Archive of Our Own ^beta

The satellite hung suspended by a network of unseen wires, its lens a single, unblinking eye fixed on the Earth below. As the camera zoomed in, music swelled, zeroing in on a single, illuminated limousine where a man in a crisp suit was stepping inside. The moment was captured by a hidden camera, strategically placed within a nearby trashcan. The scene then shifted to an airport, where a hairy hand—the hand of Sasquatchanakwa—emerged from a bush to snap another photo. A new shot revealed a bizarre tableau: a tentacle snaking its way out of a bowl of soup, clicking a picture of a man in a restaurant, mid-choke. The rapid-fire montage concluded with glimpses of a production crew before finally settling on a man in a black suit standing against the dazzling backdrop of the New York City skyline. On-screen text identified him as Josh. The camera then cut to a woman with blonde hair and a striking red dress in a film studio, getting her nails painted. Her name, the on-screen graphics announced, was Blaineley. As a logo flew toward the screen, Blaineley and Josh took their seats at a broadcasting table.

"Hey there, celebrity lovers! Welcome to a very special edition of Celebrity Manhunt!" Josh exclaimed.

"Tonight is the night we’ve been waiting for all year, the Gemmie Awards!" Blaineley chirped, "That’s when our fave TV stars get all dressed up and take home the gold!"

"In about a half an hour, we’ll take you right onto the red carpet to meet the hottest stars!" Josh promised.

"I am so pumped for this, aren’t you, Josh?" Blaineley asked.

"Oh yeah!" he replied.

"The shoes!" she squealed.

"The tuxes!" he followed.

"The hair!" she said.

"The drama!" he concluded, and the two let out a joyful squeal.

The show returned after a brief theme song. "Welcome back to Celebrity Manhunt!" Blaineley said. "We thought we’d pay tribute to this year’s most famous reality show cast, the folks who braved it all on the sets across all three seasons of Disventure Camp!"

"We’ll catch you up on Dan, Lake, Karol, James, Jake, Miriam, Ally, Rosa Maria, Hunter, Gabby, Maggy, Alec, Ashley, Connor, Oliver, Grett, Will, Fiore, Ellie, Nick, Drew, Yul, Tom, Lill, Tess, Riya and Kai!" Josh said as photos of the cast flashed across the screen. "They’ve been nominated in the category of best reality ensemble!"

"I think they’re gonna nail it, Blaineley!" Josh said with confidence.

"No doubt!" she agreed.

"And when they reunite on that crimson rug, Celebrity Manhunt will drain every last drop of drama from these uber-famous teens!" Josh added with a mischievous glint in his eye.

"Love it!" they said in unison, sharing a fist bump.

Blaineley continued, "Disventure Camp may have ended, at least for now, but the drama goes on and on! Our crack-team of undercover gossip reporters have been super busy this year! Oliver got his party on!" A photo appeared showing Oliver in sunglasses and a gold chain.

"James was caught with his pants down in Paris!" Josh said as the camera cut to Aiden and Lake holding James up by his pants, preventing him from falling off a balcony in Paris.

"Meanwhile, has Huntally gone rabid?" The camera showed Hunter arguing with a raccoon that Ally was holding. "The Celebrity Manhunt cameras caught them all, even Connor spotting Lill’s three-ounce weight gain!"

"Oh, I can’t wait to see those kitties bear their claws on the red carpet! Mwrowr!" Josh said, prompting a judgmental stare from Blaineley.

"...we’ve been measuring the popularity of this famous gang using our amazing, awe-inspiring, Celebrity Manhunt Drama Machine!" Blaineley said. The camera cut to a guy working on a robot with comedy and tragedy masks for eyes and a meter for a mouth.

"It’s busted!" the guy yelled.

"...let’s start with Disventure Camp’s trio of BFFs! Second season, Lake and James plucked Aiden from the depths of geekdom and became his best friends!"

"They took off for Paris and painted the town red!" Josh said.

"Literally!" Blaineley added.

Footage from Paris showed Lake filming James and Aiden in front of the Mona Lisa.

"Look, Mom! It’s me! And the Mona Lisa!" Aiden said.

"Yeah, art rules!" James chimed in.

"Ooh, you guys look so much cuter than her! Okay, move in closer!" Lake instructed. Aiden and James moved closer, only to trip over the rope and cause the Mona Lisa to hang crookedly. A nearby security guard yelled, "Omelette du Fromage!"

"Oh, no, no, Mr. Guard! I’ll fix it!" James said, hastily putting the painting back in place and smudging it with her thumb, setting off an alarm. "Oops… Umm, does anyone have any spare paint handy?"

"Okay, personally, I would’ve given Aiden and James a pass for being a bit clumsy. But Lake, that thing’s an international treasure!" Josh said. Mugshots of a disheveled James, Aiden and Lake appeared on screen, followed by a clip of them in a jail cell.

"Wait, we can explain! Can I please have my phrasebook back!? Guys, help me out here!" Lake pleaded.

"Did anyone see my other earring? It’s a grey cross," Aiden said, oblivious.

"Babe, they don’t speak English!" James explained.

"Oh," Aiden said, before talking louder and slower. "I lost my earring, it’s a grey cross! Addition? Cross!"

"Ooh, poor them! Lucky for them, James had some leftover prize money from his win!" Blaineley’s voiceover announced.

"Will the trio pull themselves together for the red carpet?" Josh asked.

"Lake will totally bring it! She is a stylish super-diva, on and off the red carpet!" Blaineley said.

"Yeah, you’re right! After one look at Lake in some designer dress, we’ll all forget about the jail thing!" Josh conceded.

"Next up, post-drama bods! This year, we saw major improvements and fitness fiascos!" Blaineley said. A clip showed Tom beatboxing with a notably larger stomach.

"So I had a few burritos. Killer beatboxing requires an expanded diaphragm, like an opera singer! Check it!" Tom then combined opera and beatboxing.

"Tom let himself go, but managed to lose that extra fat in just a few months. Meanwhile, Karol pumped herself up! Way up!" Blaineley said as a clip of Karol pulling a school bus with her teeth played. "Someone’s gonna blow a sweat valve!"

"Deodorant, anyone? But all of Karol’s hard work paid off when she won a regional weightlifting competition! Speaking of strength, one husky Disventure Camp dude worked up a real bod stank in the nether regions of cable TV!" Josh said, showing a close-up of abs.

A commercial featured Connor on a fitness machine with a picture of abs taped to his stomach.

"Wahoo! That feels awesome! And if you want sweet abs like mine, check out the Belly Buster 5000! Just go hard for eight hours a day and turn your flabby gut into an awesome steel washboard! Grab the power handles, sit on the power swing, and go!" Connor tried to use the machine but failed spectacularly, landing on his back. Throughout the commercial, the price plummeted from $150 to just $5.

Blaineley laughed. "Nice one, Connor! Nick also took to the airways."

A clip of Nick and his mom in their kitchen played.

"Hey there, and welcome back to Mama’s Heaping Helpings, where we don’t count calories, we count smiles!" Nick said. Will tried to grab some food from below the counter, but Mama slapped his hand away.

"Chock-full of carbs, cholesterol, and calories, their food was to die for!" Josh said.

"Only problem was, someone actually did! After a huge scandal, the whole thing was shut down. We tracked down Mama for a few questions." A reporter ran up to Mama.

"Mama! Mama! What do you have to say for yourself?" the reporter asked.

"Get outta my face!" she said, slapping the microphone away.

"After a few dozen lawsuits, Nick and Mama were left with nothing but a tour bus full of shattered hopes and dreams," Josh said.

"While Nick and Mama aired their dirty laundry, we went looking for more!" Blaineley said.

"But when it comes to one Disventure Camper, we couldn’t find any dirty laundry!" Josh added.

"Or any sign of him whatsoever! Yul, where are you?" Blaineley asked as a blurry telephoto shot of Yul walking out of a limo with a briefcase and sunglasses appeared. "This pathetic telephoto shot is all we’ve got! Rumor is he got some job high up in the industry! But don’t worry, folks, his employer verified that he would be here tonight. We couldn’t have a Disventure Camp reunion without their resident racist."

"Meanwhile, our cameras were hot on the trail of another Disventure Camp man of mystery!" Blaineley said.

"Our intern turned homie, Oliver, went back to the show for some downtime. Celebrity Manhunt caught up with him." The camera showed Oliver on his farm wearing a gold chain.

"Yo, yo, yo, Paparazzi Peeps! I’m just chilling on the farm with my fly bling! …I don’t know what any of that means, but I thought it would make me sound cool!" he said before getting his chain caught around his arms, accidentally ringing the cowbell on it, and falling over.

"Uh, I’m kinda stuck here. Could you put the cameras down and help me out, eh? Guys?" Oliver asked, only for a bull to trample him as he screamed.

"Good work, people! Next up, Fiore and Ashley," Josh said as a shot of them glaring at each other appeared. "Their epic hate-on hit the internet, where they had a full-on blog war!"

"Can someone tell me just how Fiore got her celeb status? That girl gives dirt a bad name!" Blaineley ranted.

"If there’s a fight between Fiore and Ashley, ooh, I’m on Team Ashley all the way!" Josh said.

"Me too! Ashley lifts people’s spirits, she’s weird and awesome, and the total Anti-Fiore!" Blaineley agreed.

"Let’s check out some of that web action from earlier this year!" Josh said.

Ashley’s video blog played, showing her in her room with her sisters behind her. "Hey. Today, I wanna talk about going green. Basically, the world is going to die if we don’t do something about it!" Ashley said.

"That reminds me of the time me and my friends had this huge paintball fight! I had all the green paint," her shorter sister interrupted.

"Betsy, that’s not the point of this," Ashley sighed.

"One of my friends hit my gun, and—"

"You were supposed to wait for the signal before talking, remember!?" Ashley exclaimed.

"Sorry, Ashley! It’s just that your show is kinda… bad," her other sister replied.

"Ugh, why did Will bail on me?" Ashley muttered.

"Then, Fiore made a completely out-of-nowhere attack!" Blaineley said.

Fiore’s video blog played next. She wore a wig resembling Ashley’s hair and held puppets that resembled her siblings.

"This is the loser Ashley show, where everything always sucks and the world is terrible," she said in a monotone voice. She then switched to a high pitched voice: "Dude, this is so boring and stuff! Let’s talk about paintball instead!" She switched back to the monotone voice: "How dare you interrupt my loser video blog! Ugh! Wish Ally and Jake were here so I can stop them from fighting. Save the whales."

"So cold!" Josh said.

"Brr! Ashley didn’t let this go, she had to retaliate! Which is too bad, she’s so much better than that," Blaineley commented.

Another of Ashley’s video blogs played. "Did you know that Fiore still sleeps with stuffed animals? That’s right, the girl who supposedly ran Season 1. She thinks she’s 'oh so tough', but she’s honestly no better than me. Or anyone else I’ve met on this show." Ashley then played a video of Fiore hugging a stuffed emu and sucking her thumb as she slept.

"Eww!" Blaineley said in disgust.

"After a few more weeks of this, plus some of the others chiming in, we invited them to the Celebrity Manhunt studio for an interview!" Josh said, showing footage of his interview with them.

"You’ve been through so much together. Sharing a tent, being two-time teammates… why not bury the hatchet?" Josh asked, barely containing his laughter. "Isn’t your friendship more important than this blog war?"

"It’s just that, you see, Josh, Fiore is a gigantic loser!" Ashley said.

"And Ashley’s breath reeks like horse shit!" Fiore shot back. The two then started a nonstop argument.

"Cat fight! Cat fight!" Josh said as the feed cut back to Blaineley.

"What is it with you and cat fights?" Blaineley asked.

"Let’s watch it again! Mrowr!" Josh replied.

Blaineley gave him a weird look. "Uh, no."

"This just in, Blaineley, a major celebrity is arriving at the red carpet!" Josh said.

The camera switched to a limo arriving at the red carpet, from which Kristal McLean fell out. Her ever-present sidekick, Marcus, stepped out normally.

"Where’d you learn how to drive!? NASCAR!?" Kristal asked.

"Ah, suck it up, you big baby," Derek replied, stepping out as well.

"Fine, you clean up the barf!" Kristal said.

"It’s the host with the most, Kristal McLean!" Blaineley announced.

"Hey, Celebrity Manhunt! Blaineley, Josh, good to hear from ya! Say, did you get my video?" Kristal asked. The camera showed a rat running out of a trashcan with it.

"Uh, yup!" Josh said.

"Kristal, you must be dying to see the campers cast again!" Blaineley said.

"Who?" she said as he signed an autograph.

"The people you abused for three seasons on national television?" Blaineley clarified.

"I kid! Love their work, love them! Can we talk about my new show now?" Kristal asked.

"...we’re going to take a break. But don’t go away! We still have the rags-to-riches story of the Drama Brothers, the Disventure Camp band that rocketed up and down the charts with their hit, ‘When I Cry’!" Blaineley grinned.

"Here’s a clip from last year’s chart-topping music video!" Josh said.

The music video started with Drew standing behind Jake, Tom and Dan before beginning to beatbox. The three of them sang: "When I cry, my eyes wet! I swear, it wasn’t guy sweat!"

The camera cut back to Kristal. "Throwing to commercial? I got this. Will Ashley and Fiore’s claws come out? Will Maggy take the internet’s advice and get a makeover? Will everyone make it to the Gemmies on time? So many questions! Find out the answers when Celebrity Manhunt: Disventure Camp Red Carpet Reunion Special returns, right after this! And that’s how you do it."

"Hm. Thanks," Blaineley said bitterly.

Back at the studio, Josh looked concerned as a stage light fell. "It’s Celebrity Manhunt’s Disventure Camp Red Carpet Reunion Special!" Blaineley said.

"Now let’s see what happens when the loving stops on Disventure Camp Breakups!" Josh said as footage of Ally and Hunter played. "It all started out so well, with matching piercings."

"Huntally was the Disventure Camp power couple that defied the odds and took a chance on love!" Blaineley said.

"But eventually, their love seemed to falter. After cameras caught them fighting in a restaurant, the fandom exploded with curiosity." Josh added.

An interview with the two played. "Look, we may have had our fights, but we’re still together! Every couple has their fights, but we aren’t gonna let that ruin things!" Ally said.

"No comment," Hunter said.

"I’m sorry?" Ally whipped her head to look at him.

"I said, no comment," Hunter repeated, leaving Ally confused.

"While they seem to still be together at this time, it’s unclear what the future will hold for Duncney! Now, let’s check in with another star couple!" Josh said.

"Ellie and Gabby! You just couldn’t open a fanzine this year without seeing a picture of Ellie and Gabby, or as we call them, GabEllie, sucking face!" Blaineley said.

"With Ellie’s popularity somehow shooting higher than Gabby’s, she had to put up with a lot of Ellie’s stalkers," Josh said as a picture of Ellie signing an autograph for a fan with purple hair appeared.

The camera cut to the two of them in an airport, with Ellie looking at another woman. "When Ellie let her guard down, she was in for a smackdown!" Josh said as a clip of Gabby hitting her with a folded chair played.

"But luckily, they patched it all up!" Blaineley said as an interview with them was shown.

"Let’s all just chill out. I never should’ve let my eyes wander from my little shmoopie-shmoo," Ellie said.

"And I should always trust my cutie patootie!" Gabby said as the two kissed again.

"Ugh, those two are so sweet, it’s sickening! They’re total buzzkills," Blaineley said.

"Are you kidding me? They do everything together, eating salads, trying on socks, even ironing! I love them!" Josh said.

"Did you see the show!?"

"Do you have some kind of a vendetta against them?" Josh asked.

"That doesn’t matter. Let’s talk about some real celebrities, the Drama Brothers!" Blaineley insisted.

"The Disventure Camp boy band ruled the pop music world!" Josh said as footage of them walking out of a limo to the cheers of adoring fans was shown.

"Yeah, we’re selling out. Whole stadiums, I mean! Girls even steal our used hotel bedsheets!" Jake said.

"It’s all about touching people on an emotional level, y’know what I mean?" Dan asked as a fan stole Drew’s hat.

The camera showed Tom poorly strumming a ukulele. "I don’t even play an instrument, but the crazy groupie chics don’t mind," he said.

Blaineley sighed. "Tom is so hot! He had enough flavor for the whole band!"

"As their album shot to the top of the charts, the trappings of fame shot straight to their heads," Josh said, showing an infamous photo of them jumping into a pool naked at a party while their fans watched, including the same purple-haired fan who got Ellie’s autograph.

"The party was over, but was their music career? When they weren’t doing community service, the Drama Brothers were in their studio recording a new album."

"Celebrity Manhunt caught up with them between sets!" Josh said before a clip showed him in their studio.

"People blame the birthday party, but that’s just rock n’ roll, man!" Dan said.

"Uh, the problem was the music," Tom said.

"You mean the beatboxing," Jake said.

"Ah, Jake, you know I love your style, but this is about giving the fans what they want!" Dan argued.

"I’m just curious as to why you all allowed Jake into your band after last season’s events," Josh said.

"Is that supposed to mean something?!" Jake growled.

"I still don’t fully trust him," Dan said.

"What’s it gonna take to get this band to fully trust each other, huh!?" Josh asked as the four broke out into a massive argument while he facepalmed.

The scene cut to Tom alone, beatboxing, before sitting with Josh. "Fresh? Listen, I wanna take this opportunity to give you an exclusive and to talk a bit about what’s happening. That was my last performance as a flavor boy. I’m gonna go solo! Check it!" Tom said, sticking his fists out to reveal temporary tattoos on his fingers.

"What does ‘LO$O’ mean?" Josh asked before Tom crossed his arms. "Solo!? Are you serious!?"

"Yeah, I’m dead serious!"

Josh laughed. "Why?"

"I’m just done! I’ve been through that! I’ve done it! It seems like it’s Tom’s time now! I’m just gonna—" Tom began before Josh started laughing again. "W-why are you laughing at me!?"

The scene cut to Tom and the Drama Brothers in a music store. "When Tom and the Drama Brothers released their albums on the same day, Celebrity Manhunt was there!" Josh said as nobody bought any CDs.

"And that was the end of the Drama Brothers! Riya turned out to be an awesomely talented actor on the set of Disventure Camp All Stars!" Blaineley said as a bunch of movie posters featuring Riya appeared. "Her career skyrocketed until she lost it on set and scared the lunch out of her crew, and Celebrity Manhunt was there to record the whole thing!"

A clip of Riya yelling played. "…or I’ll kick your fucking ass! I want you off this fucking set!"

"Sorry…." an intern said.

"No! Haha, don’t be fucking ‘sorry’, think for a second! No, no, I will not take five, shits, I’m ready to go now! You call yourself a director of photography!? Why were you walking right through the set!? Why were you walking right through the fucking set!?" she shrieked as the intern ran off crying. "Okay, I’m just kidding, guys! I just really went ballistic for no reason. What?"

"She really nailed that line delivery, huh? It’s like she was really mad!" Josh said.

"After finding his was out of the forest, Kai joined up with Rosa María to go on tons of reality TV shows! You’ve seen them on shows like ‘Celebrity Stunt Driving’, ‘Doctor for a Day’, ‘So you Think you Can Eat that?’, and ‘Extreme Chess: Pillar Edition’! We caught up with these two on the set of ‘Sharp Things Flying at your Head’!" Blaineley said.

The camera showed Kai and Rosa running on treadmills while avoiding random junk.

"My awesome athletic abilities didn’t get enough time to shine on Disventure Camp, but on these other shows, I can really use my natural physical talents! Rosa too!" Kai said as he dodged a missile.

"Talent, schmalent! I’m doing this for the cash money!" Rosa said as Kai got knocked off the treadmill.

"Okay, worst career moves, go!" Josh said.

"I’m gonna say Rosa’s ‘Largest Loser Weight Loss’ appearance. Why did she try to trim down that perfect booty?" Blaineley asked.

"I gotta go with Kai showing up to ‘That’s Fashion!’ shirtless!" Josh said.

"Some people will do anything for fame, but it seems like some people will do anything to avoid it," Blaineley said as footage of a bunch of fans swarming Karol appeared.

"Karol, can you sign my field hockey stick!? Karol?! Can you!? Can you!? Can you!? Can you!?" a fan shouted.

"Shut up and get lost!" Karol said, breaking the stick and punching the camera.

"But if there’s one thing we’ve learned at Celebrity Manhunt, it’s the bigger the freakout, the bigger the fame!" Josh said.

"Soon, a bunch of competing websites sprung up with the wildest, most insane freakout photos!" Blaineley said.

"We tracked down one web master for this real-life interview. She asked that her identity not be revealed to protect her image," Josh said.

"So, you know everything about everybody from the cast?" Josh asked an interviewee whose voice was pitched down and who was shrouded in darkness.

"Duh, I’m the one who leaked the story about Miriam’s false teeth," the interviewee said.

"Would you call yourself a gossip-crazed fan?"

"It’s not just one person. I have websites for everyone!"

"Wow, I’m in the presence of gossip royalty!"

"That’s why it’s important to keep my identity a total secret," the interviewee said, only for the lights to go on and reveal her to be a young woman with short black hair which extends to about mid-neck length, bangs, and maroon eyes.

"There you are, silly beans!" Connor said as she walked in.

The girl sighed. "So much for my anonymity."

"You saw the doctor? I’m so happy it’s cleared up. Anyways Lucía, Gabby told me that she has four ingrown toenails!" Connor said as Lucía tried to shush her.

"Hold on, all along Connor’s been feeding Lucía the dirt on his fellow castmates?" Blaineley asked.

"What, me? Feeding all of this to my colleague? That’s crazy!" Connor said, laughing. "Okay, yes. I needed to pay off the RCMP creeps who were on my tails, those guys aren’t cheap!"

"Ooh, your friends are not gonna be happy about that on the red carpet! Speaking of which Connor, shouldn’t you be on your way to the Gemmie Awards?" Blaineley asked.

"I am! See ya!" Connor said as he ran off.

"The limos are coming! We’ve gotta get over there! Join Josh, me, and Lucía on the crimson carpet!" Blaineley said.

"Really!? I get to be Celebrity Manhunt’s Interview diva!?" Lucía asked.

"Since our reporter couldn’t make it, yes," Josh said.

"That’s so cool! Wait for me, Connor!" Lucía said as she ran off.

The scene cut back to Blaineley and Josh at their table as a rat ran by. "Welcome back to Celebrity Manhunt’s Disventure Camp Red Carpet Reunion Special!" Blaineley said.

"This is it, people! Months of Disventure Camp cast infighting, backstabbing, and breakups are about to pay off right here, as our reality stars strut their stuff on the Gemmie Awards Red Carpet!" Josh said as footage of the red carpet was shown.

"Thanks, Josh! Lucía here! I’ve got the Carpet totally covered!" Lucía said as the first limo pulled up and Dan stepped out. "Its Dan! I thought he was dead!"

"You suck!" someone from the audience yelled, throwing one of his albums at him.

"Ooh, looks like we have some Dan fans in the audience tonight!" Lucía said.

"With the release of his juicy tell-all book about the flavor boys, expect fireworks when his former bandmates show up!" Blaineley said.

Just then, another limo pulled up. "And here’s reality TV’s most famous trio, Aiden, James and Lake!" Lucía said as the two stepped out of the limo, each sporting a green-colored outfit.

"Celebrity Manhunt!? Oh my gosh, hi Josh!" Aiden said, waving to the camera.

"Hi Blaineley!" Lake said, also waving. "We love you!"

"Looking smoking hot in green! Why don’t you tell our ten million viewers about your outfits?" Lucía asked, causing their eyes to widen.

"T-ten million?" Aiden said in shock.

"They all wanna know! …it’s a pretty simple question."

James lounged his arm on Aiden’s shoulder. "It’s all the rage now, don’t you see?"

Just then, Tom’s tour bus drove up and he and his mom stepped out.

"I told you we’d be late, Tom!" Jackie said.

"Uh, Tom! How does it feel to have it all, then lose it all?" Lucía asked as she ran up to them.

"Eh, no biggie," Tom said.

"Oh."

"Ahem, we’re here for the gossip!" Blaineley said back at the studio.

"O-okay! Tom, level with me, did you secretly hate anyone on the show?" Lucía asked, only for Jackie to slap her in the face with her handbag.

"What’s wrong with you?! You think I raised my son to talk smack behind people’s backs!?" Jackie asked.

"S-sorry, I’m still new to this!"

"Ugh, is that Drama Machine working yet!?" Blaineley asked, only for the guy to be revealed to just be drinking coffee.

"Hey, Huntally has arrived! Let’s hear the drama!" Josh said as Hunter and Ally limos pulled up. When Hunter stepped out, he was wearing a sparkly, red dress with matching heels.

"Hunter! Ally!" Lucía said as she ran up to them.

"Hello," Ally responded.

"Okay, we’ve gotta know, how is the relationship going?"

"Well—"

"No comment," Hunter said before walking off.

"Why do you keep saying that?" she asked as she ran after him.

"Uhh, oh. Hey, I think I see Miriam! Here comes our fashion Goddess now!" Lucía said as Miriam’s limo pulled up. Miriam was wearing sparkly red earrings… and then just her usual attire.

"Hi!" Miriam said.

"Miriam, you’re not even dressed up! What happened?"

"Well, I didn’t wanna get my outfit wrinkled at the dress rehearsal."

"But this isn’t a rehearsal. It’s the Gemmie Awards!"

"Oh."

"Uh, this is awkward."

"Uh, I got these new earrings!" Miriam said as Lucía facepalmed.

"Remind me to never use her as a fashion consultant," Blaineley said. "Wait a minute! The rest of the Disventure Camp gang are arriving on the Red Carpet!"

Sure enough, more and more limos pulled up. Oliver, Tess, Jake, Gabby, Ellie, and Maggy stepped out of the first, Grett, Will, Karol, Fiore, Alec, and Riya stepped out of the second, and Nick stepped out of the third. Everyone waved to the audience.

"I call dibs on the front row seat!" Fiore yelled as she ran forward.

"Oh no you don’t!" Ashley yelled as she chased her.

"Did someone say ribs?" Connor said as he ran, followed by everyone else.

"Front row is where I go!" Oliver said, only to trip on a bump in the carpet and cause everyone to pile up in the middle of the red carpet.

"Lucía! Another limo had just pulled up!" Blaineley said.

The next limo revealed Yul in sunglasses, talking into an earpiece. "…lactose free, nonfat, half calf, cocoa sprinkles…"

"It’s the man of mystery himself, Yul!" Lucía said. "Where have you—"

"And a gluten-free muffin, yeah," Yul said as he just walked past her.

"But—" Lucía sighed. "Looks like Yul really did land himself a super important job in the industry! Nothing says power like an earpiece and a latte."

"Lucía, you know what would be better than nothing? Something!" Blaineley yelled.

"Guys, we have the Drama Brothers!" Lucía yelled as Drew, Dan, and Jake stepped out of a limo and Tom joined them.

Blaineley sighed. "Let me guess, they reunited and are rereleasing their latest hit single?"

"Yeah, pretty much," Jake said.

"Hey, how did you know?" Dan asked.

"The Gemmies are about to start, and I’m going to follow them inside!" Lucía said as she joined up with them. They all were about to walk in, only to be greeted by the bouncer. Who was Trevor.

"Famous people only," Trevor said, stopping them. Everyone gasped. "And as of about five seconds ago, that excludes you."

"Who died and made you doorman!?" Alec asked.

"I did," Kristal said as he walked out.

Maggy gasped. "You died!?"

"Why couldn’t you have stayed that way?" Fiore asked.

"Yul, coffee!" Kristal said as Yul walked up and handed him a coffee and a bag. "Is that my muffin?"

"Wait, you’re Kristal’s assistant!?" Grett asked in shock.

"Cut me some slack, everybody has to work their way up in this industry. And are you sure we’re not letting them in?" Yul asked. Just then, another limo pulled up.

"Bros," Kristal said as one of the old interns, a gorilla, the Night Butcher, the Bear, and some guy on a sled walked out. "Come on in, my peeps!"

"How are they famous!?" James asked.

"They’re the stars of my new reality show, Disventure Camp Dirtbags!" Kristal announced to everyone’s confusion, including Yul’s.

"Uh? Nobody signed off on that. What is this?" Kristal asked.

"Excuse me," said a man in a black shirt wearing a bull necklace. He made his way through the crowd and shoved over Fiore in the process.

"Alessandro, buddy! How’s my next big star?" Kristal asked as Alessandro walked in. Kristal took a sip of her latte, only to spit it in Yul’s face and shove him into the rest of the crowd. "Ugh! This latte’s cold! You’re fired! Well guys, I’d say later, but uh, there isn’t gonna be a later! So… bye!"

Kristal slammed the door and left the 29 of them alone and shocked. Just a second ago, they had been some of the biggest stars in reality TV. And now, they were nothing. A cricket made some noise and Hunter squashed it.

"Ah, now why’d you go and do that?!" Karol asked.

"Hey guys!? We have to find a way to get you inside!" Lucía said.

"Leave that to me!" Gabby said. A spy movie montage of Gabby doing shenanigans to break inside followed. Eventually, the door opened and Gabby walked out with some popcorn as everyone cheered.

"Gabby, the door!" Grett said, only for the door to shut after Gabby left. Everyone sighed. "..can you do that again?"

"Do what?" she asked.

Just then, the Gemmie Awards began, and everyone was forced to just watch the small TV outside.

"If we win Best Reality Ensemble, they’ll have to let us in, right?" Riya said.

Hours later, they were all sitting around and waiting. "…playing a talking car was a real challenge. Thank you!" some random actor said on the TV.

"Oh, he was awesome in that show!" Gabby said.

Even more hours later, only Lucía, Karol, Dan, James, Alec, Ellie, and Grett remained awake.

"Next up, best Reality Ensemble!" Alessandro said on the TV.

"Wake up, guys! This is it!" Lucía yelled as they all woke up. Everyone watched in anticipation.

"Envelope, please! And the winner is…" Alessandro said as he fumbled with the envelope for an obnoxiously long amount of time.

"How hard is it to open an envelope?!" Jake asked.

"…Golden Oldies in their Undies!" Alessandro yelled as he finally got the envelope open. The cast sighed.

"Aww, that’s so cute!" Lake said.

"That means we lost, Lake," Aiden said.

"Oh. So not cute."

"Who cares about that stupid award!? I’m just gonna back to the farm! I have a future!" Ashley yelled as she grabbed the TV and threw it.

"Oldies in their Undies was the only show me and Kai weren’t on!" Rosa yelled.

"Uh, guys?" Alec said as he pointed to the TV.

"…and the Gemmie for Best Reality Show Host goes to, once again, Kristal McLean!" the TV announced.

"Wow, hey, uh, thanks. Again. Uh, but I couldn’t have done it without a great bunch of people from Disventure Camp!" Kristal said as everyone began to perk up a bit. "The interns, uh, the caterers, the camera crew, and the real stars of the show, my stylists!"

Everyone scowled at Kristal. "And what about your long-suffering assistant, shmuck!?" Yul said as he kicked the TV.

"Tomorrow, I’ll introduce the cast of my new reality series, Disventure Camp Dirtbags, on the Orpa show!" Kristal said.

"Dudes, you heard the guy. We’re nobodies again," Hunter said.

"At least I’ll be able to survive on the streets," James said.

"Me too, y’all. Jiggy," Oliver said, not noticing that a homeless man just stole his wallet.

"And I’ll go back to being just another pretty face," Nick said.

"You still have an entire modeling career," Fiore said as she rolled her eyes.

"What’s the matter with you guys!? Nobody deserves to be more famous than you guys! You can’t just give up! Do you have any idea how many millions of fans there are out there!?" Lucía yelled. "I’ve been watching, blogging, admiring you since the first episode! I—I mean, we, have fansites about each and every one of you! We know everything about you, and we are rooting for you! We know your eating habits, your hopes, your fears, your dental records!"

"Stalker," Fiore muttered under her breath.

"You can’t let us down now! What do you say?"

"Well what are we supposed to do!?" Dan asked.

"I say we beat those dirtbags to Orpa’s studio, hijack the interview, and voila! You’re all famous again!"

"But she’s in New York! How are we supposed to get there by tomorrow afternoon!?" Jake asked.

Gabby gasped. "I think I know of a way! It’s not going to be easy."

"Yeah, this should be interesting," Connor said.

"Okay, Aiden! I need you to gather up assorted lengths of lumber!"

"Uh, right now?" Aiden asked.

"Ally! Can you track down a medium-sized boat motor?"

"No prob! I’m on it!" Ally said.

"Yul, I’m counting on you for three gallons of Diesel Fuel!"

"Sure thing, I’ll get my unicorn to deliver it," Yul said sarcastically.

"Perfect! The real trick is going to be getting access to a car manufacturing plant. Okay, we can do it, guys! We can do it!" Gabby said before they heard a honk.

"Hey, guys! So are you gonna get on the bus or not?" Tom yelled from his bus. Everyone cheered.

"Wipe your feet first!" Jackie said. Everyone sighed.

"You’re gonna be famous again!" Lucía exclaimed.

The scene cut to the Celebrity Manhunt studio. "Breaking gossip news, everyone!" Josh said.

"This is Disventure Camp Comebacks!" Blaineley said before a clip of Kristal in a helicopter played.

"They have one dream: to claw their way back to fame, no matter what it takes! Cheating, shameless self-promotion, sabotage! I love those kids!" Kristal said.

"You said they were washed up!" Trevor said.

"That was before they set off on an unforgettable comeback adventure!" Kristal replied.

"We have a feed from inside Tom’s bus!" Blaineley said.

Inside the bus, Lucía sat next to a sleeping Tom. "I told you these people were gossip-worthy!" she said as the camera also showed that Tess, James, Aiden, Drew and Karol were asleep. In his sleep, Drew slid off of his seat.

"Doesn’t this jalopy go any faster!?" Ellie yelled from the driver’s seat.

"Umm, maybe you should let someone else drive?" Alec asked as the camera showed him, Fiore and Hunter all sitting near Ellie.

"We all know what happens when Fiore drives—" Ellie started.

"Hey—actually, fair enough," Fiore said.

"—I don’t want to know what happens when Alec drives—"

"Hey—actually, fair enough," Alec said.

"—Hunter can’t even drive a bicycle—"

"Hey—actually, fair enough," Hunter said.

"—and Tom’s mom is too busy yelling at everyone about her bus."

"Hey—actually, fair enough," Jackie said.

"Oh no, I think I’m gonna be bus sick!" Ally yelled, her face now green.

"Don’t you get sick all over my seats, now!" Jackie demanded.

"You are something else, Miss," Miriam said as she put down her drink.

"Put a coaster under that, girl!"

Miriam smiled nervously as she did, only for them to hit a bump and her drink to spill. "Why do I smell caramel?" Jackie asked.

"Uhh, no reason!" Tom said as he put some luggage into an overhead compartment… only for it to spring open and thousands of caramels poured out.

"What are you doing with all those caramel chewies on my bus!? Is my food not good enough!?"

"I—I always have a stash handy for after my workouts!"

"Hey, guys! There’s the dirtbag bus, up ahead!" Karol yelled as she pointed out the window. Sure enough, a bus driven by Alessandro was just ahead.

"We’ve gotta find a way to slow them down!" Jake yelled.

"Get closer!" Dan yelled as he ran up to Ellie.

"And then what!?" she asked.

"I learned some battle tactics at Pirate Steve’s Pirate Camp!"

Ellie put the pedal to the metal and passed the other bus, much to Alessandro’s shock.

"Now if we just had some sort of slingshot… like a bra!" Dan said.

"Wow, genius," Fiore said as she walked up to them.

"Got any better ideas?" Tess asked.

"Here’s a bra!" Miriam yelled as a bra twice the size of Fiore’s head landed on her. "What, you never seen triple Ds before?"

Drew kicked the door open as Tom and Karol pulled back the bra slingshot. "Gabby! Kai! Ammo!" Tom yelled.

"We’re all over it! Yeah!" Kai yelled as the two of them picked up the caramels and ran forward.

"Don’t even think about getting caramel on my nice clean floor!" Jackie said, only for Kai to trip. Luckily, all the caramels landed in the bra.

"Really holding on here!" Karol said.

"Aye, maties! Fire in the hole!" Dan said as the duo let go, slinging dozens of caramels at the window of the other bus.

"Woah! It looks like our Disventure Camp Heroes are launching caramel-flavored cannonballs!" Kristal said from the helicopter.

"Kristal, in your entire career, have you ever seen anything so underhanded?" Blaineley asked.

"Nothing as depraved as this, Blaineley! I’m so proud of them!"

"Eat caramel!" Tom yelled from the bus as he and Karol fired more shots.

"You’re gonna regret this!" Alessandro yelled from the other bus as he used his windshield wipers.

"Ha! You messed with the wrong Reality Show cast, mister!" Ally yelled out. A gorilla peeked his head out and roared, only to get a face full of caramel.

"Hurry it up!" Riya yelled at Ellie.

"Back off! It won’t go any faster than this!" she replied.

"What we need is someone else behind the wheel!"

"I’m sorry!? What you need is some tape over your mouth!"

"Well if you’d just listen to me—"

"Oh, I’ll start listening the minute you say something worthwhile!"

"You’re insane, you know that!?"

"And you are a monster!"

"The dirtbags are way behind us! Wahoo!" Jake yelled as everyone cheered, aside from the still-arguing Ellie and Riya.

"Why is the road so bumpy all of a sudden!?" Ally yelled. It turned out Ellie was too busy arguing to drive.

"Where did Ellie learn to drive?" Kristal asked as the bus drifted towards a canyon. "Uh oh!"

"Ellie! Look out! Cliff!" Aiden yelled.

Ellie gasped and shoved Riya out of the away. She tried to turn, only for the wheel to pop off entirely. "Agh! I can’t steer!" Ellie yelled.

"What’d I tell you about breaking my bus!?" Jackie yelled.

"Hit the brakes!" Alec yelled.

"What do you think I’m doing!?" Ellie replied. Everybody screamed as they piled at the front of the bus.

"Disventure Camp Inc. waves all legal responsibility for the sudden and gruesome demise of our cast," Kristal said as she pulled out a stack of papers.

"Told ya those might come in handy!" Derek said.

"We’re all gonna die!" Dan screamed as the bus reached the cliff.

"So Yul was Kristal’s assistant. Huh," Gabby said remarkably calmly. Everyone else screamed as the bus went over the cliff, only for it to stop just before reaching the bottom.

"Now I have motion sickness!" Ally yelled.

"Oh no you don’t!" Jackie said.

"I hope Miriam doesn’t need her bra back," Tess said as she pointed upwards, revealing that Miriam’s bra was holding them up. Just then, the bus swung upwards into the sky.

"Wahoo! Being weightless is awesome!" Will yelled in the air.

"I feel like this all the time!" Gabby said.

"That explains a lot," Karol said.

"What’s that?" Jackie asked as a green puddle floated nearby.

"I—I couldn’t hold it down!" Ally replied as the bus fell all the way back down, once again getting caught by the bra.

"Cut the bra! Cut the bra!" James yelled.

Yul climbed to the back of the bus and did so, causing the bus to fall and land on its ceiling.

"I’m alive! Awesome!" Will said as he got up, revealing that he had landed on Fiore.

"Hm, would ya look at that! They’re not dead!" Trevor said.

"Yeah, but it looks pretty bad," Kristal said.

A few hours later, everyone had tapped out of the bus. "I came here to party, but this seriously lacks partaciousness! So, I vote we all go get help and then party!" Nick said.

"No, you all stay here in case that jerk comes by to rescue you. I’m gonna go get help!" Jackie said as she marched off. Nobody had the courage to argue.

Jackie arrived at a house in the middle of nowhere. "Hello!? Group of 30 in peril! Why won’t you dummies open the door!?" Jackie said as she kicked the door open, only to find actual dummies inside. The house was also covered with nuclear testing signs. She ran away screaming and got away before a bomb was dropped on the house.

Back with the contestants, plus Lucía, they were sleeping by the bus. Just then, Tom smelled food. "That smells awesome!"

"You thought I was gonna let all you guys go hungry?" Lill asked as she stirred a pot.

"Ooh, what is it!? Please say bacon!"

"Fried rocks with tumbleweeds."

Tom took a bite and immediately spit it out. "You don’t it?"

"Oh no, it’s awesome!" he replied before puking.

Just then, a giant magnet came down and attached itself to the bus, waking up the 29 of them.

"It’s Kristal!" Lucía yelled as it was revealed to be Kristal’s helicopter.

"They don’t call me the best reality show host for nothing! Climb aboard!" Kristal yelled as everybody got onto the bus.

The scene cut to everyone in the Production Tent at Camp Tipiskaw.

"Pancakes! Wahoo!" Will cheered as he ate some.

"I have an announcement! Now, we all know that nobody does drama like you guys," Kristal said.

"Duh," Yul replied. "But what happened to the Dirtbags?"

"It was a trick! There never was any Disventure Camp Dirtbags!" Alessandro said as he walked in.

"Is that true?"

"Well, mostly. I did come up with the name. But anywho, I needed to find out if you kids still had it," Kristal said.

"And what about Alessandro?" Yul asked.

"A dupe, just like the rest of you. I needed someone on the inside. But, to make it up, I told him he can join you guys next time!" Kristal said.

"What next time?" Fiore asked.

"A no-holds-barred race around the world in a jet!"

"After all the crap you put us through!? As if!" Alec said.

"Don’t you wanna be famous again?"

"Pass," Ellie said.

"What about cash? Also known as the chance to win five million dollars!?"

Everyone sighed and reluctantly agreed.

"Celebrity Manhunt exclusive alert!" Blaineley said from the studio.

"Another season of Disventure Camp is coming, and I for one can’t wait!" Josh said.

"Well, Drama Machine, what do you think of that?" Blaineley asked, only for it to explode.

"We need help!" Jackie said as she ran in.

"Too late! They just signed on for another season!"

"Oh. Well, I guess that solves that then."

"The 29 of you will be reporting to an airport nearby in three days!" Kristal said.

"Um, what about me?" Lucía asked.

"Right, you’re here. Y’know, 30 sounds a lot better than 29. How’d you like to be signed on as well?"

Lucía squealed in joy.

The scene cut to Kristal walking up to a jumbo jet with her face on it. "Thirty contestants, a trip around the world, and five million dollars. What more could you possibly want?"

"How about music?" Derek suggested while wearing a flight attendant outfit.

"Yeah, everybody’s doing the musical thing now! Sure! And music! See ya next time on Disventure Camp World Tour!"