Chapter Text
Bucky stared up at the stars, feeling the stress and weight of the world ease out of him. Almost as if the death of the stars that provided such brilliant, beautiful and strong light for everyone to see night after night was some kind of metaphor for him.
That the itch in his skin to break free, to roam and explore was normal. That it was right to feel like he should want to burst out of his body, out of his mind and make his dying moments bright and sharp for everyone.
He'd always loved the stars, moons and planets. Felt as if his home was a place in the stars, out of this world, where he never felt like he belonged. He always loved looking up and seeing the beauty right in front of him, a scene that was never marred by the horrors and hardships beneath them.
He found some comfort in seeing the stars show patterns above him, see them flash across the sky, see meteors leave trails as they flew too close, almost, to the earth. He found peace in knowing that the light of the stars seen was the moment they died, that in an event which should be sad, the passing of something, be so big and powerful, so bright and beautiful, that it gave people joy as they were left in awe of it, left people looking up and having the breath taken out of them as the stars splayed out around them.
Now, he sits on the grass, arms out behind him, head tilted back, taking in the scene before him. The feeling in his fingertips and toes slowly leaving him. The tip of his nose, surely turning red. Still, he stayed there, looking up, the ache and tightness in his chest leaving him at the sight was far better than the option of going back inside; knowing the stars are above him but are blocked from view by a man made ceiling.
He knows he's been out here too long, knows people will be wondering where he is, worrying possibly, he isn't sure. He isn't sure he deserves people caring about him, not sure if he'll ever get used to it again.
For now, he's content with looking up at the stars, knowing this is enough of an escape, of a getaway from hectic and painful life. The stars and constellations are so bright he feels as though he could touch them just by extending his arm and fingers out above him; feels as if he could pick and bring a star down to him and keep it forever. Somehow replace the heavy, harsh feeling in his chest with weightless blinding light.
Perhaps one day, he'll be able to do that on his own, be strong enough to make his chest feel alive, feel bright and bursting all by himself. But for now, the sight of the stars and the rest of the universe is enough, to ease his bad feelings, to make him feel as if the ache and pains are slowly flowing out of him, at least for a short while, until he, inevitably, has to go back inside.
Back to everything he came here to escape.
- - -
Now, he wanders through the park, feeling the chill of the winter air twist and curl around him as he puts one foot in front of the other. He doesn't know where he's going, doesn't know if he had an intended destination when he headed out here. He looks around at the trees and flowers around him. The clear, blue sky above him, void of clouds, the sun shining, unabashed down upon him. He comes to a stop on a small hill near the lake, sits down, hugs his knees up to his chest and settles in for the long haul.
Some time later, hours he assumes by how dark they sky has turned, he looks up. Once again, seeing the first few stars starting to appear. The light having travelled miles, so many, to reach the earth, to appear to him tonight. He feels some gratitude in that, that the stars and planets are here for him tonight, helping to ease the pain, ease the noise and haze in his mind.
Only now he doesn't feel alone, feels a presence behind, near him that he can't seem to shake.