Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

We see Earth and Mars playing cards with one another, as they did in the original story. Luna approaches the pair

L: Hey Earth-

E: (Annoyed) Moon, you know what I’ve said about interrupting my card games

L: Yeah, sorry. Uh, there’s someone who wants to meet you

Titan approaches The Earth

T: Hello, Mr Earth, i-it’s an honor. I-I came here to-

E: (Surprised) Woah! Are you a new planet? I’ve never seen you before

T: (irritated) Why does everyone think Im a pla- No, Im a moon named Titan!

M: Hey, I think I’ve seen you from afar! Your Saturn’s favorite moon, right? What did he call you, his middle Earth?

E: What!? Why would Saturn call him that?

(The first change)

M: Oh, it’s because Titan’s mountains are named after famous mountains from the Lord of the Rings books

E: Oh… thats… cool I-

M: (excitedly) he also is made of rock, has an atmosphere just like yours, and he even also has volcanoes!

E: Volcanoes!? Isn’t he like, really cold?

M: Ice volcanoes

L: Woah! That sounds way cooler!

Earth looks mightily uncomfortable

E: Uh… but my volcanoes are pretty cool as-

M: Nah, yours are scorching hot, but you both also have lakes and rivers!

E: (refocusing) Well… I at least have my oceans-

M: And he even has an ocean under his surface! Not only that, but it’s liquid water! So it’s possible that he could sustain life!

Titan looks shocked

This is the moment, a single choice… that changed the course of the solar system

E: Uh… well… good for him… I guess… heh

Titan looks at Earth confused

T: Uh, everything ok Mr. Earth?

E: Oh yeah… everything is… fine! Totally Fine!

Luna, Titan, and Mars all look at Earth suspiciously

M: Earth? Is there-

E: Oh look at the time! We should really get going huh Mars?

M: Huh?

Mars looks toward the Sun

M: We still have at least an hour-

E: Better get back in our orbits! Have fun Mars, oh… and hi..uh… Titan… let’s go Luna

L: But-

Earth hurriedly rushes off with Luna in tow, leaving both Titan and Mars very confused

T: Uh… Is The Earth always this… skittish?

Mars stares at Earth

M: No… no he isn't

We see Earth look around a little panicked back in his orbit

E: It’s fine, its fine, its all-

L: Uh, Earth?

E: (Startled) Oh hey (nervous chuckle) uh… what is it moon?

Luna rolls his eyes

L: You know my name Earth!

Earth looks down

E: Sorry… Luna.

Luna nods

L: Now, what was that all about?!

E: What was what all a-

L: The conversation with Titan! After Mars told you all about how cool Titan was, you suddenly went pale as a comet, started spouting nonsense, and then left in the middle of it all!

Earth winces

E: I… uh-

M: What the crap dude!

Mars moves up to Earth notably peeved

E: Uh, not sure my Earthlings excrement-

M: You know what I mean, Earth!

Earth shifts around uncomfortably

E: I… went because the Sun wants us in our orbits… right?

Both Mars and Luna look at Earth with doubt

M: So you just all of a sudden decide to follow that rule once I start highlighting Titan?

Earth bites his tongue

E: Ok, yes, that’s why I left, I'm sorry

M: Why??

E: Because… because I was feeling... uncomfortable?

Mars glares at Earth

M: Uncomfortable?

E: I… I kept hearing you talk about all the stuff Titan has… his lakes, oceans, mountains, it felt like I… It felt like I wasn’t as special-

M: You ran off because someone happened to have the same traits as you?

E: Well… uh, I just like feeling special, I mean, I have life, Don't I? So-

M: Seriously?

L: (Whisper) Here we go…

M: Having life doesn't make you special Earth

E: (offended) Oh please, elaborate

M: If you multiply the rate of star formations with a fraction of stars that may have planets and multiply THAT with the number of planets that could sustain life and then THAT with the average lifetime of a planet, we get… uh Jupiter?

Jupiter peaks from the other side of the asteroid belt

J: At minimum, 1.4 billion planets potentially like you in our galaxy, Earth

Earth backs up

E: (stutter) I didn't mean-

M: You didn't mean you thought you were better than everyone else?

L: Hey! Earth went away before he said anything!

Mars glares at Luna

M: Stay out of this Earth’s moon

L: Hey! My name-

M: Since you feel so special and don't want anything to do with anyone who makes you not feel that way…

Mars throws his deck at Earth

M: Then you can play Solitaire from now on.

Mars moves away from Earth

E: Mars! I didn't mean, I wasn’t asking you to leave-

But Mars is already out of earshot. Earth starts looking down sadly. Luna looks down on the Earth who sheds a few tears

E: I… I don't know what to do, I-

L: You did nothing wrong, Earth, Mars should have known how you would feel about comparing you to Titan like that!

E: But I-

Luna shakes his head

L: You left before you could say something wrong, maybe not the “best” choice, but I completely understand Earth!

Earth looks toward Luna with a weak smile

E: Well, at least I still have you Luna

V: ARG you id-

Earth and Luna turn around to see a surprised looking Venus

V: Wait, where's Mars? Weren't you two out of your orbits again?

E; Uh….

V: Hey, where is Mars anyway? Shouldn’t he be in view?

E: I… Uh… well we kinda had an argument earlier

V: Pah!

Venus doubles down laughing

V: Knew your little stints would catch up eventually!

E: Hey… you don't even know what we-

V: Let me guess, your jealousy of Mars was made apparent and Mars couldn't take your ego any longer?!

Venus continues laughing

L: Stop it Venus!

V: Oh I will Earth’s Moon, just because I can't believe it actually happened at last!

Earth looks hurt

E: Hey you only got-

But Venus is already gone, laughing his core out. Luna turns to Earth who looks even more dejected.

L: Oh come on Earth, don't take Venus’s words to your core. Even at the best of times he’s a bully, and he didn’t even guess what happened right!

M: I mean… I have been sorta… jealous of my Earthlings trying to go to-

L: Earth, look at me

Earth looks up at Luna

L: It is FINE to have those feelings, Earth, everyone has them from time to time!

E: (weakly) Even you?

L: Especially me! You realize how many times I've felt small or insignificant next to you? Even Titan when he came and saw me only wanted to see me to see you!

E: He- he did?

L: Yeah!

Earth looks down, ashamed

E: I… didn't realize that you, felt that way

Luna shakes his head

L: Point is, that meeting with Titan could have gone ALOT worse if you had done something different. I mean, imagine how Titan would feel if you had instead chosen to insult him or something!

Earth winces

E: That, that would have been bad

L: I've seen you through all your phases, Earth, and although you haven't always made the right choice, today you made a better choice. Not a great choice, but one you shouldn’t feel ridiculed by!

Earth makes a weak smile at Luna

E: Glad to hear Luna

Earth looks over at the deck Mars threw on the ground

E: You… you know how to play space poker Luna?

Luna looks confused

L: Uh, not really? I always get so lost whenever you and Mars play that game…

Earth grabs Mars’s old deck and looks at Luna

E: Would you… like to learn?

Luna’s eyes go wide as his smile

L: Took ya long enough!

Earth hands over Mars’s deck and the two start playing together. Unbeknownst to either of them, Earth’s decision to leave that conversation would greatly change the fate of the Solar System, from the center of it all, up to and beyond the furthest reaches of the Kuiperbelt

Chapter Text

We see Saturn searching and crying as Jupiter approaches him

J: Any sign of Titan yet?

S: NO! What if he’s lost and alone and afraid?! What if some exoplanet offers him space candy and takes him away?!(sigh) We’ll never find him…

J: Come on, exoplanets don't just come here all of a sudden. Besides, he must be close. The Solar System’s not that big

S:(Angry) YES IT IS!!

J: (nervous laugh) Yeah, I don't know what I'm saying…

We zoom in to see the Jovian and Saturnian moons

G: Hey Saturn’s moons, what’s going on? Why is your planet all… Squeaky and annoying?

En: One of the other moons went missing, Titan’s his name.

Europa turns to Ganymede

E: Looks like you have competition-

G: Tell me one thing, uh…

En: Enceladus, and don't you dare call me-

G: Tell me Ensalada, you know where this-

S: TITAN!

Everyone turns to see Titan emerge from the asteroid belt

T: Hi-

Saturn rushes toward him, his other moons briefly forgotten

S: All you alright?! Did you get hit by an asteroid?! Please tell me that strange dwarf planet in the asteroid belt didn't-

T: Wow wow wow! I'm fine, Saturn!

Saturn looks unconvinced

S: Are you sure?! You sure you didn't get hit or anything?! You just disappeared without warning-

T: Yes! Really! I just went over to the inner solar system to go meet with the Earth.

Saturn’s face looks confused

S: You went to the inner Solar System… to meet the Earth?

Titan looks uncomfortable

T: Uh, y-yeah?

Saturn smiles

S: Well, did your meeting go well? I know the Earth can be a bit of a handful at times…

T: He… well to be honest, I didn’t get to talk with him very long. He seemed to be busy avoiding the Sun from what I could gather

Saturn sighs in relief

S: Well, if that is all, I'm just glad you're safe, just please tell me the next time you're going somewhere, we were all worried sick about you!

Saturn’s moons all groan

D: (sarcasm) Oh, yes… so we were “all” so worried…

Titan looks down

T: Sorry Saturn…

Titan looks to the side noticing Jupiter

T: Oh, hey Jupiter.

J: Well, if it isn't Saturn’s little Middle Earth himself

Titan cringes at the nickname

T: I suppose… although for some reason Luna and Earth kept mistaking me for a planet

Jupiter laughs

J: Suppose that is understandable, not exactly an army of moons as large or filled with as many unique features as you

Titan laughs nervously

T: I mean, Saturn has plenty, and i'm sure you’ve got plenty of interesting moons of your own orbiting you

Jupiter lights up

J: Indeed, these four in particular are my A team-

The Galilean moons move forward

J: The Earthlings also call them the Galilean Moons after that Italian Earthling who discovered them… how long ago?

Saturn shrugs

S: A few years ago?-

E: Galileo Galilea discovered the four of us either late December or early January in either 1609 or 1610, over 4 centuries ago, Jupiter

Jupiter laughs

J: Yeah, guess it has kinda been a while for those Earthlings now

E: But you should really be focusing on more than just us, Metis for example-

J: This smart lady right here is Europa, my smallest moon-

E: Smallest “spherical moon”

Europa looks at the smaller moons who look sad

J: (Ignoring Europa) She’s got one of the smoothest surfaces of any object in the solar system, she is also more massive than all the smaller moons in the solar system combined, although I think a few other moons might-

IO: (cough) cough (cough)!

Titan backs away from Io warily

J: And right here is my explosive moon Io, he is also my closest moon-

E: Closest “Spherical” moon!

J:(still ignoring Europa) He is the most geologically active world in our solar system! His volcanoes shoot sulfur and oxygen rich ions which helps to boost my magnetic field

Jupiter shows off his huge magnetic field as his moons roll their eyes

J: Then of course, this is Callisto, the furthest of my moons

Eu: Spherical moons!

C: Oh shut it Europa, he isn't listening

Eu: Then one of us should make him!

J: She is one of the most cratered objects in the entire solar system, she has had almost no geological activity since her formation, partially thanks to her not being in orbital resonance like my other moons

Callisto rolls her eyes while Ganymede raises an eyebrow and moves away from the group

J: And finally we have Ganymede, my largest moon

We see Ganymede go forward and face Titan, getting a bit too close

J: As my largest moon, he is one of, if not THE largest moon in the entire solar system, even larger than Mercury.

Ganymede turns shocked

G: I'm bigger than a planet?!

E: Yes babe, don’t you ever pay attention to Jupiter’s talks?

G: They are so boring, why pay attention?

J: Uh, Yes Ganymede, but please don't tell Mercury that, he’s got enough size related fears as it is. However, Ganymede is also the only moon in the solar system to still have his own magnetic field after all this time! You should see the Auroras when our two magnetic fields intertwine, quite the show off

Ganymede rolls his eyes impatiently

G: Yeah, pretty cool, hey, what is this Tim-

J: I then have about 91 other moons orbiting me, most small, less then 200 km in diameter-

Europa rolls her eyes

E: Wow, cool to just lump 91 unique individuals down to just “91” and talk about how small they are?!

Io; A-at least he remembers- (cough cough cough)

J: Then again…

Jupiter turns to Saturn

J: Didn’t you have 274 moons last I checked?

Saturn looks shocked

S: I do?! I thought it was only 146!

M: Yet he can't even remember THAT

En: SH!

J: Yeah, I remember back when Earth was saying how his Earthlings thought we only had like a dozen moons each! Oh boy were they mistaken

S: Almost wish they were right… so many moons are hard to keep track of-

D: Hey!

Jupiter shakes his head

J: But enough about my moons, How about you share some cool facts about your moons? I'm sure your moons all have cool features about them of their own that should be brought up

Saturn lights up

S: Why of course! Titan is-

T: (interrupting) Actually, can we just go back to our orbits? Kinda had enough of being “explained” by Mars earlier

Jupiter laughs

J: Fair enough, I suppose I do tend to drum on…

Jupiter’s brow furls

J: Wait, I though you said you visited the Earth?

T: Y-yes, Mars was also there, playing some sort of card game or something

Jupiter looks mildly surprised

J: Huh, kinda surprised, Earth tends to get mighty uncomfortable when he is compared to, and with someone as similar as you…

T: He does? Guess that would explain his quick departure…

Jupiter shakes his head

J: I don’t know, But I suppose that's not my place to judge Mars’s decisions, he knows Earth the best after all, you do whatever it is you do Titan

Titan nods and heads over toward Saturn

S: Well! Thanks for introducing your moons!

J: Anytime Saturn, glad you found Titan safe and sound.

S: Thanks for the help Jupiter! Have fun!

The two part ways. Meanwhile, the Galilean moons look out toward Saturn. Jupiter smiles

J: Always nice being able to talk with Saturn

We jump forward a little bit and see Jupiter reading a book with the Galilean moons looking on

G: Hey, friends! Listen up!

Callisto and Europa turn to Ganymede with a slight glare

IO; S-so! What s the plan Ganymede (cough cough)

G: Listen, how long have we been living under Jupiter’s shadow?

Io/Eu/C: 4.5 billion years…

G: That's right! And in all that time we barely had a single adventure out there. Meanwhile Timmy-

C: Titan

G: Whatever, he gets to go around and do whatever he wants! I say we go looking for Saturn and see what's up! Who’s with me?

C: I guess, I am?

Eu: Whatevs-

Io: I’m so excited I’m gonna (cough cough cough)

Eu (disgusted) You gotta get that checked, Io.

We watch the Galilean moons approach Jupiter

G: Yo! Big guy!

J: Hey, what’s my A-Team been up to?

G: Eh, nothing. Hey we’re bored so we might as well go to Saturn to go see more from his moons. That's cool with you?

J: Okay, but don't be reckless, and make sure to return to me once you’ve had your fun. You don't want to get stuck in Saturn’s orbit and become like Triton around Neptune.

G: Who?

J: Once upon a time, there was a dwarf planet named Tri-

G: Jupiter!

J: Right, story-time can wait, have fun with Saturn guys

Ganymede, Io, and Callisto start going while Europa stays

E: You sure you’ll be okay without us?

J: Your gravity barely has an effect on me, you’re all too small, so don’t worry, go have fun!

Europa looks disappointed as she leaves

E: (mocking) “ your gravity barely has an effect on me” (scoff) WHo does he think he is?

C: The biggest planet in the solar system…?

E: Well, maybe under all those layers of gas, Jupiter’s a small pebble. Wouldn't that be funny?

C: Quit dreaming of Europe.

E: God- you quit dreaming Cal-

IO; (cough cough) we are here!

The group looks to see Saturn spinning with his rings

G: HEY! Second biggest guy!

Saturn pauses and looks around before finally noticing the moons

S: Oh! Hello… who are you again?

G: (annoyed) Uh, the Galilean Moons of Jupiter?

S: Ah right! We just saw you guys a little bit ago didn’t we. Well, what can I do for you?

G: Uh

Europa pulls Ganymede aside

E: We wanted to go see your moons

S: Ah! My moons! Yeah, I have a lot of moons. I think it was up to 274 since my last visit to Jupiter! Have you seen Titan? His atmosphere-

Ganymede pulls Europa back much to her irritation

G: Yeah yeah we got the gist, can we go see your moons now?

S: (slightly hurt) Well of course! Feel free!

The Galilean moons nod as they approach

M: Well, guess that couldn’t last forever

We see most of Saturn's moons congregated

En: If Saturn had to wait much longer he might have given up and picked someone else to be his favorite!

D: Perhaps it would be me, I did catch him calling me “princess” earlier

Iapetus shakes his head

I: However, you are not the largest moon

Dione rolls her eyes

D: not by much

R: Wouldn't, I be the largest if Titan was gone technically?'

Dione looks at Rhea with surprise

D: Oh hi Rhea! I forgot you existed

R: Nice to see you Dione-

G: Hello!

The Saturnian moons turn to see the Galilean moons approach

En: Ugh! You jerks again? I am out.

Enceladus begins to move away, but is blocked by the others

I: Lets first see what they want

Enceladus looks at Iapetus angrily

En: FINE!

The Galilean moons move around

Io: H-hello everyone (cough cough cough)

Dione and Mimas back away from Io

D: You sure that's not contagious?

Io: Y-yep! Just a result of my orbital resonance!

Ganymede approaches Dione

G: Hey, babe-

D/E: WHAT?!

G:(embarrassed) Uh, Diane-

D: Dione

G: Sure… where’s Timmy-

C: Titan

G: Whatever his name is.

D: Over there with Hyperion I guess, idiot-

Ganymede rushes toward the area with Dione barely moving out of the way in time

D: Wow, pay attention much?

E: Trust me, he isn’t good at paying attention

Dione turns to see Europa

E: Im-

D: Europa, kinda hard to forget one of only 4 names your planet spoke of.

M: Better than what Saturn was willing to do for us!

Europa looks confused

E: What do you mean

R: Oh! They are referring to the fact that Saturn can't remember anyone’s name except for Titan

Io: H-he cant? N-not even the big moons?

I: Compared to Titan, there are no other large moons in orbit around Saturn

We zoom out, and watch as Ganymede approaches Titan, while the other moons of Jupiter look at the Saturnian moons in confusion

Chapter Text

We see Mars floating about while his two moons orbit him cheerfully

P: Hey, you think Mars is still mad at Earth?

Deimos shrugs

D: Nah, Mars can’t hold that big of a grudge

P: He can too!

D: Can’t!

P: Can!

D: Can’t!

As the two continue bickering, Mars just rolls his eyes

M: Settle down you two, it’s just a temporary status quo

Mars looks at Earth’s orbit, still quite annoyed.

M: Once the Earth learns his lesson, comes over, and apologies, we will all be fine and dandy-

Suddenly, a card passes in front of his face. Mars blinks

M: Huh?

Mars picks up the card and reads it

M: The 4 of club-

Mars looks angry

M: he didn’t

Mars turns around and heads off

P: What was that about?

Deimos looks are the card that Mars left behind

D: A 4 of clubs? Isn't that from that dumb card game he and Earth like to play?

P: I think so?

Deimos looks at the card more closely

D: Any idea-

Mars swoops back, grabs the card, and runs off, leaving both of his moons confused

P: Well that was rude

We transition back to Luna and The Earth. Luna looks at one of his cards confused

L: So, I play this and gain 50 points?

Luna flips the card around and Earth nods

E: Yep!

L: Wow, no offense, but this game is confusing, how did you and Mars come up with it?

Earth ponders for a moment

E: Not… actually sure Luna, I suppose he and I just sorta made up the rules as we went along

L: Huh

Luna puts the card down and looks down guiltily

L: I- Im sorry about losing the card,

Earth rolls his eyes

E: It's fine Luna, ill get more later

L: I know, but-

M: EARTH!

Both Earth and Luna turn startled at the angry Mars waving a card

L: Oh! That's the card I lost earlier! Thanks Mars-

Mars pushes Luna out of the way

L: Hey!

Mars stares at Earth

M: I see, so instead of coming over and simply apologizing, you decided to finally show your moon some attention?

Earth looks around a bit panicked

E: Apologize? For what-

Mars explodes (not literally!)

M: You know exactly what I want you to apologize for Earth!

Earth looks beyond confused

E: Look Mars, maybe it’s just something that flew over my head, but-

M: Ugh!

Mars throws the card at Earth's face

M: You're an insufferable jerk Earth!

Luna moves between Mars and Earth

L: Hey! How about instead of simply saying that Earth should know what he should apologize for, given that he already apologized for leaving, maybe you could actually tell Earth what-

M: Ugh, worthless…

Mars brushes past Earth and Luna and heads toward Venus’s orbit. Both Luna and Earth look at Mars in shock and disbelief.

L: Ok, I know this is your line usually, but what is up with him?

Earth nods in agreement

E: Yeah… I think those were Venus’s lines he was spitting out there

L: Just what I was thinking…

We see Mercury orbiting the Sun, watching it warily

My: W-well, at least-

Mercury steps aside just in time to avoid Venus

V: Hey! Watch your step Mercury!

Mercury rolls his eyes

My: Didn’t we already have this conversation? You nearly ran into me, im a planet, you know it, and I am not like Pluto, and thats that

Venus blinks in suprise

V: Y-yeah, but you're still a little pipsqueak, Pipsqueak!

My: Ugh, whatever Venus…

Mercury wanders off while Venus chuckles to himself.

V: He, little pipsqueak-

Venus frowns as he notices Mars

V: Hey Mars!

Mars turns to see Venus also looking annoyed

M: What are you doing Venus?

V: Im in my orbit, like im supposed to be, shouldn’t you be playing cards or asteroid dodgeball with the Earth right now?

Mars shakes his head

M: I'm done with the Earth right now

Venus smiles

V: Heh, his ego finally got the better of you?

M: Yeah! He just got up and left after I made a few remarks about how Titan was similar to him, it wasn’t even much! I didn’t even mention how he is also the only other object to have stable liquids on his surface, or how he also has liquid rain, even if that rain is methane rather than good old H2O.

Venus rolls his eyes

V: Wow, couldn’t even deal with that huh?

M: Yeah! I mean, I know he wants to feel special, but seriously?! Running from anything that makes you feel less special doesn't make you more special-

My; Honestly guys, I think your being a bit harsh on him

Mars and Venus turn to Mercury

My: I mean, if all he did was simply remove himself from the conversation, well, he has done far worse things when he was upset, or worse insecure-

V: No one asked for your opinion pipsqueak

Mercury looks mad and jumps up

My: Hey! I was just-

M: Go away Mercury

Mercury looks surprised

My: Huh?

M: Go, away

My: Oh cmon! Not you too Mars-

Mars glares at Mercury, grabs an asteroid and throws it

My: Woah!

Mercury dodges and looks back at Mars shocked

My: What has gotten into you Mars?! I expect that from Venus! Not you-

V: No one cares Mercury, just go away

Mercury looks at both planets and sighs

My: Fine, guess I can see Im not wanted

Mercury wanders off

My: However, I wouldn’t recommend staying here, Mars. Venus will only help to build up your own-

V: Shut up Pipsqueak!

Venus throws an asteroid that Mercury dodges. Mercury makes an exasperated sigh while looking at Mars

My: Don't say I didn't warn you, Mars

Mercury rolls his eyes and wanders off

V: Ha! See ya later Pipsqueak!

Mars looks at Mercury as leaves, maybe feeling a bit of regret

M: Maybe we shouldn’t have been so-

V: Pft, Mercury’s just sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong, his orbit doesn’t get near as close to his as ours do-

M: I mean he is the closest on average to the Earth-

V: And technically. he is the closest planet on average with every other planet in the solar system, but you don't see him being best friends with Neptune, right?

Mars shrugs

M: Good point-

V: Point is that he doesn’t have a say on how we feel, he doesn't have to deal with Earth’s crap like you and I do on a regular basis

Mars makes a smirk at Venus

M: True enough to that

Mars picks up another rouge asteroid

M: want to try some asteroid dodgeball?

An evil grin appears on Venus’s face.

V: Sure

We see Mercury looks back at the due as they move away

My: This wont end well...

We see Earth looking gloomy as Luna is close by

L: Looks like he went off to Mercury and Venus… for some reason

Luan looks back at Earth who looks depressed

E: What did he want me to apologize for?

L: Maybe he wanted you to apologize for leaving?

E: Did I not already do that? I thought that was one of the first things I apologized for, wasn't it?-

L: Fair point, honestly, what has gotten into Mars?

Earth looks off toward the Sun

E: Guess my ego just… got to much for him… and that caused him to-

Luna shakes his head

L: Look, Earth, you got an ego, I will be the first to say that, but your ego was not the issue there, in fact it seemed to almost be gone during those conversations with him. The only one at fault at this point is him.

Earth looks uncertain

E: Are you sure? I-

L: Yeah, Mars is just being a stubborn, rude, nonapologetic…

Luna sputters, as if trying to find the word to describe how Mars has been acting

L: uh… uh… gah, whats the word-

My: Jerk?

Luna and Earth jump

L: Huh?

Luna turns to see Mercury approach, with a sour expression on his face

E: Mercury? What are you doing all the way out here?-

My: Earth, we need to talk about whatever happened between you and Mars, cause even I could tell that something is seriously wrong with him

The scene ends with Earth and Luna looking at Mercury

Chapter Text

We watch Titan deep in thought

T: If I have underwater oceans, does that mean, no, thats silly… but maybe, and if I do, could others-

Titan wonders and nearly hits Hyperion

H: Hey! Stay in your lane Titan!

Titan stops in surprise

T: (startled) S-Sorry Hyperion, I guess I was just-

Hyperion rolls his eyes and rushes away in a huff

T: deep in thought-

Titan sighs

G: Hey Timmy!

Titan turns confused to see Ganymede approach him

T: Ganymede?

G: Ah, there you are Timmy!

T: (stern)Titan

G: PFFT, whatever.

T: What are you doing here?

G: Got bored and decided to ask Jupiter let us talk to our fellow moons

T: Uh, ok?

G: Though I guess I forgot to ask, What's your radius?

T: Uh… 2574 kilometers? What about you?

G: Two thousand… Six Hundred Thirty Four! Ha! I'm the largest!

T: Uh, cool… good to know- I guess…

Titan looks uncomfortable and looks away, Much to the surprise of Ganymede

G: Uh, well, now I suppose the more “important” question, why did you go visit the Earth?

Titan turns around

T: (Confused) What do you mean?

G: Come on! Everyone knows the Earth is a pretentious jerk, even Jupiter said it!

Titan raises an eyebrow

T: Granted, my meeting with Earth was short, but so far I'm getting more of that from you than I did with the Earth

Ganymede looks upset

G: You should know-

T: Yes, I am aware that you're bigger than me, I think we’ve gotten that worked out at this point.

Ganymede looks irritated

G: Why aren't you with your fellow moons? Do you think you're more important than them or something?

Titan looks at the other moons and sighs

T: N-no Ganymede, I am not more important that any of them, but when your the only moon that your planet can even remember the name of, well, it doesn’t exactly make me beloved among my fellow moons

Ganymede looks back confused at turns back to Titan

G: For one of the big guys you sure don't act like one

Titan shrugs

T: Fine by me

G: So, you're just going to stay here… alone, by yourself?

T: I guess, I just really need to think about what Mars said about me

Ganymede raises an eyebrow

G: Mars? Isn't he that red guy on the other side of the asteroid belt?

T: Yeah, but he also seemed to know things about me that I didn't even realize

G: Huh? Like what?

T: Like… that in my underground ocean-

E: Babe!

Ganymede turns around

G: Coming!

Ganymede turns to Titan

G: Come, maybe you’ll find one of us “like you”

Titan hesitates, but does end up following Ganymede back.

E: So, your saying that Saturn doesn’t remember any of you?

D: More so that he doesn’t know any of us, doesn't even bother with our names much less-

G: Im back!

We see Ganymede and Titan approach the other Saturnian and Galilean moons

E: Ugh! You had to bring him back?

Titan winces uncomfortably

T: Maybe I should have-

Ganymede shakes his head and turns to Enceladus

G: Hey, we came to meet with ALL of you moons

C: You just wanted Titan

G: Not now Callisto!

Callisto rolls her eyes

Io: W-well! We are all gathered- (cough cough cough)

Enceladus passes Io a tissue box

Io: W-Whats this

En: Tissues, helps with volcanism, trust me I know…

Io look’s Surprised

Io: You have volcanism?

En: Cryo-volcanism technically, it makes Saturn’s E ring, not that he pays any attention to that ring of his...

Io: O-oh, thats cool-

Eu: Wait, you have an underground ocean under that crust?

Enceladus looks confused

En: Uh, yeah?

Europa beams

E: Well! Guess that makes 3-

G: Don't forget Titan, he’s got one too

Titan looks like a deer in headlights, but most of Saturn’s moons just roll their eyes at the information

M: Duh! Saturn won’t shut up about it! Titan this, Titan that, blah blah blah

C: (monotone) really?

M: Yeah!

D: If Titan had any "secrets", stupid Saturn spilt them a long time-

T: Hold on a sec

Titan looks at Europa

T: Europa, you got an underground ocean as well?

E: Uh, yeah? So does Ganymede

G: I do?!

E: Yes babe, you really got to pay attention to Jupiter’s lectures.

T: Wait, if that’s the case… is it possible that you two, along with Enceladus and I… have life?

The moons all gasp

D: Where did you get such an idiotic idea?

Iapetus thinks for a moment

I: Liquid water is supposedly key to life on Earth, one reason why he rarely leaves the Sun's Goldilocks zone.

D: Still, I mean, there has to be a lot more to it than that, I mean, wouldn't the planets have mentioned-

T: When I visited the Earth and Mars, Mars mentioned how I may have life in my ocean, and Earth soon left as if he wanted to avoid the topic

R: Like, maybe he was nervous it might be true?

Titan shrugs

T: Maybe, but if I am a possible candidate, wouldn’t you guys be as well? I mean, from what I can tell there isn't much difference outside of size between the four of us

I: I suppose it’s possible, not to mention how others might also have liquid oceans that just aren’t as easy to find, due to not shooting it out into space-

T: Exactly! Enceladus, your ocean is mostly heated by Saturn’s Tidal forces, right?

Enceladus looks confused

En: Uh, I believe so? When my orbits gets closer and further to Saturn my insides stretch and relax, heating my interior, and thus the ice around my rocky core

Io: S-same with us! The orbital resonance between me, Europa, and Ganymede keeps all of our orbits eccentric and heats up all of our interiors, causing water oceans for Ganymede and Europa, and a LAVA ocean for me!

Everyone blinks

C: You remember some of the oddest stuff Io

Io: W-well! Jupiter says it’s why I'm so- (cough cough cough)!

En: Achoo!

Both grab tissues.

R: Well, how many other moons have orbital resonances with each other?

D: Well, I'm in resonance with Enceladus, and I think Mimas is in orbital resonance with Tethys.

M: Yeah- hey, where is Tethys anyway?

Everyone looks around briefly

I: Probably out looking for a shiny rock or something

Hyperion pokes out

H: Hey! What about me? I'm in a 4-3 orbital resonance with Titan, one of the largest moons in the solar system!

IO: H-How far out?

H:Uh…1.5 million kilometers?

Europa winces

Eu: I think at that point, the tidal forces aren't really strong enough to cause much heating

H: Oh C'mon!

I: On the bright side, you still don't have to face Saturn all the time, cant say the same for me

C: Is he not tidally locked?

H: No, one of my only reliefs, that and being the largest non-spherical moon in the solar system!

G: Uh, didn’t that one orbit Neptune?

Hyperion glares at Ganymede

C: Wow, you remember one talk, and it was about size

G: Hey!

E: You would be surprised how cool some of the small moons can be

Ganymede rolls his eyes

G: Really? Like what-

Ep: Me and Janus swap orbits!

J: Yeah!

P: I separate two of Saturn’s rings

I: Indeed

Me-My surface has ice fluff that makes me look like an egg

A bunch of Saturn’s other moons start sprouting out something cool about themselves

E: Wow! There's certainly alot

D: having 274 moons in one place will do that

T: Yeah, but I think that illustrates my point more

Ganymede looks at Titan confused

G: Huh? What point?

T: We are important, all of us! each of us has something interesting about us. Saturn and Jupiter shouldn’t be neglecting most of us!

D: Most of us?

T: I don't believe my issue with Saturn is that he is neglecting me.

Everyone shrugs in agreement

En: Least you admit it, Saturn wont even admit that he has a favorite!

C: Jupiter also has a bad habit of seemingly forgetting his smaller moons exist

E: Do we know how the other planets treat their moons?

Io: U-uh, I know M-Mercury and Venus don't have any moons!

G: Huh, the pipsqueak and the goddess of love and beauty don't have moons? Pft, how pathetic-

Te: Uranus scared his moons away!

G: BWa!

Ganymede jumps and turns to see Tethys

G: Who in the Solar system are you?!

Te:Tethys! I heard you talking about other moons, I have a tendency of getting carried away since i’m the least dense major moon in the solar system, nice to meet you! I'm Tethys!

Tethys giggles

G: Ok…

Ganymede slowly backs away from Tethys

E: Uranus scared away his moons?

D: Yeah, some idiotic “joke” he made after Astrodude told him and Saturn that his rings might have come from destroying one of us

C/Io/E: SATURN WHAT?!

G: Who’s Astrodude?

Europa slaps Ganymede with an asteroid

T: I mean, it is just a theory…

No one pays any head to Titan

E: Well… does anyone know anything on Neptune’s moons?

C: Heard a rumor that they were lost after Neptune went crazy in the kuiper belt

R: Oh no! I heard they were so small too… poor little guys…

D: We’ve never even met them

R: Still sad…

Io: W-what about Earth’s and Mars’s moons?

T: I met Earth’s moon before my meeting with Earth, Luna was nice and with his planet they seemed to be… ok? They didn't really say much concerning their relationship, although Luna did seem just as Surprised as Mars and I when Earth left in a hurry, dragging him back with him

G: Huh, guess the little guy doesn't know his planet very well

Titan rolls his eyes

T: I would hardly call him little, I would actually consider him fairly-

E-: and the martian moons?

Titan shakes his head

T: Didn’t see them, maybe they were hiding or something?

C: They are supposed to be small, very small, and orbit closer to their planet than any other moon in the solar system, its possible you simply didn’t see them

T: That is a possibility-

G: Ok guys! Listen up!

All the moons turn to Ganymede confused

G: I propose that we go and col- find these other moons and bring them here!

D: Why?

Titan moves forward

T: To find solutions to our problems! Saturn’s and Jupiter’s neglect, Uranus’s threat, Neptune’s absence, and any other issue we or the moons around the other planets may have!

Ganymede turns to Titan who nods to him

G: Uh, yeah, uh, whatever Timmy said! We could call our group, uh, the moon revolution?

The other moons look at each other with doubt

T: How about “The Moon Club”

The other moons nod in agreemnet

R: That sounds a lot better!

I: I concur, the other idea makes it sound like we plan on attacking our planets or something

C: im fine with it

Ganymede looks around and shrugs

G: Well, that settles it! Today, I say we start the moon club!

The moons cheer

D: Well, how do we propose we find the other moons? They aren't just going to randomly happen upon us here

En: Jupiter’s moons sure did-

E: I can go get Jupiter’s other moons, they love me.

C: Guess ill go with you, Jupiter might have less suspicions if two of us return

G: Uh, Ok, that’s one planet down, obviously we already got all of Saturn’s moons in attendance, no need to worry about that. How about the rocky planets?

Io pops up

Io: I-I can go (cough cough cough) find the rocky planet moons!

Dione backs away disgusted

D: (sarcasm)Are you sure you aren't going to make them sick?

Io: (Oblivious) I-I have the closest composition to the rocky planets, uh, besides Earth’s Earth’s moon of course, I have the most in common! Plus the heat won’t bother me like it might you guys

Ganymede chuckles

G: Well, you win that argument Io, you find Earth’s and Mars’s tiny moons.

Titan looks around

T: Well, regardless of who we send next, I should probably stay put

The other moons look at Titan in surprise

I: Why do you say that?

T: Look, I know Saturn went a bit… obsessive when I went missing, If I go anywhere, Saturn will know something is up. We don’t need him interfering in our plan

Several moons nod in agreement

D: He does have a point

G: (sigh) Fine, you can stay here Tim-

T: Titan

Ganymede rolls his eyes

G: Whatever, Any volunteers to find Uranus’s moons?

R: I guess I can, those poor guys must be so scared…

D: Well, guess I should come as well, can't let your soft spots get in the way

Te: I'll come too!

Dione and Rhea look at each other unconvinced

D: I dont think-

G: Very well, you three go look for Uranus’s moons, and as the… uh.. The largest moon,I think I’ll head for Neptune’s moons

E: Going for the smallest giant planet? Afraid of someone bigger than you?

Ganymede laughs nervously

G: Nah, he just happens to be the only planet left. Besides-

Iapetus approaches Ganymede

I: You should not go alone to face Neptune or his moons

G: Pft, and why not?

I: The area where he orbits is close to the Kuiper belt, a belt of icy debris filled with asteroids, comets and large dwarf planets like Pluto and Eris.

A brief moment of doubt apears on Ganymede's face before he drowns it out with a laugh

G: PFT, Isn't Pluto, like, half my size? I could take him! I don't need anyone!

Iapetus shakes his head

I: Regardless, it would be wise for you to have a guide, preferably one who knows the belt, and would know how to traverse it effectively

Ganymede rolls his eyes

G: Oh, and I suppose YOU are the so called expert who is volunteering to be that “oh so important” guide?

Iapetus shakes his head, moves over to the side, and shows another much smaller moon who stars grumpily at Ganymede. Ganymede blinks in surprise

G: You’ve got to be kidding me

I: This is Phoebe, the largest and most massive irregular moon of Saturn, she originated from the Kuiper belt,and got caught in Saturn’s orbit during the late heavy bombardment. She will be of great use if you wish to search for Neptune’s moons within it without getting lost.

Ganymede looks down and raises an eyebrow at the small moon

G: Largest? Seems rather-

PH: (grumpy) Before you say anything about my size, I am the 2nd largest captured Satellite in the solar system.

Ganymede rolls his eyes

G: (sarcasm) Really?

PH: Yes, and if my suspicions are right, you will find the largest captured satellite in the solar system on your journey in the Kuiper belt, you might just want someone similar to relate to them.

Ganymede looks nervous for a bit, but shakes his head and sighs

G: Very well, you can come, little guy, anything else?

None of the moons say anything

G: Very well

Ganymede turns to Titan

G: Since your, uh, stuck here or whatever, while we are gone, can you go set something up? Like, a, uh-

Titan nods

T: Place for us to gather? Sure.

Ganymede smiles smugly

G: Great! Let's get to it! On your marks-

Several moons leave

G: Wait!

The moons who were leaving were gone. Ganymede rolls his eyes

G: Fine…

Ganymede grabs Phoebe and heads off toward the Kuiper belt, meanwhile a pair of curious eyes stares from beyond the Kuiper belt

Chapter Text

We watch as Io leaves Saturn’s orbit as the moons all split up

Io: Hmm… on your own now Io, let’s see, Earth orbits around 1 AU from the Sun… and Mars orbits 1.5! So I should find the red one first!

We see Io rush off while avoiding Jupiter’s gaze as he lazily flips some pages through a book

J: Ah, the story of the Odyssey, man was that one wild ride Odysseus went through in there, wonder how those Earthlings come up with all this stuff, must have heard some wild stories from each other, kinda like how they thought most of us were wandering stars…

Jupiter looks out toward Saturn and raises an eyebrow

J: Wonder how my moons are doing around that other 'wandering star' friend of mine, hope they are having fun with the other moons, hopefully they come back in time for their-

?: Hey, uh, Mr. Jupiter? Sir?

We see Jupiter look confused and turn. He then quickly smiles as he sees what is approaching

J: Oh hey little guy! Was wondering where you ran off to after that whole terraforming Mars business was interrupted, hope Mars didn’t give you too much flack about all that

Jupiter puts his book away

J: Well, what brings you all the way out here little guy? Planning on studying my big red spot or something? Or you just on your way to some place else?

We see a shadow in the form of a ship appear

AD: Actually, funny story, but I am not here to study you, rather, my boss want me to go to and search within the-

We see Io approach the asteroid belt before grinding to a halt

Io: W-wait, would Mr. Jupiter think this is safe?

Io looks intently at the belt and shakes his head

Io: It’s fine! The asteroid belt is only about 1 AU thick, and only about 3% of your mass! Should be through it in a breeze- COUGH COUGH

We see Io rush in while some sneaks around in the belt.

C: He he…

We see Io traveling through the asteroid belt

Io: Ow!

Io bangs against some small asteroids and winces in pain

Io; W-wow! So much debris! Hard to believe even mr. Jupiter could keep all of this in check, why is it so dense?-

C: he he he he

A shadow moves across the background

Io turns around abruptly

IO: Who was that?!

The shadow moves just out of sight

Io: Show yourself!

Io is hit from behind

Io: Ow! Who did that?!

C: (Slowly) He he he

Ceres creeps out of the shadows

Io: Are you that strange planet-

Ceres throws another asteroid

Io: OW! You jerk!

C: Ha Ha HA HA HA

Ceres grabs more asteroids and begins flinging them at Io

Io: HEY!! (cough)

Io dodges several asteroids

Io: Speed freak!

Io grabs some more asteroids, only for Ceres to get in his face and start orbiting him rapidly, pummeling him with Asteroids

Io: SLOW DOWN YOU- COUGH COUGH COUGH

Ceres gets caught in the sulfur clouds and sneezes loudly, shooting water ice into the area. Io backs up in surprise

Io: OW! How did you do that?!

Ceres shakes off the disorientation

C: He he-

Io uses his gravity to form a shield of asteroids

IO: I'll mess you up!

Ceres’s face suddenly turns from his manic smile to wide eyed. Ceres flees. Io looks surprised

Io: Did I scare- Hey! Get back-

Io is slammed in the back

Io: Oh you have really done it this time you little-

Io turns and freezes

V; Heh! Now I can somewhat understand why you two play this game!

Io witnesses Mars and Venus playing asteroid dodgeball in the asteroid belt

M: Shouldn’t have judged it before playing it!

Mars grabs some asteroids and flings them at Venus who dodges quite easily

V: Yeah, but Earth is still an idiot for playing with asteroids. His dinosaurs didn't care much for his games

Mars rolls his eyes as he dodges a few asteroids himself

M: His ego wont let him stop

V: Yeah, screw the Earth!

M:(uncomfortable) Haha… yeah

V: Come on, let loose dude. Say it!

Mars looks determined

M: You know what? Yeah! I say SCREW the-

Io: (interrupting) H-hello?

Mars and Venus pause and look at Io

V: Is, is that that one dwarf-

M: No, thats not ceres…

Mars lights up

M: Ah! This is Io! One of Jupiter’s moons!

Io: (surprised) Y-you know about me? (cough cough)

M: I mean my orbit is right next to Jupiter’s, so I’ve seen you here and there. Are you helping to help his magnetic field stay strong as per usual?

Io: I…U-uh… not currently… Uh-

M: Hey, hey, hey, sorry if my question made you uncomfortable. So what’s up? We’re in the middle of our game of asteroid dodgeball

V: Do you think he wants to join?

M: Nah… moons never play with us. I doubt they like the game.

V: Have you ever asked them?

Mars seems to ponder this for a little bit

M: Huh… yeah good poi-

Io: Uh hellu! Still here Mr. Venus and- (cough cough cough)

Venus winces

V: Ugh, he's got volcanoes doesn't he?

Io: Y-yep! Most geologically active object in the solar system!

Venus rolls his eyes

V: Well, little guy, what do you want? I doubt you came for the dodgeball, and we haven't got any cards-

Io: U-uh me, my fellow Jovian moons and the moons of Saturn (cough) have started the moon club!

Mars and Venus look at each other confused

V: A moon club?

Io: Y-yeah! I was just coming over to see if (cough) your moons would be interested in joining us around Saturn!

Phobos and Deimos light up

P: WoW! A moon club?!

D: That sounds so cool!

Both Phobos and Deimos turn to Mars

P/D: Can we go?

Mars looks unsure

M: I don't know…

P/D: (high pitch) PLSSSSSSSSS-

Venus covers his non existent ears with asteroids and Mars winces in pain

M: Alright alright! You two can go with him, you just have to come back right afterwards

P/D: YaY!

Phobos and Deimos rush over and start orbiting Io

M: Just make sure my moons are returned to me in one piece

Io: Y-Yes! M-Mr Mars sir!

Mars smirks

M: Just Mars will do

Io: A-alrighty! (cough cough cough) all aboard the toxic Io train!

Io rushes off. Venus looks at Mars with a raised eyebrow

V: You sure that was the right call?

M: Did you want to hear Phobos and Deimos pleading? You really wanted to hear more of that, or worse, their cries if I said no?

V: (sigh) Fair point… take that!

Venus hits Mars with the asteroid

M: Oh you don't know what's comin’ Venus!

We transition to Earth, Luna, and Mercury mid discussion

My: So, let me get this straight, Titan, a moon of Saturn that is apparently BIGGER then me-

L: POSSIBLY bigger, just possibly. I didn't exactly check his radius and he didn't seem so sure himself.

Mercury rolls his eyes

My: Point being, Saturn’s moon Titan comes and meets with Luna. Titan asks Luna to introduce him to the Earth who was playing space poker with Mars. Mars starts going off about all the similarities Earth and Titan, him possibly having life is mentioned, and because you felt uncomfortable, you decided to pack up and leave the conversation?

Earth looks down solemnly

E:Y-yes, I just straight up and left like a fool

Mercury shakes his head

My: If you ask me, that sounds like an improvement from your usual responses

Earth looks up shocked

E: Huh?

My: Well, you do have a tendency to bully others especially when you feel threatened. I can't even count how many times you have joined up with Venus calling me a “real Pluto” when I irritate you.

Earth winces

E: Y-yeah, I suppose… I suck

My: Well, in this situation you chose to instead leave once you felt uncomfortable. Honestly, I'm not sure what’s got Mars so worked up about it. Sounds like you chose the better option for once.

E: Uh… thanks… I think?

My: Honestly, sounds like Mars is more the issue there, it is not much of a secret what you do when your feeling insecure, if he was pressing your buttons by talking about stuff like that, well honestly, he really should have expected something far worse that simply-

Io: H-hello!

The trio turn to see Io approaching. Earth starts sweating

Flash

L: Uh, there's someone who wants to meet you

T: Hello Mr. Earth!-

Flash

Earth shakes his head while Mercury raises an eyebrow at Io

My: Who are you?

IO: My name is Io! One of Jupiter’s moons!

Luna looks back at Earth and notices his fear. Luna nods to Mercury and both move forward.

My: Uh, hello Io, I am Mercury, this is Earth’s moon-

E: Luna

Mercury turns around confused

E: His name is Luna

Luna gives Earth a grateful smile

My: Uh, well this is Luna, and behind us is the Earth

Io: Nice to meet- (cough cough cough) uh, Mr. Earth and Mr. Mercury!

Earth looks at Io concerned

E: (Uncomfortable) Uh… asteroid popcorn fell down the wrong hole?

Io: N-nope! Just a consequence of being the most geologically active object in the Solar System!

Earth gulps and bites his tongue

Io: Anyways, my fellow J-jovian moons along with Saturn’s moons have started a moon club! So far led by Titan and Ganymede!

L: Titan?!

Io: Y-yep! I already found Phobos and Diemos, and the other moons were wondering if Luna would like to join us in Saturn’s orbit!

P; Yeah! Come on Luna!

D: Yeah! It will be so much fun!

An excited expression grows on Luna’s face. He turns around, only to see Earth look grim.

L: Uh, sorry Io, I, uh, can’t

Io looks confused

Io: W-why not?

L: Well, uh, I need to keep Earth on his axis! His axis could wobble wildly if-

My: I could take your place Luna

Luna looks back at Mercury suprised

L: You can?

My: Yeah, not permanently obviously, but I can keep Earth on his Axis while you go look at this “Moon Club” thing they have going on.

Mercury looks at Earth

My: Unless Earth has an issue with-

E: (Rushing) None at all!

Earth looks at Luna, panicked

E: Have fun Luna, Mercury will.. Keep me company.

Luna looks unconvinced

L: You sure Earth?

E: Y-yeah! Heh, W-why wouldn’t I be?

Luna looks back and forth between the Earth and Io

L: Make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid

My: Ill make sure of it, uh Luna

E: (weak) hey!

Mercury and Luna giggle while Earth makes a weak laugh. Luna nods to Io and the four moons set off. Earth looks toward Mercury.

E: How bad did I do?

My: Honestly? I'd say you did pretty well. You didn’t insult anyone and you didn’t run away, although you didn’t hide your discomfort about the whole situation very well.

Earth looks down

E: I'm sorry Mercury

Mercury looks confused.

My: Uh, I just I said you did pretty well, honestly, given how sudden that experiance was, I cant exactly blame you for still feeling uncomfortable-

Earth shakes his head

E: No, not that. I- I am sorry for how I treated you

Mercury blinks

My: What do you-

E: Everything, calling you a “real Pluto” or calling you “Venus’s lost moon”, mentioning how your tectonic activity might make you smaller-

Mercury winces

My: Yeah, that wasn’t very nice of you-

E: Or anything else I probably said or did that made you feel small or less important. You did not deserve that, not from Venus, and especially not from me. You deserve far better than that

Mercury looks at Earth in shock before shaking his head

My: Well, Apologies aren't everything…

Mercury smiles

My: but they certainly are a good first step, I accept your apology

Earth has a small smile and looks at the cards next to him

E: Do you know how to play space poker?

Mercury frowns

My: No clue, that has always been a game between you and Mars from what I gathered

Earth sighs

E: Well, lets make this game a little less exclusive then

Earth pulls out both decks and the pair start playing

Chapter Text

We see Europa and Callisto travel away from Saturn in silence

E: (Muttering) You didn’t need to come with

Callisto rolls her eyes

C: You didn’t put much of an argument against it back there

E: Well, with everything going on, how could I?!

Callisto frowns

C: You sure you just didn't want to mess with your boyfriend's plan?

Europa turns bright red

E: My what?! What do you-

Callisto rolls her eyes again

C: Oh please Europa, even Io knows something is going on between the two of you at this point, you two are not fooling anyone.

E: (embarrassed) Uh, what do you mean? We haven't said anything-

C: You two are about as good at hiding it as Jupiter is about not giving us lectures, especially with your response to him calling Dione "babe"

Europa looks away, clearly embarrassed

E: Well, I could have easily gotten all of Jupiter’s moons all by my self, thank you very much

Callisto raises an eyebrow

C: And Jupiter himself?

Europa rolls her eyes

E: Pft, Like he pays the little ones any attention, at best he thinks of them as an afterthought after thinking about us, doubt he would notice if they were gone

Callisto nods

C: You might be right

Callisto looks on

C: But he seems kinda frustrated right now

We watch the moons approach as Jupiter continues to read from his book, seemingly talking to an invisible object frustrated

J: Geez they did NOT get the mythology accurate in this movie at all. Hera wasn’t Hercules Mom, in-fact, since he was the product of Zeus's affair, she absolutely hates him, trying to kill or hurt him almost every step of the way, especially during his 12 labors, and since this is based on Greek Mythology, It should have been Heracles rather than the roman name Hercules, Hades was one of the ones alongside Zeus who chained the Titans in the first place, he would be among the last who would ever try to free them, and did they merge the gray ladies from Medusa’s myth with the fates? Because that is just-

Astrodude appears just overhead, wincing

AD: Yeah, not exactly ball kind’s most accurate retelling of the story

Jupiter rolls his eyes

J: Hardly counts as a retelling, I mean they even shoved the story of Pegasus into this somehow, and they didn't even get his original birth with Medusa right...

AD:to be fair, for one, that story is... uh... not exactly kid friendly-

J: Says the ones who thought ANYTHING from greek mythology would be "kid friendly"

AD: Besides, uh, after thousands of years, who’s to say how the original stories happened… right?

Jupiter shakes his head

J: I guarantee that none of the original sources said anything like this! And I would know, I was around when those Earthlings were writing those stories-

E: Hey Jupiter!

Jupiter turns around and notices Europa and Callisto approaching. Jupiter smiles

J: Ah, Europa! Just the one I was waiting for. You’ve returned just in time

Europa and Callisto look at each other confused

E: Uh, is there some sort of lecture you wanted to give me?

J: Oh no, no, no…not right now anyway. Too frustrated at how they apparently butchered Greek mythology in some Earthling kid movie.

E: Earthling kid movie?

Callisto moves in front of Europa

C: So… why have we returned just in time?

Jupiter smiles

J: Well-

AD: Hey guys!

Europa and Callisto freeze as Astrodude’s ship approaches Europa

C: Who is that?

J: Callisto, Europa, I want you to meet Astrodude, one of Earth’s Earthlings who has made it to space

Callisto and Europa look shocked

E: Wait, Astrodude!?

Astrodude rolls his eyes

AD: Well, That's what you guys seen to call me, but my names-

C: Why is he here?

Jupiter beams

J: Because he wants to search below Europa’s crust to see if he can find life

E/C/A/H: WHAT?!

AD: He said-

E: No, I heard him the first time, but… but why me?!

AD: Well, your orbital resonance with Io and Ganymede-

E: Stretches and relaxes my interior, heating it up and allows me to have a liquid oceans, blah blah blah, but why me in particular? Ganymede is also in that same orbital resonance, and surely there are plenty of other moons are as well

AD: Well, you're not wrong, Ganymede also potentially has 1-7 oceans and Callisto is also theorized to have one based on the scans the Juno probe sent out

Callisto raises an eyebrow

C: Uh, I'm not in resonance with them-

AD: And won’t for another 1.5 billion years. However, you still might have one thanks to radioactive elements in your insides weakly heating them, forming a very thin ocean, at least compared to Ganymede and Europa

C: Huh

AD: And of course Saturn’s moons Titan and Enceladus also have verified oceans, Mimas is believed to have a small one, as do some of Uranus’s larger moons like Titania and Oberon due to their past orbital resonance.

J: Wow, really? I wasn’t aware of that.

AD: Yeah, even Neptune’s moon Triton and dwarf planets like Ceres and Pluto might have them. But Europa in particular is interesting.

Amalthea approaches Astrodude from behind

A: Why?

Astrodude jumps

AD: Gah! How do you guys keep sneaking up on me?!

A: (sad)Sorry…

Astrodude shakes his head

AD: It’s fine, well Europa is one of the oldest moons from what we’ve been able to tell, nearly as old as the rocky planets-

Jupiter laughs

J: True, I remember when Mars was so amazed at Europa and Ganymede while they were still forming, asking if he could have some moons of his own

E: Huh?!

J: Story for another time

AD: In addition, she has one of the most similar compositions to Earth out of any other moon in the solar system except Io and our moon

C: She does? Isn’t she a bit icy?

AD: Sure, but her mass is only 8% ice by mass. Compare that to 30% for Triton, 50% for the big moons like you, Ganymede, and Titan, and a lot of other moons are almost entirely made of ice.

J: Yeah, most of the moons formed beyond the frost line, so you guys got lots of ice. Io has almost none and Europa has less mostly because I was so warm in the early days, causing a lot of the ice to be blown away, kinda similar to how the rocky planets have so little water compared to their masses since the solar wind blew it all away.

AD: Exactly! Below her crust, it’s believed that she has hydrothermal vents like Earth, which is a strong candidate for where life originated in the first place on my planet.

Europa looks down at herself

E: Y-your saying that… my vents might be able to support… life?

AD: Indeed, and your close relation to Io would only help your case

C: Io? What does he have to do with anything?

AD: His constant eruptions blast a bunch of elements and stuff around the orbit of Jupiter, one reason why Amalthea is so red, because of all the sulfur.

Europa looks to Amalthea

E: That's why you are so red Amalthea?

Amalthea looks embarrassed

A: It’s always right there…

AD: Lots of those also fall upon Europa, which makes it even more likely that Europa has the necessary materials to form life.

Europa is dumbstruck

AD: So, my boss wants me to try exploring your oceans to see if I can find anything.

E: Uh-

Europa looks around

E: Wouldn’t that risk, I mean, I know that you guys crashed Cassini to prevent-

AD:Don't worry, everything will be properly sanitized, little to no risk of me bringing in some sort of microbe to infect your ocean

Jupiter turns to Europa

J: The choice is ultimately yours Europa, I won’t let Astrodude do it if you arnt willing

Astrodude gulps

AD: Y-yeah-

Europa looks to Callisto who shrugs and then to Amalthea, Metis and Himalia who gesture excitedly

A: Do it Europa!

M: We believe in you!

H: You got this!

Europa swallows

E: Uh… sure, see what you can find, I guess.. just be carful

AD: I will

Astrodude heads toward Europa

J: Well, that’s exciting

Jupiter looks around, and suddenly looks confused

J: Hey, where’s the other half of my A team?

C: That's what we came here to talk about

E: With the moons of Saturn, we wanted to form a sort of “moon club” where all the moons of the solar system could interact.

Jupiter looks impressed

J: Well well, quite innovative, I assume either Titan or Ganymede is leading this?

Callisto and Europa look at each other

C: Sorta

E: We wanted to bring the rest of your moons to join us

The other Jovian moons look toward Jupiter

A: Can we please go?

J: Heh, Don't see why not, just make sure everyone returns safely… uh…

A: Am-

J: Amalthea! My 5th largest moon, named after the ram that sustained Zeus in his infant years.

Everyone looks very confused, especially Amalthea

A: What?!

J: Greek mythology stuff, oh my goodness they butchered it so much in that-,

Jupiter shakes his head

J: (calming down) doesn't matter, doesn't matter. Anyways, you all go have fun, oh and tell Saturn I said hi!

Jupiter turns to Europa and Callisto and nods.

E: Ok little ones! Follow me!

As the little ones begin following, Astrodude lands and starts setting up a base

J: Heh, Europa, Ganymede, Callisto, Enceladus, Triton, who knew that life could potentially be so prevalent in the universe, especially outside of the goldilocks zone?

Jupiter picks up his book and continues to read and cracks a smile

J: Ok, I’ll give it this, the “2 words “I am retired”” joke was pretty funny, although Philoctetes wasn’t a satyr, and did he take the role of Chiron? But Chiron was a centaur… not a satyr?

Jupiter rolls his eyes and flips through his book. Meanwhile we zoom out to see a deadly glare pointed at Jupiter

Chapter Text

We watch Uranus writing something in his diary when Neptune appears out of nowhere

N: Oh, hey Uranus! I just remembered something. Didn’t we used to have moons?

Neptune spins slowly

U: Uh, yeah? But the way I know you, you probably lost yours and I scared mine away

N:(surprised) You scared your moons away? How?

U: Have you forgotten mate? I jokingly said I would use my moons to get bigger rings, they took it way too bloody seriously and now they’re hiding from me

N: Well, you should apologize to them!

U: But- ugh, maybe you’re right. If only I knew where to find them.

N: Let's search for them together! Come on, I’m sure they’re eager to get back on your orbit.

We zoom out into the Kuiper belt to see Ariel watching the ice giants as before

A:Planets on the move. (Panic) Planets on the move!

We change to the scene where Titania is counting moons

T:25, 26, and 28. Okay, we’re missing one moon! Has anyone seen Ariel?

The moons look around

M: She must be scouting the edge of the Kuiper Belt, just in case Uranus comes looking for us.

T: Ugh, Uranus. That crazy weirdo. Better stay away from us

O: Titania, w-w-w-what are we gonna do?

T: Get yourself together, Oberon. We’re the biggest moons in the group, set a good example for everyone else, okay?

O: I-I-Ill try. I just… don't want to turn into space dust because of an evil planet,

T: We won't. Umbriel, go look for Ariel and bring her back. No matter what, we all must stay here.

The scene swaps to Rhea, Dione, and Tethys heading to the Kuiper belt

Te: Wow! Look at the Kuiper belt! It's so cool!

Dione rolls her eyes

D: Sure Tethys, a belt of debris filled with ice and dust is “so cool”

Te: Literally!

Tethys giggles much to Dione’s annoyance

Te: Oh! There is a shiny one right there!

Tethys charges forward, leaving Dione and Rhea in the dust

D: Guess it’s what we get for bringing the faster weirdo with us

Rhea looks on sympathetic

R: Come on Dione, you know this is just how Tethys is

Dione rolls her eyes

D: Doesn't mean I have to like it, he is a weirdo who can't even keep track of a conversation he made up and gets distracted the moment something shiny appears in his peripheral vision.

R: Cmon, he along with us, we are the triplet moons of Saturn!

Dione looks at Rhea confused

D: What?

R: The triplet moons of Saturn! Look at us! Most of Saturn’s major moons look very different from each other. Titan is huge with that atmosphere, Iapetus has that whole dark and light side thing going on, Enceladus has those tiger stripes, Mimas looks like that one space ship-

Dione rolls her eyes

D: The Death Star from Star-wars?

R: Yes! But now look at us. We all have similar surface features, we all have very similar compositions and densities, we all have orbits between Enceladus and Titan, you and Tethys both are in orbital resonance with a smaller moon, you both have trojan moons in your L4 and L5 Lagrange points with Saturn, and although I am a little bigger, we are all about the same size as one another!

Dione looks impressed

D: Huh, never thought of it that way-

Te: Uh, guys?

Both moons grind to a halt as Tethys approaches them

D: What?! You scared us!

Te: I found a large rock

Dione rolls her eyes

D: We are approaching the Kuiper belt, of course we are going to find large rocks-

Te: No! I mean, a REALLY big rock! Just over there! I think it’s staring at us!

The three look and spot Ariel, quickly running away

D: I don't think that is a rock, Tethys

R: You think that was one of Uranus’s moons?

D: maybe-

Neptune appears behind the moons

N: Hey Uranus! I think I found some of them!

All 3 moons turn around slowly, very scared. Uranus appears, approaches and squints at the moons before backing off, disappointed

U: Nah, these are some of Saturn’s moons.

N: But maybe they know something!

U:Ugh, fine. Hey mates! If you have seen my moons, tell me now! Pretty please?

The trio turns around run away for their lives

U: Oh, come on, mates!

N: You scared them away!

Uranus turns surprised

U: Me!? I just-

N: (mocking) If you have seen my moons, tell me now! I mean, seriously Uranus.

U: Okay, that was pretty cool…

We watch as the Triplet moons chase after Ariel

A: Go away! Go away!!

D: Hey! We aren't here to hurt you!

R: We just want to help you!

Ariel looks scared until a bright light appears. Umbriel flies by Ariel, stopping in front of her, causing the triplets to suddenly stop in their tracks. Umbriel stares at them as Ariel approaches her

A: Umbriel! You’re here for me?

Umbriel continues to stare at the triplet moons

T: Oh! Did you see one of my shiny rocks!

Tethys grabs a rather shiny rock from his bag.

T: Found this one near a centaur!

A: She’s just trying to understand your intentions

D: By looking into our cores? Can't you or her just ask or something?

A: She doesn’t talk

D: Ok?

Umbriel looks at each individual moons. Umbriel grows a confused expression upon focusing on Tethys, turns to Dione whom she frowns at, and than turns to Rhea, a small smile appearing on Umbriel's face. She turns to Ariel and nods

A: You passed the test. Who are you?

Rhea moves forward

R: Uh, Im Rhea, these are my sister Dione and brother Tethys, we are representatives from the moon club, lead by Ganymede and Titan, if you know where the others are-

D: Or better yet some sort of leader to talk to-

R: Could you please take us to them?

Umbriel and Ariel turn to each other uncertain while we swap over to Uranus and Neptune looking through the Kuiper belt

N: Moons of Uranus! Moons of Uranus!-

U: Oh forget it, they will never want to hang out with me again, all because of some bloody joke!

We see Neptune look at an asteroid up close

N: Maybe to you it’s silly, but they're smaller and defenseless, I mean, aren't your moons mostly around the same size as those other ones we found earlier?

Uranus looks away, wincing

U: Yeah, I suppose. Titania, Oberon, Ariel and Umbriel were about the same size, a little bigger or smaller in some cases… especially with the little ones like Puck-

N: And they were scared out of their minds and those guys didn’t even know you personally! Your moons have orbited you for 4.5 billion years, they may have grown to look up to you during all of that time with you, so hearing that you want to destroy them must have been… hard.

Uranus sighs

U: I doubt it, no one looks up to me mate, they either mock my name or call me discount Saturn

N: If you say so!

Uranus frowns

U: This is where you cheer me up mate

N: Ok!

Neptune that starts spinning and juggling himself

U: Wha- seriously, are you a planet or a super hero?

Neptune smiles as we transition toward the moons of Uranus. We watch Ariel and Umbriel approach the rest of Uranus’s moons

T: Ariel! You’re back!

A: I'm sorry, I just wanted to help.

T: Just don't go on scouting missions alone. Next time, take someone with you to cover your back, okay?

A: Ok, I will

Titania stares behind the two

A: I- found some friends along the way

Titania stares angrily as the moons of Saturn approach

R: Uh, hi, my names-

T: State your names, strangers

R: Uh, oh! i'm Rhea, this is Dione, and this is Tethys-

Tethys is seen grabbing a shiny asteroid

D: What's your name?

T: Titania, who sent you here?

R: Titan and Ganymede, the leaders of the Moon Club, we are representatives that wanted to offer-

T: Moon. Club? Hahaha-

Several other moons start laughing

T: A moon club? What sort of organization is that?

D: An organization that wants to help fellow moons with the various issues we have with our planets. From what I've heard, your relationship with yours hasn’t exactly been going well recently.

T: Uranus wants to… use us to make bigger rings. We don't know if he was joking, but-

Te: Y-yeah! Supposedly Saturn might have gotten his rings the same way!

Titania stares at Tethys disapprovingly

T: All the more reason for us to remain hidden, away from him

R: I’m sure Uranus was joking-

T: With how jealous he has been of Saturn’s rings, I wouldn’t be so confident-

D: Cmon

Dione moves in front of Rhea

D: Look, this whole situation has to end eventually. You can't stay in the Kuiper belt forever, you’ve got to confront Uranus sooner or later.

R: You could stay at the moon club, wait there while we figure out the best way to let that happen.

Uranus's moons seem uncertain

A: Titania? Maybe we can-

T: No, we stay here, if we move, they will find us

A: But-

T: No buts! We are not club goers! We are survivors, so unless they find us-

N: There you are!

Uranus’s moons stare at Neptune in fear

N: Cmon, don't be shy

Uranus appears from the shadows

U: Just a minute, mate!

Uranus takes out a scroll and starts reading

U: Hello dear moons. It's me, Uranus. And no it’s not pronounced “Your Anus” it’s pronounced “Ur- in- us”. Many planets confuse-

Titania stares at Rhea

T: You brought them to us!

R: No! They must have followed us

A: It's all my fault!

M: What now Titania?

Titania looks around panicked

T: I-

D: Oh i'm sick of this

Dione pushes the other moons to the side

U: I can't do anything about that-

D: Hey! Uranus!

All the moons look on in horror Uranus pauses mid speech looking confused

U: Uh, first off, as I just said its Ur-in-us and, wait, aren't you one of Saturn's-

D: Yes, I am Dione, 4th largest moon of Saturn, and I am telling you right now to leave your moons alone

Uranus looks confused while Neptune blinks in the background

U: Uh, why-

D: Your idiotic joke has scared them senseless! Do you think any of them want anything to do with your sorry excuse for ice and gas right now?!

Uranus is taken aback while Neptune frowns

U: I- I only meant it as a joke-

D: Considering how you have apparently been so jealous of Saturn’s rings, a very dumb joke in the absolute worst company-

U: I know! I know! I know! I'm sorry! I- I just want things to go back to the way they were before I said that dumb, stupid, idiotic bloody joke!

Titania and the other moons look surprised, but still very scared. Rhea moves forward

D: Well you don’t get to decide that! Mr-

R: Dione?

Dione looks at Rhea confused

R: let me take this

Rhea moves in front of Dione who looks unconvinced

R: Perhaps, in time you can make amends and put that joke aside, but they still need time. We are all so much smaller then you guys, the fact that such ideas could even be passing through your mind is scary, because if you did chose to, there wouldn’t be much we could do to stop it, we are all defenseless

Neptune gives a slight chuckle

N: Told ya!

U: I- I… uh

Uranus looks down, depressed.

U: I suppose you got a point little ones…

R: Let your moons come with us. Away from you, just for a short time. Meanwhile, you can look back on what made you say what you did, and try to improve. Then, when your moons are ready, they can return, and you can make amends at that point, but only once they are ready. We will make sure they are all safe and sound until that point

Uranus looks weakly at his moons who still look scared at the sight of him. Uranus at last sighs.

U: I… I suppose you're right, little ones. I- the thought of that joke shouldn't have even have been a consideration, much less something I said out loud

Uranus looks at Titania

U: When your ready, Titania, everyone else, ill be in my orbit

Uranus starts moving away, and Neptune turns to the moons

N: Well, see you all later!

Neptune follows, rolling as he moves. All of Uranus’s moons look shocked

T: That… went a lot better than expected.

Dione turns to Rhea

D: Not sure how you did that

Rhea shakes her head

R: It’s quite simple really, our planets aren't malicious monsters trying to destroy or scare us, they just don't seem to realize how scary their large sizes can make them appear and how their words might make us feel powerless or in danger at times

Titania pauses, deep in thought

O: S-s-so…. Are we going to this Moon club thingy after all? Uranus is still scary…

Titania looks back at the other moons who nod with Oberon. Titania sighs

T: Mind if we come back with you for this “Moon Club”? Sure sounds a lot better than drifting all the way out here

Te: Of course! I can even show you my shiny rock collection as we head there!

Tethys pulls out a box filled with shiny rocks. The little moons all start looking over excitedly

P: WoW! How did you find such pretty things?!

Tethys smiles

Te: There's lots of pretty things if you know where to look!

The little moons all giggle.

T: Well, let's get going then, everyone good to move?

Uranus’s moons all nod

T: Well then, Rhea, lead the way

Rhea smiles as we transition to Uranus’s orbit. We see both Uranus and Neptune moving around

N: Well! That was a lot of fun! We found your moons and made sure they were all safe and sound!

U: Yes mate… we found my moons… and made sure… safe and sound…

Uranus picks up an old painting and a tear drops from his eye

N: Want to help me go and find my moons? Lots of fun to be head there

Uranus looks weakly at the Kuiper belt and than back to the painting

U: You go on ahead Neptune, I-I have a lot to think about.

Neptune looks confused, but smiles anyways.

N: Uh, Ok! Have fun!

Neptune spins away as Uranus looks out at the Kuiper belt, a brief flash of determination grows on his face

U: Guess it’s time to remake it…

Uranus throws the old painting away and grabs a new tapestry, his paints, some pencils, and his water glass and starts painting, meanwhile we zoom out to see a pair of mysterious eyes looking out, curious.

Chapter Text

We watch as Ganymede and Phoebe arrive at the Kuiper belt

G: Alright, looks like we are here. Don't see Neptune anywhere though

Ph: I would be surprised if we had

Ganymede looks confused

G: Why?

Ph: The chances of us randomly finding Neptune himself by chance is slim, sure, he orbits along the inner edge of the Kuiper Belt, but his orbit is vast. The idea that he would be here at this specific moment in time is slim.

G: Ugh, your starting to sound like Jupiter

Ph: It will take a considerable amount of time to find him, and we are looking for his moons, even the largest of which is only about 5% his size

Ganymede thinks that through in his head

G: So, kinda big for a Planet Neptune's size? I Think i'm only a little less than 4% Jupiter's size

Phoebe shrugs

Ph: Most of his other moons are much smaller, they will be very difficult to find-

Ganymede rolls his eyes

G: What's the point of you coming along again? Why was Mr. Two face so adamant that you come along?

Ph: (annoyed) Iapetus knows me because I help him be “Mr Two face”. Debris from impacts I have coated his far side with dark dust.

G: Ugh, why couldn’t Timmy come with us again?

N: Who’s Timmy?

Neptune appears out of the darkness in front of Ganymede and Phoebe

G: What the, where did you come from!? I thought you were lost or something?!

N: Eh, might be. I'm always losing myself somewhere in the Kuiper belt. Kinda like you guys, right?

G: Right…

Both moons back away from Neptune

G: Look, we don't want to hold you up, so-

N: Who are you? Some new dwarf planet with his moon? (gasp) Invaders from another solar system?!

Ph: Some dwarf with his- NO! We’re both moons.. Looking for… other moons...

G: Hey! Incognito remember-

N: Wait, I have moons! In fact I’m looking for them.

Both Ganymede and Phoebe blink

G: Uh, any idea where they went? Maybe we can both find them?

N: Find what?

Neptune fades into the darkness

G: Well, he’s certainly… different.

Ph: No arguments here.

G: So much for "randomly finding Neptune being slim" huh?

Ph: I think that was less "we found Neptune" and more of he found us

G: Fair...

Ganymede looks around

G: Any idea on where to start?

Ph: We should try finding his largest moon, he can probably lead us to the rest

Ganymede looks out at the belt

G: And he is-

Ph: I don't know, but there were some strange patterns over here, maybe-

An object zips by the pair, leaving a trail of dust

G: Pleh! What was-

Ph: That's our target, come on!

Phoebe rushes after the object while Ganymede speeds up to follow, We see Triton moving along while smiling at the camera. As Ganymede and Phoebe pursue him, Triton’s gravity throws several asteroids behind him. Some hit Ganymede

G: OW! What even is this guy?

Ph: Triton, the largest of Neptune’s moons

Ganymede tries to focus on Triton, only for another asteroid to hit him

G: If you- ow! Know so much, can't you tell him to stop?!

Ph: We’ve never actually met before

G: Ofcorse you- ow!

Ganymede shrugs off the asteroids

G: Slow down Mr. Speedy!

Triton looks confused, turns around, and finally notices the two moons and comes quickly to a halt, as does Phoebe. Meanwhile Ganymede is unable to stop, crashing into a cluster of asteroids. Both Triton and Phoebe wince

T: Sorry, didn’t know you were there

G: Gah, you little-

Ph: Cool it, Ganymede

Phoebe approaches Triton

Ph: Your Triton, the largest of Neptune’s moons, is that correct?

Triton raises an eyebrow and takes off his glasses

T: Well, either I'm more well famous than I thought, a not unlikely scenario, or you were specifically looking for me out here

Ph: Uh, Sorta both?

Triton laughs

T: I guess you two hit the jackpot

Triton cleans his glasses

T: What can I do you for?

Triton puts back on his glasses

G: Triton… wait… didn’t Jupiter-

Ph: Well, the moons of Saturn and Jupiter have formed the moon club, under Titan and Ganymede, and we all figured Neptune’s moons would want in on the action

Triton looks briefly confused before chuckling

T: Heh, a moon club? Well, have fun with that.

Triton turns before being pulled on by Ganymede. Triton turns back around a little annoyed

G: Come on dude, it would give you a chance to, i don't know, fix your relationship with your planet or something? Can’t be in the best of places if your all alone out here

Triton rolls his eyes

T: Tell me, what even is this “ moon club” even for?

G: To hang out with other moons! Maybe have some fun, solve the various issues we have with our planets.

T: Issues? Like what?

Ph: Forgetting names, ignoring the smaller moons, threats, treating us like-

T: Kids? Honestly that sounds bout right

G: (angry) Says the one who’s planet is all wonko and everything

T: Listen, Dude, I'm not interested in this “club” of yours. End of discussion

Triton moves away

Ph: How about the other moons of Neptune then? Maybe they want a chance?

T:(chuckles) uh, really doubt your going to find that Neptune’s moons have much of an issue with him

G: Who are you to say? Are you in their heads or something? Shouldn’t they get a chance to decide for themselves?

Triton rolls his eyes

T: Well, don't say I didn't warn ya.

We watch as Triton leads the duo toward a group of 15 small moons talking to each other

G: Wait, this is it?

T: Yep, Proteus, Nereid, Larissa, Galatea, and the others. There’s a lot of ‘em

G: Alot?! There isn't alot! There's only like, what? 12?

T: 15, 16 including me.

G: Where are the rest of them?

T: This is all of them, Neptune is the smallest of the giant planets, what did you expect? An army comparable to that of Jupiter or Saturn?

Ganymede looks embarrassed

G: Kinda?

Triton rolls his eyes

T: Well, it is what it is, these are all of his moons

G: But, why are they all so small?

Triton looks at Phoebe

T: Proteus and Nereid are both larger than Phoebe here

G: No- well yes, but they are still so small! I mean, your… at least decent sized from the looks of it, definitely more massive than all but Saturn’s largest moon combined-

T: And more massive than all of Uranus’s moons combined, but I’m the outlier here, I make up about 99.5% of the mass that orbits Neptune, moons, rings, and all

G: But-, surly someone is about your size!

Triton shakes his head

T: The next largest moon of Neptune is Proteus, at about 420 kilometers, and he isn’t even massive enough to be gravitationally rounded himself

Ganymede looks at the small moons confused

G: But-

Phoebe shakes her head

Ph: Drop it Ganymede

T: Cmon dude, didn't you want to try advertising your little "club" or whatever?

Ganymede blinks

G: Uh, yeah, but-

T: That go! Advertise your little club, find all of those moons who have an issue with Neptune and convince them to join your banner, if you can find any

Proteus turns and finally notices the group

P: Triton! Look, Triton’s back!

The group of moons rush over to Triton

N: Do you have new stories for us? What did you do out there?

Ga: I looked after the others when you were gone! They behaved, super well.

L: Galatea’s right, we were so nice!

T: Yeah, yeah, yeah I buy it

G: (clear throat) HEY! Moons of Neptune!

The small moons of Neptune turn to Ganymede

G: Uh, the Moon Club is looking for members! There we will hang out and find solutions for all our problems! Fight for our rights!

The small moons look confused

L: What’s a right?

N: Opposite of left, duh!

G: Is Triton gonna be there?

N: Yeah, it's boring without Triton!

G: Uh…

Ganymede looks to Triton who shakes his head

G: Uh, no… but Im sure we can find something-

Suddenly Ganymede is swarmed by the moons

G: Hey! Get off-

N: Are you made out of gold?

P: No! That's water ice!

Ga: Why is he so yellow-

P: It probably has debris in it!

N: Lets dig in and find-

PH: Hey! Moons!

The moons of Neptune turn to Phoebe

PH: How about you guys tell me about Neptune?

Neptune’s moons get all excited

Ga: Neptune is so cool!-

Phoebe nods to Ganymede

G: Thanks for the save

Ganymede turns to Triton

G: Let's chat, shall we, big guy?

T: Uhh… sure

Both move a bit away before Ganymede turns to Triton

G: Ok, spill it dude

T: What are you… talking about?

G: You ain't no moon. Last time I saw Jupiter he was about to bore us to death by talking about a Dwarf planet called Triton. Then Phoebe was talking about how we would meet the largest captured object in the solar system. Now you keep talking about how your the only large moon of Neptune. You're a dwarf planet, not a moon.

Triton winces

T: Hey, not so loud, ok? They don’t know that.

G: Is that why you don't want to join us? Do you feel more important than other moons just because you once orbited the Sun? What kind of thought process is that?

T: Hey, I just really don't care. Dwarf planet, moon, they are just labels. Overall we are just objects orbiting bigger objects who orbit even larger objects, who orbit the common centers of gravity in the galaxy. Not much of a reason to be more “important”

Ganymede looks suprised

G: Then why don't you want to join? If you think it doesn’t matter, than why won’t you-

T: Because I just want to be left alone. I don't want to follow anyone, I don't want all of the attachments that would come with

Ganymede raises an eye at the moons of Neptune

G: They certainly seem attached to you

T: Ugh, don't know why. It’s not like i’m one of them, although, they don't know that.

G: Seems like a good reason for them to be, can’t expect them to treat you different if they don’t know your different

T: If you say so

G: Why not let them join us? I'm sure the others can entertain the little ones and that can allow you to do, well, whatever it is you want to do dude

Triton lowers his glasses

T: Sounds like you and I are finally speaking the same language

We see Phoebe dealing with all the moons.

T: Everyone, settle down.

Neptune’s moons look to Triton

T: After some talking, Ganymede has convinced me, who wants to come to the moon club for games and friends?

P: Me!

Ps: ME!

All the small moons start jumping up and down excitedly as Neptune appears behind Ganymede and Triton

PH: Uh, guys-

G: Quiet Phoebe, we’ve almost-

N: I finally found you!

Ganymede slowly turns, eyes wide.

G: Oh boy…

We see Neptune loom over the moons

P: Hi Neptune!

G: Neptune, you’re back!

N: Yes I am! I think. I’m not quite sure

Triton moves forward, clearing his throat

T: Neptune, you’ve been gone for a long time, things have changed

Neptune stretches in and out

N: Well, things are always changing right?

T: No, that's not what I mean-

N: Anyways, wanna orbit me again? We had so much fun back then!

The 15 smaller moons began cheering and jumping

L: Let's orbit Neptune!

P:Let's orbit Neptune!

L: So much fun!

T: (interrupts) No Neptune, we arnt doing that, not right now at least. We are heading to join the moon club, and there’s nothing you can say to stop us. We- I don't want to be controlled!

Neptune looks confused, but then smiles

N: Well, I’m happy you are sticking together and making new friends! Go have fun with your club! Bye Triton! And Proteus, Nereid, Larisa, Galatea, Neso, Psamathe, Laomedeia, Sao, Halimede, Despina, Thalassa, Naiad, Hippocamp, S/2002 N 5 and S2021 N 1! Have Fun!

Neptune rolls away, out of view. Ganymede looks shocked

G: Wait, did he just-

Ph: Name all of his moons?

Triton looks back at the two a little confused

T: Yeah, that was Neptune alright

Triton clears his throat

T: Now where did you say this moon club thingy was taking place? I'm sure the idea of “games and friends” isz getting the little ones excited, you don't need to see what happens when they are excited for too long.

The group turns to head to Saturn as a mysterious eye raises

Chapter Text

We watch Titan and the remaining moons of Saturn setting up an area, including a chalk board. Saturn looks down curiously at what is going on.

S: What's going on Titan?

The moons of Saturn all pause, looking worried

T: Uh… we are just… setting stuff up for a meeting!

S: A meeting?

T: Uh, yeah! Jupiter’s moons went and got the other moons… we figured we would set some stuff up.

S: Well, as you wish Titan!

Saturn turns away as the other Saturnian moons sigh with relief

I: That was close

En: No kidding

Io: H-hello!

Titan and Iapetus turn to see Io come up with Luna, Phobos, and Deimos

Io: I got Mars’s moons Phobos and Deimos, along with Luna!

Titan looks confused

T: Luna?

Io: Earth’s moon!

Titan blinks

T: Oh, didn’t realize Luna was your name Earth’s m- Luna

Luna rolls his eyes

L: It’s fine, most don't seem to realize it.

Titan shakes his head

T: Well, I am glad you could make it Luna!

L: Thanks…

E: We're here!

The group turns to see Europa and Callisto bringing the rest of the Jovian moons.

C: Jupiter didn’t protest

T: That's good! Glad that-

E: OW!

We zoom in and find Astrodude’s ship in some sort of bunker as Astrodude begins drilling into Europa’s ice.

Ad: Geez! How thick is this ice?!

CPU: Between 9-15 kilometers deep

AD: Looks like this will take a while…

We zoom back out

T: You ok Europa?

E: Im fine, something for later-

Europa turns to see Luna and has a look of confusion

E: Wait, who are you?

Io: H-he's the Earth’s moon! Luna!

Europa sizes up to Luna, who starts to look uncomfortable

L: Uh, everything ok... Europa?

Europa shakes her head

E: Everything is fine, your just… a-lot bigger than I expected

Luna looks confused

L: Well, your not much smaller than me, and so far I see 3 others who are bigger than me

E: Yes, but-

Te: We got the moons of Uranus!

Phobos and Deimos begin snickering

P: Wow, how many moons do you think fit in Uranus?

D: Better yet, how do you get moons OUT of UR-

T: Hey, stop that you two, I doubt his moons want to hear any more of those jokes.

Titan turns as Rhea and Dione escort the Uranian moons. We see Titania come forward toward the group.

Ta: Hello, I am Titania, largest of Uranus’s moons

T: Uh, I'm Titan, largest moon of Saturn

Ta: Huh, you're rather large for a moon. So, is this is the meeting area?

T: Uh, yeah! let me introduce you to some of the other major moons!

Titan moves out the way

T: Here are 3 of Jupiter’s large moons, Europa, Callisto, and Io

IO: H-hi! (cough)

C: Greetings

E: Hello

T: Then there is Mars’s moons Phobos and Deimos

Ta: Uh, where are-

P: Hi

D: Over here!

Titania looks down at the little guys

T: Well, those two are-

A: GAH!

Ariel rushes up to see the martian moons

A: They are so, cute!

Ta: Contain yourself Ariel

A: Fine…

Ariel moves away somewhat dejected

T: Uh, then there's Luna, the Earth’s moon

Titania looks shocked

T: You sure you're the moon of Earth?

L: (Confused) Uh, yeah?

Ta: You seem rather big to be a moon of Earth, isn't he like, only 12, 700 kilometers?

L: Uh, give or take 56 kilometers?

Ta: That means your over ¼ your planet’s diameter

Luna frowns

L: I guess? I am only about 1.2% of his mass tho

Callisto rolls her eyes

C: “Only” 1.2%

Luna turns confused at Callisto

L: uh, is something-

G: Ok! Ok! We are here little- ow! Stop poking that crater!

The group is suddenly swamped by the moons of Neptune as they rush past. The group turns to see Triton and Ganymede, with Proteus orbiting Ganymede.

T: Well, I see you found the moons of Neptune, Ganymede

Ganymede shakes off Proteus who runs off to see his siblings. Callisto watches at turns to Ganymede

C: Have fun with the kids?

Ganymede makes a face

G: Shut up

Titan approaches Triton

T: So, your Neptune’s largest moon, right?

Tr: Yeah, I suppose

Triton cleans his glasses, Titania is shown visibly blushing

Tr: Tritons the name, sorry bout the little ones, they got lots of energy

T: I can see!

Titan brings up his chalk board and turns to see Triton trying to leave

T: Uh, you ok?

Triton looks between Titan and outside, glares at Ganymede who suppresses a chuckle. Triton stays

T: Ok! Just to confirm, we got the rocky moons, Jovian moons, Uranian moons, and Neptunian moons. Anything we are missing?

L: Maybe the dwarf planet moons?

C: They aren't an issue

L: Why not?

Tr: The moons of dwarf planets aren't usually alive. The only times they are is when they are of sufficient size and mass due to the mass of their parent object being quite low.

The Galilean moons blink in suprise

Io: H-how do you know that?

Tr: You seemed to know it

C: Jupiter told us, unless im confused, he didn't tell you

Triton looks a bit concerned

Tr: Uh-

G: Not important

Ganymede takes the stage

G: Point is, we got the vast majority of the moons here, so we can get the moon club session going.

T: Agreed

Titan looks to the other moons

T: Gather all the smaller moons, lets get this session started

We watch most of the larger moon go out and collect the smaller ones. Meanwhile, Triton approaches Luna

Tr: Were you captured by the Earth?

Luna makes a weird face

L: What?!

Tr: Were you on your own before Earth's gravity forced you into a orbit?

Luna shakes his head

L: I think I woke up BEFORE Earth did, he wasn't exactly swiping any moons as a ball of molten rock

Tr: Huh, you just seem kinda big for a moon that orbits the Earth

Luna makes a dramatic sigh

L: Why does everyone keep telling me-

Ta: We got them

We see the moons of Uranus follow Titania, the moons of Jupiter follow Europa, and the moons of Neptune follow Proteus

P: I gathered them all up!

Triton nods

Tr: Well done, Proteus

Triton looks back at Luna while Phobos and Deimos look confused

Ph: Uh, is Luna really that big?

Di: He is about half of Mars's size

Ph: Huh, guess he is kinda-

T: Alright! We are all here!

Saturns moons approach, with Titan in the lead. Titan looks to Ganymede

T: Ok! Ganymede, you want to take the lead?

Ganymede shakes his head

G: I haven't even the slightest idea what you have planned Tim-Titan. You take the lead... this time

Titan nods

T: Alright, first session is open, our first activity will be to-

P: Play tag!

NMs: YAYYY

T: What? No, we were going to discuss-

N: Great Idea! Ill be it first!

Neptune’s moons all scatter as Nereid starts chasing them

T: Uh, Nereid? Can you please stop-

Nereid tags Titan

N: Tag! Your it!

Nereid runs off

G: That was… unexpected

Tr: I did warn you, what did you expect?

T: Uh…

Suddenly, we see several of the smaller moons start chasing each-other around.

C: Guess shouldn’t be much of a surprise, most of these moons are probably basically kids.

T: They are?

Ta: Didn’t that pass your mind when making this club? From what I see, only about 19 moons here are big and large enough to have a near spherical shape.

T: Guess I, hadn't thought of that…

L: Well, what should we do? Cant exactly have a proper meeting with all the moons rushing about.

E: How about we join them?

T/L: Huh?

E: Look, the little ones are definitely energetic, but they ware out surprisingly quick. Besides, good chance for everyone to get to know each-other.

Titan looks to Ganymede who shrugs

T: Wh- okay, lets do this

We suddenly watch Titan tag Io

T: Io, your it!

Titan rushes off

Io: O-oh! Not for long!

Callisto, Europa and Ganymede rush out of the way as Io tags Luna

Io: Luna! Your it!

L: Come on, i'm not that fast!

Luna starts chasing after several moons, eventually about to catch Phoebe

L: Phoebe! Your it!

Ph: Great…

Meanwhile, we see Titan, keeping score

T: Lets see, Neried, 1.12 km a second, Me, 5.57, Io, oh wow, 17.3, he's fast! Luna, 1, guess thats not suprising, Pheobe, .1-

We see the moons play tag for a while, Titan keeping a close eye on each moon's speed. Most of the moons end up being “it” at least once. Eventually, we see that the little moons are exhausted.

T: Well (huff) looks like (huff) the winner is (huff) Metis!

Metis looks a combination of exhausted and proud

T: how fast can she go?

E: 31 km per second

L: GEEZE no wonder she never became it.

T: Well, now that we (huff) got all our energy gone, let’s do a roll call

Titan points to the chalk board

T: Moons of Mercury?

Silence

T: Uh, moons of Venus-

L: Niether of them have any moons

T: Uh, right, uh moon of Earth?

L: Here

T: Moons of Mars?

P/D: Here!

T: Moons of Jupiter?

E: All accounted- Ow!

Ganymede looks at Europa worried

G: You ok babe? Did a stray asteroid get you or something?

E: It’s fine, I’ll explain later.

T: Ok! The main goal of all of this was to find out what issues we may have with our planets, want to start us off Luna?

L: Uh, honestly the Earth isn’t doing that great at the moment, his best friend Mars basically disowned him as a friend after you met them earlier

Everyone backs up in shock

E: Mars and Earth, no longer friends?

Io: B-but they seemed so friendly!

L: You may have noticed they weren't exactly close together...

Io: Oh...

T: What?! How did that happen?

Luna winces

L: From what I’ve got from it, Earth left that conversation early because he was feeling uncomfortable about how much Mars kept saying you two were similar, especially at the life comment

All of a sudden, several moons look uncomfortable

G: So Earth really is an entitled jerk?

L: Hey!

G: Look, all Im saying-

T: Enough!

Titan looks down and sighs

T: I am so sorry about that Luna, I had no idea that me meeting the Earth would... cause such a rift between him and Mars...

L: It wasn't your fault Titan

Titan looks less certain

T: Maybe I can go with you after this meeting and maybe sort things out. I honestly had no idea

Luna nods

L: I think that would be good.

Titan turns to Phobos and Deimos

T: Anything from you two?

Ps: Mars has been VERY grumpy lately

D: Yeah! Especially ever since he started hanging out with mean old Venus!

Titan shakes his head

T: Ok, Very well, that's settled, I’ll come with you when you go back, hopefully I can help to clear any misunderstandings.

Titan starts writing down

T: Resolve conflict between Earth and Mars… ok! Anything from Jupiter’s moons?

Io: W-well, Jupiter has been acting as if his smaller moons don't really exist.

C: Yeah, and in turn he keeps pushing us up, as if we were his star football team or something.

G: To be fair, we are the coolest moons around

E: Not the point Ganymede!

T: Ok, Jupiter's smaller moons feel like they are invisible to him, got it. Well, I suppose I already know about Saturn's problems, but for everyone else-

En: He can’t even get our names right!

D: Always gives all of his attention to you

M: He destroyed one of us to make his rings!

Titan winces

T: Well, that last one is an unproven theory, but yes

Titan writes everything down

T: Ok, moons of Uranus?

Ta: Well, I'm sure everyone knows about Uranus’s “joke”

The moons all shift around uncomfortably

Ta: While it would seem he might not have meant it, we still don’t feel comfortable around him

T: Ok, relationship strained after Uranus's joke, anything else?

Ma: We don’t much care for the jokes the little ones make.

Puck laughs

Pk: Cmon! It’s-

Ariel shoves an asteroid in Puck’s face and he is suddenly mesmerized.

A: Just stare at the asteroid cutie

T: Ok, no name jokes, moons of Neptune?

Neptune’s moons look confused

P: Uh, What's wrong with Neptune?

L: Can’t think of anything

Ga: Neptune is so cool!

N: I want to be like Neptune when I grow up!

Triton looks at Titan

Tr: Well, you heard the little ones, they are happy just the way things are.

Titan raises an eyebrow at Triton

T: And you?

Tr: Uh-

G: Not important, the point is, most everything is good in Neptune’s system, he even remembers all their names.

Oberon pops up

O: U-U-Uranus also remembers our names

T: Well, good to know that’s not one of the issues with Uranus

Titan scribbles more down notes

T: Ok, we got everything down, we have all heard the issues we all face, any solutions anyone can think of?

The moons all start muttering to each-other. Ganymede steps up

G: We could try talking to the sun, I mean, he’s the head honcho right? Even Jupiter has to listen to what he says, if he told all the planets to do better-

Luna winces

L: While you're right, the Sun is also very unpredictable. He might listen, he might laugh like we’re telling him a sun pun, he might take it seriously, but take it way to far, or he might just shoot a solar flare in our faces

The moons wince

L: Considering most of us are made of ice-

G: Alright, scratch that plan.

T: Any other ideas?

The group is silent for a little while.

M: We could try swapping our orbits

The moons look at Mimas confused

C: How would swapping orbits do anything?

E: Yeah, that would just potentially destabilize the whole solar system, Even just moving Jupiter would-

M: No! Not move the planets around! I mean like swap planets, like I go around Mars or somthing!

Titan’s eyes light up

T: You might be onto Something Mimas

Titan begins scribbling something down.

G: Ok, maybe I'm just dumb

C: You often are

G: But how would swapping planets help? We would just be trading problems-

T: Or, finding solutions.

The moons look confused

T: Look, let’s take the moons of Uranus. You guys are scared that Uranus might use you to make better rings.

Titania nods

Ta: Yes

T: Well, if we had, let’s say, Jupiter’s moons orbit him instead, well they aren't in danger because Uranus certainly won’t do anything to another planet’s moons, even in his worst state he wouldn’t even think of angering Jupiter of all planets like that. While they orbit him, maybe they can impress just how much he needs to improve, or at least figure out what caused such words to even exit his mouth

Titania looks impressed

Ta: That, actually doesn’t sound terrible

T: Or take Saturn’s moons for instance, Triton, you mentioned how Neptune remembers all his moon’s names

Triton frowns

Tr: I believe that was Ganymede, but Yeah, he's never had that issue with his moons. He loves them

Titan looks confused

T: Them?-

G: Not important

Titan shakes his head

T: Anyways, if Saturn had Neptune’s moons, he might feel pressured to try remembering all their names, a great first step. Meanwhile, the moons of Saturn might get the feeling of having their name remembered, proof that there is no excuse for Saturn. Meanwhile, although you mention that Neptune doesn't have any issues with his moons-

Triton shifts uncomfortably

T: I am sure Saturn wouldn't mind taking care of a few moons for a while

Tr: I don’t know about that, Neptune is home to just 16 moons, doesn't Saturn have like 146?

T: 274, but even just the names of the major moons, excluding me, would make a great difference

Luna looks around

L: Well, I can’t really swap with anyone

The moons all look at Luna

G: Huh? Why not?

L: Earth is dependent on my gravitational pull for his tides, axial tilt, and as a shield for asteroids. While Mercury is taking my spot for now-

T: That would be a lot of work to put on just 1 moon all of a sudden, if they even could. Not exactly an army of moons your size

Luna sighs

L: C'mon, Triton, Europa, Io, Callisto, Ganymede, and you are close to my size-

G: Hm, I don't know, you do seem a bit larger than I was picturing

Luna rolls his eyes

T: Yeah, I think for now you along with the Martian moons stay put

Ph: Aw… I wanted a moon swap!

Di: Maybe next time...

Ph: Oh! Maybe we can swap OUR orbits!

Di: Oh yeah!

T: Well, any other objections to this plan?

No one argues

T: Well then, now to convince the planets…

Chapter Text

We watch the Sun as he looks around.

Sn: Hey! Hey Mercury! You know why I don’t insult people? It’s because I would ROAST THEM!

The sun pauses

Sn: Mercury?!

The sun looks around and spots Mercury, Venus, and Mars all outside of their orbits

S: Will no one listen to me?!

We zoom in on Earth and Mercury playing cards.

My: So, how exactly did you and Mars come up with the rules for this game?

E: Im not sure, guess we kinda just, made it up as we went

My: Well no kidding, after-all, why is this card giving me a hundred-

Suddenly, an asteroid zips by, nearly hitting Mercury. Mercury turns to see Mars and Venus playing asteroid dodgeball

My: Hey! Watch it you two!

V: Ugh, he’s just being the annoying Pipsqueak as always, ignore him Mars

My: I'm serious! You nearly hit me! And if you hit the Earth-

V: No one asked Pipsqueak

E: It’s fine Mercury, let’s just take our game-

My: No Earth, this is serious, they can chose not to like us, but they still have no right to risk-

Sn: WHY ARE YOU ALL OUT OF YOUR ORBITS?!

All the planets freeze as the Sun glares at them

S: How many times must I remind you?! GET BACK IN YOUR ORBITS!

My: Uh, Sun-

S: NO EXCEPTIONS MERCURY-

My: I cant leave, the moon is currently at the moon club in the outer solar system

The sun seems to dim as a confused expression grows on his face

S: A... a moon club?

My: Y-yeah. While he was away, I was taking his spot to help the Earth stay on his axis, I can't leave without causing several issues for him

The sun raises an eyebrow and turns to face Mars

S: Have Phobos and Deimos also joined this “moon club”?

M: Uh… y-yeah sun. Jupiter’s moon Io picked them up.

S: Hmmm

The sun looks up and ponders for a moment. He looks at both Earth and Mars and a slight grin grows on his face

S: Slight change in plans

The rocky planets look confused and scared

E: Uh, what changed?

S: Mercury, Venus. Return to your orbits. Mars, keep Earth on his axis.

M: WHAT?!

S: As soon as your moons return I expect you to then go back to your orbit.

M: But… but I-

S: SILENCE ARES!

Mars blinks

M: Ares?-

S: NOW!

Mercury and Venus rush over to their spots while Mars begrudgingly gets in position.

S: Now! STAY! Go to your orbit once your moons return

The sun begins looking out beyond the asteroid belt

S: Hmm

We see Earth look almost scared at Mars

E: Uh… want to play cards Ma-

M: Shut up idiot

The two remain in silence while we zoom in on the Sun

S: Guess I should see what this “moon club” is all about…

We see the Sun focus in on the outer solar system as Neptune approaches Uranus, who is struggling to write something in his diary while simultaneously painting like his life depends on it

N: Hey Uranus!

U: Huh?

Uranus turns around. He looks like he hasn’t slept in days

N: Ow! You aren't looking great cousin

U: (Sarcasm) Thanks for the vote of confidence Neptune

N: Anytime!

Uranus is taken aback a little

U: Thats- ugh, forget-

S: Uranus! Neptune!

The ice giants turn surprised to see Jupiter and Saturn approach

U: Jupiter? Saturn? What the bloody hell are you doing all the way out here?

S: Apparently our moons had Something they wanted to tell, all of us

Uranus winces

U: Hopefully for you it’s better than me

N: Me too!

Neptune rolls around

J: Yeah, I wonder what-

T: Hello!

The giant planets look down to see the moons with Titan, Ganymede, Triton, and Titania at the front

T: We need to discuss some things

The giants look confused

N: Like what?

Neptune is upside down

T: Every planet here-

Titan looks around at all the giants

T: Has been failing the vast majority of their moons, badly.

The Giants look at each other in shock

U: Saturn? Jupiter? What did you guys do?

S: W-what did I do?!

N: Hmm, wonder what I did

Neptune just floats in space as Titan approaches Saturn disappointed

T: Saturn, name a single moon that orbits you

S:Oh! Thats easy! Your Ti-

T: Besides me

Saturn turns a pale color and looks around, focusing on Rhea

S: R-R-Rhiana?

Rhea shakes her head sadly

R: Rhea

Saturn looks crushed

U: Wait, you don't even remember your second largest moon’s name?

Saturn looks surprised

S: Rhea is my second largest moon?

U: You can’t even tell she’s your second largest moon?!

E: Not to mention how Jupiter seems to forget that his moons smaller than me even exist. If we are around, they basically get nothing.

Jupiter blinks

J: Huh… now that you mention it… I guess I have been... sorta ignoring them...

Ta: Or how you THREATEN to destroy us!

Titania approaches Uranus, who backs up ashamed, unable to look Titania in the eye or his other moons

N: (cheerful) What about me?

T: Uh…

Titan looks to Neptune's moons who all look confused except for Triton

Tr: Just tell him

Proteus floats in front of him

P: I don’t know what’s going on

Titan looks at Neptune

T: honestly, Don't got much on you Neptune, most of your moons seem love you

Ganymede turns to Triton who shakes his head

NMs: YEAH, Neptune is awesome!

N: Aw… thanks little ones!

Neptune looks at Triton for a moment, a flash of worry pops on his face, but disappears just as quickly.

Saturn looks around panicked

S: What are we going to do?! We have to fix this immediately!

G: Actually, we already have a plan

Jupiter raises an eyebrow

J: A plan, from you Ganymede?

Ganymede looks smug

G: Yep!-

C: Actually, Mimas came up with the plan while Titan refined it

Ganymede glares at Callisto

G: Shut up

Jupiter still looks curious

J: Well, what is this plan?

G: We swap planets

All of a sudden, all the giants turn to the others… except Neptune of course. He's just floating without a care in the world

U: Swap...planets?

T: Temporarily, this way both sides get different perspectives, and maybe find possible solutions

Jupiter and Saturn look at each other unconvinced

J: I don’t know, it could be detrimental for-

D: How? Afraid your magnetic field will go on the Fritz without Io?

Jupiter shakes his head

J: My magnetic field would weaken, but it would still function as it has, and even if it somhow disapeared completly, I would mostly be fine. I'm more concerned about you guys.

Several moons look confused

E: Huh? What do you mean? Don’t think Uranus could protect us from exoplanets or something?

J: No- We each have different conditions around us. Different masses, different tilts, different magnetic fields, different orbital planes, even our different rotations-

T: It would just be for one week, after that we can go back to our relative planets and hopefully figure out how to solve the issues.

Jupiter turns to Uranus and Neptune and sighs

J: What are you’re guy’s thoughts?

U: Well… I guess I could use some help since… well-

N: (interrupting) Sounds like a good chance to make new friends!

Jupiter looks to Saturn, they both nod

J: Very well then, any particular swaps you guys were thinking of? Seems like you guys have thought this out for a bit

Ganymede and Titan nod

G: Since you and Saturn, more or less, have similar issues, we figured that your moons would go to Uranus while Saturn’s goes to Neptune, and vice versa.

Jupiter looks to the ice giants

J: Are you good with that? I know Saturn and I have a lot more moons than you two.

N: Eh, it’ll be fine. Besides, not going to learn much if you two just swap

Jupiter sighs

J: Fair point

Uranus looks nervous at all the moons he is about to recieve

U: I- I guess it would be fine…

Jupiter looks to Saturn who is in tears

J: It’ll be ok Saturn, just for a week.

T: Before we do this, mind if I escort Luna, Phobos and Deimos back to their planets? I apparently messed stuff up when I was over there.

L: Oh come on, you can’t blame yourself

Di: Yeah! Mars just got his poles upside down!

Ph; I thought that stopped when his magnetic field went away?

D: Oh yeah…

S: What stuff got messed up?

Titan shakes his head

T: I’ll explain later

Jupiter turns around

J: I suppose Mars has been rather-

Jupiter shakes his head

J: Problem for another time. Well, guess we will swap and you can just head to Neptune after you drop Earth’s moon and Mars’s moons.

T: Ok, see you!

Titan takes Luna and the Martian moons and heads off.

J: Well… let’s get started, I guess. Do you have a list of names for your moons Uranus? I would prefer to avoid the issues if I can avoid it

U: Sure...

Uranus pulls out his notebook and writes down his moons, takes the page out, and hands it to Jupiter

J: Thanks!

S: Uh... could I also have one for Neptune's moons?

U: Sure...

Uranus picks up his notebook and pauses

U: Neptune, can you remind me of your moon's names? It's been a while.

N: Ofcourse! There is Triton, Proteus, Nereid, Larisa, Galatea, Neso, Psamathe, Laomedeia, Sao, Halimede, Despina, Thalassa, Naiad, Hippocamp, S/2002 N 5 and S2021 N 1

Saturn blinks

S: How do you remember all those names so effortlessly?!

N: Well, I love my moons, guess I made it a big priority, no one likes being called by a name that isn't their own

Uranus winces

U: (to himself) Speak for yourself mate...

Uranus continues writing

U: Ok, here you go Saturn

Uranus hands the list to Saturn

U: Well, can you- oh, right, you don't remember the names of your moons...

Uranus turns to the moons of the gas giants

U: Uh, one at a time, can everyone who orbits Saturn give me their name for Neptune?

Suddenly, 200+ moons all start shouting out their names

U: Oh boy...

We transition again to see Mars staring at a very uncomfortable looking Earth

E: So… want to talk or-

M: Shut it

We transition over to the Sun, who watches as Luna, Titan, and the Martian moons head back

S: Ah good! Soon Mars will be able to return to his orbit!

M: Yeah…

Mercury looks out

M: I just hope they get here quickly

V: Eh, they can take their time

My: Well, it’s painfully obvious that Earth is very uncomfortable with this arrangement

V: Eh, he deserves it for being so full of himself

My: Hey!

V: What? You trying to say he doesn’t have an ego or something Pipsqueek?

We return to Mars and Earth

E: Look, I understand that me leaving that conversation hurt you in some way, I am sorry.

Mars glares at Earth

M: That's it?!

Earth looks around panicked

E: Uh… yes?

M: Well, sorry, but “sorry” ain’t good enough Earth! I'm tired of your dumb ego.

E: Well then let me make it up to you! Name your request

Mars raises an eyebrow

M: I'm not sure there is anything you can do

We transition back to Mercury and Venus

My: I never said he doesn’t have an ego, the point is Mars is being unnecessarily cruel with Earth even though he has tried to apologize.

V: Ha! Like an apology means anything at this point

Venus turns around and starts heading off

My: More than what you’ve done, Venus

Venus freezes

My: Earth has already apologized to me for the crap he pulled, and he was a distant second, maybe even third place in terms of my tormentors.

Venus turns around, pissed

My: If Earth, supposedly being “so full of himself” as you yourself put it, is willing to apologize for what he did, what does that say about you Venus? Or perhaps Mars now that he seems to be taking after you like I tried to warn him?

Venus glares at Mercury for a while. A passing asteroid is shredded to dust

V: SHUT UP MERCURY!

Venus rushes off

E: Look, I understand if you don’t want to be best friends ever again, I totally do! I just don’t want to feel like I’m walking on space debris like I have the last few days whenever we've talked.

M: Oh, walking on debris, you mean like how I apparently need to monitor when you hear in case it “makes you feel uncomfortable”?

E: Mars-

M: No, you listen to me! You refuse to believe that you aren't “Mr.Special” and you try to avoid any information that contradicts that! You avoid talking about your Earthlings trying to colonize me, you REFUSE to talk about the dinosaurs-

Earth winces

E: (weakly) too soon-

M: 65 MILLION YEARS! That is more than enough time to get your crap done and get over those dumb lizards! And that's not even to mention how you reacted when Titan came over and-

T: Woah! What did I mess up this time?!

Mars and Earth turn to see Titan and Luna approach. Earth looks so relieved

T: I thought you said that Mercury was keeping him on his tilt?

L: He was when I left-

M: Well, good thing your back, Earth’s moon. I think I’m done here

Mars pushes the others out of the way

T: Hey, Mars? About our conversion earlier-

M: Not now Titan

Mars leaves leaving Titan speechless

T: Uh, did Mars eat a sour asteroid or something?

P: Don't know, let’s go see!

D: Yeah! Maybe he’ll share

Phobos and Deimos rush off to catch up to Mars. Titan looks at Earth

P: Hey Mars! Did you eat a sour asteroid, and if so can you share?

M: No, there are no sour asteroids

Phobos and Deimos look disappointed

D: Well, can we at least swap our orbits?

Mars looks confused as we transition back to Earth, Luna, and Titan

T: Woah Mr. Earth, you doing ok?

E: I- Im doing fine… thanks for asking, thanks for bringing back Luna

T: Any time, What's going on with you and Mars?

E: I- I messed up-

L: Oh don't say that! Mars is just-

Titan looks back at Mars who is allowing Phobos and Deimos to swap orbits

M: There you have it guys

Mars turns away grumpily

P/D: YAY!

T: Was it, was it something I said? Something that I did? Because that does not sound like the red planet I talked to the other day

Earth shakes his head

E: It’s not your fault Titan, he's just, mad at me

L: Without good reason!

Earth looks down, sad. Titan looks back and winces

T: Well, I've got to head off, moon swap and all

Earth looks confused

E: Moon swap?

L: I can explain

T: Anyways, I hope you do ok, I’ve got to get to Neptune

Titan turns to leave

E: One last thing Titan…

Titan turns around confused

E: I- I am sorry for just… leaving like that… if Mars felt that way-

Titan looks at Earth with pity and shakes his head

T: No need to apologize to me Earth, you didn't do anything wrong to me, we all get uncomfortable at times, sometimes leaving the situation is just the best solution we can find. If Mars somehow fails to understand that, that is his problem, even if we are all left with the consequences with his choice. We can’t know everything for every situation

Titan leaves. Luna looks at a very depressed Earth, and looks sad with him. Earth looks past the asteroid Belt… toward Jupiter

Chapter Text

We look to see Jupiter with the moons of Uranus gathered

J: Uh, Ok! Let’s see here… I was sure I put it, aha there it is!

Jupiter grabs the list Uranus gave him

J: Ok, lets get started, from largest to smallest, Titania… Oberon… Umbriel… Ariel…. Mir-

Jupiter pauses looking confused

J: Titania, Oberon, Umbriel… am I reading that right?

Uranus’s moons all start looking uncomfortable

Ta: Is Something wrong, uh Jupiter?

Jupiter shakes his head

J: No no no, everything is fine, it’s just that your names seem odd, yet familiar, almost as if I recognize them from somewhere-

Miranda moves in front of Jupiter putting on some eyeliner and starts ascending

J: What the!

Jupiter gently grabs Miranda

J: Why are you orbiting me like that?

Miranda drops the eyeliner and looks confused

M: Is that not how all moons orbit?

J: Not really, well, maybe the irregular moons that orbit me further out, but not any of the close ones, much less the major moons

O: U-u-uh but thats how we’ve always orbited!

A: How do your moons normally orbit you?

J: Well, normally my moons orbit me near my equator-

Jupiter’s eyes go wide, and then he starts laughing. Oberon looks terrified

O: He’s going crazy! Hide!

T: He’s just laughing Oberon

O: But, but-

J: No no no, Im not going crazy, heh, you remind me of Io when he was young, King Oberon

Oberon blinks

A: King Oberon?

O: I remind y-you o-of Io?

J: Yeah, the stutter, a little clumsy, even his fear of his own shadow till Ganymede, Callisto and Europa snapped him out of it. Although you hold more of a resemblance to Callisto appearance wise

Oberon blinks

J: Anyways, I just remembered that Uranus’s axis is tilted by about 98 degrees compared to his orbit around the Sun where as mine is only about 3 degrees.

The moons of Uranus blink

M: Yeah, I guess your weird like that

Jupiter winces

J: Kinda, I guess, I suppose most planets do have a more noticeable tilt, Earth, Mars, Saturn and Neptune all have tilts between 23 and 28 degrees, and only Mercury and sorta Venus have small tilts like me

P: Sorta Venus

Jupiter sighs

J: Its, complicated. Lets just say you could say his is either 3 degrees, or 177 degrees since he also has a retrograde rotation, sorta similar to Uranus.

Ta: So, Uranus is the odd one?

J: I suppose, I guess thats one reason why he enjoyed Pluto so much, one of the only planetary objects we knew of with a similar tilt at about 122 degrees-

Jupiter pauses

J: I wonder how Pluto and Charon are doing, haven’t seen them in almost 2 decades since-

P: Wait, you're saying that the moons of Saturn weren’t being weird with their orbits? It was all just his tilt?

J: Nope, for his moons it would be completely normal Mr. uh…

Jupiter looks at the list again

J: Puck- ok, I need to check this

Jupiter pulls out a stack of books and begins skimming through them

A: And I thought Uranus was obsessed with books.

Umbriel goes up to Jupiter to look at what he’s reading

O: Uh… least he’s… uh-

Oberon looks to Titania

T: Not threatening to kill us?

O: S-sure, that works

M: Wonder what got him so caught up on our names-

A: He did call Oberon a king earlier

Oberon blushes

O: B-but I am no king, I-

J: Ah ha! I knew it!

Oberon hides behind Titania who roles her eyes

J: You guys are named like the characters from William Shakespeare and Alexander Pope’s works!

Uranus’s moons all look confused

P: William… Alexzander?

M: Who are they?

J: Two Earthlings that made a ton of stories, often putting them on a stage and showing the story off infront of people

A: A stage?

J: A… Im really not sure how to describe it, a platform of some sort where you show something of like a skill or story, like here, Titania and Oberon, the king and queen of the fairies in Shakespeare’s A mid Summer Night’s Dream

Titania and Oberon look at each other flabbergasted

Ta: Oberon, a king? He’d be afraid of the crown!

A: And you're a queen!

Ariel starts giggling while Titania turns red

J: And then Ariel and Umbriel are sylph and gnome respectively in Alexander’s-

Jupiter pauses

J: You know, I don’t think I’ll say that title, to many little ones who could over hear, though I am noticing that almost all these names seem to match with those two author’s works, Miranda is from the Tempest, Puck is a sprite from the other one

A: Uh, how do planets normally name their moons?

J: Well, I mostly got the names for my moons from characters from greek mythology that had some sort of connection with Zeus, I believe Saturn once told me he was trying to name his after various Titans and giants from greek mythology, although he stepped into Norse Mythology once he realized just how many he had.

Ta: 274?

J: Exactly, Mars named his moons after the sons of Ares, and Luna-

Jupiter pauses

J: Well, I think Luna mostly named himself, although I do know that it is Spanish for “moon” in the Earthling tongue, I also think there was a roman goddess named that?

P: OH! Speaking of Luna-

Ta: And Neptune?

Jupiter stays still for a moment

J: I- Im honestly not sure, I don’t know Neptune as well as I should, I know Triton shares the name of a son of Posiedon, but that's a whole can of worms I am not getting into right now, although I would guess probably after water gods or creatures from greek mythology?

Titania shakes her head

T: I guess Uranus really messed up on our names

J: I wouldn’t say that, I think it’s kinda cool how you guys are named after something a little different, clearly Uranus put lots of care into naming you guys

Titania rolls her eyes

Ta: Didn’t stop him from making that “joke”

Jupiter sighs

J: Yeah, I guess something must have ticked him off there, any ideas what was happening when he said it?

A: Oh! He was talking to Uranus and Neptune about rings

Jupiter nods

J: Would make sense, Uranus and Saturn would probably bond over that

M: I wouldn’t really call it bonding

Jupiter frowns

J: What do you mean?

O: U-uh, Uranus seemed kinda annoyed at Neptune sorta ignoring his rings and asking about Saturn’s

A: That was kinda rude of him

J: Well, I would assume Neptune already knows why Uranus has rings

Titania frowns

T: He would?

J: I mean, I know those two have been besties since before we even met them, I know Neptune has gotten a bit… off as of late, but he sure seems to remember Uranus and his moons just fine if him calling out all his moons is any indication. Im sure Neptune is fully aware how Uranus’s rings formed from the material left over from his crash-

UM: CRASH?!

J: Story for another day, it was from before he woke up, but in short, there was a bunch of materiel that later either formed his rings, or, well, you guys

Uranus’s moons blink

A: We… did not know that

J: Well, Neptune does, in fact, I believe he’s the one who told me, mostly trying to explain to me why Uranus is tilted so far on his axis, one of the few cases where he knew something more than me

M: Given how much Uranus feels like “discount Saturn”, it still wasn’t cool

Jupiter looks confused

J: Discount Saturn? Who called him that? Was it Venus? Ugh, how many times do I have to tell Venus to not mock-

A: It’s, more so a name he calls himself

Jupiter blinks

J: Huh? Why?

T: His rings are not near as flashy as his

J: Well, neither are mine

Puck looks confused

P: Your’s? Where are your-

T: Still, with you and him excluding him all the time-

Jupiter looks confused

J: Saturn and I have been excluding him?

O: W-well, Thats what he keeps saying… that he only talks to Saturn who is always with you? No matter how much he tries?

J: Huh… I… never realized we were excluding him… or probably even Neptune for that matter… How long has he felt this way?

O: S-s-since as long as we remember?

T: Just about all he talks about when he isn’t buried in his diary or painting

J: Huh, suppose we did focus most of our attention on the rocky planets… and kinda left the ice giants out… after the grand tac…

T: The what?

Jupiter’s eyes go wide and he shakes his head

J: Nothing, thanks for telling me that, Saturn and I should not have been making Uranus feel that way. I’ll try talking to him once this whole thing is over. Maybe we can do something to make him feel less excluded. Neptune as well

Jupiter looks back to his list of names

J: Let’s see, Sycorax, a witch from William’s the Tempest, Portia, the female protagonist from The merchant of Venice, Juliet, the female lover in Romeo-

P: Why does Earth have such a large moon?

Jupiter turns in surprise

J: What do you mean?

M: Well, Luna seemed oddly, large

J: As he should, being the 5th largest moon in the solar system, between my moons Io and Europa in size-

P: But WHY is he so big?!

Jupiter winces

J: I'm afraid I can’t, sorry little ones

UM: AW!

A: C'mon cuties! We shouldn't badger Mr.Jupiter with too many questions

J: Oh I'm fine with being asked questions! Its just that with Earth, well thats a sensitive-

E: J-J-Jupiter…

Jupiter turns around to see a frozen Earth, and his moon who is trying to pull him back.

L: C'mon Earth! Your way off your orbit!

E: Must… find… Jupiter, must get-

J: EARTH

Jupiter throws his book aside and immediately rushes forward, grabbing Earth in his gravity

A: Wait, Earth, out here?!

M: What is he doing?!

E: J-Jupiter, I- I need-

J: Im here Earth, but Luna is right, you are way out of your orbit! Your oceans already look half frozen!

E: I- I- I need-

T: You need to get back in your orbit!

J: I’ll take you back, on the way you can say whatever it is you need, but you need to get back

Jupiter grabs the Earth and begins pulling on him and starts heading for the inner solar system

Chapter Text

We see Saturn patrolling around with a list of names

S: Ok! Just 16 moons… you can remember that Saturn! It’s just 16!

Saturn makes a forced smile

T: You don't seem all that sure of yourself

Saturn wilts

S: Well, I was just told-

P: Mr. Saturn!

Saturn turns

S: Ah, hello little uh… Pontus?

Proteus looks confused. Saturn looks at his list in a small panic

S: Proteus! I am so sorry!

P: All good Mr. Saturn! We were wondering if you had stories!

Saturn looks confused

S: Stories?

T: The little ones love to listen to Neptune’s stories, although they are usually hard to follow

S: Hmm, yeah I suppose they would… Neptune has all his adventures in the Kuiper Belt to find them though… I usually just stick around here-

N: How about a story about how you got your pretty rings!

Saturn winces

S: Not sure that’s all that great of a story Niaid

Neried gives a confused look

Ni: She isn’t Niaid, I am!

Saturn panicked looks to the list

S: R-right… he he, sorry. The bigger one is Neried, the smaller one is Niaid

N: How about how you got your moons?

S: My moons?

H: Yeah! Can you please tell the story about how you got your moons, Mr.Saturn?

Saturn winces

S: I really-

NMs:(high pitch) PLEASE

Saturn’s heart melts

S: Very well… I’ll try

Saturn closes his eyes

S: Well, it’s a story that is honestly a bit tragic. First the Sun formed from a disk of gas and dust, than I eventually formed after Jupiter from the remains of that disk and Like Jupiter, there was a disk of material around me, but it was always so… unstable

L: Unstable?

S: An unfortunate consequence for the early instability of the early solar system. Some of it would crash into me, some others would get ejected, and often they would end up crashing into each other

Neptune’s moons gasp

G: Your moons would crash into each other?

S: Y-yes… but, after the last major crash, my moons sorta stabilized into the system I have now

P: Well thats good!

S: Yes, the crash even formed my largest moon Titan,

Saturn lights up

S: Do you guys know about Titan-

Flash

T: Name one moon that orbits you

H: Is he the orange one?

S: Uh… y-yes uh hippo…

Saturn looks at the list

S: Hippocamp! He has a dense atmosphere which gives him that color, although he does try to hide it, unsuccessfully, but he tries

P: What about your other moons? Where did they come from?

S: Uh… I believe most of my regular moons either formed around me like usual or were made from the debris that did not form Titan.

Neptune’s moons look confused

N: Regular moons?

Triton’s eyes go wide and he starts shaking his head at Saturn. Saturn, doesn't notice

S: Basically moons that tend to fit in various categories, like having near circular orbits, orbiting near my equator, forming around me, orbit the same way I rotate, stuff like that. Jupiter’s really the one who would know-

Neptune’s moons suddenly look at Triton fascinated while a panicked look grows on his face.

P: What is a moon that doesn’t fit in as a regular moon?

T: Saturn-

S: Well, usually they are called irregular moons, moons that have tilted or eccentric orbits-

N: Like me? My orbit has an eccentricity of .749!

Saturn blinks

S: Well, that is certainly eccentric, in fact I can’t think of a moon more eccentric…

Saturn looks sad

S: Than again-

Saturn shakes his head

S: Probably happened when Neptune wandered around the Kuiper belt and captured-

T: (panicking) Uh, you were saying more about irregular moons?

Saturn blinks

S: Uh, sure! Anyways, they also tend to have retrograde orbits, or don’t originate around me-

P: Don't originate with you?

Triton is now practically shushing Saturn

S: Some of my moons are moons that my gravity pulled in from elsewhere in the solar system, either because they got t0o close or because I moved a bit trying to find a stable orbit

H: Like where?

S: Well, most of my irregular moons originated in either the Kuiper or Asteroid belts, kinda like-

T: Saturn…

Saturn looks confused

S: Uh, anyways, I think I also got some from the late heavy bombardment

H: A late and heavy bomb?!

S: Bombardment, basically when a bunch of asteroids rained down upon us, mostly due to our movement …especially the rocky planets…

Saturn shakes his head.

P: Retrograde?

S: Yes, basically they orbit against my rotation, so clockwise rather than counterclockwise-

N: Oh! Like Triton!

Triton looks like a deer in headlights

S:Yes, exactly like Triton, hes the largest irregular moon in the solar sy-

T:Saturn!

Saturn looks Surprised

S: What?

G: Wow! How big can they get?

S: Uh, just really depends on the objects… my largest captured moon is much smaller, about 200 kilometers and is… Plebie?

T: (wincing) Phoebe?

S: Yes Tit- Triton, she actually used to be round like Triton, but various impacts have distorted her shape, I think she might even have given me one of my outer rings.

Triton looks away, looking at a thin ring

T: Oddly tilted from your others.

S: Y-yes, Phoebe orbits me retrograde and highly tilted so debris from her would also be tilted and retrograde unlike my… visible rings…

Saturn looks down, Triton’s eyes go wide

T:Sao!

Saturn turns abruptly to see Sao getting a little too close to his rings.

S: Woah!

Saturn backs up, getting Sao away from the Roche limit.

Sa: Sowwy Mr. Saturn… they are just so pretty…

S: I know, I just don’t want you to get hurt is all!

N: Do rings hurt?

Saturn looks a little panicked

S: Not for me, but-

Saturn shakes his head

S: I recently learned a disturbing theory about them, and while I don’t know if it’s true or not, I don’t want to risk harming anyone else with them, much less cute little moons like you Samoan

Sao starts crying. Saturn quickly looks through his list

S: Sao! I am so sorry-

Several of Neptune’s moons look around confused

P: Why do you have such a problem with our names?

S: I don’t! It’s just… I know I really don’t have an excuse, but-

T: You arn't good at learning names

S: N-yes… I hadn’t realized before they mentioned it just how bad I am at it… I am so sorry-

Neptune's moons frown

G: So, no exploring your rings?

Saturn shakes his head

S: Too dangerous

Saturn looks at the moons who look disapointed

S: (nervous) Uh, any more questions about moons?

D: I have a question!

S: Uh, sure… what question Despea-Despina?

D: Why does Earth have such a big moon?

Saturn turns pale

S: What?

D: Earth has a moon even bigger than Triton! Yet Earth is tiny compared to Neptune! Why does he have such a large moon?

P: Maybe Earth captured him!

N: But didn't Mr. Saturn say captured moons were usually small?

S: Uh-

Triton turns to Saturn and raises an eyebrow and a light smile

T: I'm actually kinda curious about this, especially since Luna himself didn’t really seem to have any sort of answer

S: Uh, let me rephrase, any more questions about, my moons? That really, really isn't somthing I should talk about

P: Why?

S: Very complicated, and not my moon..

Saturn shakes his head

S: You know what, no more questions, how about we...

Saturn pulls out some asteroids

S: Play games!

NMs: YAY

Saturn begins juggling, meanwhile Triton looks at Saturn with suspicion

Chapter Text

We zoom in on the shelter Astrodude has formed with the ship as he continues to drill into Europa’s crust

AD: Swoof! How far have we gotten so far computers?

C: 12 kilometers, Astrodude

AD: Ok, so we are nearly there… Hey, doesn't Europa have water geysers like Enchiladas? Couldn't we have just used those?

C: Possibly, however, they are much less common than on Enceladus, and would be difficult to find. Plus, you had us land on the equator, and such geysers would likely be near the poles

AD: My mistake I guess, wait, why aren't Io’s volcanoes near his poles then?

C: Unknown

AD: Guess we are here to find answers-

Astrodude drills a little deeper… and water sprays him in the face

AD: Found it!

The water sprays for a while

AD: Now what?

C: You need to enter the water

AD: Got it

Astrodude takes the plunge once the water calms down.

AJ: Woah…

Astrodude finds a sight very similar to that he saw on Titan in the main timeline, a huge area.

AD: Uh, Shouldn't I be able to see something?

C: Europa’s crust blocks all light from the Sun-

AD: I mean with my lights! Obviously I mean my lights!

C: Life most likely lives near the bottom of the ocean, not a lot of reason for it to remain up here, there is no light from the Sun, so their main source of energy would be from the vents on the ocean floor, scanning for microbes.

Astrodude looks down into the dark abyss

AD: Uh, how deep is this ocean?

C: It is believed to be between 100-160 kilometers deep

AD: WOAH! Isn't the deepest that Earth's oceans get like, 11 kilometers?

C: Indeed

AD: Well, guess I got to go deeper, we are still practically on the surface at this point

We zoom out to see Europa and the other moons of Jupiter moving out with Uranus

Io: W-wow Uranus! Your orbit is far!

Uranus winces

U: Y-yah mate, tried to pick a good spot between Saturn and my bud Neptune… (muttering) not that it mattered….

C: Huh?

U: Nothing! Nothing mates…

We zoom back in to Europa and back to Astrodude

AD: Hey, Computer? I won’t I give problems to any life down here with this light? I know several animals like the angler fish use light to attract prey and that others use it for mating, find food, ect-

C: Doubtful, like deep sea creatures on Earth, they likely never evolved eyes or similar organs due to the lack of light anywhere inside the ocean. Any that we find will most likely be blind

AD: Yeah, that’s probably a dumb question, what about the water pressure? Can life even survive with all the pressure from the water and ice above?

C: Maybe, but Europa's weaker gravity would hold less tightly on the water than Earth does, so the pressure, even at the deepest point, should be around the same as at the deepest parts of Earth's oceans, which have been seen to hold life

AD: Huh, I guess life is a lot more durable than I-

Something moves past Astrodude

AD: What was that?

C: Movement detected, 30 meters out

Astrodude approaches nervously.

AD: Hello? You friendly neighborhood Astrodude is-

?-chrop

Astrodude turns around suddenly to find… a fish? Although it’s very elongated and looks wierd

AD: Is… is that-

C: It appears to be similar to a few deep sea fish on Earth, however, it has strange bone structures, and have an abnormally large organ.

AD: Oh my… Europa does have life! This is amazing-

POOO

The “fish” then expels gas in Astrodude’s face, slims Into a snake like shape, and speeds away, leaving Astrodude stunned

AD: Did it just fart on me?

C: It appears that it is using gases contained inside that strange organ to push it forward as a means of propulsion

AD: So it farts to move around, and just farted on me

C: Yes

AD: Well, least it didn't think I was lunch

C: I am detecting alot of movment further down, peraphs more life

AD: Well, guess there is only one way to find out

Astrodude goes deeper and deeper

Boom!

Astrodude turns to see a small eruption which lights up the ocean floor

AD: Woah

Astrodude sees a beautiful sight as the light illuminates the ocean floor. Small spiny creatures begin piercing the European rock, thin membranes float above the vents, clearing Something from the water. And then-

AD: Is that a crab?

We see a large crustacean move around, holding black hairy arms over the vent, occasionally nibbling on them.

C: It appears to have adapted in a similar fashion as the yeti crab deep within Earth's own oceans, with hairy arms being used to eat microbes and minerals coming from the vents, although it appears the hairs are black rather than white for some unknown reason

AD: Geez, everything evolves into crabs, don't they?

C: It would appear so-

beep beep

C: scan complete

The computer shows several images.

AD: Woah…

The images show several different microbes in the water, each looking nothing like the last.

C: Europa is an active, living, and breathing world it would seem

AD: Indeed-

Suddenly, the volcano stops abruptly

AD: Huh, sorta thought that would go on for a bit long-

Suddenly, a large creature moves from the ocean floor, moving several rocks away, and using a “hand cup” grabs the “crab” before diving back into the floor which collapses behind it

AD: Well… I think i'm staying up here, don't need to become lunch to… whatever that thing was-

C: It appears to be a predator

Astrodude rolls his eyes

AD: Oh really? I thought it was a vegetarian

C: No

AD: (sigh) And what about these… membranes above the vents?

The computer scans

C: They appear to actually be clumps of bacteria bound tightly together

AD: No way

C: Affirmative, they appear to be “filtering” useful minerals from the vents, while letting most of the water pass through

AD: Man-

Suddenly the vents start fizzling out and the membranes disintegrate

AD: Wait, aren't those supposed to-

C: error, sensors showing abrupt cooling within the European core

AD: Abrupt cooling? What do you mean?

C: Europa is cooling down at an oddly high rate, slowing the heat exhaustion which fuels life down here

AD: Any guesses as to why?

C: Unknown

A small creature latches onto Astrodude’s suit

AD: Well let’s find out!

As astrodude goes up, we zoom out to see a shivering Europa around Uranus.

Chapter Text

We see Uranus bring Jupiter’s moons to his orbit

U: Well, here we are mates, my orbit round the sun, about 20 AU away…

Uranus looks at all the moons and looks nervous as he brings out a journal

U: Uh, feel free to orbit me how you wish, I don’t expect you guys to go sideways like me… that would be stupid..

Uranus nervously laughs

G: I mean, Don't most moons orbit near your equator, so wouldn’t that be normal?

U: Uh- yes I guess, but Jupiter has almost no tilt relative to his orbit, and I rotate practically on my side, so I understand if you guys are not up for that, i'm sure just being out here is a... different experience-

Uranus writes Something down in his journal

U: just be sure not to come closer than 50,000 km from me, beyond that you guys should be safe

The Galilean moons look at each other suspiciously

C: Thats… an oddly specific distance

U: Well, it’s about where Cordelia would normally orbit, and she is my closest, and she isn't exactly my densest moon, and although I know that the... uh-

E: Roche Limit?

Uranus winces

E: yeah, that. I know it changes depending on density, but since Cordelia isn't all that dense, any point outside of that should be fine for you to orbit, plus, if I recall correctly, my hillsphere is a bit bigger than Jupiter's so there should be plenty of space to move around

Uranus starts writing Something down

U: Ok, I apologize, but I have rubish memory, not near as bad as Neptunes- well, guess I can't say that since he remembered all of his moon's names...

Uranus shakes his head

U: Will I ever understand him?

Uranus sighs

U: Well, point was that I don't think I can put every name to every face, but I might as well get some of the big ones, excluding you four ofcourse

The Galilean moons look confused

G: Why not us?!

U: Because you guys are the easy ones, Jupiter loves talking about you guys, don't need a reminder on any of your guy's names, Ganymede

G: Oh...

U: Anyways,

Uranus looks at some of the moons

U: You two gals are Amalthea and Himalya, right?

H/A: (excited) HERE!

U: Ok, then can everyone else line up so I can at least try to get your names down?

The little moons excitedly start lining up, and begin pushing eachother around

U: Oh boy…

E: Come on little ones, one at a time

Time lapse

Io: H-hey C-callisto?

Callisto slowly turns annoyed

C: What is it, Io-

Callisto looks confused

C: What is up with you?

Io is seen shivering

Io: I-I am f-feeling a- bit c-chilly

Callisto frowns

C: Well, we are 4 times the distance from the Sun, are you ok?

Io: I-I don't k-know... my insides feel... f-frozen!

A slight hint of concern grows on Callisto's face

C: Your... insides?

Io looks confused as he shivers

Io: Y-yeah?

C: Have you been in orbital resonance since we started orbiting Uranus?

Io: N-no? W-we could never seem to g-get the timing right

Callisto's eyes go wide

C: Uh oh

We switch over to Ganymede and Europa who, like Io, are shivering like crazy

E: I-its getting k-kinda chilly, i-isn't it?

G: (facade) C-chilly?

Ganymede tries to shake his head

G: N-naw, not for me, Babe, n-bot chilly here!

Europa gives Ganymede a look

E: You sure?

The facade crumbles

G: N-nope! It's freezing!

E: Glad im not the only one

G: B-but why are we freezing? Don't we both reflect like, 67% of the sun's light anyways? Why would moving u-us out freeze us so bad?!

E: O-one, I reflect 67% the Sun's light, you r-reflect about 43%

G: PFt, c-close enough!

E: T-two, I t-think this has more to d-do with our insides

G: Oh... y-yeah, we haven't done well in orbital resonance here, have we?

Io: N-nope!

Ganymede and Europa slowly turn to see Callisto and a freezing Io aproach

C: Just as I suspected, freezing inside?

Ganymede tries to move

G: W-who said-

E: YES!

Callisto rolls her

C: Ugh, let’s go see Uranus and find out why you 3 can't seem to stay in resonance

G: Y-you m-mean Ur- Ur

Ganymede shivers

G: Not worth the joke

We see the Galilean moons approach Uranus who seems to be painting Something

U: And... done! Ok, how does this look, little ones?

Uranus flips the picture over, showing several of the smaller moons in front of Jupiter

A: Wow! That’s amazing Uranus

H: Yeah, why didn't we see any of your moons with pictures like these? These are incredible!

U: I did make them… but they got tired of them fairly quickly…

Uranus turns and we see several pictures with Uranus and his moons seemingly thrown away

U: But feel free to do what you want with this one, uh, Thebe, Ersa, and Pandia

JM: YAY

The little ones drag the painting away as the Galilean moons approach

Io:H-hey Uranus!

Uranus turns

U: Oh hey, what up mates?

C: Apparently, these 3 are freezing

Uranus looks confused

U: I mean, my orbit is quite far from the sun mates, not a whole ton I can do there, what do you normally do to warm up?

E:W-we usually heat eac-eachother by T-tidal forces

U: Oh, I see the problem, yeah I imagine that's a lot harder to do with me, given my mass and rotation

E/G: What!?

U: Well, I'm only about 1/20th the mass of Jupiter, so already my influence is going to be lesser than with Mr. big guy Jupiter, thus meaning I cause less tidal heating in general, plus it’s harder to stay in resonance with me, meaning your orbits will naturally try to circularize, which again, will lessen tidal heating.

Io: W-why is staying in resonance harder with you?

U: It’s… complicated… Basically I bulge out less compared to Jupiter and Saturn since I spin a little slower, plus larger Satellites just have more of an issue transferring momentum which normally allows moons to get into resonance. Even Europa alone is like, 4-5 times the mass of all my moons combined, so add along Io, and Ganymede who are both significantly more massive…

Io, Europa, and Ganymede all wince

G: S-Suddenly being the largest moon isn't sounding all that hot

E: L-literally

U: it’s certainly tougher… Honestly I don’t fully understand the science behind it all myself really. I only realized it was a issue when my own moons broke their old resonance and I went to Jupiter for answers… Geez those girls were SO mad at each other for decades… and than poor Oberon was caught in the crossfire…

Uranus grabs an old painting and looks sadly into it. It shows Uranus with his 5 largest moons when they were younger. Oberon has a binky. (Very important). Uranus shakes his head

U: Anyways, unfortunately, I'm not really sure how to fix the issue, I could maybe nit you a blanket or something, although that may very well make you colder rather than warmer without a thick atmosphere, espically if it is your insides that are feeling cold…

E: It-It’s fine Ur-Uranus… W-we

M: Hey Uranus? I have a question!

Uranus turns to Metis

U: Yes mate? Little busy at the-

M: It will be quick! Like me!

Uranus turns to the Galilean moons who nod

U: Very well Metis, what is your

M: I have a question, why aren't you called Caelus?

Uranus blinks

U: Huh? Why would I be called Caelus?

M: I mean, most of the planets besides Earth are named after gods in Roman mythology, Mercury rather than Hermes, Venus instead of Aphrodite-

Io: T-that last one makes him sound like a girl!

Uranus wince

U: Please don't tell him that mate, but what does that have to do with my name?

M: Well, you’re instead named after the Greek version of the god of the sky, rather than the Roman one, Caelus.

Uranus looks Surprised

U: I-Im honestly not sure mate. I just sorta came with my name, then everyone started laughing at it…

Most of the galileans look confused

C: Well, aside from Ganymede, who all has been making fun of your name?

Uranus thinks for a moment

U: I guess mostly Venus, maybe Neptune? It is bloody hard to tell with Neptune, can't tell if he is serious or actually making a joke

Callisto raises an eyebrow

C: What about Jupiter? When was the last time Jupiter made fun of your name?

U: It was-

Uranus thinks for a moment

U: No.. that was Venus, than Earth…

Uranus looks confused

U: Honestly, I don’t remember the last Jupiter did… maybe a little when we first met but…

Io: W-what about Saturn?

Uranus drops his painting

U: (To himself) Did he ever make fun of my name? I mean he introduced me to laughs, but was that really what he meant?

E: I mean, you would be the one to know, wouldn’t you?

U: Huh… I… guess it’s mostly the rocky planets… even then it’s mostly Venus…

K: OH! OH! I have a question!

Uranus sighs

U: What is it Kalyke?

K: Why is Earth’s moon so big?

Europa tries to stare at Kalyke but is shivering too much

U: Huh?

K: Earth’s moon is bigger than Europa, yet Earth is tiny! How did he get a big moon?

Uranus looks uncomfortable

U: Not my place to say

K: Cmon!

U: No, really. We planets are banned from telling anyone

Callisto and Io look at each other suspiciously

C: Banned? Why would you be banned from explaining how-

U: Trust me mate, if you knew the story behind-

Io:S-sorry t-to interrupt, Mr. Uranus, but blankets?

Uranus's eyes go wide

U: Oh certainly! Right away!

Uranus pulls out a knitting kit and gets to work, (dont ask me what they are made of, we don’t want to know) we zoom in on Europa and head into her crust, where Astrodude is trying to get out

AD: HELLO! ANYONE THERE?!

We than zoom out and see a pair of eyes looking at the system, disappointed.

Chapter Text

We look to see the moons of Saturn around Neptune

N: Ok! Now that we are done with Neptune says-

M: hard to play when you are so random...

N: Lets see...

Neptune looks around

N: Hmm, does anyone know when this....

Neptune looks confused

N: Titan, right? Anyone know when he's coming?

Saturn's moons shrug

E: Well, he had to go return-

N: Reunited Luna with Terra, yeah yeah I remember that

The moons of Saturn look confused

Te: Terra? Who's Terra?

N: Luna's planet, duh

D: Uh, thats the Earth?

Neptune shrugs

N: Meh, potato tomato

D: Thats not how-

T: Im back guys

We see Titan approach, noticably slowly. Neptune’s smile wavers before returning

N: Welcome Titan! Let me introduce you to your fellow moons!

Titan shivers

T: Uh, thanks, but I already-

N: Right here is pretty Rhea, than two faced Iapetus, shining Dione, adoribly Tethys, sneezy Enceladus, half blind Mimas, grumpy Hyperion, the one I met earlier Phoebe, the twins Janus and Epimetheus-

Neptune looks confused

N: Well, I can’t seem remember the rest at the moment, 274 names is a lot to remember, they are all lots of fun though! Little Pan loves playing with my rings!

We see Pan in the spotlight, blushing, and moving out of it. Titan looks impressed

T: Well, Neptune, I can't say you disappoint, just with those moons your already doing ten times better than Saturn has been

Neptune shrugs

N: Well, it's alot easier after playing among us!

The moons shudder

E: Never, again

N: Yep! Anyways, I saved a spot just for you right there Titan!

Neptune looks wearily at Titan as he finds a stable orbit. Titan looks at Neptune

T: Is Something Wrong Neptune? You seem... nervous

Neptune’s frown disappears and he shakes his head

N: Nope! Just making sure your orbit is stable, never had such big moon like you before! Last time that hap-

Neptune freezes, leading the other moons to confused expressions

T: Uh, Neptune? Last time that happened?

Neptune shakes it off

N: Hmm, where was I… ah! Welcome Titan! Enjoy your spot!

Neptune looks around

N: Be right back!

Neptune fades

T: Ok… not creepy at all...

D: Yeah, he seems to do that a lot

Titan turns to the other moons

T: Are there any rules or anything Neptune that I s-should know about?

Titan is definitely shivering while most of the moons shake their heads

T: Well thats, good I guess… where did he go?

H: Who knows, he never says where he disapears to

I: And he disappears like that a lot, he seems largely care free about what we do, just that we don’t crash into each other or the like

Te: He even allowed me to collect some new additions!

Tethys shows several KBOs

T: Quite the collection

R: Yeah, Neptune even remembered our names fairly quickly, kinda surprising for someone so-

M: Dumb?

Several moons turn toward Mimas with anger

T: Hey!

M: What? Are you saying he isn’t-

N: Hello Saturn’s moons!

Sm:(Startled) Neptune?!

N: Yep! I am Neptune! Well! Ready for game night?!

Saturn's moons all look confused

M: Game night? Didn't we just have game night?!

N: Aw, nice joke Mimas!

M: But I wasn't-

N: Every night is game night around Neptune! Haven't you guys realized that by now?

D: Uh…

N: Well let’s see… hmm, lot of you guys, you guys said no to hide and seek - Tag would probably be a bit chaotic with so many moons around me-

P: Not far off-

N: Oh I know! how about we play I spy!

Mimas looks mad

M: Hey!

Neptune looks confused

N: Something wrong Mimas?

M: I only got one eye!

Neptune blinks

N: Can you see out of that eye?

M: Yeah, but-

N: Ah good! You can still play! I’ll start!

Neptune looks out

N: I spy with my little eye, a snowman!

The moons look out confused

E: Uh, what snowman?

N: Look and find out!

The moons start looking at Enceladus

E: What?!

N: Nope! Not there! Enceladus is not a snowman

The moons look stumped

I: Then where is it Neptune?

N: Keep trying!

The moons look around but are not able to find anything

D: Ok, thats it, where is this “snowman” you said you found, Neptune

N: Here!

Neptune pulls over an asteroid

N: Here’s Arakoth, the snowman! It was the object visited by the New Horizons probe in 2019 after it visited Pluto in 2015! It is a collisional binary that makes it look like a snowman! Pretty cool, huh?

D: The new… what?

N: Weird Earthling space probe sent to visit Pluto, sent before he got demoted, kinda similar to that Voyager 2 probe thingy, or that Cassini probe thingy that Saturn was talking about-

Titan starts to shiver a little, to his own surprise

T: You mean the thing that launched something onto me?

Neptune shrugs

N: Maybe, if you say so, anyways, someone else can go now!

The moons look confused

H: Can go where now?

Neptune laughs

N: Your silly Hyperion

H: Hey! I wasn't being-

N: Someone else can spy something for the rest of us to find! Cmon, surly you guys can see something?

The moons look around

M: Well, I guess, I spy with my only eye and see… two objects having a conversation?

Neptune lights up

N: Really?! Where?

Neptune looks back and forth dramatically

M: That way

Neptune frowns

N: Aw, I didn’t get to guess!

Mimas looks panicked

M: Sowwy Mr. Neptune sir-

N: Aw well,

Neptune looks out and lights up again

N: Oh! Pluto and Charon! I should go talk to them, be right back!

Neptune leaves for a moment, leaving the moons bewildered

M; What do we do now?

R: Maybe we should continue without Neptune?

E: That seems rather rude

D: So is calling him dumb when clearly he knows his stuff

M: Hey!

Tethys jumps up

T: Well! I spy with my little eye-

Tethys suddenly looks horrified

T: Titan?

The moons all turn to see Titan shivering like crazy with his atmosphere much less prominent. They all huddle around him

R: Titan! Are you ok?

T: I… I am… fine...

Titan continues to shiver like crazy

I: That's not good

D: No kidding Sherlock

T: Im F-fine-

Enceladus rolls his eyes

E: Oh don't even try that, NEPTUNE!

We see Neptune roll in

N: Hello Enceladus!

E: (softly) Glad you don’t call me Ensalada…

A confused look grows on Neptune's face

N: Why would I call you Spanish spinach when you're named after a fire breathing giant?

Enceladus blinks

E: Im what?!

N: Named after Enceladus, the fire breathing giant that fought Athena in greek mythology! Anyways, Pluto and Charon are returning to their friends now, what’s up?

I: Titan is freezing

N: Aren't we all well below freezing at this point?

D: His atmosphere! It’s literally freezing!

Neptune looks at a freezing Titan and frowns

N: Ah figures, his atmosphere is mostly Nitrogen, to be expected

Sm: What?!

N: Well, most gases eventually freeze when they get sufficiently cold, Water, Oxygen, Co2, Nitrogen is no different all the way out here

D: Doesn't one of your moons have a Nitrogen Atmosphere? That Triton guy or something?

N: Triton does have a very thin one due to sublimation from the Sun as his heat warms the surface, along with his own cryovolcanism and geysers that shoot out nitrogen, but we are well below the freezing point of Nitrogen out here. Most of any atmosphere made up of it will freeze before too long

T: D-didnt f-feel a difference, at first

N: Well, you likely had leftover heat from your greenhouse effect

M: Greenhouse affect?

N: Basically it’s when an atmosphere is able to trap some of the Sun’s heat and keep it

R: I though that was something the Earth had, global warming or something like that?

N: Indeed, however its far from the only one. Technically anyone with an atmosphere has one, I mean have you seen Venus? He’s smokin! While Mercury gets real chilly on his night side without an atmosphere to keep in the heat

D: But, then why is Titan-

Dione turns to see Titan shivering some more

D: If he also has a greenhouse affect-

N: Well, most likely he initially had some leftover heat from his place around Saturn, however, we are 3 times further from the Sun than Saturn, so I guess over time the heat leaked out. Entropy and all that sad stuff

Ph: Entropy?

N: Chaos to order, order to chaos, that boring stuff

Ph: Huh?

M: Maybe he isn’t so dumb…

N: Nope! Thats Uranus’s moon Umbriel, I can speak just fine!

M: Huh? Why are you insulting Umbriel?

Neptune looks confused

N: What did I say to insult Umbriel?

M: Well-

D: Shut up Mimas

Neptune looks at Titan worried

N: Maybe we should stop this early, you are not doing well out here

T: Im f-f-

N: Nice try! I’ll try getting the others, this isn’t worth freezing you over for

T: B-but, the swap, t-the plan-

N: Is meant to help us planets learn how to treat our moons better, but that won’t do you any good if your just a frozen nitrogen popsicle

The other moons don't argue as Neptune pulls the group away.

P: Mr. Neptune?

Neptune goes upside down to face him

N: Yes Mr. Pan?

P: Do you know why Earth’s moon is so large compared to most moons?

Neptune frowns

N: Well, size doesn't really matter, guess Luna just decided to go big when orbiting Terra

Te: Again with “Terra”…

N: He just formed differently than most of you, he was a small ball of lava orbiting Terra, can’t say on any more details, those are BORING

The moons go silent as Neptune continues on

???: I think it was long enough

A mysterious object appears distantly

???: Your own moon has had long enough, Neptune

Chapter Text

We see Pluto and Charon right after Pluto left in the middle of the game

C: I'm sorry Pluto

P: Yeah… me too…

Neptune appears

N: Me three!

P/C: Ah!

Pluto and Charon back up in shock

P: Neptune!?

N: Ooh, yeah! You're right! I am Neptune!

P: What are you doing here?

N: Well, I was looking for my moons, then I found them, they went a joined the moon club-

Pluto and Charon look at each other confused

N: My moons and all the other moons thought of this awesome idea to swap planets for a little bit, it's been so much fun! Then we started playing I spy, and Saturn's moon Mimas spotted you guys!

Pluto looks uncomfortable

P: Uh… interesting stuff…

Pluto shakes his head

P: listen Neptune, I kinda have my own thing going on right now so would you mind-

Neptune nods

N: Loud and clear! Goodbye!

Neptune starts to leave, while Pluto and Charon are pulled in, they escape using the gravitational slingshot maneuver

N: Oh, didn’t realize I did that this time! Sorry!

Flash

We see a young Pluto and Charon being pulled from the Kuiper Belt by Neptune

Flash

P: It was you! You pulled us out past your orbit! Your gravity must be so strong that it impacts Kuiper Belt objects

N: Oh, yeah, I do tend to do that, you still managed to go do your own thing though

P: So, all this time, I came out of the Kuiper Belt, just like the other dwarf planets

C: Pluto…

They were right, all along! I'm really just like them, I-I wasn't special, I wasn’t a planet! I never really, belonged

N: You two are so cool!

P: What do you mean? Weird?

N: Ive never seen a double planet before! They way you did that orbit slingshot thingy and escaped my orbit? Ha, so cool!

P: But-

N: Listen, there are hundreds of things that make me special and the least of them is that I am a planet, that's just some overrated Earthling term.

P: But the others-

N: The others will get used to it the moment they see you happy, or not, who cares, right?

Pluto turns to Charon

P: Charon, do you think less of me because i’m not a planet?

C: I don't care

P: You… don't? Then, what am I to you?

C: We’ve been orbiting each other for billions of years. I don’t care if you're my planet or if i am your moon. For me, you’ll always be my dance partner

P: Do you think this will be good enough for the other dwarf planets?

C: Pluto, for the last time, Nobody cares! Only you. Just let it go

N: So? What do you think Mr.Pluto?

Pluto looks back with a grin

P: I think I got a game to finish. See you Neptune!

Pluto heads off to find the dwarf planets

C: Thank you Neptune. I think you helped

N: I sure hope so! You're a pretty cool moon, you know that?

Charon beams

C: You really think so?

N: Yeah! I mean most of the other moons in the solar system had enough issues to warrant this moon club thingy in the first place, but you just stick with you buddy when he needs you! Kinda reminds me of Orcus and Vanth, it warms my core

C: Aw, shucks, I’m glad you- WAIT WHO?!

We zoom in on the Dwarf planets playing DnD

P: Alright then! What's next then?

Charon approaches the group

C: Pluto… I think I have a better idea

The dwarf planets turn to Charon

P: Charon? What do you mean?

C: I think Neptune mentioned another dwarf planet back there

Pluto blinks

P: He did?

C: Yeah, some Orcus and Vanth?

Makemake jumps for joy

MM: This Neptune planet guy knows about 2 other dwarf planets?

C: Well, he made it sound like one was the moon of the other, so maybe just one-

MM: Still! If this Neptune fella knows about another dwarf planet, we should look for it! Did Neptune give you any details on where they may be!?

Charon shrugs

C: Not really

P: Well, If Neptune knows then, they must orbit within the inner part of the Kuiper Belt, sort of like me and Charon do.

H: Have you seen this guy?

Pluto shakes his head

P: I don’t remember seeing any such object in my orbit, do you Charon?

Charon shakes her head

E: Well, if they have a similar orbit, maybe they just never get close enough to be seen, if we backtracked-

MM: Excellent idea Eris! Let’s go!

Makemake moves forward.

E: I wasnt-

The other dwarf planets follow Makemake

E: ugh

Eris follows. We see all the dwarf planets looking through the Kuiper belt

MM: Wow! It is certainly an experience seeing all this in reverse!

P: Just keep a look out, if my orbit is anything to go by, this guy’s orbit is probably fairly tilted a compared to the rest of the Solar system

MM: Indeed, I would be surprised if it wasn’t

Charon gives Makemake a look and goes closer to him

C: Hey, Makemake?

Makemake turns

MM: Yes Charon?

C: You mentioned before that you had a moon, right after we met you before, right?

MM: Yep!

Charon looks around

C: Do you know where it is?

MM: Right here!

Makemake shows Charon… a dark rock he pulled from behind him. Charon looks a bit confused and disapointed

C: You.. sure that's a moon, Makemake? Doesn’t seem all that talkative

Makemake shrugs

MM: Yeah, never has been, I suspect that my mass and size is not adequate to bring this little guy to life on my own

H: Yeah… I can relate to that

Haumea shows of two other rocks

H: These 2 little guys have orbited me for a long time, and yet, nothing

MM: I do know that Eris has a living moon though, although I don’t know where that sassy Dynomia is right now

Eris rolls her eyes

E: I suppose she is alive, although Dysnomia and I haven’t spoken much ever since she tidally locked me

H: You're tidally locked to your moon? How big is she?

E: About 750 km or so, about a fourth my size even if she is a light thing

Pluto ponders

P: So, your moon is about as large compared to you as Luna is to the Earth?

Makemake looks confused

MM: Who is this Earth fella with a moon?

Eris rolls her eyes

E: Sounds like a planet, so who knows, but she was very focused on tidally locking me when I tidally locked her, and when she actually succeeded in doing so, she got all mad at me and ran away to who knows where

Charon looks concerned

C: How come?

E: She locked me in a position where I couldn’t see her, now that is somehow my fault? Ugh

C: Oh…

P: Well, even I have other moons other than you Charon

Charon looks surprised

C: You do?

P: Yeah,

Pluto sends out a small shockwave which reveals 4 small rocks

P: Although they are sorta your moons also, since they orbit our shared center of mass, but they aren't all that talkative either

C: Oh, I just thought they were random asteroids that orbited close to us

Pluto shrugs

MM: Well, in any case, if Neptune is right, then this “Orcus” fellow might have his own living moon we could talk with! This is so exciting!

The dwarf planets continue looking for quite a while, we at some point head to the other side of the Sun. The dwarf planets are getting exhausted

P: Wow, feels like we've gone half way around the Sun at this point

H: Yeah, It’s been a while

MM: Indeed! It’s no wonder how you two haven’t met if he exists, he seemingly orbits on the opposite side of the Sun as you my deal sir Pluton!

Haumea pauses for a moment

H: Wouldn’t that make him a sort of… counter Pluto?

Makemake lights up

MM: I suppose you are right my dear Haumea! This Orcus-

O: Who said that!?

The group freezes

O: Who goes there?!

H: Was that you Pluto?

Pluto looks confused

P: I don’t sound like that, almost sounded like a cowboy from one of those old Earthling-

O: Who are ya? Answer!

A loud crack can be heard

H: This is scary…

Pluto looks around and notices 2 shadows

P: We are dwarf planets, like you! Show yourself!

Everything goes silent, and then we hear some quiet bickering

V: You should go talk with them!

One shadow shakes their head

O: I don' know partner, they be strangers, don' know if we can trust ‘em-

V: Well, they aren't going away Orcus! They've been lookin for ya! Cmon, give them a chance, who knows, they might be really friendly!

O: And if they aren't? If they are hostile?

The little shadow jumps up

V: The Kuiper Belt is a big place! Plenty of places to hide around here if it all goes south

O: But-

V: Come on partner! Stop being so antisocial, you might even make friends! Don’t you keep tellin' me how you keep wantin' friends? Now's your chance!

One voice sighs

O: Very well

Another dwarf planet along with an object half his size appears from the shadows

V: Hello!

O: Well, Names Orcus, dwarf planet of the Kuiper Belt, this here be my partner Vanth, now what are you folks doin all the way out here?

Chapter Text

as we transition to Mars who seems to be grumpy

M: Stupid Earth, can’t even see his own faults and realize sometimes-

D: You know Phobos, Your orbit is a lot stretchier than mine

Phobos nods

P: Yeah! Yours is a lot more relaxing

D: Guess Mars tugs on you harder over here

P: Why does he do that?

D: Don't know,

P: Maybe he’s giving me a nice hug because I'm his favorite!

D: No, I'm his favorite!

P: No me!

D: Me!

P:M-

M: WOAH!

We see Jupiter come into the inner solar system. The Sun looks and raises an eyebrow

S: Jupiter, you know what I-

J: Yes, I know Sun. Earth just came to me and I brought him back

The Sun is taken aback

S: WHAT?!

J: He's here now, let me just figure out what he wanted and I’ll go back to my orbit

The Sun looks annoyed

S: Very well, but don’t take too long!

Jupiter nods and looks down on Earth as Uranus’s moons gather

A: Geeze it’s hot over here!

M: My mascera is ruined!

A: It wasn't doing anything to begin-

Ta: Calm down girls, we won’t be here long-

Jupiter places Earth in his orbit

J: Hey Earth, whats gotten into you? I orbit 5 times further from the Sun than you. Your oceans were freezing!

Earth looks ashamed

E: I- I need you knowledge Jupiter

Jupiter blinks

J: What do you mean Earth? You got a question about Something? This isn’t about Luna slowing your rotation like I mentioned before right? It's happening really slow, like a few milliseconds-

Earth shakes his head

E: I- I want to learn, more about the solar system, other planets, moons, maybe even the dwarf planets, everything that I don't know about

Jupiter blinks

J: I-I mean, Im glad that your curious about our solar system, and I would love to help with your sudden desire for knowledge, but why not ask Mars? He knows about most of the things you-

E: Mars and I- arn't friends anymore

Flash

T:I apparently messed some stuff up

L: Cmon, you can’t blame yourself

Flash

Back to present, we see Jupiter look back at Mars

J: Your… not? What happened?

Luna moves forward

L: Well, Titan came and visited Earth and Mars, Mars started saying some cool stuff about Titan and when he got to talking about the potential for life to be in his ocean-

E: I got insecure…

L: Than he left and Mars got all mad at him, and every interaction after he’s always so hostile, even to me! And I didn't even do anything!

J: I see…

Jupiter looks back at Mars, a little disappointment on his face

E: I, don’t want to go into another situation where, I feel flash banged when encountering or learning something. I, don’t want-

Earth sobs as Luna looks worried

E: I don’t want to lose more of my friends from my insecurities

Jupiter looks down sorroful

J: Earth, it wasn't…

Jupiter looks at Mars, disappointed before turning back to Earth

J: Well…

Jupiter grabs several books, places all but 2 of them down, skims through the two, and rips out some pages. Uranus’s moons look shocked

A: Uranus would kill you if he saw you do that!

Ta: Uranus couldn't kill Jupiter if he wanted to, he has more mass than the entire solar system combined twice over, excluding the Sun of course.

A: Still!

Jupiter places the books down

J: Well, unfortunately I can’t really stay here, Sun with my orbit and everything, plus the last time-

Jupiter shakes his head

J: Point is, in these books it should explain at least the basics of most planets, moons, dwarf planets, even some notable asteroids like Vesta, Pallas, Hygiea-

S: (agitated) Jupiter…

The Sun looks like he is losing his patience

J: Just a moment, Sun

Earth grabs the books as if they were sacred

E: Thanks Jupiter!

Earth immediately starts reading

J: No problem Earth-

S: Jupiter!

J: Alright! Got to go Earth, just, promise me you’ll send Luna or someone to get me if you need Something. No need for you to freeze. I’ll be in my orbit.

Jupiter leaves and looks toward Mars, looks back at the Sun and leaves, forcing the ripped pages to fall into his atmosphere

M: What in the world were on those pages?! Why did you rip them out?

Jupiter looks at Miranda

J: There are some things even I wish I didn’t know, and given what Earth-

Jupiter shakes his head

J: He wouldn’t want to know either, even Uranus would agree if he knew…

Jupiter shakes his head

J: Doesn't matter

Uranus’s moons turn to each other

A: What was that about?

Titania looks at Jupiter suspiciously

Ta: I don’t know, but he’s clearly hiding Something, from us, and from the Earth… and Uranus knows?

We see Io, Europa and Ganymede bundled up in a bunch of blankets shivering. Uranus looks very scared

U: (panicking) Uh, any better mates?

G: Y-yeah…

Callisto shakes her head

C: You are a terrible liar Ganymede

Uranus looks toward the Sun

U: Maybe we should end the swap early, if you two

E: C-cmon, it’s not like other m-moons-

Suddenly Astrodude tears a hole in the blanket

AD: Erika! What was that barrier- oh

Astrodude looks and sees a shivering Europa

AD: Uh, sorry about, tearing that blanket-

U: Astrodude?

Uranus peaks

U: What are you doin all the way out here mate?

AD: Uh, I was in Eruopa-

N: Hello!

The moons, Uranus and Astrodude all turn startled

U: Neptune? What are you doing here mate?

N: I came to try and end the moon swap, cousin

Io: (shivering) W-what? W-why?

N: Well, one of Saturn’s moons isn’t doing so hot, literally

Neptune shows Titan who is now unconscious, surrounded by the other moons looking worried

G: T-Titan?!

N: His atmosphere has begun freezing, it’s not worth it if he’s suffering like this

U: Agreed, three of Jupiter’s moons are also having issues in my orbit. Although I don’t want to force my moons to return… These guys need to get back to Jupiter and get back in resonance as soon as possible

AD: Especially Europa, the life under her crust is already feeling the effects

E: Wait, y-you found life?

Astrodude nods

AD: Yes, but they are VERY dependent on you being warm

Astrodude looks to Uranus who nods

U: Well, lets not waste any more time!

N: Agreed!

Both ice giants start moving while we see the mystery eyes… look away

We see Jupiter with Uranus's moons

J: Stay here for a moment, I- I need to talk with Mars

The moons look uncertain

Ta: Are you sure? Based on what i've heard-

J: I just want to figure out whatever is going on between Earth and Mars from Mars's prespective, ill be right back

Jupiter leaves as we see Mars reading a book

P: Hey Mars!

Mars looks over the book

P: Who is your favorite moon?

M: Huh?

Mars puts down his book

M: Your both my moons, I don't have a favorite between the two of you

D: But you’ve been giving Phobos hugs all these years! Why not me?

Mars frowns

M: Hugs? I haven't given anyone any hugs. We can’t physically hug or else, well, you’ll crash and die

D: But you pull so much tighter on him than me! What gives?

M: Well, its about tides-

J: Mars

Mars turns to a very stern looking Jupiter

M: (nervously)Y-yes?

J: We need to talk

Mars rolls his eyes

M: Is this about what the Earth said, whatever he-

J: I want to know what happened from your perspective, as sincere as the Earth seemed, I want to hear both sides

Mars has a slight scowl

M: Why?

J: Because I want to know what could have caused such an abrupt separation when you two have been best friends for the past 4.5 billion years. You two have practically been inseparable since he woke up, and now he comes to ME for answers before coming to you, something is up

Mars rolls his eyes

M: Well, as I'm sure Earth already told you, Titan came over and I started explaining all of his cool stuff, Volcanoes, lakes, his ocean-

J: The potential for life?

M: Yeah! Than Earth just left in the middle of it because he was “insecure”

Jupiter looks confused

J: You know Mars, given how you know Earth feels about his own life leaving him, do you really think it was a good idea-

M: What do you know, Jupiter?

Jupiter raises an eyebrow

J: Are you really asking me that Mars?

Mars goes even redder than usual

J: Look, Mars, I love you, but I also love the Earth and I want to help both of you, but I first need to fully understand what was going on-

Mars shakes his head

M: It’s fine Jupiter, it’s just the way it is. Earth and I are through, no buts, no whats, no questions. You don’t need to “help” with anything, end of discussion

Jupiter shakes his head

J: Mars, this isn’t-

S: Jupiter!

Jupiter turns so see Saturn stressed out, one of the little moons took a bite of his rings

S: help!

Jupiter looks back at Mars and sighs

J: When you are ready to talk about it, please, you know where to find me, do not hesitate, I am here for both of you Mars, no matter what it is you need

Jupiter turns moves toward Saturn as Mars looks almost worried, before turning away, as if trying to be mad at Jupiter

J: Having trouble with Neptune’s moons?

S: Yes! They are so energetic! Although Triton isn’t causing any issue- Larry-Larissa! You're not dense enough for asteroid dodgeball! You too Sao! Galatea! I said to not get to close to my rings!

The moons all circle Saturn like a pack of piranhas

J: Wow, looks like Neptune's moons have become quite the handful

S: I know! How does Neptune-

N: Yes Saturn?

Jupiter and Saturn jump and turn to see the ice giants approach

J: Uranus, Neptune? Has it been a week already?

S: Please say yes!

U: No...

Uranus sighs

U: however we need to end the swap now

Jupiter and Saturn look confused

S: Why?

N: Because your moons aren't doing that great orbiting around us

Neptune and Uranus move out of the way to show Ganymede, Io, Europa, and Titan all unconscious

S: TITAN!

Saturn rushes over to Titan, cradling him

S: What happened?!

N: Turns out I was too far from the sun, bummer too. By the way, you need to hang out with your moons more often, doing stuff together was a blast!

Saturn’s moons turn from glaring at Saturn to smiling at Neptune

U: Yeah, and your moons weren’t able to keep their orbital resonance with me mate, for their own sake, and apparently the life under Europa-

Jupiter looks stunned

J: Wait, Astrodude... found Life!? Europa has life?! In her underground oceans?!

Astrodude pops out of his ship

AD: Yeah, and lots of it from what I was able to see down there, but it won't stick if this isn't fixed soon. The life she has heavily depends on her underwater volcanoes for both energy and material, which are powered by your tidal forces along with her orbital resonance with Io and Ganymede

Uranus nods

U: this has to end

Saturn and Jupiter turn to each other and nod

J: Agreed

Jupiter, Saturn, and Neptune’s moons all return to their planets. Uranus looks around

U: Uh, Jupiter? May I ask where my moons are?

Jupiter looks guilty

J: Oh, they are back in my orbit, I just had something with the Earth and Mars that I needed to do alone

Uranus sighs

U: Makes sense, how have they been?

Jupiter ponders

J: Well, they seemed to be doing ok, although I might have accidentally spilled some secrets of yours by accident a bit ago

Uranus looks alarmed

U: L-like w-what?

Jupiter supresses a smile

J: How you named them

Uranus goes a little red with embarrassment

U: Yeah... heh, guess you would be the one to catch that...

Uranus looks out

U: Would you... would you mind having them for a little bit longer?

Jupiter frowns

J: Uh, I suppose not, you don't want me to give them back to you?

Uranus wince

U: Well, yes, but-

Uranus sighs

U: What I did before... I can't imagine they have gotten over it so soon, and they didn't even get the bloody full week they were promised with this whole moon swap thingy, if they are doing just fine in orbit are you big guy...

Jupiter nods

J: Well, I'm sure I can hold onto them until they are ready, I assume they know the way to your orbit

Uranus nods

U: Yes...Very well, thanks mate...

Uranus starts heading back with Neptune

J: Wait! Uranus! Neptune!

The ice giants turn confused

U: What is it mate?

J: Your moons, well, they indicated that you have been feeling, neglected

Uranus turns pink and Saturn looks surprised

S: Y-you feel neglected?

Uranus winces

U: Well... kinda, you two always have... well, you guys just enjoy eachother's company over mine, can't blame you-

Jupiter shakes his head

J: I am so sorry Uranus, we should never have gotten to the point where you felt like that

Uranus weakly shrugs

U: Well, it's how it's always been-

J: And that needs to change. You, Neptune, Saturn and I, next time our moons come together for their... moon club thing, we do something, together. No one is left out. No ifs, no buts

Saturn beams

S: That sounds like an awesome idea!

Uranus looks shocked, but then slowly smiles

U: I would appreciate that mate, see you then

Uranus and Neptune leave, meanwhile we see Titania look sadly at Uranus from Jupiter's orbit, we see Saturn writing something, and we see Triton staring angrily at Neptune

Chapter Text

We zoom back into the Kuiper Belt to see the first meeting between Orcus and Vanth with the other dwarf planets

MM: Oh my stars! Another dwarf planet! They were right!

Orcus looks uncomfortable while Vanth nudges him

O: S-so, you folks claim to also be dwarf planets of this here Kuiper Belt?

MM: Yes we are! I am Makemake, this is here is my fast spining friend Haumea

Haumea looks embarrassed

H: Hi

Orcus frowns at Haumea's rings

O: Those look mighty familiar-

MM: This is Eris, the most massive dwarf planet I have found in the Kuiper belt'

Eris rolls her eyes

E: Hello I guess

MM: And this is Pluto with his binary/moon Charon, they normally orbit on the opposite side of the Sun as you

Orcus and Vanth look at eachother, Vanth nods and Orcus sighs, and they slowly approach Pluto and Charon

O: Well, guess it’s good to meet ya, orbit mates?

Pluto looks a little red

P: Uh, same, Orcus?

Orcus nods

V: How did you find us? If we orbit on the oppisite side of the sun-

C: Oh, Neptune mentioned you guys earlier

Both Orcus and Vanth have a scared look on their face

O: Neptune?!

V: T-the giant? H-he told you about us?!

P: Uh, Ice giant, but yeah

O: Y-you know him?!

P: Yeah, used to be best friends back in the day! Well, then-

C: Wow! Vanth, your huge compared to Orcus!

Vanth looks confused

V: Your one to say, your bigger than my partner

O: Huh? No she-s-

Orcus gets up close to Charon, sighs, and backs off

O: Yeah, I suppose you are, you sure your a moon of this guy?

MM: Or a double dwarf planet! Oh boy, I didn’t think we’d find another dwarf planet so soon, much less one with a moon so large!

O: You didn't?

MM: Yeah! I mean, when I first I met Eris, I thought maybe, than Pluto and Charon, than Haumea, I thought the odds might be good, but we've now we've found you two as well!

Vanth nudges Orcus

V: (whsiper) You should tell them

Pluto looks confused

P: Uh, tell us what?

Orcus sighs

O: We might know where to find anouther dwarf planet round these parts

Makemake’s eyes go wide

MM: You do?!

O: Yeah, tho she isn’t near as talkative as you, follow me

Makemake enthusiastically follows as do the other dwarf planets. Pluto moves up to Orcus

P: So, Orcus, you know about Neptune?

Orcus shrugs

O: Well, he pulled us past his orbit, put us in a 2-3 orbital resonance with him as early as we can remember

C: Wow! He did the same with us

Orcus looks mildly impressed

O: Wow, guess he has a habit of affecting us dwarf planets

P: Guess so, he did say-

V: Were here!

The group pauses in front of a seemingly inanimate object with 2 rings

H: Uh, you sure they are alive?

V: Pretty sure, just the other decade--

Orcus grabs a whip and makes a loud crack

Q: Wha?!

The dwarf planet looks around frantically having just woken up

O: Hello Ms.

Quaoar blinks

Q: Wait, your that one object I saw a little while ago… Orcus?

Orcus nods

O: Yep, although this time it's not just Vanth and I-

Quaroar’s eyes go wide as she realizes just how many dwarf planets are nearby

Q: Oh my, w-where did you all come from?!

MM: From other parts of the Kuiper Belt!

Q: Really? Wow, the Kuiper Belt seems to hide-

Quaoar looks at Haumea in surprise

Q: You have rings as well?

Haumea looks down and looks embaresed

H: I suppose… not sure how I got them to be honest, maybe the same way as you?

Q: Well I guess that's a mystery then, all I know about them is that they are kept stable by this little rock I have

Quaoar grabs her moon and shakes it, it is unresponsive

E: Looks like that one doesn't talk

Q: Why would it? I mean, outside of Vanth, do moons really talk?

Charon looks nervous

C: A can?

Quaroar blinks

Q: You're a moon?! Rather big arn't you?

Quaroar gesters to Charon

Q: I mean, Your bigger than me!

Charon turns red

C: Why does everyone keep saying that…

MM: ANYWAYS!

Makemake moves toward Quaoar

MM: Well! Hello fellow dwarf planet! What’s your name?

Q: Uh, Quaoar?

MM: Hello! Im Makemake, you seem to sorta already seen Orcus and Vanth, this is Pluto and Charon, Haumea-

Quaoar blushes

MM: and Eris

E: Hello

Q: Uh, hi. N-never knew there were so many objects in the solar system

P: If you think we’re a lot, just wait till you hear about the other planets and moons

Quaoar, Orcus, and Vanth blink

Q: Planets?

V: and moons?

P: long story

MM: Well! This has certainly-

two asteroids collide loudly causing everyone to turn.

P: Huh?

A shadow appears

GG: S-s-sorry! I-I didn't- I- I

The dwarf planets all see a nervous wreck of a dwarf planet approach them

MM: Oh my stars! Anouther dwarf planet?!

GG: Uh… y-yes… maybe?

Gonggong is sweating

O: Well if Quaroar and I are dwarf planets, so is he. He’s bigger than either of us, maybe even bigger than Pluto’s Partner for once

Charon goes up to Gonggong

C: Hey, what’s your name?

G:Uh… you don’t need to know…

C: How come?

GG: It’s dumb, better to not hear...

P: Aw cmon dude, we all got wierd names. Why would you be any diffrent

Gonggong closes his eyes

G:(whisper) Gonggong…

P: Uh, could you repeat that?

G: Gonggong?

P: Was that a question-

MM: Well nice to meet you Gonggong! Im Makemake!

Gonggong looks shocked

GG: Makemake?

MM: Yep!

GG: Your name repeats as well?

Makemake ponders for a moment

MM: Now that you mention it, I suppose it does! Have you been following us this whole time?

GG: Y-yeah…

Eris looks a little irritated

E: Why?

Gonggong looks skittish

GG: I… I wanted to say Something… but most… most of you are bigger than me… I-

H: Oh! Sorry for scaring you…

P: Yeah, most of us are actually quite friendly

E: “most”

O: Where do you orbit Gonggong sir?

GG: Uh, between 33-101 AU?

MM: Geeze luiz thats an eccentric orbit!

E: Sounds similar to mine, so your a fellow scattered disk object huh

GG: Y-yes…

P: Scattered disk?

E: A zone thats both beyond and an extension of the Kuiper Belt, filled with objects with very eccentric orbits, I myself orbit between 38-97 AU

MM: Wow! I never knew you had such an eccentric orbit!

E: Thats because we met once before you started gathering every-

2 more asteroids collide, causing Gonggong to jump

GG: What was that?!

The group turns to see a shadowed object hiding behind some asteroids before fleeing

P: You think-

O: Looks like another dwarf planet

MM: Let’s find them!

Makemake rushes off

Q: One moment Im alone, suddenly there is 9 others…

H: Well… guess we should follow

The group follows, with a fair of eyes looking very amused

We see a shadowed figure run as the rest of the dwarf planets chase

MM: Wow! They are a slippery one!

Q: A little too slippery-

MM: Woah!

Makemake stops forcing the rest of the group to do so

E: What was that for?!

MM: Look!

We see the empty expanse beyond the Kuiper Belt

H: Woah… this is so weird…

Q: Tell me about it…

Haumea and Quaroar lock eyes and look away blushing

P: Well, we got to go after them!

MM: I don’t know, beyond this point the Sun’s gravity-

P: Let’s go!

Pluto charges forward and the rest follow

E: Let’s hope this doesn’t kill us or Something

As the chase continues, Pluto and Orcus start taking a lead

P: Huh, looks like we are the fastest

O: Looks like it Sir, any ideas on how to catch up with her?

P: You had a whip earlier, you got any other tools at your disposal?

Orcus grabs a rope

O: This work?

P: Not going to ask where you got that, but Perfect! Now we just need to slow her down…

Pluto looks back

P: Everyone! When I say so, Pull!

The group starts gaining on the dwarf planet

P: Now!

The group sends out a shockwave that slows the dwarf planet.

O: Ya!

Orcus throws his rope and catches the dwarf planet

O: Got her! Woah! She is fiesty though!

The group catches up, Eris grabs the rope while Orcus and the rest catch up to their target who is fighting against the ropes.

V: Woah there little guy

Vanth undoes the rope, the dwarf planet looks panicked

V: Whats your name?

S: Sed- run!

Sedna tries to flee but is pulled back by the groups collective gravity

C: Sedrun? Interesting name

S: Sedna, run… he, he, he comes…

MM: Oh! Another dwarf planet?! Can you-

???: Not quite

The area starts shaking as the dwarf planets gather around

MM: Ooh! This is like our dungeons and dwarf planets games, but in real life!

O: Dungeons and dwarf planets?

P: Everyone stay still! Maybe it will leave if we don’t move

E: When has that ever worked?

The area continues to shake

H: It’s getting closer…

Q: Indeed…

Gonggong hides between the other dwarf planets

O: Ah cmon dude! Just show yourself already!

P: Yeah! If your going to crash into us-

???: Well, I certainly don’t plan on doing that

A large shadowy figure begins to emerge

MM: Oh my, can it really be?!

Sedna looks terrified

C: Hey! Who are you?

X: Ive spent billions of years alone… maybe I had a name but forgot. Maybe, I simply never had one. But you can call me… Planet X

Chapter Text

We see the dwarf planets marvel at Planet X

MM: Oh my stars! Could this really be the real Planet X?!

X: The one and only

Pluto turns to Makemake blankly

P: Uh, you know this guy Makemake?

MM: I’d only heard theories on him before! An ice giant almost the size of Uranus and Neptune orbiting far beyond the Kuiper belt, affecting the orbits of other objects out here!

Sedna closes her eyes and looks away

E: Another ice giant? Why would he be out here?

MM: So many possibilities! I never thought I would ever get to see him, much less meet him so close!

X: You give yourselves too much credit. Was it you who found me, or did you just follow Sedna who happened to lead you straight toward me?

MM: Oh good question!

The dwarf planets look uncertain

H: Uh… sorta both?

X shrugs

X: I guess that’s fair, I have a question for you, dwarf planets of the solar system.

Q: Wait, you know what we are?

Planet X nods

X: And who you are, Quaoar

Quaoar backs up scared

GG: H-have y-you been spying on us?!

X: Ah, don't take it personally! I’ve been far away from the solar system for a long time… I basically spend all my time watching and listening to everything that has been going on there

MM: Really?! That's so cool! Imagine how much you have learned-

E: Sounds kinda creepy to be honest dude

X grows frustrated

X: ENOUGH! ANSWER MY QUESTION!

The dwarf planets blink

P: But you haven’t asked any?

X: Oh, right- uh, are you guys on the side of Jupiter and Saturn?

Several of the dwarf planets look confused

Q: Jupiter and Saturn?

H: Sides?

O: What does that even mean?

X looks irritated

X: Just answer, yes or no

GG: N-not until you, uh, explain-

P: (Interrupting) I mean, I would like to think I am friends with Jupiter and Saturn, although we haven’t really talked in a few decades…

MM: Wait, you know who he is talking about Pluto?

X: Hmpf

Planet X fades into the background, leaving the dwarf planets frightened

GG: Where did he go?!

MM: Hmm, Pluto, you mentioned once that Neptune also had this sorta, fade in and out ability, you think our friend Planet X shares that?

Pluto shrugs

P: It’s possible I guess, although Uranus-

Sedna giggles

P: No laughing at that!

Sedna wilts.

C: Hey! Be carful Pluto! She’s sensitive!

Pluto looks down, embarrassed

P: Sorry…

Sedna looks at Pluto and nods

P: Anyways, Uranus doesn’t seem to have that sort of ability from what ive seen, it’s mostly just been Neptune ever since- Woah!

The group is suddenly pulled away

E: What is going on?!

Q: W-we seemed to be getting pulled away!

Sedna freezes, clearly scared out of her mind

MM: Well, whatever has gotten a hold of us sure is strong!

H: You think it’s Planet X?

MM: Hmm, maybe.

E: Why was he so interested in Jupiter and Saturn?

GG: Who even are Jupiter and Saturn?

O: And why does this X guy care about em?

Pluto looks a little unnerved

P: Well, they are the two gas giants of the solar system, they orbit much closer to the Sun than any of us do

O: Gas giants? Are they like the ice giants like Neptune and Planet X?

P: Sorta, but they got a lot of Hydrogen and Helium, and are much more massive, well over twice the size and many times more massive than the ice giants

V: Woah… they sound scary…

Charon moves over to see Senda, who looks very squeamish

C: Hey, Sedna, right?

Sedna slowly nods her head, terrified

C: I'm Charon! Do you know this Planet X guy?

Sedna furiously nods her head and tries to escape

X: Your going to have to forgive her on that front, she is terrified of me

Planet X moves out of the shadows, startling the dwarf planets and causing Sedna and Gonggong to faint

O: Geeze dude! Stop doing that!

Q: Are you trying to scare us to death?!

X snickers

X: My apologies, Orcus. Welcome to my hide out

The dwarf planets all look around confused

E: Doesn't look like much of a hideout

X rolls his eyes at Eris

X: Maybe to you it’s nothing Eris, but for me this place has the only thing I have left

Everyone looks confused

V: What?

X: The view

X moves aside to show the solar system at the distance, barely illuminated by the faint glow of the Sun.

H: Wow…

Q: It all looks so… far away…

X: For billions of years, this has been the only view I’ve had, the home I once had, the home I lost… because of them.

P: Who?

X: Jupiter and Saturn

Pluto laughs. X raises an eyebrow annoyed

X: You think this is funny, Pluto?

P: No no, just, Jupiter and Saturn? Really? There isn’t a better example of the term “gentle Giants” than those two!

V: Really?

P: Yeah! Jupiter always helpful, keeping the asteroid in check, spreading his knowledge, and Saturn is so sweat! He wouldn’t hurt a fly!

E: He did seem overly… ultra nice? At least when I saw him with Uranus-

X: Tell that to Chrysalis

Pluto looks confused

P: Huh?

Planet X rolls his eyes

X: I suppose you guys also don't know about the grand Tack

Now all the dwarf planets look confused again

GG: The what?

X: Billions of years ago, the solar system had a lot more than 4 rocky planets-

Pluto rolls his eyes

P: Well no shocker there X,

X raises an eyebrow

X: Really? Are you so sure Pluto?

P: Well, I was there! I know all about Proto-Earth and Theia-

Charon nudges Pluto

C: Uh, Pluto? We don’t talk about them... remember?

Pluto goes red while Planet X rolls his eyes

X: This was well before Proto-Earth or Thiea ever existed, Pluto. Before you were ever discovered there were many more, but Jupiter destroyed most of them

DP: HE WHAT?!

X: His orbit had already slowly approached the Sun! But since Saturn’s creation, Jupiter couldn't help himself… and tried to change orbits to get closer to Saturn, despite all of our warnings. His immense mass disrupted that entire area of the solar system.

Pluto shakes his head

P: You're wrong! Jupiter would never do that!

X: Wouldn’t he?

Pluto looks unsure himself

E: Well, how in the solar system would he be able to keep that sort of thing a secret? You don’t just cause that sort of thing a hide it behind a comet

H: Yeah, someone should have noticed…

X snorts

X: Indeed, the two planets who saw all of this… were me and Saturn

Pluto’s eyes go wide

P: No…

X: Indeed, you of all should know how close those two are, Pluto., Saturn would never reveal Jupiter’s mistake, so it was all on me

C: Then why are you hiding out here?!

X glares at Charon

X: I wasn’t hiding Charon, I was flung out of the solar system by Jupiter and Saturn, in an attempt to be silenced.

P: No… they wouldn’t

X: But they did, I have been here ever since

Q: But then why do you stay here?

X: Because I feared they would gang up on me again, launching me out again, but then, I saw you.

O: Us?

X: Jupiter and Saturn would be hesitant to try that again if they had to eject the solar system’s dwarf planets along with me.

GG: What?!

X: I just need a chance to reach the sun, and tell him the truth of what actually happened. I doubt anyone else would stay in my way

E: Why would we do that?

X: Well, I’d say a simple exchange, you help me get back into the solar system, I convince the Sun to reinstate all dwarf planets as planets

X stares Into Pluto’s soul

X: After all, isn’t that exactly what you wanted, Pluto? To be Mr. Ninth planet from the Sun once again?

The dwarf planets all look to Pluto who looks flabbergasted. Pluto looks down… and shakes his head

P: The term planet is an overrated Earthling term. It doesn’t really change anything, and I have a feeling that there are parts of the story you are leaving out.

X stares at the group

X: Are you all in agreement?

H: Yeah… you seem… off

E: There must have been Something else, as much as I don’t care for Saturn, he didn’t seem to be one to do that without cause

Makemake looks at the group and shrugs

MM: Well, you heard them, sorry Planet X! It was great to meet you though! Maybe we can meet up later and talk about-

Suddenly all the dwarf planets are pulled in

X: You all are helping me get back to the solar system, one way or another

Chapter Text

We watch as the moons of Uranus begin to leave Jupiter

J: Are you sure you are all good? Not forcing Oberon to carry too much are you?

We see Oberon carrying a pile of books

A: I think we’re good, thanks Mr. Jupiter! You think your moons will be ok?

We see Io, Europa and Ganymede all sleeping, but they arn't shivering anymore

J: I think they will be fine, you guys know the way?

Titania rolls her eyes

T: (stern) Yes, Jupiter. We will fine

J: Very well, be safe guys, at remind Uranus about our meeting!

We see the moons leave while Titania still looks annoyed. Ariel aproaches her apprehensive

A: You sure your ready to go back Titania? You don't seem, all that excited for-

T: The little ones have been begging for it Ariel, you really want to deal with that?

A: Well, no-

T: Than we are going back, no matter how much I dislike it

We see the moons travel, Oberon occasionally drops a book which Umbriel wordlessly picks back up and puts back on him. We start seeing Uranus in the distance

T: (disgust) Steady now, we are almost there

We see Uranus painting Something, muttering to himself

U: No, Titania is the bigger one, regardless of that dumb typo the Sun gave for that Solarcard, does he even know basic math…

T: Hey… Uranus?

Uranus doesn't notice them

U: Maybe I should just rewrite it, wouldn't want the rocky planets to get the wrong idea and think that the larger moon is somehow not the largest-

T: URANUS!

Uranus looks to the side to see his moons

U: T-Titania! Oberon! Everyone else! Uh…

Uranus suddenly looks panicky

M: Is everything ok Uranus?

U: Y-yes! Just, uh, what are you guys doing here?

Uranus moons look around confused

A: Uh, We're your moons?

U: Y-yes I know that Ariel, I just, wasn't expecting you all back so soon after… well.. you know, has it really been a week already-

Uranus looks down sadly

U: It's all good, Ariel, here are you music sheets

Uranus hands Ariel some paper

U: Unfortunately though, Miranda’s new brush still needs work. Umbriel’s interpreters have been fixed… and Titania’s study is over there… do whatever you wish… oh, and Here's your stress ball Oberon, you left it when…

Uranus shakes his head

U: here you go

Uranus hands Oberon his stress ball depressed as he goes back to painting, confusing the moons

T: Uh, ok?

The moons get back into their orbits, but they seem, wobbly

C: Jerez Uranus! What happened to your rings?!

Uranus lazily looks at his rings which seem to have weird orbits now

U: Just a result of no one watching them Cordelia, no real harm, not that they should be there anyways

Uranus returns to his painting

O: Did Jupiter’s moons do nothing for them?

Uranus doesn't look at Ophelia

U: Jupiter’s moons had enough going on without me putting them to work, in case Io, Europa, and Ganymede somhow wern't a good indication. If you don’t want to do anything with them you don’t have to Ophelia.

Both Cordelia and Ophelia look shocked and run off to Ariel as Umbriel goes between Uranus and his painting

U: Umbriel! What are- oh right, uh, hold on a second

Uranus grabs two strange looking objects from behind him and hands them to Umbriel.

U: There you go Umbriel, think they are the same as you left them, might be a little stiff from lack of use...

Umbriel uses her gravity to form, hands with the objects. She starts making signs

U: Good, they still work…

Uranus tries to get back into the painting but Umbriel starts signing in his face

U: The painting isn’t that important mate, Don't worry about it, just something im working on...

Umbriel signs some more. Uranus sighs

U: Look, I don’t know what to say,Umbriel. I am glad you guys have at least decided I am not too scary to orbit at this point, but I would be a bloody fool- well I guess I already am, but I would be an even bigger bloody fool if I thought that you all just “magically” forgot what I said. Especially Titania...

Uranus looks at Titania who seems to be reorganizing something

T: I doubt she wants to talk with me, let me guess, she came because the little ones egged her on?

Umbriel does nothing

U: Thought so...

Uranus tries to get back to painting, but Umbriel signs some more

U: Look, if any of you want to confront me about… what I said, I am here and willing to take constructive critisim. However, I am not forcing anyone to do anything with me right now, we all saw how well that went last time…

Uranus turns back to his painting, Umbriel nods and runs off. We now see Ariel looking through her sheets of Music with Miranda trying to fix her brush

A: Geeze! Uranus knows Im in my K-pop era! What is with all the blues?

Ariel throws a sheet in Miranda's face, much to her annoyance

M: Well, he hasn’t exactly been super excited after the whole incident

A: Still! He should realize how far away "Dallas Blues" is from "Takedown"! They arn't even-

Ariel turns to see Umbriel

A: Geeze Umbriel! Your to good at sneaking up on people

Umbriel signs and moves away. Miranda and Ariel turn to each other, shrug, and follow.

We see Titania straightening out her self while Oberon seems hyper fixated on one of Jupiter’s books.

T: Couldn't even keep it clean… unless planet…

O: I-I-if your g-g-going to complain so much… why did you decide to have us return?

T: Because we couldn’t remain refugees forever Oberon, and weather we like it or not, Uranus is where we are supposed to orbit.

O: But-

Oberon turns to see Umbriel right in his face

O: Ah!

Oberon hides behind Titania who rolls her eyes

T: You need to stop scaring him Umbriel, what is it?

Umbriel starts signing. Titania shakes her head furiously

T: Absolutely not

Umbriel gives a confused look and signs some more

T: Why? Because I am not ready to talk to him after all that he said

Umbriel turns to Oberon and starts signing

O: I-I g-guess I can… talk to him

Umbriel smiles and leaves

O: See you later Titania

We see Uranus focusing on his painting

U: She has that one crater there, no, he is lighter of his near side than far side, what are you thinking Uranus? Oh well, anouther layer will-

A: Hey Uranus!

Uranus turns Surprised as most of his moons approach

U: Uh, hello mates, uh, did you all need something? Miranda’s brush isn’t-

A: We need to discuss this Uranus

Uranus looks around a bit

U: Where’s Titania?

A: She… didn't want to discuss this

Uranus sighs

U: I suppose I can’t blame her… I guess she gets that from me…

Uranus looks weakly at his moons. Looking unsure, he sighs

U: I-I am sorry… I honestly wish I knew what else I could say to make it right, to somehow take back that dumb, stupid idiotic, piss poor excuse for a bloody joke, but I don’t, so I am so sorry-

O: W-what are you painting?

Uranus pauses and looks at his painting, but shakes his head

U: Another portrait, trust me it’s not important, looks horrible-

Umbriel shakes her head and signs. Uranus translates

U: “Don't lie Im mute not blind-“ what are you going on about? Who said you were blind?

Umbriel sighs, turns around, and signs to the other moons

A: A family portrait?

Uranus sighs and turns the painting around, clearly unfinished, but it is clear what it is, Uranus with all his moons more grown up, minus Titania, although alot of proggress has been made on here

O: T-thats awsome Uranus! What do you mean it looks horrible?

Uranus shrugs

U: Well, it’s incomplete for one, besides, I know you guys grew out of the “loving my paintings” phase a long time ago…

Uranus looks to see the old discarded pictures

A: I mean, we don’t want pictures 84 times an orbit, but we still appreciate them!

U: Well, they weren’t enough for you guys to realize that-

Oberon slams the pile of books given to him by Jupiter, causing Uranus to jump a little

M: You recognize these Uranus?

Uranus puts on his monocle and takes a look

U: Lets see, Hamlet, Romeo and Jul- the works of William Shakespeare?

A: And Alexander Pope

Uranus puts the books down and sighs

U: I guess Jupiter did warn me-

O: D-did you name us after these characters?

U: (sigh) Yes

A: Why?

U: Well, most planets were naming their moons from characters from greek mythology, Ganymede, Io, Europa, and Callisto being the lovers of Zues-

UM: What?!

Uranus goes red

U: Not going into more detail on that.... but Rhea, Iapetus, Enceladus, ect., they were named after various Titans and Giants from Greek mythology, even Neptune went and named his moons after various Greek water gods and creatures relating to the ocean, excluding-

Uranus goes silent

U: Anyways, yeah

Umbriel signs and Uranus nods

U: Yes, really. I always felt my name was… well, I'm sure you all know. So I thought I would be different, name my moons after somthing different, when Jupiter gave me those books originally…

Uranus heaves a massive pile, dwarfing Oberon's pile, shaking the area

U: I got inspired, and named you all acodingly

Uranus winces

U:Granted, Titania would have worked a lot better had I known that Saturn was going to have his largest moon be named Titan and that the dwarf planet Nep- that Neptune's largest moon would be Triton… but yeah…

The Uranian moons look shocked

A: So you cared about us so much that you went out of your way to name us differently?

U: I tried at least, not that it really meant anything…

M: After seeing what little the other planets do for their moons, I think we can all agree that is a bunch of baloni

Uranus blinks

U: One, how do you know what baloni is, two, what do you mean by that?

A: I mean, I can’t speak on Neptune, but Jupiter and Saturn haven’t even bothered to memorize the names of their moons, something you seemed to think was just, the basics

U: I mean, you guys arn't just numbers, your all unique indiviuals-

A: and while Jupiter may have interesting stuff to tell, you do that and more.

A tear forms in Uranus’s eye

U: Ariel-

M: Not to mention the specific attention you give to us! I mean, I didn’t see Jupiter or Saturn making and fixing my hair products, or making life easier for those who have certain impairments

Umbriel gives a thumbs up

O: A-and you also help when we are scared!

M: Well with you that's all the time

Ariel snorts

O: Hey!

The moons of Uranus start laughing, Oberon red in the face

A: Point is Uranus, you have done good with us, and although you keep getting annoyed about your name, or comparing yourself to Saturn, or making very unfunny jokes-

Uranus winces

A: You are our planet, and from what we’ve seen, your actually one of the better ones. We are proud to orbit you.

Uranus’s eyes full with tears

U: Do… do you actually mean it?

Umbriel signs

U: “Obviously idi-“hey Ive had worse jokes than that used on me-

The moons of Uranus join together in a collective hug

M: Titania will understand, we are certain

We zoom out to see Titania rolling her eyes as she stretches puts another book in the shelf

Chapter Text

We see the solar system blink in and out as Titan opens his eyes

T: Ugh, wha-

Titan tries getting up groggily

H: So your finally awake

Titan turns to see Hyperion staring at him, annoyed

H: (Annoyed) Feel better now, Titan?

T: (Groggy) Uh, I guess so… I feel a lot warmer, my atmosphere no longer feels like its freezing onto my surface

Hyperion rolls his eyes

H: Thats good, we had to end the whole moon swap because of you!

Titan winces guiltily

T: Im so sorry, I wish-

S: Titan?!

Hyperion is suddenly pushed to the side as Saturn speeds over

T: Woah Saturn! Personal space!

S: Are you alright?! Your atmosphere was literally snowing on you by the time the swap ended! Are you doing ok now?! Are you-

T: YES! Saturn, im fine now, thanks for the concern

Saturn relaxes in relief

S: In that case, we can do this!

Titan turns to Hyperion confused

T: What is Saturn talking about?

H: Your guess is as good as mine, He keeps saying that we would do somthing when you woke up, but he hasn't explained-

S: Come along now! No time to waist

Saturn pulls the two moons over to the other moons

S: Hello everyone!

Most of Saturn’s moons roll their eyes

SM: Hey Saturn…

S: Ok! I want everyone to line up!

The moons all look confused

D: Uh, why-

S: You’ll see!

Still confused, the moons of Saturn line up

S: From Largest to smallest!

E: Ugh, here he goes again about how Titan is so special…

T: Why that?

I: Titan has over 95% of the mass that orbits Saturn, we are invisible-

S: Cmon now!

The moons roll their eyes, but comply

S: Ok, first Titan!

Saturn starts writing something down in a notebook before pausing, as if puzzled

S: Your diameter is 5150 km right?

T: Uh, yeah?

S: Ok, wasn't sure

Saturn writes something down and than moves on

T: Uh, what did Saturn do?

R: I don’t know, maybe-

S: Rhean- uh, what’s your name?

Rhea looks confused

R: Rhea?

S: Rhea! Rhea, right

Saturn writes down Something

S: Now, tell me more about yourself Rhea

Rhea blinks

R: Uh, like what?

S: What is your size? Your, uh, composition, somthing cool about yourself, and maybe somthing about your personality

Rhea looks uncertain

R: Well, i'm your second largest moon at 1528km, while my exterior is pretty icy I am still easy to approach, I am the largest of your triplet moons, I also have a thin atmosphere of Oxygen.

S: Nice Rhea!

Saturn finishes writing Something down and turns to Iapetus

S: You, uh I-

I: Iapetus, I’m your 3rd largest moon, 1469 km, the Earthlings call me the yin yang moon because half of me is dark due to the debris from Phoebe. I also once had a moon, but that was lost a long time ago

Saturn looks shocked

S: Oh! I- Im sorry Iapetus, I never knew

I: Didnt tell, the debri from the moon caused me to have temporary rings which rained down and formed my eqiatorial ridge, making some of the largest mountains in the solar system while giving me the shape of a walnut

S: Oh! Well that's cool Iapetus!

Saturn writes it down

S: Now, Di-

D: Before you butcher my name again, DIONE!

S: Di-one-e got it! Dione!

D: I am the 4th largest of your moons, 1123 km, I am also the densest of your triplet moons, I have two Trojan moons in Helene and Polydeuces, I suppose my distance from you is similar to that of Luna and Earth, but from what I’ve seen the similarities end there

S: Interesting!

Saturn writes it down

S: Tython?

Te: I-Im Tethys! Your 5th largest moon!The least dense major moon in the solar system, which is why Im so good at getting carried away, oh, and Im 1060 km in diameter and might not be fully solid

Saturn has a little chuckle

S: Suppose you get that from me, mind spelling your name?

Enceladus tries to interrupt but is pulled back by Mimas

Te: T-E-T-H-Y-S

S: Right right!

Saturn writes it down

S: Now, Ensela-

E: Enceladus! Your brightest moon, and your 6th largest, 504 km, I shoot icy particles from some of my geysers, but make no mistake, Neptune told me I was named after a fire breathing giant! So you better remember that!

Saturn is stunned

S: Oh! Boy I should have remembered that! Jupiter kept telling me how-

Mimas comes up

M:I'm Mimas, your seventh largest moon and the last of your major moons,396 km, I might be the smallest of the bunch but this crater on my face shows how tough I am. My surface is one of the most heavily cratered surfaces on the Solar System, which is why Earth humans call me the DEATH STAR. I heard it's from some sci-fi flick

S: Yeah, Ive heard something about those movies, Star trek, right?

M: Wars

S: Oh! Sorry!

M: I also have a lisp so I don’t speak good

S: Aw, I understand you just fine Mimas!

Saturn writes it down

S: Now… Vol-

H: Hyperion

S: Hyperion! Yes, tell me-

H: Im not one of your “major” moons, but my unique shape sets me apart, I THOUGHT I was the largest non-spherical moon in the solar system till that Jerk Ganymede-

Saturn winces

S: Lets, not call Jupiter’s moons jerks… please?

Hyperion rolls his eyes

H: But I’m still the largest and most massive-

Ph: Actually, i'm more massive than you

Hyperion rolls his eyes annoyed

H: Still the largest non spherical moon orbiting you, 270 km in diameter, yet you've never acknowledged it, Saturn! Im also the only one thats not tidally locked-

Ph: Im not either, and most of the outer moons aren't tidally locked either Hyperion

Hyperion fumes

H: One of the closest that isn’t tidally locked to you

Hyperion turns to Phoebe

H: Happy now?!

Phoebe nods

S: Ok! Thats interesting

Saturn writes more down

S: Speaking of Phoebe-

Dione gets in Saturn's face

D: What is this all for?!

Saturn blinks

S: What do you mean Dia-

Saturn goes back in his notes

S: Dione?

D: What is this? Us lining up and telling you stuff? Are you trying something on us?!

Saturn back up startled

S: What?! No! Im just- trying somthing…

D: Trying what?!

Saturn looks panicked

T: Dione!

D: What?! Even you have to admit-

T: Is he doing us any harm?

D: (pause) No-

T: Than we don’t have to worry, Im sure Saturn will explain once he’s done

Titan turns to Saturn

T: Right?

S: Y-yes! I just need to finish this…

Saturn picks back up his note book

S: Phoebe, right? Tell me about yourself

We see Saturn do with with every moon of his (I am NOT writing 274 of these for every moon of Saturn, that would be ridiculous and frankly, very boring to read as I describe ever small, ever more similar moons) ending off with Aegaeon

A: I am often considered the one of the smallest moons in the Solar System… or at least around you. Im in a 6-7 orbital resonance with Mimas and Im very shy, everyone else is always so big.

S: Aw, your adorable Aegaeon!

Saturn finishes writing

S: Ok Titan! Come with me!

Saturn leaves while Titan looks at the other moons confused before following

T: Ok Saturn, what is going on?

S: I am going to have you help me study

T: Huh?!

Saturn pulls out the book and turns the pages into cards

S: I want you to alternate between giving me a name or description, and I try to find out who it is or give a description respectively

Titan blinks

T: Your, trying to quiz yourself about everyone?

S: Yes! I had such a horrid time trying to remember the names of all those Neptunian moons, and they always looked so confused or heartbroken when I either got it wrong or mixed up with another

Titan look’s Surprised

S: I can only imagine how all of MY moons feel! Several of them arn’t much larger or older than his moons, I SHOULD know them by now!

T: (sarcasm) It’s only been 4.5 billion years-

S: (Oblivious) EXACTLY! And after you all told me your concerns- no longer! I WILL learn all your names and recognize each and every one of you for the unique individuals you all are!

Titan looks back at Saturn's other moons and then back to Saturn

T: You... you realize just, how many moons you have?

S: Uh…

Saturn looks at the massive stack of cards

S: 146?

T: 274, not including any of the ones we haven’t found yet

Saturn gulps

S: Well! Then we have got no time to lose!

Titan smiles as he picks up a card

T: I am one of your small Shepard moons that keeps your rings separated, my radius is about 17.5 km across and 11.5 km wide, my appearance make me look like I have a ring attached to me, just like you Saturn! Earthlings like to compare me to a walnut or ravioli in shape

Saturn ponders

S: Pat!

Titan grimaces

T: Pan

S: Ugh, so close, another!

T: Let’s see… “I used to belong in the Kuiper belt, but now I orbit you backwards.I form a dark ring from the impacts I receive-

S: Ple- Phoebe! That's Phoebe!

Titan smiles

T: Correct! Let’s try the other way, who is Epimetheus

Saturn ponders

S: He is kinda twins with that other moon… Jam? I think he swaps orbits occasionally with him

T: Close, the other moon is Janus

S: Oh dang it, let’s do another!

We see Saturn and Titan continue to study as we pan out, the other moons confused as to what is going on.

Chapter Text

We see a dark unground ocean suddenly light up as an underwater volcano erupts and zoom out to watch a sleeping Europa mumbling in her sleep

E: mnm....

G: Babe?

E: mnn

G: Europa?

E: ullg

G: EUROPA!

Europa wakes with a start

E: Ganymede! Where-

Europa looks around, they are in Jupiter’s orbit

E: Where are we?

G: Back in Jupiter’s orbit, back in orbital resonance with Io again, good thing too, I think our cores were just about frozen all the way out there

Ganymede takes off Europa’s blanket as Europa blinks, still waking up

E: Has it been a week already?

Ganymede shakes his head

G: Nope, well, at least it wasn't when we swapped back. Apparently we weren’t the only ones having issues with the swap, Tim-Titan's atmosphere was apparently freezing back in Neptune’s orbit, although Uranus's moons aparently stayed around for a bit longer

Europa looks down

E: So we ended the moon swap, because 4 of the largest moons in the solar system had a cold?

Ganymede winces

G: Uh, thats one way to put it...

Europa sighs

E: So we did all of this for nothing

Ganymede grimaces

G: I wouldn't say that-

E: We did this moon swap so that our planets could learn to actually understand and remember us, and because the moons everyone remembers got a cold, we ruined

Ganymede shakes his head

G: Europa-

E: I mean, now Jupiter is just going to go back to ignoring the little ones as if nothing-

G: EUROPA!

Europa freezes

E: (startled) Yes?

Ganymede smirks

G: Look behind you

Europa turns and gasps, we Jupiter surrounded by the smaller moons with a book, constantly swaping between one moon to the next

J: Now, Metis was the Titaness of wisdom, counsel, and deep thought, even having quite the role in dethroning the Titan of Time Kronos

M: Really?!

J: Indeed, in some myths, the was the one who made the drink which would force him to... uh.... regurgitate, his children, who eventually overthrew him. She would also eventually become the mother to the Olympian goddess of wisdom and warfare, Athena

M: Wow! Who did she marry?

Jupiter goes a little red

J: Uh, we don’t need to talk about that

Europa is seen, jaw wide open, at the scene

E: Is he, is he actually-

C: Actually paying attention to the little moons?

Europa and Ganymede turn to see Io and Callisto approach

Io: Rise and sh- (cough cough cough)

Ganymede rolls his eyes

G: I see someone's volcanic activity is active again

Io: Y-yep! (cough)

Callisto rolls her eyes

C: Yeah, but anyways, Jupiter has basicly been doing that nonstop since we managed to get you guys back in resonance

Io: Y-yeah! He’s been going through all the little moons, finding their names in those dusty myth-(cough cough cough!)

Ganymede grins

G: Looks like the big guy managed to learn in those few short days after all!

Europa turns back to Jupiter and sees him still talking to the little moons

E: What about the moons with odd names, like S/2021 J4? I doubt they were named after anything in Jupiter's books

Callisto rolls her eyes

C: Well, obviously not, but Jupiter has found an alternative for those moons

E: Uh... like?

C: He has been bringing up some... awfully weird stuff that was apparently happening on Earth at the time they were discovered, very weird stuff

Ganymede makes a weird face

G: Like what?

Io: W-well turns out in 2021, that a company ran by Ebon Dusk-

C: Thats wasn't his name

Io: W-well, apparently they managed to have the first operational space flight by a priv and ate his co-pony

C: Company, the word was company, and he didn't eat it.

Io: Potato tomarow !

Callisto shakes her head

C: Tomato, Tomato

Io: Same thing!

Callisto rolls her eyes

C: Jupiter Apparently knows A LOT about what goes on, on Earth’s surface.

E: Wait, how?

Callisto shrugs

C: Who knows, maybe that Juno probe tells him stuff or something

Europa looks out and notices the probe

E: Maybe- but than he might also know how…

G: How what?

E: I need to ask Jupiter

Europa heads away while the other Galilean moons follow

J: Well now, Elara was the mother of the great giant Tityos-

E: Jupiter!

Jupiter turns to see Europa followed by the other Galilean moons. Jupiter lights up

J: Europa! Glad you finally awake, was starting to get worried about-

K: Oh! Can you tell us what Europa’s name comes from?!

T: Yeah!

J: Uh, not entirely sure-

E: Actually, I have a question of my own

Jupiter looks pleasantly Surprised

J: Uh, ok. What is it? Is it about your life? Astrodude told me all about how you seemed to have life similar to that at Earth’s oceans, in incredible detail as well! I could try explaining it to you so that you know all about-

Europa goes red

E: Actually, can we... put that to the side, at least for now? I- I don't feel comfortable talking about that

Jupiter looks confused, but shrugs

J: If you wish, what is it that you wanted to ask about then?

Europa hesitates

E: I wanted to ask, why is the Earth’s moon so large?

Jupiter suddenly looks uncomfortable

J: Uh, what do you mean?

E: I mean, Luna is comparable to your largest moons, even larger and more massive than me, yet he also orbits Earth, a planet that is only about 1/300th your mass

Jupiter winces

J: Well, Luna formed very differently that most moons, you formed from accretion with the material around me during my own formation and Luna... well Luna just didn't, and honestly thats all I can say on that front

The Galilean moons look confused

C: Are you saying you don’t know, or you don’t want to share?

Jupiter winces

J: Sorry guys, I know I always say it’s better to know everything, but that specifically, especially after the Earth visited me-

G: He what?!

J: Nothing important, point is, that bit of information is VERY volatile, I honestly wish I DID NOT know what happened to poor-

Jupiter catches himself

J: However, since the little ones asked, Europa was the mother of King Minos, who would eventually be king of Crete, and the step father to the mighty minotaur!

T: Wow….

E: Your ignoring my question

Jupiter sighs

J: And for now, it will remain that way, ask any of the other giants, they will give the same answer. Honestly, I think we could all just forget…

Jupiter shakes his head

J: Now, Helice was one of the Nymphs who-

Jupiter goes back to the little moons as Europa turns back to the other Galilean moons

E: Any idea why the Earth would come all the way out here?

Io: I-I don't know!

G: Arn't we... like... WAY out of the Goldilocks zone?

C: Yes, why do you think over half of us have icy surfaces

G: Hey!

Europa looks out

E: Well, hopefully the other moons are doing better with their planets well…

Chapter Text

We see Neptune return to his orbit with all of his moons!

N: Ok! Roll call! Proteus, Nereid, Larisa, Galatea, Neso, Psamethe, Laemedeia, Sao, Halimede, Despina, Thalassa, Naiad, Hippocamp, S/2002 N 5 and S2021 N 1! Oh, and Triton-

T: We are all here Neptune, made sure before we left

P: Yep!

Neptune smiles

N: Good to hear! Now, did we all have fun with Mr.Saturn?

Most of Neptune's moons shrug

Ne: He was ok, but nothing compared to you Neptune

N: Aw shucks, well Im sure Saturn was fun in his own ways!

T: Sure… “Fun”

N: You didn't mess with his rings too much right Despina and Galatea? His rings are a lot bigger than the ones I have. You could get lost!

G: Yeah, they were pretty big

D: Yeah, Saturn went crazy when Sao got close

Neptune shrugs

N: Well, we all got our quirks, you guys learn anything? I'm sure Mr. Saturn has TONS of stories that I didn't know about!

P: Yeah, he told us about how his moons formed!

Neptune raises an eyebrow impressed

N: Really? Well i'm sure that was quite the adventure, given how his moons are now! Man do I have some stories for you when everything settles down!

Neptune's moons cheer

Ne: Yeah! We even learned about different kinds of moons!

Neptune pauses and looks confused

N: Different kinds of moons?- OH! like Planet Moons like you, Dwarf planet moons like Pluto… oh oh maybe asteroid moons like-

Ne: No Neptune! Like me, i'm a irregular moon!

A frown briefly appears on Neptune’s face before disappearing

N: Yep, that eccentric orbit of your makes sure of that Neried

P: We even learned that Triton is a irregular moon!

Neptune looks at Triton who raises an eyebrow

T: Anything you want to add to that?

Neptune looks uncomfortable

N: Well, it is true, although your orbit is among the most circular in the solar system, you do orbit me retrograde and at a significant angle, which-

T: Which means?

Neptune frowns

N: What do you-

T: Ulg, Guys? What did Saturn say was the likely cause of an irregular moon around an object like a planet?

Neptunes moons look confused

P: Uh, gravitational disruption or being debris from a collision?

T: Or?

Proteus looks stumped

H: Or a captured object from a different area in the solar system? Like that one moon Saturn mentioned called Phoebe?

T: Exactly

Triton turns to Neptune who looks quite nervous

T: Does anyone know where I came from?

Neptune’s moons are stumped

G: A collision?

S: Gravitational disruption?

Proteus looks nervous

P: Captured?

Triton turns to Neptune

T: Anything to add Neptune?

Neptune looks a little panicky

N: Well, I wouldn’t know anything about that-

Triton shakes his head violently

T: Thats not true Neptune! We know thats not true! Even you couldn't have forgotten what you did to me!

All of Neptune's other moons look around surprised at Triton's sudden outburst

P: Is catching a moon bad?

Ne: Probably if Triton is mad about it

Neptune looks back and forth, as if cornered

N:You guy know how I am! I have a really unstable atmosphere, I don't remember everything 🙁

Triton rolls his eyes

T: Maybe, but there is one thing you remember very well, your moons. In fact, with Jupiter and Saturn to show, your moons seem to be the only thing you DO remember!

N:I-

T: Even Saturn knew I was captured! He only nearly mentioned it like a dozen times!

Neptune winces

N: H-he did?

T: Yes! Even Jupiter tried telling his moons about me, but you aren't even willing to be honest about it to your own moons!

Neptune is silent

T: I want to know why

N: Why?

T: Why did you capture me?!

Neptune looks around nervously

N: I- I cant say, must have forgotten

T: Sure you did

Triton turns around

T: Ill come back when your memory improves, till then, i'm finding the dwarf planets

Triton goes away leaving confused moons and a sad Neptune

P: Will he be ok?

Ne: What's going on?

We see Triton speeding around the Kuiper Belt

T: Hello! Dwarf planets? Orcus! Pluto!

We don’t see anything

T: Ugh, you would think Plutinos like Pluto and Orcus would be easy to spot, it’s not like the Kuiper Belt is that- oh who am I kidding?

Dy: Not me thats for sure

Triton jumps and looks around

T: What the-

Dy: Who are you?

Triton turns again

T: Could say the same for you! You some dwarf planet hiding out here?

Dy: Ugh, no. That would be my sister

Triton suddenly looks confused

T: Your sister?

A dark figure appears from the shadows

Dy: Yeah, my “Sister” Eris. Your heard of her? Densest dwarf planet in the Solar System, most massive dwarf planet in the solar system and the like? Ugh.

Dysnomia rolls her eyes and frowns at Triton

Dy: And who are you meant to be? Some exo-planet or something?

T: Im Triton, Current largest moon of Neptune and a former dwarf planet of the Kuiper Belt

Dysnomia looks at Triton, unimpressed

Dy: Well “former dwarf planet” what are doing out here? I certainly don't think that any “Neptunes” have been around here

Triton looks annoyed

T: Im not looking for Neptune, I was looking for the other dwarf planets, but I cant seem to find any of them around here

Dysnomia laughs

Dy: Ha! Good luck, although if they are anything like MY dwarf planet, they aren't worth yours or anyone’s time

Dysnomia turns to leave

T: What's wrong with your dwarf planet?

Dysnomia scoffs

D: Well, I got Tidally locked with Eris AGES ago and when I FINALLY managed to tidally lock her, she chose to lock while facing AWAY FROM ME!

Triton looks confused

T: Uh, pretty sure we don’t really get to decide when we tidally lock with someone. It just sorta happens when it happens

Dysnomia rolls her eyes

Dy: That's what she claimed, yet I didn’t seem to have any issue facing her when I got locked with her!

T: Also, we are talking-

Dy: Blah blah blah, Don't break the fourth wall

Triton blinks

T: The… what?

Dy: The point is, she chose not to face me when she got locked, so we are over! Done! We will be separate from now on!

Triton frowns

T: Over?

Dy: Over!

T: Done?

Dy: Done!

T: From now on?

Dy: Yeah! From now on!

Triton takes a quick look around

T: You… You do realize there is still 5 billion years before the “end of the solar system”, right?

Dysnomia’s smile wavers

Dy: F-five billion years?

T: Yep, plus, this far from the sun, both you and Eris are most likely going to last long after the sun goes red giant and becomes a white dwarf, “from now on” sure seems like a rather long time for you two

Dysnomia looks scared and looks around

Dy: Uh, mean... maybe not... forever... I mean-

Triton sighs and approaches Dysnomia

T: Look, I'm not one to judge, I am after all sorta taking time away from my planet after our argument, but saying your going to be separate “from now on” seems like a bit of an overreaction given the timespans we are dealing with

Dy: Y-yeah… I suppose

T: How long have you been away from Eris?

Dy: I don’t know… a while at least...

Triton smiles

T: Well, maybe it’s time to confront her

Dy: Yeah… maybe

T: How about we help each other out and find her, and maybe the other dwarf planets if we get lucky, eh?

Dy: S-sure... Mr. Triton

Dysnomia turns around

Dy: Well, assuming she hasn’t moved out of her orbit, she should be this way

Dysnomia and Triton head off

X: Take you time, I've got plenty

We see Planet X with the Dwarf Planets, who are tightly bound

Chapter Text

We see the Sun cheerfully looking around

S: Well! Now that that whole "Moon Swap" nonsense is over with, now everything can go back to normal!

The Sun looks down

S: Hey Mercury!

Mercury turns to the Sun

My: Hey Sun

Mercury continues on his way

S: Lets see, Venus, grumpy as ever, Mars-

The Sun frowns

S: Still REAL grumpy even after helping Earth stay on his axis, wonder what's up with that

Sun rolls his eyes

S: Oh well, then Earth and Luna-

The Sun blinks bewildered

S: Are reading?

We see Earth practically buried in books

E: Ok... asteroid belt 4% of Luna... Ceres is 39%-

Luna moves Earth's book out of the way

L: Uh, Earth?

Earth looks up, mildly surprised

E: Y-yes Luna?

L: Uh, I get that you went away off your orbit to get these, but why did you want so many of Jupiter’s books?

E: Well, I don’t want to stay away from uncomfortable information

Luna rolls his eyes

L: Come on Earth, you don’t have anything to prove to Mars-

E: It’s not about Mars, it’s about improving myself, avoiding that situation happening again

Luna sighs

L: I guess thats understandable-

E: And there's some very interesting things here! Look, did you know that you're the largest moon relative to their planet in the solar system? At least, ever since Pluto got demoted, before that it was Charon

Luna looks somewhat surprised

L: I am? Well the other moons were making comments about that…

E: Apparently you're the 5th largest overall.

L: Fifth largest moon orbiting the fifth largest planet?

Earth laughs

E: Exactly! Huh, any ideas as to why you're so big compared to me? As far as I remember, you've mostly stayed the same aside from some small shrinkage as you cooled-

The sun suddenly has a little panic growing on his face

L: Well, I do remember back when you tried playing tag with Mars and he said something about us-

A solar flare is shot out, shocking all the rocky planets

S: HELLO EVERYONE! ITS TIME FOR ANOTHER SUN COMPETITION!

Venus groans

V: Isn’t it a bit soon-

S: NO IT ISN'T!

Venus freezes

S: Anyways-

The other planets arrive with their moons

S: WELCOME EVERYONE

P/M: Hello sun…

S: Well! Today we shall see another way someone is special today!

My: Hope it’s not me…

S: Oh Don't worry Mercury, you don't stand a chance here!

The Sun looks to Earth with a smile and wink, Earth looks confused

E: Did the Sun... wink at me?

L: I don't know, it sure seemed like it

E: What does that mean?-

S: Today’s Sun trophy goes to whoever has the most liquid water!

Earth blinks

E: (whisper) I know this one!

Mars rolls his eyes

Ms: (mumbles) And Earth is going to think it’s-

E: Sun!

The Sun turns to Earth again, smiling

S: Ah, Earth. I suppose you already know the answer, don't you?

Earth nods

S: Very well, I guess the Sun trophy goes to-

E: Ganymede

The Sun pauses mid sentence

S: Huh?

E: Ganymede, Jupiter's largest moon

Everyone turns to Ganymede

G: Huh?!

Ganymede looks to either side to see his fellow moons look shocked. The Sun looks puzzled about it.

S: Uh, are you sure Earth? Because I was really thinking that the answer would have been you Earth-

Earth shakes his head

E: Ganymede is a moon who is about 50% water ice by mass, and is roughly 2.5% my mass. I am only made up of about .02% water, it's just covering most of my surface because of... density... and stuff

The Sun blinks while Mercury and Venus look at Earth as if he grew bunny ears

S: Uh, yes.. I suppose you are right-

The Sun shakes his head

S…but I said LIQUID water, not just any form of water, and considering how far he is from the goldilocks zone-

E: Ganymede is heated both by his rough formation around Jupiter where several high speed collisions helped to heat him up, and by his orbital resonance with Io and Europa. Even if we only count liquid water, he has up to 33 times more than me

Ganymede's jaw drop

G: I do?!

The sun looks flabbergasted and looks to Jupiter

S: Is this true Jupiter?

Jupiter moves forward

J: Uh, yes. Ganymede most likely does have the most liquid water. Most other objects that could rival him either don't have as much heating, like Titan or Callisto, who lack a strong orbital resonance to heat their insides, or have significantly less water to work with in the first place, like Europa or Enceladus, who despite their strong orbital resonances are either too small or have larger portions of rock in their composition in Europa's case

Jupiter nods to Earth, pride on his face

J: Earth is correct

Mars looks back and forth between Jupiter and Earth, shocked

M: How- when-

P: Wow! Earth actually knew something!

D: Maybe he’s finally listening to Jupiter’s lectures

Earth nods and turns to the Sun

E: By your definition, it’s Ganymede, and it’s not even a close race

The sun blinks for a while

S: Well, guess even I can learn a thing or two, and clearly I need to pay more attention to Jupiter’s lectures to his moons, or the moons in general…

The Sun looks suspiciously at the moons who gulp

S: Regardless!

The sun grabs a large sun trophy

S: SO I GUESS THE WINNER OF THE SUN COMPETITION IS… GANYMEDE!

The moons of Jupiter all huddle around Ganymede

E: Good job Babe!

C: I honestly wasn’t expecting that

Io: I-if even the sun is willing to-

Ganymede has a huge smile, he looks up, and a look of dread grows on his face

G: WATCH OUT!

The sun flings his trophy

BAM!

A big flash happens, and soot is pushed away by Ganymede’s Magnetic field

G: Pleh!

As Ganymede continues coughing soot, the sun looks toward Earth, as if thinking of something, but shakes his head

S: Well, now that we have a winner, everyone can go back to their orbits! See you all next time!

The outer planets all retreat, meanwhile, Mars begins to slowly approach the Earth

S: ESPECIALLY YOU MARS!

Mars runs off startled while Earth and Luna both reconvene

E: Well, guess that was interesting, wasn't the last competition quite recent though?

Luna nods

L: Yeah, I thought so at least, wasn't the Sun's “Who's the heaviest planet” or something contest like, a month ago?

E: Yeah, and then the Sun decided he was the winner even though he wasn't a planet

Both Luna and Earth laugh

E: Anyways, what were we talking about before the Sun interrupted us?

Luna shrugs

L: I don’t remember, probably nothing too important, hey, want to take a break and play some cards? I think I understand the rules now

Earth smiles

E: Sure, I think I've had enough reading for one day, Besides, I heard a rumor that the sun might give us new cards soon! A whole new game for us to play!

L: Really?! That would be so cool!

Both Earth and Luna pull up cards and start playing, we zoom in on Uranus’s notebook which opens revealing… the Theia Solarcard…

Chapter Text

We see Mars look warily at the Sun until the Sun turns around

M: Now's my chance...

We see Mars head off

P: Uh, what was Mars's chance?

D: I think he was waiting for the Sun to look away so he could leave his orbit?

P: Why would he want to leave his orbit?

D: Who knows...

We see Mars approach as Luna and Earth are playing cards

L: So… I play this card… and I steal all your cards?

E: Well, yeah… but you would also give me all of your cards, and you’ve got the most points so far

L: Wow, this game is so confusing sometimes-

M: Hey guys

Both Luna and Earth turn to see Mars approach

L: Can you not Mars?

Luna turns back to his cards

L: We've heard enough of your grievances with Earth for a while

M: Hey! You don’t get to talk Earth's moon

L: I've been here! I get to-

Earth shakes his head

E: It’s ok Luna

Earth takes a deep breathe and refocuses on Mars

E: What is it you want Mars?

M: How did you know that Ganymede had the most liquid water? And what was that look Jupiter gave you?

Earth looks a little surprised

E: Well, it was pretty clear in the book

Mars looks confused

M: Book?

Earth picks up a book and starts turning the pages

E: Right here “1-33 times the amount of liquid water of Earth” doesn't exactly get a whole ton clearer than that, plus it gives his composition and, well, I don't exactly need a reminder of my own-

Earth looks up to see Mars looking flabbergasted

M: Where in the Solar System did you get that?!

Earth looks mildly uncomfortable

E: I went to Jupiter and he gave it to me

Mars blinks

M: You what?!

We transition away from Mars and Earth to Mercury and the Sun

S: Hey Mercury!

My: What is it Sun?

S: You know why I never have a bad idea?

Mercury raises an eyebrow

S: Because I am a huge space light bulb!

My: Sure… sure-

The sun raises an eyebrow at Mercury

S: Something wrong Mercury?

M: No… why do you ask that?

S: You didn't laugh!

M: No offense sun, but con- never mind

The sun stares at Mercury

S: What?

M: No point sun, best case scenario you laugh it off, worst case Something bad happens because you got upset

S: I don’t get upset!

Mercury stares at the sun and raises an eyebrow

S: W-well, I don’t get too-

V: Hey! What's going on?!

Venus enters the stage

M: Nothing Venus, just telling the Sun how you think his ideas are often not the brightest

S: WHAT?!

The sun stares at a suddenly fearful Venus as Mercury moves away, snickering before looking out in horror

M: You went 4 Astronomical Units out of your orbit to ask Jupiter for some books?!

L: I told him it was a bad idea

M: Was it because of what I said?!

E: Well, I didn’t want to be stuck in that situation again

M: Me yelling at you?

E: Well, that too, but mainly that with Titan

Luna blinks

L: Ok, you lost me there

Earth sighs

E: If I already knew about Titan’s features, I don’t think I would have felt so uncomfortable, at the very least I would have been prepared rather than feeling like my Earthlings launched a drill in my left eye whenever Mars shared another “interesting fact” about Titan

Mars looks annoyed

M: Thats a gross exaggeration, and I would know, Astrodude set stuff up on my surface too

Earth bites his tounge

E: Maybe… but-

M: No, there isn’t a maybe on that. Would you feel the same if I decided going on about how similar Venus is to you?!

Earth blinks

E: Uh-

Earth grabs a book, but Mars swipes it away and stares at Earth

L: Hey! Give that back to him

Mars stares at Luna

M: Not until he answers

L: Did you not just hear him?! He’s trying to educate himself to prevent something like this from happening! Are you even listening to either of us?!

Mars continues staring, ignoring Luna, and making Earth uncomfortable

E: Uh, well Venus and I are about the same size, I guess, we both have active volcanoes and geological activity in some form or another, and I guess we both got relatively thick atmospheres, even if his is thicker and filled with Co2, and thus we both get some form of weather from the sun heating the atmospheres up, but I think that’s about it. Right?

Mars raises an eyebrow

M: About it?

Earth looks to Luna

E: What am I missing?! Please?

Luna looks stumped

L: I don’t know!

Mars makes an exaggerated eye roll

M: Well, how about how he used to have a magnetic field, used to have water oceans just like yours, how about how HE tried to have life just like you?!

Earth blinks

E: He did?

M: Yes!

Mars throws the book at Earth who catches it

M: You claim to be trying, yet didn't even focus on your neighbors. Proto wouldn’t try that unless he actually was trying! You tarnish his legacy

Earth blinks

E: Proto?-

L: Hey! He's trying! He never said he was all there way there yet, he's still learning! You aren't listening to a word-

M: You don't even know what you are-

My: Hey!

The group turns to see Mercury approach

My: Mars, unless you are here to apologize, which based on Earth's state it sure doesn't seem like it, buzz off!

Mars looks at Mercury surprised

M: Fine! Be that way!

Mars leaves in a huff, a dejected Earth picks up the book Mars swiped

My: What did Mars want this time?!

L: Beats me, he asked about how Earth knew Ganymede had the most water, and Earth answered

Mercury frowns

My: and then?

L: Then Earth explained the why, and then Mars just got all riled up again!

E: Even mentioning... Protato?

Mercury looks like he just saw a ghost

My: H-he what?!

E: I- maybe Mars is right

L: C'mon Earth, Mars is just being unreasonable at this point!

My: Gotta agree with Luna here, at this point Mars is becoming almost as much a bully to you as Venus is to me, and that is definetly saying something

E: Venus...

Earth opens the book

My: I would just ignore him Earth, Mars is-

E: Mars is not being cool, but he did bring up one good point

Mercury and Luna both look confused

L: And the point was?

We look into the book to see Venus, before his atmosphere destroyed his surface

E: If I am to avoid these situations...

Earth looks toward Venus who appears to just received a solar-flare to the face

E: I need to understand all of those closest to me, even the ones I might have left out

Earth starts reading again while Mercury and Luna look towards Mars who continues muttering in the background

Chapter Text

We watch as Neptune plays ping pong with himself as his moons watch

P: I miss Triton

Ni: Me too, Neptune, can't you two make piece?

Neptune pauses

N: I’ll be here when he is ready to talk-

U: Neptune!

Neptune turns around confused as Uranus approaches

N: Ah Uranus! What takes you to the Kuiper Belt?

U: Uh, it's time for the moon's moon club... thingy?

N: Oh? It is?

U: Yeah, not entirely sure what they want to discuss, but Jupiter and Saturn wanted to do somthing with us while they had it.

Uranus turns to leave before looking back

U: You coming... cousin?

Neptune smiles

N: Ofcourse!

Neptune and Uranus start moving and Uranus’s moons mingle with Neptune’s moons

A: Aw! All the cuties are here!

N: Is she talking about us?

Ta: Yep

Titania looks around, looking confused

T: Where’s Triton?

Neptune's moons frown

P: He left, hasn’t come back

Titania looks disappointed

Ta: Oh…

We see the ice giants meet up with the gas giants, and we see their moons all congregate

J: Uranus! Neptune! Glad you could make it!

Uranus looks awkward

U: Well... Not every day you guys invite us to do something

S: Well, we should change that!

Titan appears from behind Saturn

T: Ice giant moons! Come! Jupiter found us place near his L4 Lagrange point where we can have some privacy! Follow me!

The moons turn to Jupiter who nods and they head off

S: Be safe!

We see the moons gather round a area with several asteroids

T: Well, here we are!

An asteroid bumps into Miranda

M: Why are all these asteroids here? Shouldn’t Jupiter have either ejected or put them in the asteroid belt or somthing?

Callisto shakes her head

C: They are his Trojans

Miranda looks confused

M: Trojans?

D: Objects that orbit either 60 degrees in front or behind you in your orbit

Miranda looks confused

M: How do you know that?

Dione rolls her eyes

D: Tethys and I both have Trojan moons in our own L4/5 Lagrange points-

Te: And they are cool!

Tethys grabs the two moons who look around awkwardly

Te: They are so adorable!

Callisto rolls her eyes

C: Between any two large objects, they have areas where their mutual gravitational influence “levels out” allowing objects to have stable orbits in those areas.

Io: T-technically there are 5 Lagrange points!

E: Only if you count the unstable L1,2, and 3 Lagrange points, theres a reason THOSE arn't filled with asteroids

O: W-why didn’t we see them in Saturn’s?

Titan sighs

T: Saturn lacks many Trojans because of Jupiter’s influence. They don’t tend to stick are for very long, or if they do, their orbits are very unstable

Oberon looks down

O: Oh…

Titania frowns

Ta: Why not do this in the asteroid belt? Wouldn't that be a more... private place?

Io looks around nervously

Io: I-I didn't have the best introduction in there, that creepy psycho dwarf planet Ceres attacked me while in there!

Ta: You were attacked?

Titan comes forth

T: Yeah, we figured that it was probably safer to have our club here, away from our planets, but also not intruding on Ceres’ territory

Ta: Right…

T: Anyways, lets gather everyone up!

All the moons gather

T: Ok! Moon club in session!

Titan looks out to Luna

T: Has anything changed since I saw Earth, Luna? It didn't look good between him and Mars

Luna shakes his head

L: Well, Earth started to read a lot

T: Read?

A: Yeah! Earth went to Jupiter during the moon swap and got a whole ton of books from him

T: He what?!

L: He's fine… mostly. He had a recent conversation with Mars where it almost looked like they would make up, but…

Luna shakes his head

Ph: Yeah, Mars is being so cranky for no good reason

De: YEAH! Ever since he started playing with mean old Venus-

L: Yeah… but I don't need to say that Earth has been learning stuff, I mean from that Sun competition alone-

T: Speaking of which-

Titan turns to Ganymede

T: Congratulations Ganymede! A point for the moons!

Several moons cheer

G: (cough) it’s overrated, it took ages for my magnetic field to push the remnants away…

C: A couple of hours

G: Hey!

E: You did look good with the soot covering your surface

G: (blushing) I did?-

T: Well, how have things gone for you after the moon swap?

E: Well, he's FINALLY paying attention to the little ones, was reading them stories and everything

G: Yeah, although he got very touchy when we asked about Luna-

Most of the other moons nod in agreement while Luna rolls his eyes, clearly tired of this subject

L: Is this about my size again?

Ganymede and Europa stay silent

E: Something is up with it

Luna rolls his eyes

L: I orbit Earth, as far as I can remember, I always have. Outside of asteroid impacts from the beginning of the solar system, I’ve mostly been the same size since I woke up orbiting the Earth, not much to say about that.

The Galilean moons bite their tongue

T: Uh, good to know, well-

R: Saturn went around and asked everyone to give their name and describe themselves

D: Wonder why-

T: Oh, he's quizzing himself

Saturn’s moons blink

Ms: He what?

T: He's taking all of our names and is having me quiz him on them, he’s actually managed to remember a few

E: He did avoid calling me encalada this time…

T: Exactly!

Titan turns to the moons of Uranus

T: How about you?

Ta: It’s fine

Titania rolls her eyes

A: We've mostly made up with him at this point… Titania excluded…

T: Why?

Ta: He went and without care went and said-

M: Titania hasn’t quite forgiven him

T: Oh

Titan frowns

T: Well, anything from-

Titan blinks

T: Uh, where’s Triton?

Neptune's moons all look down, dejected

P: He left

Neptune’s moons look down sad

E: Why?

P: Apparently Neptune captured Triton, and it was a bad thing for him to do?

T: He did what?

G: He captured him and made him the largest of his moons

Everyone turns to Ganymede

G: Oh c'mon! Even I was only half paying attention Jupiter and even I remembered that he was a dwarf planet caught by Neptune’s gravity a long time ago

Ta: A dwarf planet?!

T: Where did he go?

G: Probably to find other dwarf planets or something, who knows?

Ta: We should find him!

The moons look at Titania confused as she goes red

G: Why? He's a big guy, or at least decently large... and he knows where he is going… probably

Ta: Uh-

A:(quiet) I think Titania has a c-

Titania gives Ariel a cold stare

Ta: Shut it Ariel! Anyways, isn’t the Kuiper Belt super dangerous? With all the asteroids, rouge planets-

Dione shakes her head

D: If they orbit the Sun, they would be dwarf planets, not rouge planets. Rouge planets don't orbit a star

Titania shakes her head

Ta: You know what I mean!

L: Well, Pluto is pretty cool-

Io: W-well that one in the asteroid belt is crazy! (Cough cough cough)

L: Fair enough… Even Mars is scared of that one

I: Plus we’ve already seen how one can lose their sanity in the Kuiper Belt, Neptune is the prime example of that

Neptunes moons look confused

H: What's a sanity?

N: Probably not that important if Neptune lost it. He's good at keeping track of stuff

P: He forgot he captured Triton-

L: Pluto’s fine, at least he was a few decades ago…

O: T-that one Uranus found with Saturn sounded really mean!

Ta: Exactly!

Titan looks around and sighs

T: Well, guess we should get a group to find him

Titania nods

T: Pluto is supposedly the largest dwarf planet, right?

The Galilean moons nod

T: And he’s about 2370 km, right?

C: Sounds about right

T: Ok then, that should be the baseline, who here is bigger than 2370 km?

P: Triton is 2710km!

Titan gives a pained smile

T: Yes, Proteus, but-

Titan sighs

T: Anyone else? Besides me and Ganymede?

E: I'm about 3100 km in diameter

Io: I-I am 3642 km- (cough cough cough)

C: I'm 4820 km

L: Uh... my diameter is about 3474 km-

Io: So ever you are larger than the dwarf planets!

Luna rolls his eyes

L: Can we shut up about this already?

T: Ok, with me that makes 6-

Titan looks to Proteus

T:7 if we include Triton once we find him. We will go and search for Triton, hopefully make sure he is safe, then return to report

Titania blinks

Ta: Wait, what about the rest of us?!

T: We need others to be here in case Something happens, to be able to tell the giants if something goes wrong

Most of the moons nod

Ia: He does have a point

T: Besides, we can’t take the little ones, and someone needs to look out for them

Titania looks down sad

Ta: You make an excellent argument…

T: Ok, Ganymede, Callisto, Io, Europa, Luna, let’s head off

As the two groups separate, Proteus looks back and forth before following the bigger moons

Ta: Proteus!

Titania starts chasing after Proteus

Chapter Text

We see Uranus look on as the moons fade from view

J: Don't worry, they will be fine, my L4 Lagrange point is VERY stable, nearly the equivalent of ⅕th the asteroid belt

U: If you say so mate…

The four giants look awkwardly at each other

N: Sooooooo… what's up Jupiter and Saturn?

J: Not much, mostly just keeping the asteroid belt in order

S: Do you really have to keep doing that? The sun doesn’t even real-

Jupiter stares at Saturn who shuts up

J: What about you guys? Obviously we all had Something with that whole… moon swap thing we all participated in

U: Yeah… feels a little off…hopefully the girls didn't cause any issues around you, besides maybe orbiting you a bit weird

Jupiter raises an eyebrow

J: Not worried about Oberon?

U: Oberon isn’t exactly my trouble maker, the day he’s the problem among my moons, Neptune speaks Spanish

Neptune turns to Uranus confused

N: ¡Desde que Babble nos patrocina! ¿No recuerdas a Urano?

The giants Blink at Neptune while Uranus gives a exasperated sigh

U: Ok, fair point Neptune, but you get my point!

Jupiter laughs

J: Yeah yeah, Fair enough… he seems so skittish all the time

U: Yeah, he certainly is, can’t imagine-

Uranus shakes his head

S: Neptune’s moons were all such a handful! I just have no idea how you manage to keep them all entertained!

Neptune blinks

N: Well, I'm not Mr. Perfect-

S: Oh give yourself credit Neptune! You remembered 9 of my moon’s names before Titan even had a chance to get into your orbit! You're the example we should be following!

Neptune looks down, the giants look around awkwardly. Uranus notices

U: So… is there Something we should do together? I mean you invited us to do something... right Jupiter?

Jupiter looks a little embarissed

J: Uh... yeah... any ideas?

Both of the ice giants look confused

N: I'm fine with anything!

S: I guess me too?

U: Cheers to that mate, but, uh, any actual ideas? No offense, but I’m not wanting to try a book club, and I doubt you guys are into painting

Saturn shakes his head

S: My rings always block my view, kinda hard to see stuff like that

J: I keep saying we should get you a pair of glasses

S: Oh cmon! My eyesight isn’t that bad!

Jupiter rolls his eyes

J: Sure it is… well, what should-

Neptune lights up

N: I got an idea!

Neptune turns to Uranus

N: Hey Uranus! How about that game you were working on with the Sun about all the-

Uranus turns violet

U: Quiet Neptune! That’s supposed to be a secret between the Sun and I!

Neptune looks confused

N: Then why did you tell me?

U: Because… be

Uranus shakes his head

U: Doesn't matter Neptune

S: You were working with the Sun to make a game?

Uranus glares at Neptune before sighing

U: Y-yeah… suppose the gas is out of the comet now, the Sun wanted the rocky planets to play Something less dangerous than asteroid dodgeball, but less… how did the Sun put it? “Lame” than their space poker... whatever that is. So he came to me to “design” a new card game for them to enjoy

Uranus takes out his sketch book

U: These are some of the designs I came up with based on the descriptions the Sun gave in his prompts, although I really need to fix a few of them...

Jupiter and Saturn take a look

S: Oh my! Is that me?

J: I think that’s all of us

We see several Solar cards in Uranus’s sketchbook, including the giants

U: Yeah… each card has some sort of object or space mechanism on them, like this “Gravitational Slingshot” or-

Uranus looks ashamed

U: Guillermo…

N: Where?!

Neptune looks back and forth as Uranus shoves the card in his face

N: Hmm, prevents the summoning of Planets and Stars?

U: Yeah… basically there are 2 modes, battle mode, where everyone tries summoning the Sun-

S: Sounds like Something the rocky planets would enjoy

U: Yah, then there’s education edition, where you instead have someone pull out a card, read the description, and then everyone else tries to guess who it is and what their radius is, for example

Uranus tears a card out

U: One of the ice giants of the solar system and the only planet to rotate on its side. It has visible rings, but way thinner than-

N: Uranus! 25632km!

U: I wasn’t finished! But yeah, Neptune would have gotten 15 points then, 10 for getting the object right, and 5 for getting the right radius.

Jupiter smiles

J: Sounds pretty cool, Uranus! How about we start with the Education edition? Sounds more up our ally

Uranus smiles

U: Fine by me

Uranus turns around, pulls out some scissors, and shuffles, and now has 4 piles of cards

U: Let’s do this

Uranus picks up a card

U: “Once a dwarf planet, now biggest of the dwarf planets-

N: Pluto! 1188 km!

U: Geez mate! We didn't even get a chance!

Uranus brings out a chalk board and gives Neptune 15 points. Jupiter frowns

J: Speaking of Pluto, have you guys seen either him or Charon lately? I was thinking about tilts while watching your moons and realized I hadn't seen them in quite a while

Saturn and Uranus look uncomfortable

S: Honestly, i'm not sure i've seen him since he got demoted in 2006

U: Same here mate-

N: Oh, he and I just talked a little bit ago

Jupiter looks relieved

J: OH? How's he doing?

Neptune shrugs

N: Eh, still not exactly glad about the whole dwarf planet thing, but he and charon seem to have found some new friends to hang out with, might go see him later

S: Well that's good to hear

Jupiter picks up a new card

J: One of the moons of Saturn, it has a very irregular shape, often compared to a giant battered potato

Saturn looks stressed

S: Cmon I know this! Was it, Mega- no he-

Neptune frowns

N: Uh, Hyperion? Don't remember what his size-

S: 135 km!

Jupiter looks at the card again

J: Both of you are correct

Uranus gives both Saturn 5 points and Neptune 10 points

U: Neptune is solidly in the lead

Saturn looks down disappointed

S: Neptune knows my own moons better than I do…

Neptune shakes his head

N: aw, come on! You remembered the radius, and that's MUCH harder to remember!

Saturn looks unconvinced

J: Well, let’s see this next card, Saturn?

Saturn picks up a card and he deflates

S: Uh… “A hypothetical planet proposed to have collided with Earth”…

Suddenly everyone is uncomfortable

J: Theia…3050km…

Everyone looks awkward as Saturn shows the card

U: Yeah… Theia... how long has it been?

J: 4.5 billion years...

S: I still miss her...

U: Yeah... althoughI don’t know why the Sun told me to make that one… given who would be one of the ones playing…

The giants turn to see Earth reading while Luna is telling him Something

J: Yeah… I specifically made sure that none of the books I gave him mentioned… you know… your moons were horrified when I tore out the pages mentioning either her or Proto

Uranus nods

U: Yeah… if it were any other topic I would probably agree with them, but given how he reacted when he first heard it-

Uranus shivers

S: Yeah, doesn't help when our moons keep asking about it. I thought Neptune’s moons were getting a little…

J: Enthusiastic about Asking questions about Luna’s size?

Saturn looks shocked

S: Yeah!

U: Same here, obviously with your moons Jupiter.

Jupiter looks at the card sadly

J: You did however do an amazing job, Uranus, it almost looks like she could pop out any moment… and ask me the elements of the universe again…

U: Yeah… wonder why he didn’t want a Proto card, if he’s going to have Theia-

N: Changing the subject!

Neptune picks up a card and frowns

U: Something wrong Neptune?

N: I Don't recognize his one

Uranus frowns

U: You don’t?

Jupiter makes a weak laugh

J: Well, guess it gives me a shot to catch up

Neptune looks puzzled

N:“A hypothetical ice giant located far beyond the Kuiper Belt-“

Suddenly Jupiter and Saturn turn pale

N:“Pluto was actually discovered thanks to astronomers searching for this planet”

Uranus makes an exaggerated eye roll

U: Ugh, that one. I was so confused when the Sun gave me THAT description for a planet, not sure who in the solar system that’s supposed to be.

N: I thought that whole finding another planet thing was because they miscalculated my mass and thought I weighed less than I did, thus making it seem like something else was perturbing my orbit?

Uranus nods

U: Yeah, though apparently it either stuck with the Sun or he knows something we don’t

N: Don't remember seeing any ice giant behind the Kuiper Belt, must be pretty far

Uranus sighs

U: Well, since I obviously am the only one who knows, guess the answer is-

J: Planet X…25600km

Uranus and Neptune blink and look confused

N:Yep! Planet X!

Uranus stares at Jupiter

U: Y-yes… how- wait, you know about this guy Jupiter? Did the sun tell you about him or something?

Both Jupiter and Saturn turn to each other, with Saturn shaking his head violently

J: Well…

S: Jupiter…

J: Planet X, well-

S: Jupe-

?: JUPITER!