Archive of Our Own ^beta

She’d take the word off my shoulders if it was ever hard to move.

She’d turn the rain to a rainbow when I was living in the blue.

Greasy, that’s all Chris could describe, the sickening smell of over greased cheese and pepperoni, the acidity of the tomato felt like acid on his tongue.

A usual Friday night favorite so bitter, accompanied by Romcom- a favorite of Chris’.

Ashley decided that Chris could pick, and that she had no sort of preference for movies. She’d enjoy anything, anything that he enjoys, as long as it wasn’t horror.

Why then, if she’s so perfect, do I still wish it was you?

Perfect don’t mean that it's working so what can I do?

Horror, something Chris associated with Friday nights, Pizza, and most importantly Josh.

Always Josh, the same kid he grew up with, the same one who was once terrified of his father's movies, of the ghosts and slashers, the gore and screams, yet the fear subsided as they grew. As time passed, Josh wanted nothing more than to be seen as more in his Fathers eyes, he tried to become closer to his Father, thus as well became enthralled with the idea of becoming like the stoic man, working with special effects and actors, being behind the camera, stories of generic slashers to haunted folklore, anything horror. Josh knew about almost every horror movie to exist, could even name them alphabetically.

Friday nights were horror and pizza, the two of them.

So when he looked up from the TV, he saw Ashley, he had to do a double take, he had to remember.

When you’re out of sight in my mind

‘Cause sometimes I look in her eyes, and that’s where I find a glimpse of us

And I try to fall for her touch, but I’m thinking of the way it was

Days turned into weeks, weeks to months, Hannah and Beth were never found, no closure on what happened, no bodies to bury, just gone.

They were gone, and in essence so was Josh.

Josh lost everything that night.

Lost his faith in friends, lost his family, lost himself.

Chris, ever since third grade, followed Josh. Ever since their friendship had started it was Chris racing after Josh, there was something special about the way Josh was, Chris was hooked.

They had instantly clicked, tied to the hip, with such closeness, it wasn’t long after when he ended up meeting the twins. Running amongst the empty halls, hide and seek and tag in the many twists and turns on the Washington manor.

Chasing and chasing, running with and after.

Normally when Josh jumped, Chris would ask how high. He’d go to the stars if that was what Josh asked.

Chris would always follow Josh to the end of the earth, but this time, it was different. Every jump was matched, yet this time? Josh jumped off, and Chris couldn’t bring himself to follow.

They've been through everything together, Chris was there at age 11 when his best friend had an incident that led to him being sent to a psychiatrist, which led to the Major Depressive Disorder diagnosis.

Chris was there, he never looked at Josh differently, he never deterred his chasing, the knot that kept them joint never loosened.

So why was this different? Why didn’t Chris jump with Josh? After everything, Chris chasing after the blur that is Josh Washington, the most predictable jump, ghosted.

And now? Chris has no clue what is happening with Josh, no clue how he is, how the family is. Chris doesn’t even have the decency to try to pick up the phone, it’s been so long. Ghost of a usual Friday night flickers behind his eyelids, the sweet sound of Ash’s laugh as she grips Chris’ arm unconsciously, or that’s what Chris suspects in the least.

Chris has found the time once spent with Josh, the jump Chris failed to take, Ash was there, a bridge, the safe option, almost perfect in every way.

Said “Im fine” and said “I moved on”

I’m only here passing time in her arms

Hoping I’ll find a glimpse of us

Did Josh think about Chris? Was he mad? Did he hate Chris?

It drove Chris crazy, he wanted to know if his other half, because that’s what Josh was, thought about him as much as he did.

Once inseparable forces to be reckoned with, the troublesome duo who once were kings in their own world, the castle walls crumbled.

Childish hope abandoned, do things really not last forever?

Wasn’t forever tarnished by Chris himself? When instead of jumping with Josh, he watched the other fall, he didn’t even reach out, he stood there, his feet didn’t even meet the ledge.

And when he looked back? When forward was an option he missed, there stood Ashely, a crush Josh has supported for the longest time.

Ashley didn’t jump, she didn’t take risks, there was no chasing. She wanted to like what Chris liked just as much as she wanted to share her own interests.

She was perfect in every sense.

A perfect partner, someone he longed to spend a Friday night with, someone Josh has teased him about on countless Friday nights.

Josh.

It always comes back to Josh doesn’t it?

Is it guilt? Because Josh was the one to push Chris, to push him out of his comfort zones in the best way possible, the wind beneath his wings as he stepped off the ledge. And instead of falling, he always stayed afloat. Every jump, every chase, Josh was there at the end.

But this wasn’t Josh, and he didn't jump.

It was Ashley, it was Friday night and he was with Ashley.

When you’re out of sight in my mind

‘Cause sometimes I look in her eyes, and that’s where I find a glimpse of us

And I try to fall for her touch, but I’m thinking of the way it was

Josh pushed Chris to Ashley, and now?

And now Fridays with Chris and Ashley, while Josh continued to fall by himself.

Perfect felt empty.

It was Friday night with a girl he and Josh spoke about countless times.

The same Josh he hasn’t spoken with in half a year almost.

The same Josh he devoted his life to, the same Josh he missed so dearly.

The same Josh that he can’t get out of his mind, no matter how sweet Ash’s laugh is, how soft her hand feels, or how warm her very essence is.

Ash was right here, but it felt different.

Everything he ever wanted was right here.

Everything but Josh.

Was it selfish to say that Ash was a better dream in theory? Was it selfish that the idea of Ash made him blush when it was Josh who teased him about it?

Was it selfish that when he felt Ash scoot closer to him, her grip still on him, he was still trying to pull the memory of Josh close, to make it real?

But Josh was gone, and Ash was here.

It was Chris and Ash.

On a Friday, watching anything but horror with pizza toppings Chris had a say in.

Josh was gone.

Said “Im fine” and said “I moved on”

I’m only here passing time in her arms

Hoping I’ll find a glimpse of us