Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Mom-” Aj froze as he spoke, a slip of the tongue it seemed.

Clementine’s eyes widened as her little goofball shook his head in mild discomfort. It was the first time he had ever called her that. It made her own heart skip a beat, hearing it was rather unexpected for the young woman. They had finally adjusted to their new lives. It was only meant to be an innocent question for her, AJ let his guard down.

She smirked, straightening her posture with the crutches as she looked down at him, “Um, what was that?” she replied in a joking manner.

The small child shook his head, “I didn’t say that… Clem.”

“AJ, don’t lie. Calling me that is… different, but I didn’t dislike it,” Clementine said with a smile, feeling where her leg used to be.

It wasn’t a terrible change, but her leg being cut was something she could never forget. It was a constant reminder of how far she had gotten. AJ had made the right call, saving her life. He had made the right call as well to shoot Tenn, as tragic as it was. Tenn was a good kid, perhaps too good of a kid. He was AJ's first real friend, she wondered whatever became of him. Clementine assumed he became a walker since AJ only struck his neck. And yet, when she tried to bring Tenn up as of late, AJ would grow weary. Despite everything, Clementine had grown proud of AJ. No longer was he her little helpless goofball, nor was he the boy who loaded half a clip into Lilly’s splattered brains. Now, AJ had truly grown in recent months into a dependable kid, perhaps too dependable. She had wanted him for a short while to take it easy from time to time. Sure they had to always focus on survival, but they had found their home it finally felt. A moment like this was special, it allowed AJ to finally be a child his age.

“Nah Clem… I don’t know how I feel about it yet,” he replied quietly.

Clementine let out a small sigh as she adjusted herself once more, “You don’t have to force it. But AJ, how do you view me? Do you view me as…” she asked.

Her little goofball shook his head as he interrupted her, “I dunno… I gotta go Clem,” he hastily said as he made his exit down the hallway.

Clem pursed her lips as she shook her head, he still was always on the defensive of sorts. AJ had to grow up in a hellscape, a normal childhood was never feasible for him. She looked down at her amputated leg, it now became even less feasible. She had to rely on the others now, especially AJ. It was uncomfortable for the young woman to have to rely on others. She was the one who usually made all the important decisions. It was only several years ago she had to make the calls for the so-called adults in her former groups. Not long ago she stood side by side fighting with other adults. Being in a community run by so many young people like her was still surprising. If anything, they had been doing better than most situations she was in prior. They all had rough backgrounds, they all knew how cruel adults could be, they were all each other had now in the hellish world. That and their location was nearly perfect for them. AJ had become one of their best pole fishers in recent weeks. Then again, Violet was blinded, so she was at a bit of a disadvantage. Ruby wasn’t too shabby herself at it, though, she was far better at growing crops. Clementine recalled how Willy made some concerning comments on what kind of crops they should start growing. That was Willy though, she wanted no one to ever change. They were all flawed and had made so many mistakes, they still all deserved a second chance. Clementine could never imagine such a thing was possible. So many had died, this was their final stop it finally seemed. A place they could truly call home.

“Why hello there, my soon to be Peg Legged Princess,” Louis teased as he strolled up to her.

Clementine’s heart skipped a beat, he was one of the reasons it felt like their final resting place. The house with nine hundred and fourteen floors that would be painted purple, seemed less of a joke as the days passed. The closer they grew, the more she loved him. He was her clown and her romantic Prince Charming. He was by her side the moment she had lost the ability to fully take care of herself. Thankfully, Ruby was the nurse who assisted her when she had to bath or clean the wound. The thought of Louis seeing her in the nude made Clementine’s stomach twist and turn. She never wanted Louis to be her knight in shining armor, just the boy she would always love. It would be near impossible for her to admit something brain-dead and mushy akin to that, but she still knew how to flirt at the very least.

Clementine turned her head to see her Prince Charming, “Come here,” she whispered with a sneaky smile.

“Uh-uh, you’re going to get back at me for that remark, aren’t you? I see you’re up to something,” he teased once more as he backed up, hands in the air.

He and Violet had come up with the nickname earlier that day. Peg Legged Princess was fitting for her predicament. It was a new change, but one she didn’t mind as long as she was alive. Just as Clementine used to make the tough calls, AJ made the most important one of all. Everyday, the young woman was grateful to still technically be standing. Tomorrow would be the day she would get to try her new wooden leg out. The others had been working on it meticulously for her behind her back. She only just learned about it quite recently, of course her boyfriend was the one to blow the surprise. Even less surprising, Violet gave Louis so much shit over it. It would still take some time to get used to walking again, she had gotten far too acclimated to the crutches. They became extensions of her arms. Speaking of which, Clementine made a mischievous face at her boyfriend, and used them to fling herself closer to Louis. She had gotten better at throwing her body weight forward to move fast. The young man laughed as she collided into him, catching her with his warm, inviting, embrace and grasp.

She looked up at him, “Got ya,” the young woman said confidently as she planted a kiss on his lips.

“Mm,” he moaned lightly, then breaking away from the kiss to add, “I’ve missed you.”

Clementine blushed, wanting to laugh herself at his pathetic puppy dog expression, “Louis, it’s been a few hours.”

“Madam, that’s a few hours too many for my lonely, longing heart,” he mused with a wounded expression.

“Oh please…” she grinned with a light head shake as she squinted her eyes at him.

“In fact… I’ve missed you so much…” he trailed, then without warning, scooped her up into his arms.

Clementine’s clutches dropped with a loud staggering thud as Louis carried her with a proud swing, “Louis!” she cried as she laughed, “Put me down!”

It was still a new change for her. If this were months ago, he would have never been able to get that far with her. Clementine did not always feel safe around the new changes. Her heart and mind never wavered, it never would feel truly safe to her. Making eye contact with him was enough to melt some of her rigid at times exterior away. The moment he got her to play Pinata with the Walker all those months ago resurfaced in her memories. It was one of the first times in so long she had felt normal again. They were two young adolescents, playing once more. Though, at the time she told him it felt like a waste of time. Only minutes prior to that could she barely muster to joke about being a ninja to him. It felt good to tease and mess with someone. Something she could only dream of being possible again so long ago when she was a young girl. Her boyfriend’s eyes smiled at her practically, winning her over almost instantly every time. He carried her back to their room bridal style. AJ was wary of her sharing a bed with her boyfriend as of late, watching in anticipation of him doing something “funny”. Sometimes, AJ even wanted to share the bed with her so he couldn’t. Of course when Louis joked about them all sharing the bed, her goofball would fake gagging sounds. It made them laugh, he felt like a kid whenever that happened. They felt like a family, and it scared her. It was such a new change to even contemplate. How could she? Everything always went awry. Though perhaps, this time would be different. Remembering AJ calling her “Mom” made Clementine feel like a true adult. There were times when she wanted to call Lee something like that. He was her protector, her teacher, her guardian, but there were times she thought of him as her father figure of sorts. He was family to her and always would be. Her dreams when she needed it would be where she could find Lee once more. Clementine missed him so much, hearing him call her “sweet pea” always eased her. Yet lately, he has appeared less and less in her dreams, which also scared her. She never wanted to lose him forever. The memories of those she lost would never be forgotten. So many good people she met who were potential parents to her, now gone. They were all dead. Clementine never wanted to lose her goofball or her Prince Charming, ever. For once, she let herself melt into his arms. It hurt to be alone for so long, to never allow herself to experience love like this. Louis pulled her in closer, kissing Clementine back softly as he sat them both on the bunk bed.

“You know my darling Clementine?”

She squinted her eyes as she looked at him, knowing he was prepared to say something sneaky, “What?” Clementine asked.

“You know I sort of… think I don’t like you, like you anymore,” he spoke softly with a grimace.

Her heart dropped, “O-oh…” Clementine was caught off guard.

His somber expression broke almost immediately, “I think I love you, love you!” he teased.

She rolled her eyes, letting out a soft chuckle, not wanting to break her facade so easily, "Fuck off," she teased.

“Yuh oh, looks like Vi rubbed off on you a bit,” Louis joked with a smile.

It was true, Clementine had adopted the eye roll. Violet might have been blinded, but that did not impede her ability to give Louis some of the most awe inspiring eye rolls Clementine had ever seen.

“You know what Louis… I don’t think I love you,” Clementine struggled to spit out.

It was his turn to be caught off guard, “Woah! I was only joking-”

“I know I love you,” Clementine teased as she used her whole body to push them both back on the bunk bed.

“My lady, you nearly wound me!” Louis laughed as Clementine nuzzled her head into his chest.

They both laughed and cuddled for a few more moments before the young woman had remembered AJ once more. This felt too fine, too normal, could she truly let her guard down?

“Hey…” she trailed.

Louis peaked his eyes down at her, making eye contact as he stroked her face with his scratchy hand, “Yes Clementine?”

“AJ called me “Mom” today,” the young woman mentioned, feeling her stubbed leg rub against his thigh.

“O-oh did he?” Louis commented, seeming somewhat mixed.

“I’m not sure how to feel about it yet myself, he seemed ashamed to call me that,” she explained with an unwilling pout.

“Well… it is different! I mean, you do make a great mom,” her boyfriend spat out, his eyes widened as he added, “I mean, you WILL make a great mom someday!”

Clementine’s eyes widened as jaw dropped ever so slightly at his comment, “Uh…”

“No, no, that was not what I meant to say! Oh who am I kidding… I already flubbed that one,” he grimaced, looking defenseless.

She could get used to that, “Thank you, Louis,” she replied, kissing him gently on his warm cheek.

“You know, I really am happy for the little guy. I can tell he had to grow up real fast in this world. Well, we all did, isn’t that right?”

Clementine burrowed her head back into his chest, then shaking her head up and down to silently agree.

Louis let out a small sigh, “In recent weeks, I think I’ve been able to move past with what happened with him and Marlon. Sure, I wish he didn’t blow my best friend’s brains right in front of me. That would have been way better. I can forgive the little guy now though. Despite how hard he works for all of us, especially you, he is just a kid.”

Clementine wished everyday AJ never shot Marlon, that he was spared watching her torture a man, that he never emptied half a clip into Lilly’s skull. James's words haunted her still. Clementine wondered if there was an alternate world where more people had survived. Then again, more people could have died. She worried months ago if all her decisions poisoned his young capable mind. She used to fear James was right. When AJ said he liked killing Lilly, Clementine worried all was lost. Louis was right though, something was changing inside AJ. She could see it, it worried her as well. What if he grew too soft? What if letting himself let go and become a true child would lead to their downfall? Clementine looked back up at Louis with wet longing eyes, what if she lost her home? The place she could finally accept calling their home.

“I’m sorry AJ-” Clementine couldn’t finish her sentence, her boyfriend had now cut her off with a kiss.

As he broke away, he gave her a smug grin, “Gotcha back,” he teased.

She couldn’t help but smile, yet as always, the smile would falter, “Is this okay?” the young woman asked, feeling her heart pound.

“Him calling you mom? I think it has a nice ring to it!” he joked.

It wasn’t what she was referring to, but it made her so overjoyed her boyfriend said that.

“Would you want to be dad?” she joked back.

Louis’s smile became awkward and twisted, “Uh well, hmm. Are you perhaps implying something by that?” he nervously laughed out.

“Cut it out, you know what I mean,” she snapped back playfully.

“Alright, alright, I’ll keep my lewd devious ideas to myself then,” he teased with a wink.

He seemed to be avoiding the question, “Louis… would it make you uncomfortable if AJ called you “Dad”?” she asked.

“Hmm… well… I might need some time to think about it. We only just became friends! That’s uh, that’s a pretty big jump,” Louis said with a smile as well as a confident nod.

“That’s understandable, thank you for considering it,” Clementine softly spoke as she rested her head back into his chest.

The young man wrapped his arms around her, “Anything for you,” he whispered.

There was no danger in the back of her mind, no walkers lurching forward to tear them apart, no adults there to fight. It was all of them, together as a family. And these few but growing less far in between moments gave Clementine solace. This was her family and she would do anything to keep them safe. She closed her eyes as she lulled to sleep to the sound of Louis’s heartbeat. Her family had finally been found. Finally after so long, Clementine felt truly at peace.

Chapter Text

He didn’t mean to call Clem his Mom. Conflicting thoughts shrouded the young boy’s mind. He was unable to come to terms with what had just happened. He never called her that. It was all a mistake, he didn’t see her as his Mom. Clem was Clem, she was someone he wanted to protect. He shot the Lilly woman to protect her, he shot Tenn to protect the one she cared about too, then he had to chop her leg off. Everything happened so fast, he just had to save her. If Abel could survive a bite, so could she. AJ felt different since then, he felt bad about many things that used to feel justified. The morning she told him that special word, he felt good about himself. He felt good killing bad monsters. As the days passed, good was becoming not so good. Shooting Tenn one last time reminded him of all the people he killed. He shot many people, but Clem told him he was justified. So wasn’t it okay he killed those people? AJ understood now Clem was only trying to make him feel better. Clem was ruthless to monsters and bad people who tried to hurt them. To AJ, she was calm, wise, and would do her best to make him happy. Lately, she could only be grateful to him. She was almost helpless now, it made him uncomfortable. He had saved her life, now keeping her alive again would only be more difficult. AJ in his mind devised plans that could save him and Clem if needed. AJ liked Louis, he was a friend, but he wasn’t Clem. The young emotionally displaced child thought deeply about why he called her the “M” word. Clem told him about his birth Mom sometimes, Rebecca. He could not imagine someone else being his Mom. His real Mom didn’t exist. Clementine was someone he could trust, look up to, and appreciate through and through. He understood what it felt like to appreciate now. The word meant to cherish someone. AJ felt that when the others would thank him for his help. When they helped him back, he would thank them back too. They were all family. Everyone who was left at the school he looked up to. He wanted to protect all of them. They all played cards together, even Violet who would get assistance from Ruby. They would all eat dinners together, some bigger or smaller depending on the food they had on hand. It was safe, it was finally home to him. Something he dreamed of for so long, finally it was in the palms of his hands. When he held one of Tenn’s old toys, AJ would remember him along with everyone else. It was justified to live for the people they had lost. Even if that word reminded the young boy of the gun he fired at Marlon, it was still his most favorite word. Justified, he wanted to grow up always holding that word close to his heart. It did hurt a little to hold it so close, like an unsheathed knife. He was proud to have it, but it still hurt him. When Clementine told him it was okay, he felt okay. AJ’s mind was in a trance after he shot Marlon, he didn’t understand why he did it. He only knew that it was the thing he had to do at that moment. He wanted to remember Tenn. Shooting Tenn hurt his chest, his eyes would feel pressure, he wanted to cry. AJ wished Tenn didn’t die, he missed his first friend. AJ never wanted to forget Tenn ever. He liked to draw them all together in his memory. Deciding he needed fresh air, AJ walked out to where the dinner tables were. He had a sudden desire to draw everyone. He sat down, grabbing the crayons he had left out earlier that day. Usually Clementine would scold him if he left his stuff outside overnight. Lately, she had seemed preoccupied.

“How about… Violet for Violet,” AJ mumbled to himself, “And she needs a grumpy face…” he said softly as he drew her in carefully.

He wasn’t sure whether to give her eyes or not. In the end, he gave Violet her eyes back. A tinge of sadness would course through his thoughts whenever he saw her now.

AJ grabbed a light red crayon next, “Ruby is…” he trailed as he thought about how kind she was.

Ruby was nice and warm, a good person all around. Remembering how he bit Ruby made AJ feel bad. He didn’t feel like he was in the right. The crayon stopped as he thought about how to draw her face. He remembered how she told them about her past, and how she used to be. If Ruby was a good person now despite making mistakes, AJ wondered if he could be a good person too. He wanted to be a good person. A strong person who could take care of the person he cared about the most. One by one, he drew his whole new family. Light green for Louis, he was bright and funny. AJ was happy Louis was no longer mad at him. He didn’t want to ever be called a murderer ever again. AJ wanted to forget shooting Marlon, but it was wrong. Clem told him recently to never forget. They shouldn’t forget Marlon, Brody, Mitch, James, Tenn, even Minnie. He wanted to draw everyone together. No one should be forgotten. Clementine told him we should never forget who has died, just do not let it hold them back. They had to survive, it was not wrong to want to live. The young boy paused as he wondered how many have been forgotten. Would he forget Clementine and the others someday? He shook his head as he focused on the paper in front of him. He needed to remember them, but not let anyone hold him back. Clementine used to always remind him stuff like that. But AJ noticed Clementine started to change more recently. She seemed to stare a lot. It made AJ happy when Louis or the others could make her happy. Lately, it didn't feel like he was doing a good job making her happy. He made sure she was taken care of. It felt nice to him having more responsibility. He wanted to help and take care of as many people as he could now. A bad feeling overcame the young child, he remembered what it felt like to pull the trigger and kill him. Marlon scared the young boy, but he didn't want that to hold him back from what he should do. Tenn would want them all to be together. AJ took a black crayon, drawing the older boy how he was remembered. Marlon's drawing looked a little scary even now. It was like his dot eyes glared at him. To distract himself from what he just drew, finally, AJ got to drawing Tenn.

His hand trembled ever so slightly as he tried to decide a color for Tenn, “Yellow…” he uttered quietly as he grabbed the darker yellow crayon.

Tenn was a good person. AJ was satisfied with the color yellow for him. It felt like what he heard people call “hope”. AJ thought deeply at times about a world without walkers. He couldn’t believe Clem lived in a world without undead monsters. Real monsters have always existed, a lot of adults were already bad people. He remembered a not scary man with a beard and a hat. It was Kenny, Clementine always spoke well of him. AJ could tell that talking about Lee was hard for her. Minerva couldn’t be forgotten either. Tenn would want to be with both his sisters. AJ paused for a moment, his eyes hurt. They felt tight, he wanted to cry. No tears would come out, AJ couldn't cry, not now. Relief waved over AJ as he realized since Tenn was finally gone for good, he could go see his sisters. They could all be together again, it did make sense sort of. AJ wondered if there was something or someone watching over them. Even if not, he wanted to believe there was a big beautiful place they would all go someday. AJ looked at the group collage, there was one person missing, Clementine. She always did her best for him even now. He didn’t know how to draw her, she was so important to him. He wondered who Mom and Dad were, could they be in the big beautiful place too? He tried to draw his Mom, but he drew Clem by accident. AJ wanted to finish drawing her, then draw what his Mom and Dad would look like. He hoped they would take care of Tenn and the others like how Clem took care of him. Dribbles of nasal discharge rolled down the young boy’s nostril, he then felt his eyes tighten again. He remembered when Clem was bit and dying. He didn’t want anyone else to die. It made him feel sad when he drew everyone together. Only when they died, maybe they could see each other again. Though, Clem really didn’t seem to think so. Louis and the others were the same way, Tenn was the one who got it. They didn’t always see eye to eye, but they were friends. Tenn remembered when he fought over the toy with him, it was a fireman. It was what used to be called a “hero”, was AJ a hero? He didn’t feel like a hero.

“I’m gonna getcha for that!” AJ heard Ruby holler in the distance as she pursued him.

Willy laughed as he was being chased, “No you wont! Eat dirt you stinkin' bitch!”

They looked like they were having fun. He wasn't sure what Willy did this time. Lately, him, Violet, and Louis were able to make AJ laugh so much. They would get into silly arguments that would usually result in Violet saying "Flip off". AJ knew she really was saying "fuck" , but Clem told him that word was a very bad word. AJ didn't get it, it was just a word that sounded funny to say. Even in his head, he tried to not think the curse words. The young boy did not feel like he was having any fun though at that moment. It didn’t feel right this could be their life now. He was a monster, that’s what they all said before. AJ knew he was wrong, he wasn’t justified. So many people in his photo were dead because of him. The trouble was, he didn’t feel all too bad even all those months later. Of course, he felt weird and wrong. It was natural after killing a real person, watching someone suffer, life was nothing but suffering for so many. He caused suffering, that made him feel bad. He did believe the monsters should be dead for hurting so many people. He had to do better, then he could show he wasn't a bad monster. Tenn was a good friend and someone AJ liked talking to. Even if they didn’t agree all the time, AJ thought his friend was interesting. Someday, AJ wanted to meet Tenn again in the future. If he still believed in the after life years later, he wanted to talk to Tenn one more time. It was nice listening to people, the young child enjoyed what others told him. Clementine told him to never spend time with Willy without supervision, she worried he was not the best influence. Willy never said anything weird, he did like to talk about making more bombs for the future though. AJ thought it was cool when he talked about mulch bombs. Watching Ruby and Willy have a back and forth playful debate made AJ happy. It would be hard to move on, but he wanted to no matter what. No longer did he want to struggle in silence, he had to do more to help his found family.

“What are you guys up to?” AJ said loudly with a wave, catching their attention.

The new place he considered his home, he knew protecting it was what would give him a second chance. AJ wanted to do better, he didn’t have to stay a monster. Just because a man looks like a monster, did not make them a monster. The only time he wanted to be a monster is if anyone ever tried to harm his family again. AJ will never hesitate to pull the trigger if that was what it took.