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Nights like these were the hardest for Lava.

Nights when there was no noise outside his window, just the push and pull of the ocean; the sound of the water flowing gently to and from the shore.

Nights when the small light on the nightstand, right next to his head, would flicker in and out until it finally gave out completely, leaving his whole room submerged in the darkness.

Nights when the mattress underneath him felt too soft, too comforting, his body sinking into it while he longed for the embrace of something – no, someone else.

It was nights like these when Lava couldn’t escape the way his heart was aching, longing, making his whole body shiver from emotions he was trying to suppress ever since Wave had left.

“Prince Darwin.”

His head was spinning at the reminder, his mind replaying the last time he had seen the other. And suddenly, he was transported back to the pier. Nighttime had fallen over him as well back then, the moonlight reflecting tragically in the dark water before him.

A soft “Wave,” escaped Lava’s mouth – back then just as it did right now. His voice was trembling, the pressure of holding back the hurt and pain pulling him down. Lava’s breath hitched and he shifted around his bed. A bed which felt too big and empty after weeks of not holding enough space for him, for them.

It was nights like these when Lava wished he had never come here; had never set a single foot on this island – or no, he was wishing he would have never stepped one foot on the boat which had taken him here. Because he remembers, knows that that was where he had seen the other for the first time.

And it had also been the last place he had seen him. On a boat, sailing away into the darkness of the night. Away from Lava, putting distance between them that neither of them would ever be able to cross again.

His body moved against his will and Lava turned around, his eyes landing on the empty space next to him. Empty and cold against his touch as Lava reached out his hand to feel the absence of the warmth he had come so accustomed to after spending countless nights curled up around Wave.

“Prince Darwin.” It echoed unwillingly in Lava’s head, the phantom comfort of the other right next to him evaporating instantly. The words had been said so coldly, icy and final, that it had left Lava frozen. His hand floating in the air between them where he had tried to reach out for the other in a last attempt to salvage what he had broken, unknowingly but undoubtedly his fault.

The reminder made Lava want to turn his head just a little to scream into the cool pillow beside his head, but he held back. He didn’t allow himself to. It was his fault that Wave – Darwin – had left and now he was here, alone, carrying the weight of his actions. He had no right to feel like this. No right to the sadness creeping in every time he left his guard down even just the slightest. He was the maker of his own fate, and he had to stand up straight now, continue living his life. A life without the comforting hand of the one person who had finally seen him, who had been holding onto him. A life without the gentle eyes looking at him as the quiet settled around them every damn night. A life without the love he knew he hadn’t deserved in the first place.

A life without his Wave.

Because he was gone. The second Lava had told the other about the phone call, his Wave had been gone and been replaced by someone Lava hadn’t recognized.

Prince Darwin. For the first time he heard the name in his own voice, bouncing around his mind uselessly. Only that it didn’t sound as resentful and broken as Wave had said it back that night by the pier. No, Lava could only utter it in inadequacy, longing but knowing his place in this world – the real world, not the one Wave and him had build around them over the summer.

It was nights like these when Lava rolled out of bed early. He got dressed, careful not to touch anything he knew had been worn by the other over the time he had stayed with him, and left the room without a single glance back. He knew that seeing the room doused in the moonlight, empty and dark, would only break his resolve. The sight would make him stop and stay, finally letting his knees give out underneath him a second time to kneel before what he had lost.

His hands balled up by his side as Lava took a deep breath, shallow and trembling, before he pushed the door closed behind him. The house was just as silent as the room had been, too early even for his uncle to be awake and on the move. But Lava felt like he could finally breathe again, even if it was just a little.

So, it surprised him when he felt his steps falter, one of his hands instinctively reaching for the nearest wall to brace himself against it.

He knew, had known it some time ago, that it would be a night like this which would be his final undoing.

What he hadn’t expected though, was that leaving the room – their room – would be the thing that would break him at last.

Lava couldn’t help the sob that was crawling up his throat and breaking through his chapped lips, loud in the silence of the night. His back hit the wall behind him, and he slid down to the floor as his legs gave out underneath him. He felt rather than saw the way his hands were shaking when he buried his face inside them, tears falling without his permission and clouding his vision. His breath hitched uncomfortably as he tried to get it back under control. But nothing worked. His chest was tight, knotting itself around what was left of his heart, and it felt so heavy, so agonizing that Lava couldn’t help it anymore – he let out a a broken wail, a cry for help and comfort.

It was a night like this when his guilt was finally overridden by his grief; by the pain that had been building over the years.

People left, Lava knew that. Had experienced it. And he had let them. Had let them walk out the door, while he had built another wall around his heart.

People left, Lava knew. Had watched on as people had swarmed out of the funeral home after they had said their last goodbyes to his father.

People left and Lava just couldn’t take it anymore.

The images of his father’s face began fading as Lava felt a hand, shaky and yet steady, first on his arm before it found a place on his shoulder. The feeling of it was grounding enough to pull him back into the dark hallway, back to the cold night.

Uncle Peng’s eyes were frantic, checking him over and searching for what was causing him to sit on the floor, crying and unresponsive. His voice slowly fading in, asking Lava what was wrong, if he was hurt, asking about what happened.

But all Lava could do was shake his head once before he let himself fall forward, hoping that someone was finally there to catch him, to hold him and tell him that everything would be all right. That it wasn’t his fault.

“You’re okay. I got you, kid. I got you.”

And Lava finally let go as his uncle’s arms pulled him closer, stoking the hair on the back of his head, gentle and comforting.

“I’m here. I’m right here. You’re not alone any longer, Lava. I’m here.”

For the first time, Lava believed those words and let relief rush through him, sobbing into his uncle’s neck.

“Shh, it’s okay.”

Lava felt his head shake against the comforting warmth of his uncle ‘s skin at those words because nothing was okay, but Peng instantly pushed those thoughts away, the hand still buried in Lava’s head holding him close.

“It will be okay. I’m here now, Lava. And it will be alright. I promise.”

Exhaustion was slowly pulling at Lava, and he allowed it to, as the warmth of someone else holding him as he cried began enveloping him. His eyes fell shut and his body went lax as one last thought found its way into his mind, an echo of his uncle’s words, “Everything will be alright.”