Chapter Text
Berdly felt his body getting moved, but he didn’t move an inch.
He could feel it, but not really.
He stayed where he was, slumped against the cold alleyway brick wall, breathing steadily after escaping his freezing prison. Water dripped one after another off of his feathers, hitting the concrete with dull thuds after they slipped off of the hydrophobic material. Slowly, almost agonizing slow, he regained feeling in his fingertips as he bent them.
The bluebird’s real body was currently slung over a human’s shoulder, being carried to the town’s hospital.
But Berdly wasn’t in there, not really.
He was still in the dark world, which was what Queen had called it. Even after the fountain had been sealed, the world dissipating, it left him. Him and him alone.
It didn’t become darker, it became quieter.
Stiller.
It was not death, it was not life.
It was not dark, it was not light.
It wasn’t real, it wasn’t fake.
Berdly’s rational brain knew what was happening: shock. He’d done his research during those long shifts at the library with nothing to do. Grabbing a book at random was part of his routine most days, flipping through pages of fantasy and fiction and history and—
He knew it was his brain spasming after whatever happened, happened.
He couldn’t quite recall his last moments— it was far too snowy to see— but he could remember the empty and faraway look on Noelle’s face as she defended over and over again, before it happened.
He remembered Kris’s cold glare, how if he looked deep into their eyes, he could see the.. regret? Pity? It surely wasn’t certainty, that much he knew.
But they had matching looks of a deep, resounding sadness in their eyes, as in both Noelle and Kris. They both looked like they didn’t want to be hurting him, although that is what they ultimately ended up doing.
No, they looked remorseful.
The two looked fearful.
That realization made Berdly clench his fist, ignoring the sharp pain of it. He peeled his hand from the ground, sharp shards of ice that had stuck to his armor flying like shrapnel around him.
After what felt like an eternity, he had lifted his arm from the ground, now working on moving the rest of his body.
Eventually, he finished his grueling task, legs shaking as he stood from the ground. His shoulders shuddered, beak clicking together from the leftover cold that hadn’t quite left him. The bluebird looked around and as he had thought, he hadn’t left the alleyway. He hugged his arms close to his chest, looking wary as he trudged forwards. He felt a sharp
pain
in
his
head
-
When he awoke again, he was laying on the ground in a soft field of blue chrysanthemums, his frail body sinking into the particularly thick patch he had laid in. He felt considerably lighter and when he looked at his hands, he realized he was in his usual dress shirt and long shorts. Why? He didn’t know. He didn’t question it either.
The flowers felt uncomfortable against his feathers, their rubbery buds providing an awkward sensation across bare arms. He pushed himself to his feet, one wing rubbing his forehead.
He was in a grassy field, the blades of grass shiny with what seemed like a earlier rain, still wet to the touch. Patches of flowers were scattered around him, almost all blue.
One stood out to him.
A red poppy.
As he crept closer, it just seemed to get farther. A set closer and the peculiar flower would retreat by two. Berdly decided to leave it alone.
He walked along a bare patch of land, the ground becoming a narrow pathway at some point and the grass becoming taller and thicker. With every inch, the grass became taller and taller, thicker and thicker, until they were at the width of a tree trunk.
Until they were tree trunks.
The bark was rough looking, but when Berdly touched it, it felt smooth. Almost made of steam. He couldn’t push past the trees, but they certainly didn’t feel real.
Berdly pinched a patch of pale skin hidden under blue feathers between his fingers and..
He didn’t feel quite real either.
Kind of like the feeling of falling asleep, he’d compared it to, like the tingling firmness on the lower legs and arms.
He pinched harder, but no pain came.
At some point, it wasn’t about proving he was real. It was about feeling. Feeling anything that wasn’t glossy. It was more infuriating as someone would assume, to not feel.
He trudged on through the path.
It got dark.
Darker.
Soon, there was almost no light. Frightened, the boy turned around to see it was darker there too, the light that was once comforting him completely absent. Spinnig again, the world in front of him seemed much brighter than it was a moment ago.
Was he even..
Nevermind.
Through gaps in tree branches, light shone through, hitting the dirt in spots. They grew, and grew, and grew, until it was almost like a big stage light.
He saw an antlered silhouette in the distance.
“It’s not that bad.” They said, their voice distinctly feminine. They were leaning on some sort of baseball bat, barrel towards the floor and chin resting on the knob. Berdly’s feathers bristled.
“No, no, no- not- No. No.” Is what he sputtered out lamely, backing away from the spotlight. Fear gripped him in its cold embrace and his chest constricted tightly.
He wasn’t dead. No, he couldn’t have been. This was a dream. A dream. He still had so much to do. He wanted to move away, start a new life, but this—
“You’re not dead, if that’s what you’re worried about.” The voice said as if they were reading his mind, the figure standing up from their former leaning position.
“Where.. am I?” Berdly’s anxious voice questioned, glancing around and gesturing fearfully.
“I’m.. not sure.” They said as they stepped into the light, revealing themselves.
She had short dark brown hair, shoulder length, with sharp bright blue antlers atop her head. Her eyes were big and cold, dark brown. She had a reddish brown flannel jacket with a dirty white tank top underneath. Her jeans were dark blue with various rips and holes in them.
“Who are you?” Berdly questioned as he looked her up and down, crossing his arms defensively.
“Wow, calm down. I’m Dess. And you are…?” She said, shoving her hands into her pockets.
Something about her felt strikingly familiar but Berdly couldn’t put his finger on it.
The way she spoke wasn’t normal either, she’d spoken like she hadn’t communicated with another person in years.
“..Berdly. Why am I here?”
“Firstly, I don’t know. Secondly, stop asking questions, most of the answers will be ‘I don’t know’.” December said with an eye roll. “You hungry?”
“I- not particularly, no.” Berdly responded.
December seemed to concentrate very hard, and in the blink of an eye, a full pot of stew appeared in the light, steam still coming from the food. Like it was there all along.
Berdly blinked, confused. “Wha-“
“Come eat.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Alright? Come eat.” Dess demanded, plopping herself on the ground and pulling a ceramic mug from her bag, dipping it into the stew and filling it.
“I really don’t have an appetite at the moment, though I thank-“
“Sit down and eat.” The deer said with a frown.
That look reminded him of Noelle, when she’d become serious with him. When he’d something too far she’d get that icy look in her eye. A matching glare to the one the girl in front of him had. He sat on the ground, leaves crunching beneath his weight.
Dess shoved a chipped mug in front of him. It certainly wasn’t Berdly’s most optimal form of china, but a place for eating nonetheless. He took it, dipping it into the stew and watching the thick liquid fill his cup.
Turns out, he was hungry, just.. anxious? Scared? He wasn’t sure. He lapped up the last bits of broth eagerly.
December asked something that Berdly didn’t quite hear as she finished her own meal, stuffing her mug into the bag, grabbing at Berdly’s.
He scowled at the lack of hygiene, but he supposed there wasn’t any way to clean the dinner wear at the moment. When he snapped out of his disgust, he found the deer monster staring at him.
“Apologies, what was that?”
“Got any questions?” The deer sounded exasperated with him already. Automatically, he became defensive.
“I believe you said you discouraged queries.” Berdly shot back.
“Yeah, well, I changed my mind.” December said with a roll of her eyes.
Berdly paused for a moment, racking his brain for a good question.
“Look, man, w-“
“Is there anyone else with us?” He questioned, wringing his hands in a nervous motion as be glanced around the forest. December huffed humorlessly through her snout, crossing her legs.
“Technically? No. I mean, I guess there is. He, uh, doesn’t say much of anything coherent.” She said with a shrug, crushing a stray leaf with her fingers. “He doesn’t come around often. Just always on about some ‘Darkness But Darker’ bullshit.”
“What’s his name?” Berdly urged on, leaning slightly forward.
“Can’t say.”
“As in you don’t know?”
“Like I can’t say. Physically. Won’t come out of my mouth.”
“Huh.”
“‘Nything else?”
“A few, actually. Firstly, what is this place? I would like to hear your theories. Er, guesses, I suppose. Secondly, you look strikingly familiar. Why is that? Third,-“
“Okkkkkaaaay, two’s enough. I think we’re.. lost, in a sense. I can sometimes conjure things, sort of,— you can’t, unless you’ve got some super fast learning ability—“ Berdly looked at the ground at that. “And they disappear like I don’t know, petals? I guess? Second, are you from Hometown? Unless they changed the name.”
“Yes, I am from Hometown. But that doesn’t explain-“
“Something.. happened a few years ago, my mom probably put up a bunch of missing posters. December Holdiay, strike a memory?”
“Holiday..? Oh my, you’re.-”
“-creepy missing girl-“
“-Noelle’s sister!-“
The two stared at eachother in silence until Dess erupted into giggles.
“Gosh, really? She used to be known as my sister!” She said through a fit of giggles. A shaky smile crept on to Berdly’s beak. It sounded like the first time she’d laughed in a long time.
Once the laughing fit died down, December wiped a tear from her eye, averting Berdly’s gaze.
“How is she, anyway? Noelle.” She asked, picking at black nail polish. Berdly noted that no matter how much she picked, it didn’t seem to come off.
“She…”
He trailed off. When he thought of Noelle, he thought of the cold. Angel, it was cold. He felt ice creep under his feathers, like it was happening all over again and he was going to die this time, he reallly was. Hewasgonnadieinaalleywaywithnobody wonderingwhathappenedandthen he’d be gone forever and-
.
“You okay, bird boy?” December’s concerned voice called. Berdly’s head snapped back to reality, a awkward laugh escaping his throat.
“Aha, quite! Noelle, she’s..” He remembered how scared she was. Kris’s cold voice. But he couldn’t relay that to her sister. “She was doing alright.”
That technically wasn’t a lie.
The deer’s mouth formed a thin, straight line, eyebrows furrowing.
“Do you.. gosh, this isn’t really important, but how old is she now?” Dess asked.
“She’ll be seventeen in a few months.” Berdly replied, absentmindedly preening his arm. A soft smile formed on the others face, buck teeth peeking out just a bit as her lips thinned.
“I— you know Kris, right?” She asked, spirit still lifted from thinking of her sister.
Berdly froze. The thought of Kris was.. sickening, frankly. His hand gripped a feather pin, pulling softly and expecting that sharp pain.
..
It didn’t come.
He adverted his gaze from the girls eyes, now hypefocused on a leaf.
“Yes, I— Yeah.”
“How—” She awkwardly coughed into her fist. “How, uh, are they?”
Berdly’s feathers bristled uncomfortably at that, furrowing his eyebrows. Well, he supposed she really couldn’t have known.
“They are fine. Can we talk about something else?” He said quickly, hugging his knees close to his chest.
The deer perked an eyebrow, but said nothing else as she stood and swung her bag over her shoulder. She beckoned towards the bird, him following.
“Where are we going?” He questioned as he trailed behind the older (?) girl.
She said nothing.
The two trudged along a worn path. December occasionally peeked behind her shoulder to look at the boy following her but other than that shed just stare forwards and march onwards.
Eventually, after what felt like a long time but realistically couldn’t have been that long, the duo ended up at a lake. Berdly could’ve sworn it wasn’t there before, if it was he could’ve definitely seen it.
He reached for his glasses to try and clean them but found his hand phasing right through them.
..
He did not want to dwell too deeply on that development.
Dess sat down on the river bank, her hooves hanging over the edge and grazing the surface of the water. Berdly sat down beside her, his talons a lot further from the water than hers was.
The deer beside him tilted her head towards the sky in relaxation.
Berdly mimicked her, beak pointing up to the sky like a beacon. He gazed up at the bright sky above him and—…
Were those clouds.. pixelated?
He squinted hard, but they maintained their boxy shape. That wasn’t.. correct, was it?
The bluebird glanced over to December to see if she was seeing what he was, but her eyes were shut.
Apprehensively, he tilted his head back up and closed his eyelids.
It was relaxing in this strange moment in time. He distantly brought himself back to ‘reality’— which is to say, him trying to make sense of what was happening. Obviously his brain was spasming. That December girl had been labeled a runaway a long time ago. This must’ve been a subconscious wonder of what happened to Noelle’s sister, one that he hadn’t thought much of since junior high.
But..
But what if this wasn’t his brain spewing nonsense? What if this was real?
No.
That’s preposterous.
Berdly was a smart boy underneath his bluffing. He was genuinely smart— maybe not genius level as he boasted, but he wasn’t dumb. His mother made sure of that.
He knew better than silly little fantasies.
…
‘Berdly..’
The bluebird’s eyes shot open at the sudden sound of a familiar voice. The voice belong to one that had terrorized him for years.
Berdly always thought Kris had been playfully antagonist. That their teasing was in good faith as his mother had told him it was.
Obviously not.
As he opened his eyes, he was no longer sitting by a lake with his new deer acquaintance.
Instead he was in a hospital room.
But that wasn’t the weirdest part.
No, the most surprising thing about this vision was Kris’s figure by his bed.
Moonlight shone through the window on his bedside, illuminating his blue feathers to look almost ethereal. The light also shone on Kris’s face.
They were crying.
Kris Dreemur was crying.
The human slumped down on his limp body, face buried into his chest. Berdly could see little wet spots bleeding into his pristine dress shirt as their shoulders shook.
He reached out for them, but it was almost like he was trapped.
Trapped inside of something.
His outstretched feathered fingertips hit something solid.
Tentatively, he pressed harder against the clear material.
It gave only resistance. Didn’t bend, didn’t crack.
He applied more pressure.
Nothing. It felt cold, like glass.
He hit the glass with a closed fist.
Not even a dent.
He slammed into it shoulder first until his shoulder ached and screamed.
Kris didn’t even see it. They didn't look at his display. Didn’t see him.
Eventually, he realized he was crying.
Slow sobs wracked through his body as he banged on the glass, fist slamming down on it again and again.
Not even a flinch from the human.
Kris stood from the bed after a while. They ran their thin fingers through his head feathers.
Distantly, he felt something like a touch on his head. Once he realized that and tried to touch the side of his head, it was gone.
He sobbed harder.
Kris seemed to whisper something to his limp form before backing away.
Berdly reached out a hand and touched the glass, hand planted on the back of Kris’s head.
And then they turned around to the door.
It wasn’t their face.
Their freckles were entirely erased.
He couldn’t even see their eyes.
Their tan skin was replaced with a harsh yellow.
They looked like those clouds.
Pixelated.
……
~~
He awoke with a violent jolt.
But not violent enough for him to feel any pain. No, because why would he get that privilege? To feel pain?
It was like the ice was still numbing him.
“Good morning.” December called from beside him, poking a furry finger into his shoulder.
He stiffened at the sudden touch.
What the fuck was that? Was that a spasm? Was his brain making up the craziest scenarios after his..
His..
No.
No, he wasn’t dead. He couldn’t have been. He wouldn’t.
He refused.
As if it was up to him.
He had so much to do. It wasn’t over. It wasn’t.
He didn’t realize his was shaking until the deer placed a steadying hand on his knee. He glanced up at her, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
She scanned her face, her concerned expression shifting into one of pity and recognition. She brought up her hand and ruffled his head feathers.
“First vision?” December questioned with a warm look in her eyes. Instinctively, Berdly leaned into her touch.
He’d never gotten much physical comfort by other people, much less a stranger.
She let him lean on her, wrapping her arms around his fragile body.
The shaking bluebird relaxed in her embrace, letting her run her fingers through his head feathers, plucking stray ones from it. Not as if it made a difference, the feathers never really left and Berdly believed she knew that, but the gesture was appreciated any way.
“What’d you see?” She asked in a soft tone after a few minutes (?) of preening him.
Berdly debated whether or not to tell her. He wasn’t ready to share what had happened to him and definitely wasn’t jumping for joy at the prospect of speaking about Kris.
But December was his only friend here, real or not. Logically, if he didn’t share now, he probably never would. Better to just rip the band-aid off.
“It was of Kris.” The bluebird responded after a moment of thought. The girl stiffened.
“Kris? Why’d you.. if you don’t mind sharing, why’d you see them?” She questioned.
“They were.. involved, somewhat, in what happened. To me, that is. And, uh, why I am here. I think?”
‘Involved somewhat’ was definitely untrue. The human had a major role in his icy demise.
Not demise not demise not demise not demise.
“What happened to you?”
Berdly knew the question was coming but still he frowned. Explaining the event would involve explaining Noelle’s role in it. Which he would simply not do, not to her and not to her sister.
Noelle was innocent in this.
He didn’t know how but he knew it. He knew she didn’t want to hurt him.
Unless..
Unless she did. Unless she really was just itching for an excuse to be rid of him.
“Are you going to tell me your origin story?” He replied.
“Hah! You’re a little douche!” She responded with a hearty laugh, flicking his forehead (?).
Though it didn’t hurt, he pretended to fall off of her lap and into the grass in a show of agonizing pain. This made December laugh harder, pushing his knees.
“-999HP.” He narrated from his spot on the ground, curling in on himself and stuck his tongue out of his mouth. The deer doubled over in laughter, hitting his knees as she laughed.
When was the last time someone truly laughed at his jokes? Someone who didn’t want something else out of him beside from friendship?
As his new ‘friend’— he used that term extremely lightly— chortled beside him, he felt an overwhelming sense of dread settle deep inside of him.
He could deny it all he wanted, but deep down he knew he wasn’t getting out of this.
Even if this wasn’t real, he was gone.
He was alright with letting his brain let him live out this vision.
Because, if he was being honest, he wasn’t a person that deserved life.