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No one knew but when Quentin died and wanted to move on, he heard the voice of the Old gods. It was basically a casual ‘Thank you’ for saving the world and, actually them, their pride didn’t care to admit, from the monster. Thus Quentin could get any one wish he wanted.
He could have wished to come back to life. But he didn’t want that. He could have wished for a romantic relationship with Alice, free of any struggles. But he didn’t want that either. Or a relationship with Eliot, that maybe Alice would support because she loved him? He didn’t want that either.
Quentin wanted to just…know.
So his wish was complicated, messy like Alice would say he was while hiking up the mountain with Eliot.
What people were like without him.
So the old gods gave Quentin the ability to spy on his friends and at first, he felt comforted. They were his friends after all. And that was his love Alice and his other love Eliot? But then he saw how they got along without him, how Alice was moving on without him because he definitely did not leave that page of the Old seed in his drawer, unless the Old gods were fucking him up with some memory removal shit.
He saw how they got along without him, and even Alice, was healthier without him.
How they all grew and developed without him. And when he turned to Eliot who maybe should have been heartbroken, how he moved on with Seb……..and then Charlton.
He thinks Eliot was his last hope, and that was when Quentin let go.
But Quentin couldn’t change his wish.
“…I wish I could see what my friends and…loves were doing, and then lose my memory but I’m still a magician and suddenly one day I’ll remember who I am, Quentin Coldwater, and wait for my friends to come find me.”
Quentin had thought a long time before saying this.
It felt like half an hour all alone, but who knew time in……the going to departure place?
He’d thought this was okay, he wanted to see his friends, then he couldn’t really imagine giving up magic, and Brian ended up in there somehow?
“Wish granted.”
“I want to change my wish.” Quentin said after he was unable to spy on anymore.
It was not like he didn’t see how the four, Josh, Fen, Margo and Alice (no even Alice, she was part of the group long ago. She said this was their story.) got along happily and well without him either.
“No changing your wish.” The old gods said.
Quentin had the crazy thought that if he were an old god, he would be more…kind, but well Quentin Coldwater felt like nothing.
Who would make him an Old god?
He hadn’t even been chosen as King, even though he could have married a woman properly, that had been his gay friend Eliot.
Even though he was the one who knew about Fillory.
So after…everything, when he saw how well they did without Quentin in their lives, improved so much, Quentin Coldwater felt unneeded.
So he just did his head numb thing, and went where he was supposed to go.
It was just another day for Brian Coldwater, but he knew he was a magician, and he was just walking in the streets with a cup of coffee.
The man did not remember his wish.
Then suddenly the magicians appeared and Eliot said, “Quentin.”
Brian Coldwater dropped his coffee and looked up as Quentin Coldwater.
There they were, Margo, Josh, Fen, Julia, Penny with a toddler their child, Kady, and…Alice.
And Eliot.
Eliot was the last memory he had watched, so he remembered.
Or was it Alice at the Margo camp?
“Ovary up, Coldwater. We’re here.”
“…Quentin.”
“Hi! It’s been…some time?”
“Hey, Quentin. It’s been a long story…”
“Coldwater. We’re here.”
“Quentin…I missed you.”
“Hey, Coldwater. I guess you know our child’s middle name is Quentin? After you.”
“Quentin…..”
Quentin remembered everything.
Was it years, or 1 and a half years, or maybe months?
No, look at…Julia’s and Penny’s toddler. It had to have been at least a year.
…Even his best friend had moved on without him.
Wait, why were they here?
Margo, Alice, Fen, Josh, Kady, Julia, Penny, and Eliot.
Ok no Zelda, Marina maybe, but wait where was Charlton? Wasn’t he supposed to be Eliot’s boyfriend?
Quentin said, “Uh, who are you guys? I don’t…know you.”
Margo rolled her eyes but looked on in concern, Penny looked more patient as a father, but still concerned, and Eliot gave him a look of utter concern.
Okay, what the hell had happened without someone telling him again?
If Quentin remembered correctly, his wish was………remember he was Quentin Coldwater and wait for his friends to come find him.
So why the hell did it happen the opposite way around? He saw his friends, then remembered he was not only a magician, but Quentin Coldwater, the sad magician who died in the important part of the quest.
“Before you say anything,” Eliot held out his Hand. “Know that I Love only you.”
Quentin actually thought Eliot’s words were bullshit.
But something was tugging at him.
“Okay okay,” Margo took control of the situation as usual. Her one eye looked wildly. “I’ll summarize this shit. Coldwater, uh, Quentin, we basically reached the Old gods at the end of the journey. And as a reward, they let us be done for real. Like, we never have to save the world again. And we can live a peaceful life and all that good shit. And uh but,” she looked to Josh.
Quentin felt a feeling that should be bad, but he was glad she had not improved that much.
(…Sometimes she stole his time with Eliot.)
“But they dropped a bomb on us – about you –“ Josh stuttered wildly. “I mean like you –“ he pointed in his usual way. “About you, Quentin. They let us know you were watching the whole time after you died and…uh, ended at New Fillory. Before we built it, I mean.”
“So we all just feel kinda guilty.” Penny said.
“Um ok, so Forgive us?” Fen said.
“In case you were thinking we moved on without you, we totally didn’t. But that’s what Grief does, we have to move on or we’ll never be able to do anything. Actually you seemed kind of like a god, to me at least!” Fen had her ‘this is me’ personality again. “We were guided by you throughout the story, first we thought the World seed was by you, then Julia wanted to ‘avenge’ you and yeah, we never really forgot you…” Fen rambled on.
“You never watched but while we were in New Fillory, quite a few things reminded us of you too. And now Eliot –“ she looked to her very former husband.
“Wait –“ Julia held up a hand. “Sorry, I just – “ she stumbled but kept that firm expression on her face he had once thought he had fallen in love with. “I just want to say, Quentin. I never forgot you. I love you so dearly and I would give you a hug right now But.” She paused. “Will you forgive us?”
Quentin didn’t know what to say, he was never really good at talking. It was like trauma coming at him all at once.
“Quentin it was my story, but I never forgot you,” Alice seemed at a loss of words. “Well, our story. And I loved you deeply. And Eliot –“ she stuttered a bit, Quentin hoped it was not a habit whenever Alice saw him. “Wins.” She drew a deep breath, and looked at him like how she had looked at those who had been his friends. “…Eliot wins. I lose. Eliot Loves you more.” Alice Quinn pushed Eliot towards Quentin.
Eliot stumbled and it was almost like that time forever ago when he had been a freshman sneakily spying on Eliot and his…antics. Eliot righted himself with more poise he could imagine Eliot having, and Quentin really wondered how long this journey had been.
The journey without him.
Eliot said. “There’s no Charlton –“ Eliot paused. “I Love you,” Eliot took a step back after he stumbled over his words.
Eliot took up Quentin’s hands. “Quentin, will you Just…Marry Me?”
Quentin stared back in shock. His mind was numb. “…Yes.”
“And,” Alice stood apart and gestured to all of them. “…All of Us?”
Maybe it was Eliot who disliked commitment who never committed asking him to marry him, or it was Alice whom if he had to be honest, had been pretty toxic with him and secretly made him question, yet moved on without him easily, but came back to him as a true friend he really wanted, or just the impossibility of the whole situation.
Or just…them coming back to him
At the end of their journey, when they didn’t have to.
They could relax after saving the world for the last time, and they very damn well earned it, but they chose to come back to him first.
Quentin Coldwater just bowed his head, accepted Eliot’s hands and the huddle of…friends around him, and began to prepare his soul for healing.