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September 2013, seven A.M. Newly opened Boys & Grills:
You were pissed off, like really pissed as you stared at the paper in your hand. This was bullshit you thought, nothing but complete and utter bullshit spewed all over this town. Your eyes widened and bulged as you saw the dreaded newspaper before
It was around seven in the morning. Your tired self decided it would be cool if you went to a local dinner to eat. So you went to Boys & Grills to buy the very healthy breakfast of a bacon cheeseburger and fries. But when you're enjoying your coffee, you read the newspaper and feel yourself lose it.
“The fuck do they mean they're trying to ban shotguns and rifles from civilians now?” You asked yourself, groaning as you read through the article. Oh hell, the bastard is at it again. You hated politicians so much now. “FirstMayor Evermore decided it would be really funny if he banned anyone besides cops from buying handguns, and now this? This is straight-up unconstitutional! No wonder they are scared of someone killing everyone! They can't defend themselves now!”
You were now enraged as you took a sip of coffee. You had a lot to hate about this. To hate the Mayor and his idiotic policies. Mayor Evermore didn't understand why this was terrible. And you felt like this was going to fuck over everything.
You were a hunter, not a great one but you did hunt anyway. You mainly did it for food since the grocery store was kinda expensive now, and you had to balance it in some way. And you needed your guns to humanely kill your prey. You had standards, and you believed that guns were tools to be responsibly used.
So when you saw this, you knew that you had to do something. This felt like total bullshit. You loved this town and everyone here; they did not deserve to have their rights taken away by some asshole who didn't know anything about the people he was leading. You grumbled in rage as you ate your fries and groaned.
“Yeah, looks like I have to talk to the Mayor again,” you said to yourself, thinking about how annoying it was. Sure, you and the Mayor were friends and you were close to Evermore. But Jesus Christ he was such a pain. Made you want to frog splash on someone like Eddie Guerrero. “He’s gone too far. I should have said that to him when he said he didn't want pistols and revolvers in the hands of citizens. I wished John had said something about that to him,”
You finished your meal and got up, grumbling in rage as you grabbed the newspaper and folded it enough so it could fit in one of your pockets. You then walked over to the cashier and paid the fat guy named ‘Bob’ a twenty-dollar bill.
Bob was the owner of Boy's & Grills, he worked in the place along with everyone else and took care of everyone who came to his store. He was big but nice, so you liked talking to him. You have been friends with him for a while.
“Done already?” Bob asked in his southern tone, his giant hands grabbing the cash and returning the change. “I know it's early and all. But I thought you would eat more. I've seen you order multiple meals before,”
You shook your head and sighed.
“No Bob, I don't want another bacon cheeseburger now. I just read that the Mayor is trying to do some unconstitutional crap again. It's getting annoying,” you said. “I’m going to go home now. Thanks for cooking for me this early,”
“It's not a problem really,” Bob replied while waving. “Take care then, just don't make the Mayor mad again,”
“Oh, I think he'll be mad again though,” you replied bluntly as you walked out. “He's definitely gonna be mad when I confront his ass about what he's doing,”
You then got out of the restaurant and went to your house. You did a lot of stuff, you took a shower, you made food for yourself again, and went hunting with your friends Jack and John for a little bit. Things were a bit fine for now, you got yourself a damn good deer to eat, and managed to sell some taxidermy models you had lying around to John. Everything was peachy, you even found out you got a promotion! You were making it big!
But you couldn't stop thinking about the simple yet addictive action you wanted to do but didn't because of how. And that was to talk to the Mayor. And that was easier than you expected.
Evermore was a hard ass, sure, but he would let anyone talk to him inside his office when he wasn't busy. Sometimes he even let you yell at him while he did God knows what. So all you had to do was just go and visit him when he had nothing to do.
So you got prepared many hours later at six thirty P.M. You brought your wallet and a copy of the Constitution. After that, you went to your car and began to drive. The Town Hall was farther away than you expected. It was on the other side of town, way far away from your house. And the roads were very terrible for some reason. But after half an hour of speeding. You managed to get all the way there.
“Well,” you said to yourself as you dusted yourself off and began to walk all the way to the Town Hall, your bones almost shaking as soon as you went in. “Here goes nothing,”
-
MANY HOURS LATER, inside Town Hall, seven PM.
The town hall was a mess of people. You had a hard time knowing where literally anyone was at. There were a lot of people just working on paperwork and chatting while drinking coffee. The whole place made you feel cramped in a way, especially when you were having something important to do.
You went over to the main desk and began to wait a bit. But you stopped once you realized that you heard kissing right next to you. It was gentle, soft, quiet, like they were hiding something. Your eyes widened, and your neck quickly turned to face the origin of the noise. You then gasped as you saw something so shocking that you couldn't unsee it.
Right next to you, near an entrance of a bathroom, were your two best friends, Jack and John, kissing. You slowly blinked as you saw their lips smashing into each other like a street fight. Your eyes narrowed and you sighed. Trying to ignore it. But then they both stopped making out to slowly but surely look at you. Both of them have a face filled with a staggered expression.
“I didn't see anything!” You said as you turned your head to see the disgruntled desk lady. You don't know what the hell happened. But you didn't question it. You didn't want to be the guy who judged the sheriff and deputy making out.
“You're damn right,” John muttered before looking at Jack with the most romantic expression anyone has seen.
“Yeah don't tell the Mayor about this,” Jack muttered.
“I won't, trust me,” was all you replied with as you heard them walk away.
After that, talking to the depressed desk lady and walking for a long while, you finally went to the Mayor's office. It was guarded by gigantic doors used for dinosaurs. You stared at them for a little bit like an astonished child before shaking your head and telling yourself why the actual Sam Hill you were here for.
“Oh yeah!” You said, “I have to yell at the Mayor for being an annoying person who makes unconstitutional laws! I need to take care of that now!”
You took a deep breath, took a few steps back, and rubbed your hands before getting into a running position. And then you quickly ran into the door as quickly as you could, having zero regard for your life or public property.
You superkicked the ever-loving shit out of the door. The door opened and slammed itself against a wall, exposing the gigantic, spacious office filled with Evermore's terrible paintings and memorabilia.
Mayor Evermore was sitting at his desk, watching some cat videos while looking at paperwork. But as soon as you went in, he jumped and almost fell out of his chair. The computer he used crashed and the paperwork flew over his desk as soon as you went in. After a bit he looked around the room before looking at you, his face irritated and irate as he saw you.
“Oh Jesus Christ, not you,” he said with a scowl. He gently got up and walked over to face you. Now you were just two feet away from each other.
“What do you want now? I thought we already got all of your issues solved [Name]. I'm planning to stop the sexist and homophobic laws from my predecessor. Why are you so upset now?”
“You know damn well why I'm here bitch!” You said, flipping the Mayor off before pointing at him. “I saw what you're trying to do, Mayor! Don't play stupid,”
“I genuinely don't know what you're talking about [Name]!” Evermore shouted back. “I’ve been spending my whole evening going through paperwork and looking at kittens until you kicked the door like that one guy from those Postal video games!”
Evermore was one dense mother fucker huh? Did he actually not know why you were upset? Oh well, you might as well show the Mayor what got you pissed! You gently took the newspaper you had had since this morning and unfolded it, showing the headline to him as you groaned.
“You're trying to ban citizens from buying a rifle and shotgun now? Really Mayor?” You asked, filled with spite. “Do you have any idea how idiotic this is? This bill you made is extremely inconsiderate of all the people here! Why are you even the mayor here?
“Inconsiderate? Who in the world is buying guns?” Evermore said with a chuckle and a shit eating grin. “Guns are useless and only used for violence. No one needs one,”
“I need them asshole!” You yelled out, grimacing as you did so. “A lot of other people need guns too. They're used for hunting and self-defense. Sure, they can be used for violence, but you could argue that for knives, hammers, or any other tool! I don't see you bitching about it!”
“Why hunt when you could go to the store to get food?” Asked Evermore, his tone still infuriated. “Hunting is a stupid hobby anyway,”
“Why did anyone elect you?” you replied with a groan. “I don't have enough money to afford going to the store along with some other people! Plus, hunting has been done ever since humanity was alive. You really need to do some research before you make any laws about it. Maybe you wouldn't be on so much thin ice with me if you actually did that,”
Evermore narrowed his eyes and shook his head. He was getting pissed that nothing was going his way now. He knew you knew it, but he didn't care or give two shits. He walked closer, stopping at a point where he could touch you if he wanted to. You were still not phased though.
“Ok sure, some inbred rednecks are going to have a hard time getting food, so what?” Evermore said as he pointed at you. Then his voice suddenly rose into yelling as he looked at you. “Why is it still such an issue though? Enlighten me Mr. Gun fetishist, why in the hell would I change anything? No one was bothered when I did it last time. So why now?”
“Because it violates the Constitution,” You yelled out. Your voice was now just as raised as you walked closer to Evermore. Now you two were centimeters away from touching each other. You could feel his breathing against your face, it felt oddly nice for some reason. “Not just that, it violates one part of the Bill of Rights!”
“What amendment am I violating [Name]? The one no one cares about?” Evermore said, crossing his arms and acting all tough despite the fact that you knew full well he was a bitch ass hoe. “I still don't see the problem!”
I'm going to strangle him, you said to yourself. Even though he looks charming I really want to choke him out.
You quickly pulled out your old constitution, which you got from your old high school civics class, and then opened it up. You then showed Evermore it before taking a deep breath and began to explain.
“This bill, along with the retarded law you made banning civilian use of handguns, violates the Second Amendment,” You explained, a little calmer than usual. You then cleared your throat before continuing. “‘A well-regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.’ I know you probably never went to civics class or could read so I decided to share,”
Evermore screamed in frustration before shouting obscenities. After all of that, he then looked at you and spoke.
“Why can't they own a sword instead?” He asked.
“It's 2013 Mayor, the only people using swords are nerds and neckbeards. Abolish this shit and any other anti-gun laws before I mass protest your ass for the third time this year,”
“No! I already decided this crap along with Garcia!” Evermore shouted. “I'm not letting you whine like a baby for me to change,”
“You're more of a baby here! You didn't even acknowledge my points Evermore!”
“That’s because you hurt my feelings!”
“Grow a damn skin, you're literally in your 40s,”
“Oh, so when you get all emotional, it's ok, but for me it's not?” Evermore asked. “Talk about hypocrisy!”
“Since when did I do that?” You asked, shouting back.
“You literally did that for the whole time we were talking, you moron!”
“I hate you! You hypocritical bitch!”
“I hate you too! I wish I had the true [Name] back!”
The true [Name]? What the hell did he mean by that? You were shocked, utterly speechless as you heard the last words he said. What was his goal now? Was he trying to gain sympathy or something? Either way, it made your cheeks blush and your body tremble a bit.
“What in the actual Kentucky fried FUCK, do you mean by that?” You asked nervously, looking into the Mayor's eyes.
The Mayor didn't say anything for a second, his face becoming redder than a tomato as he looked down. He fiddled with his fingers for a bit, thinking about what to say. He then sighed and said it.
“You heard what I said. I missed the old version of you, back when we were in our twenties,” He said, his voice soft and attractive. “I missed the old [Name] that would always hang out with me, the one who always bought me the best birthday and Christmas gifts, the one who cuddled with me under blankets when I felt cold. You were an amazing man, but now you're yelling at me over the fact that I don't like guns as much as you,”
Your feelings for Evermore changed from burning hot hatred to complete affection and longing. Evermore usually lied a lot, but he was telling the truth here. You and he did all those things and hung out, did stupid cool guy shit. Those days were amazing. And you wanted more of that.
So in an impulsive act of God himself, you closed your eyes and gave the Mayor a gentle smooch on the lips. The Mayor's face widened but he then pressed his old man lips against your old man lips. You felt his arms wrapped around you as you two made out in the middle of the Mayor's office.
Evermore's warmth and touch made you calm down even more than usual. You continued to kiss for a few seconds before you let go and sat down on the floor. Evermore couldn't do anything about it, like you, he was also exhausted.
You two took deep breaths for a while before you looked up at Evermore, who was smiling for some odd reason.
“Why was that the best kiss I ever had?” You said, realizing you were gay for the Mayor.
“Because I love you,” Evermore said with a prideful tone. “See? I wish you were like that most of the time instead of yelling at me!”
“Then don't violate individual rights, you commie!” You said with a sigh. You then smiled and sighed. You couldn't get mad at him anymore. You honestly wanted to bring him home for some cuddles. Something just felt right when that happened. “Besides that, I was thinking we should go to my home and snuggle then if you're so lovely dovey all of a sudden!”
The Mayor shook his head and smiled. He then did something completely unexpected, he walked over to you and then gently brought himself to your level. And before you know it, he was sitting right on your lap. You began shaking a little bit, not expecting him to be on top of you. Evermore, he closed his eyes, kissed your forehead, wrapped his arms around your torso, and clung on.
“No, I want cuddles now,” he said like it was an order.
“What? Why now in the office?!” You said, feeling a little confused as you hugged him back. “Isn't that odd? Why not just go and cuddle somewhere else that's not a floor?”
“[Name], I don't care, I need cuddles from you,” Evermore said bluntly as he squeezed you. His gaze focused on you, his face filled with love. “Besides, I'll get rid of all the anti-gun stuff if you let me hug you for a while. I'm touch starved and your warmth makes me feel better,”
Now that was something you could agree with. You nodded and then had another make-out session with the Mayor before resting your head against his shoulder.
“Sure thing,” was all you said. “But let's cuddle on your chair,”
And that's what happened for the rest of the night. You picked him up and cuddled him on his office chair. And when you guys were done with that, you did the same thing at Evermore's house. The Mayor kept his promise, and you were now in the weirdest relationship with him in history. Honestly, it was totally worth it! You loved old men in suits, you thought they were adorable!