Chapter Text

hey so I just remembered you deserve an introduction haha 

anyway my name's neji and I'm almost 18 years old. this is my first fanfiction EVER which means that it's gonna be a bit crappy and cringey and you know :)

I really love writing so I hope that, despite some VERY QUESTIONABLE chapters (especially the first ones), I'll be able to captivate you with my words. 

I also wanted to say that I'm a huge anime fan and I chose my hero academia because it's probably the one that stood out to me the most. dabi and hawks' dynamic especially really struck a chord, so I had to write about them.

just some information before we begin: this fanfiction heavily relies on keigo (hawks)'s point of view, which means that there will be much internal thinking and analysing (especially at the beginning). hawks is also a deeply flawed character with many issues (like anxiety, hints of depression, suicidal thoughts, low self-esteem, toxic dependency etc.) and, although very distant from canon, I tried to keep him as consistent as possible with his layered and conflicted personality.

the story vaguely follows hawks's infiltration in the league, but it doesn't follow the canon line of events. the way hawks, dabi and the others are depicted is based on my own personal interpretation of the characters, so feel free to disagree with how they're portrayed. also, if you have any suggestions/ideas comment them!! I love reading and answering to your messages.

as I've already indicated in the tags, this fanfiction includes a major character death (I'm not gonna say who though) and many other sensitive topics. if you feel like you can't read about them, don't worry; maybe I'll see you again with another one of my works!

oh, and before I forget about it: english isn't my first language, so I apologise in advance for any mistakes. sometimes I write these chapters very late at night, so this can influence the grammar too haha

this fanfiction includes some """explicit""" scenes but it's nothing too serious. also, there are mentions of rape and abuse, so reader discretion is advised.

by the way you can find me on wattpad too! my username is deadwinter_ and the fanfic is called one day I'm gonna grow wings - A DABIHAWKS STORY (just like here).

I think this is it! I hope I haven't forgotten anything important haha

thank you for choosing my fanfiction! relax and enjoy the story <3

p.s.: I think the fanfic is gonna be 35/40 chapters long max

with great love,

neji 

Chapter Text

one

Keigo had never really cared about following the rules and becoming a role model for everyone else. To be fair, Keigo had always been more willing to do the dirty work for the Commission than pretend to be a righteous, trustworthy Hero, something he surely wasn’t. No matter how hard he tried, Keigo simply couldn’t shake off his past, and the Commission had masterfully managed to turn that weakness into their greatest weapon. Keigo was their trump card, their element of surprise, and he’d never really complained about that. Not that he could’ve ever done that anyway; the Commission had been pretty clear about what would’ve happened if Keigo had complained, and he’d been smart enough not to make them angry. If Keigo had to think about it, life wasn’t even that bad. He still got to be free in his own way and do whatever he wanted to in the limits set by the Commission, which, in the end, weren’t even that many. Plus, his missions were usually pretty fun, which meant that, one way or another, Keigo was happy. Not the conventional kind of “happy”, that’s true, but still, he wasn’t in pain or whatever, so things were actually better than they looked.

That was until Keigo was sent off to infiltrate the League of Villains.

According to the Commission, that would’ve been Keigo’s “most crucial” mission, even though he had no idea what that meant. Pretending to be a Villain while being Japan’s no. 2 Hero, though, seemed pretty complicated. Shigaraki and his sidekicks didn’t look very sharp whatsoever, but even a toddler would’ve sensed the stench of deception behind Keigo’s sudden and unjustified presence, so that plan didn’t seem very feasible to him. Still, the thought of being among real Villains made Keigo feel inexplicably excited, and soon the only thing roaming his mind was that bloody undercover mission. Even if a bit conflicted, Keigo accepted the assignment and successfully intruded on the League of Villains. 

As he’d already expected, Shigaraki and his acolytes weren’t particularly bright, especially regarding strategies or attack patterns. Keigo found himself wondering more and more frequently how in the world those idiots had managed to wreak havoc to an entire country, but he never really figured it out. Maybe it had all happened out of sheer luck, or maybe those guys were actually smarter than they looked and they were pretending the whole time.

However, there was one, peculiar Villain that stood out to Keigo from the very first moment. Just like the others, he wasn’t exactly a genius (and he didn’t even look very sane either), but, unlike everybody else, he was actually suspicious of Keigo. The Hero could tell from the Villain’s cold, diffident stare that he wasn’t welcomed there, at least not by him. Keigo later learned from Twice that the Villain’s name was Dabi, and that nobody, not even his closest comrades, knew a single thing about his past or his true personality. Shigaraki had only been able to discover that Dabi had a kinship with Geten, a famous Ice Quirk user, but there died their knowledge. Without even being fully aware of it, Keigo now had a new target: find out as much as possible about that Dabi guy, and preferably gain his trust before the entire sting operation was burnt to ashes (and no, this is definitely not a reference to Dabi’s Quirk.)

Nevertheless, Keigo’s new plan was very difficult to put into action. Dabi was way too wary, and way too cautious. No matter how friendly and trustworthy Keigo pretended to be, Dabi just wouldn’t believe him. He even got into a fight with Twice once, with the latter defending Keigo tooth and nail and the former ranting about how the Hero was just a liar and a fake. Keigo was actually thinking about giving up when one day, totally out of the blue, Dabi asked him to meet at the abandoned train station that same night. Keigo was initially taken aback by the proposal, but then figured that Dabi would’ve probably tried to get rid of him in that damn train station, so he prepared himself accordingly. 

Dabi was standing beside the wreckage of a rusty train wagon when Keigo finally got there. Twice had insisted on accompanying him and being his shield against whatever Dabi would throw against him, and even though Keigo had found the situation quite ironic, he’d still refused. Dabi already suspected him enough like that; he didn’t need Twice to make matters worse. To Keigo’s own surprise, however, the Villain didn’t try to burn him alive or anything of the sort. He just stood there, silent, with an odd look in his light blue eyes.

<<Didn’t think you’d actually come, Hawks, especially after how I’ve treated you these past few weeks.>>

Of all the things Dabi could’ve said to him, Keigo surely did not expect that. What do you mean, the Villain was waiting for him to show up? Keigo didn't have any doubts: Dabi was trying to make him lower his guard so that he could kill him off more easily. What Dabi didn’t know, though, was that Keigo had had people pull that kind of tricks on him a thousand times already, so he was pretty used to it. What Dabi also didn’t know was that Keigo loved seeing people try and fool him, so he just played dumb and let the Villain keep talking.

<<Look, I don’t really know how to say this, but… you’re not as bad as I thought you were.>>

Keigo couldn’t believe his ears. Not only Dabi was doing absolutely nothing to wipe him out of existence, but he was also acknowledging the Hero’s warm display, something that hit Keigo out of left field. Not that he didn’t like praise and stuff; still, coming from someone so cold, so mysterious… it was something else.

<<Well, that wasn’t really hard to realise. I’m surprised it took you this long to notice how amazing I am.>>

Keigo was expecting a blow, maybe also two, as he knew he shouldn’t have pushed himself so far with that snarky comeback. Much to his surprise, Dabi didn’t even flinch at the provocation. Instead, he slowly approached Keigo with an indecipherable look in his eyes, and then gently put a finger on the Hero’s bottom lip. Keigo’s heart skipped a beat as Dabi slightly bent down and stared at him with something that dangerously resembled longing.

<<If you tell anyone about this, Hawks, you’re dead.>>
Before Keigo could even come up with an incredibly witty response, Dabi softly brushed his lips against the Hero’s, enveloping him in an increasingly passionate kiss. Keigo found himself unable to breathe, speak, move or think. He’d never kissed anyone before (let alone a Villain), and the thought of it had always made him feel a bit nauseated, but now that he was deep into it, Keigo simply couldn’t let go of Dabi’s lips. There was a powerful, irresistible force drawing him to Dabi, and it drastically grew in strength as the Villain slowly slid his tongue behind Keigo’s half-closed teeth and pulled his body closer with a smooth movement of his pelvis. To his own disbelief, Keigo was ecstatic. No matter how hard he was trying to free himself from Dabi’s grasp and run away as quickly as possible; he simply couldn’t stop. Keigo didn’t even know how much he’d craved that kind of physical contact before Dabi started kissing him. He’d always thought he was better off alone, distant from everything and everyone, constantly minding his own business and never getting too involved in things that didn’t directly affect his peaceful existence. That had been his only way of living; don’t meddle with things you shouldn’t, and you’ll be fine. After all, Keigo wasn’t allowed to have dreams and hopes of his own. He was a weapon, a mere means to a greater end, and weapons don’t usually get to choose how they want to live.

Still, that kiss was making him feel something.

Keigo had never been in love, so he didn’t exactly know how that kind of stuff worked. He surely had never imagined that, one day, he’d be making out with a psycho Villain in the middle of an abandoned train station. Dabi had really exceeded all his expectations, and Keigo wasn’t exactly sure that was a good thing. Kisses and sliding tongues aside, Dabi was still a dangerous and potentially murderous individual, and Keigo couldn’t just drop his defenses like that.

<<Woah, woah, slow down. What if they see us?>>

Dabi threw Keigo an unimpressed look, as if he couldn’t believe the Hero had asked something so stupid. He then released Keigo from his grip and roughly shoved his hands in his dark blue pockets. Wait, was Dabi annoyed by the fact that the kiss had been interrupted?

<<Mind, Hero: tell this to anyone, I’ll slit your throat.>>

Keigo found that provocation inexplicably hot, but knew better than to say it out loud.

<<Relax, man. It’s not like I want the world to know about this either.>>

Yeah, but was it really it? Was Keigo really that scared of people finding out he’d just kissed a Villain? No, he’d never given too much thought to how people saw him, and he certainly wouldn’t start caring now. But still, there was the Commission. They would’ve never let him get away with that if the information had leaked, and God knows what kind of punishment they would’ve given him this time. Keigo soon realised that he was shaking from head to toe.

<<We’re all settled, then. No need to stay here any longer.>>

Before Keigo could even reply, Dabi had already stormed off with a rather grumpy look in his light blue eyes. Keigo had no idea of what on Earth had just happened, and decided it best not to dive into it any further. After all, he was on a top-secret mission, with the Commission watching over his every step, and he surely wouldn’t have ruined everything because of a stupid and absolutely irrelevant kiss. If Dabi thought that something like that would make Keigo spill the beans about his true reasons behind joining the League, well, he was dead wrong. Months and months of harsh training had taught the Hero that nobody could be truly trusted, and that the only one you can really count on in this world is yourself. It would take Dabi much more than an unexpected kiss to win over Keigo’s feelings. 

Not that he felt anything anyway.

Keigo had stopped feeling as soon as he’d become Hawks, and he wasn’t sure whether that was a bad thing or not. 

Chapter Text

Two weeks had passed, and things had gone back to normal. Dabi had gotten all distant and wary again, and his cold, suspicious looks weren’t missing either. Keigo wondered if that kiss had been a test of some kind, and if he’d failed it. Anyway, he carried on with his undercover operation without being stopped or bothered by any of the League members, and life soon became pretty boring. He would’ve probably asked the Commission to give him a more challenging task if, one random Tuesday, he hadn’t received a letter.

Keigo had found it on his way back to his room in the League lair; actually, he’d stumbled upon it. Rather than a letter, it looked like a crumpled scrap of paper with nothing written on it if not a barely recognisable sentence. It had taken Keigo a whole ten minutes to figure out the message of that strange note: “miss u. meet me at the park 2night. -d”. From the poorly spelt words and the overall terrible handwriting, Keigo could tell that whoever had come up with that thing wasn’t really the sharpest tool in the shed (which didn’t exactly shrink the range of potential senders), but he didn’t have to rack his brain too much to figure out who’d sent it. What Keigo had no clue about, though, was why Dabi would ever want to see him that night, after an entire fortnight of silence and scornful glances. He didn’t buy the whole “miss you” thing, and if that damn kiss was a test and he’d failed it, what reason could Dabi possibly have to meet him again? It just didn’t make any sense, and, to be fair, Keigo was down for it.

Strangely enough, Dabi didn’t show up that day at the afternoon meeting, and he skipped dinner as well. Twice claimed that it wasn’t unusual for Dabi to disappear like that for hours, if not days or weeks, and that he’d been rather shocked by Dabi’s constant presence in the League’s hideout after Hawks had joined them. Keigo asked Twice if he knew where Dabi was usually headed off to when he left the haven like that, but the Villain was clueless, and so were his comrades. Just as Keigo had been suspecting for weeks now, Dabi had secrets he didn’t want to share with anyone, and he would’ve discovered them at the cost of his own name or life.

That night, Keigo got to the park with an odd pang in his heart. He wasn’t sure as to why he would ever feel like that, but it certainly wasn’t a good sign. Keigo hoped that Dabi had somehow got stuck in the traffic or something, or that, maybe, he’d been caught and arrested by the police. Even going on a date with the Head of the Commission seemed a better thing to do than to wait for a nutcase of a Villain to come by, and the Head of the Commission was a sixty-two year old guy who deeply hated Keigo’s guts. The Hero’s thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the touch of two warm hands on his cold waist, which immediately sent an electric jolt in his whole body and made his hair stand on end. Keigo turned around as fast as he could, with his heart pounding in his chest and his bottom lip trembling, only to see that those hands belonged to a smirky, half-asleep Dabi, who was looking at him with something resembling endearment in his eyes.

<<Calm down, Hawks. It’s just me.>>

Dabi didn’t wait for Keigo’s reply; instead, he gently wrapped his arms around the Hero’s waist and placed his head on Keigo’s right shoulder, sending shivers all down the latter’s spine.

<<I see you received my message.>>

<<Yeah, even though your handwriting sucks and you can’t spell shit.>>

Dabi shrugged as he heard those words and sighed wearily. He looked tired, very tired, and Keigo wondered what could have possibly worn him out so much in the past few hours.

<<Sorry I’ve ignored you lately, but I had to figure out some… stuff.>>

Keigo couldn’t tell if Dabi was teasing him or not. He’d had such a serious face while uttering that sentence, Keigo found it hard to think the Villain was kidding him whatsoever. Still, he couldn’t be fully sure that wasn’t another test to see if Dabi could trust him or not. And hell, he needed his trust. How could he have ever discovered his secrets otherwise?

<<That’s fine, man. I mean, you asked me not to tell anybody about what happened back at the train station, so I sorted out you didn’t really want to… you know.>>

“Kiss me”, Keigo had wanted to say, but for some reason, the words never came out of his mouth. Dabi laughed dully, and then tightened his grip around Keigo’s waist. The Hero felt a rush of blood in his cheeks, and the thing left him completely speechless. Was he blushing??

<<Yeah, it’s not like I can blame you for thinking that. I guess I freaked out a little bit when you stopped the kiss, and I thought… Well, it doesn’t really matter now, does it?>>

Keigo felt a change in temperature as Dabi’s soft lips caressed his neck and made his whole body tingle in pleasure. He barely held back a gasp when Dabi stuck his teeth into his neck and began sucking it, leaving behind a bruised, purple stain which Keigo had only seen once in his life, and had mistaken for a tattoo. Dabi then climbed his way to Keigo’s lips and kissed them delicately, as if they were made of glass and the Villain was afraid to break them. This time, Keigo didn’t try to run away. Instead, he stretched out his arms and wounded them around Dabi’s neck, pulling himself so close Keigo could hear his raced heartbeat. The kiss lasted less than five minutes, but Keigo felt like an eternity had passed before Dabi moved his lips away from the Hero’s.

<<Glad you didn’t walk away this time, Hawks.>>

For the first time in his life, Keigo was at a loss for words. Not because he didn’t know how to answer, but because none of the things he wanted to say seemed appropriate. Usually, Keigo didn’t care about how people would react to his replies, even when they were extremely rude or disrespectful; it was all part of his built-up personality, so that he wouldn’t get attached to anybody and the missions could be carried out successfully. He could’ve pissed Dabi off in so many different ways, but he chose not to. And not because Keigo didn’t want to hurt him or something; he just didn’t want to blow up the only, feeble chance to get close to Dabi and make him spill the tea about who he really was.

He was doing that for the sake of the mission. No ulterior motives, no personal feelings. Just an impartial, calculated move to make Dabi’s mask fall and gain the upper hand once and for all. Easy, right?

<<Hawks, I was wondering… if you wanted to, like, meet sometimes. At night, of course, so that nobody can see us. And maybe not so often, or the others could think we’re together or sum.>>

Keigo couldn’t help but raise his eyebrows. Was Dabi, the cold-blooded Villain who had done nothing but heavily suspect Keigo from the very beginning, really asking him to meet up like two teen lovebirds? Again, Keigo couldn’t tell if Dabi was playing him a twisted joke or not, but he couldn’t let that opportunity slip. There was no better thing than to let the Villain open up by spending some time alone with him, and Keigo wasn’t one to refuse something so incredibly convenient for him.

<<I mean, why not? It’s not like I have anything else to do anyway.>>

Keigo could swear he’d seen a smile appear on Dabi’s face, but maybe it was just a strange reflection of moonlight. He soon forgot about it and placed a hand on Dabi’s shoulder, as if he wanted to highlight his willingness to see him again. 

“Just you wait, Villain” Keigo thought. “Wait and see how I make you dish the dirt like a good boy.”

Such a provocation would’ve made Keigo laugh for hours before, but now, not even a half-smile stretched on his pale face.

Chapter Text

The thing that probably upset Keigo the most about that whole situation was the Commission’s apparent indifference towards his so-called “crucial” mission. In the past, Keigo had always had to report every detail of what he’d discovered to his superiors, and it wasn’t uncommon for him to be followed and spied on by one of their agents. On that occasion, however, the Commission had preferred to leave the matter in Keigo’s hands alone and cut off every contact with him in order to avoid “potential complications”, something the Hero hadn’t really understood. That was his first time infiltrating such an important Villain organisation, that’s true, but Keigo had always been the slyest and most cautious individual known to mankind, so there was no way he could ever blow up the cover. But the Commission probably knew it better than him, since they’d been the ones to shape “Hawks” from the very first moment, giving him no choice but to be a “hero of another kind”, one that doesn’t save people with a smile printed on his face, but rather with his hands covered in blood and lies. Keigo had never really disliked that way of living; as long as his personal feelings weren’t directly involved, he didn’t care about how or why he had to perform his tasks, nor did it matter to him to get his hands dirty in the process. That time, though, things were different. The Commission had straight ignored him for weeks, and Keigo was starting to get anxious, something he hadn’t felt in a very long time. Moreover, his obsession with discovering Dabi’s darkest secrets was spiraling out of control, and Keigo knew that, sooner or later, he would make a false step. He needed to get his shit together, fast. He couldn’t allow himself to lose, not like that. Not when the life the Commission had given him was at stake.

Two days after the park encounter, Dabi sent Keigo another note. It simply read: “meet me at the pub down the street 2night. need 2 talk 2 u. -d”. Keigo wasn’t really in the mood to talk to anyone, especially when that “anyone” was a psychotic Villain who would kiss him for no reason at all, but that was his best shot at unraveling Dabi’s secrets and finally quenching his insatiable thirst for information, so he couldn’t really miss it. Keigo forced himself to get through the day without blowing up the entire hideout and then rushed to the tavern down the street, which was a small, badly kept venue with a checkered floor that hadn’t been cleaned from the 1930s and three wooden tables that stank of rottenness. Dabi was sat on a dangerously unstable stool, drinking something that remotely resembled beer but rather looked like liquid tar. Once he spotted Keigo, the Villain’s eyes lit up in joy, or maybe they were just glazed over with alcohol.

<<Lookin’ good today, Hawks. Did you cut your hair or somethin’?>>

<<Yeah, spare me the bullshit, Dabi. Why are we meeting here anyway? I thought you didn’t want people to see us together.>>

Keigo hadn’t meant to sound so bitter, but the words had slipped out before he could even stop them. Dabi then narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms upon his chest, staring at Keigo with a somewhat amused look on his face.

<<What, you’re pissed off because I threatened you that time at the train station? Well, sorry to disappoint you, but I’m a Villain. My world isn’t all praises and stars like yours.>>

<<Yeah, whatever. You’re really making me regret this, you know.>>

Keigo could swear something akin to disappointment crossed Dabi’s deadpan gaze once he finished that sentence, but it was probably just the alcohol affecting the Villain’s sight. 

<<Anyway, you wanted to talk about something, right? I’m all ears.>>

Maybe it was really just the alcohol, or maybe Keigo’s mind was playing tricks on him; point is, Dabi seemed scared. His face had suddenly turned pale and he’d lost that arrogant, disdainful grin that would square the Hero from head to toe every time it had the chance to. Keigo had seen fear build up in his enemies’ eyes a thousand times already, and it usually gave him a sense of sick, twisted pleasure; with Dabi, though, things were different. For some reason the Hero couldn’t quite catch, seeing Dabi lose his cold and distant character made him feel bad, and soon he felt the odd, familiar squeeze in his heart that had kept him company for the past few weeks.

<<I-I don’t really know how to say this, but… I saw my dad the other day.>>

Keigo was so astonished by that information that he almost choked on his own saliva. Sure, it wasn’t anything out of this world; it only made sense that Dabi had a father, maybe also a mother, and who knows if he had siblings as well. Still, Keigo had never imagined that Dabi would ever meet again (let alone recognise) any member of his family. Now that he thought about it, Keigo had always assumed Dabi was too far gone to even remember his loved ones, and it had never truly crossed his mind that the Villain might still be in contact with his family. That meant only one thing: Keigo was closer than ever to unraveling Dabi’s deepest and darkest secrets, the ones that had haunted him like ghosts in the past two days. The Hero had to summon all his strength to suppress the smug smile that was inevitably forming on the corner of his lips.

<<Go on, Dabi.>>

<<It’s just that… I don’t know, it felt very odd. You see, my dad’s pretty famous. It would be practically impossible to forget about him and his shitty face, especially since now there’s social media and shit. But… I hadn’t met him in a while. In real life, I mean. And it felt so… I don’t really have the words to describe it.>>

Keigo had no idea as to why Dabi was telling him that, but it didn’t really matter. What mattered, though, was that the Villain had claimed his father was “pretty famous”, which meant that he was either a singer, an actor, an athlete or a Pro Hero. Keigo could’ve never found out who the guy was with such a wide range of options, so he decided to try and narrow the list a little bit.

<<Jeez, man, that must suck. Having famous parents, and not being able to run away from their spotlight… must be tough.>>

Dabi’s eyes gained some of their spark back, and Keigo understood he’d hit a turning point. Within moments, he would break through his shield. “Wait and see,” Keigo thought as a wicked laugh climbed upon his throat. “Wait and see how the Commission’s golden boy cracks you open like an egg. There’s only one winner here, Dabi, and it’s me.”

<<Yeah, that’s right. It sucks. And the worst thing about all of this is that nobody knows how much of a shitty person my father is. The guy was smart enough to keep his own shit private, so that the world would only see him as the amazing Hero he pretended to be.>>

Hero.

HERO???

If Keigo wasn’t going insane (something very likely to happen, if he’d kept spending time with Dabi) and his eardrums hadn’t been permanently damaged in one of his last missions, he’d heard damn well that Dabi’s father was a Hero. Keigo was way too stunned to even think or breathe, and soon he found himself gasping for air. If Dabi’s father was a Hero, then Keigo probably knew him, or had known him in the past. There weren’t even that many Pro Heroes who had children; the only ones Keigo could think of were Rock Lock, Cementoss, Fat Gum, Crust and Endeavor, but none of them had a son of twenty or so whatsoever, so it was almost certainly not them. What about retired Heroes? Keigo didn’t really know them, and it would’ve been pretty hard to get any information on that matter from the Commission. The Hero had no other choice but to discover the truth by himself, something he wasn’t really keen on doing now that Dabi seemingly trusted him and his heart was dangerously aching in his chest.

<<Hawks? Are you there, Hawks?>>

Keigo had been so caught up with his own thoughts that he’d completely forgotten where he was or what he was doing, and hearing Dabi’s alarmed voice brought him back to reality like a brutal slap. The Villain was staring at him in confusion, with one hand waving in front of the Hero’s face, as if he was trying to break Keigo out of his trance. The latter had to take a deep breath and let his heartbeat slow down before he could even get a full sentence out.

<<Yeah, yeah, sorry. It’s just that… it kinda got me off guard, you know. The fact that your dad is a Hero and everything.>>

To be fair, Keigo could’ve just invented a stupid excuse for his unusual behaviour and carried on with the investigation, but a part of him wanted Dabi to know how he really felt. It was only a small, barely perceivable part of himself, and Keigo could’ve easily gotten rid of it, but he didn’t want to. If his chest was hurting like that when he hadn’t done anything but slightly push Dabi towards his limits, Keigo couldn’t (or didn’t want to) imagine how he would’ve felt if he’d fully manipulated the Villain.

<<Crazy, right? I guess everyone would react this way if I told them. Fact is, you’re the first and only person who knows about it, so I can’t really tell for sure.>>

Dabi slowly stretched one hand towards Keigo’s and grabbed it gently, as if he was afraid to make it crumble under his own touch. Again, Keigo had no idea of what that meant, but he wasn’t really in the mood to dive into it right then.

You’re the first and only person who knows about it.

Nobody, not even his mother, had ever told him something like that. Keigo had always been kept in the dark, oblivious about everyone and everything, and the Commission surely wouldn’t have risked an information leak by entrusting him with things that didn’t directly involve him. Furthermore, Keigo didn’t have any friends to confide in, so he’d never really experienced mutual trust. Not that he considered Dabi his friend or anything like that; the Villain was still his target, his subject of evaluation, and nothing in the world would’ve ever changed that. However, Keigo couldn’t deny that he didn’t feel any form of hostility towards Dabi. In spite of himself, the Hero enjoyed talking to him, and he kind of liked his overall presence. Keigo would’ve rather shot himself than to say it out loud, but he wanted to get to know Dabi more, and not just for the sake of the mission. 

Keigo cautiously leaned towards Dabi, and then gave him a soft kiss on the lips.

<<Thank you for telling me, Dabi. It means a lot.>>

Keigo had never seen the Villain so embarrassed, and the sight of it made him blush a little. Dabi jokingly squeezed the Hero’s hand and then let go of it, giving Keigo a warm, somewhat affectionate look at the same time.

<<Don’t make me regret this, Hero. This time I won’t slit your throat; I’ll straight choke you with your pillow while you’re asleep.>>

For the first time in weeks, Keigo was able to let out a genuine laughter. He didn’t need to see it to be sure, but he knew that Dabi, too, was finally smiling.

Chapter Text

Keigo and Dabi met in that pub another couple times in the following weeks, always chatting about random stuff or exchanging quick, weirdly longing glances. Their encounters, however, usually took place at the abandoned train station, and most of the time they ended with neither Keigo nor Dabi having their shirts on. Things were starting to get very physical, and Keigo knew that, sooner or later, Dabi wouldn’t simply settle for admiring his abs and playing with his tongue. 

What all that meant to him, he had no idea. 

Keigo had spent most of the nights roaming his mind to find an answer to all the questions that were skinning him alive, but had failed spectacularly in doing so. First off, he still hadn’t discovered anything about Dabi’s true identity, let alone his father’s, and the thing was driving him insane. Second of all, for the first time in his five, long years as a Hero, Keigo was finding it extremely difficult to get any information from his target. And it was not like Keigo was losing his skills or anything; the Hero had been able to figure out the true intentions of people like Tomura, Mr. Compress or Twice in the blink of an eye, and he’d thwarted many of their plans by simply participating in their meetings. With Dabi, though, things were once again different. Dabi wasn’t like the others; he was cautious, distrustful, distant and sharp-tongued, and also actually smarter than he looked. He wasn’t afraid of Keigo and his potential connection with his own father (who, let’s not forget, was a Hero), but, at least, it seemed like he wasn’t suspecting Keigo as much as before. In addition, Dabi was starting to show signs of… interest in Keigo’s affairs and personal matters. Not a calculated, unnatural interest, but rather an authentic involvement in everything Keigo thought or did, even when it didn’t concern his presence there in the League. Dabi would ask the Hero about his passions, his hobbies, his favourite foods and stuff like that, and Keigo couldn’t really tell if he was only doing it to get ahold of his weaknesses or out of genuine curiosity. Anyway, Keigo wasn’t truly focused on that now; what was pressing him (and, to be honest, scaring him) the most was the growing attraction he felt towards the Villain, and the disastrous effect it was having on his everyday life. The Hero couldn’t spend a single second without thinking about Dabi’s thin waist, or Dabi’s juicy lips, or that look of triumph on Dabi’s face every time Keigo let a soft whimper out. It was eating him alive, and Keigo was well aware that, if he’d lost his control in such a stupid way, the Commission would’ve never, never let that slide. But how could he repress all that, when he had to see Dabi every morning, afternoon and evening, seven days a week, lunch and dinner included? There was only one solution to that problem, and Keigo wasn’t ready for that. How could he ever be ready for that? The Hero had never been so intimate with someone, let alone a damn Villain, and he wasn’t an expert in that field whatsoever, so there was no way he would ever do that with Dabi. 

But still…

Dabi’s thin waist. Dabi’s juicy lips. The look of triumph in Dabi’s eyes.

Jeez, when had Keigo gotten so desperate?

He couldn’t keep going like that. One way or another, he would’ve blown the entire cover up and screwed everything he’d worked so hard for. Oh, and the Commission would’ve absolutely wrecked him. Keigo could already see the twisted smirks on their faces as they gave him the worst punishment known to humankind and evilly laughed behind his back. No, that was definitely too big of a risk. If Keigo truly cared about his wellbeing (and, overall, about his own life) then he had no other choice but to make the best of that situation and possibly forget about it as quickly as he could.

On that Friday morning, Keigo left a note behind Dabi’s door. He made sure to hide it from prying eyes (especially Twice’s) and folded the piece of paper so neatly it could easily blend into the greasy floor. It had taken him almost two days to decide what to write, but in the end, he went with: “Do you want to meet at the station tonight? I’m feeling a bit lonely.” Keigo hoped that, as lame as that message sounded, Dabi wouldn’t be too weirded out by it, but he didn’t know for sure. Part of him would rather swallow acid than see Dabi that night, but the other part of him… Well, Keigo wasn’t really confident he could keep it at bay any longer. All his plans seemed to fall down as Dabi didn’t show up at lunch that day. According to Twice, the Villain had to run some errands in the west and east side of the city, but Keigo didn’t know whether to believe it or not. What if he’d found his message and had freaked out so much that he’d preferred leaving the hideout rather than facing Keigo? Nah, that didn’t look like Dabi at all. Maybe it was just one of his “bad days”, as Dabi would usually define them, and he’d gone out to get some air or have a walk. Either way, Keigo’s thoughts about the Villain’s thin waist and juicy lips just wouldn’t stop buzzing in his head, and the thing was making him lose his mind. If it hadn’t been for Twice and his poor jokes, Keigo would’ve probably drowned himself in the lair’s only and limescale encrusted bathtub by then. The Hero started feeling true fear when Dabi skipped dinner as well. In all the three weeks they’d known each other for, Dabi had never missed Friday’s dinner. It was the only time they could actually eat real food (which meant that it wasn’t taken from the trash or anything like that), and, whenever he had the chance to, Tomura bought soba as dessert, and everybody there knew how much Dabi loved soba. Keigo couldn’t help but think about all the worst case scenarios that could’ve possibly prevented the Villain from joining them at dinner, and soon he found himself staring at the food like a depressed, evidently disturbed man. In less than an hour he would meet Dabi, and he’d never felt more impatient to walk out of that stinky hideout and find out if the pyromaniac was still alive. Keigo couldn’t lose his target like that, not when he still hadn’t discovered shit about him. If Dabi was really that eager to kick the bucket, then Keigo would gladly satisfy that request first hand after he’d received all the information about the Villain’s past. Now that he thought about it, killing Dabi would actually solve the majority of his problems, and it would also make the world a better place. If only it were that simple to get rid of him… If only Keigo hadn’t been so obsessed with him…

When he got to the train station, Keigo understood that Dabi wouldn’t show up. Not because Dabi had never been late to their appointments in the past; to be fair, most of the time the Villain dropped in a full ten minutes after Keigo, and without any reasonable explanation whatsoever. That night, however, the Hero just knew Dabi wouldn’t come. He could feel it in his chest, in his heart, which was hurting so much that Keigo was finding it almost impossible to breathe. Maybe it had really all been just a test, and Dabi had eventually got bored of it, so now he was indirectly shoving in Keigo’s face how much he didn’t give a rat’s ass about him. And if even Dabi didn’t want anything to do with him, then what reason had Keigo to keep fighting? To keep living?

<<Sorry I’m late, wings-for-brains. Got stuck in the traffic.>>

Keigo could’ve seriously cried if he didn’t know better than to do that. Dabi pulled him in a slow, gentle kiss, and then looked at him with a bright sparkle in his blue eyes.

<<Didn’t think you would ever ask me out, Hawks. It almost felt like I was daydreaming or sum.>>

<<Yeah, you know, I figured that I wanted a little company, and you’re just the first person that popped up in my mind.>>

That wasn’t the truth at all, but Keigo would’ve never told Dabi his real intentions. Instead, he wrapped his hands around the Villain’s waist and leaned closer to him, so close that their hearts were pounding against each other. Without speaking another word, Keigo pushed his lips onto Dabi’s and cloaked him in a hungry kiss, unbuttoning at the same time the Villain’s dark blue overcoat. As he’d expected, Dabi immediately reciprocated the kiss and went down with it, masterfully playing with Keigo’s tongue and sending chills down the Hero’s spine every time he caressed his neck with his pale, slender fingers. It was only a matter of seconds before the two were both shirtless, panting, undeniably turned on and determined to keep going. Keigo had seen Dabi’s naked torso a thousand times already, but it still made him feel bad to notice how his charred skin was inevitably rotting and falling to pieces. Keigo couldn’t even imagine how terribly agonising it must feel to have your body crumble on itself, but decided not to give it too much thought. He wasn’t there to get sentimental. He was there to put an end to those damn thoughts about Dabi’s fucking thin waist and shit.

Once Keigo made sure that Dabi was fully focused on his mouth and his mouth only, he carefully lowered his hands and slowly grabbed Dabi’s belt, unfastening it as quickly as he could. He didn’t really know what to do next, but that was a problem for the future Keigo. Right now, what truly mattered was getting rid of Dabi’s pants without making a complete mess, and Keigo was already halfway through it. He only had to lower Dabi’s trousers, and then his sweatpants, and it would all be over. Just another button… and another one… and-

<<What the hell do you think you’re doing??>>

Keigo didn’t even feel the cold hand that slammed his face against the concrete wall. He didn’t feel anything at all, to be honest. He just felt a numb, weird emptiness, which completely took over his head and turned his emotions into ghosts of themselves.

<<I-I don’t know. I just thought that… I don’t know. I’m sorry.>>

In normal circumstances, Keigo would’ve never apologised to anyone. He was way too proud to admit he was wrong, and to him, standing by his own ideas without recognising the validity of other opinions was a synonym for coherence and greatness. Of course, Keigo was smart enough to recognise how selfish and incorrect that behaviour was, but still, that was his only way of living. That time, though, Keigo knew he had to apologise. Just like he’d known that Dabi wouldn’t come, he also knew that he deserved a proper apology. Keigo had made a mistake and he would face its consequences, no matter what. Maybe he was getting soft, or desperate, or whatever, but he simply had to. He couldn’t rely on his pride, not with Dabi. Not when his heart was hurting so much.

<<I’m sorry, Dabi.>>

Keigo didn’t want to look at Dabi. He didn’t want to, but his eyes eventually met the Villain’s. They were filled with that frozen, distant light that usually fueled them when anybody but Keigo was around, and the Hero noticed that, even though Dabi was trying very hard to be mad at him, there was still a small, feeble spark in his ruthless pupils. An uncertain smile made its way onto Keigo’s lips, and he didn’t do anything to stop it.

<<It’s okay. I mean, it was gonna happen anyway sooner or later, so… And it’s not like I don’t want to. It’s just… I don’t… I’m not… ugh.>>

Dabi sighed wearily, and Keigo realised that he’d been out all day without even eating or resting a bit. Not that he cared about that sort of stuff, but he didn’t want his main target to die, right? He still had to find out who he really was, after all.

<<Come with me. Let’s go eat somewhere.>>

Keigo reached for Dabi’s hand, and the latter grabbed it unconvincingly. The Hero could tell that, despite the Villain pretending like everything was fine, he’d been pretty shaken by what had just happened. The ache in his chest doubled, if not tripled, its intensity.

As Keigo looked at Dabi’s curved and tired frame, he understood that he didn’t want to hurt the Villain, and a tear silently streamed down his face. 

Chapter Text

From that Friday on, Keigo and Dabi solely focused on getting to know each other better, and decided it would be best to put aside their sexual encounters for a while. To be fair, it was Keigo who had cut off first hand every physical bond with the Villain (despite his whole body yearning for the exact contrary), and he’d done that out of an absolute, unshakable necessity not to hurt Dabi. Realising that what he’d always considered as a mere target actually meant something to him had completely disrupted Keigo’s own world of beliefs and aims, and the Hero feared that, sooner or later, he would have to deal with much worse matters than that. Keigo had found himself questioning things like his sense of duty, his attitude towards the enemies, his purpose as a Hero and the way the Commission affected his life, and his head already hurt enough like that, so he couldn’t imagine what would possibly happen if he ever gave in to his doubts. Dabi, of all people, had been the only one so far to actually get through Keigo’s thick shield of fake cordiality and professional detachment, and the Hero couldn’t tell if that was a good thing or not. If someone had asked him that a month before, Keigo would’ve probably answered that no, that wasn’t a good thing at all, and that he had to regain his composure fast if he didn’t want to be brutally murdered by the Commission. But right now? Keigo was plunging into a well of uncertainty. What was right seemed wrong, and what was wrong seemed right. The thin line between justice and crime was slowly losing its clear outline, and Keigo knew better than anyone else that, once he’d start seeing the world in different shades of gray, his job as a Hero would end for good. The Commission had taught him that people could only be fundamentally bad or fundamentally good, and those in-between were just finding their way to one of those sides. Day and night, sun and moon, black and white. In Keigo’s world, there was no place for afternoons, stars, or shades of gray.

Dabi was a Villain. He was fundamentally bad.

But was he really?

Keigo managed to discover a lot of curious stuff about the Villain in the weeks that followed that fateful Friday. First of all, Dabi got carsick very easily, which was why he always chose to go by foot when he had to go on a run. Second of all, he was a big fan of alternative rock and indie songs, and his favourite ones were “Smells like teen spirit” by Nirvana and “Borderline” by Tame Impala. He was a cat person and he didn’t know how to read or write very well, since he’d stopped going to school at the age of thirteen. His birthday was on the 18th of January and he was twenty-four. He liked going on walks, enjoying nature, watching random memes on TikTok and burning stuff down when he felt like it. Most of all, Dabi loved dancing, and he’d even shown Keigo some of his most successful moves. That didn’t look like a fundamentally bad person to Keigo.

That looked like a person, full stop.

Keigo had never gone such lengths for anyone before. He’d never had a best friend, a partner, a boyfriend or anything like that. It had always been just him, alone and forgotten by everyone, and the Commission, who surely hadn’t saved him back in the day out of a pure, selfless act of charity. Keigo didn’t know what caring for someone felt like. He didn’t know it, but he wanted to. Even if it meant dropping his defenses. Even if it meant letting his emotions get in the way. Even if it meant loving Dabi.

No, Keigo couldn’t call that feeling “love”. That was too big of a word, with too much of a meaning. In order to properly love someone, Keigo had to figure out what the word meant to him in the first place, and he definitely wasn’t ready for such a huge step. Still, he didn’t hate Dabi, so that had to count for something. The old Keigo would’ve never stooped so low as to seek genuine connection with a Villain, but thank God, the old Keigo was long gone.

On a random Saturday night, Keigo heard a loud thud at his doorstep. Fearing that it could be someone from the Commission (probably a crazy hitman that wanted to shoot the guts out of him), the Hero created two swords with a bunch of his feathers and wielded them shakingly, approaching the door with an odd mix of courage and absolute fright. He opened it slowly, with his heart pounding in his chest and his forehead sweating cold, the swords constantly pointed towards the potential intruder. If it really was someone from the Commission, Keigo was screwed. He’d spent the past few days, if not a whole week, chatting and laughing with Dabi, and he’d put his main mission aside without much fuss. Oh, the Commission wouldn’t be happy about that. Keigo tried to gulp, but his throat was coarse.

The door was one centimeter open. Two centimeters. Three centimeters.

His heartbeat doubled its speed.

Four centimeters. Five centimeters. Six centi-

<<Dabi??>>

Keigo gasped as he spotted the Villain on his knees right in front of the door; his face was covered by his tapered hands, and his whole body was shaken by violent sobs. Even though Keigo couldn’t really see his eyes, he knew Dabi was crying. There were thin, silver strings crossing the webbing of his fingers and shattering on the linoleum floor, slow and relentless, and Keigo just stood there, unable to do anything but watch. The Hero had never really cried that much. Not because he didn’t need to, but because he wasn’t allowed to. He’d always been the charismatic, handsome, always-smiling Hero, and there was no way Keigo could ever ruin that image with his dirty tears. Weapons don’t get to choose how they want to live, right? 

Still, Keigo couldn’t just stand there and watch. He helped people, after all. That was his job.

<<Come here>> Keigo whispered, kneeling down next to the Villain and wapping him in a warm, tight hug. The Hero could tell from the way Dabi was shuddering that he’d been crying for a while now, and he couldn’t help but feel guilty for not having noticed earlier. The Villain tiredly buried his face in Keigo’s chest, soaking it with his frozen, wobbly tears, and the Hero unconsciously tightened his grip, pulling Dabi closer. After what seemed like an eternity of silent sobs and worried sighs, Dabi tilted his head towards Keigo and looked at him with a confused, blurry stare in his puffy eyes.

<<Oh, so it’s you. I’d already figured it out from the strong arms and everything, but I had to be sure, you know. I’d rather kill myself than cry in Tomura’s stinky-ass arms.>>

Keigo tried to laugh at that absolutely unfunny joke, but the squeeze in his heart prevented him from doing so. He still managed to give Dabi a small, forced smile, hoping that it would cheer the Villain up a bit and make him stop crying.

<<Anyway, sorry for the shitshow. Didn’t mean to wake you up and shit. I just… I was feeling very low, and I needed to talk to someone, so I thought about you, but then I figured that you were probably sleeping and stuff, but I still felt like shit, so I started crying, and->>

<<Dabi, it’s okay, really. There’s no need to apologise. I wasn’t even sleeping that well to be honest, so no worries. Do you want to come in and rest a bit?>>

The Villain looked at Keigo in extreme disbelief, as if he would never expect such an invitation. Still, he slightly nodded and got up with the Hero’s help, who took him by the hand and quickly walked through the door, afraid that someone could see them like that and get strange ideas of what was happening. Once the door was finally shut, Keigo sat on the molded mattress and encouraged Dabi to do the same. The latter’s eyes were suddenly crossed by a deep, odd hesitation, but he immediately shook it off as he joined the Hero with a worn out smile.

<<Tch, you probably think I’m a wimp now or something.>>

<<Nah, not really. You know, I once heard somewhere that crying is actually very manly.>>

<<See if I care about that bullshit. It’s just, I’m supposed to be a fucking Villain. Last time I checked, Villains didn’t get to bawl their eyes out.>>

Dabi pouted and then crossed his arms over his chest in a very childlike way, and the thought of a young (and possibly mentally stabler) version of the Villain made Keigo smile. He didn’t know why, but he felt like he and Dabi would’ve been great friends if they’d met each other while they were still kids. It was probably just a naive, utterly unrealistic response his brain had come up with to cope against whatever was going on between him and the Villain, but Keigo didn’t care, or maybe he didn’t want to.

<<You know, I don’t get to bawl my eyes out either, and I’m a Hero.>>

Dabi turned his head to Keigo and frowned, his blue eyes filled with a mix of doubt and curiosity. To his own surprise, Keigo had just told the Villain about one of the most intimate aspects of his life, and he’d done that without even thinking first. The awareness of it made him feel oddly relieved, as if he’d finally freed himself from an overwhelming burden.

<<Yeah, but I don’t think you burst in tears on a random Saturday night just because it’s your shitty dad’s birthday and you won’t be able to celebrate it with him.>>

Keigo couldn’t help but raise his eyebrows, staggered by the unexpected shift their conversation had taken. Since that night at the pub, Dabi hadn’t brought up the “father” topic again, and it’s not like Keigo wanted to die a horrible death just for asking about it. Still, the Villain had been sobbing at his door for at least ten minutes because he couldn’t be with his dad, so that had to mean something. Maybe Dabi didn’t really hate him. Maybe he was just resentful, or angry, or hurt. Keigo had a shitty father too, but he didn’t feel hatred towards him. How could he ever? Keigo had never known him well enough to feel anything other than a weird, empty numbness in his regards, but he was fine with it. The less people he cared about, the less he had to worry about failing his missions. 

Or maybe he just didn’t want to get hurt.

A cold, trembling shiver ran down Keigo’s spine.

<<I think the motherfucker’s turning forty-six or something this year. I bet he’s having a giant party now, the bastard.>>

<<I highly doubt it, Dabi. It’s not even 3 in the morning. Unless your dad is a party animal, he’s probably dead asleep in his bed.>>

<<Jeez, Hawks, I was joking. Plus, nobody would throw him a party anyway. My siblings hate the shit out of him, and so does my mom. And I don’t think his Sidekicks would ever waste their precious energies celebrating their asshole boss.>>

Siblings. Mom. Dabi had a family. Not one of those made-up, fake conventions the Commission had created to make Keigo feel at “home”, but a real family, one made of people related by blood and love. The Hero wasn’t sure about the “love” part, but that didn’t matter right now. Dabi, a Villain, an outcast of society, had a family, a real family, something Keigo had never even got to see from afar. He suddenly felt a tight, painful grip in his chest, and had to clench his fists to prevent them from shaking.

<<You don’t have to worry then. If nobody likes him that much, he’s probably gonna spend his birthday alone, right?>>

Dabi glared at Keigo with a sad, hurt look on his face, as if the Hero had stung him to the quick with his words. 

<<That’s the point. Nobody’s gonna be there for him. Not that he deserves love or anything, but still. And I… Something must have gotten into me, because I don’t want him to be alone. I mean… after all, he’s still my dad.>>

Keigo could see tears slowly forming in the corners of Dabi’s eyes and, fearing another breakdown, he enveloped the Villain in a second hug, holding him still as the latter sobbed silently in his arms. They sat there like that for what seemed like an hour, or maybe two, unable to utter a single word, drowning in each other’s pain as the tears kept streaming down Dabi’s cheeks. The Villain then gave in to exhaustion and fell asleep in Keigo’s arms, his breath heavy and unsteady due to the violent cry he’d just had. The Hero carefully laid the Villain’s head on his lap and gently ran his fingers through Dabi’s spiky, black hair, which shone brightly in the moonlight. He’d almost gone back to sleep when his phone vibrated in his pocket for maybe the first time in weeks. Keigo’s heartbeat sped up as he picked up the device and checked his inbox.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ENDEAVOR! -Today, the Number One Hero turns forty-six years old, but his willpower is stronger than ever! Let’s all wish our wonderful Hero an amazing birthday and hope that he’ll get to live as many fantastic years along with his family!

When the phone fell on the ground and shattered into a thousand different pieces, Keigo didn’t even hear it. Everything around him, going from Dabi’s irregular breath to the muffled chirping of the nightingales, suddenly lost its sound. His hands and legs began trembling without control, but Keigo didn’t mind it. He didn’t even mind Dabi’s sleepy and confused grunts as he abruptly got out of bed and stumbled towards the half-closed window, gasping for air. Despite it being summer, Keigo felt an excruciating cold in his lungs and heart.

Dad. Hero. Siblings. Mom. Forty-six. Endeavor. Hero. Hero. HERO.

A hazy, faint memory resurfaced from the back of Keigo’s mind. He was almost eleven years old, and still a huge Endeavor fan. He was playing in his room, pretending to be a Hero just like his idol, when something on TV caught his attention. It looked like a special edition of the local news, and on the screen there was the photo of a young, white-haired boy, whose light blue eyes immediately stood out to Keigo. The news lady briefly announced the death of that young boy, who had allegedly lost his life in a fire on Sekoto peak, and expressed her deepest condolences to the child’s family. Keigo remembered the boy’s name very well, because he recalled squeezing his plush tight and crying at the terrible news.

It was Toya Todoroki, Endeavor’s eldest son.

If Keigo’s memory wasn’t fooling him, the boy was around thirteen when he passed away.

Two years older than him.

Just like…

…Dabi.

Chapter Text

Keigo didn’t sleep that night. His mind kept wandering places it shouldn’t have, and every time he tried to close his eyes, the image of that young, white-haired boy and his damn blue eyes haunted him like the ghost of a far-gone past. He soon found himself panting as the thought of Toya Todoroki’s unsettling smile carved its way into his head, and eventually gave up on trying to get some rest. Dabi was still asleep on the left side of the bed, curled in a fetal position, his hands holding onto Keigo’s pillow and his breath finally slow and steady. The Hero hadn’t dared to look at him ever since he’d received that message. It was like he was afraid that if he actually looked at the Villain, he would find that damn smile on his scarred, half-burnt face, thus confirming his worst doubts and fears. But Toya Todoroki was dead; Keigo was sure of it. There was no way he’d ever hallucinate something like the passing of Endeavor’s eldest son, even though too much time had gone by for him to remember clearly. Plus, the Number One Hero had never once mentioned Toya in their conversations. Not that he and Keigo had ever talked that much about the former’s family; still, Endeavor had sometimes referred to his kids during their chats, and Keigo recalled their names being Fuyumi, Natsuo and, of course, Shoto. Unless the Hero had mistaken that dead child for Enji Todoroki’s son when he was young and his brain had consequently deemed that information true, Toya Todoroki had died more than ten years before in a fatal fire, so Dabi couldn’t be him. He simply couldn’t. As far as Keigo knew, there wasn’t any Quirk whatsoever that could bring people back from the dead, so Toya Todoroki was a hundred percent gone for good. Which meant that Dabi’s identity was still a mystery to Keigo.

Or maybe not. Maybe Toya had managed to survive. Maybe something had happened along the way, and he’d become a ruthless Villain. Maybe he really was Dabi.

Toya Todoroki.

Dabi.

Toya Todoroki.

Dabi.

Toya Todoroki…

No, Keigo definitely couldn’t keep going like that. It wasn’t even about the mission anymore; it was about he and Dabi alone, and all the things in-between the thin, fragile bond they’d worked so hard to build over the past few weeks. It was about Keigo’s own feelings, and the way his heart skipped a beat every time Dabi was around, or the way Dabi’s eyes lit up as Keigo laughed at his poor jokes, or the way Dabi’s hair was actually softer than it looked, or the way Keigo’s chest ached so bad when Dabi was hurt, or sad, or just feeling a bit down.

At this point, Keigo couldn’t deny it anymore. Whatever it was that drew him to the Villain and made him appreciate every single, stupid detail about him, he didn’t want to lose it. Not when he’d actually started caring about someone for the first time in almost fifteen years.

But if Dabi really was Toya, then Keigo had lost it from the very beginning.

No. That couldn’t be it. There was surely an explanation to all those creepy coincidences, and Keigo would find it at any cost, even if it meant compromising his undercover mission or being mercilessly killed by those assholes of his superiors back at the Commission.

The Hero wasted no time in getting off the bed, hopping on the first taxi that came across the hideout and violently knocking at Endeavor’s door. It didn’t even take that long for the Number One Hero to angrily slam the wooden slab against the wall and grunt as he spotted Keigo slowly waving his hands as a gesture of surrender.

<<What the hell are you doing here, Hawks?? Do you have any idea of what hour it is??>>

<<Sorry to bother, Endeavor, but I was scouting around the area, and I thought it would be nice to come by and wish you the happiest of birthdays.>>

Endeavor raised an eyebrow, completely unconvinced by Keigo’s answer.

<<At half past four in the morning?>>

Keigo sighed. There was no way he could ever fool Enji Todoroki with such a lame excuse.

<<Actually, I’m here to talk about something that could be crucial to my latest investigations, but I can’t tell you anything else. Not out here, at least.>>

Endeavor nodded slightly, absorbed in who-knows-what kind of thoughts, and then moved to let Keigo inside of the house. The latter had been there another three times in his life, but his impression of it hadn’t changed: cold, grey, and incredibly empty. Keigo knew there were at least four other people sleeping somewhere in the house at the moment, but he felt more alone than ever. It was like that place had been stripped bare of all its warmness, vitality, colour and affection by something so dreadful to never even be spoken out loud.

<<C’mon, Hawks, spill the beans. What brings you here?>>

Keigo hesitated. How was he even supposed to talk to Endeavor about his long dead son without raising too much suspicion? He had to come up with a plan, possibly a brilliant one, and fast. The Number One Hero was still staring at him in distrust when Keigo smiled adamantly and quietly sat on the edge of the couch.

<<The Commission is currently investigating Kurogiri's organic composition, as you already well know, and they’ve actually discovered something interesting. Apparently, his main body, the one that quite literally gives him life, belongs to a young boy between twelve and fourteen years old, who possibly lost his life around eight to ten years ago and whose Quirk is also pretty strong, since Kurogiri has been able to escape our capture attempts so many times. They still haven’t been able to determine the boy’s identity or the nature of his Quirk, but they’ve outlined a list of potential kids, and, well…>>

That was a complete shot in the dark, and Keigo knew it better than anyone else. It was practically impossible that Endeavor, the Number One Hero, wasn’t aware of the fact that Kurogiri had already been identified with Oboro Shirakumo, but Keigo still had to give it a try. The stakes were way too high to even think about playing it safe. He wouldn’t lose Dabi and everything they’d woven together, string by string, just because he hadn’t risked enough. 

<<...your son, Toya Todoroki, is one of them.>>

Keigo waited for the explosion to happen. He waited for Endeavor to burst in a sarcastic, unbelieving laughter and to look at him with frozen, inquiring eyes, spitting in his face that Kurogiri was indeed Oboro Shirakumo and that those half-baked lies would never fool him, not even in a thousand lifetimes. But none of that occurred. Instead, Enji’s gaze widened in absolute fear and his bottom lip began shaking without control. Keigo could tell that the information had totally taken him aback, and he mentally sighed in relief, despite the situation being undeniably tragic.

<<M-my son? T-Toya? What? Are-are you sure of that?>>

The Hero nodded with gravity, and Endeavor immediately turned paler than a corpse. Keigo really didn’t want to hurt him like that, but he surely couldn’t tell the Number One Hero that he suspected his deceased son to be a psychotic, crazy Villain, so it was better off that way. Enji Todoroki grabbed onto one of the many shelves that filled the living room and clutched his chest with one hand, panting heavily.

<<That… that can’t be it. Toya burned in that fire. Not even his ashes were found. It simply can’t be him.>>

Keigo barely repressed a surprised gasp. He had no idea that Toya’s dead body had completely been engulfed by the flames, especially considering the fact that it was the boy’s very Quirk that had caused the incident. He’d always imagined that the boy had lost his life because of the lack of oxygen or something like that, and not surely because of the fire itself. Before he could even come to the only possible realisation, his whole body was shaken by shivers.

Not even his ashes were found.

What if Toya Todoroki had simply run away?

<<Are you certain of that, Endeavor? There’s a high probability that Kurogiri might be your son. What if he survived the fire?>>

Endeavor held his head with both his hands as he shook it firmly, or maybe desperately. Keigo had never seen him like that, and knowing he was the reason for the Number One Hero’s despair made him a bit sad. Dabi’s fault for making him feel again, Keigo guessed. 

<<He’s dead, Hawks. Not even a miracle would’ve saved Toya from that damn fire. I told him not to play with his Quirk, that it was dangerous, but he never listened. He wanted to prove himself worthy of being my son. I… I’m the one who truly killed him.>>
On another occasion, Keigo would’ve probably wrapped an arm around Endeavor’s shoulder and comforted him in the best way he could, but he was way too focused on what his idol had just told him to even think about that. According to Enji, Toya shouldn’t have used his Quirk, because it was “dangerous”. That was no news for Keigo; there were dozens of Quirks that, if abused or wielded incorrectly, could literally cause the end of the world as he’d always known it, but that specific case didn’t seem to belong to that category. The Hero knew there was something more to all of that, and he would squeeze it out of Endeavor one way or another, even if it was the last thing he’d ever do.

<<Isn’t there even a small chance that Toya might have used his Quirk in the proper way and eventually gotten out of that terrible situation?>>

Enji looked at Keigo as if he was utterly insane. The former’s eyes were almost out of their orbits, and they were filled with such horror and pain that Keigo’s stomach twisted in a familiar fear. Where had he seen that look before?

<<Toya’s Quirk physically hurt him. It melted down his skin, Hawks. He would’ve never survived that fire.>>

Keigo could feel his heartbeat drop as Endeavor sunk his head into his own chest and leaned wearily against the wall. The world seemed to suddenly spin more slowly, and all his thoughts stood still as a new, terrifying idea etched into his mind. 

Keigo had always looked at Dabi’s rotting skin with a mix of apprehension and sorrow, wondering how much it could possibly hurt to have your body crumble on itself. Now, he finally had an answer to that, and he didn’t like it at all.

Dabi was, indeed, Toya Todoroki.

Keigo could’ve simply accepted the authenticity of that undeniable evidence without digging any further, but he didn’t. He needed to be sure. He needed the truth to be thrown at his face without any half-terms, raw, painful. Only that way he would finally put an end to the raging storm that had taken over his mind ever since the damn message.

<<I’m truly sorry to ask you this, Endeavor, but the Commission wants an accurate description of Toya’s appearance, and also of how his Quirk worked.>>

The Number One Hero flinched at that request, as if Keigo had just stung him with a needle. He slowly turned his head towards the latter and looked at him with pleading eyes, silently begging him to stop. Keigo, though, couldn’t stop. He simply couldn’t.

<<Toya… he was thirteen when everything happened. He was an average boy, a little short for his age, and he looked a lot like my wife, Rei. He had white hair and a very fragile body, which is the main reason why his Quirk physically harmed him. Toya wasn’t biologically built to support hot temperatures, but still, he inherited my Quirk.>>

Endeavor hesitated, looking around the house as if he didn’t want anyone else to listen to his next words. Keigo frowned, suddenly attentive. There was something more. There was always something more when it came to the Todoroki family.

<<He also had light blue eyes, just like mine. He’s the only one who got my blue eyes.>>

If the world had begun rotating more slowly, now it definitely stopped spinning.

Keigo had always found Dabi’s eyes particularly interesting as their shade was neither too light nor too dark, but rather a balanced mix of the two. He loved the way they shone a bright silver tone when the sunlight hit them at a certain angle, and he’d always been amazed by Dabi’s ability to stare into your soul by simply looking at you with those deep, blue eyes. 

The same blue eyes that were were quickly filling up with tears as Endeavor lowered his head and started sobbing like a child.

No, that couldn’t be it. Dabi couldn’t be Toya. Because if he was, then Keigo’s world had been falling apart from the very moment they’d first met.

There was one, last question that could completely change the fate of that conversation. Keigo would rather shoot himself a thousand times with a machine gun than to ask for it, but he had no other choice. His entire self depended on that answer, and so did his relationship with Dabi, the unhinged Villain he’d grown to care so deeply in just four weeks.

<<Endeavor, answer me honestly. What colour were Toya’s flames?>>

Silence. 

Keigo could almost feel everything around him shatter in a million different shards as the Number One Hero slowly wiped away his tears and gave him an empty, grieving look.

<<Red. His flames were red.>>

For the first time in his whole life, Keigo thanked a God he didn’t believe in for not ruining the only good thing he’d ever had throughout his sad and pathetic existence.

Dabi’s flames were blue. Toya’s flames were red.

Dabi wasn’t Toya Todoroki.

Keigo let out a soft, relieved sob, and joyful tears started rolling down his cheeks.

Maybe his world wasn’t falling apart, after all.

Or maybe it was, and Keigo was just too blind to see it.

Chapter Text

Another month went by, and things with Dabi started getting a little… weird. With all the Toya-Todoroki-potentially-being-a-psychotic-Villain stuff, Keigo had completely forgotten the very reason he was amongst the Villains in the first place: to spy on them. Not that he’d really stopped doing that, but still, making fun of those guys’ completely unintelligent plans wasn’t his main focus anymore. He’d tried to spend as much time as he could with Dabi, often asking him out for dinner or for a simple drink at the pub, but the Villain had rarely accepted his invites. Not only that, but Keigo had noticed a drastic change in the way Dabi treated him ever since the night of Endeavor’s birthday. All of a sudden, their interactions had become extremely awkward and, when no one was around, Dabi preferred not to speak to him at all. Maybe Keigo was overreacting, or hallucinating, but he had the impression that the Villain was trying to avoid him in some way (something that, of course, he couldn’t really do as the Hero was stuck in the hideout 24/7, but still, he didn’t seem eager on hanging out with Keigo either). The Hero had thought about a billion different reasons behind Dabi’s unusually odd behaviour, but none of them looked right to him. Well, almost.

There was one, haunting hunch that had been crawling under his skin for a while now, but Keigo would rather throw himself off a building than to give it credit. There was simply no way Dabi could be that ruthless, not after all the little, intimate moments they’d shared in the past few weeks. Not after he’d told Keigo all about his birthday, favourite songs, dance moves and stuff. Not after he’d helplessly cried in the Hero’s arms because he was missing his dad.

Still, he was a Villain. Keigo kept forgetting it way too often.

Damn well he could do something like that. Damn well he could’ve been playing with the Hero’s feelings all along, watching them grow stronger and stronger, only to crush them under his heels once he’d get bored. Dabi wasn’t the sentimental kind. He was the cold, cruel, unsympathetic kind, the kind that doesn’t give a shit about you and your emotions and burns everything down once he’s done. He was the kind those at the Commission had taught Keigo to hate, but still, the Hero couldn’t bring himself to.

Dabi was a lot more than that. He was fragile, flawed, insecure, afraid, but also kind, attentive, caring and, in his own way, selfless. There was no way he’d been pretending to be nice to Keigo for all that time, not when he could’ve easily gotten rid of him in the span of five seconds and a giant flame.

But, what if Dabi had wanted to eliminate Keigo at first, and had then changed his mind? What if he’d devised the perfect scheme to completely deceive the Hero and make him ultimately fall along with the whole Hero society? What if he was just waiting for the right moment to finally drop his mask and wreak havoc on everything Keigo had known in his life? 

What if Dabi had never truly cared about him?

Keigo shriveled at that thought, despite it being a hot, suffocating Wednesday in the middle of August. Even if it had taken him an eternity to realise he cared about the Villain, he still didn’t want to lose that connection. Maybe Dabi didn’t feel the same, or maybe he did; Keigo didn’t mind the slightest. He just hoped that, deep down, none of that was a lie. That Dabi hadn’t been manipulating him from the start, and that maybe, just maybe, they could be more than occasional drinking buddies one day. Keigo didn’t know what he wanted them to be, but he surely didn’t want Dabi to disappear from his life. He had a feeling that, if the Villain did, his heart would shatter into a million different pieces, and he wouldn’t be able to fix it, never again.

Keigo knew he had to do something. He knew it, but he was too scared to.

Still, he had no other choice.

Dabi was still out on one of his errands when Keigo quietly knocked at Twice’s door. If he got it right, then the Villain wouldn’t be back before dinner, which left him with barely two hours to carry out his plan. To be honest, Keigo didn’t even have that much of a plan, but was rather relying on instincts alone, something he hadn’t done in forever and certainly didn’t think would ever do because of a so-called enemy. The whole situation would’ve been quite amusing if Keigo’s own feelings hadn’t been in the line, and the old him would’ve probably laughed it off like it was nothing. The Hero couldn’t deny he missed those relatively happy, carefree times, but he couldn’t say he regretted infiltrating the League either. Everything was just so blurry and confused, and Keigo didn’t do confusion. He did clarity, order, balance. Day and night, sun and moon, black and white. No place for afternoons, stars or shades of gray. He’d been repeating that to himself a billion times in the past few days, but Keigo didn’t believe in those words as much as before. That’s why he needed to clear off his mind and, at the same time, prevent his relationship with Dabi from miserably going adrift and sinking for good.

<<Hawks, man, how ya doin’? You haven’t joined us at lunch today.>>

Keigo had been so lost in his own thoughts that he hadn’t noticed Twice standing there and waiting for him to come in. The Villain wasn’t wearing his costume at the moment, and the Hero found it really weird to look at Twice’s real face and not his half-black-half-white balaclava. Keigo forcibly smiled as he walked into the room and closed the door behind him.

<<Yeah, sorry about that, man, but I’ve been busy, you know. Hero stuff and shit.>>

Twice gave a determined nod, then sat on the rickety couch that occupied almost all of that small, terribly smelling room.

<<Jeez, bro, you should really drop this Hero bullshit and join us once and for all. Y’know, everyone agrees with me. Shigaraki, Toga, Spinner, Mr. Compress, and even Dabi, who doesn’t give a fuck about us, let alone new League members.>>

Keigo slowly raised his eyebrows. Dabi wanted him to permanently become a Villain and leave his Hero career behind? From what he’d been seeing throughout the last month, he’d rather expected the Villain to push for the League to throw him out, not to let him stay. Keigo didn’t know how to feel about that information, and decided not to dive into it any further.

<<Mh, you’re right, but I can’t do that now. It would be way too suspicious, and people would start talking. And who knows what would happen to you if they found out I’m on your side. Give me two months max, and I promise we’ll burn the Hero world down together.>>

Keigo knew that was too obvious of an excuse, but Twice didn’t seem to notice and actually smiled through his raggedy teeth, patting at the same time the Hero on the back.

<<Dabi said the same thing, man. Looks like you two share the same brain or sum.>>

Keigo chose to ignore the tingling sensation those words caused to his whole body and rather focused on the goal of that conversation: Dabi. Now that Twice had brought up the subject, it would be much easier to talk about him without being too weird or out of place. Keigo took a deep breath and then looked at Twice in the eye, frowning.

<<I need to ask you something, man, but you mustn’t tell anyone about this, especially Dabi. Understood?>>

Twice nodded, confused. Keigo adjusted on his seat, his heart speeding up its beats.

<<You know, Dabi and I have sort of, well, been hanging out for the past few weeks, and I must say, he’s not that bad of a guy. He’s kinda funny when he tries his best, and I like having him around. But…>> Keigo hesitated. <<Uhm, well, lately… something’s changed. He’s been avoiding me for no reason, and I don’t know what to do. I’ve asked him many times to meet up and hang out, but he’s always refused. I… I don’t know, man. I honestly don’t know.>>

Keigo had never felt so helpless in his life, and it hit him to realise how emotional talking about Dabi made him. Not in a crying and sobbing kind of way, but in an aching chest and heavy breath one. He had no idea what all that meant, and it scared the hell out of him. For his part, Twice stared at him in silence, arms crossed, a slightly worried look in his gray-blue eyes, and decades passed before he spoke again.

<<You want my opinion, Hawks? The guy likes you a lot, and it terrifies him. I don’t know him much better than you do, but one thing’s for sure: he doesn’t get attached easily. I mean, look at us. Dabi joined the League almost a year ago, and we’ve barely interacted since. If he’s gone to such lengths as to spend time with you without everything ending up in tragedy, it’s probably because he cares, you know. In a genuine way.>>

The Hero tried to reply, but the words got stuck in his mouth. It was practically impossible for Keigo to believe that Dabi had no ulterior motives than to be his friend, not after how the Villain had treated him. Twice may be right about Dabi’s cold behaviour and everything, but there was no guarantee the Villain had actually done all that because he liked Keigo. Like, there was no way. Even though the Hero’s heart stung at the thought, Dabi probably hated the guts out of him, and was only waiting for Keigo to fall into his trap. 

<<I don’t think so, Twice. I mean, we’re talking about Dabi. It would only make sense to think he’s been messing with me since the beginning.>>

Twice narrowed his eyes, and Keigo couldn’t quite decipher the emotions hidden behind them. Maybe talking to the Villain hadn’t been a great idea, after all. Maybe Keigo should just keep his distance from Dabi and carry on with his mission. Or maybe, he should ask the Commission to give him another task, an easier one, because he wasn’t sure his heart could take something like that ag-

<<Hawks, Dabi likes you, if that’s what you’re worried about. I heard him talking to Toga about it. I didn’t wanna tell you because I figured that Dabi should’ve been the one to do it, but I don’t want you to be sad, so here it is.>>

Keigo almost choked on his own breath. Of all the things Twice could’ve said to comfort him, he certainly did not expect that. Even though the Villain had probably invented all that to put a smile on his face, Keigo couldn’t help but feel an explosion of happiness, relief and something he couldn’t identify running through his veins. If Dabi was really talking to Toga about him, then maybe he hadn’t been lying to Keigo. Maybe all those drinks, laughs, smiles and kisses hadn’t been a deceit. Maybe there was still hope.

Maybe Dabi and Keigo could actually become something.

The Hero was pretty sure there were tears streaming down his face by then.

<<A-are you kidding me, Twice? Because if you are, then->>

<<Hawks, I’m not joking. Dabi was telling Toga all about how much he liked your hair, your eyes, your smile and shit like that. Toga was wheezing all the time so I couldn’t hear very well, but this was the flow of the conversation, more or less.>>

Joke or not, Keigo just couldn’t help but feel his heart melt at the thought of Dabi enjoying his company to the point that he’d told another person about it. It was barely possible to believe, but Keigo wanted to. He needed to. If that was really the last string holding him and Dabi together, Keigo would cling to it with all himself, no matter what. 

<<Woah, man, I guess… thanks for telling me.>>

The Hero would’ve seriously squeezed Twice in a tight hug if he hadn’t known better than to do that. Despite everything, he was still on a mission. All that didn’t concern Dabi was still a huge, secret sting operation, and Keigo couldn’t let it blow up like that, not when the Commission was breathing down his neck. So, he simply settled for a warm smile and walked out of the room without speaking another word, his heart in turmoil and his head full of contrasting emotions. Keigo was then so deep in thought that he barely noticed the note stuck on his door, and he had to read the message a couple of times before he could fully understand it. “come in2 my room 2night. -d”.The Hero was so taken aback by the request that he stood frozen for a full minute, replaying Twice’s words and Dabi’s recent behavior over and over in his mind. Even if Twice was right and Dabi liked having Keigo around, there was still no reasonable explanation to the Villain’s sudden change in attitude, especially when he’d rather pushed the Hero away than tried spending more time with him. Sure, Dabi wasn’t obliged to follow Keigo around like a spineless puppet, and the Hero wasn’t certainly expecting that, but still, there was a big difference between occasionally meeting at the pub or the train station to have a good talk and hardly exchanging a few words in the span of four weeks. There was something going on with Dabi, Keigo had no doubt. Whether it was all a trap or one of the Villain’s psychotic breakdowns, the Hero didn’t care. He missed him so bad he’d even permanently join the League only to be with him again.

No, maybe he wouldn’t do such a thing, but still, there was no denying the fact that Dabi’s avoidant behaviour made his heart and chest hurt like hell.

And, to be fair, Keigo was dying to know if Dabi felt the same.

That night, the Hero’s mind was crossed by a single, pressing question: what did Dabi truly want from him? Was he only teasing him, or was there something more, something that made Keigo’s heart flutter every time he thought about it? Without meaning to, the Hero couldn’t help but hope that Dabi had been somewhat caught in a mortal accident on the way back to the lair, or at least broken a bone or two. The last thing he wanted at the moment was to confront the Villain; however, he also knew that he couldn’t keep going like that forever, especially when the whole mission and his own wellbeing were at stake.

Damn Dabi and his damn note.

When Keigo knocked at Dabi’s door, he felt a drop of sweat roll down his forehead. He hadn’t even noticed how nervous he was until he lowered his head and saw his hands struggling to stay put, trembling and twitching without control. He tried to calm himself down by taking big breaths and clearing his mind off negative thoughts, but it didn’t work. Instead, his heart sank in his chest as Dabi slowly opened the door and peeked through with his bright blue eyes.

<<Oh, hi there. C’mon, get in.>>

That was the first time Dabi had spoken first to Keigo in weeks. The Hero had no clue how to feel about it, but apparently his body knew it better than him, because his breath became heavier and his spine was crossed by a dozen shivers or so. Dabi walked aside to let Keigo in and then quickly shut the door, uncaring of the squeaky noise it made once it closed. The Hero noticed that the room was unusually tidy, with everything in its place and not a single piece of waste on the floor, and there was even a brand-new blanket covering the molded mattress. He guessed that Dabi had eventually got tired of all the crap flooding his already stinky and shabby room, or maybe it had been Toga who’d cleaned it up a bit. After all, she was the only one in the League who seemed to retain a sense of decency and order despite her obvious (and scary) mental issues, and she also got along quite well with Dabi. So well that maybe, and just maybe, the Villain could’ve really told her about Keigo.

<<You know, I wanted to invite you in person, but I’ve been kinda, uhm, busy these days.>>

Dabi awkwardly scratched his neck with his left hand, and Keigo couldn’t help but think he looked absolutely adorable like that. The Hero was probably going mental because he felt his cheeks burn and his heart squeeze at that reflection, and his breath became even heavier than before. Luckily, the Villain didn’t seem to notice, and Keigo sighed in relief.

<<Don’t worry, man. It’s alright. It’s been a tough couple of weeks for me too, you know. The Commission and everything. They just won’t leave me alone, haha.>>

Of course, that wasn’t the truth, but Keigo couldn’t tell Dabi about the mission. He’d thought about doing that a million times throughout those two months, but he’d always reached the same conclusion: it was way better to leave Dabi in the dark. All the laughs and silly secrets they’d shared were nothing compared to mutual trust, something they were still very far away from achieving. Keigo wanted to trust Dabi with all himself, but he just couldn’t. Dabi was a Villain, which meant that he was naturally unreliable, a chronic liar and, most of all, a psychopath. Even though the Hero had been reconsidering what the word “Villain” really stood for, he couldn’t deny the fact that Dabi was out of his mind. Yes, he was a human being, even an extremely fragile and broken one, and Keigo was sure he’d had his motives and everything, but it would take much more than for him to count on Dabi. After all, Keigo wouldn’t have even doubted the Villain in the first place if he’d been a hundred percent sure that he meant no harm whatsoever.

<<You, uhm, you’re probably wondering why we haven’t seen each other much lately.>>

And there it was, sharp and unexpected like a sniper’s bullet. Keigo didn’t believe Dabi would ever bring that topic up (especially not so soon and not of his own free will), but once again, the Villain managed to surprise him in the most astonishing way possible. The Hero found himself gulping out of nervousness as Dabi anxiously cleared his throat and sat down on the fresh sheets, playing with his hands and bouncing his right leg off the bed.

<<Well, uhm, I guess… I don’t really know how to say this, but I’ve been going through… something, yeah. Something that scared the shit out of me.>>

Keigo frowned, confused. Had the Villain been avoiding him because he had to deal with something serious, maybe potentially dangerous? Nah, Dabi wasn’t the type to piss his pants so easily. He either was the threat, or he fought against it without even getting too tired. The only thing that could frighten Dabi was probably his father, as he seemed to be the Villain’s greatest weakness so far, but Keigo excluded that option too. He’d read the news that month, and there wasn’t any mention of an extraordinary encounter between a Hero and a Villain. Actually, there almost hadn’t been any encounters at all as Keigo had succeeded in putting a spoke in the League’s wheel without them even being aware of it, and he’d mostly done that because Dabi wasn’t in the way. It was quite hilarious that Dabi, the unhinged psycho who didn’t care about anything if not burning stuff down, was the only one the Hero found it hard to lie to. Mutual trust or not, the Hero simply didn’t enjoy making fun of Dabi and, for some reason, lying to him made him feel bad. Keigo had been trained his whole life to trick and deceive his opponents in the quickest and most painless way possible, and he’d never once failed the Commission by taking a false step or compromising his cover. That time, though, things were different. The Hero kept repeating it to himself, but was that really it? Were things really different, or was he just tired of everything and everyone? He had no idea, and the thought of it made his chest throb.

<<Hawks, ever since you’ve been here, I’ve been feeling… weird. Like, I’ve been feeling stuff I didn’t think I’d ever feel in my life, you know. At first, I thought it would go away soon. One good sleep and here you go, better and fresher than ever. But… things didn’t go that way, and… I don’t know, I guess I got angry at myself.>>

The Hero narrowed his eyes. <<Angry?>>

<<Yeah.>> Dabi replied, lowering his gaze as if he couldn’t sustain the Hero’s. <<I couldn’t stand being that weak and lame and I promised myself I would throw you out of the League one way or another. I just needed to find the right evidence and then boom, bye bye Hawks. I observed you for a while, but I couldn’t find anything useful to ruin you. I mean, you’re a Pro Hero, after all. What was I even expecting? I would’ve probably died before you’d even show signs of giving way, so I kinda gave up on that. But I still wanted to ruin you, so that I could get you off of my head and away from the League.>>

The Villain sighed and then wearily curved his shoulders, pulling his legs towards his chest and absent-mindedly staring at the ceiling. Keigo’s heart had doubled its speed without him noticing, and his hands had suddenly become all sticky and sweaty.

<<When I kissed you the first time… that was kinda unexpected for me too. I was thinking of a way to kick you out, but everything that came to my mind was either torturing you or offing you, and I couldn’t do that. I invited you there with the intention of scaring you off, but that was a crappy idea too. And then… I don’t know, it was all so fast, but… I, uhm… well… I can’t say I didn’t like it.>>

Was Keigo completely insane, or was Dabi blushing?? He didn’t quite understand why the Villain was telling him all about their first meeting, but he didn’t mind. Dabi was getting closer and closer to something huge, something that terrified Keigo’s very bowels and made him lose his breath, but he couldn’t stop it. He didn’t want to. He wanted Dabi to keep going, to speak the unspeakable, to make his whole world shatter. Keigo didn’t know why, but he wanted it so bad that his entire body shook in pain and desire.

<<And then, when we started hanging out at the pub, I… I was happy. Like, really happy. I liked talking to you about shit and stuff, and I felt like I could tell you everything. That’s why I told you about my dad. I’ve spent many days regretting it, but then… I don’t know, I guess it was the right thing to do. And it’s not like you’ve been shouting it from the rooftops, so I was right, too. About who you truly are.>>

Dabi slowly reached for Keigo’s hand, and then softly intertwined his fingers with the latter’s. The Hero’s heartbeat started racing as the Villain looked at him with warm, loving eyes and a smile so delicate that it completely took Keigo’s breath and words away.

<<Hawks, I’ve realised that I’m neither weak nor lame when I’m around you. I’m me, and that’s something I haven’t been in a very long time. So I don’t care if you’re a spy or whatever, because I know who you are. I can see it. You’re just as lost and lonely as me, and I think that, if we want to, we can find the way back. Together.>>

Together.

Keigo was so in shock that he didn’t even bother to close his mouth or get a grip of himself. Nobody, not even his own parents, had ever told him something so beautifully heartfelt and deep, and the last person Keigo believed would ever utter such words was Dabi. Before he was even aware of it, the Hero silently broke in tears as the Villain embraced him with his scarred arms and held him close, gently stroking his hair with his pale, slender fingers and softly kissing his forehead.

<<Hawks, what I was trying to say, is that… I love you. Sorry it took me so long to realise it.>>

Crack.

Crack.

Crack.

There it was, Keigo’s world falling apart.

Dabi loved him. Not in a fake, double-faced, mocking kind of way, but an authentic and pure one. The Villain had really opened his heart to him, and the Hero couldn’t help but sob at the thought that someone so disgusting and untrustworthy as him could be genuinely loved by someone, anyone. By Dabi.

Keigo had been waiting for that moment for so long that now, he couldn’t even fully live in it.

Crack.

Crack.

Crack.

Dabi loved him. 

And he loved Dabi.

He no doubt.

Not anymore.

And even though his world was shattering, Keigo was finally happy.

Because he knew that, for the first time, he wouldn’t be alone as he watched everything burn to ashes.

Chapter Text

In the following days, Keigo finally had the opportunity to lucidly process everything he’d gone through in that last month, emotional rollercoasters and not-so-expected love confessions included. First off, he’d successfully managed to put an end to the countless doubts and fears that had been roaming his mind lately, especially regarding Dabi and what his odd change in behaviour really meant. The Villain had eventually explained to Keigo that it had all been a desperate attempt to get a grip of his feelings and ultimately make them disappear for good, but, of course, it hadn’t worked in the slightest. Moreover, Dabi had thought that acting all distant and cold would push the Hero to get tired of him and, in time, enjoy someone else’s company, but he had failed that too. That was why, in the end, Dabi had chosen to deal with whatever was going on in his heart and be honest about it, even if it meant destroying the fragile, unsteady bond they’d created through blood and sweat.

Second of all, Twice was right about Dabi. Keigo still found it very hard to believe, but the Villain hadn’t lied about Dabi’s feelings, not even to make the Hero happy. It may seem something worthless, but to Keigo, it was a huge turning point for the mission. If Twice trusted and cared about him to the point of eavesdropping on Dabi and then reporting to him, then Keigo had really hit the mark. It wouldn’t be long before the entire League dropped all their suspicions and welcomed the Hero as a permanent member, and the latter didn’t know whether to feel more worried or relieved about that. Sure, the mission was going better than he’d expected it to, but Keigo was taking a big risk by meddling with the Villains that much, especially when the Commission had taught him otherwise. Getting attached was never a good sign, and those kinds of operations were usually doomed from the start. That time, though, Keigo allowed himself to disagree with what he'd been told his whole life, and decided to take things as they came. After all, it wasn’t everyday stuff to infiltrate the most important criminal organisation of the last century and fall in love with one of its deadliest members.

Yeah, about that… Keigo had been so unsure about his feelings that he’d completely gone off track when trying to deal with them. He’d been so confused and conflicted that he’d mistaken love for fear, and who knows what else he’d missed by focusing on the wrong signals. Not that Dabi’s confession had immediately brought clarity to the mess in his heart, but still, Keigo felt more confident than before. To know that Dabi, the person whose presence he’d craved so hopelessly in the past month, genuinely cared about him had made Keigo completely lose his head. The Hero still struggled to believe all that had happened for real, and every time Dabi knocked at the door to wake him up and envelop him in a warm hug, Keigo couldn’t help but quietly burst into tears. They loved each other. Like, they loved each other. If that was a dream, then Keigo hoped that they would let him drown in it for the rest of his days.

Last but not least, Keigo now had a boyfriend. He’d never been in a committed relationship before; to be fair, he’d never been in a relationship, full stop. All the remotely pretty girls that had ever stumbled upon Keigo were either already in love, not interested or, much to his surprise, gay. It had gotten to a point where the Hero had started believing to like guys as well, and that wasn’t even that much of a lie, given how things were. Keigo had never really cared about labels or anything like that; love simply seemed something light years away from his reach, so he’d just forgotten about it and boringly carried on with his life. With Dabi being his romantic partner, though, things had now changed, and a lot. Keigo was not only probably bisexual, but his whole idea about love and feelings had been proven totally wrong. He still thought he didn’t deserve any of that, but he was now capable of bearing love in his heart. Of course, he had to nurture and take care of it like a little child, but the love was there. Keigo was tired of being so uncertain and lost about everything, so he’d just accepted that this is how he felt about Dabi. He loved him. No doubts, no questions, no haunting hunches, nothing. Just two people who loved each other.

But then…

Why did Keigo feel so sad?

He hadn’t been that down in the dumps in a while now, and the thing outright frightened him. There was nothing going wrong with him or his life, but still, he felt like the whole universe weighed on his shoulders. It simply didn’t make any sense, but when had anything involving Keigo ever done? Maybe it was just all the emotional distress of the past few weeks catching up on him, or maybe he needed a break from the mission. Now that Keigo thought about it, he’d not even once gone back to his apartment in those two months, and he wondered if there were spiderwebs infesting his walls and ceiling by then. Damn, he missed his house. It wasn’t anything special or extremely expensive, but Keigo was deeply attached to it, as it reminded him of his mom and… dad, of course. Fifteen years had passed since the Hero had last seen them, and the awareness of it made his heart sting a bit. Sure, not that he cared that much about his parents (especially after how they’d treated him), but Keigo sometimes wished he could meet them again, even for a second. There were so many things he wanted to say to them, or maybe it was the opposite. Maybe there were so many things he wanted them to say to him, but he didn’t know what. It’s not like Keigo had ever really understood his parents, after all.

<<Again with the moping, Hero? Get a grip of yourself.>>

Keigo’s line of thoughts was abruptly (or better, pleasingly) interrupted by a slow kiss on the neck, which made the Hero jump in both fear and excitement. Dabi was standing beside him, eyes fixed on Keigo’s lips and hands reaching for the Hero’s waist.

<<Woah, Hawks, we gotta work better on how you react to my lovely attentions.>>

Dabi proceeded to softly grab Keigo’s hips, sending shivers all down his spine. He then glided his lips against the Hero’s, initiating a steady, gentle kiss that soon turned into a deliberately passionate make-out session. Keigo had never felt that hungry for more, and his brain alone wasn’t enough to contrast the tide of pleasure that was crushing against his entire body. He tried to resist at first, but it was all useless. Dabi knew exactly what he was doing, and it’s not like the Hero wanted to complain.

If a loud shriek hadn’t shaken the lair in that moment, Dabi and Keigo would have probably gone way beyond that. Keigo could tell by the way his heartbeat had tripled and the intoxicating desire clouding his mind that nothing would’ve stopped them from going through with it, and that terrified him. He didn’t have much time to think about it though, because Dabi quickly caught his wrist and rushed to the common room.

<<What the fuck’s going on here??>> he then shouted, more bored than overall worried.

Shigaraki, Toga, Twice and Mr. Compress turned their head towards Dabi, confused. They then lowered their gazes to look at an indefinite point between Dabi and Keigo, and four crafty smiles simultaneously stretched on their faces.

<<Oh, well, nothing as important as what’s going on with you two, at least>> Mr. Compress commented, chuckling to himself as Dabi frowned, utterly annoyed by the situation.

<<Shut the fuck up, asshole. I don’t even know what you’re talking about.>>

<<So the hand-holding is just a hallucination, right?>> Mr.Compress replied, rolling his eyes.

Keigo felt a sudden change in temperature as Dabi let go of his hand and lit his own right arm with giant, blue flames that almost reached the ceiling. The Hero couldn’t help but start drenching in sweat, and surely not because of the increase in degrees.

<<Easy, Dabi, you’re always so hot-tempered. Pun intended>> Mr. Compress teased, looking at Dabi with growing amusement.

<<If you don’t shut up, motherfucker, I’m gonna make you. And you’re not gonna like it>> Dabi growled, and Keigo feared for a moment that he would blow up the entire hideout. Luckily, he didn’t do as much, but his flames kept becoming bigger and bigger. Maybe Keigo was just seeing things, but… was Dabi’s arm melting under the weight of such high temperatures?

<<D-Dabi…>> the Hero tried to say, but he couldn’t find the words. Dabi was too focused on Mr. Compress’s unbothered grin to even look at him.

<<Shitshow’s up, Dabi>> Shigaraki sentenced, glaring at the Villain with a mix of nuisance and badly repressed anger. <<Cut the bullshit. Now.>>

<<But asshole there pissed me off>> Dabi complained, throwing Shigaraki a defiant look. <<I warned him to shut his trap, but he didn’t listen.>>

Keigo had always found Dabi’s behaviour a bit childish and touchy, but the Villain had never gone that far when something bothered him. Sure, he would sometimes throw a tantrum or start a useless and usually nonsense argument, but he’d never used his Quirk in such an intimidating way. Keigo couldn’t help but wonder what would’ve happened if Shigaraki hadn’t been there, and he honestly didn’t want to know the answer to that.

<<Do I look like I care, Dabi? Cut the bullshit, or you’re out. For good, this time.>>

After a long, unsettling exchange of fiery glances, Dabi finally put the flames out and sighed, tilting his head towards Keigo. The Hero must’ve really looked like he'd just seen a ghost, because the Villain frowned and worriedly held both of Keigo’s hands.

<<Are you okay? Sorry for this, uh, thing here.>>

Keigo nodded slowly, but that didn’t seem to convince Dabi. The others were still staring at them with a somewhat excited look on their faces, but they dared not to say anything.

<<You know, uhm… I’m not always like… that. It’s just that… sometimes, uh… I lose it. I’m trying to work on it, but… it’s-it’s not easy.>>

Dabi looked like he was going to break down any moment now, so Keigo decided to give him a big, warm smile and then gently stroked his hair to calm him down. He knew that it would only settle things in the short term, but Keigo couldn’t risk Dabi having an emotional collapse in front of everyone else and possibly destroying the whole city with his flames. If the Hero’s theory was correct, then Dabi’s Quirk was deeply tied to his own feelings, and that meant that a huge emotional crisis was equal to highly dangerous flames. As a Hero, Keigo’s duty was that of protecting people, so he certainly wouldn’t trigger a worldwide disaster just because he couldn’t handle his boyfriend’s bad moments.

<<I know, Dabi. It’s okay. I’m okay.>>

The Villain sniffled as tears began streaming down his face, but then wiped them away and quickly regained some composure. It was only after striking Mr. Compress with a resentful glance that Dabi spoke again.

<<By the way, Hawks and I are together. Not that’s any of your business, but I wanna kiss and hug my boyfriend whenever and wherever I feel like it, so that’s it.>>

Keigo didn’t know whether to feel more impressed or flustered by Dabi’s declaration. Even if the Villain’s tone and attitude were harsh, his words had unintentionally sounded extremely sweet, and the Hero found himself blushing at that thought. Plus, Dabi had put aside his distrustful ego for their own sake, and that was quite a lot for someone that, two months prior, would rather drop dead than give Keigo a chance.  

<<Very well, then. It would do us a huge favour if you two slept together from now on. Toga here is tired of cleaning seven rooms, you know.>>

Keigo was sure that Shigaraki had only said that out of genuine care (he couldn’t think of a better word) for Toga, but he still turned red as Dabi looked at him and smiled maliciously. Oh, no. He wasn’t ready for that. Everything but not that. Even if they’d come close to have sex a couple times, they’d never really gone beyond taking off their shirts. Moreover, the only time Keigo had seriously tried to be intimate with the Villain, he’d done that without asking first, eventually scaring Dabi off and making him uncomfortable. No, he definitely wasn’t ready. Not when there were feelings involved. Not when he didn’t even know how to do it. Not when-

<<Hawks. It’s the third time I ask you if you’re okay with sharing my room.>>

<<Oh, uh, sure.>>

<<Okay then. If that fucking scream wasn’t anything important, we’re leaving now.>>

<<Don’t worry about that, Dabi. It was just Shigaraki playing that stupid video game Spinner got him last week. He had the volume on max.>>

<<Right>> Dabi commented, and then looked around the common room, confused. <<Where the hell is Spinner anyway?>>

<<Went out to buy groceries. Or steal them. I don’t really care>> Shigaraki replied, eyes fixed on his phone, allegedly playing the aforementioned video game.

<<Well, when he comes back, somebody better tell him that Hawks and I are together because if he makes a single comment about it, I’mma burn his ass.>>

The Villains gave Dabi an uncaring nod, then went back to minding their own business. Keigo was so embarrassed by the whole situation that it took him a while to fully recover from it and finally head to his room. Dabi followed right along, weirdly quiet.

<<Hey, Hawks, I’m really sorry about earlier. Didn’t mean to scare you or shit.>>

Keigo turned around, surprised. Dabi wasn’t really the type to apologise, let alone to do it twice. Whatever had gotten into the Villain, Keigo was sincerely grateful for it because it meant that, deep down, he was right about Dabi. And if he was right about Dabi, then maybe there was a chance for them to be happy. Like, truly happy. Movie-like happy. Nah, more… Keigo-like happy, keeping stuff simple but making it last forever. The Hero really hoped that, one day, things would go that way, but he didn’t want to fool himself, not after he’d started caring so much. He may be confused about a lot, but one thing was for sure: he wanted Dabi by his side, for as long as possible. And if it was forever… well, then Keigo could really think of himself as the happiest man in the whole universe.

<<You didn’t scare me, Dabi. It’s okay. I mean it.>>

Dabi nodded silently, then quietly slid through Keigo’s door and hopped on his bed. Keigo closed the door behind them, sighing wearily as he joined his boyfriend’s side.

<<Do you think they already suspected it?>>

Keigo’s unexpected question made Dabi raise an eyebrow, as if he believed the Hero would never ask him something like that. Still, he grinned slyly and threw his boyfriend a meaningful look, crossing his arms on his half-showing chest.

<<I mean, yeah, probably. Compress is such a busybody that I bet he figured it out way before we even got together. Twice seems to like you a ton so maybe he noticed the sudden change in… interests, if you get what I mean. And Toga… well, she kinda already knew, since I was the one to tell her in the first place. Shigaraki and Spinner don’t give a fuck so I don’t think they really cared.>>

Wait. Had Dabi just confirmed that he’d previously talked to Toga about his feelings? If Keigo still wasn’t convinced about Twice’s authenticity, well, now he definitely was. The Villain hadn’t lied to him, and the Hero thought it unlikely that he would do it in the future. That meant that, if Keigo wanted, he could literally orchestrate the League’s next moves and lead it to its own destruction without anyone blaming it on him. It would only take him a bit more effort, and everything would be under his control. The other Villains were so clueless that Keigo almost felt sorry about them. He’d always been pretty aware of his manipulative skills and the way they permanently affected his enemies’ psyche, but that was the first time he felt bad about it. From what Keigo had seen during those two months, the League was nothing more than a refuge for people who didn’t know what to do with themselves anymore. Everyone, going from Shigaraki to Dabi, was just a lost, deeply hurt individual who’d chosen the wrong side because the right one had forced them to do so. Of course, the Hero couldn’t know for sure, but those guys didn’t seem as evil as they were depicted. Yeah, they were mental and everything, but they were all so, so lonely. Keigo could see it in their dull eyes, so empty and glassy, and a shiver ran down his spine every time he found himself in those lost, helpless eyes, the same ones he’d worn for almost fifteen years.

<<Ohi, Hawks. What’s going on with you today? You’re barely listening to what I say.>>

<<Yeah, sorry about that>> Keigo stammered, as embarrassment and shame painted his cheeks red. <<It’s just… I was thinking about some stuff. The Commission and everything, you know. They still think I’m on their side, and I’m finding it hard to keep on pretending.>>

Keigo hated hiding the truth from Dabi, but he couldn’t help it. Telling him about the mission was out of the question, especially when Keigo was having so many second thoughts about it. He surely wouldn’t ruin the only good thing in his life just because he couldn’t decide whether to stick to his job or completely step out of it. However, Keigo also knew that he was walking a razor’s edge, and it wouldn’t be long before he cut himself. He was trying to delay that moment with all his being, but the blade was becoming sharper and sharper at a vertiginous speed. The Hero feared that, sooner or later, he would not only harm himself, but also the ones he cared about the most. And of course, on top of the chart, there was him: Dabi. No, everyone but not Dabi. Keigo would make sure to have his own body dismembered by the blade in order to protect him. No matter what it took, no matter what the cost, Keigo would keep Dabi safe. That was his new duty, his new purpose.

To hell with the Commission and its bullshit. All Keigo wanted right now was to make his boyfriend happy, and nothing would stop him from doing that. After all, he wasn’t exactly known for being compliant, right?

<<Don’t worry about that, little bird. We’re gonna get you out when the time comes. And if those bastards at the Commission dare to try and hurt you, I’m gonna roast their asses.>>

Keigo couldn’t help but smile at the overall cringey statement, and then suddenly threw himself into Dabi’s arms. The Villain gasped out of surprise, and Keigo could feel Dabi’s heartbeat speed up as he leaned closer and closer. The Hero placed his head in the hollow space between his boyfriend’s head and shoulder and then slowly closed his eyes, at rest. Dabi stretched his arms around Keigo’s body and gently girded his waist, inevitably giving the Hero goosebumps and making his stomach squeeze.

<<Is that a new shampoo, Hawks? Never smelled this coconut shit before.>>

<<It’s actually pomegranate, you idiot>> Keigo muffled as Dabi ran his fingers through his blond hair. The Villain smirked boldly and proceeded to sink his teeth into Keigo’s neck, making the Hero shiver in pleasure and whimper in a mix of surprise and passion. Oh, Dabi was the damn best at catching Keigo off guard, and for fuck’s sake, he goddamn liked it. Grabbing onto Dabi’s arms was definitely not enough to stop the rush of dopamine that was inebriating his whole body, and even though Keigo was trying really hard to restrain himself, he was failing spectacularly at it. Dabi was just too good, and too fast. The Hero’s brain couldn’t keep up with all of that, not when there was Dabi involved. Was it a positive thing? Keigo had no fucking idea.

The Hero didn’t notice he was shirtless until he took a quick look at the floor and saw his clothes lying there alongside Dabi’s. They still had their pants on, but they were practically one step away from that. Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no…

But Keigo couldn’t stop. He couldn’t.

Dabi made his way to Keigo’s lap and delicately unfastened his belt, as if he was afraid to hurt him. The Hero must admit that, for someone so sexually aroused and incredibly turned on, that was quite a gentle act, and the thing made him smile.

Sex. With Dabi. You’re not ready. Keigo!!! YOU’RE NOT READY!!!

Dabi left small, purple hickeys all around Keigo’s groin, and everything the latter could do was gasp and sigh as if he was running out of breath. Fuck, he wanted that. He craved that. Dabi must’ve read his thoughts, because a longing smile stretched on his face and he began lowering Keigo’s underwear in a weirdly slow and careful way. Again, was Dabi afraid to hurt him?

YOU’RE NOT READY!!!

<<FUCK!!!>>

Keigo hadn’t meant to shriek like that, let alone to kick Dabi off the bed. He immediately jumped off the mattress as he heard a loud thud on the floor, and nearly got a heart attack when he saw Dabi lying there, motionless and oddly displaced. To his own luck, Dabi got back up in a span of two seconds, rubbing his neck and groaning out of pain.

<<Jesus Christ, Hawks, they weren’t lying when they said you’re one of the strongest out there.>>

Keigo frowned, confused. Why wasn’t Dabi yelling at him? He’d literally thrown him out the bed with no apparent reason and screamed like a madman while they were at it, something straight out of the worst horror movies. But, despite that, Dabi was smiling. He even offered Keigo a hand to hop on the bed again as if nothing had ever happened, which made the Hero reach two possible conclusions: either Dabi was completely out of his mind, or he loved him so much that he didn’t even mind the kicks.

<<I-I’m so sorry, Dabi, I… I don’t know why I did it and… oh, fuck, I’ve ruined everything! I’m such a disaster. I’m terribly sorry.>>

The Hero expected the Villain to sarcastically laugh it off and settle the thing down with a joke, but that didn’t happen. Instead, Dabi lovingly placed his arm around Keigo’s shoulders and pulled him close, as if he wanted to shield him against the world’s threats.

<<No, little bird, there’s no need to apologise. It’s okay if you’re not ready. I mean, a good relationship isn’t all about sex, right? It’s about all the lovey-dovey, cheesy moments we share, and the kisses, the hugs, the words. So you don’t have to worry about it. I can wait, you know. I don’t really like waiting, but for you, I could make an exception.>>

If someone had told Keigo that one day a psycho Villain (as well as his boyfriend) would ever recognise and accept his weaknesses, he would’ve spat in their faces. Like, there was no way Keigo would hear those words, not in the world he’d grown up in. But still, Dabi had uttered them, and that meant that, maybe, something could change. That it wasn’t all black and white, as Keigo had always believed. That he could still do something.

If Dabi was willing to put his obsessive and unhealthy behaviour aside for Keigo, then the Hero could do the same with the mission. Maybe, and just maybe, he could get rid of his boring, forced lifestyle and start a new, exciting experience with the people he loved and cared about, without having to worry about those fuckheads at the Commission anymore. Maybe he could finally bid goodbye to that horrible name that definitely didn’t suit him and just be Keigo, nothing more, nothing less.

Yeah, he could do that.

If only life were that simple.

And of course, it never was.

Chapter Text

<<God-fucking-dammit, where is it??>>

Keigo had just returned from a daily patrol with Twice when he heard Dabi shouting in the corridor, and his hair immediately stood on the end as he witnessed a large, blue flame light up the entire hideout.

<<Woah, Dabi, what’s going on?>> Keigo asked, rushing towards the Villain.

<<I can’t find my fucking Endeavor plush>> Dabi gritted through his teeth, and another, giant flame reduced a ramshackle armchair to ashes. 

<<Hey, that one was my favourite!>> Twice protested, but Dabi straight ignored him and proceeded to launch a third, dangerous blow, which could’ve seriously torn down the lair if Keigo hadn’t intervened by grabbing the Villain’s arm.

<<What the fuck are you doing, Dabi?? Are you planning on killing us all or something??>>

A familiar, unsettling shiver ran down the Hero’s spine as Dabi threw him an unimpressed look and sighed, as if he’d rather keep going with his murderous rampage than get a grip of himself and put out the damn flames once and for all.

<<Yeah, sorry about that. I didn’t mean things to get so… heated.>>

Keigo had no idea whether that was a joke or not, and decided it best not to find out. Nevertheless, he tightened his grasp on Dabi’s forearm until the Villain was eventually forced to snuff out the flames in a bored, slightly annoyed exhale. Twice, in the meantime, was looking at them as if they were about to cause a nuclear explosion.

<<Care to explain what’s going on with you?>> Keigo asked, glaring at Dabi with a somewhat reproachable gaze. The Villain didn’t answer the question, but instead started pacing around the room in a rather bothered and angry way, turning to ashes everything in his way, furniture included. Keigo didn’t know why, but Dabi’s rash behaviour was scaring the shit out of him, quite literally.

<<Some dickhead stole my Endeavor plush>> he then said, leaning on the wall with his arms crossed. <<And I won’t rest until I find who did it.>>

Keigo frowned, confused. First off, he’d never seen Dabi possess anything other than his unkempt, dirty clothes, let alone a plush. Second of all, he found it very hard to believe that a Villain whose main goal was to destroy the Hero society had an Endeavor plush, especially after what the people themselves thought about the Number One. Dabi should want to annihilate Endeavor, right? After all, if the Heroes were still operative, it was mostly because of him. It simply didn’t make any sense that Dabi, of all people, would care about such a plush, if not maybe to torture it until its cotton bowels would fall out of its cloth body.

Unless…

Keigo was pretty sure he’d turned paler than a goddamn ghost, because both Dabi and Twice looked at him with oddly similar (and worried) eyes.

<<Birdie, are you okay?>> Dabi asked, softly placing a hand on the Hero’s shoulder and holding it tight.

<<You’re not gonna vomit, right? Vomiting kinda grosses me out>> Twice added with a disgusted grimace, only to earn a fuming glare from Dabi.

<<No, I’m not gonna puke, I promise. It’s just… the excessive heat, I guess. Sometimes, it makes me shiver. It’s body temperature regulation or some shit.>>

That was definitely a lie, but Keigo couldn’t help it. There was no way he’d ever tell anyone about his crazy theory that Dabi was Endeavor’s resurrected son, also known as Toya Todoroki, who had died ten years prior in an unsurvivable fire (stress on the unsurvivable). Plus, the Number One Hero himself had cleared all Keigo’s doubts in their last chat together, and the latter had no reason to investigate further. Dabi wasn’t Toya Todoroki. Sure, the resemblance was uncanny, but they were still two different people. Apart from the piercing blue eyes, the two had nothing in common, not even their Quirk. Maybe it was really time to stop double-guessing everything and focus on simple, frivolous things, such as what to eat for lunch or how to prevent your hot-headed boyfriend from pulverising an entire block.

<<I’m sure we’re gonna find your plushie>> Keigo then said, gently grabbing Dabi’s wrist and intertwining his own fingers with the Villain’s. <<But now, I need you to calm down and breathe. You don’t want to destroy everything and end up homeless, right?>>

<<Tsch, I’ve been homeless since I was sixteen. This hellhole of a place is nothing better than a curb, trust me.>>

<<Maybe, but I highly doubt you had someone buying you groceries every week when you roamed the streets.>>

<<Yeah, and it was probably better off like that. At least, I didn’t have an annoying boyfriend breathing down my neck for everything I do.>>

Keigo knew Dabi had meant that as a joke, but his heart still stung a bit at the thought of being perceived as an “annoying boyfriend”. The last thing he wanted was to make Dabi feel pressured, or worse. Keigo wasn’t really good at handling his own emotions, let alone the others’, but at least he was trying. Sure, he still had a long way to go, but the Hero had always been there for Dabi whenever the Villain needed him, and he was pretty confident he hadn’t been that bad of a boyfriend overall. In addition, it was not like Dabi had won the prize for “best boyfriend” either. They both had their flaws and a hell lot of improvement to go through, but Keigo had always thought they would figure stuff out together. And now, Dabi was blaming him for “breathing down his neck”, whatever that meant. One thing the Hero certainly wasn’t? Overbearing. He’d always minded his own business, and his job had never really allowed him to go beyond professional borders. That was the first time he’d ever crossed those borders, but that didn’t mean he was being oppressive or anything like that. To be fair, Keigo had no idea how to be oppressive. It just didn’t suit him to stick his nose into other people’s lives 24/7, even if the “other people” were, in this case, his boyfriend. Actually, Keigo could say that he was seeing Dabi less now that they were together. Yes, they spent their mornings and evenings together, but Dabi was always out to run some errands the rest of the day. Keigo, on the other hand, preferred staying in the lair and strengthening his bond with the League, just in case. Anyway, if the Hero really had to estimate how much time they spent together, he’d probably guess six hours, maybe seven. So, there was no way he was overbearing, or breathing down Dabi’s neck, or a bad boyfriend, or anything of the sort. 

But then again, that was just a joke. Jeez, Keigo really had to stop second-guessing things, for a change.

<<Well, if you guys are done here, I’m gonna go take a nap now>> Twice announced while heading back to his room, only to be abruptly held back by Dabi’s oddly strong grip.

<<Nobody’s going anywhere until I find my plush>> Dabi sentenced, and Twice couldn’t help but give him an anxious, rather scared nod.

<<So you still think somebody stole it? Couldn’t it be that you placed it somewhere and don’t remember where?>>

If gazes could’ve incinerated, well, Keigo was pretty sure that Dabi’s one would be top of the list.

<<Aren’t you supposed to support me? To help me investigate and murder whoever took my plush without my consent?>>

<<I mean, yeah, but->>

<<Then stick your useless questions up your ass and start looking for the damn thing.>>

Now that Keigo thought about it, Dabi had never been that rude to him, not even when they were nothing more than not-so-friendly strangers. For some odd reason, the Villain had always treated him with some kind of regard, usually avoiding offensive or harmful jokes and rarely addressing the Hero with one of his vivid insults. Keigo had guessed that it was all an unconscious reaction to Dabi’s hidden feelings, but now he wasn’t so certain of it. Dabi seemed to be acting this harsh on purpose, as if he hoped to obtain a punch in the face or a kick in the balls in return. Again, maybe Keigo was only overthinking it, and the Villain was simply going through one of his many psychotic breaks.

<<How does this plushie look anyway? I didn’t even know you had one>> Twice suddenly commented, quickly lowering his gaze to avoid Dabi’s carbonising one.

<<It’s an Endeavor plushie, what's it supposed to look like? All Might?>> Dabi replied with an arrogant smirk, rolling his eyes as Twice started nodding without much conviction. Okay, there was definitely something wrong with Dabi, and it wasn’t his mentally ill brain malfunctioning again. Keigo had the terrible hunch that, if they hadn’t found the plush, horrible things would happen, so he decided to speed the search up a bit by going around the hideout with his wings, in hope to see something more from high above.

<<Found anything, Hawks?>> Dabi asked in a rather impatient way, putting even more pressure on Keigo’s shoulders.

<<Not yet, sorry>> Keigo replied carefully, swiftly scanning the corridor with his long-ranged sight. <<I’m double-checking every angle of this shithole, but it doesn’t look like the plush is here, to be honest.>>

<<Well, it has to be, otherwise…>>

Keigo didn’t have to be close to Dabi to hear the familiar, wheezing sound of his flames, and sweat started running down his forehead as temperatures rose like crazy once again. He had to find the damn plush, fast. Dabi was way too unstable to put the fire out, and that only meant two things: one, the Villain would probably melt under the load of his flames, and two, he and Twice would surely die of asphyxiation. And when he’d be gone, who would remember him? The only people who allegedly cared about him were confined in that filthy lair, and there wasn’t even any guarantee they would survive him much longer. And the Commission… well, the only thing they’d be sad about was probably going through the hassle of finding another puppet.

So much for being the Number Two Hero, huh?

<<I FOUND IT!!>>

Twice’s muffled voice was barely audible above the screeching sound of the flames, but Keigo still managed to reach him in no time and retrieve the plush. To the Hero’s own surprise, it looked like a pretty old toy, with Endeavor’s limbs being completely mangled and his own face blackened by some kind of fire, probably Dabi’s. It made no sense that the Villain would ever wreck like that the very plush he’d almost destroyed the League’s hideout for, but again, Dabi was unpredictable. The things he could do went from waking you up with a forehead kiss to dismembering an entire city just because he felt like it, so Dabi wasn’t exactly the foreseeable type. Keigo still struggled to understand whether that was a good or a bad thing, but right now, he didn’t have time for such a useless analysis.

<<Better late than never>>  Dabi suddenly grumbled, snatching the plush from Keigo’s hands with excessive and absolutely unrequired force.

<<Looks like nobody stole it in the end>> Twice commented, but was immediately warned off by the most threatening glare Dabi had ever delivered throughout those months. 

<<I-I mean, all’s well that ends well, right? Now, I really gotta go, so I’ll see you guys.>>

Keigo really wished he could just run off to his room like Twice, but what kind of self-respecting person would ever put aside their boyfriend’s issues like that? Dabi was practically a ticking bomb about to explode, and if there was something the Hero could do to prevent that from happening, well, then he’d try his best.

<<Hey, are you okay? I’ve never seen you so… panicked, you know.>>

“Panicked” wasn’t exactly the word Keigo was going for, but it was definitely better than “completely bonkers” or “needlessly rude”, so he just settled for that. Dabi, on the other hand, didn’t seem to appreciate the Hero’s question, because he annoyingly rolled his eyes and took a deep, miffed breath.

<<I’m fine, Hawks. Like I said, I don’t need you to check on me all the damn time. It would be nice to have some space, you know.>>

Oh, so Dabi wasn’t joking about the “annoying boyfriend” stuff. Keigo was pretty sure he’d suffered in any possible way by then, both physically and psychologically, but that was definitely a different kind of pain. It felt like the floor was suddenly slipping under his shoes, making him fall into a dark, infinite pit of nothingness, only filled by a cold, numb despair. Okay, maybe Keigo was overreacting a bit, but still, he’d never experienced something like that before. It wasn’t like he was unfamiliar with being let down or mistreated; the Commission never failed to make sure Keigo knew how worthless his existence was, and the general hatred he’d gained throughout those months didn’t help either. Still, that was on an entirely different level. Keigo didn’t mind being insulted and despised by the others, as long as his limited freedom wasn’t threatened. But Dabi… If not even Dabi could find anything good in him, then what was his purpose? What was he striving so hard for? Was it the Commission? The Hero society? The League? But again, did he truly have a purpose? Or was his life just a sad means to an ever sadder end? And if that was the case, then why was Keigo so keen on living?

<<Hawks. Are you in a trance or sum? You’re scaring the shit out of me.>>

<<N-no, sorry, it’s just… something you said. But don’t worry. I won’t get in your way anymore, I promise.>>

Keigo was already halfway the corridor when a strong yet gentle grip kept him from going further. He didn’t have to turn around to know that Dabi was standing there, holding with both his hands onto Keigo’s wrist, silently begging him not to go, not to leave him. 

Typical Dabi. First, he’d say something, and then, he’d want the complete opposite. Keigo was seriously starting to think that the Villain may have some kind of bipolar disorder, because there was just no way he’d change his mind so easily, not when his “annoying boyfriend” was involved. If the Hero really was that overbearing and oppressive, then why wouldn’t Dabi just let him go? He’d made it pretty clear that he needed space, right?
<<Hawks, I’m sorry. I was still upset about the plush thing and I lashed out on you. I shouldn’t… I didn’t want to say that stuff, I swear. So, can we please get the hell out of this place now and go somewhere better? The park, maybe?>>

<<I thought you needed some space. That I was always breathing down your neck because I’m an annoying boyfriend.>>

Keigo hadn’t meant to sound so bitter, but he just couldn’t help himself. Together with the emptiness, he was now feeling a new, powerful rush, which was running through his veins like maxed-out adrenaline. Keigo freed himself from Dabi’s grasp in such a violent and abrupt way that it made his wrist sore, and it completely struck him to notice how angry he was. Not at the Commission, not at Dabi, but at himself. He was angry because, once again, he’d proven that no matter what the effort, he simply couldn’t win. He was doomed to an eternal, humiliating failure, destined to be loathed by everybody and loved by nobody. Dabi may believe he cared about Keigo, but that was only an illusion. Keigo was, and would always be, a loser. He was destined to be crushed by the Commission’s heel for the time being, and the feelings the League had harbored in his regards would, sooner or later, vanish into thin air. It had always been like that, ever since Keigo was nothing more than a brat with one too many dreams. This time, he’d just made one, tiny mistake: getting attached. And now, he’d have to face the painful backlash.

<<I told you, I only said those things because I was freaking out. I didn’t mean them, though. And you should know it very well.>>

<<The only thing I know is that apparently, nothing I do is enough. I try to be a present and caring boyfriend, and I’m labeled as “annoying”. I try to help you with your absurd and unnecessary tantrums, and now I’m breathing down your neck. I try to deal with whatever it is that you have going on in your sick head, and I’m being overwhelming. Tell me, for fuck’s sake, what is it I have to do to finally make you shut your trap??>>

There it was, the ticking bomb. And to Keigo’s own surprise, it wasn’t Dabi.

<<W-What??>>

Damn, the crack in Dabi’s voice wasn’t exactly what Keigo was hoping for. He thought the Villain would rather yell in his face how much of a horrible person he was and then burn him to a crisp, but he was clearly wrong. The quiet sobs behind his back only confirmed the dreadful, frozen fear that was now crawling under his skin: he had hurt Dabi. But, instead of subsiding, the anger now tripled its size, squeezing his chest so tight that Keigo wasn’t sure he could breathe any longer. He had hurt Dabi. Gosh, Keigo was raging. He could’ve seriously wiped out the whole block if his rationality hadn’t kicked in at the right time.

<<I… I didn’t mean what I said. I let my bottled-up stress get the better of me, and I spat out nonsense. I’m sorry.>>

<<N-no, it’s my fault. I’ve been a complete jerk to you ever since you came back from patrolling, and all because of this stupid toy. I spoke without thinking first. It’s only normal that you would… snap out, at some point.>>

When Keigo finally turned around, his anger was immediately replaced by a hollow, dull regret. Dabi’s cheeks were streaked with tears, his eyes wobbly and swollen, his arms sadly hanging at his side. His left hand was still holding Endeavor’s plush, but with much less confidence than before. Keigo tried to say something, but nothing came out of his coarse mouth. And what could he have even said anyway? He’d already hurt Dabi beyond any imaginable way, and he surely didn’t want to make matters worse. He had to apologise, but how? Words alone didn’t seem enough to ease the sharp pain Keigo had caused with his venomous accusations. He had to do something, anything. He had to fix things. 

He couldn’t lose Dabi. Not because of his own, selfish anger.

<<Hawks… you are an amazing boyfriend. I’m sorry if I made you feel like you aren’t enough. The things I said… I don’t believe them. It’s just… I’m having a really hard time dealing with some stuff, you know.>>

Keigo frowned, disoriented. What kind of “stuff” was Dabi talking about? Did the plush have something to do with it? And if that was the case, why was Dabi so attached to it anyway? He didn’t seem that much of an Endeavor fan, and the only few times he’d talked about the Hero, he hadn’t exactly showered him with compliments. The only thing that made sense to Keigo was that maybe Dabi had received that toy from someone else, someone he cared about, like a sibling or a close friend. Still, the Villain had never mentioned anyone of the sort, and he wasn’t really eager to talk about his private life either. If he had to be brutally honest with himself, then Keigo should admit that he knew almost nothing about Dabi. The Hero had no clue who his parents were, when he’d become a Villain, why his Quirk was seemingly destroying his body and, most of all, what had happened in his past. Damn, he didn’t even know his real name. Sure, Dabi had let something about hating his father slip from his mouth, but still, it hadn’t helped Keigo understand him any better.

How could he be an amazing boyfriend if he had no idea who Dabi really was?

<<Yeah, I’m having a hard time, too. This plush thing has made me realise that… I’m still insecure about a lot of things. And by “a lot”, I mean A LOT.>>

<<Well, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. My mom used to say that feeling anxious about something means you must really care about it. Or maybe, you’re just a wimp.>>

Dabi let out a soft laugh after the last sentence, and Keigo couldn’t help but tag along. No matter how low he was feeling, Dabi was always able to lift him up again with his puns and jokes. Plus, he was totally right. If Keigo was having so many doubts and fears about their relationship, it was only because he cared about it more than anything else in the world. And if being with Dabi meant accepting his secrets and dark sides, then the Hero was fine with it. Because, and he couldn’t believe himself, being with Dabi was the only thing that mattered.

<<Oh, right, I was almost forgetting something>> the Villain mumbled, cleaning off the dust from the Endeavor plush and then handing it to Keigo. <<I want you to keep it. That’s why I was so upset about losing it earlier. Think of it as… an anniversary gift.>>

<<But we’ve only been together for two weeks>> Keigo commented, surprised.

<<I know. But, you know, since you put up with my shit everyday and you still haven’t run away like everybody else… I feel like you deserve it.>>

When Keigo wrapped his fingers around the plush, he felt a lively, electric energy coming from it, almost like Dabi’s own vitality was trapped in it. He then hugged the plush toy to his chest, as warm tears started rolling down his cheeks.

<<I… I don’t know what to say.>>

<<You don’t have to say anything. Your reaction speaks well enough for yourself. Plus, if you start saying lovey-dovey shit about me, I’ll probably throw up.>>

Keigo laughed again, and this time, there wasn’t a heavy, unbearable boulder pressing against his chest. For some reason, Dabi had been the only one so far to make him feel like that, and Keigo would sure as hell prevent that from ending.

He would protect what he and Dabi had at any cost, even if it meant losing everything.

Even if it meant losing his own life.

Chapter Text

Keigo was sure someone was spying on him.

He’d had a weird, creepy feeling ever since the plush incident, but he’d simply dismissed it as a stress-related thing, and therefore nothing serious. He’d thought it would go away in no time with a good, old sleep, but he was surprisingly wrong. Not only the eerie sensation persisted, but Dabi started acting oddly too, like he was sensing something. The Villain was way edgier than usual, and it would take only one, small noise to make him jump on his seat. Keigo tried to ask him about it a couple times, but Dabi constantly found ways to avoid the question, and the Hero eventually came to the conclusion that, whatever was going on with his boyfriend, it wasn’t anything good. And to pour fuel on the fire, he was starting to feel nervous as well. He would wake up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat and gasping for air, and hear an unsettling rustle, or an ominous creaking, or even a sinister and not-so-human breath. Sure, he was probably making things up or at least exaggerating, but he couldn’t shake off the feeling that something terrible was about to happen. Since he couldn’t really talk to Dabi about his new and completely illogical fears, Keigo decided to open up to Twice, hoping to be reassured or told he wasn’t going insane, if nothing else. But instead, Twice only managed to make matters worse. According to the Villain, everyone in the League had been feeling disturbed lately, if not even scared. Nobody really understood what was going on, but Shigaraki had come up with a rather interesting (and “completely bonkers”, Twice claimed) theory: someone, probably a member of the Commission, was spying on them. At first, Keigo didn’t know whether to laugh at Shigaraki’s total cluelessness, or instead start shitting himself and check if that “crazy theory” wasn’t so crazy after all. Sure, he was the Commission’s best weapon and everything, which meant he was also their best spy, but nothing actually stopped them from sending someone else to check on his work. In all his years at the Commission, Keigo had always carried out his assignments alone, without anyone judging if he'd done the job in the correct way or not. That was mainly because the Commission didn’t really care about procedure and all those “stupid rules”, but rather focused on the result, or, as they liked to call it, the “outcome”. Following this reasoning, the Commission was literally built on the belief that the end justifies the means, something Keigo had learnt too soon and in a truly terrible way. However, Keigo had never carried out a mission nearly as important as the last one, so it wasn’t totally wacky to think the Commission may want to verify his conduct there. If the operation was as “crucial” as they’d made it out to be, then Keigo should’ve expected greater involvement. He should’ve, but still, the thought of it had never even remotely crossed his mind in the past few months.

Nevertheless, that was just a theory, and Keigo wasn’t exactly the faithful kind. He needed proof, and to obtain it, he had to outsmart the Commission. 

Yeah, that would be a whole new ball game.

If someone was really spying on him, then it would be almost impossible to flush them out. The Commission wasn’t exactly known for doing things halfway, and their working method was practically flawless. And sure, Keigo had had his great deal in perfectioning it, but the Commission still had many secrets he knew nothing about. That probably included, amongst other things, their spying system. The Hero was quite certain there was something as such in the organisation, but he had no idea how it worked and whom it involved. And, if the Commission was keeping an eye on him, then he couldn’t even ask for backup. 

Jeez, that was one nasty situation he’d got in.

The worst part was that Mr. Spy Guy had probably seen him act all loving and caring around Dabi, and there was no guarantee he hadn’t seen them kissing and cuddling as well. Keigo hoped from the bottom of his heart that they’d interpreted it as a sign of his commitment to the mission, but when it came to those people, nothing was for sure.

But he’d sworn he would protect Dabi at the cost of his own life, right? Well, it was time for him to prove those hadn’t been just empty words and show Mr. Spy Guy who the real deal was. And to do that, he needed a plan.

<<Dabi. Do you have a minute? I need to talk to you.>>

Keigo hadn’t meant to sound so menacing and mysterious, but the urge to send that goddamn spy away had gotten the better of him. Dabi raised both his eyebrows, while a mix of confusion and surprise made its way into his light blue eyes.

<<About what? I’m in the middle of something here.>>

Right, the “sacred LOV game night in which Keigo had participated one time and got his ass kicked by nobody less than Spinner”. Convincing Dabi to drop the card game only to discuss a crazy plan to catch an even crazier individual was going to be extremely difficult, if not nearly impossible.

<<It’s about your family. The Commission… has kidnapped them.>>

An awful and absolutely unfair lie, Keigo was well aware, but it was the only thing that popped up in his mind. And it worked fantastically, because Dabi got up in the span of one millisecond and shoved Keigo against the kitchen wall, away from prying eyes and ears.

<<The fuck you mean, Hawks?? They got my family?? I’m gonna burn them alive!>>

<<Hey, hey, slow down. The Commission doesn’t have your family. To be honest, I still have no idea who you really are, let alone which family you belong to.>>

Dabi frowned, deeply confused, and then crossed his arms on his chest. Keigo knew that pose very well: the Villain was either processing the information, calming himself down or thinking of the worst ways to torture Keigo until he couldn’t even scream anymore.

<<They don’t?>>

<<No.>>

<<Then why would you say something like that?? Have you gone mental??>>

<<Sorry. It’s just… you were very caught up in the game, and I had to think of something big to draw your attention.>>

<<Lame. What’s it you wanna talk about, then?>>

<<Well…>> Keigo scanned the entire room with his enhanced sight, making sure that nobody was eavesdropping or spying on them. <<I’ve been feeling really weird ever since you gave me that plush. Like… I can’t sleep well at night, and I keep hearing strange noises. And I noticed that you’re way more nervous than usual, so you probably feel the same. And then Shigaraki came up with this insane theory that…>>

<<...someone is spying on us>> Dabi concluded, paler than a ghost.

<<Yeah. I know this sounds completely nuts, but I think he may be right. I think… the Commission has sent somebody to check on us. To check on me. And…>>

<<...we have to get rid of them.>>

Keigo nodded slowly, then lowered his head and encouraged Dabi to do the same. He brought his lips close to the Villain’s ear and muttered four, simple words.

<<We need a plan.>>

<<Okay, but why are you whispering in my ear?? You’re kinda turning me on.>>

<<Shut up! We can’t risk being heard from the spy. From now on, we’ll only communicate in whispers or written texts, if necessary.>>

<<And this practically means I’ll have a boner every time you talk to me. I’m in!>>

<<You’re so gross.>>

<<Anyway, the plan. Any ideas yet?>>

<<Not really. Unfortunately, I don’t know anything about their spying system, and I’m not even sure such a thing actually exists. And if this person was really sent by the Commission, well, they’re most likely armed, dangerous and highly skilled.>>

<<Huh. Sounds like fun.>>

<<No, it’s not fun! Think of it, Dabi: what if they’ve seen us kissing? What if they’ve heard us saying romantic shit to each other? We’d be toast!>>

<<Well, I’m pretty sure they’d be dead of excessive sexual arousement by now.>>

<<Why are you like this?? I thought I could count on your help!>>

<<You can, dipshit! I’m just trying to make light of this shitty situation.>>

<<And you’re clearly making things worse, so just stop it!>>

<<Since when are you so touchy??>>
<<Since when do you avoid my questions for days and act like you’ve lost the few neurons you had left???>>

<<Oh, so this is what’s all about, then?? I didn’t wanna tell you I was feeling nervous because I didn’t wanna worry you! And by the way, you’re the one acting like he’s lost his mind, not me. A spy??? Are we really following Shigaraki’s psychopathic delusions now??>>

<<SO YOU DON’T BELIEVE ME??>>

<<SHHHH!!!>>

<<WHY ARE YOU SHUSHING ME??>>

<<YOU WERE THE ONE WHO SAID WE HAVE TO KEEP IT QUIET BECAUSE THERE’S A MOTHEFUCKER OUT THERE WATCHING US LIKE A CREEPY WEIRDO!>>

<<Right>> Keigo sighed, defeated. Damn, he really needed to get a grip of his newfound anger issues, or the spy would become the last of his problems.

<<So, are you gonna help me or not?>>

<<Of course I am. What kind of boyfriend would I be otherwise?>>

<<Great. Start thinking about something and we’ll discuss it tonight at the park. Open spaces are often trickier than closed ones in terms of overhearing and spying, so that might just do the work.>>

<<And how do you know all of this?>>

<<Uhm…>> Keigo hesitated. There he was, with his sharp, blue eyes filled with the familiar suspicion he hadn’t seen in ages. Just by looking at him, the Hero realised how close he’d actually been to blowing up his cover and, consequently, shattering to pieces the delicate bond of trust that was now tying him to Dabi. If that electric rush in his blood was fear, well, then Keigo was literally terrified.

<<Back at the Commission, they made us study the best ways to catch an enemy off guard, including spies and people of the sort. I recall reading something about open spaces being the natural enemy of spies, and so I thought about the park.>>

That was one of the most obvious lies Keigo had ever said, and he didn’t really expect Dabi to believe it. Still, he couldn’t tell him the truth. If Dabi had discovered he was working as a special spy and infiltrating the League… let’s just say a little hug and some nice words wouldn’t exactly cut it this time.

<<Woah. So you went to a sort of school. As I told you a while ago, I stopped going to mine when I was thirteen. I still don’t know the multiplication tables, for example.>>

<<Ah, I don’t know them either. It wasn’t a real kind of school, to be honest. They just taught us how to fight and report information. Nothing more, nothing less.>>

<<Mmh. Must’ve been boring.>>

<<More tiring than boring, but sure. It wasn’t like I had a social life whatsoever.>>

<<Me neither. I spent three years in a lame-ass hospital because I was in a coma and then wandered the streets for months. It wasn’t a piece of cake, but at least I’m still here.>>

<<You… you were in a coma? I’m so sorry.>>

<<Nah, don’t be. It was actually my dad’s fault, you know. If it hadn’t been for him… I would’ve probably become a Hero by now.>>

That last piece of information struck Keigo like a bolt from the blue. Never in those months had he thought that Dabi, one of the most infamous Villains ever, would want to become a Hero one day. It was practically like saying that All Might was a cold-blooded serial killer, or that the League of Villains was a charity foundation. If Dabi truly hated his father, then why would he ever want to follow in his footsteps? Keigo would’ve never done such a thing.

But Keigo tended to forget a little too often that his father was a Villain, so of course he would’ve never made the same mistakes as him. With Dabi, though, it was different. His father was a Hero, and this alone meant a life dedicated to the pursuit of a better place for everyone, especially the new generations. But Dabi was visibly hurt. “I don’t want him to be alone. I mean… after all, he’s still my dad” he had said a few weeks prior, on his father’s birthday. Keigo could feel that Dabi’s father had caused the Villain an unimaginable amount of pain, but he couldn’t believe it. Or maybe he didn’t want to. To think that a Hero, the very symbol of righteousness and justice, had harmed his own son so badly was simply repulsive. 

<<If you had become a Hero… we could’ve been colleagues, you know.>>

<<Right, but maybe we would’ve hated each other. Or worse, we would’ve never met.>>

<<Yeah. I guess things can stay how they are then.>>

<<What is so special about being a Hero anyway? You bust your asses off day and night to keep those civilians fuckheads safe and then you get shitted all over your faces because you didn’t do your job perfectly. Plus, you get blamed for everything bad that happens. Robbery? The Hero’s fault for not stopping the thief in time. Murder? The Hero’s fault for not catching the culprit. Villain attack? The Hero’s fault for not foreseeing the enemy’s moves. In the end, you always lose. That must be… frustrating.>>

Keigo widened his eyes, completely taken aback by Dabi’s observation. No one, not even All Might, had ever denounced the obvious, unfair treatment every Hero received after carrying out their duty, yet Dabi had managed to give voice to all the pent-up resentment and shame that had followed Keigo ever since the beginning of his career. If people were truly full of surprises, well, then Dabi was a damn mystery box. Keigo didn’t think his boyfriend was capable of such deep and insightful considerations, but the thing didn’t disappoint him. To be fair, Keigo was happy that Dabi understood the downsides of being a Hero, because nobody before him had ever done so.

<<Yeah, it sucks. No matter what you do or how hard you try, people will always find something to throw at you as an excuse for their own feeling of failure. I’m pretty used to it by now, but it still hurts sometimes.>>

<<Now I can see why you would join the League. You don’t really wanna destroy the Commission. You wanna get rid of all of this, right? The pain, the shame. You wanna be free from this shit. Just like me.>>

For a second, Keigo really believed that Dabi could read his mind. Not only he’d hit the mark with his question, but he’d also found the answer to something the Hero had been asking himself for ages now. That feeling of emptiness and powerlessness he’d had for more than ten years wasn’t due to being on the Commission’s chokehold, or at least, not entirely. It was mainly due to the fact that becoming a Hero hadn’t set him free, not even in the slightest. Keigo had been in denial for a very long time, but there was no need to pretend anymore. Not in front of Dabi. Not when the Villain understood him to such an intimate level.

<<I guess… you’re right. I’m tired of being someone’s puppet. I’m tired of having to put up with all the critics and hatred from the public. I just… I just want to be myself. I just want to… be happy.>>

Keigo’s voice broke down on the last part of the sentence, so he doubted Dabi had been able to catch it. He could feel the tears streaming down his face even before they even filled his eyes, but he didn’t care. Being vulnerable was something so unusual yet liberating that Keigo allowed himself to drop his defenses for a change. He didn’t want to worry or upset his boyfriend, but he really needed to let it out. He’d been suffering in silence for a very, very long time, so long that he couldn't even remember when he’d last felt alright. Dabi had surely put a stop to the cycle of endless blaming and self-loathing, but he hadn’t solved things. How could he? Keigo hadn’t been able to understand himself for twenty-two years.

<<Happy, huh? We can do that.>>

A warm, kind touch on Keigo’s waist brought the Hero back to reality, and he found himself wrapped up tight into Dabi’s arms, with the Villain’s hands slowly stroking his short, blond hair. It didn’t take long for Keigo to burst into quiet yet painful sobs, and he clung more tightly to Dabi as he felt all his strengths abandon him. Dabi kept stroking his hair with gentle, soft movements, and then cupped Keigo’s face with both his hands. Keigo could feel his heart racing, but it was nothing compared to the burning sensation in his stomach. All his anger, guilt, regret and hatred were now boiling in his bowels, finally melting down as a new, delicate feeling took their place. Keigo didn’t even have to ask himself what had caused those sudden changes, because this time, he knew.

It was Dabi’s love. Keigo was certain of it.

The Villain tenderly placed his lips on Keigo’s, leaving him no time or chance to think any further. It was a slow, sweet kiss, one made up of unspoken emotions and mutual affection, and Keigo couldn’t help but completely give in to the wave of all-consuming love that had been crashing against him ever since they’d met.

“I love you, Dabi” Keigo wanted to say, but for some reason, he felt like he didn’t need to.

<<Bet the spy’s getting real hard now.>>

<<Disgusting.>>

<<I know. It’s just… I hate to see you cry. I wanted to cheer you up a bit.>>

<<By whispering lewd stuff? Great idea!>>

<<C’mon, Hawks, give me a break.>>

Keigo smiled, then gave Dabi a kiss on the cheek and quickly broke the hug. He’d rather rest into his boyfriend’s arms for all eternity than try and catch a ghost spy, but life was unfair as always. At least, now Keigo wasn’t drowning in loneliness anymore.

<<So, see each other tonight at the park? And you better come up with a mind-blowing plan.>>

<<Don’t worry, Hawks. The spy won’t even know what hit them.>>

<<Wow, how scary. I’m almost shitting my pants.>>

<<Shut up, asshole.>>

Dabi waved goodbye and then disappeared behind the corner, probably heading towards the main door. Keigo, on the other hand, went back to his room and hopped on his bed, absent-mindedly staring at the ceiling while racking his brain to create the perfect plan. His line of thoughts, though, was suddenly interrupted by a loud ring, a sound Keigo hadn’t heard in so long it made him go white from head to toe. With his heart pounding in his chest, the Hero grabbed his phone and checked the source of the notification. The message was from an unknown sender, and at first it looked like a normal advertisement, one of those “ultra special offer” things that Keigo wouldn’t even believe under torture. However, there was something off about that text. There were some words missing, and some others were marked or underlined, as if they were hiding a secret message. With fear building up in his body, Keigo put the letters together, reconstructing the creepiest and most unsettling threat he’d ever received in his whole life:

THE BLOOD OF THE ELDEST WILL SOON SOIL THE FALLEN’S HANDS. THE LIES AND DECEIT WILL TEAR APART THE BROKEN SOUL. THE DESPERATE LOVERS WILL PERISH AT THE MERCY OF WHOM THEY CONSIDERED A FRIEND.

I AM WATCHING YOU, HAWKS.

There was no doubt now. 

Someone was spying on Keigo. 

And they wouldn’t stop until both Dabi and him had dropped dead.

If Keigo thought life couldn’t get any worse, well, he was damn wrong.

Chapter Text

<<A code message? What’s this, a thriller movie or some shit?>>

<<I honestly have no idea. Fact is, someone sent me this text, probably to scare me off. At least now we know the spy really exists.>>

<<Yeah, but what does the rest of the message mean? Who the hell’s the “eldest”? And why will their blood soil the “fallen’s hands”? And who the fuck’s the “fallen” anyway??>>

<<I don’t know. I’m trying to make sense of all this, but it’s pretty damn hard.>>

<<I guess the part that scares me the most is the “desperate lovers will perish” one. I mean, it probably refers to us, since we’re together now. And “perish”... I dropped out of school when I was really young, but I’m pretty sure it means “die”.>>

<<Yeah, I’ve been thinking the same thing. The rest of the message sounds like complete gibberish, but that last part… ugh, I had chills when I read it the first time.>>

<<So what should we do now? Kill the spy before they kill us?>>

<<Of course not! We’re gonna catch them with our plan and make them spit out everything they know about us.>>

<<Yeah, and then we’re gonna free them so that they can rat us out to the Commission.>>

<<Oh my God, Dabi, just because we won’t do things your way doesn’t mean we’ll get brutally slaughtered by the Commission! Can you trust me this one time?>>

<<Yeah, whatever. It’s not like I have a plan anyway.>>

<<But have you at least thought about something?>>

<<Sure, but you’re not gonna like it.>>

Keigo knew that look, and yes, he didn’t like it at all. Those blue, sharp eyes were shining with a dangerous light, one that Keigo had learned to be the bearer of terrible and absolutely preposterous ideas. Whatever the Villain was up to this time, it couldn’t be any good, and the Hero was well aware of it.

<<Come on, spill it. Unless it involves mass murder or total destruction, of course.>>

<<I thought you’d never ask.>> 

A mischievous smile stretched across Dabi’s face, immediately followed by a dry, naughty snicker. The Villain took a step towards the sandbox on the opposite side of the park, where two little boys were laughing very loudly while building adorable sand castles. It took Dabi a quick flare with his Quirk to send the kids running away in fear, and he then grabbed a dried twig from the ground and placed it on the sand.

<<You may wanna sit down, Hawks, because this is gonna need a little visual representation.>>

The Hero was a bit skeptical about the “visual representation” part, but he still followed Dabi’s advice and crossed his legs right next to him. With a wicked smile, Dabi started outlining an utterly incomprehensible figure that remotely resembled a human being, and that Keigo later identified with the spy. He then drew two more warped figures, one with bizarre, sharp bumps coming out of their back and the other holding two wave-like objects in their hands. Himself and Dabi, Keigo guessed. The Villain added so many details and shapes that the Hero struggled to keep up at the end, and his boyfriend’s awful drawing skills didn’t help either. Dabi probably thought his sketch would be self-explanatory as well, because he looked really disappointed upon seeing Keigo’s complete and disarming cluelessness.

<<C’mon, you aren’t really telling me that you don’t understand my drawing.>>

<<I never said that. It’s just… I need some more time to sort it out.>>

<<Ugh, you’re a terrible liar. You’re lucky I like you, otherwise your ashes would’ve mixed with the sand by now.>>

<<Mmh, very interesting. So, care to explain your wonderful idea?>>

<<Oh, right. I’d like to call this the “How to catch a pervy bastard in three steps only” tutorial. So, buckle up and let’s get this over with.>>

<<The first step is obviously locating the motherfucker. I guess this won’t be that much of a problem because we have>> Dabi pointed at the bumpy figure with the twig <<your super sight!>>

<<Yeah, but my “super sight” can’t get through walls, you know.>>

<<Ah, that won’t be an issue. We’ll just send you to scan the area from above. And that’s part two of the plan>> The Villain emphasised the concept by drawing the number two right next to the figure holding the wavy objects. <<I’ll use the flames to create some smoke and prevent the bastard from seeing you sneak out of the hideout. This way, you’ll be able to find him without him finding you first.>>

Keigo had to admit, that plan wasn’t looking that bad after all. Of course, he still needed to understand what all those symbols and crazy drawings meant, but it seemed like he could really trust Dabi with that delicate matter. Or at least, he hoped he could. He truly did.

<<Once we find the dipshit, we’ll need to take him in so that we can tortu- I mean, question him. I know you don’t want anything too violent and shit, so I came up with the most pacific solution that has ever crossed my mind. And that is: intoxicate him.>>

<<Intoxicate him?? With what??>>

Dabi circled a bottle-like drawing with a skull badly doodled on it. <<Chloroform. We’ll have to use a cloth for it to work, but I just know the man for the job.>>

The Villain smirked while pointing to the most unclear part of the scheme, and he stuck the twig right above a weird figure covered by scales, just like a lizard. <<Dear ol’ Spinner. He’s the one that pisses me off the most in the League, so if things go south and he dies, I won’t give a fuck.>>

<<And what makes you think Spinner will help us exactly?>>

<<He owes me for walking in on him and Shigaraki making out and not telling anybody.>>

<<THEY WHAT??>>

<<Hawks, focus on the tutorial now. We’ll talk about this later. Eventually.>>

<<Alright.>>

<<Now part three of the plan. The fuckhead passes out and you and I drag him into the common room, then we tie him to a chair and beat him to death. I mean, we give him strong caresses.>>

<<And what do the other figures in your drawing mean then?>>

<<Nothing. Just wanted to see you all confused.>>

<<Asshole.>>

<<Anyway, if we use my spectacular tutorial we’ll catch the knob in no time, so I highly suggest we follow it.>>

<<Yeah, I’m not so sure about it. Using chloroform to knock the spy unconscious… sounds like a long shot. And a risky one as well.>>

<<I know, but it’s not like we have any better options, right?>>

<<No, we don’t. And even if your plan is full of weak spots the spy could use against us, I’d say it’s a pretty solid start, so congrats.>>

<<R-really? I thought… I thought you’d hate it.>>

Dabi’s eyes lit up with uncontainable joy as Keigo gave him a soft, gentle smile, and he couldn’t help but let out a triumphant laugh at last. It reminded the Hero of a little kid getting candies as a reward for his behaviour, and he soon found himself thinking about Dabi’s childish and mostly immature attitude. He’d noticed that aspect of his personality many other times before, but he’d never really given too much thought to it. He’d simply assumed Dabi had been spoiled as a child and, therefore, had been accustomed to always getting everything he asked for. With the coma story, however, things had drastically changed. Keigo had read somewhere that going into a coma at a very young age was extremely harmful to the child’s emotional and psychological development, which literally remained “frozen” to the time the kid had lost their cognitive functions. Some of those who’d woken up many years later still manifested infantile and childlike manners, such as using simplistic language, not being able to deal with emotions, being easily scared by external factors and needing constant comfort and approval. If Keigo was right, then eleven years had passed since Dabi had gotten into that coma, so it was highly unlikely the Villain still retained his boyish traits. And yet… the Hero couldn’t shake off the feeling that his boyfriend was somewhat stuck in his past self, the thirteen-year-old kid who had been involved in a terrible accident because of his father. Was that the reason Dabi hated his dad so much?

<<Hawks, you’re staring. What, am I incredibly sexy tonight?>>

<<Ah, no, sorry. I just… I spaced out.>>

<<So you don’t think I’m incredibly sexy? What a shame.>>

<<No, that’s not what->>

<<Relax, I know what you meant>> Dabi whispered with a malicious smirk. <<So, shall we catch the bastard now?>>

<<Well, we still have to think some stuff through, but we definitely can catch them before the end of the week at this point.>>

<<Cool. I’ll update Spinner on his part of the plan, then. And possibly threaten him if he doesn’t want to help us.>> Dabi added, standing up from the wet ground and heading back to the lair.

<<Don’t kill him though!>> Keigo shouted, immediately trailing behind the Villain.

<<I’m making no promises>> the Villain grinned, sticking out his tongue as he started running towards the door of the hideout.

Yeah, that was definitely something a little kid would do. Even though Keigo was trying really hard not to think about what Dabi had told him earlier on, his mind kept wandering places it shouldn’t, and sooner or later all he could focus on was the goddamn coma. First off, it must’ve been a pretty serious accident for Dabi to be unconscious for three whole years, and probably a highly traumatic experience as well. Moreover, if Dabi’s father was really behind it, how could he still call himself a Hero? Not even the worst of Villains would ever throw their child into a coma, Keigo was certain of it. Which meant that Dabi’s dad, whoever he was, didn’t have any sort of moral compass whatsoever. If he’d been able to do such a horrible thing to his own son, then it was very plausible he’d done much worse stuff without even regretting it. Thinking about it simply nauseated the Hero, but he couldn’t deny the truth anymore: the Hero society was corrupted. He’d always been aware of it, but he’d tried to bury that dreadful reality in the depths of his heart, hoping that it would never come to surface. After what Dabi had told him, however, Keigo couldn’t simply pretend like everything was fine. He had to do something, anything. He had to eliminate that terrifying reality and restore order, one way or another. He had to break free.

You wanna get rid of all of this, right? The pain, the shame. You wanna be free from this shit. Just like me.

Yeah, Dabi was right, but that wasn’t just it. Keigo wanted to make the world a better place. It was a rather obvious and banal goal to pursue, but the Hero truly meant it. Didn’t his entire job revolve around fighting the bad and protecting the good? Sure, Keigo might not be the conventional kind of Hero, but he still was a Hero. If he really wanted to get rid of the pain and the shame, then he had to start from cleansing the very organisation he was into. A world without Heroes would be the triumph of evil, but a world with corrupt Heroes would be just as terrible.

Or maybe…

Heroes and Villains shouldn’t exist in the first place.

The very definition of “Hero” and “Villain” had always been rather ambiguous to Keigo. According to society, the former were righteous, trustworthy people who gave their all to keep everyone safe, while the latter were loathsome, despicable individuals who needed to be eradicated from the country as soon as possible. Keigo would’ve believed that too if he hadn’t experienced firsthand the horrors of serving something as the Hero Public Safety Commission, whose primary purpose should be to “secure the wellbeing of society”. Plus, Dabi’s story had further confirmed his suspicions, which had now become reality. Things weren’t always as they seemed to be, and maybe it would just be better to wipe them out entirely.

Ugh, Keigo really had to put an end to that senseless overthinking, or else he’d just go crazy.

<<Hey Hawks, once we catch this asshole, will you finally allow me to take you on a date?>>

Keigo nearly choked on his breath and tripped over his feet as soon as he heard Dabi’s words. Never in his twenty-two years of life had he ever thought of something as jaw-dropping as that to distract himself from his mindless wandering, but still, that was a pretty damn thing to keep his brain shut for a while.

<<A-a d-d-date? Like, w-with candlelit dinners and flowers and stuff?>>

<<Nah, wasn’t really thinking of that, to be honest. You know I’m not a traditional guy, and plus, that shit kinda makes me sick to my stomach. I was thinking something more… on the down-low, you know. Something more… us.>>

Keigo had literally no idea what that meant, but the confusion in his mind was nothing compared to the chaos that had just taken over his heart. His chest had suddenly become a sounding board for his own heartbeats, which, in the span of a mere second, had quadrupled their speed, pumping so much blood into the system that Keigo almost felt high from adrenaline. His stomach was squeezed by an unknown, overpowering force that left him breathless, and the skin covering his cheeks was frying under the weight of that proposal. As if it wasn’t enough, the Hero was drenched in sweat and felt absolutely no control over his body, which was twitching and shuddering as if he was going through a seizure, and a pretty bad one as well.

What was he, sixteen with his first high school boyfriend??

<<Hey, are you okay? You’re shaking from head to toe.>>

<<Uhm, yeah, I mean, of course, I mean, there’s nothing wrong, of course, it’s just->>

<<Wait, is it because I asked you out on a date?>> Dabi smirked slyly.

<<N-no! I’m totally normal about that! Why wouldn’t I be anyway? I’ve been on a thousand dates before!>>

<<Yeah, I’ll believe that when my hair turns red again.>> 

<<What?? Your hair is dyed??>>

<<Yeah, let’s not talk about that now. I bet you’re pissing yourself because you’ve never been on a date before. And this means that…>> Dabi’s eyes filled with a new, beaming sparkle. <<…your first time will be with me.>>

<<Right, and so what?>>

<<“So what?” It’s, like, a huge deal. I’m no expert on relationships, but your first time… it has to be perfect. And if I’m the one who can make it perfect… then damn sure I will.>>

There was a somewhat determined look on Dabi’s face now, and Keigo couldn’t help but let out a little, soft laugh. He would never say it out loud, but the Villain looked particularly cute when he got all stubborn like that. He especially loved those faint, tiny wrinkles that formed on Dabi’s forehead when he was really focused, and the way his lips curled slightly outward, almost defyingly, proud against everyone and everything. He reminded Keigo of a young boy he’d seen on TV when he was four years old, whose confident and oddly passionate expression was exactly the same as the Villain’s. Despite the resemblance being so striking, he didn’t remember who that boy was, or what he looked like. The Hero wondered if that kid still had that amusing look on his face every time he was set on doing something, and the thought of it made him smile a bit. He wasn’t one to dwell on the past so often, but being with Dabi and trying to figure out if he truly was Toya Todoroki had irremediably dug up memories he’d buried deep, deep down in his heart, thinking they would never come out again. There were so many things Keigo had tried to forget… so many things he’d tried to move on from like nothing had ever happened. He prided himself of being a forward-looking person, one that lives in the future rather than in the past, but the truth is, Keigo was trapped in it. Slipping so easily into such a random and distant memory was just the beginning. Next thing he knew, Keigo would be stuck in a loop of misery and sorrow, thinking all over again about those bastards at the Commission, his role as a Hero, the wrongfulness of society, how he’d been robbed of his identity and… his parents. 

Keigo sighed, defeated. Dabi turned around and frowned, confused.

<<What was that? Surely not an incredibly hot whimper. If you were trying to turn me on, well, then you failed.>>

<<Haha, very funny. But no, I wasn’t trying to turn you on. I was just… thinking.>>

<<About what?>>

<<Nothing important. We should focus on the plan.>>

<<Right>> Dabi commented unenthusiastically, throwing Keigo a distrustful look. The Hero really wished he could talk to him about what was going on in his head, but he didn’t want to burden the Villain any further. Thinking about what had happened with Endeavor’s plush still gave him the chills, and he surely wouldn’t risk being burnt to ashes just because he couldn’t put up with his own shit like a normal person.

<<Hey, Spinner is probably in Shigaraki’s room by now, so unless you want me to walk in on them mouthfucking again, then maybe I should talk to him tomorrow. Which means that… we’re free tonight.>> 

<<What are you suggesting?>> Keigo asked, and a big, radiant smile appeared on Dabi’s face.

<<Come with me>> Dabi whispered, gently grabbing Keigo’s wrist and pulling him away from the lair’s door, towards somewhere he hadn’t been in almost two months.

The abandoned train station, where everything had started.

<<What are we doing here?>> the Hero breathed out, stretching out his wings to keep up with Dabi’s ridiculous speed.

<<Oh, nothing in particular. Just wanted to celebrate the good ol’ times.>>

Keigo tried to reply, but he was cut off mid-sentence by two supple, slightly wet lips, which violently crushed against his, sending shivers all down his spine. He then felt something firmly grinding against his pants, and didn’t even have to look down to know what it was. As arousal built up in his body, Keigo leaned over Dabi and stuck his tongue into the Villain’s mouth, who let out a soft, barely perceivable moan. The Hero smiled through his teeth and went even further, sliding his hands down Dabi’s waist and pulling him closer and closer, until their foreheads were only a few centimeters apart from each other. He then turned around and slammed the Villain against the wall, pinning his wrists on the concrete slab as he started going all the way down Dabi’s neck with his mouth. The latter moaned again, this time louder, and Keigo felt the familiar, tingling sensation in his lower body, the one that filled him with a dangerous thirst for more, and more, and more.

<<Mmh… Hawks… I thought you didn’t want the asshole to see us…>>

<<Ah, did I say that?>> the Hero joked, sticking his teeth into Dabi’s collarbone and savoring it as the Villain gasped in pleasure.

<<Woah… you never… take the initiative…>>

<<Actually… I didn’t take it>> Keigo whispered, wrapping his hands around Dabi’s shoulders and pulling him in for a deep, passionate kiss. <<You were the one who brought me here. And you also started it all. I just… went along with it.>>

<<Mmh, it’s not like I want to complain>> Dabi sneered, freeing himself from Keigo’s grip and running his fingers down the latter’s spine. <<But… I don’t want to rush you into doing something you might regret later. I wasn’t… exactly planning on doing anything more than kissing tonight, you know.>>

<<Oh>> was all Keigo said, blushing out of shame as he remembered how their last encounter had gone. He’d literally kicked Dabi on the floor because he wasn’t ready, and now he was forcing both of them into doing that? What, the spy thing had gone to his head?

<<Hey, I’ve already told you, it’s okay. Also ‘cause… if you’ve never been on a date, you probably haven’t even done that yet. Which, by the way, is completely fine. I’ve had my first fuck a year ago, so no rush.>>

<<Ah, good to know>> the Villain commented, uncomfortably twitching his hands as he couldn’t stop blaming himself for what had just happened.

<<Maybe I didn’t sound very serious last time, but I meant what I said. Sex isn’t everything. There are so many other things we can do as a couple, and if you think about it, we’re already doing them. Of course, sex is fun and everything, but it’s just a small piece of the puzzle. You get what I mean?>>

<<Yes, I do. And… I’m sorry for fooling you like this. You must hate me for that.>>

<<Nah, a good boner every now and then never hurt anybody. Plus, I could never hate you>> Dabi added, giving Keigo the fondest and kindest of smiles.

Oh, you have no idea, Keigo thought as his heart was squeezed by a sharp, painful darkness, the same one that had kept him company for almost twenty-three years.

Chapter Text

Four days later, everything was ready to set the plan into motion. It had taken Keigo a whole day to think of any useful additions to Dabi’s proposal, and almost all the following morning to analyse their strategy in depth and fix any possible weak spot or uncertainty. Once he’d outlined the new version of the ploy, the Hero had shown it to his boyfriend, seeking his approval or, otherwise, further adjustments. After an absolutely unfunny joke about Keigo’s “persuasive abilities” with his tongue, Dabi had ultimately approved the plan and moved onto the next phase. Convincing Spinner to help them hadn’t even been that hard; one threat here and there, one call to Shigaraki, and the Villain was now meekly waiting for their orders. The most difficult part of it all, however, had been getting a hold of the chloroform. It wasn’t exactly the safest substance in the world, so there was no way they could’ve ever walked into a pharmacy and asked for three tanks of it as if it was aspirin. From what Keigo knew, chloroform could only be found in specific laboratories, and a special licence was needed to purchase it. He wasn’t even sure something as such existed in their city, and finding out would’ve been impossible without the spy noticing. Dabi had suggested to kidnap a scientist and beat them until they’d discovered something about those alleged labs, but fortunately Keigo knew a much easier and quicker way to do that. Being the Commission’s favourite tool had its perks, after all.

<<I still can’t believe you have friends who run the black market, you know.>>

<<Stop calling them my “friends”. They’re just people who owe me favors, nothing else.>>

<<Uuh, shady. What, you a mafia boss in disguise?>>

<<Come on, Dabi. If you’re not gonna take this seriously, you may as well go home.>>

<<Okay, fine. Where are we meeting these bastards anyway?? I’m tired of walking.>>

<<As far away from the hideout as possible. We can’t risk the spy seeing or overhearing us, or the plan will go to shit.>>

<<I still think we should’ve kidnapped the scientist. It would’ve been a lot funnier than this.>>

<<You’re so whiny, Dabi. Want me to cradle you in my arms so that you can finally stop complaining like a spoiled brat?>>

<<Honestly, I wouldn’t mind that.>>

<<You’re a lost cause.>>

That day, Keigo and Dabi had left the lair very early in the morning, hoping that none of the League members would see them. The last thing they needed was Shigaraki asking them annoying questions, or Twice being all cheeky and clingy. The plan was already a mess with only three people in it, so Keigo had trouble imagining how the whole thing would turn out if anyone had stuck their nose where they shouldn’t. Most importantly, nobody must find out about the Hero’s connections with such sketchy individuals, or his entire mission would be irremediably compromised. The Commission would never let that slide. If Keigo truly cared about his new life with the League, then he had to be extremely careful with his decisions.

And yeah, Keigo cared about it a whole lot.

<<Hey Hawks, if one of these guys is hot enough, I’mma break up with you.>>

<<Suit yourself, Dabi. I doubt you’re gonna find somebody sexier than me though.>>

<<Mh, is that a challenge I hear?>>

<<Maybe. But I’ll win for sure.>>

<<Hah, cocky as always, I see. You make me wanna kiss you.>>

<<Cut it, Dabi. It’s not the right moment.>>

<<Ugh, alright. But once we kick these guys’ asses, we’re gonna have a little “us” time.>>

<<I have no idea what that means, and we’re not gonna kick anyone’s ass. Unless you want to die a horrible death, of course.>>

<<Nah, still have to take you to that date, remember?>>

Keigo’s heart skipped a beat as he heard those words, and his cheeks lit up as if they were on fire. Dabi must’ve noticed it, because he grinned wickedly and grabbed the Hero’s hand, squeezing it tight.

<<You don’t think they’ll kill us if I hold your hand, right?>>

<<I don’t think they’ll even notice, to be honest.>>

<<Perfect, then.>>

It took them almost an hour to reach the meeting point. Keigo had been in that area of the city only once in his life, and he didn’t really have a good memory of it. Nevertheless, it was the closest place he knew without any building or hiding spot in the range of five kilometers, so he just had to suck it up, one way or another. For the sake of the plan. For him and Dabi.

<<I don’t see anybody here. Are we too early? I told you we should’ve at least had some breakfast.>>

<<No, we’re actually a little late. But don’t worry. They tend to… show up when you least expect it.>>

<<What, like some shitty jumpscares? That’s something new!>>

<<Don’t underestimate them, Dabi. They’re heartless thugs. They’re very dangerous.>>

<<Yeah, I’m quite sure your definition of “dangerous” is not the same as mine.>>

<<Dabi, I’m not joking. Please watch out. They’re not who you think they are.>>

<<C’mon, birdie, I know you want to protect me, but->>

A blood-curdling scream ripped through the air, and Keigo turned around fast enough to see Dabi pinned against the ground by three huge individuals, who were all wearing deeply unsettling, gory masks. With his heart in his chest, the Hero launched himself upon the giants and threw them off Dabi, who was panting heavily as the colour quickly abandoned his skin.

<<HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT??>> Dabi yelled as Keigo offered him a hand to stand up.

<<I told you, they like to scare the shit out of people. They did the same thing to me a while ago.>>

<<You could’ve at least warned me!>>

<<I did! You were too busy mocking me and my “definition of dangerous”!>> Keigo quoted, rolling his eyes in annoyance.

<<Yeah, you’re right. Still, I almost passed away!>>

<<Hawks, long time no see.>>

The tallest and bulkiest of the three men was slowly walking towards Keigo, with one hand in his pocket and the other on his mask, probably to adjust it. His voice was cold but calm, like a still sky before a violent storm.

<<Hey, Silver. How ya doing?>>

<<Not bad, thanks.>> Silver tilted his head towards Dabi, who was still struggling to breathe, and menacingly crossed his arms.

<<You friends with the League now, Hawks? Didn’t really make you the type to want global destruction.>>

Keigo tried to reply to Silver’s provocation, but was immediately cut off by a dry, mocking snigger, the kind that only Dabi knew how to let out.

<<He’s not my friend, you dumbass. And we don’t want global destruction; it would be pointless. You should really learn a fucking thing or two before giving vent to the mouth, you know.>>

<<Ah, you must be Dabi. They told me you were a disrespectful bitch, but you really exceeded my expectations. If it weren’t for dear ol’ Hawks here, you would have your skull smashed by now.>>

Despite Silver’s tone being all playful and cheery, Keigo surely couldn’t ignore the evident threat hidden behind those words. A thousand shivers went down the Hero’s spine as the thug threw Dabi the deadliest and most hateful of looks, only to turn to him again once he was done.

<<Did you bring what I asked, Silver?>>

<<Sure. Copper!>> Silver yelled, and the shortest of the crooks started limping towards them. He was carrying three black tanks, accurately sealed by huge, white lids and four layers of insulating tape. Keigo didn’t need to look inside to know there was a highly poisonous liquid in those containers.

<<How do I make sure this is what I requested?>> Keigo asked anyway, raising an eyebrow.

<<Jeez, Hawks, it hurts me too see you still don’t trust me. But it doesn’t matter. Bronze!>> Silver shouted again, this time at the third thug, who was attentively staring at something above them. The boss screamed his name another five times, but Bronze didn’t flinch, not even once. Curious, Keigo raised his gaze as well, only to see a flock of birds fly past their heads in a V-like formation.

<<Ugh, can you stop doing that, Bronze? Or do you want me to crush all your bones once again?>> Silver grunted, rolling his eyes in displeasure.

<<No bones>> Bronze muttered, shaking his head so fast that the Hero almost got nauseous.

<<Very well, then. Give me the cutter>> the boss ordered, and Bronze handed him a sharp, elongated object, which shone ominously in the morning light.

<<I’m gonna open one of these things now. But I suggest you stay away. You don’t wanna die of intoxication, right?>> 

As Keigo and Dabi took a few steps back, Silver removed the four layers of tape and threw them into a grate nearby. He then unscrewed the lid with both his hands and a whiteish, grainy cloud of steam rose from the tank like the last breath of a dying soul. And from the looks of it, Keigo was sure the soul was going through quite some agony as well.

<<I’d let you take a peek, but you’d choke to death in the span of a few seconds. Plus, I don’t think you’re having any more doubts now, am I right?>>

Keigo nodded reluctantly and crossed his arms in discomfort as Silver put the lid back into place. The thug gestured for Copper and Bronze to take the open tank away from their sight, then approached the Hero with a somewhat nonchalant and incredibly unnerving gait. 

<<Now’s time for the payment, Hawks>> he sentenced, stopping only a few centimeters away from Keigo’s face. The latter could feel Dabi heating up behind him, but decided to ignore him for the moment and focus on getting the hell out of that place as quickly as possible.

<<Yeah, whatever. Just tell me what it is you want this time and I’ll give it to you>> Keigo answered, dismissing Silver’s request with a wave of the hand to keep away the building tension.

<<Mh, let me think about it.>> The crook tilted his head right and left, as if looking for something to use as inspiration. In the end, he shoved the Hero aside with one hand and with the other he grabbed Dabi’s collar, making him gasp out of surprise.

<<I think I want this one>> Silver smirked, tightening his grip on the Villain’s shirt. Dabi tried to wriggle himself out by using his Quirk, but not a single flame came out of his body. With a pained groan, he threw a kick into Silver’s chest and bit his arm, causing him to let out a low, disturbing laugh.

<<This is like a tickle to me, Villain. You really thought you could get away from me this easily? Did Hawks tell you nothing?>>

<<Silver, stop it. You don’t wanna make him angry, trust me>> Keigo warned, his heart pounding in his chest and his bottom lip quivering without control.

<<Ah, Hawks, I’m just joking, no need to get so nervous>> Silver replied, loosening his grasp on Dabi, who was now coughing up all the air stuck in his lungs. <<I wouldn’t know what to do with him anyway; he seems pretty useless. And way too full of himself.>>

<<Take that back you little ass->> Dabi gasped again as Silver wrapped his fingers around the Villain’s neck and squeezed it so hard that some of its bones started cracking.

<<Didn’t say I’ll let you get out of here alive, though.>>

It all happened in an instant. Silver’s arm was sliced off by a swift, crimson blade, and as the thug yelled out in pain, Dabi managed to break free of his grip and fall on the ground, groaning in dull ache as he hit the hard rock with his back.

<<Shitty Hawks, you and your shitty plans>> Dabi murmured as he got back up and scratched his sore back.

<<These weren’t the agreements, Silver>> Keigo hissed, throwing the crook a furious glare. Silver wasn’t one to break an arrangement like that, not even when there were personal interests involved. Thug or not, he still had a reputation to keep, and a business to run with the least possible inconveniences. Deliberately attacking a client wasn’t in his style, and usually his “jokes” ended when he had to close the deal. Keigo had no idea what had gotten into him this time, but it couldn’t be anything good. His fingers dug in the hilt of the sword, ready to strike another, deadly blow.

<<Fuck that hurt!>> Silver shouted, holding onto what remained of his severed arm and turning his head towards Copper and Bronze, who were watching the scene from afar, completely unbothered by how things had turned.

<<You fuckers, what do you think you’re doing?? Come help me against this bastard!>>

<<Why’d you do that, Silver? You know I’m not the kind to play around. When I say I’m gonna do something, then I will. You should know that by now.>>

Keigo’s tone came out colder than expected, but he didn’t mind. Silver was practically harmless with that kind of wound, and there was no way he would ever use his Quirk on the Hero. If he cared about his life, at least.

<<Change of plans. The Villain pissed me off, so I thought about giving him a lesson.>>

Keigo narrowed his eyes, perplexed. Silver wasn’t stupid. He knew his limits, and he also knew that putting himself against such a powerful and dangerous Villain was nothing less than a death sentence. Dabi may have a soft spot for the Hero, but he still was a ruthless psychopath. Keigo wouldn’t be surprised at all if the Villain had gone after Silver to take his revenge; to be honest, he was far more surprised by the thug’s unusual recklessness, especially regarding something as delicate as a deal with the Number Two Hero. The Silver he knew would never take things so lightheartedly. Now that he thought about it, the Silver he knew would never even agree to meet in such a wide space, where his shady operations could be exposed in clear light. As his heart doubled its speed, Keigo rushed behind the crook and slid the blade under his chin, opening a cut in his neck in the process.

<<You’re coming with me. And you>> Keigo turned towards Dabi <<will make sure the two idiots don’t run away or something.>>

<<Ugh, why can’t I be the one to go with the piece of trash?>> Dabi snorted, shaking his head.

<<Because you’d kill him, and I need him alive. End of story.>>

Dabi nodded silently, then lit up two giant flames and stepped towards the sidekicks, who were now whimpering in fear. A wicked smile stretched across the Villain’s face as Copper and Bronze started retreating in pure, utter terror, their screams only muffled by the heinous masks they were wearing. Keigo didn’t like it when Dabi gave in to his deranged side, but he couldn’t do anything about it, not when he had to keep Silver under strict observation. He dragged the crook towards the guardrail separating them from the cliffs plunging into the ocean, and then shoved him against the metal bars, gaining a strained grunt in return.

<<What the fuck is going on, Silver? And don’t even try shitting me. You know that crap doesn’t work with me.>>

Silver didn’t answer, but instead threw Keigo a disdainful look and spit in his eye. Outraged, the Hero pointed his sword at the thug’s chest, now aiming for the heart.

<<I thought you needed me alive>> Silver laughed as a drop of cold sweat fell on the concrete ground.

<<Maybe I was lying>> sentenced Keigo, pushing the blade closer to the thug’s shirt. He could almost hear the other’s irregular and raced heartbeat, and the sensing of Silver’s fright sent an electric jolt all down his body. Oh, shit. I can’t let this happen again. No matter what, I can’t repeat the same mistakes as last time.

<<I’m gonna give you one chance to tell me why you’ve attacked Dabi out of the blue and broken our deal. If your answer doesn’t satisfy me, I won’t hesitate in killing you. And you know very well I’m not all mirrors and smoke like your useless thugs.>>

Silver seemed to ponder those words for a bit, then let out a deep, weary sigh and raised his hands in defeat. The Hero moved the sword away just a little, then pointed at the crook’s mask.

<<I wanna see who I’m talking to. You won’t mind taking off your mask, will you?>>

The man obeyed reluctantly, freeing himself from the gear with the only hand he had left. Keigo quickly scanned his face and, after an attentive recognition of the thug’s facial features, he gave a slight nod.

<<We’ve known each other for almost four years, and I’ve never had any kind of problems with you. What’s the matter now? You want me to take you on a funny trip down the police station?>>

<<Irritating as always, Hawks. Some things never change>> Silver finally said, chuckling as if it was the most hilarious joke in the world.

<<I don’t think I’ve made myself clear. You either tell me what I want to know, or hell won’t wait for you any longer.>>

<<You think I care? Shit like Heaven and Hell doesn’t exist. There’s just power, and the ones who own it are the real winners in life.>>

The Hero raised an eyebrow, puzzled. He’d never deemed Silver capable of putting more than five words together in the same sentence, and now the delinquent was talking all about sophisticated stuff like power and prize. A cold, twisted feeling of dread crept under Keigo’s skin, but he shook it off quickly. The last thing he needed was for his anxiety to kick in and ruin everything he’d worked so hard to keep into place.

<<What’s your deal with Dabi? I thought picking fights with such dangerous individuals wasn’t good for your business. Last time I checked, you were severely understaffed and lacked basic defense organisms.>>

<<Your bullshit mind games won’t affect me, Hawks. I know you’re trying to manipulate me into spitting out the truth, but it won’t work this time. You see, you’re not the only one who can be… persuasive.>>

Persuasive? What was Silver talking about? Keigo had no idea, but he had to find out, fast. He could already feel his knees trembling out of fear, and it wouldn’t be long until he’d lost control of his mind as well. Damn, of all the moments to have a panic attack, it had to strike now??

<<What the hell are you talking about? Who persuaded you?>>

<<You never give up, do you? That’s one of the few things I admire about you. If I were you, having to do the dirty work for a bunch of assholes who’d rather see me dead than alive, I would’ve already killed myself.>>

<<And how do you know that exactly?>>

A sharp, heavy silence fell onto their heads, immediately followed by a badly repressed gasp. A wave of absolute horror crossed Silver’s eyes, who sank his head into his legs as Keigo lifted the sword to the thug’s nape.

<<The Commission contacted you, didn’t they? They must’ve heard about the chloroform from the spy. Of course, they must’ve also thought I would come to you to get the damn thing, and so they told you to keep an eye on me. The only thing I don’t understand is why you would attack Dabi. Did they order you to do that as well? Do they know about us??>>

<<Hey, Hawks, slow down. The Commission didn’t tell me shit. Actually, I didn’t even know you worked for them until now.>>

Keigo frowned, more confused than before. The overwhelming feeling in his chest was replaced by a burning, gnawing curiosity, and he ultimately retreated his sword to let the thug talk freely.

<<Who told you, then?>>

<<Hawks, man, I’m sorry but I can’t tell you. I know I was acting all tough and proud before with the afterlife thing, but I’m actually scared of death, and I don’t think this… person will spare me if they find out I told you about the deal.>>

<<The deal? What deal?>>

<<FUCK! You and your mind games!>> Silver shouted, hitting his head with his hands as Keigo pressed him with more questions. 

<<I’m not playing any mind games, Silver. I just want to know the truth. And you’ve always claimed to be a man of your word, right? So give me your word you won’t lie to me anymore.>>
The thug lowered his gaze, uneasily biting his bottom lip as Keigo leaned closer. The Hero could tell something was frightening him to the bone, and if even such a cruel individual had succumbed to his fears like that, then the situation was way worse than he’d pictured it to be.

Keigo tried to gulp, but his throat was drier than a desert.

<<He… he approached me a few days ago>> Silver started, his voice reduced to a whisper. <<At first I thought he was one of those creepy guys who wander the black market because it gives them the thrills. However, that wasn’t the case. He… he started asking weird questions. About my stuff, my employees, my organisation. My customers.>>
Silver hesitated, looking around as if to check no one was hearing them. Bronze and Copper were still screaming in the distance, their scared whines muffled by the rasp rustle of Dabi’s flames.

<<Two days ago, he asked me about you in particular. He wanted to know how we’d met, what kind of transactions we’d had in the past, and these sorts of things. Of course, I didn’t tell him shit because I didn’t wanna get into trouble, but he kept asking me stuff. Until… he started threatening me.>>

A tense silence fell over their heads, further remarking the heaviness of those words. Even if he wanted to, Keigo was now unable to stop the trembling that had overcome his whole body, so he just sat down and ran a hand through his hair.

<<He threatened you?>>

<<Yes. He said that if I didn’t give him the information he needed, then he would make sure my life was ruined for good. I thought he was only trying to scare me off, but then…>>

Silver flinched, and a tear started running down his cheek. <<He killed my best supplier, Gold. You remember Gold, don’t you?>>

Keigo nodded, serious.

<<You have no idea how hard it’s been getting three tanks of this shit without him>> Silver cried out, shaking his head in distress. <<Copper almost lost a leg!>>

<<I’m sorry, but how is this related to the guy asking about me?>> Keigo inquired, furrowing his eyebrows.

<<Right, back to the point. I still have no clue why he was so obsessed with you, but I had no other choice than to tell him you’d come to get the tanks. And that’s when he said something really strange. He said… that Dabi would be with you. And that I had to kill him.>>

If Keigo hadn’t known better, he would’ve assumed the crook was rambling nonsense. There was simply no way somebody could’ve overheard him and Dabi talking about meeting Silver, which meant that either the thug was playing with him or that mysterious guy was watching them all day, every day.

Shit.

<<Did he ever say why he needed that information about me? Or why you had to kill Dabi?>>

<<No, but he clearly stated that if I don’t do as he requested, there will be consequences.>>

<<What kind of consequences?>>

<<I don’t know, Hawks. Fact is, you really did show up with Dabi, which means he wasn’t lying.>> Silver shivered, his eyes now filled with raw, unfiltered terror. <<Oh, fuck. He’s gonna be so mad!>>

Before Keigo had even the time to reply, Silver stood back up and threw him a right hook in the jaw, hoping to knock him unconscious. As the Hero’s head started spinning and he fell to the ground, the thug snatched his crimson sword and charged towards Dabi, who was still fending off the two sidekicks with his flames. With a low growl, Silver raised the blade and cut through the Villain’s left hip, leaving behind a black, lightning-shaped wound. Dabi grunted in pain and fell down on one knee, holding onto the injured flank with a hand and keeping the thugs away with the other. Silver was ready to strike another blow, but was swiftly interrupted by an array of red feathers, which smashed his head against the hard concrete, finally taking him out.

<<Dabi! Are you hurt?>> Keigo shouted a few meters away, struggling to get back up.

<<Nah, just wanted to try a new hip piercing>> Dabi hissed, closing his eyes as a new pang shook his leg.

The Hero reached him in no time and wrapped an arm around his shoulder to help him walk. Dabi groaned again as he stumbled on his wounded leg, but ordered his boyfriend to keep going. Keigo curved his lips slightly downwards as guilt started pressing against his chest, and he had to use all his strength to stop the burning in his eyes. The last thing he wanted was to cry in the middle of nowhere, with Dabi’s thigh bleeding out and three bastards passed out on the ground. No, Bronze and Copper were still conscious. They were shuddering and sobbing like two scared toddlers, but they were still awake. It took Keigo only a second to send out a few more feathers and pin the thugs against the concrete tiles, making them harmless.

<<Dabi, help me grab the tanks so we can get the fuck away from here.>>

Keigo dragged himself towards the black containers, carrying the Villain along like some sort of deadweight. The two picked up the tanks and put them in their backpacks, then started shuffling away from the meeting point. After a few, strained steps, Dabi sighed in annoyance and looked at Keigo.

<<I gotta say, you’re the best at choosing your allies.>>

<<Listen, I didn’t know this was gonna happen. Silver is a trustworthy person, in his own twisted way. He’s never done something like that.>>

<<Guess he was just making fun of you all the time then>> Dabi commented, looking down at the cut in his thigh.

<<We should go to the hospital. Your wound seems pretty bad.>>

<<Oh, wonderful idea! I’m sure nobody will see a highly wanted criminal and think: “Wait, let’s call the police!>>

<<What do you suggest then? Does anyone in the League have any medical abilities whatsoever?>>

Dabi shook his head slowly, and Keigo’s shoulders slumped in dejection. All of that trouble to get rid of the spy, and now he was going to lose his boyfriend because of a stupid injury?

The Hero’s mind took him back to what Silver had told him earlier on, and a freezing shiver rolled down his spine. He must’ve turned really pale, because Dabi tilted his head and frowned worriedly.

<<I know this is ridiculous coming from me, but you don’t look very well.>>

<<I’m fine. It’s just… the sight of blood grosses me out>> Keigo lied, nervously rubbing his neck.

<<So what, you faint every time there are hurt civilians to save?>> Dabi inquired, raising an eyebrow.

<<No, it’s just… ugh, it’s something Silver said. I’m trying not to think about it, but it’s playing in my mind over and over again.>>

<<Spit it out, then. It won’t do any good if you keep mulling over it like a total nutcase.>>

<<He…>> Keigo started, but trailed off as a cold, suffocating feeling crawled under his skin, crushing his heart and lungs and cutting off his breath. As he was gasping for air, he heard a dull buzz in both his ears, and his sight was overcome by dark, glazed stains. He tried to move, but his legs were heavier than boulders. Just as he slowly turned to Dabi, a sharp, stinging twinge drilled his head, shutting it off completely.

<<Da… bi…>>

<<Hawks??? HAWKS!!!>> 

Dabi’s stifled screams were the last thing Keigo heard before sinking into a numb, dark emptiness. 

Chapter Text

Keigo woke up in a poorly lit room, lying on the most uncomfortable mattress he’d ever rested his body on. He squinted his eyes to adjust his blurry sight, but nothing changed. His head throbbed like crazy, and his breath was ragged and unsteady. As he tried to get up and hop off the bed, he was held back by two, strong arms, which forced him onto the rock-like pillow.

<<I’m sorry, man, but Dabi asked me to keep you here until he’s back. He said he wants to make sure you’re okay.>>

Keigo didn’t recognise that voice at first, but it took him a quick glance at the man standing beside him to understand whom it belonged to. Twice.

<<I’m alright, I promise. It was probably just a little sugar drop. Plus, this mattress is harder than my dick could ever be.>>

The Hero had hoped to elicit a laugh from the Villain, but not even a half-smile stretched on his face. Instead, his gaze was traversed by a dim, worried shadow, which immediately reflected upon his sad lips.

<<Hawks… you’ve been out for almost an hour. Dabi was losing his shit, you know. He thought… we thought…>>

He paused, sighing tiredly as he threw the Hero a sorrowful look. Keigo noticed that his eyebags were puffy and swollen, which meant the Villain had been crying, and a lot. His heart twitched in pain as he figured out what Twice had wanted to say.

<<Oh. I’m really sorry.>>

<<N-no, it’s not your fault, of course! It’s just… we were really scared, that’s all.>>

Keigo gave an understanding nod, then put a hand on his chest to feel his heartbeat. There was nothing wrong with it, except for a weird, barely perceivable jerk every now and then.

<<How… how did I get here?>> the Hero asked, suddenly remembering about Dabi and his badly injured hip.

<<Dabi shot a call to Spinner and Compress, telling them - or rather, ordering them - to come and get you. I saw him briefly once he returned, and he didn’t look very well. He was shaking a lot, and he had trouble speaking. At first I thought it was because of the wound, but then Spinner and Compress brought you here, and->>

Twice was interrupted by a loud bang on the door, which turned to ashes as soon as the Villain grabbed the doornail. Keigo still couldn’t see very well, but the blue, hazy light that filled the room left him with no doubts. He tried to smile, sending an excruciating pang to his head by doing so.

<<Oh God, you’re awake!>> 

Keigo felt two arms enveloping him into a warm, tight hug, and as he lifted his head to look at Dabi, he heard a poorly suppressed sob come out of the Villain’s mouth.

<<I was gonna take you to the hospital! I’d already booked the car and everything!>> Dabi cried, caressing Keigo’s hair with his fingers. The Hero cringed a bit at the unexpectedly cold touch, but then melted into the gesture and let out a soft, relieved sigh.

<<I’m glad you didn’t, though. They would’ve arrested you.>>

<<I couldn’t care less. Let them even try to arrest me. I’m not afraid of a stupid gun and some handcuffs, you know. I could actually have a little fun with them.>>

<<You’re such an idiot.>>

Dabi didn’t reply; he simply buried his head into Keigo’s chest and lied there for an eternity, or maybe two. The Hero was so captivated by the way his boyfriend’s breath gently stroked his skin that he completely forgot about Twice, who was still standing there, awkwardly playing with his hands.

<<If you guys are alright, I should get going.>>

<<Okay. Thank you for watching over me>> Keigo smiled, and the Villain jokingly raised his hand to his brow in a sharp salute.

<<It’s my pleasure, Captain Hawks!>> Twice laughed, then walked out of the room and quietly shut the door behind him. Keigo sighed softly and closed his eyes, only to wince in pain as his head was still hurting like it was on fire.

<<What’s wrong? Is it your head?>> Dabi frowned, running his fingers across Keigo’s scalp.

<<SHIT!>> the Hero grunted as a new, agonising stab suddenly pierced his skull, causing vomit to rile up his throat.

<<Fuck, I knew these shitty medications wouldn’t do it>> Dabi hissed, getting off the bed and storming away from the room. A few moments later, he was back with a dirty, half-broken First Aid kit in one hand and a glass of water in the other.

<<Drink this>> he said, handing the glass to Keigo, who took it unwillingly. He wasn’t feeling particularly thirsty; to be honest, he wasn’t feeling anything at all. His limbs were sore and numb, and all his senses were severely slowed, almost like he’d been anesthetized. Every time he tried to recall what had happened with Silver, his brain would just drift off and shut down completely, ultimately making him unable to reconstruct a timeline leading to his fainting. The only thing he remembered was Dabi’s hip wound, and the thought of it made him nauseous.

<<How’s your leg?>> he asked, flinching again as Dabi pressed a bandage against his scalp.

<<It’s fine. It still hurts like a motherfucker and I had Spinner stitch the thing, which means I’ll probably die of infection in a minute or so, but overall, it’s fine.>>

<<It’s my fault you got hurt>> Keigo murmured, vaguely remembering Silver using his sword to stab the Villain.

<<Not even hitting your head will make you stop spitting out bullshit, huh?>> 

Hitting your head? So that was why Keigo could barely function? If Twice was right and he’d really been unconscious for an hour, then it must be something pretty bad as well, like a concussion or a minor head trauma. Dabi’s touch alone was sending painful bolts all down his spine, and the Hero didn’t know how much longer he could resist. He’d been through much worse in the past, but the emotional toll that stupid injury was having on him was simply unbearable. Dabi was hurt because of him. He’d almost lost him because of his carelessness. He’d underestimated the whole situation and gotten both of them into a perfectly avoidable danger. Maybe kidnapping the scientist would’ve spared them a wounded leg and a wounded heart.

<<I know what you’re doing>> Dabi sentenced suddenly, making Keigo squinch. <<You’re blaming yourself for what happened. But that shit will only fry your brain in the long run. Trust me, I talk from experience.>>

Keigo had no idea what that meant, but Dabi was right. Feeling guilty about anything that didn’t go as planned was kind of his weak spot, his skeleton in the closet. No matter how hard he tried to convince himself he didn’t care, Keigo couldn’t help but be overwhelmed by all the wrong turns he’d taken, the mistakes he’d made, the things he couldn’t save. Like his parents. His freedom. And, ultimately, himself.

But maybe someone else could. Someone who, just like him, had much more to regret than to be proud of. Someone who had taken all the wrong turns, made all the mistakes and failed to save everyone. Someone Keigo understood to his very core, even though the only things he knew about him were a fake name and a warm smile.

That was very egotistical of him, but Keigo wanted Dabi to save him. He wanted him to break him free of the shackles that still trapped him in a life of absolute nothingness. He wanted him to love and cherish him until the very end, even at the cost of losing everything. He wanted him to look into his eyes and tell him how much he mattered. 

Keigo wanted, needed Dabi with all his heart.

But the more you want something, the more it slips away from you, right?

<<I know this won’t stop whatever the fuck’s going on in your head, but it’s not your fault. Hell, I should be thanking you. We got the chloroform, and we can carry on with the plan. If you get better soon, we can even catch the bastard tomorrow.>>

<<But your hip…>> Keigo started, only to be shushed by Dabi, who put his finger on the Hero’s lips. The Villain then leaned forward and placed a slow, gentle kiss on his mouth, sending a wave of pleasant shivers all down his body.

<<If you don’t shut up about that damn hip, I’ll rip the stitches open so that you can have a real reason to feel bad.>>

<<Dick!>>

<<Anyway, you got me really scared there for a minute. I almost burned Twice’s ass because of how worried I was.>>

<<What is it with you and people’s asses??>> Keigo chuckled, trying to push the tension away and failing amazingly at it.

<<Hawks… baby… What did Silver tell you? Is it the reason you panicked and fainted on me?>>

Keigo was so taken aback by the question that he straight ignored the absolutely embarrassing nickname Dabi had just given him. Sure, he’d expected the Villain to be curious about his little chat with the thug, but how did he know he was having a panic attack? The Hero was certain he’d never told him anything related to his struggles with anxiety, especially since they’d gotten better in the last few years. Plus, he knew how to keep them under control. Or at least, that’s what he thought.

Keigo had never once passed out during his crises, regardless of how bad they were. He’d even learnt some breathing exercises to calm himself down and put the fear aside, but this time, he hadn’t been able to do anything. Even without fully realising it, Silver’s words had really struck a chord, adding up to all those terrible feelings he’d shoved down his heart, hoping they would never come out. Lying to himself was of no use now. All the stress he’d bottled up throughout those months was catching up with him, and it wouldn’t be long until he’d break completely. He was like a damaged dam roughly covered by a thin layer of low-quality cement. Sooner or later, he’d simply burst.

<<He… he told me that somebody went to ask about me. I don’t know the details, but Silver was forced to tell him about today’s meeting. That’s why he behaved like that.>>

Dabi narrowed his eyes, curving his lips slightly downwards. <<But this doesn’t make any sense. If this rando wanted information about you, why did the bastard attack me instead??>>

<<Silver mentioned a deal. And also that this guy wants you dead. Somehow, he knew I’d bring you along, so he asked Silver to kill you.>>

<<Hold on. Do you think that…?>>
<<Yeah, it’s very likely that the spy’s behind all of this. Which means that our plan will be completely useless against him.>>

In response to Keigo’s sudden disheartenment, Dabi tilted his chin defyingly and let out a bold, confident smirk. <<I told you, the asshole won’t know what hit him. Not everything’s lost if we play our cards in the right way. Plus, we don’t even know if it really was the spy who threatened Silver. Maybe he’s just a psycho killer in disguise who thought that offing me would be a great addition to his collection.>>

Keigo couldn’t help but chuckle at that crazy suggestion. He wanted to believe the spy had nothing to do with Silver’s incident, he really did, but that would be another, convenient lie to hide behind. To be fair, Keigo was tired of running away from everything in his life that had gone sideways, and it was time for him to face it head-up and find a solution.

<<You’re right, Dabi. We’ve got this. The only thing I can’t wrap my head around is why the spy would ever want to take you out of the equation. I mean, you’re strong and everything, but your death would have a huge ripple effect on both Villains and Heroes, and I highly doubt that’s what the Commission wants right now.>>

<<What’s your deal with the Commission anyway? You never told me what you do for them.>>

Keigo froze in place, unable to speak. His head was pierced by another, sharp twinge, which then sliced through his entire body like a flaming blade. He gulped for air, but there wasn’t any. He could feel the sweat rolling down his forehead and falling on the clean sheets, soiling them with all the lies he’d ever told. His arms and legs were overcome by a strong, painful tremor, and his hands started writhing like crazy. He tried to look at Dabi, but his vision was blurred by bitter, salty tears, which slowly burnt his cheeks as they trickled down.

Keigo was born a liar. He’d spent his whole life hiding behind made-up stories and half truths, desperately clinging onto the image everyone else had created of him. He was the witty, charismatic hero who had vowed himself to keeping people safe, even if it meant having to wear a mask every hour, every day, every week. He was the carefree young man who didn’t care about anything or anyone, and whose highest ambition was to live without regrets. He was the chosen one, the “child prodigy”, the little kid who had amazed everybody with his breath-taking potential. He was the perfect tool, the perfect spy, with his perfect hair, perfect smile, perfect words and perfect lies. He was simply Hawks; nothing more, nothing less.

Except, he wasn’t.

Keigo wasn’t any of those things.

He was just a fraud, a conman, a dirty liar and a coward.

Hell, he couldn’t even bring himself to admit out loud he had feelings for Dabi.

How could he ever tell him the truth?

He simply couldn’t.

<<I think… I think I’m gonna be sick>> Keigo whispered, and his chest was crushed by the weight of yet another, edgy lie.

<<Oh. Do you need some more water? A medicine maybe?>> Dabi asked, squeezing the Hero’s hand with worry.

<<N-no, I’m gonna be fine. I just… my head hurts a lot.>>

<<God, I should’ve taken you to the damn hospital. I’m no doctor, and neither are the others. What if you have internal bleeding or some shit? What if you suddenly drop dead?>>

<<So eager to get rid of me, huh?>> Keigo laughed miserably, trying his best to hold back the tears.

<<Nah, not really. You’re kinda fun to have around when you’re not being a whining bitch.>>

<<I recall you being the whiny bitch here.>>

<<Yeah, whatever. Anyway, I’m really worried about you. I thought… I thought we’d lost you for a moment, you know.>>

Maybe it was just the bad lighting, but Keigo could swear Dabi was crying. There were thin, silver lines running all down his rotten cheeks, and the Hero couldn’t help but burst into tears too. He didn’t deserve any of that. He didn’t deserve Dabi’s love, or care, or protection. To be honest, he didn’t deserve any of those people. Twice, Spinner, Compress, Toga, Shigaraki… everyone had, in their own, silent way, managed to make Keigo feel at home. The Hero had never had many people in his life, and the few ones he’d crossed paths with had wound up letting him down, one way or another. He was so used to having nobody that, sometimes, the League’s attentions were almost unbearable, even though the majority of its members only spoke to him during meetings or to make small talk. With Twice and Dabi especially, things were ten times harder. His twisted obsession with finding out what Dabi’s true intentions were and the deep denial that had followed right after were all part of that dark, irrational fear that had had Keigo on a chokehold ever since the beginning, one he couldn’t dispose of alone. However hard the Hero tried to get a grip of himself, he was still sliding further and further down the abyss of no return, and it wouldn’t be long until he’d lose his footing for good.

<<Oh I didn’t mean… I didn’t wanna make you sad.>>

<<Don’t worry, it’s not your fault. I’m actually so lucky to have somebody worrying and caring for me, you know. I’ve never experienced something like this before, but… it feels nice.>>

<<Yeah, I know what you mean. I’ve been neglected and disregarded my whole life, so when you finally find the people who love and accept you for who you truly are, it kinda hits you all at once.>>

<<I couldn’t have described it better.>>

<<Well, that’s what boyfriends are for, right?>>

<<Other than being annoying as fuck, I suppose.>>

<<Ugh, you’re such an asshole.>>

Dabi gave Keigo another, tender kiss, then pulled him tight into his chest and slowly stroked his feathers, sending chills all down his spine. The Hero gradually melted into that hug, quietly listening to Dabi’s heartbeat as his eyes got heavy from sleep. He just wished he could stay like that forever, but of course, life was never that kind.

<<Sorry to be a buzzkill, but we have a problem. Hawks’s room… well, it’s better if you come see yourself.>>

As soon as he heard those words, Keigo sat bolt upright, causing his head to throb again. Dabi did the same, and the two exchanged a confused glance.

<<The fuck does that mean, Spinner?>> the Villain asked, now facing the lizard-like man.

<<Well, I’ve never been into his room before, but I’m pretty sure it didn’t look like… that>> Spinner concluded, uncomfortably rubbing his arm.

<<For fuck’s sake>> Dabi muttered under his breath, hopping off the bed with a grunt and dragging Keigo down the corridor. Spinner was leading the way, warily looking both left and right as if to avoid being followed or seen. Keigo still had no clue what was going on, but all that urgency was surely messing with his nerves, and a lot. He hated when people beat around the bush instead of getting straight to the point, and hated it even more when they acted all mysterious and watchful for no apparent reason. Spinner’s secrecy was really starting to piss him off, even though it was probably just the tiredness setting in.

<<I don’t know how long the room’s been like this, or when this has happened, but it seems kinda recent>> Spinner informed as they reached the door.

<<Whatever, let’s just open the damn thing>> Dabi hurried, twisting the doorknob with annoyance.

What Keigo saw in that room left him speechless. His bed frame, which usually occupied the wall opposite to the entrance, was now torn apart, lying against the left corner like a mangled corpse. His mattress had been ripped open and emptied of its contents, which were scattered across the floor in a trail of broken springs and frayed foam. The little, junky couch right under the window was now a shapeless goo of burnt plastic and synthetic fiber, whose foul odor would kill any living being in a radius of five meters. The drawer next to the bed had been smashed open and all of the Hero’s belongings turned to ashes. Not even the worn-out carpet eaten by woodworms had been spared.

<<Holy shit>> was all Keigo said, as his heart slowly sank into his chest.

<<Well, I guess it’s time for us to share my room at this point>> Dabi laughed dryly, unable to ease the tension.

<<Who would ever want to do this? And why?>> Spinner cried, shaking his head with disbelief.

A sudden, terrible realisation dawned on Keigo like a bolt from the blue, and he couldn’t help but choke a pained gasp as his head pounded again.

<<They were looking for something.>>

<<Huh?>>

Instead of answering Spinner’s question, Keigo started frantically feeling on the floor, searching for a secret trapdoor he’d found a few weeks back, when Dabi had sent him to retrieve the plushie. Once he finally reached the handle, he quickly lifted it up, narrowing his eyes to see through the darkness. Not even a thousand scares would ever compare to the feeling of absolute dread that hit the Hero like a train wreck as soon as all his fears were proven true.

<<Hawks? Are you okay?>>

<<The Endeavor plushie. It’s gone.>>

Chapter Text

If the spy was trying to make Dabi mad, then well done, because he’d successfully reached his goal.

Keigo could feel the anger seeping through the Villain’s skin even before the outburst actually took place. He could feel his heartbeat speeding up, pumping so much blood into the system that his veins were now bulging against his forehead. He could see his light blue eyes darken as a fiery, sinister shadow poisoned them. But most of all, he could sense that the Villain was losing control of his Quirk. The heat was so intense that Keigo found it really hard to breathe, and Spinner even dropped to his knees, coughing and gasping as blue, fierce flames engulfed the room. Keigo was lucky all his furniture was already torn to bits, because not even a damn iron closet would’ve survived Dabi's fire that time.

<<Dabi…>> the Hero started, quickly placing both his hands on his mouth as the ash filled his lungs, causing him to tear up.

<<I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS HAS HAPPENED AGAIN! I’M GONNA KILL THE MOTHERFUCKER!>> Dabi boomed, releasing yet another, giant flame, which completely melted the doorframe next to Spinner.

<<HELP!!>> the lizard cried out, crawling towards the exit in a rush of pure fear.

<<Fucking hell>> Keigo muttered under his breath, ripping a feather off his wings and using it to hit Dabi, who was now wrapped up in flames. The feather slightly grazed the Villain’s left hand, but it was enough for him to wince in pain and temporarily put out the fire.

<<Hawks! The fuck was that for??>> he hissed, grabbing his injured hand and watching as a thin drop of blood trailed down its back.

<<Don’t you understand this is what the spy wants?? He’s clearly trying to get rid of you, and the last thing we need right now is for you to give in to his tricks!>>

Dabi seemed to think about it for a moment, dangerously darting his eyes across the room. Once he met Keigo’s gaze, however, the violent light that had been fueling them disappeared, leaving in its place the familiar, soft spark the Hero loved so much.

<<Yeah, you’re right. We can’t risk blowing up the plan. It’s our only shot at catching the asshole.>>

<<I highly doubt the plan will be of any use now. If it’s really him behind what happened with Silver, then he probably knows everything. Which means we have to change our strategy.>>

Dabi nodded seriously, only to reply: <<This is the dumbest idea you’ve ever had.>>

<<Excuse me??>>

<<What, you wanna throw away all our efforts just because the spy may know what we’re doing?? I told you, we gotta play our cards the right way! Are you deaf or something?>>

<<And what is this “right way”, exactly??>>

<<Just trust me on this one, Hawks. Please.>>

Dabi slumped his shoulders in defeat, and Keigo couldn’t help but feel guilty for having yelled at him. Of course he trusted him and wanted to catch the infiltrator with all his heart, but he was much more afraid of what could happen if the plan didn’t work. If the spy had been able to manipulate someone as sly and cunning as Silver, then it was only a matter of time before he’d turn everyone in his favour. Who knows, maybe he could convince the League that Keigo was a deceiving bastard and get him killed. Not that it would be that much of a lie, after all.

But the thing that frightened him the most was the weird, eerie interest the spy had gotten in Dabi. He’d even risked blowing up his identity just to have Silver murder him, and, clearly unsatisfied with the outcomes of that encounter, he’d stolen the Endeavor plush, hoping to trigger a reaction in the Villain. And if the spy knew about the emotional weight that toy had on Dabi, then things were way worse than he’d imagined. Not only had the guy possibly been watching them for months, but he most likely knew all their weaknesses and how to exploit them. This way, not even the smartest of plans could ever lure him into their trap; indeed, it was probably the other way around. As far as they knew, they could already be stuck in his web, patiently waiting for him to swallow them whole.

Keigo really wanted to run away and leave it all behind, but his legs just wouldn’t move.

<<Okay, Dabi. Let’s go ahead with the plan. It’s not like we can change it right away, so we better get ready.>>

<<Like… now? You literally bumped your head on the ground less than two hours ago!>>

<<Yeah, why should we wait any further? We have everything. The more we stall, the less chance we have to capture the bastard and make him pay for what he’s done to us.>>

Keigo knew very well that was a rather reckless and risky move, but his body was urging him to get things done. His fingers and hands were itchy, and his heart was pounding against his ribcage, eager to see the goddamn spy kneel down and beg for forgiveness. He even felt a shot of adrenaline climbing up his veins as he pictured the countless ways he could hurt him, going from emotional torture to guilt-tripping, passing through reverse psychology and his dear, old mind games. An ambiguous question here, a sharp suggestion there, and-

<<Hawks… are you okay?>>

The Hero had been so deep in his twisted fantasies that he hadn’t even noticed the slight tremor overcoming his hands and legs. Everything around him, Dabi included, was spinning without control, and nausea was squeezing his throat shut. He breathed in and out to calm himself down, but the air was heavy and it completely burned his lungs.

<<I… I don’t know>> he stuttered, holding his chest in pain.

<<It’s probably some shitty side effect of the medicines Compress gave me. I’m gonna kill the motherfucker for this, even if it’s the last thing I do.>>

<<There’s… no need… to>> Keigo whispered, poorly suppressing a grunt as his head pulsed again.

<<You have to see a doctor. I’m gonna call someone I know and->>

<<Dabi, no. I’m alright. I just… I want all of this to end.>>

The Villain opened his mouth to reply, but then closed it slowly, a defeated expression smearing his face. He quietly walked towards Keigo and slid his arms around the Hero’s waist, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead as if to ease the ache. If he hadn’t been so exhausted, Keigo would’ve probably cried at beautifully tender touch, sobbingly asking himself what he’d done to deserve that. To deserve Dabi.

The thing is, he didn’t.

He was still a disgusting double agent, carrying out a cruel mission on behalf of the same people that had ripped his life away from him. No matter how hard he tried to chase the illusion of a happy, peaceful existence, no matter how much he strived to grasp onto the person he’d become ever since he’d met the League; it was all a sham, a miserable facade. Sooner or later, his thin house of cards would collapse, leaving behind nothing more than a broken heart and a bitter tear.

But Keigo wasn’t ready to face all of that. He wasn’t ready to lose everything. Not when he’d finally found something he actually didn’t want to lose.

He had to make a choice.

The throbs in his head tripled their intensity, almost choking the Hero with their violence. 

<<Hawks, I wanna stop the asshole as much as you do, but I wanna look after you first. I’ll just do a botched job knowing that you’re not okay, and everything will go to shit. Please, let me take care of you.>>

Keigo felt his heart shatter into a million pieces as soon as he heard those kind, genuine words, which lingered in the air like a haunting melody. He wanted to tear off his hair and drop to his knees, shouting that none of that was real, that he’d end up betraying Dabi anyway, causing him an unimaginable pain. He wanted the Villain to look him in the eye and see the filth hidden behind his snarky gaze, ultimately running away before the Hero could hurt him any further. But at the same time, he silently begged for Dabi to never find out the truth, to drown in the empty hoax that was their relationship and enjoy a love that didn’t, couldn’t exist.

Because Keigo couldn’t love Dabi. He couldn’t, because he didn’t know how to do that without constantly having to keep up an act.

In a world full of lies and deceit, Dabi was just another pawn in a greater scheme, a broken toy Keigo would eventually get tired of. The Hero had been trained his whole life to cast his feelings aside and have no mercy towards his enemies, pushing himself to his limits just to get things done quickly. He’d given up his emotions, his opinions, his identity for the creation of an ideal world, one where Heroes could finally rest without having to worry about the safety of the people. One where Villains simply wouldn’t exist.

But that was the biggest and nastiest of lies. Spending time with Dabi and the League had taught Keigo that there’s no such thing as evil and bad, Heroes and Villains, black and white. It was all a matter of perspective; it heavily relied on whom the story was told by, how, and when. And since it was always narrated by the winners, it lacked the point of view of the losers, forever depicted as loathsome monsters who deserved nothing but to suffer. Keigo had believed that too, often punishing innocent people just because they didn’t fit in that heinous, distorted story that was the Hero society. He’d done horrible, terrible things, some of which had left a scar so deep not even a miracle could ever heal. He’d used his lips to lie, to mock, to torture, to threaten, to hurt. And how, he was using those same, sullied lips to kiss Dabi, to whisper sweet words in his ear, to stroke every inch of his body, savoring his soft, gentle skin. The Villain was covered in the marks of Keigo’s fake love, a squalid imitation of a feeling he would never grasp. He’d spent the last few months tricking himself into believing that what they had was real, but it wasn’t. As long as Keigo held onto the Commission and their dreadful goals, he would never be free. He’d always be a walking lie, an empty husk of the man he would never become.

He had to make a choice.

<<I know I don’t say it a lot, but I love you, Hawks. Never forget that.>>

I love you too, Keigo wished he could say, but his stomach churned in guilt as he realised he couldn’t.

Not even the sharp pain in his head could compare to the dark, hollow void that split his heart in two and sucked in everything it contained. Silent tears began rolling down his cheeks as his life shattered before his eyes, leaving him empty. He grabbed Dabi’s arms and clung on to them as if they were a safety anchor, knowing damn well they wouldn’t save him.

Dabi couldn’t save him.

Nobody could.

<<Baby?>> Dabi asked when the Hero let out a sad, weary sob. His warm gaze was suddenly dimmed by a gloomy, dreary shade, his fingers hesitantly hovering Keigo’s tear-stained cheeks. The Villain then leaned forward and slightly brushed his lips against the Hero’s, sending an electric jolt all down the latter’s spine. Keigo’s body was shaken by another sob as Dabi delicately wrapped his hands around his neck, pulling him closer. His mouth tasted like salted caramel, and his lips moved with such grace the Hero could barely feel their touch. Another tear streamed down Keigo’s face once he sank into the kiss, grabbing Dabi’s shoulders with all the strength he had left and desperately refusing to let go. 

<<I…>> Keigo shuddered, gulping yet another sob. He was ugly crying by then, shaking like a leaf as his breath was cut off by painful tears. But he didn’t care. Despite everything, Dabi was still there, holding him tight into his arms and soothing him with quiet kisses, completely unaware of Keigo’s struggle but somehow able to understand it. He was still there, and no matter how hard Keigo snapped or how much he cried, Dabi just wouldn’t abandon his side. Where everyone had failed the Hero, leaving him to deal with his miserable life as soon as things got too complicated, a cold-hearted, crazy Villain had won, holding his hand whenever he needed it and never, never letting him down. It was one of those loathsome monsters who had seen through the mask and still chosen to love him, even if it meant getting irremediably hurt in the end. It was one of those unforgivable freaks who had given his all to make Keigo feel appreciated and never in the way, to show him that there’s always hope, that you can be free. And goddamn, Keigo wanted it so bad his heart bled at the thought.

He couldn’t keep lying to Dabi like that.

He deserved to know.

<<Dabi… I… there’s something I need->> Keigo started, tapering off mid sentence as an unidentified, creepy feeling tightened his throat, causing him to widen his eyes in horror.

<<What’s going on?>> Dabi inquired, frowning worriedly.

<<The spy… he’s inside.>>

Chapter Text

TW: self-destructive thoughts and attempted suicide. reader discretion is advised.

The silence that followed right after Keigo uttered those words was deafening. The Hero could see Dabi’s concerned gaze shift to absolute fear, his dark pupils widening in shock. His whole body started giving off black smoke as vivid, blue flames entangled his arms, melting their scarred skin under the unbearable heat. Dabi’s breath was ragged and unsteady, growing faster and faster to catch up with his heart, which was violently pounding against his chest. Keigo quickly dried off his tears and reached out to the Villain, burning his gloves in the process. He clasped around Dabi’s shoulders and gently stroked them, uncaring of the flames furiously grazing his hands and arms. Keigo breaking down was surely something, but Dabi losing control was a thousand times worse. If they wanted to get out of that situation without a scratch, if the Hero truly wanted to be honest with the Villain and break free, then they had to be cautious. Which meant that Dabi’s tantrums weren’t an option.

<<Dabi, you have to calm down, or you’re gonna get us killed>> Keigo whispered, scanning the room with his enhanced sight to try and find the spy’s hiding spot.

<<That bastard…>> the Villain clenched his fists, taking a deep breath to lower his body temperature and put out the fire.

<<We can still use the plan>> Keigo reasoned, tilting his head towards the window. <<But you need to do exactly as I tell you, or we won’t stand a chance. Understood?>>

<<Okay>> Dabi panted, still struggling to get a grip of himself and holding onto his chest with a mix of anger and disbelief. Keigo frowned, confused. Why was the Villain so upset anyway? He’d always considered the spy thing more like some sort of joke than a serious issue, and had never once been afraid of the infiltrator. Not even Silver’s attack and the stab in the hip had changed his mind, so what was happening now? 

<<Dabi, what’s wrong? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost, and a rather terrifying one.>>

Keigo didn’t even have time to finish that sentence when a ghastly realisation struck him like a thunderbolt. He lifted his gaze up to Dabi, who was still trembling and breathing heavily. The Villain’s eyes were suddenly crossed by something akin to panic, and a high-pitched whimper left his mouth as Keigo examined him from head to toe.

<<You’ve seen him, haven’t you? And you’re shitting your pants because you probably know him too.>>

<<W-what? Why the hell would you think that?>> Dabi laughed hysterically, running a hand through his black hair to hide the growing tension.

<<Come on, Dabi. Unless you’re completely out of your mind, it’s not very normal for someone to change their mood so quickly. I mean, you were telling me everything’s gonna be alright just a few minutes ago, and now you’re freaking out.>>

Dabi gulped loudly, visibly disturbed by Keigo’s assumptions. He swiftly glanced over the Hero’s shoulder, then closed his eyes and sighed, his breath still feeble and shaky. Keigo followed Dabi’s gaze, but didn’t see anything apart from his broken mirror, whose stained surface was pierced by a huge, irregular crack.

<<Who did you see, Dabi? Where is he?>> he urged, starting to lose his patience.

<<I… I don’t know>> the Villain muttered, shaking his head in frustration. <<I just saw him reflected in the mirror there, but I don’t think he’s in this room. He’s probably wandering the place now, looking for somewhere to hide.>>

<<Or maybe he’s running away>> Keigo suggested, spreading his wings and getting ready to fly out the window. <<You stay here. You’re clearly too upset to help.>>

<<But->> Dabi complained, only to be interrupted by a harsh rustle. Keigo jumped out of the half-open window and launched himself through the air, gaining altitude as he flew away from the hideout. He attentively skimmed the street below, searching for a sketchy-looking guy or any suspicious individuals. There seemed to be nothing out of order; everyone was quietly carrying on with their lives, either driving a car, walking home from work or simply taking a stroll. Keigo squinted his eyes, diving towards the route to have a better view of the people and their appearances. Just when he landed on the brick sidewalk, he bumped into a hooded figure, who grunted in pain as they hit their head on the wall behind. Keigo rushed to apologise and offered a hand for the man to take, but he refused and got up alone instead. He then mumbled an excuse and shoved the Hero to the side, storming away in a weird hurry. Before Keigo could even connect the dots, his body moved on its own, grabbing the hooded man’s arm and squeezing it tight. The latter tried to wriggle himself from the firm grip, but the Hero intensified his hold, almost crushing the man’s bones. The mysterious individual groaned again, this time more out of annoyance than pain.

<<I don’t know who you think you are, but you have to let me go. Otherwise, I’ll call the cops and get you arrested for attempted kidnap.>>

<<Right, and I’ll tell them all about your illegal spying and your several infringements of privacy. That sound good?>>

<<I don’t know what you’re talking about.>>

<<I don’t think so.>>
The man huffed in displeasure, turning around to face the Hero. His features were hidden by the black hood, but Keigo could still see a silver spark cutting through the darkness and skewering his soul with its sharp, glary light. An odd, familiar feeling snaked under the Hero’s skin, making him shiver.

<<Listen, you’ve clearly got the wrong idea here. I don’t know who you are or what you’re talking about. Let me go before you I get you into some trouble.>>

<<I doubt you can do that. You see, I’m the Number Two Hero, which means that everyone loves and respects me. Whom do you think they’ll believe, huh? A random passerby, or one of the most powerful individuals of the whole country? But I bet you already know the answer.>>

<<Then you’re a shitty Hero if you think you can get away with that so easily. But I guess every single one of you does, right? There are Heroes in this city who don’t even deserve the damn title, but still walk around and smile as if they’re the nicest people in the world.>>

Keigo furrowed his eyebrows. Where had he heard those words before? He shook the question off his mind, too busy leading the spy to his edge to think about anything else.

<<And what do you know about Heroes anyway? Doesn’t look like you’re one of us.>>

<<I’d rather die than join your useless ranks. Heroes are the cancer of society, the main reason behind its downfall. Instead of saving people, you frauds go around bragging about your absolutely wonderful job, claiming to be the most righteous and trustworthy beings to have ever walked this earth. Well, sorry to break it to you, but it’s all fake. All you care about is the goddamn popularity, and you’d do anything to reach it. Even if it means hurting and neglecting your own children in the process.>>

The man’s voice cracked as he uttered the last sentence, leaving Keigo more perplexed than ever. He had no clue why the spy was speaking of the Hero society in such a disdainful and belittling way, but he could tell for sure the guy was talking from experience. Apparently, it wasn’t uncommon for some Heroes to mistreat their children to gain fame and approval; Dabi had gone through the exact same thing. Maybe it happened so frequently that people were used to closing an eye on the matter by now. Maybe it was something so ordinary that everyone accepted it without any complaint, as if it was a new kind of normality.

With blood boiling in his veins, the Hero let go of the spy, crossing his arms at the latter’s confused stare.

<<What you’re saying is bullshit. There’s no such thing as bad Heroes. They wouldn’t be Heroes in the first place.>>

<<How would you know, Hawks?? Your father was a criminal, not the Number One Hero!>>

The spy rushed to place a hand over his mouth and squeeze it shut, but it was already too late. Keigo raised his eyebrows in astonishment as the meaning of those words washed over him like a destructive wave. The man grunted in anger and stomped a foot on the ground, to which a thin layer of ice covered the sidewalk. Shivers overcame the Hero’s body when the spy lowered his hood, revealing a handful of white hair and piercing, gray eyes, which shone dangerously in the afternoon light.

<<Natsuo Todoroki>> Keigo whispered as his heart dropped to his stomach.

<<Yeah. I must say, I’m surprised you even know who I am, Hawks. I mean, I don’t expect my father to talk about his failures that much.>> 

Keigo was still too stunned to speak, so Natsuo sighed and narrowed his eyes, throwing the Hero a disapproving glare.

<<By the way, I never thought you would… ehm… fall in love with a Villain. But I guess to each their own, right?>>

In response to Natsuo’s provocation, Keigo’s cheeks flushed a deep red, causing his whole face to sting in awkwardness. He averted his gaze from the white-haired man and fixed it on the ground, trying to regain some composure before replying.

<<We’re not in love. I mean, Dabi is, but I’m not. I can’t tell you why I’m doing this, but I can assure you it’s for the sake of everyone.>>

That wasn’t entirely the truth, but it wasn’t even completely made up. Keigo still struggled to tell his feelings apart from the act he’d put on months and months before, but surely there was something. Maybe he’d been overreacting a bit earlier on, and what he and Dabi had was authentic. Maybe he could still love with the mask on. Or maybe, he was just deluding himself into believing all those beautiful lies. 

But he had more important things to do than to cry about his awful existence. He had to put an end to that endless loop of fear and anxiety and understand why the hell Natsuo Todoroki, Endeavor’s oldest son, would ever spy on him. Of all the people the Commission could hire to watch over his every step, Keigo surely did not expect him. He didn’t seem the kind to work for those jackals anyway, so whatever it was that had convinced him to take on the task, must’ve been something big.

<<You know, there are still Heroes out there who put their lives on the line to keep everyone safe. I’m one of those Heroes, and if you haven’t understood it from all the weeks you’ve been spying on me, then I’m sorry, but you’re terrible at your job.>>

Natsuo furrowed his eyebrows, baffled. <<Job? What are you talking about?>>

<<Don’t play dumb with me, Natsuo. I’ve known the Commission my whole life; their dirty games are nothing new to me. It’s just surprising that they would turn to Pro Heroes’ children to carry out their shady business.>>

<<Hey man, hold on. The Commission? You mean, those fancy guys with the fancy suits?>>

Natsuo looked genuinely puzzled by the whole situation, and the thing pissed Keigo off so much he had to clench his teeth not to scream. Either the man was a perfectly trained liar just like him, or he’d gotten the wrong impression all along. Which meant that the real spy could still be out there.

<<Listen, I don’t know why the Commission would play tricks on you, but I can assure you I’m not part of their… uhm… whatever they do. I was keeping an eye on the League for my own personal reasons, that’s all.>>

<<Then I’m sorry, but I can’t risk your “personal reasons” being leaked to the wrong people, so I have to end you here and now.>>

Keigo pushed Natsuo against the wall and forced him to the ground, earning a grunt of protest from the latter. He then pulled a feather out of his wings and pointed it to the man’s chest, slightly fraying his black hoodie.

<<H-hey, I’m s-sure we can find another solution>> Natsuo waved his hands in front of him, sweat rolling down his forehead. <<I can tell you everything you want to know. Just, please don’t kill me.>>

<<Why were you spying on us?>> the Hero asked coldly, blade still grazing Natsuo’s skin.

<<”Spying” is quite a big word, don’t you think? I was simply… investigating.>>

Keigo cocked an eyebrow. <<Investigating?>>

<<Yeah. Ever since you came to our house on Endeavor’s birthday, I’ve had this feeling I can’t get out of my head. The feeling that maybe…>>

Natsuo nervously bit his bottom lip, hesitating. His silver eyes drifted away from Keigo’s intimidating gaze, and a squeaky wince left his mouth once the Hero pushed the blade closer to his chest.

<<When you told Endeavor about the Kurogiri thing… I kinda overheard. And I know you said the Quirk doesn’t match and everything, but… I had this feeling that… that…>>

<<...that it might be Toya anyway.>>

Natsuo nodded slowly, letting out a shaky sigh as soon as Keigo finally lowered his sword. Salty tears formed at the corners of his eyes, and the Hero suddenly felt a painful twist in the gut, the same one he’d had at the Todoroki house that day. If there was something keeping that family together, it was probably the shared grief for Toya’s loss, and the thought of it made Keigo’s stomach knot in despair.

<<At first I tried breaking into Kurogiri’s holding cell, but the security was insane, so I gave up. I asked around to see if anybody knew about his body composition, but they all just stared at me as if I was nuts. And just when I was about to drop everything, I found a note stuck on my car door. It only had an address on it; no signature, no sender, nothing. I thought it was one of those annoying pranks Endeavor’s fans play us sometimes, but it was intriguing anyway, so I reached the address.>>

<<When I found out it led to the League’s hideout… I got scared. What if it was all a trap? What if they wanted to lure me in so that they could blackmail my family next? But… that was the only way I could get some answers. I really didn’t want to, but I started watching all of you. You can imagine my shock once I saw you… uh… kissing that Villain.>>

<<That’s not relevant, Natsuo. Tell me, do you have your answers now?>>

Natsuo sagged his shoulders, overcome by a great, suffocating sadness. His eyes were now completely filled with tears, which made their way to the bricked ground by scarring his pale cheeks.

<<No. Nobody’s ever mentioned Toya or Kurogiri. I hoped… I hoped he would still be alive, you know. But at the same time… I’m glad he hasn’t turned into a ruthless Villain.>>

Keigo wished he could agree with Natsuo, but he still hadn’t entirely dropped his suspicions on Dabi being Endeavor’s dead son. There were still so many incongruences, so many things that didn’t add up, and no matter how hard Keigo tried to make sense of all that, he just couldn’t. Therefore, he opted for a warm smile and helped the white-haired man get up on his feet.

<<I’m sorry I spied on you. Feeling observed during your most intimate moments must be terrible.>>

<<Yeah, you could say that. Anyway, I get why you did it. At least you’re not some rando trying to kill us.>>

Keigo uttered that sentence as casually as possible, carefully analysing Natsuo’s reaction to it. The latter’s gaze was crossed by deep confusion, which soon turned into worry.

<<Somebody’s trying to kill you?>>

<<Nah, not me specifically. Let’s just say their target may be Dabi.>>

<<Oh. That’s why he had that nasty hip wound, then.>>

The Hero gave him a gloomy nod, closing his eyes as the weight of what all that meant fell over him. If Natsuo hadn’t been the one to manipulate Silver and steal the Endeavor plushie, then there was another spy out there, possibly a more menacing and devious one. Plus, the mention of that note with the hideout address on it wasn’t exactly reassuring. From what Keigo had understood so far, the spy was a highly intelligent individual who knew very well how to take advantage of his victims and exploit them to the bone. It would be extremely hard flushing him out, especially since the Hero had now found out about Natsuo. If the spy was behind all that, then Dabi wasn’t the only one in danger. 

<<Natsuo, I can’t tell you why, but you have to stay with me from now on. Okay?>>

<<What? You mean with you and the League??>>

<<Take it as a punishment for sticking your nose where you shouldn’t. Now, do you want me to tell your father about this activity of yours or will you follow me without complaining?>>

<<I don’t care what you say to that bastard. You may as well tell him I’m part of the League now.>>

Keigo frowned, disoriented by that declaration. Natsuo had brought up earlier that some Heroes tend to neglect and mistreat their children, but Keigo refused to believe Endeavor could be one of them. He’d seen the absolutely devastated look in his eyes once he’d asked about Toya, and the way he would talk about his deceased son was simply heartbreaking. Not even the craftiest of monsters could ever fake something so raw and painful, a love so powerful to transcend the barriers of life and death. Endeavor loved his children, Keigo was sure of it. Hell, he wished his own father had given him even the smallest, most insignificant part of the attention Endeavor had paid his kids.

How would you know, Hawks?? Your father was a criminal, not the Number One Hero!

That sentence shot through Keigo’s mind like a fiery bullet, and he almost stumbled upon his own feet as a chilling awareness dawned on him.

<<You know about my past, right? About who I really am.>>

Natsuo was initially taken aback by the question, struggling to reply as his mouth opened and closed on its own. To the Hero’s worn out gaze, however, the white-haired man sighed and slowly crossed his arms.

<<Yeah. I found out about it the day Endeavor arrested your dad. I was having a walk with Toya, Fuyumi and my nanny, and somehow we managed to see the police lights outside of your house. The nanny suggested we go away, but Toya was way too curious to turn on his heels, so we got closer. That’s when we saw my father, your father, and you.>>

<<Mmh. What a shitshow, huh?>>

<<If it’s any consolation, I’m the only one who remembers about that day. Fuyumi was too scared to even look at the whole thing and Toya, well…>>

Keigo nodded understandingly, relieving Natsuo from the trouble of finishing the sentence. He then silently headed back to the hideout, not waiting for the other to follow him. He was so absorbed in his own thoughts that he didn’t even notice Dabi standing on the doorframe with an annoyed look on his face, which turned into utter shock as soon as he spotted Natsuo.

<<What’s he doing here??>> Dabi spat, throwing Natsuo a disgusted glance.

<<I’ll explain later. Now move, you’re in our way>> Keigo shoved the Villain aside to get through the door, earning an unbelieving scoff from the latter.

<<What the fuck, Hawks?! What’s gotten into you??>>

<<I need some time alone to think. If you don’t mind, I’d like you not to bother me with your stupid questions.>>

Keigo didn’t know why he’d sounded so mad, but he surely was quite upset. Even though he was trying to avoid the issue, there was no denying that Natsuo’s words had shaken him to the core, and a lot. All that talk about the wrongfulness of the Hero society couldn’t come out of nowhere, especially if it was the son of the Number One who had delivered it. He needed to sort all that shit out, or else he’d go completely insane. He could already feel his fingers twitching in anger, and that wasn’t a very good sign.

<<What about me? What should I do?>> Natsuo asked, flinching in fear as Dabi furiously glared at him.

<<Make sure you’re always in the same room with at least one League member. And do not leave this lair until I say so>> he added, quickly glancing at the trembling man before walking into his room.

Once the door was finally shut behind him, Keigo leaned against the wooden frame and slid his back to the floor, burying his face in his chest and barely holding back the tears. 

Not only he’d miserably failed at catching the spy, but he’d also given a broken family false hopes just to reach his own, selfish goals. Because of him, Natsuo had spent the past few weeks tormenting himself and wondering if his brother was still alive, only to be crushed by the overwhelming truth: Toya was gone. Now he was probably consumed by guilt and regret, living the tragedy of Toya’s death all over again and drowning in that empty, thorny feeling called grief, the one that cut off your breath and filled your eyes with what could’ve been and never was. Because of him, Dabi could be brutally killed any moment now, and he couldn’t do anything to prevent that from happening. The spy had foreseen their every step and move, and it would take them ages to come up with a plan so unpredictable the infiltrator would never even expect it. He’d lost, and it was only a matter of time before the spy would move his last pawn, putting an end to that twisted game.

If Keigo hadn’t even been able to save the one person he truly cared about, then what kind of Hero was he?

He was just like all the others, hiding behind the wonderful sham of trust and integrity. He claimed to do the dirty work so that everyone could live peacefully, but he was one of the main reasons why people got hurt in the first place. His whole identity revolved around a lie, and he didn’t know any other way than to deceive. He was praised for his impeccable conduct, his looks, his attitude, but he wasn’t any of those things. Ever since he’d been sent to infiltrate the League, Keigo had lost sight of his role, getting more and more tangled up in his falsehoods and doing anything it took to maintain the appearances. He’d even dug up a shady part of his past just to get on with that pathetic excuse for a “happy existence” and continue the mission at the same time, inevitably coming to a difficult crossroads. He’d been so obsessed with stopping the spy that he’d completely forgotten why there was one to begin with: the Commission didn’t trust him. And if not even those heinous creatures appreciated his efforts anymore, then Keigo was really done for.

Why was he doing all of that?

Who was he trying to prove his worth to?

Would it really matter if he just disappeared one day and left everything behind?

Keigo didn’t even know he was crying until he felt something stinging his left hand. The sobs followed right after, echoing through the walls like desperate weeps. The Hero tried to choke them by biting his tongue, but it was all useless. 

The dam had finally broken.

He was a good-for-nothing, a foul beast undeserving of love or care. He was buried in all the lies he’d told and the bad he’d caused, smothered by the same words he’d suffocated others with. He was an insult to all those people, Heroes and not, who dedicated their lives to make the world a better place and help those in need. He really was the cancer of society, and a malignant one as well. Sooner or later, he’d end up ruining everything, like he always had.

Except this time, he couldn’t allow himself to.

Keigo’s body got up on its own, unresponsive of any command or instruction. It slowly approached the window, wearily dragging its feet like a putrid sack of flesh. Once it reached the ledge, it placed a leg on the other side, leaving it hanging ten meters above the asphalt. It then put out the other leg, holding onto the window handle with only his hands as his lower body was attracted towards the street. It let go of its grip with one hand, descending more and more into the darkness below. 

Dabi’s loving gaze and gentle smile flashed before Keigo’s eyes, but he didn’t see them.

Just as he unclenched the other fist, he fell into the cold, empty void that was his death.

Chapter Text

Keigo threw an unenthusiastic glance around the room, sighing tiredly as the huge man in the blue costume asked him the same question for the fourth time in a row. He slightly scratched the back of his neck, and pieces of dried blood lodged under his fingers. Yeah, he definitely didn’t want to explain all that to a random stranger in a tight suit.

Maybe he should just pretend to be deaf and hope for the giant to finally leave him alone like everyone else. Or maybe, he should just wait until the hunger finally got the better of him and close his eyes forever, free from the numbness that was eating him alive.

<<Keigo. I need to know what happened to your head>> the man urged, furrowing his red, thick eyebrows. He had a rather funny appearance, with his beard being completely made out of flames and his blue eyes shining like gemstones. Keigo could vaguely recall having seen him on TV once or twice, but he still couldn’t grasp his name. Endavan? Endevon?

<<Did your father do this to you?>> the fiery guy asked, crossing his arms over his enormous chest. Keigo would’ve probably laughed at the sight of that weird titan, hadn’t he been trying to hold back the tears ever since the police had stormed his house.

<<No. That was an accident. It wasn’t my dad’s fault.>>

He didn’t know why he was defending his father like that; after all, he’d done way worse things than hitting a little kid. However, Keigo wanted him to be held accountable for the crimes he’d truly committed, not the ones that annoying man was pinning on him as if he was a damn board or something. As always, those people had no idea what they were talking about.

<<My dad didn’t hit me. Because if he had, that would’ve meant I mattered to him.>>

The big man lowered his head, letting out a deep sigh. Keigo couldn’t see his eyes from that angle, but he could swear there were silver sparkles going down the giant’s face.

<<Okay. Anyway, you have to come with us. You need to be medicated.>>

<<I’m fine>> Keigo hissed, clenching his teeth as he started to lose his patience. He didn’t need that man’s compassion, or anyone else’s for that matter. He wasn’t some broken mess that had to be fixed by the first bystander. He just wanted to be alone, like he’d always been, and live his life in peace. If that guy really thought he could buy his sympathy with a few nice words, then he was a fool.

<<Listen, I know it must be hard for you right now, but you need to trust me. Just this one time. You think you can do that, kiddo?>>

The titan held out his hand for Keigo to grab, but the latter huffed in refusal. He’d never had anyone to check up on him when he needed it the most, so why should that change now? He’d dealt with his loneliness a long, long time ago; even if it hurt at first, now it was just a mere stinging, a torpid throb in the chest. He didn’t want anyone’s mercy; he hated that. Why couldn’t those busybodies get the hell out of his house and disappear for good?

<<Keigo, look at me.>>

The child reluctantly raised his gaze, meeting those bright, blue eyes, which lit up the dark room with their turquoise flicker. He’d never seen such beautiful eyes, so full of wonder, so intense yet stained by a deep sadness. Keigo wondered what that man could ever be sad about, and if that shadow would ever fade away from his mesmerising irises.

<<If you hold this hand, nobody’s gonna hurt you anymore. I’ll keep you safe. I promise.>>

Keigo hesitated, staring at the giant’s gloved hand as if it was going to burn any moment now. He shakily stretched his small fingers towards the man’s, stopping only a few centimeters away from them. He couldn’t do that. It was wrong. That guy had no idea what he was talking about. Keigo wasn’t hurt. He was fine. He didn’t need to be protected by that rando. He could look after himself, like he’d always done. Alone.

But…

What if he didn’t have to be alone this time?

As soon as Keigo grabbed the man’s hand, he felt a sudden warmth flowing through his veins and heating up his frozen body, caressing his grazed skin with such gentleness it made him want to cry. His eyes widened when the titan threw him a radiant smile and squeezed his small hand tight, not letting go for anything in the world. Keigo melted into that soft touch as tears began streaming down his dirty cheeks and his throat was choked by feeble, relieved sobs, which soon mixed with the man’s soothing voice.

<<HAWKS!!!>>

Keigo shot his eyes open, gasping and coughing as the cold air pierced his lungs. He was still falling, his legs dangling in the absolute nothingness that separated him from the hard rock, which would inevitably crush all his bones and shatter his skull.

Except, he wasn’t falling at all.

There was something sweaty and sticky holding onto his right hand, and its grip was so strong not even a thousand wrenches could ever break it. Keigo lifted up his gaze, blinking a couple times to focus on the source of that impossible grasp. As soon as he spotted a tuft of black hair and a pair of light blue eyes, his heart dropped to his feet, leaving him completely breathless.

<<What the fuck, Hawks?? What do you think you’re doing??>>

Dabi’s voice was loud and shrieky, streaked by a shade of absolute terror. His cheeks and jaw were soiled by tears, which slowly rolled down the Villain’s neck as he shuddered in relief. Beside him stood Natsuo, Shigaraki, Twice, Toga, Compress and Spinner, all with the same, horrified expressions on their pale faces.

<<I’m sorry>> Keigo murmured, squeezing his eyes shut to prevent a lump from swelling in his throat.

Dabi didn’t reply. Instead, he used all his strength to pull the Hero back up, panting heavily once the latter was finally safe. Keigo fell to his knees, struggling to collect himself as everyone kept staring at him with dread.

<<What? I’m totally fine, so quit looking at me like I’m some kind of freak>> Keigo eventually snapped, glaring at them with unusual rage. The others exchanged a worried glance, lowering their gazes as the Hero scoffed in displeasure.

<<Hawks, we don’t think you’re… fine>> Twice started, anxiously playing with his hands. <<I mean, you just jumped out of a window.>>

<<And so what? I still have wings, dipshit. I can’t die like that.>>

Twice opened his mouth to say something, but was quickly shushed by a withering look from Shigaraki. The League’s boss took a firm step towards Keigo, who was drawing a deep breath in order to calm down his nerves.

<<I don’t know what the hell’s going on with you, Hero, but I can’t risk going to jail because you wanna kill yourself. So, you either get out of this place and carry on with your suicide attempts or you stay put and work out what’s wrong with your head.>>

Even though Shigaraki’s tone was stiff and unyielding, there was a hint of worry etched in it, a small tremor that had made his voice crack at the end of the sentence. Keigo noticed that his crimson eyes, always so icy and empty, were now filled with genuine fear, which was slowly spreading all across his body. The most dangerous Villain of the whole country cared about him? That was something new.

<<I wasn’t trying to kill myself. I just wanted to go for a little flight. It’s not my fault you guys get scared about everything.>>

Shigaraki shook his head and let out a defeated sigh, throwing Keigo a warning glare. The other Villains stood there in silence, not daring to look at the Hero as anger seeped through his every pore. Keigo didn’t know why he was so mad, but it didn’t matter. The only thing he wanted was for everyone to piss off and leave him alone with his goddamn feelings. He didn’t need their pity or compassion, let alone their worry. He was used to figuring things out by himself, without anyone bothering to check if he needed any help whatsoever.

Wait, where had he had those thoughts before?

<<Hawks>> Dabi called, earning a confused look from the Hero. <<Come with me.>>

Without even waiting for an answer, the Villain walked out of the room and entered the kitchen, where untouched bowls of low-quality rice laid on the worn table. Keigo immediately tagged along, eyes fixed on the filthy tiles to avoid everyone’s concerned gazes. 

Once he took a step into the dimly lit room, Dabi abruptly pushed him against the wall and pinned his wrists on the hard concrete, causing the Hero to groan in annoyance.

<<Fuck you, Dabi>> he hissed, throwing the Villain a furious grimace.

<<What the fuck was that?? Jumping out of a fucking window?? Are you fucking insane??>>

Keigo had never seen him so desperate. Even though Dabi was trying his best to look intimidating, the pain in his eyes was evident, leaking all the way down his face in the form of thick, salty tears.

<<I told you, I wanted to fly a bit. There’s no need to overreact.>>

<<Don’t fucking lie to me, Hawks. I heard the wails and sobs. I’m not an idiot.>>

Keigo frowned, hoping to dissimulate the quiver that was taking over his body. He’d done what he’d done to keep Dabi away from an inevitable suffering, but he’d failed, again. Not only was he still alive, but he’d managed to hurt everybody with his amazing stunt. And now, his boyfriend was bawling his eyes out because he hadn’t had the balls to off himself with something more effective, such as a knife or a gun. The Hero gave a hysterical cackle, bending over as his stomach revolted in disgust.

<<God, I’m such a failure. I wasn’t even able to fucking kill myself. How lame is that?>>

To Dabi’s petrified gaze, Keigo doubled over from laughter, letting out loud, wild squeals that eventually turned into distraught cries. His eyes stung so much that he’d rather carve them out with his bare hands, and his heart was squeezed by an agonising grip. He couldn’t breathe, but he didn’t care. He was just so hurt. So tired.

Why couldn’t everybody leave him alone?

Why did he want to be alone so badly?

<<Hawks…>> Dabi whispered, voice broken by an unbearable sorrow. <<Hawks, talk to me. What’s going on? Please, tell me.>>

<<And why should I?? It’s not like anything’s gonna change anyway!! But you know what can change things?! Death! Now let me go so that I can finish what I started!>>

Keigo was completely out of his mind by then. He was spitting out nonsense, vomiting empty words and hollow laughs, giving in to that darkness that was skinning him alive. Dabi was still pressing him against the wall, snivelling uncontrollably and trembling from head to toe. All that crying and sniggering eventually drew the attention of the others, and soon there were six heads peeping out of the doorframe.

<<LET ME GO!!!>> Keigo screamed, wriggling like a madman to free himself from Dabi’s grasp.

<<NO!!>> Dabi shouted back, wrapping a hand around the Hero’s neck and clutching so hard he almost broke his bones.

<<ENOUGH!!!>>

Both Keigo and Dabi turned their heads towards the kitchen entrance, shaking and panting like they’d just fought the hardest of battles. There stood Shigaraki, a death stare engraved in his scarlet eyes, mouth twisted into a fuming scowl. It only took him a hand gesture to make Dabi let go of Keigo, who miserably fell on the ground with a surprised gasp.

<<You heard him, Dabi. He wants to finish what he started? Then so be it.>>

<<WHAT??? ARE YOU CRAZY??>> the Villain retorted, eyes widened in disbelief.

<<Stopping him now would be pointless. If he’s really that far gone, he’ll do it again.>>

There were a few quiet whispers behind Shigaraki, but the latter ignored them. Instead, he walked over to Dabi and stared at him with an undecipherable look on his face, one that made the Villain flinch in fear.

<<Let him go, Dabi. There’s nothing you can do.>>

That was an order, and Dabi knew that, but he didn’t give a damn about it. He threw Shigaraki the most nauseated of glares and approached Keigo, who was still lying on the floor. He gently grabbed the Hero’s hand and helped him to get back up, tenderly stroking his red feathers to quiet down his sobs. Keigo scrunched his face in pain as the Villain placed some fingers on his neck, softly caressing the purple marks he’d left when he’d choked him.

<<Are you okay?>> he murmured, kissing the tip of Keigo’s nose.

<<Dabi, don’t make me repeat myself. That Hero is clearly beyond saving. You think a few nice words and a big smile will solve whatever’s rotting in his mind?>>

Shigaraki was right; Keigo was a lost cause. He’d let everyone down, making them suffer so much because of his recklessness. He’d spent his whole life harming people, innocent or not, and torturing them for things that, most of the time, they hadn’t even done. He’d always put his own, egotistical needs first, uncaring of how this might affect those close to him. He’d built his entire identity around one, single lie: that he was a good person.

Then why, why was Dabi still clinging on to him?

Why hadn’t he given up like everyone else?

Why was he holding his hand and whispering in his ear like a lover would do?

Yeah, that was what Dabi was. His lover. His boyfriend. But Keigo didn’t deserve any of that.

He didn’t deserve it, and yet Dabi was there.

The Villain reminded him of someone from his childhood, but Keigo couldn’t quite grasp who. He was sure this person had the same unwavering attitude, though. And also the same, bloody determination.

<<I heard you loud and clear, boss. But let me correct you there: Hawks isn’t beyond saving. He’s struggling, yes, but the fact alone that he hasn’t run away yet proves that he’s still trying.>>

Dabi emphasised those words by sliding a hand on Keigo’s waist, pulling him so close that their skins were touching. The Hero had no idea what was happening, but he couldn’t fly away, so he just waited in silence.

Or maybe, he didn’t want to go away.

<<Why?>> he simply asked, voice so low he doubted Dabi could even hear it.

Instead, the Villain smiled half-heartedly and tilted his head towards the Hero, barely holding back a tear that had formed in his right eye.

<<Because you’re the only one who’s ever trusted me, Hawks. Because, despite our differences, you dropped down your walls and let me in. Because you let me be there for you. Nobody’s ever done something like that.>>

Keigo’s mouth fell open as soon as he was struck by that declaration. The memories of that day started flushing back to him, filling his mind with thoughts and emotions he hadn’t felt in a very long time. Suddenly, he was a five-year-old kid, watching as his father was taken down by the police and shoved into a white car. A sharp twinge crossed his body once he hit his head against the floor, only to be lent a hand by a weird, giant man with a ridiculously tight suit.

If you hold this hand, nobody’s gonna hurt you anymore. I’ll keep you safe. I promise.

Endeavor may have not been right, but at least he’d tried his best to shield him from all the evil in the world.

And Dabi was now doing the same, standing up to his own boss just to protect him.

Keigo closed his eyes, unable to think, walk, speak or scream.

Just like with Endeavor, he could grab the Villain’s hand and sink into that sweet, delicate illusion that was the warmth of having someone care for you.

But while with Endeavor it hadn’t worked, maybe with Dabi it could.

Maybe it could.

Chapter Text

<<Morning, Hawks.>>

<<Mornin’.>>

<<How are you feeling today?>>

<<Mmh. Next question?>>

<<Does that Todoroki bastard really have to stay with us? He ate my cereal today. Again.>>

<<Yes, Dabi. How many times do I need to tell you? He won’t be safe until we find the real spy.>>

<<He kinda looks like a real spy to me, the motherfucker. Should I remind you that he saw us kissing and doing stuff?>>

<<Come on, Dabi. We’ve talked about this. He just wanted some answers.>>

<<Yeah, and I bet he found them in our tongues swirling and hips grinding.>>

Keigo was way too tired to argue, so he just sighed wearily and raised his hands in defeat. Knowing he’d taken one too many steps, Dabi bit his bottom lip with regret, then softly ran a hand through the Hero’s blond hair.

<<Sorry. I know I’m a pain in the ass.>>

<<Nah, it’s alright. I just don’t understand why Natsuo gets under your skin so much.>>

<<Well, he spied on us. It would be odd if I found him funny or something.>>

<<Yeah, but it’s not just that. I know there’s something else. Something… personal.>>

Keigo carefully analysed Dabi’s reaction to that sentence, trying to take in as much information as possible. A week had passed since the Hero had brought Natsuo to the hideout, and everyone seemed to get along with him by then. Everyone, except Dabi. He always had something to complain about, like Natsuo’s unnecessarily cocky attitude, or the way he chewed too loudly, or his raspy voice, and that sort of stuff. At first, Keigo had interpreted all those whines as Dabi’s default approach to strangers, especially the ones who didn’t exactly fit in the “Villain” standard. After all, Natsuo was the son of the Number One Hero; it was only natural that Dabi would act rude and distrustful for a while. However, the Villain still wasn’t showing any intentions of accepting (or even tolerating) Natsuo, and the thing worried Keigo a lot. Natsuo was giving his all to get into Dabi’s good graces, but his efforts were just not enough. It was almost like the Villain hated him on purpose; he completely ignored everything the young man had done to repay the League for their welcome and instead focused on his mistakes, constantly underlining how those errors could bring them to their demise. Keigo was sure there were ulterior motives to that loathing, but he just didn’t understand what could possibly lead Dabi to despise someone so fiercely.

<<There’s nothing personal, Hawks. He just pisses me off. End of story.>>

Dabi suddenly stopped caressing Keigo’s hair and got out of the bed, pacing back and forth as he always did when he needed to release some tension. The Hero’s question had upset him, which meant that he was lying about something. And Keigo wasn’t exactly fond of lies.

<<Very well, then. You won’t mind me taking him with us to the patrols, right? After all, it’s just some casual dislike->>

Keigo didn’t even finish the sentence that his mouth was covered by two, strong hands. He muffled in shock, grabbing Dabi’s wrists as the grip on his face grew tighter.

<<Natsuo Todoroki has nothing to do with us, and he never will. He’s just a cockroach; nothing more, nothing less. Understood?>>

The threatening tone in the Villain’s voice only deepened Keigo’s suspicions, causing him to frown. He then shook Dabi off of him and stood up, facing the latter with a serious look on his face.

<<Why is that? He’s done nothing wrong ever since I brought him here. Hell, he’s even helped us with our illegal stuff, and all without uttering a single word. So, why would you even call him a cockroach?>>

<<Go to hell>> was Dabi’s response, who curved his lips in disgust and grumpily stormed down the hallway, incinerating everything that got in his way. Keigo followed right along, carefully dodging the Villain’s attacks and pulling him back with both his arms, earning this way a raging hiss from the latter.

<<What’s your problem??>> Dabi grunted, violently slapping the Hero’s hands to wriggle out of his grip.

<<What are you hiding from me? What’s the matter with Natsuo?>> Keigo insisted, straining to hold Dabi back and getting him into his room.

<<I’m not hiding anything! He just gets on my nerves, that’s all!>>

<<I DON’T BELIEVE YOU!>>

Keigo wished he never pronounced those words. The absolutely betrayed look that stained Dabi’s face right after was simply unbearable. 

The Villain roughly freed himself from the Hero’s grasp, glaring at him with something between aversion and disbelief as Keigo shook his head in remorse. He then walked all down the corridor, insensitive to the Hero’s pleads and begs, just wanting to get the fuck out of that place before he’d burn it all down.

<<Dabi, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean->>

<<Fuck off.>>

<<Please, just let me explain->>

<<Leave me alone.>>

<<Baby, I believe you->>

<<Then why the hell are you still asking questions about Natsuo??>>

Keigo slowly lowered his gaze, hit hard by Dabi’s accusation. The Villain was damn right; someone who trusted their partner would never doubt them so much. Ever since the day he’d tried to end it all, Keigo had searched for ways to keep his mind busy so that he wouldn’t give in to the darkness again, and one of them was overanalysing everything that just didn’t sit right with him. By focusing on Dabi’s unjustified approach towards Natsuo, however, he’d completely forgotten how much he was actually hurting the Villain. Only a week before, Dabi had openly confronted Shigaraki just to stay by his side, and Keigo was now repaying him by questioning his words. How shameful.

<<I know. I’m sorry. I should’ve never said that.>>

<<But you did. So much for trusting me and letting me in, huh?>> Dabi scoffed, shakingly placing a hand on his chest to regain composure. Keigo could already see the tears peeking through his light blue eyes.

<<Sometimes I wonder if this is all just an act. If you don’t really love me.>>

And with that, Dabi stomped out of the lair, slamming the front door behind him just as the sun started rising at the horizon. 

He’d done it again. He’d harmed somebody. But this time, it hurt like a bitch.

<<Hey man, is everything alright? I just saw a giant ball of blue flames fly past me and I thought… oh.>>

Keigo swallowed down a sob as his eyes were mercilessly flooded by tears. He really didn’t want to cry, not in front of other people, but he just couldn’t help himself. Before he knew it, the Hero was on his knees, his whole body shaken by violent weeps and his face covered in sweat and tears. God, he hated feeling like that. He hated it, but didn’t have the strength to stop. He’d lost it a long, long time ago, together with his freedom and, ultimately, his will to live.

<<Hawks, what happened?>> Natsuo asked, crouching next to the Hero and softly rubbing his shoulders.

<<I’m a disaster>> Keigo sniffled, holding his head with both his hands as it throbbed painfully.

<<Don’t say that, man. You know that’s now true.>>

Natsuo’s voice had something weirdly calming in it, almost like the sleeping pills Keigo used to take every night when he first got to the Commission. It reminded him of Endeavor’s imperious yet peaceful tone, an odd lullaby that somehow had always managed to soothe his nerves. Now that he thought about it, Natsuo was practically the spitting image of his father. Everything about him, going from his hairstyle to the way he talked and moved, was the same as the Number One Hero’s. Of all of Endeavor’s children, Natsuo was probably the one who looked like him the most. Keigo highly doubted the white-haired man would be happy to know it, though.

<<Come on, let me buy you an ice cream>> Natsuo gave the Hero a bright smile, grabbing his wrist and running towards the front door. <<You like ice cream, right?>>

<<Yeah>> Keigo exhaled as Natsuo sped up and darted out of the building, only slowing down when they had to cross the street a few blocks ahead.

<<What was that for??>> the Hero panted, gasping for air.

<<I felt like you needed a distraction>> Natsuo replied, raising a hand to stop a car and get on the other side of the road. <<To be honest, you looked like you were gonna kill yourself.>>

<<Huh, going for dark humor then?>> Keigo scoffed, trying to ignore the pang that had just cut his chest open.

<<Nah, wasn’t a joke. You’re not the first suicidal person I know.>>

Keigo frowned, deeply puzzled, but Natsuo didn’t seem to notice. Instead, he turned around a corner and walked down a dark, narrow alley, one of those where the stench of sewer covered up everything else.

<<You know, it’s in places like this that most people get abducted>> Keigo whispered, trying his best to sound uncanny. In response, Natsuo just cocked an eyebrow and rolled his eyes, exasperated.

<<I was thinking more of it as a perfect make-out spot, but I guess everyone had their opinion.>>

To Keigo’s dismayed huff, Natsuo let out an amused chuckle and stepped out of the alley, where a little ice cream shop was waiting for them on the left. Once the Hero walked in, he was met by a young lady with huge glasses and a smile that gently stretched across her round face. It took him a while to spot the orange cat lying on the counter, emerald eyes staring at him with curiosity.

<<Hello, Hanako>> Natsuo greeted, showing off his best grin. <<Me and my friend here would like a two-flavor cone.>>

<<Alright!>> Hanako cheered, grabbing two crispy wafers and reaching the steel tubs containing the ice cream. <<Oh, what flavors do you want?>>

<<Caramel and pistachio for me>> Natsuo answered, then turned his head towards Keigo <<And for my friend…>>

<<Mint chocolate chip and strawberry>> the Hero said, earning a surprised sigh from the other.

<<Those were Toya’s favourites>> he commented, fishing his pockets to find his wallet. <<Ah! Here it is.>> He pulled out a five-dollar buck and placed it on the counter.

<<Wait, I can pay for my cone>> Keigo muttered, grabbing his phone and going through every app until he got to the one with the credit card icon.

<<Man, that’s okay! Take it as a thank you gift for letting me stay with you and the guys.>>

<<But I practically forced you to stay with us>> the Hero pointed out, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion.

<<That’s not the point>> Natsuo said between his teeth, throwing Keigo an irritated glare. <<Hanako, I’ll pay for both the cones>> he added, and the girl nodded with a smile.

<<It was nice seeing you, Natsu!>> the woman waved, and the cat meowed his goodbyes right after. As soon as they exited the shop, a sly, mischievous smirk appeared on Keigo’s face.

<<”Natsu”? Cute nickname>> the Hero teased, playfully nudging Natsuo’s arm as the latter snorted.

<<She’s just a friend, Hawks. Plus, everybody calls me that. You’re the only one who puts the “o” in it.>>

<<Oh>> was all Keigo said, lowering his gaze as a numb, cold feeling grasped his chest. <<You know, nobody’s called me by my real name ever since, well, I became “Hawks”.>>

The two walked in silence for a while, the quiet only interrupted by their steady breaths and the birds chirping all over them. Keigo began boredly licking his ice cream, carefully glancing at Natsuo to try and understand what he was thinking about.

<<Do you miss it? Being called… that?>>

That question ran over Keigo like a freight train. The last time he’d heard his name was more than seventeen years ago, and the last person to ever utter it had been none other than president of the Commission. He still remembered how the man’s gaze had frozen when he’d stepped into that big, circular room for the first time, looking around in both fear and amazement. He recalled his black, cruel eyes and his thin lips, which had curled in disdain at the sight of Keigo’s trembling frame.

Keigo Takami, from now on the world will know you as “Hawks”. To properly take on the task of being a Hero, you have to give up your old identity and follow our orders. Every hope, dream, purpose must be put aside and replaced with your new goal: saving people.

Three, simple sentences, yet they’d completely changed Keigo’s whole trajectory of life. That was the moment he’d lost everything. That was the moment he’d stripped himself of who he truly was and put on a mask, and then another, and then another, until he’d become unrecognisable. He was only a child, but he’d already vowed his entire existence to something he had absolutely no control over. That way, he’d screwed up the next seventeen years of his life, and all the ones yet to come. There was no escaping. It was like a cage to which Keigo had the key but there was no lock to put it in. The Commission was the cage, and the key… the Hero shook his head. Who could the key ever be?

<<I have no idea, to be honest. I kinda feel like I’d be weirded out by it, though.>>

<<Maybe you’re just waiting for the right person to say it.>>

Keigo widened his eyes, astounded.  To be fair, he’d never thought of it like that. His real name had always been some sort of taboo, something he’d rather keep off his mind than deal with. As long as nobody knew his previous identity, he didn’t have to worry about hearing that twisted name, which got stuck in his throat every time he tried to let it out. That, however, didn’t mean he necessarily liked his Hero name. He hated “Hawks” just as much as he hated “Keigo”; the only difference was that “Hawks” was only an empty shell, while “Keigo” was the shadow of an empty man.

But what if Natsuo was right?

What if he wanted someone else, someone special, to say it out loud?

<<Oh and by “the right person”, I mean Dabi.>>

<<I told you, there’s nothing between us. It’s just… work stuff.>>

<<Woah, that’s the worst lie I’ve ever heard.>>

The Hero sighed, watching as the ice cream melted under the warm sunbeams. Natsuo took a bite of the wafer and stared back at Keigo, a knowing sneer written all over his face. 

<<Fine, maybe Dabi and I are in a relationship. But this doesn’t mean he’s the right person. And the same thing goes for him, of course. I mean, how do we even know if this is gonna last?>>

<<Hawks. How do you know it’s not gonna last?>>

Keigo furrowed his eyebrows, pensive. He’d focused so much on the worst case scenarios that he’d completely forgotten the way Dabi made him feel in the first place. He may be conflicted about a lot right now, but one thing was for sure: he wanted Dabi in his life. He wanted him so bad that his heart ached every time they were apart, and the thought of losing him was simply unbearable. He wanted his love, his care, his beautiful smile, his ruffled hair and those mesmerising eyes, which shone brighter than every star in the universe.

He wanted him, but he couldn’t have him.

Their relationship was doomed from the start. Sooner or later, Keigo would wound up destroying everything, and Dabi would be inevitably caught in the crossfire. He had to prevent that from happening. He had to keep him safe. He’d rather die than shatter his heart and hurt his feelings.

Yeah.

<<How long have you been together?>> Natsuo suddenly asked, snapping the Hero out of his thoughts. 

<<Three or four weeks, I think. But we met almost two months ago. Crazy how fast time passes, huh?>>

Natsuo nodded slowly, savoring his caramel ball. They were nearing a main street now, the squeak of horns and screech of wheels filling the air. Keigo wished he could open his wings and fly away, far from all that noise and all those people, but he wasn’t really in the mood of carrying Natsuo with him. To be fair, he’d never flown anybody before, and he probably never would. It just had never felt right. It had never felt right.

<<Anyway, I think you make a great couple. I’ve seen the look in Dabi’s eyes when you… uhm… went for that little flight. And also the way he confronted Shigaraki… even though he’s batshit crazy and potentially murderous, he seems to love you a lot.>>

<<Yeah. Problem is this love won’t last long.>>

Natsuo rolled his eyes, frustrated. The noise was getting louder and louder.

<<Man, why do you always gotta be so negative? Enjoy what you have now and live in the present! We know nothing about the future, but we sure know what to do right now, in this exact moment!>>

<<It’s easy for you to say. For me… it’s a different story.>>

<<Come on, Hawks. I understand you’re worried because Dabi is a Villain and everything, but he probably won’t get caught anytime soon. Plus, with you in the League, he may never see the prison bars, you know.>>

<<It’s not just that. Sure, I’m worried, but… there’s something that will completely devastate him if I don’t act fast. Something I have no control over.>>

They were now on the edge of the sidewalk. The road that unfolded before them was crossed by hundreds and hundreds of cars, which sped down the asphalt with their loud engines and shrieking wheels. The noise was so annoying. So deafening. It pierced through Keigo’s ears and drilled his cranium, leaving behind head-splitting pangs that just wouldn’t go away. It made the Hero’s stomach swirl in disgust.

<<Hey man, are you okay?>> Natsuo gently placed a hand on Keigo’s shoulder, slowly caressing it with the tips of his fingers. 

<<Yeah, don’t worry. It’s just loud noises, they make me a bit nauseous.>>

<<Oh, I’m truly sorry>> the man apologised, dragging Keigo away from the traffic.

<<It’s not your fault, Natsu. You had no idea.>>

Before Keigo could even fully process what he’d just said, Natsuo’s face lit up with joy, and a big grin stretched from one cheek to another. He patted the Hero on the back and gave him thumbs up, as if to reward him for the effort of calling him by his nickname.

<<Good job, man. Now I can finally consider you my friend?>>

<<Shut up, you dumbass. You were already my friend.>>

<<I know. Just wanted to make it official.>>

<<Idiot.>>

Natsuo let out a soft chuckle, then took the last bite of his cone. Keigo’s ice cream had melted minutes before, but he hadn’t had the heart to go back and buy another one.

<<Listen, I don’t wanna pressure you into telling me anything, but… what exactly is this “something” you can’t control?>>

Keigo froze in his steps, speechless. He’d been so distracted by the traffic noise that he hadn’t even paid attention to what he was saying. Now he had two options: either tell Natsuo the truth, or make up a flawless lie and settle down that question once and for all. Keigo would’ve gone for the second, but his mouth opened on its own.

<<The Commission sent me to infiltrate the League. I’m actually a double agent and my task is to spy on them. And this means that… I’ll have to betray Dabi. And everyone else.>>

The Hero spoke so fast that he ran out of breath at the end of the sentence. He hadn’t intended to say any of that. He’d already built the perfect story to tell, complete with fake tears and sighs. He just couldn’t understand why he’d told Natsuo, of all people, the truth about his mission.

It wasn’t a bad feeling, though. Actually, Keigo was now the best he’d been in months. It was like he’d gotten rid of the overwhelming weight that had crushed his chest ever since the beginning, like he could finally breathe without gasping for air. Even the annoying chatter of people around him didn’t seem that terrible anymore.

If he’d just done that sooner. If he’d just had the courage to tell Dabi…

<<Hawks, I’m really unfamiliar with this sort of thing, but I know you’ll find a way. And I know you’ll deal with all the shit running through your head too. You’re strong, man. Probably the strongest person I know.>>

<<You don’t know what you’re talking about>> Keigo laughed bitterly, slumping his shoulders in defeat.

<<I think I do. You’ve been neglected by both your parents ever since you were born. Your father went to prison and your mother sold you to the worst parasites of the country. You were forced to become a Hero and give up everything you stood for. And yet, you’re still here. That’s something big.>>

<<But I nearly killed myself the other day>> the Hero retorted, tears stinging his eyes.

<<That’s not something to be ashamed of, Hawks. Everyone has their highs and lows. You hit your lowest low, and now you’re giving it all to get back up again. If that’s not something heroic, I don’t know what is.>>

Keigo shook his head, barely repressing a sob. How could Natsuo think all that after what he’d seen? After what the Hero had done? He didn’t deserve those words, or Natsuo’s kindness, or the League worrying about him. What he deserved was a slow, excruciating death, one in which he had to think about all his mistakes before he could finally leave this damn Earth. He deserved to be tortured, stabbed, mangled, hurt. He deserved everyone’s hatred, not love. Not love.

Not love.

<<By the way, I’m sure Dabi thinks the same. He loves you, man. He loves you so much it’s unbearable to watch sometimes.>>

Keigo felt the world stop spinning as soon as Natsuo uttered those words.

And then it hit him.

The impact those sentences had on him was unlike anything he’d ever experienced. He suddenly felt light, as if he wasn’t restrained by his flash and bones anymore. Everything around him became so bright it almost dazzled him, and his skin was tenderly fondled by the warmth of the midday sun. His heart and soul became one, united by the same, powerful feeling, which flowed through his veins like ten shots of adrenaline. His mind was now empty, only crossed by one, striking thought: Natsuo was right.

Dabi’s love was written all over his body, yet Keigo had been too blind to see it.

He’d been sucked in that whirlpool of guilt and regret for way too long, overcome by emotions he didn’t want to feel. He’d let the darkness in and shut the door right behind it, cutting off all those people that could’ve helped him find the light.

Maybe it was too late, maybe not; Keigo didn’t care.

He was just tired of the darkness, tired of being stuck in that cycle of endless despair.

He had a long journey ahead of him, a rather perilous and difficult one, but that was alright.

He wanted to find the light.

<<I love him too>> he simply whispered, as a tear adorned his right cheek.

Chapter Text

On the way back to the hideout, Keigo decided to stop by a flower shop and buy an apology gift for Dabi. The Villain had mentioned during one of their early talks that he particularly liked red camellias, so he went and got a bouquet of them. Natsuo had worn a smug face throughout the entire walk home, sneering maliciously every time he looked at the Hero and his goddamn flowers. Keigo wished he could smother the man to death, but he didn’t want to go through the hassle of hiding the body, so he just threw him as many furious glares as possible. 

<<If Dabi’s already there when we get back, go into your room and don’t make a single noise>> Keigo commanded, earning a bored sigh from Natsuo.

<<I was hoping I could carry on with my investigation>> the man teased, causing the Hero to shake his head in disbelief.

<<You’re preposterous. I should’ve called the cops on you when we first met.>>

<<Mmh, and I should’ve told the Commission you’re in a committed relationship with the Villain you’re supposed to be spying on.>>

Keigo lowered his gaze, struck and sunk by that statement. He knew Natsuo had only meant that as a joke, but it still made his chest throb in pain. He didn’t want to think about it. Not now. He had to make things right with Dabi first.

<<Point taken. Anyway, I need this to be perfect. It may be my last shot at preventing the disaster.>>

<<You’re so melodramatic, Hawks. But I get what you mean. I’ll let you and Dabi have your cheesy moment without interfering.>>

<<Why did it sound like you’re allowing us to spend some time alone??>>

<<Ah, don’t push your luck, Hawks. You don’t wanna go back to the basement, do you?>>

Natsuo’s ribbing tone made Keigo cackle loudly, thus scaring off a flock of birds right above their heads. The Hero then looked at the white-haired man and smiled, silently thanking him for driving him off his thoughts for a bit. Keigo had no idea what would’ve happened if Natsuo hadn’t been there earlier on, and the awareness of it gave him the chills.

<<Hey. Aren’t those Dabi’s boots?>> the man asked, pointing at a pair of black, shabby shoes, which were now completely covered in dirt and mud.

<<Yeah. I wonder where he’s been, though. He usually puts a lot of attention into keeping his clothes clean.>>

<<Maybe he got stuck in a swamp>> Natsuo suggested, to which Keigo rolled his eyes.

<<Sure, because there are, like, a thousand swamps around the city.>>

<<Man, relax! Just wanted to ease the tension.>>

<<I’m not tense. I’m feeling great, actually. I could run a hundred miles and not feel tired afterwards.>>

<<I highly doubt that, Hero.>>

Dabi’s unusually rough voice made Keigo’s hair stand to its end. As his heart dropped to his feet, the Hero slowly turned around, finding himself face to face with an extremely pissed off Dabi. His eyes were dimmed by a cold, harsh shadow, which reflected upon his serious frown and stiffly pursed lips. He was leaning against the wall, arms crossed on his chest and coat swirling in the feeble autumn breeze.

<<I… uh… I have a present for you>> Keigo blurted out, handing the flowers to the Villain. Dabi scrunched his eyebrows as a hint of surprise coursed his gaze, but immediately went back to his vexed scowl when the Hero glanced at him. Keigo swallowed hard, not knowing what to expect.

<<Red camellias. My favourites.>>

<<Yeah. You said you liked them a lot, so I thought… I thought I should buy them.>>

Dabi gave a sharp nod, then snatched the flowers from Keigo’s grasp and silently headed to his room. Natsuo looked at the Hero in confusion, opening his mouth a couple times but not letting out any sound.

<<You think he’s still mad?>> he finally asked, worry etched all over his face.

<<I don’t know. Probably. Hey, at least he liked the flowers.>>

Despite his cheerful and airy tone, the Hero was practically dying inside. His heart was beating so fast it could rupture his ribcage any moment now, and his stomach had completely shut down, squeezed tight by that old, clammy feeling he was trying so hard to push away. He was disappointed in himself and his pathetic attempt at mending things with Dabi, and the thought of it alone sickened him. How could he be so naive? So gullible?

Keigo sighed deeply, shaking those feelings off his head and looking at the corridor.

<<You think he’ll ever forgive me?>> he whispered, afraid of what Natsuo could say.

<<Hawks, I don’t know him very well, and we aren’t exactly on good terms. Still, I’m sure he will. I told you, he loves you a lot.>>

<<I wish I could tell him that I love him too>> Keigo commented, and his gaze was overcome by sadness.

<<Why don’t you?>> Natsuo inquired, tilting his head to have a better look at the Hero.

Before he could reply, Keigo heard something rustle in the far corner of the hallway. He poorly repressed an astonished gasp as Dabi made his way towards him, stopping only a few millimeters from him. The Hero could feel the Villain’s warm breath on his skin, which shivered at the unexpected touch. He tried to gulp, but his throat was hoarse. His thoughts were running through his head at a thousand miles per hour, shooting back and forth like crazy missiles.

<<I put them in a vase>> Dabi said, staring at Keigo with such intensity that the latter felt like he had no room to breathe.

<<Oh, okay>> he babbled, nervously rubbing his neck with one hand.

<<They smell good. I really like them.>>

<<I’m glad you do.>> The Hero averted his gaze from Dabi’s, unable to sustain it any further.

<<I’m sorry for what I said. I was upset, and I spouted out bullshit.>>

<<No, I’m the one who’s sorry. I should’ve never doubted you in the first place. I trust you, I really do, but sometimes… I don’t know, my mind gets in the way.>>

<<Yeah, I noticed.>>

Both Dabi and Keigo lowered their heads, awkwardly glancing at each other every now and then. The tension was so thick it could be sliced in half, and it would’ve become overwhelming if Natsuo hadn’t cleared his throat, catching the two men’s attention.

<<It looks like you need to sort some things out, so I’ll get out of the way. Let me know when you’re done so that we can get lunch together!>>

As soon as Natsuo was out of sight, Dabi threw Keigo a sarcastic grin.

<<He really thinks we’ll eat with him? What an idiot.>>

<<Natsuo is not an idiot, Dabi. He’s a kind person who cares a lot about the people he loves. While you were off doing God knows what, he took me out for an ice cream, you know.>>

<<Oh, is that so? I guess we can officially consider him your new boyfriend, then.>>

<<What??>> Keigo yelled, bewildered. Dabi scoffed in annoyance, rolling his eyes as the Hero looked at him in utter shock.

<<All you do is compliment the bastard! Natsuo’s nice, he cooks well, he’s clean, he dresses cool, and this sort of shit. You just won’t stop talking about him! And now, you let him buy you ice creams??>

Dabi was outraged; the Hero could see it from the vein in his forehead throbbing violently and his left eye twitching without control. A rush of pure anger flowed through Keigo’s blood as he stared at his boyfriend with consternation.

<<Are you fucking insane?? Now I can’t even have a walk with my friends??>>

<<Since when he’s your friend, huh?? Last time I checked, he was fucking spying on us!>>

<<I’ve already told you why he did that!! Are you deaf or something??>>

<<No, I think I heard pretty well. And what I heard is that you care about him more than you care about me!>>

Keigo saw something shine in Dabi’s eyes, but maybe it was just the sunlight catching in his light blue irises. The anger was getting the better of him, raging through his whole body like a thunderstorm. He clenched his fists, digging his nails into his palms to stop the tremor that was overtaking them.

<<I hope you’re joking, Dabi>> Keigo warned, taking a step closer to the Villain.

<<I’m afraid I’m serious, Hawks>> Dabi retorted, emphasising his name with disgust. <<It took us what, a month to confess our love to one another? I even thought I was crazy because I felt that way about you. I was ashamed of myself, of my feelings. And now, you meet a new bitch and fall all head over heels for him? Congratufuckinglations.>>

The Hero shook his head, dumbfounded. What was Dabi even talking about?? Was he completely nuts?? He just couldn’t believe his ears. As a new load of anger shot through his veins, Keigo grabbed the Villain’s arm and wrenched it in a vice-like hold, almost popping all his staples. Dabi hissed furiously, trying to wriggle himself out of that crushing grip but failing.

<<Nothing you said is true, Dabi, and you know it very well. You’re just lashing out on me because you feel guilty about running away earlier. About leaving me alone.>>

The Villain widened his eyes, which were now crossed by a mix of fear and regret. Keigo’s hurt twinged as he tightened his grasp on Dabi, but he ignored it. He was way too out of himself to even think straight.

<<You said those horrible things and left me there to deal with all that shit. Who knows what would’ve happened if Natsuo hadn’t been there. Maybe I would’ve jumped out of the window again.>>

<<Don’t even joke about it>> Dabi pleaded, tears filling his eyes.

<<But you know it’s not a joke. My mind’s fucked up, Dabi. I have these awful thoughts that just won’t go away, and sometimes it gets so bad I just wish I could disappear. Forever.>>

Dabi didn’t reply. He simply let out a shaky sob, wiping away the tears with his free hand as Keigo looked at him absent-mindedly. The anger was slowly surging out of his body, replaced by a dull, hollow numbness.

<<There’s nothing between me and Natsuo. He’s just a friend who helped me when I needed it most. Unlike you.>>

<<Are you fucking guilt-tripping me right now??>> Dabi cried, sniffling uncontrollably.

<<No. I’m simply stating the facts. And for the record, it’s not my fault we got together after such a long time. You were the one who pushed me away and acted as if I didn’t exist anymore.>>

<<I’ve already apologised for that>> the Villain whispered quietly, his gaze stained by an overbearing guilt.

<<I know. I’m not throwing anything in your face, Dabi. I would never do that. I just think that maybe we should figure out our issues before we’re ready to be in a relationship together.>>

Keigo let go of Dabi and walked down the corridor, refusing to turn around even when the Villain desperately yelled out his name. He almost tripped down as something clasped his jacket, pulling him back with crazy force.

<<I don’t wanna break up>> was all the Hero heard, buried under the sobs and wails of a shuddering Dabi.

<<It’s for the best>> he said, as his heart gnawed again in his chest.

<<No, it’s not. I wanna be there for you, Hawks. I wanna work this shit out, together. Please don’t break up with me.>>

Dabi’s voice was just a whisper, but it still hit Keigo like a million trucks. As tears bit the corners of his eyes, he turned around, meeting eyes with the Villain and drowning into his shattered gaze.

<<I’m broken, Dabi. I’m no good for you.>>

<<I don’t care. Baby, I love you. How can you not understand that?>>

Keigo understood it very well. He’d known that since the beginning, since he’d first met Dabi, but he’d denied everything. Every thought, feeling, moment was just another rat trapped in the maze of his mind, shoved aside to let the pain win. That trick had always worked; it let him sink into the bittersweet dream that he could live his best life if he didn’t give in to those inconvenient emotions, which would only contribute to worsen his fragile mental state. He’d always believed he didn’t need those kinds of feelings, that they would eventually cause him a lot of suffering. And although not being completely wrong, he’d missed out on something: repressing those emotions was just as bad as letting them out. He needed a regulator, some sort of relief valve that could help him channel all chaos into something good, something worth living for. He used to think he’d find it in his job as a Hero, but he’d ended up getting hurt over and over again. But now, with Dabi, things were different.

If Dabi was still there, even after everything, then Keigo had done a heavy miscalculation.

Never had he thought that one day he’d find his relief valve. His lifeline.

With Dabi, even working as a double agent for the Commission and having to put up with all their shit didn’t seem that much of a trouble.

Keigo sighed as the importance of that realisation dawned on him. He couldn’t keep lying to Dabi. He’d said it once before, but he’d been paralysed by the dread that Dabi would leave him if he knew the truth. He couldn’t risk losing the only person he’d truly loved, the one man he’d sacrifice everything for, even if it meant being brutally slaughtered or tortured by the Commission.

But now, he was ready. Dabi had proven multiple times that he wouldn’t abandon him for anything in the world. That he wanted to stay by his side and help him get through his trauma, his anxiety, his depression.

By the way, I’m sure Dabi thinks the same. He loves you, man. He loves you so much it’s unbearable to watch sometimes.

Jeez, Keigo should really build Natsuo a goddamn statue.

<<I understand, Dabi. I do.>>

Keigo slowly embraced the Villain in his arms, caressing his spiky hair as the latter panted heavily in his chest. He then placed a few pecks on his nose, his cheeks, his jaw, until they finally locked their lips together and melted into a breath-taking kiss.

<<Dabi, there’s something you should know>> the Hero murmured, tenderly running his fingers on the Villain’s mouth.

<<Mh?>> Dabi hummed, giving Keigo another tender kiss.

<<I… I’m not here because I agree with your beliefs and want to become a Villain. The Commission… they sent me to spy on you and report on your activities. I mean, this should be the task, but I haven’t heard from them since… uh… I came here two months ago.>>

The Hero cautiously peeked at Dabi, his heart doubling its speed as their eyes met. He couldn’t really tell what emotions or thoughts were hidden behind those blue gems, but he was pretty sure it wasn’t anger. It looked more like… relief? Happiness, maybe?

Happiness???

<<I already knew that, stupid bird. Having a Hero as a father has its perks, I guess. But still… I’m glad you told me. At least, I’m not going crazy.>>

Keigo frowned. <<What do you mean?>>

Dabi seemed to think about the best answer, softly playing with the Hero’s fingers in the process. He then closed his eyes and smiled fondly, making Keigo blush a deep shade of red.

<<Last time I trusted someone, it went sideways. I was so angry and hurt, and I promised myself I would never let anyone else in. That’s also kinda the reason why I haven’t bonded with the League much. But when we met… I found it hard not to trust you. Everything you said, or did, or didn’t do… it all seemed so authentic. So genuine. All the little talks we had at the pub, the kisses we shared… I never once doubted their rawness. I guess that’s what made me fall for you. What made me feel safe around you.>>

A small tear rolled down Dabi’s cheek, and Keigo wiped it before it could land on their clothes. The Villain chuckled lightly, softly poking the Hero’s arm with his index.

<<At the same time, though, I could tell you were holding back. Sure, you were happy to get together and everything, but there was something off, something I couldn’t grasp. At first I thought you just needed some time to figure out how to be my boyfriend, but then… the spy stuff really threw me off. You were so jumpy for no reason at all, so… scared. I think I got confirmation to my suspicions when you went and talked to Silver alone. Clearly there was something you weren’t telling me. I wanted to talk to you about all of this, but then that asshole of Natsuo ruined everything.>>

<<Dear God, can’t you just leave poor Natsuo out of this?>> Keigo teased, earning a grin from the Villain.

<<Nah. Where would the fun be otherwise? Anyway, when you tried to… uhm… end it all, I thought it would be better not to put pressure on you. Of course I was pissed off because you were hiding stuff from me, but your mental health mattered more, so I just dropped it. And then… you started asking me questions about Natsuo. I felt the floor collapsing under my feet. You… you weren’t trusting me enough to believe my words.>>
<<Dabi, I’m sorry->> Keigo was interrupted by a sharp head shake, with Dabi and him intertwining fingers as the former kept talking.

<<I understand why you did that. Working for the Commission… must be hard. I’ve heard some stuff about them. I just felt really bad because I didn’t want you to lie to me, but at the same time I didn’t wanna force you to say anything.>>

<<So, when you asked me what my deal was with them…?>>

<<Yeah, that was a mistake. I was already bitter because of the hip wound and everything, and I just… it slipped.>>

Keigo gently stroked Dabi’s fingers with his thumb, careful not to hurt his burnt skin while he did that. He wondered if the Villain felt anything at all on that pile of scars, or if it was just completely numb, a dead piece of rotten flesh.

<<I still don’t get it. Why did you think you were crazy?>> he asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

<<Because I was afraid you would never tell me the truth. That you would keep lying to me, and push me away. Like… like you were doing a while ago.>>

<<So, all that talk about me trusting you and letting you in… what, you were trying to convince yourself?>>

<<Sorta. I haven’t been in a really good place lately. Between you, your feelings, my father, some private stuff… I’ve been a bit overloaded.>>

The Hero nodded understandingly, nuzzling his face against Dabi’s shoulder. He’d been so deep in his own shit that he hadn’t even thought about how all of that was affecting the people around him, especially his boyfriend. He must’ve suffered so much, believing that Keigo didn’t trust him and having to cope against the fact that the Hero was, indeed, broken. Keigo shut his eyes, holding back the tears. He couldn’t allow himself to cry, not there, not now. He couldn’t make everything about himself; it wasn’t right. He had to be there for Dabi just like Dabi had been there for him all those days. No, all those months.

<<This is probably useless, but I trust you, Dabi. With all my heart.>>

Keigo wished he could say something more, like that he loved the Villain and he would always do, but that wasn’t the right moment.

A warm smile stretched on Dabi’s face, lighting up his tired features.

<<I trust you too, Hawks.>>

Chapter Text

A couple of days later, Keigo had officially given up on trying to catch the real spy.

Carrying on with their plan was out of question, and the Hero wasn’t exactly in the right mindset to think of a new one. Moreover, he didn’t even feel that much observed anymore. He hadn’t had that horrible, unnerving fear crawling under his skin ever since the argument with Dabi, and the Villain looked more relaxed too. Maybe he was biting off more than he could chew, but he truly wanted to think the spy had gone for good. He still didn’t feel safe enough to let Natsuo go home or totally drop his guard, but at least he could walk around without having his stomach churn in dread, so that was quite the upgrade.

All of that had only one downside: Keigo didn’t have anything to keep his mind busy with anymore. Which meant that, in the long run, he’d go completely insane.

The Hero had never struggled much with his mental health, so that was kind of new for him. To be fair, he’d always buried his negative thoughts and emotions under layers and layers of forced indifference, hoping that they would simply disappear one day. The only thing that had managed to resurface every now and then was his anxiety, but it wasn’t like the Commission would ever allow him to show any weaknesses, so he’d just bottled it up like everything else. But now, falling in love with Dabi and genuinely caring about the League had stirred those trapped feelings, digging them up from the grave of Keigo’s heart and scattering them all across his head. The guilt and pressure of having to lie and deceive for an organisation he utterly despised had become unbearable, and so had his self-hatred. The Hero had tried to deny it for a very long time, often attributing those terrible thoughts to poor sleep or a bit of tiredness, but he couldn’t keep deluding himself like that. He thought about all the awful things he’d done in the past over and over again, and couldn’t stop blaming himself for all the harm he’d caused. He felt he was worthless, a monster in Hero’s clothing, a disgusting individual who deserved nothing but suffering. Maybe he should just end it all and get out of everyone’s way. 

Right.

He should probably go and see a therapist; maybe they could teach him how to cope against all the shit filling up his head. However, he couldn’t risk opening up too much and revealing sensitive information to a complete stranger. In normal conditions, Keigo would never let that happen. He was the best at keeping secrets and crafting such perfect lies that sometimes they sounded more authentic than the truth. None of what he was going through was normal, though. He felt like he was going to burst any moment now, and everyone he loved would be inevitably dragged along the flood. He wanted to do something, to sort all that stuff out, but he didn’t know how. He couldn’t burden Natsuo and Twice with his problems any longer; it wasn’t fair. Plus, he couldn’t even keep Dabi out of that shitstorm forever. The Villain had clearly stated that he was more than willing to help Keigo out, but the latter just wouldn’t listen. He didn’t want to hurt Dabi, or make him feel like he had to carry the weight of his own damn feelings. 

But maybe, he was hurting him more by pushing him away.

He was doing it again. Isolating himself. Just like when he’d joined the Commission.

What the fuck was wrong with him??

<<Hawks. Wanna play Minecraft together?>>

Keigo jolted his head around, meeting eyes with a smiley Dabi. He was carrying two laptops with his right arm, and a bag of chips with his left one. The Hero frowned, surprised by that weird scenery.

<<I’ve never played it though>> he said as Dabi laid down the computers. <<Also, I didn’t think you were a gamer.>>

<<I’m not, but I’ve just stolen these two babies and they had Minecraft installed in them. I thought… I don’t know, I thought you could use some fun.>>

Dabi’s smile faltered for an instant, but went back to normal as soon as Keigo looked at him. The Villain opened the bag, picking up one, giant chip and stuffing it into his boyfriend’s mouth.

<<What the fuck??>> Keigo coughed out, throwing Dabi a furious glare. The latter let out a loud chuckle, deeply amused by the Hero’s scrunched expression.

<<You’re so cute when you’re angry>> he simply commented, lovingly ruffling Keigo’s hair.

<<Yeah, sure. So, shall we play or…?>>

Dabi nodded, then turned on the two laptops. Keigo hoped the Villain hadn’t seen the deep blush that was now painting his cheeks of a vivid shade of red, but maybe that was too much to ask.

<<Just so you know, I’m basically crap with computers>> the Hero warned, sitting right next to Dabi and grabbing his mouse.

<<Oh, that’s too bad. What, you’re twenty and you don’t know how this shit works?>>

<<I’m actually twenty-two and no, I don’t. I mean, the Commission wanted me to follow a course and everything, but I just refused.>>

<<Woah. Didn’t know you were eighty years old.>>

Keigo rolled his eyes in fake annoyance, then giggled quietly at Dabi’s statement. With that, the Villain’s smile widened and he wrapped an arm around the Hero’s waist, pulling him closer.

<<Don’t you need both hands to play?>> Keigo inquired, cocking an eyebrow.

<<Maybe, but my hand’s way better down there than on a shitty keyboard, don’t you think?>>

<<I’m sorry, didn’t you want me to have some fun?>> 

<<Stupid Hero, is this not fun enough for you?>>

Keigo was about to answer back, but his lips were suddenly sealed by a warm, passionate kiss, which grew hotter and hotter as Dabi started exploring the Hero’s body with his fingers. Keigo nearly choked on a moan as the Villain slid his tongue into his mouth and began swirling it around, sending shivers all down his spine. Dabi then placed both his hands on Keigo’s hips and dragged them towards his, causing the Hero to shudder in pleasure.

<<You bastard… you never wanted to play Minecraft…>> Keigo hissed, badly repressing a gasp as Dabi started kissing his neck.

<<Nah, that was only a decoy>> the Villain smirked, fiddling with the Hero’s shirt collar.

<<What, you wanted to lure me into your trap? Then you’re a fool.>>

<<Looks like it worked though, doesn’t it?>>

Keigo slightly bit his bottom lip, letting out a shaky huff to ease the tension. Dabi raised his gaze and frowned, his bright eyes dimmed by a shadow of worry.

<<Hey, is this okay? I mean, last time we went this far you threw me off the bed and->>

<<Y-yeah, it’s just… I’m a bit nervous, that’s all.>>

Keigo hadn’t even noticed the tremor in his hands until the Villain started drawing circles with his thumbs to soothe them. His heart was beating way too fast, and his head was spinning without control. He breathed in and out, trying to calm the storm that was taking over his body, but it was all useless. Tears gnawed his eyes as he clenched his teeth in fury.

<<GODDAMNIT!>> he yelled, pushing Dabi away from him and springing up from his chair. <<What the fuck’s wrong with me??>> He ran a hand on his chest, feeling as his heartbeat tripled its speed.

<<Hawks, it’s okay, we can do this another time>> Dabi said gently, getting up and grabbing the Hero’s right arm. <<It’s not like we’re in a hurry or something. When you’ll be ready, I’ll be ready too.>>

<<How can you do this??>> Keigo cried out, tears stinging his cheeks. <<How can you be so patient with me??>>

<<Baby, there’s no need to cry>> the Villain whispered, tenderly stroking Keigo’s features. <<I get it, okay? You’re going through a lot of shit right now. It’s only reasonable that you would crash out once or twice.>>

<<It’s not just once or twice, Dabi. This happens every day, every hour, every fucking minute. There’s something wrong with me, but I can’t fix it. I’m trying to, I really am, but it’s impossible.>>

Keigo sighed frustratingly, hopping on the bed with an annoyed grunt. Dabi followed right along, cupping the Hero’s face with his hands and giving him a serious stare.

<<Hawks, nothing’s impossible. You’re gonna get through this, I’m sure. Just, please don’t be so harsh on yourself. It won’t do you any good if you keep… blaming yourself like that.>>

<<Yeah, easy for you to say. You’re not the one battling against some fucking mental illnesses.>>

Dabi’s gaze darkened, and his lips started trembling. Keigo knew he’d gone too far, but he couldn’t stop. His head just didn’t function anymore. He was just a filthy sack of problems and of all the pain that came with them. Nothing else. Nothing else.

<<Bold of you to assume that, Hero. Everyone has their demons.>>

Dabi lowered his head, loosening his grip on Keigo’s face. He just looked so, so sad, and the Hero couldn’t help but blame himself for that too. It was all his fault. No matter what he did, no matter what he said, nothing would ever change the fact that his existence alone was harmful to everyone around him. Maybe he should just lock himself in a cage and throw away the key. Forever.

<<It’s not something I enjoy talking about, but… you’re not alone on this, Hawks. I was in a very dark place for a really long time, and…>> Dabi hesitated, closing his fingers around Keigo’s hands. <<...to be honest, I don’t even think I’ve made it out yet.>>

The Hero flinched as a sudden realisation hit him like a race car. <<So, that time you were crying about your father… all those times you snapped or lashed out for the smallest of things…>>

<<Listen, it’s really hard for me to explain, but I’m not okay either. I’ve had a pretty rough childhood, and sometimes… let’s just say it shows. Even without meaning to, I always end up doing the wrong things, and when I try to make up for them, it’s already too late.>>

<<Why’s that?>>

The Villain seemed to think about the answer for a moment, then let out a defeated sigh and placed his head in the hollow between Keigo’s shoulder and neck. 

<<I… I’ve always been considered a failure. My father… my family… they all saw me as the family’s disgrace. I was supposed to be the one who would make them proud, but I didn’t. Hell, I was even born with a defective Quirk. All my childhood, I tried to fulfill my father’s expectations, to make him proud. I trained so much, I became so strong. And then one day… it all went to shit.>>

The coma, Keigo thought. The one that had permanently messed up the Villain’s personality and shaped him into who he was today. The accident that had been caused by his own father, according to his words. If the Hero could take a swan dive off a building rather than stay there and deal with all that, then he’d gladly do it. Everything was better than talking about his feelings. Than hearing how they’d hurt Dabi before him.

<<Hawks, I’m not okay. I’m violent, unstable, I get angry very easily… I-I don’t know how to get a hold of my emotions. But I’m trying to. For you.>>

The Hero winced, dumbstruck. <<For me??>>

<<I mean, you’ve put up with my problems for months. That time they took my Endeavor plush, I nearly burnt down the hideout. And when things don’t go as planned… I just-I can’t stand it. I’m not able to. I know I shouldn’t act this way, but it’s something out of my reach. I’m a shitty person, I know, but that’s how they raised me. I… I always let the pain get in the way.>>

<<You’re not a shitty person>> Keigo shook his head, nudging it against Dabi’s. <<And I understand. Not being able to control your emotions… it sucks.>>
<<But now I have to. I can’t risk losing my shit again. Not when you… when you…>>

The Villain sniffled, barely holding back the tears. And there it was. Keigo’s fault. Because of his own issues, now Dabi was taking the full blow. He was suffering. All because of him.

The suicide attempt wasn’t even the worst thing. It was all the secrets, the silence, the desperate efforts to keep the other safe that had led them into that disaster. And now, Dabi was pushing his feelings aside to help him. He was enduring so much agony just to hold his hand and tell him everything was going to be alright. But how could it, if Dabi didn’t believe it in the first place?

Still, Keigo had to do something. He had to. He couldn’t just sit on his own hands and wait for the Villain to drown in guilt or whatever. Dabi was his boyfriend, for fuck’s sake. Struggling with his mental health didn’t mean Keigo couldn’t do something to make things better. 

<<Baby, you don’t have to do all of this. I’m fine. I mean, I’m not fine, but I’m gonna be soon. I’m already working on it, so you have nothing to worry about. And… please, don’t push yourself too far. I can’t tell you how to deal with your shit, but I can sure tell you that bottling things up and shoving them away will only make matters worse.>>

The Villain didn’t answer, and so they stayed in silence for a while, quietly listening to their hearts pounding against their chests and their breaths mingling with one another. Keigo was the first to speak again, gently brushing his lips against Dabi’s cheek.

<<I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you, my love. I know I promised we would help each other out, but… I guess I’m still a chronic liar.>>

Just as Keigo finished that sentence, Dabi sat bolt upright, a new, radiant sparkle filling his blue eyes. His pale face was painted by the hugest and cutest of smiles, and before he could even notice, the Hero’s lips were pushed against the Villain’s. It was a slow, tender kiss, and even though it was nothing compared to the one they’d shared some minutes before, it still managed to free them of some of the weight they carried.

<<”My love”? Hawks, are you trying to give me a heart attack or something?>>

<<Oh…>> the Hero huffed out, blushing so hard his entire face seemed on fire. The Villain laughed at the hilarious sight, then stared back at Keigo with such fondness in his eyes it was almost blinding. If all of that was a dream, then Keigo hoped they would never wake him up, not even in a thousand years.

<<You know… I’m glad we can talk about our feelings like this. We should do it more often. Maybe, this way we can slow the storm in our heads for a while.>>

Keigo nodded in agreement, then threw himself into Dabi’s arms. The contact with the latter’s warm skin was simply breath-taking, and the Hero tried to take in that sweet touch for as long as he could. With Dabi holding him and shielding him from all the pain they were going through, Keigo could still have the illusion of a nice, normal life, the one he’d craved so intensely but never got to experience. Who knows; maybe in another universe they could own a small cottage on the lakeshore and watch every day as the sun set behind the mountains, tinting the sky of a brilliant orange and pink.

Maybe they could be Mr. Keigo and Dabi Takami, two retired lumberjacks whose greatest desire was to spend the rest of their days together, loving each other in the silence of a wooden house.

Yeah, Keigo had always been a fan of fairy tales.

But that was reality. There was no space for mesmerising sunsets or cozy cottages in their world.

There was just a lot of pain. Cold, dull, hard.

And the funniest thing was that, sometimes, something good could stem from all that pain.

Something like…

…love.

Chapter Text

<<I was wondering, Hawks: when’s your birthday??>>

Keigo tilted his head, pleasingly taken aback by the question. He looked at all the League members, then fixed his gaze on the half-torn decorations, whom Spinner had probably found in a dumpster. That was one of those rare occasions when the League was all together, and by “rare occasions”, the Hero meant two things: either meetings or birthdays. That time, it was a birthday, and specifically, Compress’s.

<<Oh, mine is on December 28. It’s in two months.>>

<<How old will you turn??>> Toga inquired, sending the Hero a smug grin.

<<Twenty-three. Amazing, huh?>> Keigo sighed, softly playing with Dabi’s hair as he spoke.

<<Oh my God. I thought you were nineteen or something!>> Toga exclaimed, eyes widening in surprise.

<<Come on, Toga. You really think I would date a child??>> Dabi scoffed, throwing her a dismayed glare. The girl flinched in fake fear, then giggled again, deeply amused by the Villain’s scowl.

<<I mean, Toga’s not completely wrong>> Shigaraki observed, boredly tapping on his phone. <<How old was the last person you fucked? Seventeen? Eighteen?>>

<<HE WAS TWENTY!! And by the way, whom I fuck is none of your damn business!!>> 

Dabi lit up a small flame, letting it swing dangerously on his left palm. Shigaraki, however, didn’t even wince. Instead, he threw the Villain an unimpressed look and went back to his game, not adding another word. Keigo softly patted Dabi’s shoulder, then placed a tender peck on his lips. With a smile, Dabi put out the flame and returned the kiss, deepening it a bit as the Hero leaned closer.

<<Ugh, get a room>> Compress whined, earning a snort from all the League members. Keigo pulled away from the kiss and chuckled nervously, rubbing his arm with unease. Dabi pierced Compress with the sharpest of glares, then hooked a hand around Keigo’s waist and squeezed it tight. The Hero felt his cheeks sting, but chose to ignore it.

<<Anyway, I never thought you two were gonna last>> Compress shrugged, taking a bite off the chocolate cake Natsuo had made earlier that afternoon.  <<None of Dabi’s boyfriends have made it past two weeks, and they were Villains. You’re a Hero… and somehow, it looks like you’re the only one who’s managed to steal Dabi’s heart so far.>>

Keigo felt his entire face heat up as Compress’s words settled in his head, and his cheeks were suddenly burnt by a deep shade of crimson. He must’ve looked ridiculous, because everyone quickly averted their gazes, barely repressing a laugh. Dabi, however, gifted him with a beaming smile and softly stroked his shoulder, running his fingers in such a delicate way it was almost like they were made out of glass.

<<Don’t mind these assholes, baby. They can only wish they had what you and I have.>>

<<Aw, so romantic>> Twice clapped his hands with joy, snatching a chocolate chip from Compress’s plate. <<It’s so… un-Dabi.>>

<<Yeah, the only remotely nice thing Dabi has ever said to me is “you don’t look exactly awful today”. You must’ve cast a spell on him, Hawks.>>

<<Mmh>> Keigo huffed out, slowly nudging his head against Dabi’s arm. He smelled like something sweet but tangy at the same time, a curious mix of faint and strong scents that matched perfectly together. The Hero inhaled deeply, taking in that wonderful fragrance.

<<But, like, how’s it gonna work out for you two? Sure, Hawks is on our side, but he’s still a Hero… what will happen if his colleagues find out about this??>>

Twice’s question raised a few inquisitive eyebrows, including Shigaraki’s. All the League members turned their heads to Keigo, causing him to squirm in discomfort. He tried to swallow, but his throat was clogged by something thick and heavy. A drop of salty sweat rolled down his forehead, shattering on the plate of untouched cake the Hero was still holding with his left hand.

<<I…>> he started, but trailed off as his chest was squeezed by a tight, harsh grip, leaving him completely breathless. He closed his eyes, using all his strength not to break down. After all, he couldn’t. He’d promised Dabi he would get better. He’d promised they would get through all the bad stuff together, whether it was Dabi’s family issues, his mental struggles, or whatever was going on with his head. He couldn’t allow himself to have a meltdown over the most useless of things, not when the Villain needed him so much. He had to stop being part of the problem, here and now. For Dabi. For the love he felt towards him.

<<To be honest, we haven’t really thought about that>> Keigo explained, forcing a friendly smile onto his face. <<We like to live in the present. To enjoy the moment, you know. And then… we’ll face whatever life puts in our path.>>

<<All this lovey-dovey shit is making me want to puke>> Spinner hissed, sticking out his tongue in fake disgust. Shigaraki let out a small chuckle, but went back to his unfazed look as soon as everyone threw him a knowing glance.

<<You’re one to talk>> Dabi spat out, scoffing. <<As if you haven’t told all this “lovey-dovey shit” to the boss already.>>

<<WHAT??>> Spinner yelled, covering his face to hide the pink blush that was already spreading on it. Dabi flashed a cocky smile, licking his lips with satisfaction.

<<But, like>> Twice continued, anxiously playing with his hands <<If it were to come out that you two are together… if they hurt you and Dabi… I don’t know, I’m a bit worried.>>

Keigo frowned, disoriented by that statement. <<How come?>>

<<I… I watched the news the other day. Apparently, the Heroes are planning something big. I mean, you should already know, since you’re still in their ranks and everything.>>

<<Something big… against all of us?>> Dabi inquired, every ounce of confidence abandoning his features.

<<No. They… they were talking about you, Dabi. You’re the main target.>>

The silence that fell over them was so asphyxiating Keigo almost choked on it. He watched as the light disappeared from Dabi’s eyes, replaced by a cold, dark shadow, which slowly infected his bright smile as well. The Villain then looked at Keigo, gaze so full of anger and resentment it made the latter shrivel in dread.

<<Is this your fault?>> he growled, making the Hero jump at the sudden change in tone.

<<What?? No!>> he answered, his heart hammering his chest.

<<Liar. You told the Commission, huh?? You rat me out!>>

<<What are you talking about??>> Keigo put on a confused act, trying to ward off the perplexed stares that were now showing on everyone’s faces.

<<You know exactly what I’m talking abou->>

The Hero cut off Dabi by slapping a hand on his mouth, earning a surprised grunt from the latter. He then grabbed his wrist and stomped down the hallway, shoving the Villain against a wall as he crossed his arms in disbelief.

<<What the hell are you doing??>> he whispered, throwing Dabi a warning glare.

<<Well, if you’ve decided to tell your little friends about you and me, I don’t see why I can’t tell mine about your fucking mission>> Dabi snarled, narrowing his eyes.

<<Why would I ever do that?? I didn’t tell you about the Commission because I wanted them to hunt you down, Dabi!>>

<<Then why would they want me?? It doesn’t make any sense!>> 

Dabi’s wrath was fading quickly, leaving in its place a deep, raw exasperation. Keigo let out a weary sigh, then slid his back against the wall and placed an arm around Dabi’s shoulders.

<<I have no idea why you’re their target, Dabi>> the Hero stated, reaching for the Villain’s hand. <<I haven’t heard from the Commission in months. Which is also pretty concerning, since they’re always very interested in how I’m carrying on my missions.>>

<<What about the other Heroes? You still see them at meetings and shit, right? Did they tell you anything about this?>>

Keigo shook his head, to which Dabi gloomily slumped his shoulders. <<I’m sorry, baby, but I haven’t really talked to them lately. Everyone’s on high alert for a possible attack from All for One, so the Heroes prefer saving people rather than doing useless meetings.>>

<<Right>> Dabi huffed out, nervously tapping his foot on the tiled floor. <<So, what do you think? The Commission still breathing down your neck with that spy shit?>>

<<It’s very likely. Clearly, the spy wants you out of the games. This absence may be his chance to create a new strategy, one that will finally work against you.>>

<<No strategy will ever bring me down. If the Commission thinks they can defeat me like that, then they’re fools.>>

Keigo curved his lips slightly downwards, suddenly pierced by a painful twinge. <<Don’t underestimate them, Dabi. You have no idea what they’re capable of.>>

<<Yeah, but it doesn’t look like you know them any better than me. The spy thing took you so off guard you almost killed yourself.>>

<<That wasn’t->> Keigo started, stung to the quick by Dabi’s words. <<That wasn’t entirely it. I had a lot of stuff going on. Anyway, we’ve already talked about this. We should focus on what we can do to keep you safe.>>

<<Oh, I know just the perfect way to get out of this shit>> the Villain grinned, getting up with a little jump. <<Let’s disguise Natsuo as me and surrender him to the police. It will take them what, a couple of hours to figure out it’s not really me? We’ll make sure to be already gone by then.>>

Keigo opened his mouth, horrified. <<Are you insane??>>

<<Just kidding. The bastard makes great cakes. Can’t lose such a valuable source, huh?>>

<<Whatever. The only thing I don’t understand is why Twice didn’t tell us right away about any of this. Maybe we could’ve acted faster.>>

<<The guy’s a jerk. I’m surprised he can still think with that crazy head of his>> Dabi scoffed, heading back to the common room. <<But let’s talk about this later. It’s still that bastard’s birthday, right? We should enjoy it while we can.>>

<<Yeah.>> 

Keigo stood up, tagged along the Villain and took back his seat on the couch. Toga and Twice were whispering something to each other, but stopped as the two entered the room. Shigaraki raised an eye from the phone, throwing the Hero a deadpan look.

<<Everything alright?>> he asked, glaring at Dabi with something akin to disdain.

<<Yeah, everything good>> Keigo reassured, watching as the door swung open. There came Natsuo, a tray of shortbread cookies between his arms and a beaming smile on his face. Toga let out a cheerful squeak, while Dabi rolled his eyes in fake annoyance.

<<Sorry it took me so long, but here are the biscuits>> Natsuo apologised, placing the tray on the old wooden table below the couch. <<I made them following my mom’s recipe. I really loved these when I was younger, and so did my big brother Toya>> the man explained, voice quietly softening at the end of the sentence.

Keigo could swear he’d seen Dabi flinch at the mention of that name, but maybe the Villain had simply adjusted on his seat. Everyone except him took one of the biscuits, slowly savoring its incredibly sweet undertone. The Hero grabbed another cookie and gently handed it to Dabi, who pushed it away with a grunt.

<<I don’t like this kind of biscuits>> the Villain huffed out, crossing his arms as his face crumpled into a piqued scowl.

<<Oh>> Keigo simply said, eating the cookie instead. <<I thought you loved this sort of treats.>>

<<Nah, they make me sick>> Dabi sentenced, uncomfortably averting his gaze to avoid looking at Keigo. The latter cocked an eyebrow, puzzled. Why was the Villain suddenly so edgy?
<<Toya loved every kind of sweets, from small candies to giant cakes. These cookies were his absolute favourites, and mom would always bake a special tray just for him. One time, Toya was so hungry he ate mine and Fuyumi’s tray as well!>>

Even though Natsuo’s tone was extremely joyous, Keigo couldn’t help but sense the unmeasurable pain hidden behind those words. It was seeping through his voice like an infection, poisoning it with its endless supply of agony and despair. The Hero wished he could do something, anything to ease that suffering, but grief was a curse that couldn’t be escaped.

<<Natsu, you never told us about this older brother of yours>> Compress commented, stuffing another cookie inside his mouth. <<Toya, right? How’s he like?>>

<<He was the kindest and most compassionate young boy I’ve ever met. He would always do his best to achieve his dreams, and he never lost hope, not even when the whole world was against him. I’m sure he would’ve been an amazing person by now.>>

<<He was…?>> Spinner started, but was immediately cut off by a glare from Shigaraki. <<Oh. Sorry.>>

<<That’s okay. It’s been eleven years anyway. Talking about it doesn’t hurt as much anymore.>>

Keigo knew that was a lie; he’d always been the first one to belittle his own pain so that people wouldn’t worry about it, and because of this, he didn’t want Natsuo to go through the same torture. Suffering alone, away from everyone and everything, wasn’t going to solve anything. The Hero had learned it the hard way, but maybe Natsuo could change before it was too late.

<<Losing a brother must’ve been tough, Natsu. You’re allowed to grieve him as much as you need to. Nobody here is gonna judge you for that.>>

A faint smile appeared on Natsuo’s lips, but was immediately wiped out by an arrogant scoff. Everyone tilted their heads to the source of the noise, meeting eyes with a visibly enraged Dabi.

<<What, now we’re a therapy group or sum? If the bastard can’t handle losing his pathetic brother, then he should take his ass back home and cry into his daddy’s arms.>>

<<What??>> Natsuo widened his eyes, astonished. <<Don’t you dare talk about Toya like that!>>

<<Oh, I dare, damn well I dare.>> Dabi’s face scrunched into an unsettling grimace, a psycho grin linking one cheek to the other. <<Toya Todoroki was nothing more than a failure, a useless being that didn’t even deserve to live. All he did was cry, cry, cry until his weaknesses finally got the better of him and erased his disgusting smile from the face of the Earth!>>

<<YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!>>

Before Keigo could even get a grip of what was going on, Natsuo lunged at Dabi, forcing his wrists onto the worn out cushions as he started punching him in the face. The Villain roared in a mix of pain and surprise, then violently kicked the man in the stomach, causing him to choke a wail. The two exchanged some furious blows, refusing to stop even when Shigaraki ordered them to. It took Twice, Spinner and Keigo’s combined strength to finally pull them apart, all sweating and panting as they’d just run a thousand miles. The Hero noticed that Dabi’s nose was broken, with a thin layer of scarlet blood trailing down his lips and chin. On the other hand, Natsuo was clinging onto his stomach with both his arms, hissing every time his fingers touched the bruised skin.

<<If you ruptured my goddamn bowel, stupid bitch, you better count your days>> he threatened, pulverising Dabi with his gaze.

<<I could say the same about my nose, you asshole>> the Villain retorted, wiping the blood off his mouth.

<<Are you two out of your minds??>> Keigo scolded, shaking his head in disapproval. <<Dabi, apologise to Natsu.>>

<<Over my dead body>> was Dabi’s bitter answer, to which the Hero clenched his fists, rage overcoming his heart and mind.

<<Dabi, I said apologise to Natsu.>>

Keigo’s tone was low and menacing, like the growl of a distant yet terrifying thunder. Dabi’s earlier accusations had already pissed him off, but that was way too much. Picking on Natsuo for no reason at all was not only unfair, but also cruel. The white-haired man hadn’t seen his family in almost two weeks because of Keigo’s ridiculous paranoia, and had never once complained about sharing the hideout with the most wanted Villains of the whole country. As far as he was concerned, Natsuo could’ve already reported them all to the police, but he hadn’t done so. Instead, he’d made himself useful, helping Keigo get his mind off his terrible thoughts and pleasing the League with his masterful cooking, amongst other things. And yet, Dabi still hated him. The Hero really didn’t want to argue with him again, but that story had to end. By hook or crook.

<<Dabi>> Keigo warned, throwing him a serious look. <<Apologise to Natsu.>>

<<NEVER!>> the Villain shouted, pushing the Hero to the ground. <<YOU DON’T GET TO GIVE ME ORDERS, YOU BASTARD!>>

<<Fuck>> Keigo hissed, rubbing his aching back as he got up. <<It’s not an order, I just want you to apologise for the awful things you said about his brother!>>

<<And why should I?? It’s the truth!>>

<<You don’t even know Toya!>> Natsuo cried out, rageful tears now streaming down his face.

<<I KNOW HIM BETTER THAN YOU DO! THAN YOU ALL DO!>>

<<THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE!>>

<<IT’S NOT! BECAUSE TOYA TODOROKI… IS… IS…>>

Everyone opened their mouths wide, waiting for Dabi’s next words. A cold, blood-curdling hunch crept under Keigo’s skin, making it recoil in fear.

<<...my former best friend.>>

Keigo blinked once, then twice, until he came to terms with the fact that he wasn’t stuck in a crazy dream or something. All his doubts, all his suspicions faded away like that, leaving him with the burning guilt of having questioned Dabi so much. If only he hadn’t tried to figure things out on his own… If only he hadn’t investigated his boyfriend behind his back… Natsuo wouldn’t be forced to spend his days with a bunch of murderous Villains in the first place. And Dabi wouldn’t be staring at him with such deep and painful disappointment in his light blue eyes.

The Hero wanted to scream, but there wasn’t any air filling his lungs right now.

<<Your… best friend…?>> Natsuo muttered, giving the Villain an astounded look.

<<Yeah. It was a long time ago. And it wasn’t a nice experience.>>

<<How dare you->> the white-haired man started, only to be cut off by a glare from Keigo.

<<Drop it, Natsu. There’s no point in arguing any further.>>

<<Listen to your little friend, Natsu. Unless you want me to roast your ass, of course.>>

Natsuo opened his mouth to reply, but chose to throw Dabi an infuriated glare instead. He then sat on the couch next to Twice, who cut his cookie in half and offered him a piece. Dabi crossed his arms and leaned against the wall, gaze darker than ever. 

<<Well, happy birthday to me, I guess>> Compress commented, earning a tense chuckle from Spinner and Toga. Keigo frowned and walked towards Dabi, stopping only a few centimeters from his face.

<<I don’t know what’s gotten into you today, but you can talk to me about it>> the Hero mumbled, intertwining his fingers with Dabi’s. The Villain trailed his gaze down Keigo’s arm, then sighed, letting out a sad huff.

<<I don’t wanna talk about it>> he murmured, closing his eyes in defeat.

<<Alright. Then maybe I could do something to cheer you up?>>

Dabi slightly tilted his head, intrigued. 

<<Like what?>>

Keigo forced a bright smile onto his face, trying to ignore the crushing feeling that was slowly making its way into his chest.

<<Like a date.>>

Chapter Text

<<Just for the record, I’m the one who was supposed to take you on a date.>>

<<Yeah, but you’re also the one who was supposed to leave Natsu alone, and you didn’t.>>

Dabi sighed, rolling his eyes as Keigo let out a dry snort.

<<Okay, I may have overreacted earlier. But you gotta give it to me; Natsuo has a special talent in pissing people off!>>

<<You’re the only one who feels attacked by what he does or says. I’m afraid you’re alone on this one, Dabi.>>

The Villain didn’t reply, kicking a pebble with his right boot as they both headed towards the pub. It was a rather mild evening, only freshened by a cold, sharp wind, which ruffled through Keigo’s hair like a bunch of rough fingers.

<<Is Toya the reason Natsuo gets on your nerves so much?>> the Hero cautiously inquired, shoving his hands into his pockets to warm them up a bit.

<<Yeah. Sorta>> was Dabi’s answer, who lowered his gaze and focused on the asphalt below them. The Villain hated talking about it; Keigo could feel it. Anyway, he had to make Dabi drop his walls, or all their efforts would be useless. He wasn’t pushing his unpleasant emotions and thoughts aside just for his boyfriend to do the exact same thing.

<<Why did you cover up so much though? You look like a burglar or something.>>

The Villain chuckled amusedly, tapping a finger on the gray neck warmer that was hiding his mouth and nose. <<Couldn’t let this awful disguise go to waste, am I right?>>

<<Why did you buy it if you think it’s awful then?>> Keigo shook his head, exasperated.

<<I didn’t buy it, stupid bird. People who have money buy things. I don’t have it, so I stole this shit from a street vendor.>>

<<Oh. Cool.>>

<<You should’ve seen his face. It was so fucking funny!>>

Dabi cackled again, this time more loudly. Keigo couldn’t help but tag along, laughing softly as they neared the next alleyway.

<<You know, sometimes I forget that you, unlike me, have a lot of money.>> The Villain’s eyes lit up with something akin to excitement, or maybe it was just his greed showing up. <<Which means you could buy me whatever I want. Even a fricking island!>>

<<Eh, it doesn’t work like that>> Keigo admitted, earning a frustrated grunt from the other. <<The money I earn isn’t mine. It belongs to the Commission. In exchange, they give me a free house and a free car, even though I don’t use it very often.>>

<<What’s the point in being one of the richest men in the country if you can’t use your money?>> Dabi scoffed, narrowly avoiding three young children that were running down the alleyway. <<You brats, watch your damn steps!>>

<<Well, I’ve never had much growing up, so it’s not really an issue for me>> Keigo explained. <<At least I have a roof over my head and food in my belly, you know.>>

<<Mmh. It’s the exact contrary for me. My family was super rich, so it’s been very hard going from wearing expensive clothes to rummaging through the garbage.>>

<<Hey, I think your clothes are pretty sick>> the Hero observed, gently nudging his elbow against Dabi’s arm.

<<In that case, thank you, my love.>>

Keigo knew the Villain had only said that as some sort of mockery, but he still blushed upon hearing that nickname. He felt his cheeks sting as a sudden rush of blood flowed through them, and it surely wasn’t the wind’s doing. Dabi threw him a radiant look, then rubbed his thumb on the Hero’s cheek.

<<Aw, you’re blushing. I love it>> he whispered, lowering his neck warmer and placing a delicate kiss on the corner of Keigo’s lips.

<<Yeah, I would love it even more if we stopped doing lovey-dovey stuff in a sketchy alley and reached the goddamn pub>> Keigo growled, picking up the pace.

<<You’re a hassle, stupid bird.>>

The two kept walking in silence for a while, until they eventually reached the bar. It was where they used to meet when they were still getting to know each other, chatting about random things over a pint of beer. It had only been a couple of months since that, but to Keigo, it seemed like a thousand years had passed. To be fair, he kind of missed those times, where neither Dabi nor him had fully got a grip of their feelings and would just focus on enjoying the moment. He missed being able to repress his emotions without any backlash whatsoever; he missed having control on his thoughts. But again, what would’ve happened if Keigo had kept bottling everything up like that?

<<Oh, yeah, two large beers. And a couple of snacks.>>

The Hero tilted his head towards Dabi, who was now carrying two steins and a plate full of refreshments. He headed to the table in the far right corner, with Keigo trailing immediately behind them. Once they were both sat, Dabi got rid of his disguise and took a sip of the beer, letting out a contented sigh.

<<Ah, I’d almost forgotten how good this shit is!>> he exclaimed, snatching a fry from the plate.

<<Just to make things clear, I’m paying>> Keigo stated, bringing the mug to his lips.

<<I thought you didn’t have any money>> Dabi grinned mischievously, eating another fry.

<<I mean, I have it. I just… I can’t use it for huge expenses. Honestly, it’s a bit complicated.>>

<<Well, I don’t give a fuck about that. I would pay, but I’m broke.>>

<<As if I hadn’t already noticed>> the Hero teased, throwing a fry on Dabi’s head.

The Villain gasped, widening his eyes in fake shock. <<That was uncalled for!>>

<<You know, this food’s technically mine, since I’m paying.>>

<<Your lips are also “technically yours”, but guess who makes great use of them?>>

Keigo nearly choked on his sip of beer once Dabi uttered those words. His cheeks were flooded by a deep shade of scarlet as the heat rose up in his lower body, making it tingle in a mix of awkwardness and pleasure. 

<<You’re a jerk>> he grumbled, picking up a cheese sandwich.

<<Well, it’s not like I lied>> Dabi winked, earning a dismayed scowl from the Hero.

<<Idiot.>>

<<You know, if I had to think about our first date, this is exactly how I’d picture it.>>

Keigo lifted an eyebrow, stunned by Dabi’s declaration. His heart tripled its speed as the Villain softly grabbed his hand and brought it to his cheek, with Keigo’s fingers gently grazing the scarred skin. They both lost themselves into each other’s eyes, mesmerised by their own, loving gazes, trapped into the beauty of that moment.

<<Anyway, I thought you’d be more nervous, you know. Since this is your first date ever.>>

Dabi’s evil smirk snapped Keigo out of his trance, making him snort in exhaustion.

<<What, you’re gonna taunt me now?>>

<<No, you dumb shit. I’m just… I’m happy I get to be your first date. And I’m sorry I’ve been quite a handful lately. I promised you we would talk every time there was something bad going on, but I guess… I guess I didn’t wanna burden you any further.>>

<<Dabi, you know you can tell me everything. And your problems are not a burden. Actually, they help me focus on something other than my shitty thoughts, so that’s fine.>>

Dabi frowned, visibly bothered by that statement. <<You know that also works the other way around, right? You don’t need to pretend you’re okay with me. I’ve seen what it’s done to you, and honestly, I wanna avoid that if I can.>>

If only it were that easy, Keigo thought, forcing a warm smile onto his face.

<<I know, but this is not the right time for that, am I right? I don’t wanna ruin our first date.>>

<<Mmh>> Dabi hummed, playing with a half-eaten fry.

<<Also, I was wondering if you wanted to come by my place sometime.>>

The Villain’s gaze was crossed by huge surprise, which caused his mouth to inevitably fall open. A new spark ignited his blue eyes, their turquoise and sapphire shades gleaming, as Dabi smiled so wide it nearly tore his mouth staples.

<<You mean… you want to show me your house?>>

<<Yeah. And I thought that maybe we could stay there for a bit. Just me and you. I don’t think the League will mind much.>>

The light in Dabi’s eyes suddenly faltered, leaving in its place a dim worry. <<But what about the Commission? Won’t they know if you bring a Villain in your house?>>

Keigo sighed, pensive. <<If we’re right about the spy thing, they probably know everything by now. Taking you to my place won’t change anything.>>

<<But… it’s a bit strange, isn’t it? That they’re letting you have a relationship with me like it’s the most normal thing in the world.>>

Dabi was right; not only was it strange, but it didn’t make any sense. Keigo still struggled to understand the Commission’s stand on all of that, and the thing frightened him. Why did they want to eliminate Dabi so badly? Why weren’t they focusing on asking Keigo for an explanation instead? And most of all, why had they sent a spy to watch over him?

The Hero knew the Commission despised him. He was well aware of his status, and had never once complained about his role. However, they still hated the guts out of him. They were only keeping him alive because of his image, his skills, his identity as “Hawks”. Oh, the Commission loved Hawks. It was Keigo whom they loathed with all their hearts.

Nevertheless, they’d never doubted him or his work. He was their best agent, their best weapon, their puppet on a string. If there was something valuable about him, it surely was his trustworthiness. Except, it wasn’t.

What had he done to make them so suspicious? Where had he failed?

Keigo needed to sort that shit out before innocent people like Dabi got involved.

But that wasn’t the right moment. Dabi wanted Keigo’s first date to be perfect. And the Hero would make sure nothing would get in the way of their happiness. Not today. Not now.

<<Yeah, it’s odd, but it’s been a while, and there are no more signs of the spy looming over us. I think we can rest easy for a while.>>

Dabi nodded unconvincingly, swallowing the last bit of his pint. <<So, your house: how big is it?>>

<<Ah, not too much. It’s a two-storey flat with a kitchen, a small living room, two bathrooms and a bedroom. Nothing exceptional, anyway.>>

<<You know, my old house was huge. It was one of those traditional Japanese things with the tatami floors and everything. I used to sleep with my younger brother. It was nice, even though Sho-I mean, my other brother had a room of his own. I guess I was a bit jealous.>>

<<So you have two brothers?>> Keigo inquired, burying his face behind the beer stein.

<<Mmh. And a sister. They’re all younger than me.>>

<<Oh. I’m an only child, so sometimes I wonder what it feels like… to have siblings, you know.>>

Dabi seemed to think about the answer for a second, tapping his chin with his right index. He then fixed his gaze on Keigo, eyes full of resentment and something the Hero couldn’t quite identify.

<<It’s shitty. Especially if they forget about you and pretend like you’ve never even existed.>>

Keigo didn’t know how to reply, so he simply took a bite off his cheese sandwich. The Villain stared into the absolute nothingness for what felt like an eternity, then slowly reached for the Hero’s hand, squeezing it tight.

<<But I guess… it was wonderful while it lasted. My brother and my sister… they were the only ones who truly loved and understood me. We were our father’s biggest failures, so we knew how it felt. To be hated and forgotten just because you weren’t enough.>>

<<Oh>> Keigo muttered, lowering his gaze as his chest was crushed by a painful grip. <<You said “my brother and sister”. What about the other one?>>

Dabi threw Keigo a warning glare, then clenched his teeth. <<I don’t want to talk about it.>>

<<Okay. I didn’t… I didn’t wanna bring up any of this. I just wanted you to… I don’t know, to have some fun.>>

<<I know you did. And I’m sorry for dumping my trauma over you. It’s not your fault I have a shitty family.>>

The two finished their meal without uttering another word, deep in their own thoughts and perplexities. They then stood up and walked towards the counter, not daring to even glance at each other. Once Keigo paid the bill, they silently got out of the pub, heading to the hideout with a grim look on both their faces.

<<Listen, I’m sorry I ruined the date. I know you didn’t want to hear about my problems and shit.>>

<<Then you’re clearly deaf, because the first thing I said when we sat down was that you can tell me everything.>> 

Keigo’s tone was low and sour, poisoned by a bitterness he couldn’t quite place.

<<But- I mean, you really wanna listen to my family issues?? It’s only gonna be another weight on your shoulders!>> Dabi exclaimed, shaking his head in disbelief.

<<You don’t get to decide what overwhelms me and what doesn’t. If I said I want you to talk to me, it’s because I can deal with it. Holy fuck, you’re my boyfriend! Why wouldn’t I want to listen to you??>>

Dabi paused in his steps, eyes widening as the importance of those words struck him like a thunderbolt. He slowly turned towards Keigo and wrapped him into a crushing hug, nearly cutting off his breath. The Hero gasped out of surprise, then abandoned himself into that beautiful tenderness, savoring every second of that sweet embrace.

<<I love you, Hawks. I love you, I love you, I love you.>>

Keigo’s eyelids stung, but he didn’t care. He ran a hand over Dabi’s shoulders, then over his neck, until he finally reached his spiky, black hair. The touch against his fingers was incredibly delicate; the Hero still struggled to understand how the Villain’s hair could be so messy yet so soft. He caressed them with all the love he carried, silently thanking whoever had put Dabi in his path. He didn’t deserve him, he never would, but that didn’t matter.

Because…

<<I love you too.>>

Four, little words. Four, little words Keigo had never thought he would be able to utter, not when everything that came out of his mouth was a load of heinous lies. He’d always avoided saying it because he felt like that was another lie, maybe the cruelest of them all. But maybe, it wasn’t. He’d already realised it during his talk with Natsuo, but the fear of hurting Dabi had won him over. It was always that; fear. The Hero had always believed he needed the right moment to say those words, but that was just another lie. He was scared, terrified of what would happen if he said it back. But he didn’t want to be afraid anymore. He just wanted to love Dabi, and to be able to tell him that.

<<Dabi, I love you. And this means that, whatever the problem or the worry or the nonsense, I’m always gonna be there for you. I care about you, and if you wanna talk about your family or your feelings or even stupid shit, I’ll listen. I’ll listen, Dabi. Always.>>

Upon hearing that, the Villain let out a shaky huff, completely awestruck. His eyes were already watery, but he wiped away the tears and kissed Keigo with such intensity they almost fell on the ground. When they finally split, the Hero gave him a beaming smile, to which Dabi chuckled softly.

<<Dumbass. Couldn’t you say it back at the bar? Not sure a dirty alleyway is on the list of the top ten spots for a love confession.>>

<<Dabi. You seriously care about this stuff now?>> Keigo teased with a sly smirk.

<<Nah, just kidding. I’m glad you told me though. Saying “I love you” first… it was a very big deal for me. Usually, I just wait for my boyfriends to see how shitty I am and break up with me, so that I don’t have to go through the pain of having my heart shattered.>>
<<Baby, that’s terrible. And you’re not shitty. You’re one of the most amazing people I know.>>

<<But not the most amazing?>> Dabi fakely pouted, earning a scoff from the Hero.

<<You’re such a dork. But yeah, maybe you are the most amazing person ever.>>

<<Mh, that’s more like it.>>

Keigo laughed quietly, and so did Dabi. They walked hand in hand until they reached the main street, the silence only interrupted by the muffled squeals of distant birds. It was when they neared the lair that Dabi spoke again, this time with a serious tone.

<<My little brother, the one who had his own room, was born with the perfect mix of both my parents’ Quirks. He was my father’s pride, his masterpiece. He trained him as his puppet and got him into that stupid school, U.A. I bet he’s learning how to become the fucking Number One Hero by know, just like my father.>>

Dabi sighed tiredly, closing his eyes as they filled again with tears. Keigo placed a hand around the Villain’s waist, trying to give him as much warmth as possible.

But there was something wandering his mind like a lost passerby, a thought so elusive yet so crucial. Keigo tried to grasp it, but it slipped away, as if it was intangible. He tried another time, and another, until it took the form of Dabi’s last sentence, uttered so casually that the Hero hadn’t even paid much attention to it.

I bet he’s learning how to become the fucking Number One Hero by know, just like my father.

Just like my father.

And then, it all clicked.

Keigo’s legs stopped working, leaving him completely paralysed. His lungs and throat shut down, now clogged by a lump so huge it could tear them to bits. Everything around him lost its shape, its colours, its sound, until all he could see was Dabi’s slumped frame right next to him. The Villain’s black hair suddenly flickered to white, his burnt scars replaced by pale, healthy skin. He shrunk, and shrunk, and just like that, he was a thirteen-year-old boy whose picture was broadcast on the national news. The only thing that didn’t change were his eyes. Those bright, blue eyes, which could pierce one’s soul and make it unravel.

Of course.

It all made sense. Dabi’s Quirk, the Endeavor plushie, his dyed hair, the unjustified hatred for Natsuo. His little brother having the “perfect Quirk” and being the “masterpiece”.

Deep down, Keigo had always known it. It had just been too much to bear, and so he’d shoved that theory in the back of his head and pretended like it wasn’t there.

Because this way, he wouldn’t have to face the gut-wrenching truth.

He wouldn’t have to accept that Dabi- no, Toya- was the way he was because of his father.

Toya Todoroki was nothing more than a failure, a useless being that didn’t even deserve to live. All he did was cry, cry, cry until his weaknesses finally got the better of him and erased his disgusting smile from the face of the Earth!

Keigo felt like the entire world had just stopped spinning, relentlessly crumbling under the weight of that horrifying realisation.

He swallowed down a sob and looked around, searching for somewhere, anywhere to hide. Dabi tilted his head towards him, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion.

<<Hey, are you okay? What are you doing?>>

<<I’m sorry, I just… I’ll be back in a minute.>>

And with that, Keigo stretched his wings, whizzing through the air as the Villain kept throwing him puzzled glances. He flew higher and higher, until the loud noise of the city became a faint buzz, and it was quickly overwhelmed by the sound of Keigo’s crazy heartbeat. He clung onto his chest, gasping for air but getting none. He wanted to scream, run away, throw up, disappear.

But he didn’t do any of that.

He just cried.

Toya Todoroki.

A name, and the curse that withered it.

<<Hey Hawks, doing a little backflip there?>>

Keigo turned his head to where the voice came from, but he was too slow. So slow that his nostrils were blocked by a thick cloth, with a smell so terrible it made the Hero want to puke. And before he could even get a grip of the situation, his head became dizzy, his hearing dull and his eyes blurry.

Toya Todoroki.

All this time…

Keigo felt like he was falling, but maybe he was just hallucinating.

It wouldn’t be that bad, though. Falling forever.

At least, he wouldn’t have to deal with all of that.

With Toya.

Chapter Text

<<Hawks. Hawks, wake up.>>

Keigo was pretty sure he’d heard that voice before. But where? It was shrieky and raspy, like a blade grazing another, or the yelp of some wild and scary beast. It gave him the chills, but his body was way too numb to shiver, so he just had a cold, sickening feeling going all down his veins and limbs. He tried to open his eyes, but the light that hit them was simply unbearable. The Hero sighed, bringing a hand to his chest to feel his heartbeat. There it was, that wheezing sound, just like when he’d woken up after the deal with Silver. He had no idea what it meant, but it couldn’t be anything good.

<<Hawks, can you hear me?>> the voice continued, scratching Keigo’s ears.

<<Mmh. Loud and clear>> he muttered, letting out a heavy sigh.

<<Very well then. I apologise for the… measures we’ve taken to bring you here, but I figured you would never come on your own anyway.>>

Keigo really couldn’t stand that voice. It was just so sharp, so rough. It made him want to run away as fast as he could and never turn around, not even once.

<<Right. And who are you?>>

The Hero didn’t need an answer; he’d already understood what was going on by then. Still, hearing it from her made his skin crawl in dread.

<<I’m the President, Hawks. Of the Hero Public Safety Commission.>>

 <<Oh, right. Now I remember>> Keigo played it off, trying to hide his growing anxiety.

<<I don’t think you’re really in the position to fool around, Hawks. Especially given what we’ve seen lately.>>

Keigo gulped, slowly taking in the meaning of those words. They knew; of course they knew. Actually, it was quite surprising that they’d decided to act only now, after three months of absolute silence. If they really doubted him so much to send a spy in the hideout, then why hadn’t they dealt with him sooner? Keigo didn’t understand.

But when it came to the Commission, Keigo couldn’t understand, not even if he tried to. He couldn’t understand why they’d entrusted him with such a delicate matter, even if they thought very little of him. He couldn’t understand why he was still there, being their pretty dog on a leash, when they’d rather see him dead than alive. He couldn’t understand why, of all people, he’d been the one to serve them as a puppet and a weapon, nothing more than a dirty liar at the hands of much dirtier liars. Why? Just why?

The Hero felt sick to his stomach. He wanted to vomit, but his throat was plugged by a huge lump, which completely cut off his breath. Before he could even try to reply, the woman spoke again, this time with some sort of worry etched in her harsh tone.

<<Hawks, when some of our colleagues suggested I keep an eye on you, I thought they were kidding me. In more than fifteen years of your excellent work, I’ve never once felt the need to check on the way you carry out your tasks, or even criticise it. But there were rumors going around, Hawks. It came to a point where I couldn’t ignore them anymore. So, I sent someone to watch you. And to be honest, I wish I’d never done that.>>

The woman let out a sad huff, and her peach-scented breath went all up Keigo’s nose, burning his respiratory tract. God, he hated that smell. He’d hated it ever since he was five years old, while she was that towering, intimidating woman whose frozen gaze always managed to send shivers down his spine. He opened his eyes again, and this time they locked with the president’s, falling into their endless, gloomy darkness, the same one that had lived inside of him for years.

<<What… what do you mean?>> Keigo whispered, voice cracking under the weight of that ominous gaze.

<<I’ll be pretty straightforward, Hawks. Whatever’s going on between you and that Villain, Dabi… unless it’s all part of some kind of plan, it’s something we cannot accept. But you should know it way better than me. Supporting those monsters is the one thing you must never do, no matter what the danger or the reason. And falling in love with them… I mean, it speaks well enough for itself.>>

Keigo didn’t reply. Instead, he simply sank in those icy eyes, filled with a void so deep it could suck in every ounce of light. And it was probably already doing it, because the blinding glare that had hit him earlier was now almost completely gone.

<<There’s nothing going on between me and Dabi. I had to pretend I cared about him so that I could carry on with the mission. Nothing more, nothing less.>>

The Hero wished he could craft a better lie, but he couldn’t. There was something about that frozen gaze, those pale lips, that too straight posture… it made him lose his mind. Keigo thought he had overcome those useless fears by then, but he was clearly wrong. Even though he would never admit it out loud, he was terrified. The Commission was the only reason he could keep on living without rotting behind bars or roaming the streets like a stray cat, the only reason he could actually exist. They’d made him, and just like that, they could destroy him. She could destroy him. Just like she’d destroyed his family. His childhood. His name.

<<I’d like to believe that too, Hawks. With all my heart. But not even the slyest of agents has ever been able to fake something as powerful as love. The glances, the tenderness, the body language… no matter how much effort we pour into teaching them, nobody ever gets it right. Not even you.>>

<<I don’t know what you’re talking about>> Keigo shook his head, holding back the urge to vomit.

<<I think you do>> the president insisted, scraping the Hero’s skin with her empty eyes. <<Because you’ve never been in love before, Hawks. There’s no way you could ever fake it like that.>>

The woman’s sentence earned a loud flinch from Keigo, who then clenched his fists to prevent them from trembling. He had to think, fast. He had to come up with a story so flawless the president would burst into tears by the end of it. But how could he do that, when he was paralysed by that cold, agonising feeling that was ripping his body open? How could he do that, when her presence alone caused him to go insane?

Dabi, I love you. And this means that, whatever the problem or the worry or the nonsense, I’m always gonna be there for you. I care about you, and if you wanna talk about your family or your feelings or even stupid shit, I’ll listen. I’ll listen, Dabi. Always.

Keigo felt something warm and sticky dripping on the top of his fingers. He raised his hands, only to see crimson blood spattered all over his palms and nails. He closed his eyes, letting out a wobbly sigh. The whiz in his chest had intensified, now piercing his eardrums with its annoying hiss.

<<I told you, I don’t know what you’re talking about. And honestly, it pains me to see that you don’t trust me enough to let me do things on my own. What, all these years of being your fucking slave were just a trial period or sum?>>

<<Deflecting the issue, huh? Typical of who’s been caught red-handed but still tries to protect himself.>>

<<Playing mind games on me, huh? Typical of who clearly doesn’t know what I’m capable of.>>

The president furrowed her eyebrows, throwing Keigo a warning look. The latter straight ignored it and focused on her frame instead, trying to pick up on her intentions through her gestures. If he couldn’t come up with an amazing lie, at least he could use what was left of his brain to read her next moves. Or at least, he’d try to.

<<I know better than anyone else here what you’re capable of. Which is exactly why I’m so astounded by your latest actions.>>

<<You wouldn’t have even known about these “latest actions” if you hadn’t sent the goddamn spy on me. Who says I didn’t do the same in the past? You never bothered to check on me anyway. I could literally kill somebody in the middle of the mission, and you wouldn’t care. So, why start caring now?>> Keigo spat out, earning a grunt from the woman.

<<Hawks, I realise this must be hard for you, but I can’t pretend like nothing’s happened. The pictures don’t lie. Denying the truth any further will only make matters worse.>>

The Hero frowned, taken aback by that statement. <<Pictures? What pictures?>>

<<Right. I suppose I should show them to you.>>

And with that, the woman shoved a hand in her pockets, fishing out an old, dusty phone whose display was falling apart. She unlocked it in a second and then silently handed it to Keigo, who snatched it without taking his eyes off her. Once he lowered his gaze to look at the photos, however, the last shred of confidence that was still running through his veins vanished completely, leaving in its place a sharp, excruciating twinge. The first picture had probably been taken a couple of weeks before, when Dabi had given his Endeavor plushie to Keigo. The Hero was clutching the toy to his chest with a bright smile on his face, and the Villain was simply looking at him, a soft, gentle spark written all over his eyes. The sight of Dabi was enough to make him tear up, but Keigo didn’t waver. He went through almost thirty other pictures in that gallery, and found out that they all portrayed him and Dabi exchanging tender glances or holding hands or things of that sort. The last photo, though, was the one that absolutely shattered his heart. There they were, Dabi and him, lips colliding in that grimy alleyway, the peace only interrupted by the sound of their warm, heavy breaths. Keigo wondered how much time had passed since he’d left the Villain on the road back to the lair, but it didn’t matter. What mattered was that the Commission had stolen from him even that small, intimate moment of bliss, turning it into a cruel means to gain the upper hand.

Keigo clenched his teeth as his eyes were filled with hot, rageful tears, which slowly marked his pale cheeks with their burning trail.

<<How dare you>> he hissed, gripping the phone so tight he cracked the display.

<<We did what was necessary. As I’ve said, it won’t do any good if you keep denying the evidence. Just come clean and let’s find a solution together.>>

Even though the president’s tone was quiet and her voice smoother than before, the Hero could still sense the overwhelming disappointment hidden behind it all. Her controlled movements suggested that she was holding back her true feelings, which meant that, sooner or later, Keigo would have to deal with much worse than that. Maybe her mind games wouldn’t work on him, but emotional torture was something else. The Hero had never handled it well, and his only countermeasure was shutting off from everything that was evenly slightly inconvenient for him. Which, for the record, he wasn’t able to do anymore.

Lying to the president would be pointless. He was in no position to get away with what he’d done, not with all those photos. Had he been the Keigo of three months before, he’d probably shrugged it off with a reasonable excuse and solved things with a radiant smile and some flattering comments. But that Keigo didn’t exist anymore. He’d died in the exact moment he’d crossed paths with Dabi, inevitably changing his life forever. He didn’t think that was a bad thing, but right now, he couldn’t rely on that belief alone. If he wanted to win against the president and the Commission, he had to go back to his old ways. To outsmart them with the very tricks they’d taught him.

But how could he do that, when he had no control over his mind and body?
<<There’s no solution, boss. Because there’s no problem. How many times do I need to tell you, huh?>>

<<Oh, so this isn’t a problem now? Alright. Then you won’t mind if we publish these online>> she said, wrapping her fingers around the phone. She didn’t even manage to pull the device out of Keigo’s grip. Both her hands were immediately slashed by a scarlet dash, and the room was suddenly filled by loud, pained screams. The Hero raised his gaze just enough to see that there were two deep cuts running on the back of the woman’s hands, now swollen and purplish. He bit his lower lip, overcome by a rush of pure terror. What the hell was going on with him?? He’d never felt like that before.

<<Don’t you even try to put those photos on the web. I won’t just slit your hands next time>> Keigo growled, struggling to suppress his growing anger and fear.

<<Very well then. I already have my answers anyway>> the woman said, getting up from her seat and walking towards a gray cupboard leaning on the opposite wall. She rummaged around in it until she found disinfectant and some bandages. While she was cleaning her wounds, she shot Keigo with a deadpan glare, causing the Hero to shiver.

<<You know, of all the people I thought could betray me, you weren’t even on the list. I expected better from you, Hawks. Especially given all the time and effort we’ve put into training and shaping you.>>

<<All you wanted was for me to act like your little servant. But I’m done with all this shit. I’m done with the lies and the schemes and the goddamn missions. Put me in jail, exile me. I don’t give a fuck. It’s better than working for you bastards anyway.>>

The president seemed to think about those words, averting her eyes as she completed her medication. After what looked like an eternity, she sat again, this time without hiding the fury buried behind her icy pupils.

<<You don’t understand, Hawks. What you’ve done is unforgivable. Not even a death sentence could ever erase all of this. Which is why you’ll have to atone for it in my own way, whether you like it or not.>>

She didn’t even finish that threat that someone slammed the door open with such violence it made Keigo jump on his seat. A short yet muscular figure barged in, a mix of pity and disbelief etched in her purple eyes. Keigo’s mouth fell open as the realisation of who was standing there dawned on him like a thousand thunderbolts.

<<Hey, Hawks. Got into some trouble, huh?>> Lady Nagant said, forcing a playful smile onto her lips.

<<Nagant…?>> Keigo asked, heart pounding in his chest. Last time he’d checked she was in prison, rotting behind bars because she’d dared to oppose the Commission. And now there she was, anxiously fiddling with her fingers as the president placed a hand onto her shoulder.

<<Nagant’s the one I sent to keep an eye on you. She recorded everything, going from your interactions with the League to every single moment with Dabi. Or, should I say, Toya Todoroki.>>

Keigo’s jaw was aching from being so open. Not only did they know about their relationship; they also knew about Dabi’s true identity. And the spy was none other than Lady Nagant, the most brilliant agent in the whole Commission before her defection. Knowing her stubbornness, she’d tried every possible way to gather information on his activity with the League, and from the looks of it, she’d done a pretty good job as well. Keigo had no idea why she would ever work with the Commission again, but he didn’t have time for that. He was fucked up, and he knew that. Still, he wanted to fight. For his freedom. For the League. For Natsuo. For Dabi- no, for Toya.

<<I like the little team-up here. I think you make a cute little pair>> the Hero laughed, choking on his own breath as he did that.

<<I don’t think you understand the gravity of the situation, Hawks>> the president stated, narrowing her eyes. <<We have piles and piles of evidence to incriminate you. It would take us a click, and you’d be ruined. As a Hero, as a public figure and, ultimately, as a man.>>

Keigo gulped, but he didn’t give in to her menacing words. <<And so what? As if the police would ever believe you. I can shoot one call to Endeavor, and your nice plan will go to shit in a heartbeat.>>

<<Yes, you’re right. But what do you think Endeavor will say once he finds out you’ve been kissing his long dead son for almost four months?>>

The Hero froze, unable to reply. He’d been so concentrated on trying to get out of there that he’d completely forgotten about Dabi’s unintentional reveal. Of course Endeavor was Dabi’s father. And of course he’d kill him if he knew about their secret relationship. Not to mention the fact that he’d practically held Natsuo, his other son, hostage with a bunch of criminals for two weeks. Keigo couldn’t count on his help, or on that of any other Hero. He would be globally seen as a traitor from now on, a Villain even. His life as he’d always known it was crumbling before his very eyes, but Keigo didn’t care. As long as Dabi was safe, nothing else mattered.

Toya. His name is Toya. I need to get used to that.

<<You can tell him if you want. It’s really not a big deal. From what I’ve understood, I’m doomed anyway, right? So, there’s no point in holding me here any longer.>>

<<You got it completely wrong, Hawks. We don’t want to put you in jail. We want you to do something for us.>>

Keigo crossed his arms, perplexed. What could they possibly want from him now? They finally had everything they needed to get rid of him. And since they had Nagant back, it was useless to keep him as a double agent as well. Why weren’t they calling the police? Why weren’t they publishing the pictures? Why were they standing there like two grim reapers? Why were they looking at him with such twisted pleasure in their eyes?

<<Hawks, I need you to kill Toya Todoroki.>>

The Hero wasn’t quite sure he’d heard well. It took him a couple of minutes to get a grasp of those words, which were floating around his head like washed out, deflated balloons. His whole body stopped in silence as he grabbed that volatile thought, holding its breath to prevent it from slipping away.

And then, it all crushed him like a boulder from the sky.

Keigo didn’t remember the wails, or the sobs, or even the screams. He just remembered the tears, which soiled his face with their filthy tracks, and their ruthless glares, which stabbed his soul so deeply not even a miracle would ever fully heal it.

<<No… please no…>> he cried out, burying his head in his shaky arms.

<<Hawks, you knew this would come from the very first moment you gave in to your feelings. You chose all of this>> the president remarked, impassive.

<<No… don’t make me do this… please don’t make me do this…>>

<<I’d gladly have Nagant kill him, but it seems her previous attempts were a bit of a failure>> the woman continued, pacing back and forth as Keigo drowned in his sobs. <<If not even resorting to loan sharks like Silver was enough to get him out of the games… well, then the only one who can do it is you.>>

<<Silver… What…?>> Keigo shook his head, tears shattering on the floor.

<<Of course Nagant knew about your plan to catch her. Nice try, by the way. It even gave us an idea on how to take you here without many problems.>> The woman pointed to a black canister with a huge, white lid covering it, and Keigo immediately knew what was stored in it. Chloroform.

<<Jesus Christ…>> the Hero whispered, doubled over from the nausea that was filling his stomach and throat.

<<Then, we stole the Endeavor plush. We’d already seen how upset Dabi had gotten upon losing it, so we thought that, maybe, it would happen again. But you were there to make him reason. You were always there. No matter how hard we tried, you wouldn’t leave his side. But for our plan to work, we had to split you up. So, we used Natsuo Todoroki. When you jumped out the window, we almost breathed a sigh of relief. But this time, Dabi was there. So we figured we had to eliminate one of the two.>>

Keigo shook his head, lungs poisoned by vomit and tears. <<Why… just why…>>

<<Think about it for a second, Hawks. What you’ve done is repulsive, sure, but it wouldn’t do us any good if people knew about it. What sort of impression would we give to the world? Still, we can’t let you go around kissing Villains and sympathising with them. If you don’t want us to destroy everything you’ve built in your twenty-two years of life, then kill Dabi.>>

<<I… don’t… care. I… won’t…>> Keigo wailed, slamming his fist on his knee.

<<Hawks, if you won’t kill Dabi, then we’ll do it. And we’ll tell Endeavor that it was your fault his son is dead. You don’t want this, am I right? You may love Dabi, but you can’t betray the man that saved your life when you were young.>>

Keigo couldn’t breathe anymore. His throat was swollen, full of the sobs and cries that just wouldn’t come out. His head was spinning so fast it made his stomach churn, and his eyes were puffy and watery. His sight was now completely blurred, and the only thing he could see were the shadows belonging to Nagant and the president. 

He couldn’t do that. He couldn’t. He couldn’t. He couldn’t.

He couldn’t kill Toya. How could he?

He loved him so much. Toya had made him happier than anyone else. He’d made him realise why life was worth living. Why he should keep going, even if it hurt.

And now, he had to kill him.

When Keigo opened his mouth to reply, what came out was a shapeless mass of grayish vomit. He coughed and spit until every last bit of his soul fell along with his puke, and then spoke again.

<<Just kill me instead. Please.>>

This time, the president didn’t say anything. Lady Nagant did. And Keigo wished she’d never done that.

<<We can’t, Hawks.>>

<<Why?>>

<<Because if we do, then everyone you care about will die too.>>

Chapter Text

<<Because if we do, then everyone you care about will die too.>>

Keigo felt like the air was made out of lead, thick and heavy and almost impossible to breathe. His nose, his lungs, his throat, his stomach were held by a grip so tight it looked like they were going to burst any moment now. He was still crying, and the tears were running down his cheeks, leaving dark, reddish scars behind. The blood was dripping from his palms, staining the floor with all the lies still that flowed in it, and probably would forever.

<<I… I don’t understand>> he managed to say, eyes fixed on the pool of vomit that was now spreading over the blueish tiles.

<<There’s nothing to understand. All you need to know that your death won’t solve anything. Actually, it would cause more harm.>>

It was the president who had spoken, but Keigo didn’t mind. All he could think about was how empty and cold and suffocating everything felt. Even the sound of his own heartbeat was starting to get on his nerves. Hadn’t he been in such a pathetic state, he would’ve probably flown out of there by then, heading towards anywhere but that goddamn building. Or that goddamn city, to be fair.

Another wave of nausea shot through his body, then spilt onto his light blue jeans. The smell, mixed with the president’s peach-scented breath, was driving him crazy.

<<I would appreciate it if you stopped doing that>> the woman commented, and when Keigo looked up at her, all he could see was a disgusted grimace on her face.

<<Kill me… kill me…>> the Hero pleaded absent-mindedly, earning a sorry glance from Lady Nagant.

<<I don’t think you’re quite aware of the situation, Hawks. If you die, then your friends will meet the same fate. Twice, Toga, Natsuo, even Endeavor… they will all die.>>

<<Bullshit… you’re just blackmailing me… as always…>>

The woman sighed, then gestured for Nagant to take something out of her pocket. The latter obeyed, grabbing what seemed like a rather huge bug. She then approached Keigo and placed the insect in his hands, pity written all over her purple eyes.

<<Hawks, this… this is a device used to monitor someone’s vital functions. It records everything, going from your blood pressure to your breathing and that sort of stuff. All the agents here, myself included, have one in their bodies. It’s been created so that the Commission knows when we’re in danger or in need of help.>>

<<In their… bodies…?>> Keigo asked, gaze wandering over that black bean.

<<Yes. In our hearts, actually. You get one as soon as you join the Commission.>>

The Hero scoffed, barely holding back a sarcastic sneer. Of course; everything made sense now. The whiz in his chest, the sudden and painful pangs across his heart… It was all because of that microchip. And if it could really tell when someone was in trouble from their vital functions, then it could probably sense many other things, like anger, fear, happiness and… love. 

That’s how they knew. That’s how they’d got suspicious. That’s why they’d sent Nagant.

Another tear rolled down Keigo’s cheek, but this time, it didn’t burn. It just hurt.

<<Huh. You know, that’s-that’s crazy>> was all he said, running a hand through his hair and soiling it with blood.

<<Hawks, if you die, this device will send a deadly shockwave to those you’ve been in contact with in the past weeks or months. One of its main features is to analyse and record the life processes of everyone that’s spent more than forty-eight hours with you. It automatically resets after six weeks so that innocent people are not caught in the crossfire.>>

<<So… Dabi… Toya…>> the Hero stammered, trying to take in all that information but miserably failing at it.

<<Yes, he’ll die either way. Just… if you kill him, Hawks, everyone else will be safe.>>

<<No, it can’t be it… you’re kidding… this is all a twisted joke…>>

Keigo was blabbing nonsense by then, his mind torn apart by denial and the excruciating awareness that what Nagant had said was true. He’d tried and tried and tried to build a life of his own, to create bonds and relationships, to gain back that identity they’d stolen more than fifteen years ago. He’d tried to break free, to be happy, to get rid of that awful role, to leave everything behind. But it had all been useless. Keigo could never, would never do any of those things. He’d lost from the very start, trapped into a web of lies and deceit so thick he couldn’t even see the entrance. The Commission had always, always been in control. They’d predicted his every move, countered his every attack. And now, they’d delivered the final blow.

The tears in his eyes weren’t enough to express the agonising pain that had taken over his heart, and they never would. The hiss in his chest became so deafening that Nagant and the president had to exchange a worried glance, but Keigo didn’t notice. Or maybe, he didn’t want to.

<<Hey>> Nagant softly whispered, wrapping her fingers around Keigo’s wrist and stroking it. <<It’s okay. Everyone will be okay.>>

<<No!!! Toya… he… he…>>

The Hero’s voice was cut off by a violent sob, which caused him to bend over his knees, shaken by shivers and wails. He stayed like that for an eternity, only a pale shadow of the man he once was, the silence broken in half by his loud and desperate weeps. Once he had no more tears to cry, he slowly got up and limped towards the wall, emptying his stomach of everything that was left in it. The president threw him a revolted glare, but he didn’t care. And he would probably never care about anything else anymore.

<<I won’t kill him>> he stated, a faint hint of determination in his hollow eyes.

<<Being so stubborn won’t take you anywhere, my dear Hawks>> the woman warned, signalling to Nagant to exit the room. <<You made a mistake, and now you must pay for it. Opposing your punishment will only make things nastier in the long run.>>

<<I don’t give a fuck. I won’t kill him>> he repeated, panting heavily.

<<It’s strange, though. I don’t recall you being so dead on sparing someone’s life. I mean, you’ve never had trouble killing people before, right?>>

Right?

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

Keigo had never meant to hurt anybody. He’d never wanted any of that. The Commission had ordered him to. And he’d been too much of a coward not to comply.

But he’d never wanted to kill them. He’d tried to warn them, to protect them, before it was too late. But he couldn’t go against the Commission, could he? He was their puppet. Their weapon. Their slave.

And so, he’d killed them. But he didn’t want to. And when he’d done that, he’d shoved everything aside, hoping that it would all go away one day. Hoping that he would dispose of the guilt just like he’d done with everything else. But he was just a fool. It would never go away. It would die with him, and then haunt him in the afterlife, if that even existed. But Keigo was okay with that. He was okay with that, as long as Toya was safe. As long as he could smile and laugh and enjoy the world. It didn’t matter. It didn’t matter.

But ripping Toya’s life from him, that was something Keigo simply couldn’t do.

How could he kill the man he loved so deeply? How could he kill the one person that had brought a bit of colour in his dull, meaningless existence? How could he steal his dreams, his hopes, his aims and be okay with that?

He was the one who deserved to suffer, not Toya. Never Toya.

What Toya deserved was for someone to love and protect him, and Keigo wanted to be that someone. And he’d rather die than give up on that goal - his only goal.

But now, not even death would settle things. Which meant that he had no way out.

It was in that moment that Keigo wished he’d never been born, and the pain and guilt that had been eating him alive finally finished the job. 

<<Maybe… it would’ve been better… if I’d just… starved to death… in my house…>>

Keigo fell on the ground and didn’t bother to get up, not even when the president offered him a hand. He just lied there, still, nothing more than ugly human waste. And he would’ve probably sprawled there forever, hadn’t Nagant picked him up and brought him to the bathroom to wash the blood and vomit off his body.

<<I’m really sorry for all of this, Hawks>> she muttered, scrubbing his hair. Keigo didn’t reply, to which the girl sighed and then spoke again.

<<I’m sorry I spied on you. But you see… the president was threatening me. She wanted to tell everyone about my past, and… I don’t know, I just got so upset->>

<<I don’t care. I just don’t get why you had to involve Dabi and Natsuo in all of this.>>

Nagant lowered his gaze, eyes filled with something akin to shame. She kept rubbing his skin, gently rinsing away every bit of grime, but Keigo didn’t care. He’d rather wallow in dirt than be cleaned by such vile hands, but it wasn’t like he had any say in the matter, so he just let her do it.

<<Natsuo… he was just a precaution>> the girl explained, spraying some disinfectant on Keigo’s injured hands. <<Right after you went to visit Endeavor, the president asked me to keep an eye on him as well. He’s always been known for his resolution, and it was obvious he would start looking for answers, especially after what you said about Toya. Of course, we were already having our suspicions on Dabi, but we couldn’t risk his own brother finding out before us. So, I left a note in his car with the League address on it. I knew you were on my trail, and I thought that, maybe, Natsuo could distract you a bit. But I’ve underestimated you, as always.>>

<<So he was just a decoy. A pawn.>>

<<Come on, Hawks. You know how it works here. Please don’t make this harder than it already is.>>

<<Yeah. Still, it doesn’t erase the fact that you’ve been cruelly playing with his feelings.>>

<<Since when do you care so much about feelings?>>

That was a genuine question, but Keigo felt like it was yet another attempt to manipulate and deceive him. He was so tired of the Commission crushing other people’s lives under their feet just because they could. He was tired of them exploiting and using people’s weaknesses to get what they wanted. He was tired of them, so tired. Hadn’t he been so drained out, he would’ve probably burst out in anger by then.

<<Since I’ve met someone that loves me for who I truly am, and not who the others want me to be. Since I’ve been able to face my emotions without everyone looking at me in disgust and telling me to get rid of my “sick mental problems”. But I guess you’ll never know how it feels. You’re exactly like them.>>

Nagant nodded slowly, then picked up some bandages from a nearby drawer and wrapped them around the Hero’s palms. The latter hissed at the harsh contact against the gauze, and a slim spurt of blood stretched under the white cloth.

<<So, it was all true, huh? It wasn’t some insane acting or sum.>>

<<No. What you saw… it’s all real.>>

<<Oh. Wow.>>

Nagant silently headed to the door, waiting for Keigo to get dressed and follow her outside. When they reached the interrogation room, however, the president was nowhere to be found. The girl didn’t seem to think too much of it, which absolutely terrified the Hero. His gut was suddenly twisted by a sharp grip, and whereas he felt like he was going to vomit again, he chose to ignore that gross feeling.

<<Where’s the bastard?>> he asked unenthusiastically, struggling to keep his tone still and quiet.

<<Probably got stuck in a meeting. But it doesn’t matter. We’ve already told you what you need to know.>>

Nagant gestured for Keigo to walk through the exit, but the latter didn’t move. Instead, he grabbed her wrist and squeezed it tight, almost breaking her bones. The girl grunted, throwing him a confused and somewhat frightened glare.

<<What the hell are you doing??>> she groaned, trying to wriggle out of his grasp.

<<I need to know it. The reason why you want Dabi dead.>>

The girl frowned, purple eyes narrowed to slits. Keigo saw a glimpse of fear shoot through her unfazed look, but he couldn’t tell for sure.

<<Are you deaf? We can’t have you and a Villain making out as if it’s the most normal thing in the world. And since it seems like you won’t give up on each other, we’ll force you to.>>

<<No, that’s not just it. There’s something more. You may be their favourite puppet now, Nagant, but I’ve been here since I was a toddler, and I know exactly how it works.>>

Keigo had no idea why he was doing all of that; his relationship with Dabi was doomed anyway. Willing or not, he’d have to leave the Villain behind to keep him safe, and possibly get as far away from him as possible. He’d make Dabi hate him so that he wouldn’t suffer that much once Keigo was gone. He’d hurt him just that little bit to save him. He’d craft a lie, the greatest lie of them all, and hopefully, the last one.

Still, he needed to know. It was useless, sure, but he needed to. Keigo had never been the type to give in to his whims, but now, his brain was no better than the puke stains that were sullying the blue tiles right under his boots. He couldn’t control himself, not even if he wanted to. And he didn’t want to.

<<Nagant, tell me: why do you want to kill him?>>

The girl hesitated, opening her mouth a couple times before she gathered the courage to speak. The Hero looked at her dead in the eye, nothing more than darkness filling his golden irises.

<<I… uhm, I… the Commission… there’s been a problem with the Heroes lately… people are finding it very hard to believe in them. There have been scandals, rumours, lies… many Heroes have decided to quit the job. We’re so understaffed right now… and we can’t allow anyone else to abandon their duty. Especially…>>

<<...the Number One Hero.>>

Nagant nodded, then uncomfortably shifted her weight onto the other leg. It was a rather funny sight, but Keigo didn’t laugh. He doubted he could ever do something like that again.

<<We can’t lose Endeavor, Hawks. If people knew about Toya… if Endeavor himself knew about him… everything would collapse. And if you love Toya as much as you claim to, then you’ll prevent that from happening.>>

Keigo sighed, absent-mindedly staring at the floor below them. He then began walking and stepped out of the main entrance, immediately tailed by a quite perplexed Nagant.

Once the Hero got out on the street, he was hit by a cold, biting wind, which scratched his cheeks and lips and ruffled his hair. He then suddenly stopped in his tracks, turning around as he uttered one, last sentence.

<<I won’t kill him, Nagant.>>

And with that, he stormed away into the emptiness of the night.

Chapter Text

Keigo took another bite off that jam tart, but it still tasted like shit. He tried to drown its sickening flavour with a sip of wine, but it was all useless. It sucked; everything sucked. It made him nauseous, numb, weak. But he couldn’t do anything about it. He had to endure that last bit of suffering, and then it would all end. That was his last act, his last lie. His last appearance as “Hawks”.

Then, he would disappear. Forever.

Yeah, that tart definitely tasted like shit.

<<We could also go visit Tokyo someday. You know, to see the cherry trees. Or get wasted in a sake pub; I don’t really care.>>

<<Mmh>> Keigo hummed, not really paying attention to Dabi and his travel plans. He wished he could spend their last day together doing something cooler than having dinner in a run-down diner, but life was never fair. It was just a cruel, twisted system that didn’t give a damn about one’s feelings or dreams or anything like that, and whose sole purpose was to make people experience great and unbearable pain. 

But Dabi didn’t deserve that pain, and that was why Keigo would take it onto him. Forever.

<<Or maybe Seoul. Koreans are so fucking hot.>>

<<Oh, yeah, I like Seoul. And Koreans.>> The Hero gulped; he felt like that damn jam tart was clogging his throat. <<I mean, yeah.>>

Dabi frowned, confused by Keigo’s sudden unease. <<Are you okay?>>

<<Mh-mh. I just-I almost choked on my saliva.>>

<<Jeez, you’re a grown-ass man and you choke on your spit?? So lame>> Dabi teased, playfully running his fingers through Keigo’s hair.

<<Hah. What about you? You still sleep with stuffed toys>> Keigo remarked, voice low and empty.

<<Hey, there’s nothing wrong with that. And for the record, people who sleep with their plushies are ten times sexier than people who don’t.>>

<<Says who? Your ass?>>

Dabi let out a soft, feeble laugh, but instead of skipping a beat, Keigo’s heart was squashed by a violent twinge. He had no idea whether that was the Commission’s device or not, but it didn’t matter. It wouldn’t have mattered anyway once he was gone, so why bother? He just had to make it through the day. To leave everything behind. Then, nothing would matter. Never again.

<<Hawks, what if we rented a house on the beach and lived there forever?>> Dabi suggested, eyes filled with a dreamy, bright spark.

<<Nah, I hate the beach. The sand, the salt, the heat… it’s unbearable. What about the mountain? I could also take you on a little flight there, you know.>>

<<On a… flight?>> Dabi smirked, clasping the Hero’s jaw with one hand and pulling him closer with the other. <<With your pretty little wings?>>

<<I could think about it->> Keigo’s sentence was cut off by a rough, urgent press of lips against his, and before he knew it, Dabi was all over him, kissing and biting and sticking his tongue into his mouth. The Hero badly suppressed a moan as the Villain snaked a hand under his T-shirt, warmth flooding his cheeks and a shiver of pleasure curling in his stomach. He tried to take the lead and deepen the kiss a bit, but gave up as soon as his head and chest started throbbing.

<<Dabi, wait->> he gasped, but the Villain didn’t seem to hear. Instead, he climbed onto his lap and tugged him so close that Keigo could see the blackheads on his nose. No matter how hard the Hero tried to push him away, Dabi just wouldn’t let go. And that was probably true of real life as well. Keigo was going to leave him behind, but would Dabi allow it? Or would he oppose that decision?

What a stupid question. Of course he would never be okay with such a thing. Of course he would get mad and fight for them to be together.

Maybe Keigo would win in the end, but that didn’t make the job easier, or less painful. It simply, utterly broke his heart, shredding it to pieces.

After all, Dabi was the first and only person Keigo had truly loved.

Would he be able to forget him, just like that? To run away and throw his memories and feelings into the darkest pit of his soul?

He had to. Dabi’s life depended on it.

He’d made a mistake, and now he would fix it. There was no way he’d fail that too.

<<Dabi>> he whispered, clenching his fists as the Villain placed a kiss on his neck. <<Are you sure about this? Not to ruin the fun, but… we’re in public.>>

The other raised his head and cocked an eyebrow, puzzled. <<We’re literally the only people in this shithole, you dumbass.>>

<<Yeah, but what about the waiter? And the cook? And the dishwasher? And->>

<<Pretty sure I saw them head outside to smoke some weed.>>

Keigo sighed, defeated. That approach wasn’t leading him anywhere. Plus, it made him look suspicious. He’d never been one to reject Dabi’s attentions, but that time, he couldn’t enjoy them. His head, his stomach, his chest, they all hurt too much. It was like his body was actively repelling all that passion, all that love, making him physically and mentally ill. 

A tear filled the corner of Keigo’s right eye, but he wiped it away. The last thing he wanted was to cry in front of the very person he’d have to ruthlessly leave behind.

<<I know, it’s just… what if they see you?>> the Hero tried, lowering his gaze to hide the shame etched in it.

<<What if they see me?>> Dabi asked, fingers still caressing Keigo’s frozen back.

<<Oh, come on. You’re a Villain. I’m a Hero. What do you think will happen?>>

The Villain seemed to think about it for a second, then quickly retreated his hand and hopped off Keigo’s lap, sitting on his side of the bench instead. <<You’re right. Sorry.>>

<<N-no->> Keigo stammered, only to be shushed by a swift shake of the head.

<<It’s okay, baby bird. I’m not mad. And I get it. As long as the Commission still thinks you’re on their side… I won’t make them change their mind. I promise.>>

Dabi downed the last sip of his beer, then fished out his phone and began tapping on it. They stayed like that for a while, their silence only broken by the click of Dabi’s keyboard and Keigo’s heavy, uneven breath. And maybe they would’ve stayed like that forever, hadn’t the Hero jumped up and gripped Dabi’s hand, dragging him outside.

<<What the->> the Villain started, but never got to finish his sentence. Once they reached the rear of the diner, Keigo threw his arms around Dabi’s neck and kissed him so desperately that not even the tears were able to come out. The Villain’s mouth had never tasted so sour, so rough, but he didn’t care. He even ignored the sharp pangs that pierced his head and chest, choosing to focus on Dabi’s strong scent instead, taking in the softness of his skin and the striking beauty of his bright, blue eyes.

He would engrave that sight in his soul for the rest of his days, a bittersweet reminder of what he’d lost and would never, never get back.

No, not bittersweet. Just painful. Excruciating. Agonising.

Keigo wished he could just die there, in that exact moment, and drown in Dabi’s tender embrace. But when had his wishes ever come true?

<<I love you>> he murmured, too low for Dabi to hear. That was very selfish of him, but he couldn’t keep it inside of his heart any more. He just wanted the Villain to know how much he mattered to him. How deep his love was, and would forever be. How much his chest ached every time he thought about him, about them, about the things they were but would no longer be. 

Because if Keigo was willing to go as far as to destroy the fragile life he’d built through strain and sorrow, it was all for the love of Dabi. For the hopeless need to protect him, to keep him safe, to shield him from all the evil in the world.

A tight, blue suit flashed before the Hero’s eyes, and that was when he knew. 

Now or never.

Keigo shoved Dabi against the wall, earning a surprised grunt from the other. Then, he grabbed both his wrists and tied them with a rope, all while the Villain was gasping and blinking his eyes in confusion. Once he was done, Keigo threw him a cold, detached glare, and a fakely cruel smile made its way onto his lips.

<<It’s honestly baffling, you know. How easily you’ve fallen into my trap.>>

<<Huh??>> was Dabi’s reply, who was still looking at him with a mix of shock and dismay.

<<Ah, don’t tell me now you didn’t see through my trick>> Keigo continued, knotting his fists to make sure his voice didn’t crack. <<And here I thought for a second you were actually smarter than you made out to be.>>

<<What the fuck?? Are you drunk??>>

<<Quite the opposite. I’m clear-headed now, Dabi. And I believe it’s finally time we put an end to this sham.>>

<<Sham?? What the hell are you talking about??>> Dabi was getting angry; Keigo could see it from the bulging vein in his forehead, which was growing bigger and bigger as the minutes went by. It wouldn’t be long until he’d completely lose his shit. Which meant that the Hero had to hurry up, otherwise…

<<I’ll get straight to the point, Dabi. Mine wasn’t a mission to infiltrate the League and report their movements to the Commission. It was a mission to spy on you, so that we could find a way to neutralise you.>>

<<A way to… neutralise me?>> Dabi’s gaze shifted from annoyed confusion to utter disbelief, and his eyes were filled with a deep, irrational fear. It all drilled Keigo’s soul like a goddamn machine gun, but he gulped away the pain and kept going.

For Dabi. For his safety.

<<Correct. You were the only member so far we had no information about, and things were getting pretty… heated. So, we deemed it a great idea to send me as an undercover agent, with the hope that I would discover something more about you. And I must say, you made things a whole lot easier. Who expected that the amazing Villain “Dabi” would fall in love with the traitor “Hawks”?>>

Keigo felt so sick. So nauseated by all of that. His entire body was on fire, with his lungs burning every time he breathed some air. Not even being stabbed by a thousand blades would ever compare to the violent suffering that was poisoning his heart, and Keigo knew it very well. However, he couldn’t stop. Not when he was so close to saving Dabi.

<<I decided to take the risk. To become your boyfriend and see where it would bring me. But you just wouldn’t open up to me. Sure, you mentioned something about having a shitty dad, but that was it. Until… you told me your dad was a Hero.>>

Dabi’s eyes widened as a sudden realisation struck them like a bullet. He tried to say something, but no words came out of his lips. He then gritted his teeth, piercing Keigo with a furious glare.

<<You… you…!>>

<<Of course, I had a theory. But I needed time to prove it. And, most of all, I needed your trust. And what’s the best way to obtain it? By telling a lie so perfect it sounds like the truth.>>

<<The Commission thing…>> Dabi muttered, voice full of rage.

<<Exactly. But then I thought… What if it’s not enough? I needed us to connect on a deeper level; to create a strong, unbreakable bond. So, I pretended to struggle with my mental health. I knew you would help me; all that talk about being neglected and treated like garbage… I mean, it was obvious you have serious problems.>>

<<You bastard piece of shit…>> the Villain growled, but it was more like a sad wail.

<<I must admit that the suicide attempt was a bit of a gamble, but it was necessary to double-check my guess.>>

Dabi frowned, disoriented. <<What guess?>>

Keigo sighed. They’d gotten to the part that would hurt the most. He’d thought about it all night, trying to gather the courage to face it, but now, he felt helpless. His knees and arms were wobbly and shaky; his chest squeezed by a harrowing grip. He feared that, when he’d speak again, he wouldn’t have the strength to lie.

How could he do that to the love of his life? How could he cause him such terrible pain?

He had to. He had to. He had to.

For Dabi’s sake. For his safety. For his happiness, if it even existed.

<<That, despite everything, you still loved me. And that, despite everything, I didn’t feel the same.>>

Keigo averted his gaze as quickly as possible, but it wasn’t enough. He still caught a glimpse of Dabi’s devastated grimace, of the absolute horror that crept into his eyes with the form of slow, painful tears, of the gut-wrenching awareness that everything he’d believed in was just a disgusting lie.

A lie. A lie. A lie.

Maybe killing him wouldn’t have been that hard. Or maybe it would’ve torn his soul apart, leaving him completely, utterly annihilated.

But, at least, he wouldn’t have to deal with all of that. He wouldn’t have to watch as the light disappeared from his lover’s eyes and a cold, dark numbness poisoned them like a lethal infection. He wouldn’t have to listen to his dreadful sobs, his desperate pleas, his shattered words. He wouldn’t have to hurt him like that.

Keigo closed his eyes, begging for it to stop. But it didn’t. 

<<You… you don’t love me…?>> Dabi sniffled, to which Keigo shook his head.

<<No. I’ve never loved you, Dabi. This was all part of the mission.>>

The Hero wondered how he could still be alive by then. He felt so dead inside not even a miracle would ever be able to bring him back. He’d lost every will to breathe, to talk, to listen, to live. And still, he was there. Trapped in that rear courtyard, setting all his feelings on fire as his heart shattered into a million pieces.

<<I don’t believe you…!>> Dabi cried out, trying to free himself from Keigo’s grasp. The latter threw him the most unimpressed of looks, then kicked him in the leg. The Villain howled in pain, then dropped on his knees with a short, fuming groan.

<<You motherfucker! You broke my leg!>>

<<It’s a sprain. You’ll be okay in a blink of an eye.>>

<<Why do you even care??>> the Villain huffed out, burning Keigo’s skin with his fierce glare.

<<I don’t. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go.>>

Keigo took a step towards the main sidewalk, resorting to the little energy he had left not to break down. However, his chest and stomach twinged so bad he had to lean against the wall, gasping and coughing as the air got stuck in his throat, choking him with its brutal grip. But before he could regain some composure, Dabi was behind him, dragging his injured leg along like a sack of potatoes. His face was scarred by tears, his lips were pale and trembly. 

In his eyes, though, there was still a feeble, weak spark, which shone through the darkness like a beautiful firefly.

<<I don’t believe you, Hawks. Everything you said… it doesn’t make any sense!>> The Villain’s voice was so full of despair it genuinely made Keigo wish he was under three meters of dirt, but he couldn’t help it. He just had to endure. Again. And again. And again.

<<Plus, there’s still the spy thing. That wasn’t fake, right? Which means the Commission must have some doubts! Because you’re a good person and you love me!>>

<<I don’t love you, Dabi. And there was no one spying on us. That was something I made up so that you would let your guard down. And you did. Now, goodbye.>>

Keigo walked again towards the street, but Dabi just wouldn’t let go. He held the Hero back with his tied-up hands, clinging onto it as if the world was going to crumble.

<<Hawks! How can you say those things and not feel anything?? How can you say you don’t love me, after everything we went through??>>

<<BECAUSE WHAT WE WENT THROUGH WAS ALL PART OF THE PLAN! I NEVER LOVED YOU, AND I NEVER WILL! IT WAS JUST AN ACT! A SCHEME! I JUST NEEDED TO KNOW IF YOU WERE TOYA TODOROKI OR NOT!>>

Keigo hadn’t meant to scream. He hadn’t meant to, but he’d still done it. All the pain, the suffering, the sorrow; he couldn’t store them inside his heart anymore. Everything around him was turning to dust, and what remained were the blurred edges of what once was and would never be again. He wanted to die the most horrible of deaths, to be punished for all the damage he’d caused. But he couldn’t. He had to keep on living, to breathe that goddamn air until Dabi had fulfilled his dreams. He would live for him, because that was the only thing he could do to make amends. To pay for the pain he’d passed onto him like a cursed relay baton.

The Hero looked at Dabi for the last time, but regretted it immediately. The spark in his eyes had completely vanished, replaced by a frozen, still darkness, which was spreading all across his body like an incurable illness.

<<You knew. You knew, and you didn’t say anything.>>

And then, everything became blue.

Keigo had never imagined Dabi’s fire could be more harmful than his own feelings. It had taken only one flame to burn off his clothes and scar his skin, leaving behind a red, swollen mark. The Hero stretched his wings and jumped on a nearby lamppost, but the flames managed to reach him, slashing his back and chest like fiery whips. He tried to look down, but couldn’t see anything apart from a maze of blue, giant blazes. He wanted to make sure that Dabi was okay, that the fire wasn’t hurting him too, but he couldn’t do that.

He had to get away as soon as possible, or he’d never be able to save him.

And then, what kind of Hero would he be, if he couldn’t even keep his boyfriend safe?

<<I HATE YOU! YOU MONSTER! HOW DARE YOU TO LIE TO ME!>>

Dabi’s voice was muffled by the roar of the flames, but Keigo still heard it. And it crushed him like a goddamn train wreck.

<<YOU’LL REGRET THIS, HERO! I’LL MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING HELL! NO MATTER HOW LONG IT TAKES, I WILL KILL YOU! I WILL KILL YOU AND BURN YOU TO ASHES!>>

Now, the fire had become way too hot for Keigo to sustain. Therefore, he jumped off the light pole and soared in the air, trying to get as far away from it as possible.

And when the flames were finally out of his sight, the Hero cried. He cried, and didn’t stop for minutes, or hours, or months. He gave in to the immense grief that had taken over his body, and let the anger, the fear, the sadness skin him alive. He cried until he ran out of tears, and then silently landed on the top of a building, trudging towards the edge of it. He watched as the sun died behind the hill and the sky was soiled by its scarlet blood, which pierced the horizon with its bone-chilling beauty.

It looked like Dabi, and the thought of it made Keigo sob again.

He’d lost him. Forever.

The love of his life was gone.

And now, there wouldn’t be anyone to collect the shards of his broken heart.

Chapter Text

Keigo took another bite off that jam tart, but it still tasted like shit. He tried to drown its sickening flavour with a sip of wine, but it was all useless. It sucked; everything sucked. It made him nauseous, numb, weak. But he couldn’t do anything about it. He had to endure that last bit of suffering, and then it would all end. That was his last act, his last lie. His last appearance as “Hawks”.

Then, he would disappear. Forever.

Yeah, that tart definitely tasted like shit.

<<We could also go visit Tokyo someday. You know, to see the cherry trees. Or get wasted in a sake pub; I don’t really care.>>

<<Mmh>> Keigo hummed, not really paying attention to Dabi and his travel plans. He wished he could spend their last day together doing something cooler than having dinner in a run-down diner, but life was never fair. It was just a cruel, twisted system that didn’t give a damn about one’s feelings or dreams or anything like that, and whose sole purpose was to make people experience great and unbearable pain. 

But Dabi didn’t deserve that pain, and that was why Keigo would take it onto him. Forever.

<<Or maybe Seoul. Koreans are so fucking hot.>>

<<Oh, yeah, I like Seoul. And Koreans.>> The Hero gulped; he felt like that damn jam tart was clogging his throat. <<I mean, yeah.>>

Dabi frowned, confused by Keigo’s sudden unease. <<Are you okay?>>

<<Mh-mh. I just-I almost choked on my saliva.>>

<<Jeez, you’re a grown-ass man and you choke on your spit?? So lame>> Dabi teased, playfully running his fingers through Keigo’s hair.

<<Hah. What about you? You still sleep with stuffed toys>> Keigo remarked, voice low and empty.

<<Hey, there’s nothing wrong with that. And for the record, people who sleep with their plushies are ten times sexier than people who don’t.>>

<<Says who? Your ass?>>

Dabi let out a soft, feeble laugh, but instead of skipping a beat, Keigo’s heart was squashed by a violent twinge. He had no idea whether that was the Commission’s device or not, but it didn’t matter. It wouldn’t have mattered anyway once he was gone, so why bother? He just had to make it through the day. To leave everything behind. Then, nothing would matter. Never again.

<<Hawks, what if we rented a house on the beach and lived there forever?>> Dabi suggested, eyes filled with a dreamy, bright spark.

<<Nah, I hate the beach. The sand, the salt, the heat… it’s unbearable. What about the mountain? I could also take you on a little flight there, you know.>>

<<On a… flight?>> Dabi smirked, clasping the Hero’s jaw with one hand and pulling him closer with the other. <<With your pretty little wings?>>

<<I could think about it->> Keigo’s sentence was cut off by a rough, urgent press of lips against his, and before he knew it, Dabi was all over him, kissing and biting and sticking his tongue into his mouth. The Hero badly suppressed a moan as the Villain snaked a hand under his T-shirt, warmth flooding his cheeks and a shiver of pleasure curling in his stomach. He tried to take the lead and deepen the kiss a bit, but gave up as soon as his head and chest started throbbing.

<<Dabi, wait->> he gasped, but the Villain didn’t seem to hear. Instead, he climbed onto his lap and tugged him so close that Keigo could see the blackheads on his nose. No matter how hard the Hero tried to push him away, Dabi just wouldn’t let go. And that was probably true of real life as well. Keigo was going to leave him behind, but would Dabi allow it? Or would he oppose that decision?

What a stupid question. Of course he would never be okay with such a thing. Of course he would get mad and fight for them to be together.

Maybe Keigo would win in the end, but that didn’t make the job easier, or less painful. It simply, utterly broke his heart, shredding it to pieces.

After all, Dabi was the first and only person Keigo had truly loved.

Would he be able to forget him, just like that? To run away and throw his memories and feelings into the darkest pit of his soul?

He had to. Dabi’s life depended on it.

He’d made a mistake, and now he would fix it. There was no way he’d fail that too.

<<Dabi>> he whispered, clenching his fists as the Villain placed a kiss on his neck. <<Are you sure about this? Not to ruin the fun, but… we’re in public.>>

The other raised his head and cocked an eyebrow, puzzled. <<We’re literally the only people in this shithole, you dumbass.>>

<<Yeah, but what about the waiter? And the cook? And the dishwasher? And->>

<<Pretty sure I saw them head outside to smoke some weed.>>

Keigo sighed, defeated. That approach wasn’t leading him anywhere. Plus, it made him look suspicious. He’d never been one to reject Dabi’s attentions, but that time, he couldn’t enjoy them. His head, his stomach, his chest, they all hurt too much. It was like his body was actively repelling all that passion, all that love, making him physically and mentally ill. 

A tear filled the corner of Keigo’s right eye, but he wiped it away. The last thing he wanted was to cry in front of the very person he’d have to ruthlessly leave behind.

<<I know, it’s just… what if they see you?>> the Hero tried, lowering his gaze to hide the shame etched in it.

<<What if they see me?>> Dabi asked, fingers still caressing Keigo’s frozen back.

<<Oh, come on. You’re a Villain. I’m a Hero. What do you think will happen?>>

The Villain seemed to think about it for a second, then quickly retreated his hand and hopped off Keigo’s lap, sitting on his side of the bench instead. <<You’re right. Sorry.>>

<<N-no->> Keigo stammered, only to be shushed by a swift shake of the head.

<<It’s okay, baby bird. I’m not mad. And I get it. As long as the Commission still thinks you’re on their side… I won’t make them change their mind. I promise.>>

Dabi downed the last sip of his beer, then fished out his phone and began tapping on it. They stayed like that for a while, their silence only broken by the click of Dabi’s keyboard and Keigo’s heavy, uneven breath. And maybe they would’ve stayed like that forever, hadn’t the Hero jumped up and gripped Dabi’s hand, dragging him outside.

<<What the->> the Villain started, but never got to finish his sentence. Once they reached the rear of the diner, Keigo threw his arms around Dabi’s neck and kissed him so desperately that not even the tears were able to come out. The Villain’s mouth had never tasted so sour, so rough, but he didn’t care. He even ignored the sharp pangs that pierced his head and chest, choosing to focus on Dabi’s strong scent instead, taking in the softness of his skin and the striking beauty of his bright, blue eyes.

He would engrave that sight in his soul for the rest of his days, a bittersweet reminder of what he’d lost and would never, never get back.

No, not bittersweet. Just painful. Excruciating. Agonising.

Keigo wished he could just die there, in that exact moment, and drown in Dabi’s tender embrace. But when had his wishes ever come true?

<<I love you>> he murmured, too low for Dabi to hear. That was very selfish of him, but he couldn’t keep it inside of his heart any more. He just wanted the Villain to know how much he mattered to him. How deep his love was, and would forever be. How much his chest ached every time he thought about him, about them, about the things they were but would no longer be. 

Because if Keigo was willing to go as far as to destroy the fragile life he’d built through strain and sorrow, it was all for the love of Dabi. For the hopeless need to protect him, to keep him safe, to shield him from all the evil in the world.

A tight, blue suit flashed before the Hero’s eyes, and that was when he knew. 

Now or never.

Keigo shoved Dabi against the wall, earning a surprised grunt from the other. Then, he grabbed both his wrists and tied them with a rope, all while the Villain was gasping and blinking his eyes in confusion. Once he was done, Keigo threw him a cold, detached glare, and a fakely cruel smile made its way onto his lips.

<<It’s honestly baffling, you know. How easily you’ve fallen into my trap.>>

<<Huh??>> was Dabi’s reply, who was still looking at him with a mix of shock and dismay.

<<Ah, don’t tell me now you didn’t see through my trick>> Keigo continued, knotting his fists to make sure his voice didn’t crack. <<And here I thought for a second you were actually smarter than you made out to be.>>

<<What the fuck?? Are you drunk??>>

<<Quite the opposite. I’m clear-headed now, Dabi. And I believe it’s finally time we put an end to this sham.>>

<<Sham?? What the hell are you talking about??>> Dabi was getting angry; Keigo could see it from the bulging vein in his forehead, which was growing bigger and bigger as the minutes went by. It wouldn’t be long until he’d completely lose his shit. Which meant that the Hero had to hurry up, otherwise…

<<I’ll get straight to the point, Dabi. Mine wasn’t a mission to infiltrate the League and report their movements to the Commission. It was a mission to spy on you, so that we could find a way to neutralise you.>>

<<A way to… neutralise me?>> Dabi’s gaze shifted from annoyed confusion to utter disbelief, and his eyes were filled with a deep, irrational fear. It all drilled Keigo’s soul like a goddamn machine gun, but he gulped away the pain and kept going.

For Dabi. For his safety.

<<Correct. You were the only member so far we had no information about, and things were getting pretty… heated. So, we deemed it a great idea to send me as an undercover agent, with the hope that I would discover something more about you. And I must say, you made things a whole lot easier. Who expected that the amazing Villain “Dabi” would fall in love with the traitor “Hawks”?>>

Keigo felt so sick. So nauseated by all of that. His entire body was on fire, with his lungs burning every time he breathed some air. Not even being stabbed by a thousand blades would ever compare to the violent suffering that was poisoning his heart, and Keigo knew it very well. However, he couldn’t stop. Not when he was so close to saving Dabi.

<<I decided to take the risk. To become your boyfriend and see where it would bring me. But you just wouldn’t open up to me. Sure, you mentioned something about having a shitty dad, but that was it. Until… you told me your dad was a Hero.>>

Dabi’s eyes widened as a sudden realisation struck them like a bullet. He tried to say something, but no words came out of his lips. He then gritted his teeth, piercing Keigo with a furious glare.

<<You… you…!>>

<<Of course, I had a theory. But I needed time to prove it. And, most of all, I needed your trust. And what’s the best way to obtain it? By telling a lie so perfect it sounds like the truth.>>

<<The Commission thing…>> Dabi muttered, voice full of rage.

<<Exactly. But then I thought… What if it’s not enough? I needed us to connect on a deeper level; to create a strong, unbreakable bond. So, I pretended to struggle with my mental health. I knew you would help me; all that talk about being neglected and treated like garbage… I mean, it was obvious you have serious problems.>>

<<You bastard piece of shit…>> the Villain growled, but it was more like a sad wail.

<<I must admit that the suicide attempt was a bit of a gamble, but it was necessary to double-check my guess.>>

Dabi frowned, disoriented. <<What guess?>>

Keigo sighed. They’d gotten to the part that would hurt the most. He’d thought about it all night, trying to gather the courage to face it, but now, he felt helpless. His knees and arms were wobbly and shaky; his chest squeezed by a harrowing grip. He feared that, when he’d speak again, he wouldn’t have the strength to lie.

How could he do that to the love of his life? How could he cause him such terrible pain?

He had to. He had to. He had to.

For Dabi’s sake. For his safety. For his happiness, if it even existed.

<<That, despite everything, you still loved me. And that, despite everything, I didn’t feel the same.>>

Keigo averted his gaze as quickly as possible, but it wasn’t enough. He still caught a glimpse of Dabi’s devastated grimace, of the absolute horror that crept into his eyes with the form of slow, painful tears, of the gut-wrenching awareness that everything he’d believed in was just a disgusting lie.

A lie. A lie. A lie.

Maybe killing him wouldn’t have been that hard. Or maybe it would’ve torn his soul apart, leaving him completely, utterly annihilated.

But, at least, he wouldn’t have to deal with all of that. He wouldn’t have to watch as the light disappeared from his lover’s eyes and a cold, dark numbness poisoned them like a lethal infection. He wouldn’t have to listen to his dreadful sobs, his desperate pleas, his shattered words. He wouldn’t have to hurt him like that.

Keigo closed his eyes, begging for it to stop. But it didn’t. 

<<You… you don’t love me…?>> Dabi sniffled, to which Keigo shook his head.

<<No. I’ve never loved you, Dabi. This was all part of the mission.>>

The Hero wondered how he could still be alive by then. He felt so dead inside not even a miracle would ever be able to bring him back. He’d lost every will to breathe, to talk, to listen, to live. And still, he was there. Trapped in that rear courtyard, setting all his feelings on fire as his heart shattered into a million pieces.

<<I don’t believe you…!>> Dabi cried out, trying to free himself from Keigo’s grasp. The latter threw him the most unimpressed of looks, then kicked him in the leg. The Villain howled in pain, then dropped on his knees with a short, fuming groan.

<<You motherfucker! You broke my leg!>>

<<It’s a sprain. You’ll be okay in a blink of an eye.>>

<<Why do you even care??>> the Villain huffed out, burning Keigo’s skin with his fierce glare.

<<I don’t. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go.>>

Keigo took a step towards the main sidewalk, resorting to the little energy he had left not to break down. However, his chest and stomach twinged so bad he had to lean against the wall, gasping and coughing as the air got stuck in his throat, choking him with its brutal grip. But before he could regain some composure, Dabi was behind him, dragging his injured leg along like a sack of potatoes. His face was scarred by tears, his lips were pale and trembly. 

In his eyes, though, there was still a feeble, weak spark, which shone through the darkness like a beautiful firefly.

<<I don’t believe you, Hawks. Everything you said… it doesn’t make any sense!>> The Villain’s voice was so full of despair it genuinely made Keigo wish he was under three meters of dirt, but he couldn’t help it. He just had to endure. Again. And again. And again.

<<Plus, there’s still the spy thing. That wasn’t fake, right? Which means the Commission must have some doubts! Because you’re a good person and you love me!>>

<<I don’t love you, Dabi. And there was no one spying on us. That was something I made up so that you would let your guard down. And you did. Now, goodbye.>>

Keigo walked again towards the street, but Dabi just wouldn’t let go. He held the Hero back with his tied-up hands, clinging onto it as if the world was going to crumble.

<<Hawks! How can you say those things and not feel anything?? How can you say you don’t love me, after everything we went through??>>

<<BECAUSE WHAT WE WENT THROUGH WAS ALL PART OF THE PLAN! I NEVER LOVED YOU, AND I NEVER WILL! IT WAS JUST AN ACT! A SCHEME! I JUST NEEDED TO KNOW IF YOU WERE TOYA TODOROKI OR NOT!>>

Keigo hadn’t meant to scream. He hadn’t meant to, but he’d still done it. All the pain, the suffering, the sorrow; he couldn’t store them inside his heart anymore. Everything around him was turning to dust, and what remained were the blurred edges of what once was and would never be again. He wanted to die the most horrible of deaths, to be punished for all the damage he’d caused. But he couldn’t. He had to keep on living, to breathe that goddamn air until Dabi had fulfilled his dreams. He would live for him, because that was the only thing he could do to make amends. To pay for the pain he’d passed onto him like a cursed relay baton.

The Hero looked at Dabi for the last time, but regretted it immediately. The spark in his eyes had completely vanished, replaced by a frozen, still darkness, which was spreading all across his body like an incurable illness.

<<You knew. You knew, and you didn’t say anything.>>

And then, everything became blue.

Keigo had never imagined Dabi’s fire could be more harmful than his own feelings. It had taken only one flame to burn off his clothes and scar his skin, leaving behind a red, swollen mark. The Hero stretched his wings and jumped on a nearby lamppost, but the flames managed to reach him, slashing his back and chest like fiery whips. He tried to look down, but couldn’t see anything apart from a maze of blue, giant blazes. He wanted to make sure that Dabi was okay, that the fire wasn’t hurting him too, but he couldn’t do that.

He had to get away as soon as possible, or he’d never be able to save him.

And then, what kind of Hero would he be, if he couldn’t even keep his boyfriend safe?

<<I HATE YOU! YOU MONSTER! HOW DARE YOU TO LIE TO ME!>>

Dabi’s voice was muffled by the roar of the flames, but Keigo still heard it. And it crushed him like a goddamn train wreck.

<<YOU’LL REGRET THIS, HERO! I’LL MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING HELL! NO MATTER HOW LONG IT TAKES, I WILL KILL YOU! I WILL KILL YOU AND BURN YOU TO ASHES!>>

Now, the fire had become way too hot for Keigo to sustain. Therefore, he jumped off the light pole and soared in the air, trying to get as far away from it as possible.

And when the flames were finally out of his sight, the Hero cried. He cried, and didn’t stop for minutes, or hours, or months. He gave in to the immense grief that had taken over his body, and let the anger, the fear, the sadness skin him alive. He cried until he ran out of tears, and then silently landed on the top of a building, trudging towards the edge of it. He watched as the sun died behind the hill and the sky was soiled by its scarlet blood, which pierced the horizon with its bone-chilling beauty.

It looked like Dabi, and the thought of it made Keigo sob again.

He’d lost him. Forever.

The love of his life was gone.

And now, there wouldn’t be anyone to collect the shards of his broken heart.