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Chapter Text

"I can't believe you finally agreed to spend a night out with me, Wille!"

Wilhelm and Felice are standing in line to get into Klubb Tunnelbana. It's Felice's favourite nightclub, which Wilhelm only found out because she mentioned it excitedly almost a half a dozen times when they were at her apartment, pre-drinking beforehand.

It seems that they weren't the only ones who had been pre-drinking. There are a group of girls behind them who are clearly tipsy, laughing obnoxiously. A few of them had even stumbled into Wilhelm as the line shuffled forward and instead of apologizing, they just giggled to each other instead.

"Let's just hope I don't regret it," Wilhelm replies.

"You won't, I promise." Felice smiles, linking her arm through his.

It's a Saturday night and this is the first time in a while that Wilhelm has gone out. He rarely does. Maybe that's unusual for a twenty-two year old but it's just the way he prefers it these days. He has such a busy schedule that once nighttime rolls around, he usually collapses into bed, watching some television before quickly dozing off.

Another reason why he's prefers to stay in is because he's supposed to have his body guards with him at all times when he's out which kind of kills the fun of it for him. But tonight, he insisted on going out without them. Malin wasn't pleased about this, worried for Wilhelm's safety, but Wilhelm stood his ground.

It had taken a ton of persuasion on Felice's behalf to get him to agree to this. 'You'll have fun, Wille!'...'C'mon, you need to unwind, all you seem to do these days is fulfill your princely duties'...'I miss spending time with you, please, Wille!' As much as Wilhelm was tempted to spend another night alone in his room, he knew Felice was right.

They finally approach the front of the line, about to enter the club.

"ID, please," the bouncer asks Felice. She pulls her ID out of her wallet to show him and he allows her to pass through the doors.

Next it's Wilhelm's turn. "ID, pl- oh, Prince Wilhelm! Right this way, Your Royal Highness," the bouncer says with a smile, extending his arm out, leading the way for Wilhelm to head inside.

"Thank you." Wilhelm nods. Although most people would love the special treatment he receives as the Prince, Wilhelm doesn't. He never has. Ever since he became the Prince five years ago, he still hasn't gotten used to it. He gets jealous of the majority of people who can live their lives without having to deal with others judging their every move. He constantly feels like he's under a microscope. But it's the price he has to pay to be the Prince. Not that he ever asked for this.

It's Wilhelm's first time in Klubb Tunnelbana and he must admit, it's nice. There are two levels. The bar and lounge are higher up, which overlook the dance floor below. The place is crowded. Wilhelm follows Felice to the bar.

"What do you want to drink, Wille?" Felice shouts over the loud bass from the speakers beside them.

"A martini, please."

Wilhelm stands off to the side, by the wall, while Felice orders a martini for him and a cosmopolitan for herself. After a few minutes, she hands him his drink and they wander to another part of the club. They take a seat at a small round table, beside the railing that separates them from the dance floor below. It's quieter where they are now.

"I told Stella and Fredrika we'd be here tonight. They said they might come," Felice says, taking a sip from her glass.

"That's nice," Wilhelm responds.

"You better not be boring tonight, Wille. I'm gonna make you dance with me later. No moping." She wags her pointer finger back and forth in front of him.

"Moping?" Wilhelm asks, his eyebrows raised. "Why would I be moping?"

"C'mon, Wilhelm. Be real with yourself. On the occasional time you do come out, you just mope around. Try to have some fun. It's a good place to meet people."

"I don't need to meet people," Wilhelm interjects.

Felice just gives him a look, shaking her head. She then spots Stella and Fredrika coming their way and she gets up to greet them.

Wilhelm knows he and Felice have had that conversation many times over. He hasn't been in a serious relationship in five years. His last relationship had been with Simon, during his year at Hillerska. Since then, he's tried to date, taking people out from time to time, but nothing ever went beyond that. Either he wasn't overly interested in them or they just seem to want him for his title and status. Therefore, he's given up trying to pursue anyone. If he's going to end up in a relationship, the opportunity would have to fall into his lap because he's not bothering anymore, despite Felice pushing him to. She thinks he'd be happier with someone than alone, which may be true, but he's tired. Too tired of the disappointment.

"Hello, Wilhelm." Fredrika smiles, as the three girls approach where Wilhelm is seated.

"Hi!" Wilhelm waves at them, then tilts the cup he's holding up to the ceiling as he gets the last few drops into his mouth, before placing the empty glass back onto the table. He looks up at Felice. "I need another."

Felice grabs his hands, pulling him up, out of the chair. "Later. First we dance."

"Feliiiice..." Wilhelm whines.

"Shush, Wille. It will be fun!" Felice giggles.

The four of them shuffle down the stairs, onto the dance floor. Felice leads them through the crowd until they're in the middle of the room. Wilhelm would have preferred to stay on the outskirts but has no choice with the way Felice is pulling him with her. The dance floor has flashing strobe lights beaming down from the ceiling. An electric dance beat pounds in Wilhelm's ears.

Stella and Fredrika grab onto each other and begin to dance while Felice, who has both her hands holding onto Wilhelm's, moves her arms back and forth, throwing her head back, laughing. A grin forms on Wilhelm's face. He's happy to see his best friend enjoying herself.

After a few songs, Stella and Fredrika pull Felice towards them and the three of them dance in a circle.

Wilhelm turns around, about to walk back to the bar for his next drink when he feels a hand placed onto his shoulder. He spins back and sees a man, blonde hair and blue eyes. He's handsome with a striking smile.

"Hey sexy, you wanna dance?" the man asks.

"Sure...?" Wilhelm thinks the other man is quite direct, certainly more than he would be, but Wilhelm finds him attractive so he decides to give it a shot.

"I'm Oskar."

"Wilhelm."

"I know," Oskar says, placing one hand on Wilhelm's shoulder and the other on the back of his neck, pulling him close. Wilhelm rolls his eyes internally. Of course you know who I am... Wilhelm hopes that's not the only reason why this man wants to dance. He's sick of people using him. He just wants to be seen as a normal human being like everyone else.

Oskar is confident, borderline aggressive, as the two of them begin to move in sync, Oskar's hands wandering all over Wilhelm's body. Wilhelm can already tell, regardless of how hot Oskar is, he's not into him.

Wilhelm swings his head to the side, scanning the crowd of dancers. He tries to spot the three girls so he can join them and get away from Oskar.

Suddenly, he sees someone across the room, facing away from him. They have dark brown curls. Curls he's sure he'd recognize anywhere. Is that Simon? Wilhelm blinks a few times, his breath catching in his throat.

He abruptly feels his chin being guided back in Oskar's direction by Oskar's finger. "I'm over here..." Oskar waves at him with an amused smile. "What's so interesting that way that's making you stare so intently?"

"Huh?" Wilhelm mutters. He not able to focus on what Oskar is saying, he's too distracted. Wilhelm can't help but look back. This time, he's knows for certain it's Simon because Simon is now facing in Wilhelm's direction as he dances. Wilhelm swallows hard. He hasn't seen Simon in person in five years.

Wilhelm is shocked at how beautiful Simon is. Just as Wilhelm was mesmorized by him the first time he saw him at sixteen years old, singing the choir solo at Hillerska, it's like he's experiencing it all over again. Wilhelm can't keep his eyes off of him.

At once, Simon happens to look in Wilhelm's direction. They stare intensely into each other's eyes from across the room. Then quickly Simon turns away, stepping into the crowd, getting lost in the sea of people until he is out of Wilhelm's sight. Wilhelm is left wondering if any of that really just happened. Is his mind playing tricks on him? No, it has to be real. The vivid image of Simon dancing is burned into his memory.

Wilhelm realizes that this is the first time Simon has seen him in years and he happened to have a random stranger grasping at his waist. Not that Simon knows he's a stranger. Maybe he thinks Oskar is Wilhelm's boyfriend. His mind is swirling. Why does it matter what Simon thought anyway?

"I gotta go," Wilhelm says.

"Already?!" Oskar questions.

Wilhelm just nods and yanks himself away from Oskar. He's feeling flustered and upset. He doesn't understand why simply seeing Simon has had that effect on him. He needs to find Felice. Now.

He spots her, still dancing, now with some guy he's never seen before. He tugs on her arm and she looks at him.

"What's wrong, Wille? You look angry," Felice observes.

She's right that he's angry but Wilhelm is surprised his face gives away his emotions so easily.

"Did you know he'd be here? Was this some sort of setup?" Wilhelm questions.

"What are you talking about? Know who'd be here?" Felice asks, tilting her head quizzically.

"Nevermind." Wilhelm steps back, heading towards the stairs, wiping the sweat from his brow. He climbs the stairs quickly, walking directly to the bar.

"May I have a shot, please?" Wilhelm asks the bartender.

"Coming right up!" The bartender pours him a shot and slides it to him. "Forty kronor, please."

Wilhelm hands him a few bills. "Thank you," Wilhelm says. He swiftly downs the shot, clinking the glass onto the counter.

He needs to calm down, clear his head. Damn, why did Simon have to look so good? He squeezes his eyes shut, trying to rid himself of these types of thoughts.

He decides to head to the bathroom, to hopefully get away from the crowds. He needs a moment to himself. He sees a sign for the bathroom, pointing down a small, dark corridor. He briskly walks through it. 

He pushes the door open, relieved to find he's the only one inside. He runs the tap, splashing ice cold water onto his face.

He thinks back to his seventeen year old self. That's how old he was the last time he spoke to Simon. It was when they were leaving Hillerska, before it closed down at the end of the school year.

Simon had told him he didn't give up on Wille, he gave up on the Royal family. That must mean that Wilhelm was the one who gave up on Simon. Wilhelm had chosen to stay as the heir to the throne, which resulted in them destined to be apart. It just wouldn't work. Simon and the Royal family are like oil and water. They don't mix. So he had a choice to make. And his choice resulted in him losing Simon. 

Goodbye, Simon. 

Goodbye.

I hope you have a nice summer. 

Thanks Wille. You too. 

Goodbye, Simon. 

Goodbye. 

I hope you have a nice summer. 

Thanks Wille. You too. 

The final words of their last conversation play through Wilhelm's mind over and over again, like they're torturing him. He leans against the counter in the bathroom, resting his head in his hands.

He's tried his best not to think of Simon over the years. He had spent the first year after their breakup, the breakup that took place at Wilhelm's birthday party, completely heartbroken. Depressed and bed-ridden for the majority of it, despite the duties he had to perform. But slowly, as time went on, he thought he was getting better. Maybe getting over Simon, if that's even possible. Then occasionally he would see a picture of Simon on social media, attending one of Bjarstad's protests against the Royal family and he was reminded of why it couldn't work between them. Yet even just seeing a picture of Simon would make Wilhelm feel like he's taking ten steps back in terms of getting over him. As much as he wants to deny it, he wonders if there's a part of him that still loves Simon.

"Ughhh..." Wilhelm cries out.

Did I make the right choice? That question, though buried in the depths of his mind, has haunted him. Especially tonight.

Wilhelm steps away from the sink, resting his back against the wall. He slides down until he's sitting on the cold ground. He curls in on himself as tears begin to stream down his cheeks.

He's very unhappy with his life, as hard as that is to admit. He's extremely privileged, a lot more than most. He acknowledges that, which is why he feels even more guilty for feeling this way.

He wipes his eyes with the sleeves of his cashmere sweater and takes a deep breath. Maybe Felice is right. Maybe he does need to try harder to find that special someone. Maybe his problem is that he's severely lonely.

Wilhelm hears the bathroom door open. He looks up and suddenly, his eyes are locked with Simon's. God, he's missed seeing those dazzling eyes so terribly.

"Wille?" He hears his name being spoken by Simon's angelic voice. "What are you doing on the ground?"

Chapter Text

Wilhelm rises to his feet quickly, wiping the remaining tears from his eyes. He hopes Simon doesn't notice he's been crying but Wilhelm worries because if his eyes are red and swollen, then it will likely give him away. The last thing he needs is for Simon to know how pathetic he is tonight. 

"I was, uh, just taking a bit of a break from dancing, hence me sitting on the floor," Wilhelm says. 

A smile curls at the corners of Simon's lips. "There are chairs out there, you know." He points towards the door. "Quite a few actually." 

"Yeah." Wilhelm blushes. "Well, I was just needing to be alone for a moment."

"Ah." Simon nods. Out of all the ways he could have imagined an encounter with Simon to go, after all these years, this is not how he would have chosen it to happen. Simon looks at him closely. "Are you alright?"

"Yes." Wilhelm runs a hand down his face. "It's, uh, it's good to see you, Simon."

"You too, Wille." Simon eyes him up and down. "You're all grown up now. I mean, I've seen you on television from time to time, giving speeches, but it's different seeing you in person."

"Yeah, you look so goo...rown up too, Simon." Wilhelm bites his tongue. Did he really almost just tell Simon he looks good? 

"How's everything? I know we have quite a few years to catch up on," Simon says. 

"That's true. Things are fine, I mean, they're good. Really good." Wilhelm tries to sound convincing but he doubts it's working. He nervously runs a hand through his hair. "How about you, Simon? How have you been?"

"Not bad. I'm still working on my music. I've recently signed with an independent record label, so I'm excited about that," Simon replies. 

Wilhelm smiles. He knows Simon is extremely talented and all he wants is for Simon to experience success doing what he's passionate about. "That's amazing, Simon!"

"Thank you, Wille," Simon says. Wilhelm can't help but stare at Simon's lips. He remembers how good they felt, gently pressed against his own. He forces himself to focus on something else, anything else. He looks at the tiles on the wall. 

"Sorry, Simon, I'm probably keeping you from using the bathroom." Wilhelm steps to the side to allow enough room for Simon to pass him. "I can wait for you though."

"Oh!" Simon sounds surprised. Should he not have said that? Was that a weird thing to say? He wants to play it cool, but this is Simon. He can't just let him slip away so easily, without at least trying to talk with him for a bit longer. 

"I'll be outside the door, in the hallway, if that's okay with you." Wilhelm says. 

"Sure, give me a few minutes," Simon replies. 

Wilhelm exits through the bathroom door and rests his back against the wall. What is the plan here exactly? He nibbles on his bottom lip as he thinks... He's gonna try to have a pleasant conversation like they're old friends catching up instead of former lovers. 

Wilhelm hears the door open, so he leans forward, straightening up. Simon is standing by his side. 

"Can I buy you a drink?" Wilhelm dares to ask. 

"Um, I think I, uh... you know what, sure," Simon responds. Wilhelm begins to wonder if Simon is just as nervous as he is. 

"Great." Wilhelm swallows. They walk down the corridor, back into the lounge area. "What do you like to drink these days?"

"Rum and coke is my go-to," Simon answers. 

"Then rum and coke it is," Wilhelm says with a smile, gesturing for Simon to take a seat at a nearby table while he heads to the bar.

He gets their drinks as quickly as he can, eager to get back to Simon. He approaches their table with a drink in each hand. He cannot believe this is happening right now. He's here, with Simon. His stomach churns, making him feel like he could throw up from excitement or nervousness. He's not sure which one. 

"Here you go." Wilhelm places Simon's glass in front of him, then takes a seat across the table.

"Thanks, Wille. I wanted to ask you, how has your experience been, being the Crown Prince for the last half a decade?" Simon takes a sip of his drink. 

"It's..." Lonely, he wants to say, "a lot of responsibility, but I find it fulfilling," he lies. Why am I lying to Simon of all people? Maybe because he doesn't want to seem like he lives a sad life. He wants to make it appear better than it truly is. He doesn't need Simon's pity.

Wilhelm wonders why Simon asked. Was it just to find out how Wilhelm is doing in life or is he really trying to ask if it was worth it? Choosing his role of Crown Prince over Simon. 

"It sounds like we're both enjoying our lives," Simon comments, "me with my music and you as the Prince." Wilhelm can tell Simon means well, saying what he said. To the best of Simon's knowledge, it's the truth. But hearing him say it stings, because Wilhelm knows full well that he's miserable in his role, in his life.

Wilhelm just nods. "How's your mamma and Sara?" 

"They're good. Sara is engaged to someone. His name is Anders. I'm not sure I like him but maybe I just don't know him well enough yet," Simon says, resting his elbow on the table, placing his chin in the palm of his hand. 

"What it is about him that you're not sure you like?" Wilhelm asks. 

"Well, sometimes I feel like he acts like he's too good for us. He's upper-middle class and I get the sense he's looking down on us at times. On me and Mamma. We live simple lives but I don't see anything wrong with that though," Simon explains. 

Wilhelm wonders if people think that exact thought about him. That he's looking down on them. He hopes not even though it's likely the case. "No, there's nothing wrong with living a simple life. It's probably better actually." 

"Exactly," Simon smiles, before bringing the rim of his glass to his lips, taking another sip. 

"How about Olle, Oski and Felle? How are they?" Wilhelm asks. His mind flashes back to that night in Simon's room. It feels like just yesterday. 

Simon eyes widen. "You remember their names?"

"Of course!" Wilhelm says.

Simon's face lights up for a moment before it quickly fades. "Actually, Felle died last year. It was sad, but I still have Olle and Oski."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you sad, Simon."

"It's alright, Wille. I have a new fish now. His name Hille." A smile is back on Simon's face. 

"Hille?" Wilhelm asks curiously. 

"Yeah, it's short for Hillerska. A nod to my time there."

They look into each other's eyes. "Do you ever miss it?" Wilhelm wonders. 

"Yeah," Simon breathes. "I do."

Do you ever miss me? Wilhelm desperately wants to know but wouldn't dare to ask.

"Do you?" Simon asks.

"Miss it? Yeah, all the time," Wilhelm replies with sincerity.

Wilhelm swears he sees Simon blush. Maybe it's from the alcohol or maybe Simon is reminiscing about their time together the same way Wilhelm is.

Wilhelm glances down and notices Simon's cup is empty, though he doesn't want this time with Simon to end. Being in Simon's presence is making him happy, happier than he's been in so long. "Can I get you another?" Wilhelm asks, pointing to Simon's empty glass. 

"Thanks, Wille, but I'm okay," Simon says. "I really should get going." A look of worry flashes across Simon's face. "It was great to see you though. I'm glad you're doing well." Simon stands abruptly, tucking in his chair. 

And just like that, Wilhelm watches Simon walk away. He wants to call out his name, to tell Simon to come back. To tell him he wants to see him again. But he doesn't. He doesn't want to appear desperate. 

His heart is flooded with pain, the same pain he experienced the day he watched Simon walk away outside of Hillerska. 

Wilhelm watches as Simon runs down the stairs until he's out of Wilhelm's sight. Wilhelm gets up and walks towards the railing that overlooks the dancers below. His eyes search the crowd for Simon. He wants at least one last glance at him. To see his silky, brown curls, his smooth, tan skin, his perfect body. He's looking but Simon is nowhere to be found.

Wilhelm is able to spot Felice dancing alongside Stella and Fredrika. He can see Oskar dancing, his hands roaming around a different man's body. Wilhelm keeps scanning. 

The crowd parts slightly and he's finally able to locate Simon, walking across the dance floor. Simon strolls up to someone who's dancing, a taller man with short hair, though Wilhelm can't quite see his face. Simon places his hands on the man's cheeks and plants a kiss on his lips. It feels like a gut punch to Wilhelm, witnessing Simon kiss someone else. 

The other man turns, just enough so that he happens to reveal his face in Wilhelm's direction. Wilhelm recognizes that man. That man is Marcus.

Chapter Text

Wilhelm's head is spinning. He stumbles back into the chair he was sitting in just moments before, afraid he's about to faint.

Marcus? MARCUS?! I'm such an idiot!

It didn't cross Wilhelm's mind during his conversation with Simon that Simon might be seeing someone. Now that Wilhelm thinks about it, of course he is! This is Simon. Simon is incredible. The chances of him being single are slim to none.

But Simon with Marcus? Wilhelm feels like all the oxygen has been knocked out of his lungs. He attempts to take a deep breath. He feel as though he needs to leave this place immediately so he darts towards the exit.

"Wille!" he hears Felice call out. He looks in the direction of her voice and sees her running towards him. "There you are! I was looking for you earlier but I couldn't find you. Who was it you were asking me about?"

Wilhelm can't even say Simon's name right now. It would be too painful. "No one. I'm going home, Felice."

"Oh, okay," she says with a look of confusion. "Should I come with you?"

"No," Wilhelm says, "I want to be alone."

Felice's eyes are drawn together, clearly concerned for her best friend. "You sure, Wille?"

"Yeah," Wilhelm mumbles. He feels bad to leave so abruptly, not explaining to Felice what's going on, because clearly something is wrong. But he can't bring himself to talk about it. He needs time on his own to process this.

He pushes through the doors, exiting the club. A cold wind blows through his hair as he stands on the sidewalk. He plans to go back to his apartment tonight. The last place he wants to be is at the Royal Palace.

Wilhelm owns an apartment of his own, a penthouse. It was one of the stipulations he demanded if he were to stay as Crown Prince. His mother finds it pointless because there is more than enough room for him at the Palace, it's not about that. It's about Wilhelm having his own privacy. A space to call his own. To feel normal. Independent. So he stays there a few nights a week.

Wilhelm turns his head, relieved to see a taxi coming his way. He's about to raise his arm to hail it down when he sees Simon out of the corner of his eye, leaning against the side of the brick building. Simon is looking down at his feet.

Wilhelm decides to change plans and he steps towards Simon. "Not that it's any of my business whatsoever but I saw you kiss Marcus. Are you two together, Simon?" If he says no, they're not together, Wilhelm plans to pursue Simon. How exactly, he hasn't thought that far ahead. But he wants to somehow make it abundantly clear to Simon that Wilhelm wants to be with him. He can't lose him again. He's already wasted five years, he doesn't want to waste any more time without Simon in his life.

Simon looks up at Wilhelm, eyes wide. "Yeah, he's my boyfriend."

Wilhelm's heart sinks. It's what he expected to hear after witnessing the kiss but he was holding onto a shred of hope that it wasn't true. "I'm happy for you, Simon. Marcus is a lucky man to have you." Wilhelm fights back tears. "And it was good to see you too. Take care, Simon." The last three words Wilhelm spoke were barely a whisper.

Wilhelm slowly turns away, stepping towards the curb. He hails the next taxi that comes by. The taxi driver picks him up and he gets dropped off at the front of his building. He walks to the entrance and scans his card to enter. The elevator takes him up to the top floor, his penthouse.

Once inside, Wilhelm falls onto his bed, his eyes wet. He soaks the soft pillow he lies on with his tears. He knows his sorrow will be intensified going forward, knowing Simon is with Marcus. Before, at least he was blissfully unaware. He can't help but wonder what Simon is doing at this very moment. Is he kissing Marcus again? Is Marcus kissing him? Does Marcus have his hands on Simon's body?

Wilhelm wants to scream. He and Simon haven't been together in five years, he reminds himself. Simon can do whatever or be with whomever he pleases.

Wilhelm wonders why this bothers him so intensely. Wasn't he was the one who let Simon walk away all those years ago...?

Tonight, seeing Simon, caused a match to light, sparking a burning desire within Wilhelm. The desire to have Simon all to himself. He doesn't like the thought of anyone, especially Marcus, with Simon. He wants Simon to belong to him.

"Fuck," he mutters, realizing Simon will likely never be his again. He'll never get the chance to kiss his luscious lips once more. To feel the weight of Simon's body on top of his.

"I still love you, Simon," he cries out into the void.

He squeezes his eyes shut and gulps for air. Then he exhales slowly, trying to calm his breathing. Thoughts of Simon overtake him as he finally drifts off to sleep.

*****

"May I please have a medium vanilla latte and a carrot muffin?" Felice says to the barista in front of her. The barista nods. Felice turns towards Wilhelm who is standing beside her. "Anything for you, Wille?"

"Um, a large dark roast coffee with milk and an egg sandwich, please," Wilhelm orders.

Wilhelm and Felice are spending their Thursday afternoon together. Wilhelm gets every Thursday and Sunday off from his royal duties and since Felice works from home, she has a flexible schedule. They try to meet up at a cafe or go to a restaurant for dinner at least twice a month.

They sit at small table at the back of the cafe, beside a window. It's been five days since their night out at Klubb Tunnelbana. Wilhelm takes a bite of his sandwich as Felice takes a breath and quietly says, "Simon told me he saw you at the club on Saturday night. You guys talked?"

Wilhelm coughs, almost choking on his food. "Felice! You know our rule. No mentioning Simon."

Wilhelm knows that Felice has stayed in touch with Simon over the years. But it's easier for Wilhelm if Felice doesn't share anything about Simon's life to him. That's why they have this rule between them, for Wilhelm's sake.

"I'm sorry, Wille. I thought the rule was off the table for now, considering the circumstances. You don't want to talk about it?

He wants to, but he's embarrassed and hurt. This is Felice though. His best friend. Wilhelm sighs. "Fine, yes, we saw each other, had a conversation. It made me realize how much I miss him... But then the night ended with me seeing him kiss Marcus. When I left the club, I spotted Simon alone outside. I couldn't help myself. I had to ask him if he's with Marcus. He said yes, Marcus is his boyfriend so none of this fucking matters anyway." His nostrils flare and he focuses his gaze out the window.

"Oh, Wille..." Felice rests her hand on his forearm.

"How long have they been together?" Wilhelm reluctantly asks.

"Are you sure you want to know?" Felice gently says.

"Yes. Just tell me. Please, Felice."

"They've been dating for about a year now. They happened to reconnect through a dating app of all things. They both matched with each other and one thing led to another," Felice explains.

Wilhelm scowls. "I'm well aware, Felice, of how irrational this is, me getting upset."

Felice caresses her thumb on the back of Wilhelm's hand. She speaks softly. "Wille, it's okay. It's normal, what you're feeling. You loved Simon. And you, Simon and Marcus have a complicated history. Allow yourself to feel how you feel."

Felice's words wash over Wilhelm, giving him a sense of calmness. He directs his gaze to Felice, taking her hands in his. "I think I still love him, Felice." Felice just nods, like she already knows that. Wilhelm's expression hardens. "But my heart has to let him go."

*****

Wilhelm decides his first step in letting go of Simon is getting on a dating app himself. He sits on his bed in the penthouse, downloading Hinge for the first time. Create Profile. He chooses some pictures of him by himself and some with friends. He writes a brief summary about himself, deciding to omit anything relating to him being the Crown Prince. People will likely already know but it's not something he wants displayed. He sets his preferences to men and women. Looking for a long term connection, he writes at the bottom of his profile.

A few days later, Wilhelm is walking from his car, towards a lake, about to meet up with his first Hinge date. A girl named Tova. They had matched the same day Wilhelm had created his profile. From the pictures, she's a pretty girl with long, brunette hair and glasses. A veterinarian. They talked on the app here and there for two days, until Wilhelm asked for her number and they decided to meet up for a first date.

They chose to meet up on a path alongside a lake, a beautiful place for a stroll. Wilhelm has a bouquet of light pink roses in his hand.

"Tova?" Wilhelm asks, as he approaches a girl who looks like the pictures on her profile.

"Yeah, I'm Tova," she says, her voice sweet. "And you're Wilhelm?"

"Call me Wille. These are for you." Wilhelm hands her the roses, leaning in to give her a soft kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you, Wille. They're lovely," she smiles.

Wilhelm remembers what he doesn't love about first dates. He can be shy and awkward around people he just met and if his date is also quiet, it can make for an uncomfortable time. Even though Simon can be quiet at times as well, from the very beginning of getting to know each other, there was never an awkwardness between them. Wilhelm always felt comfortable with Simon, even in the silence, which is rare for Wilhelm to find. 

Wilhelm tries his hardest to think of something to say. "So, you're a vet? That's really cool!"

"Yeah, I've always loved animals," she replies as they begin to walk beside the lake. "Do you have any pets?"

"Uh, no, I don't."

"Oh. So, what's your occupation? I don't think I saw it mentioned on your Hinge profile," Tova says.

So I guess she doesn't know who I am. That could be a good thing...maybe? Unless me being Crown Prince freaks her out. Wilhelm contemplates lying. He wishes he could just say he's a teacher, or a banker, or an engineer. Something less complicated, something that comes with less baggage. But lying about something like that makes no sense. She would find out eventually and it wouldn't be fair to her anyway.

"I'm guessing you don't pay much attention to the Royal Family?" Wilhelm asks.

Tova looks at him, her eyebrows raised. "No... not really. Why, do you work for them or something?"

"Actually, I'm the Crown Prince," Wilhelm says quickly, ripping the bandaid off.

"Oh," Tova says, shrugging her shoulders. "Right, I guess I do remember at some point hearing the Crown Prince's name is Wilhelm but I didn't put two and two together."

They walk in silence for a few steps. Wilhelm isn't sure what to say. Knowing he's the Crown Prince doesn't really seem to affect her one way or the other.

"Do you like being the Crown Prince?" Tova wonders.

"No, I don't," he responds bluntly. There's something about this girl that makes Wilhelm feel like he can be fully transparent. He's not worried about impressing her or that she'll judge him. She just seems really down to Earth.

"Do you want to talk about that? Cause it sounds like a lot of pressure, if I'm being honest," Tova states.

Wilhelm let's it all out, telling Tova everything. How it was supposed to be his brother, Erik. How Erik died unexpectedly, and therefore Wilhelm was next in line for the throne. How he never wanted any of this. He explained how all this happened during his time at Hillerska, though he tries to avoid bringing up Simon because he heard you're not really supposed to mention your ex to a current date. 

Tova listens patiently as they walk. She occasionally sniffs the bouquet of roses she's holding as she nods her head.

"I hope you don't take this the wrong way," Tova says cautiously, "but you sound understandably miserable doing what you're doing. Tell me, Wille. What is it that you want in life? What would make you happy?"

To be with Simon.The thought pops into his head immediately, without hesitation. He feels bad considering he's on a date with someone else. But it's the truth. "Umm..."

Tova exhales and gives him an encouraging smile. "I think you should take time to reflect and figure out if staying as the Crown Prince is what you want to do. Remember, you always have the option to choose another path. No matter whom you'd been letting down or disappointing. You've got one life, Wille. As cliche as this sounds, follow your heart."

Wilhelm smiles at Tova. "You're right." While he certainly doesn't feel a romantic spark between them, he's so glad he met Tova. He really likes her, in a platonic way. And he has a feeling she feels the same way.

They continue to walk around the lake. Wilhelm learns about Tova's life. She shares about how she lives with her mother and sister, Freya, who has cerebral palsy. Tova explains to Wilhelm that though she loves her sister very much, Freya's life comes with many challenges. Her sister cannot walk and uses a wheelchair. As a result, it forced Tova to grow up quickly, needing to help her mamma care for her sister, even at a young age.

Wilhelm now understands why Tova seems to be such an understanding and empathetic person.

They reach the end of the path after completing a full circle around the lake. "Thank you for listening to me, Wille. It's been a very interesting experience meeting you today. We come from very different lives but I really liked talking to you. I think a beautiful friendship could bloom from here," Tova says, leaning in to give Wilhelm a hug.

"I agree, Tova. Thank you for spending the afternoon with me," Wilhelm smiles.

They head back to the parking lot, towards their own cars. Wilhelm gives her a wave as he ducks down, getting into the driver's side of his vehicle.

As Wilhelm drives away, he reflects. At least he can say he tried. He tried to put himself out there. Tova is a nice girl. She really is. But Wilhelm can't help but compare how he feels with her to how he feels with Simon. Chemistry can't be forced. With Simon, it comes so naturally. His pulse quickens when he lays eyes on Simon. He can't say the same for Tova.

He wonders if Tova is right. Should he abdicate the thrown? Not for Simon, but for himself. He's fooling no one to pretend he's happy as the Prince. This is his one life, just as Tova said.

If he were to truly follow his heart, like Tova urged him to, he would drive to Simon. To tell him he loves him. But he can't. Because Simon is with Marcus and Wilhelm would look like a fool, trying to win back someone who's happily together with someone else.

He squeezes his hands tightly around the steering wheel, feeling annoyed that his plan to let go of Simon isn't working. In fact, he worries that the opposite is happening. That the ache he feels for Simon is only growing stronger. 

*****

Late in the evening, Wilhelm slumps down into the office chair in front of his desk. He's at the penthouse, where he's been residing every night since his encounter with Simon, despite Kristina telling him he's been spending too much time there. He doesn't care. He just wants to be alone. Though he hopes he's not falling into another depression spiral.

Wilhelm pulls out his phone, scrolling through his photos. He looks back at old pictures, landing on one of him and Simon. Simon is wearing his signature purple hoodie with the olive green jacket over top. He has on his green and blue striped toque, his cute curls peeking out from under the hat. Wilhelm is wearing a navy peacoat with his blue and orange plaid scarf, the one he wore all the time back then. In the photo they're standing side by side, the Hillerska forest behind them, arms wrapped around each other. Wilhelm remembers how he felt when this picture was being taken. He felt so happy. So in love. And he knows Simon felt the same. Simon's smile says it all.

Wilhelm keeps scrolling through his phone, finding the media folder. He's looking for something. A bittersweet feeling takes over him once he finds it.

WILLES_SONG.MP3

The last time he listened to this was during his Hillerska days. He couldn't bare to since, but tonight he seems to desire to wallow in the pain. He places his phone on the desk in front of him as he presses play. Then he rests his head on the table as he listens to Simon's voice, a perfect combination of striking and delicate, accompanied by the torrential rainfall outside, that is now pouring down. It violently drums against the window in Wilhelm's room.

🎶 And remember when you said
"I could get to be free"?
I hope that you will get there
And get to be you

'Cause we were a revolution
If only for each other
It shouldn’t be a revolution
To love another
But you were my revolution
Before it fell apart
Fell apart, fell apart 🎶

Once the song ends, Wilhelm strips off his clothes, sliding into sweatpants as he crawls into bed. He turns off his desk lamp. Lying down, he wraps himself up in his fluffy duvet. He attempts to fall asleep but tosses and turns instead. He's been finding it hard to sleep ever since the night at Klubb Tunnelbana. He almost fears sleeping now because every time he does, he dreams of Simon, of their past. Reliving his memories of them through dreams. Each time Wilhelm wakes up panicked in a cold sweat, realizing Simon is not with him. He's all alone.

Wilhelm is surprised when he hears a soft knock on the front door of the penthouse. It's sometime past midnight now. He wonders whom it could possibly be. He gets out of bed, turning on the light and squinting as he slips on a t-shirt he grabs from the laundry basket of clean clothes he has yet to put away. He quickly checks his hair as he passes by the mirror above his dresser, patting down any unruly pieces from his head being on the pillow.

He walks to the front door, peeking through the peep hole. His heart swells when he sees Simon standing there. Wilhelm is shocked to see him. He wonders how he even knows where Wilhelm lives. Once he opens the door, he notices Simon's face is flushed, his clothes are soaked and his hair is disheveled. Simon is short of breath, his chest rising and falling rapidly.

Their gazes connect.

Simon swallows before opening his mouth to speak.

"I don't love him, Wille."

Chapter Text

"You don't love him?" Wilhelm repeats, scared that he heard him wrong, or that he didn't really mean it or that he'll change his mind.

"No," Simon shakes his head firmly, "I never truly did."

Wilhelm's mouth feels dry. Tears well in his eyes as he just stares at Simon. Beautiful Simon. The love of his life, who is standing before him, rain water dripping from his shirt, his pants, his hair.

Simon opens his mouth and continues to speak. "I'm not with him anymore. I broke it off with him. Seeing you again, Wille, it... it made me realize things..."

Wilhelm's eyes are opening wider and wider. He doesn't dare to speak. He doesn't even want to breathe, afraid he'll ruin the moment. Instead, he lets Simon keep talking as he listens.

Simon shakes his head, his eyes darting in one direction, then the other. "I've come to the conclusion that I wasn't actually happy. This week I've been a wreck. I- I couldn't stop thinking about you. I knew I had to end things with Marcus. So I did. And then I asked Felice where I could find you. I don't know what I expected... coming here. Maybe it was stupid, showing up unannounced. I mean, I doubt you'd just take me back. All I know is that I miss you, Wille."

Wilhelm can feel tears streaming down his face, matching the tears he sees glistening across Simon's cheeks.

"Simon," Wilhelm whispers. He unable to say anything more. They both take a step towards each other, meeting in the middle, under the entryway of the penthouse. Wilhelm reaches his arms towards Simon and his heart skips a beat the moment he first touches Simon's smooth skin. He brushes Simon's tears away with his thumbs, then he cups his face in the palms of his hands. He can feel Simon's soft curls graze the ends of his fingertips. Wilhelm can smell him, the alluring scent of Simon, citrus and spice. They're so close, their lips only inches apart. Wilhelm swallows the lump in his throat. "Would it be okay if I kiss you, Simon?" Wilhelm asks softly.

"What the hell do you think?" Simon replies as he closes the gap between them. Wilhelm shuts his eyes, taking in the sensation of Simon's precious lips finally pressing against his own. Their lips move in sync, like they're dancing together. Simon's lips part, inviting Wilhelm's tongue to sweep the inside of his mouth. As he does, their tongues meet. It feels electric. Wilhelm's desire for Simon continues to grow.

Wilhelm grabs onto Simon's thighs, pulling him up. He carries him into the apartment, kicking the door closed with the heel of his foot. Simon wraps his arms tightly around Wilhelm's shoulders, brushing his hands through Wilhelm's hair.

"It was raining," Simon says.

A laugh bursts from Wilhelm's lips. "I can tell. Let's get you out of these clothes." They look at each other. Wilhelm instantly blushes, his cheeks a rosy pink. "Umm, I- I didn't mean it to sound like... that."

A smile creeps across Simon's face, his eyes dark with desire. "If you did mean it like that, I wouldn't mind."

Wilhelm stomach does a flip as he walks down the hall, bringing Simon into his bedroom. The room is only illuminated by a small, dimly glowing lamp on his dresser. The bedsheets are a mess at the bottom of his bed, so he pushes them to the side as he lays Simon onto the plush mattress.

Simon bites down on his lip. "Would you..." Simon doesn't finish his sentence. Instead, a look of embarrassment flashes across his face and he hides behind the sleeve of his shirt.

"What were you going to say?" Wilhelm wonders.

Simon slowly peeks his eyes out from behind his arm. "Would you... undress me, Wille?" Simon shyly asks.

Wilhelm looks down in awe at Simon. "Gladly."

Wilhelm cannot believe this is real. Sure, he's had fantasies about this, for the last five years, if he's being honest and especially lately. But he never expected this to actually happen, to get to be with Simon in this way, ever again.

First he removes Simon's shoes, tossing them to the side of the room. Then he removes his socks, one at a time, slowly sliding them off of his feet, then dropping them to the ground.

While still standing, leaning against the edge of the bed, Wilhelm uses his arms to crawl towards Simon's upper body. He loops his arm under Simon's back, pulling him up into a seated position.

He grabs onto the base of Simon's shirt from the back and lifts. Wilhelm holds his breath, amazed that he's about to see Simon like this. Simon lifts his arms and the damp shirt slides off him.

"You're stunning, Simon."

Wilhelm places gentle kisses against Simon's collar and his neck. He hears a soft whimper come from Simon. "Can you undress me, too?" Wilhelm requests.

Simon nods enthusiastically, wasting no time sliding Wilhelm's t-shirt off of his back. Simon presses his palms onto Wilhelm's bare chest, a smile flashing across Simon's face. "You're beautiful, Wille."

Wilhelm climbs up onto the bed, kneeling between Simon's legs that are spread. He grazes the button on Simon's jeans."You sure you want to continue? I certainly do, but I just want to make sure you do as well."

"Wille." Simon caresses Wilhelm's cheek with his fingertips, then lies back down, looking up at Wilhelm through fluttering lashes. "I do, desperately. Please undo it."

Now that Wilhelm has the go-ahead, he undoes the button and Simon lifts his rear end so Wilhelm can slide off his jeans.

Simon reaches his arms up, pulling down Wilhelm's sweatpants so they're at his knees then Wilhelm lifts one knee at a time, to allow for his pants to pass under him. He then kicks his feet back and forth until they've slid off his calves and onto the ground.

All they have left are their boxer briefs.

Wilhelm places his hands on Simon's waist, their eye contact strong.

"Will you be mine tonight, Wille?"

Wilhelm's gaze softens. "I've always been yours, Simon. My heart has only ever belonged to you." Wilhelm confesses. Simon pulls Wilhelm down, so he's lying on top of him. They hold each other and Wilhelm rolls over, so he's facing Simon, lying side by side. "I don't want it to be just for tonight though, Simon."

Simon shakes his head, a look of disbelief sprawled across his face. "So, have you not been with anyone since..." He trails off.

"Since you, no." Wilhelm says, feeling somewhat embarassed about that. What will Simon think? Before, when he saw Simon at Klubb Tunnelbana, he was holding back. Withholding the truth. But Simon came all the way here, in the middle of the night. He was vulnerable. And he clearly wants Wilhelm. It's time for Wilhelm to open up and share the truth with Simon. "I haven't been with anyone and I certainly haven't loved anyone since you. Simon, I loved you so much back when you were mine." The truth. Tell him the truth. "And I still do."

Simon freezes in place. He blinks a couple of times but doesn't break eye contact with Wilhelm. "You still love me?"

Wilhelm nods. Now that the words are flowing out of his mouth, it feels right. Simon deserves to know this, how Wilhelm feels about him. Wilhelm goes on. "I've never stopped loving you. Looking back over the past five years, I realize I've loved you every single day. I couldn't be with anyone else. None of them are you. You're it for me, Simon. Always have been, always will be."

Wilhelm lies there, exposed, vulnerable, in front of the man whom he loves. But he doesn't mind. He embraces it. "Simon, I don't expect you to be able to say the same. It's okay. Loving you is enough for me, even if it can't be reciprocated."

Simon takes ahold of Wilhelm's hand, bringing it up to his chest, resting their hands together against Simon's heart. "Wille, when I saw you at the club, when we talked, I felt guilty. That's why I suddenly rushed away to go kiss Marcus. I thought maybe kissing him could somehow make what I was feeling dissipate," Simon tries to explain, though Wilhelm isn't quite following.

"Why were you feeling guilty?"

"Because it's never platonic for me when it comes to you. Even after all these years, your presence makes me nervous, not nervous in a bad way, but in an exciting way. My heart races when you lay eyes on me. My palms get sweaty when I hear you say my name. I feel butterflies in my stomach when I see you smile. It's not like that for me with anyone else. It certainly wasn't like that with Marcus."

Wilhelm's eyes glisten and he brings Simon's hand, the hand that's in his, up to his lips, giving it a kiss. "You make me feel all of those ways, too. You're the only one who does."

Simon smiles. "Do I?"

"Definitely." Wilhelm turns his body so he's lying on his back, pulling Simon close to him and Simon rests his head on Wilhelm's chest. Wilhelm entertwines his fingers through locks of Simon's hair.

"Wille, that's why I panicked and ran to the dance floor. I felt guilty for feeling the way I did while I was in a relationship with someone else. But kissing Marcus didn't rid me of those feelings, it only solidified them. Because when I kissed him, all I could think about was how I wished his lips were yours. It caused my head to spin. I couldn't think straight. That's why you found me alone outside when you left the club. I needed fresh air."

Wilhelm nods, now understanding, albeit in shock at these revelations, why Simon felt the guilt he did following their conversation.

Simon leans forward, brushing his lips against Wilhelm's. Then he pulls back, grasping Wilhelm's face in his palms. "All of that to say, I love you, too, Wille."

A huge smile beams across Wilhelm's face. He feels light. So light that he could float away. Simon loves me. "I love you, Simon." Wilhelm tells him again, just to make sure Simon really, truly knows.

Simon licks his lips. "Can you show me how much?"

Wilhelm gets up from the bed, swooping Simon into his arms and leads him into the en suite bathroom. He places Simon onto his feet and slides open the shower door, turning on the tap, running the hot water.

Once he turns back, he sees a glorious sight. Simon has removed his boxer briefs, so he stands before Wilhelm in the nude. Wilhelm eyes Simon's smooth cock, standing tall, glistening at the tip. Wilhelm's mouth drops open and it immediately begins to water. "Gorgeous," Wilhelm murmurs under his breath.

His own cock is aching. He wants to touch Simon and for Simon to touch him. Wilhelm bends down to remove his own boxer briefs, causing his firm shaft to spring up, slapping his lower belly, leaving a wet spot of precum there. He can see Simon staring at him, eyes dark with desire.

Wilhelm smiles at Simon, and nudges his head towards the shower. They both step in and Wilhelm feels goosebumps travel down his entire body from the hot water and Simon who is now in his arms. They begin to make out as the water trickles down them. Their tongues swirl around each other. They yearn for one another with desperation. Simon's hands are laced through Wilhelm's now wet hair and he yanks lightly, causing Wilhelm to moan. His moan echoes through the shower.

Wilhelm grabs the bottle of body wash from the shelf and pours some into his hands. He lathers it onto Simon's back. Across his shoulders. Down his arms. The scent of vanilla fills the space. The suds make Simon's skin feel even smoother than it already is. Wilhelm's hands slide across Simon's chest, his stomach. He reaches behind and cups both of Simon's ass cheeks in his hands and gives them a squeeze.

Simon learches forward, towards Wilhelm and their cocks brush against one another, causing the boys to gasp in pleasure.

Wilhelm takes a step back, lowering down onto his knees in front of Simon. He takes the body wash, lathering up his legs, his feet. Cleaning between the crevices of each of his toes. Wilhelm looks up at Simon, seeing Simon looking back down at Wilhelm with a look of adoration in his eyes. "I want to taste you, Simon. May I?"

"Yes, please," Simon whimpers. Wilhelm bites down on his lip, in disbelief about the gift he's about to receive. He gets more soap in his hand, and touches Simon, cleaning his shaft, his balls. Wilhelm can hear Simon breathing heavily.

Once he's rinsed off, Wilhelm brings his lips close, only inches away. He's so ready to take him in. Simon's hard cock looks so tantilizing in front of him. But he pauses for a moment, glancing back up, to stare into Simon's eyes one more time. "I love you," Wilhelm cooes.

"I love, ahhhhh!" Simon cries out as his cock gets completely engulfed by Wilhelm's mouth.

Simon holds onto Wilhelm's head as Wilhelm sucks on him, licking up and down, swirling around the tip, brushing his tongue along the slit. Wilhelm is intoxicated by the sweet and salty taste that is dripping from Simon. He savours it. Wilhelm loves the feeling of his lips gliding along Simon's hard shaft. He can feel Simon moan with each pass and the sound is like music to his ears. He very much enjoys knowing that he is making Simon feel this good.

"Fuck, Wille! I'm getting close," Simon says, his voice low. Wilhelm pulls his mouth off, making a popping sound. He doesn't want Simon to finish just yet, he has more in store for him.

Simon takes the bottle of body wash, doing the same thing to Wilhelm that he did to him. Washing his body from top to bottom, saving his groin area for last.

When Simon lathers the soap onto his shaft, rubbing up and down, Wilhelm can see stars. Then Simon gets down on his knees before Wilhelm. "I'm yours Wilhelm, only yours," Simon professes before taking Wilhelm into his mouth. Wilhelm cries out at the feeling of Simon's lips sucking, his tongue flicking, his mouth devouring.

Simon reaches up, cupping his balls, rolling them in his hand as he continues. It feels heavenly.

Simon looks beautiful, taking his cock. He gently brushes Simon's hair back, out of his face. Simon looks up and stares into Wilhelm's eyes. "Thank you, baby," Wilhelm sighs. "Your mouth feels incredible."

Hearing that causes Simon to suck even harder, his cheeks hollowing, intensifying the sounds coming from Wilhelm's lips. The pressure is building and building. "Simon, stop. I'm about to-"

Just before he cums, Simon releases Wilhelm from the grasp of his mouth, thankfully stopping Wilhelm's orgasm in its tracks.

Wilhelm pulls Simon up, and they stand face to face. Wilhelm kisses Simon. The kiss is warm, tasting of each other.

Wilhelm turns off the water, reaching for the large, fluffy towel off the rack beside them and he immediately wraps it around Simon, who is shivering.

"I'm going to dry myself off. You head back into my room and meet me on the bed," Wilhelm instructs.

Wilhelm grabs another towel from the closet as Simon leaves the bathroom. Wilhelm's heart is racing. It's so late now, sometime in the early hours of the morning but Wilhelm's not tired, not in the slightest. Instead he feels energized by having Simon here with him.

After he dries off, he heads into the bedroom and his eyes go wide, witnessing the stunning sight before him. Simon is on all fours on his bed, facing the headboard, his ass up in the air, waiting for Wilhelm. His pink hole front and center, looking so inviting.

"Simon," Wilhelm says in awe.

"Wilhelm, will you eat my ass, please, like you used to?" Simon begs. "I miss it so much. It's something I really enjoy and Marcus always refused to."

Wilhelm can't breathe. He could faint at Simon's request. This is too good to be true. It's Marcus's loss, that's for sure. "Uh, yeah, I can do that. I'd love to, baby." Simon grabs a pillow, digging his face into it. Wilhelm adds, "I want to to be in you, too, afterwards. Would you allow me the honour?"

He sees Simon nod into the pillow. Then Simon turns his head to the side and says, "I got tested this week, by the way, and my results came back negative."

"Okay, thanks for mentioning that. The last time I checked I was negative too, and haven't been with anyone since," Wilhelm confirms.

Wilhelm reaches into the drawer of his nightstand where he keeps his lube, butt plugs and other toys. He squirts some lube onto his fingers. "I'm going to massage you first, open you up. Get you ready." Simon's face is back into the pillow and he pushes his ass up, so he's spread even wider.

Wilhelm stares in wonder at Simon's entrance. Wilhelm slowly drags his fingers up and down his crack, feeling Simon buck every time he passes his hole. He takes his thumb and circles it lightly around the rim. This causes Simon to go wild. He's moaning and panting, the sounds muffled by the pillow. "I'm going push my finger in now," Wilhelm informs him.

"Uh-huh. Do it, fill me up," Simon encourages.

He slides in, up to his first knuckle. Simon grunts, gripping the fitted sheet. "You can go deeper," he calls out to Wilhelm. Wilhelm slides in farther, up to his second knuckle. He is enjoying the view of Simon's tight hole gripping around his finger.

"More?" Wilhelm asks.

"Yes!" Simon huffs.

"You sure?" Wilhelm questions, being a bit of a tease.

"God, Wille, pleeease!" Simon moans in desperation.

Wilhelm smiles as he pushes as far as he can go, his finger fully penetrating Simon. He hooks his finger, massaging his prostate. Simon shouts at the sensation.

"I can't believe I get to have you like this, baby. I'm so fucking lucky," Wilhelm says softly. He pulls out his finger, then adds a second one after adding more lube, slowly inserting them into Simon's hole. "You're stretching out so nicely. You take my fingers so well." Wilhelm praises him.

Simon doesn't respond with words, only sounds of pleasure.

"Do you think you're ready for my tongue?" Wilhelm asks.

Simon is nodding uncontrollably. Wilhelm removes his fingers, wiping them with the tissues beside his bed. He then puts his hands on Simon's ass cheeks, spreading Simon nice and wide. "I've dreamt about this, to be intimate with you, for so long, Simon."

Simon lifts his head, turning it to look back at Wilhelm. "Is this how you imagined it?"

Wilhelm stares deeply into Simon's eyes. "No. This is better." A huge smiles appears on Simon's face and Wilhelm closes the gap, burying his face into Simon's bottom, licking his rose bud. The noises coming from Simon are getting louder and louder. Wilhelm traces circles around the rim with his tongue, then dips it inside of Simon.

Knowing that Simon asked for this, that he missed when Wilhelm used to do it to him makes it that much better for Wilhelm. Simon must have been longing for this. The thought gives him chills.

He takes his time, making sure Simon is left satisfied, that Wilhelm had fully fulfilled his request. Though Simon hasn't finished yet, he collapses, now lying on his front.

"How was it?" Wilhelm asks.

"Amazing, thank you!" Simon exclaims, his face still down on the pillow.

Wilhelm rolls him over so that Simon is on his back and he hovers above him. He wants to be able to see Simon when he penetrates him, see the pleasure on his face, see the look in his eyes. To feel a connection deeper than their bodies with the man he loves and who loves him back.

He takes Simon's ankles, resting them on his shoulders. "You ready?" Wilhelm asks, his swollen cock jetting out in front of him. He worries about how long he'll last. Seeing Simon the way he was, the noises he made, was incredibly hot and Wilhelm is aroused like he's never been before.

Simon's eyes are glazed over. His teeth are biting down on his bottom lip. "I'm so ready. I love you, Wille."

"I love you, Simon."

Wilhelm sinks down, his hands placed securely on Simon's calves, his cock entering into Simon. He's able to slide it in without much resistance because it's quite relaxed from their prior activities, though Wilhelm still tries his best to be careful not to hurt him.

They both cry out once Wilhelm is fully buried deep inside Simon. "Mmm..." Wilhelm feels dizzy from the bliss he's experiencing. "Simon, baby. I love you."

"I love you," Simon repeats.

Their bodies move in sync, waves of pleasure building at each thrust. Simon clenches his cheeks together, adding to Wilhelm's pleasure, tightening the hole he's thrusting into. Wilhelm takes Simon in his hand and begins to tug him. Simon's eyes roll back. "Fuck, Wille, I'm getting close."

"That's good, Simon. I want your release all over me."

Simon's movements become sporadic, like he's losing control. Wilhelm can feel he's getting close as well. He tries to hold off so he can match his orgasm with Simon's.

Simon's breathing increases in speed. "WILLE!" he shouts, throwing his arms out to the sides, gripping onto the sheet. Simon mutters a string of profanities as streams of cum shoot out from the tip of his cock, white ribbons that are landing on Wilhelm's chest. Wilhelm tries to catch some with his tongue, and to Wilhelm's delight, he manages to.

The delicious taste of Simon sets him over the edge. "SIMON!" Wilhelm cries out. He begins to ejaculate, shooting deep into Simon. He keeps rocking as his cock spasms out of control. Wilhelm cums harder than he ever has.

After, Wilhelm and Simon lie together on the bed, the duvet wrapped around them, their limbs intertwined. They're completely blissed out and exhaustion overtakes them.

"Will you spend the night?" Wilhelm asks, really hoping Simon doesn't leave.

"I would like to, if that's alright," Simon replies.

Wilhelm smiles, holding tighter onto Simon. "Yeah, I really want you to stay."

They fall asleep, bare bodies holding one another, and Wilhelm sleeps better than he has in a very long time, knowing Simon is there.

*****

Wilhelm's eyes open, and the first thing he sees is Simon curled up beside him. Wilhelm's heart melts at the sight of Simon sleeping in his bed. Simon's dark hair is running wild, reminding Wilhelm of last night. He thinks about how perfect it was.

Wilhelm stays still, watching Simon's chest slowly rise and fall as the morning sun beams through the crack of the curtains, casting a glow onto Simon. He looks angelic.

After some time, Simon begins to stir. First he rubs his eyes, then stretches his arms out above his head. He looks at Wilhelm who is smiling.

"Good morning, handsome," Wilhelm whispers, then leans in close to give him a kiss on the cheek.

"Good morning." Simon is now smiling as well. He grabs Wilhelm's hand and gives it a squeeze.

"I want to stay here in bed with you all day long, but I'm expected back at the Palace soon." Wilhelm says, his smile disappearing.

"I have work today, too," Simon pouts. "When can I see you again?"

"Tonight?" Wilhelm suggests, though he hopes Simon doesn't find that too soon. Like he's desperate or something. But the truth is he is desperate for Simon.

Wilhelm's worries subside when he sees Simon's eyes light up. "Okay. Can we be here though, because after the breakup with Marcus, I moved out of our apartment and I'm staying with Sara at the moment. It's a bit awkward considering I'm living with her and her fiancé, Anders, and as you know I'm not the biggest fan of him."

"Why don't you move in here," Wilhelm proposes.

Simon eyes widen. "Really? Are you sure that wouldn't be a burden for you to have me in your space?"

Wilhelm almost wants to laugh at Simon's question. Simon a burden to Wilhelm? Never. Wilhelm pulls Simon closer to him, kissing the top of his head, arms cuddled around him. "Simon, baby, nothing would make me happier. Besides, I have five years of lost time to make up for."

Simon giggles. "I love you," he says, placing his lips on Wilhelm's neck. "Did you miss me during those years apart?"

Wilhelm pulls back, looking directly into Simon's eyes. "I can't even properly express with words how much. Simon, you're the sunshine of my life. Without you, it just felt dark. I missed your eyes, your smile, your adorable little laugh. Your kindness. I missed hearing you speak about the things you believe in. The way you care wholeheartedly for others. I missed the way you make me feel. I love every single thing about you, Simon, and I missed it all."

Simon's mouth is open, his eyes glistening. He's speechless at Wilhelm's declaration.

"Last night, before you showed up, I was even playing the song you wrote for me back in the day. Wille's song. You have the most beautiful singing voice, Simon. I missed that, too."

Simon gets out of bed, and Wilhelm instantly misses the feeling of Simon's body pressed against his own.

"Where are you going, Simon?"

"Just give me a moment."

He comes back to bed with his phone that he took out of the pocket of his jeans.

"A few days ago, my music producer sent me my new album that just got finished. There's a song on there that I wrote for you."

Wilhelm stares in disbelief. "When did you write this?"

"Almost a year ago. The song is about losing out on a love that only comes once in a lifetime. I knew I'd never find something like what we had ever again. If I'm being honest, I knew I was settling with Marcus. But I thought you had for sure moved on."

"I never moved on. I would've waited my whole life for you."

"Oh, Wille." Their lips come together, sweetly caressing each other.

"Can you play it for me?"

"Yeah. It's called 'None Of Them Are You'."

Simon presses play on his phone. Wilhelm listens to the song, Simon's melodic voice dancing in Wilhelm's ears.

🎶 Maybe someday we'll know
Why it couldn't work, but now we're done
And I hope to move past the hurt
Of knowing that I lost the one
I was so sure you were meant to be
Mine for life
And the truth is with you gone
It cuts like a knife
Though the thing I know without a doubt
Is that my love for you will never fade
You have my heart forever, darling
You'll take it to the grave
Baby, none of them are you
None of them will ever
Have my heart like you do 🎶

As the song finishes, Simon wipes the tears from Wilhelm's eyes and he says, "I'm so glad I was finally able to play this song for you. I meant every word."

"It was beautiful. You're so talented, Simon."

"Thank you, Wille."

A flash of concern crosses Wilhelm's mind. "I know you love me, Simon, but are you sure we can be together with me as Crown Prince?"

"Wille, I know that was a point of contention for us when we were younger, but it doesn't matter to me anymore. I now realize our love is too special to let that stop us from being together."

Wilhelm is so happy, knowing that Simon wants to be with him regardless. Even though his role as Crown Prince is something Wilhelm is contemplating giving up, for his own sake, he hasn't yet made that decision. So knowing, whether he chooses to or not, that Simon will still be there, gives him a sense of peace.

They still have a lot to discuss. Wilhelm has much more he wants to share with Simon, but he'll save it for a later day.

"When do you need to leave for work?" Wilhelm asks.

"Mmm..." Simon glances at the time on his phone. "In thirty-minutes or so."

"Can I show you how much I love you again, before you leave?" Wilhelm asks, wiggling his brows suggestively, cock erect.

"Mhmmm," Simon says assuredly.

Wilhelm smiles. He can't wait to spend the rest of his life expressing to Simon how deeply he loves him.

Chapter Text

One year ago

Simon shifts his gaze from the letter he holds in his hand to the flame of the candle he's just lit and back again. He's dangerously close to letting the paper catch fire, to watch it burn, to shrink before his eyes until it's nothing but powdery soot.

But he holds back. He would never want to risk anything happening to his mamma's house.

Though he does need to get rid of it, this letter. It has been sitting for far too long in his drawer, haunting him.

Well, maybe burning it isn't the answer, but shredding it could be.

He looks down, feeling the urge to read it one last time before it will be gone for good. He doesn't want to read it, to have to endure the immeasurable pain that reading it causes him, bringing up emotions that maim his heart. But it's like there's a magnetic pull, forcing his eyes to skim what he had written but never sent, three years prior.

Wille,

I feel torn. On the one hand, I understand why things ended between us last year. You were under immense pressure to protect the Royal family which caused me to feel abandoned and alone as a result.

But on the other hand, I don't understand it at all. I just don't understand why we let our relationship end the way that it did.

Because I truly loved you, Wille, and I know you loved me too. I felt it. It was real, our love, the kind that I'm convinced was something you can only find once in a lifetime, if you're fortunate enough. I don't think I will ever be able to find a love like what we had again. So why did we let that go? Why didn't we fight for us? These questions linger in my mind, plaguing my thoughts all the time.

I still haven't accepted the fact that the rest of my life will be a life without you in it. There was once a time that when I envisioned my future, all I saw was you.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just a vague memory to you now. Was our relationship just a blip in your life? Because for me, our relationship was the most important thing to ever happen to me. I see myself in two parts. There was the Simon before Wille and the Simon after. And I truly feel like those are two different people because of how much your love changed me.

I want to be yours again, Wille. I want to make this work. I believe with my whole heart that it's worth it. I want to fight for us. I hope you do too. Please give us another chance.

Yours forever,
Simon

Simon squeezes his eyes shut, trying to hold back tears, thinking about the day he wrote this. He wanted to confess these feelings he still had for Wilhelm but he was incredibly nervous. That's why he wrote it in a letter, because he realized it would be best to write his thoughts down carefully instead of showing up unannounced at Wilhelm's door and getting all tongue-tied.

He decided he was going to mail it to the Palace, addressed to Wilhelm. But doubts started creeping in. What if someone inspected the mail before it got to him. Simon wasn't sure what sort of procedures took place at the Palace in regards to the mail and he didn't want to risk anyone else other than Wilhelm reading something so vulnerable.

He had also thought about asking Felice to deliver it to Wilhelm directly but she definitely would have tried to further investigate why Simon was giving Wilhelm a letter. Simon really didn't need Felice to know how lovesick he was for Wilhelm, so that was out of the question.

Though, the one thing that he feared the most, above all, was the thought of Wilhelm receiving the letter, reading it and never responding. Was there a possibility that Wilhelm could be capable of crushing Simon's heart again, after Simon poured out his heart to him on the page? He was too afraid to find out.

So instead, he chose the safer option. He tucked the letter into his drawer, keeping it there, as a way for him to keep the door open. That way Wilhelm couldn't shut it and the glimmer of hope Simon still had could stay alive.

And that's where the letter has stayed, for the past three years, in his bedroom at his mamma's house.

Thankfully for Simon, he had moved out shortly after that, renting a modest place with Ayub. He was able to live his life and try his best to forget about Wilhelm.

But now, three years later, he has just moved back into his mamma's house, as money is tight at the moment, now that he doesn't have income coming in from his construction job that just ended a month ago. It was hard physical labour but he didn't mind, as it helped him to stay strong due to the tasks he was required to perform on the job site.

Though now that winter is on the way, he has been laid off. He expected it, this type of work is usually seasonal. He'll have to figure something else out. He always does. It's what he's had to do, find jobs here and there to supplement his income as he works on his primary focus, his music. He's hoping that he can gain momentum with it, so that one day, it could be his sole income, all that he would need to support himself and hopefully his mamma as well.

Simon ungrips his hand from the letter, placing it on his desk. Then he opens his closet, scanning to find an outfit to wear for his date with Marcus tonight.

He was very surprised when he received a message from Marcus on Hinge a few days ago. Marcus had seen his profile and asked him if he'd be willing to try again.

But Simon knew if he was going to start seeing Marcus, he would first need to cut ties with everything in regards to Wilhelm. Maybe it sounds silly that four years later, he still holds out hope that one day him and Wilhelm would be together again. That's why he has stayed single for so long, not pursuing anyone. The thought of being with someone else just felt wrong.

But Ayub and Rosh encouraged Simon to get back out there, after all these years. They even helped him make his Hinge profile.

As much as Simon wanted to resist, to continue to wait, in case Wilhelm somehow comes back to him, he knows deep down that being with Wilhelm would bring many complications, ones that make head spin.

Being with Wilhelm means being with the Crown Prince. That's just how it is. And it didn't work out the first time, so would he even want to try again and risk his heart being broken for a second time? The pain he experienced as a result was almost too much to take. Simon three years ago would have jumped at the chance regardless of the circumstances but present day Simon is more wary. A lot of time has passed and he's not sure what he wants anymore, even though his love for Wilhelm remains a flickering flame deep within his soul.

Trying again with Marcus, the stakes aren't as high because he never truly loved him the first time around. Though maybe, just maybe, a love for Marcus could blossom. Maybe all he needs is to give his relationship with Marcus a second chance.

He glances back down at the letter on his desk. This is his last piece of physical evidence indicating where his heart truly lies and it needs to be destroyed if he is going to start something new with Marcus.

I'm so pathetic. How am I still this attached after all these years? Wille has never reached out, not once. Clearly, he's moved on long ago and I'm still here, struggling with this.

He picks up the paper, pulling at it, hearing the sound of it tear. He watches as the paper comes apart, separating into two. A tear rolls down his cheek as he continues to rip the paper, until it's a pile of tiny pieces sprinkled on his bed.

He leaves it there, realizing Marcus is picking him up in less than an hour and he still hasn't gotten ready. He rushes to take a shower, then styles his curls using his favourite curl cream and sprays on his cologne. He takes a deep breath, studying himself in the mirror in his bedroom. There's a sadness in his eyes, a sadness he doesn't want to admit has plagued him for a long time.

He hears his phone ping on the dresser.

Marcus: be there in 10 mins ❤️ see you soon, Simon!

Simon swallows hard and looks back into the mirror. Past his own reflection, out of the corner of his eye, he sees the pile of torn up paper from the letter that he left on his bed.

He hurries to his desk, opening one of the drawers and grabs a roll of tape.

He sits down cross-legged on his mattress and lays out the paper, putting the pieces back together like a puzzle, using the tape as he goes, to seal it back to how it was. He moves quickly as he knows that Marcus will be there soon but he desperately doesn't want to leave it torn up the way that is it.

He hears Marcus knock on the door, causing him to jump up, taking the patched up letter that is now back in its whole form, placing it into the drawer, the drawer that has been its home for the past three years. Then he tosses the tape back to where he found it and bends down, blowing out the flame of the candle before throwing on his jacket and heading to the front door.

Chapter Text

"Sara, do you need any help in there?" Simon asks from his seat at the dining table. The delicious smell of thyme and rosemary from the roasted chicken fills the apartment.

Sara pops her head out from the kitchen. "No, I'm fine, Simon. Thanks for offering, though. It should be ready soon. When did you say Marcus will be arriving?"

Simon glances down at his phone, rereading the text he received from Marcus, informing Simon that he'll be late to dinner. "Umm, he should be here in the next fifteen minutes, if traffic's good."

"Perfect," Sara calls.

Simon was hoping Sara would have allowed him to help her in the kitchen so he wouldn't have to awkwardly sit here, across the table from Anders.  Thankfully, Anders has the television on, so Simon isn't obligated to make small talk with him at the moment. 

"For fuck's sake!" Anders slams his hand down on the table, startling Simon. "This stupid fucking team let in another goal. I don't know why I support them, I really don't. If you don't know how to play hockey, get off the damn ice!" 

Simon nods, though truthfully he couldn't care less about the game. 

"Pass the remote, Simon. I've had enough of this bullshit!" Anders points to the remote on the side table behind Simon, then he turns his palm up. 

Once Simon places it in his hand, Anders changes the channel immediately. 

"This initiative has been put in place to help the hard-working people of Sweden..." 

Simon darts his gaze towards the television as he recognizes the voice instantly. Simon's eyes are glued to the screen. 

Sara comes into the dining area, carrying a bowl filled with slices of bread and a dish with a stick of butter. She glances at the TV. "He looks older, doesn't he?" she remarks. 

Anders leans back in his chair, swirling the wine at the bottom of his glass. "I can't believe how much people fawn over this guy. He's had a silver spoon in his mouth since the day he was born- what has he actually done for this country?"

Simon wanted to ignore the comment, to just brush it off. But the words sting. "He's done a lot, actually. He started a scholarship fund-" 

Anders scoffs. "Simon, I didn't realize you were such a loyalist. Surprising, really..." 

"Anders, just drop it," Sara says. 

"No, I want to know why Simon is apparently the Prince's number one fan," Anders insists. 

"I'm not," Simon denies, his cheeks turning red. 

"Oh, let me guess. You think he's hot. Have a bit of a crush on him, do you?" Anders says in a mocking tone. A smug-looking smirk creeps across Anders' face. 

Simon's blood is boiling. 

"Simon and Prince Wilhelm used to date," Sara informs him. "Can we please just drop it now?" She places her hands on her hips. 

Anders' eyes go wide. "The Prince of Sweden used to date you? Simon Eriksson?" Anders chuckles. "Oh, right, I remember the Prince was in some scandal for sleeping with a guy, years ago. I didn't pay close attention to it. Was that you?" 

"I'm done with this conversation," Simon says. He reaches across the table, grabs the remote and turns off the television.

"The Prince was really slumming it, huh?" Anders says under his breath, but he's loud enough for both Simon and Sara to hear him. 

Simon feels like he's just been slapped in the face. 

"Anders!" Sara exclaims.

Simon squints his eyes towards him. "Fuck you, Anders."

Anders raises his hands in the air. "Alright, alright. Can't take a joke, can we?" 

There's a knock on the door, and Sara rushes to open it. Marcus is standing in the doorway.

"Welcome to our home, Marcus," she says. 

Simon unclenches his fists from under the table and gets up to greet him. 

"Sorry I'm late," Marcus says, kissing Simon. "Work has been so hectic lately."

"It's fine, you came at the perfect time. Dinner is ready now," Sara comments.  

Simon stays quiet through most of the meal. He already wasn't fond of Anders, but the conversation they had earlier sealed the deal. 

After dinner, Sara brings out the dessert, Semlor, sweet buns with almond paste and whipped cream. Simon's anger has begun to settle, but the air in the room still feels thin and fragile, unbeknownst to Marcus. 

Marcus has his arm draped over the back of Simon's chair as he casually takes bites of his dessert, chatting with Anders about how things are going with the new projects at his firm. 

Sara clears her throat, "So..." The three men put their forks down, looking in her direction. She takes hold of Anders' hand. "We have some news we'd like to share."

Sara and Anders glance at each other with a smile. Simon's stomach drops. Whatever they're about to say, he knows he won't be thrilled about it. 

Anders speaks. "Sara and I are engaged to be married!"

"That's great news. Congratulations!" Marcus says, completely oblivious to how Simon is feeling.  

Simon gives them a tight-lipped smile. "Yeah, congratulations." He raises his glass, "To Sara and Anders." 

The four of them clink their glasses together. Sara catches his gaze, and Simon wonders if she can see the disappointment in his eyes. 

Once dessert has finished, Anders invites Marcus to join him on the balcony to smoke the Italian cigars he purchased while on a business trip. Marcus eagerly accepts. 

Simon helps Sara with the dishes. Sara is washing while Simon is drying. 

"So, you're really marrying him?" Simon says, more as a statement than a question. 

"That's what you do when you love someone, Simon," she replies, scrubbing a pot. 

"Do you?" Simon questions. He knows asking someone a question like that may be crossing a boundary, but this is his sister. 

"Don't start, Simon, please." She gives him a tired look. 

"C'mon, Sara. He's rude. Take tonight, for example."

Sara shakes her head. "He doesn't mean anything by it. You heard him, he said he was just joking around," she points out, placing the cup she had just washed onto the drying rack. 

"You and I both know that's not true. Is he seriously the one you want to spend the rest of your life with?" Simon presses on. He can't stop now. "You can't tell me you truly love him, Sara."

"That's really rich coming from you." Sara turns her shoulder slightly so she's facing away from Simon. 

Simon is caught off guard. "What is that supposed to mean?" He drops the drying towel onto the counter. 

"You really think I don't see how you're settling with Marcus?" Sara admits, raising her voice. 

"Shh..." Simon places his finger to his mouth. "I don't want them hearing us.

Sara turns back towards him. "I know you still love Wille."

"And? So what? There's nothing I can do about that. He's moved on. We come from completely different worlds. You know that, Sara," Simon says, louder than he intended to. "What am I supposed to do, just sit around, pining for him the rest of my life?"

Sara's eyes soften as she looks at her brother. "Have you even tried, though? What if he still wants you, too?"

"He hasn't reached out. He's made it pretty clear that he's no longer interested."

"Well, maybe love isn't enough then." Sara shrugs. "You see the kind of life Anders can provide for me. I don't want what we had growing up, Simon. Struggling financially. No status. I want better than that. Anders can give me better."

Simon shakes his head. He knows Sara has always strived for more, that she has had this desire to be prestigious, but Simon didn't realize it would come at the cost of her having to marry someone like Anders. 

"I don't think he'll make you happy, Sara. Regardless of the money and status he can provide. But you're an adult and you have to make your own decisions and live with the consequences," Simon warns her. 

"Mhm, and so do you."

Simon's forehead creases. The room falls silent other than the swishing of water, the clanging of dishes, and the closing of cupboards as they work side by side to finish cleaning the kitchen. 

Anders and Marcus come in from having their cigars. The two of them are laughing and getting along so well. Simon doesn't even want to tell Marcus how he truly feels about Anders because he has a feeling Marcus will just come to Anders' defense anyway. 

The four of them say their goodbyes, Simon and Marcus thanking them for dinner. As Simon walks to the coat closet to grab their jackets, he catches his own reflection in the turned-off television. There's a sadness still present when he looks himself in the eye. He thought that it would be gone by now, that sadness, now that he's in a new relationship. He's supposed to be happy. He runs a hand down his face and turns away from the TV. 

Chapter Text

Simon throws his head back, his body moving to the rhythm of the music. He’s always loved the feeling of dancing in a crowd, the beat pounding in his ears, pulsing through his veins.

Tonight is a night for him to celebrate. To let loose after all of his hard work. He had received a call a few days prior from the independent record label that he had recently signed with. They informed him that his album was complete and that there are plans for it to soon be released. This is what he has always wanted. He had poured his blood, sweat, and tears into this project. He’s dreamt about achieving this ever since he was young. Soon he’ll be able to quit his day job. The job that doesn’t bring him any fulfillment so he can solely focus on his passion.

He invited Rosh and Ayub to come along tonight to Klubb Tunnelbana with him and Marcus. A way to celebrate Simon’s success. And what better way is there than coming to the club and dancing his ass off? It is his first time at this club, which was a recommendation from Felice. He loves the posh vibe of the place. 

Rosh and Ayub danced for a few songs before making their way to a table on the top floor. Dancing isn’t exactly their thing. They mostly came to support Simon. Simon is glad that at least he has Marcus, who loves to dance just as much as he does. Though Marcus had left to grab a drink at the bar, leaving Simon alone in the crowd to dance on his own for a bit.

A smile forms on his lips when he hears the DJ play one of his favourite club songs. He feels weightless right now, his arms lifted in the air, his body swaying, and his head bobbing to the beat.

He does a spin, and he’s shocked to find his eyes locked with Wilhelm. The trance he was in moments before is now gone. It has been replaced by an acute awareness that Wilhelm is standing on the other side of the dance floor. Suddenly, Simon is struggling to breathe. Wilhelm’s stare is intense, and Simon was not at all prepared for this. Simon is mesmerized by Wilhelm’s handsome features, his honey-golden hair shining in the bright lights. Any thoughts he had escape him, overwhelmed by the fact that gorgeous Wilhelm is staring into his eyes.

Then Simon’s stomach turns once he notices that another man’s hands are grazing Wilhelm’s body. Simon doesn’t know how he didn’t notice it until now. He must have been too awestruck by Wilhelm’s beauty.

Simon reminds himself that he does in fact have a boyfriend of his own. He’s here with Marcus. And Wilhelm has every right to be with someone else. Someone who is not Simon. But that doesn’t stop him from feeling the way he feels while watching another man touch Wilhelm in ways that Simon has only dreamt of doing for so long. Jealousy consumes him. He begins to feel hot and lightheaded. He can’t bear to watch this any longer. He takes a step into the crowd, weaving through the dancers and making his way to the stairs.

“Simon!” Marcus, who is now standing in front of him, shouts over the music. “I just finished my drink. I’m ready to dance again. Join me?”

Simon cups his hands around Marcus’s ear and brings his mouth close. “I’m not feeling well, Marcus. I’m going to go sit down.”

“Okay. I still feel like dancing, though. Can I, or do you need me to come with you?”

Simon shakes his head. “It’s fine, I’ll be upstairs. I’ll go find Rosh and Ayub.”

Simon climbs the stairs, two at a time, up to the lounge. Seeing Wilhelm again stirred something in him. He feels like he’s sixteen again. Those same emotions of desire take over, though they are now even more intense than teenage Simon felt.

He scans the upper level for Rosh and Ayub but can’t find them. Instead, his eyes settle on Wilhelm, who’s at the bar, downing a shot. Simon can feel his heart pounding in his chest.

Then he watches as Wilhelm pushes away from the bar, walking in the opposite direction of Simon, down a dark corridor, towards a bathroom.

Simon contemplates whether or not he should follow him. He wants to. He aches to go talk to him. He wants to hear his name being spoken by Wilhelm. He can’t forget the way it flows off of his tongue so melodically, echoing through Simon’s dreams.

He takes a step forward but then pauses. He asks himself what good could come from this encounter. Simon is in a relationship, and so is Wilhelm, from the looks of it. Simon worries that seeing Wilhelm could end up causing him to feel hurt again. He spent the past five years trying to get over Wilhelm, though not very successfully, but he hopes he’s made some progress. What if seeing him again sets Simon right back to the start? What if it brings him back to that devastating day outside of Hillerska, when he walked away and Wilhelm just watched him leave, neither of them fighting for the other? Simon knows those wretched feelings all too well, and he remembers how hard it was to claw himself out of the depths of depression it caused him.

Although, despite his better judgement, he notices himself take another step forward. He can’t stay away any longer. He needs to see Wilhelm, to talk to him. He doesn’t know what he’ll say. But he wants those eyes, the only eyes that made him feel truly seen, to stare into his own once more. Before he even has the chance to change his mind, he’s down the corridor, and his palms, which are slick with sweat, are pushing open the bathroom door.

He didn’t expect to see what he sees. The Crown Prince is seated on the floor, all alone. Simon lays eyes on him and notices that Wilhelm’s eyes are bloodshot red. Has he been crying?

“Wille?” Simon asks. “What are you doing on the ground?”

Simon dares to wonder if Wilhelm’s tear-stained cheeks have anything to do with him.

Though Wilhelm lets Simon know, after standing on his feet, that he needed a break from dancing, but that still doesn’t explain the tears. Simon doesn’t want to pry. Maybe it has nothing to do with him. Maybe it has to do with his potential boyfriend, the man who had his hands all over Wilhelm on the dance floor earlier.

Wilhelm and Simon begin to talk, and Simon feels like he’s in a daze. It’s like Simon is floating, not present in his body but watching from above. Simon is telling Wilhelm about getting signed with the independent record label when he asks how things are, though Simon doesn’t mention his album because that’s classified information at the moment.

Then Wilhelm takes a step forward, towards the door, and Simon is sure their encounter is about to end. That Wilhelm was content to just say hi and leave. But then he hears Wilhelm say, “I can wait for you.”

Does that mean that Wilhelm doesn’t want this conversation to end either? Simon’s heart skips a beat. Wilhelm is looking at him expectantly. Say something… say something!

“Oh!” is the only word Simon can muster. 

Wilhelm lets him know that he’ll be waiting outside the door. Simon doesn’t actually need to go to the bathroom, though. He’s only in there because he followed Wilhelm in, but he doesn’t need Wilhelm to know that.

Once he hears the door close, he takes a deep breath, willing himself to calm down. After what seems like a reasonable time to use the bathroom, he exits, finding Wilhelm standing outside the door, just like he said he would be.

“Can I buy you a drink?” Simon hears Wilhelm say. Marcus flashes through his mind. He really should be getting back to him. But he doesn’t want to. He’d rather keep spending time with Wilhelm.

Before he knows it, he finds himself seated at a table, waiting for Wilhelm to get him a rum and coke.

There’s a question burning in Simon’s mind that he wants to ask Wilhelm. He wants to know how Wilhelm’s experience has been being the Crown Prince for all these years. He knows when they were at Hillerska, Wilhelm wasn’t very keen with his role. So Simon wonders if the way he views being the Crown Prince now has changed. He hopes so. Regardless of how things are between the two of them, all he truly wants is for Wilhelm to be happy in life.

So when Wilhelm answers the question by saying that he finds it fulfilling, Simon’s heart feels content knowing that it was worth it in a certain way. That even though it caused them to go their separate ways, at least it wasn’t all for nothing.

Wilhelm asks Simon about his mama and Sara. Simon gives him the news of Sara’s engagement, bringing up Anders. The night when he was having dinner at Sara’s enters his mind, when they announced their engagement. The night when Wilhelm was giving a speech on TV. The same night when Anders was being an absolute asshole to him and Wilhelm. But Simon doesn’t mention those details. He doesn’t want to upset Wilhelm or hurt him.

Then they’re talking about Simon’s fish, how he has a new one. Hille. Simon tells him how Hille is named after Hillerska which is technically true, but what he doesn’t bring up is the fact that he also named him that because Hille rhymes with Wille, and every time he looks at the fish, he swears he can feel Wilhelm’s arms wrapped around his waist in his bedroom at Mamma’s.

“Do you ever miss it?” Wilhelm asks him, in regard to their time at Hillerska. The question rings in Simon’s ears.

I miss you, Simon wants to say.

Instead he answers with, “Yeah, I do… Do you?”

“Miss it? Yeah, all the time.”

For some reason, hearing Wilhelm say that causes butterflies to erupt in Simon’s stomach. Like there is a deeper meaning beneath the surface of the words that they are speaking.

I shouldn’t be here! What am I doing? Again, Marcus crosses Simon’s mind, and he’s hit with a wave of guilt. Sure, technically he’s done nothing wrong. All they’re doing is chatting, simply catching up. But Simon knows the thoughts that are running through his mind, and they’re nothing close to being platonic.

That’s why when Wilhelm asks him if he’d like another drink, he can’t accept, despite how much he wants to stay. He would sit here, conversing with Wilhelm all night if he could. But his conscience won’t let him.

So before he knows it, he is walking away, heading down the stairs, back onto the dance floor. He needs to find Marcus and kiss him. Maybe that will absolve him of this guilt. He sees Marcus dancing away, like he doesn’t have a care in the world. Simon cups his face, pulling him close and placing a kiss on his lips. When he pulls away, he finds Marcus’s brows raised. It’s unlike Simon to just come up and kiss him out of the blue like that.

Unfortunately for Simon, he feels worse. The reason he kissed Marcus was for all the wrong reasons, and he doesn’t know how he can live with himself.

He rushes back up into the lounge. He needs to get out of the club. To at least get some fresh air. As he makes a beeline for the door, he feels someone tugging at his sleeve. He turns to find Rosh and Ayub standing there.

“Simon,” Ayub says, giving him a nudge. “We saw you talking to Wille. Did you know he’d be here?”

“No,” Simon replies. His head is spinning.

A smile spreads across Rosh’s face. “What were you two talking about, huh?”

“Nothing. Just catching up.”

“You were looking pretty smitten, I have to admit,” Ayub teases.

Simon knows that his two best friends had always liked him with Wilhelm because they could tell that Wilhelm made Simon truly happy. They couldn’t say the same about Marcus.

“I need some air.”

Simon walks away, past the bouncers and out of the club. He shivers as he leans against the cool brick wall, his thoughts swirling. He tries to focus on the things that he knows for certain. He knows that he clearly still has feelings for Wilhelm. That was solidified by seeing him tonight. He also knows that Wilhelm is content with his life. Simon doesn’t want to disrupt that.

Then he thinks about the things he’s not quite so sure about. Like if Wilhelm is seeing anyone. He wishes he was brave enough to ask, but he really didn’t want to pry. He also doesn’t know how Wilhelm feels about him now. He doubts that Wilhelm feels the same way about Simon as Simon still feels about him. He’s certain that there was a time when Wilhelm loved him, but that was so long ago. 

Suddenly, he’s pulled away from his thoughts as he hears Wilhelm’s voice. He swears he must be dreaming until he looks up and sees Wilhelm, hair blowing in the wind, his face illuminated by the moonlight, standing right in front of him.
Simon is caught off guard by the words that Wilhelm is saying to him.

“Not that it’s any of my business whatsoever, but I saw you kiss Marcus. Are you two together, Simon?"

“Yeah, he’s my boyfriend,” he replies. What else can he say other than the truth?

“I’m happy for you, Simon. Marcus is a lucky man to have you. And it was good to see you, too. Take care, Simon.”

Just as quickly as Wilhelm appeared, he disappears, slipping to a taxi cab.

“Take care, Wille,” Simon says, though Wilhelm is already gone.

*****

“Shhh…” Sara rocks Simon in her arms. Simon buries his teary eyes into the collar of her sweater. He doesn’t know why he’s crying so hard. He’s the one who broke up with Marcus. Does he even deserve to be comforted? “It’s going to be alright,” Sarah reassures him.

She leans over, grabbing the box of tissues from the coffee table. She hands one to him, and he wipes his eyes. Simon has his luggage at his feet, with all the belongings he could fit inside. He left in a hurry and made his way to Sara’s, needing her to be his shoulder to cry on.

Simon is glad Anders isn’t home. He just knows Anders would have made a snarky comment about all this, calling him a crybaby or something along those lines. Anders was good friends with Marcus, and he knows Anders won’t be pleased to find out that Simon broke things off with Marcus because who will share a cigar with him during family dinners now?

Plus, Simon isn’t very happy with Anders. Marcus had asked if Wilhelm was the reason for the breakup because apparently Anders had made a comment to Marcus, mentioning how he had seen "the way Simon looked at Wilhelm when he was on the TV like he still wants him”, so he told Marcus that he needed to keep an eye out for that. Simon would be furious at Anders if there wasn’t a hint of truth there. But still. He wasn’t happy about it.

But with everything said and done, Simon gets the sense that Marcus wasn’t all that heartbroken that Simon broke it off with him anyway. Simon isn’t even certain whether Marcus ever really loved him. Regardless, Simon feels terrible about the whole thing. He’s overcome with emotions as he squeezes onto Sara.

“If it makes you feel any better, I think you made the right choice,” Sara says.

“I guess so,” Simon replies, gulping for air through his sobs.

They sit together for a long time, Sara rubbing Simon’s back.

“I’m here for you, brother. I always will be,” Sara whispers.

“I love you, Sara.”

“I love you too, Simon.”

Later that evening, once Simon has calmed down, they sit at the table, steaming hot mugs of tea in their hands. Simon admits to Sara that Wilhelm was in fact the catalyst for the breakup. He recounts the story of him seeing Wilhelm at the club, igniting these feelings again. Helping him come to the realization that he can’t be with Marcus any longer. It’s not fair to either of them.

Sara takes a sip of her tea and says, “Why aren’t you going after him?”

“What do you mean?” Simon asks, his eyebrows knitting together.

“Wille,” she simply replies. “You love him. He loves you. Why in the world are you two not together?”

Simon chuckles under his breath. First of all, how does Sara know if Wilhelm loves him?

“You make it sound so simple, Sara.”

“Because maybe it is.”

Simon shakes his head. “I don’t even know if he’s single. I’ve already ended one relationship today. I couldn’t bear to be responsible for ending any others. Besides, I wouldn’t even know where to find him.”

Sara reaches into her pocket, pulling out her phone, and handing it to Simon.

“Call Felice. She’ll know Wilhelm’s relationship status as well as where to find him.”

Simon’s hands are shaking as the phone rings, but it brings him comfort to know that Sara is right there supporting him.

“Hello?” He realizes it’s late. He hopes he didn’t just wake her up.

“Hi, Felice. It’s Simon. Did I wake you?”

“No. Don’t worry, Simon. I’m just reading before bed.”

“Oh, that’s good. I wanted to ask you something…"

“Uh-huh. Sure.”

Simon gulps. He can do this. Wilhelm is worth it.

“I’m sorry if this is a strange question, but is Wille single right now?”

He hears Felice chuckle through the phone. “Yes, he’s very single. I mean, no offense to him.”

Simon looks up to see Sara smiling.

“I’m not with Marcus anymore,” Simon admits. “I mean, not that I’m trying to use Wille as a rebound or anything. I know how it sounds.” The words spill out of his mouth.

“Simon. It’s okay. Wille could never be a rebound for you.” Simon wonders what Felice means by that. “You can find him at the penthouse. Grab a pen and paper and I’ll give you the address.”