reason to keep you in the hospital." 

Iruka says nothing, which Kakashi takes as his cue to give him a few moments in peace. He exits the room, and Iruka tries to take deep breaths until he comes back. Though in his absence, Iruka can't help but take the tags out from under his shirt one more time, and in more-than-slight disbelief, run his thumb over Kakashi's name.

Chapter Text

Tsunade only allows Iruka to leave the hospital with the stipulation that someone keep an eye on him, which means Kakashi's estate is really their only option for a place to stay since he, apparently, can't be trusted on his own. He accepts Tsunade's verdict without comment, and Kakashi gives him a few minutes to collect his things and prepare to leave. In the lobby, before they actually exit the building, Kakashi takes a moment to pause. 

"I know I said I'd save the explanations for later, but I do have to warn you of one thing before we go," he says. "The village is going to look a lot different than you remember. There's no way to put this delicately, but it was rebuilt from the ground up about two years ago." 

Iruka tightly closes his eyes and holds his breath for a full ten seconds before he blows it out. 

"I'm not going to ask," he says. So Kakashi simply nods. 

Despite the fact that Iruka would swear it should have been summertime, the evening cold is fierce when they step out into the street, and it's the first thing he notices before he even has a chance to take in the surrounding buildings. Kakashi tells him it's the middle of December, only two weeks out from the new year. The weather is clear but there's evidence of a recent layer of snow still dusting the buildings in some places. Iruka re-dressed in his uniform before leaving his hospital room, including a thick coat worn over an unfamiliar flak vest, and a heavy cloak around his shoulders. The air bites at his lungs and stings his face but it helps clear his head. Kakashi is dressed similarly, though his own cloak of course bears the symbols designating his position as Rokudaime. Iruka keeps his eyes wide as they head down the stairs of the hospital entrance and exit onto the main street below. Everything is just a little newer and cleaner than he really ever remembers it being. The buildings are taller, most of them larger too, and the skyline is an entirely different shape but it almost aches to be recognized. It's not quite Konoha but it was clearly built with the same sort of loving hands and comfortable style that first crafted it. The only thing that's almost exactly the same is the Hokage rock in the distance, with one new addition since the last time Iruka saw it.  

As close as they are to the center of the city, Kakashi is nodded at or bowed to more than once. Almost everyone that greets him also greets Iruka by name, though there's so many people he barely recognizes. He's always been good at remembering names and faces, but the village has clearly grown in the last few years and there's so many new people he's never seen before. After what must be the tenth person stopping just to wave or say hello to Kakashi, he brings it up. 

"You seem to be popular." 

Kakashi shrugs. "It's still fun to see the new Hokage walking around," he says. "I'll be honest, most of these people probably wouldn't stop if you weren't with me. You're far more approachable than I am."

"Really?" 

"You've been teaching for a long time," Kakashi reminds him. "I think more than a decade, at this point. You've done a lot of work for the curriculum. Many of the other sensei speak highly of you, so do your old students." 

Iruka frowns at this. "I assume I'm not going back to the Academy any time soon." 

"No," Kakashi says. "I'll have a substitute found for you, for now." 

Iruka sighs in defeat. "I figured as much." 

They make it another block when he hears his name called from behind, and turns around to see a young child practically leaping towards him as she hollers loudly, "Iruka-sensei!!" 

Iruka is nearly barreled over with the force of her crushing hug, and he's a little impressed by how someone so scrawny manages to squeeze that hard. He has a moment of dread where he has to figure out how to ask for her name when Kakashi speaks up in his stead. 

"Hello, Natsumi-chan," he says. Natsumi lets Iruka go so she can drop into a too-formal bow to Kakashi with a deep blush of embarrassment. 

"Hello, Hokage-sama!" She says, still sort of yelling. "So sorry, I didn't see you there!" 

"My apologies," someone adds, and from an adjacent street a somewhat older man approaches and puts a mildly restraining hand on Natsumi's shoulder. He bows his head and shoulders politely to Kakashi and then nods just as politely to Iruka who, again, hates that he hasn't the foggiest idea of who this man is when it's clear he should. "She's a little exuberant today." 

"Welcome back, Hayama," Kakashi says. "I take it your reappearance is the reason Natsumi-chan is in such a good mood." 

"Yeah, my dad got back this morning!" She says, putting both fists on her hips and puffing out her chest proudly. She's young, maybe eight or nine, and a blanket guess says she's one of Iruka's current students. Iruka does recognize the man now that he knows a name - he's a jounin, one that used to occasionally visit the mission desk, someone very quiet and reserved. Iruka didn't know he had a daughter, though their resemblance is uncanny. She shares her fathers straight hair and dark eyes. 

"I hear congratulations are in order," Hayama says with a small smile. "I also hear the festivities got a little carried away." 

"Maa, you know," Kakashi says dismissively, waving his hand. "People love an occasion to celebrate."

"A wedding and an inauguration two weeks apart is certainly one way to do it," Hayama says, and Iruka has to try not to look too surprised. Tsunade said that Kakashi took over only last month, which means that not only are he and Kakashi married, it's recent. Extremely recent. "So, congratulations to you both. I wish you well. But don't let me keep you, this weather isn't pleasant enough to allow for lingering." 

"Iruka-sensei," Natsumi hurriedly adds. "Will you be back to the Academy tomorrow? We missed you while you were gone." 

Iruka speaks for the first time in the conversation, and the spotlight is not comfortable. 

"No, I'm sorry Natsumi-chan, but not just yet. Soon, I hope." 

"Aw, what!? Why not?" 

Iruka is spared the task of coming up with a believable lie by Kakashi's intervention. 

"Iruka-sensei has another mission," he says, putting a finger to his lips with a wink, a gesture that's weirdly easy to discern now that you can see both of his eyes. "But it's a secret, to be sure to keep it to yourself." 

Natsumi snaps her mouth closed and plays along, mimicking zipping her mouth shut and tossing the key. 

"It's safe with me," she says with a thumbs up. "But you'll have a lot of catching up to us to do when you get back, sensei!" 

Yeah, Iruka thinks, you can say that again. With a final nod farewell from Hayama and one more semi-crushing hug from Natsumi, Iruka watches as the two of them depart.

"Thank you," he says once they're out of earshot. "I really had no idea how to handle that. And what happened to mister I'm-not-very-approachable? I've never seen you be so-" Iruka is about to say 'nice to a child' when he thinks better of it, but Kakashi seems to detect his faux pas regardless. 

"What, pleasant?" He asks with a laugh.

"I wasn't going to say that..." 

Kakashi only raises a brow at him. 

"I wasn't going to say exactly that." Kakashi good naturedly rolls his eyes, but he's still smiling. "And why didn't you tell me that we just got married, by the way? Less than a month ago?" 

"Three weeks, actually," Kakashi says. "A week after I took the hat, and another week later you left on your mission to Iwa."

"Oh, gosh, it's going to be impossible to talk to people in public like this," Iruka says. "Not only do I barely know who anyone is, I just got married less than a month ago!" 

Kakashi heaves an exaggerated sigh. "And we haven't even gone on our honeymoon yet," he says with a pout. 

Iruka smacks him on the arm if only to try and hide the way his face goes beet red at the thought. 

"You aren't helping! Be serious!" 

Kakashi chuckles with an only somewhat guilty smile, and accepts defeat. 

"Sorry, sorry..." he says. "I'm being serious." 

Iruka huffs in embarrassed annoyance and continues down the street. Kakashi trails after him, letting Iruka lead and instead every so often giving him a direction to follow to take them back towards his estate. Their estate, Iruka has to correct himself. His pace slows a bit as they keep going, and he finds something new and particularly interesting to stop and look at every few blocks as his brain tries to process the fact that yes, this is the village he's lived his entire life in, including the time he can't even remember. Kakashi keeps up with him, never getting too far behind or letting Iruka stray too far ahead. He says nothing, no small talk or idle chatter, he simply allows Iruka to take his time without rushing or hovering.

In some ways this Kakashi is almost a different person. Not entirely different, but there are tells. He's a lot more... calm, if Iruka had to pick a word. Relaxed in a way that contrasts with how highstrung Iruka personally knows - or knew, perhaps - him to be on a daily basis. He no longer slouches. Instead his head is held high as they walk through the village together, his shoulders straight and taut - though he still keeps his hands tucked into his pockets under his cloak, which is very much like him. Somehow he seems younger this way, holding himself with more confidence than Iruka is really used to. He's more patient and he's gentler and a little bit more softer spoken - but maybe that's just because they're married, and Kakashi undoubtedly speaks differently around him than he does others. 

But there's hints of that oh-so familiar playful nature of his still apparent, evident in the curve of his eyes when he smiles, his quiet and stifled little chuckles when he finds something amusing, the grin that Iruka can see even under the mask he still wears or how easily he jokes and teases. But the look in his eyes is so different, and not just because Iruka isn't used to seeing them both or that they shouldn't both be such a soft gray - no, moreso it's the way his gaze is so tender. The way he looks at Iruka fondly, the way his expression softens unconsciously when Iruka speaks to him. It's the obvious admiration in his eyes. The very apparent love that Iruka feels directed at him. One he hasn't felt that he's earned.

"Kakashi," he says. "What are we supposed to tell people?" 

"You mean about us?" Kakashi catches up to him so they walk side by side. "This doesn't have to be anyone else's business but ours."

"But you're the Hokage," Iruka argues. "Your whole life is practically the village's business. And doesn't the spouse of the Hokage have duties? Like attending public forums with you or being present to greet dignitaries or to help host diplomats or- I don't know, standing next to you while you cut a big ribbon with a giant pair of scissors or whatever you get up to."

"You're my husband, not my assistant," Kakashi says, which admittedly sends a little thrill of pleasure right up Iruka's spine to hear him say aloud. "You're not expected to do additional duties outside of your normal career. And you're busy, by the way. You work more than I do." 

"Doing what?"

"You still work at the desk, aside from teaching," Kakashi says. "You also started tutoring outside of the Academy a few months ago, and you've been spending a lot of time helping Naruto train for his chuunin exams." 

"It's been five years and that boy is still a genin?" Iruka asks incredulously. "Did Jiraiya teach him nothing?" 

"The opposite," Kakashi is quick to assure him. "His rank is just a formality at this point."

"Is he not in the village right now?"

"No, he's out on a mission," Kakashi says. "He'll be back any day, I'm surprised he hasn't shown up yet. But he's with Sasuke, so I'm sure he's taking his time." 

"Sasuke came back?"

Kakashi pulls a face like he said more than he really meant to, and shrugs. 

"Sort of? Everything's... it's all fine, I think," he says, though he sounds far too unsure of himself for comfort. "But yes, Naruto is still a genin. He never had a chance to take the exams again, because... a lot has happened." 

"I'll say." 

"And, about us," Kakashi continues. "I think the truth would be easiest, if the questions come to that. But with luck it won't be necessary before this is all resolved." 

"And if it's not?" Iruka asks. Kakashi only shrugs. 

"Then you were injured on your last mission, and you're having some issues with your memory," he says simply. 

"'Some' is certainly putting mildly," Iruka says. "It's just going to be so awkward... It's been all of one hour and we've already been stopped in the street for someone to congratulate us on our marriage. How am I supposed to work it into the conversation that I'm having 'issues'? Am I supposed to say 'oh, thank you so much! You'll have to tell me about it because I can't remember anything!'" 

"Alright, maybe it'll be a little awkward."

"A little? Maybe for you." 

"Iruka," Kakashi gently interrupts. He pauses, and Iruka gets a half-step ahead of him before turning around. "If it's that uncomfortable for you, we can take time to figure out how to explain it. But don't stress yourself out about it right now. We can talk after you've had some time to rest. Okay?"

Iruka finds he has a hard time arguing when Kakashi talks to him so softly like this, with his eyes full of worry and his expression full of-... well, it's still hard to call that anything but affection. 

"...okay," Iruka says. Kakashi nods, pleased with his acceptance. Iruka tries to empty his head on the rest of the walk, and prays they don't run into anyone else he's supposed to know. 

Kakashi's estate isn't too far, on the outskirts by the gate but close to the Hokage rock. Iruka has never actually been here before - at least not that he can remember - and when they arrive he finds he's curious to see the home where Kakashi lived and spent his childhood. Kakashi leads him inside and Iruka shucks off his cloak, coat, and shoes at the genkan. Kakashi does the same, and hangs up his Hokage flak vest on a hook by the wall like it's any other piece of clothing. Then he takes off his headband and tucks it in one of the pockets - and then he tugs down his mask. 

Iruka isn't proud of the choked noise of surprise he makes as he whips around to face the other direction to give Kakashi his privacy. They might very well be in his own house and yes they might very well be married but that doesn't mean Iruka is used to this. Kakashi chuckles quietly and steps out of the genkan to come around in front of where Iruka stands, who quickly puts his hands over his eyes.

"Kakashi," he whines. "Warn me next time, will you? I know this is normal for you but it isn't for me!"

"I'm sorry," Kakashi says, though he doesn't really sound all that sorry. "It's fine though. You can look. I want you to. It's nothing you haven't seen before." 

Despite that his heart is thundering in his ears, Iruka slowly lowers his hands. Kakashi stands a few inches taller than him on the ledge of the genkan, and Iruka peeks out between his fingers at the face in front of him which is supposed to be familiar. Instead he's fairly sure Kakashi can hear the embarrassing thud of Iruka's heartbeat for himself, as if the heat in his face wasn't enough of a giveaway towards his opinions about Kakashi's face. Because, boy what a face it is. With an internal moment of dread he suddenly understands he is so royally screwed, because Kakashi isn't just handsome, he's hot.

"Well?" Kakashi asks playfully, as if reading Iruka's mind. "Verdict?" 

Iruka has to take a moment to inhale, and then clear his throat, and maybe count backwards from ten for good measure before he's able to compose himself and come up with a reply. He lowers his hands and clasps them in front of him, steps out of the genkan to stand next to where Kakashi expectantly awaits his reply, and gives his face a thorough once over up close. 

"It's... fine," he says. Kakashi smirks, and- geez, Iruka has seen him pull that face but it's always been obscured by a layer of fabric. It's so different to see it for real, and that tiny beauty mark just below his lower lip is so surprising only because Iruka hadn't expected anything like it. It's cute, for fucks sake. 

"Only fine?" Kakashi asks. Iruka is, as if he wasn't already, starting to regret admitting that he has a terrible crush on Kakashi from his perspective at the moment. It hasn't gone without his consideration that they're a married couple who do the sort of things married couples do, like living in the same house, sharing meals - sharing a bed. Having sex. They are, by now, intimately familiar with one another's bodies - or at least Kakashi is familiar with Iruka's at the moment, and Iruka can no longer say the same. Something about that fact makes him simultaneously mortified and just maybe a little bit turned on. He tamps it down hard. 

"Are you having fun tormenting me?" Iruka asks. 

"I haven't done anything." 

"You know what you're doing." He turns and takes a few steps into the living room and hears another of Kakashi's quiet chuckles from behind him. It's astounding how much he does that now, more so than before - laughing, smiling, looking happy in general. It's nice to see. Whatever happened over the last five years, it seems to have done a lot of good for him. But he has mercy and doesn't tease any further, and instead gives Iruka a short tour of the house. 

The estate is large but feels very homey. It's not the sort of decor Iruka would have expected to find in a house he'd choose to occupy, though perhaps his own tastes have changed over the years. The living room is occupied largely by an enormous sectional couch, facing floor-to-ceiling bookshelves against the opposite wall and a kotatsu in the middle of the room. The kitchen is wide with plenty of counter space, and the evening sun pours in through the windows to lay across the small table set for two. There are far too many bedrooms for just them, though he supposes that works in his favor - at some point they'll need to discuss sleeping arrangements, and the thought is enough to make him self-combust before they've even gotten around to the idea of sharing a bed, an idea he does not have the fortitude to actually entertain. When Kakashi shows him their room Iruka nearly holds his breath in the hopes that something, anything, might strike up a memory, or that there might be even a hint of familiarity in the furniture or the picture frames on the wall or the clothes hanging in the closet - but he finds not even a lick of recognition. 

There's another bookshelf tucked in the corner, smaller but no less packed, and Iruka runs his fingers across the spines as he glances around the room. He eyes the photographs, more of them he thought he might find - he'd never have guessed that Kakashi might like standing in front of a camera, but several of them are of he and Iruka together. Two pictures catch his eye in particular, side by side as they share a frame. One is of them, at what Iruka can only assume is their wedding, both dressed in formal montsuki and standing shoulder to shoulder holding hands. The second one seems to be taken after it, and is much more candid - again they're both wearing their formal ceremonial clothes but much less astutely. Kakashi's haori-himo is loose around his waist and Iruka's haori is missing entirely. The photograph is taken from afar and depicts the two of them sitting together at the table that heads the room while everyone shares a celebratory meal - though it seems like most people have had a drink or two as the dancefloor in the background is thoroughly occupied. Iruka has a hand over his mouth as he covers a laugh, and Kakashi's smile is visible even through his mask, one arm around Iruka's waist. Just barely, Iruka can discern the rings on both of their hands, the soft lanterns above glinting dimly off the metal. 

Kakashi steps up next to him, standing close but keeping his hands clasped behind his back. 

"You look so happy," Iruka comments. 

Kakashi hums appreciatively. "I am happy," he says. "Much of it is thanks to you." 

Iruka sets down the photo. "You give me too much credit." 

"I don't give you nearly enough." 

Kakashi gazes at him softly yet again, a fondness in his eyes that's impossible to ignore. Iruka regards the photo of them at the wedding and wishes that he could remember even a few seconds of the joy it's clear they both had that evening. 

"I'm sorry," he says. "This must be really weird for you. This- I mean, this is probably just as hard for you as it is for me. For us to go from married, to... strangers."

"We'll figure it out, Iruka. One way or another." Kakashi speaks hesitantly, and Iruka detects a faint amount of something sad hidden in his tone. But he shrugs, and Iruka doesn't have a chance to read into it more. "C'mon, let me show you the rest of the house."

They take the next little while to go through the last few rooms in the estate, and despite that Kakashi offers for Iruka to take their bedroom and that he will sleep in the spare, Iruka flat out turns him down. Half of it is because he would feel bad about kicking Kakashi out of his own room - Iruka gets nothing out of sleeping there, it's not like the space is familiar - but the other half is that he's not sure he's going to have a particularly easy time falling asleep in the same bed that he and Kakashi usually share. So he doesn't take no for an answer, and eventually Kakashi relents and helps move Iruka's necessities out of their room and into the one down the hall. Kakashi announces he's going to make something for dinner and Iruka seizes the opportunity to take an outrageously long and scalding shower. 

Because he wouldn't normally at his own apartment, he doesn't think to bring a change of clothes with him into the bathroom, and has to do a mad dash in just a towel down the hallway. He times it in between the sounds of the tap in the kitchen or the cabinets opening and closing as Kakashi cooks. With the door shut firmly behind him he looks in the dresser for something to sleep in but almost immediately groans at the selection, because there's no way that these aren't Kakashi's old clothes he no longer wears which have migrated into Iruka's dresser over the years. The first thing he grabs is a dark blue t-shirt with a dramatic title of some sort of comic or movie that Iruka has never heard of, gaudy text atop a picture of a pack of wolves, exactly the sort of silly thing he'd imagine his kids at the Academy putting on. The second one is only marginally better, and is instead plain gray with a printed paw-pad pattern across the fabric and the words 'DOG DAD' in big letters on the front. There's also a 'World's Okayest Hokage' buried in the pile, which feels like something Naruto gave him, and one that is just a cartoonish depiction of the characters from the front of the Icha Icha novels. Iruka never would have imagined Kakashi owning so many silly clothes and can't believe he himself apparently wears them around the house now that Kakashi no longer does so. 

Decidedly he sets them all aside and manages to dig out a very normal, modest long sleeve to fend off the cold, and a slightly too-big pair of sweats. He pauses in front of the mirror against the wall and combs through his damp hair and then takes a few deep breaths. He has the sort of jittery nerves you get before you go out on a date with someone you are a little too into and it's really annoying at the moment if he's being honest. Kakashi is plating two servings of something when Iruka makes it to the kitchen, and he awkwardly stands next to the counter in the vague attempt to help but is really trying to just not get in the way. Kakashi gestures to the Kotatsu for him to sit, and follows after him with a tray of bowls and cups and sets it down. 

"You made ramen?" Iruka asks in pleased surprise. Kakashi hands him a pair of chopsticks. 

"You made ramen," he corrects. "You like to cook before you go on long missions. Something about how I don't eat enough if you're not here."

It looks amazing, and Iruka has a hard time believing this came from his hands. There's chashu pork, eggs, mushrooms, and even bean sprouts and a few slices of menma. It looks like something right out of a restaurant. 

"But I don't know how to cook."

"You do," Kakashi again corrects. "You learned. You were never as bad as you used to say, either."    

Iruka takes a bite. For some reason it frustrates him that it's so good. Maybe because he's sure that in his current state he could never produce something this delicious. Dinner is quiet, as Kakashi finds no need to fill the silence with talking and Iruka is too tired to engage in conversation anyway. He eats his entire serving and the warm food is doing dangerous things to his ability to stay awake any longer. He does want to ask Kakashi to finally explain everything he's missed, as promised, but it will likely have to wait for now. 

"When do I go back to the hospital?" He asks instead. 

"Tomorrow," Kakashi says. "We'll go in the morning, if you're feeling up to it."

"But what about you?" 

Kakashi tilts his head slightly in question. "I assume I'd come with you."

"You don't have to work?" Iruka asks. "You've been Hokage for only a month, is it okay for you to just... not go?" 

"Tsunade has agreed to cover my absence for the time being," Kakashi says. Iruka isn't too sure how he feels about that, because it's clear that he's a little helpless at the moment and he hates to think he's being an inconvenience. 

"If Tsunade-sama or Ino-chan can't fix this in the next few days, then what?" He asks. "You'll have to go back to being Hokage at some point. You can't put your life on pause just because mine is. Sort of."

"Iruka, I would quit tomorrow if something happened to you and it turned out that being Hokage was getting in my way of helping," Kakashi says. Iruka has nothing to say to such a blatant display of concern. "For now it's just temporary. If this takes more than a few days then I'll have another conversation with Tsunade about my options while we get you back on your feet properly. But don't get ahead of yourself. Tomorrow we'll know more about how long your memory issues might last. Try not to stress yourself out over it."

"... fine. I know you're right." Iruka sighs into his noodles. "But I think by now it's safe to say you know me better than I know me right now. I stress about everything." 

Kakashi nods, and rests his chin in his hand. "I know, hon," he says. The term of endearment feels almost unconscious when he says it, like it's such an easy word for him to use that it found him without meaning to. It does silly things to Iruka's head to be called something so sweet. He fends off a blush for the rest of the meal as they eat in companionable, only somewhat awkward silence. Kakashi clears their plates and Iruka thinks he might just lie down on the floor if he doesn't get in a bed soon. 

"I'll clean up," Kakashi says. "You should turn in. You look like you're about to fall asleep standing up." 

"I feel like it too," Iruka admits. Kakashi returns and offers a hand to help him to his feet. At the mouth of the hall Kakashi pauses. 

"There's extra blankets in the closet if you get cold," he says. "And there's no rush for us to be anywhere in the morning. It's important you're well rested for tomorrow."

"I think I'll have no problems sleeping in unprompted," Iruka says around a halfway stifled yawn. Kakashi smiles at him, an expression Iruka will never get tired of seeing without the cover of his mask in the way.

"Sleep well, then," he says, and he rests a cautious hand on Iruka's arm, hesitant as if the gesture falls short of whatever he intended to do instead, whatever they'd normally do that he has to stop himself from enacting. Like a kiss goodnight. 

"Goodnight," Iruka says, and is glad that the hallway is dark enough to hide his face behind the shadows. 

Chapter Text

Iruka does sleep well that night, for what it's worth, mostly because his exhaustion knocks him out shortly after he lays down. He blinks awake early in the morning just as the sunrise starts warming the windows and he can hear a quiet shuffle in the other room as Kakashi ambles around. Iruka turns over to hide from the light and goes back to sleep, but wakes again when the mattress dips near his feet and something pads its way towards him, then a wet nose gruffly sniffs his hair. He peeks open one eye and is met with a black-furred muzzle. 

"Pakkun?" 

"Iruka," he says. "So there is something wrong with you."

"Thanks." Iruka stifles a yawn. "How astute of you."

"You don't oversleep. It's weird."

"Well I'm awake now." 

Iruka sits up and Pakkun jumps out of bed. It's really not that late, maybe just after sunrise. Pakkun goes back down the hall, his steps nearly silent on the worn tatami floors, and Iruka can smell something cooking in the kitchen. He assembles pieces of his uniform from the clothes they moved out of his and Kakashi's room, and tries as much as is possible to brace for the rest of the day as he joins Kakashi for breakfast.

Iruka still has a lot of lingering questions that he tries not to ask over the meal. He doesn't quite have a handle on the situation yet and he'd rather wait until there's a better - or at least more actionable - verdict following the revisit to see Ino and Tsunade. So if he's a little quiet as they eat, then Kakashi makes no mention of it. They each bundle in coats and gloves before leaving the house, and walk side by side all the way to the hospital. Again a few people wave or stop to say hello, and again Iruka hates that so many of them fail to spark any sort of familiarity. Even the people he does recognize manage to feel like strangers. 

For once he's glad to be surrounded by the familiar white and green walls inside the exam room, if only to be out of the general public for the moment. Tsunade pulls a chair into the middle of the floor and Iruka obediently sits down, trying not to fidget nervously as he does so and is now the only one not standing.

"Ready?" Tsunade asks. As if he might be looking forward to how unpleasant this is going to be.

"As I can be, I guess," he says. 

"Kakashi-sama can stay, if you want," Ino offers. 

Kakashi grumbles at the honorific. "Enough with the '-sama'," he complains, waving his hand. 

"Kakashi-sensei can stay," Ino corrects.

"Yes." Iruka interrupts before he has a chance to change his mind, and glances up to catch Kakashi's eye. "You can stay."

Kakashi nods and touches his shoulder and Ino stands in front of him. 

"This might take a little longer than yesterday," she warns. "So I'll try and be as gentle as possible. I'm sorry in advance, I know it's not comfortable. I'm still not quite as good as my dad used to be." 

Iruka almost asks if it's worth it to get his opinion, but something about the use of past tense makes him pause. Again he remembers the length of time he's forgotten - and if there's friendships he can't remember, there's likely deaths he can't remember either. The thought only serves to make him more anxious for this to all be over. 

"It's alright, Ino-chan," he says. He goes for encouragement but the obvious nerves in his tone probably fall a little short of the mark. "I know you'll do your best." 

Ino puts a palm on his forehead. Kakashi hasn't let go of his shoulder, and Iruka closes his eyes with a deep breath. At least this time he's prepared for the way it feels to have someone looking through his head, and the discomfort isn't as much of a surprise. As promised Ino goes slow, though it still feels like someone is running their fingers directly along the ridges of his brain in the worst way possible, carding through the folds like you might a head of hair. Tsunade doesn't wait until Ino is done to start helping relieve the headache that is already developing behind Iruka's eyes, though he can't help the occasional wince as Ino continues poking around. Kakashi takes his hand and Iruka puts a death grip on his fingers for what feels like the next hour until Ino's presence slowly retracts, and Iruka is once again alone in his head. 

"So strange..." she says to herself. "It's like his memories want to come out and just can't."

Tsunade hums thoughtfully as she pours healing chakra into his head. Iruka still has his eyes closed and Kakashi hasn't let go of his hand. "And you don't see any opening you can get through?"

"Cracks, maybe," Ino says, but sounds doubtful. "Nothing substantial enough for me to try. I mean, I could try, but keep in mind what I said about breaking down a locked door. We'd be risking collateral damage by forcing it."

"To what degree?" Tsunade asks, but Kakashi interrupts. 

"It doesn't matter what degree," he says. His slight frustration is obvious. For all he's attempted to keep Iruka calm about this situation he's not doing a great job of being impartial himself. All three of them are standing around Iruka in a semi-circle and Kakashi's voice is loud in his ears. "We're not trying something that might cause injury."

There's a loaded pause then, and Iruka opens his eyes to see Tsunade giving Ino a look, ignoring Kakashi entirely. Ino hesitantly continues. 

"...it depends on how difficult the extraction is," she says. "How deep the memories are actually buried, the amount of time repressed, and, of course, how badly the subject wants them discovered. That part would make this a lot easier - Iruka-sensei isn't an enemy we're extracting intel from, and unlike them he wants this information found - but it wouldn't negate the other factors. In the best case, mild headaches and concussion-like symptoms for a few days, or weeks. In the worst case - debilitating brain-damage, coma, or complete brain-death." 

"Alright," Tsunade says. "Forced extraction being off the table, then. What are our other avenues?" 

"Well... like I said, the block doesn't seem to be permanent," Ino says. "If we're dismissing extraction as an option then I believe in this case we don't have my choice but to just wait it out, and hope it starts to weaken." 

"And in the meantime?" Kakashi asks. Ino shrugs. 

"Fake it 'til you make it?" She offers, and Kakashi sighs. "Er, sorry, I know that's not helpful. But listen, the last five years are still there somewhere. A mind is not a thing that enjoys being contained, that's why forgetfulness can be so annoying. Iruka-sensei just needs some gentle prodding to help jog a few memories - even if it's only a few minutes at a time - to pull everything out of the dark. Visiting familiar places will help, though... I guess the village might make that a little hard to do..."  

It's encouraging that his memories definitely still exist, though he's not sure he's looking forward to the idea of playing this cat-and-mouse game to try and give them back to him. Especially not when - as much as he trusts Ino - 'fake it 'til you make it' is the advice of their resident expert.

"But in the meantime, sensei," she continues. "I think it's a good idea to establish a routine, or, to keep following the one you had before all of this, including tasks or places you'd normally do or visit. And being reintroduced to people you've forgotten, of course. You and Kakashi-sensei can decide what this looks like, but the more exposure you have to what's supposed to be familiar, the easier it will be for your blocked memories to escape, so to speak." 

"Then let's revisit in a few days," Tsunade announces, and turns to address Iruka and Kakashi both. "Come up with a schedule and run it by Ino at some point. We'll reassess if the block has lifted enough to make further attempts. Then rinse and repeat." 

"Right..." Iruka tries not to sound as dejected as he feels. "Nothing to it." 

"It'll take some time, sensei, but eventually this should straighten itself out," Ino tells him. "Just try and be patient." 

Iruka generally does consider himself a patient person - being in charge of a room full of children will do that to you over the years - though right now he's having a hard time finding it. With nothing else actionable at the moment they leave the hospital with plans to figure out how Iruka is supposed to spend his days for the next week. A block away from the building he spots an elderly couple hand in hand who both wave as they pass by, and Iruka is reminded of Ino's recommendation about exposure to the familiar.

"Kakashi," he says, face going red already at the thought of what he's about to suggest. "Do you think it would help if we... I mean, her advice to 'fake it'..." 

Kakashi's gaze follows to where Iruka watches the couple turn a corner and continue down the street. 

"You mean with regard to us?"

"...yes. If I'm supposed to be around things that are familiar, I feel like my choices are limited," Iruka says, feeling a bit flustered. "The village is so different and I can't go back to the Academy. I'd assume it doesn't look the same anyway, if it was rebuilt like everything else."

"There are still other options," Kakashi says. "There's places outside the village we could go, and there are people you can talk to. You should spend time with Naruto whenever he gets back."

"But I imagine the person I'd be most familiar with would be you..." Iruka loses a bit of steam by the end of his sentence, somewhat mortified at the way this conversation is going. Kakashi heaves a deep sigh. 

"I'm not going to expect you to do anything you aren't comfortable with when you can't remember that we're married." 

"I know you wouldn't, but maybe we can do just the small or easy things," Iruka says. "Like if there's restaurants we usually go to or things we'd normally do together, those might be good. And it's- it's not that I'm uncomfortable, Kakashi, it's-... I don't know, you make me nervous."

Kakashi frown slowly turns into a small grin and he and suppresses a quiet chuckle. "Alright. Then tell me what you have in mind." 

"Well, I guess... how do we act when we're together like this, just walking through town?" 

Kakashi hums thoughtfully and takes a moment to think it over. 

"You're not generally big on public displays of affection," he says. "It took a long time to convince you to invite the village to the celebrations when we got married."

"I think I'm surprised even you would have wanted that." 

"The council believed it would be good for morale, considering things, and I agreed." 

"Should I take that to mean you're okay with public affection?"

"Occasionally," Kakashi says simply with a small shrug. "You actually fuss at me quite a bit for- how do you put it? 'Failing to conduct myself in a manner befitting of a Hokage'." 

Iruka remembers back when Kakashi used to bring team 7 to the desk to turn in mission reports, and the subtle flirting he'd employ simply to get a rise. Looking back, and considering the trajectory their relationship took after all, maybe the flirting wasn't quite as insincere as Iruka thought it was. 

"That sounds about right," he says. Kakashi shrugs. 

"You can't blame me for where my thoughts wander when you drop by my office looking so- ah, sorry." 

Kakashi pauses two steps ahead of where Iruka has stopped in the middle of the street to cover his horribly red face with both hands. 

"Let me start over," Kakashi offers. Iruka says nothing, for fear that he won't be able to control sounds of embarrassment that escape instead of words. "If we're walking together, usually I'll take your arm, or we'll hold hands." 

Iruka nods a few times, smooths his hair away from his face, and holds out an arm. Kakashi hooks a hand around his elbow, and Iruka feels like his heart is beating so fast it might just leap out of his chest. Kakashi grins when he doesn't resume walking. 

"Alright?" He asks. Iruka nods a few more times before continuing down the street with Kakashi hanging off his arm.

"Fantastic," he says. "I may very well burst into flames before we get home, but that's beside the point." 

There's a slight tease in Kakashi's tone when he speaks. "I think I'm enjoying finding out that you were this into me before we started dating."

Iruka keeps his eyes forward when he replies. "You've no idea. I'm still trying to figure out how we even started talking again." 

"What do you mean?" 

"Because we aren't- I mean, the last I remember, things between us were sort of weird after the exam nominations," Iruka admits. It's not exactly a pleasant thing to talk about, though it's probably far more awkward for him, considering it feels like mere months ago that it all happened. "We weren't really talking much, and you were so busy training your team. Then the exams actually happened, and the Sound invasion, and you landed in the hospital for a month, and then I don't think I saw you a single time before Naruto left. When all of this started I basically hadn't talked to you in a couple weeks. So imagine my surprise when you walked in and told me we're married."

Kakashi falls silent as Iruka talks, a bit of a pensive look in his expression when Iruka spares a glance at his face. 

"...we made up," he says eventually. "Not until after Naruto left, but we did. I think I admitted you were right to be worried and that I was being harsh. You apologized for having what you thought was so little faith in me, though I never took it that way. I knew you were just concerned about your students, and I never should have talked down to you because of that. I didn't honestly think I'd be able to salvage our friendship but I wanted to apologize anyway. Even though at that point I was convinced there was a good chance you despised me."

"No, I never hated you for any of that," Iruka says with a frown. True, the short few weeks between the start of the exams and Naruto's departure left a lot of lingering tension unaddressed, but Iruka never felt it truly devolved into animosity. "I mean, you pissed me off, sure, but clearly I got over it pretty quickly." 

"Very quickly," Kakashi says, a bit of that stern expression melting away into something softer. "You asked if I'd like to get lunch with you sometime, so we could talk." He bumps their shoulders together playfully. "And after that you basically refused to leave me alone."

"Oh, don't exaggerate."

"Hardly. We went on our first real date just a few months later."

"Well... then I'm glad the whole thing blew over," Iruka admits. "I was stressing myself out about how to fix things. I-... missed talking to you."

"I missed you too," Kakashi says softly. "But we made up for all the lost time. And then some." 

Iruka has a lingering feeling there's going to be plenty of lost time to make up for yet again. There's a nagging question he wants to ask in the ensuing quiet as they walk, and after a few blocks he gives in to voicing his fret.

"What do we do if my memories never come back?" He asks. "And I don't mean about my job or whatever. I mean about us."

"We'd start over," Kakashi says. 

"That easily?" 

"Yes," he insists. "If you wanted to try this again."

"But you'd do all of that work a second time?" Iruka asks. Something about the idea makes him sad. The thought that they put so much effort into a relationship that Iruka can't remember, and that Kakashi might have to do it all over again just to make up for what he lost.

"Iruka," Kakashi says. Iruka pauses to properly look at him. "I'd do it all over again, I'd do it a hundred times if I had to. I wouldn't be the person I am today if I didn't have you in my life. If that means we start over from right now, then so be it."

Once again Iruka is struck by how ridiculously heartfelt this version of kakashi is compared to the one he used to know. He never would have imagined that Kakashi could convey this sort of sentiment so easily, like he didn't even have to think about the words as he gave his answer. And again, Iruka wishes he knew what he ever did to deserve that sort of dedication, because if he has to earn it all over again, he doesn't even know where he'd start. 

"Okay," he says simply. "And I would want that. For the record."

Kakashi squeezes his arm.

"Glad to hear it," he says. And they continue on until they make it back home. 

Kakashi agrees that it's time that he gives Iruka a rundown of everything he's missed over the last five years, to bring him up to speed. Then they'll make a schedule for Iruka to follow, and plan a few things that might be helpful jogging his memory. Kakashi starts a pot of tea so they can sit down on the couch to talk, but the kettle has barely started to boil when the front door is thrown open. A loud voice booms down the hallway, and rather than being surprised at the intrusion, Kakashi smacks a palm to his forehead in dismay.

"Oh, what perfect timing he's got." 

"Kaka-sensei!! You home?" Naruto's voice floats towards them as he kicks off his shoes and coat and Iruka realizes again that it's been the full and entire five years since Naruto left that he's seen him and suddenly isn't ready to face this reunion. "I stopped by your office but Shikamaru said you haven't been in for like two days!" 

Then he rounds the corner into the living room where Iruka is already standing up in alarm at his arrival. 

"Oh, hey nii-san," he says casually. "They said you were home sick today, are you okay? You look fine-" But Iruka has already closed the few steps between them and pulled Naruto into a crushing hug. "Whoa, hey hey, what's wrong?"

"Oh my goodness, you're so big!" Iruka says. He steps back and grasps Naruto's shoulders to get a proper look at his face. "Look at you, I can't believe you're as tall as me!" 

"Huh, what? I've always been this height!" Naruto is a little flustered in his confusion, and clearly the explanation that Iruka was 'home sick' did very little to convey exactly the issue - but Iruka can't help his reaction. Seeing him now and knowing there's so much of his life Iruka didn't get to see, it hurts.  

"I love you so much," he says. "You know that?" 

"Uh, Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto asks over Iruka's shoulder. "What's the matter with him?" 

Kakashi approaches and Iruka tries to reign himself in.

"I can explain," Kakashi says. "Seems there's a lot of it to do." 

Iruka takes a few deep breaths to calm himself down a bit, and sits across from Naruto's as they crowd around the kotatsu. Kakashi brings the kettle and cups and starts steeping enough tea for three. Pakkun trots down the hall now that the commotion is over and plops himself down in Iruka's lap. 

"You guys gonna tell me what's going on?" Naruto asks. Kakashi sits down next to Iruka and folds his arms on the table. 

"Iruka is having memory issues," he says plainly. Naruto's jaw drops before Kakashi can get any further, rounding on Iruka in surprise. 

"Wha-? But you still remember me, right?" 

"Of course I do," Iruka assures him. "But it feels like I haven't seen you in a while." 

"How long's a while?" 

"Since after the chuunin exams," Kakashi says. Naruto's gape only grows. 

"What? That was like, forever ago!"

"Five years," Iruka says, just a little bitter at the fact. 

"Wait, so when do your memories start up again? Are they gone forever? Tsunade baa-san couldn't fix you, or Sakura-chan?" Naruto crosses his arms as he tries to reason with the logic of something so ridiculous. "You don't remember the war or anything?"

"The war-?"

"He doesn't remember anything prior to two days ago," Kakashi interrupts. 

"There was an entire war that I can't remember?" Iruka asks. "Is that why the village was rebuilt?"

"Oh, ha," Naruto says humorlessly. "No. That was something else." 

"I'm getting to it, Naruto," Kakashi says. "I was about to explain everything when you showed up. Part of working to get his memories back is to help him refamiliarize with everything he's forgotten. That starts with a bit of a timeline."

"Hey, I can help with that!" Naruto exclaims excitedly. "I was here for most of it. The second half of everything, anyway. I dunno what you guys got up to while I was gone."

"Suffered greatly in your absence," Kakashi deadpans. "And yes, you can help, but don't get ahead of me." 

Naruto flashes Kakashi's signature two-finger mock salute, and dutifully falls silent to allow Kakashi to lead. And for the next few hours, they take turns regaling the events of the last five years. Naruto goes over some of the wilder stories from his travels with Jiraiya, specifically ones he states that Iruka originally liked hearing about and telling them again in greater detail. Then Kakashi explains what happened in the village while Naruto was away, including the development of their friendship and its eventual evolution, at which Naruto pulls a few faces in disgust at what he calls 'lovey-dovey nonsense', though Kakashi undoubtedly tones down some of the finer points of exactly how things evolved between them. Then, of course, Naruto's return. Team 7's mission to Suna, their multiple fleeting run in's with Sasuke and the Akatsuki in turns. Asuma's death, then Jiraiya's, both of which Naruto goes just a bit stone faced for as they talk about the events surrounding each of those losses. Then the village's destruction, which tidily explains why every single building is entirely different. Iruka stops them when he's struck with a sudden fear hearing that the entire place was razed to the ground. 

"Is that why we moved here?"

"Yes, in part." 

"And my apartment?" 

"Leveled," Kakashi says, shaking his head. "Like everything else."  

But Iruka isn't concerned with the building itself. What he fears the loss of is the sentiment of its contents, specifically regarding the small box that used to stay safely tucked away, which held the only remaining items he'd managed to keep from his childhood home. 

"Do I have anything left of my parents?" Iruka asks in growing concern. "My- all of my pictures of them and all of their things, they were in my room."

Kakashi nods, and he stands and heads to the enormous bookshelf against the wall. From it he removes a single frame and brings it back. The picture inside is a little torn around the edges, clearly pulled from a pile of rubble, wet and dried warped at some point and flattened out to lay neatly in the frame. But his parents' faces smile brightly at him, holding a toddler-sized Iruka in their arms. Naruto cranes his neck to look and stifles a snort of amusement. 

"You were a fat baby," he says. Iruka shoos him away but Naruto only laughs, but Iruka holds the picture in his lap carefully for the rest of their conversation. 

"Where were we?" Naruto continues. "Right right, so I'd just gotten back with the toad-sage oldies and realized what had happened to the village, and man, sensei, it was a real mess. Maybe you should be glad you can't remember it-"

"Naruto," Kakashi fusses.  

"Okay, well! I'm just sayin', I mean, it all worked out in the end, but there was a while there in the middle where I really thought Kakashi-sensei was-" 

"-Naruto," Kakashi warns more sharply. Naruto snaps his mouth closed and glances between Kakashi's glower and Iruka's look of confusion about whatever it is Kakashi clearly doesn't want to talk about. 

"That he was what?" Iruka asks. 

"Er, well..." Naruto nervously scratches his head as he avoids the answer. 

"Let's just say this," Kakashi offers. "Naruto was able to mitigate most of the casualties caused during the attack, which is the reason there were so few despite the widespread destruction." 

Iruka isn't sure he wants to know what definition of casualty Naruto would have been referring to that Kakashi almost was. It's hard enough to wrap his head around the fact that Naruto not only defeated several members of the Akatsuki when just one of their member personally landed Kakashi in the hospital for several weeks, but also that he was also able to walk away from the fight with the death toll down to an absolute minimum thanks to some kind of miraculous powers of persuasion. The difference between the troublemaking, roughhousing, cocky pre-teen Iruka was so used to and the young man he's slowly turning out to be is astounding. 

Their story continues, and after the village's destruction quickly comes the Gokage summit and the declaration of the Fourth Shinobi War, and then the weeks spent in preparation for the battles. Neither of them go into great detail about what happened during the less than three days of active combat. Iruka can imagine it's not pleasant to talk about. But he does finally get an explanation as to why exactly Kakashi is missing his sharingan and where its replacement came from, which is when Naruto decides to pipe up and say he also lost an arm during the war. He holds up his right hand and explains that it's a chakra-controlled prosthetic regrown for him by Tsunade, which he started wearing several months prior. 

"But it's basically a normal arm," he says, flexing his bicep. "Hasn't stopped me yet!"

"Goodness, I can't believe all of that happened in just a few short years," Iruka says. "If I didn't know better I might not even believe you." 

"Believe it!" Naruto exclaims. "But we can get your memories back somehow, right?"

"It's... a work in progress," Iruka says. "But hopefully, yes." 

"Okay, that's good." Naruto leans back on his hands. "'Cause we weren't done studying for my exam yet. Can you believe after all that they wouldn't just give me jounin status? Like, really!"

"You're not actually participating in another chuunin exam, are you?" Iruka asks.

"No," Kakashi answers. "You've been helping him study for a modified practical just to demonstrate the foundations. Book smarts he's historically lacked." 

Naruto sticks out his tongue. "You're the Hokage," he argues. "You could just wave your hands and make me a jounin." 

"Not sure why I would do that." 

"Because I'm your favorite shinobi, obviously." 

Kakashi actually laughs at that, and Naruto pulls a face at his blatant dismissal.

"You're definitely somewhere on the list," Kakashi says. Despite that he can't recall how, it warms a piece of Iruka's heart to know that the three of them have all become so much closer over the years. 

Naruto announces he's got to eat before he starves to death, so Kakashi makes a late lunch and over the meal they finish explaining the last year, including Kakashi's struggle with control of his chakra post-sharingan, Naruto's training for his modified exam and learning to adapt his new arm, and the continued efforts to maintain peace since the end of the war and the work they've all, Iruka included, been doing to sustain it. And then of course Kakashi and Iruka's wedding, and Kakashi's inauguration, perhaps the two occasions he's most upset that he can't remember. Kakashi pulls out a photo album from the bookshelf and sets it down, one clearly assembled by Iruka himself given the neat notations and dates next to every photo, and he spends the next hour curled up on the couch flipping through his own long-lost memories. 

He's feeling weirdly nostalgic when Naruto leaves, even though he promises to come back soon and that he'll help in any way possible to get Iruka's memories back. The house is so quiet without his insistent chatter, and as Iruka sits back down on the couch again it's like a switch is suddenly flipped, and the waterworks start. 

"Oh, damn it. I was doing so good."

He swipes at his eyes and Kakashi is quickly at his side. 

"What happened?" 

"Nothing happened- I mean, fuck, everything happened, I just can't remember it." Iruka feels a little nonsensical but there's no good way to explain how this entire ordeal is throwing him so wildly off kilter. Kakashi hesitates, but puts an arm around his shoulder. "Naruto's all grown up and he was just a little kid a few days ago, and the village is so different and you're so different, and- and so much has happened, I feel so confused and I can't get rid of this awful déjà vu, and every few minutes it feels like I've walked into a room and entirely forgotten what I was doing and it's just so frustrating."

"I know," Kakashi says. "It'll come back to you. It's just going to take time." 

"It's exhausting being so out of the loop," Iruka says. He sniffles and wipes his face with the back of his hands. "To have to reframe everything anyone ever says to me or everything I ever see because I know there's context I don't understand. If my memories don't start coming back soon, I-... it's just going to be really frustrating to deal with this. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," Kakashi tells him. He squeezes Iruka's shoulder and it's ridiculous to like the way the gesture puts Kakashi close enough for their knees and hips to press together when he's in the middle of having a nervous breakdown, but damn if he doesn't anyway. "We'll do whatever we have to do to fix this." 

"I know," Iruka says. He sniffles again and is embarrassed to be crying in front of Kakashi in the first place when he's likely done far worse. "And you're being really patient when I know this is hard for you, so thank you. And I am sorry, I'm just having a bit of a moment." 

"It's really fine, Iruka," Kakashi insists. "No one would blame you for being a little emotional right now." 

"You say that like you don't know the tiniest thing makes me cry." 

"No, I do know that." Kakashi tightens his arm, curling a hand around Iruka's shoulder. "You cried so hard when we got married your face stayed red the entire night." 

Iruka, despite himself, is able to laugh at how predictable the thought is. 

"That's cheating. Tell me even you didn't get a little teary-eyed." 

"I'm a paragon of self control, as always," Kakashi says dramatically. "And I have an image to maintain." 

"I dunno," Iruka teases. "Compared to the you I'm used to, you're a real softy."

"And I wonder who might have had something to do with that," Kakashi says knowingly. He gives Iruka a pat on the arm and then stands to clear the cups and plates from lunch. Iruka finishes drying his face with the cuff of his sleeve and trails after him, and he feels just a bit lighter as he helps Kakashi clean up the kitchen. 

They take it easy the rest of the evening, and spend a bit of time figuring out the bones of a schedule for him to follow. Then they bundle against the cold and walk around town to watch the sunset, and again Kakashi holds a hand through Iruka's arm and they wave at people as they're passed in the street. When Iruka calls it a night early, yawning around his cup of tea, Kakashi pauses at the mouth of the hallway and gives his arm a polite squeeze before Iruka heads to bed and lays down. Kakashi doesn't sleep, not yet, instead staying up reading on the couch for a while in the quiet. Iruka almost begins to consider going back out there and sitting next to him, but decides against it. It still feels too personal, even though he knows that to anyone else it would be an entirely normal thing for him to do. But he doesn't find the nerve, at least not yet. So for now the dull lamp that Kakashi reads by shines underneath the door to where Iruka lies in bed, and it makes them feel a little bit closer together as he falls asleep. 

Chapter Text

Iruka sleeps in again the following day, and Pakkun hops up onto his stomach to remind him that he doesn't normally do so. Kakashi makes a simple breakfast for them and then they head to the yard to do what he says is Iruka's normal training routine. The mid morning sees them together behind the house in the small plot of frozen grass as Kakashi instructs him as to which exercises and kata's he'd normally perform, because apparently that part of his routine hasn't changed in several years. Afterwards Kakashi apologizes but states he needs to run to the Hokage tower and, feeling brave, Iruka decides to accompany him. 

Iruka still isn't used to the new style of flak vest, though he doesn't dislike them. It's been redesigned and is slightly less bulky near the collar and slimmer in the chest, which is strange to get used to. Kakashi looks so proper as he cinches the clasps around the waist and fastens the buttons near the shoulders. He finds his usual pair of fingerless gloves and then tugs on his cloak overtop his coat, the off-white one that proudly displays the kanji for 'Sixth Hokage' on the back. More than once Iruka has entirely forgotten that Kakashi is the Hokage now - he's not sure he can be blamed that it's just a little bit unbelievable - and is reminded of the fact in moments like this seeing him dolled up in his full attire. Iruka doesn't even realize he's staring until Kakashi turns to find his shoes and catches his eye. Iruka has his coat halfway on, his left hand blindly searching for the second arm hole. 

"Need help?" Kakashi asks with a knowing grin.  

"No, thank you," Iruka says, and peels his eyes away from Kakashi's figure. 

With the pleasant burn of the morning's exercises still lingering, they decide to take to the rooftops and run. Iruka actually never used to do this too much, not since he was a brand new chuunin, and the novelty of leaping between the slate tiles was still packed with adrenaline. Later on he learned to enjoy slowing down and taking his time on the morning trip to the Academy and then home in the evenings. It's also somewhat impractical to do anything but walk when completing errands, as a bag of fragile groceries doesn't take kindly to the jostling it is subjected to when carried in the arms of a shinobi bouncing on their heels. So, this is a nice change of pace. He's obviously not familiar enough with the buildings to know exactly where to put his footing, and each leap is a short and quick decision on where to land, though mostly he follows Kakashi's lead as he finds what's clearly the usual footholds for him. They make it to the tower in no time flat, and enter through a door on the third floor that conveniently leads straight to his office. Whoever was in charge of the redesign must have kept in mind the shiobi's penchant for entering through any adjacent window if a door wasn't close enough - or, sometimes even if it was. 

Two ANBU stand guard outside the office, and to Iruka's slight surprise both of them nod not only at Kakashi, but also at him as they proceed. He doesn't remember being personal with too many ANBU, but he supposes close fraternization with a Hokage will do that. Tsunade is present when they enter the room and doesn't seem either surprised or pleased to see Kakashi there. Iruka tunes out their conversation, which seems to be about a treatise of some sort, and eyes the line of photographs on the wall depicting each Hokage in order. Kakashi's portrait is already present, looking as nonplussed as anything. Iruka tunes back in when Tsunade raises her voice in frustration. 

"-want me to explain that to them, especially this soon after you've taken office."

Iruka turns around and both she and Kakashi pause like they forgot he was present. Tsunade huffs in annoyance. 

"Iruka," she says, moderately more calm. "The room, please."

Kakashi looks agitated, but gives Iruka a single tilt of his head. 

"Of course, Tsunade-sama," Iruka says. He softly shuts the door behind him as he leaves. One of the ANBU next to the door makes a small noise of amusement.

"Get kicked out while the grown-ups talk?"

"Clearly." 

The ANBU chuckles. "Don't worry," he says. "Tsunade told me what's wrong with you." 

It's likely Iruka knows who this is personally, though there's no way to tell under the mask, which is in the cartoonish shape of a mouse. The brown hair could belong to anyone.  The second ANBU, on the other side of the door, has so far remained silent. Their mask is some sort of bird, and their jet black hair and pale skin is markedly unfamiliar.

"I suppose I should be relieved," Iruka says. The mouse-faced ANBU glances up and down the hall, then pushes their mask aside by just an inch so Iruka can see a sliver of their face, and Iruka is relieved to realize who it is.

"Oh, Genma." Thankfully, there's at least one person he's known for so long that five years off of his memories isn't even half the amount of time they've been friends. Though Genma definitely didn't used to be in ANBU. He slides the mask back in place. "I should have known it was your wise-ass." 

The bird-faced mask speaks up for the first time, though their voice is just as unfamiliar as the rest of them. 

"Revealing your identity isn't within our-" 

"Ah, can it," Genma interrupts. "What am I supposed to do, act like he didn't already know us just a few days ago? It's still Iruka." 

Bird mask sighs but lets it go, giving no hints towards his own identity.

"So any news on getting you back to normal?" Genma asks. Iruka shrugs.

"We've got a few ideas." 

"Tsunade seems optimistic."

"That's not what I gathered." 

Iruka is surprised to hear the nameless ANBU speak up again. 

"Ino has also displayed a measure of confidence," he says, and turns slightly to face Iruka's direction. "Her abilities are dependable, Iruka-san." 

The choice in honorific is unfamiliar - most people call him sensei just because they all know he works at the Academy. And the lack of honorific for Ino is also unfamiliar. Maybe someone similarly in her age group, though if so, no one Iruka knows. He sounds young, the longer he speaks, and his tone is quiet to match the empty hall. Genma elbows him in the arm. 

"Yeah, you can't exactly shit talk your own girlfriend anyway, so I don't know whether your opinion counts."

"It's not an opinion if-" 

"Anyway," Genma interrupts again. "Tsunade didn't write off your case immediately, so that's a good sign. And you still remember me, which is obviously all that matters." 

"Yes, and what a load of my mind that is to know." 

"Let's go out soon." Genma smirks and elbows his arm. "Since I hear you've got plenty of free time for once in your life." 

"Too much free time. Wanna do tomorrow?" 

"Nah, I'm on duty. Day after? I'll come pick you up, so you don't get lost." 

Iruka can't see his face, but he's sure Genma smirks as he says this. Kakashi steps out of the room then, and Genma snaps to attention. The nameless ANBU on the left never slouched by even an inch and only turns his head back to face the opposite wall. Kakashi sighs and shuts the door. 

"Uh-oh boss," Genma says. "It's too early in the morning to be pissing her off." 

"You don't have to tell me, I know," Kakashi says. He briefly rests a hand on Iruka's lower back when standing next to him, one of those fleeting and somewhat unconscious touches he seems to do out of habit more than anything else. Iruka doesn't have the nerve to tell him not to, and if he's being honest, he doesn't dislike it. Iruka gives Genma a nod in farewell as he and Kakashi head towards the exit again, and he waits until they're on the balcony outside to ask what that was about. 

"Everything okay?" 

Kakashi sighs again and his brow draws in a frown when he replies, which is still weird to see so clearly. 

"It's fine," he says. "Tsunade just decided to make it clear I understand she's unhappy." 

Iruka still feels more than a little guilty for that. "Because she's back in charge again?" 

"It won't kill her to give me a few days," is Kakashi's reply.

"I feel so bad taking you away from things and being a bother." 

"You aren't," Kakashi says. His mask turns the white puff of his breath in the cold air into a thin fog that is whipped away by the wind. "I meant it when I said that you come first." 

"But you really can't do that," Iruka argues, somewhat sheepishly. "You're the Hokage, the village needs you to be present. You can't put that aside for me." 

"I can, and I will." Kakashi's tone has an air of finality to it, and it's clear he's not taking no for an answer on this. They walk along the balcony, towards the far side of the building to hide from the wind. "I doubt I'll be Hokage for more than a decade, and when I'm done I'll still have the rest of my life afterwards. I have every intention of spending it with you, Iruka. I'm not going to let a temporary position get in the way of that. If that means I spend a few days or weeks away from my desk then so be it. The village won't suffer without me around, it's been fine under far worse circumstances. Please don't ask me not to treat this with the effort you deserve from me." 

Again, Iruka doesn't know exactly what he did to deserve this sort of dedication from someone like Kakashi, who has always had a million and one things pulling him in different directions. But Iruka isn't going to do him the insult of continuing to argue, even if he doesn't necessarily agree. Far be it from him to act like an ingrate, because he really does appreciate everything Kakashi has done so far and how patient he's been. But at the same time, Iruka has always highly valued his independence and found a bit of pride in his ability to take care of himself, something he's been doing since he was barely ten years old. 

"Okay," he says instead. "I get it, I just don't like the uncertainty. And I don't like being an inconvenience. All of this makes me really anxious even without so many people, including you, going out of their way to accommodate me."

Kakashi's expression instantly softens, and he grasps Iruka's arm around the elbow. 

"I understand," he says. "I'm not trying to be overbearing."

"You're not, you've actually been really great," Iruka tells him. "I'll be fine, I just need to get used to this is all." 

"Would it help if we got out of the village for a bit, since you can't remember it the way it is now?" Kakashi asks. He hooks his arm the rest of the way around Iruka's, and they take the long way down to the street. 

"Going back to places from before might be nice but it's probably not going to help." 

"It's up to you. If there's anywhere you want to go I can make it happen. Whether I go with you or not." 

Iruka privately doesn't think he'd get much enjoyment out of leaving the village without Kakashi next to him, but he's not going to admit that out loud. They decide to have lunch out in the village that afternoon, just for a change of pace, and visit a restaurant that Kakashi says they usually wind up at. The hostess greets them both familiarly and starts asking how they're doing - Kakashi does a good job of subtly deterring any conversations that Iruka wouldn't be able to participate in much when he doesn't know the woman at all. Iruka looks over the paper menu as the waitress brings them cups of warm tea. The place is quiet and secluded, with dividers in between each of the tables, which means Kakashi is free to leave his mask down more often than he might otherwise. Halfway through the meal Iruka remembers the fact that, as far as he knows, they've never gone out to share a meal together like this without Naruto serving as a buffer between them as they sit in Ichiraku's. 

"What is it?" Kakashi asks. Iruka's embarrassment must have been more obvious than he thought, and rather than stumbling over the words he decides to be honest. 

"We've never gone out to eat together like this." Iruka keeps his eyes locked on his bowl of miso soup. "It feels like our first date." 

Kakashi smiles fondly and rests his chin in his palm. "It's not dissimilar," he says. "Though we went to dinner instead of lunch, and I discovered your intolerance of alcohol."  

"I did not get drunk on our first date," Iruka argues. Kakashi shrugs and puts his thumb and forefinger about an inch apart with a guilty expression. "Oh, that's great."

"I didn't mind," Kakashi says, and under the table he shifts one leg to bump their shoes together. "Gave me the perfect excuse to walk you home."

Iruka covers his face with his hands. He might have told himself he intended to ask Kakashi for the juicier details about how their relationship came to be but he's finding it hard to actually have the conversation. He feels a little bit like his twelve year old kids at the Academy, blushing over the idea of holding hands with or being in the same room as someone they have a crush on. 

Iruka is no doubt red-faced for the remainder of the meal, but it's nice either way. To kill the rest of the afternoon they do a lap around the village to stop by a few places that Kakashi says Iruka likes to frequent, such as a few small shops close to the estate, a park in on the outskirts of the village with a single bench in front of a small pond, and lastly, the archive. Much of it and the library both are underground - built back before Konoha had the widespread use of the godsend that is modern air conditioning - in an attempt to protect the tomes and scrolls from the heat and humidity. As such it came away from the Akatsuki's assault mostly intact, and suffered no debilitating losses. They split up, and Kakashi comes back with a few novels for himself plus a few he says Iruka enjoys. They take their spoils home and spend a quiet evening reading together, Iruka sprawled under the warmth of the kotatsu and Kakashi lounging on the couch. One side of the cushions is a little more indented than the other, and Iruka can easily see he's spent quite a bit of time there over the years. Kakashi makes a pot of tea once the sun sets, and right before they go to bed it starts to snow. 

Tugging a blanket around his shoulders, Iruka follows Kakashi to the backyard to stand on the small patio and watch the thick tufts catch in the dim moonlight. He clenches his hands under the blanket to keep warm, and his breath turns to fog when he speaks. 

"It doesn't usually snow, does it?"

"No, not in a while," Kakashi says. He tucks his hands into his pockets and breathes the crisp air in deep. A thin layer of powder begins to settle on the plants and the grass, slowly turning everything a dull white. "This winter has been especially cold."

"It's so pretty. I can't remember the last time I've seen it."

"If it makes you feel any better, it hasn't snowed once in the last five years," Kakashi says. "So you haven't missed it."

Surprisingly, yes, it does make him feel better. Despite the circumstances, the evening has been so calmly pleasant. Even having done very little and having accomplished almost nothing towards the goal of repairing the hole in his memories, he still managed to arrive at the end of the day feeling satisfied. 

"I had a really nice day today," he decides to say, because it's true and he wants to be honest. "Even though it feels like I didn't do a whole lot. It was good to spend time together."

Kakashi bumps their shoulders together. "Almost like a second first date?"

"Maybe a little," Iruka agrees, and Kakashi chuckles quietly. They stand outside watching the snow gather into tiny peaks until Iruka's face is almost numb and he decides to call it a night. Kakashi again elects to stay up for a while longer, wishing Iruka a goodnight as he takes up the couch to continue reading. Iruka finds he's much less anxious than he has been since this whole thing started, and he can't believe it's only been two days since he woke up in the hospital. 

He's up before sunrise the following morning, though it's not his internal clock getting him out of bed at a reasonable hour and is instead a growing headache behind his temple. He lies awake with an arm over his eyes and tries to go back to sleep, but gives up by the time Pakkun kicks open the door to jump onto the bed. Iruka groggily gets up and combs through his bedhead as he heads to the bathroom to splash some water on his face and look for something to help the pain. No good shinobi would be caught dead without a first aid kit in their house, and between the two of them there has to be a blister pack of pain relievers somewhere. He's not sure if Kakashi is awake yet but doesn't want to bother him just for this, so Iruka pilfers through the medicine cabinet and squints against the harsh overhead light. 

There's more than one half-packed medkit present, the field standard kind that they both still carry, as well as a plethora of clean bandages and tape, antiseptics, rubbing alcohol, you name it - everything besides what he's looking for. In his growing frustration he knocks two bottles of pills into the sink and their contents rattle loudly as they bounce around the porcelain. He picks them up to set it aside, but when he absently skims the label, something clicks. Because underneath the medications written in Tsunade's neat script is Kakashi's name, and dates from a little over a year ago, just one month after the war. He's certain of the timeline despite never being given an exact date for when the fighting ended, and knows for a fact that the date printed on the bottle was a year and a month prior. He also knows, but isn't sure how, that the medications are for migraines and anxiety, and that if he were to look under the sink he'd find a small box of chakra suppression tags that Tsunade created which Kakashi used for months following the loss of his sharingan because he had more chakra then he knew what to do with. 

All of this information comes to him in the same sort of instantaneous flood you'd receive when dispelling a clone. The deluge is overwhelming and does nothing good for his headache, which continues to throb behind his eyes and only seems to get worse as he tries to make sense of what he's just remembered. Closing his eyes he sits down on the edge of the tub, covering his face with his hands, and hears quiet footsteps coming from down the hall. Iruka doesn't look up to see him, but Kakashi steps into the room.

"You okay?" 

"Head hurts," Iruka answers quietly. His own voice is like sandpaper in his ears. Kakashi doesn't respond, but the light overhead switches off, and Iruka hears the sound of a box pulled from the cabinet and a cup filling with water. Kakashi sits down next to him without touching, offering two pills and the full glass. He sets it aside when Iruka is finished, though when he says nothing, still rubbing his temples and trying not to move too fast, Kakashi holds out a hand. Iruka allows himself to be led down the hall to the living room where he's ushered towards the couch, and he promptly lies down and buries his face in the cushions. Kakashi closes the curtains against the approaching dawn, but Iruka is so thoroughly exhausted by the sudden activity that he's asleep before Kakashi is even halfway back across the room. 

When he wakes again it's much later. Mid morning sunlight peeks through the windows and there's a blanket thrown over him that wasn't there when he lied down. Pakkun snoozes curled up next to his hip, and Kakashi is at the kotatsu with a cup of tea, reading one of the books they'd picked up at the library. He sets it face down when he realizes Iruka is awake and comes around to sit on the floor next to his head. 

"Feeling any better?" He asks. Iruka nods. His headache is nearly gone, just a dull pain at the back of his skull. His mouth is dry and it feels like he slept for several hours out here. He doesn't have the energy to sit up just yet so he turns onto his side so they can talk. Kakashi brushes his bangs away from his face for him but keeps his hand carded through Iruka's hair.

"Yeah... better." 

"You don't usually get headaches." 

In his first few years of teaching he did sometimes, when he didn't have a handle on his level of stress. But even before his memories stop he hadn't had a headache that bad since he spent a few weeks in the hospital after getting hit by the fuma-shuriken. It doesn't seem like a coincidence he'd have one again now the same morning he recalled information that's definitely well within the giant gap in his memories. 

"Do you? Or did you used to? I think I... I remembered something."

Kakashi hides his surprise well, but it's there. "What did you remember?" 

"Just a little.  Iruka hates to disappoint, but it's really not all that much. "Nothing solid. I think I... I remember you getting headaches a lot, after the war." Kakashi had mentioned he struggled with the loss of the sharingan but didn't say exactly how. "Were you unwell for some reason? Because you lost the sharingan?" 

"Yes, for several months," Kakashi says, a strange tinge of hope in his tone despite the statement. 

"There are suppression tags in the bathroom," Iruka says. "I didn't see them, I just... I knew they were there." 

"I couldn't control my chakra without the sharingan," Kakashi explains. "I didn't know how anymore. The tags were to help, until I got used to it. Did you remember that?" 

"Not exactly. I only remembered the tags, and the medicine." Iruka tugs the blanket up around his shoulders and Kakashi gently drags his nails across Iruka's scalp before letting go. It feels nice, and he wishes he was brave enough to ask him to keep doing it. "I didn't know what they were for." 

"That's good though, Iruka. It's starting to come back to you." 

Iruka sighs, and tries not to feel frustrated. It should be encouraging, the fact that he remembers anything at all. But if he's only going to get flashes at a time, this is really going to take forever. He finally sits upright and Kakashi climbs up on the couch next to him. 

"At this rate maybe by the end of the week I'll have an entire memory, not just bits and pieces." 

"Clearly we're doing something right."

"Then I hope the headache was a coincidence, but I have a feeling it's not." 

"We'll talk to Tsunade," Kakashi says. "Ino can look at the block again. It must be starting to weaken."

He seems determined not to let Iruka cave to his pessimism, so Iruka tries to remain positive. Though he's really not looking forward to how painful this is going to be if just that tiny bit of information was enough to knock him out for several hours. 

Kakashi encourages him to rest for the remainder of the day, and offers to have Ino come to the estate so they don't have to make the trip. Iruka debates but ultimately decides that the fresh air might do him some good, so after Kakashi makes a small breakfast and Iruka takes a hot shower, they bundle up to head across town. Kakashi sends a clone ahead to fetch both Ino and Tsunade, and they take their time walking through the snow laden streets. Iruka is finally not quite as embarrassed to offer an arm when they walk together, though he wouldn't be so bold as to ask that they hold hands. There's just enough cloud cover to block out enough of the midday sunlight to avoid being snowblinded by the fresh layer on the streets. Plumes of smoke divide the gray sky into columns as people keep fires going in their homes to stay warm. It's really like something out of a picture book, and Iruka can't get over how still and quiet the streets are as the snow soaks up even the scuff of their footsteps as they trudge forward. 

His headache, which never really went away, stays moderately well behaved all the way up to the point that they reach the hospital. Iruka pauses inside the doors and takes a few deep breaths. 

"Headache again?" Kakashi asks. Iruka nods. They continue down the hall slowly, every step forward sending a jolt straight up his spine and into his skull. Halfway there they pass by a row of patient rooms and Iruka catches less than a second's glimpse inside of one. As if in response, the pain behind his eyes is suddenly so intense he has to stop and lean against the wall when he feels weak in the knees. 

Images flash behind his eyes as he squeezes them closed, more thought than substance, a weird sort of déjà vu as he distinctly remembers being in a room just like the one behind them now, sitting at Kakashi's bedside for days while he recovered from the fighting during the war and the sudden loss of his sharingan. Iruka can remember standing in this very hallway talking to Tsunade, listening to her explain that it's not normal for someone to suddenly have double the amount of chakra they're used to when it's been more than a decade that their body has developed alongside a reduced amount as an uncontrollable dojutsu siphoned it away. Iruka remembers that it took several days for Kakashi to no longer be bedridden as his chakra pathways adapted to the gradual removal of the suppression seals, a weaker version applied every morning until he could withstand the influx of an amount of chakra he never had access to before without causing him pain. 

And Iruka remembers the weeks Kakashi spent rehabilitating once he was allowed to go home. He remembers how often the migraines or exhaustion made him sleep for hours on end, lying on the couch with his head in Iruka's lap or held in Iruka's arms as they curled up in bed, sometimes all day long. He remembers how frustrated Kakashi was with what he considered his own weakness, how much harder his physical recovery was made by the mental one, and the slow but eventual progress as Kakashi learned to adapt to his own chakra and recover from the traumatic stress he suffered during the war. Iruka remembers the pride he felt watching as the baby steps one day evolved into enormous strides. He remembers seeing Kakashi get stronger and healthier after that, and distinctly remembers the day Kakashi came home and said he'd finally, officially, accepted the role of Rokudaime, holding his head high when he announced he was ready for it. Iruka remembers thinking that Kakashi was the strongest person he'd ever met. To have suffered so much in his life and still managed to grasp onto even a small fistful of optimism, to still know how to be kind, and patient, and to know how to love. Iruka remembers considering himself lucky to stand on the receiving end of Kakashi's affection and to be allowed to give his own in return, and to have it be accepted so readily and happily. He remembers knowing that he'd gladly stand next to Kakashi forever if he could. That there is nowhere he'd rather be than at Kakashi's side. 

"-Iruka. Please talk to me, can you hear me? 

Kakashi's voice cuts through his thoughts like snipping a rope pulled taught, sending a violent jolt down both ends as it abruptly recoils. He gasps as the sting of the dry hospital air hits his lungs, holding his breath without meaning to and feeling like he's drowning because of it. He's lying on his back, staring at the blurry white tiles of the ceiling when he opens his eyes. Someone's coat is bundled under his head and there are more than one set of hands on him. Kakashi's pale head of hair is visible in his peripherals, and so is Tsunade's. Her fingers are pressed against his temples as she pours chakra directly into his skull. He reaches for the palm on his face and finds Kakashi's wrist. His hands are freezing, though that might be because Iruka is sweating bullets under his clothes. It takes a few attempts to be able to speak, and he clears his throat several times before the words will come out.

"...wha's happening?"

"It's okay, you're alright," Kakashi says gently. "Just be still for me." 

"Ino is on the way," Tsunade says. "Shizune, free a room for him." 

There's a quiet shuffle as someone leaves, then Tsunade's hands retract. Iruka blinks and he's being hoisted off the ground, too fast for his vertigo to handle, making his aching head swim. He clutches at the only thing he can reach, which is the fabric of Kakashi's coat in front of his face.

"I have you," Kakashi says. Iruka is held so tight to Kakashi's chest that the rumble beneath his ribs can be felt when he speaks. "I have you, you're alright. Just sleep. It's okay, you're okay."

Iruka has no problems obliging. Kakashi's voice is low and soothing, and Iruka feels as safe in his arms as he does in the comfort of their home. When he next closes his eyes he doesn't manage to open them again, and he's out before Kakashi puts him down.

Chapter Text

It's dark when Iruka wakes, though the moon reflects brightly off the layer of snow outside and turns the walls a pale blue. It must be the middle of the night. His head mostly no longer hurts, which is a small miracle, though he feels horribly wrung out. His back is stiff from sleeping at an odd angle so he turns to lay flat and somehow bumps into someone. Kakashi is right next to the bed and he jolts upright, picking up his head from where it's pillowed on his arms as he hunches forward against the edge of the mattress. There's a faint red impression from the creases in his sleeve on his cheek. His alarm quickly fades to relief when he realizes Iruka is awake. 

"Hey..." His voice is rough with sleep. "You okay?" 

Iruka manages a nod. "What happened?" 

"We got to the hospital this morning and your headache got worse." Kakashi clears his throat and rests his chin in his palm. His free hand finds Iruka's and lightly squeezes his fingers. "You passed out in the hallway."

"What time is it?" 

Kakashi glances at the ticking clock above the window. "Almost midnight." 

Iruka exhales a sigh. "...ugh. I feel like a bag of rocks." 

"The block on your memories is starting to fail," Kakashi says. "The stress caused your headache. Did you remember something else?"

Iruka stifles a yawn and folds an arm under his head as he fights the return to sleep. "Yeah. More about you."

"You don't have to tell me right now. Just rest." 

"If I don't talk about it I feel like I might forget it again," Iruka says. "It was more of the same from this morning. But it was specific this time. I remembered your recovery after the war. From losing the sharingan. And you weren't just a little bit unwell," he adds, with increasing awareness that Kakashi had toned down the severity of his own issues. Iruka squeezes his palm. "You were really ill." 

"It didn't last too long," Kakashi says. "I was okay after a few months." 

"It was so bad that I didn't go back to the Academy immediately, because I didn't want to leave you home alone." Iruka closes his eyes as the sporadic bits of information come to him, much easier now than they did before. There's still not an entire picture, not quite, it's black around the edges and he can't see much further than the immediate context of this one vein of thought. But it's solid, and it feels more real than anything else has so far. "And I kind of remember... maybe watching you out in the training yard sometimes, trying to figure out how to use ninjutsu again with your chakra being so different." He opens his eyes, and Kakashi's gaze rests on his face. "I remember being proud of you, watching you recover. I remember thinking I..." 

I remember thinking how much I love you, he almost says. But what he's slowly realizing about this return of his memories is that thinking is one thing, and feeling is another thing entirely. And just because he can remember having that feeling before doesn't mean he still does right now. Not in the same way. Surely he loves Kakashi, he knows he does, but not with the deep rooted affection he felt in that memory. What he has at the moment is closer to an infatuation or a crush than it is the sort of devotion he felt in the few moments that the memory was right in the forefront of his mind. Everything that makes up that broader and more intimate sort of passion is trapped in his head, pieces that make a whole he can't see. Like a foreign tongue that you're familiar enough with to understand but not to speak, and the nuance is lost amidst the words you've yet to learn. 

"Thinking what?" Kakashi prompts. 

"...I don't know," Iruka says. He's not sure how to explain it without it sounding... cruel. I could love you if I remembered how, he thinks. "It's all a little hazy." 

"That's okay," Kakashi says. And much more than before, Iruka suddenly feels guilty with the affection which so obviously colors Kakashi's tone and is evident in his gaze when he replies. "This is still good progress, either way." 

"...yeah," Iruka says. "I really hope so." 

"How are you doing? Any pain?" 

"A bag of rocks," Iruka reminds him. Kakashi brushes the hair away from his face for him with a very slight smile on one corner of his mouth. 

"How about a number?"

"I dunno... a three," Iruka says. "I still have a headache but it's a lot better. I'm just sore. And tired."

"Go back to sleep. You need to rest."

"I slept like twelve hours already," Iruka complains. "Have you been here all day? Maybe you should sleep."  

"I was sleeping pretty good, believe it or not." 

Iruka looks at the deep bags under Kakashi's eyes and the tired draw to his face. He's still wearing the same clothes they arrived in, and it doesn't seem like he's left. There's a paper visitors tag around his wrist and in the box next to 'Visitor Name', it simply says Hokage, which Iruka imagines was a bit of a laugh for the medi-nin who checked him in.

"Not," Iruka says. "I bet you have a crick in your neck as we speak." 

Kakashi shrugs with another small smile. "Ah, well... guilty as charged." 

Banking on the bravery provided by his lowered inhibitions in the face of recent events, Iruka scoots to the far side of the bed and pats the empty space next to him. 

"Get some proper sleep," he says. 

Kakashi looks like he's going to protest, so Iruka pats the blankets again. Kakashi sighs with someone resigned defeat before he shrugs out of his vest and shoes and climbs under the blanket. The bed isn't really big enough, which leaves them squished together from shoulder to hip as Kakashi tugs the thick comforter back up around their chins and settles in. Despite the fact that they're only sharing a bed, this is as physically close of a moment as they've had so far, and yes this might have been Iruka's idea but his heart is starting to pound in his chest at the proximity. Really he has entirely selfless reasons for the offer. He does want Kakashi to get a good night's sleep, and feels bad to have worried him so much. And maybe there's more than a little internalized - or perhaps misplaced - guilt at the idea that his memory loss is stealing moments like this that they might otherwise share with one another, something he's sure Kakashi misses more than he lets on. So this much, Iruka can do. He finds Kakashi's hand under the blankets and holds onto it, and Kakashi's thumb brushes across his knuckles back and forth, putting him right back to sleep. 

Kakashi is still snoring softly the next morning when Iruka blinks awake, which is just as well considering he slept like a limpet and clung to Kakashi's arm the entire night. There's just enough time to disentangle from his side before they're interrupted by the medi-nin, who have no issues waking and quickly berating the Hokage about improper etiquette regarding visiting hours and letting patients rest unbothered. Kakashi obliges but pulls a chair right next to Iruka's head, and doesn't move from that spot until Ino and Tsunade both return later in the morning. Ino again looks around in his head and confirms as much as Kakashi already said - that the block on his mind is slowly weakening, and his symptoms yesterday were the result. 

"Now that the first memories have come back to you," she says. "The rest should follow after it."

"What do you mean, should?"

"I mean it's not an exact science, sensei," Ino says patiently. "I know that seems counter-intuitive when we're talking about ninjutsu, but interacting and interfering with other people's minds and consciousness is much different than the comparative simplicity of casting a fireball or putting up a barrier. This is very delicate work, and every case is unique. I wish it were more straightforward than that, but unfortunately it isn't." 

"So do you think there's a chance my memories might not even come back all the way?" 

Ino hesitates, and thins her mouth into a line with a frown before she replies. 

"I think that your prognosis is positive right now," she eventually says. "I think that based on what I've seen so far, it's a good sign that you got as much back as you did so quickly, and I wouldn't be surprised if things start falling into place after this."

"And the headaches," Kakashi adds, beating Iruka to the question. "Will they be so severe every time?"  

"No, not to that degree. But I would expect further symptoms as your memories continue to return."

Tsunade chimes in when Kakashi starts looking worried. 

"I'll give him something to take at the onset of any further episodes," she says, and then turns to Iruka. "And I'm going to give you a list of chakra control exercises I want you to follow. Don't do anything too strenuous, and come find me the moment anything like this happens again."

"Sensei, this is good," Ino says. "It's only been a few days. Give it time, yeah?" 

Iruka tries not to look disappointed, but it's hard to hide his lack of confidence. He nods, unable to come up with a reply. 

"Someone will be by to discharge you soon," Tsunade says.   

"Of course," Kakashi adds when Iruka remains silent. "Thank you both." 

With a curt nod in response, Tsunade turns and exits the room. Ino squeezes Iruka's shoulder briefly with a small smile before she goes, and with that, they're left alone. Iruka flops back against the bed and puts an arm across his eyes. The mattress sinks as Kakashi sits down. 

"Still worried?" 

"And you aren't?" 

Kakashi sighs, but decidedly says nothing. Iruka peeks out from under his arm. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that." 

Kakashi rests a hand on his leg through the blankets. "I know. It's alright. I understand your worry, I'm just trying to stay optimistic. How's your head?" 

"It hurts a little," Iruka admits. "But it's not bad. I'm kind of hungry." 

"Hospital food not up to your standards?" 

"Not after your cooking," he says, and Kakashi smiles warmly, squeezing his knee before letting go. A medi-nin comes back with his discharge papers, the aforementioned medications from Tsunade, and a small novel's worth of chakra control exercises for him to follow. He sits on the edge of the bed getting dressed for the walk home.

"How embarrassing to have a fainting spell in the middle of the hallway," he grumbles. "If there weren't rumors about me there certainly will be now. Getting bridal carried through the hospital by the Hokage, of all people." 

"Who just so happens to be your husband, of course," Kakashi reminds him with a quiet huff of amusement. At Iruka's pointed glare he smooths his expression back to neutral. 

"I don't enjoy being a spectacle."  

"If it makes you feel better..." Kakashi starts, but pauses mid-thought as Iruka fishes his shoe out from under the bed and slides it on. "Well, nevermind. It probably won't." 

"What? Now you have to tell me." 

"I was going to say that the medi-nin are a horrible gossip, and maybe by the end of the day you won't have to... answer many questions about your memory loss?" 

It kind of does make him feel better, in a convoluted way, which is a little frustrating. Iruka kicks his foot into his other shoe and stands to look for his coat, which Kakashi has draped over his arm, and holds it open for Iruka to slip into.

"You should really get a handle on your personnel," Iruka says. Kakashi tucks his hands behind his back as Iruka does up the zipper and finds his gloves, waiting patiently for him to be ready to leave. 

"I'll get right on it," Kakashi says. But the mask doesn't quite hide his grin. 

It snowed again the night before, and the air is crisp and sharp as they walk home. Iruka is still fighting off the embarrassment of waking up pressed very snugly against Kakashi's side, and being alone with him on the quiet streets is not helping his ability to make the normal sort of small talk.

"Would you like to get breakfast?" Kakashi asks. "Or I can make something for us." 

"I think I'd rather eat in," Iruka says. "I'm still a little tired." 

"Any requests?" 

"I dunno... what would you normally make?" 

Kakashi takes a moment to mull it over. "Usually we agree on most fish and vegetables dishes," he says. "I think there's some salmon at home." 

"But you like saury," Iruka notes, surprised as he's struck with the thought.

"I do." 

"And eggplant. And tofu. Right?" 

"And miso," Kakashi adds. "You remembered that?" 

"Yeah. It's weird." Iruka watches the snow scatter, kicked underfoot as they walk. "It's like I never forgot. Like I always knew, and I just... didn't think about it." 

"And how's your head?" 

"Not any worse," he says. "But to be fair, yesterday I remembered a lot. I guess there's a correlation, huh. One tiny headache in exchange for remembering your favorite type of fish." 

Kakashi hums appreciatively at his response, and tightens his hand around Iruka's arm as they walk the rest of the way home. Kakashi makes a small breakfast, and despite having already slept so much Iruka takes a nap on the couch that afternoon. They do very little the rest of the day, lounging about reading and sipping warm drinks to fend off the cold. Iruka goes through the photobook again just because he can, then does some of the morning workout routine he's missed the last two days just to not feel so stiff, and finally winds down with an hour of the chakra control exercises on the floor in the living room while Kakashi sprawls on the couch to read. It's not until Genma shows up at the front door later in the evening that Iruka remembers they had dinner plans.

"You were in the hospital?" He asks incredulously. "No one tells me anything around here!" 

"Stop standing in the open doorway," Kakashi chides and ushers him in. Genma shuts the door a little too hard behind him and kicks off his shoes so he can come inside and give Iruka a proper once over himself. 

"Are you alright?" He asks. "What happened? When did you get out?" 

"This morning," Iruka says. "And I'm okay. The block on my memories is starting to fail and it gave me... issues." 

"Geez, that seems to be putting it mildly." 

"Well, we can still get dinner."

"Only if you're up for it," Genma says, and Kakashi adds, "You should try and take it easy for the rest of the day." 

Iruka accepts defeat in the face of their concern, and agrees to takeout from Ichiraku's. Genma decides to run there and back to pick it up and Iruka offers to go with him to help. Mostly he wants a chance to spend at least a few minutes talking, since he still feels bad about sort of flaking on dinner. Kakashi perhaps guesses as much, because he doesn't go with them. He'd apologized for being 'overbearing' before, which isn't true at all, though Iruka can understand why he might feel like he's hovering. They've spent almost no time apart over the last few days. 

"So tell me what happened," Genma says as they leave the estate. There's enough snow on the ground to bounce around the light from the streetlamps and the entire village glows bright in the dark. "You sure you're doing alright?" 

"I'm fine, just a little tired, a little bit of a headache," Iruka says. "But my memories are starting to come back." 

"Really? Which ones?" 

"Well, I mean, not a whole lot yet..." Iruka admits. "Just some stuff about Kakashi. I woke up yesterday morning with a headache and I thought maybe it was a coincidence, so we were going to have Ino look at the block again and on the way to the hospital I remembered way more all of a sudden. It felt like the worst migraine I've ever had in my life. Kakashi says I passed out in the hallway but I barely even remember getting to there." 

"Is it gonna be like that every time?" 

"Goodness, I hope not. Ino says it shouldn't be." 

"Damn... crazy," Genma says. Which is a pretty succinct way to describe this entire ordeal. "It's been like, what, a week? It'll be forever for you to remember everything at this rate." 

"I know... it really sucks. And I feel so bad." 

"About what?" 

Iruka almost decides against voicing what he's hesitant to say, which is to admit to his continuous guilt surrounding how much of his relationship with Kakashi is entirely gone. But memory gap or not, Genma has been his friend for ages, and if Iruka can't confess this to him then there's perhaps no one else he could talk to about it. 

"I know I don't feel the same way as I should about things right now," he starts to say, trying to figure out how to explain a sensation that's inherently so strange. "There's entire friendships with people I've made that I don't even know, which is bad enough, but with Kakashi and I, it's- it's been kind of weird, to be honest. Because I know, I know he loves me. And I have this... this ache, somewhere, like I'm supposed to love him back, and I just..." 

"Don't?" Genma asks hesitantly. 

"It's not that I don't at all," Iruka hurriedly adds. "But I don't the way I know I should. The memories I got back about Kakashi yesterday were from not even a year ago, and I remember how it felt to... to be in love with him, but then when I woke up afterwards it wasn't the same anymore. Like I wasn't living in that moment any longer. And it's so obvious how he feels about me, but I can't even find it for myself, you know? Doesn't that just sound so awful? I feel so bad every time I think about it. I feel like an ingrate." 

"But isn't it only a matter of time before you remember everything?"

"Supposedly, yeah. But what if I don't?" Iruka knows he's being a pessimist, but he's always preferred looking at a given situation from every angle. And right now, his biggest concern is that there's a chance this isn't resolved as tidily as everyone is hoping. "Ino says the block on my memories is failing, but it doesn't mean everything is guaranteed to go back to normal. What if some things are just gone forever? What if there's bits and pieces of myself I never get back? What if I never remember enough to understand the how and the when I fell in love with him? What am I supposed to do then, what is he supposed to do? I mean, he's already-" 

"Geez, chill out some," Genma interrupts unhelpfully. 

"Will you be serious? I'm really worried."

"Oh, god, I couldn't tell." 

Iruka glares but Genma only rolls his eyes. A few people pass by them on the street as they get closer to the heart of town, and Genma waits for them to be out of earshot before he continues. 

"Listen," he says plainly. "The two of you are stupidly crazy about one another, to a degree that is nauseating to witness at times. I think Kakashi would actually kill people if you asked him to, and ever since you came to my house and told me you had your first date with him I haven't gone more than a few days without hearing his name out of your mouth. So I think that whether or not you get all of your memories back, there's not a doubt in my mind that you'll make it work. Tell me he hasn't already said the same thing." 

Iruka has always appreciated Genma's brutal honesty. It's really only gotten more direct over the years. 

"... he did," Iruka admits hesitantly. "He said we could start over. That just feels so cruel." 

"Why? Do you not want to?" 

"Of course I'd want to." 

"Then it would be far crueler not to try just because you're afraid it won't be the same." They're barely a block away from the restaurant now, and Genma pauses on a side street so they can finish talking in private. "Do you think that if your memories never came back, that you couldn't feel the same way anymore? That you'd never fall in love with him again? Like, pretend you don't already know you're married. How do you feel about him right now?"

Iruka sighs and tries to remember his own opinions from prior to waking up in the hospital. It's hard to separate the way he feels from the way he should feel, despite that it's only been a few days since this all started. This is also more than a little embarrassing to talk about, having a relatively serious conversation about something that should otherwise be somewhat lighthearted - namely, the insatiable crush he's had on Kakashi for the last few months, which at this point where his memories left off, he's told absolutely no one about, not even Genma. 

"I like him," he says, feeling his face heat at the admission. "Things were kind of weird between us because of all the nonsense with the chuunin exams and I hated how awkward it felt not to talk to him, and I missed him. I like him a lot, Genma. But it's so weird to have skipped all the stuff in the middle. And it makes me sad to think that there could be a chance it's not going to be the same anymore, no matter what I do."

"I get that," Genma says patiently. "But I think at the end of the day it matters more what you both want out of this than it does how you get to it, or whether you get it back exactly the same way." 

Iruka has to admit he's probably right. Regardless of how this goes - whether he gets his memories back the rest of the way or not - it's clear that both of them still want to be together, even if that means different things to each of them right now. And given time, Iruka knows he will fall in love with Kakashi all over again. He did it once, and he understands Kakashi's heartfelt sentiment that he'd do it again. Because Iruka would do it again too, if it came to that. As much as he worries, he doesn't actually dislike the prospect itself. He really does like Kakashi quite a lot. 

"I guess that's true," Iruka says. "I'm just a bit stressed out. Sometimes it's hard to know how to act around him. He knows me so well, and it's not the same for me. It can be a little awkward. The other day we went out to lunch together and it felt kinda like a first date."  

"Oh, so I take it you guys aren't having sex at the moment," Genma says, with far too much amusement in his tone. Iruka snaps his mouth closed in indignity. 

"I'm not sure how that's relevant! I just told you it's awkward!"  

Genma waves a dismissive hand with a smirk.

"You guys should just sleep together again and get it over with," he says. "Maybe it won't be so weird anymore." Then he chuckles, and adds, "Maybe it would jog the rest of your memories about him. You know, when the post-orgasm clarity hits-"

Iruka smacks him on the arm and Genma ducks out of the way. 

"And to think I was about to ask when you got so smart!" 

Genma laughs at that, and it echoes across the empty street around them as he follows after where Iruka continues towards the restaurant, very intentionally not thinking about that last piece of advice. 

They end up bringing back enough food to have leftovers for the next day, which works out well considering Naruto drops by halfway through the meal once he heard from Sakura that Iruka had been in the hospital. His headache has slowly come back over the course of the evening but nothing at all compared to the day prior, so he tries not to worry. He takes his medication, and hopes that one more night of sleep will chase the last of his lingering symptoms away. He's a little too tired to contribute much to the conversation as they sit around after the meal, but it's nice to listen to the three of them talk. It continues to be apparent how much closer Kakashi and Naruto have grown over the years, and likewise how Naruto and Genma have formed a sort of budding friendship, which seems to include a fair amount of tag-teaming good natured digs at Kakashi. Seeing some of his favorite people being so familiar and close, it makes him happy despite that he can't remember how they all got to this point. 

Genma heads out at a reasonable time that night, giving Iruka a hug goodbye and a single nod to Kakashi, though Naruto sticks around for a while longer. After insisting on dessert he jumps into a few re-tellings of stories from his travels with Jiraiya. It seems like he didn't manage to go a day of the entire two years without getting into antics of some sort, whether at Jiraiya's behest or his own. 

He's in the middle of a long winded anecdote about one of his interactions with the toad sages on Mount Myōboku when Iruka hastily sits upright, because another memory strikes him suddenly and he's shocked by the clarity with which he sees it. He pushes away from his seat, momentarily ignoring the others' questioning glances at his slight gasp of surprise as he stands and heads down the hall to his and Kakashi's room to find what he's looking for. On the bookshelf, next to one of the photographs, is a plush fabric frog. 

It's a little rough looking - there's a line of stitches where a hole was mended, one of the glass button eyes is missing entirely, and there's a zipper on its back which no longer closes all the way, but when it functioned, the frog was meant to be used to hold pencils or ink brushes - a gift from Naruto once he returned to Konoha with a few spoils from his travels. Iruka remembers Naruto handing it over and admitting that he picked it up because he likes frogs, and thought Iruka could use a place to store his supplies since he does so much writing and grading at the Academy. The little pencil pouch stayed on Iruka's desk every single day for months, right up until the village was destroyed. Afterwards as Iruka pawed through the wreckage, he found that it was one of the very few things that came away somewhat intact, tugged out from under a pile of splintered wood as the debris was removed piece by piece. For weeks after that Iruka kept it on his person, tucked inside his vest as a good luck charm. And once he and Kakashi moved in here, it was 'retired' from its hardworking shinobi life, and given a special home right here on the bookshelf. 

There's a terrible pinch somewhere behind his sinuses as his headache comes to a peak but he ignores it, taking a few deep breaths until it calms by a degree. He runs his fingers over the green canvas fabric as all of this comes back to him suddenly, just from Naruto's silly story. He returns to the living room to find both of them waiting curiously for his return, Kakashi already rising to his feet to go after him. 

"Everything okay?" Kakashi asks. Iruka retakes his seat, both hands holding onto the frog and admittedly close to tears over it.  

"Naruto gave me this," he says, holding it out, and Naruto grins excitedly. 

"Hey, it's Gama-san!" He says. "I didn't think you still had that thing." 

"I-... I just remembered it," Iruka says. "I remember you giving it to me, when you came back."

"I gave you a cookbook I found too," Naruto adds. "You didn't appreciate that one as much."

Iruka laughs but it catches in his throat around his tears. He's not even sad, he's happy actually, because just like with his memories of Kakashi, he remembers exactly what it felt like to stand at the gate and welcome Naruto back after such a long absence. Back then he hadn't realized how lonely he felt without Naruto around. Naruto had always been like his little brother, and watching him leave the village knowing there was nothing Iruka could do to keep him safe and that it would be years until they saw each other again - it was a very heartwrenching few weeks after he was gone. Naruto's gift meant a lot more to Iruka than the utility of the thing ever did. It meant his family had finally come home.

Iruka gives Naruto a fierce hug when he finally leaves that night, ruffling his hair for old times sake and grinning at his embarrassed protests at the action. Iruka is exhausted by the time he's finally gone, but feeling immensely satisfied after such a nice evening. He starts to help clean up after dinner but Kakashi insists he go to bed and get some rest, and Iruka is too tired and his head hurts too much to argue so he easily agrees. He wishes he was brave enough to ask that they sleep in the same bed again, because waking up next to someone is a lot nicer than he remembered and Kakashi's presence is grounding in a way not much else is recently. But for now he'll settle for being only a room apart as Kakashi sits up for a while longer to do his usual late-night reading session. He's heading towards the hall when Kakashi stops him, gently touching his arm. 

"Hey. I'm glad you're alright," he says. "Wake me if you need anything, okay?"

Iruka nods in acceptance, mostly because he hopes it's at least a small comfort if Kakashi understands his concern is appreciated. It's clear how much he's been holding himself back in ways he might not in usual circumstances, if only to avoid breaching any levels of comfort Iruka has with what he remembers, or doesn't, of their relationship at the moment. But Iruka now knows how it felt when he could do very little besides watch as Kakashi struggled with the pain and exhaustion of rehabilitation after the war, how much Iruka's heart ached to have to see it and be unable to ease his suffering in any way besides offering his presence, and how badly he wanted to gather Kakashi in his arms and hold him without letting to. So when Kakashi reluctantly steps away, Iruka instead does what Kakashi very obviously wants to do, and pulls him in for a hug. 

Kakashi practically melts, resting his head on Iruka's shoulder and holding him around his waist. He exhales slowly, and Iruka feels his shoulders bow out of their hunch as he visibly de-tenses at the embrace. Iruka rubs a hand up and down his back, and gladly stands in the circle of Kakashi's arms for at least a full minute. He sort of feels bad he didn't offer this sooner. Kakashi watched him collapse and then spent more than twelve hours at his side while he slept. If their positions were reversed, Iruka knows that he'd be a terrible mess right now, and wouldn't let Kakashi out of his sight or touch if at all possible.

"I'm okay," Iruka says. "Promise."

Kakashi takes a deep breath, and tightens his arms by just a few degrees. He's pressed against the side of Iruka's neck, and his face is warm even if his hands are still cold. 

"I love you," he says quietly, barely a whisper against Iruka's skin. And then he lets go, and he straightens and takes a step back. "Sleep well."

"...goodnight," Iruka replies. He's very proud of the fact he managed not to stutter around his reply.  

He lies awake in bed for so long that Kakashi eventually finishes his nightly reading session, and the light that shines under the door goes dark as he quietly shuffles down the hall to go to his room. Kakashi's door clicks quietly as it closes, just as Iruka's swings open and Pakkun jumps up onto the bed in the pitch black. 

"You don't have to come babysit me," Iruka protests. 

"Humor me," Pakkun says. "Boss's orders." 

Then he does a few circles in place, and curls up under the crook of Iruka's elbow. Iruka rests a hand between Pakkun's ears, and all he can think about when he falls asleep is how much he misses the warmth of Kakashi's arms. 

Chapter Text

Iruka has a very low-grade headache almost the entire next day, faint enough he can ignore it if he's occupied, but never dulling down so far as to be unnoticeable. He takes his medicine as instructed and tells Kakashi about it, who asks more than once throughout the day how he's feeling. It doesn't get better, but it doesn't get worse, and Ino had already warned him to be prepared for this as his memories slowly return to him. And now that the first few things have come back there's been this tiny trickle of information he stumbles over every so often. Small things, mostly, smaller even than the memory of Gama-san, things as relatively inconsequential as Kakashi's favorite fish or kind of soup. He pulls a spare blanket out of the bedroom closet and knows that it was one of his early attempts at making a gift for baby Mirai. Then later he's hunting down his missing glove and finds it at the bottom of the shoe cubby, next to a pair of uniform boots he's been meaning to mend the zipper on. Reaching for a spoon in the utensil drawer knowing it's the one he always uses. Craving a snack before lunch and remembering he ate the last of his box of karintō before he left on his mission and will need to buy more. Stepping over a squeaky floorboard in the kitchen without being told to do so.

Most of the time he doesn't even realize things like that have come back to him until the context turns out to be nonexistent and he doesn't understand why he knows something, or if Kakashi notices it and points it out for him. That evening they're dressing to take a post-dinner walk around the village and Iruka instinctively goes to fasten the buttons of Kakashi's coat for him, something he knows he does all the time. It's not until he glances up and sees Kakashi's affectionate smile in his direction that he realizes he's acted without thinking, and hastily keeps his hands to himself. As they do a lap around the block Iruka recognizes the elderly widow who lives a few doors down from them. She sits in front of her open window enjoying the cold air alongside her nightly tea and waves hello. Her husband died in the war. Their son works at the Academy, one of the newer sensei that Iruka helped coach when he first started. He and his wife had their first baby a few months ago. Iruka's more recent attempts at baby blankets were quite a bit better looking. 

"More still coming back to you?" Kakashi asks. Iruka has been a bit quieter than normal all day as he periodically reconciles new information. 

"Yeah. Just little things, all day long. I kind of want to see what else I'll remember if we go out somewhere, but it's... tiring."

"Maybe tomorrow?" 

"Sure. I guess we didn't do a whole lot today, huh?" 

Kakashi shrugs, and his thumb runs across the back of Iruka's hand. 

"That's alright," he says. "This is the longest either of us have gone without having somewhere to be every single day." 

"Perhaps ever, I'd imagine," Iruka adds. "But I miss the Academy. I miss teaching." 

"You'll get there," Kakashi says patiently. "They need you back. You're one of the best sensei we have."

"You can't say that," Iruka fusses. "You're biased. Actually, isn't it a conflict of interest that I'm still a sensei at all? Don't I work for you?" 

"Not directly," Kakashi says. "Technically everyone works for me, except for the council." 

"And Tsunade, I'm sure." 

"And Naruto, depending on the day," Kakashi says with a sigh of defeat. "That kid kind of does whatever he wants."

"What does he do, anyway?" Iruka asks. Considering he's still a genin but no longer on a team, his situation is odd, to say the least. 'Career-genin' aren't unheard of, but Iruka would bet money that Nrauto won't be satisfied with that. 

"He does diplomatic work, if you can believe it."

"No, I almost can't," Iruka says. Kakashi chuckles at this. 

"It's true. It helps that basically the entire continent knows who he is after the war. He spends a lot of time traveling to smaller settlements in Konoha, talking to people, finding out what they need help with."

"And the Shinobi alliance you were telling me about...  it really works?" 

Kakashi pauses with a small frown before he answers. 

"It's working." His tone is somewhat hesitant. "It was a necessity during the war, but now that that's no longer the case, there's been a fair amount of growing pain. Each nation still has their own conflicts and disagreements with one another, and that can't be erased overnight. But we've made progress. Your mission to Iwagakure, the one you were on before all of this, it was actually your idea. To share information with them."

"That feels so ambitious of me. I can't believe we're at a point where that's possible."

"No," Kakashi says quietly. "Neither can I." 

Iruka is reminded that Kakashi served in the third shinobi war against Iwagakure forces. He's likely all too familiar with how strange the current state of affairs of the world is compared to what he grew up with. The conversation lulls momentarily, though the silence is heavy and Iruka isn't surprised Kakashi breaks it just another block down the road. 

"I wasn't comfortable with you going."

"On the mission?" 

"Yes," Kakashi says plainly. "And not because I thought you were incapable. But because Iwagakure and Konoha have a very bad history, and I wasn't certain you'd be well received."

"Did you not trust Iwa to be hospitable?" 

"No, to be honest," Kakashi says with a deep sigh. "There are some outstanding parties from almost every village, ours included, that are displeased by the continuation of the alliance now that the war is over. There was always a chance your team might run into shinobi with just enough lingering resentment to take action against what they saw as an intrusion by the enemy when you showed up. And yes, maybe I'm biased - but you'd just gotten married to the Hokage of the very nation whom many shinobi of Iwagakure openly despised even just a few years ago." 

Kakashi seems to be on a roll now that he's gotten started. Iruka doesn't interrupt. 

"So, I worried," he continues. "I sent a squad of my best ANBU with you and it wasn't enough. Part of me wishes I hadn't allowed you to take that mission at all, but I also didn't want to insult you by sending someone else when you were the best candidate for the job. It was your idea to go in the first place and I knew you'd be successful. But I worried the entire time you were gone. Your team was a day late getting back, and when Sakura told me you were in the hospital I feared the worst. The fact that the enemy only intended to wipe your memories and not kill you is a miracle. That could have been the moment you died. After everything, after everything that's happened and everything we've both lived through, one second of complacency when you shouldn't have had to look over your shoulder in the first place could have been the moment I lost you."

He pauses suddenly, stopping in the middle of the street to anxiously comb through his hair.  

"I'm sorry," he says. "It sounds like I'm blaming you, and I'm not." 

"No, it's okay," Iruka is quick to assure. "I understand, Kakashi, I really do. I'm sure I wouldn't have been persuaded not to go, but... I'm sorry you were right."

"...as am I," Kakashi says reluctantly. "So I'm very relieved you're okay." 

Iruka shrugs, exaggerating it for dramatic effect. 

"Eh, you know. Mostly," he says. Kakashi grins and rolls his eyes, and Iruka squeezes his hand. 

That night, for the first time, Iruka's dreams are coherent enough that he can remember them. And he dreams about the Academy. 

He's never even seen the one that was rebuilt after the village's destruction, but as he navigates the halls they're familiar to him despite that they're not the same as they used to be. He trails a hand across the wooden grains in the walls as he walks down a long hallway, bigger than he'd imagine the Academy being. The place is entirely empty and deathly silent, and though he can hear a distant rumble from outside, when he glances at the windows in each of the classrooms, there's nothing to see, just the sunlight streaming in through the opaque glass. Eventually he reaches a set of double doors at the front of the building, a tall and impressive entrance fit for a place such as this where shinobi start their lives. He touches the handle, goes to turn it to let himself outside - and the door has barely opened a single inch with the ceiling caves in and buries him. 

He jolts awake, throwing off the blankets and leaping out of bed in alarm as he glances around the room. His heart thuds in his chest, he can feel it in his face and in the back of his throat, and his head aches so badly he's forced to curl up on the floor with his fists against his eyes for several seconds while he takes deep breaths until he calms. The quiet clack of Pakkun's claws against the floor are the only sound in the silence. 

"Iruka," he says. He'd been sleeping under Iruka's arm again last night. "You want I should-?"

"No, I'm okay." Iruka sits up and brushes his messy hair out of his eyes. "I just need my medicine."

"Boss told me to-"

"Don't bother him," Iruka insists. He pushes off the floor and picks up the blanket, tossing it back on the bed. "I'm fine. This- it's not as bad as it was before."

Pakkun huffs, but doesn't argue further. Iruka tiptoes down the hall to the bathroom where his medicine sits on the counter. From the dull reflection of light off the snow through the small window, he fills a glass and downs two pills, and is suddenly so exhausted he flops down on the couch instead of going back to his room. He falls asleep almost immediately, and not even a minute later he's roused by a blanket being draped over his torso. Kakashi's head of pale hair is visible in the dark and Pakkun dutifully trots down the hall, clearly having gone to get him despite Iruka's protests. Kakashi sits on the floor next to his head, but Iruka is out cold before Kakashi even gets a chance to speak 

He wakes before sunrise, when the sky is still a dark gray through the curtains and the bite of the morning cold is fierce. Kakashi is sitting at the kotatsu, leaning against the foot of the couch with a mug of tea and a book in front of him, Pakkun curled up in his lap. He's pulled out an old-fashioned space heater into the corner of the room which gives everything a dull orange glow, just enough for him to read by the light of. Iruka rolls off the couch and Kakashi turns as he stirs - but Iruka simply shrugs off the blanket and instead settles on the cushioned mat on the floor, tucking his legs under the kotatsu and drawing the cover up to his chin. Kakashi reaches out and brushes his bangs behind his ears as Iruka lies next to him. 

"Alright?" he asks. Iruka nods, yawning as he settles in. Kakashi rests a hand on his head, and he falls back asleep for a few more hours. 

He explains his dream once he's properly woken up later in the morning, leaning against the kitchen counter while Kakashi cooks breakfast. He sears fish in a pan while Iruka talks. 

"And then right as I got to the front door, the building came down."

Kakashi frowns as he sets aside a spatula to dig through the cabinets until he finds the spice jar needed for the fish. 

"I suppose that's accurate, though I wasn't next to you when the village was destroyed so I'm not sure where you were," he says. "Maybe it wasn't much of a dream at all."

"Dunno how I feel about these memories coming back while I sleep." 

Kakashi flips the salmon and takes the rice off the heat. "How are you feeling?" 

"Okay, I guess." Iruka shrugs. "My head still hurts, but it hasn't really stopped since we left the hospital." 

"Tell me if I can do anything for you," Kakashi offers. "And next time please wake me when that happens." 

Iruka tries not to feel just a little bit scolded. "I- well, I didn't want to bother you." 

Kakashi shakes his head. "You know you aren't a bother," he says, and he leaves it at that. 

The meal is quiet, but not unpleasant. Iruka's perpetual tiredness hasn't really left him alone since his memories first started coming back. They sit on adjacent sides of the kotatsu, close enough their folded knees bump while they eat and neither of them make attempts to avoid the contact. The longer this sort of thing goes on the more it feels like they're actually a couple - at least in Iruka's eyes, considering he's still getting used to this amount of familiarity between them. They do their usual exercise outside, then their morning walk. Following Iruka's not-dream from the night before, Kakashi asks if he'd like to go to the Academy, since they've yet to actually do so. Iruka agrees, eager to see the new facilities following the rebuild. It's a weekend, so no students are present, which is both a little disappointing but also relieving. He's sure that he'd be incapable of walking through the place without playing twenty questions from at least a dozen of his kids. 

The Academy isn't far from the Hokage tower, and like all the other buildings that exist now, it's a little strange that it's still so new looking. Some things are the same - the flower beds have been rebuilt on either side of the door, the training yard in the back is laid out similarly but is double the size, and the lonesome tree at the edge of the property clearly suffered damage during the destruction but what remains of it is still standing proud. They enter through the front, into the foyer and the reception area, where the floorboards and walls are noticeably less new than the rest of the construction. Most of the wood is flat and smooth with wear, clearly not fresh lumber, and some of the panels have deep scratches or gouges in them. Kakashi explains it's what was leftover after the village was destroyed, that many of the larger buildings had salvageable material for reconstruction, and this room of the new Academy was built with what could be saved. Iruka takes an extra moment to stand there in the silence, with his palm pressed against the wood. He stands exactly where he did in his dream the night before, when the place collapsed on top of him. For some reason, despite the inherent catastrophe of that event, it makes him feel better instead of worse. As if by touching the wooden walls, the same ones that used to make up the very building where he spent most of his time and energy, he can almost touch the rest of the memories he still can't reach. 

The nostalgia weighs heavy for the rest of the day, but for once it's not such a bad thing. After they leave the Academy they make a trip to the market to pick up a few things for dinner. Kakashi suggested having team 7 over since they all happen to be in the village at the same time for once - excluding Sasuke, who doesn't seem to come back to Konoha often. 

"He's not even far away, he's just being an ass," Naruto complains later that evening, as he pretends to help Kakashi cook. "He got back from a mission today so I told him we were getting the team together and he goes 'hn', in that stupid tone of his like he does, y'know, but he wouldn't give me a yes or a no if he was gonna be here or not." 

"You're optimistic if you expect he might stop by," Sakura says. She stands on Kakashi's opposite side, holding a bell pepper and a knife but doing very little chopping. "People talk every time he shows his face." 

"He earned his pardon!" Naruto argues. Sakura shrugs. 

"Sure, okay. I'm just saying," she says. "But I wouldn't hold my breath." 

"Well I asked really nicely. 'Cause this will be the first time in ages that all of us are under one roof, so he can't miss it." 

"Are either of you going to help me?" Kakashi chimes in. Naruto grumbles and retreats, and Sakura starts cutting up vegetables with a little too much force. Iruka has so far refrained from either helping with dinner or participating in the conversation. The former due to his continued unfamiliarity with the kitchen or with the ability to cook in general, and the latter due to the feeling that this is still a sore subject even after all this time. Naruto explained everything about what happened with Sasuke while he was gone, up to and including their reunion during the war, and needless to say, it's a little complicated. 

Tenzo shows up not long before dinner with Sai right behind him - someone who Kakashi explained and to whom Iruka is reintroduced at his arrival, though it's not until then that he realizes Sai is the second ANBU who stood outside the door to Tsunade's office. Sai and Naruto argue almost the entire evening, which Iruka finds mildly amusing, even if Sakura looks like she might kill one or both of them. Iruka's headache has grown fiercer over the course of the day, but he actively ignores it. It's nice to spend time with everyone together like this, and once again it strikes him how much both Sakura and Naruto have grown over the last five years. Even if some things haven't changed, like Naruto's rambunctiousness or Sakura's occasional short temper. 

Just as they're sitting down to eat, there's a quiet knock on the front door. Naruto eagerly leaps to his feet, with obvious anticipation as to who might have arrived. To everyone's surprise, when he comes back, none other than Sasuke is in tow behind him. He slips off his boots but doesn't bother taking off his cloak or gloves when he enters. His hair is much longer than it used to be, half covering his face. Naruto looks inordinately proud of himself for having succeeded in his mission to force Sasuke's appearance. Kakashi shares a glance with Tenzo but neither of them rise from the table. Sakura's decision not to even bother turning around to greet him is missed by no one. The tense awkwardness is very palpable. Sasuke takes a deep breath before he speaks into the room. 

"I can't stay," he says, and then turns to Kakashi. "Just reporting in."

He pulls a scroll container out from under his cloak and tosses it in Kakashi's direction, who catches it behind Iruka's back. He pops it open and briefly skims the contents. 

"That was quick," he says. 

"You asked for quick," Sasuke replies. Kakashi looks like he wants to roll his eyes, but manages not to. Naruto elbows Sasuke in the arm, clearly unperturbed by the atmosphere of the room. 

"You can't even stay for one bite?" He asks. Sasuke eyes the table of food and its occupants. Sakura hasn't looked away from her plate since he entered, picking up and eating one single slice of pepper at a time. 

"No," he says, and provides no other explanation. But he does approach the table, and he rests a cautious hand on Sakura's shoulder. 

"Sakura," he greets plainly. 

"Sasuke," she replies, just as plain. He lets her go, and instead addresses Iruka. 

"Naruto tells me you're unwell."

Iruka is a little surprised to be spoken to at all - granted, it seems like Naruto does a fair bit of talking about him. Out of the rest of team 7, Sasuke looks so much different than he did the last time Iruka ever saw him, just days before he abandoned the village. Iruka met Sasuke's mother only a handful of times right when he started teaching. It's not easy to remember a face from a decade ago, but Sasuke looks a lot like her.  

"You could say that," Iruka says. "But I'm doing alright." 

Sasuke hums under his breath with a nod and turns back to Kakashi. 

"If I'm needed, then." 

"You'll hear from me," Kakashi replies. 

Sasuke nods, and without much more than that, he turns to leave. Naruto glances back at the rest of them somewhat apologetically before going after him, and the door shuts as they both depart. The silence that lingers is uncomfortable. Sai is the one who winds up breaking it. 

"That was perhaps less unpleasant than previous interactions." 

"Oh, don't even start," Sakura immediately retorts. Like many things lately, Iruka lacks the context that should surround Sasuke's appearance, and why it's so awkward. Though perhaps he can guess, considering according to them, Sasuke went rogue for almost four years and was not easily convinced to return at all. It's a wonder he was never actually branded a missing-nin, but perhaps Tsunade had bigger issues at the time of his departure. He decides he won't pry, since it's likely just as difficult of a topic for Kakashi as it is for anyone else, if not more. But he does ask about the scroll that Sasuke dropped off. Later, when everyone's gone for the night and he and Kakashi are washing the dishes, he brings it up. 

"What did Sasuke drop off earlier?" 

Kakashi frowns slightly, though his stern expression is a little hard to take seriously when there's two soapy cuffs around his wrists from the water. 

"A mission report," he answers. "I sent him to Iwagakure to follow up on the Tsuchikage's investigation regarding the shinobi that attacked your team." 

Iruka isn't sure how to reply to this. He's not positive he wants to know the details about it. He dries a few cups and puts them away as Kakashi finishes washing the last of the bowls. 

"Should I ask what happened?" 

Kakashi shrugs and dries his hand on a dishrag.

"The bodies of their shinobi were returned," he says. "They were identified as dissidents who have been causing problems for the alliance in the last few months. It's being dealt with." 

Iruka sighs and leans against the counter. 

"I know you're going to say not to be, but I'm sorry this mission has turned everything into a bit of a mess," he says. "Considering it was my idea in the first place." 

"No, you were right to insist," Kakashi says. He tosses the rag over his shoulder and pulls out the kettle and two mugs to make their nightly tea before bed. "The mission was a success, technically speaking. All of your notes and learnings from your visit to their Academy still exist. And you will get your memories back in order to use them." 

Iruka sits down at the island while the kettle boils. "I hope you're right," he says. "I really miss teaching. I can't wait to go back again."

Kakashi rests a hand on his back between his shoulders. "You will," he says simply. So Iruka allows himself to be hopefully encouraged. 

They sip tea and work through a box of dango for dessert once the kitchen is clean, and Iruka takes one more round of his medication before deciding to call it a night. His headache has thoroughly tired him out and he's a little concerned about more of his memories coming back to him in his dreams again, but it's better than never getting them at all. The familiar light under the door while Kakashi sits up reading lulls him to sleep not long after Iruka lays down, and again that night, he dreams of the Academy. 

He starts in the same place as before, at the rear of the building heading down a long hallway towards the entrance. The rumble he heard last time is still present but much louder, and there's a newfound sense of urgency in his steps as he approaches the double doors. He again tries to open them, and this time is successful without the place collapsing on top of him. Instead of the destruction raining down and waking him up, he's met with a much worse nightmare than before. 

The village, what remains of it, is in ruins. Every other building is destroyed or crumbling, giant craters are blown into the cobblestone, trees and telephone poles are upended and lay on the ground or split in half, fires have broken out in a few places and desperate screams for help can be heard from every corner no matter which way he runs. Fighting is still happening in the distance, and he passes through the evidence thereof more than once. Scorch marks from wayward fireballs blacken the flagstone walkways, shuriken and kunai remain lodged in flat surfaces, bodies lie where they fell once defeated - Iruka is reminded of the destruction of the Sound invasion, though this is a hundred times worse than that single platoon of Oto shinobi. 

Iruka's first thought is to find Naruto, just to make sure he's okay, before he remembers that Naruto is currently out of the village training and is safe from whatever is happening right now. So instead he looks for Kakashi. Knowing him, he's in the thick of whatever battle is going on, and Iruka is determined - if terrified - to put his life on the line to protect the village, and to stand at Kakashi's side in order to do so. He runs until he sees the dim white light of a very familiar lightning release struggling to shine against the bright midday sun. He nearly stumbles over his own feet as he climbs across slabs of concrete and splintered wood and twisted metal until he comes to what he assumes is the scene of a battle - but everything's suddenly quiet. An entire block has been completely leveled during the fighting that had to have been taking place only moments ago, though the sounds of any scuffle are gone, and no one is even present. 

But a body lies cradled against the rock. And the gray head of hair and dirty green vest are soaked red with blood. 

Iruka's breath freezes in his lungs as he leaps forward, a deafening disbelief resounding in his skull as he runs towards what he is horribly certain is nothing more than a corpse. Halfway there his panic makes him stumble, and he hits his head on the compacted dirt so hard he can feel it in his teeth. He closes his eyes until the ringing in his ears subsides, breathing in the musky scent of dust and ash, of the metallic stench of blood and of ozone from Kakashi's lightning that just cleaved the air mere moments ago, and then- 

He opens his eyes, and he's lying on a hardwood floor. He looks up at the ceiling, disentangles himself from the blanket stuck around his legs and jumps to his feet in alarm. His chest heaves as he pants, his heart beating a mile a minute, his face and hands throbbing with the sudden pin pricks of fear from his nerves and his head screaming at him with every pulse. He glances around the room as if there in the distance he might still be able to discern where Kakashi lay unmoving, might be able to reach him in time to do something to help, to figure out if he's even still alive-

"Iruka?" 

And then from down the hall a voice, so familiar and sweet that Iruka nearly chokes as he darts out of the room to rush towards where Kakashi pokes his head through the bedroom door at the disturbance, likely alerted to the sound of Iruka hitting the floor when he rolled out of bed. Iruka barrels right into him and Kakashi has to catch him so he doesn't topple them both over but Iruka is too busy to notice, combing through Kakashi's hair to check for blood, clenching his shirt and trying to find the red stains that he expects to see blossom across his ribcage through his clothes. 

"Iruka, what's the-?" 

"Are you alright?" Iruka interrupts, clutching his face in both hands. "Kakashi, tell me you're okay." 

"Am I okay? Yes of course, I'm fine. What's wrong, tell me what happened-" 

"I pulled your body out of the rubble." Iruka remembers the blood staining his palms as he searched for a wound he could attempt to mend. He remembers listening for a heartbeat, trying and failing to find a pulse, desperately looking for a medic amidst the chaos, and the terrible dawning of fear when he realized it was already far too late. "You were dead." 

"It's alright, I promise," Kakashi insists. "It's over with, Iruka. I'm fine. Please, come sit down."

Iruka is ushered into the room and Kakashi helps him sit on the edge of the bed. He flips on a lamp on the bedside table which makes Iruka's headache worse but he isn't a huge fan of the dark at the moment. He feels weak in the knees, and his stomach turns like he might be sick at the thought of Kakashi's warm corpse under his hands. He hunches forward to put his head in his hands. It doesn't seem to matter that it wasn't real, because it felt real, and he recognizes what he knows are the symptoms of shock. He takes several slow, deep breaths in and out until he's able to breathe without it getting caught in his throat. Kakashi rubs circles against his spine until he's able to sit up again and wipe his face, though he hasn't quite stopped crying. 

"That was real, wasn't it? That wasn't just a dream?" He asks. He balls his fists in his lap to stop the trembling and Kakashi takes one of his hands, smoothing it out of the tense clench to hold onto it. 

"It was real," he says. "It happened when the village was destroyed. But I'm okay. Both of us walked away fine." 

Iruka lets out a heavy lungful of air and combs his hair away from his eyes. Kakashi gathers it behind his ears for him, resting his palm on the back of Iruka's neck. 

"I dreamt about it. I was in the village," Iruka says. "But- it was in ruins, all of it, and I ran until I could find you and then I did and I- I was-" But Iruka can barely even put the feeling into words. He reaches out for Kakashi's face just for the warmth of his skin, and touches the underside of his jaw to feel his slow and steady pulse. Iruka's memories don't go any further than that moment, and despite that he knows it was shortly undone, he's finding it hard to believe. "What happened after that? I can't remember anything else."

"Naruto was outside the village dealing with the enemy," Kakashi says. "He was able to convince them to return the lives taken in the assault, including mine. And then I woke up next to you." 

Iruka nods, not quite trusting himself to words. He sniffles and wipes his eyes again but composure is being difficult to grasp. 

"Are you in any pain?" Kakashi asks. "You should take your medicine." 

His headache is actually starting to become unbearable and he needs to take his medication soon before it gets worse. Kakashi lets him go only long enough to fetch his bottle of pills, a glass of water, and a packet of tissues from the bathroom before coming back. He turns off the small lamp when Iruka has downed his medicine and dried his face and then Kakashi winds an arm around Iruka's waist again. Iruka leans against Kakashi's shoulder in the dark, and takes a few minutes just to breathe and let his nerves calm down enough that he isn't shaking so badly. Kakashi's touch is gentle and soothing, and now that the sudden adrenaline has thoroughly exited his system, he's almost put right back to sleep with every pass of Kakashi's hand against his bare skin. 

"Tell me what you need," Kakashi says eventually. Iruka isn't sure if he wants to go back to sleep considering this is the second night in a row he's walked through his own memories in his dreams. But his exhaustion is going to win eventually, and unconsciousness tends to help the headaches either way.

"I... I'll be fine, I just need to go back to bed," Iruka says. 

"Okay. Can I do anything?" 

It doesn't take long for Iruka to arrive at the idea that he really doesn't want to be alone. He tries not to hesitate too long before he asks. 

"Can I lie down with you?"  

Kakashi nods somewhat sadly, and thankfully has no comment on Iruka's decision to ask for something he rightfully shouldn't feel the need to at all. Kakashi pulls aside the blankets for them to lie down underneath, and just like in the hospital, they're pressed side to side. Their hands brush and Kakashi laces their fingers together, still hesitantly so, like he's not sure whether this amount of familiarity might be accepted. But Iruka finds he can no longer tiptoe around his steadily growing desire for physical comfort from Kakashi amidst the days on end of innocent and lingering touches, which despite their tenderness continue to pale in comparison to the type of affection he feels for Kakashi every time his memories decide to return to him. 

It's jarring, to say the least, to try and reconcile all of this new information with the way it affects how he feels in the moment based on his own understanding of what parts of the present he can still remember. The lingering fear doesn't want to let go. What he felt in his dream - in his memory - wasn't just grief. That was despair. The crushing devastation of losing a loved one re-realized in that moment, worse than he remembers it ever being before. Far worse than when Hiruzen died, maybe even worse still than when he lost his parents, as at such a young age he wasn't even old enough to know how to grasp or begin to navigate the complexity of emotion that surrounds that sort of death, nor did he have the misfortune of witnessing their demise so closely like he did discovering Kakashi's body in the rubble. And the version of him that existed in his memory, the one that had truly been in love with Kakashi for years at that point, that version of him understood the desperation perfectly. And despite that he's now awake, and those severe and intense feelings are no longer so vivid, it's not easy to shake away the terror he felt in those few seconds between stumbling into the clearing and awaking on the floor of the spare bedroom before he was quite certain Kakashi was truly alive. Right now, the most prominent and intense memory fresh in his mind is of clutching Kakashi's corpse in his arms. He finds he's not all too comforted by the simple act of holding hands. 

So he rolls onto his side, and it's too dark to see but they're lying close enough together that by feel alone he winds his arms around Kakashi's waist. Kakashi responds immediately, the gesture enough of a grant of permission as words might have been otherwise, and he pulls Iruka close to him and holds him tightly. Kakashi's lips brush Iruka's hair when he speaks quietly. 

"Okay?" He asks. Iruka nods. "Okay. Try and sleep. I'm right here."

Truth be told he's not yet okay, even though he knows he will be. He's too tired to think, too tired to attempt to make sense of the terrible confusion that clouds his thoughts and makes his aching head swim. But the relief of Kakashi's presence after such an intense if momentary fear of his death is a good place to start. And he knows that if there was anywhere he might be able to find a sense of peace again, it would be lying in the comfort of Kakashi's embrace. It takes a while for him to truly calm down, before his heart doesn't beat so fast and before the tremor in his hands fully fades away. He focuses on the tactile and the material as much as possible - the worn cotton of Kakashi's shirt under his palms and against his face and the lingering smell of cedar from the wooden dresser where it's kept, the soft in and out of Kakashi's every breath and the curve of his ribs as his chest expands and contracts slowly, the small and repetitive tap of each flake of snow as it hits the windows, and the dull gray light that slowly filters into the room as Iruka's eyes adjust to the dark. He feels the warmth of a gentle kiss against the crown of his head, and when he finally falls asleep, it's with Kakashi's arms curling protectively around him.

Chapter Text

"This is good, sensei," Ino says. "The block is really weakening now. Whatever you've been doing is helping." 

"Sleeping, eating, and taking walks around the village," Iruka replies somewhat humorlessly. He sits on a padded chair in one of the small exam rooms at the hospital with Ino and Tsunade crowded on either side of him. Kakashi stands at his back keeping a palm against his neck while Ino works.

"Who'd have thought a few days of R-and-R would be good for your health, huh?" Tsunade asks. "Keep it up. Seems like the only thing now is to wait for the block to fail the rest of the way and then hopefully you're fully in the clear. I want you back here again tomorrow."

Iruka glances over his shoulder to catch Kakashi's eye, but he only nods. He's been quiet all morning, even over breakfast and on the walk here, and Iruka is starting to wonder if something is wrong. Tsunade and Ino leave, and Iruka hangs onto their confidence as he stands and tugs on his coat again. 

"Man, I'll be glad to stop seeing the inside of this building."

Kakashi frowns slightly and hands him his scarf. "I'm sorry," he says. 

Iruka pauses. The comment was less of a complaint and more of a lighthearted throwaway remark just for something to say, but Kakashi seems troubled. 

"Hey. Are you okay?" 

Kakashi frowns again, just slightly, but it's hard to hide the draw of his brows when they're both so easily visible. And by now Iruka likes to think he's familiar with the minutia of Kakashi's expressions. Kakashi closes his eyes and he sighs.

"Yes," he says simply. Iruka takes his scarf and loops it around his neck, then he takes Kakashi's hand. 

"You sure?"

Kakashi shakes his head, and finally looks up to meet Iruka's eyes. 

"I should have told you," he says. "About what happened during the assault, and about what happened to me, so it wasn't so much of a surprise. I'm sorry. I feel like I could have made that less distressing for you than it was. I was worried that, if you knew, you'd constantly be in fear of remembering it."

It's clear that Kakashi still carries guilt for this entire situation, not just for what happened last night. Not that Iruka has blamed anyone for any of it, nor does he blame Kakashi for not giving him more of a warning about the specifics regarding his death at the hands of the Akatsuki. Living in fear of remembering that day is exactly what would have happened. 

"...I would have, if you'd told me," Iruka says. "It's probably better I didn't know."

Kakashi curls an arm around his shoulders, and Iruka hugs tightly around Kakashi's middle in return.  

"I wish I could make this easier for you somehow," Kakashi says. 

"You have made this easier." Iruka wishes he could make Kakashi understand. He's been so ridiculously reliable and accommodating in ways Iruka hasn't experienced from anyone since his parents were still alive. "I couldn't do this by myself."

"You could."

"Well I certainly wouldn't want to," Iruka counters. "So I'm glad you're here, even if all of this sucks."

Kakashi hums under his breath and catches Iruka's long hair between his fingers briefly. 

"Then I'm glad I can help," he says, and he lets go so Iruka can finish dressing for the walk.

Iruka doesn't remember any winters before forcing him to put on so many layers just for a trip across town. His chakra control is fine enough to help regulate his body temperature but it's hard to maintain for an extended period, and he's ready to be back in the warmth of their home. It snowed all night long and into the morning, and in the short period they spent in the hospital, the wind blowing through the village has picked up severely. It howls through the streets and the snow comes down in thick tufts that cling to their clothes and any exposed skin and almost immediately melt. It's definitely not fun to leap across the rooftops through such extreme weather but might be worth it just to get out of the cold and damp. Iruka brushes melted snow out of his eyes.

"This storm is crazy." 

"We can run home," Kakashi suggests. But as he offers, they pass by an open door to a random shop as someone exits, and they're hit with a gust of warm air. Kakashi has a hand around Iruka's arm which makes it easy to tug him through the entrance and retreat into the safety of the tiny tea shop. Iruka wasn't expecting anything except a spot to pause and get out of the cold for a moment, but the shop is so quaint and inviting - and not only that, but it's familiar. 

"I think I recognize this place," he says, just as they're greeted by the shopkeeper from across the room. 

"Welcome in- oh, Iruka-san!" A very elderly man comes out from the kitchen drying his hands on his apron with a wide smile as he ushers them inside. "It's good to see you again! And you as well, Hokage-sama."

"Not so formal..." Kakashi quietly protests. Iruka takes a few moments to rack his brain for a name that sits on the tip of his tongue and is a little proud of himself when it finally comes to him. 

"Ah, Hiroshi-san! It's good to see you too, how are you?" 

Iruka discovered this shop right around the same time he and Kakashi started dating. It sold the best desserts and pastries this side of Konoha, and he's had a sweet tooth ever since he was a kid. It was destroyed when the village was attacked, like everything else, but seems to have been rebuilt with the exact same decor and style as it once had. There's only three very small tables with two chairs each, but there's a large assortment of cakes and desserts on the counter and the wall behind it is lined with every flavor of tea you can imagine. The shopkeeper Hiroshi and his wife Aya are extremely kind people who, as it turned out, knew Iruka's parents when they were teenagers, before he was born. Hiroshi is a civilian, but Aya is a retired field medic who served in the war. Iruka remembers being relieved to know that she survived. He isn't sure exactly when he came here last, but it must have been a while. Though he does know that he's brought Kakashi here on a date at some point in the past.

Hiroshi welcomes them in and gives Iruka a hefty pat on the arm and a polite nod in Kakashi's direction before seating them at a corner table. The shop is cozy and warm, and Iruka hangs his coat on the back of his small chair. Hiroshi lays out a set of utensils and then pulls a box of matches out of his apron to light the small candle on the table, which is almost burned down to a nub. 

"Excuse my prying, Iruka-san," he says. "But I heard you were injured, and my Yukina-chan tells me you've been gone from the Academy for several weeks now. Are you doing quite alright?" 

"I am," Iruka says. He has a feeling he should know who Yukina is, but the name is lost to him. Probably a grown daughter, if Iruka had to guess, maybe another one of the Academy sensei. "I appreciate your concern. How's Aya-san doing?" 

"Healthy as a horse, as always," Hiroshi says with a laugh. He rests his hands on his hips. A layer of flour on his forearms hides the liver spots that speckle his skin. "She's making a fresh batch of dorayaki - and ichigo daifuku! If those are still your favorite, I can steal some for you. And last week we got a new shipment of sencha I think you might enjoy." 

"That sounds great." Iruka seizes upon his moment of pride at remembering Hiroshi's name to ask, "I guess it's been a while since I've stopped by, huh?" 

Hiroshi taps his chin as he considers. "Oh, what must be several months, surely. Ever since the war ended, you've stayed so busy!"

"I did say you work more than I do," Kakashi chimes in. 

"I might even second that," Hiroshi says with a wink, and he nudges Iruka in the shoulder playfully before wagging a finger in Kakashi's direction. "So you be sure to take good care of him if he's unwell. That's keeping a warm stomach and drinking plenty of herbs, and don't linger too long today in this weather because the wind is bound to pick up soon enough and you don't want it to go right through you!" 

Kakashi nods, and puts a hand over his heart. "I promise to do my best." 

"Excellent. Now, what would you boys like to drink?"

Hiroshi writes down their tea and snacks of choice with a shaky hand onto a small notepad and then leaves to prepare the food. There's no one else present in the shop at the moment, now that the morning rush is likely done with and the weather isn't conducive to being out and about, so they have the whole place to themselves. Kakashi faces away from the door and the counter, so he can take down his mask to eat and drink without potential prying eyes. Iruka is still surprised to know that Kakashi seems much more comfortable taking it off outside of the house than he ever would have assumed.

"Do you remember this place?" Iruka asks. The table between them is so small their knees bump unless Iruka sits perfectly straight, which he doesn't. 

"Can't say I do, to be honest," Kakashi replies, which makes Iruka just a little giddy. 

"Do I remember something you don't? How ironic. I even remembered Hiroshi-san, even though I met him during the gap in my memories." 

"Have I been here before?" 

"You and I came here together," Iruka explains. It's nice to have the upper hand for once, so to speak, and to not be the one in the dark. "I think not long after we started dating. I remember the whole- almost the entire day. Wow." 

"Tell me about it," Kakashi says encouragingly. He rests his elbow on the table and puts his chin in his hand to watch Iruka talk. 

"We were dating for... maybe six months," he says. "It was winter time, like this, but it wasn't nearly this cold. You'd just gotten back from a mission and I hadn't seen you in a while, and you were leaving again soon after for a few weeks. So we spent some time together before you had to go. I think you were going to Iron for some reason." 

"Ah, I remember that now," Kakashi says. "I was playing errand boy for Tsunade."

"I guess you were good at it. I think you were gone a lot." 

"I suppose I had to do something constructive with my time. Otherwise I'd have been made a jounin-sensei again."

"And back-to-back A-ranks are leagues more difficult than ten year old children, I'm sure," Iruka teases. Kakashi shrugs. 

"I could certainly never do your job."

"Nor I yours," Iruka agrees. "But yeah, we came here before you had to leave. Then we- um, well..."

Then, they quickly went back to Iruka's apartment. They'd barely made it through the front door before he was pressed against it and Kakashi's hands were on every inch of his bare skin that could be reached. They were both undressed before even getting halfway down the hallway to Iruka's tiny bedroom and landed atop the blankets without letting go of one another. At that point they'd been dating long enough to have slept together more than once - Iruka was certainly no virgin when they started seeing each other but he was still nervous, because he was already on his way to being convinced that they were turning serious scary fast. This was no fling or one night stand he'd been entertaining after all, it was Kakashi, someone he'd been having particular thoughts about for, if he's honest, several years at that point. 

"We what?" Kakashi asks. Iruka clears his throat, trying not to flounder. It's a little hard when he can't stop thinking about the way he knows Kakashi liked to put his tongue in Iruka's mouth when they'd get heated.

"It was a... very nice date," Iruka says simply. Kakashi smiles knowingly. Hiroshi chooses that moment to return with the food and tea, sparing Iruka from further embarrassing himself. No doubt if Kakashi remembers his mission to Iron there's a more than decent chance he now recalls what happened prior to his departure, which Iruka is reliving right this very moment. He won't admit to struggling with the sudden and ill-timed arousal from the inopportune memory of one of their racier first few dates. And Kakashi seems to be reading his mind. He hooks his foot around Iruka's ankle under the table, and doesn't look away from Iruka's face while they eat. They split a dorayaki, not too sweet, but Kakashi declines the strawberry mochi so Iruka helps himself to both of them. 

Iruka watches Kakashi sip at his tea when they're done eating. Maybe it's obvious how he stares, but he can't take his eyes away from the curve of Kakashi's throat through the fabric of his mask, or how his tongue darts out to swipe the sheen of liquid off his lips after each sip. Iruka can remember exactly how those lips felt against his own. 

"Need something?" Kakashi asks. Iruka looks away from his mouth and finds his eyes instead, at the amused expression he wears like he knows exactly what Iruka is thinking. Iruka hadn't meant to hold his breath and his next inhale is conspicuously deep as he braces for what he's about to say. 

"I think I want you to kiss me."

Kakashi doesn't even try to hide it when his small grin grows into a full blown and very self-satisfied smile. 

"Sensei." He's very good at pretending to be scandalized. "We are in public, don't you know?"  

Iruka untangles their feet to kick his leg under the table, and Kakashi's smile only grows wider.  

"Not like that," Iruka says defensively. His face is warm and undoubtedly cherry red. He didn't mean it like that, he just wants to know if it still feels the same to share even a chaste moment of intimacy. To see whether the act is as good as he remembers. "I just meant- oh, never-mind." 

Kakashi sighs dramatically and rests on his elbows to lean across the too-small table, effectively halving the amount of space between them. 

"I know you like to tease," he says. "But a man can only take so much." 

"Now that's playing dirty."

"You started it." 

"Okay, fine. Kiss me then." 

Kakashi exhales a laugh. "You kiss me," he counters. 

So Iruka leans in. They're less than an inch apart - close enough that Iruka can count every fleck of silver in Kakashi's eyes and feel warm breath against his chin - when there's a sudden and loud schunk! sound from above, and all the lights in the building suddenly switch off as the electricity dies. 

Iruka sits upright and glances outside in momentary surprise. The only light is from the small candle that weakly flickers between them and the dull gray of the morning sun blocked by the clouds. The only noise is the rage of the wind and snow against the windows. With a look of disappointment, Kakashi tugs his mask back into place just in time for Hiroshi to exit the kitchen. 

"Goodness! I knew the wind would pick up. When's the last time the winter has been so harsh, eh?"

"The snow probably took down the power lines," Kakashi says. He rises from the table and starts putting on his coat, already moving to action. Iruka follows after him and Kakashi gives him an apologetic look. "I should go down to the admin office."

"Right behind you," Iruka says simply. Kakashi nods and Hiroshi declines his attempt to pay for the meal. Iruka leaves a few too many coins on the table anyway, and once they're bundled in their clothes again they head out the door. 

The clouds have decided to unleash a true storm by now but Iruka follows as Kakashi leaps across the buildings. Flakes of snow hit his face as they run and the wind quickly chaps his skin. There's almost no lights on at all as they cross block after block, every shop and streetlamp dark. Konoha hasn't suffered weather this severe in a very long time, and the infrastructure may not even be completely finished after only two years into being rebuilt. Most of Konoha's electricity comes from the flow of the Naka river as it bisects the village and then branches in multiple directions, but if the village was leveled badly enough they may have had to rebuild the power stations entirely. The office where the administrators work is located in the row of buildings adjacent to the Hokage tower, where most of the village's more important facilities are hosted. They've passed by the place several times on their way to and from the hospital, but for once they stop at the doors and head inside. There's power on this side of the village, the area likely bolstered considering their proximity to the hospital. 

Kakashi heads down to the directors office, Iruka trailing behind him as they navigate the narrow hallway past several people in a frantic hurry, and he knocks on the door before entering. The director is a younger man wearing plain fatigues and a headband tied around his arm, who stands behind his desk and greets Kakashi with a formal bow. A small placard in front of him reads "Director Yamada Nao". Tsunade is already present, standing across from him as Kakashi and Iruka enter the room.

"Hokage-sama. Umino-san," Nao says. "I was just telling Tsunade-sama that everything is under control. The wind took down a few power lines, but we're working on a plan to bring everything back up." 

"Fast. That's good to hear," Kakashi says.

"What's the timeline on service restoration?" Tsunade asks. 

"No more than an hour," Nao replies with a curt nod. 

"What about people who don't have another way to heat their homes?" Iruka asks. Hopefully the question doesn't come across as ignorant of something he should already know. "An hour is a long time at this temperature." 

"Those without adequate heating alternatives are welcome at any public facility that still has power," Nao replies. "Including the hospital, the Academy, or town hall."

"I want updates the moment anything changes," Tsuande says. "If we go longer than an hour we need to start setting up accommodations for people."

"Of course, ma'am. You'll hear from me personally as soon as I know more," Nao says. "And you, Hokage-sama. Thank you both for checking in. We've got it handled, I assure you." 

Tsunade claps her hands. "Good enough for me," she says. "I'll leave you to it." And she turns on her heel to leave the room. Nao stands at attention while Kakashi and Iruka follow after her, and as soon as the door shuts she rounds on them both. 

"What are you doing?" She asks Kakashi. "Am I in charge or am I not in charge?" 

"What was I supposed to do, not show up?" Kakashi asks. "An incident like this happens, you expect to see the Hokage making sure things are fine."

"The Hokage is making sure things are fine," Tsunade argues. 

Kakashi rolls his eyes. "My apologies for being concerned."

"Go home and stay out of this storm." Tsunade heads down the hall towards the entrance with Kakashi on her heel, and Iruka follows in their wake. "I'll handle this."  

Without waiting for a response, she body-flickers away and disappears. Kakashi sighs and Iruka follows him back to the entrance. He looks out the glass front door to the street outside, where the snow continues to pile and the wind rattles the windows. 

"The trip is gonna suck."

"It's not too far. Let's run for it." 

But Iruka gets a sudden idea following Tsunade's departure, and holds up the tiger seal to prepare to body flicker all the way back to the estate. 

"Race you," he says, and he catches Kakashi's momentary look of confused surprise before he rushes out the door and heads to the rooftops. 

At this speed the snow is like bullets on his face. Everything under his feet and in his peripherals narrows down to a white blur as he leaps, finding purchase on any flat surface he can propel off of. The long walk from the estate to the tower is reduced to seconds. He's seen or felt no passing flash as Kakashi catches up, though he doubts he maintained a lead for very long given who he's racing against. The roof of the estate comes into view and Iruka slows, restricting the push of chakra into his legs to time his landing perfectly on the porch under the awning - only for, at the last second, Kakashi to appear in between him and victory. Iruka barrels right into his chest and Kakashi catches him, but the force of his momentum practically slams them into the door and it rattles on its hinges. Iruka catches his breath and prepares to apologize but Kakashi simply laughs, such a sweet and comfortable sound, leaning back and holding Iruka in his arms with a victorious grin. 

"I win." 

He's breathing a little hard just from the sudden exertion of an elevated heart rate, and it puts a slight flush in his cheeks above the mask. Their breath turns to fog between them but is quickly swept away by the wind. Iruka's hands are tucked behind Kakashi's back and they're just as close as they were in the tea shop, barely an inch apart. Iruka is feeling bold. 

"Want your prize?" He dares to ask. 

Kakashi's expression suddenly sobers, and Iruka hears him take a short inhale in anticipation. The hunger in his eyes is obvious as they sweep over Iruka's face. Iruka does what he's wanted to do for several days at this point, what he can no longer ignore the desire to do right now, and he tugs down Kakashi's mask and kisses him right on the lips. 

There's no cautious hesitancy in the way Kakashi returns it, not like there has been for any of the fleeting moments they've shared up to this point, and Kakashi kisses with an intensity that betrays his, until now, carefully leashed desire. Iruka is breathless with it, and his hands curl around Kakashi's neck to pull himself flush against his chest with a feverous need for proximity despite that they're separated only by several layers of clothing. He parts his lips, wanting to feel the familiar weight of Kakashi's tongue in his mouth and hopes that the wordless request comes across. 

And then the front door swings open. Kakashi, caught unawares and still holding most of Iruka's weight, nearly topples until Iruka stumbles forward enough to catch him before they hit the ground. When he looks up it's to see Naruto's incredulous disbelief staring down at them with one raised brow as he holds open the door. Kakashi rights himself and they disentangle, and Naruto shuts the door again to block out the storm. 

"What the hell are you two doing? I thought someone was trying to break in!" 

"What are you doing?" Kakashi asks. His face is still red, but whether that's from the cold or from being caught in the act is anyone's guess. Iruka escapes the conversation by taking off his wet outer clothes and hanging them on the coat hooks, and tries to get his racing heart under control. Naruto gestures behind him to the living room, where the kotatsu has been shoved out of the way to remove the tatami on the floor that covers the sunken hearth meant for cooking and heating the house, which they don't actually use. 

"I don't wanna freeze to death," Naruto says. "And you have a fire pit." 

"The power won't be out that long." 

Naruto frowns in disappointment. "So you don't want a fire?" 

Kakashi sighs and accepts defeat. "Alright, fine. Dry wood is in the-" 

"I got it, I got it." Naruto turns and darts to the kitchen for the pantry where the kindling and charcoal are kept. Kakashi makes a noise of frustration and starts taking off his cloak and coat as Naruto pilfers around for what he's looking for. Briefly Kakashi catches Iruka's eye, and despite that he uses no words he says plenty. Iruka unconsciously licks his chapped lips, and Kakashi, with effort, peels his gaze away from Iruka's face. 

Iruka drapes a blanket over his shoulders and sits down next to the hearth while Naruto starts a fire and Kakashi fetches a kettle to boil water for tea. The house is eerily dark and quiet until the fire gets going, then the whole room is awash with a warm orange and all of the furniture throws deep shadows across the floor. Kakashi hangs up their wet clothes to dry in the rafters and Iruka warms his hands and feet by the flames. Kakashi is steeping the tea when Naruto disappears into the kitchen and comes back with a plate in his hand. 

"I found some mackerel in the fridge-" 

"Found?" Kakashi interrupts. "As if I didn't buy it and put it there." 

Naruto ignores him and starts skewering the fish onto sticks and sets them atop a small wire rack to grill. Kakashi sits next to Iruka who opens the blankets for him to scooch under to stay warm, and he tucks his arm around Iruka's waist. Soon enough they have grilled mackerel and warm tea for lunch, and Naruto flops down on the floor next to the fire when he finished inhaling his food. 

"S'like being on a mission," he says, patting his full stomach. He's got a piece of kindling in one hand that he breaks into pieces and tosses into the hearth. "Hey, so how's getting your memories back coming along then, nii-san? Sakura-chan says you're doin' good." 

"Oh. I am good," Iruka says honestly. "I get back a little bit more every day." 

"Nothin' else about me?" 

Iruka shrugs playfully. "Hmm... no." 

"What? You're lying." 

"No, actually, when I try and think up memories of you, all that comes to mind is..." Iruka pauses dramatically, putting a hand to his head. "Cup ramen... neon orange... and public vandalism-" 

"Geez, a guy paints on the Hokage rock one time and never hears the end of it!" 

"Because that was your magnum opus," Kakashi adds. Naruto scowls at him. 

"Whoa, hey now, my what is magnum exactly?" 

Kakashi slaps a palm to his forehead and Iruka breaks into laughter. Right as he's wiping budding tears from his eyes, the whole house clicks just once and then the power comes back on. All the appliances in the kitchen beep as they reset, and the overhead light in the hall weakly flickers before going steady. Naruto leaps to his feet. 

"Hell yeah! This talk about cup ramen makes me hungry. I'm gonna go make some." 

"You can make cup ramen now," Iruka points out. "We have a fire." 

Naruto waves a hand dismissively and heads to the door. He's dressed down like there isn't a blizzard outside, putting on only a pair of fingerless gloves. Clearly he didn't even bring a coat with him for the trip here. 

"Ramen is better when the water's outta the microwave," he says, which Iruka decidedly doesn't bother replying to. 

"That's all you're wearing?" He asks instead. "You know there's a snow storm going on outside?" 

"I'm making a run for it!" Naruto assures. He ties on his headband, a pitiful bulwark against the cold. "Don't bust any more doors down after I'm gone!" 

A single sharp gust of wind blows through the room when he leaves. Iruka watches the flames calm down as the air stills.

"That boy is something else," he says into the ensuing quiet. "I can't believe how much he's changed since he was a kid."

"Funny." Kakashi leans against Iruka's shoulder, and his hand smooths up and down Iruka's back. "I'd have said he's mostly the same." 

"I guess if you've been here every day." Iruka pauses to watch a log crumble away from the inside and collapse into the pile of embers. "He calls me nii-san... When did that start?"

"In the letters he sent while he was gone." 

"Letters?" 

"Oh. Yeah, I can't believe we didn't talk about those. Here-" Kakashi stands from under the blanket and heads to the bookshelf where he pulls a small box from between a row of books, and sits back down to hand it over. "While he was traveling, he wrote to us a few times." 

Iruka opens the box to find no less than eight different scrolls. They're all just a little bit crumpled to various degrees, clearly having been flattened and read multiple times. 

"How did they survive when the village was destroyed?"

"They always stayed here," Kakashi says. "I started... keeping things here. Before we moved in. Items I considered important, or sentimental, I suppose. In the hopes that it might make this place feel a little less empty." 

Kakashi speaks somewhat hesitantly, like it's a hard thing for him to have to admit. It's not until this moment Iruka realizes that before it became their home, it undoubtedly contained only the things that reminded Kakashi of a childhood that was not kind to him. His father probably died in one of the very rooms they now occupy.

"You didn't want to move back here," Iruka says. It's not exactly a question. 

"Not especially," Kakashi says with a slight sigh. "But it's like I said. I'd already started letting this place hold all the things important to me." He turns his head enough to carefully press a light kiss to Iruka's temple before he continues. "So it felt right that you and I might make a home here." 

Iruka feels a flush touch his cheeks as Kakashi's embrace retreats. He's not sure where his previous bravado from the tea shop or the front porch disappeared to, but he's definitely got none of that kind of boldness in him anymore. Thinking about it is one thing - doing is another. Perhaps sensing that Iruka has lost his nerve, Kakashi dutifully keeps his hands to himself the rest of the day. 

There's not a lot to do given the weather, so they brave a single trip to the library to pick up some new reading material and then lounge by the fire for the rest of the day. Kakashi reads even faster than he does, and for a while the only sound to be heard is the dry rustle of pages turning, the crackle of the flames, and the slight creak and rattle of the shutters in front of the windows. Iruka finds just a tiny pinch of that bravery from this morning once it's time to call it a night and suggests they could share warmth if they slept in the same room, and Kakashi eagerly welcomes him to share the bed again as they go to sleep. He brings the box of letters with him as he tucks under the blankets, and they take turns going through Naruto's very messy script to read aloud the funniest blurbs of his story-telling. Iruka is fighting to keep his eyes open by the time he gets to the last few pieces of paper, and decides to set it aside for another day. 

"You can keep reading." He talks through a yawn as he hunkers down under the blankets. "I know you like to. I always see the light in the living room when I go to bed. But I'm too tired to stay awake." 

The letters were a decent distraction from the reality of their current sleeping situation, but there's no longer anything between them as Kakashi sets aside the scroll in his hand and pulls the covers up around them both. 

"I only stayed up reading because I don't like to go to bed without you," Kakashi says. Iruka is, not for the first time, glad it's too dark to see the blush on his face - something that feels like it hasn't left him in days. Kakashi settles next to him, and Iruka tries not to trip over his reply.

"And however do you manage while I'm away?" 

"Well I miss you terribly, of course," Kakashi says, playing along. Iruka turns onto his side and tucks against Kakashi's chest before he can talk himself out of doing so. Kakashi rubs across his back, sliding a palm under his shirt to touch his bare skin. 

"Of course," Iruka agrees. "I suppose it's a good thing both of our careers let us stay in the village more often than most others might."

"Which definitely had no sway on my decision to accept the position of Hokage." 

"No, definitely not." 

"But it's certainly a perk," Kakashi says. "My days leading the village may be long, but I'm never far away. And I'm fortunate enough to be able to come home to you every evening."

"You're such a sap. How do you just say stuff like that?" 

"I can't help it. You bring it out in me." Kakashi's grasp carefully finds his face, tilting Iruka's chin up enough that he can brush their lips together for a chaste and fleeting kiss. "And I say it because it's true, and I love you."

To think that if asked a few years ago, Iruka would say he never had any hopes of finding this type of love. The type he now understands he used to see between his parents, which wasn't just affection, but also dedication, loyalty, and a mutual respect he can feel in every single word and each interaction. He finds he's less afraid than he was before, about what might happen between himself and Kakashi if his memories don't fully return. He might not be in love with Kakashi all the way just yet, but he understands that feeling more every day. And even if they had to start over from scratch, he isn't sure it would matter whether he ever remembered any of those five years between them. By now, he knows he'd still wind up falling head over heels exactly the same.