Chapter Text
Alex’s life consisted of a series of bubbles. He lived in well-defined, carefully monitored and cultivated spaces. There was an occasional semblance of freedom but ultimately, he just ended up in a larger bubble. Or, in this case, a park in Paris.
The park was beautiful, the lawn well-kept, the flower beds immaculate and the trees gave an impression of endlessness. But the city was still there, surrounding them on all sides, constantly reminding him of its presence: From glimpsed peeks of buildings between the foliage and the distant humming of traffic to the occasional sirens and horns blaring out their proximity to civilization and people.
The park seemed empty, save for Willie and him, but while their soles crunching over gravel almost masked the sounds of footsteps following them at a discreet distance, he could never forget that he was never alone. He trusted Andi Parker—his frightfully competent bodyguard—and Willie seemed relaxed enough about Dante and Fuego—the Secret Service duo assigned to his safety. But all three served as a reminder that they were not, in fact, alone.
And just like the city kept hidden but was still there, he couldn’t discount the possible presence of others he had not yet seen but who saw him well enough.
The bubbles he inhabited had walls, but those were too often transparent.
So he kept a respectable amount of air and space between himself and the First Nephew of the United States. He didn’t fidget, he didn’t shove his hands into his pockets, even though leaving them out meant a constant battle against his desire to take Willie’s hand. His posture remained straight.
Just like his teachers had taught him.
He called it the Prince Programme. The mental subroutine playing in the background at all times, making sure he behaved properly. Sometimes he could pretend that he wasn’t even aware of it anymore. Other times, it sent out constant reminders for him not to slip up. Like today.
But even if maintaining his posture and dignity was harder next to Willie’s infectious energy, Alex gladly paid the price of constant vigilance if it meant spending more time with Willie. Despite the risks involved.
Because starting a casual affair with Willie was a little more than just a slip. And no matter how much Alex told himself that he deserved to do something fun and risky after behaving properly all his life—just as Luke and Reggie kept telling him—a big part of him worried constantly about the possible repercussions of people finding out about it.
It would ruin him and any relationship he had left with his family.
The people who had not elected him to be their prince but had their expectations of him nonetheless, would be disappointed at best or something much much worse.
So it wasn’t exactly a wise course of action.
But one look at Willie’s smile and the Prince Programme pop-up messages became muted and colourless. Still urgent enough to keep his hands to himself in public, but not enough to deter him from his course.
His whole body tingled with anticipation. They’d only managed to meet up once in person since that first time in the White House—an ill-advised tryst on the sidelines of a charity polo match, frantically getting each other off in the tack room before anyone discovered them. Another mistake, surely, but every time Alex thought back to it, he had to take slow, deep breaths and to persuade his mouth not to smile at the memory.
Tonight, they would have more time, and Alex was determined to savour every second.
By his side, Willie seemed even more animated than usual, excitement clear in his eyes and voice. But Willie, too, attempted to reign himself in while they strolled through the park, keeping the conversation light.
It didn’t come quite as naturally to him as it did for Alex but Alex appreciated it.
Eventually, though, Willie leaned in a little closer, voice a little lower as he asked: “So how long have you known that you’re gay?” There was a twinkle in his eye that made Alex’s heart stutter.
“Only a little longer than I knew I wasn’t allowed to be gay,” he said softly, twisting the signet ring on his finger.
Willie was clearly hungering for more information, eyes bright and curious and his body twisted in Alex’s direction.
Alex took a deep breath, weighing how truthful he should be. But Willie was the one person he didn’t want to lie to.
So he sighed and elaborated: “I kissed a boy when I was five, but my parents saw and told me in no unclear terms that I was never to do that again ‘lest I disappoint the whole nation’. And surely I didn’t want to let down all those people who loved me as their prince and representative.” He sneered, voice dripping with sarcasm.
Willie gaped and then snorted after a moment. “Wow, that’s some bullshit. Obviously, you didn’t listen to them.”
Alex swallowed and kept his eyes straight ahead. “Yeah, I did.” He forced his hands to stop fiddling and lowered them back to his sides.
He wished he could tell Willie that he was secretly a rebel. That he’d had some slutty Oxford phase and there were scores of English boys with signed NDAs that were longer than their arms, who could treasure the memory of their illicit encounters with him in silence only.
But Alex had not been a rebel. He’d always been too scared and too trustworthy to step out of line. The Prince Programme worked well and anxiety did the rest.
Only Reggie and Luke had ever managed to draw him out and wake that longing for adventure in him. But by the time he’d met them, it had apparently already been too late for him.
Because while he could sneer at his parents’ words now and pretend to be above them, they had nevertheless rooted deep into his soul. If it was just a matter of defying his parents and grandparents, he might have accomplished it long ago. But he did feel the burden of his station. He wanted to be a prince his nation could be proud of. It was the least he could try and do in exchange for the privileged life he led. Nevermind that he’d never asked for it and too often chafed in it.
Willie had actually stopped for a moment, falling behind as he processed Alex’s words, but he caught up to him again with a few hasty steps, reaching for his arm. “Wait, but that means…”
Now it was Alex’s turn to stop. He turned to look at Willie and sighed again. Willie had found the embarrassing truth easily enough it seemed. “Yep. I kissed a boy when I was five and then I kissed you on New Year’s Eve. And that’s the total sum of this royal’s body count. Impressive, huh?” He smiled deprecatingly and shrugged.
Willie’s eyes widened, mouth hanging open. “Holy shit,” he whispered. “But then, I mean, then when we—”
Alex nodded, forcing the words out past the lump in his throat as he pushed some gravel around with the tip of his shoe: “Yeah. That was my first time.”
“Holy shit,” Willie repeated and, after a moment, laughed. “Well, you fooled me.”
“That was the intention.” Alex shrugged for the second time and resumed walking (after smoothing out the gravel again, he was no heathen).
Willie fell into step beside him and chuckled. “I mean, it does explain a few things. You were pretty responsive. Guess it wasn’t just my talent alone then, huh?” He tucked a strand of hair behind his ear and elbowed Alex teasingly, wagging his eyebrows at him.
Alex swallowed, feeling his cheeks heating up. But he just shrugged again, resisting the urge to draw his shoulders up to his ears and leaving them there.
“You should have told me though,” Willie said, his face serious all of a sudden.
“I didn’t want to,” Alex admitted.
Maybe he should have. But maybe Willie would have stopped it and after risking so much, Alex hadn’t been ready for that possibility. Besides, it would have been even more embarrassing to admit it then, half out of his mind with arousal and nerves, than now.
“But I could have made it more special!” Willie protested. He actually sounded sad at the missed opportunity
Alex snorted and looked at Willie with a half-grin tugging at his lips. “Believe me. It was bloody special to me.”
Willie chuckled and seemed to relax again, the puppy dog look on his face melting back into a grin. “Okay. Glad to hear it.” Then his grin turned mischievous as he wagged his eyebrows at Alex. “But I will make it up to you tonight.”
Alex’s breath faltered and his heart beat noticeably faster. He cleared his throat. “Okay. Thanks for the warning.” The words still came out an octave higher than normal and he was definitely blushing.
Willie giggled and then nodded in satisfaction.
They walked in silence for a few moments, while Willie twiddled with the ends of one of his bracelets and Alex valiantly did not twiddle anything.
Then Willie tilted his head and asked, “So why me?”
Alex shrugged, flexing his fingers a little to shake off the desire to shove them into the pockets of his coat. Or to reach for Willie. “I mean, have you looked at yourself?”
He kept his tone light. Despite his earlier determination to be honest with Willie he couldn’t bring himself to reveal just how completely and hopelessly in love he was with him. This was just something casual after all. A little fun, and once Willie tired of him, it would be much better if he didn’t know how irrevocably he would break Alex’s heart by ending it.
Willie didn’t deserve that burden. And Alex was used to carrying more than his fair share.
Completely unaware of the turn Alex’s thoughts had taken, Willie just chuckled, blowing a strand of hair out of his face. Alex longed to be able to tuck it behind his ear.
Later.
With a sigh, Alex decided to give up at least one truth (and to distract himself from thoughts of later). “Okay, so … maybe there’s more to it.”
Willie turned his face towards him with eager curiosity. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. I mean, I’m obviously attracted to you, but I also think it’s because you’re … not afraid to touch me?”
Willie frowned, clearly not understanding, so Alex sighed again and plowed on: “You know, most people, uhm, know better than to touch me?” He winced slightly.
Willie’s eyes twinkled. “You mean it’s against protocol to fistbump a prince? Or elbow him?”
“Yes. So … people don’t really do that. I mean, obviously there’s people who touch me, like the royal stylist, and the hair and makeup artists. And Shaan or Andi will occasionally steer me somewhere by the elbow or something, but,” he shrugged, “that’s pretty much it.” He considered briefly and then amended: “Except for all the handshakes, of course. There are plenty of those. Too many, really.”
Willie was frowning again. “What about your family?”
Alex swallowed the bitter taste on his tongue and shook his head. “An occasional handshake or clap on the shoulder but that’s it. Bea was the only one who ever really hugged me. The rest … well they’re not really big on hugs.”
Or on any overt shows of affection, even in private.
He’d stopped wondering if it contributed to his sister’s suicide; the answer was all too clear.
“Man, that sounds … really fucked up. I’m so sorry,” Willie said, his face softening with sadness, and Alex forced himself to redirect his attention to the path they were walking along instead of losing himself in Willie’s eyes and the sympathy in them.
“It got better once I found Luke and Reggie at school but yeah, they’re the only ones who’ll still hug me. Now that school’s over though, I don’t see them nearly often enough. Too many royal engagements. Have to earn my money after all.”
Alex bit his lip, forcing the bitterness out of his voice. He’d been so happy to finally have found friends who accepted him for who he was. As just Alex. Not Prince Alexander of England. But of course his family didn’t approve and they did their utmost to keep him so occupied he hardly had time left for his friends.
Alex cleared his throat, shaking the hair out of his face. A small rebellion, that haircut, but one Alex had won for once. Even if it was ‘terribly 90s,’ as Pip said. At least there was one part visibly unruly about him.
It had unintentionally transformed him into a teenage heartthrob when he’d been fifteen, according to the relevant press on the matter, but Alex had grown fond of the haircut. And although he didn’t aspire to break the hearts of the maidens of the nation, a spiteful part of him relished that he was more popular than his uptight, always correct brother.
Of course his popularity also hinged on him behaving like a perfect Prince Charming.
Even though all that really mattered to him was that Willie liked him.
He shook his head to dislodge the gloomy thoughts, once more fighting the urge to put his hands into his pockets.
“So I guess what I’m saying is that, when you came along, looking so gorgeous while prodding and pushing and tugging me, I simply couldn’t resist.” He shrugged and broke into a grin.
Willie smiled back but there was still way too much pity and sadness in his face. Worse, he made a move as if he wanted to hug Alex right then and there but Alex took a quick half step to the side and shook his head.
“Not here.”
The truth. The more complete truth was that Alex had actually become rather afraid of hugs and he was half certain that if Willie actually, properly hugged him, he’d probably break apart. Sure, he’d already fallen apart under Willie’s capable hands and mouth but that was entirely different.
This was just a casual thing, after all. He didn’t want to spoil it by suddenly bursting into tears just because someone gave him a hug. He was already afraid that revealing as much as he just had to Willie would prove to be too much ballast for this casual affair.
He didn’t want Willie to think he owed him anything just because Alex was a sad sad prince nobody hugged.
They were only mates with benefits. Casual fuck buddies. Which was the only way to do it because otherwise, Alex couldn’t do it at all.
Willie grunted unhappily but nodded and they resumed their walk, carefully keeping their distance in the eyes of the park and the world.