Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

PROLOGUE

“I love you, hyung.”

Wonwoo’s head had been spinning ever since Mingyu said those words to him - the sun just beginning to set while they were running around the track at a nearby park, unintentionally wearing the same tracksuit.

Perhaps it was due to the fact that he sprinted from the park to their shared apartment, but Wonwoo would like to blame the surprise confession instead of admitting his cardiovascular system is weak.

He has to think fast though, any minute Mingyu might come home and Wonwoo is not sure if he’s ready to face him yet.

A confession? While they were jogging together? Mingyu is so reckless. What if someone who recognized them heard?

But really, it isn’t the jogging or the sun starting to set, bleeding gold into their quiet footsteps that makes the timing feel so wrong. It’s that Wonwoo has spent years—aching, deliberate years—teaching his heart to let go of a love it was never allowed to keep. He’s tucked away every stray thought, every fluttering what-if, and forced himself to believe that Mingyu was never his to want in the first place. Or at least, he thought he had.

God. After all this time, had he really not moved on? He could’ve shut it down, could’ve spared them both the silence that now stretched between them. But he didn’t.

Wonwoo does not have time to dwell on those thoughts. Because one thought would lead to another, and before he knows it, he’ll be watering the flower of hope he was so certain he’d already crushed beneath the weight of reality.

The reality is, they’re public figures—idols with polished images and contracts full of unspoken rules. Their fans might be open-minded, but society still isn’t. And idols? They’re expected to be single. Dating a bandmate? That’s not just a scandal—it’s career suicide. And it’s not just him or Mingyu who will be affected by it. Groups with bigger followings have crumbled under far lesser scandals.

He has two choices now, either he locks himself up in his room and pretends he’s asleep or he goes to Jihoon’s place and just crashes there.

He chooses flight instead of fight and runs to his room, grabbing a change of clothes. He is still sweaty from the earlier jog, and he feels icky. He figures he’d just shower at Jihoon’s.

Wonwoo’s phone pings several times to signal incoming messages.

7:30pm

Mingyu

I’m crashing at Coups-hyung tonight, hyung.

No need to wait for me.

Not that you are.

But just so you know

Uhm

Yeah

I figured you’d want to be alone after what I said.

But just in case you’re wondering

I was serious

And I meant every word

But I don’t need an answer right now

I just wanted you to know

See you tomorrow

Good night.

Wonwoo relaxes - or more like collapses - on his bed. His adrenaline starts to dwindle and the strength leaves his body. Mingyu’s always so thoughtful, and knows what Wonwoo’s thinking even when they’re not together. It’s one of the reasons Wonwoo fell for him.

The pressure fell from Wonwoo’s shoulders because of Mingyu’s assurance that he does not need an answer right now. Though, Wonwoo can’t help but think that Mingyu would want an answer some day.

Wonwoo would like an answer too, but maybe he needs a clearer head.

He replies to Mingyu with a simple “Good night.”

He will talk to Mingyu, of course, but just as Mingyu predicted, he needs space and some time to think for himself.

Can a flower learn to bloom again, even from the ruins?

- - - - - ...oOo... - - - - -

CHAPTER 1

Wonwoo didn’t exactly know why he auditioned to be an idol. He knew he could sing, rap, and dance. His parents had dozens of tapes of him performing when he was a kid. He also just thought being a trainee was better than going to cram school.

He’s barely fifteen years old and wasn’t really sure if this was his dream. Or maybe he just wanted something to do outside of school. Challenge himself, maybe?

When he joined Pledis, he mostly stuck with Soonyoung and Jihoon as they were all the same age. It was fun hanging out with them and getting to learn choreographies and doing drills.

There was one other trainee who caught his eye; he was taller than Wonwoo and that fact alone made him feel giddy.

Wonwoo later learned that his name was Mingyu.

Wonwoo began looking forward to the end of his classes. He’s mentally drained but the thought of training with Mingyu and being grouped with him was exciting.

They didn’t interact much during the first few months, aside from the days they were given an assignment together. Which were rare.

The rarity was a blessing in disguise because Wonwoo did not know how to act in front of Mingyu. He wanted to look cool and collected, but deep inside he was amazed by that boy. Aside from his looks, Wonwoo discovered that he was smart too, nailing all the multiplication questions as soon as they’re said.

Slowly but surely, Wonwoo’s rapt attention to Mingyu turned into a blossoming crush.

…oOo…

He was happy, for a little while. The quiet, innocent kind of happy that made him smile secretly like a flower starting to bloom.

It was the first time Wonwoo felt this way. His classmates would always talk about how they were attracted to girls - how pretty they were, how soft they looked and how fast their hearts beat when they saw them.

Maybe this is how his peers felt.

And then, just as quickly as his realization of his feelings hit, a sudden weight dropped on Wonwoo, because how could he feel such things for another boy?

More than that thought, if they do debut together, there was no chance in hell they could develop any kind of relationship.

Wonwoo closed his eyes and made himself small in the corner of their training room, hoping no one would notice his agony. He curled into himself, pretending to take a nap but in reality trying to silence his thoughts.

He shouldn’t get ahead of himself. It was just a crush—nothing more than a delicate little flower, one that would wither on its own without water or sunlight. So that’s exactly what Wonwoo did: he stashed the secret away in the dark, hidden and untouched, hoping it would quietly die without ever being seen.

“Wonwoo-yah,” the call broke Wonwoo away from his thoughts. He looked up to see Mingyu standing over him.

“Yes?” Wonwoo answered meekly. His voice catching on the way out.

Mingyu sat beside him, their shoulders brushing—casual, but enough to make Wonwoo’s breath hitch just a little. “You seem down, today. Would you like to have dinner with hyung?”

Wonwoo turned his head to look at Mingyu, confused. “Seungcheol?”

Mingyu let out a half-scoff, half-laugh. “Me, silly!”

Wonwoo just got more confused. “I’m older than you, Mingyu-shi.”

Mingyu’s face got more serious.

“I was born in ’96.” Wonwoo said, brow furrowed.

Mingyu’s eyes went wide with shock, his jaw almost dropping. “Oh my god, you are older than me. I’m sorry, hyung.”

Wonwoo always thought Mingyu just wanted to be more western because he never called him “hyung.” He didn’t know it was because Mingyu genuinely thought he was older than Wonwoo.

They both laugh it off. It wasn’t really a big deal for Wonwoo anyway.

“So, you wanna have dinner with your dongsaeng? My treat.” Mingyu recovers.

Dinner wouldn’t hurt… right?

The flower could stay tucked away, safe in the dark, where only Wonwoo could see it.

They were going to be bandmates, after all. Their futures would be entwined no matter what—getting to know Mingyu better was just… professional. Logical. Mandatory, even.

So they had dinner that night - just a simple chicken katsu that Mingyu insisted he should pay for.

And they had dinner together the night after that because Wonwoo wanted to pay Mingyu back.

Until it became a given that the two would usually have their dinner together during the days they would train. A sort of routine that was slowly being ingrained as a tradition. Other members would join them occasionally, but what was constant was Wonwoo together with Mingyu.

…oOo…

It took a couple of long, uncertain years before the final lineup for Seventeen was decided.

Somewhere in the middle of relentless training and the coming and going of other trainees through a revolving door, Wonwoo formed a close bond with Mingyu—a friendship he treasured like a lifeline. He liked to believe that’s all it was - he told himself he’d done a good job burying anything that might’ve dared to bloom.

Then came 17 Project, dangling debut like a carrot on a string, every mission a test, every day a silent competition. The pressure wore everyone thin—tempers flared, nerves frayed.

Wonwoo found himself especially short-tempered, snapping at things that never used to bother him. Everything grated. Everyone grated. Especially the way Mingyu could still remain cheery and smile under the weight of the pressure on their shoulders.

After the second challenge, Wonwoo was completely drained. The thought of too many voices, too much movement—too much anything—was unbearable. Instead of going back to the dorms where he would undoubtedly be overstimulated, he went straight to Jihoon’s small studio in their label.

He hoped Jihoon would allow him that brief respite. Jihoon didn’t usually entertain visitors when he was working, but Wonwoo hoped tonight would be an exception. He didn’t need company—he just needed quiet, and Jihoon’s studio was the only place he trusted to give him that.

Wonwoo gathered his remaining strength and knocked on the door. He was answered with a couple seconds of silence, so he knocked again.

Jihoon finally relented and said “come in,” from inside.

Wonwoo slowly turned the knob uncertain if Jihoon was annoyed at him. “I promise to shut up and just sleep in your couch,” he said by way of a greeting.

ihoon blinked, clearly surprised. “Oh—Wonwoo-yah. I thought you were Soonyoung.”

Wonwoo gave a tired laugh. Soonyoung was warm and loud and full of comfort, but tonight, quiet comfort would have to do.

“Just me,” he said. “Is it okay if I crash here?”

“Dorms too loud?” Jihoon asked, swiveling back toward his screen.

“Yeah,” Wonwoo mumbled, already sinking into the couch.

“This wouldn’t have anything to do with Mingyu?”

Wonwoo’s head snapped up. He stared at Jihoon, suddenly alert. What does Jihoon know? Was Wonwoo really that obvious?

Jihoon turned his chair back to him. “Don’t worry, you can talk to me about it. I won’t tell anyone.”

Jihoon gave him a small smile. “Might even be good material for song writing,” he shrugged.

Wonwoo gulped. He wasn’t really ready for anyone else to know. He was pretty sure he was doing a good job of keeping his feelings locked away, but if Jihoon got a whiff of it, then maybe he could use his help keeping the lid of the box closed.

“What exactly do you mean, Ji?” Wonwoo asked, unsure if he would ever be ready for the answer.

Jihoon took a deep breath. “Wons, I usually mind my own business, you know that,” he started. “But you’re also one of my best friends here. I see the way you look at Mingyu when you think no one notices. You’ve been snappy at everyone today, but when you saw him, you smiled.”

“Am I that obvious?” Wonwoo asked.

“If it’s any consolation to you, I think only I and Coups-hyung picked up on it.”

Wonwoo’s eyes widened, “our leader knows?”

“He does. We’ve talked about it before, and we thought it best not to meddle.”

Wonwoo’s shoulders slumped. It was easier when he thought he was the only one who knew. Getting Jihoon and Coups-hyung involved seemed more like he was letting his feelings grow.

“I want to move on, Jihoon-ah,” he confessed.

His feelings were confusing. Maybe there was part of Wonwoo that actually wanted to confide in someone. Share the burden, and get help to reach his goal.

Jihoon’s brows furrowed. “Didn’t you ever talk to Mingyu about this?”

“No way, I think that would just make things harder and then weird between the two of us. It’s better if he doesn’t know.”

Jihoon stayed quiet and simply listened. He didn’t pry for more than Wonwoo was willing to share. He just sat back, steady and calm—the anchor Wonwoo needed at that moment.

“I do not want to jeopardize our careers before we even debut, Jihoon-ah,” Wonwoo said. “That’s why I have to move on from this stupid crush.” The words were more for himself than to Jihoon.

“Alright. We’ll take it one step at a time then.”

Wonwoo wanted to cry. And hug Jihoon. He hadn’t realized how badly he needed to hear that—that he didn’t have to carry the weight alone.

He refrained from hugging Jihoon though, not wanting to revoke his privilege of having a quiet place to crash for the night. “Thank you, Jihoon-ah,” he said instead, his words full of sincerity.

“You can always crash here, as long as you remain quiet so I can work.”

Wonwoo started to settle back into the couch. “You should really give yourself a break too, you know.”

Jihoon spun his chair back around to face his computer, “I got thirteen careers depending on me.”

That was the first time Jihoon ever said anything about the pressure he was under.

“I’m also always here for you,” Wonwoo said awkwardly but retaining earnestness - cringing a little at how cheesy it sounded, but hoping Jihoon could feel the truth in it.

“I know,” Jihoon said, still not facing Wonwoo.

If things ever got too hard for Jihoon, Wonwoo knew he’d confide in him too. But tonight, he just hoped he could be the kind of friend Jihoon had been to him.

“Just don’t snore,” Jihoon warned.

Wonwoo chuckled. “No promises.”

…oOo…

The night before their debut showcase, Wonwoo felt the need to be alone again.

This time, he didn’t seek solace in Jihoon’s studio. Instead, he found peace elsewhere—on the rooftop of their dorm. The one accessible only through the fire escape.

He’d discovered it a week after confiding in Jihoon. Wanting to avoid overstaying his welcome in the studio, he explored other quiet corners and found this one by accident. Since then, it had become his secret refuge, a place to breathe and think in solitude. He hadn’t told anyone about it—not even Mingyu.

Well, more secrets for him he supposed.

Debuting always seemed so farfetched to him. It was the goal of being trainees and now that it was only hours away from happening, Wonwoo can’t help but doubt if he is ready for it.

He’s undergone training and put in the hard work. That, he was confident in. It was all the other things he only now realizes he must say goodbye to.

His privacy and anonymity for one. It’s not like Wonwoo expected that Seventeen will be household names overnight, but the fact that there would be some people who might recognize him when he’s just out and about buying ramen at the nearest convenience store is surreal.

A lot of freedoms would be taken away from him and he could be more of a recluse than he already was. Time with family would become rare. His world, once open and uncertain, would now revolve around packed schedules and public image.

What’s clearest to Wonwoo is he has to let go of his love for Mingyu. It took a while for him to admit his true feelings, dismissing it away as a crush didn’t seem right to him.

“Crush” was such a flimsy word that didn’t dare be bold enough to describe what Wonwoo was feeling for Mingyu. Crush seemed fleeting, short-lived, and temporary. And maybe before, Wonwoo took comfort in the fact that it would be temporary, but it wasn’t.

Wonwoo realized that what he was feeling ran deeper than he ever admitted—rooted in the quietest chambers of his heart. He’d tried to bury it, hide it in shadows, but now it was growing, blooming in defiance, making its presence known even to him.

He hadn’t succeeded in crushing it beneath his feet. Somehow, it endured—thriving without water or sunlight, surviving where it shouldn’t. And now, it was too vivid, too real.

He couldn’t let it continue. He had to tear it out, stem and root, before it took over everything.

This was also why he hadn’t told anyone of his new spot. No one could see him like this, agonizing over feelings that should have been long gone.

Tomorrow, they were debuting, but tonight he was just a boy trying to keep a secret.

Wonwoo would be an artist, a professional, and a good teammate. Nothing more.

Chapter Text

It was in one of those rare moments of down time in the middle of schedules that Wonwoo definitely decided to put a space between him and Mingyu, not just figuratively but literally.

They were all squeezed into one van, shoulder to shoulder, backs stiff, being shuttled from a pre-recording back to their dorms. Every member was trying to keep all his limbs to himself so as not to disturb their neighbor. It was the end of a long day and everyone was getting sensitive.

“Everyone!” Their manager said from the driver’s seat. His chirpy voice got everyone’s attention. “The reception to Seventeen is really good! There are even fan edits of you guys circulating on the internet.”

“Fan edits? Where would they even get material for it when we’ve only released one music video?” Seungkwan quipped from the back of the van.

Wonwoo stayed silent and just listened to the conversation around him. He was glad that the reception to the group was good, and could only hope it remains that way.

Just as Wonwoo began to relax into the rhythm of the road, DK’s voice cut through the chatter “Mingyu and Wonwoo-hyung make so much sense!”

Wonwoo’s gears started to spin. What did DK mean? And why was everyone laughing.

“Yeah, there’s probably so much footage of them from the melona room.” Soonyoung agreed.

Mingyu was also laughing, and Wonwoo remained lost but didn’t want to ask anyone until Jihoon caught his eye through the rear view mirror.

Wonwoo forced a fake smile because he didn’t want anyone to catch on the fact that the mention of him and Mingyu, together, in one sentence, made his feelings resurface. He also didn’t want any sort of awkwardness.

Fan edits. Mingyu and Wonwoo-hyung.

He should really check those out. Check how he behaved towards Mingyu and correct overly fond gestures and overly close contact. What if fans saw something he shouldn’t have let show. Worse, what if Mingyu saw those and just hadn’t said anything.

The conversation blurred around Wonwoo as he looked out the window. Tuning everything out.

…oOo…

There was no sense of privacy whatsoever when they were in the dorms. Each bedroom has at least 4 members cramped into two bunk beds. And the bathroom, there was only one that all thirteen of them must share.

To avoid lengthy discussions as to who gets to use the bathroom first when they arrive, Seungcheol imposed a rule: Whoever’s schedule is first for any given day, he gets to use the bathroom first, but shared showers are allowed, whenever it’s needed for convenience.

As soon as they arrive home, Seungcheol heads off to the shower. Wonwoo’s schedule was right around the middle, so he decided to go to his room to wait.

It was one of the precious moments he had the room all to himself. Naturally, he got his phone and earphones out and looked up the videos the members and their manager were talking about earlier.

First, he searched for his name and Mingyu’s. There were at least ten related videos in the search results, which astounded him. At least ten people took time to edit videos about him.

On one hand, Wonwoo felt flattered, but on the other, he felt scared. Scared to see how people saw him, and what they actually saw.

With trepidation, he tapped on the first video and leaned further back into the wall so that wandering eyes would see what he was watching.

The video was a montage of him and Mingyu playing, goofing off, and just messing around in their practice room during pre-debut.

There, Wonwoo saw how he clung onto Mingyu and how the latter would let him. How they’d share one look across the room and suddenly burst out laughing. How he laughed, endlessly and tirelessly when Mingyu was around. It seemed like they both had a secret language that no one else understood. The video made it seem that Mingyu felt the same way Wonwoo did, reciprocating all the touching, all the fond gestures, and laughing at all the terrible jokes Wonwoo made.

A part of Wonwoo ached for it to be true.

But a bigger, more practical, part of him was anchored to reality and knew it just was not.

He stopped playing the video because he could already surmise where it was headed. The way he looked at Mingyu. The way he sought him out. The way he always tried to make him laugh as if there wasn’t anything else he was made for. The way he clung to him like a lifeline. He was in love with Mingyu. Had been for a long time.

He already knew. But seeing evidence that his feelings started way earlier than he thought they had filled Wonwoo with overwhelming dread.

The roots were deeper than he thought.

…oOo…

The thought of fans wanting to see Wonwoo and Mingyu together drove the management to schedule the activities of the two boys together. A photoshoot, or a guesting, or releasing social media posts with just the two of them.

Wonwoo acted professionally because he must. But as soon as the cameras were off and it was just the two of them, Wonwoo would think of an excuse to pull away or leave.

He declined Mingyu’s invitations to have meals together or hangout citing fatigue or another schedule. They were not lies per se, Wonwoo did need more time to rest in the middle of the grueling schedule of a newly debuted idol group.

He kept telling himself it was for the better any way.

He kept his distance until Mingyu’s absence felt normal. Until the ache dulled enough that he could almost believe he’d never been in love at all.

But pretending only lasted him so long because Mingyu was kept in thew dark. Wonwoo should have known it was only a matter of time before Mingyu noticed the shift in his behavior.

A few weeks into their debut, Mingyu found him - alone in the rooftop. The rooftop he had kept secret. The rooftop which served as his safe haven ever since he found it.

Wonwoo was lying flat on the ground, his head cradled in his hands, his eyes closed as he listened to the cicadas from the nearby park. He could fall asleep like this, with just a picnic mat as a bed and his hands as a pillow.

“Hyung.” A voice said, and Wonwoo immediately recognized who it was, because of course he would.

Wonwoo opened his eyes but his back remained one with the mat. “Hmm?” He hummed, trying as much as possible to keep a light tone.

He felt the mat shift underneath him as Mingyu sat down beside him. “Why didn’t you tell me about this hideout, hyung?”

“Because that’s the first rule of Fight Club.” Wonwoo said so instinctively because he knew it would make Mingyu laugh. And it did.

The joke might not have made sense to anyone else, but it was theirs to share.

“It’s nice here.” Mingyu said as he started lying on his back too.

For all of Wonwoo’s resolve to keep a physical distance from Mingyu, he didn’t have the heart to push him away. All the older could do is leave. It wasn’t like Mingyu was pulling him to stay any way.

So Wonwoo started to get up, trying to think of a reason why he had to leave Mingyu.

“Hyung,” Mingyu said again.

Wonwoo stretched the kinks in his shoulders and hummed “hmm?”

“Did I do something wrong?” Mingyu said.

A confused Wonwoo looked at him for the first time that day, “What do you mean?”

Mingyu sat up too to look straight at Wonwoo. “You’ve been cold to me for the past weeks, and I feel like I did something to upset you.”

The sadness that laced Mingyu’s voice was like a punch in Wonwoo’s gut. He only kept thinking of himself, Wonwoo forgot that before any of his feelings, he was friends with Mingyu first, and pulling away without an explanation would leave the younger one hurt and confused.

“I’m sorry, Mingyu-ah,” Wonwoo said sincerely. “I didn’t like the idea of us being lumped into a ship because I want to be recognized for my talents.” What Wonwoo said wasn’t entirely a lie, it was true in a sense and it was the only part of the bigger truth that Wonwoo was willing to share.

Mingyu frowned. “But it’s just the two of us now, hyung,” were the only words Mingyu said but his eyes said more. There are no cameras around, we can still be friends, of course they’d recognize you for your skills. You don’t have to leave me.

He looked away before the expression in Mingyu’s eyes undid him completely. He had only begun putting up walls to protect his heart, and a look that lingered too long might cause them all to come crumbling down.

“Trust me. It’s just better this way.” Wonwoo said and left the rooftop without turning back. If he did, he might never leave.

…oOo…

Mingyu was left all alone in the rooftop. 

He always noticed that Wonwoo disappeared right after everyone had dinner. In the chaos of all the group members preparing to go to bed and ensuring they were not puffy the next day, he would silently count the members present and immediately notice the one absent.

It’s weird how thirteen is a high number of boys to be sharing one single apartment unit with only one bathroom, and the everyday disorder could lead to one or two being left out. But Mingyu would always notice if it was Wonwoo who was missing.

He didn’t want to disturb whatever ritual Wonwoo had. Mingyu understood his friend needed a lot of time alone. He knew that everyday activities that require him to deal with noise and too many people would overstimulate the older.

Mingyu understood that.

What Mingyu didn’t understand was why Wonwoo was shutting him off. Way too many dinner invitations and requests to hang out were being rejected, and this just hadn’t happened before.

Self-doubt started clouding his mind. Maybe he’d done something wrong—Mingyu wasn’t sure what, but the doubt crept in anyway. He wanted so bad to know what it was and apologize for it and make up with his Wonwoo-hyung because everything was going at lightning speed after debut that he needed his hyung.

Sure, Seungcheol and Jisoo were good hyungs to Mingyu, but there’s a sense of comfort Wonwoo brought that they just couldn’t. Wonwoo understood him like no other and so the sudden shift in their dynamic was throwing Mingyu in for a loop.

That night, he got to the rooftop by accident. He wasn’t looking for Wonwoo, Mingyu was trying to get some alone time.

Of course, seeing his Wonwoo-hyung made him happy. He didn’t want to confront him, he just really missed his company. He tried his best not to steer the conversation to the current state of their friendship, because maybe Wonwoo didn’t mean to. Maybe Wonwoo was really just trying to cope with the stress of debuting.

Then Wonwoo got up and started to leave when they hadn’t even spent two minutes together. That was the breaking point for Mingyu.

He could not fathom how anyone would not see Wonwoo and other recognize his talent. Further, he cannot understand why their actuall friendship should be affected by shipping culture.

Wasn’t that a given? It was even industry practice to play up popular pairings as a marketing ploy. Mingyu understands not wanting to be reduced to a ship and wanting to be recognized by his ability to rap rather than who he was standing next to.

How did any of it affect them as friends?

It’s just better this way.

Wonwoo had said those words before turning away and leaving Mingyu. Mingyu didn’t move. He couldn’t bring himself to go after Wonwoo or try to make him stay because who was he to do so. He silently watched as Wonwoo walked away, confused as to where things were headed for their friendship.

Wonwoo left but the mat beneath him remained warm.

Wonwoo left but the cicadas were still singing.

Wonwoo left but the sun continued to set.

Mingyu felt the frustration of someone about to complete a puzzle only to find out that the center piece was missing. He had no clue where it fell or if he’ll even find it.

It’s just better this way.

The words echoed in his head until it was all he could hear.

But Mingyu didn’t understand. Why was it better? How was it better?

He had no choice, did he? If Wonwoo was pulling away, it wasn’t like Mingyu could maintain the friendship by himself.

Chapter Text

It took Wonwoo a full year to get used to their schedule. He and the members were pushed hard by their management, which, on one hand, was understandable; they had to strike while the iron was hot. However, on the other hand, the fatigue took a toll on their young, growing bodies.

Wonwoo developed gastritis shortly after Seventeen celebrated their debut anniversary. The pain was so bad that Wonwoo had to drop out of promoting their latest single. He felt so guilty, as the members had to reblock several choreographies and cover his lines to account for his absence. Despite this, the memers were quick to assure him that they were okay and his priority should be recovering.

After a round of medicine in the hospital, Wonwoo went home — his actual home, not the dorm — to recover. He had never been allowed to rest for that long ever since becoming a trainee. An off day was precious enough, and he resented the fact that it took being sick to be given a much longer break.

The downside of resting was that Wonwoo was once again alone with his thoughts. Thoughts that tended to stray if he wasn’t mindful enough.

Ever since that night on the rooftop, Mingyu had not pushed him to explain further. It seemed as though Mingyu had accepted the space Wonwoo created between them. He didn’t do anything to bridge the gap, but he also didn’t go farther away. He was just… there.

It made it easier for Wonwoo to move on. And he had, finally. He was no longer affected when Mingyu was extra affectionate with the other members or when he was flirty with the stylist-noonas. Wonwoo didn’t even miss being the subject of his random hugs whenever he found something too adorable. At least, that’s what Wonwoo tells himself.

Because if Wonwoo told himself that he was okay, then he would be okay. If Wonwoo constantly reminded himself that he had moved on, then he would believe it, and it would be true. The sharp pangs of jealousy he felt would slowly become dull until he had gotten so used to it that he didn’t even feel it anymore.

Wonwoo shook his head as he rested on his bed. He didn’t like where his thoughts were going, and he needed badly to distract himself.

He got his laptop to tinker with some projects he had been working on until a notification popped up. It was a link from Seventeen’s group chat: their first live performance of ‘Aju Nice.’

Wonwoo immediately clicked on it and watched. It was ironic how more than half of the boys who were singing about first love and going on a date had yet to experience those things. Even more ironic is how Jihoon was able to make this song sound so bubbly, and happy, and exciting but Wonwoo’s experience with a first love was hardly so.

Wonwoo’s line on the song even goes, “So we can protect ‘us’.”

Protecting “us” didn’t necessarily mean they had to be together. In Wonwoo’s case, being apart was the best scenario. He could only protect both of them and the group if they weren’t together.

…oOo…

His mom checked on him that night after dinner. She brought with her a get-well basket that was stuffed with different packets of every color imaginable.

“You didn’t have to get me anything, Mom,” Wonwoo said as he took the basket from his mom and made room for her in his bed.

He missed this. The warmth, the gentle bossiness, the kind of care that came with unconditional love, and not a PR schedule or a calorie limit.

Sure, as an idol, someone took charge of everything: hair, makeup, nutrition, lodging, the works. But no one was there in the dorm to baby him like his mother did. Running a soothing hand through his hair to help him fall asleep at night, or cooking up a delicious serving of gukbap in the morning before they all head off to whatever schedule the company has planned. He appreciated his mom more now that he didn’t live at home.

His mom sat on the bed beside him, “You should take better care of yourself, Won-ah,” she said while massaging his head. Wonwoo’s always loved head massages when he was still a boy.

Wonwoo hummed in response. “Yes, mom,” was all he could say.

“Are they not letting you eat?” His mom asked, worry evident in her voice.

With closed eyes, he replied, “They provide us with food, but sometimes I forget to eat.”

Wonwoo’s mom slapped his hand, “Aigoo-yah, why would you forget to eat? You always ate together with Mingyu.”

“We always have different schedules now, so it’s rare that we eat together.” The response was not entirely untrue, Wonwoo just left out the part that he chose not to have meals together with Mingyu anymore.

“Still,” Wonwoo’s mom went back to massaging his head. “I understand your schedule is unpredictable, but if you wanna keep doing what you want to do, you should keep your body healthy.”

“I know, Mom,” Wonwoo sighed, “I’m sorry.”

“No need to be sorry, kid,” his mom started to say, “Just take better care of yourself, but I’m always gonna be here if you need a little help.”

“Thank you, Mom. I love you.”

“I love you too,” his mom hugged him tightly, and oh Wonwoo missed his mom’s touch, really. He should go home more often.

His mom stood up, “Good night, sweetie. Tomorrow, I’ll make you my special soup. It should heal you right up.”

“Good night, Mom.” Wonwoo said, already dreading the bitter soup filled with gossam and sophora.

When his mom reached the doorway, she turned back to face Wonwoo and said, “By the way, the basket is not from me.” Then she made her way out.

Wonwoo blinked away his sleepiness and sat up to check the contents of the basket.

Upon closer inspection, the contents of the basket were all so random, as if the person packing it went grocery shopping and just got everything that Wonwoo liked.

There were ramen packets, packs of seaweed, beef jerky - all of which Wonwoo loved but was not allowed to eat at the moment. Then there were teas, several kinds of them: digestive tea, focus tea, and sleeping tea. There was even a huge scented candle and some essential oils.

Underneath everything was a small envelope with a note:

Wonwoo-hyung,

Please feel better soon.  I   We all feel incomplete without you.

                                    x Mingyu

His heart skipped a beat upon reading Mingyu’s name. Even amid everything they were going through, busy schedules and exhausting practices, Mingyu remained thoughtful and kind.

Wonwoo noticed the ‘I’—clumsily scratched out and replaced with ‘We.’ Maybe it was a slip. But if Mingyu meant to write ‘I’ and changed his mind... why?

It was funny how the basket was arranged; it was haphazard and unplanned, and teetering on reckless that Wonwoo can’t help but be endeared to Mingyu. Touched by the fact that he made time just to send Wonwoo a package to hopefully help while he was sick.

Wonwoo got his phone from the bedside table and took a picture of the basket.

He opened his chat thread with Mingyu and sent the first non-work-related message in about a year: Thank you for this, Min. I’ll come back healthier.

The reply came not even a minute after: You’re welcome, hyung. Good night.

…oOo…

As soon as Wonwoo was able to recover, recording for Seventeen’s next mini album was in full swing on top of the daily rehearsals for their upcoming tour.

Wonwoo got back to his set routine with as much gusto as he could muster. It could be quite confusing at times, juggling recording new songs and memorizing choreographies for released songs to be performed live for the first time. He let the adrenaline and excitement of going on their first-ever tour power him through.

A week after his recovery, Wonwoo had a studio schedule. The schedule was around eleven in the evening, but Wonwoo arrived ten minutes earlier.

Jihoon was there with someone else in the soundproof booth already recording. Wonwoo walked as quietly as possible to the couch, he didn’t want to disturb the ongoing process.

When he sat down, he noticed the figure in the booth was quite tall, taller than him. He recognized the voice instantly; it was Mingyu.

Mingyu delivered the last line flawlessly.

“Good job, Gyu-ah,” Jihoon said.

Mingyu grinned, wide and bashful. He looked exactly like a golden retriever proudly returning to its owner because it fetched the stick.

“Do you mind waiting for Wonwoo? He should be here soon anyway,” Jihoon asked.

Wonwoo saw Mingyu point at him. 

Jihoon turned around and saw Wonwoo. “When did you get here?”

“Uh, around 3 minutes ago?” Wonwoo said, unsure why Jihoon wanted Mingyu to wait for him.

“That’s great. There are four lines I want you guys to harmonize. Mingyu will rap and you will be the melody,” Jihoon rattled off his instructions. He was always strict when it comes to recording, but no one really minds because he’s the genius who composed all their songs. “You studied the guide for the bridge, right?”

Wonwoo only nodded in response.

“That’s good. Get in the booth,” Jihoon said.

Wonwoo followed as instructed and went over to the recording booth. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t apprehensive about the upcoming proximity to Mingyu. He hid his nerves with an overly-friendly, “Hi, Mingyu.”

Mingyu smiled at him and handed Wonwoo his headphones, “Hi, Hyung. I’m glad to see you’re feeling better.”

Wonwoo just smiled back.

“Let me know when you guys are ready,” Jihoon said from the studio.

Wonwoo and Mingyu looked at each other, and both wore their headphones. Mingyu nodded at him as if asking if Wonwoo was ready. Wonwoo nodded back to Mingyu and gave a thumbs up to Jihoon.

Mingyu and Wonwoo shared the microphones — like they often do — because Jihoon always wanted them to harmonize together, or their lines were always stacked right next to each other. It was as if Jihoon was not privy to his secret, as if he was purposely doing this to get the two together in the same room despite Wonwoo’s silent protests.

Wonwoo should be used to this by now, the closeness, the proximity, but why does he still feel a jolt of electricity whenever their arms brush accidentally? He focused on Jihoon’s instructions through the headphones, and pretended not to feel the warmth radiating off the 6ft tall man beside him, making Wonwoo feel hotter than he should.

It was just four lines, one simple verse that they had to complete. Wonwoo should be able to get through it unscathed. 

Just focus on the lyrics written on the paper in front of you, Wonwoo, and not the scent of Mingyu’s citrusy cologne filling up the booth.

The torment came to an end after their third attempt at recording the verse because Jihoon was finally happy with it.

Jihoon gave Mingyu the green light to go home so the younger boy happily took off his headphones and turned towards Wonwoo to say “Good luck, hyung. I know you’ll nail it,” with his both his thumbs up.

“Thanks, Mingyu,” Wonwoo smiled at him, one that wasn’t contrived or constrained, the most genuine one in a while. “You did great work today.”

Mingyu gave him a cheeky smile that showed off his fangs.

Wonwoo would be okay like this, he told himself. He had to be. After all, Mingyu always smiled like that for everyone. In the end, Wonwoo would not be wanting.

Chapter Text

They were all still sweaty, trying to catch their breath. Some were refilling their water bottles, while some were tearing into a candy bar they brought for practice.

Seungcheol clapped his hands to get the group’s attention. “Good job today, kids,” he said like he personally raised everyone. Which—honestly—he kind of had, as their oldest hyung. “Before we all go home, I have some news. Let’s all huddle up.”

The group formed a circle in the middle of the practice room. Vernon and Soonyoung flanked Wonwoo. Soonyoung was still kinda slimy from sweat but he couldn’t complain too much because he knew he wasn’t in a better state.

Jeonghan raised his hand, “Are they giving us a pay raise, Cheolie?” He said with a saccharine voice and while batting his eyelashes.

Wonwoo didn’t always get Jeonghan. Half the time he was prickly, a downright menace, and the other half, sweet and cute. The cuteness was always calculated, always for his gain. But he was different with Seungcheol, he was softer, warmer, and… more genuine?

“It’s kinda like that,” Seungcheol said. His statement earned a holler from a few of the members.

Wonwoo noticed Mingyu smirked from across the circle, “What is it, hyung?” He asked.

“The management wants to welcome more trainees, and they’ll be moving to our dorms.”

“What?” Seungkwan almost shrieked. “13 of us are already sharing one bathroom, hyung!” It was funny to see Seungkwan trying to pull his hair out, visibly distraught from the situation.

Joshua shushed him and gave a few pats on his back, “Let Cheol finish before you overreact.”

Wonwoo felt Vernon stifle a laugh beside him, and his shoulders shook a little; Wonwoo heard a faint chuckle.

“They want us to transfer to a new accommodation, two to three of us will share an apartment, and each apartment will have its own bathroom.”

Seungkwan audibly gasped and covered his mouth, “Pledis can afford that?”

Seungcheol just shrugged, “Apparently, they now can.”

Everyone was happy with the development. Wonwoo could only hope his roommate would be someone he could stand. He loved his members, but there are obviously some habits that he’d find annoying if he were exposed to them daily.

“Who would be roommates?” Jihoon asked.

“Good question,” Seungcheol nodded. “I was thinking we could all draw lots so things would be faster, then you can just go switch with anyone if you’d like. We’ll be moving into the new accommodation in 2 weeks.”

“That sounds fair,” Minghao said.

There were 5 dorm units, 2 of which were for 2 members, while 3 were for 3 members. Seungcheol wrote the dorm room number on pieces of paper Jun got from his backpack.

All the pieces of paper were folded and dropped into Seungcheol’s cap. They passed the cap around until all of them had a strip of paper in their hands.

Wonwoo opened his to see the number “5.”

“One!” Seungkwan yelled.

Chan made a face looking like a cross between disgust and annoyance, he raised his hand “one,” he said with a roll of his eyes.

“If you hate it so much go switch with someone else, you buffoon!” Seungkwan said.

“No side comments yet, just room reveal,” Jeonghan said.

“One,” Jun said meekly. Wonwoo could already see the chaos Jun would try to prevent if the three end up being roommates.

“Two,” Jihoon said.

Soonyoung excitement became so palpable. He started laughing and shaking Jihoon, “Two! I also got two!” He was raising his eyebrows at Jihoon. Wonwoo didn’t know how compatible they would be as roommates given their opposite temperaments.

“Two,” Vernon raised his hand.

“Wanna switch?” Chan asked him, “Please hyung, please,” Chan pleaded while elongating to vowel.”

Vernon just nodded quietly.

Dino got up so they can switch papers.

Seungkwan glared at Dino, “Really, he asked? You couldn’t even wait until everyone’s reveal before switching.”

“What? I’m doing you a favor.” Dino quipped back and Seungkwan just smacked him.

Wonwoo didn’t understand the exchange that much, and at that time in the evening, he didn’t have the braincells to decode Seungkwan and Dino’s cat and dog relationship.

Wonwoo paid attention to the rooming situation, he was silently praying a certain someone would reveal his number already so he could let go of the breath he has been holding.

“Three.” Joshua and Seokmin said at the same time. They high-fived each other, clearly both content with the result of the lot.

“I’m your third,” Jeonghan said and smiled at them both.

There was only one more room aside from Wonwoo’s. Wonwoo hoped that the universe didn’t decide that moment to be the perfect time to play a joke on him.

“Four,” Cheol raised his hand.

“Nice! Me too, hyung!” Minghao said.

Oh fuck. Fuck.

“I guess we’ll be roommates, Wonwoo-hyung.” Mingyu grinned directly at him. As if he was a kid who got his Christmas presents early that year.

That smile - that infuriating, cheeky, fang-filled smile - prevented Wonwoo from looking away. It prevented him from immediately going to Jihoon to trade. 

Rooming with Mingyu would not be so bad. Wonwoo was over his feelings anyway. Maybe rooming with him would slowly reintroduce both of them back to their friendship without the awkward feelings.

“Guess we would be,” Wonwoo smiled back at Mingyu.

…oOo…

The preparation for the move came with panic and anxiety, with an undercurrent of excitement.

Excitement because moving into a much bigger accommodation meant Seventeen was earning enough that the company decided to give the members that luxury. This also meant that somehow, all the members’ hard work, sleepless nights, and overfatigued bodies weren’t for naught.

Panic and anxiety because it would be Wonwoo’s first time living with only one other human being, and the fact that it’s Mingyu, well…

Wonwoo liked to think that they didn’t need to interact much anyway. They’ve been living in the same quarters for years at this point and ever since that roof top, they only had to be alone together in professional settings. The new place had two separate bedrooms, so if Wonwoo wanted to be a recluse and avoid his roommate, he could just stay in.

He could find ways to maintain civility while still keeping his self-imposed distance.

It was a good thought, until the first night they had to spend together in their new dormitory. It was a good setup; the five rooms were divided into three floors. Technically, they were still in the same accommodation, but they had more space and privacy. Wonwoo and Mingyu’s room were in the top most floor and they didn’t have any neighboring members.

The members all decided to splurge for a dinner together to celebrate their freedom from their very small dormitory before spending their first night at the “apartments” as the members called it.

After everyone’s had their fill of their choice of jjajjangmyeon or jjamppong, all the members were crammed into the same van. Pledis might have splurged on the apartments but not the transportation yet.

Some of them expressed sentimentality; Seungkwan said he was going to miss his hyungs, just his hyungs, Seungcheol was glad to be spending more of his time in peace.

Wonwoo just stayed quiet and smiled to himself, he was gonna miss the chaos of the dorms. He listened to everyone and when they were about two minutes away from arriving at the apartments, Mingyu said “I’m really excited to spend more time with Wonwoo-hyung.”

“We know!” Jeonghan, Seokmin, and Seungkwan all chorused.

Wonwoo felt the words land like a weight behind his sternum

I’m really excited to spend more time with Wonwoo-hyung. It played in his head again.

He gave a thumbs-up. Because what else could he do? He couldn't laugh without sounding bitter. Couldn't stay silent without confirming something. So he smiled into the rearview mirror like everything was okay.

Mingyu was just excited, like he always was. He kept things light and stayed positive in the most tiring of days. He was not going to overthink this.

They all got out of the van and thanked their manager for driving them.

Wonwoo gave his belly a satisfied pat, still stuffed from the dinner.

He found Mingyu already making his way to the elevator with the rest of the members.

“Min,” the nickname slipped out. 

Mingyu turned his head right away to face Wonwoo, “yeah, hyung?” He beamed, eyes crinkling like he already knew he’d won.

“I’m gonna go for a walk for a bit,” Wonwoo replied.

“Oh,” Mingyu paced towards Wonwoo. “Do you mind if I join you?”

At that moment, Wonwoo wanted to be alone with his thoughts, but maybe having Mingyu by his side would not make him spiral like he usually did.

“If it’s okay,” Mingyu added. “If you want space, that’s cool.”

“Alright,” Wonwoo answered as if it were the most natural thing in the world. So much for keeping his distance.

This would be a new approach. He needed more exposure to increase his immunity, right? Scientifically, the more he’s in Mingyu’s presence, the less he would be affected by it, and then maybe his heart could get a rest from beating so wildly at just the slightest whiff of Mingyu’s perfume.

…oOo…

The walk was silent. The kind of silent that weighs heavily on their shoulders with unspoken thoughts.

The cool breeze whispered around Wonwoo’s body as he put one foot in front of the other, hands in his pocket, afraid to let it swing and accidentally brush against Mingyu. 

Wonwoo could feel Mingyu practically radiating with eagerness beside him. He was swinging his arms, clasping and unclasping them behind his back, trying to look relaxed even though Wonwoo could tell he was the opposite.

Wonwoo itched to break the silence. A thousand possible questions pop up in his head but every single one sounded more mundane than the last, and worse; it sought answers to more questions. And Wonwoo, he wanted to stop being curious because every fact he learned about Mingyu just made him more endearing.

He lost himself in his thoughts as the silence engulfed them like glass, hard to the touch but fragile.

They followed the path which was curving a kid’s playground. The moonlight bounced off the seesaw and the cicadas kept on singing as if deeming to be part of the silence.

“How are you, hyung?” Mingyu shattered the glass with those words.

Wonwoo was unable to speak for a moment, surprised by the question and debating what broken shard he should pick up first. He wondered why that mattered, why Mingyu cared. But the way it was said, so softly, so earnestly, made Wonwoo want to give him an answer.

“I mean, we’re moving in together,” Mingyu continued as if sensing Wonwoo’s discomfort. “Are you really okay with that?” He clenched his fists in front of him, a sign of nervousness Wonwoo knew.

Wonwoo had an immediate answer to that, “I am,” he said, sounding so sure despite the fact that he had a lot of reservations. It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the whole truth either. “Why wouldn’t I be?” Wonwoo asked.

“Because,” Mingyu started but the following words died on his tongue. He shook his head as if trying to shake off his feelings. “Yeah, why wouldn’t you be?” Mingyu said instead of what he originally thought to reply. “Objectively, I’m the best roommate there is,” he said with a slight giggle.

“Exactly,” Wonwoo answered, trying his best to banter with Mingyu. It was easy, it was fun and he missed just being himself around his friend. “You make the best ramen. And you’re such a neat freak,” he added.

That earned a laugh and a gasp of mock offense from Mingyu, “I knew it!” he said as his face scrunched up. “You’re only happy because you think I’d take care of you.”

“Well, wouldn’t you?” there was instant regret the moment the words left his lips - because he already knew Mingyu’s answer even before he spoke his question, didn’t he?

“Of course I would.” Mingyu had said and playfully shoved Wonwoo using his own body.

A sudden warmth rushed through him despite the coolness of the night. Wonwoo tried to breathe normally despite feeling like an asteroid just crashed in to him.

Friends took care of each other. That’s normal. It was just Mingyu being Mingyu. And Wonwoo being, well, susceptible. 

It didn’t mean anything else; it didn’t have to mean anything else.