Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Make sure you remember to change the batteries next time Mrs. Perch.” Bobby says to the old woman who sits on the porch.

They had been called out to a quiet residential street. Mrs. Perch lives alone with her cat, Sydney, who happened to be a well known neighborhood troublemaker.

The trouble this time?

The orange tabby had knocked over a sweet pea scented candle straight onto a corduroy couch. The ensuing fire caught the attention of one of Mrs. Perch's neighbors, who had seen the smoke while they were on their lawn. Mrs. Perch had been taking a nap at the time and the smoke detector hadn't gone off but the fire was small, so by the time the 118 arrived on scene, it was relatively easy to contain.

The problem was getting Sydney from out of the tree. As soon as they had opened the door, there was an orange blur that shot past the team and straight up into the tree in the front lawn.

While Bobby and Ravi contained the fire, Hen and Chim checked on Mrs. Perch to make sure she wasn't suffering from smoke inhalation. So that left Buck and Eddie trying to coach the cat from the tree.

The fire was easy to contain and Mrs. Perch was clear of any lung damage, but Sydney, the little rascal, had gripped her tiny claws into the tree bark and hissed loudly at Buck and Eddie's attempts to get her down safely.

Eventually they decided on a different tactic. While Eddie stayed on the ground, distracting the kitten with a tool from the engine, Buck had climbed the other side of the tree out of view from the cat. He reached a branch he deemed stable enough to hold his weight and reached out carefully to grab hold of the kitten.

Sydney noticed the movement and hissed at Buck, paw reaching out and scratching wildly at his forearm. Buck hissed at the pain but slowly reached for the kitten again, he guessed the kitten wasn't as scared after scratching him because he was able to grab her pretty easily after that.

As he was getting down from the tree with Sydney tucked in his bicep, Bobby and the others were exiting the house.

“Sydney! Oh dear, what have you done to that poor young man?” Mrs. Perch hobbled her way over to where Buck was standing.

“It's alright ma'am, just a few kitten scratches. I've had much worse.” He grinned, handing the orange furball over to her owner.

“Thank you so much for looking after my Sydney. I suppose I'll need a new couch now, but thank you all.” She smiled warmly at the group.

“It's no problem ma'am. But remember what we said about that smoke detector. Make sure you remember to change the batteries next time, Mrs. Perch.” Bobby smiled politely.

The team starts to head back to the engine, climbing in after each other and heading back to the station.

When they get back, Eddie grabs Buck's arm, stopping him before he heads up to the loft.

“Let me take a look at that.” He gestures at the scratches on Buck's forearm.

Buck looks down briefly at his arm because  he honestly forgot it was there, “Oh, it's fine Eddie, I forgot it even happened.”

Eddie rolls his eyes lightly, pulling Buck along to the ambulance to grab a first aid kit, “It's not fine, Buck, you have an open wound, it could get infected.”

Buck snorts, “By what? The zombie virus? Eddie, come on, I'm fine.”

Eddie stops after opening up a first aid kit, hands on his hips and eyebrow raised, and Buck knows he won't win this one.

He puts his hands up in surrender, “Okay, okay, you win. You don't have to go all Dad Mode on me.”

“Well it made you listen didn't it?” Eddie smirks, pulling on a pair of gloves and inspecting Buck's arm.

They sit huddled together on the rig, and Buck can feel Eddie's breath on his arm from how close they are. He can feel his cheeks turning pink from how long he looks at him so he turns his head away to distract himself.

He tries to reason with himself that it is a perfectly normal reaction to looking at Eddie. His best friend is a good looking guy, it's normal to want to trace the curve of his eyelashes with the tip of his thumb. Surely, everyone else feels the same way when they look at Eddie.

Yes, that must be it. It's completely normal. Nothing wrong here.

Buck hisses at the feeling of antiseptic swabs on his skin, “Ow. That stings.” He pouts.

Eddie glances up at him through his thick eyelashes with a teasing grin, “Aw, poor big, beefy, firefighter. Taken down by a cotton swab. You'll be fine Buck.”

Buck pouts some more, leaning into his dramatic tendencies, “You don't know that. What if that cotton swab was my last straw? What if I fainted from the force of the sting? I bet you'd feel bad then, and then my wound will still hurt.”

Eddie chuckles under his breath and then he says in a low voice, “Well I could always kiss it better. Chris always says that's the best medicine.”

Buck's brain comes to a halt, his next words dying on his tongue at what Eddie just implied.

He tries his best to not let his brain conjure the image of Eddie's lips on his arm, light and soft. Tries his best to not think of how his lips would feel on other parts of his body. Tries his best to once again convince himself that this is a normal response and anyone else would also be thinking of how Eddie's lips feel. Because it's Eddie, so how could they not?

Yes, that is a normal response. Anyone else would think the same thing. Absolutely.

He feels a stiff chuckle loosen its way from his throat, “Y-yeah, well Chris is obligated to say that. You're his Dad after all.”

Eddie's cocks an eyebrow at that, “Really? Let's test it then.”

His next movements seem to happen in slow motion for Buck as he watches with bated breath as his best friend leans down, slowly and oh so careful, and presses a featherlight kiss on Buck's arm. The touch of his lips on Buck's skin sends a row of goosebumps up his arm and causes his spine to shiver.

Eddie looks up at him with a devilish grin, “Well?”

Buck knows that his face probably resembles a tomato at this point and he wishes desperately that he wasn't so easy to make blush, “Well w-what?”

“Does it still hurt?” Eddie asks, his fingers absently placing a band-aid to the wound, his eyes never breaking contact with Buck's.

Buck's mouth feels like sandpaper and he's not sure he could make any sounds other than a whimper so he opts out of speaking and just shakes his head instead.

Eddie smiles, and Buck can't help but think he looks like a wolf with the way his canines poke out and his eyes glint like he's caught a particularly interesting prey, “Well I guess Chris was right. Good to know.”

Buck nods in agreement, even though he forgot that's the whole reason any of this happened.

He's still not sure what this is.

Instead of moving away and doing literally anything else though, Eddie still has a firm grip on Buck's arm and his face is still close and Buck still doesn't trust himself to speak so they sit there like that. Looking at each other, and not speaking, and not moving away.

The air is cut through like a knife when Buck's phone starts to ring, the ringtone is familiar and Buck can feel his stomach start to twist uncomfortably.

Eddie's eyes narrow and the corner of his lips twitch, “You gonna get that?”

Buck tries to convince himself that he's imagining the challenge in Eddie's voice.

“Are you going to answer the phone?” Is what he hears in between Eddie's tone, a question in between the words he really said.

“Ignore him.” Is what he sees written in the irises of Eddie's eyes, the furrow of his brow.

Buck is nothing if not a good listener. 

The phone stops ringing. He tries to convince himself that he should feel about that. That he should feel bad for letting his call go to voicemail. But that's what voicemails are for, right? If it's important then surely he'll leave one, right?

There's a brief moment where Eddie's eyes grow darker and his smirk starts to look a little hungrier. Buck starts to wonder if maybe Little Red Riding Hood was on drugs when she came across the wolf that had eaten her grandma. Maybe Buck is on drugs. It certainly feels like it. Eddie's touch makes him feel a little drunk.

His phone starts to ring again, and Eddie's hand tightens around Buck's arm, not painfully, but… as a reminder. He's not sure what for.

He's not sure of anything right now.

Eddie cocks his head to the side, a question and a dare written across his face. He doesn't say anything, he just looks.

Buck can read him anyway.

“Are you really not going to answer that?” His face reads.

Buck wishes he had the strength to pull away from Eddie's touch on his arm. It burns him. He hopes it leaves a mark.

He feels drunk.

The phone stops ringing and there's a deafening silence in its wake.

That's twice now.

His phone starts to buzz quickly in rapid succession, no doubt several text messages being sent his way.

“I should check that.” Buck mutters, sliding his hand in his pocket for his phone.

Eddie nods his head, letting go of his hold on Buck's arm and getting up from the ambulance, “If that's what you want.” He shrugs and walks away, heading upstairs.

Buck feels glued to his spot on the rig. His brain can't decipher what Eddie means by that because he's too busy running a playback of the last 2 minutes in his mind.

He absently unlocks his phone, clicking on the notifications and scrolling to catch up to the most recent.

Tommy: Hey are you busy?

Tommy: I guess you're on a call since you're not answering your phone.

Tommy: Well anyway, I have good news! Wanted to call to tell you but I'm home early! The conference ended quick so I was able to come back for the weekend. 

Tommy: I know you'll probably want to have me all to yourself but I agreed for us to go on a double date.

Tommy: You remember Cole and Peter? They agreed to meet us at that Greek spot over on Glendale.

Tommy: I'll pick you up at 7, don't overeat beforehand, you'll love this place I'm sure. See you soon.

Buck stops scrolling, fully caught up on all the messages he was sent.

There's a knot in his stomach and he hates the uneasy feeling he has.

This is a usual occurrence for them. Tommy is constantly flying all over the state for work, and sometimes he's out of state for a while for some conference or another. Apparently they have lots of expo's that happen for various reasons (helicopter maintenance, the newest technology, air shows, safety, things of that nature). Buck can't say that he minds really.

Sometimes Buck will see Tommy on a call that they've both been called out to but that's far and few. Sometimes Buck won't see Tommy for multiple days on end, depending on where he's been called out to and how long a rescue can take. Sometimes Buck only sees his boyfriend for maybe a day or two before he has to go off on the other side of the state for some daring rescue or search.

Buck can't say he's bothered by it.

He knows he probably should be. He should probably feel lonely when he doesn't see his boyfriend for multiple days at a time. He should probably feel jealous or upset for not being able to spend quality time with Tommy.

But he's not.

It's the opposite really. Lately, the very little time he and Tommy have together has been taken up by arguments.

He never wants to be arguing with Tommy, it's not something he actively seeks out, but. That's where they always end up lately. It's like no matter what he does they just can't be on the same wavelength.

He's starting to wonder if they ever were, especially with these messages.

He knows about Cole and Peter, they are two of Tommy's many, many friends. He likes them. Or at least Buck thinks he likes them. He's never actually met them before. Well, okay, he's met them, but very briefly, and in passing. Not long enough to actually meet someone, and spark a conversation about anything past a cordial “hi” and “hello” and “nice to meet you”.

That's the thing with Tommy and his friends. Tommy has a lot of friends, so many that it's sometimes hard to keep track. He gets it, he's a social guy and it's easy to get wrapped up in his gravity. It's one of the things Buck likes about him.

However, Tommy likes to agree to things. He keeps a busy calendar. Monday through Sunday, he stays as booked and busy as possible. Rarely a dull moment with him. Which is fine. It's great really. Buck doesn't mind being arm candy for an event or two.

Except that it's much more than one event here, one event there. With Tommy, it's all the time.

He'll mention that Betty invited him to a party and he's bringing Buck because of course Buck would want to go. Buck doesn't know Betty but he'll meet her when they arrive.

He'll say, almost in passing, that they have a dinner to go to in two days with Farris because they just have to try the truffle ravioli at the spot they picked out. Buck ends up sick from the ravioli.

He'll mention, as a reminder, that they're going to the club with Greyson and Carol because it's their turn to pay for drinks and Buck has to come so that Tommy has a designated driver at the end of the night.

Tommy likes to agree to things. Buck usually finds out later.

Like now. They are apparently going on a double date. Never mind that Buck might have already had plans to eat or maybe he was pulling a double at work. He doesn't, and he's not, but that's not the point. The point is that something in him always twists a little bit harder at the fact that Tommy makes plans. But he never asks. He just does. And Buck doesn't want to start another argument, he's very tired of arguing with his boyfriend, so he agrees. It's the easy thing to do, and it'll make Tommy happy, so he swallows down the large part of himself that is uncomfortable with the whole idea and sends a text back.

Buck: Oh, glad to hear you're back early, looking forward to tonight, can't wait to see you.

Tommy: Can't wait to see you too.

Tommy: Make sure you dress nice btw, this isn't a casual place.

Buck: Will do!

He locks his phone and leans his head back in the ambulance door with a groan. He tries to remind himself that he's doing this to make his boyfriend happy.

Buck walks upstairs to join the rest of the team, looking for a distraction from the plans he unfortunately agreed to.

“Everything okay Buckaroo?” Hen asks when he plops on the couch next to her.

Buck picks up a controller scrolling, queuing himself in for the next race of the game, “Yep. Why wouldn't it be?”

“Myabe because your face is doing that thing where you look like you ate a lemon?” Eddie supplies from his chair, reading a magazine across from them.

“Yeah that.” Hen laughs.

Buck winces at the comparison, “Tommy's back in town.”

“Woah, calm down the excitement. I'll start to think you actually want to see him.” Hen says sarcastically, nudging him with her elbow as the race starts on the screen.

“It's not that I'm not excited to see him. I am. Really.” He shoves away the part of him that feels like a liar, “It's just… he agreed for us to go on a double date.” Buck tries to not allow his face to make a grimace, but since he can feel Eddie's stare boring into the side of his head, he thinks he might've failed.

“Double dates can be fun. Do you know who you're going with?” Hen asks.

Buck shrugs, turning his body with the controller, “Not really. It's two of Tommy's friends. He's mentioned them before and I think I met them maybe once? I don't know. I guess I just feel weird about it. It's the first time I'm seeing him in almost a week and he agreed for us both to go on a double date with people I don't even know, without even really asking me. Am I overreacting? I might just be overthinking it.”

Hen glances at him through the side of her glasses, “You know me Buck, if you were being dramatic, I would be the first to tell you.”

Buck snorts at that, because yes that's true. When it comes to Buck being dramatic, Hen is usually the first one to call him out on his bullshit.

“But,” She continues, “You might have a point here. If it's something that makes you uncomfortable, then maybe you should talk to him about it? Issues like this are never best left unsaid. Talk it out.”

“Maybe…” Buck trails off, considering her words.

He knows that he should just talk to Tommy about it, but he also knows that as soon as he brings it up they're going to fall right back into their cycle of failing to communicate, ensuing argument, surface level apologies, and then mediocre make up sex.

Buck is very tired of that cycle.

“What do you think, Eddie? You've been awfully quiet over there.” Hen asks him as their race comes to an end, her winning as usual.

Buck looks up then, his eyes immediately locking onto the intense stare that Eddie has focused on him. He feels his breath catch at the intensity in his eyes.

Eddie blinks then and his face morphs into something more casual, but his words carve their way into Buck's skin nonetheless, “I think a good partner would ask.”

—

Buck wouldn't say he's insecure about his closet, or the way he looks in his clothes. He objectively knows how to dress well, and he works out almost every day, so he knows how good he can look with the right outfit selection.

However, he's learned a thing or two when it comes to going out with Tommy. Sometimes Buck will put an outfit together and he'll consider it good, then he'll walk out to show Tommy and then there's a face being made that says “wear anything other than that” and Buck will go change into something else until Tommy's face says “yes now you look acceptable”. 

Today Buck doesn't have the option of using Tommy's face as a dress-o-meter so he goes with his gut and the end result is pretty decent if he does say so himself.

He went with a cream button up with the top two buttons undone, a pair of light brown slacks that hug his thighs just right, dark brown low top shoes, and a blush pink jacket. He styled his curls to where they look at least a little less wild and the watch he's wearing really brings it all together.

He does a slight twirl in the mirror, appreciating his work, “Not too bad Buckley.” He says to himself with a grin.

He feels his phone buzz in his pocket with a text message from Tommy saying he's outside so he grabs his keys, phone, and wallet and heads downstairs as quick as he can.

Tommy is parked out front, texting away on his phone so he doesn't notice when Buck pauses in front of the door. From what he can see through the window, Tommy is wearing a suit. Not a tux or anything, but he's in a button up, slacks, suit jacket, and tie. A suit. Buck does his best not to overthink it. He does a quick sequence of in and out breaths to steady himself before he hops in the car with what he hopes is a confident smile.

“Hey stranger.”

Tommy looks up from his phone finally, “Evan, good to see… you.”

His sentence sort of dies off at the end as he looks Buck up and down and Buck tries not to gulp at the intense scrutiny. He suddenly feels like he can relate to the schools of fish in the small tanks at the aquarium.

“Uh, good to see you too? Like what you see?” He tries to go for a teasing tone, to maybe lighten the mood and get him to stop staring so intensely.

“I knew I should've come earlier. You never know how to dress yourself without me, why didn't you FaceTime me, I could've helped.” Tommy shakes his head with a smile and Buck tries his best to shake off the embarrassment he feels at the patronizing tone.

“I didn't think it was that bad. I can go change?” He suggests.

Tommy shakes his head with an almost deep suffering sigh, as he starts the car to drive off, “It's fine Evan. We're running late anyway.”

Buck looks at his watch now, confused about what he means, “What do you mean we're running late? It's only 7:15?”

“Cole and Peter got to the restaurant early. So they've been waiting on us.” Tommy adds.

Buck huffs out a dry laugh, “So we're not late, they just got there early. That's not a big deal.”

Tommy rolls his eyes at that, like Buck doesn't get the point, “I didn't think I'd have to explain to you why it's rude to make someone wait on you Evan.”

Buck feels his eye twitches and he twists his hand around his seat belt to grip something, “You don't. I'm just saying that them showing up early, is not our fault.”

“That's not the point Evan.”

“Then say your point Tommy.”

Tommy sighs again, “Whatever, lets just drop it okay?” Without another word and before Buck can even say anything again, he leans forward and turns on the radio.

Buck spends the rest of the way there looking out the window and wishing he wasn't in this car.

They get to the restaurant soon enough and instead of finding a parking spot, Tommy pulls up front and tosses his keys to a valet. Buck takes a look at the establishment in front of him with a look of bewilderment.

“I thought you said we were going to a Greek restaurant? Not a three star Michelin.” Buck gestures at the building.

Tommy shrugs, “It is a Greek restaurant. Just a bit more upscale.”

Buck feels his eye start to twitch again, “Right. Upscale. And you didn't bother to mention that earlier?”

“I told you to dress nice, didn't I?”

“Yes but not to this level, Tommy. You kind of buried the lede there, don't you think?” Buck feels his fists clench harder.

“It'll be fine. We'll all be focused on the food, I'm sure no one will even pay attention to what you're wearing.” Tommy walks inside without waiting for him, apparently deciding they're done with this conversation.

Buck reminds himself that this is supposed to be an easy night. A night of no fighting. A night of communication and understanding. So he takes a few steadying breaths, squares his shoulders and walks in behind him.

“You've got this Buckley. What's one dinner?” He mutters to himself, painting on a polite smile as he heads to their table.

—

Growing up in the Buckley household, Buck could always tell when an argument was brewing.

His parents excelled in the kind of stern and quiet silences that were too heavy to settle into comfortably. They were always too charged with words that were on the tip of tongues, just barely contained underneath the surface.

His father would never want to make a scene so he would always just go quiet, bottle it up, and wait until the doors in the house were locked before he exploded. He hated when other families knew their business. Nevermind the fact that they could probably hear the shouting matches through the walls anyway.

His mother had a different kind of temper. She wouldn't get angry really, she would just ignore you. She wouldn't acknowledge his existence until he did something to get into trouble or until he did something good, like not speak for a while, and then she would quietly forgive any previously made transgressions.

Buck grew up with the intimate language of slamming doors shut, and steps that walked too heavy, and eyes that narrowed too sharply, and the inherent passive aggressiveness of putting groceries away. Buck grew up used to this kind of behavior. It was the norm for far too long.

Which is why tonight, he can tell that there's an argument brewing.

The dinner went, suffice it to say, very fucking poorly.

When they got there Buck tried his best to be polite. He smiled at the right times, he laughed at the bad jokes, he tried his best to pay attention to Cole's story about the rabbit trapped in an attic at one of his clients houses because apparently he was a real estate agent and his stories could get pretty crazy. Buck didn't even scoff at that, so really he was doing his best.

Then Cole and Peter started asking Buck questions directly and he had tried his best to carry his portion of the conversation. He mostly spoke about the latest museum he took Chris and Eddie to, how he was assisting Hen and Karen with their starter garden, and the latest recipes he had learned from Bobby. All this would've been fine if he hadn't also been dealing with Tommy huffing, and rolling his eyes, and making passive aggressive remarks in between everything Buck said.

They left the restaurant with empty promises to meet up again soon, and reassurances that they had a great time tonight.

The drive home was silent. The radio was off and Tommy gripped his steering wheel with so much force that Buck had to wonder if it would just pop off like a cartoon.

When they pulled into Buck's apartment Tommy got out first, already heading upstairs, despite the fact that Buck had yet to actually invite him inside.

Buck supposes he didn't want to do this dance of theirs in his car. Not that Buck's apartment is much better. His neighbors are probably sick of hearing them argue. Buck is sick of arguing. But here they are anyway. Again.

The door closes and Buck locks it behind him. He goes to the kitchen, hyper aware of the silence that follows. He pours himself a cup of water, in a plastic cup so he won't be tempted to throw glass at his wall at whatever Tommy is about to say to him.

He turns around to see that Tommy has removed his suit jacket and loosened his tie around his neck. He places the jacket on a chair, rolls up both of his sleeves one at a time, almost meticulously. It's like he's preparing himself for a fight. In some ways maybe he is.

Buck doesn't want to fight, but he knows that whatever sentence comes out of Tommy's mouth next is going to spark the fire that's been rolling in Buck's stomach all day.

Buck takes a few sips of water, walks around the island until he stands in front of Tommy with his arms crossed. They stand like two opposing statues, glaring at each other from across the room, neither willing to budge.

“You're going to make me say it aren't you?” Tommy starts.

“Looks like you were going to say something anyway. Your guess is as good as mine for what it might be.” Buck fires back.

Tommy draws in a breath, “This was supposed to be a good dinner Evan.”

“Seemed like it was to me. Even though the portions were shit, and I'm still hungry.” Buck snarks at him.

“You can never just make it easy for me can you?” Tommy throws up his hands with a bitter laugh.

“Excuse me?” Buck feels his jaw tick.

“This was supposed to be a good dinner. My friends were going to get to know you, not the 118! All. Night. All you did was talk about work!”

Buck scoffs, “That's such bullshit Tommy, I didn't just talk about work, I also talked about hanging out with my friends. Which you would know if you were paying attention. Oh wait, you were too busy huffing and pouting in a corner.”

Tommy rolls his eyes at that, “Oh I'm so sorry I don't want to hear about the adventures of the 118 scooby doo crew.”

Buck's arms fall from the crossed position he held them in to grip the table, “I'm not going to apologize for wanting to hang out with my family.”

“They're not your family Evan, they're your coworkers! Except for Han and that's literally only because he married your sister!”

“The 118 has been more of a family to me than my parents will ever, and have ever been. They are family to. me.” Buck narrows his eyes and he can feel his knuckles start to crack with how hard he grips the table.

“Yeah I really hope that's all Cole and Peter think they are.” Tommy scoffs.

“What does that even mean?” Buck groans, raking a hand through his curls.

“It means it was embarrassing, Evan! Hearing you on, and on, tonight about your coworkers and with every third word out of your mouth being Diaz!” Tommy almost spits the name and Buck has to take a step back to relegate his shock.

“What– Eddie? This is about Eddie? Are you kidding me? I can't even talk about my best friend now?” Buck laughs with no humor.

“You called him your partner!” Tommy hisses at him.

“Because he is! He is literally my partner at work, you know that, this shouldn't be news to you.” Buck starts pacing his kitchen, he feels restless, he feels like a wild animal with a toy. 

Realistically he knows he should be trying to deescalate this before either of them go too far. In his defense though, Tommy is the one who brought up Eddie's name and now he feels the familiar protective feeling he gets when anyone says something bad about his best friend.

“But that's not how it sounds Evan! You talk about Diaz like he's some perfect deity, but he's just a guy! I know he's your best friend but have you ever considered that I should be your best friend?” Tommy leans against the sink.

Buck huffs, “You're not making any sense–” 

“Look, all I'm saying is that sometimes I feel like a third wheel in this relationship. You, Me, and Diaz.”

“That's ridiculous Tommy.”

“Is it? We were literally on a date tonight and you couldn't stop talking about him.”

Buck rolls his eyes, “I talked about Hen and Bobby just as much, you sure you don't want to add them into the equation?”

“They're both married, it's different.”

“And Eddie is my best friend. He is also straight. Which you know.” Buck glares at him.

For some reason, Tommy decides to scoff at that, “Sure.”

“Come on, don't be a dick.” Buck sighs.

“Me? I'm being the dick here when you're the one who embarrassed me the whole night?” Tommy cocks his head to the side.

That particular sentence is the wrong thing for him to say because it sets off a match in Buck that he had been trying to ignore, “Embarrass you? I embarrassed you? Please go on, tell me how I embarrassed you by agreeing to show up tonight to a date that I didn't even want to go to!”

Tommy stutters at that, "What's that supposed to mean? You said you were fine with going tonight.”

Buck narrows his eyes, “Because I was trying to make you happy, Tommy. I was trying to appease you, because I haven't seen you in almost a week. Never mind the fact that at no point during your decision making process did you decide to ask me.”

“Ask you what?” Tommy folds his arms.

His arm shoots out, gesturing outside, “If I even wanted to go! I've never met Cole and Peter before outside a short greeting and you just decided for the both of us that a double date would be what's best? You didn't even ask me. What if I wanted to spend the night in? What if I just wanted to relax after shift? What if I had already made plans?” 

What if I didn't even want to see you? He decides to veto saying that thought out loud, 

“You wouldn't know because you didn't ask me. You never do. You just decide on things, and take me along with you and then tell me to be grateful.” Buck can feel his chest puffing with the force of all the words he spills from his mouth.

“I'm sorry if I like to make plans for us Evan. I thought you would be grateful at the prospect of your social circle widening just a little outside of your work colleagues.”

“See, that! That right there, you act like you're doing me a favor, but I never asked you to!”

“Well I'm sorry I like to include you in things Evan!”

“That's not including me! That's taking the choice away entirely!”

“Maybe that's for the best! Because every time I leave the choice up to you, we always end up doing something that you talked about with Diaz!”

“Not this again.”

“Yes! This! He's like an infection Evan!”

“Watch it.” Buck warns, his tone going cold. He honestly feels like they're on a ledge and if Tommy says one more bad thing about his best friend then they're going over it.

“I'm sorry but I have to say it. I think you should create some distance Evan.” Tommy crosses his arms, his stance going just as stone and sure as Buck feels about this topic.

Buck almost laughs at the conundrum. Immovable object versus immovable force. He's pretty sure Chris just learned about that in one of his classes.

“Distance? From what?” Buck is hoping to all the existences in the universe that Tommy is not implying what he thinks he is right now.

“You know what.” Tommy's voice comes out harsh.

“No. I don't. You're going to have to say it.” Buck challenges him. He stands there, looking at him with a fire in his eyes and a dare in his tone.

“I understand he's your partner at work. But I think you should consider putting some distance from him as a friend. Just for a little while. For me, please. I just need some peace of mind here.” Tommy comes over, placing a hand atop Buck's on the table.

Buck feels like he's outside of his own body. This conversation can't be real. There's no version of Tommy that would say something like this to him and expect him to understand, right? Surely he's not that insane?

Buck is quiet for a moment, both to process what was just said and also to give Tommy the space, the breath, to possibly walk his sentence back. To clarify that there's no way he meant what he just said. But when Buck looks up at him, he can tell from the look on his face that he meant every word.

“Distance? From Eddie?” Buck asks, attempting to clarify once more.

“Yes.” Tommy nods his head.

“Just ‘for a little while'?” Buck feels his eye start to twitch.

“Yes, Evan, I'm not saying forever. Just maybe a few weeks, or months.” Tommy shrugs.

“Because you need peace of mind?” Buck repeats.

“Yes.”

“And how do you suppose I would see Chris while ignoring my best friend?” Buck asks.

Tommy is quiet for a beat, chewing on his cheek, “Maybe you just don't? For a while?”

“You should be very careful with your next words.” Buck feels a strong pull to his Buck 1.0 days. Not the kind where he would be doing meaningless sex right now, but the kind where he knows Buck 1.0 would've decked this man in the face by now.

Tommy groans, pulling at his hair, “Would it be so terrible if you didn't? I mean come on Evan, he's not even your kid.

“Tommy.”

“Just do this for me, please? For us. Think of how strong our relationship will be afterward.” Tommy smiles at him.

He fucking smiles.

Buck pulls his hand away from Tommy's and moves toward the door, grabbing Tommy's jacket along the way.

“Get out.”

“What? Evan, what are you doing?”

“Get. Out.” Buck speaks through clenched teeth.

Tommy walks slowly towards the door and he attempts to grab Buck's hand but Buck pulls away immediately, instead shoving his jacket at him.

“Evan, don't do this.”

“Me? You're asking me not to do this? You just told me to stop talking to my best friend because you can't get your head out of your own ass. If you're insecure about our relationship then fine, tell me that. But for you to ask me to stop being friends with one of the closest people in my life? Just so you can feel safe? Just so you can trust me?” Buck shakes his head.

“I do trust you Evan–”

“You don't. You really, clearly, don't. And I'm tired of fighting, so I'd like for you to leave.” He doesn't wait for a response as he closes the door in Tommy's face.

Buck lets go of a tired sigh and trudges his way to his couch. He plops down on it and tries not to dwell on his exhaustion from the last 3 hours.

He twists and turns for a little bit, running through his and Tommy's conversation in his head before he sits up, decidedly uncomfortable on his stiff couch.

He pulls out his phone to the most recent text thread and starts typing.

Buck: Hey

Eddie: Hey whats up

Buck: Can I come over?

Eddie: You know you never have to ask that lol come on through

Buck: Cool, be there in 10.

Buck sits up, looks down to see he's still wearing his outfit from the date but he's too tired to change and he wants to be out of his quiet apartment already so he grabs his stuff and heads out.

He goes downstairs to his car, but pauses first by the doorway. He pokes his head out, squinting to see if he spots Tommy's car loitering on the street. Ready to make a run for it if he sees him still sitting out here. It looks like he's in the clear so he heads to his jeep.

He gets to the Diaz house soon enough, parks in the driveway and uses his key to enter. As soon as he crosses the threshold, he feels all of his tension seep away. Like it was never there at all.

Eddie sits on the couch, his feet propped up on the table, beer in hand. The TV is on, one of Eddie's guilty pleasure shows is on. There's a woman screaming at her twin sister about a divorce between her and her ex husband and then a little boy walks in the room and calls them mama and they both turn to him and it starts to get too confusing for Buck to keep up with.

“Hey.” Buck wonders if he sounds as exhausted as he feels, as he takes his shoes off, walking further into the room.

Eddie turns around on the couch, putting his beer down as he looks at him, “Hey? You look nice.”

Buck stops in the doorway, genuine shock at his words. He realized Tommy never said anything close to that to him all night. He feels a self deprecating thought start to bubble up at that because wow, is the bar really that low?

“Thank you. Sorry if it's a bit much, I didn't feel like changing.” Buck smiles as he comes over to the couch, shrugging off his jacket and rolling up his sleeves.

Something inside him laughs at the juxtaposition. Earlier Tommy rolled up his sleeves like he was preparing to fight. Now, Buck is doing the same but for the chance to relax with his best friend.

“Don't apologize for looking good Buckley. It's a sight for sore eyes.” Eddie grins at him taking a swig of his beer.

Buck feels his face go a little pink and he laughs, “Thanks man.”

He takes a long sigh through his nose, leaning back on the couch to where his head is almost tipping over the edge.

“Your head is going to fall off the edge man, just come here.” Eddie tsks at him.

Buck chuckles at that but obliging his request, tilting his body to where his head lays in Eddie's lap with his eye's closed and his breathing evens out, his legs sprawling on the rest of the couch. He feels his body relax in this new position as one of Eddie's hands starts to gently card through his curls.

“Long night?” Eddie asks.

“Like you wouldn't believe.” Buck snorts.

“Tell me about it.” Eddie shrugs.

And Buck does. He talks to him about the almost two hours he spent picking out an outfit that he thought would be good enough just to show up to the place and it turns out he should've just worn a suit. He talks about Tommy practically blaming him for them being late even though his friends showed up early. He talks about the food being pretty okay but very expensive and how the portions were practically miniscule, and he's starving.

Eddie stops combing through his hair at that, immediately getting up to the kitchen and reheating leftovers for Buck. Buck scarfs it all down like he hasn't eaten in weeks. While he's eating, he tells him about how he tried his best to be polite to Tommy's friends and how he answered every question they threw his way.

When he's done eating, he puts his plate in the sink and plops back down on Eddie's lap, asking with his Buckley Puppy Dog eyes for Eddie to continue scratching at Buck's scalp.

Eddie rolls his eyes but complies with a fond smile.

Then Buck gets to the bad part. He tells Eddie about the argument, about how he could tell they'd been building toward one all night. He tells him about how Tommy said that Buck embarrassed him all night by talking about his friends and about how he should stop calling the 118 his family and about how he told Buck he should be grateful for making all the decisions for him instead of giving him a choice.

Eddie's hand stops carding through Buck's hair and Buck feels a tight grip on his curls. He doesn't hate it. He actually has to actively stop himself from whimpering at the pull.

He opens his eyes, looking up at Eddie and he feels his pulse start to pick up at the thunderous expression he sees there.

“Eddie?”

Eddie looks down at him then, as if remembering that he's there and his face goes impossibly soft, his brown eyes going from deadly to warm and gooey.

“Why…”

Buck raises his eyebrow a bit, “Sorry what was that?”

Eddie's face makes a complicated expression before he seems to settle something with himself. He looks down at Buck again, and he speaks low but firm, like he's never been more sure of a question in his life.

“Why are you with him Buck?”

And doesn't that just rock him to his core. He has a million thoughts that all speed through his head at the question, none of them good answers. None of them good reasons.

He blinks up at Eddie slowly before he says in a quiet voice, “I'm not sure I am anymore.”

Eddie's eyes go sharper at that, “What?”

Buck feels his face go pinker with how close Eddie is leaning down to him, “Yeah, um, our fight? At some point he said something that went too far so I told him to get out.”

“What was it?” Eddie asks.

“Hm?” Buck feels himself getting lost in the swirl of Eddie's eyes.

“What did he say, Buckley?” Eddie asks again, his voice coming through stronger and Buck feels all the hair on his arms stand on end.

Buck licks his lips nervously, “He told me that he needed peace of mind. That I needed to create distance.”

“From?”

“You. And Chris.” Buck gulps.

Eddie's lips start to twitch at the corners in the way they do when Buck can tell he's on the verge of laughing or smiling, “And then what?”

Buck feels a shiver go through his spine, “I told him to get out.”

Buck feels the weight of Eddie's exhale as it skates across his cheekbones. He is so close.

“So you two are…?”

Buck knows what the end of his question is and honestly he isn't sure. He says as much, “I don't know. He told me to keep distance from you.”

“And you told him to leave.”

“And he did.”

“And now you're here.”

“And now I'm here.” Buck nods and his limbs feel heavy. He feels like he must be under some kind of spell. Eddie must be a witch and he put a curse on Buck to make his body feel like jello in his presence. 

That's the only way any of this makes sense. It has to be the only way, because he can't acknowledge the other way. The other way nags him, at the back of his mind, waving a hand as if to say “hello! Remember me? The repressed and buried feelings you have for your best friend—” and Buck actively kicks that thought away with a steel boot.

His head is a fuzzy mess right now with the feeling of his head in Eddie's lap, safe atop his strong thighs. Eddie's hands bracketing his cheeks, his long fingers scratching slightly at a spot under Buck's jaw. Eddie's head leaning so, so close, not quite touching, but hovering just a breath away.

“You know what I think?” Eddie's voice rumbles through Buck's whole body, the vibration sending waves through his veins.

“What?”

“I think you deserve better.”

“You're obligated to say that, as my best friend.” Buck teases.

Eddie tilts his head to the side, like he's considering something. As if some part of what Buck said isn't all that honest. He looks like he's inspecting Buck, pulling his skin back like strips of paper and looking at each molecule, each cell, to see what makes Buck tick.

Buck feels very alive. He feels like a live wire. He feels like he would lay here all day, he would be here forever, until Eddie found out what he needed to. He would answer any question, prove any thesis, if it meant Eddie would keep looking at him the way he is now.

Buck can always read Eddie like a book, a side effect of having worked together for so long, having each other's back and being able to silently communicate when it matters most. Right now, he can see the questions in Eddie's eyes, clear as day.

Maybe it's more than that?

Is it more for you?

Do you want it to be?

Buck also knows that, unfortunately, it goes both ways. So he knows Eddie can read him just as easily. He's a little scared of what answers he might see written on Buck's face.

Maybe it is.

It could be.

I think so.

Buck is very aware of how little effort it would take for him to lean his face up, just a tiny bit and allow his lips to graze Eddie's.

It's a thought that both terrifies him and excites him.

It scares him how much he wants to.

This is his best friend. He shouldn't have thoughts about kissing his best friend. He wants to though. He felt the press of his lips on his arm and now he wants it everywhere else too.

Tommy called him an infection.

Buck hopes he never finds a cure.

He hopes he never becomes immune to the way he feels when Eddie looks at him, when he touches him, when he holds him.

“I should probably head home.” Buck whispers.

Eddie shakes his head immediately, “No.”

“No?” Buck laughs.

Eddie smiles, “No. You're staying the night. Your loft isn't safe, Tommy might come back. I wouldn't want you to be caught off guard.”

Buck comes to the very quick decision that he enjoys the very obvious possessive tone Eddie speaks with.

He reasons with himself that his best friend is being protective because he just had a fight with his (ex?) boyfriend and he wants what's best for him. Eddie is being a good friend, it's what anyone would do.

He knows he's lying to himself. He doesn't want to acknowledge it right now.

“You're right.” Buck smiles.

“Of course I am, you just don't always listen to me. You should listen to me more.” Eddie flicks his cheek with a grin.

Buck fakes a pout at that, “Hey that's abuse. You can't bully me, I'm in distress here. You're supposed to play nice.”

Eddie cocks his head to the side and he has a mischievous look in his eyes. The hand he has in Buck's hair tightens its grip in his curls and the hand he has on his jaw glides up to where his thumb caresses the curve of Buck's bottom lip. Buck feels his breath stutter and his face goes hot, hot, hot.

“No, I don't think you're in distress. Not over him.” Eddie chuckles low, almost playfully.

Buck becomes focused immediately on the feeling of Eddie's thumb playing with his lips. His thumb slides across the curve of his bottom lip, coming back to the middle to press into it, his nail pressing gently but enough to make an indent. Buck wants to open his mouth, take his thumb onto his tongue and Buck down on it for however long Eddie will let him.

His pants feel tighter than before and he thinks he should probably sit up to adjust himself. He also has the crazy idea that maybe he shouldn't. Maybe he should let Eddie see what he does to him, the obvious effect his actions have on Buck.

His face feels so hot he's starting to wonder if he actually might have a fever.

Buck looks up through his eyelashes staring at Eddie with his mouth parted, breaths heavy and un-even. He's certain that if Eddie wanted him to, he would get on all fours and bark like a dog if it meant Eddie would keep touching him.

Eddie's eyes are dark, darker than he's ever seen them, and Buck knows. He knows that he's not imagining this. He can see the want on his face clear as day, and he's sure his eyes reflect much the same.

There's a line here though.

A line made up of several reasons for them to not cross it.

They're best friends.

Eddie is straight.

Buck is maybe not single right now.

This is a bad idea.

Buck wants to ignore all those reasons. He wants to ignore the line and cross it like a jump rope.

Eddie must see something on his face then because he starts leaning closer, he hovers for a moment, his lips just a hair's breath away from Buck's and Buck can almost feel the pressure of it.

“Goodnight, Buck.” Eddie smirks, getting up from the couch, Buck's head sliding out from his lap and landing with a soft thud on the couch.

“Huh?” Buck says, dazed, confused, and desperately horny.

“Make sure you make up the couch correctly, I know how you get in the morning when you sleep wrong on your back.” Eddie smirks at him, like the devil he is, and saunters off to his bedroom.

Buck hears his door close with a click and he flops back on the couch, hands over his face as he lets out a silent scream.

What just happened?

What did we almost do?

Why did I want it to happen so much?

The silent living room gives him no answers so he goes to the linen closet, grabbing the sheets, extra blanket, and pillow that they keep for him and makes up the couch. Despite the events of the day, he sleeps more soundly than he would in his own bed.

—

“When did Buck get here?”

“Last night.”

“Is he okay?”

“Yeah everything's good, just had a rough night is all.”

“You wouldn't think it from the way he's sleeping. He's out like a light.”

Buck feels small fingers poking his cheeks and forehead and he smiles despite being woken up.

“I was sleeping. Not sure about that anymore.” He says through a yawn, popping one groggy eye open to see both of the Diaz boys looking down at him.

“Oh. Sorry Buck.” Chris has the decency to look a little sheepish at poking his face.

Buck grins, sitting up and ruffling his head of curls, “It's all good buddy. About time to get the day started anyway.”

Chris' face lights up at that, “Are you gonna make breakfast? Can I have pancakes?”

Eddie frowns down at him, “What? Chris I've been up this whole time I could've made you pancakes.”

Chris scrunches his nose at that, “No offense Dad, but you know Buck's pancakes are better.”

Eddie rolls his eyes, crossing his arms as he nods towards the bathroom, “Well you won't be getting any pancakes unless you take care of that breath situation. Go brush your teeth, mijo.”

Chris sighs dramatically, “Fine, but when I come back, I expect there to be pancakes.”

Buck laughs standing up from the couch with a stretch, “You got it little man, I'll get right on it.”

Buck walks into the kitchen, heading towards the cabinets to get the ingredients and utensils he'll need for his kid's breakfast, humming a tune to himself.

He pauses right as he's pouring the floor into a mixing bowl.

His kid.

He inwardly admonishes himself for the thought. He loves Chris like his own. If he had his own. He doesn't. He has to remind himself, forcefully, that as much as he loves Chris, that is a boundary he can't cross. Regardless of how much he wants to be, how much he wishes he was, how much he already felt like he is, he is not Chris’ dad.

“Everything okay?”

Buck startles from his train of thought, looking to his side to see that Eddie had taken it upon himself to lean against the counter next to Buck.

Buck scratches his cheek idly, “Y-Yeah, all good here.”

Buck goes back to adding ingredients into the bowl, mixing and whisking until he gets the proper consistency. He tries his best to ignore how intently Eddie is staring at his face but he can tell his ears are turning red from the scrutiny.

From the corner of his eye he sees Eddie bring his thumb to his tongue, wetting the pad of it, then bring his thumb to Buck's cheek, swiping at a spot there.

“Such a messy cook.” Eddie says low, right into his ear.

Buck shivers, almost dropping the whisk and the bowl right out of his grasp, “Um, thank you.”

Buck stares helplessly as Eddie brings his thumb back to his mouth, licking the flour away, “Anytime.”

His eyes flick up to Eddie's, he feels his stomach twist and he knows he's hungry. Not for the food though.

“Eddie…” Buck's voice trails off, hoarse and very strained.

Eddie smirks, patting him on the back as he walks out the kitchen, “Finish those pancakes Buck, we've gotta start our shift soon and Chris still has to be dropped off at his friend's.”

Buck takes a moment to himself, leaning his head down on the counter and groaning.

He's not sure what Eddie's game is here, but he has to remind himself that there is a line. A line that can't be crossed. Right?

Buck isn't stupid though. He may be oblivious to most things, and it's been a long while since his Buck 1.0 days, but he still has a good sense for when someone is flirting with him. He's pretty sure that between yesterday and today, Eddie had been very much flirting with him. Which is confusing for Buck, who has been consistently reminding himself that his straight best friend is off limits, and he should very much not be the guy who falls in love with his straight best friend.

But his straight best friend has been flirting with him. Outwardly, for two days.

So how off limits can he really be?

—

They head into the station, hopping out of Eddie's truck since they carpooled together, holding their to-go cups from the coffee shop they frequent.

They walk into the locker room, changing into the uniform and Buck has to stop himself from constantly peeking over his shoulder as Eddie changes.

Don't be weird, Buckley.

Maybe just a peek though?

That's weird, don't do that.

It couldn't hurt though?

He loses the internal battle with himself, peeks a side glance over at Eddie, and he stops breathing where he stands.

Eddie is standing behind him, leaning against the lockers, his shirt still almost fully undone as he fiddles with the buttons. That would be fine, except that he is looking at Buck. Openly, and very unashamedly.

Their eyes connect as Eddie's eyes that were slowly working their way up Buck's long form finally meet with Buck's.

He has the nerve to smile. It sends a jolt through Buck.

He turns around, feeling a growing blush through his cheeks. He pulls up his pants all the way and goes to button his shirt but he feels a hand on his shoulder, turning him around.

His back hits the lockers as he comes face to face with his best friend. Eddie, who is still smiling like this is normal, brings his hands up, his fingers working slowly up Buck's shirt, buttoning as he goes.

“E-Eddie?” Buck stutters out.

“Yes, Buck?” Eddie looks up at him, his eyes sparkling.

“What are you doing?” Buck says in almost one breath.

Eddie shrugs, almost too casual, “Seemed like you needed help with your shirt. What kind of friend would I be to let you struggle like that?” 

His hands finish buttoning the shirt, his fingers straightening out the collar. His pointer finger glides a route along Buck's pulse point, the touch is teasingly slow.

“Don't forget your belt.” Eddie takes a step back, exiting Buck's space, as he closes his own locker and heads out the room.

Buck leans back against the locker, gliding a hand over his face, trying to tame the knot in his stomach, and the half chub he can feel in his pants. It takes a while for him to calm down before he loops his belt through and leaves the locker room.

He heads upstairs just as Cap exits his office.

“Buck. Good to see you, you had a delivery this morning.” Bobby claps his shoulder as he passes him on the way to the kitchen.

Buck raises an eyebrow, confusion evident, “I did?”

“Oh yeah. A pretty big one, too.” Chim laughs from his spot on the couch, turning around so he can face Buck.

Hen clears her throat at the kitchen table, getting Buck's attention as he finally looks to that side of the room.

Sitting on the kitchen table in front of Hen is a large bouquet (well more like a basket) of flowers. In it sits an arrangement of buttercups, geraniums, yellow carnations, lilies, and roses.

“There's a card too.” Hen says, sipping on her coffee as she lifts up an envelope.

Buck frowns, walking closer and grabbing the card from her. He opens the envelope and before he can slide the card out, two pieces of paper immediately flutter out from it. He picks up one of the pieces and sees that they are actually tickets. To a basketball game.

Buck suddenly feels a nauseated feeling from what the card is about to say.

He puts the tickets down on the table, opening the card and taking a deep breath before forcing himself to read what it says.

Evan,

I know last night was rough. It clearly didn't go the way I wanted it to and we both said some things we probably shouldn't have. That's okay though. I think last night just proves that our relationship needs some work and I'm willing to help you do the work. And that starts with me forgiving you. I know you only threw me out last night because you let your emotions get the better of you, and that's okay, we can work on that. I can forgive you for that. Let's do a redo date. I got us two tickets for a game tomorrow, we can fly out, spend the night at a hotel and just relax. I'm sure you'll work out the time off with Captain Nash. Look forward to seeing you, I'll call you later.

• Tommy

Buck didn't know at what point he started shaking and gripping the table but he felt his knuckles crack with the force he held on to the edge of the table.

Hen got up from her seat, placing a hand on his shoulder to steady him, “Buckaroo? Is everything alright?”

Buck barely heard her question over the roaring he felt in his ears. His eyes were roaming over the card, reading the words twice over to make sure he wasn't crazy and it actually said what he thought it said.

Relationship needs some work…

I can forgive you…

Emotions get the better of you…

He felt his hand start to crinkle the edges of the card and his chest started rising more rapidly.

“Buck?”

He heard Eddie's voice but it feels like a distant thing to his senses. Hen takes the card from his hands before he can tear in two, reading it over herself and gasping in disbelief at the words written there.

“Tommy sent this? What the hell?” Hen shakes her head at the card.

Eddie's brows knit together as he walks over to Hen, reading the card over her shoulder.

Eddie's frame goes rigid as he reads the words on the card, “No way. No way this asshole actually had the nerve to say this to you.”

“Woah okay, I'm guessing from your reaction it's not as lovey dovey as i thought it was gonna be…” Chim gets up from the couch, warmly making his way over to the table.

Hen hands the card over to Chim, visibly cringing as they come over to the table, “I've gotten better cards from Denny for valentines day than what's written there.”

“Jeez. I knew the guy could be a jerk but this feels too far. Did you guys have a fight last night?” Chim glances up at Buck frowning at the words on the card.

Buck tries to inhale slowly, feeling the chair he's holding shake under his grip. He hears noises around himself but he doesn't feel present. He feels a little out of himself, out of his own body.

“Buck.” Bobby takes a cautious step toward him.

Buck takes a step back from the table, shaking his head, bringing his hand to his face because he feels wetness there? Is he crying? That doesn't make any sense. He shouldn't be crying over this, he's not even sad over it, he's just angry. He's angry, right? There's no reason for him to cry if all he's feeling is anger. But it feels like it's too much. Like the level of rage he feels is pressing down on his chest and it's making it hard for him to breathe. He can't breathe. He needs air. He needs to go outside.

Buck moves, almost automatically, his steps taking him to the roof door. He takes the stairs two at a time, desperate to get outside. He swings the roof door open, stumbling through the open expanse. He sits down against the ledge, his back pressing almost brutally into the bricks.

He brings his palms to his eyes, swiping furiously at the tears running down his face. His breath is coming too quick, shooting out of him in violent bursts.

He feels hands on his wrists, pulling his palms away from his face slowly. There's a voice that pulls himself back into his body, he just barely manages to hear it over the ringing in his ears.

“—breathe. You have to breathe for me sweetheart. Follow my lead, in for 4, keep for 7, out for 8. Can you do that?”

Buck shakes his head, his lungs screaming at him. Why can't he breathe? He's outside now, he should be able to breathe, this is where all the air is, right?

“No, no, no, look at me, okay? You can do this. Look at me.”

Buck feels his face being lifted and he's surprised to see Eddie in front of him. When did he get here? Did Eddie come out for the air too? How can Eddie breathe? Buck wants to know his secret. It's not fair that he's the only one who can't breathe right now.

“Follow my lead, okay?” Eddie is speaking to him slowly, holding eye contact with a steady gaze.

Buck nods slowly to what Eddie is saying, because Eddie looks serious, and when Eddie looks serious then that means Buck should listen, right? That makes sense.

“Ready, in for 4.” Eddie starts and Buck does his best to follow along.

1, 2, 3, 4.

Buck feels all the air he can manage get back into his body.

“Hold for 7.” Eddie says softly, rubbing circles into his cheeks.

Buck holds the stolen air in his lungs, following his best friend's lead.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.

“Out for 8.” Eddie brings their foreheads together in a gentle press.

Buck exhales slowly, counting as he goes, his breath mixing with Eddie's.

He feels himself come back to his body a bit, suddenly aware of how long he's been sitting on the roof, the gravel digging into his legs and sticking to his clothes.

He's aware of other things too. He can feel the pressure of Eddie's forehead against his, stable and unmoving. He can feel his hands against his cheeks, rubbing soothing circles there. He can feel the place where their knees touch with Eddie's legs bracketing Buck. He can feel Eddie. It calms him. Stops the violent spiral in his head and makes him feel safe enough to exist again.

“M'sorry.” Buck mumbles quietly.

Eddie lifts his head, not far away, but enough for him to look Buck in the eyes properly, “Don't apologize for having a panic attack, Buck.”

Buck feels his eyebrows furrow, “A panic attack? That doesn't make any sense, I didn't feel panicked.”

Eddie nods, his thumbs still rubbing circles along his cheeks, “That's fine. Panic attacks can be caused by any number of things. You might not have been feeling panicked specifically, but you were definitely feeling something, and it was enough to feel like your mind couldn't handle it, so your body probably mistook it for a panic attack.”

Buck nods along, feeling his breathing grow steady instead of the fast pace it had been going at.

“What happened Buck?” Eddie asks carefully.

Buck huffs at that, “You read the card didn't you?”

There's a flicker of something in Eddie's eyes for a brief moment before he shakes it away, “Yes, I did. That doesn't tell me what's going on in here though.” he taps the side of Buck's head, “Or in here.” He brings the hand down to where his heart is beating less rapidly.

“You sure you wanna know? It's a lot.” Buck looks up at him, their eyes connecting once more.

I'm a lot.

Eddie looks at him with searching eyes, steady and sure, “Then let me carry it with you.”

I can handle it.

Buck nods, glancing away to look at the ground, “I'm not sad. I don't even really know why I'm crying right now, because I know I'm not sad. I know I'm not. But I am angry. I'm so, so fucking angry. At Tommy. At myself. At so many things.”

Eddie nods his hands sliding down, gliding over Buck's shoulders and down his arms until he grasps his hands, linking their fingers together, the motion of it grounding Buck in the process, “Okay. Why are you angry?”

“I keep choosing the wrong people. And it's every time. With Abby, I thought she was just what I needed, someone more mature, someone who had their life together, and I gave it my all, and she left. I only got the clue that she wasn't coming back when she showed up again, with a fiancée.” Buck laughs bitterly at the end of that statement.

Eddie's grip tightens in his hands but he nods for Buck to keep going.

“I didn't expect much from Ali, I thought she was fun and pretty, but I thought she was ready to commit when we chose the loft together. Turns out that must've all been in my head because as soon as I got hurt, she took the first exit out of there.” Buck shakes his head, looking at the sky.

“Then with Taylor, god Taylor Kelly. We were far from perfect, probably the messiest I ever was in a relationship, but I thought that was okay. She knew I wasn't perfect, I knew she wasn't perfect. She stuck around anyway. I thought I could trust her when it counted. I thought she knew when to separate her work from the personal stuff. I thought I would be enough to convince her to try. I guess her salary meant more though. Her career seems to be thriving so good on her for making the right choice.” Buck takes a sniffles, a self deprecating chuckle coming out.

“I thought Natalia saw me, all of me. What she really saw was the potential of me recalling the afterlife. I'm pretty sure she was writing my eulogy while we were still together.” Buck shivered against the wall.

Buck takes a deep breath, steadying himself before he continues, “And now Tommy. You know I didn't even like him at first? I thought he was too cocky, too pushy. I thought he was taking you away from me if you can believe it.”

Eddie's head shoots up, looking him in the eyes at that, “What? Buck, he would never be able to take me away from you.”

Buck shakes his head, “Still. That's what I thought at the time. Then he kissed me, and I thought, why not give this a try? He wasn't my first kiss with a guy, you know?”

Eddie looked genuinely surprised at that, his head tilting back, “Really?”

Buck nodded, biting his lip bashfully, “Yeah. While I was doing some soul searching on a ranch in Montana. It was some bar that the local ranch hands invited me to, this guy put his cowboy hat on my head, we danced, and at the end of the night I had my first makeout session with a cowboy. It was nice. Very sweaty and messy though. I don't recommend literally rolling around in the hay, it gets itchy.”

Eddie's face had gone carefully blank, “Sorry, I'm still stuck on you being a ranch hand in Montana of all places. How did I not know about Cowboy Buck? Do you have pictures?”

Buck smiles, looking down at his lap feeling shy, “Not many no, but Maddie has a postcard I sent her from those days.”

“I guess I'm paying Maddie a visit soon then.” Eddie smiles.

Buck laughs along with him, the invisible weight lifting slightly from his shoulders, “Anyway, my point is that even with Tommy, with all his bravado and bluntness, I thought we could be something more, you know? I thought that if I took a chance on this guy, then maybe it'll work out. Maybe he'll stick around and it won't be so bad if I give it my all, if I give my heart away again.”

Buck feels tears threatening to fall from his waterline again so he looks up at the sky, “But Eddie, I'm so tired. And angry. I'm so tired and angry of giving my heart away only to get it handed back to me with a bunch of cracks. I'm running out of tape, and there's only so much it can do.”

“Buck…” Eddie's voice comes out soft.

“I knew Tommy could be an asshole. I knew that, and I thought, well that's fine, I'm not all sunshine and rainbows too, so I can take it. But it's like he doesn't know how to stop? He's not always outward about it but it's in the things he says. The things he does. We get in so many fights these days, and I spend days, sometimes weeks agonizing over it, but he forgets about it in a day and says he forgives me. I mean what is that? He never just says I'm sorry, nooo it's always someone else's fault. It's always my fault? That's such bullshit. I hate it. I hate this. It pisses me off.” Buck can feel his anger start to rise in his chest again, his hands starting to shake, but Eddie still has a hold on him so he calms down through his touch, breathing in and out.

Buck sighs, “But then I would be the bad guy for breaking it off right? I would be the bad guy for saying that I'm tired of being treated like my emotions are too much, like I am too much. Why do I feel so miserable for thinking I deserve better? Is it because there's a part of me that doesn't know if there's anyone out there better than Tommy fucking Kinard? Because god that's pathetic. How pathetic am I? I'm so pissed at him for proving me wrong, and being an asshole anyway. I'm so pissed at myself for letting it go on this long because I'm not sure if I'll ever find better. But there has to be someone better, right?”

Almost unbelievably, Eddie laughs. His hands are still holding Buck's so he can feel how much he shakes from the force of it. He laughs loose and almost too loud, like he was told a particularly good joke.

Buck frowns at him feeling a little offended, “Okay, you don't need to be rude.”

Eddie shakes his head frantically, “I'm not laughing at you, I promise. Just– the idea that the best you could ever do is Tommy Kinard? Buck– oh mi dulce cariño.” He scoots closer to Buck and with his legs already on either side of Buck, with how close he gets he's almost in Buck's lap. His hands bring up Buck's knuckles to his mouth and he kisses each one like Buck is precious. It takes his breath away.

Eddie looks him dead in the eye, his gaze sharp and unwavering, “Mi amor, I promise there is a whole world full of people that are leagues better than that pedazo de basura. He doesn't deserve the dirt you kick up on the street, let alone something as priceless as your heart. Your love is wasted on him. That much I'm sure of. If you're not convinced you can do better, then fine, let me convince you. You can, and you will. Soon, conmigo. Tommy Kinard is not worth your tears, or your anger.”

“You think so?” Buck breathes out a laugh, his eyes holding contact with Eddie's sharp amber ones.

Eddie nods, quick and sure, “I do. Now whatever you wanna do, just know I'm down for it. You wanna block him? Give me your phone, I'll do it myself. You wanna dump him? Good sign me up. You wanna murder him and get rid of the body? I'll drive the car and bring shovels, in fact I'll do all the dirty work and you can just be the passenger princess.”

Buck laughs at that, genuine and hearty, the rest of the invisible weight being lifted from his body, “Eddie you're ridiculous, we're not murdering anyone.”

“You're right, we're not, I would. You would just sit in the car looking pretty and listening to one of your playlists.” Eddie shrugged with a glint in his eye that tells Buck he might be serious about the hypothetical scenario.

Buck rolls his eyes anyway, leaning forward and pressing their foreheads together, “Thank you.”

“Anytime. Although we might have to figure out his work schedule if we're going to find time to hide the body–”

Buck pinches Eddie's side to interrupt that train of thought, “Not for that you moron. Thank you for this. Being here with me. Calming me down. It means a lot to me. More than you know.”

Eddie smiles and leans in slowly, kissing his cheek, probably a little too close to the corner of his mouth, and staying there for maybe a few seconds too long before pulling away with an earnest look in his eyes, “Always. We have each other's backs don't we?”

Buck nods slowly, a smile spreading across his face, “Yeah, we do.”

They help each other up from the roof, stretching their limbs and playfully ribbing at each other for how old they're getting with how stiff they look while stretching. They make their way back down the stairs, bumping shoulders as they walk too close together.

“Everything alright? You two were up there for a while.” Bobby asks as soon they're in sight.

Eddie looks over at Buck waiting for his response, he bumps their shoulders together, a touch to remind him he's there.

Buck nods his head, shrugging slightly, “All good Cap. Just needed to clear my head.”

Bobby nods, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder, “You know I'm here for you right? You can talk to me any time kid.”

Something in Buck melts at that, always glad to know Bobby is there for him if he needs him. He smiles at the sentiment, “Thanks Bobby. I'm good though. Just need to work, honestly. Get out of my head for a while, you know?”

Bobby claps his shoulder twice, “Well that's fine with me, but if I see you get too distracted, I will pull you, understood?”

Buck does a fake salute with a grin, “Heard, Cap.”

Bobby knocks him on head in a playful gesture and not even a moment later the tones are sounding off. The team gets moving immediately, getting into gear and hopping into the engine to get to the scene.

While they're in the engine Buck scrolls on his phone down to Tommy's contact, thinking back on Eddie's words from earlier.

He passes the phone to Eddie with a grin, “Wanna do the honors?”

Eddie looks down at the phone then back at Buck with a glint in his eye, “It'd be my pleasure.”

Buck continues the rest of his day with a weight off his shoulders and an eagerness to help someone. They go from emergency to emergency, occasionally being able to head back to the station for a brief respite before being called right back out sometimes not even a full 10 minutes later.

In between calls, Buck distracts himself by playing cards with Chim and Ravi and taking naps on Eddie's shoulder. It's a relatively good day, good enough to keep him busy anyway.

After their most recent, and hopefully last call, the team hops out from the engine, more than ready to call it a day. Groaning from the exhaustion of the crash they had just left.

“You really think that guy's gonna sue them?” Ravi says, heading towards the lockers.

Buck shrugs, “He might, and he'd have every right to.”

Hen pipes up, “True. His food truck was in place when the semi hit him. It's not like he was moving it, the driver should've at least tried to aim for an open area if he knew he was going to crash.”

“It was hardly the driver's fault though? His company should've made sure those tires were in good shape before hitting the road.” Eddie mentions.

“Not necessarily.” Bobby shrugs, “Honestly it depends on the job contract. Some companies actually require their drivers to do the sole upkeep of their trucks.”

Chim shakes his head at that, “That's such bull. Hopefully everything works out for him, the poor guy apologized about a thousand times.”

“True. I feel bad for the food truck though. That guy's gonna miss out on at least a week's worth of profits while he has to get it fixed.” Ravi says.

Buck passes him walking backwards as he points out, “Well he did say he had insurance. So maybe they can help him out on that front–”

“Evan.”

Buck pauses immediately at the voice he hears behind him. Looking at the expressions on his team's faces, he can tell he hadn't misheard who it was. He takes a deep breath, squaring his shoulders, and preparing himself for what he knows is coming.

Before he can say anything though, Eddie is moving past him with quick steps and clear anger sketched across his features.

“You really can't take a hint huh?” Eddie steers at him, immediately getting in his face.

“I'm not here for you Diaz. I'm here to talk to my boyfriend, who apparently has been ignoring me. I can't see why though, I mean clearly you got the flowers.” He rolls his eyes, gesturing to upstairs where the basket still sits on the table.

Buck turns around completely now, taking slow, measured steps toward him. He grabs Eddie's arm, pulling him back and standing in between him and Tommy, “Yeah I got the flowers Tommy. And I got the tickets to a game you know I would hate. And the card too. Did you think you were being romantic?”

Tommy exhales a long dramatic sigh, “Come on Evan, I'm trying here. I told you I already forgive you, can we stop with this charade already.”

“Please keep talking, I would love to punch your teeth out.” Eddie mutters darkly next to Buck.

“You really don't see the problem with that, do you?” Buck says almost disbelieving.

Tommy groans, rolling his neck back, “With what? Doing a romantic gesture? I'm trying to fix us Evan, why won't you let me?”

“No. You don't see the problem with you forgiving me.” Buck sighs.

“So you don't want me to forgive you?” Tommy laughs, like he's not being clued into a joke.

“Tommy. I never apologized–” Buck starts.

Tommy interrupts him, placing a hand on his shoulder, “And I'm okay with that, I'm willing to look past it–” 

“I have nothing to be sorry for.” Buck finishes, shrugging his hand away, his jaw clenching.

Tommy pauses, taking a step back and looking at Buck like he's the one being crazy, “You can't be serious. After everything you said yesterday you think you have nothing to be sorry for? Did you not hear me at all?!”

Buck feels his fists fists at his side, “I heard you. Loud and clear.”

“Then how can you still not understand where I'm coming from?” Tommy takes a step closer to Buck, Eddie's arm shoots out protectively, keeping a distance in between them. Tommy glares at Eddie taking a step back again.

“How can you not understand? Look around! These people,” Buck gestures behind him at his team and at Eddie, “Are my family. They are the best people I know. You don't seem to get that though.”

Tommy scoffs, “Because there's a difference, Evan, between your family and your team–”

Buck interrupts him, his voice firm, “Not here there isn't. Here, my team is my family. I would risk my life for each and every one of them, because I know they have my back the same way every time. I thought you got that.” 

“I do but–”

“You don't. Not really, and not nearly enough. Especially if you thought you could ask me to stay away “for a while” and think I would ever agree to that.” Buck narrows his eyes at him.

“Not from all of them, you know that. I specifically said Diaz, and you know why.” Tommy glares at him.

“Because you're insecure? You think that makes it any better?” Buck takes a step closer, feeling the anger in his chest roll around.

“Because it's Diaz!! Because you drop everything for him always! Because you talk about him, more than you do me and I am your partner! Not him! Because he baby trapped you with Christopher when you first met and now you feel some weird obligation to be there for him, but you're not his dad and it's weird Evan! I didn't sign up to be a step parent to a kid that's not even yours!” Tommy yells.

“Keep. My kids name. Out your fucking mouth Kinard.” Eddie takes a dangerous step towards him but Buck holds him back with his arm.

Buck steps forward, “Tommy, I shouldn't have to drop every other relationship I have with someone else just so you can feel like you can finally trust me. I've been with you for months. Have I ever given you any indication that I would cheat on you?”

Tommy crosses his arms, “Well no but–”

“Have I ever suggested anything to say that I would leave you for someone else?” Buck asks.

Tommy narrows his eyes, “No, you haven't–”

“Have I ever said, at any point, that just being with you in this relationship wasn't enough for me, and that I needed someone else more?” Buck prods at him.

Tommy clenches his jaw and speaks almost through his teeth, “No.”

“Then why can't you just trust me? Why is it that that's not enough for you?” Buck laughs bitterly.

Tommy shakes his head, glaring at Eddie, “I do trust you, Evan. I just don't trust the people around you.”

“And you don't see the problem with that? You trust me just fine, but you don't trust the people around me, so I have to distance myself from them? That makes sense to you?” Buck asks him.

“Yes, it does. And it'll make sense to you too after a while–”

“No. It won't. It never will, Tommy. I can't do that, I won't do that, ever.” Buck shakes his head.

Tommy looks at him then, “So what then? We're at a standstill now?”

Buck purses his lips and sighs, “No, we're not at a standstill.”

“Okay so–”

“We're done.” Buck says, his tone final.

Tommy immediately glares at him, “What? You can't be serious Evan–”

“I am. I'm not doing this anymore. We're done. Bye, Tommy.” Buck turns and walks away to the locker room, his chest feeling lighter. Then he feels his arm being pulled backwards.

“You can't do this Evan. Think about all we've been through.” Tommy's hand is rough on his arm as he yanks Buck backwards.

Buck steadies himself from the motion, looking at Tommy incredulous, “Dude, come on, let go. We're done. Just go already.”

“We're not done, we can still talk this out.” Tommy shakes his head, his hand still insistently gripping Buck's arm.

Eddie steps in between them grabbing Tommy's hand, yanking it back from Buck's arm and painfully twisting it backwards. Tommy yelps at the sudden movement and Eddie pushes him backwards. As Tommy stumbles back, Eddie takes two quick steps and decks him in the face with a right hook. Tommy stumbles again, holding his face in his hands, and groaning from the pain. Eddie walks toward him again, roughly grabbing his shirt and pulling him close to his face.

“No means no asshole. It doesn't mean you touch him without his permission and beg like a pathetic dog. Leave. Now. While you still have most of your teeth and your legs still work.” Eddie shoves him back hard and glares at him as Tommy finally takes the hint and walks out.

“Damn. Wish I had a guard dog as good as Eddie.” Chim pipes up first, whistling in appreciation.

Bobby clears his throat, “As your captain I'll have to say that punching a fellow department member was extremely unprofessional. I won't report it this time but don't let me see it again. As your friend though… well, the bastard had it coming.”

“Cap!” Hen gasps with a wide grin.

Bobby shrugs walking upstairs to his office, "It's late, and I'm not in the mood for doing paperwork right now. That being said, you all get home safe.”

As Ravi, Chim, and Hen head to the lockers, Eddie and Buck are left standing on the floor. Buck had been trying to wrap his head around everything that just happened, staring at Eddie with his mouth slightly agape. Eddie busied himself with looking at the floor.

Buck walks forward, coming into Eddie's space with three easy steps, “Your hand.”

Eddie jolts, looking up at Buck like he's hadn't realized he had gotten so close, “It's fine. Barely a scratch, really.”

Buck hums, rocking slightly on his feet with a grin, “Did you have to punch him?”

Eddie looks at Buck, full sincerity in his gaze, “Yeah. Yeah, I really did.”

Buck inhales slowly, feeling nervous with his next words, “You know. I kinda realized that maybe I shouldn't go back to the loft tonight.”

Eddie hums at that, a smile cracking on his face, “Really?”

Buck nods, “Mhm. You know, given that Tommy could show up there. I think it might just be better, for everyone really, if I came home with you?”

Eddie laughs, grabbing Buck's hand, “I would love nothing more, than to take you home Buckley.”

Buck feels a blush blooming across his face as he ducks his head down, feeling ridiculously shy, “Good. Glad you agree.”

They walk towards the locker room to grab their stuff, Eddie barely leaving his side the entire time. They ignore the obvious and pointed side glances from Hen, Chim, and Ravi when they see Eddie slide his hand back into Buck's with relative ease, like it's an every day thing. They hop in Eddie's truck and he holds Buck's hand the whole way home.

Buck tries his best to keep it together for the most part, but he can't stop the wide grin on his face at the feeling of his hand in Eddie's. He's been feeling butterflies in his stomach since they left the station, which he thinks is ridiculous because he might just be overthinking all of this. He doubts he is though.

He doesn't think he's overthinking Eddie's protectiveness that goes maybe further than a best friend would go.

He doesn't think he's overthinking Eddie holding his hand so, so gently like he's afraid he'll disappear.

He doesn't think he's overthinking what happened on the roof this morning. Eddie comforting him, and insisting that he'll find better than Tommy. Soon, he had said.

He doesn't think he's overthinking what happened much earlier this morning in the kitchen with the pancakes.

He doesn't think he's overthinking what happened last night, with his head in Eddie's lap and their faces inches away.

Buck knows that something has shifted. He's not sure if he's right about in what way it's shifted but he has to try, right? Take a leap, trust his gut and all that? True there's an argument to be made that maybe he shouldn't push for something romantic with his best friend after literally just breaking up with his boyfriend, but he honestly can't say he feels sad for dumping Tommy. He feels like that relationship died a long time ago, tonight he just admitted it.

They pull into Eddie's driveway and Buck can see the reluctance on Eddie's face to let go of his hand, so Buck does it first, opening his door to get out the car. He walks to the other side of the car, holding his hand out when Eddie closes his door. His face brightens up again and he slots their hands together once more. Buck shakes his head at how sweet it is, for him to want to hold his hand for however long it takes to walk from the driveway to the front door. Eddie manages to unlock the door with one hand and they enter the Diaz home together, hand in hand.

The silence that follows the door closing isn't as suffocating as Buck feared it would be. It's a nice silence, calm and comfortable. Eddie stands in front of him, clearly unsure about what to do now.

“You want a beer?” Eddie asks, pointing toward the kitchen.

Buck shakes his head, “No, I'm good.”

Eddie nods, clearing his throat, “Okay. You want to eat something? I can order us a pizza or you could see what ingredients we have left in the fridge–”

“I want to kiss you.” Buck lets go of the thought that had been on the tip of his tongue.

Eddie pauses, his mouth stuttering from whatever else he was going to say. He looks up at Buck with apprehensive but hopeful eyes, “What?”

“Tell me I'm crazy, Eddie.” Buck says softly.

“Buck…” Eddie's shoulder sag lightly.

“Tell me I'm crazy and that I'm imagining everything that's been going on with us. Tell me it's too soon and I'm not ready because I just broke up with someone who doesn't matter. Tell me you're straight. Tell me we should just keep being best friends. Tell me I'm wrong about the way you look at me. Tell me you don't know you drive me insane. Tell me you don't know I'm in love with you. Tell me I'm crazy, Eddie.” Buck pleads with him.

Eddie is looking at him now with wide eyes and his mouth open, like he can't believe what he's hearing, “You're in love with me?”

“Tell me you're not.” Buck dares him, taking a step forward, his hand tightening in Eddie's grip.

Eddie shakes his head slowly, a smile growing on his face, “You're not crazy.”

Buck exhales, relief spreading through him and inexplicable amounts of love blooming in his chest, “Glad to hear it. Can I please kiss you?”

Eddie nods his head, his hand coming up to the back of Buck's neck, tangling in his curls, “Please do.”

Buck dives in, happily connecting their lips and experiencing for perhaps the first time what people mean when they say: Fireworks.

The kiss is everything and more, Eddie's lips are softer than he could ever imagine and he easily opens his mouth to welcome Buck's tongue inside. Then his hand tightens in Buck's curls and he's taking control of the kiss, licking back into Buck's mouth with an intensity that makes Buck's knees go weak. His other hand cups Buck's jaw rubbing soothing circles around his stubble while he bites down on Buck's bottom lip, tugging at it slightly. It makes Buck's head feel dizzy with arousal. 

Kissing Eddie is perhaps the best experience he's ever had, he could do this all day, he could do this forever.

Their lips part and Buck whines when he goes in for more but Eddie ducks away, his head instead going down and suddenly his teeth are on Buck's throat. Buck's whine very quickly turns into a broken moan. Eddie is relentless on his neck, following a path from his jaw to his pulse point to his collarbone and back up again, leaving teeth marks in his wake and sucking bruises everywhere. He comes up again, bringing their lips together in a sloppy, wet kiss, stealing what was left of Buck's air before parting again. Their foreheads connect as they try to catch their breath.

“You are really good at that.” Buck says, hoarse and more than a little dazed.

Eddie opens his eyes, and his gaze is on fire, “Been waiting a while to do that. I like the way you look with my marks on you.”

“You're a little possessive, you know that?” Buck grins.

Eddie pulls him closer by his shirt collar, “Yes. I like knowing you're mine.”

Buck lets out a quiet whimper at that, his knees actually buckling a little and he can feel his dick getting harder by the second.

Eddie clears his throat awkwardly, “That is to say of course, that I don't think you're an object, you know, you're your own person, and you're perfectly capable of making your own decisions, I just– well– uh–”

Buck laughs, kissing his cheek, “Breathe baby.”

Eddie exhales slowly, looking back at him through his lashes, “Sorry. I just don't like to share, is all.”

“God that's hot.” Buck whispers almost accidentally.

“Really? It's not too much?” Eddie looks up at him, wariness in his voice.

Buck squeezes his hands around Eddie's waste, reveling in the feeling of being able to touch him, “Eddie. Knowing you want me all to yourself is the best thing I could ever hear. It's also a huge turn on.”

Eddie grins, a little maniacal, his hands going under Buck's shirt and scraping his nails along his back, “Good. Glad we're on the same page.”

Buck bites his lip, swallowing a moan at the feeling of Eddie's hands on his skin, “Can we go to the bedroom now? I mean I'm fine with the couch if you are but–”

Eddie doesn't let him finish his sentence before he grabs Buck by the collar, dragging him like a well trained puppy to the bedroom. The door barely closes behind them before Eddie lifts Buck's shirt from his body, flinging it across the room and doing the same with his own. They come back together like two magnets inevitably pulled towards the other, kissing wildly, all teeth and tongues, breathing in short bursts until the back of Buck's knees hit the bed and Eddie gives him a light push.

Buck plops down on the bed, scooting back into a more comfortable position as Eddie crawls over him, straddling his lap. He kisses down Buck's collarbone, leaving trail to his pecs and when he reaches one of Buck's hard nipples he licks it almost playfully before biting around the area and then sucking it into his mouth. Buck's head rolls back, lightly hitting the head board as he moans. Eddie leans back up, bringing their faces together in another searing kiss. With his hips flush against Buck's he does a roll, once, twice, and Buck gets the clue that he's either teasing or just impatient. He's hard either way.

“Eddie.” Buck pants out his name, his breath gone.

“I need you out of these pants sweetheart.” Eddie mumbles against his earlobe.

Buck nods, his hands going to Eddie's hips, tapping twice to get him to sit up while Buck shimmies out of his pants and Eddie does the same. The whole time they repeatedly meet each other's quick side glances, giggling at the way they are both clearly eager to go back to touching one another. As soon as Eddie gets himself free from his pants, Buck grabs him by the waist, sitting him in his lap again and grinding their shafts together through their boxers.

Eddie curls himself into the curve of Buck's neck, mouthing at the skin there as he lets out a delicious moan. It sends vibrations through Buck's skin at the contact. He feels a little crazed, he feels like he would let Eddie crawl through his skin and make a home in his veins.

“Keep doing that.” Eddie breathes against him.

Buck grins, his hands moving from Eddie's waist to his ass. Feeling greedy, he palms a handful of both of Eddie's cheeks squeezing him tight and bringing him closer. He licks the outside shell of Eddie's ear, whispering close, “Gonna try something, okay?”

Eddie nods his head eagerly, his arms wrapped around Buck's neck holding on tight, “Whatever it is, do it now.”

Buck leans back slightly, leaving just enough room for him to snake his hand in between them. He pulls down the band of both of their briefs, smiling at how hard they both are, glad to know he's not the only one being affected by this. 

He brings his palm up to Eddie's mouth, facing upwards, “Spit.”

Eddie pauses, his face turning a bright red, “What?”

Buck grins, leaning up slightly to kiss his nose, “Trust me.”

Eddie relaxes in his hold, leaning his face down slightly, his eyes connected with Buck all the while as he spits into his palm. It's one of the hottest things Buck has ever seen.

He rolls the moisture around his palm, spreading it around before he brings his hand down again and grabs both of them in one hold. Eddie hisses at the contact, his spine straightening, and his head rolling back.

“So sensitive.” Buck teases, watching every reaction Eddie makes, etching it into his memory.

“Feels good.” Eddie gasps out.

“Good. I like seeing you like that. I like hearing you. Let it all out for me, don't hold back.” Buck kisses the inside of Eddie's arm from his wrist to his elbow.

He squeezes them together once, then lifts his hand, moving up and down in a slow motion, getting a test for how it feels. It sends lightning through his body, and he has to exhale sharply at how good it feels. He opens his eyes after adjusting, and the sight before him nearly kills him.

Eddie is shaking and panting, his mouth open and his head thrown back. His eyes are screwed shut and he has a bit of drool leaking from the corner of his lips. It drives Buck a little insane. With his other hand he pushes Eddie forward from the small of his back, he licks up the trail of drool with his tongue, following it to the corner of Eddie's lips and swallowing him in a kiss.

His hand keeps up the slow pace of moving them up and down together before he decides to speed up a little. He picks up the pace, his hand moving rapidly now, and he can feel a drizzle of pre leaking onto his fingers, he uses it as a lubricant and it helps him move faster. Eddie squirms in his hold, moaning loudly and breathing fast, his words coming out jumbled.

“Fuck– oh god. That's so– fuck. That's good, that's good, that's– oh– Buck–”

Buck smiles all the while, and since he's feeling a little brave, a little spurred on, he decides to ask a favor, “Ed's. Need your help.”

“Anything. Just ask. I'll do anything.” Eddie nods, his head moving in every direction.

Buck uses his other hand to adjust Eddie around him, moving his arms from just around his neck to his hands being placed around his throat, “You don't have to squeeze too hard, and you can say no, just– well, I like the pressure, if you don't mind?”

Eddie's eyes are completely blown, his pupils fully dilated as his gaze flicks up and down between his hands around Buck's throat, to his eyes and back again, “You want me to choke you?”

Buck nods, a bit bashfully, “Yes please. Again you can say no, and we can leave this until later when we can discuss our kinks in more detail but I just–”

He's cut off by the slight pressure being applied to his neck, Eddie's fingers squeezing lightly against his pulse points, “Like that? Blink once if yes, twice if no.”

Buck blinks once, his mouth opening at the feeling it gives him, a moan releasing from his throat. He continues working his hand up both of their shafts, his pace going steadily fast. His hips buck up on accident at the combined feeling of Eddie's hands on his throat and their dicks pressed together.

Eddie blinks and a slow smile creeps on his face, “God you're perfect.”

He can see the look on Eddie's face as he clearly contemplates applying more pressure so Buck nods, hoping to encourage him.

He can feel Eddie's thighs tighten around him after a particularly quick jerk from Buck's hand, and with it his hands tighten slightly around Buck's throat. Buck's eyes roll slightly to the back of his head, a burst of arousal clouding his vision.

His vision clears and he squeezes them together moving more rapidly as he feels closer to his climax, “Eddie, I'm so– god I'm close.”

Eddie nods, biting his lip, keeping his hands against Buck's throat, “M-me too. Keep going, please don't stop.”

Buck keeps up the pace, his hand making a death grip on Eddie's hip, no doubt leaving imprints with how hard he squeezes his side. Buck feels Eddie's thighs squeeze on either side of him, his head dips and he– oh fuck. He bites down on Buck's shoulder, his teeth digging into his skin deep and unconstrained. He moans through his climax, white spurts being shot out onto both of their stomachs.

“M'so close Ed's fuck–” Buck groans, and before he can do even two more strokes Eddie applies pressure with four of his fingers against Buck's throat and he sees stars. He hugs Eddie close as he comes, adding to the mess on their stomachs.

When he comes back down from the high he blinks open his eyes, readjusting his vision and blinking away a tear from the corner of his eye. Eddie, still sitting in his lap and making no intention to move, just looks at him, wide and curious.

“You okay?” Buck asks, out of breath.

Eddie nods, leaning forward and leaving a peck on his lips, “You're beautiful, you know that?”

Buck leans his head forward, his forehead resting on Eddie's shoulder, “You're gonna kill me man.”

He feels one of Eddie's hands curl into his hair, carding through the messy curls before gripping his hair and pulling his face up into a longer kiss.

“That was wonderful but maybe next time I can take you on an actual date before I bring you to bed?” Eddie smiles.

Buck blushes at that, feeling shy again for some reason, “You mean that? You wanna take me on a date?”

Eddie kisses his cheek, “You're so cute. Yes I want to take you on a date. It's the least you deserve. And if I'm going to ask you to go steady with me, I'd like to do it in a proper setting. Not when we're covered in our own mess.”

Buck grins wide at his words, feeling like he's on cloud nine, “You're going to ask me to go steady with you? Eddie, we're not in the 50s, you know that right?”

He punches Buck in the arm playfully, “I know that, moron. I also know I want to do this right. You deserve dates, and flowers, and being asked to be my boyfriend in every official capacity I can manage. Let me treat you, let me spoil you, please. That's all I want.”

Buck feels like there are maybe stars in his eyes. There must be, because Eddie is looking at him like he wants to, like he's prepared to, give him the whole world. Buck isn't sure if he deserves the world, but he's willing to let Eddie convince him that he's worthy of flowers, dates, and anything else he wants to do for him. Because Buck is more than prepared to do anything, everything, it takes to add to Eddie's happiness. If Buck can wake up in the morning, see that easy, gorgeous smile on Eddie's face and know that he added to it? Well that's all he could ever ask for.

Buck kisses Eddie's cheeks, then his nose, then his forehead, then his lips, once, twice, and once more, “Okay. I can do that.”

Eddie grins, “Good. Would you like to go on a date tomorrow? I want you to hurry up and be my boyfriend already.”

Buck laughs, hugging him closer, “Yes, Eddie, I'd be happy to. And for the record, I can't wait to be your boyfriend Eddie.”

Eventually Eddie gets up, grabbing towels for them to clean off with, and Buck helps him make the bed. They curl up together in the sheets, cuddling close and breathing in the smell of each other. Buck dreams of Eddie, and flowers, and dates, and a million kisses down the road that he can't wait for.

Well, he can wait a little bit. At least until tomorrow.

For Eddie, he would wait forever.